#who will spend all my money on video games and decay in front of my pc

[girlscience]

youtube should not be giving me christian dating app ads. an hour ago i was having fantasies about a filthy unhygienic live-in gamer gf. i am not the target audience for this

[jupitermelichios]

So I’ve been playing a lot of skyrim lately, because it’s video game comfort food, and I decided it was time for my Redguard Dovahkiin to settle down. (Actually I specifically just wanted to be able to adopt some of the random orphans you meet because I felt guilty about them, but you need to be married before you can do that so that there’s someone at home to take care of the kids while you’re off galivanting).

So I travelled around a bit, chatting up likely looking npcs until I found one I both liked and didn’t feel guilty about marrying (I feel bad if I marry one of the warrior adventurer types, making them be a stay at home mum) and settled on an obnoxiously cheerful argonian called Shavee because her life was frankly shit, and I thought she’d probably be good with kids.

So off I go to Riften to the Temple of Mara to arrange the wedding. I book it in for the next day, realise I didn’t bring anything nice to wear, and spend the night before the wedding robbing every house in the city in the search for something to wear. Eventually decide everyone in Riften has terrible fashion sense and break down everything I stole into raw materials and use them to craft myself an outfit and some jewellery that i’m pretty happy with. I even carefully pick out my fanciest looking sword to wear.

(don’t know why I bothered, frankly, shavee turned up wearing a shirt covered in suspicious stains and weilding a pickaxe, it’s like she doesn’t even care about this marriage)

(also for comedy purposes, bear in mind I play with survival mods that mean my character needs to eat and sleep to live, and I literally spent the entire ingame night on this and forgot to eat and drink anything either and then just downed four bowls of wolf stew right before entering the temple so I didn’t starve during the ceremony. also I discovered during the wedding that I am dying of rockjoint, which I contracted from sleeping in a pile of hay on the floor of a skeever infested cave, so even being six foot tall and jacked can’t make up for the fact that I am exhausted, running a fever, and probably covered in wolf which I spilled because my joints are slowly atrophying, and even the fanciest clothes in the world aren’t going to cover that up)

so I enter the temple, and my finance is there, and Lydia my housecarl, and some random NPCs the game thinks are my friends because I did fetch quests for them

One of the random NPCs is Lisbet. Atfter I did her fetch quest, I then did another quest in which I discovered Lisbet is secretly a cannibal and part of a demonic cult that worships the daedric prince of decay by kidnapping priests, sacrificing them, and then eating their corpses. Raw. I think the raw meat is the sticking point for me here honestly.

I ultimately decided not to sacrifice the random priest to a daedric prince in exchange for one magic ring and all the raw human I could eat, because frankly, that doesn’t sound like much of a deal to me. I was expecting there to be some kind of dialogue choice where I could nope out at the last minute, but it turns out there isn’t one, so after they drugged the priest and tied him to the altar, I just got out my sword and started swinging.

I killed most of the cult (including the town butcher, because I had brought meat from him before and was extremely pissed off that he might have been secretly feeding me humans) but a couple of them got away, which I figured was fine because they weren’t trying to kill me.

Except it turns out, if any of them escape, then every time you see them in the future there’s a random chance that they’ll fly into a violent rage and try and murder you.

Lisbet is at my wedding. Lisbet decides that clearly me marrying this random argonian woman with two lines of dialogue is the happiest day of my life, and she cannot allow me that happiness, when I’ve taken so much from her.

So she tries to kill me. Only she can’t, because I’m stuck in a pre-rendered wedding animation, and also she’s sitting next to Lydia, my faithful retainer and owner of a really big axe.

It also turns out that Lisbet is essential, meaning she can be knocked unconcious but not actually killed because she’s needed for some quest or other. And the minute she wakes up from unconciousness, she tries to kill me again, so Lydia knocks her unconcious again, and I’m stuck, I can’t move, because I’m supposed to be in the wedding animation.

Except Shavee has, not unreasonably, see all this and decided that she doesn’t like me enough to risk getting murdered, and has done a runner, leaving me at the altar, but more importantly, leaving me trapped in a broken pre-rendered animation, so all I can do is stand there at the altar, staring at the space where my fiance was supposed to be, listening to the sounds of Lydia trying and failing to beat a cannibal to death behind me.

Okay, I think, clearly this wedding isn’t going to happen, I’m going to go for the registry office option and complete the wedding using the dev commands. I do this. The priest gives me a wedding ring, and I can finally move again. I chase after Shavee, who has an impressive turn of speed on her, and eventually catch up right by the city gates. I try to talk to her.

Apparently using the console has completed the wedding for me, but not for her, because she still only has the same 2 lines of dialogue she usually has.

Clearly this is working, I can’t leave my kids with someone who can only say 2 things and doesn’t even know she’s their mum, that’s irresponsible.

I try loading from inside the temple. I get the same problem.

Eventually I figure out that I need to use the dev controls to disable Lisbet’s entire existence in the universe.

Shavee and me get married. As the priest reads the vows, I stare at Shavee and wonder why she couldn’t even be bothered to put on a clean shirt. I wonder what kind of mother she’ll be.

Once the ceremony is over, and I’m happily married to the dirty green lizard of my dreams, and we’ve agreed that until I can make her recognise my extremely nice modded house exists I will share her single bed in the unheated flophouse in Windhelm she calls home, I re-enable Lisbet, because I’m worried I’ll forget if I leave it too long.

Fun fact about skyrim, it loads in quite a lot of npcs and objects by dropping them from the sky. I have no idea why this is the case, but it’s objectively the funniest way to load in objects.

I re-enable Lisbet. She falls from the sky, clips through the roof of the temple, and lands in the pew beside Lydia, stands up, draws a knife, and is immedately beaten unconcious.

