#whoopeeeee! A writing!

[benevolentcalamity]

In the cool breeze, the red roses that surround you sway, your hair matching their rhythm as they do. Hands folded neatly upon your lap, you keep your head bowed as the tree above you sways and sings in its own earthly language.

Above you is a canopy of twinkling stars, the moonlight reflecting off of your hair, your skin, your dress... It creates a scene you’re certain you’d only see in a museum; painted by a true master of the arts. Here you wait, not just to be painted, but to be confronted by a partner, under this very tree, among these very roses. It is only then that you will be able to truly complete this breathtaking scene: when there is two centerfolds within this.

A soft sound of footsteps sounds behind you, and you lift your head very slowly, one hand moving to touch the rapier blade resting upon your hip. Rising to your feet, you turn halfway, tilting your head to see who approaches, lifting your red-painted lips in a smirk as you meet their eyes.

Standing near you now is a man, tall and fair, with a white ponytail dancing in the breeze, crimson eyes gazing straight at you through a back mask under a matching hat. He does not conceal his body even with a coat, and you pay it no mind even as one of his gloved hands moves to touch his own sword.

He is one who has chased you ever since you had been caught up in this fight alongside him. The two of you were blades of different colors, black and red, destined to fight no matter the circumstance. That is the nature of who you are, who you must be until the war between fighters like yourselves has passed. You dream of no such day, not even imagine it, but the very notion has a strange, unfamiliar taste on your tongue.

“Your blade is rather impressive,” He pipes up, giving you a nod. “Where was it made?”

You turn to him fully. “Verona.”

Stepping towards him only once, you tilt your head back slightly. “Who is it that made you your steel?”

He matches your movement. “This is Elsinore steel.”

“You lie!” You hiss, correcting your position. When he shakes his head and turns the blade for you to see the emblem engraved in it, however, all you do is recollect your smirk. “Mm hm.”

Stepping through the roses, you roll your shoulders back. “A sword, however, is a sword in function regardless of its owner, or how it gleams in the sunlight.” Your dress billows about your ankles, the slit not giving even once. “I do hope you saved your energy for this moment. It’d be a shame if you did not... you’d never last five minutes. However, in terms of losing your wind from my knights... I must say, you could do much worse.”

His hand moves to his chest, and he bows to match your curtsy. “We shall see.”

Drawing your sword, you put one leg behind the other, kneel slightly, hold one arm up, and furrow your brows in concentration. “En garde, monseuir noir!”

With his own sword drawn, you charge at each other, the harsh ‘CLANG!’ of your blades the signification of your battle’s beginning. Casting mercy out the window, you step back to twist and give him another hit, met with a vertical parry. Blowing some of your hair away from your face, you move forward, forcing him to back away from you as you continuously strike; an overwhelm strategy meant to intimidate and manipulate. Only one of many ways you’ve bested your opponents.

Beneath your shoes, the flowers bend and bow, laying down to be suitable ground for your fight against the knave. With many clashes and parries you flit about the fields, sometimes rolling and flipping to avoid strikes from the other. This isn’t just to dodge, though - it’s also simply to be flashy. Red lines appear on both faces, even the occasional one on the body resulting in a tear in your clothes.

At last, however, you land a clean slice into his leg, bringing him to cry out. He wobbles in his step, eventually falling down at your feet, clutching the injured flesh. Staring upon him, you adjust the flower in your hair, rescuing freed strands.

Then he moves, adjusting to properly grip his sword, giving you a small window of time to jump as he slashes, stumbling back as he gathers the strength to stand. Eyebrows raised, you stare in awe as he straightens his stance, giving you a smirk of his own. One that declares that he will not go down as easily as you will have predicted.

Growling, you charge, clashing swords with him once again. As though he had not been injured at all, he parries and strikes back with strength you’ve never faced before. Blades cross, and you push with all your might whilst meeting his ruby eyes. For a moment, you’re able to speak, and you do.

“For mocking you earlier...” You begin. “... I extend my apologies.”

He nods, his white hair, now loose from their previous tie, bouncing slightly with the movement. “Accepted.”

