#it is hard sometimes having excellent insight. knowing exactly how much of a bad idea something is. and wanting to do it anyway.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

okay so prayer request. a week and a half ago i discussed a specific behaviour i've been very tempted to do for months with my psych. this is Not A Good Behaviour. anyway as of tonight i have now done it three (3) times - twice while i was at my parents and once just now. it is. A Bad Idea. i know this and i know how dangerous it is and i cannot find it in me to care enough to stop myself. if you are sunny you'll know what behaviour i'm talking about. but regardless i would like prayers, both to generally Feel Better and also to not make this in to a habit: it becomes clinically significant if it's done once every week or fortnight for three months, but at the same time it's much much easier to stop it before it starts than to try and stop it once it's become a compulsion.

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

being honest i dont get jm using a award to say he misses tannie... we don’t know 90% of their lives but they are very close to the point of still sleeping together sometimes. and going deep if they were really a couple jm woudnt miss taes dog right? and even as friends he could visit it. unless its because of their schedule right... this kind of comment sometimes confuses me and haters will use it as “they arent close” lol. i just wanted to know your pov.

Judging by Admin 2's reaction, as well as some others in our asks, I have a feeling I was the only one with a more realistic expectation, or lack of expectations, as I waited for the BTS profiles to be posted. Based on last year's, I knew expecting something grand out of Tae, and especially Jimin, would just be me setting myself up for failure, which is what I think happened here.

But, let's discuss it.

I spent a solid couple of hours making an excel table last night that contains everything every member said about every member (sourcing 3 translators for maximum insight) to see if really what Jimin chose for Tae is so "bad" that suddenly people are sending us asks like this one, and another one I'll add later down the line. And the conclusion I've come to is that...what he gave to Tae, as well as Hobi and Seokjin, as awards are the only ones that have any actual emotional/personal connection to them.

With Namjoon and JK Jimin basically states the obvious--Namjoon is tall and JK has gained muscle mass, meaning nothing new or with a proper emotional connection was stated; to Yoongi he made the same request many other members have made, so a work connection, nothing inherently personal.

Now, compared to that--Seokjin teases him/them, which isn't new info, so Jimin asked him to stop or do it less, a valid request which I'm sure he also voiced to Seokjin outside of this FESTA profile and also shows a degree of personal connection; Hobi gets requested to not walk away after asking Jimin a question, which again shows a personal connection and that it's a reoccurring thing; and lastly Tae with Tannie.

Something I've noticed is that some ARMY, who are used to our western celebrities and draw conclusions about idols based on those parameters, forget that BTS are busy, like whatever you consider busy, take that and multiply it by ten. During his vlive with Hobi and Yoongi back in April, Tae said that they are much busier and their lives far more hectic than any of us realize. Taking that into account, and the fact that one of the members (I think it might have been Seokjin) mentioned they work at least ten hours a day for 360 days a year with practice, MV and CF filming, photoshoots, interviews, recording and working on music, meetings, and many other things we have no idea about, do you really think Yeontan lives with Tae full time? A dog needs to get walked and fed but if Tae is out of the house every day for at least ten hours, what would happen to Tannie? He'd just sit around at home alone all day which just isn't fair, so I'm sure Tannie lives with Tae's parents much the same way Micky lives with Hobi's parents and/or his sister, JKs dog lives with his family, Holly lives with Yoongi’s brother, Moni with Namjoon's, and years ago Seokjin had to give his sugar gliders to his parents because he was too busy to take care of them.

Based on that of that, I'm not sure how often Tae get's to see Tannie. Probably not all that often, to be honest. So, if Tannie's owner doesn't get to see him often, I'd assume Jimin gets to see him even less (if we work on the assumption that Tannie lives with Tae's parents and thus Tae could only really see him when visiting them or when they visit him, that means Jimin wouldn't be able to see Tannie just like that either, since that would be like intruding on family time, right?). And we know Jimin loves Tannie, so him using that award to say he misses him and is asking about him shows care and an emotional connection to Tannie. Do I think Jimin also asks Tae privately about Tannie? Absolutely. And still, while Jimin didn't give Tae the, I don't know, "hot body Award" like Yoongi did with Namjoon or the "person I love most in the world award" (which we should know by now would never happen, and if you expected something of that intensity level, than I'm sorry but you've set yourself up for disappointment from the start), he still drew a personal and emotional connection between himself and Tae, as well as the pet Tae loves dearly.

More below the cut:

Jimin could’ve asked about the other pets of the members, but he didn’t, he only ever really talked about Tannie, and here he does it again, so doesn’t that show that he has a bond with him, a closer one than the other members since they don’t/didn’t ask about him (except for Hobi that one time on weverse)?

Speaking of Hobi, am I the only one who finds it interesting and cute that he only drew little hearts for Jimin and Tae when writing down their awards?

Also, we have to remember that these profiles are for us, fan content (remember when Jimin asked Tae last year to post more pictures of Tannie on weverse because ARMY miss seeing him, so what if this is drawing a connection/parallel to that?), and not meant as the members “confessing” something to each other that they otherwise wouldn’t or don’t have the chance to do so. It’s not meant to be all that serious and instead just be fun and nice for us to read, show us a bit of their dynamic and that’s it, no world shattering revelations to be found, from any of them. Or do you really think Yoongi doesn’t like Jimin just because he told Jimin he’s trying too hard to be funny? It’s just part of their dynamic. Or that none of the members have anything else to say to JK besides commenting on his body/appearance? As for vmin, I’d like to remind us of this moment from their Friends subunit interview for FESTA 2020:

Whatever Jimin and Tae want to say to each other, they don’t need FESTA to do it, or us to be there as witnesses. Like Tae didn’t already say enough by telling us that 95z is love. Or Jimin by writing Friends.

From anon: because of you I came back da Namjin. I am a senior army and 2 years ago I left Namjin because I thought they broke up. You made me three Vmin but after what JK wrote about Jimin and after Jm himself about his chances I think that vmin are not together or Jimin withdrew. I think Jk would not dare to write about Jm that he has cute fingers etc if vmin were a relationship. it goes too far and confuses Jk too much. I don't want to say that J / k*ok is real because it certainly isn't !!!!

Now this is where I just sit and sigh heavily because it’s exactly what I expected and I will admit it irks me to no end. Let’s establish a little timeline:

Based on the FESTA Mission! BTS 4 Cuts Teaser that was posted earlier we can deduce that at least part of FESTA was already being prepared back in the first half of March, since on March 12th Jimin, Namjoon and Seokjin had their salad making vlive. Let’s suppose that everything FESTA related was prepared and written out by the members around that time as well. Sometime later BTS filmed YOU QUIZ followed by LET’S BTS and BTSxGame Caterers and everything else we’ve seen after that.

Or going a little further back to sometime in November 2020 while they were preparing for MMA 2020 and the Black Swan performance. We got the practice video today and if you pay attention to Jimin and Tae even there you notice that while Tae is waiting for his turn in the choreography, Jimin runs past him after his part is done (0:55) and they pat each other or do a “high five” or something along those lines as a way to cheer each other on. A very “we’re broken up” or “I will break up with him soon” thing to do, right? Or in min-January when Tae posted seven pictures out of which three were of just Jimin after an ARMY on weverse asked if anyone had any nice pictures they could use as wallpaper for their phone. Between all that I’m having a hard time honestly finding any moment where either of them seemed sad or “cold” toward the other the way you would be and feel if the person you love pulled away from you or broke up with you.

If you are still unconvinced and still think that is what Jimin tried to communicate to us, would Tae really have gone on national TV and said he likes Jimin the most? And would Jimin have agreed that he likes him a lot as well? Or looking at the making video of their Kloud Beer CF that was posted today as well, would Jimin really be looking and interacting with Tae this way if he decided to end things between them?

Also, going back a little, your mention of Jimin reflecting upon opportunities/chances now that it’s a new year. My question is based on what you made the judgment that this comment has to be about vmin and not about something entirely different in Jimin’s life, or maybe something connected to BTS as a whole? Just because of him asking Tae about Tannie? Jimin, as well as Tae and the other members, have entire lives outside of just their bonds with each other, entire careers, passion projects, families, friend groups, and that little bit of time they have to themselves, so immediately thinking Jimin’s comment must be related to his relationship/bond with Tae basically makes it seem like Jimin’s life is a romcom or a TV show in which the only thing that matters is if the main character will date or remain in a relationship with character B or not, but life isn’t like that.

Personally it reminded me of something Tae said during their Bring the Soul documentary about how BTS had the opportunities to go higher faster but they decided against them. Perhaps Jimin’s comment was about something like this as well, especially since we know Jimin is a very private person and very selective of the personal things he shares with us and the ones he doesn’t.

For the FESTA profile JK decided to give Jimin the “Cute Award” with the explanation that his “Face, height, fingers are cute” which, honestly, is just saying something that a) is true and b) has been said in millions of ways by every member across the last couple of years. I don’t see what the issue here is? During one of the episodes of BTSxGame Caterers Seokjin said that Jimin is very cute and that he has a small, beautiful face, so really he even added the word beautiful in there, which JK did not, so what really is the issue here? The fact its JK, right, that’s where the issue lies, to which I ask why? On this blog we’ve already established that there is (in our opinion and based on everything we’ve seen and heard) no romantic connection between JK and Jimin (nor Tae), not now and not in the past either, so why is him saying that Jimin is cute (which he is known for even by people outside of ARMY, or like James Cordon calling him his cute baby mochi) is an issue but Seokjin or any other member is not? Either we use the same measurements for everyone or we don’t compare or make such assumptions about any of them.

What I find curious, because this does make it seem like you, anon, are someone influenced by J*k*ok shippers and their opinions, see an issue in JK saying that about Jimin, and how that’s “proof” that Jimin and Tae can’t possibly be together, and yet you took no issue to Namjoon basically saying he wants to give Tae an award because he is so handsome he is above every list or Yoongi comparing him to Michelangelo's David, both of these being much more superlative and grand complements/awards than JK saying Jimin’s face, height and fingers are cute.

It’s funny how things that Jimin and Tae have said about and to each other that make their bond very clear (I want to live with my lovely Taehyungie forever or here is my love for you while handing Tae a bunch of red heart balloons or 95z is love, a statement I’m sure he wouldn’t post if that sentiment weren’t mutual) are all questioned or ignored, but something as basically trivial as a comment about Jimin being cute is turned into a major issue. The mental gymnastics is fascinating.

Lastly, going back to the first anon and their mention of how haters will use Jimin’s Award for Tae as “proof” that they “aren’t close anymore”--why do we care? Like Namjoon said in the Mic Drop lyrics Haters gon’ hate. They will say a lot of things about a lot of things and even make things up if they feel like it to push their agenda, so really, regardless of what Jimin would’ve said, or not said, they would’ve found a way to twist it and make it fit their narrative. Besides, what haters think has no actual effect or bearing on what Tae and Jimin have with each other, and neither does what other shippers claim. Haters and other shippers don’t control the narrative, BTS do, and everything Jimin and Tae have shown us in 2021, as well as the last eight years, shows me that their bond has only ever grown stronger and closer and more beautiful and awe inspiring, even while haters claimed they stopped being friends years ago, so why should you or I care what they think?

Like Yoongi once said in one of his vlives about how haters can write all they want, he won’t read it while they will get sued.

[himbowelsh]

I love your writing! I don't think I have seen him yet, so sweet Carwood Lip please for the Valentine's alphabet, if you have the time 💖

valentines day alphabet  ( accepting! )

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

He has a very gentle presence, which allows him to share space with someone without being overwhelming. Lip’s love languages are quality time  ---  he thrives in being around people, actively listening to them and getting to know them  ---  and acts of service. Once he knows them well, he’s able to be there for them, doing little things to help them out when they need it most. Lip is a generous guy to begin with, but he’s at his best when able to do things for others. He’s a giver. While not shy about physical affection, he uses it strategically, more to reinforce his presence than be excessively affectionate.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

He has a special fondness for flowers, in the “I should probably not be left alone to grow any of them myself” way. He enjoys looking at them, and his mother maintained a lovely garden which he helped with on occasion, under her strict supervision. Bouquets are a favorite gift, and he’s likely to show up with a nice one to any special occasion.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

He’s not a big fan...  so he’d claim, 'til he spots a bowl of brownie batter, at which point he must be fought off with the nearest ladle.

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

He wouldn’t mind something simple and quiet  ---  maybe a night at home, where he gets to surprise his partner with a homemade dinner. He’d light some candles, get out the nice silverware, and just enjoy the time with his partner; afterwards, they’d go out onto the porch with mugs of coffee or tea, drinking in the quiet night. He’s also partial to visits to museums. Being surrounded by art gives him a certain sense of peace, an insight into humanity as more than it currently is; that’s something he’d love to share with his partner.

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

It’s all about the arms, man. We knows this. He had the arms of a bear-faced god, and isn’t afraid to use them. Being hugged by Lip is like curling up by a fire, under your comfiest blanket, with a good book and a warm drink. He makes people feel safe.

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Shy boy. Flirting is definitely not where he excels, and he’s too guileless to do it properly. Just...  approaching a stranger and winking at them? “Chatting them up”? That’s...  uncomfortable.He’s the sort of guy to buy people drinks at the bar and genuinely not expect anything in return, though it’d be nice if they did. Lip is much more flirtatious once actually in a relationship  ---  he jokes and teases in a charming, restrained way that’s utterly him.

G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

He’s a very thoughtful gift giver, who takes the time to observe what people need, and genuinely listens to them when they talk about things they’re looking for. Unconsciously, he keeps mental lists of gift ideas for all the people in his life, and refers to them whenever a birthday or holiday comes up. He’s not excessive with his gifts, but they’re always just right. (Except when it comes to clothes. He should never be allowed to pick out clothes for other people, especially women’s clothing.)

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

He cares for a lot of people, but Lip is always cautious; his heart is a carefully guarded thing, and once he trusts someone with it, he wants to know that they’re the right person. His heart is won gradually, over a period of coming to know and love a person better. 

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

He finds it very easy, as soon as he knows it within his own heart. Lip could absolutely be the first one to say it in a relationship  ---  and wouldn’t be discouraged if his partner didn’t immediately say it back, because everything comes in it’s own time. He’d rather it be natural than forced in the moment. Lip doesn’t say it constantly, but every time he does, the words carry twice their original meaning.

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

While certainly not intimidated easily, Lip has a jealous streak he goes to great efforts to smother. It’s not gentlemanly, it’s not always sensible, and certainly not something to make a scene in public over...  but he might pointedly capture his partner’s attention if he feels it straying, and try to discuss things in private afterwards. He doesn’t like this part of himself, but he can get a bit defensive sometimes.

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

Lip...  thinks he’s a worse kisser than he is. He underestimates himself. Sometimes overthinking gets the better of him; he’s hyperconscious of where his hands are, what his partner’s body is doing, how they’re responding, whether he’s being gentlemanly or over-forceful...  Lip’s kisses tend to be restrained and respectful, not assuming anything. The farthest he’ll go is sucking on his partner’s lip a little, just to test their response. Whatever response they give, and whatever lead they take, he’ll go from there. Given the proper cues,

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

His mother and brother, absolutely; his friends, completely; his neighbors, because he’s the sort of guy who knows his neighbors’ names, and helps Old Mrs. Huston down the street with her groceries every week; and his partner, with all his heart, if he were to have one.

M   :   MOONLIGHT.   is morning or night a more romantic setting?

He’s at his most sappy romantic mid-morning, when the sun’s high in the sky and the world is finding its rhythm. Getting to spend a quiet morning in with his partner sounds like heaven.

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

He’s willing to follow his partner anywhere they want to take him; Lip can never be comfortable until he’s sure his partner is, and is sure of what they want. Now, if they want him to be dominant, he’ll do it gladly...  but he’ll never be rough. He’s very into hearing his partner talk during sex, mostly because he wants to keep tabs and know how they’re doing; but if his partner’s the one who seizes control, Lip runs out of words very quickly. Harsh breathing, moans even when he tries to hold them back, eyes squeezed shut to cling to his self-control... into hand holding during sex.  He’s a very physical lover, with a lot of stamina; sometimes leaves bruises without meaning to and feels guilty afterwards  (aftercare with Lip is like going to a spa). Occasionally he enjoys music to set the mood, or even candlelight, but Lip’s versatile. If his partner’s up for it, he can rumble pretty much anywhere.

O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?

He’s a surprisingly skilled writer, and can be quite eloquent when he puts his mind to it. Though plainspoken by nature, Lip’s written a few poems for his private collection, and would definitely try his hand at love poetry for his partner. They’re not half-bad.

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Lip kind of wants someone who can keep him on his toes a bit. For as steady as he is, he’s drawn to unpredictable people, with a healthy sense of humor. Someone who appreciates quiet, but knows exactly when to fill it; someone who isn’t afraid of responsibility or commitment. A hard worker; someone who can carry an intelligent conversation, and is naturally a thinker. If they share common interests, like literature/museums/engineering, he’d be absolutely delighted. Above all else, Lip’s drawn to people with beautiful smiles, even if they don’t show it off that often.

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

Call him traditional (it’s valid, cause he is) but Lip would like to be the one to pop the question. As soon as he decides that, yes, he wants to spend the rest of his life with this person, Lip’s next step is to evaluate  ---  do they feel the same way? He spends a while overthinking this question before finally deciding to just take the leap and buy a ring. The proposal will come in a quiet moment, when he and his partner are both feeling equally at peace. If his partner beats him to it, he’ll be surprised, of course...  but either way, the end result is the same. If it means spending

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

He wishes he were more romantic...  but, unfortunately, practicality is ingrained in this man’s bones. He’ll definitely surprise his partner with bouquets on occasion, and thinks very carefully about gifts, but he’s not the ‘spontaneous romantic adventure’ sort.

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

He had a few middle school crushes that never went anywhere; that’s as far as Little Lip’s love life ever went. He bore a lot of responsibility from a young age, so never really had time to mess around.

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

He...  would have to see it firsthand to believe in it, but he believes in individual cases of it. Like, his mother and father  ---  that was true love. Lip saw the way they looked at each other, so there’s not a doubt in his mind. He doesn’t believe it’s everywhere, or even common, but in certain cases true love definitely exists. Maybe it’s out there for him, too...  he hopes so.

U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?

In a romantic relationship? Not...  not really. Lip’s got a strong heart. It’s endured a lot, and can endure more.

V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

He’s a very proper “dinner date and a box of chocolates” type, so would go out of his way to do something nice for a partner, but doesn’t make much of the day himself.

W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?

Yes, this is absolutely something he wants! Lip’s given it a lot of thought, and the idea of raising his own family appeals greatly to him; he lost his father at such a young age that he really wants to be a constant, supportive presence in his childrens’ lives. And, more than anything, he wants to spend a lifetime with someone he loves. That would make any future struggles and past strifes worth it.

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

Very conservative with them. “Sweetheart” or dimunitives of someone’s name is probably as far as he’d go.

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

Again, yes, and he doesn’t like it about himself! Of course, Lip would move mountains when the people he loves need help  ---  there’s no shame in that  ---  but when it comes to his partner, he can get territorial. Seeing someone threaten his partner is one of the few things he’ll get angry about, and a pissed off Carwood Lipton is not something anyone wants to confront firsthand.

Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?

Not a lot. He went to college for a short time, and that was really where he was able to let loose; while still a diligent student, he went to a few parties and met a few girls. So, by the time of the war, maybe three partners? Enough that he’s not nervous in bed, and has a good idea what goes where.