I no longer care, because Shavee now has all the exciting new spouse-only romantic dialogue options like “Could you cook something for me” and “have you made any money lately”, and I know she’ll be a great mother.

I limp to the door of the temple, while around me the guests not involved in the Lydia-Lisbet murder cycle scream and duck for cover.

I open the door to the temple, immediately collapse and ragdoll down the steps, which is how I discover I am dying of rockjoint.

I limp to the orphanage down the street, adopt two kids, and then finally remember that I’m carrying garlic bread, which as we all know, cures all known illnesses.

When I emerge back into the street, full of the joys of motherhood and garlic bread, I find the town in disaray. Lydia is chasing Lisbet through the streets with an axe and a dragon is circling overhead, burning npcs to death. People are running for shelter, screaming, while the guards try to take down an entire dragon using only the worst bows and arrows in the game.

I decide that as a parent, I have to think of my own safety first and leave them to it.

I head out of the city, intent on returning home and figuring out why Shavee refuses to move in with me. A man hanging around the stables challenges me to a boxing match. For want of anything better to do, I agree.

Halfway through the fight he dodges at the wrong moment and I punch one of his horses in the head.

Two guards attack me while I desperately try to surrender. My kids will miss me, but I’m prepared to go to jail for my horse crimes, I’m an honest citizen. Also my horse crimes seem somewhat less important than the dragon.

The guards refuse to accept my surrender. I am stabbed to death. As I collapse in front of the indifferent horse, Lisbet exits the city, followed by Lydia. The last thing I see before I die is Lydia swinging her axe at Lisbet’s face.

[violetsystems]

So there’s an electric scooter parked in the gangway creating a traffic jam at the front gate. I’m assuming it’s the usual behavior. So you think you like electric powered vehicles? A scooter funded by Ford motor company no less. Anything I’m into you feel you have the right to cuck. Meanwhile Bungie is suing a gamer for 150k for behavior that amounts to less than what is being done to me on a daily basis. “Well you can’t say anything about this can you, liberal?” It is similar to when I first started using the granny push cart for groceries. My old neighbor blocked my front door with a similar granny cart along with a pile of garbage. I literally couldn’t use the exit for years. But they added that as an insult to injury. They had a car. Basically people out here will find any way to get under your skin. They know EVERYTHING about you. They spend every waking minute of the day probably even at their job thinking of ways to roast you. Even the police. I think it’s retaliation for parking my cart outside on my porch. The same porch that has had a decaying dresser and a rusty weight bench taking up real estate the majority of their stay at the entrance to my apartment. We’re all in this together. What’s your problem? My problem is this. Don’t compare me to these shit ass people anymore. You try to fuck with me you get blocked. You have a problem with that blame my neighbors. This is my life not America’s funkiest cia home torture videos. Next up at news at nine. Stop being fucking lame. You don’t make me angry. You make me want to get a lawyer and end your entire shit. Anybody on this blog I don’t feel comfortable with from now on gets blocked. No excuses. I’m not your lab rat or pet. And if you are fucking with my privacy in real life you will face real consequence. No bullshit. Playtime is over. Go back to sucking on your mother’s tit. I don’t run a daycare. Just walk away. The hunger games are over you thirsty ass fraud. I’m going to take all your money, leave you broke and make you cry. If y’all don’t end up in prison first. Facts, B. After all this time, treat me like a human being or leave me the fuck alone. I’m through dealing with this pathetic ass behavior from anybody Queue the fucking writing prompt, asshole. This is my blog not your window into what you think you can judge me on behind my back. I’m sure you’ll read about who got blocked in a Reddit thread. 🧵

[alyiscoolbruh]

1-100

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Pandora

is your room messy or clean?I mean it’s messy a lot but I try to keep a clean. I just don’t have tiiiiime

what color are your eyes?Blue

do you like your name? why?Yeah, I don’t really have a reason though.

what is your relationship status? I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now!

describe your personality in 3 words or lessRelaxed, caring, shy

what color hair do you have?It’s a reddish brown now because I haven’t dyed it in ages.

what kind of car do you drive? color?I drive a 2001 ford focus xt and it’s red

where do you shop?I mean in general I go to target for everything but for clothes I usually just go to the mall of america. Don’t really have a favorite clothing shop.

how would you describe your style?I don’t have a specific style really... it depends how I feel. Most days in the fall and winter I would describe my style as intimidating?? A lot of black, ripped clothes, leather jackets, ya feel? But some days a comfy sweater will suffice. In the summer I wear shorts and t-shirts mostly idk man

favorite social media accountreddit

what size bed do you have?Currently a full but in a week and a half I’m getting a queen

any siblings?2 younger sisters

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?I would’ve always said greece or something but now I really don’t know. Somewhere with a lot of land surrounded by trees and fairly secluded but also not far from a city. 

favorite snapchat filter? Don’t have one

favorite makeup brand(s)Don’t even get me started. Urban decay, ABH, too faced, tarte, bare minerals, nyx... to name a few. I spend too much money on makeup

how many times a week do you shower?At least 7

favorite tv show?Game of thrones

shoe size?8.5

how tall are you?5′6″

sandals or sneakers? Sandals

do you go to the gym? No I work out at home

describe your dream dateWe go our for breakfast at like 1 PM because I don’t get up early, go for a walk through some garden and just sit and talk before maybe heading to like an old video game store or something. Then we buy some game we both played as kids and go home, change into pajamas or something comfortable, order a pizza, and play games until we fall asleep.

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?At least $100

what color socks are you wearing?I’m not

how many pillows do you sleep with?2

do you have a job? what do you do? I’m a shift manager at cold stone

how many friends do you have? Honestly... I don’t know anymore

whats the worst thing you have ever done? Not cared enough about my sister when she needed it growing up. And not putting enough effort into our relationship

whats your favorite candle scent? I like the fresh linen scent because it’s one of the only scents that doesnt give me a migraine.