Breaking from the contact, the two of you continue to clash, though as the moon slowly begins to move downwards in the distance you find yourselves exhausted.

From a twist in your step to a final drive to defeat him, you find yourself only slicing away his sleeve, and cold metal is driven into your body. With a pained howl, you nearly collapse, your sword falling from your hand, flower releasing your hair as it too descends. Blood joins the red of your dress, your white gloves stained with the color as you take in your defeat, staring down with alarm.

“That sword... truly is... one of Elsinore...” You whisper, falling to your knees, then finally all the way down. As you grow weak, you stare up at the knave, narrowing your eyes into slits. “... Knave... Who are you...?”

He kneels, staring down at you and brushing some of your hair out of your face. Tenderly, as though he’d break you even further.

“I am Zorro,” He responds, moving to place his arms below your knees, collecting your sword as he lifts you into his arms. “My fair lady, it has been an honor to be your opponent. But, this fight is over.”

With this, you close your eyes, going limp as he carries you off the battleground, away from the place where you tried and failed to conquer him.

“And cut!” A voice shouts. “Perfect, you two - no need for a retake!”

Grinning from ear to ear, you let out a relieved breath as Zen puts you down, giving you a big smile in praise as you both bounce over to get a bottle of water from the large cooler.

“Cheers, babe,” He chirps, “clinking” his bottle with yours before you simultaneously swig from them.

Zen has a habit of calling you and the other girls in this business ‘babe’ or ‘sweetheart’. It’s very endearing, quite honestly, and you’re not sure if you could get by this without hearing him say that; without his support. Being an actress wouldn’t be as enjoyable without him. To put it simply, you feel very at ease with him, like you could confide in him about anything and he’d sweetly listen as though he had the answer to any of your problems.

“What did they say our characters’ relationship would be again? Enemies to allies to lovers? That’s interesting,” You bring up, to which he nods.

“I’m excited. Those love scenes will be your first, right? You’ve been a side-character quite a bit, and now that you’re in the spotlight you’ll need to pay extra attention. If you’d like, I could help you practice for them,” He playfully flirts. You smile.

“I’ll have to take you up on it. You seem like a good teacher, Zen,” You reply.

He chuckles, putting an arm around you to hug you. “I’m always happy to help such a sweet lady. In the meantime, we’ll all need to get prepared and then get some rest, since that concludes filming for tonight.”

“Yea,” You nod, snuggling into him a bit. His oil slicked chest feels nice against your cheek. “Zen, I said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m so happy we’re working together. It’s quite the honor, being a lead alongside you.”

He lifts a hand to scratch behind his head before putting it back around your shoulders. “You’re too sweet. Someone so brilliant as myself deserves only to share the stage with the best - and you’re no exception. We’re honored to be with each other.” His narcissism is always an oddity, but he’s definitely not enough of a narcissist to be a complete jerk - that much is obvious.

“Say, would you like to visit my apartment? You always seem to go off alone, and it’d be good for you to be in someone’s company,” He offers. “And we can practice love scenes, if you’d like. If not, we can watch some movies together.”

You give him a big smile. “I’d be honored to, Zen.” And you’re not lying. As established before, you feel close to him - enough to where you can trust him to be alone with you. This isn’t something other men have - not to say you hate them - and so you find it your duty to keep open to it.

“Wonderful!”

[ducktracy]

136. porky’s pet (1936)

release date: july 11th, 1936

series: looney tunes

director: jack king

starring: joe dougherty (porky), billy bletcher (conductor)

the first of MANY, MANY cartoons to flaunt porky’s name in the title. this is also jack king’s second to last cartoon at warner bros—he headed back for disney as early as april 1936, leaving the rest of his films to run on. porky’s moving day, released in september, would be his last. for now: porky and his pet ostrich lulu are broadway bound, but trouble arises when the train forbids any animals to board. it’s up to porky to find a way to hide his extremely noticeable and indiscreet pet.