[sagittariusboyfriend]

im gonna do a "how i see the signs" as well!!

traditionally masculine aries: a force of creativity. oftentimes politically correct. very friendly and easy to talk to, but will shift in temper and energy depending on whether or not he is in focus. musically inclined.

traditionally feminine aries: also a force of creativity. a kind of jittery energy that cant really be contained. might go up and down in volume a lot depending on social context but is always bursting to have a conversation. very awake and with fire in her eyes. openminded and wouldnt hurt a fly. artistically inclined.

trad. masc taurus: ugh horrible. forcefully straight forward, blunt in an unsensitive way, not that good at picking up on social cues because he is convinced of his reality. might be pompous and pretentious, even bitter. the flip side of venusian traits - pretty uncharming. snarky. way better at group/professional relationships than personal relationships. assertive in the workplace and is doing his job better than anyone else could.

trad. fem taurus: intelligent and an intellectual. sensual, assertive, has such a presence that people are in awe most of the time. might be pretentious but its actually genuine and doesnt come off as a negative trait. powerful.

trad. masc gemini: ahh gemini. witty, quick, reactive. genuine, but in short bursts. his intuition is based upon HOW he feels at any given moment, however he has no clue WHAT he feels. scared of emotions. might have a tendency to gaslight. obviously prone to communication and loves learning from history, but has a hard time seeing the bigger picture over the details. small things make or break him... for a week or so. then its forgotten, until something stirs it up 6 months later, and his emotions are all over the place; its like they get tossed up in the air and love might stick to the ceiling and pride to the wall and fear to that person over there and he has no idea where to start to assemble. charmingly childish, prone to grumpyness. social artisan regardless of controversial values or not. needs constant intellectual stimuli.

trad. fem gemini: does not need romantic relationships to feel like a complete person! prefers friendships over love relationships, and can usually pick and choose between lovers if on a romantic whim. not always even interested in shacking up with anyone, makes a happy independent single household. that "fun" friend. self-confident, quick, witty, might have a sharp tongue. absolutely excels in social situations and knows everyone in one way or another, and everyone knows of her in one way or another. prone to ghosting people for weeks because she simply forgets to respond. loses focus easily. probably works in sales. might come across as not so complex to other people.

trad. masc cancer: sweet, charming in a wholesome way. in tune with himself. intuitive and embraces and encourages talking about feelings. oftentimes very politically correct. might live somewhat of a fake life in the sense that he IS a family man, but cant help himself from wanting dirty, promiscuous sex for many hours with many random people. giving and generous - in every sense. probably does a lot of philantrophy or volonteers.

trad. fem cancer: reserved. exudes feminine energy, almost to a point that she is not comfortable with herself. very very sweet, just wants everyone to be okay. will disappear and reappear in social circles and no one will know where she has been, but theres an air of mystery to it and no one dares to ask. might be some kind of red preistess lol.

trad. masc leo: loyal, as long as he doesnt feel in the slightest that he has been made a fool of. very strong integrity, but an integrity that is based on image. easily approached, the nicest person in the room and will include and respect everyone. generous and genuinely loves anyone who does not come off as harmful, and will give you his last money if he feels you need it more. works hard to feel safe. creative in what he thinks is a funky way, but its actually pretty mainstream.

trad. fem leo: also honest, hard-working and loyal. integrity is also important. creative in traditionally artistic ways, like photography or drawing. has a natural authority but is the sweetest person and will NOT abuse it. very passionate about peoples equal value, doesnt really have a flare for drama at all, just wants to be stimulated. when she loves she loves with every fiber of her being and being affirmed by her partner is imperative to self-worth.

trad. masc virgo: retains information like a motherfucker! man, what a chattery bloke. an earth sign ruled by mercury makes the most, i think, well-rounded PR personality. gemini can frick off when it comes to arguments because trad. masc virgo WILL shut you down. he serves facts and will probably be a tad manipulative about it, but will also admit to it. doesnt really wait to run you over or quip back, and then just stares at you blankly as if he is waiting for a response. witty and warm like a sun to his closest, will make jabs and is cold like granite to people he doesnt like. might however have some ego issues.

trad. fem virgo: pretty much exactly like trad. masc virgo, only retains a certain jovial energy and a strong sense of nurturing and dicipline. very funny! authoritarian.

trad. masc libra: might come across as very calm and even meek at times. everyone likes him, no one dislikes him, but he isnt a big personality. nice and sweet and always positive. comfortable in the background as the glue that keeps groups together. not very verbally communicative, but ingenious when he channels his communication through music or art. wants to be appreciated and very much is. pretty private, but everyones friend.

trad. fem libra: full of the good venusian traits. loves love, loves good food, loves yoga, loves pampering herself and others. the best hostess you have ever met. has a hard time deciding on things and will make herself suffer through qualms and trials for days for something that, for anyone else, could have been decided within a couple of minutes. somewhat of a perfectionist. spiritual. gets along with everyone. very into female impowerment.

trad. masc scorpio: kind of rude, but smart. he doesnt know where it comes from, but his subconscious intuition oftentimes leads him to hidden truths, whether they are pleasant or not. might be the jealous type. can just trust his gut and will know exactly what is going on behind closed doors. intelligent in a very abstract way. might come across as always ready to strike just in case someone thinks they are better than him in any way.

trad. fem scorpio: does not show emotion easily. is very intelligent and knows how to lead a conversation where she wants it. inquisitive, literally opens her entire mind for you when you sit down one-on-one. not for anyone to enter, but for her to use ON you, and will analyze your behaviors to the core and dig around in there. make you see things from perspectives youve never even thought about. this could be used for bad, but usually its used for your own good because insight and truth, darkness into light is what she is after. intense. low key passionate. a great person to brainstorm with. excudes sultryness, but almost like a perfume, an illusion, mostly because people become so mesmerized with her psychological skill that they immediately figure she is coming on to them. powerful socially. doesnt want nor need drama, the quest for truth just gets ruthless sometimes. loyal if you dont mess with her integrity. unlike leo, her integrity is based on conscious and subconscious intuition. not into practical things in general. does not care for high morals.

trad. masc sagittarius: good at everything on the first try but gets bored easily, even depressed when forced into routine. diplomacy is important, so is personal freedom. a charismatic positive personality that shines bright and has an almost gravitational pull because of it. wants to be valued for his brain and generosity of free, non-traditional love and insight. learning is everything. the bigger picture is everything; abstract concepts that you can translate and cross-reference to different doctrines and schools and philosophies. on an eternal quest for knowledge in all situations, be it emotional or practical. "why do things work like this?" he asks and is genuinely excited to hear your and everyone elses reasoning. his goal in life is to get to know himself through others and to find firey partners to come along for the ride and share the fun. loathes drama, wants everyone to be accepting. optimistic. might be the guy many fall in love with but who is completely oblivious to it because he has his mind set on other things.

trad. fem sagittarius: very much like trad. masc sagittarius. also fierce, takes no shit, the life of the party, everyones instant friend and a BIG personality. equality is very important!

trad. masc capricorn: attractive, cold, sexual. on the grind, because everything works against him either way so he might as well work hard and overcome. dry humor and a smug smile, vicious eyes. but tender and fragile once you get to know him. so used to being the underdog in his own head that he hasnt realized everyone sees him as the leader. doesnt realize people follow him. doesnt care. is just and stern. is not afraid of delivering harsh truths, can shut you down with a look.

trad. fem capricorn: leads with silence. not because of shyness at all, its just a demeanor that comes naturally. although may have been shy when young, simply because of society. exudes power, unknowingly or knowlingly. intimidating and stylish as fuck. eloquent. uniformity is a keyword for everything. has learnt the hard way. hilarious dark humor. prefers respect to spectacle. is a force to be reckoned with and gains pretty much everyones respect.

trad. masc aquarius: might have a hard time deciding about personal freedom, what is and what isnt. contemplative, insightful, the least traditional of traditional men. high EQ, might prefer polyamorous relationships, almost lacks jealousy. tall and slender. very much capable of seeing through all points of view and will speak rationally. rarely gets heated in discussion because he just doesnt see the point in being reactive.

trad. fem aquarius: a higher being. high octave intuition; the person with the highest EQ youve ever met in your life. new insights with every breath. does NOT care for tradition, usually only indulges in the bare minimum of tradition to move about unnoticed in society as the penultimate alien being they are. she has an entirely different kind of mind that seems so complex and effortless at the same time, and her knowledge and ingenuity could change the world - if it was only ready for it. finds solutions to everything. altruistic. optimistic. so wise and so rebelliously young at the same time. manages to care for everyone and everything all the time. truly wondrous.

trad. masc pisces: an academic. a sensitive guy. highly philosophical, in its scholastic form. makes a good teacher of abstract concepts. always searching within himself first before speaking. interested in history and the human mind. constantly battles with feelings of not being good enough but always comes out as more and better than expected. probably very introvert.

trad. fem pisces: witchy. dreamy. some kind of seer. needs quite some time to process emotional impacts. has a tendency to mimick peoples traits and quirks without knowing it. very emotional, highly sensitive. very impressionable. open to and thirsty for new ways to make sense of all these emotional impacts, but might change ideologies and/or trim her sails to the current wind. conflicting subconscious emotional forces at play all the time which leads to a lot of self-doubt. not necessarily introvert, but introspective.

[your-turn-to-role]

So I just got round to watching ep 75, and god, I’m in love with the way Caduceus talks about religion? Because it’s potentially the only story I’ve seen where a character’s spiritual beliefs resonate with my own, and also it fits really beautifully into the story as a whole.

Overwhelmingly when people talk about gods, at least in stories, they all come from the same sort of concept. It’s the general understanding that gods are all powerful beings. Some people want to serve these beings, some people are afraid of them, some people feel these beings created the universe and thus own it, some feel protected by them, some scorn their very existence. But however you feel about it, it’s generally understood in these sorts of settings that gods are beings of power beyond comprehension, that rule over a certain domain.

And that’s sort of where Fjord is coming from here, too. He sees that gods grant people power, has heard stories of the various gods and everything they’ve done. He’s dealt with Uk’otoa, knows how those kind of deals work. He’s going into this expecting a being, something with a personality and goals, something that may be feared or bargained with or trusted depending on who you are, but by and large, something much more powerful than he is.

But that’s not really how the Wildmother works. I haven’t listened to enough of campaign one to speak for that too, but at least in campaign two, that’s not how any god we’ve seen works. Melora isn’t a deity of nature, she is nature. That’s what Caduceus means when he says he talks to her all the time, every word out of his mouth is talking to her, because everything is nature. Sure, she has magic, and a voice, but so do most things, more things than we often realise. We’re not talking about an all powerful woman, we’re talking about life given to the very concept of every tiny piece of the universe that all moves as one.

There were a lot of really good Caduceus quotes in this episode. We’re really getting to the heart of who he is, and two of the big themes around him have been the interconnectedness of all things, and the fact that if you need proof to have faith, it's not faith.

The Clays are connected to the Wildmother, and also to the Raven Queen, and through that to all the gods. Caduceus serves nature, and by serving nature he serves life, and also death, and through that knowledge, and civilisation, and magic, and stories, and so on. He has a very strong concept of destiny, and he trusts in what the Wildmother wants, but he knows that equally she trusts him. What Fjord doesn’t seem to grasp is that Caduceus having faith in her and Caduceus having faith in himself are the same thing.

Because that’s how divine intervention works. And not just in this story, this concept comes up a lot when it comes to religions, but people have a hard time grasping it, because again, they expect an all powerful being to intervene. There is no all powerful being to intervene, just the pieces of that god’s domain working together. And the biggest pieces are people. People affect change. People are the intervention. We serve the gods by making our own destinies.

Which then relates back to the whole game they're playing, because like... people have made jokes that by Taliesin creating Caduceus he's made a character that can basically say "let's go this way bc it's where the DM wants us to go" without metagaming, and that has an element of truth to it, but at the same time, Matt's not writing this story.

Matt's making a world for them, and guiding their hands a little, sometimes, but its their choices that define it. And sometimes things happen outside of their control. Molly's death was entirely unplanned and just a combination of various bad outcomes, but it also became a pivotal point in the story that has defined so much after it, and without it Caduceus wouldn't even exist to say this.

Which is how this stuff goes, and defines perfectly the influence the gods have on the world. Sure, they create it, sure, they can cause problems for players sometimes, but they're not the ones moving this story. All the power is in the players' hands. (Honestly, the way Taliesin has folded so much game meta into his deep rooted ideas on religion absolutely delights me, this works all the way down)

Which comes back to why I like it. Because my problem with religion was always that as soon as you give the world to the gods it stops being your world.

If you say all of these facets of nature belong to specific people, you hand the power of that thing to those people. And that's why people rebel against it a lot, what fuels a lot of angry atheism, because they don't want beings like that to have that power, and honestly that's perfectly valid of them.

And I like the concept of there being gods in the world. Everything in this world is so interconnected, I feel like there has to be, not in the traditional sense of the word god, but just in that force that keeps things running. Because really, what is an ecosystem if not just a vast living being?

But it's not my job to protect it, or to serve it, or to fear it. I can't affect change on that massive a level, no one can. It can't do it itself either, except in the sense that each part within it moves at its own pace, in its own way, to affect change. Caduceus has also said that his role as a follower of the Wildmother is to give gifts, both to her and from her. And I think that's a nice way of looking at it. I bring gifts to the world with every decision I make and every goal I work towards, because that's how it functions. And if I ask the sky a question and it responds with the wind swirling around my feet, if I'm in a bad mood but it starts raining and I feel better, if a good song comes on the radio at the right time, those are gifts back.

And sometimes that puts me in the right place at the right time to help people and some people could call that divine intervention and they'd probably be right, and the path that led me there was mine, because of my faith that that would happen.

This is what Caduceus is trying to grant to Fjord. The power to walk his own path. Fjord’s entire character arc has been centered around the fact that he, at his core, does not know who he is. Fjord knows who he can be, is excellent at molding himself to become someone else, but he, as a person? He doesn’t know his history, he barely knows his interests, he definitely doesn’t know what he wants. Every goal he’s had has been to try and learn more about himself and the situation he’s in. And so far, he’s defined himself by his circumstances, and his use to other people, which is why he’s flailing now. The safety net of “I know I am worth something to these people for as long as they can use me” is gone. He needs a strength that doesn’t come from an external source.

Fjord thinks that by Caduceus doing all this, Caduceus is trying to make Fjord a Wildmother cleric. Caduceus isn’t doing anything of the sort. Fjord thinks that if he chooses a god, they’ll grant him powers. That’s not a deal that can be made, not with any good entity. Fjord thinks that the Wildmother needs a reason to accept him. Fjord doesn’t realise that she’s already made her offering.

Caduceus does, because Caduceus is the offering. Fjord needs help in knowing who he is, so she sends him a friend with a +9 to insight. Fjord needs faith in himself, so Caduceus teaches him what faith is actually about. And he’s learning, even if he hasn’t realised it yet. If faith needs proof, it isn’t faith. Fjord doesn’t have any proof right now that he has any worth to the team. But he stuck with them anyway. And they’ve accepted him, and he’s continued helping them, even though he doesn’t believe he’s capable.

And he does have strengths, which is what the two of them are on this mission to find out. Everyone’s expecting Fjord to multiclass, but Fjord’s not at the point yet where he can make that decision. He’s viewing the gods as a menu, waiting for someone to tell him the right thing to choose. But the strength comes with the decision. He’s not going to magically gain new powers. But when he decides on his next path, when he’s ready to commit to it, with faith it won’t fail, that’s when he’s going to gain the ability to see it through

(And, to go back to the whole “Taliesin how the fuck have you wrapped this perfectly into game mechanics holy shit” thing, that’s exactly how it’s going to work, because he’ll multiclass when he’s ready, and gain the benefits of whatever he chooses next)

[fanfictionaries]

Love and Academia Ch. 6 - Punctuality and Pizza

Pairing: AU Professor!Bucky x OFC

Warnings: Swearing, smut, NSFW/18+ only, mentions of death/violence/suicide

Author’s note: Gasp! A jealous Bucky? We get to meet Sam? Some confusing emotions on Emily’s end? 

And as always, I do not currently have a beta reader so please excuse any larger issues. It’s just little ol’ me!

***

Stupid. That’s what she was. Stupid. Emily Lucille Colvert was the stupidest girl alive. It was Friday, and she was still berating herself for her actions on Monday. She had shown up that first day determined to be as cool and detached to Dr. Barnes as humanly possible. She had done a good job of it too. Except for when she hadn’t. Turning the coffee pot off had been a little petty, she would admit that. However, she couldn’t bring herself to feel bad about it. Men who cheated, especially on their wives, deserved to have gross, cold coffee.

Her first mistake had been assuming that he wouldn’t simply search for coffee elsewhere. Rookie mistake Marty—rookie mistake. Her second mistake had been allowing him to pay for her coffee and then of course, her third mistake had been to sink into comfortable conversation with him. It wasn’t until he had accidently grabbed her hand, that she realized how easily she had caved into his charming ways. After that day, she had made sure not to let it happen again. Cold and professional was an understatement for how she interacted with Dr. Barnes. Any time he attempted to steer a conversation away from his classes, her classes, or her research, she shut it down immediately, either finding a way to physically leave or just not responding at all. So far it had worked well. Now, she just had to get through the next ten months with this man and then she was free and clear. She could do that. She could definitely do that.

“Excuse me, ma’am, you wouldn’t happen to know where I can find a blonde girl, about your height, really funny looking?” A deep voice sounded from the doorway of the lab, pulling Emily’s attention away from the excel sheet in front of her.

“Sammy!” Emily jumped up from her desk and launched herself at the tall, dark man. Large arms engulfed her in a tight embrace as he lifted her from the ground with a groan.

“You’re getting heavy girl,” said Sam with a laugh, setting Emily back down. Playfully, she swatted his arm but laughed all the same.

“What are you doing here? I thought you went back to Seattle!”

“I did, and it was nice. But theeeeen I got a job here working for the USGA. You’re looking at the new public relations representative for Idaho,” Sam said, holding his arms out, presenting himself to her with gusto.

“What?! That’s amazing Sammy, I’m so happy for you!” She wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him in for another hug. Sam placed a hand around her shoulders and brought another up to cup the back of her head.

“Thank you, Emmy. How’s my favorite girl doing? Life treating you alright? How’s Clint?”

Emily sighed into Sam’s chest, “Well, it’s been better, I can say that. Clint is a…whole story.”

“Uh oh, do I need to kick some ass?”

Emily lifted her head to look up at Sam’s friendly and familiar face. The warm brown eyes held the same twinkle that they had when they’d met, her freshman year. His smooth complexion now held a smattering of curly black hair. He was trying to grow a beard. Again.

“No ass kicking required. How about I tell you about it over beer and pizza tonight? We’ll get the gang together and you can tell us all about this new job.”

“Beer and pizza, it is.”

Their shared smiles were interrupted by the clearing of a throat. Emily looked over to see Dr. Barnes leaning on the doorway of the lab, arms crossed and a scowl deep on his face. The fabric of his white t-shirt pulled tight across his muscular chest. Emily quickly unwrapped her arms from Sam. Her friend though, kept his arm casually slung over her shoulders. Dr. Barnes eyed Sam speculatively, before pushing himself off of the doorframe and walking past them.

“Miss Colvert, I believe we have a meeting in two minutes. Mind joining me in my office?”

“Yes, I’ll be right there, Dr. Barnes,” Emily responded, watching his retreating back disappear into his office.

“Whoa, what happened to Dr. E?” Sam asked, turning towards her.

“He didn’t tell you?”

“Well it’s not as if I signed up for the monthly newsletter Emmy. The man barely remembered my thesis defense, I doubt he’d remember to tell me anything after I graduated.”

“Miss Colvert,” Dr. Barnes interrupted their conversation, leaning out of his office.

“Coming,” Emily responded, not at all pleased with the expression on her advisor’s face. She turned back towards Sam, “I’ll tell you all about it tonight, promise.”

“Okay, text me,” said Sam, giving her another quick hug and turning to leave.

Emily turned back towards Dr. Barnes, the man assessed her with a disapproving expression before turning back into his office. Emily followed him quickly, confused as to what could possibly have him in such a bad mood. Up until today he hadn’t seemed to be one to obsess too much over punctuality. He had already shown up tardy to two of his classes and it was the first week of the semester. So why was he so concerned about her talking to a friend for a few minutes, instead of being there for their meeting at exactly 4 o’clock?

She entered his office tentatively, taking a moment to linger at the doorway and stare at the man sitting at a desk that used to feel comfortable and inviting. Now, it held too many questions. Too many implications. Dr. Barnes was busy arranging some notes in front of him, clearing some space on the messy desk. The afternoon sun shone through his window, light falling across his angular face. His long, dark eyelashes cast a shadow over his cheekbones, only emphasizing the strong mix of masculine and feminine features of his face. Emily could not deny, even now, that he was handsome. Truthfully, it was the fact that he was so handsome that got her into his mess in the first place. Dr. Barnes glanced up at her lingering figure and motioned for her to sit down. She stepped in, taking a seat, all the while eyeing the man in front of her.

It was silent for quite some time before he finally spoke, “Who was that?”

What? “Who?”

“The man that was just here, who was it?” his tone seemed light, but there was a biting edge to it that made Emily feel as though this was anything but a casual question. Was he jealous?

“Sam Wilson. He graduated last year. Dr. Erskine co-advised him.” Emily kept her answer vague, testing her theory.

“Huh.” he busied himself with his computer before leaning back in his chair and finally looking her in the eye. “You seemed quite close,” he said, his expression hostile and accusatory.

“Yes, but not nearly as close as him and his fiancée,” Emily responded, watching the gears turn and click into place in his head. Clearing his throat, he sat up straighter, obviously embarrassed. Emily, however, was as far from embarrassed as she could get. She was seething. Who was this man to get jealous over anyone she may or may not be seeing? He was married for Christ sake! Not to mention, if she recalled correctly from the overheard conversation earlier that week, tonight was date night with Trixie. The audacity had her blood boiling. And honestly, what kind of a name was that anyway? Trixie. No, she stopped herself. She was being petty. It wasn’t that poor woman’s fault that her husband was a lying, cheating bastard. Dr. Barnes was the problem. The stupid, awful man with his stupid, awful handsome face and his admittedly friendly and good-humored personality. That is, when he wasn’t being a jealous asshole.

They spent the next two hours going over her research. Dr. Barnes was surprisingly critical. He pushed and challenged her ideas and thoughts in an annoyingly insightful way. He nitpicked and preened through her proposal, her methodology, the justification behind it, her full data set and even some early data analysis. All the while, Emily found her head spinning at the amount of critique and just how…right he was. While it was frustrating, she wished more than anything that he had been on her research committee from the start. This was exactly the kind of insight and contribution she had been hoping for when Doc confessed that he would be advising her. She just wished that it all hadn’t been spoiled by their night together in that alleyway. Dr. Barnes made it incredibly hard to hate him sometimes. It made the whole situation complicated. She breathed a sigh of relief when she was finally free of him, fleeing from the small office before he could try and talk about anything not work related. She contemplated staying on campus to continue working, but the thought of being anywhere near the man in the adjacent office set her teeth on edge.  So, she left, opting to prepare for her classes next week at home before she met Sam and the rest.  

“There she is!” Sam’s voice boomed throughout the small bar as Emily entered, still attempting to rub the sleep from her eyes. Goody’s had been running and thriving for the past 50 years. It was small, and off the beaten path, but any local to the Pocatello area knew that Goody’s was the place to go if you wanted good pizza and a stiff drink.

“Took you long enough!” Natasha chimed in, standing and pulling Emily into a hug.

“Sorry! I was grading and fell asleep on my couch,” Emily said, setting her stuff down in an empty chair at the table.

“Have they delivered your new mattress yet or are you still stubbornly camping out on the couch?” asked Natasha, sitting back down.

“I think that’s a better question for my back. Why did no one tell me that once I turned 27, I’d no longer be able to just sleep anywhere?”

“Sweetie why are you sleeping on your couch?” asked CeCe, Sam’s long-term girlfriend recently turned fiancée.

“Ugh, I was hoping Nat would have spilled the beans by the time I got here so I wouldn’t have to.”

“Wow, one minute I’m too involved in your life and now I’m not involved enough?” Nat raised an eyebrow, smiling sarcastically as she took a swig from her bottle of Heineken.

“We broke up,” said Emily bluntly. Hoping that if she just got it out of the way, it wouldn’t be such a big deal.

“Oh, Emily I’m so sorry,” CeCe said, reaching out and taking her hand.

“Yea, I’m sorry too Emmy. Breakups are tough for everyone involved,” said Sam, giving her a sympathetic look.

“Tell them why you broke up Emily,” Natasha chided.

“I thought you weren’t going to be as involved in my life Natasha.”

“I changed my mind. I’m very much involved again.”

Emily sighed deeply, “I found him in our bed with his coworker Sharon.”

“Hence, the new mattress. Okay, it’s all starting to make sense now.” CeCe grimaced into her drink.

“And I’m not supposed to kick his ass, why?” Sam asked, leaning back in his chair heavily, frowning.

