#whos got like a reasonable recap but ive not found one yet.

[considermygenderminecrafted]

.

[hanarchy]

Hi friends, I illegally logged into tumblr on my work computer on the first working day of 2023 specifically to make this post properly. I don't have a good computer and I simply could not do this on my phone.

Ok, Time to get emo :)

I discovered SKZ at the end of last year, I personally date my anniversary to somewhere between December 29th 2021 and January 2nd 2022. It's a good thing too because I get overemotional at the end of the year anyway and now I can just schedule all my gratitude and emo times at the same time.

I want to start from the beginning bc the only reason 2022 was a good year for me was this discovery. this is a bit of recap for me because I wanted to do it. If you're tagged in it it means that you played a part in my year and meant something to me. Feel free to only read your little paragraphs (or nothing at all, theres no obligation), this is bound to get unspeakably long.

first, I want to give a quick shout out to the people I started talking to/followed more recently @hyunpic (I haven's checked twitter today, did hyunjin kill you yet or did he get all of that out of the way in 2022?) @mybodyfails (did u ever listen to stromae?) @jisungsjaistandjeekies (how was the first day of your new job?) The best thing about getting another year on tumblr is the promise of getting to know you all more <3

@quokki you were literally the first person I ever followed for stray kids content. It was around february, when I looked for fanart for the first time and reactivated my twitter and I found your hannies. It took a little longer but I'm so glad we are friends now. I really love our chats/meltdowns abt hanji and you're incredibly talented and kind and also just correct abt a lot of stuff lmao

@alexenglish alex, I know we don't talk that much but you were the first person to really talk to me abt k-pop stuff and I will never forget that. I also cannot thank you enough for showing me rolling quartz and for reading the stupid thing that i wrote that one time. it seems trivial but i literally do not show anyone my writing ever and anytime I do and it's a good experience it makes me a little braver so thank you, seriously. and also thank you for sticking around even when I'm a dick

my first comeback in march was soso special because I had people to freak out with. I was in Ireland at the time and even hough I was brand new in online stayville I felt a lot less alone than I could've.

in april i started talking to @sailsflyseaward but I honestly can't believe it has only been 9 months. We've met 3! times since then and you're already one of my most precious online friends and I feel like I've known you way longer. I have to try very hard to stay cynical and not believe in fate and the universe being a good place when I think about how we could've just never met.

I was EXHAUSTED the first 4 months of this year, I hated most of it. I turned 30 in april, i had been to ireland and to the north sea on vacation in march and april but all of it felt hollow and exhausting and terrible. In germany we say that may makes everything anew and it certainly was true for me this year. I planned a trip to toronto, I got a raise, I got to see mamamoo, ive and a bunch of others live and i spoke a little to so so many sweet people.

@nevoono who makes literally the cutest fucking things ever and was my first german k-pop friend ever and also is just... really cool in such a unique way. idk I'm sorry I'm terrible at keeping up.

to @ambivartence who I don't talk to a ton but who also is literally the coolest artist alive and made me feel very happy to know that others also travel very far to see their groups. I stare at your paintings so much, i honestly should not admit it but there's just always so much to see.

and to @pvddins-art who is one of the sweetest and kindest and most generous people I've ever met, which is a high bar because I use those words for a lot of people, but for you they are more true than for anyone.

getting to go to a k-pop festival in germany as my first experience was so good too. I really had no idea what it means to ba a k-pop fan and the whole community and culture and incredible vibes around it when you're there in person. I had a very exhausting day and it was hot as hell and I had a migraine after but it was all worth it

interlude because I don't remember when I started talking to you:

@brianbangs tay my sweetheart, i love you so much. you're just one of the people who get it. like. idk, it's hard for me to put into words properly but you get it when I'm being a hater and you get it when I'm being emotional and you get it when I'm being horny and you accept all of it. I also think you're really fucking creative and talented and I love being here with you so much

then june came and it was one of my best months ever ever. I went to another festival and got to relive the music I loved as a teen. seeing the strokes 16 years after I was a fan made me cry a lot lol. I went to see my favorite people alive @starmotions, @fromadifferentphase (and the third one who is missing but u know who u are) in toronto. and I do mean this literally you're my favorites. I'm the most me when I'm with you, I think of everyone who knows me no one knows me so completely. there isn't anyone I share more parts of myself with. the 1 week I just got to hang out with you was so incredibly precious to me, it made me power through most of the rest of the year. moments of joy! I got to see toronto and got to spend time with people I love. one of my friends came all the way from salt lake city just to see me.

then I went to new york and now there's a long ass list coming because 1. it was the first time I met my beloved julia, 2. it was when i met my beloved kay 3. i got to travel with my beloved di and we got to explore new york and eat so many tacos and learn about queer art and history and also it was when I met both

@chanstopher and @lonelystreetlight and I'm puting you both in the same paragraph bc I started talking to both of you at the same time and also discovered that we're literally the same tumblr user, I cannot believe that I found the old 1D crowd again and the old glee crowd AND even the old starkid people. ok, I had to google the songs from the space tour just now but it's insane that I could text someone about both status quo by starkid AND zone by 3racha.

and lastly it was OF COURSE when i fucking saw fucking stray kids in fucking person (sorry) I was so numb from everything going on, and from the heat and from newark airport that I didn't even cry but looking back on it I honestly can't even begin to believe how lucky I was to be able to do all of that in just one month.

july was the month I went to see harry styles (meh) and hang out with an old friend because of it (yay) and I have literally nothing else in my calender for the entire month but I know I was a bit stressed. however I don't think it was a terrible time.

In august I went to the south of germany on vacation to celebrat my moms birthday, we went to the opera outdoors and I felt extremely fancy the entire time and also saw so many flowers. then we started the stayblr discord.

@snug-gyu @hanjesungs @ggthydrangea @littleclouds @shmalll @babychicklix and everyone else in there! I am so glad it's a space to hang out and message each other and talk about skz. I know I left very quickly (unfortunately group situations are terrible for my mental health and I felt very bad very quickly) but I still got to start chatting with so many cool people and I'm always so happy that we did that.

@bangchanies king of the dumpster that is new jersey, my absolute favorite eyeshadow model and another one of the bitches that just get it, u know? you just get what I'm trying to say and I am grateful to have you to text when I want to be annoying. (you're also secretly incredibly sweet and I think you're honestly just a very kind and empathetic person and i would be sadder without you but i will not tell anyone that you're secretly nice)

@cheekyquokka even though you're not IN the server, I feel like we started really talking around the same time so you're getting put in here as well. you're so generous and sweet to your friends, I remember the surprise and amazement from both bee and ale at the packages you sent them, you're such a great fucking mutual to have because you know yourself and you make really cool gifs, every time one of yours comes across my dash i know it. idek why. anyway, thank you <3

around september was when I finally started the group chat and seven made it complete, so here comes that bit. I needed to make sure you all know how much you mean to me.

@bourgeoix I swear in some off-kilter way we are soulmates. you make both my fandom brain and the little kid that didn't know popstars but could draw the shape of gorbachevs blood spot feel at home. you're soooo fucking smart and we have like debated moral philosophy and learning and reasoning styles at length so I won't go into it but it's one of those amazing fated coincidences that we both befriended seven and then each other. you think it's cool that I live near to Olaf Scholz's barbershop. you're my favorite of all the nerds. I could read the stuff you write for years and years and never get bored. I need to eat your brain (as jace or seven would say) and I love that we get to be both smart and very very very dumb together.

@hyumjim I honestly cannot top what mel said but you're like. my only grown up friend. You genuinely have a patience and kindness with people that is really hard to find. I know you don't show this to everyone but it makes me all the more grateful that I get to experience it. you're also insane. when seven first added you to the gc I had sth to say that felt really crazy to me and was nervous in front of you and seven said 'emily is also insane' and so i posted it in the gc and now we're friends. i don't remember what it was but you gave great advice and i sort of feel like we disagree and fight in all the ways that makes a relationship better and you make me insecure but in a fun way. you're a huge hater and yet you genuinely love people and humanity more than most people alive. thank you for listening to me.

@jellino jace idek how to describe you but you're like....... my little brother but not in a lame way. you're also older than me in some ways. idk, I just love how much you love stuff. I love how sure you are of what you're not, even while always wondering what you are. I think of you so much when I see sea creatures and ice age characters and dumb stuff. the other day I saw a squirrel irl and i thought 'I have to send this to jace' bc it reminded me of scrat from ice age. i cannot look at a penguin without thinking about you. I don't think I'll ever go to a zoo and not think of you. I also am always hoping that you are ok, that you find your way, that you know I'm happy and proud to know you...

@bewby my love. seven. I think it will never not be complicated how much I love you because I want you to be ok so bad. but it doesn't matter if you are or not for me to love you a whole lot. you're so funny and so smart and I say neither of these things lightly, like you have such a quick wit and you want everyone to be ok so bad and you love people so much and i hope that some day you will know that it is enough and you are enough. meeting you that one time was so fun, like we literally did not need more than a half hour to find sooo much stuff to talk about. I love having a german kpoppie friend, I love your tender heart, I love how understanding you are! I hope you know how much!

honestly it's all 4 of you that got me through fall and winter so far, it's venting and bitching and joking and writing insanely long messages to you that make me feel like a human instead of a gremlin. It's knowing that you like me and think I'm someone you want to listen to. You mean so much to me, I can never pay that back.

so much happened in my personal k-pop world in october PLUS most of my friends had their birthdays too so it was a bit stressful and it ended with my great uncle dying but i did get to see my old friends and family, so it was good in the end.

november was cold and dark as always but i got to feel so much warmth in scotland, just spending a few days going to museums and coffeeshops and nothing else and then seeing my love julia for the scond time, learning about history and eating pies. then I went to london to see @sunflowercocoa again after 5 fucking years and it was so much fun. I know you know how much I love you, I had such a good time, thank you for being my friend. Thank you for making me leave the house, thank you for being generous and fun and spending time with me. I know you're strong enough to get through the next year or so and I know you're gonna be so happy and so successful and you have a great life ahead. I know you're not here much anymore and that it kind of annoys you but you were a big part of this year and this is like my diary at this point tbh.

i also met @geniaparadox my homie and so much fun to hang out with. honestly our day together kind of made me wish i could've gotten to hang out with you in high school, i feel like we would have been friends. thank you for talking to me abt how underrated felix is and for looking at the bts stuff in hmv and despair because being a k-pop fan in europe is very sad and for buying japanese tea and just being cool. i am so happy that you get to not go back to that job

december was november but worse but I started it off sososo well, seeing julia the 3rd time and going to nuremberg and munich and being slightly tipsy at the christmas market everywhere and going swing dancing for the first time and trying so many fun food and drink things. It was a sad and anxiety-inducing month because so many people I know were ill or dying but in the end we mostly made it through and I am grateful. I got to spend the end of the year surrounded by babies and puppies and it felt good to not have to deal with grown-up things for a few days and just play.

[macklives]

hey so this is gonna be a long-ish one. ive decided its been far too long since i did a session, and we did so many i can often forget what happened. i started in july and im pretty sure its been more than half a year now since this whole blog happened. and in that time, we’ve gone through 88 sessions and i want to know if i remember the relevant plot points and what we got up to in the last few sessions. a refresh/reminder if you would.

so i hereby commence my own little recap of act 5 because yeah no, its too much to do a recap of everything and i have andrew for that after every few acts. but i wanna refresh my mind on act 5 for now. so here we go.

1. alternia.. fucked up place. but its a place the trolls live on so what are we gonna do about it? overthrow the government? seems about right, lets do that with the next troll that gets introduced and if its not kanaya idk what andrew is doing by not having introduced the best troll yet. why the long wait? it was the second introduced? i honestly expected it to go in order when i first read act 5, because first we had karkat talk to jade which was the first new piece dialogue in the comic besides the main kids, but then we had kanaya with rose, which was followed by tavros, then terezi (iirc). so id assume we were following that order but nope karkat got fully introduced, then this random fucking juggalo called gamzee made its way into the comic. imagine my surprise.

2. theres been terminology throughout act 5, that i do not fucking know and will not remember and probably never will. like tf is a perigee again? i made a doc somewhere ill probably find it.

3. karkat’s introduction... short but very sweet. and by sweet i mean we got to know the depths of the angry edge lord. and by depths i mean karkat got angry at gamzee for typing in a way that he didnt like so he yapped like a chihuahua. nah, but seriously, i do like karkat tho, hes growing on me but only bc hes a bitch baby and his whole personality makes me want to mock him so thats the reason im not that annoyed and think hes funny, and the most harmless troll. even more so than tavros. and thats saying something. 7.5/10 bc im generous.

4. then gamzee... the high juggalo troll who has the worst typing quirk imo, i cannot for the life of me read it. but hes chill, i actually really like gamzee. hes funny and the least problematic as of right now. 8.5/10.

5. terezi’s introduction next i think. she likes playing as a lawyer with her stuffed dragons, ie by roleplay, shes blind, can see through licking, and she likes eating chalk, maybe its even nutritious. shes good. 9/10. 

6. uhh in the process of these intros, there are teams being made? karkat joins gamzee and terezi in, i THINK, the red team?? bc terezi likes red?? could be wrong, i dont remember the teams except that its red/blue to represent sollux’s duality in those colors. terezi then tries recruiting AC but AC is like lol sorry i have to ask this friend of mine who has authority over me for some goddamn reason and terezi goes yuck tf i hate that guy................... yeah thats all we have on the teams. pretty sure sollux had smth to do with karkat about the making of the leaders, and they did the “i hate me” and the “no i hate me more than u hate u” or whatever the fuck that was. they got embarrassed afterwards and deleted their messages. im pretty sure they have no messages because everything ends up being mutually deleted so their logs are actually empty. ngl, kinda enjoyed their convos, made me appreciate their characters. i hope we get more because its good content. i also dont know what order this whole thing is in, who contacted who first? couldnt tell you. ill remember later on. and since im basing this off from memory alone, gotta deal with what i remember. uhhhh so yeah. we havent met all characters yet so the teams have not been officially decided but we got the bases, which is that.

7. god i found it, and the only thing im looking at right now is the terminology list i made and what the fuck?? what the fuck?? you miss a few weeks and suddenly the word nubslurping comes up and you forget what the fuck youre reading.

8. im PRETTY SURE aradia is seen after that whole team fiasco?? or its sollux... maybe. wait. its sollux, right. i just knew someone gets introduced mid way through is all. actually, someone gets introduced after every 20 pages. i have no idea. but ik aradia and sollux go hand in hand.

9. oh shit. OH SHIT! RIGHT! I REMEMBER! so this occurs in the latest session i did, and not the beginning of act 5, but AG and aradia team up, right?? and sollux fucking gets manipulated by them and ??? idk??? they make him find the game, reprogram it and then make him believe its going to end the world (which in hindsight is true, but anyways) so he refuses to play it which was AG’s plan all along so she steps up and becomes leader in his place. but aradia says sollux will still play the game no matter what, but she never went through with the plan for AG but it was apart of a prophecy? that sollux wouldnt be the leader at all? that he’d still play? but it had to go according to plan so it could succeed??? we just dont know why yet. anyways, point being, she still cares for sollux since she did it for him rather than for AG. and thats what i recall. god tf i forgot about that whole drama until writing down “sollux and aradia go hand in hand” which gave me violent flashbacks to the memory.

10. oh and id give aradia 9/10 and sollux 7/10. i do like sollux but if i put him higher than karkat, id get crucified. so im keeping them around the same.

11. man i really like sollux and aradia tho, i may have put him at 7, but i really like their dynamic and i really hope they make up and aradia explains herself about AG. because from one side it looks shitty. and while sollux is rude and never makes up his mind, he apologized to aradia after going off, and that was the only time ive seen him be sincere, so im pretty sure he cares for her to some extent. and i think its somewhat mutual? considering the whole “did it for him” thing. man, i see potential because i actually like both their characters. theyre well written. may not have the best personalities, but i appreciate well written characters and homestuck has the best ones ive seen in a while.

12. oh shit, hell yeah, the more i write, the more im connecting the dots and remembering. however, the more i write, the more i want to just make an analogy post but thats not for now. jesus christ its not all about analogies, mack, this is a recap. but.. how does andrew do it? to not go off track??? hard. telling ya.

