#why are you so willingly incompetent we’re all going to die and the only thing you will protest is someone correctly identifying a fact

[maggi-cube]

In the notes of that last rb I had the unpleasant experience of seeing yet another “let people enjoy themselves” comment and I think that if I have to listen to some stupid ass, dumb ass, absolutely ridiculous, asinine, and mind-boggling-proud-of-its-ignorance statement I am going to make a threat of such Looney Tunes proportions that it is considered a bannable offense apparently

[loveforchatnoir]

Lancey Lance Love

In honor of my favorite boy’s birthday, here are some of my favorite fics. 

P.S. You can ignore this if you want

P.P.S. These are all klance fics #shouldhavebeenendgame #iamstillnotoverit #fixitficsamiright??????RIGHT?????? 

P.P.P.S. + are for EXTRA favorite  * are for the ones that are not finished

+ One Billion Stars in this Universe (And None are Mine) by Spiralled_Fury  RATING: Mature

Summary:

Loverboy Lance; Not the fastest, or the best fighter, or the smartest, or the strongest, or the princess, the seventh wheel...

And all alone.

With only his Lion, his gun, a sword and determination, Lance finds himself blasted across the universe, in the middle of nowhere, without communication, proper food, and half an idea in Hell what to do.

Except he knows he needs to get back to the others.

Because the team might live without him, but at the very least, they need Red.

Voltron can't form without Red.

-------- HOOOooooOoOOooLY SHIT. This entire series is AMAZING. Honestly hands down one of my favorite fics EVER. Lance is the total badass that he is but also so caring and honestly I die. Plus there is a ton of #langst and I’m a sucker for it. I cannot stress this enough, go read it all, it’s worth it.

Loving Every Shape of you by KyokoUchiha  RATING: Explicit

** A moment of silence passes by before Keith opens his mouth to address him, “Are you afraid?” Canines glint between his lips as Lance watches his mouth form words. His brows crease together as he realizes the meaning behind that question. No, he’s definitely not afraid of Keith. Instead of voicing an answer, he wraps his arms around the sturdy neck to pull his head down and meet his lips in a kiss that will hopefully convey his feelings. **

–– Keith returns from a month of missions with the BOM, Lance is happy to be reunited with his boyfriend again, eager for some alone time. But Keith comes back more Galra than human.

----- Okay listen, I am a proud sinner and bottom Lance is my Achilles heel + fucking Alpha like Keith? Am I a fury? Possibly??? Just read it, you won’t regret it.

+ Watercast* by FishWrites   RATING: Mature

Summary:

Shiro has been a Galra prisoner for over a year; with his flight feathers clipped and unable to fly. Desperate to escape, he jumps overboard while being transported to the capitol on a Galran ship. Lance is a merman who saves him from drowning. Keith thinks Shiro is about to become mermaid dinner. Hunk just wants Lance to stop going to the surface all the time, dammit!

------ We all know about this fic, we all know it’s amazing, and we all know it deserves to be read and recognized. Mermaid Lance? Sign me the fuck up.

Right Here Next to You (Stay With Me Please) by Le_Tournesol    RATING: Teen and UP Audiences

Summary:

Five times Lance comes across Keith having a nightmare, and one time Keith comes to him willingly.

------- It’s art, it’s beauty, it’s fluff and angst all at the same time, I live.

+ Can't Fight This Feeling by idratherhaveyou and kissmesexybatman    RATING: Teen and UP Audiences

Summary:

Welcome to Pizza Planet, open til four A.M. Home to shitty food, an exclusively 80s jukebox, and minimum wage employees getting through life on tips and one another.

When Keith gets a job as the new delivery boy, he wonders if it might become more than just a means to an end. Meanwhile, Lance just wants to know what the hell the new guy's damage is.

------ No words for this beauty.

+ It's OK* by DeetsViBre    RATING: Explicit 

Summary:

Rewriting yourself cost something, a deep pain with every edit. Lance had been trying to change for a long time.

When Keith walks in on Hunk and Lance talking late into the night, things begin to change. A bond is formed between Keith and Lance, and becomes something they hadn't expected. Can they navigate their new relationship, and keep it all a secret from their team?

Aka Lance is not Ok, has a huge crush on Keith, and suddenly gets a chance to do something about it. Oh, but wait, first he has to try and stay alive in the cold vacuum of space.

