#why did they have to give him keanu's fucking face now we all wanna fuck himmmmm

[anachronistic-falsehood]

hey guys wouldn’t it be funny if the suckening characters had tumblr

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

omw to burger king gonna get the no whopper whopper who wants anything

🕷 gabrielmontezfuckingrocks

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCKV YKU FUCKG HUOU

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

suck my entire dick and balls

👑 shilo-bathory

Hello It’s Me Shilo Bathory Son ofthe Wueen hello 👋 what’s Is That There Is A Hand oon the Light Box Whose Hand Is that There Is A Tiny Man Inside The Lightbocx

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

you pressed the emoji button after typing hello see here i can do it too hello 👋

👑 shilo-bathory

Who Are Yoy Is This your Hand In The Light Box

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

why are you typing like a homestuck character

👑 shilo-bathory

Wghat is Home Suck

🦇 iamthevoid

The darkness is my only friend… my one constant companion in these long decades of breathless life…

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

edgelord alert

🦇 iamthevoid

Boy you have no idea what horrors I have seen. I have witnessed wars and massacres the likes of which would give you nightmares. You have seen nothing yet.

#darkness #my twisted mind #lonely #depression #no one understands #despair

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

@/iamthevoid stop typing like that youre clogging up my dashboard

🦇 iamthevoid

It’s what best suits my dark and twisted soul… if I even have one.

😈 phantom-flipper-official

who tf got peepaw a tumblr account

👑 shilo-bathory

Hello Emizel It Is me Shilo I Helped Arthur create a “tumblr blog” like You Did For Me ☺️ I Know How To Make The Smiley Faces now

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

👑 shilo-bathory

Emizel Hwo Is This Man inthe Lightt Box. Who is That

🦇 iamthevoid

Prince, I believe that is Keanu Reeves.

🗡 fromthetoprope

@/shilo-bathory Actually My Prince, that is Ben Affleck! He is an “actor.” I learned about him while watching the large light box!

👑 shilo-bathroy

grefgor

🥤 the-soda-man ✅✅

hey guys, i’m shutting this blog down. my soda addiction was getting really really bad, and i think it’s best i don’t post about vintage sodas anymore. i’m rebranding to the nalgene man

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

CONGRATS ON THE TRANSITION 🥳

🥤the-nalgene-man ✅✅

THANKS BRO YOURE MY NUMBER ONE ‼️‼️

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

the no whopper whopper is not worth the twenty five dollars

🕷 gabrielmontezfuckingrocks

YOU SUCK SO BAD

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

DUDE GET OFF MY DICK

🕷 gabrielmontezfuckingrocks

I’LL GET OFF YOUR DICK WHEN YOU GET OFF MINE

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

GUESS WERE GETTING OFF EACH OTHERS DICKS THEN

🦇 iamthevoid

I’m reporting this post for sexual content.

🕷 gabrielmontezfuckingrocks

WHATS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM YOU WANNA GET OFF MY DICK TOO

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

YOU CANT GET OFF HIS DICK YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING OFF MY DICK

🦇 iamthevoid

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

WHO SHIWED YOU HOW TO USE REACTION INAGES?????>?>?

👑 shilo-bathory

Emizel We Are Learning ☺️ Grefgor Knows All

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

whoever showed arthur homophobic dog im going to strangle you he wont stop saying “i know what you are” and “dont tell me youre one of them” whenever i do anything i was washing the blood out of my clothes at 2 in the morning and he passed by the bathroom and said “i dont think thats normal” im going to fucking rip his throat out

🦇 iamthevoid

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOR

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

WHY IS THIS GETTING NOTES

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

you guys HAVE to stop asking me about arthur hes not my fucking dad i was an orphan your assumptions are offensive im not related to him i called him peepaw AS A JOKE

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

i AM related to the other guy but thats not relevant

🦇 iamthevoid

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

WHO GAVE YUO MORE IMAGES

👑 shilo-bathory

His Arsenal Is Expanding ☺️

🦇 iamthevoid

What is a Tumblrina and why are the people in my inbox calling me one?

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

im gonna fucking kill myself

👑 shilo-bathory

Okay 🥳 See You when youu Come Back 😊🥰

😈 phantom-flipper-official ✅✅

[fortheloveoffanfic]

The One That Stays

Keanu Reeves x reader (A/n- Maybe, just maybe, I was too lazy to actually write smut for this chapter, so have some fluff instead. Also, sorry if this chapter seemed rushed, the next one will be much better)

Chapter1   Chapter2   Chapter3  Chapter4  Chapter5  Chapter6  Chapter7  Chapter8  Chapter9

Chapter 10- Reconciliation 

“And I don’t know what I’m diving into, Just hanging by a moment here with you.” -Lifehouse, Hanging By A Moment.