a telegram boy is pedaling along on his bicycle, determined to deliver his envelope, bumping all along the way. i didn’t include a photo thanks to the 10 photo limit, but you’ll notice some signs in the background, such as “malaria motel” and “buy burton’s burpo beer”, a reference to producer john burton. the scene runs a little long, yet it’s deliberate so as to show off the syncopation between the animation, music, and sound effects of intermittent bike horn honking.

nevertheless, the telegram boy arrives at his destination by crashing into the sidewalk. unscathed, he jauntily hops onto the porch and rings the doorbell a few times. out comes porky, who answers the door. a telegram just for him. he accepts the envelope and signs off. an amusing little detail as he tucks the envelope in the lip of his sweater, taking it out and tearing off the side.

the telegram reads:

MR. PORKY PIG

CAN USE YOU AND LULU IN MY NEW SHOW $75 WEEK. STOP. (that’s how you ended a sentence, considering there was no morse code equivalent to a period) COME NEW YORK AT ONCE

J. BOTTS

PRODUCER

remember when i said porky would never say “WHOOPEEEEE!” again after gold diggers of ‘49? well, that’s one bet i lost. i totally forgot, but he says his famous “WHOOPEE!” here, too. i THINK this is the last time he says it, unless porky’s moving day has a surprise waiting for me. regardless, porky is ecstatic. he dashes upstairs, telegram in hand, skidding to a halt into his bedroom.

he approaches a birdcage, where we see the beginnings of a big bird head inside. porky shows off the letter to his pet, stuttering “look, lulu! look!” a clever pan reveals that lulu is, in fact, a giant pet ostrich with her head in the birdcage and the rest of her body perched in a rocking chair. lulu gives her approval by squawking hilariously and incomprehensibly. “we’re broadway bound, lulu! we’re gonna be big shots!”

porky hardly wastes any time tying a rope around lulu’s neck and freeing her from the confines of her arbitrary birdcage. with his hat on his head and a couple of oddly places train whistle imitations, porky declares “let’s go!” and together they fly down the staircase, lulu sliding down on the banister. good animation that’s easily mesmerizing. lulu hits the end of the banister while porky runs ahead, nearly choking her as he flies back towards her from the impact. nevertheless she gets down, and porky’s so excited he whips out the door, the door closing on lulu and hitting her right in the face. she chatters porky out furiously, but manages to recover.

some time later, porky and his prized lulu arrive at the train station, seeking out the nearest train. after hearing the sound of the all too familiar whistle, porky attempts to flag down the train, waving his hand and his hat to get it to stop. we then get a shot of the train, hurtling down the tracks at frightening speeds. so fast that the conductor doesn’t take note of porky and his very obvious bird companion. the train speeds by, spinning porky, lulu, and the entire station around like a top, a sequence that would be perfected and stronger in tex’s the village smithy.

both porky and lulu attempt to recover from the impact, porky stuttering “stop!” all too late while lulu has her head buried in a hole in the floorboards. nevertheless, they both recover quickly when the sound of another train approaches. this time, porky thinks ahead. he pulls a lever that flashes a stop sign, and the speeding train literally jolts to a stop on the middle of the tracks. good timing and amusingly stark visuals make the gag work. there’s an intriguing angle from inside the station as we view porky and lulu happily board from outside. silence... until a yokel train conductor yells “YOU CAN’T BRING NO BUZZARD ON THIS TRAIN!”

lulu and porky are promptly kicked out, landing right inside the station. (if you notice, one of the flyers posted advertises millar manor, a reference to story man tubby millar) porky signals for lulu to bend down low, and he whispers a plan in her ear. the plan: lulu wait by the tracks while porky boards, and he’ll pick her up as the train passes by. lulu gives her squawks of approval. porky signals for lulu to go to her post, and he himself boards the train.

sure enough, the train begins to chug, the wheels turning. lulu waits patiently, and just as porky promised, he sticks his hand out the window and grabs her by the neck. her neck is so long that the rest of her body lags behind, flopping in the wind, much to the surprise of one of the passengers looking out the window. porky wrestles her inside, and everything’s good to go.