13. anyways, didnt we break the fourth wall at some point and have the demon gods or whatever the fuck speak to us in third person for the first time in the comic, after having only gone into second person narrative, right after we were introduced to sollux and his “virus”? the uh, the phrase “the demon was already here” was said, or something along those lines. first line in homestuck to give me the creeps ngl and i appreciate it bc it gives me motivation to know what the fuck its about. its cool bc you have no idea where its going and it sure doesnt have anything to do with the current plot, since the trolls’ session/game doesnt have fucking demons so im curious as to what the fuck that was about. and if i really have to make a theory, i feel it has something to do with aradia’s voices in her head which also connect to the gods rose heard when she started disregarding rules and told dave to look at derse without listening to music bc it was as if he was purposely blocking away their calls. like holy shit, that gave me the shivers. while i do want to know more about wtf happens after act 4, trolls are taking priority right now. just like we did with the intermission. no discussing the kids unless necessary. treat this as its own separate comic. and THEN we can connect.

14. ANYWAYS, tavros’ intro???? that comes afterwards?? with the fiduspawn that made me gag a little on the inside? yep. remember that. fuck that lol. -1/10 but tavros himself is MAYBE a 6/10? i wish we explored his character more in his intro bc right now he just looks like a character made only to be a victim rather than have any depth and i feel thats robbing someone of their full potential. give me more personality andrew, rather than a quivering boy who falls prey to bitches. im expecting more throughout the comic honestly and i hope he gets growth so hes not looked as a “victim” but rather his own character. he is still sweet, and i like him because i want to protect him, but id rather have more info, you know what i mean?

15. oh hell. kanaya had a chainsaw at some point. that made me happy. and didnt she cut off tavros’ legs?? and he got robot ones? and some creepy dude was looking and we called him saggy tits bc hes sagittarius? right? neat. that did happen. pretty sure saggy tits is ACs friend that tells her what to do. the more u know. OH and they all have colored blood similar to their text colors lol. that i remember... so tavros has brown, terezi has blueish green, um. karkat has grey the loser. and apparently it forms a rainbow which is nice. rainbow is good.

16. i dont remember anything else actually

17. wait no i do. AG appeared. shes a petty bully. idk what to say about her. we didnt get that much, except that she hates tavros but is okay with aradia. she also looks like a bottle opener. actually, i think she teamed with aradia to gain leadership rather than to “be friends”. and while that is similar to how karkat did it, meaning the gain, the motivation and how they earned it is entirely different. kinda seeing a trend tho. the leaders of the red/blue teams are both characters who wanted the role, but never had it to begin with. only to win their way into the position. but rather than ask non-stop like karkat did, AG manipulated others so she could be successful. not too sure if she also used aradia for that, or is actually motivated to become friends since they were “past enemies” and she needed a rebound. pretty sure its somewhat both. while AG did mostly use aradia to speak with sollux, what she doesnt know is that aradia is a bad bitch who never even thought about AG and only followed through with the plan bc she had a plan of her own. i guess we’ll look into that later. i lowkey want to know their history.

18. OH AC!!! she appeared for a second as well. love her. shes amazing. 9.5/10. and you may ask yourself, why am i saying “i love this character” but none of them are 10/10?? weellllll its because, and i cant stress this enough, 10/10 belongs to kanaya, i dont make the rules. im waiting for her introduction, shes my favorite and its obvious. sorry.

19. oh huh seems i forgot about the term “lusus”. which.. is.. their parents but not really, its these fucking weird ass creatures that the trolls fought in a cave or something as a child. i dont fucking know. terezi hatched hers and it died? gamzee’s also died but his goat sea dad was never really there to begin with so while it is sad, its more sad that gamzee never saw him? um.. karkat killed his own by exploding his computer bc sollux said dont run the virus and karkat said u cant tell me what to do and did it anyways. so thats on him. but apparently theyre supposed to die, to become prototyped during the game, right? yeah. i remember now.

20. thats.. about it? idk anything else, nothing is coming back to me apart from the shit above. huh.... im surprised how quickly things do come back to you the moment you rant about the plot tho.... handy trick.

cool. neat. fun. this took me too long. but im glad i remember a little bit.

[shirtlesssammy]

15x07: Last Call

Then:

In case you forgot, Dean and Cas are  f i g h t i n g. 

Now:

Texhoma, Texas

It’s bar time at a lonely little dive bar and two friends are stumbling to their car. Well, one is helping the other. Sally needs to vomit and runs to the bushes. Her friend, Angela, gets in the car instead of holding her hair back. I’m side eyeing your level of friendship here, ladies. Sally turns around from her puke-athon to find Angela and car gone. 

Cut to Angela tied to a chair in a basement. There’s a line slowly draining blood from her arm --and a monster feeding on it behind a door!

At the bunker, Dean continues his nihilistic spiral by drinking all the beer in his room and surfing the internet for cases. He finds one!

Cut to Dean wandering into the kitchen where a very cozy Sam and Eileen are making all the breakfasts. 

Dean knows when he’s a third wheel and decides to check out the case on his own. Sam and Eileen are living their best lives. He doesn’t want to get in the way.

Dean arrives at the Texhoma sheriff’s office and meets Sheriff Dillon. He asks about the disappearance of Angela. The sheriff isn’t convinced she’s gone. Her car went with her. He suggests that maybe she ran away to LA. Kids do that. They usually return within the week. He boasts that he stayed for a month. 

Ok, I can’t recap this with a straight (*wink*) face anymore. WHAT THE WHAT was happening here? There is SO much staring and awkwardness. I loved it but also wanted to hide under a rock. 

In any event, the sheriff admits that Angela’s friend has issues that usually keeps her at Swayze’s Bar 24/7. Before Dean can head out though, the sheriff tells Dean that he could go to LA and look for Angela. He could give showbiz a try himself. Cue camera zoom and, “You’ve got the look.” 

Dean    is    confused. 

That night Dean arrives at Swayze’s Bar. Dancing, drinking, and live music greet him. Also, a flirty waitress asks for his phone. This is a No Phones Allowed bar (guns are ok #AmericaYouAreTheWorst  -and what’s even worse? As an American, I didn’t think twice about this line until international fans vomited on Twitter. Sigh.) Dean, who’s currently on a case, just drops it in the basket. I guess he won’t be calling Sam if he needs anything. He asks about the friend, Sally. The waitress, Lorna, hasn’t seen her yet. She does slap Dean’s ass as she walks away though. Sigh. <Insert discourse on all the times Dean’s been sexually assaulted and harassed throughout the years.> He turns around to watch the waitress walk away when he notices the lead singer of the band. 

“Lee Webb.”

They’re old friends and ecstatic to see each other. Lee owns the bar. I wonder if they watched Swayze movies together in their youth?

Back at the bunker, things are snoozeville in Research Land. Eileen suggests they stop to do something fun. ooooOOOOOooooo. Sultry looks and awkward glances ensue. Sam takes her hand, she looks expectantly towards him, he leans forward, and...CAS INTERRUPTS! Bless the angel and his timing. Sam deserves it after 12 years of doing it to Cas and Dean. Cas and Eileen meet. Yay! 

*Classic SPN Dialog Alert*

Cas: I thought your were…

Eileen: Dead? Yeah, I got...better. 

Then Cas asks the important question in life: “Where’s Dean?” Lol, you two are divorced, remember? Anyway, Cas comes with ideas. He thinks that Sam and God are connected through their wound. 

At the bar, Dean tells Lee that John died 13 years ago. Damn, when you put it like that, it’s overwhelming to think about how much of their lives we’ve watched. Lee’s sorry to hear it. They toast to his memory. They talk about the last time they saw each other. (A cult thing in Arizona.) Lee did one more case and hung up his hunter spurs. Dean asks if he regrets walking away. Nope. 

At the bunker, Cas is going to probe Sam. Well, his wound really. Cas does his angel magic and that leads to Sam getting tossed against the wall. Ooops. 

Cas calls and leaves a message with Dean (on all his many, many phones it seems.) Cas growling directly into the phone is all kinds of wonderful. 

Dean’s busy reminiscing about orgies Lee and him had with triples. Yeah, they split triplets up “fair and square.” Um? <Insert lady doing complicated math gif here>

Cut to Sergei. Remember him? He sold Cas “archangel” grace back in the day. Cas needs his help. Cas goes all BAMF on him and we collectively swoon. Cas also makes another phone call. 

For Hand Porn Science:

At the bar, Dean tells Lee all about Ghost Sickness (ah, that very funny episode, until it wasn’t. Andrew Dabb’s first episode. Lilith makes an appearance.) Lee asks about his current case. Dean shows him a picture of Angela. Lorna sees it and is surprised Lee doesn’t recognize her. She’s in the bar all the time. WHERPS. Someone’s a lying liar. Anyway, the conversation moves on and Lee tells Dean he could have this life. (*crying Rocky’s Bar noise*) Dean wants to know who’ll kill the bad guys? “You deserve a break, bro.” Ok, fair. 

Lee then gets the band to play “Good Ol’ Boys” AND convinces Dean to join him on stage. Dean takes another shot and joins his friend. Dean’s on stage, but HE IS FREAKED OUT. Poor boy. He starts singing though. 

And he can sing?? Ok. I will accept. Because I have to. Why would he pretend to not be able to sing for all these years? I mean, I guess, why does Dean pretend to be something he’s not is the main question we have about this poor soul in general. 

A fight breaks out in the back - Blondie’s getting harassed. “Road house rules?” Dean asks, invoking our lord and savior, Swayze. Hell yeah. Dean and Lee make quick work of the bullies and Dean discovers that Blondie’s actually Sally Anderson, the best friend of the girl who disappeared. 

Cas lets Sergei into the bunker. Sergei is positively ENAMORED by the bunker and all the delightful treasures within. Cool your jets, man! “You’re here for a reason,” Cas growls. 

“Aren’t we all?” Sergei replies, and my eyebrows go WAY UP high in the air because that is some straight up authorial intent nonsense. They head in to the infirmary and Sergei uses a crystal to scan Sam like it’s a medical tricorder. Sam’s dying, according to Sergei. 

Sally spills the details, including the disappearance of the car. “You can’t rapture a car,” Lee protests. 

“It was a good car,” Sally tells him and I am definitely not now thinking about the Impala getting sucked up to her eternal rest in Heaven. Nope. Not thinking about that at all. 

Instead of Heaven, Lee suggests that the car may have gotten dumped in the lake. Lorna, who is probably a TRUE CRIME enthusiast, suggests the scrapyard, though. Dean marks that as his first stop. 

Sergei delivers some truth about Sam’s wound. It’s a soul-deep wound and connects his soul to something that wanders the world. When Castiel probed it, Sam’s soul was squeezed out of his body. Please be like me, and envision Sam’s soul as the toothpaste in a half used toothpaste tube squeezed by Castiel’s fist. If Sam’s soul wanders too far, he dies. Or, as in my analogy, the toothpaste tube of the soul explodes. Soul toothpaste everywhere!

In the junkyard, Dean discovers the victim’s car and more appallingly, her body hidden in the trunk. A gun is cocked behind him. It’s Lee! He knocks Dean out cold. 

Sergei smears a potion on Sam’s wound. Sam begins to thrash violently while Sergei chortles to Cas about deliberately hastening his death with his “cure.” Wherps. Shockingly, trusting the villain who cheerfully harmed Jack has backfired! Sam flashes on Chuck’s conversation with Amara - particularly on all the bits where they discuss Chuck’s current weakened state. While Sam flashes, Eileen drives Sergei into the wall and chokes off his airway. FANS SELF. 

Sergei demands the “Key to Death” in exchange for saving Sam’s life. It’s a key with a skeleton handle which can open the door to Death’s library. OKAY GUYS THIS IS NOT A DRILL I am very excited! First: a trip to the library! Second: it’s a SKELETON key, pardon me while I savor this pun with all I’m worth. Please, please can we visit Billie with a magic key? PLEASE????

Um. Anyway. Castiel isn’t taking any of Sergei’s bullshit. He pulls out his phone and shows a photo of Sergei’s niece, under surveillance by Bobby. At Castiel’s order, Bobby will kill her. This takes all the wind out of Sergei’s sails. 

Cut to Sergei chanting over Sam just before Sam wakes up, mostly intact. “We good?” Sergei asks. Sure! BFFs. 

Dean wakes up tied to a chair in a basement with an IV in his arm. “You awake, Buddy?” Lee asks, and isn’t that just an improper endearment to use at this time? Lee heads downstairs to deliver his villain monologue to Dean’s face. No sense in killing him while Dean was knocked out, right?!

Lee reveals that he had a very bad hunt that caused him to despair ever winning against the evil in the world. When he did his last hunt in this town, he found the monster who is now locked up in the cage in the bar’s basement. “As long as you feed it, it gives you money. It gives you health. It gives you anything you dreamed of.” Lee feels that the world owes him for his many monster kills from his younger days. The world isn’t divided into good or bad, nor does it care for anybody’s moral high ground. “But I do,” Dean says, and it’s like a rallying cry for our poor hot-dog-pantsed hero.

Lee releases the blood and it begins to travel up towards the monster’s cage. “Dean Winchester, the righter of wrongs. You’re gonna keep digging. You’re gonna figure me out.” Lee pats him on the shoulder one more time, bro-like, and heads up the stairs again. 

Dean sizes up the situation, rocks the chair and shatters it on the floor like he’s made out of granite, and pulls out the needle. It’s monster fightin’ time! 

Upstairs, Lee hears the commotion. It’s basically a lot of loud snarling and banging. Just a typical Friday night for Dean Winchester, amirite? Footsteps climb the stairs…and the monster’s head is thrown through the doorway.

They engage in a good ol’ fashioned shootout before confronting each other face-to-face. “I am you,” Lee tells Dean. But he’s a version that realized the world was broken and bought into it. 

“Then you fix it,” Dean insists. “You don’t walk away. You fight for it.” And, as it turns out, they fight for justice, I guess. They fight and Dean skewers Lee with a broken pool cue. 

“I’m glad it was you,” Lee says about his death which is twenty flavors of fucked up. Look, I know there’s all this meta about how this is Dean’s unrealistic fantasy and it shows him his true calling isn’t tending bar. That is all ABSOLUTELY accurate. But GUYS this also reads like another lesson from Chuck to poke Dean back into hunting and eventual fratricide again. Hot dog pants don’t kill people (EVEN THOUGH they straight up murdered fandom a few weeks ago). What parts of these episodes are meant to be Chuck and what are meant to be “free will”? I have no idea and I’ve never been more in love with this show!

!!!

Um. Anyway. 

Dean returns to the bunker. Castiel, just striding innocently through the war room, is ASSAULTED by Dean’s surprise presence. “Dean,” he says, so very softly. GAAAAAH. 

Dean asks after Sam. Castiel delivers the good news and can NOT maintain eye contact. WHEN WILL MY SUFFERING END? Castiel strides away and Dean follows him to check on Sam. 

Sam, bless this poor clueless bean, is ecstatic with his new knowledge from his near-death visions. He realizes he saw Chuck’s memories, and knows he is weak now. Sam’s ready to take the Team Free Will monster truck and just rollllll it right over Chuck. Easy peasy! 

________________________________

Gimme a Bro-Quote, Bro:

Duke? Like put up your dukes?!

I need a break and so do you. Why don’t we do something fun?

Livin’ the dream!

Can’t just keep lip syncing Eye of the Tiger while no one’s watching

You can’t rapture a car

Best friends don’t just leave without saying goodbye

I like this you, Castiel. It’s very…Russian

Good or bad. The world doesn’t care. No one cares, Dean.

________________________________

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 1 | Part.2 “GET YOUR BOTTLES OUT YOUR BONGS YOUR CRACK” - Adam

GET YOUR BOTTLES OUT YOUR BONGS YOUR CRACK WHATEVER YOU WANNA CELEBRATE WITH GORLS BECAUSE WE DID IT!!! I've offically conquered my biggest fear of playing in any of these games for the third time in a row, i will NOT be the first boot! I also am keeping my own lil personal record of never having to go to the first tribal council of the season which is wig, although idk lmao i kinda wanted to go to tribal just because im gonna be honest, i want to PLAY the game. Right now everyone is still kinda in that annoying honeymoon woohoo go team phase, which granted I do want us to keep up for the numbers, but ... im bored. im trying my best to keep up and be in the social circle but i swear actually talking to other people is probably one of the hardest things for me, especially the whole call culture thing like oh gorl i dont even like talking to my grandma on the phone, like im all for group calls but when people message me wanting to do 1 on 1 calls? uh.... my commitment issues jumped out. I hope that doesnt hinder me in the game because im really trying my best with what ive got to make friends and hope people just dont hate me and wanna vote me out, but i still feel like im not doing enough. Maybe im just being hard on myself, ive been having good convos with AJ, Augusto, and Amir, kinda Austin too, but then i feel bad I haven't connected as much with Connor or Kendall, but i do enjoy them on the tribe. My strategy now is gonna be to just work on my social game since we wont have to go to tribal, maybe tone down my dying urge to just wanna strategize, especially because my first time i played i spent too much time talking game and not enough getting to know the people and it ultimately cost me in the end. But i'm also concerned no one is talking game with me really but amir and aj so like.... i literally STILL have no idea how half these people feel about each other from a game perspective, which is okay i guess ,ill be patient, keep my fake smile on and haha hehe'ing with everyone, but just know i have my knife in my boot and im READY to whip it out whenever. But not tonight, we did good, so now i can focus my energy back on this DAMN TOMB. see yall at 2:29 am on the dot!

