#who married his hs gf because it was the right thing to do and ran away to the army and feels like he has to perform

[muchemoaboutnothing]

x

[justafastfoodknight]

I guess I should write about what’s been going on? because there’s a shitload and i kind of hate myself for not keeping up with it!!!?ok

so last week was our trip to San Fransisco. mind u i had posted that we had no place to stay and would most likely cancel the trip... well we found a place. On the first night we met up with M’s co-workers and got a hotel/motel. Juliette had texted me saying she really wanted to meet up so we made a plan to in the next couple of hours. I was so nervous cause I have never had a friend understand things like she understands me and this is legit all from memes and tidbits we’d message on IG in the past years. she said she was gonna pick me up and take me to eat with her friend. So i got the i’m outside text and there she was! it was legit surreal. So met her friend who was super tall but super chill. let me say i’m fat af and that we had to walk every fucking where. holy shit. so we walked and talked about living in SF and me in the Valley. We made it to the underground station, they call it Bart. and we started really talking... like how anxiety and depression has fucked with our mentality and how it effects our academics. she asked me what I wanted to do and i was like since HS it’s been the same thing: movies. but i have so many idea and i have resources but i don’t have friends who want to and i have a shell i can’t break out of to socialize and network to do anything... and i was like i feel like such a failure because i have such a burning passion and i’ve had time but nothing has come of it. and i swear it was so nice to have someone else who had this outlook like: tbh i’m not even worried. and it wasn’t even like she had a set plan so she wasn’t worried but more of: “why do i have to have a career at 30? i realized i can’t do school so i’m taking simple easy classes on things i like and i’ll see where that leads.. i’m trying to not let societies pressure tell me i need to be at a certain place by a certain age.” and then i had this epiphany right there with her and told her about how David lynch started painting and doing sculptures as a teen and how that actually landed him a scholarship to a film school where he fucking made Eraserhead. and i said that he even now, being 70 something has creative control of his work which is FUCKING rare but he legit stuck to his aesthetics no matter how long it took him and he’s still getting praised. 

so yeah, then we got off the bart and walked a ton to this pizza place. trust i was tired af wanting to die from walking so much, and this line to get pizza was fucking insane. i was like are u sure we can even wait to eat cause i’m already tired. but we stuck it out and I HAVE NEVER EATEN PIZZA THAT FUCKING GREAT BEFORE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE I FUCKING SWEAR!! so we started talking about how everyone in our class has babies and is engaged and married or have careers and shit and then we got into it about TA. Mind you, no one but maybe 2 people know what i think about him regardless if we hang out or talking or whatever. so then i was saying how crazy baby fever is and then she said “yeah i had a serious case back in HS when I dated TA, i swear i would have had his child and married him right then and there no questions asked i loved him that much.” bitch my insides shattered. i mean yeah he has a gf, and yea i’d known that they dated, but i never knew it was that serious. and here’s a girl who’s friendship i really fucking value telling me she was IN LOVE LOVE LOVE with some dude I tell myself i’m going to marry or be with. it sounds fucking crazy and i sound like a fucking idiot because this is all theoretical but omg i was like girl-code says u can’t date a friends ex. i took it with a grain of salt and reminded myself of the past things that had happened (which i will get into) and was kind of like ok, chill the fuck out.