3 favorite boy namesDon’t really have any

3 favorite girl namesI like the name Adelina/Adeline 

favorite actor? Kit Harrington

favorite actress? Natalie Fucking Dormer

who is your celebrity crush?Also Natalie Dormer

favorite movie? I love the Lord of the Rings trilogy

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? Don’t read a lot, but again LotR 

money or brains? Brains

do you have a nickname? what is it? Not really no

how many times have you been to the hospital?Too many to count

top 10 favorite songs1. Badfish/ Boss DJ cover by Jack Johnson2. I Want You Marian Hill3. Brain Stew by Green Day4. Valerie- Amy Winehouse5. Where did you sleep last night- nirvana coverI can’t really think of any others right now

do you take any medications daily? Yeah

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)Combination

what is your biggest fear? Being alone

how many kids do you want? 0 

whats your go to hair style?I blow dry it after I shower and thats it

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) I live in a 2br apartment

who is your role model? My parents

what was the last compliment you received?“Why do you always look so nice?”

what was the last text you sent?“TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT TOMORROW!! Goodnight, love you bean!”

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?8 or 9

what is your dream car?2006 Ford Mustang GT

opinion on smoking?It’s gross

do you go to college? Yep I go to Iowa State

what is your dream job? Adolescent mental health psychiatrist

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? Rural

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? Not unless they smell good

do you have freckles? Yes

do you smile for pictures?Sometimes

how many pictures do you have on your phone? over 2000

have you ever peed in the woods? no

do you still watch cartoons? no

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?neither

Favorite dipping sauce? honey mustard

what do you wear to bed? nothing

have you ever won a spelling bee?never been in a spelling bee so no

what are your hobbies?painting, video games, fantasizing about getting a dog

can you draw? yes

do you play an instrument?it’s been a while but I know how to play french horn

what was the last concert you saw? 21 Pilots

tea or coffee?Both

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?Is that even a question? Starbucks

do you want to get married?Yes :)

what is your crush’s first and last initial?JJ

are you going to change your last name when you get married? I decided I am going to hyphen it

what color looks best on you? Black. My boyfriend insists earthy colors look great on me but I always go back to black

do you miss anyone right now? My boyfriend, he’s been in California for 5 weeks now...

do you sleep with your door open or closed?Closed

do you believe in ghosts?eh

what is your biggest pet peeve? People who are rude to the people waiting on them/ helping them/ serving them in public.

last person you called`My mom

favorite ice cream flavor? I work in an ice cream shop... I really couldn’t choose. My favorites now are caramel latte, peanut butter, and banana

regular oreos or golden oreos? regular

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? sprinkles are evil so neither.

what shirt are you wearing? I’m not wearing a shirt

what is your phone background?My boyfriend eating gelato for the first time

are you outgoing or shy?Shy

do you like it when people play with your hair?Yes

do you like your neighbors? No

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?In the mornings

have you ever been high? Yes

have you ever been drunk? Yes

last thing you ate?I ate potatoes last night

favorite lyrics right nowDon’t have any

summer or winter? summer

day or night? Night

dark, milk, or white chocolate? All of it

favorite month? October

what is your zodiac signVirgo

who was the last person you cried in front of? My mom

Thanks for asking me these! :)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #72

hey ya’ll, kinda conflicting moods in this survey; the earlier, dreary-sounding answers, please do not worry about them, as i took this over the course of longer than a week.  i was hospitalized this past week and am currently home safe again.  i just don’t feel like going back changing answers, lol.