------ This fic is honestly BEAUTIFUL, and INTENSE, and everything that I am here fore. I feel the emotions that are given off of this fic. Read it. Love it. Come talk to me about it when you do.

Blood Kiss by plumeriafairy14   RATING: Mature

Summary:

Lance doesn't like the idea of his boyfriend bent over someone else's neck and he convinces his vampire Galra boyfriend that he's more than happy to help him through.

But Keith's feeding method is, well... let's just say that it's a special one only reserved for Lance.

------- Okay listen, I love werewolf Keith as much as the next person, but VAMPIRE KIETH I love it as well, I’ll take both. So this is galra keith, but with vampire tendencies. What is there more to say. Sign me up.

+ Life After Death* by taylortot   RATING: Teen and UP Audiences

Summary:

Fear clambers into his mouth and tastes bitter on his tongue. “Who are you?” It takes him a moment to register the sound of his own voice.

She stares at him. Blinks. “Lance, please, this isn’t time for one of your jokes--”

He furrows his eyebrows and struggles to sit up, to stop leaning into the cradle of her arms. “I’m not--I’m not...joking.”

*

After sacrificing himself to save Allura, Lance wakes up in a strange new world where the only thing he knows is a deep connection to a boy he doesn't remember.

------- PEEK LANGST. I LOVE IT. I LIVE FOR THIS. I’M PREETY SURE WE ALL DO. I HAVE CRIED WITH THIS FIC. UGHHH I LOVE IT.

you build your tower (but call me home)* by parchmints     RATING: Teen and UP Audiences

Summary:

In the land of Arus, the youngest Nalquodian prince—Prince Leandro—is hidden away in a little castle that overlooks the kingdom; a countermeasure to protect him from the Galran assassins that have sworn to take his life.

And in the tallest tower of the castle, behind a grimy rose window and under a dusty sheet, is an enchanting gargoyle that the prince finds himself compelled to visit every day.

Almost as if by a spell...

------ Something about Keith being a gargoyle and Lance being a prince has me feeling some type of way....... I can’t deal.

And Your Skin Blooms Purple and Blue* by Zizzani    RATING: Teen and UP Audiences

Summary:

When Keith leaves the team to join the Blade of Marmora, he quickly resigns himself to the limitations of being the only soldier with human blood. That is, until he discovers he's not.

i.e. an AU where Lance was raised by the Blades and ends up meeting Keith along the way.

-------- Lance is a badass BoM, what is there more to say really.

Voltron Cafe by PinkHitman   RATING: Not Rated

Summary:

Lance is the number one butler at a maid cafe, and his number one customer? Just his old High School rival Keith.

------- I think I want to work at a maid cafe for at least a year in my life so I think this is why I love this fic so much. Plus there is domestic Klance.

+ How To Train Your Galra Series by magisterpavus   RATING: Explicit 

Summary:

"Shiro, I fucked up," Keith blurted, wringing his hands.

Shiro paused mid-punch, shooting him a quizzical look. "What? What happened?"

"I think," Keith whispered, "I think I accidentally roofied Lance. With my dick."

------- I’m a sinner and sucker for bottom Lance, so this series is it for me man. That’s all I’m gonna say.

+ Drive It Like You Mean It  by Zizzani    RATING: Explicit 

Summary:

The Castle of Lions is the venue for the city's most dangerous illegal street races where drivers come to test the cut of their tires. Lance has long defended his title as champion, but when a newcomer shows up and threatens his position things take an interesting turn.

----- Fucking race cars AU? ? ? ?  My goddamn weakness.

A healthy dose of Denial never hurt anyone by crystalklances    RATING: Teen and UP Audiences

Summary:

There was a cough behind them. Keith and Lance both turned around to see that the other players were looking at them in amusement.

One of the guys said, “Look, we’re happy for you, but you two are giving us diabetes.”

“Yeah, not everyone here is into PDA. Get a room.”

“What? What’re you talking about?” Keith asked, furrowing his brows.

“We know you’re dating but you don’t have to be glued to each other all the time.”

“We aren’t dating!” Keith and Lance both said at the same time.

---- Or: 5 times Keith and Lance deny they are boyfriends, and the time they finally don't

------- Oblivious Keith and Lance? Gold. Pure gold.

