#why can i not have the strength and courage of Sister H who decided halfway into anorexia that she was going to Not.
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okay so prayer request. a week and a half ago i discussed a specific behaviour i've been very tempted to do for months with my psych. this is Not A Good Behaviour. anyway as of tonight i have now done it three (3) times - twice while i was at my parents and once just now. it is. A Bad Idea. i know this and i know how dangerous it is and i cannot find it in me to care enough to stop myself. if you are sunny you'll know what behaviour i'm talking about. but regardless i would like prayers, both to generally Feel Better and also to not make this in to a habit: it becomes clinically significant if it's done once every week or fortnight for three months, but at the same time it's much much easier to stop it before it starts than to try and stop it once it's become a compulsion.
#i have done a lot of research on it and all my research says: do not do this.#that sign won't stop me because i won't read. or something.#it is hard sometimes having excellent insight. knowing exactly how much of a bad idea something is. and wanting to do it anyway.#why can i not have the strength and courage of Sister H who decided halfway into anorexia that she was going to Not.#or Sister R who used to have scrupulosity and decided Not To.#personal#prayer request#puddleglum hours#tw ed#<- yup im talking about an ED behaviour here
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