are you currently distressed about anything?   yes, quite a bit.  i found the gem to the ring jason gave me, but i can't find the ring itself... i really wanna fix it and wear it.  i'm pretty damn upset about the situation, considering how much i cherish anything i've ever had from him. do you like your pop tarts toasted or cold?   i like them how they are in the package. do you like sitting in the front, back, or middle of the classroom?   i prefer the front, 'cuz i can see better and i feel more obligated to engage. what’s your least favorite flavor of candy?   orange do you know anyone who has been struck by lightning before?   no. which is worse: living where there’s lots of tornadoes or lots of hurricanes?   tornadoes, definitely.  i live where there are plenty of hurricanes, and the last one we had that was truly devastating was floyd, and that occurred when i was a very young child.  tornadoes, meanwhile, are more immediately dangerous. have you ever seen a black rose?   no, but i would loooove to... do you like pie?   no, actually. if you died right now, how would you feel about your life?   it was a nightmare. do you have any morbid interests?   gore and guts.  bones.  death itself, kinda. if someone were to ask you if you were okay right now, are you?   no.  i'm currently waiting for the suicide hotline's online chat room to open up.  i've been a wreck all evening and google searched something i shouldn't have; google gave me the number to the hotline as well as the option to chat online.  i broke the fuck down.  i've been waiting for a spot to open for like ten minutes... have you ever thrown up from working out?   no, but i know i've been close. do you have any gay family members?   i think i have an uncle who is? would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn?   fuck yes i would be. (new day.) would you date someone who still lived with their parents?   uhhh, why wouldn't i...? would you have to sleep with someone before marrying them?   nope. would you enjoy a night of playing video games?   very much so. would you watch a porno with your partner?   absolutely not. would you be okay with your partner hanging with their ex as friends?   errr... i hate admitting this, but no.  it's suspicious. coffee or tea?   i have a strong dislike of both, really. when was the last time you climbed a tree?
   never; nc doesn't really have climbable trees, just pines. what clubs do/did you participate in at school?
   i was in the art club and shit, what was it called... it was for honors students... what is something you and your best friend say/do that seems strange to an outsider?
   act gay as hecke do you like to sleep near the wall, the middle, or the open side of the bed?
   open side. what’s the strangest rumor that has ever been spread about you?
   a rumor started in high school that jason and i had had a baby.  a rachel is who told the person who told me, soooo i'm not stupid.  i know which rachel started it. how involved were you in the drama of your high school?   not at all. do you like to cuddle while you are sleeping?   all night, no.  when jason and i were dating, i would usually begin sleeping cuddled with him, but would pull away during the night because i got hot. what are you favorite places to be touched?
   i'm guessing you mean sexually?  personally my breasts are very sensitive to touch. do you like lip biting?   again, in a sexual context?  sure. describe your first date.   jason took mom and me to see "ghost rider 2."  i personally thought it was very cute that he wanted mom to come, too. what really goes on in your head?   memories, poisoned with remorse.  i'm always looking back and missing how things used to be.  death and decay goes on in my head.  passions pass away, and the darkness that i try so hard to keep in the back of mind envelops its entirety more and more each time i weaken.  i don't mean to sound all dark or poetic, it's just... how i describe things.  i wish just one person would understand exactly what's happening up there. do other people’s opinions mean anything to you?   sometimes. have you ever just wanted to run away to see who would follow?   i have run away, and nearly got the police on my ass. have you ever had a hamster as a pet?   multiple times.  all were assholes. who do you really need in your life?   jason.  yet he's not here. way down in there’s any part of you sad at all?   all parts of me are sad. what’s your favorite type of insect?   i really love butterflies, moths, dragonflies, ladybugs... is there anything worrying you right now? if so, have you talked to anyone about it?   when am i not worried...  i'm so scared jason won't come back.  the last person i talked to about it was virginia, his mom.  i was suicidal last night and was very, very sincerely contemplating killing myself, and i wanted to talk to him, because i feel like he's the only one who can talk me out of it.  so i found their number and called their house past midnight.  i talked to virginia; jason had just gone to bed, and she didn't want to wake him up.  she's such a sweet woman...  she tried so hard to help, but it was all in vain. apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight?   cry, i'm sure. does anyone see you as a role model?   i'm certain that's a no. what is something that you’ve recently learned?   it's very likely i have bpd. what is your most expensive possession?   the laptop jason gave me... but it's broken right now. what’s the worst sickness you’ve ever had?   aside from mental illness, the worst physical illness was just a REALLY bad stomach virus.  i've never even had the flu. are you excited to pick out your wedding dress one day?
   if i ever get married... then yeah.  it's one of my fairytales. what kind of music do you tend to like?   heavy metal, some harder rock. do you have any mental disorders?   and they're going to kill me. do you believe everything happens for a reason?   fuck that. do you know anyone who married their high school sweetheart?   yes. do you live in the moment?   i live in the past. how many more minutes until you will next eat?   i should've eaten an hour ago.  but i'm too upset to be hungry. what do/did you normally get detentions for?   i only ever got detention for too many tardies. what do you currently hear?   "i don't love you" by my chemical romance, my typing, my sniffling, and my heart pounding in my head. do you ever worry about what the world will be like when you have kids?   i won't have kids anyway.  i don't even know why i'm spending my time doing this survey.  i'm procrastinating on looking for any sleeping pills in the house.  i'm done. do you like the band a skylit drive?   i like their cover of "love the way you lie" who’s someone you want to see right now?   jason.  he could stop this.  i know he could. have you ever been stung by anything?   no, i haven't. have you ever parked in a handicapped spot when you weren’t supposed to?   no, i fucking hate people who do that. are you paranoid?   only always. (next week) are you currently learning from anyone how to play any instruments?   nope. would you rather be able to teleport or freeze time? which one seems best?   hmmm.  teleport, i guess. do you like soda pop? if so, which is your favorite and least favorite?   i sadly do.  i loooove mountain dew, and i really hate pepsi. does it annoy you when surveys ask questions about controversial topics, or do you like arguing your point?   i like controversial questions, honestly.  i like making a point. are there any specific piercings you would never, ever get done?   the only piercing i would never get, even for a ludicrous amount of money, is around my private area.  nope. assuming you had sufficient funds, would you be capable of living alone, paying bills and looking after yourself properly?   honestly, no.  probably not. do you know anyone who had to have tubes put in their ears as a baby?   meeee! were either of your parents baptized?   idk the last concert that you were at, was there a mosh pit?   ha ha omg, a mosh pit at an alice cooper concert in north carolina... that'd be a sight to see. does your bathroom have a theme to it?   nope. when you are eating fast food, do you tend to get burgers or chicken?   burgers, almost always. are you self-conscious of your smile?   yes, because my eyes squint. what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?   writing.  sometimes drawing. what color do you really want to dye your hair?   GRAY.  mom won't let me. :( sunrise or sunset?   