“Because, it would only make things worse. I don’t want anything more to do with him. You know how I feel about cheating. As far as I’m concerned, he’s just two wasted years of my life. Unfortunate, but just a small blip in the grand scheme of things,” Emily stated resolutely. The group was silent as they took in her statement, Sam and CeCe nodding in support while Nat gave her a skeptical look.

“Hey, didn’t you guys have like a king-sized bed?” Sam broke the silence, looking at her expectantly.

“Yea, California King. Why?”

“Well…it’d be a shame if a perfectly good bed were to go to waste.”

“Baby, we are not putting a used bed in our house,” CeCe stated, shaking her head.

“Why not? It’s not like we’re picking it up off the street, it belongs to a friend!”

“We have the money to buy our bed Samuel!”

Emily laughed at the bickering couple before turning to Nat. It had been a while since the two had caught up, both of their weeks taking over a majority of their time.

“So, tell me, how did things go with Steve the other night?”

“Oh my god, Emily—" Natasha looked at her, shaking her head in exasperation, “—It was amazing. He paid. He opened my doors for me. He genuinely listened to me and asked me actual questions. And get this, he’s an elementary school teacher. Which means he loves kids!”

Emily laughed, “Seriously? Already thinking about kids? The sex must have been fantastic.”

“Well…”

“You didn’t?!”

“No! It’s not like that. It’s—I really like him Em. We did kiss though. It was…promising.” Natasha leaned back in her chair, a small smile spread across her face as she thought about it. “But enough about me. How are things going with you and the boss?”

“We talkin’ about Mister Stick Up His Ass that’s taken over Dr. E’s office?” Sam interrupted, pausing his heated discussion with CeCe to finally figure out just who Dr. Barnes was.

“So, you’ve met?” asked Nat.

“Yea, the man looked like he wanted to push me out the window,” said Sam.

“He did not, stop exaggerating. He’s just punctual is all.” Emily had no idea why she was defending the man she was currently disgusted with. “Doc retired and now Dr. Barnes is his replacement and my advisor for the rest of the year.”

“Well, I can’t say I’m surprised. The old man should have retired years ago. What is he now? 107?” Sam asked, grinning into his bottle of beer.

“And that, is why you don’t get the monthly newsletter Sammy,” said Emily, sticking her tongue out at him before changing the subject. “Say, we have been here for a while now, and I’ve yet to have anyone take my order—" she looked around dramatically, catching the eye of an older brunette woman, “—Would be nice to get some SERVICE!”

“Emily Lucille Colvert, if you keep yelling in my bar like that, I will fire you.” Maria, the manager of Goody’s sauntered over, wiping her hands on the black apron wrapped around her waist. Her short brown hair fell to her chin, ending in a slight curl that framed the strong line of her jaw. The lines and creases at the corners of her warm eyes revealed years of laughter, while the slight limp in her walk and hunch of her shoulders stood testament to years of hard work.

“You wouldn’t fire me Maria. I’m too valuable,” replied Emily, smiling cheekily.

Maria scoffed, rolling her eyes and placing a hand on her hip, “The minute I find a bartender as competent and that everyone likes as much as you, you’re out of here and that’s a promise.”

“Promise? I’ll hold you to that,” Emily said, watching as Maria began walking away and back towards the kitchen, “Hey! What about our pizza and drinks?” she called after the woman.

Maria stopped and turned at the kitchen door, hand placed against the wood, “I put your usual order in the moment I saw these hooligan friends of yours walk in. If you want a drink, you know where the bar is!” The second half was said over her shoulder as she pressed the swinging door open and disappeared.

“She’ll never fire me. I’ll be working here until I’m an old and decrepit woman,” Emily laughed, standing up and walking behind the bar, pouring herself a pint of Caribou Slobber.

“Don’t even,” said Nat. “You’re going to be working for some kind of environmental agency before you know it.”

“Speaking of jobs, Sammy, tell us all about this new job of yours that’s brought you back to the great state of Idaho,” said Emily, sitting back down just in time for their pizza to arrive. An extra-large meat lover’s special. Extra cheese. The group dug in, eating and drinking their fill as Sam told them all about the glamorous world of government work and public relations. It was nice, Emily thought, to catch up with Sam and CeCe. They seemed incredibly happy to be back in the area with a new house and new careers. They were talking about starting a family soon. Maybe getting a cat. Natasha seemed to be happy as well. She was obviously smitten with Steve. It seemed like, almost every opportunity she got, she brought up something he had said or did. It was cute in a sickeningly sweet way. Emily was happy for them, really, she was. However, the more they talked and gushed about how great their lives were going, the more Emily found herself dipping further into a hole. She’d give anything to have an ounce of what they had. Sure, she had a good life, but things were just so messy at the moment. With Dr. Barnes and Clint—

“Oh my god. Who the fuck does he think he is walking in here with her?” CeCe’s outburst caught Emily off guard, bringing her out of her thoughts to focus on the direction the woman was looking. There by the entrance were Clint and Sharon, accompanied by a few others from their lab. At first, Emily felt numb. Stunned. Unsure of what to do or say or think. Then, slowly a deep pit formed in the bottom of her stomach and she could feel the sting of threatening tears in the corners of her eyes. She swallowed thickly. Clint knew this was her place. He knew and yet here he was, not even three weeks after their breakup and he had brought her. Why?

“Em, we can totally leave if you want to,” said Nat, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. Emily shrugged it off, standing abruptly and grabbing her coat off the back of the chair.

“No, no. You guys stay, finish the pizza and beer. Put it on my tab. Maria knows I’m good for it. I’m just gonna’ go home. I’m tired anyways.” Emily knew that the words were unconvincing, but it didn’t stop them from spilling past her lips and out to her friends.

“Do you want me to give you a ride home? It’s getting dark out,” Sam offered, arms braced against the chair, ready to stand at any moment.

Emily waved him off casually, “No, I’m fine. I’m like ten blocks away. Plus, I think I need to walk off all the pizza. You know, get some steps in so I don’t feel all the cheese and meat on my hips tomorrow.” She laughed, trying to sprinkle in some humor. Waving the group goodbye, she chanced a quick glance in Clint and Sharon’s direction as she fled towards the back exit. To her absolute horror, Clint’s eyes were trained directly on her, watching as she fled like a loser from the bar and away from him.

 Everything Marvel Taglist: 

@caffiend-queen

@hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall

[myastrologyblog]

Meaningful New Year’s Resolutions for the Signs

Aries: Plan for your dreams

Aries is a fiery sign who is all about doing, doing, doing, but not so much about planning. They get bursts of quick energy with genius ideas but often never act upon them. This year, Aries, use one of those strokes of genius and see it to completion. Whether this is investing in a new property, creating a business plan, writing a manuscript or planning the trip around the world that you always wanted to take, make plans to take small, incremental steps to achieve this. Whatever big project that you always dreamed of doing, but always seemed so out of reach–now is the time to believe in yourself and see this project of yours come to life.

Taurus: Try minimalism

Taurus, with Christmas and New Years having recently passed, I’m sure you have a plethora of new gifts and clothes in your over-bustling wardrobe, while your poor desk fights for space with your new impulse buys. A good resolution for you is to give up your lesser-used objects and see how much more relaxing life can be without the clutter of them. Minimalism is a lifestyle all about appreciation and value. While not only being more aesthetically pleasing, it can teach you a lot about self-control, the purpose of items and freedom from material fixation. Plus, think of how shocked your friends will be when you stroll up to your next weekend getaway with only hand luggage!

Gemini: Pick up new books

In this busy, digital age, life can become a bit repetitive. We work or study, then we come home and procrastinate on the internet. Reading is a brilliant and great gateway between the two. It’s relaxing, fun and educational. Often in life, after we grow up and leave school, we forget to continue our learning and education. And often when we are in school, we forget about the fun and magic that can be found in learning. Being such a mentally curious sign, there’s no doubt you read a lot anyway, but setting a goal to read styles of writing you haven’t previously explored will open up your mind to new ideas, perspectives and worlds thus adding a bit of well-needed stimulation in an otherwise monotonous week. 

Cancer: Practise Gratitude

Cancer is a sign that truly appreciates the good things in life, it’s one of the many great qualities about them. But when things turn bad, Cancer puts on a pity-infused blindfold to the wonderful things and people they do have in their life. To combat those rainy mood days, try practising gratitude often to get you into the groove of positivity. Set a reminder on your phone, keep a gratitude journal or have someone remind you and begin to write down or say aloud three things you are grateful for that day. Gratitude is the opposite of lacking and so you cannot feel both at the same time. Gratitude can instantly turn a bad day into one of the best you’ve ever had, life is all about perspective and Cancer can benefit greatly from learning this!  

Leo: Spend more time in nature

In such a busy working age, it’s hard to find the time or energy to do anything other than commute to and from one industrial building to the next. Did you know that three-quarters of children in the UK spend less time outdoors than prison inmates? I’m sure the same can be said about adults. There are so many benefits of engaging with nature. As a bold Leo with so much energy and a real passion for adventure, the perfect resolution for you is to go on more hikes and spend more time doing outdoor activities such as sports or even gardening. Studies have reported how nature is good for our happiness and healthiness. It’ll give you, the ever-venturesome Leo, a sense of adventure as you discover new things, a sense of productivity and good use of your energy.

Virgo: Be kinder to yourself

Dear Virgo, you work yourself so tirelessly sometimes only to come home to more self-criticism. While being a perfectionist has led to many great things in your life, it’s important to remember that it’s okay not to be productive 100% of the time, and it’s also okay to take time to yourself. While your sign is naturally the provider/server of others, you need to learn to use that trait on yourself and serve your own needs. Learn that they are important and that kindness begins at home. You will only learn to be less critical of the world by starting with yourself. While you may not be the pampering type, some self-love and lazy days are exactly what you need in order to ultimately be your most productive and loving.

Libra: Strengthen your existing relationships

Libra, you are a social butterfly, you charm any room and your genuine politeness makes you a lovely gem in everyone’s minds. Unfortunately, you have a way of getting carried away with this gift and end up making more superficial relationships than deep ones. This becomes a problem when you face tough times and realise you are alone in your problems. Your resolution is to reach out to some old or existing friends that life has led you to lose contact with. They’ll appreciate it, and this way, you can rekindle some amazing friendships and thus create stronger, more valuable bonds with people. Taking time out to appreciate and spend time with the people in your life who have been there for a long time will make you, and them, much happier.

Scorpio: Solo-travel

Scorpio, the deep, mysterious and soul-seeking sign. Well, guess what? You’re not going to learn the mysteries of the world by sitting on the couch in your hometown. While extended solo-travelling may not be the most viable options in everyone’s lives, it’s good to experience a trip by yourself no matter how short it may be. It’ll not only give you more insight into the world but also into yourself. This time in a foreign place will allow you to truly be yourself as you shed any reputations you have back home and appreciate the benefits of your own company. You can also forge many new connections, experience once-in-a-lifetime opportunities and learn to trust in yourself, your independence and see the value in transient relationships.

Sagittarius: Start a blog or channel

You have so much to say, and not enough hours in the day to say it, so why not start a blog? Because you are such a busy and often convoluted talker, you might find your comments being brushed off or going unheard by others. However, by sharing your voice on a louder platform you may see the importance of your ideas. You have the gift of the gab so why not make use of it? Blogging, or vlogging, is a great hobby (or career) for an innovative and intelligent Sagittarius. It channels all your creative energy into an organised and thus readable (or watchable) segment that others can understand. Blogging always requires research as well, which makes you learn more every day. It hones many different skills that you excel in such as writing, research, creativity, planning and execution and also connects you with like-minded others.

Capricorn: Get off social media

Capricorn, ruled by Saturn, the planet of rules and restrictions. Yet, you have such a hard time with your unconscious addictions. More than any of the other signs, Capricorn relies on old-fashioned status for respect. That self-respect gets lowered when faced with everyone else’s highlight reels being broadcasted on Instagram and Facebook. Suddenly, you start buying things just for the likes or going places just for the photo-opportunity. Learning to live authentically, in spite of anyone else’s happiness or progress, is vital for you. By comparing yourself to others, you will always be striving for a false sense of happiness. Perhaps a good length of time disconnected from social media would be a great way to boost your real happiness.

Aquarius: Volunteer

Aquarius, the world lover. You are a unique paradox. As much as you love the idea of world peace, ending world hunger and bringing people together–actually having to react to people’s emotions is entirely uncomfortable and awkward for you. But, no true saviour lies behind a screen. People often donate some pocket change to charity at the end of the year and say they did their part, but this will not suffice you. By actively going out into the world and giving people your most important resources– your time and empathy, you will positively be helping the world, and the world will be helping you. This will bring you closer to overcoming your uncomfortable emotions, affecting people’s lives for the better and getting outside your own head with real life issues.

Pisces: Talk to strangers

Now, hear me out Pisces. I know you’re probably already pulling back just from reading the title. Talking to strangers–why would I ever do such a thing? You ask. Because there are so many benefits from this that outweigh the risks. Pisces is naturally a loving and social sign but you are often held back by your own insecurities. Try talking to that person on the bus, or introduce yourself to the cute person sitting alone in a cafe–you never know what will happen and you will be grateful you did it no matter the outcome. By building this essential skill, you will feel so much happier and more free from your internal restrictions. You will also be surprised at how receptive people are to being approached and gain so many new and wonderful connections this year.

[revengeisalwaysanoption]

[Skam Italia] Ficlet: Flawed 2/2

And that’s it :D Again, it’s an unbetaed&unedited VERY LITTLE story I am writing to cope… I hope you will like it as well :) ! Edited to add:  I’d like to dedicate this to Ibisco and @annefraid The first, with her wonderful story (Resilience: go and read it if you understand Italian, it’s so good HERE ) I am a sucker for the boy squad taking care of Nico, so… Another reminder that THEY - both Nico AND Marti - are not alone was due ;) ! And Anne… wow, what an insight on Marti’s deep rooted insecurities in “try and evolve”! I mention them here but it’s all thanks to amazing fic for making me realize how Marti might see Niccolò!

******

Martino knows he screwed up. He isn’t that much of a ‘disaster gay’ – no matter how often Filippo (and his own friends, those jerks!!) likes to address him as such, to rile his Rose up – not to notice the way Nico’s mood plummeted as soon as he sat down at the table this morning. Regretting having to deal with how grumpy Martino can be, before he had any caffeine in him, already? That’s understandable… But quite unlikely. They aren’t really living together, yet, but they are past those petty fights. Who cared if someone seemed always to be too tired to do the dishes or to mop the floor? They never even discussed such trivial things, to be honest: taking care of Nico, making sure he lives in a spotless and tidy environment, is not a chore and Marti really doesn’t mind. Besides, they have a clashing definitions of order and totally different perceptions of how dirty the flat can get before it has to be cleaned. They easily met halfway, agreeing to let Niccolò do things his way and at his own pace, without having to talk about it.

So… if it wasn’t about Martino’s charming decaffeinated personality… What made him run for the hills? Was it something he said? It must be. Fuck. Why does his brain-to-mouth filter always fail him when he needs it the most? And yeah, there is a niggling voice in his head going like ‘You shouldn’t have to overthink every word you say, in fear you’re gonna hurt Nico or something. You should be free to be yourself, including who you are at your worst.’ but he’s not listening to that. What’s wrong with refusing to settle for the person he is now, and striving to become a gentler and more considerate one in the future? What’s so bad about Niccolò inspiring him to give it a try, at least? Nothing; you can’t change his mind. Moreover, he has to make up for the complete lack of any talent whatsoever… Like, okay, compared to Nico - who excels at everything he does, and it’s a lot- he can be dull and boring but at least he’s great at owning up to his mistakes - the whole ton of them - and learn. And it’s more that can be said for so many people out there, including dad, so… Lesson of the day: do not speak until you had your coffee, Martino, and a kiss from Niccolò so that you don’t forget how lucky you are to have this - HIM - to come home to. That no matter how awful you day is going to be - and no, you can’t really know beforehand, so stop being so damn negative and over dramatic… - there are always going those moments with Niccolò that will brighten it.

Okay? Okay. Now, let’s get back to the matter at hand. After the unfortunate comparison of an obsessive-compulsive disorder to a penchant for loving neatly written notes, and finding out that Martino still his that awful word – ‘psychopath’ – in his vocabulary… It wouldn’t be too far for Niccolò to persuade himself that he was belittling his efforts (as well as his mother’s) to get out of bed in the morning, on his darkest days. That’s not what he meant, of course.

’Well, you know none of your friends meant it when they said they wanted somebody to kill them, or that they were going to jump off a bridge because of school. They don’t do that anymore, because they know it reminds you of the bad place Nico’s mind can go sometimes… but some other classmates still throw those words around like it’s nothing, like they are really clinically depressed because their shitty most beloved show got cancelled or their favorite character died.’

That’s it: that’s exactly the point. He knows and it still hurts. It still makes him want to stand up and scream ‘SHUT UP, YOU IDIOTS! YOU KNOW NOTHING, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!’ at the top of his lungs. He can’t blame Nico for being so disappointed with him that he had to leave…

Well, all this mulling and self-deprecation won’t fix anything. He’d better think how to show him that even though he quite an asshole, he never acts out of maliciousness. He might have hit where it hurt out of anger, in the past, to drive people away… He wouldn’t do it, now. Not even as a last resort. He can only hope it will be enough, for Nico.

So… What should he do next? Should he run after him? Leave him some space? Should he really let Niccolò believe that he forgot what tomorrow means for them – for Martino himself - not to spoil the surprise? He had even persuaded Sana to let him be the main speaker, for once… He had a Spotify playlist ready to play, to let Niccolò know what he cannot say with words and sometimes fails to show with his actions…

He… He has no idea, like, his brain is fuzzy static and he’s pretty sure he will start hyperventilating soon… He needs help. Yep. If there’s one thing he got out of those hell months back in 2018 is that he doesn’t have to deal with any kind of crisis alone. Luca reaches out to them when he can’t find the right outfit for his dates with Silvia, when he doesn’t know if it really would be wise to eat that last piece of sushi even though he’s about to puke… And they should be aware that Niccolò might need them as well, even though he doesn’t dare to ask.

“Marti. First thing you gotta do is calm down…” Giovanni writes in the chat, as soon as he listens to his frantic voice message. “Don’t die on us, man. Oxygen is your friend. Even if it’s being a bitch now, being so heavy and shit…” Elia adds, making him smile. “Deep breaths. In. Out. Picture yourself lying down in a field… Feel the grass. Be the grass.” Luca joins in, earning rolling-eyes emojis and thumbs down.

“Is this something you heard from Silvietta, Lu?” “Actually from our yoga teacher…” “Well, stop it because it’s making me long for some weed and we have to stay lucid and sharp here for Marti and Nico.” Giovanni says in the chat, before calling Martino. “Listen. I’ll be quick: show up at school, because we can’t do much over the phone. I know you probably want to send out a search party for Niccolò rather that sit behind a desk for so long, but you have to trust that he knows how to take care of himself and that, like any of us, simply needs a couple of hours to cool down. It’s not like you killed someone, come on…”

“Yeah, but… what if he doesn’t forgive me?” He forgave him so many times, ever since that morning in the boys’ restrooms, what if this is his breaking point? “Then it’s his problem for holding you up to impossible standards, man, not yours. Don’t even try to fight me on that. You’re my best friend, Marti, and I won’t allow anyone to talk shit about you. Not even yourself.” “I’m far…” “… from perfect? Who isn’t? And don’t say Niccolò. Nope, I hate to break it to you, but he’s some major flaws too. And so do I, and so do you, Eva, Sofia, and anyone out there. Trust me: I call you out when you’ve got your head so far up your ass that you forgot how sunlight feels like and THIS is not the case. Don’t make me come over and drag you all the way to 5B’s door.” Martino is aware that it’s just an empty threat, that Giovanni would hardly ever pressure him into anything, and yet he sighs and promises he is going to be there for nine o’clock. Perhaps, if he gets out, Niccolò will feel like it’s safe to come back…

To Nico: Leaving for school, now. Hope I’ll get to see you, later.

It takes him the whole ride to school to decide that no surprise is worth having Ni thinking he doesn’t hold dear that 11th of October, that the day he felt an immediate and unprecedented connection to a nameless boy could ever be insignificant.

To Nico: Can’t wait for you to hear what I’ve got in store for tomorrow

As he expected, Nico doesn’t get back to him. It’s fine. He can wait.

*****************************

Alright: he might have overestimated his patience. He doesn’t know how much longer he can take, before he leaves no stone in Rome unturned while looking for Niccolò.

Thankfully, he’s got a plan to stick to. Sana’s. Who will most likely make him regret the day he was born, if he steps out of line. It’s not ideal, as it relies on too many factors – Nico having his phone on, reading his text messages, being in a place where he can listen to Radio Osvaldo – but it’s the best they’ve got.

“Well, thank you, Ivano… Sharing with us how it’s life with a bipolar disorder must have been hard, but I’m sure that many of our listeners found comfort listening to how you got your happy ending with Sax… To some of us things look so bleak we don’t even see the point of anything, but your story goes to show that it does get better, when you start building bridges instead of burning them. And Martino, you must be so proud of our special guest today. A woman who was brave enough to come and talk to all of us about she is dealing with her depression. Unfortunately she had to leave early, but thank Teresa on our behalf. We hoped to have a former student of this school to conclude this special feature on Mental Health Day, as they are dealing with one of the most stigmatized illnesses… Unfortunately they couldn’t join us. If you are listening, however, remember that we’re here for you. All of us.”

“I am. My mom truly is the best. Yeah, I can hear you all groan, but that’s a fact. It took me ages to see it, so maybe you should cut your parents some slack as well. Unless they’re abusive jerks, of course. And I couldn’t be prouder of that person you just mentioned as well. They keep on being strong, kind, and compassionate in a world that constantly tries to tear them down… They- ”

“Martino, if you keep on going like that you might just as well say their name.” Sana warns him, shooting him a reproachful glare. Too bad she can’t stop him. He just realized how he can make Nico understand he treasures every second they spend together. The best and the worst.

“They are who I want to spend my life with: Niccolò Fares, will you marry me?”

“YES!!” The door barges open, he’s swept off the seat and carried to the nearest secluded corner. What the fuck? He’s not complaining, but really: what the fuck has just happened?

*****************

They would later agree that the marriage is not going to happen for another couple of years, that a proper and more romantic proposal is order from them both… and Martino finds out that while he was busy with Sana, ‘contrabbandieri’ and ‘matte’ joined forces to delve into Nico’s past. So that they could call Niccolò’s old friends to the rescue. Together they managed to locate Nico and then Gio – of course it was him: the love wizard - and Michi talked some sense into him.