Keanu sat, slouched into the sofa, warming beer discarded on the coffee table as the television played reruns of a nineties sitcom. He usually loved the show, it was one of his favorites, but that night he couldn't bring himself to enjoy it and all he wanted to do was drag himself up the stairs and flop face first into bed.

He wasn't tired per say, but Keanu had been in a soured mood since Y/n left on Saturday; anger draining his energy, morphing into hurt. He thought that things were going great between them, maybe a little quicker than either of them had anticipated, but still, he meant it when he said he loved Y/n. Even with his bruised pride and broken heart, he still loved her. He just wished Y/n felt the same.

Maybe he'd know if he picked up the phone when she called.

He couldn't do it though. Everytime it rang, the screen brightening up with her name, he had considered swiping the green icon, but in the end, he'd just toss the phone away. Keanu didn't know what Y/n could possibly have to say when she had already told him all that he needed too by choosing to battle storm-grade rainfall over staying in the house with him. As much as he loved and cared for Y/n, he couldn't be with something who wasn't willing to stick it out with him, not anymore.

With a heavy sigh, Keanu decided that he just wasn't in the mood to be entertained by the antics of a two decade old comedy and reached for the remote, switching off the television. Raising of the sofa, he grabbed the half filled bottle, walking towards the kitchen, only to dump out the rest on the sink before throwing the bottle into the recycling.

Keanu's hand was on the railing of the staircase when the doorbell sounded, and with a groan, he shuffled towards the front door, slapping the switch to turn on the porch lights on his way there.

Who even went to someone's house at past eleven pm?

Slowly, he went through the motions of undoing the locks, subsequently pulling the front door open. At the sight of her, Keanu's breath caught in his throat, though he hoped she hadn't heard it. Everything the he felt that day came back to him; the anguish of watching her evade him every time he tried to reason, of when she walked away, the anger that followed when he realized that she just wasn't going to let him in, even if he was willing to lay his heart down for her and then finally, the hollowness that carved it's way into his system as he retreated to the house, sitting in the kitchen with soaked clothes, head in his hands and a half finished meal spread out on the counter next to him.

"Hey," Y/n greeted, the word soft and pained. Keanu wanted to say something, he really did, but nothing came, so instead, he just licked his lips, turning his head away. "Can we talk?" She finally added.

Talk?

She wanted to talk?

Now? After he had asked, no, begged her to talk on Saturday. After he pleaded with her to stay, after she left without as much as a reason why.

Y/n wanted to talk?

Suddenly, and unexpectedly, the anger surged up inside of him, like a dark plume of smoke, billowing at the resurgence of a stubborn fire. How dare she? "I don't think we have anything to talk about," he scoffed, not meeting her gaze. Deep down, Keanu knew that if he looked at her, he'd be gone; he'd put aside his own feelings to tend to hers, and he didn't want that. He wanted his chance to be upset, his go at saying how he felt, it was only fair.

"Really?" Y/n chuckled humorlessly, "Cause you had a lot to say on Saturday."

"Yeah," he huffed, shaking his head, "But that was when I thought you cared about....whatever it is we had."

Had.

That stung.

Rolling her eyes, Y/n couldn't help but get annoyed, she was trying to fix thing and Keanu wasn't making it any easier, "Had?" She repeated incredulously, knitting her brows, "And for the record, I do care," and new edge etched her tone and they both knew that it wouldn’t be long before things escalated.

Shaking his head, Keanu folded his arms, "Really?" He scoffed, maliced amusement dripping off his words, "Because walking out when I begged you to stay, says otherwise. In fact, it screams it."

"Oh come on!" Y/n's voice raised and she mirrored his stance, "I told you I needed space. And I called you, and you never answered."

"You said you needed time," Keanu corrected, finally looking at Y/n directly, "And I was giving it to you. And you know what, I think I needed some too," he managed, "To get some clarity," he added.

"Clarity?" Y/n chuckled dryly.

"Yeah," he dragged his bottom lip between his teeth, "Yeah, and now its pretty damn clear that you didn't feel the same way I do. And if you do, you’re to selfish to admit it!" Keanu didn’t know why he was yelling; the whole thing hurt more than it angered him. Maybe it was because he wanted her to know, know exactly what she did to him when she walked away, leaving him drenched on the sidewalk, like the past month or so had meant nothing. “You think you could have fixed this with a phone call? Or some texts, fuck,” he hissed, “You couldn’t even say it there, so it doesn’t matter that you called or texted or left fifty fucking voicemails! None of it matters because you just don’t feel the same Y/n.”