YAY. I get to enjoy my first day off EVER in tumblr survivor. im so so happy even though i definitely overdid it in this comp and got too much attention on me but... whew. just gotta wriggle my way back under the radar now

So, I’m actually not surprised that we lost. I had a gut feeling that we were going to lose just based off of everyone’s activity and performance in the challenge. First tribal always sucks because no one wants to be the first person voted out. Luckily, I don’t think it’ll be me just because I think I have solid connections with everyone. Devon and I had another call where he told me I was his number one ally in the game. Isaac also told me that he and Trace want to both work with me. And I’m also in the DADS-R-US alliance with Autumn/Duncan/Devon. I have connections with almost everyone on the tribe, so I hope that after this tribal we don’t lose another challenge cause then that’s where things are going to be tricky. For this vote, I think it would be best for Bodhi to leave. He gave the worst score for the challenge, not to mention I really haven’t communicated with him much. From conversations that I’ve had with Devon, Isaac, and Trace, they also seem like they are on board with Bodhi. Now the next part is just to convince Autumn and Duncan to vote out Bodhi too. If it’s unanimous, it’ll show that our tribe is more united going forward. I think that’s the easy vote going forward, mainly because I think I have solid connections with everyone else on the tribe so I would hate to ruin those connections going into a swap. I have the DADS-R-US Alliance with Autumn, Devon, & Duncan. I like all of them so I’m glad it’s a thing. I feel like I vibe with all of them and it really solidifies that there’s a majority within the tribe. I do feel bad that Isaac and Trace aren’t in it, just because they’re definitely down to earth people. I can see Trace being a threat long term, so I mainly feel bad that Isaac isn’t included. I like the DADS Alliance, the only concern I might have is that Autumn/Duncan seem to be close so that’s something I need to look out for. Devon says I’m his number 1, but I kind of get the vibe that he might betray me around mid-merge just because it seems like he’s trying to play a big UTR game. So that’s something else I want to think about in the back of my mind. Overall, I feel like everything else is self-explanatory. I feel like after the first night, people just kind of got quieter and quieter. I’m hoping that everyone will be on board with voting out Bodhi and that I don’t end up being #blindsided at the first tribal. Cause that would be awful.

Night number 3, ive done my research, studied up on my questions, i basically AM an egyptian now, only for me to get my ass back on the path to the tomb for the 3rd time, only to get all the questions right and see the pedestal is EMPTY. Meaning there's a few scenarios that couldve happened. Clearly I was too slow, and my honest hunch is someone found this damn thing night one, no one has said anything to me, and i feel like ive had decent conversations with the people i semi trust? My first instinct says it could be amir because me and him were both going non STOP on looking for that idol night 1 and then he never mentioned it to me again, which granted i didnt say shit to him when i found it so touche on that one, hopefully he has it and just doesnt want to tell anyone which i wouldnt mind, or aj could have it which i really would hope he doesnt and is lying to me about it because clearly that would be bad because itd make me think he wants to use it against me, but i dont think aj has it. Everyone else is a wildcard, I wouldnt be surprised a bit if connor or kendall have it, there's a reason to me why everyone could have it so im not gonna let it drive me crazy, clearly im just not in the know about it with whoever has got it and thats JUST fine and dandy.... I know how to play this game with or without idols in my possession, whoever has it might have a bit of a head start on me, but trust and believe it's only day 3 the shenanigans have just begun dahling. Now that just means I have to REALLY be on my A game, it'll be a bit of a tricky challenge navigating around the idol, especially in a tribe of 7, but much like everything else in my life, im gonna suck it up and make it work, so whoever you are that's got it, you better beware of me! Because now I know you got it! And if I got a lead that's all I need to cause some chaos, in fact I think im gonna go do that now, I wanna talk to everyone who might not have found the way to the tomb yet and let them know someone got it already, create some paranoia and maybe make sure the target isn't on my back but we'll see, like i said when i get bored i get creative

okay so i'm already really anxious KJLASDF. i really am mad at myself for getting the highest score in the challenge, that was so stupid. next challenge i somehow have to wriggle my way backwards, because being a winner with the highest score? what was i thinking that was suchhhh clownery ugh. well. i need to tone it down 100%

Deep down, I almost prefer losing the first competition for two reasons: 1. You can weed out the weakest member of your tribe (almost like cutting the fat off the meat) 2. You are able to test tribe loyalty from the start. If you win a bunch of comps and go into a swap with numbers, that's great, but you will always be itching to actually play the game. Those without tested loyalty will have a hard time adjusting against those that have been forced to play already. In terms of the vote, it sounds like everyone wants to take it easy and vote out Bodhi. That is fine, but I'm not thrilled about it. I feel like Isaac would have made a better first boot considering his messages are somewhat dry and he has more connections across the current cast. However, it doesn't make sense to cause a rift right now. Pending an idol play, this should be a remotely easy round for the tribe. -Slithers-

cast assessment: the brawn tribe is losers. who the fuck wins a challenge lol. fucking losers.

but i like ali and im excited to play with jordan pines. the beauty tribe is FULL of former allies of mine. Augusto, Connor, Amir, AJ, and whoever else? they're all people i've worked with (maybe aside from aj i dont remember tbh). So far I'd say im alligned with everyone on my tribe to an extent. Isaac and I have a night one alliance, but I think I have to cut him this round... Fuck. I love Autumn and Duncan, and I like Devon and Scott. Trace I'm indifferent to, and I'd be happy to see him go, but idgaf if he stays. Right now im trying to find the idol with isaac, while im not telling isaac that he's gone if he doesn't find it and play it. Ideal scenario: isaac finds the idol and we idol out trace 6-1 ( i want to protect myself from being seen as helping isaac).

Bodhi is driving me insane. First he blows the challenge and now he's like gone on a mad dash to get into the Tomb, which is probably boobie trapped to hell btw. I'm just kinda over him being here like he pulls me aside Day One and tells me he wants to work with me and then I hear from Trace that not only is Bodhi writing my name down but thinks everyone else is going along with it. I hope Bodhi doesn't have the idol; but in the event he does I'm thinking about throwing a vote on someone else to make it a 5-1-1 as a contingency. Bodhi if you read this I'm sorry buddy that you might be a 2 time first boot but I can't help you and I don't think I really want to. I'm just praying I survive this round.

I have not been the best in explaining myself in these confessionals huh… but let’s do a recap for y’all <3

Day 1 went by super fast but the good thing about my social game is that I do make a good first impression on people and I think that ultimately helped me get my footing so far? Within the first hour or so of talking to Kendall, she suggested we become an alliance. At first I was taken aback like MA’AM you don’t know me like that… but I of course said yes because why deny an alliance yknow? I do like Kendall though, so it was nice that she quickly decided she wanted to join forces in the game. Connor and I reconnected from our time in Socotra and we were dropping hints of protecting one another in this game, which was nice. Amir and I clicked INSTANTLY like it was insane how well we meshed together yknow? I would consider him my #1 ally so far and I know for a fact the feeling is reciprocated but I do wanna keep an eye out for him because he’s gonna be incredibly dangerous in this game. Adam and I also clicked super quickly due to our love of skinny legendt herself Mariah Carey and we are basically the same person. Austin and I did talk for a bit over our love of similar stuff which was cute. I had the hardest time clicking with AJ. Overall, I had 2 solidified partnerships, 1 unknown partnership, and then a good vibe with mostly everyone else. Day 2 was big to say the least! Amir had let me know that he was the closest to me and Adam during the beginning of the day. He later mentioned Kendall once the alliance was made. So for me, Amir’s connections are me > Kendall > Adam > Connor > Austin/AJ. Adam had told me that I was one of his faves to talk to so yay for that. Austin had also told me that I and Kendall were his faves to talk to. So… here I am thinking that I am doing THAT in the game ngl and then Connor asks me “lowkey like we’re gonna work together right” which I already assumed but said ofc. He then told me Kendall wanted to make an alliance with us two, herself, and Amir. I am totally for this as my 3 close personal alliances basically combine into one alliance which is nice. That being said, the others were trying to think of a fake 5th member to add and it’s a little early to quickly add one person to it. We need more time to feel people out and whatnot, but it did seem interesting that Amir suggested Adam and Kendall suggested Austin given what both had told me way earlier in the day. I would prefer Adam personally as I do feel like currently, Kendall is the most connected and strongest socially in the game just based on my observations. I’d love to think I am a close second but I could be delusional, I tend to be. But yeah, I’m finally in a majority alliance which is cute. And that’s what you missed on Glee <3

When I tell you that I am SHOOK that I didn’t lose this challenge like… I was expecting to lose ngl so yay for that! Especially since I was one of the top scorers on this challenge… I just hope that excuses my flopping on whatever flash game we get gbhvcnxm but yeah, the thot tribe lost and Bodhi… did so bad like SIR. It is very safe to say he could leave and that makes me sad because I wanted to reunite with him and do some potential damage. I do hope he made an alliance pretty early because Bodhi is honestly a very nice person so yeah. This tribe got told they won the challenge and disappeared like all I hear is crickets nnnn which kinda sucks but oh well. The shitty thing about me as a player is that I sometimes need a lot of reassurance so I just want these people to hit me up first and see what’s up. We shall see what transpires luv xx

The biggest headache of the season (aside from me) is the idol system like I may only have half a brain cell but I’m exerting all its power on trying to find this thing. The clue said to look around and I’ve looked all over the blog and NOTHING like… I do not know what else I could do and it’s driving me absolutely mad luv xx (‘: not that advantages do me any good ever but I just wanna figure it out ;-;

i’m me finding the link to the tomb right after submitting that confessional is a MOOD. k so i put the link in and sent it to the hosts, they told me that “Unfortunately, you have not entered the Tomb” and after that, the picture I saw had disappeared. So now I’m thrown in for a loop (is that even the correct term? ghfdjsk) because I think that the link/pic is only there at certain times and the first person to find it gains access? It is my theory and i’m sticking to it ofc but now what do I do with this information? I think I will sit on it until I gain access to the Tomb for the first time and then we shall see what happens.

God, I cannot believe we literally got our asses HANDED to us by the other tribes. I actually put a good amount of effort into this challenge so it was a bummer to see that not everybody could hold their weight. But actions have consequences so I guess it makes sense why we're here at tribal council. I really do like all of my tribe mates! There is not a single person on this tribe that I don't want to work with, which makes this whole thing very complicated. Right out of the gate, people were talking about voting Bodhi because of his HORRIBLE performance in the challenge. He came to me right away, calling himself an idiot and hoping I would pity him? I don't tbh, he fucked up and there is no fixing it. I am just kinda pissed because like I understand the concept of procrastination, but we literally had two days to do it and he submitted what, 5 things? Like get a fucking grip idk. So I want him out. It's not a fixable problem for him. I trust Isaac quite a bit. He is def my closest ally at this point. I also really like Scott, even though he fucking ruined me in Maluku. Duncan would be my 3rd. I proposed to them to create a group, and we did. I am hoping that this 4 will help me survive at least a few more pre-swap tribals, but I also feel relatively close to Autumn and Devon too, so really it could swing any way that we want to if Isaac and I are in trouble. Bodhi claims that 6 people are voting for Isaac. I could be that oblivious, but I think that Bodhi is going to get blindsided tonight, which is awkward because how could he not see it coming? Idk, the kid has got some blind ambition lmao. Let us just hope that Isaac and I survive tonight's tribal and then can really this misfit tribe to win a goddamn challenge.

So after my last confessional, the DADS alliance got on call and lowkey there was actual contemplation on whether or not we should vote out Isaac instead of Bodhi? This video below describes me in that moment

So I'm trying to subtlety tell the DADs that I think Bodhi should go over Trace and Autumns the only one that agrees with me on this. Duncan and Devon are like "no we should keep him and get rid of Isaac" and I really didn't want to do that but at the same time didn't want to seem like a dictator. So I told them I'd vote out Isaac if they felt comfortable with that. We couldn't really agree so we decide to sleep on it and reconvene tomorrow. 

Tomorrow comes around and Devon tells me he still wants Isaac out over Bodhi. I'm like "bruh seriously?" so I try to tell him my reasons for wanting Bodhi out but also tell him if he/the group want to do Isaac then I'm down for that. So we wait for Autumn and Duncan and when I get on the call they're telling me they're leaning towards Bodhi which has me happy cause it was what I wanted to do to begin with and I didn't need to make my arguments. We love having great minds that think alike. The big takeaway from this is that Devon is definitely lowkey shady since he was all about Isaac leaving before the call and then suddenly had a change of heart. Anyways, I reach out to Trace and I'm like "oh we're good with Bodhi right? and he purposes an alliance of the two of us, Isaac, and Duncan. Which has me thinking, this could work. I can have Trace and Isaac think they're in the majority alliance to ensure none of them play an idol if we lose. OR, maybe I could use them to get Devon out? So I tell Duncan that Trace wants to have an alliance with us and Isaac and he's all for it. We like being the Kim Spradlin of the season. But then things get shady because Trace tells Duncan and Isaac that I MYSELF purposed the alliance which is not the case. So now I'm on edge with Trace because he wants to build me up as the threat. So if we do lose, I also wouldn't mind voting out Trace and explaining to Isaac that Trace was spreading lies about me which I didn't feel comfortable with so that the alliance of Duncan/Isaac/I could vote out Devon should we continue a losing streak? The only thing I do know is that Bodhi is leaving tonight. Bodhi, if you're reading this I'm sorry for voting you out. You're a cool dude, and I feel bad for not talking to you much until you left. Also I'm sorry for not talking to you about the vote at all today, I feel bad lying plus I was lowkey busy with school work that I procrastinated and finals prep. The only thing I need to do now is figure out how the hell i get into the tomb?

okay so i'm not actually going to tribal but gotta make it all about me and do a round wrap-up? i'm already feeling like this might be my last game i forgot the stress of games. the main thing in this game is that i really like jake? he is SO much fun and i manifested from preseason that i would like him and it happened (i haven't told him i figured out he was cast preseason that feels like it would be too creepy), but i'm just happy i manifested him as a really fun ally and it came true!! i really like him and jordan. also my tribe is scaring me i feel like they want me out and me having an idol does not help with my neurotic panic nnn. for guessing who is gonna go home, i really hope autumn and isaac are safe, duncan too!! i kinda assume it'll be bodhi or devon just because they didn't do too hot in the challenge but we will see for sure

https://youtu.be/LPplZtIK9KM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7EpyCcQVcM&feature=youtu.be

[cheswirls]

a quick sum-up of che’s future career plans, bc reasons

im halfway through the dive!! anime show that came out this summer season, and i’m having a lot of thoughts, and plus i finished going through all the footage i missed today of skate america while i was at a bball game, and it’s made me realize different things i guess? 

it might be mid-long length so its going under a cut, but to gain intereststart off, this is all about my desire to be an athletic trainer for the usa olympic center at colorado springs, co !

ive been an at(now when you see that abb. you know what it means hah!! not assistant teacher hmm) student since my freshman year of high school, and i’ve loved it a whole bunch. back then i was set on going to columbia U for their writing program, and i wanted to major in graphic design afterwards/during/it wasnt super planned out i was a fr. i didnt know what bfa or mfa stood for yet. it wasnt until end of sophomore year than i thought about being an at for realsies.

but i also still loved gd. so there was a confliction there.

junior year i took a break from working volleyball in the fall and did my one and only year of football and it was terrible primarily bc the team i worked with didnt know how to function as a group and half the group were selfless bitch whores but like thats another storyyy, secondly bc i jus really discovered i didnt care abt football at all. it was mostly for the experience and i gained it and i liked it bc i hung out w a lot of people from helping out w varsity (i was one of two our of the five juniors that had been there since my fr year and was only on jv bc it was my first year w football, but one of the seniors had to work a bunch so when they needed an extra person i was the one w the most experience so i was w them a lot,) point was it was fun!!! and you have fun w ppl you like that you dont work w all the time and i shouldnt say fun bc lots of times it was awful,

basically! it was fun being w the varsity trainers which were the seniors and the other junior that had been around since fr year. volleyball was fun but it had always been a one-at-student-per-team sport , so it was different jus being w other ats that shared the same team and not the same sport(which in the us is made up of at least three different teams, a fr,jv,and varsity). it was a more open environment and so it inspired a lot of talk with the at grad students we had that semester (we got 3-4 every semester in a partnership w the D1 uni in town, it was always cool to hear stories from them!) and anyway i remember talking w a couple of the grads one practice and we were discussing all the different occupations athletic trainers could have, and what they wanted to work with in the future, and the topic veered towards professional sports and the olympics.