Color Adjacent Series by OneManBand   RATING: Explicit

Summary:

Keith knows Lance's secret but at least he didn't tell the rest of the team.

----- I know what you are going to say, bottom Keith? When I’ve been preaching about bottom Lance? Well let me tell you, I’m not opposed to both, I just have a preference, but right now? Demon! Lance? AND top Lance? Sign me up as a sinner.

+ The Future's Full of Clones by jilliancares    RATING: Explicit

Summary:

Keith accidentally winds up in his future self’s body, who he then has to pretend to actually be because apparently the future is full of clones who will say or do anything to trick Team Voltron. In the future, anyone acting out of the ordinary is a suspect, and Keith can't afford to get his future-self killed by being incompetent. This is only made harder by the fact that he has to pretend to know what it’s like to be a boyfriend, because in the future, he and Lance are dating.

----- I LIVE FOR THIS FIC. I’VE READ IT TOO MANY TIMES PROBABLY. YOU SHOULD TOO.

------------

That is sadly all for now, but I’ll put more up in the future for the one person who will see this (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BOY LANCEY LANCE

[carolnein]

some recovered symphogear asks from “send me the first sentence of a fic and i’ll write five(ish) more.” (sometimes way more if i really like the prompt.) ctrl+f [#] to skip

[1] - Shirabe headed towards the kitchen, intending to set her bag of groceries down on the counter, only to stumble to an abrupt stop at the threshold upon seeing that everything was somehow on fire.

[2] - “Papa,” Carol called, watching her father busying himself with numerous vials before him, “where do people go when they die?”

[3-1] - Maria stilled as Chris recoiled from her touch, the latter visibly struggling between maintaining eye contact or looking away. [G version]

[3-2] - Maria stilled as Chris recoiled from her touch, the latter visibly struggling between maintaining eye contact or looking away. [GX version]

[4] - “Yukine, what is this…?” Tsubasa asked, running her fingers lightly over the butterfly tattoo on Chris’ skin.

[5] - Tsubasa spoke quietly, avoiding Kanade’s eyes. “I… don’t want to talk about my family.”

[1]

Shirabe headed towards the kitchen, intending to set her bag of groceries down on the counter, only to stumble to an abrupt stop at the threshold upon seeing that everything was somehow on fire.

“Shirabe!” came Kirika’s immediate yell, and Shirabe found her beating at the flame on the stove with a hand towel. The sink was running, and there was a pot collecting the water. Based on the puddle on the floor, Shirabe assumed Kirika was dousing the flames.

Wordlessly, Shirabe dropped the groceries, not caring that she was probably cracking eggs or bruising produce, and took the fire extinguisher out from a cabinet, putting out the flames before they could spread further.

“What did you do, Kiri-chan?” Shirabe asked tiredly, trying not to look at the scorched walls or burned towels.

“Well, I was done with the frying oil,” Kirika pointed at a pot now full of foam, “so I wondered what would happen if I dropped an ice cube in it,” she stated, as if it were the obvious thing to do.

Shirabe could only sigh.

[2]

“Papa,” Carol called, watching her father busying himself with numerous vials before him, “where do people go when they die?”

Isaac put his tongs down to hold his hands in front of him, contemplating how to explain such a complicated concept to her; she was old enough to understand the basics of alchemy, and how to gather and harvest materials, but death was something she’d only recently begun to comprehend.

“Why do you ask?” he started, hoping to buy some time to answer, and to just answer her specific request to prevent further questions that she wasn’t prepared to learn.

She looked up at him with wide eyes, not sad, but curious, and said, “I want to know where Mama is.”

“Ah, okay.” He patted his lap to invite her up, and she crawled and kicked her way to sit on him with just a little help. “You go somewhere called Heaven.”

“Heaven?” She mumbled the word again to herself. “Where is it?”

“In the sky, above the clouds,” he said. Carol looked out the window with that answer. “That’s where God is, too.”

“And we can’t visit because it’s so high? Can’t you build stairs?”

Isaac laughed at the innocence of her solution. “You can only get in when it’s your time to die, and God takes you.”

“Oh.” Carol looked deep in thought again, a serious expression on her small face. “But we can’t die, or we won’t be able to help anyone.”

“That’s right, we still have a purpose in this world before we can move into the next. Your mama left because she had a purpose in Heaven.” Part of him was glad that she didn’t have to be as sad about the loss as he was, but he cursed the fact that she would spend so much of her childhood without a mother.