“Well why the hell do you think I’m standing here Keanu?” Y/n yelled, breathing heavily, “You wanna hear it? I love you! And it doesn’t make sense to me because we barely know each other. Because I like facts and logic and falling in love with you this soon, doesn’t give me any of that,” her shoulders dropped and Y/n shook her head, hitting her thigh with her closed fist, “I was sacred, okay? It just doesn’t make sense,” she repeated, “But it’s all I can think about when I think you. I have no idea what I’m doing, because I’m terrible at relationships, and I hate thinking with my heart, but the one thing that I do know in my head, is that there is nothing that I could learn about you, that can happen between us, that will make me love you less.”

Keanu stood there for a moment, processing her words, and right when Y/n thought that he was going to tell her that it was too late, slam the door in her face, he leaned down, and in an instant, he was crashing his lips to hers, gathering Y/n in his arms. If it weren’t for his hands gripping her waist, she might have fallen back, and it took a couple seconds, but soon enough, Y/n was responding to the gesture, her arms winding around Keanu’s neck, their bodies pressed together. 

When they broke, Keanu was still hunched over so their foreheads could press together, the tips of their noses touching. The tension that had just swirled in the air was gone and in his arms, Y/n felt more relaxed and at ease than she had in the past two days. “Do you mean it?” He whispered, urgency and the need for reassurance prominent in the handful of words.

“I do,” Y/n nodded stiffly, not realizing that tears had welled up in both their eyes, “I just wish....” she trailed off, closing her eyes, worrying on her bottom lip as she thought on her next words, "Can we just have a do over? A 2.0 first 'I love you' moment? Please?"

Smiling softly, Keanu nodded, moving his hand to brush a stray lock of hair away from Y/n’s face, "Y/n," he began, "I love you.”

Blushing, Y/n didn't think she had ever been more ready to say it to anyone else. Maybe he was right, that night in her bedroom, maybe it just took one night, because standing there with him, Y/n felt the way she had on the first one that they had met; a sense of childlike giddiness, countering with a tranquility that none other had offered. Sliding her hands from around his neck, cupping his face, Y/n cocked a shy smile when she returned, "I love you too Keanu."

Keanu caught Y/n's lips in a soft kiss. Their lips moved slower than before and in sync."I'm sorry," she breathed when they broke, their lips barely an inch apart, "I didn't mean to hurt you like that, I'd never want to hurt you. "

"I'm sorry too," Keanu said, "I was so wrapped up in wanting you to say it back, that when you didn't, I just thought the worst."

"It's okay," Y/n kissed him again, "I've never been good at talking about my feelings," Y/n leaned further into Keanu's chest, on hand sliding to tangle in his hair, "But I can show you."

His hands slid down Y/n's body, urging her legs around his waist, walking backwards into the house when she was secured in his arms. Keanu shoved the door closed with his foot, taking Y/n further into the house, "I'd like that."

The next morning, Y/n awoke when her internal alarm went of at six am. The sun had barely risen and it took her a minute to remember where she was; at Keanu’s place. Slowly, Y/n turned in the embrace of Keanu’s strong arms, adjusting until they were face to face, their naked bodies still somewhat tangled. Some hair had fallen into his face, the strands over his mouth blowing gently in response to his even breaths. 

Gently, Y/n used to tips of her fingers to sweep most of it away, her hand lingering on his cheek even after the deed was done. Keanu looked so serene; his dark lashes barely fanning the top of his cheekbones and she could see the tiniest hints of age that had just started to peak through an exterior that typically suggested immortality; a wrinkle at his eye here, a spec of grey there. They were easy reminders that they were not just from completely worlds, but also from different generations. It was so rare for Y/n to think of what she’d be doing in her fifties and she knew that when Keanu was her age, he probably wasn’t thinking that in twenty years he’s have fallen in love with a woman so much his junior. Though, she was glad that they had long discussed it, by then, it was just one less thing that would complicate their budding relationship.

Y/n’s thumb barely ghosted the apple of Keanu’s cheek, and she smiled softly as she admired him, only wincing when his eyes fluttered open, “Were you....watching me sleep?” Keanu chuckled, his voice still thick with sleep.

Y/n scoffed, raring her head back a bit and squinting her head, “No, don’t flatter yourself Keanu.”