here we have it, folks! the infamous “porky stuffing an ostrich up his ass” scene. porky realizes he didn’t quite think things through. an ostrich is a pretty damn noticeable bird. he signals under the seat, trying to stuff her in, ordering “hurry up, lulu! get under the seat before the conductor sees ya!” another push, and her head pops out of the crack in the seat, giving some happy squabbles. treg brown’s sound effects turn a puzzling scene into an amusing one with nonstop honking, porky wrestling with how to get both ends of her body under the seat. it’s still a relatively awkward scene, but the sound effects certainly add humor to it. eventually porky opts to sit on the seat himself, stuffing lulu’s body under and hoping he can conceal her head. but, as to be expected, lulu pecks him right in the butt and he jumps up in shock. another stuff beneath the seat, and she’s about as concealed as she’ll get. porky grins at the camera, clearly accomplished with his feat.

but, as birds will do, lulu hardly stays in one place long. she wrangles herself out from beneath the seat and swallows the toupee of a sleeping passenger’s from behind. ham or ex makes one final appearance! if only there was any indication as to how to tell them apart. the little pup turns the propeller of a toy plane and watches it whirl around in fascination. the plane makes its way towards lulu, who promptly swallows it. of course, the plane is still on, and works its way up from her throat all the way to her head, giving her “dog ears”. amusing animation as lulu’s neck loops around itself, the plane in her head directing her uncontrollably as she loops around her own body, flipping and flying around. she crashes right into a door, where the plane just... disappears. she doesn’t spit it out or anything of the sort, it literally just... melts away. nevertheless.

lulu now has her sights set on an accordion, which she also deems a delicious snack. and, predictably, her neck moves up and down and sounds like an accordion. a very predictable gag that isn’t all that hilarious, but porky’s look of pure horror as she strolls past his seat is totally priceless.

just in time for the conductor to ask for tickets. panic-stricken, porky snags a guitar case out from under the seat in front of him and stuffs lulu inside. her accordion neck blares loudly and noticeably, and he grabs her neck and wrings it out, sliding the accordion down to her body where it disappears. first a plane and now an accordion! maybe lulu’s act on broadway is “The Bottomless Ostrich”. she now fits in the guitar case... except for her feathers, which prominently stick out of the bottom. porky steals someone’s pair of scissors (what a thief!) and cuts off the fluff, and instead of returning the scissors hilariously throws them out the window instead, hiding the feathers under the seat. instead of just, you know, tossing them out instead.

the conductor approaches porky for his ticket, but lulu suddenly grows rowdy, giving herself away immediately as the guitar case begins to jolt around and squawk. she wrestles her legs free and barrels into the conductor, who now rides on top of the guitar case like some sort of twisted steed. lulu barrels into the end of the cabin, freeing herself from the case. porky goes to wrangle back his bird, but it’s too late. the conductor furiously throws her out the window, and then throws porky out himself. nice service!

they reconnect on the tracks, porky shrugging dubiously. fortune smiles upon them when they spot a handcar. they both board at opposite ends, preparing to push their way to broadway, yet a cow blocks their path. no matter! porky positions himself on the handles and grabs the cow’s tail like some reins, and they’re off. soon they even manage to pass the very train they were booted from, much to the bewilderment of the conductor, who passes out as porky tips his hat and lulu squawks her greetings. iris out.

with a lot of these rewatches of the jack king cartoons, i’ve softened my perception of them and appreciated them more, but they’re still relatively below average. nevertheless, this cartoon was, if anything, amusing. not particularly funny, but amusing to watch porky’s plight as he works so hard to hide his Very Obvious pet. lulu’s squawking is hilariously obnoxious, which works in her favor and against her at the same time. the animation was very smooth and fun to watch for sure, especially with lulu sliding down the banister and lulu swallowing the toy plane. lulu would make one more appearance in porky’s moving day, which is kinda funny. i wonder, if jack king stayed longer, how many more cartoons she would have popped up in. overall a decent cartoon but nothing to write home about. it wouldn’t kill you to watch it, but i think you’d be fine if you went without.

link!