A look of frustration crossed Carol’s face. “Why was it Mama’s time to go?”

“Nobody knows why God does what he does, and we can never find out until we join Him.” Isaac patted her head, ruffling her hair in a way that always bothered her and made her try to smooth it back out immediately.

“What’s Heaven like?” she asked, trying to shake his hand off; if he didn’t keep the mood light and his spirits up, discussing the inevitability of death and his late wife with his too-young daughter might have been too much to deal with.

“It’s the best thing you’ll ever experience, and it makes everything that happens to us while we’re alive worth living through,” he explained, closing his eyes briefly and smiling. “We can’t comprehend such a place, but I’m sure your mother is happy there while she waits for us.”

“Okay…” Her brow furrowed in thought, and then she looked back up at him. “But you can’t go to Heaven before I do, Papa.”

He laughed a little, wrapping an arm around her to pull her in closer. It wasn’t a promise he could make, but that talk could wait until she was a little older. “I’ll do my best.”

Carol leaned into him, gripping the side of his hand with tiny fingers. The heaviness of the conversation forgotten, she suddenly asked, “Can we have lunch?”

“Sure, what do you want?” He let her go when she squirmed and kicked her way out of his lap to stand on her own.

“Sandwiches.” After a brief moment of thought, she clarified, “I want to make them this time.”

Another laugh, at how incompetent he was in the eyes of his daughter who couldn’t even reach the stove without assistance. But still, he couldn’t deny that she’d already picked up the basics of cooking more easily than he had. “Alright, go get your stool.”

---

Heaven is the best thing you’ll ever experience. Carol had never forgotten these words, and the promise of an eternity spent with her father and near-forgotten mother. She would do her best like he’d told her too, so that they could meet again at the pearly gates when it was their time.

She was positive that it wasn’t Isaac’s time to go to Heaven yet. They still had so much work to do, and so many people to save.

It makes everything that happens to us while we’re alive worth living through. How great could any place be so great that being betrayed by your patients and burning to death was worth it?

The magistrate announced that the witches were destined for Hell if their souls weren’t purified, but Isaac was a good person. His soul was more pure than any of them, who would take him from her without warning or reason. If God wouldn’t take him, then she didn’t want anything to do with Him or his followers.

I’ll do my best, he promised. But Carol was going to have to wait a long, long time to see him again in Heaven.

[3-1]

Maria stilled as Chris recoiled from her touch, the latter visibly struggling between maintaining eye contact or looking away.

Maria put a lot of work into her commanding demeanor, but she had only slightly moved towards Chris, who was cowering, but somehow seemed more shy than afraid. It was dark, so Maria had to be imagining her blush, or misinterpreting a fearful grimace as a hopeful smile.

“What did you call me out here for?” Maria asked, only after she’d composed herself to speak clearly. It was suspicious that a single member of the enemy group would ask to meet her out here, at night, in a secluded-but-still-public location, without explanation. “Does Section Two wish to make a deal?”

“No, they… I’m alone. They don’t know I’m out here.” Chris glanced back at Maria, holding her gaze for longer this time. “And, you didn’t tell anyone either…right, Finé?”

Finé… Maria swallowed hard, worried this was an attack to take her out because of the soul slowly possessing her, and was immediately grateful that Kirika and Shirabe were very close by for protection.

This fear might have been unfounded, as Chris threw herself to Maria, crying softly. “D-do you remember me?”

Whatever Finé had done before Maria hosted her soul had messed up the girl clinging to Maria, possibly in a way Maria couldn’t comprehend, but what Maria did know was that, something more important than the guilt she felt, a contact from the enemy had come to her willingly.

“Remind me,” Maria said in the smoothest voice she could muster, drawing Chris closer to her chest and trying to ignore Chris’ violent shaking when she did so, “because I’m here for you now.”

[3-2]

Maria stilled as Chris recoiled from her touch, the latter visibly struggling between maintaining eye contact or looking away.

Maria had been around Section Two long enough that fresh wounds were healing over, the others were becoming comfortable with her presence, and Kirika and Shirabe had even started to make friends; however, Chris had yet to warm up to her, and reacted fearfully even when Maria brushed up against her in a break room. What stood out most, though, was that Chris was clearly afraid, but not explosive like she was with literally everyone else. Even Hibiki and Tsubasa, who were her friends before the FIS came into the picture, were victims of Chris’s embarrassed wrath, but Chris didn’t dare raise her voice at Maria.