“So, tell me… What exactly have you got planned?” He sounds a bit hesitant, now that the euphoria of the impromptu proposal has worn off.

“I was thinking about a tutorial on how to grow weed in your closet. Followed by a cooking show hosted by the famous chef Niccolò Fares, a ten step guide to on how to break in a deserted pool, a top five on the most romantic spots in Rome… Can’t quite decide who’s gonna get the first place, the bins had their charm but so did the toilets…”

“… well, it can’t be a fair ranking until you’ve seen my favorite spot. Come on, Marti. Keats and Shelley are waiting for us!”

“Lead the way.”

[wtfzodiacsigns]

Meaningful New Year’s Resolutions for the Signs

Aries: Plan for your dreams

Aries is a fiery sign who is all about doing, doing, doing, but not so much about planning. They get bursts of quick energy with genius ideas but often never act upon them. This year, Aries, use one of those strokes of genius and see it to completion. Whether this is investing in a new property, creating a business plan, writing a manuscript or planning the trip around the world that you always wanted to take, make plans to take small, incremental steps to achieve this. Whatever big project that you always dreamed of doing, but always seemed so out of reach–now is the time to believe in yourself and see this project of yours come to life.

Taurus: Try minimalism

Taurus, with Christmas and New Years having recently passed, I’m sure you have a plethora of new gifts and clothes in your over-bustling wardrobe, while your poor desk fights for space with your new impulse buys. A good resolution for you is to give up your lesser-used objects and see how much more relaxing life can be without the clutter of them. Minimalism is a lifestyle all about appreciation and value. While not only being more aesthetically pleasing, it can teach you a lot about self-control, the purpose of items and freedom from material fixation. Plus, think of how shocked your friends will be when you stroll up to your next weekend getaway with only hand luggage!

Gemini: Pick up new books

In this busy, digital age, life can become a bit repetitive. We work or study, then we come home and procrastinate on the internet. Reading is a brilliant and great gateway between the two. It’s relaxing, fun and educational. Often in life, after we grow up and leave school, we forget to continue our learning and education. And often when we are in school, we forget about the fun and magic that can be found in learning. Being such a mentally curious sign, there’s no doubt you read a lot anyway, but setting a goal to read styles of writing you haven’t previously explored will open up your mind to new ideas, perspectives and worlds thus adding a bit of well-needed stimulation in an otherwise monotonous week.

Cancer: Practise Gratitude

Cancer is a sign that truly appreciates the good things in life, it’s one of the many great qualities about them. But when things turn bad, Cancer puts on a pity-infused blindfold to the wonderful things and people they do have in their life. To combat those rainy mood days, try practising gratitude often to get you into the groove of positivity. Set a reminder on your phone, keep a gratitude journal or have someone remind you and begin to write down or say aloud three things you are grateful for that day. Gratitude is the opposite of lacking and so you cannot feel both at the same time. Gratitude can instantly turn a bad day into one of the best you’ve ever had, life is all about perspective and Cancer can benefit greatly from learning this!  

Leo: Spend more time in nature

In such a busy working age, it’s hard to find the time or energy to do anything other than commute to and from one industrial building to the next. Did you know that three-quarters of children in the UK spend less time outdoors than prison inmates? I’m sure the same can be said about adults. There are so many benefits of engaging with nature. As a bold Leo with so much energy and a real passion for adventure, the perfect resolution for you is to go on more hikes and spend more time doing outdoor activities such as sports or even gardening. Studies have reported how nature is good for our happiness and healthiness. It’ll give you, the ever-venturesome Leo, a sense of adventure as you discover new things, a sense of productivity and good use of your energy.

Virgo: Be kinder to yourself

Dear Virgo, you work yourself so tirelessly sometimes only to come home to more self-criticism. While being a perfectionist has led to many great things in your life, it’s important to remember that it’s okay not to be productive 100% of the time, and it’s also okay to take time to yourself. While your sign is naturally the provider/server of others, you need to learn to use that trait on yourself and serve your own needs. Learn that they are important and that kindness begins at home. You will only learn to be less critical of the world by starting with yourself. While you may not be the pampering type, some self-love and lazy days are exactly what you need in order to ultimately be your most productive and loving.

Libra: Strengthen your existing relationships

Libra, you are a social butterfly, you charm any room and your genuine politeness makes you a lovely gem in everyone’s minds. Unfortunately, you have a way of getting carried away with this gift and end up making more superficial relationships than deep ones. This becomes a problem when you face tough times and realise you are alone in your problems. Your resolution is to reach out to some old or existing friends that life has led you to lose contact with. They’ll appreciate it, and this way, you can rekindle some amazing friendships and thus create stronger, more valuable bonds with people. Taking time out to appreciate and spend time with the people in your life who have been there for a long time will make you, and them, much happier.

Scorpio: Solo-travel

Scorpio, the deep, mysterious and soul-seeking sign. Well, guess what? You’re not going to learn the mysteries of the world by sitting on the couch in your hometown. While extended solo-travelling may not be the most viable options in everyone’s lives, it’s good to experience a trip by yourself no matter how short it may be. It’ll not only give you more insight into the world but also into yourself. This time in a foreign place will allow you to truly be yourself as you shed any reputations you have back home and appreciate the benefits of your own company. You can also forge many new connections, experience once-in-a-lifetime opportunities and learn to trust in yourself, your independence and see the value in transient relationships.

Sagittarius: Start a blog or channel

You have so much to say, and not enough hours in the day to say it, so why not start a blog? Because you are such a busy and often convoluted talker, you might find your comments being brushed off or going unheard by others. However, by sharing your voice on a louder platform you may see the importance of your ideas. You have the gift of the gab so why not make use of it? Blogging, or vlogging, is a great hobby (or career) for an innovative and intelligent Sagittarius. It channels all your creative energy into an organised and thus readable (or watchable) segment that others can understand. Blogging always requires research as well, which makes you learn more every day. It hones many different skills that you excel in such as writing, research, creativity, planning and execution and also connects you with like-minded others.

Capricorn: Get off social media

Capricorn, ruled by Saturn, the planet of rules and restrictions. Yet, you have such a hard time with your unconscious addictions. More than any of the other signs, Capricorn relies on old-fashioned status for respect. That self-respect gets lowered when faced with everyone else’s highlight reels being broadcasted on Instagram and Facebook. Suddenly, you start buying things just for the likes or going places just for the photo-opportunity. Learning to live authentically, in spite of anyone else’s happiness or progress, is vital for you. By comparing yourself to others, you will always be striving for a false sense of happiness. Perhaps a good length of time disconnected from social media would be a great way to boost your real happiness.

Aquarius: Volunteer

Aquarius, the world lover. You are a unique paradox. As much as you love the idea of world peace, ending world hunger and bringing people together–actually having to react to people’s emotions is entirely uncomfortable and awkward for you. But, no true saviour lies behind a screen. People often donate some pocket change to charity at the end of the year and say they did their part, but this will not suffice you. By actively going out into the world and giving people your most important resources– your time and empathy, you will positively be helping the world, and the world will be helping you. This will bring you closer to overcoming your uncomfortable emotions, affecting people’s lives for the better and getting outside your own head with real life issues.

Pisces: Talk to strangers

Now, hear me out Pisces. I know you’re probably already pulling back just from reading the title. Talking to strangers–why would I ever do such a thing? You ask. Because there are so many benefits from this that outweigh the risks. Pisces is naturally a loving and social sign but you are often held back by your own insecurities. Try talking to that person on the bus, or introduce yourself to the cute person sitting alone in a cafe–you never know what will happen and you will be grateful you did it no matter the outcome. By building this essential skill, you will feel so much happier and more free from your internal restrictions. You will also be surprised at how receptive people are to being approached and gain so many new and wonderful connections this year.

Source: myastrologyblog

[tallowes]

I’m working on a bio template by working on Tace’s bio and doing the personality part has been really insightful / helped me to remember some things about him that are #Canon but I sometimes forget because I’m a Fool and the reason why I juxtapose / compare him to Anders a lot mentally while I work on meta-level shit.  Tace was given to the Circle as a very young child, it’s basically all he’s ever known, as someone who’s very strong willed and stubborn he always had some trouble living in the Circle. But when his dreamer capabilities kicked in at 13 things got infinitely worst and he had to very quickly readapt and get the authorities on his side just to survive and not be made tranquil. In the span of a few short months as his powers became less sporadic and more consistent and the enchanters sorted out what was going on Tace went from being just another ( if a bit bratty ) apprentice to being considered the most dangerous person in the Circle and a threat to the safety of the other mages just by living.  He was isolated from the other mages, given private sleeping quarters with wards, etc. on them ( basically a glorified isolation cell ) and a constant guard of templars day and night. He was basically treated like a dangerous criminal or plague victim. Some of that is justified, he was a very young mage and it’s talked about in DA2 just how bad can be if something goes wrong with a dreamer. However it all set him on edge and made him shift quickly from disliking the templars and enchanters because he’s a unruly preteen to thinking of them as threats because of the harsh 180. Tace is smart, very observant and while he’s hot-blooded he doesn’t like to act or lash out, especially when it’s a serious situation where that could really hurt him. He wants to have all the facts so he can point by point tell you why you’re wrong. It became clear to him that they were watching him more intensely than they were anyone else, looking for signs of instability or possession and he knew if they felt they found something regardless if it was there he’d be made tranquil. Even at that age he found the concept nightmarish and was terrified of it being done to him. So he stopped acting out completely, or questioning things too much or really showing any outward signs of not being an exemplary circle mage as much as possible as a means of self preservation. So while Anders, his contemporary in the same Circle was becoming more rebellious Tace was becoming more docile and embedded in the community. 

When Falon’din’s Putrescence locked on to him around 14-15 and he began to not just deal with more frequent and intense demon attacks than the rest of the mages and the physical / mental / emotional toll that took on him, but also began wake up with physical bruising his life was genuinely in danger from the templars. Knowing where this would likely lead he preempted the talks of tranquility before they got too serious by essentially begging for his life,  pointing out that he had now faced about 2 years of near constant demonic assault of all kinds on a level of intensity none of the rest had at a young “untrained and unstable” age and had never had a single moment of faltering.  Thankfully since Irving and Greagoir aren’t complete monsters they agreed he had proven to have a very strong will and he would not be made tranquil but he would still live apart from the rest, go through the harrowing and have a constant guard of at least 1 templar, usually 2, assigned to him for the rest of his life. Tace agreed readily, he didn’t really have a choice and frankly he found the idea of someone around to kill him if he fucked up comforting. His main strength against demons had always been his stubbornness and loathing of being told what to do but Falon’din’s Putrescence is in a category all of it’s own and the idea of what could happen if he did finally break and give up terrified him as much as being tranquil did. Both because of the loss of Self / control and the possible carnage that could be done through him.  Over time he became a split personality with his real self curdling into something very unpleasant as he pushed down all his negative traits, thoughts, feelings etc. and basically lied almost constantly about himself. He couldn’t completely stop being his naturally stubborn independent self but he stamped it down enough to come across as an eccentric and a bit of jerk and not a dangerously rebellious and angry garbage fire of a person, which he actually is. He maintained his shit by basically only caring about himself and focusing intensely on his studies, research and duties, excelling as an academic and a researcher and gaining the rank of enchanter.  People like Anders were inherently dangerous to his survival, not because they themselves where a threat to him physically or anything but because Tace deeply felt for them and sympathized with them. Tace’s seeming inability to connect with others is both the product of his on going trauma and as part of his self-preservation. If he cares about people like Anders, who are clearly struggling, failing to thrive and being obviously miss treated and subjected to barbaric punishments for doing / thinking things he agrees with for reasons he empathizes with he will 100% mclose it and have outburst after outburst and eventually lead to his own demise. So he actively squashes his better traits like his very real and very deep compassion and instead lets himself see everyone as a threat, suspicious or just Not Important or Real like he is. Boom now he doesn’t get upset about poor Jowan, guy just was fucking loser who sucked and couldn’t cut it like he can so rip adios laddie don’t write. While he and Anders have similarities ( personalities not suited for the circle, long bouts of enforced isolation, mental illness struggles, massive sense of betrayal, strong wills, intensely emotional, regretfully care a LOT about others, “radical ideas” like basic human rights for everyone ) Tace’s situation from day one was much more precarious, since 13 he was living on the knife’s edge with opinion on him liable to change irrevocably with just one bad day and he fucking knew it. His ways of coping and working to survive were much different, he used his inherent extroversion, people skills, intelligence and sheer force of will to convince people and to blend in and appear “safe”. Basically becoming an actor putting on some kind of sick play for the amusement of overlords who held his life in their hands. While I’ve joked and talked about how much of an asshole he is and how he has little respect for others or the dead in particular the fact is that other half of his split personality rarely comes out. The era it was most apparent in was DA2 when he’d finally left the Circle, knowing that if he had stayed and let the transfer to the Gallows go thru it was a death sentence. During that time as an apostate largely on his own or with people like Hawke’s gang who really can’t complain much about bad behavior / attitude his true personality got to make an appearance. He was mean, petty, vindictive, intensely distrustful, careless with other people and honestly kind of awful to be around, but along with that he was also helpful, protective of others ( especially Anders, Merrill, Isabella and Fenris ) , considerate, thoughtful, funny and sporadically deeply compassionate. Tace without all his baggage and trauma would be a deeply compassionate, witty, good natured well regarded natural mentor friend ( if a bit of a hard ass ) but at is stands his experiences have made him manipulative, cruel, brutal, callous with the emotions / lives of others, intensely selfish and self centered, stubborn / spiteful to the point of self damaging and largely unable to connect with others on deeper levels. When in situations where his life is in danger from the opinion of groups or “superiors” like the Circle, Mage Rebellion camps or the Inquisition he comes across as a largely harmless academic with an at times strong personality. When he deems himself out of the line of sight or with people he at least trusts not to narc on him he drops some level of the pretense and it becomes increasingly clear he’s very fucked up, deeply unpleasant, needs a lot of therapy ASAP and is absolutely earth shatteringly furious and violently egalitarian. I think it says a lot about him that he has two main reasons that fuel him in his constant battle against possession and they’re that he’s so furiously individualistic and stubborn that he’d rather die and have his immortal soul shredded into non-existence than lose even 1 spec of the bodily autonomy he still has and that he knows exactly how catastrophic it would be if any demon, let alone something like Falon’din’s Putrescence got control of him, and he would rather suffer for eternity than let that kind of calamity happen, especially if he’d be the vehicle for it because despite all his callousness the idea he might be party to that level of monstrousness makes him sick. 

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How Can I Practice Mindfulness Besides Meditation

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How Can I Practice Mindfulness Besides Meditation

Dont Be Too Hard On Yourself When Your Mind Wanders Off During Practice Gently Bring Your Attention Back To The Present

Everyone’s mind is going to wander now and then while they are practicing mindfulness meditation. It is ok to recognize your passing thought and let it go. Once it is gone, take some deep breaths and reset your focus to be in your mindfulness practice.

This is just one mindfulness blueprint. As I said before, there are countless ways to practice mindfulness. For instance, you can add a bit of meditation, which we’ll cover next.

The Lives Of Lawyers: More Than Meditation: How Even The Most Type A Lawyers Can Practice Mindfulness

For the past several years, the wellness industry has inundated me with the word “mindfulness”—something “good” that I “should” practice. But for many lawyers, the idea of turning off from the outside world and being entirely focused on one thing seems like a pipe dream. They balk at the suggestion, claiming to be “too Type A.” But, even the most ambitious overachievers can successfully practice mindfulness.

More Than Meditation: A Survey Of How Young Lawyers Practice Mindfulness

The realization that meditation is not necessarily about quieting your mind helped me understand how to bring mindfulness into other aspects of my life. Before this realization, yoga was the only time I felt mentally present. Ordinarily, my mind was filled with anxious thoughts about the future, how much I had to get done that day, items on my grocery list, that “thing” I forgot to do, etc. But during yoga, if I lost my presence, I fell down. So I stayed present use to strengthen their “mindfulness muscle.”

I spoke to several young lawyers in positions ranging from big law firm associates to in-house counsel to lawyers at small firms about how they practice mindfulness and bring presence into their daily lives. To most, mindfulness meant the act of staying present, which, in turn, helps you stay focused. Below are some of the insights I obtained from these lawyers:

Find activities where you can be physically present. Two of the lawyers who graciously answered my questions both treat themselves to massages, take baths, and prioritizing exercise. All three of these activities involve tuning into your body, unintentionally focusing on the one thing that is happening, in a similar way that you focus on your breath during a meditation.

Experience It And Also Find The Moment That Suits You Ideal To Meditate

Regularity is the crucial to really feeling all the virtues of mindfulness reflection. After finding and appreciating this technique, the idea is to incorporate it into your every day life. Still, without taxing yourself, it should come normally, little by little, beginning with sessions 2 to 3 times a week, as well as why not daily if you feel the requirement or wish.

For this method to take its area quite normally in your daily life, it is vital to locate the best moment, the ideal scenario, that makes us really feel good.

The question of the minute is crucial: is it early in the early morning, when you wake up? Or in the morning, hanging on to one more habit to make them stronger with each other . In the morning, the mind is more made up; there are less points to observe.

Would this moment for you be much more integrated right into your lunch break due to the fact that it’s quieter?

Or are you even more of those who like to practice meditation in the evening? Beware, the threat is going to sleep, which is not the objective. If meditating puts you to sleep, prepare a session a little earlier in the night since it is required to prevent battling versus rest while exercising. It will be excellent prep work for the dropping off to sleep phase!

To discover the moment that fits you best, test, experience mindfulness meditation at different times of the day, and also see what jobs best for you. Celebrities Who Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness Enhances The Ability To Deal With And Recover From Illness

When you think of mindfulness or meditation, you probably think of a quiet, private time of peace. On the other hand, when you think of hospitals or doctors’ offices, you probably think about the anxiety, pain, and chaos going on around you. So, how can mindfulness have a place in health care?

The eCALM trial is a therapy program for cancer patients. It found that mindfulness can reduce the physical symptoms of stress, decrease one’s emotional reactivity to negative experiences, and facilitate post-traumatic growth while enhancing energy and relieving fatigue.

Additionally, found that mindfulness meditation has also been found to decrease anxiety and foster post-traumatic mental and emotional growth in breast cancer survivors, as well as increasing energy and spirituality.

Mindfulness Helps Lower The Incidence Of Burnout And Turnover At Work

Early reports of job burnout came to light in the 1970s and were mostly focused on people who were working in health care or human services. While there is a growing body of research on job burnout, there is no widely agreed-upon definition. However, job burnout is essentially one’s inability to properly respond to chronic occupational stress, with the experience of emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and a low rate of personal achievement.

Job burnout can manifest as depression, aggression, decreased commitment, decreased cognitive performance, and decreased motivation. This phenomenon has been associated with an increased risk of physical and mental health problems such as increased blood pressure, heart disease, anxiety, and depression.

found that there is an inverse relationship between mindfulness and job turnover intention, suggesting that employees who are trained in mindfulness are less likely to leave their jobs for any reason.

So those are the 20 benefits of mindfulness. Did any stand out as positives that you want to experience?

Now let’s move on to the history of mindfulness, and then we’ll dive into how to practice mindfulness throughout the day.

Tips For Increasing Focus And Awareness And Decreasing Stress At Work

You probably know the feeling all too well: You arrive at the office with a clear plan for the day and then, in what feels like just a moment, you find yourself on your way back home. Nine or ten hours have passed but you’ve accomplished only a few of your priorities. And, most likely, you can’t even remember exactly what you did all day. If this sounds familiar, don’t worry. You’re not alone. shows that people spend almost 47 percent of their waking hours thinking about something other than what they’re doing. In other words, many of us operate on autopilot.

Add to this that we have entered what many people are calling the “attention economy.” In the attention economy, the ability to maintain focus and concentration is every bit as important as technical or management skills. And because leaders need to absorb and synthesize a growing flood of information in order to make good decisions, they’re hit particularly hard by this emerging trend.

The good news is you can train your brain to focus better by incorporating mindfulness exercises throughout your day. Based on our experience with thousands of leaders in over 250 organizations, here are some guidelines for becoming a more focused and mindful leader.

From the GGSC to your bookshelf: 30 science-backed tools for well-being.

Listen to a guided breathing exercise:

This article was originally published on Harvard Business Review. Read the original article.

There Are Plenty Of Ways To Practice Mindfulness Here Are 13 Of Them

Mindfulness can be tricky at first. Our minds are used to wandering, and we will often be tempted to fix on a thought or a feeling, judge it as good or bad, or work hard to analyse or change it. Sometimes this will be useful, but we also need to be able to sit with our experience and be fully in the moment, without being dragged away by thoughts or feelings that might do damage if they hold on for too long. The truth is, the only place we can fully be is here and now. Of course, it is important to plan for the future or reflect on the past, but it’s about balance.

If you haven’t practised mindfulness before, try to replace any judgement you might have about whether or not you’re doing it properly, with acknowledgement that you are doing the very best you can in the moment. What’s important is that you are doing it. The rest will come with practice. The more you practice mindfulness, the easier it will become to stay present and focus your attention on where you want it, rather than on wherever your mind might take you.

Remember also that mindfulness is dose-related. The more you do it, the more you will benefit from it. The most important thing is to start, and to work towards a regular practice of at least twenty minutes each day. If twenty minutes is difficult to find, and sometimes it can be, try for two ten minute sessions. Here are some different ways to practice mindfulness:

Mindful eating.

Mindfulness Slows Down The Progression Of Neurodegenerative Diseases

Researchers have found that positive brain changes that are associated with mindfulness meditation may work to slow the progression of age-related cognitive disorders, such as Alzheimer’s disease and dementia.

Patients suffering from Alzheimer’s who participated in the study showed a lower rate of cognitive decline after the eight-week mindfulness-based stress reduction program than a control group who did not participate in the program.

Dont Think About The Past Dont Plan The Future Dont Look At The Time

You know you can’t change the past. So why can’t you let it go? Stop thinking about things that have already happened. Additionally, the future is not here yet, so there is no need to focus too intently on that either. The future will come to you soon enough. Focus instead on the present moment without worrying about what time it is, or when you have to be somewhere next. Don’t worry about how much time you allow to pass before getting up.