His lips split into a wide smile, “You totally were,” Keanu continued teasing, his hands sliding to the curve of her waist as Y/n’s cheeks went red.

“Was not,” she countered with a huff, rolling onto her back, “That would be weird, and I’m not weird.”

“It’s not,” Keanu chortled, snuggling closer, kissing the top of Y/n’s head, “It’s adorable, and so are you.”

At his words, Y/n blushed harder, shifting again to hide her face in his side, “Why do you have to do that?” She giggled.

“Do what?” Keanu sat up a bit, pulling Y/n up with him, her face still buried in his chest, “Tell you how cute you are? Or make you blush,” he laughed, tickling her side.

When Y/n finally got herself under control, she straightened up, still cuddled close to Keanu, “For your information; I’m hot, not adorable.”

Keanu scrunched his face in indecision, finally determining, “I think you can be both. You pull it off pretty well.”

Again, Y/n moved, that time to wiggle out of his arms and plop into Keanu’s lap, her hands loosely cupping his neck, cocking an amused eyebrow, “You have all the lines, don’t you, Mr. Reeves?”

“Well, you do a good job at inspiring them Ms. Y/l/n,” Keanu shot back, his arms going around her waist as she leaned down to kiss him, her lips melding with his, her head tilting to the side for a better angle. “I love you,” he managed against her already kiss-swollen lips.

Softly, Y/n giggled, one hand slipping to tangle with the ends of Keanu’s hair, “I love you too.” Already, it felt so natural to say it, like the words were second nature, meaning true and right every time they left her lips. She loved Keanu. 

At some point, Keanu had rolled Y/n onto her back, his hands pressed into the mattress as he hovered over her, admiring her body before he lowered his face into her neck. Y/n sighed contentedly, gently raking her nails up his back. Her back arched a bit and she turned her head to the side, offering Keanu better access, though, when her eyes fluttered open and she caught a glimpse of the time; Y/n was shoving Keanu off of her and sitting up, “Is that the time?”

“As far as I know,” Keanu cocked a half-grin, “What’s wrong?” He mumbled, already pulling Y/n back into his arms, resuming his ministrations.

Giggling as she pulled away, Y/n tried to resist him, knowing she’d be late if stayed in bed any longer. How did an hour passed that quickly? “I have to go to work,” Y/n frowned, swinging her legs out of bed.

“Call in sick,” Keanu quipped, following her around the room as she looked for her stuff, “They won’t know.”

“But I will,” Y/n countered, shimmying into her dress, turning so Keanu could reluctantly pull up the zipper, “And I have a lunch meeting with our collaborator and the board,” biting her lips as she turned against him, Y/n put her arms around Keanu’s neck, kissing him before she continued, “The sex is great baby, but it doesn’t pay my bills.”

And with that, Y/n pulled away, heading towards Keanu’s bathroom. “But I can,” Keanu teased lightly, following her in, “Here,” he got the mouthwash out of the cabinet when she couldn’t find it. Going next to her at the sink, he got out his toothbrush, watching her out of the corner of his eye as he brushed his teeth. Y/n didn’t have a toothbrush there, or any of her stuff, but for a moment, Keanu wondered what it could be like if she did. She’d wake up next to him, go to work from there and come back, home, where they’d be together. It was a nice thought and every time Keanu looked at Y/n, thought of her, he fell more and more in love; even if he had promised himself that he’d take things slow, he felt like he was ready for anything as long as she was here. But he knew that Y/n wasn’t ready yet, he’d wait though, for her.

When they left the bathroom, Keanu followed her down the stairs, finding her keys on the floor, handing over, “So?”

“So what?” Y/n giggled as she took them, stopping at the mirror in the hallway, give herself one last look.

“What do you think?” Keanu inquired tentatively, slipping his hands into the pockets of his lounge pants, “About me paying your bills.”

Scoffing a nervous laugh, Y/n trued to face him, “I think you’re funny,” though, after a minute, she added, her tone sobering, “Look,” Y/n began, taking a couple steps towards him, “I’m not there yet. And I know that my expenses are a drop in the bucket for you, but I don’t need you to take care of me.”

“We can take care of each other,” Keanu argued lightly, snaking his arms around her, “It’s not about money.....but if you ever needed-”

“I know,” even in heels, Y/n had to tip toe to reach Keanu’s lips, “And it’s not a money thing, or a pride thing. It’s a time thing, we’ll get there, I promise. Okay?”

Keanu nodded, kissing her again, “Okay,” he determined, letting her go and holding her hand as he walked Y/n to the door.