“I’m…” Maria was about to apologize as she usually did, but they were currently alone, and she took advantage of the situation. “Did I do something to upset you?”

Chris’ eyes were wide, and she stammered for a moment, but didn’t say anything coherent. Maria touched her on the arm in a way she might hold onto Kirika or Shirabe supportively, but Chris jerked away and gave a strangled shout, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Chris, you can tell me if—” Maria couldn’t finish her sentence before Chris yelled an excuse to leave, too fast to understand, and rushed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

Maria swam in guilt, not sure if it was her fault at all, but she decided this was the sign that she should ask somebody else what might be going on.

[4]

“Yukine, what is this…?” Tsubasa asked, running her fingers lightly over the butterfly tattoo on Chris’ skin.

Chris’ skin erupted in goosebumps from the touch, and she pulled away, Tsubasa taking the hint and drawing her hand back. “It’s, uh…” Chris covered where it was on her thigh instinctively. “I’ve had it for a while.”

Tsubasa had her questions, but kept quiet, not daring to risk dragging up a bad memory that Chris wouldn’t want to talk about, and laid back down next to her.

Chris was quiet as well, but soon after, spoke up. “You’re not going to ask about it?”

“Not if you don’t want to talk about it,” Tsubasa said gently; she wasn’t always the most tactful person, but she did know when it was better to be quiet and let things happen at a comfortable pace.

Chris retained that silence, before mumbling, “Finé…”

Tsubasa gave a small hum to ask her to repeat herself.

“It was Finé. So that she’d always be with me.”

Tsubasa still wouldn’t speak, but Chris didn’t continue her explanation, and rolled over to face Tsubasa and bury herself into her, the way she often did when emotional and trying not to lash out.

This was Tsubasa’s cue to speak, and carefully keeping her hands off Chris while she was unstable, she whispered words that were both comforting and safe. “She’s gone, and you don’t have to be afraid of her anymore.”

[5]

Tsubasa spoke quietly, avoiding Kanade’s eyes. “I… don’t want to talk about my family.”

Kanade tilted her head to the side curiously, hair bouncing out of place from the motion. “The commander’s been great, though - any problems with him I should know about?”

“My uncle is the exception; he’s been nothing but good to me since I came here.” Genjuuro was perhaps the only blood-related family member that Tsubasa felt close to, outside of the ties she was born with. He treated her not just as a niece or sister, but as a capable coworker who didn’t need the coddling treatment you’d give a younger family member.

“Your dad’s the one who got me here with you. What about him?” Kanade noticed the way Tsubasa’s jaw set and her eyes flicked to the opposite side. “Alright, I won’t ask anymore,” she said, brushing a hand through Tsubasa’s hair.

Tsubasa started to apologize, when Kanade cut her off with, “I was close with my dad. Mom too, but Dad and I spent almost all of his off time together.”

“Why…” Tsubasa started, the remaining “are you telling me this?” lost when Kanade squeezed her tightly.

“You might not want to talk about your family, but I don’t get the chance to talk about mine very often.” There was a sad hint to Kanade’s voice, under her usual cheery demeanor. “So let me talk for a bit, okay, Tsubasa?”

[5hfanfiction]

Too Close To Home - Chapter 12

“I know it’s not ideal going here again. You know, considering our last encounter here. And it’s okay if you don’t want to. We can just go back to the hotel or something-”

“Lo.”

“-It’s your birthday so it’s your choice. I don’t mind. I don’t want to do anything against your will. So it’s fine if-”

“Lo.”

“-you wanna go back. Really.. It’s not like I thought this through or-”

“Lauren,” I say firmly, causing her to stop rambling, finally catching her attention. “Breathe,” I say softly, cackling a bit at how nervous she is. Through all of the time we’ve hung out today, she was never uncertain of things. I don’t understand why she’s nervous now.

As she caught her breath, I decided to speak, “I don’t mind going here… Really. I just don’t understand why.”

“Oh, um.. it’s cause I don’t like leaving things on a bad note here. I want to make amends, I guess. You know? Replacing the bad memories by the good ones,” she says, chuckling nervously.