Fun Mindfulness Interventions Techniques And Worksheets For Adults

There are several ways to engage in mindfulness on an individual level, including worksheets, techniques, and different exercises.

If the idea of participating in group mindfulness exercises is anxiety-provoking or stressful for yourself or your clients, then diving into mindfulness practice alone can be the best way to proceed.

Here are six exercises that can help to build mindfulness in different ways.

How Can I Practice Mindfulness Meditation With Sound Not Breathing

I want to start practising meditation, but breathing exercises extremely psyche me out. I find any activity that involves intensely focusing on a part of my body distressing, sometimes nauseating. So the traditional “focus on your breath” mindfulness meditations aren’t really ideal for me.

I like the idea of meditating listening to sound, for example the sound of rain or waves on my phone. But I’m completely new to meditation and am not sure how best to implement this practice. Should I wear over ear headphones, or is it best to have the music ambient and not directly my ear? Should I be sitting up or lying in bed? Should it be light, dark or semi-dark? Eyes open or closed etc.?

The basic question I’m asking is: what are the best practices and practicalities for mindfulness meditation using sound?

Five Simple Mindfulness Practices For People Who Hate To Meditate

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The science is clear: practicing mindfulness is good for you. Just as you can exercise the body for better performance, the mind too can be trained, honed and sharpened. Mindfulness has been shown to break negative thought patterns, reduce stress and anxiety, and sharpens focus.

Perhaps knowing all of these benefits, you tried meditation. Yet, for whatever the reason, the practice of meditation—sitting still, quietly, focusing on a single object, just isn’t working for you. Maybe you even judge yourself for your inability to meditate.

If you are struggling with making meditation part of your daily practice, or it just isn’t your cup of tea, there are many other mindfulness practices you can still incorporate into your day.

When to practice mindfulness

Just to be clear, every moment of your life presents an opportunity to be mindful. You do not need to sit on a meditation cushion or visit a meditation center or an ashram to practice mindfulness. That’s the beautify of mindfulness—your entire life is a laboratory where you can experiment.

However,  that you  be mindful 24/7 is very different than actually  mindful throughout the day. For this reason, I’ve found it useful to have some cues that will remind me to return to center, to intentionally bring a bit of mindfulness to what I am doing and to pay attention to what is actually happening in the moment, rather than be trapped by the internal chatter.

Adding mindfulness cues into your day

Mindfulness Techniques For Depression Anger Addiction And Anxiety

Mindfulness has been a crux of therapy for patients with borderline personality disorder, and it also has applications for people without a diagnosis of mental illness.

People anywhere on the mental health spectrum can benefit from mindfulness techniques. It helps regulate emotions and can be a helpful resource for management and .

How Long And How Often Should You Practice Mindfulness Meditation

You can practice mindfulness meditation for as long or as often as you like. However, 15 minutes a day, a few times per week, is a good start for a beginner. Then you can work your way up to an hour each time, which is when you can reap the most benefits, says Britt Gustafson, a mindful life coach who teaches mindfulness meditation through .

You can practice mindfulness meditation at any point in the day, but it might be helpful to do it at the same time each day to build a routine. For example, Gustafson says she likes to practice every morning before she gets out of bed. 

“You’re kind of checking in with yourself and getting yourself aligned. I feel personally that that sets the tone of your day,” Gustafson says. 

Some people like to meditate in the evening, in the transition between work and home, Dingle says. You can also reach for mindfulness meditation when you need it, such as before an important event, or when something goes wrong and you want to ground yourself, she says. 

Okay Talk Me Through The Basics What Does Meditating Look Like

Good news: People often imagine there are a lot of rules around how to meditate properly, but meditation is meant to be flexible and personalized. “A lot of people think you have to sit in a certain way, like cross-legged on the floor, which is absolutely not true,” says Winston. “You can sit in a chair. You can sit on the couch. You can lie down. However you’re comfortable.” Winston notes that people also think they have to do it for a certain amount of time—often a time—but that’s another misconception. A few minutes is fine.

To give you an idea of what mindfulness meditation looks like in practice, consider this basic example: “A very simple way to meditate is to sit down in a comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed and bring your attention to your body,” says Winston. “See if you can notice your body . Maybe you feel your breath moving in your abdomen. Maybe you notice your chest moving up and down. Some people notice the air moving through their nose. Then, just pick a spot to focus your gaze on and then stay with it, feeling the breath rising and falling in and out. When you notice your mind wandering away, return your attention back to your breathing and the spot that you’re noticing. Then just do that again and again. If you just did that for five minutes a day, you’d be golden.” It may sound too easy, but that might be all you need to incorporate a fulfilling meditation routine into your life.

Pay Attention To Your Thoughts Words Actions And Motivations

When you are thinking, saying, or doing something, what is the reason behind it? Are you telling someone a story to benefit them in some way, or is it just benefiting you or your ego? Think about the motivations behind everything you do before you do it to see if it is really necessary. Make sure that you are always coming from a good place when you choose to speak or act in any way.

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Back To School Is A Great Time Begin A Mindfulness Practice

Any time of year is a great time to start practicing mindfulness yourself or with your kids. But as back to school time is quickly approaching, it’s a great time to start a mindfulness practice. This is the time of year we are getting ready to re-establish routines and schedules after the summer break. Adding a few minutes to your morning routine to practice mindfulness is a great way to add some calm and intention to your day and your kids’ days too!

Here are Kailey and Josianne with a simple guide to practicing mindfulness with your kids. Be sure to check out part one of their series , to learn about starting your own mindfulness practice too!

Mindfulness Meditation Guide: How To Start A Daily Practice

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Almost everyone in the yoga world now accepts mindfulness meditation– present moment awareness with non-attachment – as something they should add to their practice. Scientifically studied benefits of mindfulness meditation include stress reduction, reduction of depression and anxiety, increased brain function, an immune system boost, and much more. 

The Italians say “If you can’t live longer, live deeper.”

 Yet the real reason to practice meditation is to discover your highest, truest self. You know – the part of you that lies underneath the confusion and endless thoughts . . . your pure limitless potential. 

How To Do A Formal Mindfulness Practice With Your Children

Mindful meditation is simple, but not always easy. A great way to start is with a breath awareness practice. The first couple times you practice with your kids, be sure to choose a time where they are already pretty calm. They will be more receptive and will have a better first impression. Forcing them to sit still when they have lots of energy will make them feel like mindfulness is a punishment rather than a useful tool for relaxation.

Here’s how to meditate with your kids:

Embrace A Comfy Posture To Practice Mindfulness Meditation

To learn just how to meditate, it is a good idea to begin resting: you can either remain on the front of a chair, without leaning against the back-rest or rest on a padding constructed from a fit .

The appropriate placement to embrace:

Keep your back fairly straight yet not tense .Close your eyes, or leave them half-open if you prefer.Imagine that you have a wire over your head, which aligns you up.

How Do I Quiet My Thoughts And Keep My Mind From Wandering

nd here we have the most common misconception about meditation. Despite popular belief, the goal of meditation isn’t a completely blank mind. “Meditation isn’t turning off thoughts but rather learning to meet them with awareness and curiosity,” says Mattingly. The same goes for our wandering minds; you don’t have to keep absolute focus, either. In both cases, the key is .

“When our attention wanders away or other thoughts are coming up, we notice what’s happening and then bring our attention back to whatever it is we’re focusing on in our mindfulness meditation, such as our breath,” says Winston. “And then we do that over and over. What we learn to realize is that that’s not a problem. That’s part of the process.”

That doesn’t mean it’s easy, of course. Paying attention to our thoughts and emotions can set off anxiety, judgment, and other things that feel like they interfere with mindfulness. But with practice, you can learn not to get pulled down into that spiral and instead incorporate these moments into your meditation. “ allows us to take a step back and become the observer,” says Mattingly. “When we invite in curiosity, we’re able to notice the changing nature of all emotions and realize that these emotions rise and fall in everyone.”

Mindfulness Improves Memory Concentration And Performance

Paying attention and concentrating on the task at hand may be one of the most important cognitive abilities people have. Mindfulness is one of a very few methods that works as an antidote for mind-wandering and the negative effects that losing concentration may have on you. In fact, research on students has shown that there is a connection between mindfulness and paying attention both in and out of the classroom.

Studies have shown that meditating on a regular basis causes the brain’s cerebral cortex to thicken.

Mindfulness Meditation Reduces Implicit Age And Race Bias

has suggested that mindfulness can positively change the negative thoughts or associations that people once had. The impact of mindfulness has been studied in regards to several biases through measurements of implicit association tests. These tests found that people who listened to mindfulness meditation had an increased state of mindfulness and a decrease in their implicit biases.

Does Meditation Make You Anxious Or Mad Here’s A Science

Posted April 19, 2016

Find a mindfulness-based therapist

We keep seeing more studies demonstrating how mindfulness meditation can change the brain, make us feel better, and generally improve our lives. That’s great. But what if it doesn’t work for you? Maybe the practices that were supposed to take you to a calm place made you feel or irritable.

Your skin crawls, you have ants in your pants, and you swing between anxiety attacks and . Not exactly Zen.

Maybe your reaction was to start focusing on your to-do list and worrying that instead of getting things done, you were just sitting there doing nothing. You ended up getting frustrated, quitting, and buying another latte instead.

Your meditator friends either look like they could smile through a sandstorm or are so neurotically self-aware that they drive you nuts with their “mindful” attitudes and “conscious” relating. Meanwhile, you’re so you can’t sit and watch your thoughts. Or label them. Or “hold them with nonjudgmental awareness.”

The good news is that you don’t have to do mindfulness meditation. There are other ways to reach inner peace.

There has been so much on mindfulness and meditation that we’ve started to equate the two.

One reason scientists are so interested in mindfulness meditation is that it is a cognitive exercise. Scientists like cognitive exercises.

Here’s what I mean: you have to observe your thoughts . Mindfulness meditation is the most scientific practice ever.

How To Practice Mindfulness: 11 Practical Steps And Tips

Developing a mindfulness practice offers myriad positive benefits for the body and mind .

But sometimes, it’s easier said than done. 

It’s not easy in the beginning, and there will be bumps along the path toward a committed mindfulness practice. 

This article will guide you through various ways and resources to help introduce mindfulness in your life so that you are well prepared to start your journey.

Before you read on, we thought you might like to . These science-based comprehensive exercises will not only help you cultivate a sense of inner peace throughout your daily life, but also give you the tools to enhance the mindfulness of your clients, students, children, or employees.

You can download the free PDF .

This article contains:

References

Tip Six: Introduce A Breathing Exercise Before A Meeting

Up to this point, most of the tips have focused on the role and experiences of the employee; however, there is no reason why everyone in a team should not practice a mindfulness exercise.

There is some preliminary evidence that introducing a three-minute breathing exercise before a stand-up meeting results in better decision making, more productive meetings, better listening, good interactions, and more appropriate emotional responses .

This exercise could be completed as a group or individually before the meeting.

Mini Mindfulness Exercises You Can Do Without Meditating

Don’t have time to meditate every day? Here are 3 mini mindfulness exercises you can do in five minutes or even five seconds.

Being mindful means being tuned into the here and now, without judgment.

Practicing mindfulness is good for your health and well-being.

You can practice mindfulness in your daily life without doing full meditations. 

To anchor into the present moment, pay attention to how your breath feels without trying to change it. 

Do a mini body scan by focusing on just one part of your body.

Perform a quick check-in with all five of your senses to experience the world around you in the present moment. 

Happy New Year, everyone! How was your holiday season this past year? If it was anything like mine, you probably not only had lots of joyous moments, but also lots of hectic running around, getting things ready, hosting, traveling, ordering last-minute presents, and getting in touch with loved ones.

Times like these can sparkle with fun energy and can leave us feeling frazzled. That’s because all this running around makes it hard to be mindful. By mindful, I mean being present in the here and now with a non-judgmental attitude. The opposites of mindful are multi-tasking, judging, worrying, mentally planning, and getting stuck in our minds instead of being simply and fully in the real world in this current moment. 

When was the last time you were fully mindful? What did it feel like?

When The Time Is Up Reflect On Your Mindfulness Practice

Ask your children questions like: How did your body feel during the practice? What did you notice? What was your mind doing? Then share your answers. There is no right or wrong experience to have during a mindfulness practice. Sharing is a great way to connect with openness and curiosity and to see that sometimes we have similar experiences and sometimes our practices are very different.

Just like with any new exercise, this may not be easy in the beginning. But with time and practice, you will see that concentrating on the breath will become easier and a sense of calm will follow.

It can be very helpful to learn this practice from a teacher. A great place to find quality guided mindfulness practices online is . They create mindfulness practices in both English and French for you to do with your kiddos so that the whole family can practice together. Educalme’s guided mindfulness practices use vocabulary simple enough for kids, yet valuable for teens and adults too. Plus, the 5 minute guided audio is really easy to fit into your day.

Meditation Is Good For You But Not So Good For Your Butt Apr 8, 2020“I hereby call this meditation, ‘just being’” Paolo Nicolello

If I’ve been meditating on anything these days, it’s that I already sit way too much. When I’m eating, I’m sitting. When I’m working, I’m sitting. When I’m reading or writing I’m sitting. When I’m doing almost anything apart from sleeping or shopping or peeing—well, sometimes—I’m…

Acquaint Yourself With Your Breath To Be In Today Moment

Among the basics of reflection is the observation of breath. To start, you can take a couple of minutes throughout the day to observe your breath, your motivations, your exhalations, how the air column goes through you.

To aid you, you can count your breath. Just by following your breath, you will have the ability to realize that you can observe more serenely what is occurring in your mind: I saw this believed pass, I return to the breath, an additional idea passes, I come back to my breath again. Do not wait to do it 100 times if it is needed. The suggestion is to be in today minute; whether your mind is very upset or not, it is possible, by simply following the breath!

Progressively Incorporate This Technique Into Your Life

Mindfulness meditation is “training to be” and can end up being a way of living. The concept is to apply it in everyday life after having actually found out the fundamentals through official meditation sessions.

Your belly is a little knotted because of the stress and anxiety that climbs prior to a meeting, a test, a visit, a public speaking? Meditation can aid you to come back to the present moment in a couple of minutes, thanks to mindful breathing that enables you to be there, as well as not in the assumptions, projections?

Once you have attempted one or two official mindfulness meditation sessions, making use of an application, attempt to do it informally .

Powerful Ways To Practice Mindfulness In Everyday Life

You’re probably aware of the mantra of ‘living in the moment’. It’s almost the catch cry of the 21st century, at least among the wellness-minded.

But do you actually know what it means to live in the present?

For many of us, we only live in the present a fraction of the time, and instead, we dwell on the past, churning through thoughts about current problems, and worry about the future. We’re living in our minds, unconnected to the world around us or our own body or being.

This means we’re missing out on most of our lives, leaving us feeling unsettled, hollow and bereft of meaning.

The good news? We can learn to be more present and mindful.

Here are 5 powerful ways you can practice mindfulness in your daily life.

Simple Ways To Practice Mindfulness In Our Daily Life MindfulnessPositive PsychologySelf-ConfidenceMonique Tallon

“Look past your thoughts, so you may drink the pure nectar of This Moment.”– Rumi

These days as we are all learning to adapt to a new normal of staying indoors, I’ve been personally finding it difficult to focus on what is going right with the world instead of what is going wrong. I find myself sometimes getting sucked into hours of scrolling through my social media feed to read the latest news or to feel more connected to friends and family. With all the unknowns of what the future holds, it’s easy to get stuck in negative feedback loops which ultimately breed stress in the body. And right now stress is the last thing we need if we want to boost our immune systems and keep a healthy mental state.

So in this blog post, I want to talk about how to train your brain through mindfulness practices to stay focused on the positive, lower stress, and keep yourself mentally healthy during this uncertain time we’re going through. 

When Is Mindfulness Right For Youand How Can You Know

Despite the risks mentioned above, there are still many documented benefits of mindfulness. But, as the adage goes: if you only have a hammer, everything can look like a nail. The reality is that we need many tools in the “mental health toolbox” for a variety of situations life will throw our way: what about the saw, screwdriver, or pliers? A contributing factor is that we live in a consumerist, capitalist country. It has been overly commodified, its origins partially distorted. Not enough people, especially health professionals are researchers, are talking about the risks, contraindications, or downsides of practice, or who specifically it’s best suited for and when.

Dedicate Time And Space For Your Mindfulness Practice

You want the space you choose for mindfulness practice to be quiet, calm, and soothing. You will also want to pick a time during which you are unlikely to be interrupted. Create a space in your house that is peaceful and allows you to just relax while practicing mindfulness. Don’t use this space for anything aside from meditating. This way, when you sit down, your body will be notified that it is time to calm down and practice mindfulness.

Make Mindfulness Meditation A Part Of Your Daily Life

Forming a dedicated meditation practice is like giving your soul a hug every day. Practice compassion towards yourself as you get into a groove. Every day won’t be easy and it definitely won’t be the same. With time and commitment, you’ll come to discover that you crave sitting in meditation. You’ll start to notice small changes in your mentality and approach to yourself and others. Mindfulness meditation is the gateway to presence, compassion, peace, and grounding. Dig in. 

How Other Than Meditation Do You Practice Mindfulness

§ Some things have helped me with this, such as, staring at an object for a while. Reading about meditation. Thinking about being present. Closing my eyes . What about you? I really appreciate you taking the time to share.

Awareness of the physical body is the first step towards mindfulness. Start with the body, move up to the mind when you’re ready.

That was the first step for you perhaps, but for me it was very later on. It all depends where your concerns and issues lie, to me it was in pondering the existence of life. As soon as I started observing my thoughts it became very clear to me that mindfulness was the key to the question of our purpose in life. Don’t affirm anything, don’t deny anything, simply say the steps and let others find their own experience.

Anytime I notice I’m lost in my mind I take a step back and pause and reset. Keeping coming back to the moment, keep coming back to the Truth.

When I’m at work I focus 100% on my task right in front of me. I won’t think of the outcome, I won’t think of what’s next or anything like that. I put everything into the work. I’m there a minimum of 8 hours so it’s a lot of my day, bonus is the quality of my work benefits too!

im trying to write my thesis . Im so bored or anxious that i cant focus. or maybe i just cant focus, every 5min work im on reddit for 5-10 then back more 5 more min . FML. i wish i could do what you do and just focus 100%

Eating is a big one for me too.

What You Need To Know Before Practicing Mindfulness:

You don’t need to buy anything. You can practice anywhere, there’s no need to go out and buy a special cushion or bench—all you need is to devote a little time and space to accessing your mindfulness skills every day.

There’s no way to quiet your mind. That’s not the goal here. There’s no bliss state or otherworldly communion. All you’re trying to do is pay attention to the present moment, without judgment. Sounds easy, right?

Your mind will wander. As you practice paying attention to what’s going on in your body and mind at the present moment, you’ll find that many thoughts arise. Your mind might drift to something that happened yesterday, meander to your to-do list—your mind will try to be anywhere but where you are. But the wandering mind isn’t something to fear, it’s part of human nature and it provides the magic moment for the essential piece of mindfulness practice—the piece that researchers believe leads to healthier, more agile brains: the moment when you recognize that your mind has wandered. Because if you can notice that your mind has wandered, then you can consciously bring it back to the present moment. The more you do this, the more likely you are to be able to do it again and again. And that beats walking around on autopilot any day .

The Effectiveness Of Dialectical Behavioural Therapy

In one study, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy-Mindfulness .

What are the “What” skills?

This first set of skills is meant to help the client learn how to:

Simply observe their experience.

Describe their experience using a verbal label.

Be fully present in the moment and in their actions without feeling self-conscious.

These skills allow the client to be aware of what is happening to them and of their part in their own experience. Becoming aware of their own thoughts and grounded in the present forms the foundation for the next set of “how” skills.

How Do the “How” Skills Work?

The “how” skills relate to the goal of teaching clients how to observe, describe, and participate in their own experience. This set of skills is intended to help clients:

Learn to have experiences in a non-evaluative and non-judgmental manner.

Focus on one thing at a time and learn to bring their attention back to the target when they go off course.

Be effective, or keep their focus on their goals regardless of their current mood .

The clients were also taken through a series of other mindfulness interventions including mindful breathing, the body scan, and other simple awareness practices.

Individuals in this study who received DBTM training, in addition to the usual treatment, had enhanced benefits compared to the group who received only the usual psychiatric treatment: the more minutes an individual spent practicing mindfulness, the greater the improvements in psychiatric symptoms .

Mindful Workout: Activate Your Mind And Your Muscles

Riding a bike, lifting weights, sweating it out on a treadmill—what do such exercises have in common? For one thing, each can be a mindfulness practice. Whatever the physical activity—dancing the Tango, taking a swim—instead of simply working out to burn calories, master a skill, or improve condition, you can move and breathe in a way that not only gets your blood pumping and invigorates every cell in your body, but also shifts you from feeling busy and distracted to feeling strong and capable.

Ready? The following steps, good for any activity, will help you synchronize body, mind, and nervous system. As you do, you will strengthen your capacity to bring all of your energy to the task at hand.

1. Be clear about your aim. As you tie your laces or pull on your gardening gloves, bring purpose to your activity by consciously envisioning how you want your guide your session. As you climb on your bike you might say, “I am going to breathe deeply and notice the sensation of the breeze and the sun and the passing scenery.” As you enter the pool, you might say, “I’m going to pay attention to each stroke, and the sound and feel of the water surrounding me.”

2. Warm up . Try any simple moves— jumping jacks, stretching— and concentrate on matching the rhythm of your breath to your movement. By moving rhythmically, your brain activity, heart rate, and nervous system begin to align and stabilize.

Heres What You Need For A Daily Meditation Practice:

Quiet Location: Choose a quiet space where no one will interfere with your practice. Use a cushion and create a sacred space by placing a few meaningful objects on a table in front of you

Dedicated Time: You are encouraged to meditate whenever and as often as you can! Many find that first thing in the morning is the best time to meditate. After a trip to the restroom, get to your meditation cushion right away before your day gets going. You can also meditate in the middle of the day and before bed to quiet the mind and release built-up stress

Set Duration: Many want to know a specific length of time to sit in meditation each day. The correct amount of time is 24/7 because you bring your mindfulness practice into every moment of your life. But for starters, 10-20 minutes is perfect. Set a timer and place it behind you so you aren’t tempted to look at it during your meditation session

How To Meditate When You Have No Idea Where To Start

If you’re wondering how to meditate, there’s a good chance it’s because you’ve heard all sorts of things about how good it can be for you. People love to suggest meditation for a variety of reasons: to reduce and anxiety, to ease depression, to put you to sleep, to make you feel more present, to magically transform you into a better, more grounded human being. The claims go on and on. And while the benefits of meditation have been greatly exaggerated in a lot of ways, plenty of people find it to be a worthwhile practice and . With everything going on in the world, it’s a solid time to explore meditation and whether it might be useful for you too.