i thought it was really cool when we were talking about it, and then we got busy and it flew out of my mind. i dont remember when it came back and became a focus, but sometime before my senior year, i had decided i wanted to work at the olympic level.

real quick i mentioned gd and the struggle, so to bring that into focus, my junior year i took a whole bunch of different tech classes (gd&i, compsci, webtech) and in one of those, i had the opportunity to go to a ... i cant remember what the term was for it, but it was kinda an event for gd students and it had a little competition and stuff, and it was really fun! nd you got a lot of info abt the community college hosting it and i learned their program was really good, so the gd versus at internal struggle continued, and i remember talking to my sponsor teacher (she actually taught all three of my tech classes that year aaa i loved her) about how i didnt know what to do and shit and i dunno what she told me but like, i think she was trying to be encouraging but she basically said it was up to me, like she didnt try and nod me into a direction, that i can recall.

so SOMEHOW bc i honestly cannot remember, by senior year i’ve decided that im gonna jus fuck it and pick BOTH and double major in gd and athletic training. AND i had it all planned out, where i was gonna get a degree in gd and open up an online business, and then go into a masters program for at and then enter into the olympic field. 

by this point creative writing is still cool and a great hobby but i couldnt possibly double major AND have a minor that’d be too much. id still love to take a cw course tho one day.

basically a buncha crazy stuff happened that first semester but by winter break i had an acceptance letter to a uni a couple hours north of home with a good accredited undergrad program (accredited basically means you graduate w a masters in four years so its fasttracked which woulda been great but uh..) and by the time i found out that next semester that they were doing away with the accredited program i was already too emotionally invested to consider panic-switching(panic bc it was february and id already been admitted hah...) but i decided it’d be okay. basically if you dont remember/werent around one of my school’s head ats died in a car crash died around early october ‘16. she went to undergrad where i go now, and i’d talked to her about it september that semester wondering if she knew anything abt their program and uh surprise, she’d done the same program small world. after the funeral in november and a ton of thought i applied there. (november was.. crazy in general last year. rly crazy)

may was when i started adding on sports to the future olympics job, bc i started thinking about it and after finally getting a friend to watch yuri on ice, he started making his was through all of sochi’s figure skating stuff, and then the 2010 vancouver olympics, and i decided i wanted to recap a bit on that too.

the 2010 olympics was really my first experience with figure skating. i’m a west texas gal and so theres not a lot out here to get exposed to, so seeing these best-of-the-best class sports was fun, and the earliest experience i can remember of such. i was in fifth grade so i dont remember a ton, but i do remember being captivated by korea’s yuna kim, who won gold that year in fs. shes an fs legend at this point, so if you’re into figure skating and don’t know who she is, go look her up. you wont be disappointed.

in 2012 was the london olympics. i remember a lot from it, like watching the opening ceremony with my parents and seeing the queen jump out of a helicoptor(which is like,, still cool to this day wow) and being fascinated my michael phelps and all the swimming he did so grandly. it was also my first real exposure to diving. the oldest i could recall anything abt the sport was at a pizza hut somewhere.. in town i think, and i was w my best friend at the time and my mom was there so i think maybe we were on the way back from the lake??? sounds right, i think. and we were talking abt how i always held my nose when i went underwater bc i didnt know how to not get water all up my nostrils and be underwter(and i still dont to this day aha) and she mentioned like, joining a diving team would be cool! would help me get over it and all! and i like recalling it dunno what she was talking abt bc we lived in dirt city nothing so i highly doubt there was or is any sort of diving sport happening. swimming, yeah maybe, there were lessons at pools and bodyworks areas around town, competitive teams im not sure tho, but not diving like at all so??? dunno.

so my next and technically first real experience with it was watching the london olympics. and i thought, wow, this is so neat!! i watched from that one day like the opening events, and i think i was old enough to search online like yea i had a laptop by then so i looked up the schedule for the things i wanted to see most of, and i ended up watching i think most of the diving events (i missed a couple for.. archery, i think? maybe?) and absolutely loving it. iunno what it was, maybe something i never thought i could do?(bc not hold my nose?? while i dove???????? scaryy) but i enjoyed it a bunch.

i was older when sochi was a thing, my 8th grade year. i was able to appreciate things a lot more. when i tuned into events, tony hawk and snowboarding were the main focus, but figure skating was on a lot as well. i had a tv in my room by that point, so if i didnt like what was playing on the main tv, i could go watch another event. i learned a lot of names and faces through that, and so while my bff was watching it our senior year if i was with him id point out skaters and their nationalities and stuff, like yuzuru hanyus always been a modern day household name w figure skating, but i leanred abt him BECAUSE of the sochi olympics, and he was one of the ones i’ve never forgotten. i really really liked it, so much that i watched worlds after, and around the same time my fr year, i tuned in to just the worlds championship again. i didn’t pick up trying to watch grand prix(which is their regular season, for those unaware) season until my junior year, and most of it was day-or-two-late videos from youtube, since the ice channel i think it a paid-for thing (i still dont know much abt it hah) and nothing was on tv otherwise, aside from the skate america event. but since that first time after sochi, ive always been around watching worlds fs near the beg of each year. i’d familiarized myself by senior year with the fs world, and actually,

early (i think march?) of my junior year, i searched up trying to find a figure skating anime at the time. and what did i find?? ginban, the only figure skating anime at the time. i watched like maybe all of one episode, it was abt a girl who shared her body w the ghost of a former figure skater while she was competing in events, and it was.. okay? lackluster, in the animation dept, but it was a 2005 show so.. yeah.

so after that i was like kk that wasnt good lets find another. and i didnt. not yet, anyway. instead, i found an announcement for violet evergarden’s animated adaptation, and yuri on ice, a realistic adaptation of the sport of figure skating. thats bolded bc its important. i found that shit abt yoi before it even had a promo poster, certainly before the pv came around that got everyone hyped up. i found it bc i was looking for figure skating in the first place. in fact, i think when the pv came out and got popular, i didnt even relate it to the upcoming fs anime i’d read about previously. it took me a bit to connect the dots. 

watching yuri on ice at the same time as the gp 2016 season was surreal, but really interesting. i got my bff into it before the second to last episode came out, and i only remember that bc he finally showed any interest when he found something on twitter abt it being gay (newsflash/// hes gay, and before yoi his fav show was no6 bc that was as close as it got. he still rly likes it, we both do, but his solid favc is now definitely yoi. representation matters and all) and was like well now i HAVE to watch it and i was all yes it ends soon so pls. and he watched it twice in a weekend, and thrice before the finale came out, and then a few more times after that, iunno how many times but certainly more thn i have(i went back after the .. maybe ep 10? w/e ending had the after party reveal that changed everything, so i went back to analyze everything before the next ep) and between the week of 11 and finale 12, he started watching the sochi fs competition, and then the 2010 after the show ended w ep 12. 

seeing this great fs show and getting a friend into the world of figure skating really renewed my love for it all. before the semester went out i went back and watched the reruns of the sochi fs stuff. and by may i’d decided i wanted to cosider that to be the sport i worked with.

with diving, it took a similar twist. in the form of the rio 16 olympics. i was all over that shit, i downloaded an nbc app on my phone so i could watch events live while i traveled with volleyball to a tournament in dallas and while i was at practice w them at home and generally jus away from the house and a tv. i planned that shit out had a schedule and everything for what i was watching live, and a lot of it was swimming, but a whoooole lot of live stuff was the diving. 

in the hotel room in dallas the tv would always be on to w/e olympics events were airing at the time, either track or diving tho, one or the other, or recaps. quite a few girls ended up in the room in the evening and we’d all do stuff and watch in passing at the same time, and it was suuuuuper fun. watching the chinese women perform flawlessly and walk away w all the gold was fun, but finding a good commentator to actually say such was a disheartening challenge( one of the most memorable moments w live commentary that year was hearing a woman say of one of the chinese ladies that she’d done better before, after they revealed her personal best score ever like rly cmon be unbiased and jus passionate abt the sport youre covering pls.

ive always been super fond of the diving scene. it may not be as much as fs, but honestly, i wish i grew up in an area w a diving team now, or wish i could try it out now, bc thats how much fun it seems. i still wanna go up to the big city like 30min away from uni and learn to ice skate in the civic center there, but hands down if i had to pick a sport to join tomorrow or die i’d pick diving. 

so also by may, and throughout the culmination of senior year, diving was the second sport on the olympic to-train-for list. you get a five-year contract w the olympics, now i think it’s usa as a whole and i think its by center so say, if i get a job in colorado springs i cant apply in another five years to chula vista or even like lake placid, but iunno for sure. the five-year thing is involved somehow bc i’ve heard it from a physical therapist and trainer-that-works-in-a-sports-med-clinic duo in one body named sarah, who’s been contracted out from the clinic by my high school since junior year also, bc she knows people who’ve worked w the olympics, and then another from church that worked w olympics that knows my family uh iunno how well but i know of him, i think he also works in the clinic as some sort of on-hand surgeon but a diff person than who sarah knew. so its five years somehow and then i’ll take my bfa in gd and open my online business and do that from a studio at home and look after my owl/cat pet combo.

since may, it had been ‘olympics, with either figure skating or diving’. and it stayed that for a long time. now, since a couple weeks ago, and this is again while gp season is happening for fs, its diving. i wanna work w the usa olympic diving team as their team athletic trainer, and i cant do it this summer bc i have to have completed two years of uni, instead of a certain standing, like be a junior, but so NEXT summer, before my senior year of uni, (i came in a sopho so 6 sem only ah) i’m applying for an internship at the center in colorado springs, and that’s the team i hope i work with. 

now i tell people, diving, but if i get offered figure skating, i’ll take it, but diving is the goal now. if i love it and wanna continue professionally, great, i can do that and have an online gd shop. and if i decide i want something different? i’ll work olympics and then join w a professional-level figure skating i actually dunno how it works. coach, and their skater in turn. coach, with multiple skaters under them. a culmination of diff usa skaters. w/e, something in the professional fs world.

and thats uh, thats it! dive has been so much fun to watch, and i realize i talk a lot on here about working w basketball and being an at student in general and the vast majority have no idea what i mean, so hopefully this clarifies. thank you!!

[docboots]

(PotDA 11) The Professional Patient

   It has been a year since my upper teeth were ripped out. While some of the updates to my life are good, there are plenty more issues that rise up. Specifically in how much I feel I need to do before and while I continue to try and get my teeth removed. Though, at this point, it is bringing myself to actually make the appointment. The machismo from the adrenaline has worn off, and I find myself terrified of another go. While the pain was not spread over a weak like the torment I am used to, the agony of the removal of my teeth sticks with me. While I can take comfort in it as inspiration for horror plots and ponderings that hopefully will become the horror stories to define my legacy one day, but the terror of another go holds me back. Like it did in writing this.  

   I suppose, at this point, you could clearly call my focus on the health care system a bit of an obsession. Though, I personally do not know how I should otherwise approach a situation as I have experienced. The years go by, and still, I have more to write and ramble about. Still, I have more that makes my mind throb with conflicting emotions of manic outrage and debilitating depression. All the while the buzz of anxiety add to the haze, while the ADHD warps me completely. Fuels the fire of the rest by being the name for a peculiarity in my mind I had since I was born, I’d imagine, as I was diagnosed with it at the age of 5. However, I’ll get to the bumblefuck that was my ADHD treatment (or lack thereof for the past decade) in the next ramble. This one is to bridge the gap I mentioned in the last one.

   As a brief recap, on March 23, 2018, I went in to have all of my teeth removed. This was required as a lifetime of one of my disease’s flare-ups mixed with a decade (around 16-20 to a week ago. More on that later.) of the issues of suddenly taken off medicine for your ADHD and forced to stay off it no matter how many damn doctors/shrinks/pill-shrinks you see explaining your symptoms causing the stress to increase and the flare-ups to become more frequent. The constant vomiting exacerbated an issue a sugary diet may have caused and utterly demolished my teeth little by little. However, thanks to complications from how infected these teeth had become (having been unable to do anything due to co-pay costs, then not having insurance, then Medicaid being a headache to find anyone to be able to get it fixed) which lead to a few hours of pulling, waiting, pulling, blah blah… I was referred to an oral surgeon.

   Which is where the Health Insurance Shenanigans begins. I am quite familiar with these shenanigans, as they have been happening since I started. You see, the many different Nevada Medicaid healthcare providers who have insured me will have a list of the different doctors that will take your insurance. It sometimes might even claim to be able to tell you if they accept patients. This would be highly convenient if it did as it said. Instead, whenever I wanted to find a doctor, I would have to go down the list and call them one at a time. The moment Medicaid is mentioned, their tone sours ever so slightly. They tell you that, regardless of what the list on my provider’s own list says, they do not take Medicaid. The other constant was that if they DID, they were full on patients. If the did and they had openings, it is months down the line. When you need to find multiple specialists to deal with multiple issues caused by the same illness, this gets highly agitating. Frustrating as the ones I believed I could complain to like to assure me they understand it as. Why I do not believe them is they also seem surprised at how FUCKING PISSED OFF fucking up my health makes me.

   Remember these shenanigans, I will be bringing them up often.

   On March 6th, 2018 I received a letter from the allergist, who had been (poorly) helping me with my HAE care, that my care with them has suddenly been terminated. Now, I had only a few months prior FINALLY received from this doctor a pair of highly useful medications. In between the belittling, lecturing, and talking down to I got more than treatment, I finally was prescribed HAEGARDA and FIRAZYR. The first being a medication I WAS taking twice a week. It was rather painful for 15 minutes upon injection, but that cleared up quickly. The other was to be used in the event of swelling, injected like an Epipen (WHICH IT GOD DAMN ISN’T) might be at the moment of attack. With these two medicines, I had been comfortable enough to make my appointment with the dentist in the first place, which after a few appointments before I received the letter had been set for March 23rd.

   Suddenly I received that letter, which was soon followed by the provider of the two medicines telling me my YEAR LONG PRESCRIPTIONS with them had suddenly been pulled. Something they were confused about, MUCH LIKE IS WAS. Upon calling my allergist’s office, I learned that the reason had been APPARENTLY I wasn’t taking it. Which is confusing, as I had been, and had only missed the one appointment before the letter thanks to the INFECTION IN MY GUMS I NEEDED REMOVED along with all the other damn issues I was having and trying to mix making me have troubles sleeping and making an early morning appointment. Something that I apparently need to suck up.

   This reasoning SHOULD have been easily refuted by the constant deliveries of the medicine TO MY DOOR. The nurse that had come and taught me to use these medicines, THEIR APPROVAL THAT I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING. As well me having sharps container with plenty of the injection needles I used. They did not wish for any of this, and after angry demands given I HAD A SURGERY APPOINTMENT for my teeth which has a DAMN HISTORY of causing swelling of the throat. So they extended it for 30 days, a bridge period, after constant calls that now just sit in my head like an angry flurry. Mixing them up, but the point is I had to FIGHT to make sure I  had enough of the medicine for my blood disease so I could go through the dental procedure with the lost chance of a POSSIBLY FATAL flare-up. Fun.

   So, once I was healed up after the dental appointment so I could start calling and get the bottoms removed… The Healthcare Shuffle appeared! This is when  I tried to call the Oral Surgeon I was referred to, they said they never received it. I call the Dentist who sent it and they said they sent it to my insurance. I call my insurance and they first said they haven’t received it. Later say they do and sent it but the Oral Surgeon never got it. WHILE all this was happening, a far more problematic issue arose. Keep in mind, this is all happening as I am still getting over the fact I now have these annoying dentures that I am STILL angry over.

   The medicine ran out. So, of course, I had to find someone new to prescribe me it. This had the issue of me needing to FIND someone who would do this. The Primary Care Physician that I had was uncertain himself and kept telling me he knew nothing about the disease. After explaining, he referred me to a Hematologist and Allergist… IN VEGAS. (This is 8 hours away from me on a good day or requires an hour and a half plane trip for something I likely need to do multiple times. I live in a city, not a small town. That has MANY ALLERGISTS AND HEMATOLOGISTS.)