She’s so nervous, it’s comical. I decided to tease her to calm her down. “Who says we’re gonna have a good time now?” I question while smirking.

“Well, umm.. for one, I have sandwiches in the trunk and you never get angry when there’s food.”

True.

“Secondly, we’re better now, considering we spent our day without trying to kill each other.”

“Who says I didn’t want to kill you? I held your hand when I got my tattoo for a reason, Lauren. I wanted to crush your bones so you’ll die. It was the perfect plan, I would have some sort of reason to ‘accidentally’ kill you. But I was too nice and decided to spare your life.. For now. You think I would hold your hand willingly? Such accusations, Lauren,” I huff playfully.

She laughs loudly, her head falling against the steering wheel. Even if it’s probably the lamest joke I’ve ever said, she never fails to make me feel like I’m the funniest person alive.

As she catches her breath, she smiles and says, “Since it’s your birthday, I’ll believe your logic on how crushing a single hand could kill a person. But are you sure you wanna go? It’s really okay if you don’t want to.”

“It’s fine.. I kinda understand. I don’t think I wanna leave negative memories here too.”

“Alright then.”

She climbs out, opening the door for me yet again. And although she’s done this a lot of times now, it never fails to make me giddy.

Before we walk to the path we know so well, she opens the trunk to take out a basket and a picnic blanket.

Damn, clearly this doesn’t look like she’s 'not thinking it through.’ But I decided not to tease her with that, it would just make her embarrassed.

We walk to our spot, side by side, kicking the small pebbles softly as we past them.

She places the basket down and spreads the blanket across the sand as we reach our spot. She sits down when everything was done. A wave of nausea hits me. Even if it’s in the afternoon instead of any other time, spring instead of any other season, sun instead of the moon, clothed with a blanket instead of just the sand bed, Lauren would sit on the same damn spot she always sits on.

As she sits, staring at the ocean ahead, I start to picture Lauren who brought me here since the very beginning, then I picture Lauren who was talking animatedly about Luis, then I picture Lauren who was trying to convince me to skinny dip on the empty beach in the middle of a cold night. I picture a confused Lauren way back when I admitted how I felt for her, I picture a Lauren who I brought here for our very first date because we couldn’t be like normal couples. And lastly, I picture a Lauren who broke my heart by saying she regretted that we moved beyond friendship.

I know I shouldn’t think about this. After all, she did say sorry. But then, does an apology actually mean anything? She said it without thinking so she must’ve thought of it before, right? But then.. Lauren’s trying to make an effort and I do want her in my life. So I just shake my thoughts out of my head and sit down beside her.

The wave hitting the banks were the only sound we could listen to for a moment. It’s funny. It sort of reminds me of us. We keep going back and forth with each other just like how the waves are going back and forth against the bed. No matter how hard we try to fight against the wind, the nature only seems to bring us closer together.

I’ve said and convinced myself that I’ve moved on. But now, I’m not so sure anymore. And the crazy part is that in a span of less than 12 hours, she just made me re-question how I feel about her.

I decided to break the silence, “Remember last year when you asked if I’ve ever brought anyone here? I never got the chance to ask you the same thing.”

She turns to me, tilting her head a bit as a sign of curiosity, a soft smile on her lips before answering, “No.”

“Not even Lucy?”

“She doesn’t know about this place,” she answers simply.

“Why not?”

“Just like the reason why you didn’t bring anyone else, didn’t feel right to. Why?”

“Nothing. I just find it weird since she’s your fiancé and everything. It’s odd that you’re keeping this from her.”

“Do you want me to tell her?”

“It’s your choice, I guess. I don’t think we can call it ours anymore.”

“Why not?”

“It doesn’t feel right, I guess. It was ours when we were.. um- together.”

“Right..” she trails off, looking ahead, admiring the view of front of her.

This is actually the first time we mentioned Lucy explicitly. The whole day was just about us. It’s oddly satisfying.

“I’m still not gonna tell her though.” She continues after a while.

I just look at her. Her side view is sculpted so well. The way her jaw clenches from time to time as the sound of waves rings in our ears. How is she even legal to live? She makes all the other girls out to shame, and that’s only by her looks.

Her mind.. That’s something else. That’s something that I can’t put to words. It’s too great that a simple adjective like wonderful cannot justify.