sunset is prettier, imo. what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?   i love some of the petnames colleen calls me, honestly.  it's just sweet. what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.   socks suck.  period.  i avoid them at all costs. have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?   how flexible you think i am, fam? do you play the wii?   very rarely. be honest, did fifty shades of grey arouse you in any way?   i didn't read/watch it, and i have no plans to. do have faith in yourself?   lmao did you parents know what gender you were before you were born?   i'm not sure, actually.  i do know, however, everyone first thought i was a boy; i always had my legs crossed in the ultrasound.  mom, however, "knew" i was a girl. does your mother still take care of you if you get ill?   not really.  like i guess if i called her to get me some ginger ale or something, she'd do it, but i kinda just take care of myself. is there a certain topic that you struggle to talk about, because it makes you feel uncomfortable?   not really. if you’re not in college, why?   because i mentally cannot handle the stress it causes. do you try to avoid burping in public, or are you open about it?  after all, it is a normal bodily function.   i'm very discreet about it normally, just because of social standards.  around family and very close friends, i don't give a shit. do you like regular peppermint candy canes, or do you prefer different flavored ones [fruits, bubble gum, cinnamon, etc.]?   i like the fruity flavors. what do you think is the dumbest / tackiest piercing?   i don't really know. have you ever requested a song on the radio?   no. would you ever dye your hair black?   i have before and i loved it. when did you last see the person you love/like? when will you next see them?   i saw him yesterday... and i probably never will again... is there a member of the opposite sex on your mind atm? do you think that person will be thinking about you too?   he always is, and i can absolutely guarantee he's not thinking about me. do you know the star sign of the last person you kissed?   he's an aquarius, like me. what’s the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done, and you got away with it?   got sexual on my parents' bed, i guess. who was the last person of the opposite sex to make you smile? are you attracted to that person?   jason, and yeah... do you currently have any medicine in your bag / purse / etc? if so, what kind?   no, i'm not allowed to.  i overdosed the other day. what do you like on your pasta / noodles? sauce, butter, grated cheese, etc.?   sauce, always. are you weary of displaying signs of affection for your significant other around adults? why or why not?   no, because love should be very openly celebrated. do you think teenagers can be in love?   absolutely.  i was and still am now from the same relationship as an adult. how fast does your mood change?   0-100 real quick, boo. at this moment in time if you HAD to have someone’s name tattooed on you who’s would it be?   uhhh... literally no one's.  i just wouldn't.  well uh, i guess if it was life or death, uhhh... probably jason's, honestly??  but realistically, i never would get anyone's?? what’s your all-time favorite COMEDY movie?   hm.  maybe "white chicks" or "rush hour 2" how old is your most recent ex?   he's 23. how many keys are on your key chain?   two how does your hair look right now?   it's all big and suuuuper curly!!!  chelsea did it. :D does your house have a white picket fence?   nope. do you wear bracelets?   no, never. when was the last time you had sex?   never. #regret do you have a wild side?   only j's seen it, honestly... heh. what is your favorite thing about going to your grandma’s house?   literally.  nothing. who did you last have an alcoholic drink with?   chelsea.  good day. where do you plan on living within the next few years?   probably the same 'ole north carolina. do you have an addiction?   debatably the internet, but i honestly consider it more of a dependence. if you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?   2016, absolutely. do you believe you should change who you are for the person you love?   to a degree, sure. when you’re home alone, do you still keep the door closed when you shower?   the bathroom door is open, my room door is closed. do you currently have a hickey?   i wish ha ha. now your cell phone, what color is it?   black. how many times have you gotten into a argument with the last person you kissed?   plenty of times. what color is your hair?   ruby red, with redder highlights and brown roots coming in. your parents are divorced/married/separated?   divorced have you ever let someone be your everything?   and i'm a broken person because of it. do you think that you’re good enough for the one you like?   no.  he made it clear i deserve to suffer for giving up. have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?   ahhh, yes. (: have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend who was depressed?   no. do you like sitting on the inside or outside of a restaurant booth?   inside.  feel safer/cozier. have you ever had sex or something like it?   something like it, sure, but not actual sex. have you ever worn fishnets?   i don't think so... but maybe for dance? do you always wear your seat belt?   yep. have you ever liked someone much older than you?   not seriously. are there any diseases/health problems that run in your family?   oh god.  heart disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, asthma, cancer, depression, bipolarity, more shit i'm forgetting... do you have asthma?   no. are tongue piercings slutty?   ... no? last person to take off your pants, besides you?   jason. when you get colds, do you use nasal spray to help get your nose unstuffy?   yep. what’s your second favorite color?   pink, probably. how many times have you been so drunk you didn’t remember the night before?   never. what sexual kinks do you personally enjoy, if any?   i actually had to look up some kinks bc idk if some things are considered kinks or not?  evidently even something as common as spanking is, and i'm into that very mildly.  anr (i think that's be abbreviation, probably wrong...) is something that's like guaranteed to turn me on.  i also like feeling/acting sexually submissive in general, but i deeefinitely wouldn't consider it to the point of the dom/sub kink. ever faked an orgasm?   no. own some type of work out machine?   not anymore. ever wanted to be a vet?   i did as a child, yes. ever flashed someone you liked?   i maybe have to jason, while alone with him, but even then i'm not certain i ever have. ever had a job? if so, what and for how long?   first job i had for a month or two.  second, like, four days. do you have a favorite sexual position, even if you’re a virgin?   missionary is all i've ever tried and i'm fine with that. ever done oral? with how many people?   yes, one. what condom brand do you use?   i don't use them because i don't have sex.  on the one occasion jason bought condoms just to be safe in case we chose to, i'm not sure what brand he got... do you use flavored/scented/glow-in-the-dark/neon/ribbed condoms?   again, i don't use them, but also once more, on the one occasion jason bought some, they were just normal. what about facebook - do your grandparents use facebook?   my maternal grandmother does. do you have any text messages from your ex, or have you deleted them all?   no.  the phone i've had i got after the breakup, so. tell me 3 facts about the first person you had a relationship with.   i've "dated" three people, but i've definitely only had a romantic relationship with one, so i'm using him in this question.  he loves games of all kinds, he's a huge joker (particularly heath ledger's) fan, and he's studying computer engineering/he's in his last semester. think about your last ex. do you still find him/her attractive?   he's very handsome, yes. do you regret kissing the last person you kissed?   i never will. have you ever wanted to be a teacher?   nope. if someone were to ask you out right now, would you say yes?   the only person i'd say yes to would be jason. what was the last thing you took medication for?   my tremors. if someone offered you sex right now, how would you respond?   again, i'd only yes to jason. do you think you’ve found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?   i don't think i found the person, i know i did.  yet i can't. be honest, what do you want more than anything at this moment in time?   i just want to cuddle with jason. have you had any conversations recently that made you feel uncomfortable or upset?   