#why dee is a repressed lesbian lmao???

[globrights]

do you have any theories for the roommate that dee burned alive? ive been thotting about that

omg okay like fr actually i have literally went Deep into thought about this before and i wrote it in my notes and was planning on shoving it in some angst fic for some reason but we all know that’s never gonna happen so here it goes (caution warning for some abusive(?) language and violence):

it’s dee’s junior year of college and she’s having the time of her life going out to parties and drinking and she goes to a lot of these parties with her roommate and they have a lot of fun together and she’s pretty but dee doesn’t feel threatened by her for some reason and dee also doesn’t feel the need to see her roommate as inferior to make herself feel better about herself and it’s so, so nice

one night they get drunk and wake up in the same bed... naked

they brush it off and laugh and pretend it’s all part of the college experience!! who doesn’t drunkenly hook up with their roommate anyway!! 

but then it happens again. and again. once when they’re sober, and then once again when they’re drunk 

it becomes a regular thing and dee can’t help but notice that sex with men has never felt this good. has never been this fulfilling. dee’s roommate says it’s just a casual thing, nothing serious, and dee agrees because she’s not a lesbian, she can’t be a lesbian 

but it begins to feel a bit to dee like they are dating, and dee’s falling in love with her roommate, and she thinks her roommate feels the same way but is just lying about it like dee is

she isn’t 

her love turns to obsession which morphs into possession and dee gets upset whenever her roommate “ditches her” to hang out with a friend, or study with a classmate. dee starts to get irrational about it. she starts thinking maybe she’s doing something wrong and that’s why her roommate doesn’t like her enough. maybe she made the mistake of letting her guard down and being herself 

so she starts to change... into what she thinks her roommate might like most, which is, well, her roommate. because why wouldn’t anyone like themselves more than anyone else, right? so she starts shopping at the same places as her roommate, but somehow those shopping trips end with her getting the exact same clothes as her roommate, the exact same shoes, anything she can find, really

when she can’t find something her roommate owns she steals it from her drawer directly and when she puts those things on... she feels complete for a moment 

dee’s roommate starts dodging dee more and more and they stop hooking up altogether and dee is freaking out about it... she starts following her roommate in secret instead of going for her classes and one day she sees her roommate bring a girl back to their apartment 

she catches a brunette with her hand down her roommate’s pants and she screams bloody murder 

the third party gets out because she’s been seeing dee’s roommate for a while (dee only finds this out after she’s been institutionalized) and knows she does not want to get in the middle of this 

dee and her roommate get into a huge fight. dee accuses her of cheating, her roommate reminds her that they were never dating and sleeping together was just supposed to be a casual thing for fun, she doesn’t like dee romantically, and dee has no right reacting the way she is

so in a fit of rage, fury, heartbreak, solemn, and the desire to take down a bitch who crossed her, dee goes to grab the gasoline she has stashed in her room and she starts dousing her roommate with it, who expectedly freaks out and tries to get dee to stop 

“why are you doing this, cut it out, dee!” “shut up, you goddamn bitch!” she seethes between tears, and then kicks her roommate in the shin. she falls to the ground. “maybe this’ll teach you not to be such a fucking slut!”

she lights the first match and drops it, watching as the fire spreads and her roommate, who’s screaming, tries to crawl and roll around to put out the fire. she’s crying, just like dee is, except while dee’s tears fall quietly hers fall with her desperate, begging, her voice retched as she apologizes, over and over and over, saying she’ll do whatever dee wants if she lets her go

but it’s too late. dee can only laugh at the ashes of her broken heart. maybe they can join her roommate in a minute 

she lights another match, and another, and then suddenly someone’s bursting through the doors and it’s dennis, who’s coming over unannounced again, who has no one to eat lunch with again 

“oh my god, dee, what the hell did you do?” 

she tries to shove him away but he grabs onto her and drags her out; the gasoline got all over the floor too and the fire is spreading 

dennis calls the fire department

as they wait dee hugs dennis tighter than she’s ever cared to and sobs hard and ugly into his chest and for once he keeps quiet and... lets her

dee’s roommate survives the fire, and has third degree burns to show for it

dennis lies to the cops and claims that dee’s roommate set herself on fire because she was obsessed with dee and did it out of anger 

but then witnesses come forth and there’s footage of dee buying a gallon of gasoline and when her roommate wakes up for the tell-all her fate is sealed 

dee tries to repress most of the incident after she leaves a free woman; she tells herself it’s a college experiment gone wrong, just stuff most straight women who aren’t psychotic go through 

she represses her sexuality even more, and tells herself throughout every dissatisfying hook up that she’s straight and that’s good because the alternative now terrifies her 

it continues to terrify her for the next twenty years, and the fears refuse to fade