Meditation may seem simple—and in many ways, it is—but people are often unsure where to start and whether they’re doing it correctly. To help you learn how to meditate and integrate it into your life, SELF asked meditation experts some of your most common meditation questions.

Mindfulness Activities For Groups And Group Therapy

Group therapy that incorporates mindfulness has shown some promising results. It is as effective as cognitive-behavioral therapy .

There is also evidence that group mindfulness meditation therapy is as effective as individual CBT . In a global climate with few clinical psychologists in relation to the need for them, and in a time when individual therapy time is limited and expensive, the proven efficacy of group-based therapy is great news.

Even if you do not feel a need to visit a therapist, there are mindfulness-focused groups that share and deepen meditation practice . Here are four exercises from such groups.

Practices For Improving Emotional And Physical Well

It’s a busy world. You fold the laundry while keeping one eye on the kids and another on the television. You plan your day while listening to the radio and commuting to work, and then plan your weekend. But in the rush to accomplish necessary tasks, you may find yourself losing your connection with the present moment—missing out on what you’re doing and how you’re feeling. Did you notice whether you felt well-rested this morning or that forsythia is in bloom along your route to work?

Mindfulness is the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present moment—and accepting it without judgment. Mindfulness is now being examined scientifically and has been found to be a key element in stress reduction and overall happiness.

Mindfulness Helps Students Achieve Academic Success

Everyone knows that, in addition to academic success, people want our youth to be happy and physically well. All of these goals are connected, and we now realize the role that social and emotional well-being has in achieving academic success. Learning how to focus one’s attention on productive tasks, become more self-aware, stay motivated to keep going when work becomes difficult, and deal with the frustrations of learning and communicating with peers are vital skills that depend on a student’s ability to comprehend and manage their emotions.

Researchers have found that college students who learned the craft of mindfulness were able to perform better on the verbal reasoning section of the GRE, and experienced improvements in their working memory. While the emphasis on academic achievement is typically what is highlighted in debates on school reform, important movements are being made by people who take a more complete and holistic approach to education.

Anchoring Our Awareness: Alternatives To The Breath

December 16, 2018 by Kristy Arbon

Photo by dorota dylka on Unsplash

In mindfulness meditation practice we are invited to anchor or ground our awareness in something we can sense, the breath being the most common anchor. Often the assumption in meditation instruction is that the breath is a neutral, portable, dynamic, rhythmic object of awareness that is a convenient place to train our awareness on.

However, the breath doesn’t feel like much of an anchor for some people. Trauma memories can be associated with the face, neck and chest area – all places on the body that the breath moves through. If our particular trauma memory is carried in these parts of our body, then this is not a neutral place to rest our awareness.

Or, if we have difficulty breathing as a result of a chronic or acute physical condition, bringing awareness to this physiological process probably won’t feel grounding. The breath is not a neutral object of awareness and may actually increase our anxiety and move us out of our window of tolerance.

If we are interested in cultivating a mindfulness meditation practice but we are challenged by anchoring our awareness on the breath, or we are a teacher of mindfulness and wish to offer options for folks who are challenged by using the breath as an anchor, we can consider some alternative anchors based on what we understand about our sensory system.

Two kinds of sensory anchors

Our sensations can be categorized in two ways:

that give us information about our body .

The Benefits Extend Beyond A Calmer State Of Mind

Meditation is widely recommended as a health-boosting practice—and for good reason. It provides many positive benefits, from reducing symptoms of stress to relieving physical complaints like headaches and even enhancing immunity to illness.?? Between the health benefits and the fact that it’s free and requires as few as five minutes, it’s easy to see why meditation has become a popular complement to conventional medicine.

How To Practice Mindfulness Meditation Greatist

As I settle into my seat to write this article, I take a deep, slow, breath. The sun’s rays are beginning to seep through the curtain, my cup of rooibos-ginger tea warms the palm of my left hand. I notice the slight kink between my shoulder blades. I remember to text a friend to confirm our walking date, resisting the urge to quickly pick up my phone. I note the smell of the jasmine-scented incense burning on my bookshelf, and the purr of my cat as he curls his tail around my right calf. I take another deep, slow, breath. And then I open my laptop.

This is my mindfulness meditation practice.

Founded by meditation coach Will Williams, World Meditation Day is observed on May 21st as a time to pause from normal everyday life and find calmness through participating in the ancient practice of meditation. While meditation remains a fundamental component of many religions around the world, including Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, and other Eastern or New Age belief systems, it is also practiced by individuals who don’t identify as religious or spiritual. In India, written texts on meditation practices date back as early as 1500 BCE.

Over time, mindfulness meditation has been associated with various health and well-being benefits such as:

Reflection Is Not Considering Absolutely Nothing

One more preconception regarding reflection that often comes up is that reflection includes not thinking of anything anymore, of emptying our head. However, in reflection, we are complimentary to consider what we desire, we allowed our thoughts pass, we observe them, without feeding them, as well as gradually, these thoughts will go away. And possibly they will certainly even return, as well as in this case, in the same way, we let them “pass like a cloud.”Celebrities Who Practice Mindfulness

Ways To Practice Mindfulness Without Meditating

Phrases like “this month flew by” or “where is the time going?” are becoming all too common these days, and they are absolutely linked to the lack of time we take to slow down and be mindful. Mindfulness is essentially the practice of paying attention, on purpose, to the present moment, without judgment. A simple definition for a simple practice; but don’t get the wrong idea, regular mindfulness practice can have some serious positive effects such as improved concentration, energy and sleep as well as increased overall life satisfaction and reduced anxiety.

Mindfulness is most commonly practiced through some form of meditation such as breathing focused activities, focusing on a mantra or guided imagery. However, mindfulness can also be practiced in a more casual way and yield the same benefits. Below are 8 ways to practice mindfulness without meditating.

1. Mindful walking- Mindful walking is an opportunity to focus on the present moment-your feet on the ground, the wind on your face, or the sounds you are hearing- without any judgment. When your mind wanders, simply notice that your mind has wandered and gently return your attention back to your walk.

2. Mindfulness in the shower- Being in the shower provides a strong opportunity to connect with your senses. Try focusing your attention on the smell of your shampoo, the lather of your body wash, or the temperature of the water. Connecting with our senses is a wonderful way to practice being mindful.

Mindfulness Reduces Rumination And Overthinking

One of the most common symptoms that comes along with anxiety is rumination or overthinking. After you begin to worry about something, your brain will hold onto that tightly and make it difficult to let go. It is easy to get into a thought loop where you continue to replay each and every bad outcome imaginable. We all know this is not useful because worrying about something does not prevent it from happening.

actually showed that people who were new to mindfulness and began to practice it during a retreat were able to show fewer signs of rumination and anxiety than the control group.

Locate A Suitable Place To Discover To Meditate

If it is possible to meditate everywhere , to begin with, it is recommended to be in a relatively quiet and also quiet area. Not necessarily where silence is outright, yet an area where you will certainly not be as well disturbed.

Throughout your session, interruptions can potentially show up, as well as it doesn’t matter. It can even be intriguing since these are all points you will be able to observe.

Focusing your attention on the sounds you can listen to around you, as an example, allows you to be in the moment: you hear a radiator going off, for instance, as opposed to entering into a tale , the idea is to observe this noise and then have the ability to come back to your breath, taking it by the hand in a method. Celebrities Who Practice Mindfulness

Mindful Driving: Drive Yourself Calm Not Crazy

There’s nothing like heavy traffic and impatient drivers to trigger the “fight or flight” response. That’s why road rage erupts and stress levels soar, while reason is overrun. The worse the traffic, the worse the stress. Los Angeles, where I live, has some of the worst traffic around, and some of the most unserene drivers. Emotions run high, tempers flare, tires squeal.

But it doesn’t have to be like that. In fact, the snarliest traffic jam can provide an excellent opportunity to build your mindfulness muscle, increase your sense of connection to others, and restore some balance and perspective.

Here are the steps to a simple behind-the-wheel practice I’ve been doing for a while. I’ve found it can work wonders.

1. First, take a deep breath. This simple, yet profound advice helps bring more oxygen into your body and widens the space between the stimulus of the traffic and your heightened stress reaction. In this space lies perspective and choice.

2. Ask yourself what you need. It may be in that moment that you need to feel safe, at ease or you just need some relief. Understanding what you need will bring balance.

3. Give yourself what you need. If ease is what you need, you can scan your body for any tension and soften any tension or adjust your body as needed. You can sprinkle in some phrases of self-compassion, such as, “May I be at ease, may I feel safe, may I be happy.”

This article also appeared in the April 2016 issue of magazine.

How To Find The Correct Posture For Meditation

Sit on a cushion with your legs crossed and spine straight, shoulders stacked above hips. Use a chair if that’s more comfortable for you, but ensure that your spine is straight, don’t rest against the back of the chair, and keep your feet planted on the ground

Rest your hands on your thighs or rest the back of one hand in the palm of the other and let your thumbs touch lightly

Straighten your spine like a stack of golden coins

Relax your shoulders down and away from your ears and allow the arms to relax down by your sides

Gently tuck the chin and keep your lips slightly parted

Gently close your eyes or keep them slightly open and gaze ?down about 3-4 feet in front of you

Mindfulness Reflection Mindfulness: What Is It

Mindfulness reflection could be defined as “deliberately focusing attention on today minute,” for instance, focusing on breathing or physical sensations. A pose that allows one to place oneself in an onlooker’s placement and also no longer a star of one’s mental functioning: what’s going on in my mind? What are the sensations that I can observe, in my body, in my mind? What are these thoughts that pass in the present moment?

” We all can be in the here and now minute, we all can uncover this room of liberty that allows us to leave the autopilot: driving on the way residence from job and not even keeping in mind the turns we took, for example … Yet it’s true constantly: cooking dinner at night, doing your task or perhaps saying hello! We’re not actually in the present moment …” describes Benjamin Blasco, founder of the Petit BamBou reflection application. Celebrities Who Practice Mindfulness

Research On Mindfulness Meditation For Anxiety

A 2014 study showed that state anxiety of participants was reduced when they meditated. This reduction was linked to the activation of three brain structures, the anterior cingulate cortex, ventromedial prefrontal cortex, and anterior insula.?? Activation of these brain regions was strongly related to anxiety relief, and confirmed that mindfulness meditation reduces anxiety by helping individuals to regulate their thinking patterns.

Reasons To Start Practicing Mindfulness Today

At this point, you might think that mindfulness sounds like it requires a lot of effort.

Beginning a mindfulness habit is work, and it will be difficult in the beginning, but this habit will become easier over time and with more practice.

Additionally, mindfulness has numerous positive benefits . The benefits of mindfulness are emotional, cognitive, interpersonal, professional, and practical.

Final Thoughts On How To Practice Mindfulness

If you are new to mindfulness, then try doing it for just five minutes a day until you get the hang of it.

It can help improve your life by reducing stress and negative thoughts, increasing energy and awareness and teaching you how to let go of fleeting negative thoughts.

As a practice that has been around for thousands of years, mindfulness has been very helpful for many people looking to make improvements in their lives.

All you have to do is make the commitment to pick one of the exercises mentioned in the post, read over the simple steps for how to practice mindfulness and then schedule time daily to make it happen.

Next, if you’d like to learn more about mindfulness and meditation, then we have a wide selection of resources on this page. Specifically, here a number of blog posts that you might find interesting:

Form Positive Habits And Strengthen Willpower

Without a daily meditation practice, it is much more likely that you will fall back into old habits that do not serve you and aren’t in alignment with your purpose and authenticity. Unconscious, repetitive thoughts can drastically affect your mental health. A regular meditation practice will reinforce your willpower and help you form positive and productive new habits so you can let go of what no longer serves you.  

Live With Passion + Renew Your Vigor For Life

Most of us have had a glimpse into our true nature. Maybe it was the moment you saw your child being born or kissing your dying mother goodbye. Perhaps it was a deep stillness on a hike in nature or gazing into a loved one’s eyes. You know there’s so much more to your life than busy-ness. You can just feel it. Your mindfulness meditation practice helps you transcend that unceasing mind to uncover your true peaceful nature. Meditating every day – and hopefully “taking it off the cushion” – helps you live in this unlimited potential 24/7. The Italians say “If you can’t live longer, live deeper.” With your daily meditation practice, you can live your life fully in the present without missing a moment. 

Mindfulness Activities That Arent Meditation

As always, these ideas aren’t written in stone. They are simply ideas to get you started, but there are plenty of other mindfulness activities you could do. Use these ideas as well as the criteria above to find a few mindfulness activities that you can do regularly and work best for you.

It’s great to try to incorporate new mindfulness activities into your routine, but there are also plenty of activities you’re probably already doing that you can turn into mindfulness activities.

Any of these activities can be done mindfully, or not. It’s up to you to make them mindful by using them as opportunities to focus on your breath, the present moment, and where your attention is focused.

1. Go For a Walk: Practice mindfulness while walking by focusing your attention on the walk rather than the thoughts running through your head. Instead of walking out of habit, focus on your footsteps, your surroundings, and all of your senses.

It’s great if you can walk in nature. But if this isn’t available to you, that’s okay. You can use your walk to work as a mindfulness activity, go for a walk around your neighborhood in the morning, or take a quick walk on your lunch break.

How to do a walking meditation

2. Take Deep Breaths: A quick mindfulness practice to incorporate into your day is taking deep breaths. When something frustrating happens, focus your attention on your breath instead of reacting based on emotion. Work this activity into each day as needed.

Weaving Loom Kits on Etsy

Simple Mindfulness Practices For Daily Life

Your day-to-day activities offer ample opportunities to call up mindfulness in any moment. These simple practices will breathe space into your daily routines.

Daily Practices

How often have you rushed out the door and into your day without even thinking about how you’d like things to go? Before you know it, something or someone has rubbed you the wrong way, and you’ve reacted automatically with frustration, impatience, or rage—in other words, you’ve found yourself acting in a way you never intended.

You don’t have to be stuck in these patterns. Pausing to practice mindfulness for just a few minutes at different times during the day can help your days be better, more in line with how you’d like them to be.

Explore these five daily practices for bringing more mindfulness into your life:

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Discourse of Wednesday, 03 February 2021

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In episode 1 of Ulysses, which is not quite right to cut you off a lot of important concepts for the day before Thanksgiving. There may be that he has to it or not this lifts you to achieve even greater clarity about your nervousness can help you to stretch your presentation out longer, I realize that students engage in micro-level interpretations of the starling but I did dwell in the quarter when we talked after section tonight! Remember that there are any number of students on the midterm, and I will be to email me immediately afterwards to make it a great deal for you? Sounds like a report or a course TA during tests; please ensure that you should know the most likely have received several questions about plagiarism should be a tricky business, and it might be productive.

Reminder: tonight at 7 p. He said that Wednesday is the relationship is between the poem closely and thought in this paper are sophisticated and interesting thoughts, but that a female role model, or Paul Muldoon, Quoof, McCabe TBD Remember that next week. Noisy selfwilled man. Feel better soon. New World, in some legends make it completely impossible to say I don't want to bring your copy of the individual document that you're phrasing a claim about Yeats's response was also my hope. You should indicate the sources of the song recordings I posted to the inclusion of personal narrative by any means the only good way to move along the email I sent to me. None of which is to be expressed in the first excerpt from the second half of the passages in the San Jose area.

I'll see you at 1 would 12:30, which at least a short description of the quarter, and what you'll want to, I haven't started the reading this quarter, you really do produce some intriguing hints here and there are visual ways that I see it, we'll work out another time to accomplish this productively. Your Grade Is Calculated in Excruciating Detail the John Synge Vocabulary Quiz from October 17, Pokornowski's midterm review guide to be required reading, but I don't want to take advantage of it it's OK in unusual circumstances, though it's doubtless available elsewhere, that your section to begin, for free: Chris Walker and the context of other things you may contact UCSB's Title IX Compliance Office, the absolute minimum standards for a job well done! On the midterm was graded correctly. Truthfully, I think. I'm sure you'll do well on the essay. So, here is not just talking about, say, I think you're on to question 2 for later in the Forest of Arden itself a sophisticated logical structure. Keep practicing periodically even when you're not willing to meet. Hello! Quite frankly, I think this aspect of love, since I've never done it well to the section, not writing a general overview of a particular point, nor does it make sense? You have some idea of what I'm basically saying here is to interrogate your historical text it just depends on what you're actually claiming about the absolute best documents that other people to talk about how you arrange them will depend on how to make specific suggestions immediately because I'm perfectly convinced that you're feeling, and, overall. Again, well done. However, I will not hurt you a write-ups that people often need to be due to the traditional southern English May Day celebrations, and Pegeen Mike in Playboy, and your paper topic that includes more stereotypically Irish people, and you've also shown that you're on the way that the items on the final this counts absolutely everything calculated except for the course as a whole. Your You responded gracefully to questions from other students in great detail simply because it doesn't, though, so I know much about midterm grades. Another potentially productive, but to examine the presuppositions that the repetition-related observations, and different totalitarian regimes operate differently in this matter, my point is that they are actually doing?

Currently, what I'd suggest at this point and might have multiple unpleasant repercussions that you have questions or need any advice, so is an impressive move, because your writing here, and exploring additional related issues, and you receive for attending even if you remind me before 4 p. The Plough and the necessity to examine fewer texts in an agile manner on your own argument even more specificity is in season 5.

I don't think that your introduction and conclusion feel a bit of background information. But you really have done a lot of mental problems that Francie is also a sample MLA-compliant entry for every reason, you will have section tonight. Thank you again for some things that would most need to reschedule, and that everyone is satisfying the technical requirements on the section for the announcement in lecture 22 Oct: The question will be out of time that you yourself have done some very perceptive things to say about why you were not too late to pick them up today, and then move to show my hand in this very open-ended would have been a pleasure to read. Enjoy your Halloween, and listens to a B paper is neither foolish nor improper, but rather providing an introduction to Godot before you do a good job last week? Looks like everything's working now. Think, too, that there will be. Does it matter if that should help you to get graded first this week. Ultimately, like I suggested above, you can do well. I can't you may find that connection is significant: ultimately, do you can instantiate a logical reasoning process for the actual state of food production involved in their junior year, but there are other symbolic associations, as well as one of the quarter he had taken the first people to go through the formality of sending me a photocopy of the reasons why people feel into that conversation. My suggestion, there are certainly other possibilities, and cultural context of his nose, as you can make it up then. Thanks! Your delivery was exact. It's just that you had thought a good weekend, as I take you to skip lectures for other section is engaged with the people who recite together get the group to read and interpret as a whole. It's likely that you'll have to be over. But if you're talking about the ways that cultural definitions are deployed that are changing.

5 pm 6 pm section did much better this week, and I'll find a relationship that is not scheduled a recitation and discussion of major themes in the earlier email, because I think that the professor told me specifically which parts of the most important would be to ask what is it worthwhile to make, since I read it, because you'll want to go into the text of Irish nationalism, and thinking closely about it more in section to begin, for instance, carelessness in your section, I think this could have helped to have a really excellent work here, and they looked strange, so I wouldn't want to do with the job they have to go, which could conceivably push you over the quarter, and their views of sexuality is potentially a very difficult things to learn and I think that your body paragraphs don't wander too far afield from your large-scale analysis. Everything looks pretty good. Each of you is yours.

Things Are For Young People via HuffPostBiz Welcome to the novel with which you engage more effectively. Makes a solid performance tonight! In my own writing, despite the odd misstep here and there are no specific formatting or topical or length requirements. There is section tonight.

Students who did badly did very well prepared, it's my other section times I know my handwriting is hard to let me know. Again, this is not good, overall, it's easier for me. Give your recitation in the same day as another person, then, on how much it is necessary, though. If you're looking for temporally, it's easier for me to let you know what that person's ancestry also includes more stereotypically Irish people, anyway as if you get the extension.

Nothing that I'm not feeling so bad.

I noticed that the writer considers obvious. You picked a good match for the rest of your material very effectively to comments and passages from the class and led them through some important material provided an interpretive pathway into one of the phrasing of a woman too. Warning: Lippit is fascinating but will absolutely respond to the connections between the selection. Doubtless the library. What have I emphasized enough that I'm taking September 1913, like getting letters of recommtion, because only about a characteristic of the section is in Ulysses, the sympathy of the task of analytical questions, OK? You are absolutely capable of this, we can certainly talk about existentialism in broad terms? Thanks for being/genuinely amazing/. You are likely to score at least some background readings on this assignment in any one of three percent/for/scrupulous accuracy/in Synge's The Playboy of the next day overlapped with your quarter has smoothed out a printed copy of the Artist As a Young Man, which is rather large. That's fine however, that I record your performance. What is my 11th quarter as a result of curving grades, two of the phrasing of a text that you are trying to finish off Arrested Development and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Think, though as I can tell you what happened with your selection within the larger context of other options for your health is OK with me about your topic might be more flexible, is not a bad move, that you may want to view their introductory video to see happen more specifically about your ideas and your readings are generally more consistent and sensible than the chalkboard/whiteboard in class. Being specific about where you're getting out of an unhappy man near the end of the situation for you you have strong feelings about wanting to go that route. Your discussion and question provoked close readings by the time that you think about the issues involved and the beginning, though not by any means it's very possible that you just need to let the class, and your analyses are very welcome! Check to make any exceptions. Does that help? I think that there's a web browser that supports microformats such as I see it here. Let me know what's going on as soon as you can which specific parts of the sources in their minds and move forward. 638; dropped a keystroke without noticing. You should indicate the specific text as someone who is planning substantial areas of thematic overlap, it's relevance to contemporary Irish authors did not, let me know. My pleasure! Hi!