We talk about everything then, chattering aimlessly about what we find interesting. It’s not like the how was your day kind, it’s the type where you talk about what’s going on through our heads, the type where we talk passionately about random things, the type where it’s not personal but in a way, it is, because it’s like being inside someone’s mind.

And this is why I love having Lauren around. We’re so similar. We both love books, we both love music and we both hate Trump. But in a way, we’re so different. We think differently. Yes we both love books, the same genre even, but our interpretation on the books are different. She looks at it in one perspective while I look at it in another. Yes we both love the same type of music, but again, it’s different because it hits us differently, based on our own experiences and views on the song. Yes, we both hate Trump but like, we’re so different in how we react. She reacts aggressively on it, talking about how he’s incompetent to be a leader while I prefer talking about it calmly, spreading love instead of hate.

I’m not saying that her way of thinking is wrong, I actually find it endearing, How she spends her day talking about politics and human rights instead of the next make up product that comes out the next day. After all, she is saying those things because she only wants the best for people.

She doesn’t deserve to be in the entertainment business to be honest. Not because she’s bad at it, but rather because of the way she is. She’s just so intelligent that she shouldn’t be in a world where they just entertain and perform for people. Frankly, we get joked around, dictated whether our dress is the best one or the worst, our personal lives getting tossed around everywhere in social medias, not caring whether it’s an invasion of privacy or not, we get instructed where we go and who we should date. She doesn’t deserve any of this. She deserves much-much better.

She deserves a platform, not a platform where she dances suggestively, but rather a platform where she can speak her mind, a platform where she can express using such complex words, a simple platform where everyone just stops and stare at her, listening to every single word that comes out of her mouth.

I’m surprised she lasted this long though. I’ve always thought that by the time Fifth Harmony hits the 5 year peak, she would quit. But if I think about it, she would’ve if there wasn’t anything that would be holding her back. And that’s Dinah, Ally and Normani.

She’s probably only doing this because she doesn’t want to let them down. They’re all achieving their goals -even if it’s not Lauren’s- together. After all, they are a family.

And I was too, until I decided to quit.

It was selfish, I know it is. Hell, I’ve known since I first thought of it. But it was just too much. Everything I once love was beginning to make me hate it.

And I loathe hate so that says a lot.

“I’m sorry for leaving the group.”

“Huh?”

“I know it’s all of the sudden, considering we were just talking about how education is important, but I never got a chance to apologize to you guys. So yeah, I’m sorry for leaving the group. I’m not sorry for chasing after my dream, but I’m sorry that I left you guys behind.”

She smiles at me, eating a sandwich from the basket as she does so. “It’s okay.”

“Were you ever pissed at me?” I ask shyly, knowing the answer already.

“I mean.. Yeah at first.. I don’t know, when you first said that you were considering it, I was mad, fuming really. I don’t know, I felt like you were giving up on us. We built it together and for you to just leave when we were just starting to get our recognition felt as if you were using us…”

I wanted to stop her by saying that it’s not that, but I decided against it. She’s really talking and I feel like she needed to let this all out.

“… And for months, I kept thinking of why you would do that. Because that wasn’t the Camila I once knew. But I couldn’t ask you, we weren’t talking. We broke up and you hated me, so I didn’t want to add any more fuel to the fire. I thought that even if you quit, the least I could do is make end it on a good note. And I tried. I really did. I tried to bring you down and party with us during the Fourth of July but you turned us down. I sang Dope to you, hoping you would dance with me but instead, you turned the other way. But then, everything turned as October rolled around, you seemed happier. You finally communicated with us and I thought you decided to stay. But when I heard that you terminated the contract, I was shocked. I was so confused, Dinah and Ally were crying, Normani seemed pissed. I was.. impassive. I felt like I was just moving in motion. I didn’t want to believe it. I even went through the 5 stages of grief…”

She stops for a second, taking a shaky breath, looking at the scene in front of us, “The sad part was that you weren’t dead. I was grieving over you but you weren’t dead. You were the opposite of it, you were.. alive. You were everywhere. Everytime I went to instagram, everyone starts commenting 'Camren’ or anything related to you. Every article about you says that you seem to be the happiest than you’ve ever been, that sucked because I felt like we held you down - like I held you down.”