   Annoyed by this, and after Medicaid Shenanigans, I eventually got an Allergist and a Hematologist referral. Upon calling the Hematologist, they refused! I was highly confused, as they kept repeating that I should go to an allergist. They don’t treat allergies. Hereditary Angioedema is a blood disease. NOT an allergy. Apparently, nothing can be done and I have still yet to see a hematologist. Joy. The reason? Even though I explained extensively this was a genetic blood disease and the symptoms only could be COMPARED to an allergy to stress. IT DOES NOT REACT TO ALLERGY MEDS. An epipen makes the area I inject just swell up yet give me the energy for my skeleton to feel like it wants to run around the block without the rest of me.

So, not surprising, this caused a lot of issues with swelling. Inevitably, I had an episode involving my gastrointestinal system. This time, it was bad enough I couldn’t seem to use medical marijuana to cover the symptoms until I was well and had water in me. So one Ambulance ride later I am in a hospital bed… Oh, wait, no, I am at the front desk of the emergency room waiting for a bed for a bit. Until I puke enough to be a disturbance. However it still takes quite a while before I get the main thing I want and have been kept from thanks to my body violently puking it up. I wanted an IV with something to hydrate me. The drugs could wait untiul the doctor, but as time went by and it felt like an eternity, I kept being told by all the people checking on me that I had to wait for a doctor to get my damn liquid.

All the while my fiance and my father are both helping explain that this was, without any doubt, an attack from my blood disease. It was an hereditary angioedema attack, blah blah… My discharge papers (useful in tracking my disorder and proving problems.) instead say it is some ‘unspecified vomiting type’ instead of maybe ‘blood disease triggered vomiting’ or ‘HAE triggered vomiting’, ‘genetic disorder triggered vomiting’. Think you get the point, more something that proved the medical staff were actually listening to my concerns. Attempts to fix this so I had proof with disability was met with them saying once that is written down it is permanent.

Then, five months later, it happened again.

   Luckily, the Allergist I eventually found turned out to actually have heard and seen a couple others who had this disorder. He knew of medicines and, instead of feeling like I needed to teach my doctors… I was given hope! I was given a vial of Firazyr. He said it was extending an olive branch, and I feel this will be what I remember when I try to think of the emotions needed to write a scene similar. I have never felt hope like I have then. Hope that likes to come and go, but at least I have one doctor at-bat for me.

Until a couple of months ago as of March 20th, 2019, I FINALLY was put on a new medication. Tahkzyro which I take twice a month. HOWEVER, I am still getting push back when it comes to getting the Firazyr, which would help me with my anxiety over the next surgery to remove my bottoms. Which, now that I have Tahkzyro, I once more have to take on HealthCare shenanigans to try and figure out who gets the god damned honor of removing my teeth. As the ones I was referred to HAVE the damn referral… But they don’t take Medicaid. SEEMS THE INFECTION IN MY BOTTOM TEETH GETS TO STAY! Just get to keep draining that thing myself. GUESS WE ARE FRIENDS FOREVER, ME AND THIS INFECTED TOOTH! Though it is crumbling away like the rest. It is down to the gums now. Though, I would like the Firazyr so I can inject myself IMMEDIATELY upon noticing my throat swelling. Never been asphyxiated but something tells me it ISN’T ALL THE FUN AN END! Especially at twenty fucking eight. So you can see my troubles. That doctor is still great, and makes a good point, I just think I need to make myself a bit clearer.

The years feel like they become less and less about me finding my place in this world, healing, and learning but instead more and more about me working as quality control for a broken system with no desire to fix itself. With every passing event involving them, I feel less like a patient and more like the data point I clearly am. With articles full of professionals professionally talking about diseases and medicines without much mention or care for the patients. The ones who that was made for.

For patients like me to heal. Not for people to make money. That is a side-effect of the job they signed up for. To fucking CARE for your goddamn patients. Not be coerced into giving meds left and right (or taking them away as a debate on whether or not ADHD FUCKING EXISTS goes on) or whether you believe the name given to the collection of symptoms I show. My disorders are not Cryptids. I have blood tests, medical papers, and diagnoses. Not blurry pictures of my blood viewed through a slide where fragments of the disease are seen peeking over their shoulder as they rush into a forest of red blood cells.

My particular disorders that I had since birth (ADHD and HAE) were caused by my body’s INABILITY to produce something. So if someone who CAN produce it takes it (least in the sense of ADHD as I doubt anyone else will benefit from a c1-inhibitor. No more than insulin if they aren’t in need of it like a diabetic) then of COURSE something different will happen. Of course, they might get high. That is not my fault as the patient it was made for.

As the point I am trying to make is that I do not feel I have been treated as a patient, I feel I am given more paperwork and calls than a cubicle worker. I feel I have to study more about the laws and practices to keep myself from being further burned. In between the Madness. The Pain. The Suffering that ALL OF THIS has inflicted on me. In between the new disorders this has caused me, particularly my obsession.

All I can think of is how to fix this. How I keep seeing articles, posts, and websites full of cries for help at a broken system. Of people fucked over, lacking their medicine, and the only ones getting the fucking attention are the dipshits who thought that taking someone else’s necessity would be a good way to get high. A good way to ‘focus’. To ‘relax’. While you use that as a fucking excuse to let people like me suffer, and further excuse it by brushing us into a group of people who just ‘slipped through the cracks’.

This obsession has grown now. Especially from the subject of the next article, ADHD meds from the perspective of someone who was one them from the age of 5, had them taken somewhere between the ages of 16 and 20 (my memory is incredibly hazy in this period thanks to the damn medicine being taken away) and getting only mild relief from marijuana replenishing my Dopamine… But that isn’t all Marijuana does nor all ADHD needs. I FINALLY am being treated, though it is just beginning. Still need to find MY medicine. It only took a decade for them to admit they were screwing with me. The lengths of my rage, again, is the subject of the next article.

This one was about how this madness turned me into someone who believes his job is to be a Professional Patient. Being talked into long commutes, long waits waiting for a doctor who will drop you for being late when they are constantly 45 to an hour late. Constantly filling out paperwork and debating about the fact my problems EXIST. Being treated as too young to be suffering. To the point, I don’t know what else to do. When you are too fucked up to work, explained in an earlier article, too fucked around for college, and the only thing you can apparently do is smash your rage against a keyboard and hope spreading your story around for no one to read will get something done.

If not? Then no matter what happens. If I die from malpractice or my disease, if I am killed, if I am silenced. My words on how this bullshit has made me feel will be, hopefully, somewhere.

The internet is notorious for being difficult to clean thoroughly, after all. If you do a little light digital legwork with the intention of being annoying as all hell. Especially since I got denied for disability again. Next time, I have to go to federal court apparently. JOLLY GEE GOODIE.

[writingguide003-blog]

#MeToo revelations and loud, angry men: the feminism flashpoint of Sydney writers festival

New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/metoo-revelations-and-loud-angry-men-the-feminism-flashpoint-of-sydney-writers-festival/

#MeToo revelations and loud, angry men: the feminism flashpoint of Sydney writers festival

For anyone who thought the movement had lost momentum, the last few days have proved otherwise

Hours before the cornerstone Sydney writers festival panel about the #MeToo movement on Saturday night, the Pulitzer-prize winning author Junot Diaz with events still booked in Sydney and in Melbourne was on a plane out of Australia.

The day before, another festival guest, writer Zinzi Clemmons, had spoken from the audience during the Q&A of one of Diazs panels, questioning the timing of his recent New Yorker essay and asking the writer to reckon with his own alleged history of harm.

She then shared her story on Twitter, claiming he had cornered and forcibly kissed her when she was 26.

Clemmons was joined on Twitter by other women including another festival speaker Carmon Maria Machado who made their own accusations of his alleged misconduct. Diaz withdrew from his remaining appearances, and told the New York Times (without referring to the allegations specifically): I take responsibility for my past.

As the story unfolded on Twitter, the green rooms no journalists policy was enforced with more vigour. Understandable. For anyone who thought the #MeToo movement had lost momentum, the last few days proved otherwise.

Lets recap, moderator and former Crikey editor Sophie Black told the audience, before a panel that would be interjected by a protester, a whistle-blower, and one of Australias best known feminists. Weve got a lot to talk about.

On Friday, for instance, the Nobel prize for literature was cancelled amid a sexual assault scandal. The day before that, a Washington Post investigation told of 27 more women who had allegations of sexual harassment against talk show host Charlie Rose.

One of the journalists behind that investigation, Irin Carmon, was on the panel, along with Now Australias spearhead and spokesperson Tracey Spicer and the New York Times Jenna Wortham. Carmon had been working on the Rose story since 2010, but it was only when the #MeToo movement gathered steam that she was able to get it off the ground.

Tracey Spicer, Irin Carmon, Jenna Wortham and Sophie Black during a panel discussion. Photograph: Jamie Williams

[In 2010] the women werent ready to speak out, and I had to move on, she explained. But when people started to tell their own stories on their own terms, I thought, Maybe its time to go back to the story, maybe they are now feeling its safe enough.

The movement has made it easier, she said, but its still not easy.

Carmon talked about the burden of proof needed to publish a story alleging sexual crimes, and the emotional exhaustion it took for a victim to speak out. The Rose story, she said, had taken over her life. This is not just happening willy-nilly; people are not just doing it for fun. Having been up close in the machine and the aftermath, it is not fun. It is not glamorous just because a few people went to the Oscars.

Later, she said: I wish people knew that what reporters publish is just the tip of the iceberg of what we know, because it has to meet such a high standard. One of Harvey Weinsteins accusers, for instance, had a recording of her harassment and still wasnt believed … So many people dont have that kind of evidence.

Spicer agreed. Since her public call-out for #MeToo stories on Twitter in October, she said 1600 people had contacted her with allegations about 100 different Australian men.

Ive got beyond a dozen accusations against many of the alleged offenders [who we havent yet exposed], she said. And even with that, you have to almost act like youre part of the police force. Is there any clothing with DNA on it? Are there any diaries? Did you tell anyone at the time, a family member or a friend? Its incredibly difficult in this country.

So whenever you read these stories or see them on television, you know that they have been robustly researched.

Australias restrictive defamation laws work against the whistle-blowers, as do varied pressures inside newsrooms, which have been hampering investigations at home. Spicer has spent the past six months connecting the strongest of the stories with news outlets around the country but her efforts, she revealed, havent always been welcome.

This is a conversation thats not going to be very popular in this room, but its something Ive been wanting to say publicly for a long time. When we started doing these stories in this country … we had the support of Fairfax and the ABC, and they were tremendous, she said.

But recently, in the last two months, Ive seen mainstream what we would call old media organisations starting to pull away from some of these stories … Not only is it costly, not only is it difficult because of defamation, but its getting a little bit too close to our executives. And that is a true story.

For that reason, she has been taking stories to a broader array of outlets, including Guardian Australia, the Financial Review and News Corp. If you want to keep reading and hearing about these stories, contact the media outlets in Australia and tell them, she said.

At least one of the people who had told their story to Spicer was in the room; she found her way to a microphone during the audience Q&A. I came to Tracey with my story last year and she followed up with me. She said, Youre not the only victim of this man but we just cant get the story up …

You shouldnt have to be sitting on a stage, putting out a call, asking audience members to give you the resources to bring these man to justice, she continued. I have seen you done so much more than what your job description has asked you, and honestly, the responsibility lies with the media organisations.

Following the Diaz allegations, the panel also discussed so-called trial by Twitter: women making allegations against men on social media or blogs, sidestepping journalism and the justice system.

I dont agree with people naming people on social media, Spicer said, but I understand why people are [doing it]. They feel a frustration with the gatekeepers.

It was even more difficult for women who didnt fit the mould of the victims whose stories have so far been prioritised: white, privileged, straight and famous women. I dont think were dealing or talking about it at all the way we should be, in terms of non-white, hetero normative, straight [victims], said Wortham, who co-hosts the Still Processing podcast on race and pop culture.

Wortham also spoke about the toxicity of open secrets, referencing the shitty media men list which privately circulated New York late last year before it was exposed.

The shared document named men whose allegedly inappropriate and harmful behaviour had, in some cases, been known by many.

I had gone to drinks with those people, I had been alone with them, Wortham said. I was a young 25-year-old who didnt know any better, and Id been in situations that could have potentially been very difficult. And because they were open secrets, the onus was on me to know that that was a dangerous situation.

But she hadnt been tapped into the whisper network. Either I wasnt successful enough or I wasnt interacting with the people who were privileged enough to have that information and pass it along to me. I wasnt in the right place on the hierarchy of knowledge …

Weve developed these coping mechanisms to deal with these societal problems that are really insufficient, and put the [onus] on us.

The panels penultimate moment was a welcome surprise: notable Australian feminist and writer Eva Cox stood at a microphone with a question for the panellists.

Its not How do we stop that man from doing that to us?, but How do we stop men feeling like theyre entitled to?, she said.

We have to start looking at what we are doing to little boys to make them feel entitled. We need to sit down and start addressing the social problem, because we are still the second sex. And unfortunately, a lot of what were doing to fight this … is using a male-driven system to try to screw a male-driven system. It doesnt work.

As the applause died down in the audience, a lone voice could be heard from the front: a man who had been barred from the microphone during the Q&A was standing in front of the stage and screaming aggressively at the strong, accomplished women who sat in front of him.

HOW MANY INNOCENT MEN WILL GET TAKEN DOWN? he yelled, as he was escorted out. GEOFFREY RUSH IS AN AUSTRALIAN ICON!

The four panellists had spent the last 60 minutes illustrating why this movement wasnt going away. It took just one man, in one second, to succinctly prove their point.

An earlier version of this article implied journalists were removed from the green room following the Junot Diaz allegations. According to the festival, the green room was intended as a journalist-free space

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

[mariemary1]

How Two Brands Generate Hundreds of Thousands in Revenue on Social Media, Big News from Twitter, New LinkedIn Ad Formats, and More!

Looking to catch up on the latest social media news, but short on time? We have you covered! This week (episode #113) we’re chatting about all of this and more:

How two brands are using social media, particularly Instagram and Instagram Stories, to generate hundreds of thousands of dollars in revenue and why it may not be as difficult as you think.

Instagram is testing a brand new stand-alone shopping app that could put them in the same conversation as massive ecommerce platforms like Shopify, WooCommerce, and Magento.

LinkedIn launches a powerful ad format for businesses called Dynamic Ads. We’re breaking down exactly what they are and what they can do for your business.

Big news on the Twitter front. They are releasing a feature that will allows users to switch between a chronological and algorithmic timeline. We’ve got all of the information you need to know.

Join 18,000+ weekly listeners for the Buffer podcast, The Science of Social Media, where we bring you the latest and greatest in social media marketing news, updates, stories, insights, and actionable takeaways.

Let’s dive in!

How two brands generate hundreds of thousands in revenue on social media, big news from Twitter, new LinkedIn ad formats, and more [complete podcast transcript]

What follows is a lightly edited transcript of the conversation between Hailley Griffis and Brian Peters.

Part I: How two brands generate hundreds of thousands in revenue on social media

Part II: Instagram working on a brand new standalone shopping app

Part III: LinkedIn launches powerful new Dynamic Ads format

Part IV: Twitter allowing users to switch to a chronological timeline

Brian: Hi everyone! I’m Brian Peters and this is The Science of Social Media, a podcast by Buffer. Your weekly sandbox for social media stories, insights, experimentation, and learning.

Hailley: Welcome to episode #113, I’m Hailley Griffis and this week we’re bringing you the latest and greatest in the world of social media and and marketing, starting with a couple of case studies on how two companies used social media to generate hundreds of thousands of dollars in sales, plus some big news from Twitter.

Brian: We’ll also be diving into exciting new LinkedIn ad formats as well as Instagram’s brand new shopping app. Tons to talk about, thanks for joining us from wherever you’re tuning in – let’s kick off the show!

Part I: How two brands generate hundreds of thousands in revenue on social media

Hailley: It was a cold January morning in Berlin, Germany, and Jonathan Courtney was feeling a bit stuck.

Nearly six years had passed since he founded design agency, AJ&Smart. And though the business had been a huge success — winning multiple awards and a roster of big-name clients — Jonathan felt there was much more to come for his agency and team.

“But what?” he wondered to himself. “How can we take AJ&Smart to the next level?”

Brian: Jonathan decided to make a bold move.

He wanted to share everything that happened at AJ&Smart on social media platforms like Instagram, Facebook and YouTube, giving followers behind-the-scenes access to the agency.

Now, 18-months later — and despite the initial pushback from advisors — AJ&Smart has generated in excess 2 million in revenue from clients who first discovered the agency on social media.

Hailley: “We all had what I guess you call ‘real jobs’,” Jay Perkins told us.