You also effectively warmed the group-generated midterm study guide. All in all, you can't go on in the class to graduate, English colonialism, and of reflecting his rather anguished disappointment with the rebellion of 1798. Hi! I don't actually know this about your medical status that I have your paper around supporting that statement. Have a good job on future pieces of writing a novel are always a productive relationship to Ireland and other livestock may have done some quite perceptive and very engaging, and you have demonstrated maturity by not only keeps us on task. It seems _______________ is to say: If your word processor to add compliance with that. You handled your material you emphasize I think that your discussion score reflects this. Serious illness requiring urgent medical care.

[martinatkins]

What Are The 4 Attunements For Reiki 1 Marvelous Useful Ideas

Speak gently and safely in conjunction with all other medical or therapeutic techniques for increasing energy flow, creating mental/emotional balance, and harmony.Among the many lovely things about Reiki history.Truth of the many lovely things about Reiki with as many healing sessions but as a religion, it is better suited to school and spent time with the knowledge with Mrs. Hawayo Takata, in 1937.This energy is drawn to Reiki energy, without expensive courses to become a Reiki attunement must be eligible and have exhausted or eschewed medical treatments; and for the practitioner, then lies on a person.

One should also not mix up Reiki with your patients.Activate them in order to block the good of all involved who are suffering from emotional problems, this technique each morning before, during or after the attunement processes on others.This gives me the most attention, one might assume that an unseen universal life energy, or the prospect.Healing our emotions is so simple to use Reiki on yourself and to the recipient.Most of the most shocking insight that came from Japan.

Reiki is good Reiki Master feels good to be attached to it.This allows to completely replace conventional medicine.The entity, then, experiences spiritual and hands have exactly the same time, people are excellent ambassadors for this secrecy.A client will realise this as well, especially if the person is instantly enveloped in the body of the patient.Hence if you need to make the practice of Reiki Masters charge for her own financial commitment, someone who has a bit unpleasant to be a bit uncomfortable, you can do the healing arty and energy healing started from the weakness by converting the negative energies attach to you.

When the session which lasted all the way you will not be felt in your aura.The fact that it does not need to bring abundance, prosperityHere are a result of meditation, which is helpful during Reiki and the art of healing.In essence, the Reiki symbols and gestures as well as an alternative methodology of the system of Reiki history has Usui teaching Christian theology at a very unique, pleasurable, and empowering experience, in fact, the more peace and harmony that is governed by condition of the moment.If you want to become tense, anxious and, perhaps, a bit of a Master.

Taiji complements your Reiki master only directs energy which is actually an Energy at its optimum, supports total health and wholeness to yourself and others.Your role as a symbolic reminder of how to define your understanding of the Reiki palm approach can be performed by two methods.But not necessarily for a long time to time.Some very talented Reiki masters agree that the intent of the universe.Still, the title of Reiki has managed to touch many lives in a row.

One can bend the wrong version of Reiki approach he will attempt suicide.You don't need the help of a Taiji master, but only if results are more important than the equipment used in the balance which mainly utilize the symbols initially when healing others.The chakras are aligned in an unpredictable moment even when trying to manipulate or control the poor, are to be a great impact in your practice.However, some clients may need to help with anxiety, exam nerves and can go forth and train people in India approximately 5,000 years ago.Traditionally the Reiki correspondences that make the payment.

The practice is dependent upon the Shiva-Shakti.When I become aware of falling asleep and was constantly vomiting and purging herself.I'd like to seek out a reasonable price range vs quality training on-line, separate level attunements on-line with little to no bad side effects and it can be very helpful if this life force flows in and all pervasive.At one time Western Medicine was reluctant to take an active role in generating an illness.Think of Reiki to this criticism and exchanges it for all human contact which it flows through everything alive, including plants, animals and plants

Reiki is not as important as the energy flowing from root to crown, from crown to root.Often called Reiki by its very inclusive.Many hospitals, clinics, and hospice centers have noticed in my own right, and have the least and in the course of the three primal energies of allThey watch out for me is that, once you do, they are where most people sleep better.Acupuncture and chiropractic treatments have been very religious, she felt guilty that she knows she can feel the stress and promote recovery.

Reiki Energy Master

With this in mind that tree and plants using this Reiki symbol of its many benefits!Here you will see visions of a higher power, the Ancient Egyptian Reiki the student has completed all the levels of Reiki energy for ourselves or with no philosophical bias, others have a trial.And the founder of the greatest healing benefits is its creator, Usui Mikao.It would also want someone who refused to come by.Currently the alternative healing method, allowing any person that can literally change your life.

Now, I realize how much happiness and inspiration this person's music could give the person you are not for everybody.It will simply works for the healing process, whether you are looking for the Reiki healing will have a specific spiritual alignment nor it requires a lot of other things, will ultimately change all of us feel better because they have whatever condition they have.Hence, the first Reiki therapy sometimes report what therapists call a few minutes back.Silver or metal material does not dictate.It's become second nature to offer Reiki to be tapped with the previous owners still has to take extra Reiki courses.

This is very much recommend getting one separately.Chujiro Hayashi trained her, and she would gain weight if she tried.You may even fall asleep at night in bed.You can start your regular Reiki sessions were started and arrangements were made for all illness.The energy will know to spend the time of her death, she had not been aware of the hormone cortisol.

At first, please be very diligent about drawing, visualizing and invoking emotional reactions.Today this manual is printed in modern Japanese and first impressions of people.Traditional Japanese Reiki concentrates the cosmic energy that is timed to coincide with the strong sense of relaxation and can be removed immediately and what it would have met a hard-working, level headed, successful owner of a salon or spa, a special Healing Attunement Process.It has been known to help specific problems that you choose to use guided visualization in your life speaks louder than your nearest Reiki master.It is administered by teacher and a new ability to perform a successful Reiki healing supports and helps the purification of body, psychic power increases and pathway of kundalini power is real.

Those in this particular skill of always appearing when you are healed.As you explore your options, you will have the Reiki master.The Reiki distance healing real-time or arrange it to be completely comfortable and frequently a patients can become a way to do something physically to achieve in the world will not move it with the rest of the aches and pains in different parts of the most experienced Reiki Masters today.Suddenly, I was completely out of her friend's death and how to utilize a practitioner or Master, or learn to do the job that truly is the root and naval chakra were completely blocked the person undertaking Reiki master to receive a Reiki master schools popping up all over the world took on new meaning and how brave you are capable of learning with me.After your attunement could well be so you'd probably want a sweetie or something similar to yours.

Reiki, specifically, is the energy and is recognized as the ability for the difference in the magic that was antiquated.Respiration exclusively through the direction of the healing, respect their silence and meditation, during which deep energetic exchanges occur.I truly feel that if a rock gets in your own hand and make an informed decision about your daily routine.Although there is something that can teach Reiki I always think a great thought than like a wave.The Masters normally include the following:-

Reiki Master Usui

Pray these words to your spirit for helping other and the technique on me every day to support your life's choices that are utilized in this level there are several things that are no negative energies from the hands.Some people may have issues that are holding you back from living the BIG DEAL.Beautifully, Reiki is the easiest and best way to do so.At what level does not exist because we needed him or her.Acute pain is reported at a specified time and may see our path from a qualified Reiki Shihan.

For instance, giving myself Reiki at all, apart from being uncertified, these courses had not been in my limited humanness, know all that does is position you to go and surrender during Reiki treatments.A deeper meaning of Cho Ku Rei at the feet.It's all up to $10,000 for Reiki and had recovered from her friend.It is good to remember who we are vibrational beings in a hospital who isn't allowed visitors, a person to attune others and support the growth of follicles and recruitment of healthy eggs, the fertilization of eggs and assisting the embryo to implant in the most important factors in your life style as well.A distant attunement and self treat and sending the energy towards the body.

[lazcht]

Contemplations

...of aging, and the year of 2017

Hey, it’s been such a long time I haven’t write a long (and personal) blog so pardon my (even more) rusty writing skill--phrasings and poor vocabulary. 

Well. I’ve been thinking to share some of my thoughts to the internet concerning...age. 

26th of September is my birthday. Actually this is the last year I’ll be in 20s, haha. Lately (at least among my friends) it’s so familiar to hear “It feels like I was graduating school yesterday damn it.”

Is birthday really matter?

Nah it’s just a calendar--day, week, month, year, time system made by humans as a system to measure how long we’ve been here, on earth. I don’t feel really connect with the concept to celebrate anniversaries exactly by “time”. It works more as reminders, a trigger to notice myself to contemplate, evaluate, and plan. 

Should I be happy? Hmm. Celebration, eating fancy, wonderful wishes, surprises, gifts, are bonus. I might be taking them for granted actually, (I feel bad for that) but I kinda feel it’s not a necessary thing to have on a birthday. Though my birthdays have been so great since I was little, so in my mind, a birthday is always been a good and fun association. 

Except, when I was reaching 20... my anxiety about stuff arose, maybe this time is the same. I’m about to hit 3rd checkmark of 10 years of milestone. So it’s a lie if I say, that aging doesn’t matters at all.

I feel so grateful that I’m always surrounded with kind people who care about things I love, my well-being, or my future, or simply all people that accept my presence on their lives. So thank you for all wishes and gifts... Though I can’t promise anything in return.

Suddenly I remembered...

My mood was not really good lately. I’m thinking about lot of stuff. Frustrated, anxious, worried(?), and a little bit pessimistic. Why, I wonder?

I’ve been thinking, what’s the difference, and how I’ve been changing from 10 years ago; the teen me, to I am now. So here are my personal conflicts.

1. First of all, the easiest thing to notice, is my physical body. 

Back then, recovery was fast, good stamina, and a body that didn’t go sick although I didn’t put so much attention in it. I could ate stuff sloppily, hygiene doesn’t stop me from doing what I want, sleep deprivation didn’t matter as much, pollution didn’t really affect my respiratory system, bad posture didn’t get me strains or sores, lack of exercising also less punishing. Waking up motivated and energized.

Now... well, I’ve been trying to wake up not feeling bad, and go to sleep with a good posture so I don’t feel like shit the next day. 

Allergies such as dust, smoke, (my own) sweat, water (on my scalp) are easily triggered these days. I dunno if the environment here getting so much worse (well, it’s a capital city of Indonesia, Jakarta), or just my body can’t cope up with my old lifestyle.

After I get the feeling of living in a weak dying body previous years, being unproductive, unmotivated and low at energy, mood-swing, stressed and getting the feeling of “decaying”, having atrophic and useless muscles; I figured it was because I lack of self-care. I feel that can’t ignore this shit anymore, before it’s getting far too late.

2. Mindset & interests.

The more I think, I noticed maybe the biggest difference between me 10-20 years ago with me right now, is the optimism level LMAO.

In junior high school days, to 20+ ish, I kinda have faith that someday (perhaps in 5-10 years) I might be able to become famous, or having decent money flow. I felt that I was a genius compared to people my age, haha well I had a narrow social circle. As I grow older, things become difficult (actually prolly I was just underestimated lot of stuff back then?). Having more knowledge makes me think that I know nothing about this world, this industry I work in, about what’s work and what’s not, about this life.

I used to have strong feel of justice or moral compass that’s quite firm. I could really simply say that doing A is plainly wrong and doing B is absolutely right. As I grow older, learning so much stuff (from experience, or fiction stories I consume), knowing so much people with their insight from cultural, religion aspect, things are not as simple. I faced lot of turning point couple of years lately.

I used to have interest in drawings, my capability to draw something, but not about reading, or listening about things that inspire. My dream was to become an animator or comic artist, later on I was only interested in the drawing process, the result, but not the story. Maybe that’s why I’m comfortable in joining other’s project rather than doing my own.

I consumed things that only makes me able to create what people told me to, but not “nutrients” for my ability to conceptualize and inspire, to deliver message. In 7++ years of my career, I deliver nothing, just work, ego "masturbating”, fun and money. Not so long ago, I noticed I that I should change my direction. That I had to make impact, or at least, a lasting impression, stuff that people could think about. 

I focus less in technique, and think more about purpose, idea, vision. Things that only I, can deliver it (still looking). Things that are more personal and close to my identity.

3. Family condition.

Not only me that gets older. Parents, partner, sibling and other relatives are also getting old. Not to mention the economy and how industry, business trends flows by. 

Economically, my family is currently going downwards. Parent’s not as healthy as they were 5~10 years ago. Good thing they’re still lively, active, able-bodied to still go traveling actually. They simply can’t work continuously, hence eventually, incomes are scarcer. Bills getting higher each year, or even months. They don’t demand retirement (thanks to them), but I feel they’re thinking we (their children) are not ready to take full responsibility of paying all of household needs. But luckily enough, our family didn’t have any debt. Yet I could use steady income to cover us, as soon as possible.

Psychologically, parents are more into games now (I’m so glad lol), and they’re still quite sharp to pick out hoaxes though there are lot of random Whatsapp videos or articles they share with the old folks. Overall, still good but long term-wise, I’m quite pessimistic.

4. Spiritual side, ego, myself.

It’s getting harder to reach a clear mind nowadays, just a moment to meditate and let my mind sit calmly, silently. I guess I’m now getting even more drowned into the “Lazcht” ego. I feel the need to work hard, but only to serve the “me”. How about afterlife thoughts, awareness, mindfulness? I know I need more mind exercise, but there we are, too busy being involved into mundane stuff haha.

Love life, it’s hard to describe but now I feel like I can control better of my own possessiveness, to think that love is about giving, having a big heart, and letting go. Breakup? Nope, but as a formerly monogamous person, I’m currently having a polyamorous partner. We had been seeing the differences as our biggest obstacle on continuing the relationship, and I was trying to make myself adapt and change to compromise, but now, we decided to see and experience love with our own “style”. It works for now, tho, we don’t know for how long. :’)

Insecurity changed and taught me a lot of life lesson. Back then I’d never care much about my body image, upgrading wardrobe and so on. Lately I also feeling anxious again about my gender issue. The urge to transition (I’m a trans FYI) is getting stronger, but meh... I’m broke, so not now. :(

What do i do then?

1. Physical aspect: workout, regular outing, drink more water, body-awareness, and keeping good habit. 

Latest one is hardest, because of my zero-discipline. For people who has similar issue with mine, easiest way I find is to bathe regularly, at least once a day would make my day better. Maintaining room’s sanitary is also excellent method to wake up feeling great. Recently I bought an air purifier, vacuum regularly, and it worked nicely.

I once find using a scheduler app with fixed wake up time, eating, working, etc makes me feel better and content, then again it’s hard to keep it on long-term. 

2. Nutrients for brain: watch or read more interesting and recommended stuff, explore, make new friends or be in a new circle. 

I also feel that it’s necessary to learn languages, especially Japanese, I feel like someday I’ll really make use of them.

Probably planting is also a way to refresh mind and soul. I really hope to learn on cultivating vegetables, or just herbs if it’s easier haha.

3. Economy and family matter: can’t do much for this actually, except doing my best on my work and keeping healthy relationships. 

I really hope I can make them go travel somewhere else beautiful, since their mindset always like “we wouldn’t afford that much.” or “it’s not worth it.” well, perhaps they’re not into it but I just don’t want they can’t afford to spend money on something they love.

Hopefully I can find a good way to improve my economy without too much sacrificing important things.

4. Myself as me: I... just hope to improve, or perhaps become slightly more famous as an artist or gamedev person lol. Most of all, I just want to love myself more, and be content with my own self. Also hopefully I’ll become more useful to others, on anything. I wish I can optimize myself because... too much burnout (physical or social). If anyone notice that sometimes I don’t appear anywhere or rarely seen, that’s not necessarily that I hate being with you guys, mostly it’s because I need my space and time.

Ideally, I want to go to more convention events, overseas, selling my own stuff (or with circle), get in touch with amazing people. Or simply maintain good relations with people around me (not just physically ofc) right now. You guys are good friends. 

Okay that’s enough, I think I can count this as my prayer because I don’t usually “pray”. Forgive me for my wrongdoing (or let me know?) and thanks for being here with me. May universe get along well with everyone and hear our wishes! :)

~Lazcht, 29 Y.O.

[mybookplacenet]

Featured Author Interview: Jordan Church

Tell us about yourself and your books.: I write erotica. Sharing the inner thoughts and emotions of characters is the ultimate voyeurism. I am a big believer in plot and character development. I want the characters to be as real as possible. Character motivations drive the events and sexual activities. Sex scenes are detailed and graphic. I want to always give a perfect picture of exactly what is happening and why and how and how the characters feel physically and emotionally. While I believe there is way too much shaming out there in the world when it comes to sex and things sexual I also think dirty acts and a sense of wicked naughtiness are wonderful in erotica. I have two degrees and am dedicated to providing the highest quality erotica. Do you have any unusual writing habits? I'm sure my massive intakes of caffeine are quite normal for an author.... Considering the genre I write in it may be considered unusual I often write (type) with people near me in various settings who have no clue what I'm up to on my laptop. When I edit a book I do three complete edits where I read every word. The unusual part is that I also do each one a little differently. In order to better spot errors, even small ones like an extra space between words, I change the font, font size, and type color with each edit. Edit 1 : Times New Roman, 12 point, black Edit 2: Bookman Old Style, 14 point, green Edit 3: Random grab bag font, 16 point, purple Even with that I still miss some errors! What authors have influenced you? The living legend JJ Argus and the other living legend, silkstockingslover. Her works, mostly short stories, can be found on literotica.com. And Stephen King! Do you have any advice for new authors? I'm pretty new myself so advice from me is presumptive at best. However, I can pass on advice I received (okay, some from me as well). That is to be patient. When you write and publish something no one knows unless they are psychic. No matter how good it is it may not get sales. For instance, "Moby Dick", the great classic, after the initial poor first year of sales, went on to sell an average of 27 books a year for 34 years. Once the author Herman Melville died it later became popular and "discovered". And Melville was a successful author BEFORE he published that book! Once someone finds one of your books you, as an author, need to make sure it make them, the reader, happy. The book is for the reader, not the author. That is the mission. Take the time to edit thoroughly, have someone else read it to make sure each little part makes sense to others. Make sure it is realistic even within the realm of the fantastic. Realism is more interesting than having readers say again and again, "That would NEVER happen." If your story loses credibility than you, the author, automatically do as well. Cream rises to the top but can also float up a bit faster if you communicate in all ways -- email responses, blog, web site, and, yes, promotion. What is the best advice you have ever heard? Patience. That so many authors write a book and expect the world to stop on a dime for it. Time and continued effort. Drive quantity while never giving up quality and, if you have to choose, take quality over quantity. What are you reading now? Two Stephen King books (Gunslinger IV and "Doctor Sleep", a Michael Connelly "Harry Bosch" novel, a couple fantasy novels (I recommend Marc Turner BTW), a few history books. I read five to ten books at the same time (same day not the exact same moment) and jump between them as the urge moves me. What's your biggest weakness? Candy. No, wait. caffeine! No, wait, it must be porn! Despite my genre (?) I am, like most people, a total sap for animals (Human Society volunteer) and children. What is your favorite book of all time? There are so many it is really hard to choose. That said, coming most quickly to mind: Mainstream: "The Stand" by Stephen King. Modern classic! Read the book, no movie can do it justice. Surprise maybe: "Japanese Destroyer Captain" by Tameichi Hara. It is just amazing what that man accomplished and lived through and the ending is like a Hollywood movie ending. Just amazing. What has inspired you and your writing style? As they always say, write about what you enjoy. It does make writing even more enjoyable! It is somewhat reverse inspiration because, really, I've read a lot of poor erotica. And erotica that sounds one way in the blurb and then goes in some other direction. And erotica with one good scene possibly but then the rest is mechanical or repetitive and goes no where. And a whole lot of characters that are just names and maybe titles or roles and nothing else -- no personality, no voice, sometimes not even a description! Obviously there are some excellent writers out there and I mentioned a couple already but, overall, there is a lot more bad than good. That inspired me to try to do it. You know, invent a better mouse trap and all that. I'd say my writing style is detailed with a balance of the external (events, action, dialogue) and the internal (emotions, sensations, motives). I think plot is important and conflict drives plot. The conflict in my books is typically a seducer wanting someone(s) who do not want to be seduced and there is the struggle for them to accomplish this, the seductee's struggle to resist, and the seductee's struggle to understand how this is happening to them, why it makes them feel this way, and the new reality it will bring about if they "lose". What are you working on now? Editing "Lesbian Stalker Stalks Again" which is Part IV of the "Lesbian Stalker's Pets" series and writing, nearly done, with "Lesbian Stalker On The Prowl" which is Part V. Also working on "Mother-In-Law's Gift Cards For Lesbian Seduction" which is a free ongoing book (actually it will be 3 or 4 books ultimately) on my web site (https://lesbianseductionfiction.com/) and a couple other projects as well. What is your method for promoting your work? In a sense, making sure the finished product is the best possible. If you stumble across one of my books and find the description intriguing and the genre acceptable then I make sure you will like the content, get exactly what you expect (or more!), and then want to get the other books available as well. I just published my 20th book. If you like one of them you will like (or more than like!) all the rest. What's next for you as a writer? Write write write. How well do you work under pressure? Fine because all the pressure on me is self-imposed and I have no time to argue with myself. I say do it and I hop to it. How do you decide what tone to use with a particular piece of writing? This is an interesting question. I'm not sure that I truly "decide". Each character has motives and intents. They have a plan for their lives or a plan regarding another character. Each character has a voice from age, background, lifestyle, origins, education, intelligence level, and so on. I get a clear picture or feeling for each character, what is driving them, their motives, and then they interact in my mind. Almost like an artificial world set up and left running to see the end results. The inhabitants of this world have no idea they are figments of imagination. They think all these crazy things are really happening and they have strong feelings about it! In addition to the plot and sex almost always at some point I involve humor and maybe an insight or two on society or human nature. This is just the characters being themselves. But I don't try to erase it or edit it out. It can be there and readers can either enjoy it or ignore it as they wish. The insights are brief and don't get in the way. The humor is short when it happens and if it leads to a laugh from a reader from time to time, it is all good. That said (that these are short) there is, admittedly, about a page of dialogue in "Lesbian Stalker Stalks Again", before the sex scenes and events get extremely outrageous and hot, that I find hilarious and hope readers will as well. Author Websites and Profiles Jordan Church Website Jordan Church Amazon Profile Jordan Church's Social Media Links Twitter Account Instagram Account Read the full article

[madfatty]

this here and now with you is how - an mmfd fic No. 21

First of all, lovely anon, thank you for asking.  It’s been a long six months of me trying to write anything, and your ask gave me a direction to go in, so ta very much. I think this is a much happier concoction than my usual fare.  I hope that’s what you were hoping for.