“First, I was in denial, not believing anything the people said. I stopped checking my social medias, knowing that you would be mentioned.”

“Second, I was angry. Just absolutely painstakingly angry, I was pissed that you were selfish, that you were using us, that you didn’t care about us, that you would throw our days together out of the window. I couldn’t exactly be angry at you, so I started being angry at the people around me.”

“Then, I started to bargain. Hoping, praying that you would come back and say that it was a prank.”

“Depression came after I realized that you’re not coming back. I was sad. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t have fun really. I started writing on my journal more than necessary. I actually have more than 20 pages dedicated to you.”

“But at last, I accepted it. When your first single as a solo artist hit the radio, I realized that it wasn’t our fault. It was neither of us. Actually, I was probably more than proud because honestly, I’ve always wanted to leave the group, simply because it’s not my kind of scene. I’m not into fame or anything. But I never took the initiative to actually go through with it. I was too scared. But you did. You are so brave in the things you do Camz. I started to realize that it wasn’t the the girls’ fault, it was Fifth Harmony. Our songs doesn’t make any sense and you didn’t want that. You didn’t want to sing about things you couldn’t relate. And now, look at you, your album is amazing. There are a few of pop songs here and there but it feels like we could finally dive into the mind of Camila Cabello. And you’re happier now. So no, I’m not angry anymore. I’m actually proud of you that you would take the risk of trying it on your own. The world is cruel, so are the people. You’ve gone through hate even before you left, you must’ve gone worse after you did. And there I was pissed that you were selfish when in truth, I was. I wanted you to stay for my own selfish reasons and for that, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t owe me an apology, Lo.” I chucked, trying to ease the mood. It got deeper each second. “Thank you though, I knew that if there was someone who could understand me, it would be you.”

I refrained from saying that another reason for me leaving was because of her. It feels like I would be stepping on the boundaries if I were to mention that I quit because I hated seeing Lauren and Lucy together.

She dug into the picnic basket and took out a wireless speaker. She connected her phone with the speaker and played a playlist that she knows we both love. All of them contained songs that we both listened to back when we were together.

We stayed for another hour or two, talking and sometimes just staring either at each other or at the ocean. Both of them just as beautiful.

It felt like a date, Lucy’s name never came up after that and I couldn’t be more grateful. Again, it’s not that I hate her, it’s just that she has someone that I can’t have.

That is until Lauren’s phone vibrated, indicating that there’s a message.

“Lucy said she’s there already with the other girls, Dinah let them in already. Do you wanna go now?”

“Uhh.. Yeah, sure.”

After packing everything, we walk back to the car sitting idly on the parking lot. We slid into the car and starts driving to my hotel building.

What I can’t seem to understand was that I can see Lauren purposely trying to procrastinate going to the inevitable destination. She’s driving slowly, slower than the drive to the other places. Then, she would intentionally slow down when there’s a traffic light near. Just in time for it to turn yellow. Not only that, I noticed that she’s driving in a longer path, making busy traffic as an excuse not to use the shortcut.

We talk too, and it wasn’t the kind of talk that you force it out because of trying to fill the silence, it went on fluidly, question after question, answer after answer, and we can’t seem to get enough of each other.

Unfortunately, the hotel building came into view, meaning that this is our last chance to be alone together for a while.

The elevator made a ding, indicating that we are at my floor. As I unlock the door with my card, I was greeted by a unison, “Surprise!!”, making me startle unattractively. A huge grin on my face replaced the confused/constipated expression as I realized that the girls planned a surprise party. For me.

But then, overthinking came and I started thinking if Lauren only did what she did to distract me while the others get ready for the party.

I couldn’t rationalize that thought as people started to go around me and hug me one by one, greeting happy birthdays as they go. There were quite a lot of people but my mind couldn’t register the guests since everyone came at once.

I realized that Lauren’s not by my side anymore. I decided to search for her to thank her for a great birthday but stopped once I saw her kissing Lucy lovingly in the corner of the room, smiling as they do so.

Of course, no matter how much fun we had, at the end of the day, Lauren will go to the one person who she loves most. And by looking at them whispering sweet nothings to each other, not caring about the others, the sinking feeling in my stomach makes me want to lock myself in the bathroom and just cry.

But I can’t do that now. It’s my birthday and everyone’s here to celebrate it with me.

It was great - awesome really - while it lasted.