Back in 2013, Jay worked at Bigcommerce, an e-commerce software provider where he learned about what it takes to have a successful online business.

But Jay could only hold back his entrepreneurial ambitions for so long.

Brian: After kicking around business ideas for a year-or-so, Jay and his two business partners decided to take the plunge and launch an online store of their own.

Fast-forward to 2018 and Kettlebell Kings is a leading kettlebell equipment supplier based in Austin, Texas, generating mid seven-figures per year in revenue — with much of its new business coming directly from leads generated on Instagram.

Hailley: So what do AJ&Smart and Kettlebell kings have in common?

They both use social media to drive consistent brand awareness, leads, and eventually sales. Hundreds of thousands in sales.

Brian: Lets start with Kettlebell Kings.

Today, Kettlebell Kinds get around 400-600 leads per week from social media, with half coming from Instagram.

Jay Perkins explained to us that most of their biggest deals and business development relationships have come through Instagram — they have even signed deals with national gym chains from leads generated on the platform.

Hailley: Getting to this point is a lot more attainable than you might think.

First, Jay and his team are ‘very strict on the posts that go into their feeds’

The first step to a successful Instagram marketing strategy is creating content for your Instagram feed that your audience wants to see and engage with.

Brian: In the Instagram feed, Kettlebell Kings focuses on sharing educational content and workout examples — this strategy has helped it to amass an audience of over 79,000 followers.

It also reposts images and videos from customers and this user-generated content angle has lead to the hashtag #kettlebellkings being used more than 20,000 times on Instagram

Hailley: Next, Kettlebell Kings features and reposts 10-12 customers who tag us on a daily basis through stories.

It’s a win-win because being reposted by the Kettlebell Kings account is highly engaging and rewarding for those featured and it also encourages more and more customers to share their content on Instagram. And it provides their team with an unlimited stream of great content.

Brian: Cool so quick recap, Kettlebell Kings focuses on creating consistently quality and engaging content for both the Insta feed and for Stories.

But that’s not all… In order to capitalize on all of the views, they’ll include CTAs to “swipe up” in some of their Stories.

Hailley: Once a viewer swipes up, they will be taken to a landing page or an article where they can read more about a topic and enter their email address for more exclusive content.

These pages tend to convert visitors to email addresses at around 25-45 percent, depending on the traffic source. So 100 visits would generate between 25 and 45 new leads, on average.

Brian: Finally, once the visitor has shared their email address it will be entered into one of many email workflows Kettlebell Kings has designed to serve helpful email drip campaigns about kettlebell workouts and techniques from experts.

Jay explained to us that they have unique workflows depending on how someone has entered our system. All of their email workflows are about building value and trust with new leads.

Hailley: And that’s the key.

Kettlebell Kings purposely includes product photos in its emails but rarely sends offers or tries to make a sale. Instead, providing high quality content is the number one goal.

Brian: It’s amazing what can happen when you invest in great content.

Now AJ&Smart is another social success story. The AJ&Smart team was inspired by Gary Vaynerchuk’s mantra of ‘Document. Don’t create’.

Hailley: Once Jonathan and the AJ&Smart team had decided to embrace social media, they went all in. “We invested almost all of our profits in building our brand,” Jonathan told me.

And though his strategy was a little out there for a creative agency — most agencies keep their cards close to their chest — there was a strategic reason behind it.

Brian: “We’re in a commodity market,” Jonathan told us in an interview. “We could compete on price or just rely on the quality of our work. But he didn’t want to do that.

Jonathan wanted AJ&Smart to stand out alone in the field of design agencies. He wanted the business to have its own brand.

Hailley: So they decided to focus on making one channel really great. That channel is Instagram.

‘Instagram is their social media hub’. As Jonathan explained to us, it’s a super low friction way to create content and a great way to get started.

They use Stories mainly to provide an authentic look at what the agency is like day-to-day and tries to show as much of what’s happening in real-time as possible.

Brian: And guess what?

When the AJ&Smart team goes to visit a client, the client already knows the whole journey and what the agency is all about.

And when it comes to their main Instagram feed, they post highly curated content that’s focused on design-related hashtags the agency wants to reach.

Hailley: Here’s the catch.

Jonathan openly admits that long-term social media success rarely happens overnight.

After a couple of months of investing heavily in social media marketing, AJ&Smart had only picked up a few hundred followers here and there. It took about eight-months in total before potential clients would contact the company saying they found it on Instagram, YouTube or any other social channels.

Brian: Jonathan told us, “If I hadn’t have been patient I’d have given up long before we started to see the benefits of social media. If you’re just focused on the numbers, you’re not going to succeed.”

By focusing on humanizing the AJ&Smart brand and by documenting instead of only creating, they were able to generate more than 2 million in revenue directly from social media.

Part II: Instagram working on a brand new standalone shopping app

Hailley: Just when we thought Instagram was all out of new features, sources from The Verge tell us that they are working on a new standalone app dedicated to shopping, The app — which may be called Instagram shopping or something similar — will let users browse collections of goods from merchants that they follow and purchase them directly within the app.

Brian: At this point, the potential Instagram shopping app is still very early on in the development stage and so there’s no timetable for release yet, but we do believe that Instagram is well positioned to make a major expansion into e-commerce.

More than 25 million businesses already have Instagram accounts, and 2 million of them are advertisers.

Hailley: Four in five Instagram users follow at least one business. Creating a standalone app would allow the company to provide a dedicated home for an increasingly popular activity on Instagram while also expanding opportunities for revenue.

Brian: And of course, in true Facebook fashion, they could introduce more tools for merchants who are building their businesses on Instagram, entering into the space with major e-commerce platforms like Shopify and WooCommerce.

Hailley: As always, we’ll keep you posted here on the Science of Social Media.

I don’t know, Brian, I find myself shopping on Instagram more and more.

Brian: Oh totally – me to. I was just thinking about that the other day. I think I shop more on my mobile phone now than I do on my desktop which is a huge shift for me.

Part III: LinkedIn launches powerful new Dynamic Ads format

Hailley: Alright, next up, LinkedIn has just launched a brand new ad type called Dynamic Ads. They’re actually really neat. According to LinkedIn, “Dynamic Ads help you build deeper relationships with your audience by automatically customizing your ad creative with the publicly available information from LinkedIn member profiles – adding visibility and scale.”

Brian: So essentially with Dynamic Ads you can personalize the ad creative to feature member profile details such as their photo, first name, company, and job title. LinkedIn says this will “capture your audience’s attention in a way that standard display ads can’t.”

Early results sound promising too as LinkedIn has shared that Dynamic Ads have shown up to 2X the click-through rate of traditional display ads.

Hailley: With Dynamic Ads, you just need to write your ad copy, set up the creative and then LinkedIn will automatically personalize your campaign for each person you target.

Dynamic ads are available in three different formats — Follower ads, Spotlight ads and Content ads — and can be used across your marketing funnel to connect with prospects at different stages of their journey.

Brian: If you’d like to read more about Dynamic Ads or get started with some experiments, head on over to the Buffer blog where we’ve got the inside scoop on everything you need to know.

Part IV: Twitter allowing users to switch to a chronological timeline

And last, but not least, and this one sort of went viral this week, is that Twitter will, yes you guessed it, soon allow you switch between a chronological feed and algorithm feed. Hailley: Now you will be able to uncheck a box in settings reading “Show the best tweets first,” which will completely revert your timeline to chronological.

Twitter said that they’ve learned that when showing the best Tweets first, people find Twitter more relevant and useful. However, they’ve also heard feedback from people who at times prefer to see the most recent Tweets.

Brian: Ultimately their goal with the timeline is to balance showing you the most recent Tweets with the best Tweets you’re likely to care about, but we don’t always get this balance right.

However, and Hailley we’ve talked about this before, is that I think this is one of those “be careful what you wish for situations” – I’m not sure if people realize just how useful and valuable the algorithm is.

Hailley: Thank you so much for tuning in to the Science of Social Media today.

If you ever want to get in touch with me or Brian, we’re always here for your on social media using the hashtag #bufferpodcast. You can also say hi to us anytime and hello@bufferapp.com

Brian: Yes we would absolutely love to hear from you all.

And a huge thank you from myself and Hailley – we just passed the 18,000 weekly listener milestone and could not be more excited. You all are the reason we do this every single week. So, keep up the awesome work.

Lots more to come in 2018 so stay tuned. Until next Monday, everyone!

How to say hello to us

We would all love to say hello to you on social media – especially Twitter!

Hailley on Twitter and Hailley’s Website

Brian on Twitter and Brian’s Website

Thanks for listening! Feel free to connect with our team at Buffer on Twitter, Buffer on Facebook, our Podcast homepage, or with the hashtag #bufferpodcast.

Enjoy the show? It’d mean the world to us if you’d be up for giving us a rating and review on iTunes!

—

About The Science of Social Media podcast

The Science of Social Media is your weekly sandbox for social media stories, insights, experimentation, and inspiration. Every Monday (and sometimes more) we share the most cutting-edge social media marketing tactics from brands and influencers in every industry. If you’re a social media team of one, business owner, marketer, or someone simply interested in social media marketing, you’re sure to find something useful in each and every episode.  It’s our hope that you’ll join our 18,000+ weekly iTunes listeners and rock your social media channels as a result!

The Science of Social Media is proudly made by the Buffer team. Feel free to get in touch with us for any thoughts, ideas, or feedback.

Thank How Two Brands Generate Hundreds of Thousands in Revenue on Social Media, Big News from Twitter, New LinkedIn Ad Formats, and More! for first publishing this post.

[samanthasroberts]

Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?

I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.

When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.

Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?

Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.

Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.

Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.

Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.

Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.

Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.

Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,

Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.

Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.

Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.

JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.

JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.

JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.

JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.

Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.

Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?

Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.

Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.

Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.

Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??

Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.

Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah

Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!

*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!

Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?

Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.

Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.

Whitney: Meh whatevs

Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.

Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.

Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?

Classic Shmosby.

Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.

Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.

Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.

These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.

Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.

I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.

The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.

Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.

Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.

Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.

JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?

Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.

Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.

Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?

Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.

Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?

Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.

Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?

Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.

Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.

Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.

Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?

Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.

Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.

JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.

JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.

Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.

Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.

We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.

Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.

Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.

Cams like,

Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.

Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig

Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).

Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.

Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?

Wait for it..

BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.

Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.

Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.

JDs like, and Craig is like,

JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so

Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.

At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.

Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.

Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:

Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.

UH OH.

Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!

Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.

OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.

Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.

OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.

Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.

Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.

So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.

OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

Source: http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/03/16/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/

[jimdsmith34]

Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?

I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.

When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.

Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?

Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.

Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.

Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.

Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.

Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.

Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.

Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,

Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.

Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.

Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.

JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.

JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.

JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.

JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.

Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.

Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?

Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.

Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.

Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.

Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??

Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.

Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah

Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!

*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!

Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?

Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.

Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.

Whitney: Meh whatevs

Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.

Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.

Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?

Classic Shmosby.

Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.

Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.

Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.

These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.

Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.

I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.

The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.

Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.

Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.

Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.

JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?

Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.

Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.

Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?

Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.

Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?

Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.

Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?

Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.

Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.

Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.

Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?

Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.

Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.

JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.

JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.

Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.

Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.

We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.

Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.

Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.

Cams like,

Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.

Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig

Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).

Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.

Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?

Wait for it..

BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.

Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.

Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.

JDs like, and Craig is like,

JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so

Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.

At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.

Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.

Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:

Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.

UH OH.

Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!

Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.

OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.

Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.

OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.

Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.

Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.

So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.

OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

source http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2018/03/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any.html

[adambstingus]

Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?

I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.

When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.

Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?

Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.

Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.

Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.

Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.

Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.

Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.

Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,

Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.

Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.

Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.

JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.

JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.

JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.

JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.

Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.

Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?

Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.

Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.

Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.

Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??

Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.

Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah

Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!

*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!

Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?

Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.

Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.

Whitney: Meh whatevs

Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.

Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.

Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?

Classic Shmosby.

Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.

Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.

Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.

These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.

Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.

I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.

The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.

Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.

Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.

Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.

JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?

Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.

Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.

Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?

Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.

Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?

Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.

Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?

Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.

Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.

Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.

Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?

Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.

Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.

JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.

JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.

Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.

Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.

We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.

Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.

Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.

Cams like,

Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.

Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig

Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).

Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.

Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?

Wait for it..

BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.

Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.

Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.

JDs like, and Craig is like,

JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so

Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.

At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.

Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.

Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:

Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.

UH OH.

Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!

Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.

OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.

Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.

OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.

Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.

Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.

So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.

OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/171944066947

[aioinstagram]

Holly Hamilton Missing woman Holly Hamilton found dead is Trending on Wednesday January 17 2018 http://www.aioinstagram.com/holly-hamilton-missing-woman-holly-hamilton-found-dead-is-trending-on-wednesday-january-17-2018/

CBC.ca says: Missing woman Holly Hamilton found dead Toronto Star says: Police find body of 29-year-old Holly Hamilton

Top 2 articles about Holly Hamilton:

Staff Sgt. Dave Oleniuk confirmed the that Hamiltons body was discovered shortly after police found her car in an east-end parking garage. Oleniuk could not yet provide other updates. Have you seen Holly Hamilton? Homicide unit investigating her Hamilton was reported missing by her family Monday. She had not been seen or heard from since Sunday night. The Hamilton police homicide unit has taken over the investigation into a missing Hamilton woman. Holly Hamilton was reported missing by her

Trending Images of Holly Hamilton on Instagram:

This Holly Hamilton’s photo Trending 1 on Instagram, Photo credit to Instagram

Description: #MISSING #MISSINGWOMAN #HAMONT #MISSINGPERSON #MISSINGMOM #HELPFINDHOLLY #BRINGHOLLYHOMESAFE #FINDHOLLY #HAMILTON #HAMILTONONTARIO #HOLLYHAMILTON #FINDHOLLY #Searchcrew meets at Freshco @ Barton and Strathearne today anytime after 5. Dress warm call Hamilton police if you know anything or the whereabouts of JUSTIN DUMPHREY 905-546-4930

This Holly Hamilton’s photo Trending 2 on Instagram, Photo credit to Instagram

Description: #theperfectman #favouritemovie #pushpeopleaway #hilaryduff #bestquote #dontletpeoplein #chrisnoth #heatherlocklear #benfeldman #hollyhamilton #2005 #romcom #ivewatcheditamilliontimes #movienight

This Holly Hamilton’s photo Trending 3 on Instagram, Photo credit to Instagram

Description: Full Circle Moment with @tori_spelling #mysterygirls #hollyhamilton #donnamartin #90210

This Holly Hamilton’s photo Trending 4 on Instagram, Photo credit to Instagram

Description: I just watched the latest episode of Mystery Girls and OH MY GOD I BEING ATTACKED WITH NOSTALGIA! JOE E TATA AKA NAT BUSSICHIO OF THE PEACH PIT GUEST STARRED! IS THAT NOT THE COOLEST THING EVER?! Just seeing him, Jennie and Tori together again puts the biggest smile on my face!! AND EVERYONE IN THE SCHOOL STARTED CHANTING “HOLLY HAMILTON GRADUATES HOLLY HAMILTON GRADUATES” LIKE THEY DID FOR DONNA “DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES”! and also the school that they were investigating was called WEST BEVERLY! And I think in the pilot they mentioned Shannen Doherty aka Brenda Walsh! I just die die die! These perfect mentions make me so happy! #mysterygirls #donnamartin #jenniegarth #charliecontour #kellytaylor #joeetata #mrfrost #natbussichio #peachpit #beverlyhills90210 #beverlyhills #90210 #hollyhamiltongraduates #donnamartingraduates #highschoolmystery #tvshow #mysterygirlsannissa #reunionsannissa #90210annissa

This Holly Hamilton’s photo Trending 5 on Instagram, Photo credit to Instagram

Description: Just got done watching the latest episode of Mystery Girls and I caught another 90210 reference! These literally make me so happy!! So at the beginning of the episode Charlie is eves dropping on an office downstairs & she says that apparently this guy Kyle is gay & on 90210 in season 2, a guy named Kyle that Kelly really liked turned out to be gay!! Heheheheheheh I love catching these!! I also just want to mention how beautiful Detective Duane Freeman is! Like oh my god I’m in love with him he’s like one of the hottest guys I’ve ever seen in my life!! #mysterygirls #mystery #gjrls #passingthetorch #passing #the #torch #hollyhamilton #holly #hamilton #charliecontour #charlie #contour #abcfamily #abc #family #tvshow #tv #show #mysterygirlsannissa #mysterygirlsseason1

This Holly Hamilton’s photo Trending 6 on Instagram, Photo credit to Instagram

Description: I only post Mystery Girls pictures & recaps when I catch a 90210 reference because those make me so happy! This one wasn’t a big one at all but I still smiled! At the beginning of the episode when they were watching their new commercial Charlie says “located in Beverly Hills, you know the zip code ” Hahahahahahaha I loved that! I’m probably the only person in the world who absolutely loves this show but I really hope they keep it going & I hope it returns! It’s super cheesy but I love it & it’s actually really funny! Can’t wait to see it return! And OMG I AM JUST SO IN LOVE WITH DUANE FREEMAN LIKE HE’S THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER SEEN! And him & Holly kissed are probably going to be a thing & OMG I love it! #mysterygirls #mystery #girls #thekillerreturns #the #killerreturns #killer #returns #abcfamily #tvshow #tv #show #hollyhamilton #holly #hamilton #charliecontour #charlie #contour #nick #nostalgic #beverlyhills90210 #beverlyhills #beverly #hills #90210 #mysterygirlsannissa #mysterygirlsseason1

This Holly Hamilton’s photo Trending 7 on Instagram, Photo credit to Instagram

Description: Just found out that Mystery Girls got canceled! I completely saw that coming but I liked the show. My main reason for watching it was to see Jennie & Tori together again which was lovely! I’m definitely going to miss seeing Detective Duane Freeman! #mysterygirlscancelled #mysterygirls #mystery #girls #cancelled #jenniegarth #jennie #garth #torispelling #tori #spelling #charliecontour #charlie #contour #hollyhamilton #holly #hamilton #tvshow #tv #show #seriesfinaleannissa #mysterygirlsannissa #tvshowsannissa

This Holly Hamilton’s photo Trending 8 on Instagram, Photo credit to Instagram

Description: #inktober #art #drawing #day23 sorry I couldn’t post it yesterday

This Holly Hamilton’s photo Trending 9 on Instagram, Photo credit to Instagram

Description: #hamont #missingperson #Repost @the.brow.god (@get_repost) ・・・ #PLEASESHARE Every share, helps us get a little closer to bringing her home ! Please share for her babies! #hollyhamilton #missingwomen #missingmother #missingsister #missingfriend

[jenmedsbookreviews]

Well … not the best week to be fair, for many reasons and none of the them related to books. But you don’t want to hear about that. For one thing, it is boring and for for another, if I don’t commit it to a web page I can deny all knowledge if I fainlly snap and commit some form of criminal offence … Highly unlikely but you never know how far your patience can be stretched before you snap.