we then walked to the amoeba record store and talked about movies and music and she’s so talkative and funny bish i was so happy to be around her. she’s enigmatic and pure i loved that she always had shit to say. so we bought stuff and made our way back. on the train she said that she noticed i had a little crab symbolizing Cancer and she said that that’s why we understood each other so well because she is also one! I had no idea but i was like UR AN EMO WRECK LIKE ME!!! it makes a lot of sense actually. from how we act around people and how we think it’s pt fucking cool. so walking back to my hotel she said she was sorry for not offering to host us but she was in a super tiny space that she would even hate for her sisters to come and stay with her because it was just her big ass bed and almost no other space but she said she was moving in the next year so she said i’d have to come down more often and stay with her!! it sounds super gay, trust me i know! but i have not made friends in fucking years!! so getting back i go up and like i fucking said we walked for hours and Mel and her friends had plans to go to a gay club which i was all for earlier but now that i had blisters on my feet and had makeup running down my face i was like pjs on lay in bed, watch the proposal and fall the fuck asleep. her friends were really cool too though. like one is this super femme gay dude who is circling around the idea of doing drag so his makeup is BOMB AF!! and the other girls were a lesbian couple who spoke so softly but were the cutest thing ever. so they kept drinking and being loud but i tbh did not mind, and they got on their last coats and left. the next thing i remember it was 4 am and M was on top of me saying some crap about the club and sorry for being so loud. then i heard them say that the coke was working so well and that they had so much energy. M kept saying she wanted to run around the block and at thjis point i was so fucking tire di wouldn’t even get up to check up on her, plus i had cramps and it was honestly 40 degress in that room cause they left the air on. so we all knocked out and we woke up to 23498234092834092384 alarms and the snooze buttons like a million times omg it was so funny after. got breakfast, went down to the golden gate bridge, which is impossible to even comprehend, went bowling, got burritos, drove to lombard st. and then got dropped off at our hostel. there was a mix up and we ended up in different rooms. we met up outside and decided to walk to the venue to see how far it was... bitch it was 20 mins walking and another 10mins trying to find the entrance... but the second we turned the corner.. THE FUCKING MARQUEE SAID BRAND NEW SEPT. 11!!! BITCH I WAS SCREAMING AND PUSHING M BECAUSE HOLY SHIT!!!  we both got so excited!!!!! so we headed back and I said “i’m not taking chances i’mma wake up at 6 and be there by seven! i did not go through a fucking heart attack of a time to get here to NOT be front row.” so she said she was gonna meet up with a friend to get breakfast and that she would show up later. well I got there at 7 am and i was the first one for like 2 hours. honestly i have no idea how i do it, to pass the time i mean. like the show wasn’t until 9 and we spent all day outside just watching shit go by. but the people around us were super cool and raging BN fans which made me heart swell!! plus Jesse FUCKING LACEY walked right by us and was in an art supply store for hours!! i’m not even exaggerating but i heard he was on his phone the whole time and yeah. I didn’t wanna be that fan girl like before so i dropped it and just accepted it. so time came around to go in and right as i get into the part to scan my ticket it isn’t scanning.... i was like no!!!! hurry up i was being an asshole to the dude but he just let me go and my ass ran!!! i left M behind because i was deadset gonna save our spots and yeah we fucking made it center front row. let’s just say the show was a bit of a letdown. first: there was this huge screen in front which from far away looks incredible but from up front it’s just covering and outlining the band.. so that didn’t go up until half way and then came down again which was so fucking annoying!! plus!! they left off on an not so good song to end off on... i mean ur supposed to play an acoustic of best song last but no they did a hardcore one that left EVERYONE confused!! idk everyone after was like wtf tho!! but such a heartwarming part was singing Soco Amm with everyone in the crowd and knowing every word it was so fucking PURE!! During the wait outside before the show i decided to read up on the lyrics and facts which is my afvorite thing to do! i’m that bitch lol. but i was realling listening to the lyrics and Can’t Get it Out came on and i got so fucking teary-eyed holy shit i was shaking. the song about depression and feeling like a failure because nothing has been done although u love creating was so heartbreaking to hear. I decided it was my next tattoo so when this song came on and they played it my ass was crying and screaming at the top of my lungs. it was so good though cause i love love love the feeling of the crowd pushing me against the barricade cause it’s so reminiscent of my youth and shit i rarely ever do anymore. so the show ended and we left looking wrecked and flew back home.

now listening to Science Fiction i already have nostalgia and a fucking deeper love for Brand New i can’t stress it enough my heart will break the day they say it’s finally over ;~;

so work updates? um the shift at Urbane finally fucking left, it’s been months since he’s said he’d leave because things were “so fucked up there” but it was legit all rooted to him. so the manager and the dm sat down with him after multiple attempts to help him and told him he’d been demoted to kitchen cook. he got mad, and then later ranted that he wasn’t going to show up the next day... and he didn’t. legit everyone there is so much happier and less stressed out!! we all commented on the same thing it’s so nice!!