i talked to jason, face-to-face, two days ago to assist me in gaining closure.  very long story short, i was quiiite upset after he left. what’s the farthest away from home you have ever been?   michigan the last person you had a thing with calls wanting to hang out. what do you do?   say "of course!" in probably the most excited voice ever. what is your favorite shade of blue?   hmm.  navy, i assume. what ozzy lyric describes you best?   a suRVEY QUESTION REGARDING MY FAVORITE ARTIST???  HELL YEAH!!  anyway, i've felt a resonance with "you don't have to leave the lights on; i'm so used to being blind" from "tomorrow" for many years. what was the most important decision you made that screwed up your life the most?   giving up on just that: life. what is love really about?   it's science, but also something inexplicable.  it's the perfect combination of your brain's "happy hormones," and only that one person can achieve that certain mixture.  granted, there are different kinds of love, and each one is unique. what metallica lyric most describes your life?   wHO FUCKING WROTE THIS, ANOTHER QUESTION W/ ANOTHER FAVORITE ARTIST???  I WANNA MARRY THE SURVEY MAKER PLS.  um anyway let's see, i could really list a few.  first, i wanna say i feel a VERY strong connection to "the unforgiven ii" as a whole; all the lyrics mean very much to me.  but if you want a particular lyric, these couple mean the world: "how can i be lost, if i've got nowhere to go? / and how can i blame you, when it's me i can't forgive?" from "the unforgiven iii"  omgggg i could keep going on ;-; ever been to ozzfest?   girl, I WISH. what's the most illegal thing you've done?   just downloading music.  wait actually, probably downloading an expensive program illegally. ever have a tornado in your town?   i don't think so. what percentile of your class were you in?   idk about numbers, but the very top.  i got an award for it.  idk what ever happened... can you name every place you've ever had sex?   i've never had sex, but i've gotten sexual on my bed, his bed, the floor, the couch, the chaise... what forms of birth control have you used?   abstinence is... pretty flawless. handcuffs or rope :D?   errr, i'm guessing you're addressing being tied up sexually?  i'm... kinda into the idea of being handcuffed to something, maybe. *shrugs* ever grown any plants before? what were they?   habaneros, zinnias, sunflowers... how many times did you intentionally start to commit suicide?   three.  i was going to slit my throat on two occasions, and on the last, i overdosed. what is your favorite cover song?   "hurt" by johnny cash.  "another brick in the wall" by korn is a close second. ever raise a child that wasn't your own for more than 3 months?   nope. strangest medical procedure ever performed on you?   idk, i guess just getting tubes put in my ears. if you ever got a tattoo, where would you get it?   i already have three and want loads more like... everywhere.  most specifically though, i think sternum tattoos are drop-dead gorgeous. could you ever go vegetarian?   no.  i enjoy meat too much. how do you fall asleep? [i.e, listening to music, reading, daydreaming…]   just thinking... have you ever been chased by bees?   omg no. what is your opinion on homosexuality?   it's a mutation, but that does not make it wrong. what is your biggest fear in life?   being alone in life.  not being able to function properly in the "real world" is a close second. when was the last time you kissed someone?   2015 are you sick quite often or hardly at all?   hardly at all.  proud of that 'ole immune system. has anyone suspected you of being a different sexuality?   apparently. do you like chocolate or vanilla cake more?   chocolate, definitely. does it bother you to have blood drawn or not so much?   no, but i actually have noticed something: it began to bother me ever so slightly more after jason passed out from me getting my blood taken that one time.  i think it's because of how i look up to and see him in general, seeing him react to something like that, a part of my brain wants to believe "omg that has to be dangerous then."  but in general, i don't really have issue with getting my blood drawn. who would you say is your best friend at the moment?   colleen.  always. how long have you two been best friends?   over two years. do you sometimes think you aren’t as fortunate as others?   it's not something i dwell on, but i know i'm not. have you ever tried opening your eyes under water?   i have, and i'm bad at it. have you ever been admitted to the hospital?   only six times. what would you say is your favorite type of flower?   tiger lilies, i think. how old is your pet?   teddy is ten, cali isss... three, i think, bentley's not even a year, and lexi is around two, probs. do you listen to artists who consist more of guys, girls, or both?   i seem to prefer male artists. what’s your first tattoo?   a semicolon butterfly on my right wrist. what song do you listen to when you’re sad?   "perfectly flawed" by otep is common.  hence my tattoo. <3 is there a person in your life that can always make you smile?   not anymore. are you scared about the end of the world?   not really, because i don't think i'll be around to see it. will you ever get a tattoo?   i have three and want more.  my next tattoo will be an adaptation of "denialism" by deviantart's tatchit.  look it up, it is honestly a phenomenal work of art. when you get yelled at, do you yell back or let it go?   well first, i get triggered.  yelling triggers memories of my parents fighting so much.  odds are, i'll yell back, but it really depends. do you share a computer with your siblings?   nooo. do you have mood swings?   badly. do you have any bruises on you?   yes, from getting my blood drawn so much recently.  the iv left a good one. have you had sex today?   girl, i wish. has the last person you kissed ever made you cry?   plenty of times. be honest with yourself, are you proud of your actions?   some yes, some no.  it just.  varies.  for the most part, i guess so, like i can't deny i'm a fighter, but i just feel weak sometimes. if you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?   honestly, i would get a tiny heart on the side of my face if it wasn't for societal standards and the strong odds of unemployment for having a tat on my face. what is something you find romantic?   flowers, picnics, walks in the park, oh man, i could go on for HOURS.  you can make SO many things romantic. what makes you attracted to the person you like right now?   his personality. what, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?   rape is #1 for me.  just don't. would you rather live in a castle or a spaceship?   castle, hell yeah!! has someone ever made you a build-a-bear?   OMG NO I WOULD DIE THAT'D BE PRECIOUS what are your initials?   bmd, or bmcd if you want my catholic name. what is your definition of “having sex”?   penal-vaginal penetration. who was the last person you were “in a relationship with” on facebook (including anyone you may have put “in a relationship with” for a joke)?   jason. do you think a relationship with a 16-year-old girl and a 35-year-old man would work out? do you think age differences like that (when they’re under 18) should be legal?   they should absolutely not be legal.  just... no.  i don't support big age gaps like that. what do you think of open relationships? if your partner suggested it, what would you say?   HA.  no.  and if he suggested it, i'd leave his ass. would you ever date out of your race?   mhmm. have you ever had a reptile for a pet?   i've had one lizard, two snakes. what kinds of alcohol do you like?   only ever tried mike's hard lemonade and smirnoff, and both are fine. did you have a swing set when you were a kid?   yup. state you most want to visit?   utah.  fucking gorgeous. were you popular in high school?   definitely not. would you rather be blind or deaf?   blind, definitely.  i once asked jason this and he said blind, too, "because i have to be able to hear your voice." ;;;-;;; where do you want to live when you are old?   in the mountains, in the woods, in the chilly weather, pls. have you ever been in love?   absolutely.  with reckless abandon. have you ever caught a fish?   many many times. what was your most recent ex’s middle name?   alex. do you put anything weird on your scrambled eggs? (like syrup)   just hot sauce. what is your states minimum wage?   $7.25, save us.