Anyway – back to the books. Mixed week there too to be fair. I kind of had a bit of a random one to be fair, neither good nor bad. After last week, it was all rather pedestrian. I was at home all week, but was probably less productive than ever when it came to the blog. Funny how that goes isn’t it? By less productive, I mean I read less. I actually managed to prepare ten blog posts yesterday so it’s not all bad. Sort of …

Part of my post prep has been the collation of my bookvent list for 2017. This is where I try in vain to narrow down my favourite reads of the year to a managable list that can be conveyed over the 24 days leading up to Christmas. It has been really hard this year as, with the blog being more established, I have been really lucky to be given the opportunity to read some absolutely stonking titles, many of which would probably have passed me by otherwise. Ive got through 193 books so far this year (18 Mr Men I hasten to add) so how do you narrow that down to a top ten?

The answer is – you don’t. Mine is going to be a top 25/27 or so 🙂 My blog – my rules. Get over it ;p

Book post wise – I had a couple of lovely little packages through my door this week from Avon. First up – Perfect Death by Helen Fields. Can’t wait to get stuck in, but I may have to re-gift the red wine that came with it as I’m tee-total. I also received a copy of The Cover Up by Marnie Riches. Loved Born Bad so I can’t wait to see what Paddy, Sheila, Conky and co have been up to.

Purchase wise I’ve been very good. To my knowledge. I always say that then take a look at Amazon and realise what a complete lie that is. Turns out this week, it is actually true. Go figure. I really am having a slow book week. I pre-ordered The Collector by Fiona Cummins. High on my tbr this one, I have a physical copy from Harrogate, but needed a copy for the kindle too … I also ordered The Crime Writer’s Casebook. Saying nothing in the hope you don’t spot this … And finally I pre-ordered Last Cry by Anna-Lou Weatherley. I like a good pre-order, me.

NetGalley wise it was just the one –  While You Sleep by Stephanie Merritt. It’s not out until March so there is even a small chance I’ll have read it by publication date 🙂 IN my defence it did sound really good…

No new audio. I know – I’m slipping. But I did promise myself a bit of an end of year wind down so I guess this is the start of it right here.

Reading wise, a bit of a mixed bag. Finished an audio bookHe I had started a few weeks back and read three new books. Not my greatest week, but not the worst either.

Books I have read

Her Best Friend by Sarah Wray

You couldn’t have done anything to save her. Or could you?

Sylvie Armstrong has been running from her past for twenty years – until her mother’s death forces her to return to her home town, along with her newborn daughter.

Overwhelmed by grief in her childhood home, Sylvie tries to block out the memories that surround her – but then someone leaves a gift on her doorstep: a gold necklace with a heart-shaped locket.

This locket belonged to Sylvie’s best friend, Victoria Preston – and she was wearing it the night she died. Now it’s back in Sylvie’s life…and it soon becomes clear that somebody knows what really happened to Victoria.

Sylvie has to know the truth. But is she in terrible danger?

An intriguing and engrossing psychological thriller which sees Sylvie faced with a few terrible home truths when she returns to the town in which she grew up, the one where her best friend Victoria lost her life. I’ll be sharing my full thoughts on the book as part of the blog blitz tomorrow, but you can order a copy of the book here.

…

Without Trace by Simon Booker

YOUR DAUGHTER IS MISSING. WHO CAN YOU TRUST? A gripping psychological thriller for fans of Tom Bale, Harlan Coben and Angela Marsons.

Morgan Vine has devoted her years of her life to campaigning for Danny Kilcannon’s release, after his dubious conviction for his wife’s murder. 

At long last, he’s released.

With nowhere to go, Danny comes to rely on Morgan and her impetuous teenage daughter, Lissa.

Then Lissa goes missing.

When it’s your own child on the line, who can you trust?

This is my token audio book fo the week. This is quite an addictive story, where you never know quite who to trust and, in fairness, will be completely blindsided by what comes to pass. It wasn’t as I was expected at all, and I must have goen through a dozen possible scenarios of what had happened before finally discovering the truth. No wonder Morgan didn’t know who to trust. I had no scooby either. I’ll be sharing my review very soon, but in the meantime you can order a copy of the book here.

…

Cold Christmas by Alastair Gunn

In the small village of Cold Christmas there’s a church that faces the wrong way . . . What has it to do with the three dead men found in a London flat?

DCI Antonia Hawkins has a killer to catch. Only she can’t predict what is waiting for her at the end of the chase.  Nobody remembers the young men entering the abandoned London flat a few weeks ago. Nobody cares if they left.

Until the unbearable smell of decay.

DCI Antonia Hawkins is called in to view the dead men; three, lying neat in a row. There’s no damage to the bodies, no obvious cause of death. Is this a suicide pact? Or is that just how it’s meant to look?

If there is a link between the three very different men then Hawkins needs to find it, and fast. Because unless she does, more are going to die. And they might not all be strangers.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Gah. This book! That ending. Just no. Argh. Faced with a potential triple homicide with no clear cause of death, DCi Antonia Hawkins is faced with her toughest case yet, one which will push her, and her relationship with Mike Maguire, to their limits. Drugs or something worse, this is just another reason for Hawkins to hate the festive season. I’ll be sharing my thoughts at the end of the week but you can buy your own copy here.

…

The Usual Santas – Short Story Collection

Finally: the perfect stocking stuffer for the crime fiction lover in your life! With a foreword by CWA Diamond Award-winner Peter Lovesey, these eighteen delightful holiday stories by your favorite Soho Crime authors contain laughs, murders, and plenty more.

This captivating collection, which features bestselling and award-winning authors, contains laughs aplenty, the most hardboiled of holiday noir, and heartwarming  reminders of the spirit of the season.

Nine mall Santas must find the imposter among them. An elderly lady seeks peace from her murderously loud neighbors at Christmastime. A young woman receives a mysterious invitation to Christmas dinner with a stranger. Niccolò Machiavelli sets out to save an Italian city. Sherlock Holmes’s one-time nemesis Irene Adler finds herself in an unexpected tangle in Paris while on a routine espionage assignment. Jane Austen searches for the Dowager Duchess of Wilborough’s stolen diamonds. These and other adventures in this delectable volume will whisk readers away to Christmases around the globe, from a Korean War POW camp to a Copenhagen refugee squat, from a palatial hotel in 1920s Bombay to a crumbling mansion in Havana.

Includes Stories By (In Order of Appearance): Helene Tursten, Mick Herron, Martin Limón, Timothy Hallinan, Teresa Dovalpage, Mette Ivie Harrison, Colin Cotterill, Ed Lin, Stuart Neville, Tod Goldberg, Henry Chang, James R. Benn, Lene Kaaberbøl & Agnete Friis, Sujata Massey, Gary Corby, Cara Black, Stephanie Barron and a Foreword and story by Peter Lovesey.

A perfect collection of festive crime short stories. Some of these stories really did make me chuckle, especailly Mick Herron’s short story, The Usual Santas. That one had me chuckling so hard on my flight to Dublin, I’m sure I saw the woman next to be shuffling away in her seat. I’ll be reviewing very soon but you can bag a copy of the book right here.

…

That’s it. Not too shabby but not too clever either. Blog wise, it was another busy ish week with posts every day. You can catch up on the links below.

#BlogTour: Hell To Pay by Rachel Amphlett

#BlogTour: The Perfect Victim by Corrie Jackson

#FestiveReads: The Advent Killer by Alastair Gunn

#BlogTour: CWA Short Story Anthology – Mystery Tour

#BookLove: Jill Culiner

#Review: Give Me The Child by Mel McGrath

#FestiveReads: The Deaths of December by Susi Holliday

The week ahead is equally busy. Blog tours through until Wednesday for Kierney Scott’s Now You See Me, Sarah Wray’s Her Best Friend and BK Duncan’s The Last Post. I also have a Q&A’s with Chris Whitaker and Louise Jensen in the countdown to December’s First Monday Crime panel and the start of my #bookvent countdown. I can’t wait.

There will be less reviews from me over December as I’m planning a little bit of a slow down and catch up with real life. That doesn’t mean I won’t be around as I’ve some fabulous blog tours planned, as well as my #bookvent countdown. And keep your eyes peeled later this week for a special Christmas competition. Even when I’m on a go slow, I can’t quite stop. It’s genetic I think …

Have a fabulous week of reading all. I’m going to go and lie in a darkened room. Well … at least until Wednesday. I’m off to a Christmas market on Wednesday. Go figure …

JL

Rewind, recap; Weekly update w/e 26/11/17 Well ... not the best week to be fair, for many reasons and none of the them related to books.

[jkdavidson-blog]

Standing Rock Recap Part IV (12/24-12/27)

24 December 2016

 A post from Facebook, which accompanied several photos from camp:

Some late photos from my wanderings around camp on the Solstice...I walked across the Cannonball River, frozen solid, and offered tobacco to the land and the water. Just a couple of hours meandering through camp completely wore me out and reminded me to be gentle with myself, as I am still on the mend. But it was well worth the fresh air and sunshine.

In other news, looks like we will be enjoying a very white Christmas here at Standing Rock. The forecast is calling for 12-18inches of snow tomorrow and white-out blizzard conditions. So I guess my biggest dilemma today is where do I want to position myself for that time? Must consult my guides and angels on that one...

Happy Saturday, Merry Christmas Eve, and lots of love and hugs to you all!!

 Christmas Eve was one of my favorite days of all at Standing Rock, mainly because of the good company I enjoyed and the sweat lodge I was blessed to be a part of. I wrote pretty extensively about these experiences already, thought, so I won’t rehash them here. I’ll just say again how thankful I am for the privilege of this experience. Aho!

Go forward without fear, But walk humbly, And walk always in prayer.

  25 December 2016

 Well, it certainly has been a Christmas to remember.

Yesterday I spent the day at Rosebud camp. I hung out in the latrines for a bit, because it happens to be one of the warmest places around. I warmed my frosty toes by the barrel stove as Nahko played on someone's blue tooth speaker. People stopped and chatted with me, and even thanked me for being there, assuming that I was the volunteer watching tending the place. There is so much gratitude being offered here, all the time, & that's a powerful thing! One woman asked me to hold her baby while she took her toddler to the potty. What an unexpected joy to hold this quiet, wide-eyed wonder...what an honor for that woman to trust me enough hand her precious infant over to me without thinking twice.

On my walk back toward the medical tent, I happened by an inipi (sweat lodge) where a man was heating stones for a ceremony. "She wants to join! Come have a seat!" He announced so confidently, I knew I'd finally found a sweat lodge to partake in. An indigenous man gave up his seat beside the fire-tender for me. I sat beside Mike, a Lakota man, and he instructed me briefly about the ceremony and told me when the stones would be hot, when I should return to that space.

I returned as the sun was setting, wrapped in a skirt according to Lakota tradition. We stood with our heads uncovered in the wind and snow as Mike said a blessing. As the only woman present, I was asked to enter the lodge first. I stripped away my boots and layers hastily in the 20-degree weather, bowed before the inipi, and crawled inside.

All of the other men except one were Natives, and much of what was said was in their indigenous tongue but I listened to the feeling of the words and even found myself singing along with them. They honored and thanked me for showing up there to represent the feminine and balance the lodge. It was a deeply humbling experience, like so many of my other encounters here.

Two coyotes appeared by our medical tent after the lodge, so close I mistook them for dogs. But they weren't threatening, just passing through.

Tonight, I enjoy a sharp contrast as I sit in the casino lobby observing how different the cultureand vibe are here, between 4 walls, versus that at camp amidst circular dwellings, prayers, and fresh frosty air.

As I write this, I'm over 1,200 miles from my hometown. I've never spent Christmas away from my biological family, but I've gotten enough greetings from friends and family around the country to warm my heart on this cold North Dakota day. Thank you, everyone.

I didn't unwrap any presents today, but I did receive the gift of my sense of taste returning! Tasting and smelling everything I've eaten today for the first time in a week has been a pretty big treat!

Other than that, today was a day of healing, rest, and solitude. I'll be honest, at times I felt really lonely. But that loneliness has transformed to joyful affirmation as I've realized the power in an unexpected opportunity for quiet self-reflection.

I spent some time in the casino lobby beading this afternoon. A man reading in the chair beside me got up at one point and beckoned me over to the window to admire the snow. He was from San Diego and had never seen a whiteout. He asked me what I was doing there, and I explained about coming to help out with medical but ending up sick most of the time myself. "I came here with a desire to learn about different healing modalities, but I didn't know I'd have to use them all on myself," I said. "But that's the best way!" He exclaimed. "You're a healer...and you've got to heal the healer, too. Keep taking good care of yourself, " he told me. A good reminder.

This place has gifted me with so much. I came here to give and to serve, but I feel that I've received so much more than I've given so far. Of course, it doesn't end here. Standing Rock is everywhere. Prayer reaches everywhere. There are plenty of places in need of the kind of gifts I've received here over the past two weeks, and I am so eager to share what I've gained in my short time here.

Here. As they say, they call it "the present" because it's a gift. I hope that your weekend, dear friends, however you have chosen to spend or celebrate it, has been warm, peaceful, and joyful. Thanks to those of you who read this whole thing. That's commitment! I appreciate you and your interest every bit as much as you've appreciated my words. I hope they've uplifted you in some way.

Wherever you are, know that I am sending you love from the great white plains of North Dakota, and peace and respect and compassion too! Aho mitakuye oyasin!

  26 December 2016

 With the winter weather advisory behind us, I returned to camp today. My car windows were coated in ice and snow from the “blizzard,” but I had seen plows on the road that morning so I figured it was probably driveable. I was waiting in the lobby, warming my fingers while the car engine warmed up in the parking lot, when a young man approached me and asked if I was returning to camp. I told him I was, and he asked if I might have room for him and a friend to ride along. I told him I surely did.

I went out the check on the car. By the time I returned, his friend had joined him in the lobby. The young man who first approached me appeared Native American, although I can’t recall now where he said he was from. His name was Josh. His friend Ian was from Canada. We got acquainted, chatting in the lobby, until the ice on my car was loose enough to chip away. The three of us piled in the Kia and headed North on 1806.

Most of the road was easily passable, granted I took my time and stayed alert. There were abandoned vehicles here and there beside the road. Some were halfway buried in snow already; others were more recently abandoned and might still be recovered easily if the owners returned soon. Still others were busted and wrecked; it would be anyone’s guess when they would be moved.