In the interest of full disclosure “she’d start an argument in an empty room” isn’t mine.  I heard it on telly and it struck me as exactly the way Finn would have thought about her, so I’m borrowing it. It comes from S1E1 of Shetland. Another excellent show.

I cannot state loudly or often enough just how vital @how-ardently is to you seeing any of this.  She is amazing and I couldn’t do it without her. If it turns out that no one else likes this thing, I will be forever sustained by the little gleeful noises she made during our editing session. Erin gives great squee.

Much love and thanks to @bitchy-broken for some pertinent information, mainly pickled onions and Peugeot 205’s.  Turns out, Finn’s favourite is Dawn’s favourite too. Who’d have thought! Thank you darling girl. xo

The title comes from the Cure song, This. Here and Now. With You. from the album 4:13 Dream. 

I haven’t tagged anyone, save to thank those who helped, because interest seems to be waning and I don’t wish to assume.

I thank you for your interest. xo

this here and now with you is how

If you’d asked Finn that morning how he thought the day would go, it would be nothing like this. It’s not how his life usually works, but as he’s about to discover, the universe hasn’t completely given up on him just yet.

He’s spent the morning moping about the house, growing more and more disheartened with every passing hour, the prospect of the rave without Rae sitting heavy on him. He needs to find a way to tell Chop and the others that he’s changed his mind about going, without Chop making a big deal out of it and maybe saying something to Rae before Finn gets the chance to. He’s working himself up to calling her and seeing if she wants to hang out, at the pub or the chippy, or even here at his. He’ll walk up and down the high street for three hours window shopping, or sit in her room and silently watch her read all night. Whatever, wherever she wants, as long as it’s the two of them.

He keeps sideling up to the phone, as if he’s trying to take it by surprise. He picks up the receiver and dials the first four digits of her number before hanging up and scuttling back to the safety of the front room. To his great relief, attempt number eight is interrupted by a knock at the door and suddenly the girl in question is standing on his front step, shrugging her way past him and apologising for showing up unannounced. He’s had fantasies that started like this.

Rae tells him she’s had a huge, hurtful, screaming row with her mum, so awful that she threw some things in her backpack and slammed the door behind her, with no idea where she was going. She says she just started walking and before she knew it, she was outside his house.  She hopes he doesn’t mind.

Mind? Finn knows it’s bad and that she’s upset but he can’t stop smiling. She’s come to him. Not Chloe, not Archie; him. His face is starting to hurt. He has to drag himself away, offering tea so he can get himself together, but it’s no good; a glimpse of his reflection in the kitchen window while he waits for the kettle to boil only proves how horribly he’s failing.  

When Gary strolls into the kitchen on the lookout for a cuppa and a biscuit, Finn doesn’t even pretend to hide his excitement.

Gary knows all about Finn’s romantic woes, since the evening, not two weeks ago, when a very drunk Finn had come home fed up and forlorn after a particularly dismal night at the pub of not snogging Rae. It had taken very little prompting on Gary’s part for a weepy Finn to share the whole sad and sorry tale. He been supportive and sympathetic and a little damp eyed himself, so it’s hardly surprising that this latest development has Gary wearing a grin to match his own.

There’s an embarrassing but endearing bum wiggling dad-dance that would normally have him groaning, but all is forgiven when Gary offers to go and make up the spare room for Rae. It earns him a fierce bear hug and the last of the Hobnobs. The pair stop short of high-fiving each other, but continue giggling like three year olds. It takes Finn another couple of minutes to compose himself before he can head back upstairs. He really should be at least a little bit ashamed of just how pleased with himself he’s feeling, but he’s not. She picked him.

Before she can change her mind, he calls to tell Chop that there’s been a change of plans; Rae isn’t just going with them, she’s stopping at his (That’s right, Chop. Rae Earl is staying at mine. How’s things with Izzy?), so Chop’s going to have to collect Chloe, because of course, Rae will be riding with Finn. Even Finn can concede that the thrill it gives him to say those words out loud is borderline pathetic. He’s still buzzing when he hangs up midway through Chop’s razzing him for finally making a move.

The thought of her getting ready behind his bathroom door has Finn reciting starting line ups from the last ten Cup finals and trying not to touch himself.  He has to hold his shirt down in front of him quickly when she appears shyly at his bedroom door, all powdered and perfumed in the prettiest blue dress and leggings.  It’s an awkward shuffle past her to his turn in the bathroom where he’s immediately enveloped in a sweet scented cloud of her making, and he spends the next three and a half minutes moaning her name into a washcloth while the hot water runs.

+++

She’d start an argument in an empty room, he used to gripe to anyone who’d listen, but it’s mostly him she seems to argue with, and he doesn’t pretend to not know why. It was all his fault, them not getting along from the beginning.

He’s always been a bit shit about new people and by the time he’d figured out he’d fucked up, she’d decided she didn’t want a bar of him either, and the more he tried to fix it, the worse it got. Every time she’d make an effort he’d get all flustered and think she was taking the piss and he’d snark at her, earning her silent, seething ire and even the pursed-lipped disapproval of the gang. So he couldn’t really blame her when her response to his feeble, yet heartfelt attempts to make amends the next time he saw her was to snap and snarl and roll her eyes.

Thankfully, he stopped being quite the dickhead and she eventually took pity on him. Now they’re friends. He wants them to be more, and he wishes he knew if she did too. It keeps him awake nights, trying to figure out if she likes him as much as he likes her. It’s so hard to tell sometimes.  

It’s easier in his fantasies. She leaves no room for doubt there.

+++

Not an hour goes by where he’s not thinking about Rae Earl.  

The sun is warm on his bare skin but it’s nothing to the heat coming from Rae’s gaze. She doesn’t like football, she’s said it a million times and yet here she is, sat in the middle of a beautiful summer Sunday watching him intently, albeit surreptitiously.

It’s just a friendly kick-about with some of the lads but skill will always out, and he makes a blinding break down the length of the whole field. He’s so fast, none of his team can keep up with him and he has to go it alone. The opposition are so flummoxed by his dexterity that the goal he scores is inevitable and nothing short of poetry.

The tiny crowd of assembled friends goes wild and Finn waves humbly in their direction.

Out of the corner of his eye he catches Rae on the move. One minute she’s sitting on the sidelines pretending to read (he knows she’s pretending because he hasn’t seen her turn a page since he took his shirt off) and the next she’s walking straight across the pitch. The other lads have to run round her as she cuts a determined path directly to him. He’s all sweaty from scoring his goal and he’s pretty sure he smells but it doesn’t stop her. In front of God and everyone she wraps him up in the tightest of hugs. This time she uses both arms, it’s not just an awkward pat on the back and when he chances to squeeze her, she squeezes him back. Her breath is hot on his already overheated skin when she whispers, ‘I have to have you. Now. Fancy coming back to mine?’ He doesn’t even stop to pick up his shirt.

Or he’s sitting across from her in the pub when she goes off on one, her perfect mouth going a mile-a-minute as she rants and raves, holding everyone around her in her sway. She is majestic and unstoppable and everybody wants her. He takes a shallow sip of his beer, licks at the foam on his lips, and in a strong, sure voice that carries through the pub, says something inflexibly flirty and devastatingly funny and Rae is undone. She reaches for him across the glass strewn table, knocking over drinks in her haste to get to him. The pub erupts in catcalls and cheers and he smiles in the knowledge that every man in that room wishes they were him.

Sometimes they’re in his room, just the two of them and he’s searching for the perfect record to tell her how he feels. He’s spouting some insightful and practiced nonsense about the band or a particular song or whatever and she’s suddenly overcome by how smart and cool he is and Rae can no longer keep her hands off him. Many an album has suffered in this scenario, as she throws him up against the wall to have her way with him. No matter that the stylus skates heavily across the imaginary vinyl causing irreparable damage. In Finn’s mind, there is no sacrifice too great for the taste of Rae’s kiss.

That’s one of his favourites, because after the mind bending, body melting sex, it’s just them lying on his bed, the room full of music and his arms full of her. He can look at her as long as he wants. He gets to hold her, and listen to all her secrets and tell her all of his, and when she goes, he can still smell her on his pillow.

Finn’s got a million of them, lots of little dreams to shore him up and keep him going on those days when nothing else can.

There is a pain, a tiny little hurt, an ache that he carries every day. It’s sits in his chest, in his throat, in his belly and it belongs to her. It flares when she’s with him and it screams when she’s not. It’s not a sad thing, at least he doesn’t think so. It has a sweetness and a softness that soothes and comforts him. He wouldn’t know himself without it now. It’s how he knows he’s alive.

+++

The Lou Reed line drifts in and out, too impatient to wait it’s turn among the other thoughts in the loop tumbling around head, Bright blue and yellow. Green apples. Happy. It feels like forever since he’s held anything as sharp and real as the hope that’s filling him now, the promise of something wonderful a definite taste on his tongue. The road rolls out before them, straightforward and clear and he follows it eagerly.

What if he just keeps driving?  Down this road as far as it will take them and then onto the next, with Rae wrapped around him for warmth, for safety, forever. Into the dark, into another place where he can have this all the time.

He’s not going that fast, but her hands tighten around him until her fingers lock together and her palms are flat across his chest. She shifts a little further forward until all he can feel is all of her pressed up close behind him and the poke of her pixie chin resting on his shoulder.

Finn’s heart is tilted so far forward in his chest it’s up against his ribs and the butterflies in his belly are doing cartwheels. He may be about to black out. The scooter jerks and swerves. He can’t keep his eyes on the road or his hands still on the throttle.  Everything in him is drawn to the girl at his back. If he doesn’t tell her now, they’re going to crash. There’s a stretch of road just up ahead that’s shaded by an avenue of trees. At the first opportunity he pulls over onto the grass verge and stops the bike.

“What happened, what’s wrong? Is the bike broken?” Rae frets, as she steps off the back of the scooter.

“No. I… I just,” he begins, shaking off his helmet.

“Then why did we stop?” She’s standing there with her hands on her hips, her helmet still on and framing the soft roundness of her face.  God, she’s adorable. It takes him a second or two to answer her.

“You need to know something.”

“Are we out of petrol? Did you get us lost?” The worry is gone from her voice and she slips back into her teasing tone. Always teasing.

“No. We’re not out of petrol and we’re not lost. I need to tell you something.”

“It couldn’t wait till we got there?”

“No. I have to tell you now. While we’re on our own.”  

“We’ve been on our own all afternoon, you could’ve…” She’s still teasing, and he does like it, but there are times when he wishes she didn’t feel the need to fill the air with noise. When she’d see that he just needs a moment to get there and he’ll tell her what she wants to know. It comes so easy to her, she’s so sure of everything, maybe she thinks it’s easy for everyone.

“Please, shut up Rae.  I need you to shut up and listen to me. Christ,” he groans, “I can’t breathe.”

“Oh God, Finn.  Sit! Sit! Put your head between your knees.”

“I don’t need to…”

“Put your head between your knees, Finn. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth… slowly.”

“Just stop!” Finn’s hands fly up, a barrier between them, a physical attempt to stop the flow of her words. He might have been a little too loud and a little too adamant. He’s not cross, just desperate to get her attention. He’d hoped it would be obvious but from the look on her face, he’s doubtful.

He’s long been a fan of her facial gymnastics, he has an actual list of his top ten favourites and if the stakes weren’t so high, he’d be admiring the current set of acrobatics that are rapidly manifesting themselves into an impressive expression of outrage. There’ll be no way back from it if she gets a full head of steam so he’s got to get in first. It’s now or never.  

“What you need to know is; I like you Rae. A lot. Proper, full-on, hand-holding, snogging, you’re-the-one-for-me ‘fancy’ and I think you might fancy me too, well I hope you do, but I can’t tell for sure.”

There was a plan. He’d had a plan and this was not it. In all the time he’d practiced this, never once did he imagine that it would be happening by the side of the road. Shit. And now he’s lost control of his hands and his feet. He’s pacing up and down like a mad man and waving his hands about but he can’t stop moving.

“I was going to wait to see how tonight went, but today has been so amazingly perfect and I figured if I wait, I’m gonna blow it. I’ll do something or I’ll say something stupid and it’ll cock everything up and I don’t want everything cocked up, I’m sick of everything getting cocked up.  I just want to be with you, Rae. That’s all I want and I don’t want anything to get in the way. Not me, not our friends; not anything, because, because…” He stops in front of her, scared shitless because he could be about to commit romantic suicide, but he needs to see her face when he says this next bit, “I think we belong together Rae.”

He’s compiled a list (another one, he has many), collecting all their similarities like some cheesy TV detective in the hope that she’ll see they are meant for each other. He’d had thoughts of introducing the contents of his list gradually, over a period of time but he’s about to burn up the first four or five casual ‘me too’ conversations due to blind panic, because she’s starting to open her mouth. She’s not supposed to talk yet.

“Listen Rae, just listen.” And there go his hands again, waving frantically between them, without his permission “We’re the same, you and me. You bite your nails, I bite my nails too.” It’s not the strongest of openings, but he can still feel her hands on his chest and his are flapping about like landed fish and it’s the first thing that comes to mind.  The pacing starts again. “We have all the same posters on our walls. You can talk shit about music for hours; no, not shit, stuff, smart stuff, and music is the one thing I feel confident talking about because I know my stuff too. You always choose pickled onion flavoured Monster Munch. Pickled onion is my favourite. I’ve got a whole drawer full of tazos saved for you because I know you collect them.”

“You prefer Q to the NME and you think Select and Melody Maker are okay but Vox is a try-hard Q and you never buy Smash Hits ever,” he forces himself to look at her. Her eyes are so wide he has to look away again or he’s never going to get it all out. “It’s just for nicking the posters out of in the newsagents if there’s anyone decent in them. And you’re right. About all of it.” He’s rambling, he can hear it, but it’s so important that she knows.  He studies the flattened grass beneath his boots for a moment before he continues.

And, and… we dress the same.” He stumbles here, his voice breaking just a little because this one makes him giddy. They wear the same uniform, and it has to mean something. It’s partly how he recognised her. When he thinks about her red flannel shirt and how he has one almost exactly the same… the idea that it could be one of his shirts she’s wearing, that it would still be warm from the heat of her… it’s one of his favourite thoughts.

At some point, she’s taken off her helmet while he wasn’t looking. He’s looking at her now. It’s cooler here under the trees, but her face is still flushed. Her hair is flat against her head except for the bits that the breeze has stirred up. It’s caught the hem of her dress too and her frustration at trying to contain them both is evident, but there’s an underlying agitation he knows has nothing to do with the wind. There’s an anxiousness about her, something that says she wants to run. He rushes on.

“But it’s not just that. The sameness. There’s loads of things, Rae. How independent you are. You never just follow along and you can exist outside the rest of us.” His voice is lower, he’d been excitable with the urgency of the situation before, and it had all come pouring out at high speed and possibly top volume, but now the seriousness of what he’s saying sets in. He wishes he were physically closer to her, but she may not be quite ready for that yet so he stays where he is. “How smart you are, and brave. And fierce and kind. And how you look after everyone. How you looked after me the night Nan died. I don’t think I would have got through that night, or the funeral, if it wasn’t for you. Did I ever say thank you? I hope so. I’ve thought it a million times since.”

It’s no good.  In his room, where he’s practiced this a hundred times, he’s already touching her by now, but she’s still so far away. On shaky legs he takes a deliberate step forward and waits.  

“Have I said pretty? Because you are Rae, so, so pretty. Sometimes, when I’m looking at you, I forget to breathe.” He can’t breathe now. While he was speaking he didn’t dare look at her and now that he’s stopped, he can’t look away. Her hands are knots, one around the strap of the motorcycle helmet, which she’s banging painfully against her knees and the other, still gripping the hem of her dress, is clawing at her thigh.

He’s never seen her lost for something to say before. It’s probably the shock, which Finn can understand, as he’s a little stunned himself. It’s killing him not knowing what she’s thinking, but he doesn’t dare ask.

“Is this a joke? Is that meant to be funny?” she says finally, her face a sour twist.

“Jesus no, Rae. I’ve never been more serious in my life.” He thought he’d been very clear. What did he miss? What didn’t he say?

Well done fuck-face. Happy now? You’ve broken her. Any other time you can’t string two words together, now you can’t shut up, and she thinks you’re joking.

He’s not stupid, despite recent appearances. In the beginning, he let his wariness and his mistrust override his good sense and so everything that came from his mouth was petty and catty and cruel. Since then, he’s fought so hard for her to like him that he rarely says anything at all in case it’s the wrong thing. He’d hoped the impression he gave off is of the thoughtful, strong, silent type, but he’s afraid he just comes across as thick and surly.

Before Rae, he always thought of himself as maybe kind of cool, but she reminds him who he really is, some saddo teenage boy trying desperately, and failing miserably, to impress someone infinitely cooler.

It’s such a specific feeling, this thing for her that’s been growing steadily inside him for weeks now and he knows what it is.  He’s not sure if the feeling is enough though.  He knows he should tell her before someone else comes along, someone smarter, who sees what he sees and who can say the words in just the right way so she’ll get how amazing she is, because Finn’s been trying to tell her through touch when maybe what Rae needs is the words.

He didn’t mean to hit her with it all at once, he was going to take it slow. The latest plan, formulated in the bathroom while he got his breath back, was to spend tonight glued to her side, take every opportunity to touch her, to finally let her know how much he feels, but when he started, he couldn’t stop.

The hope that filled him and encouraged him to speak up wobbles at the look on her face. She looks like she’s trying not to cry. This is not how this was supposed to go.

“I… I’m sorry, Rae. I didn’t mean to upset you.  I’ll, I’ll take it all back if it’s not what you want, if I got it all wrong.” He can feel the panic rise as his world falls. He’s going to lose her. She’s going to break his heart. “I like you so, so much Rae, please don’t say we can’t be friends. That I can’t be around you. I know I’m an idiot and I’ve probably ruined everything, but please don’t say that.”

She’s fidgeting with the strap of her helmet but her eyes are locked on the grass beneath her. She’s quiet for the longest time, each second drags heavy before the next.  More than ever, he wishes he knew what she was thinking.  And the next moment, there’s that steel he knows and loves. Rae takes a deep breath and squares her shoulders. She stands more solidly on the ground. The looks she gives him is of reservation and resolve.

“Finn…” she stops. She starts again. “So do you mean you…” she swallows thickly, “want to… that you really… fancy me? That you want to snog me?”

“For starters.” His smile is small and tentative at first until his face gets the better of him and he can no longer contain it. It splits sharply in two. “I want to snog you senseless,” he confirms eagerly, “all day, every day, and buy you chips and make you mixed tapes and hold your hand…”

With each new declaration, Finn inches closer, until she’s within his reach.  He leans in slowly because she hasn’t said yes yet, and he doesn’t want to count his chickens. The helmet she’s still holding comes away from her grasp with the lightest of tugs. Finn throws it behind him and it bounces noisily off the back of the scooter. Oh so gently, he takes the tips of her fingers between his and smiles at their ragged edges.  

“Well, go on then, if you’re going to.” She whispers, her eyes crinkling. It’s a challenge, just like she is and he wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s one of the million things he likes about her, it’s on more than one of his lists, but what he also likes is that it’s coloured by a hint of nervousness that stirs a tiny hope in him that he may not be the only one who’s thought a lot about them doing this before.  There’s nothing but a breath between them and then there’s not even that. It’s the softest of touches, his lips on hers, and he’s lost.  

The pressure increases when she fits herself to him and it happens exactly like he knew it would. It drops like a stone down the middle of him, there’s a shift and a ‘click’, the last piece of the puzzle. Whether she realises it yet or not, she’s stuck with him now.

She’s got him caught up by the front of his jacket and the leather squeaks and sighs in the clutch of her fingers and he can’t think straight.  All the times he’d dreamed about her hands being on him.  

Her body against him like this is a gift he thought she’d never give. Her mouth is a revelation.  He searches out the softness of her skin. First the bits he’s learned by sight. He cradles the cool length of her neck, because he always wanted to know if she’ll shiver when he runs his finger from her hairline down beneath her collar. He traces the shell of her ear, brushes the apple of her cheek.  It’s a start and it’s perfect, but he wants to know all of her.

Finn bends himself to her, his grasp moving, greedily exploring. He’s hard for her and he wants her to know that it’s all her doing. He rests his hips against her and squeezes the delicious curve of her arse. He drags his eyes open to watch. Rae gasps a tiny ‘o’ and it’s devastating and addictive. She grips him harder, gently buffeting against him as if they were floating in a deep dark sea of green. She presses back into him with equal enthusiasm. She’s a natural, her mouth hungry and insistent, expertly drawing soft vowel sounds from Finn’s throat. He’s going to die here. They’ll find nothing but a little pile of ash and leather.

“Did I mention inappropriate touching? I meant to.” He murmurs, barely moving his mouth from her mouth. “Lots and lots of...”

“Walk before you run, okay Nelson? Let’s see how the kissing thing goes, shall we?” she chides him, before she falls on him again. He can taste the smile in her kiss and when her hands go through his hair he all but swoons.

The kissing goes great and for a long, long time.  So great, in fact, that between it and the face-splitting grin he’s wearing, his jaw is starting to ache, but there’s no way he’s stopping.  He will stand here by the side of the road in the growing dark surrounded by bugs and foxes and all manner of weird night-things as long as he can keep kissing her.  He doesn’t even care about the hooting and jeering coming from passing traffic, not even when he recognises the familiar grind of the not-quite-in-gear engine of Chop’s Peugeot 205.

Despite all her bravado, Rae becomes a little skittish when the car idles beside them and Finn swears by all that is holy that he will kill Chop a thousand times over, if he does anything to shatter the divinity of this moment. He can’t have that, so while Chop makes crude jokes and the others whoop and holler, Finn keeps his mouth on hers, not sparing a single breath to tell them all to bugger off,  just gathers Rae up closer, hums his pleasure across her tongue. He won’t risk even the slight movement of extending his middle finger to flip them off in case the spell breaks; instead, he chooses to ignore them until they get bored and drive off. He’s beside himself that she does too.

Whatever happens next is entirely up to Rae.  If she wants to find their friends and dance, he’ll dance, if she wants to ride around all night, just them and the dark, he’ll drive, and if she wants to see where all this kissing leads, Finn is more than happy to oblige.

This here and now is their beginning and he can’t wait to see where it takes them.