[emilywalshmakeupartist]

Ten years on, and still in my wacky world of Make-up Artistry.

I would like to start with talking about my favourite subject in the world - Make-up! It is coming up to ten years now since I first began my career as a Make-up Artist, and I am so excited for the next year ahead! From working on film sets to music videos, theatre and even carrying out medical simulation for the likes of the Armed forces, my job so far has been pretty diverse to say the very least. I think what I love about my job, is that I never really know which location I may be in, just this October I was stood in the wilderness of the Lake District whilst shooting a music video! 

One of the most common questions I get asked by my own students and other artists, is; ‘why did you want to be a Make-up Artist?’ - My answer is quite simple.. Because it gives me a buzz! Every time I do a job, it just spurs me on to be even more creative, and what I have always loved about the industry is how make-up artists inspire each other and support one another’s work. I also get asked; ‘what is your favourite type of make-up to create?’ - I would always have to say that my heart lies within special effects and creative make-up effects such as body art and illusion art. I am inspired by the likes of Karla Powell for her glittery and extremely creative ideas, Alex Box for her weird and wacky creations and Shaune Harrison for his awesome talents and love of prosthetic effects. I also follow some extremely creative artists via Instagram and Pinterest! 

Another question that I am always asked is; ‘What is your favourite brand of make-up?’ - Honestly, I have far too many to choose from. But one brand that never fails to impress, is Urban Decay. My favourite palette has to be the electric palette which is excellent in producing bright coloured smokey effects on the eyes and it is also great for body art or just simply adding a pop of colour to your make-up, its also Vegan too! I am also a big fan of using Lime Crime make-up and I have recently discovered the new NYX pigments which I love, try ‘Vegas baby’ if you’re really looking for something that will sparkle you out of the universe. 

Alongside my life behind cameras and stages, I also spend the rest of my time on the fore front of the stage, as I am currently teaching make-up artistry in the North West of England. Teaching is a completely different ball game to anything that I had ever done before, but I am honestly in my element here. It is such a privilege to be teaching such make-up obsessed students who genuinely don’t go a day without thinking or speaking about make-up. I also teach for a pretty cool company too, who listen to us as Tutors and never fail to help us out. 

A question that I also get asked is; ‘What would you like to work on in the future?’ - I would honestly love to see myself doing a lot more theatre work. I absolutely love this part of the industry, its so raw and real, and everything about theatre is so exciting. The buzz of a show starting and having to do make-up within a quick turn around really does get the adrenaline going! But its so nice to see a show come together just through the sheer hard work of the cast and crew behind the curtain. 

Being a Make-up Artist has never been an easy task, what I mean by that is the lack of stability, worry about getting the next job, and sheer indecisiveness of not knowing what is around the corner in terms of where in the world you may be working. Lots of people ask me for advice on being a make-up artist, the one thing I would advise is to just do what you are doing and don’t stop! There has been many times when I have felt like putting my brushes down and getting a boring job and giving it all up, but my passion for make-up has always overridden any negative thoughts that I may have had. 

Don’t forget that you should never measure success through the amount of money that you earn, success should be measured with the feeling that you get and by the twinkle in your eye at doing what ever it is that you love doing.   

<3

[junker-town]

It’s been 5 years since the Dodgers trade that changed everything

Adrian Gonzalez wasn’t cheap, and the Dodgers were suddenly concerned about winning again.

In 2011, I felt sorry for the Dodgers. This was six years ago. We had phones that recorded videos, electric cars, and everything. It wasn’t that long ago at all, and it stuns me to look back at how pitiful the Dodgers were. Here, dig through this StoryStream™ and pick out some headlines:

Los Angeles Dodgers' Finances To Be Placed Under MLB Control

Los Angeles Dodgers Financial Update: Team Makes Payroll With Help From Corporate Sponsors

Los Angeles Dodgers Don't Interest A's Owner Lew Wolff

Los Angeles Dodgers Lawyers Will Put Bud Selig Under Oath

All sorts of different names were floated as potential owners, from the O’Malley family (again) to Mark Cuban to Steve Garvey and Orel Hershiser. And as we’ve learned from the Marlins’ transition from Wayne Huizenga to Jeffrey Loria, a new owner isn’t an automatic panacea. There was always the potential that the new owners would come in and screw everything up just as much.