The wind was intense, blowing clouds of white across the road so that it was difficult to see more than 6 or 8 feet ahead of the vehicle. In some places, the wind had blown snow into the road, so that, although it had been plowed, it was quickly covered over again, several inches deep. Once we hit the last mile or so of highway before the turn into camp, suddenly the road was covered all the way across in 2 or 3 inches of snow. Taken by surprise, I started to lose control of the car but recovered it quickly. The first thoughts that came to mind was that the street had never even been plowed here—“Nice, they’re trying to hinder traffic into and out of camp!” I thought cynically—but as we slid slowly forward, I realized the road had been plowed here. This was just one big snow drift.

At last, the camps were in sight. I scoped out the driveway to Rosebud, which was caked in snow all carved into ruts. I picked what I thought would be the best way to approach and swung the wheel to the right—and got stuck. My passengers were quick to jump out of the car to push. They tried to move the car a few times, but it became clear we’d need a shovel to dig out the wheels. Another couple approached us; they seemed to be planning to head southbound on the highway, into the mess we’d just come out of, in a sedan of all things! They had a shovel though, and came to our aid. Josh and Ian came up with a couple of shovels too, and they all worked around the wheels while I briefed the couple on the road conditions ahead. I regretted not putting the tire chains on the Kia before leaving the casino, but I couldn’t do anything about that now.

Digging out the wheels worked, but most of Rosebud was still under several inches of loose snow. The regular driveway was out of service, and the alternate route seemed to be a road to nowhere as well. I got stuck one more time just beyond the entrance to camp, and my companions dug me out yet again. I ended up backing the Kia into a spot near the entrance to avoid any further hang-ups with the snow.

Josh and Ian kept right on shoveling for a while, trying to recover some of the driveway leading into to Rosebud. I gave Ian my mittens to wear while he worked, since he didn’t have any. He resisted the offer at first, but I assured him I was going straight to the medical tent, where it was warm and I wouldn’t need them.

I marched through the fresh snow, wondering if I should even stay at camp under those conditions. Not being able to get in or out easily made me nervous for some reason. Besides, I had come to relieve Rachel from her duties at Rosebud, so she could take a break for a few days and go pick up her boyfriend in Minnesota, but she wouldn’t be going anywhere in this weather. I’m not sure why I wanted to leave again so soon that day, but maybe I was just generally exhausted from my time there and was looking forward to going home soon.

As I turned down the side road leading to Rosebud medical, I encountered a pickup truck flanked by 6 or 7 water protectors wielding shovels, literally digging out the road as the truck went. I could tell they were working hard. I admired their dedication. I was already feeling a little drained myself, just from walking through the snow. I didn’t envy them for their task.

Rachel and Jacque were in the medical yurt when I arrived. They asked how I was doing. I told them I was slowly starting to feel better, except that I’d woken up with an ear infection the day before. Jacque shook her head in disbelief and sympathy and assured me she’d come up with something to treat my ear.

Rachel announced she’d be leaving the next day, as there were ice storms presently afflicting Minnesota. She intended to spend the afternoon doing another round of wellness visits. My presence there would be useful after all, I realized. I made up my mind to stay. After talking for them for a while, I headed back to my car to get a few things and put the chains on my wheels.

The pickup truck that I passed on my way in was almost to the main road when I returned. The diggers were still digging furiously ahead of it. I was impressed that they had cleared that whole way by hand. Ian and Josh were still digging by the main entrance, extending the area of passable road from that direction.

I set to work putting the tire chains on the Kia, trying to remember just how it was done in the YouTube video I’d watched a week or two earlier. I had actually been looking forward to doing this. I had to keep jumping in the car to warm my fingers, which became like icicles after only a few minutes outside, but I managed to get the chains installed and secured. They looked pretty damn good! I have to admit, I kind of felt like a badass for putting them on all by myself.

I spent that night at the medic yurt. I had to keep getting up to feed the wood stove, which had recently been installed to replace the propane heaters. I came to understand the inconvenience of a wood stove, when you’re trying to sleep through the night yet stay warm in an unforgiving winter wonderland. It was a long, cold night.

  27 December 2016

 I was a little groggy and grumpy this morning, which I blame on still being sick and having such interrupted sleep last night. Rachel packed up her things and left sometime between noon and two. We have a young physician helping out at Rosebud while Rachel is gone. His name is Steven, but the other ladies in the medical tent affectionately call him Snowflake. He’s a family medicine resident from California and has very little of the arrogance I’ve noted in a lot of other medical doctors, which is refreshing.

At some point during the day, I finally made a point to walk down to the new medical yurt I’ve been hearing so much about. It’s about three times as big as the current one. Herbal and allopathic medicine will still be practiced together in the new space. The yurt has windows and a sky light, so its inhabitants can enjoy natural light instead of the LED camping lights that illuminate the yurt they’re in now.

While I was there, I overheard Snowflake and the builders were discussing the logistics of setting up a trauma bay near the entrance, right down to the gritty details of needing waist-high tables in case there was a need to do CPR. The rest of the clinic will be curtained off, creating a more low-key space for regular consultations in the back. There will also be bunk beds for the medics to sleep in, and plenty of shelving for supplies. The building crews at Standing Rock are just phenomenal. They talk to whomever will be using the space they’re setting up to find out what is needed, sketch out their plans, and set right to building. It’s motivating just to watch them work.

After my visit to the new yurt, I decided to head back to the other medical yurt. I had a few things to check off my list before departing the next day, like emptying the compost toilet, dropping off the rest of my donations, and visiting the sacred fire, but first I needed to be able to feel my fingers and toes again. My time spent at camp was a constant rotation of going outside for a little while, then seeking warmth and shelter to rewarm my fingers and toes, which quickly became painfully cold and stiff in that weather. Jacque had given me a warming salve at one point, which contained cayenne and ginger extracts. If I rubbed this on my feet to promote blood flow, and kept switching out the foot warmers in my boots, I managed to get by with my feet only being numb a couple hours out of the day.

Such was my occupation as I was sitting in the medical yurt with Jacque, Snowflake, and Ann that day, listening to the radio. Gradually, the chatter became more frantic. Someone started calling for security to report to Turtle Island.

“Some people are down here arguing with the police,” a voice on the radio said.

In the background, there was commotion and shouting. It sounded like more than just “some people.” This went on for some time without any of us being able to figure out what was actually going on, but he kept the radios turned up, listening to them intently for any clue as to what was going on. Outside we heard a helicopter occasionally circle over the camp, as it had been doing for the past couple of hours, which was unusual. It must have been DAPL keeping an eye on us, and especially on Turtle Island.

It was beginning to get dark, and I remembered the few things I had left to do. I figured I’d take care of the compost toilet before the daylight faded any further, so I got up and left the yurt, where everyone else remained to await further news from the radio. Just as I turned right onto the main road toward the camp latrine, Jacque came running up behind me with the jump bag, which we kept stocked with medical supplies, on her back and darted left down the road. Orka and Camille happened to be passing by as well.

“Jacque, is everything okay?” I called out.

“Where are you going?” shouted Orka.

Jacque slowed to a trot and yelled over her shoulder that she was headed to Turtle Island. Orka and Camille took off behind her. I would have gone then too, except I was lugging around a bag of human waste I didn’t want to just leave by the side of the road. So I continued on to the latrines, wondering what could be going on at Turtle Island—wondering, where was Turtle Island anyway?

Once inside the comfortably warm latrine house, I noticed an electronic screeching sound. The lights in there were dim, and although I looked around I couldn’t quite figure out where it was coming from. I wondered if it was the radio, somehow scrambled by DAPL so we couldn’t communicate? I definitely needed to head to Turtle Island and see what was going on.

I hurried across camp to the security gate, near where my car was parked. I thought about going back to the medical tent to tell Snowflake and Ann where I was going, but decided that would take too much time. I asked security where Turtle Island was, and they pointed it out to me.

“See that hill off in the distance, with a few trees on top? That’s it,” said the young woman at the gate.

I also asked them if they had heard anything over the radio about what was going on. They exchanged questioning looks with one another. They had no idea. They picked up their radio to see if they could call someone and figure it out, but they weren’t getting the same chatter I’d heard earlier at the medical tent. I was in too much of a hurry to wait for a response, especially if the radios were being scrambled anyway. I thanked them for the directions and hopped into my car. The guy at the gate stalled me.

“Be careful, sister,” he emphasized. “It can get dangerous up there. Don’t go alone!”

I assured him I was going to join the other medics and wouldn’t be alone. I held my hand up in a peace sign as I pulled out of Rosebud, thankful I’d put my tire chains on.

I turned into Oceti, telling the gate guard simply that I was there to help out with medical. I tried to read him to see if he was aware of any commotion going on in camp, but he didn’t seem alarmed in the least and waved me right through. I kept my eyes on the hill with the trees and tried to get as close as I could by driving, but the pathways through camp were different now that there was so much snow, and it was hard to tell where the roads went when everything was white on white.

I parked the Kia somewhere that seemed relatively out of the way and took off on foot for Turtle Island. Handfuls of others were making their way in that direction too, some hurried and some walking more casually toward the river. I tried to take the most direct route, which turned out to be a rather snowy one. Here and there I found myself up to my knees in snow. But like I said, it was hard to pick out the walking paths, so I continued to march straight toward the island, feeling my legs tire out already. I stopped every now and then to take in the scene, and to catch my breath. The cold air was harsh on my lungs but I needed the oxygen.

A man was walking toward me from the opposite direction, heading back toward the main camp, and I asked him if he knew what was going on. He told me a few water protectors had been arrested, and now people were kind of just hanging around making a fuss about it. He shrugged, indicating he wasn’t a fan of their present tactics, then continued to make his way back toward Oceti.

Off in the distance, I could see Turtle Island, a steep mound in the middle of the river, maybe a third of a mile in length, and I couldn’t tell how wide because of the steep face that blocked the view of the rest of it. There was razor wire around the top of the island, where several official-looking SUVs were parked. People on the camp side were walking across the frozen river and climbing the steep hillside to perch themselves on the narrow ledge that remained outside the razor wire barricade. Someone was lugging a flag up there. I didn’t see anyone standing inside the razor wire. If there had been cops, they appeared to have retreated to their vehicles by now.

Once I was in sight of the river’s edge, I was able to recognize Jacque by her beige backpack and long skirt. I had a pounding headache from the exertion of running there. I might have overdone it a bit, I thought remorsefully, but at least I was warm.

“Hey,” I said to Jacque, once I reached her. She turned away from the hill and greeted me. “What’s going on?” I asked. “I heard some people got arrested.”

Jacque told me that earlier that day some people had climbed to the top of Turtle Island and cut the razor wire barricade.

“They got the canoes back!” she said.

She explained why she had run down there—there had been a request for medics at Turtle Island, and then the radio started to get scrambled so she was worried about what might be happening. But so far, there hadn’t been any violence.

Apparently, earlier on in the resistance, the water protectors had occupied Turtle Island. One day DAPL moved in, pushed everyone out, and set up their razor wire barricades. When they took control of the island, there were several canoes there, at least some of which they smashed in a show of dominance and dis-rez-spect toward to water protectors. The water protectors had tried before to reclaim those canoes (sometime back around Thanksgiving, I think) but were unsuccessful. I thought of the young man whom I’d talked to at Oceti medical during the one night shift I’d worked there. He was among several protectors who ended up in the river that day, he explained to me, as he sat before me with lungs full of pneumonia.

But this time, the effort was a success. They had reclaimed the canoes, and although some had been arrested, that was such a minor consequence compared to the backlash other actions had provoked.

I understood, then, why people were climbing the hill, singing and cheering and waving their flags. This was a victory celebration. There didn’t seem to be much going on besides that and the helicopter circling around and around, until we noticed a few vehicles coming down the road toward the island. The one in front was massive. It looked like a tank to me, but someone else suggested it could also be a water cannon. Behind it were two more large vehicles, possibly armored cars or at least military Hummers. They turned off the road across the river from where we were gathered and sat there facing us for the next 20 or 30 minutes.

Orka and Camille approached Jacque and me to say they were going to walk down the river bank to get a better view of what was on top of Turtle Island. Meanwhile, Jacque and I watched the crowd from a distance. One man was pacing the width of the crowd near the base of the island, holding a bundle of burning sage. Others sang and held their hands up to the sky in prayer and thanks. Some young spunky white man dashed down to the frozen river shouting and hooting. We watched him strip off his warm clothes and replace them with only a fur jacket. He dashed up the hill with a costume shield strapped to one forearm and continued to holler as he did obscene dances and waved his genitalia at the SUVs on the other side of the razor wire. These are the types of goofballs that discredit the who,le resistance, I thought. I remembered the disparaging remarks of the man I’d passed earlier on my way down to the river.

“I hope he doesn’t become our next hypothermia patient,” I said to Jacque.

“I’m hoping no one falls off the hill and breaks something!” she replied, cringing as people gripped tree limbs and rocks to make their way to the top of Turtle Island. Others slid downhill on their butts, like it was a sled ride but with no sled. We stood and watched mostly in silence until Orka and Camille returned.

“You can’t see them from here, but there are about 30 SUVs and armored vehicles on top of the hill,” Orka told us, “plus a bunch of officers on snowmobiles. If anything goes down, they’ll all be here in about 30 seconds.” Camille stood quietly by Orka’s side, as he usually did. If he spoke, it was mostly in French.

I looked toward to hillside, trying to imagine the scene Orka described. Some people had broken off from the main group and were walking the perimeter of razor wire. I said a silent prayer that no one would instigate anything further. It sounded like we were outnumbered. As far as I could tell, getting the canoes back was victory enough for one day. I hoped they’d finish celebrating soon and come back down the hill. It was getting dark, I was getting cold, and my head was pounding.

Eventually people did start to come down the hill. Someone had made a small fire to keep us warm. A few guys were calling for people to regroup and head to the bridge where highway 1806 was barricaded.

“This is how we waste their money,” one of the organizers explained to Jacque and me with a mischievous grin. “We keep them hopping around, back and forth. Give them something to do.”

Others threw around the wild suggestion of setting up camp and hanging out there for the night. From a medic standpoint, I wasn’t a fan of having people out here overnight, in the cold, facing off with the DAPL forces in the dark. In general, it seemed like the crowd was dissipating. Jacque and I decided to go. Orka and Camille wanted to stay.

While I waited for Jacque, I overheard a voice saying, “Did you see the buffalo over there?” That got my attention. I turned around and saw a man was pointing off in the distance toward another hilltop. It was too far away to say for certain that these were buffaloes, but I definitely saw the large dark figures gathered there, some in clusters, some more spread apart. They had been watching us all along.

As we walked back through the snow toward my car, I wondered out loud about the principles of the action we’d just witnessed. I was happy the canoes had been reclaimed, but I had also noticed that some people just seemed to want to be part of the excitement. I thought of the man in the fur coat. I remembered listening to the security guards who sat in the medical tent in Oceti, bored and talking about going to the front lines to “fuck with DAPL.” I’d heard comments from others during my time there, suggesting that they were craving an action, more for the excitement than for any particular goal, it seemed…I’m more in favor of unified, goal-oriented action, I decided. Without any particular objective or end point, it was easy to see how a situation could easily turn violent. If protestors/protectors just show up to the front lines and engage in a standoff with the opposing forces, it’s fairly likely that at some point, someone will do something stupid or careless and provoke a strike. That kind of thing, I told Jacque, put people in unnecessary danger. She acknowledged my words in a way that wasn’t necessarily agreement or disagreement, just an understanding of my perspective. And even as I spoke, I felt there was probably a hundred ways to refute what I’d just said. The philosophy behind these kinds of movements was, and still is, pretty new to me. I was just processing what I’d seen.

We found my car and climbed inside. It seemed kind of bizarre, to be living in this camp, in the snow and ice and wood smoke, and yet have this luxury car to get in and turn on and blast the heat. Like a relic from another world.

I offered to drive Jacque to the bridge, where we suspected we might find more protectors gathered. But when we got there, it was virtually deserted, except for one or two trucks parked there. So we rode back to Rosebud medical to update them with the news from Turtle Island.

Snowflake and Ann had not been idle while we were gone. They had been warming hot water bottles to treat hypothermia and defrosting bottles of milk of magnesia by the fire in case people were sprayed with mace. The cot nearest to the door was layered with warm blankets, and two chairs were set next to a table covered with an assortment of bandages. I was thankful that none of these things were needed after all. It was a good drill.

The radios were working again, and we heard that the crowd at Turtle Island was dissipating. There was eventually a brief gathering at the bridge, but that too died down pretty quickly. I ate some dinner and waited around until I was fairly certain that there would be no major action that night. I was starting to feel feverish again, and the headache I’d conjured while running through the snow wouldn’t go away. I didn’t want to skip out on the other medics if I was needed, but I was praying that things would remain peaceful. And they did.