The new owners took control at the start of the 2012 season, so we had to wait to see what kind of splash they would make that following offseason, if any.

I was at a train station when I felt it.

A cold wind blew.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

Clouds covered up the sun.

A dog howled.

Something was different.

Here’s a clip showing Stan Kasten at the podium, ready to announce that the Dodgers acquired Adrian Gonzalez, Carl Crawford, Josh Beckett, and Nick Punto:

The trade isn’t less stunning five years later. In order to get Adrian Gonzalez, the Dodgers were willing to accept Carl Crawford’s absurd contract. They were willing to take Josh Beckett’s contract and 5.23 ERA. They were willing to employ Nick Punto on purpose. The Giants had just lost one of their better hitters to a PED suspension, and the Dodgers were willing to pay a $150 million finder’s fee to get one of the better first baseman in baseball.

It was one of the most declarative trades in baseball history, a billboard that spanned the entire circumference of the moon, reading, “So, we’re rich, and we’re willing to spend to make this a better team. Your prayers won’t work.” The willingness to absorb that much money for a midseason deal, the ability to gamble on two expensive players who had red flags where ligaments should be, was unprecedented. Even the Yankees made the Rangers pay Alex Rodriguez’s contract down. The Dodgers got a little cash from the Red Sox, but not enough to make the deal seem reasonable.

Three months later, they signed Zack Greinke for $155 million, just to emphasize their point.

But the Punto trade wasn’t the Dodgers’ final form. It was a statement, yes, but it was a big ol’ puppy feet trade, with the team stomp-clomping around and money spilling from their pockets. It didn’t really work. Gonzalez hit a three-run homer in his first at-bat with the Dodgers, and the team crawled within two games of first place. They would finish eight games back, though, and Gonzalez wasn’t the same dominant force that he was with the Padres and Red Sox.

His career OPS+ before the trade was 140, and it was 119 with the Dodgers. While he was still productive, he wasn’t the same kind of perennial MVP candidate. He was worth a lot, but it’s hard to argue that he was worth his huge contract and the contract of Crawford and the contract of Beckett and the penalties they had to pay for the luxury tax. It was the equivalent of paying $300,000 for a nice Camry.

You can also draw a direct line from Crawford’s contract (which they’re still paying) to their decision to let Zack Greinke go, and you can draw a direct line from that to the prospects they gave up to get Yu Darvish. If Willie Calhoun becomes a star, it’s not unreasonable to wonder if he’s the true cost of the Crawford tax that the Dodgers had to pay.

At the same time, the Gonzalez trade didn’t really have to work. The Dodgers have won every NL West title since 2013, and their margin of victory has always been comfortable enough to where they would have won if Gonzalez were replaced with a replacement-level player. They got a nice player, and it didn’t matter if they overpaid. They could work around it. And they have.

When the trade went down, what we couldn’t possibly have known is that this wasn’t the Dodgers’ final form. They looked like the kind of team that was going to spend their way out of whatever hole they might have dug. The only reason they spent around $250 million to get Gonzalez is because the new owners weren’t around to give $300 million to Albert Pujols yet. They were going to have money, yes, but teams with money can also end up being the teams that give ludicrous deals to Carl Pavano and Jaret Wright when there’s no one else on the market. They can be the teams that get caught with Pujols, Josh Hamilton, and C.J. Wilson.

The Dodgers looked like they were going to be one of those teams, forever vacillating between boom and bust periods with whatever expensive free agents were thriving or decaying on the roster.

Instead, they took that money, applied it to their own best players, like Clayton Kershaw, Justin Turner, and Kenley Jansen, and then they became much smarter, much more efficient, much deadlier. For all of my hot takes that are worth making fun of, this one about Andrew Friedman’s hiring held up particularly well. The thesis was that any goofball can spend money on the best free agents, but where the Dodgers would get extra scary is if they got someone who could build a robust farm system and give them the supremely unfair advantage of young, cost-controlled players to go with their payroll.

Where Friedman will help the Dodgers is by bringing over his skills from his days as a pauper -- stepping in front of other teams to amass as many bullpen lottery tickets and undervalued and overlooked talents as possible, while expanding the search for the next frontier in scouting and analytics. The money will help, but the money + Friedman doesn't help as much as you might think. Almost everything that's good about the Dodgers right now had to do with decisions that weren't all about money.

That’s all still true. The real path to an unbeatable team came with the Dodgers figuring out how to turn the lightning bat of a fourth-rounder into the Rookie of the Year. It came with turning an 18th-overall pick into an MVP candidate. It came with turning Chris Taylor and Justin Turner from organizational depth into lineup pillars.

And all of that could happen while the Dodgers could do things like give Brandon McCarthy, Kenta Maeda, and Brett Anderson a lot of money to round out an already deep rotation. They could do things like spend money on Hector Olivera, then use him as bait to acquire Alex Wood. They have the smarts. And they have the money to make those smarts go way further than they did for Friedman in Tampa, with far more margin for error.

The Gonzalez trade was where that all started. It was an announcement that the Dodgers had changed, that the Frank McCourt era was over, but they didn’t look like it was a unique blueprint. They were going to be a variation on a big-market archetype that we’ve seen before, no big deal.

We had no idea, though. The Gonzalez trade was a start, but it wasn’t the end. The Dodgers have evolved, and it’s scary as all hell. Five years ago, we knew they were different. We couldn’t have known how different.

[wingedsharksalad-blog]

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