The journey to Y/n’s car at the curb felt far to short and when the vehicle unlocked with a automated chirp, Keanu pulled the door open for Y/n. “Come over for dinner tonight?”

Sinking into the leather upholstered driver’s seat, Y/n slipped the key into the ignition, “Are you cooking?” She knitted her brows, amused.

Keanu cringed, knowing that he never really trusted himself in the kitchen; his expertise in that area was more centered around what happened after the food was made. “If by cooking you mean ordering take-out and putting in nice plates, then yes.”

“Well, that’s totally the same thing,” Y/n chortled, buckling her seatbelt, not really wanting to leave, but knowing full and well that she had to. 

“Obviously,” Keanu chuckled, “You should go,” he leant into the car, kissing Y/n one last time, slowing pushing the door closed, “Drive safe.”

“I will,” she said, “I’ll see you later. Bye.”

“Bye,” Keanu smiled, closing the door. When he had returned to the sidewalk, Y/n put the car in drive and pulled off into the empty street, only speeding when she turned onto the main road.

With only an hour to spare, Y/n unlocked the front door of her apartment, intent on showering quickly, putting on the first outfit she saw and doing her make-up as quickly as she could. If it weren’t for her meeting, she might not have done it at all. 

Before she tossed her purse to the kitchen counter on her way to her bedroom, Y/n stopped, not even looking around as she rummaged trough it, in search of her phone. “Hey hey!” Julie startled her, making Y/n jump and the purse, along with it’s nearly unpacked contents, shuddering in her arms, some of it even falling to the floor.

“Why are you in here?” Y/n’s voice rose a couple octaves, her eyes were wide with shock and she a bit was surprised she hadn't screamed yet.

“I had to tell you something,” strolling towards the kitchen, Julie gave Y/n a once over, twice, “I see you and Keanu worked things out,” she smiled slyly.

Stammering, Y/n couldn’t remember mentioning her fight with Keanu to Julie, “I never-”

“Oh honey,” Julie giggled, “You never need to tell me; he wasn’t calling, or coming over, and you were moping. I knew it was gonna work out eventually, else you’d have told me.”

“I.....whatever,” Y/n shook her head, not willing to get into the specifics when she had so little time remaining, “What did you want to tell me?”

“Oh!” Julie’s face lit up, just remembering why she had let herself into Y/n’s apartment in the fist place, “I’m getting married!”

“I know,” Y/n huffed, grinning but very confused.

“In two weeks,” when Y/n finally dumped her stuff onto the counter, mouth agape and completely speechless. Julie’s smile faltered, but her enthusiasm didn’t waver, “We’re going to Vegas baby!”

Speechless, Y/n just stood there, blowing out an audible breath, knowing that the next two weeks were about to get extremely busy. 

**********

Tagging- @harrisongslimited​ @kindainlovewithkeanu​  @a-really-bi-girl​    @soarocks​  @baphometwolf666​  

[allie1804-fan]

The Middle of the Road (Chapter 12)

Chapter 1,  2,  3,  4,  5,  6,  7,  8 , 9, 10, 11

Warning:Explicit content

Emily was dumbstruck when they got to the cabin.

“You have excelled yourself Reeves, especially at such short notice.”

“Why thank you!”, he grinned pleased as punch to have impressed her.

The cabin had an open plan main room comprising a well-equipped kitchen, dining area and cosy seating around a wood burner. There were high ceilings and bleached wood panelled walls hung with woven rugs. Patio doors led out to a terrace with hot tub where you could see the lake through the trees but the trees themselves provided shelter from intrusion.  

Upstairs, their bedroom was in the eves of the cabin with a balcony window. The linen was beautiful crisp, white Egyptian cotton coupled with blue and white checked drapes. Emily felt instantly soothed and fell back on the bed, the thick duvet fluffing up either side of her.

“Now don’t go getting ideas, young lady, we have dinner reservations before I ravish you”

 “oooh promises, promises”

He did give in then momentarily, lying down next to her to give her a gentle kiss, caressing her cheek as he did.

“Love you so much” he whispered

 “Love you too”

 “We haven’t said that enough lately, huh?”

 “No but let’s make this the revival weekend for ‘I love you’s’ OK?”

“Yes maam”

“Hey, who are you calling ‘maam’?” she was laughing though, not really taking offence and she secretly liked it when he called her that. It reminded her of Jack Traven who she’d been very keen on when a teenager!

“My 40 year old girlfriend!”

“Touche – I guess I am a ‘maam’ now as well as a mom!”

“Come on ‘maam’, time to get ready for dinner”

They dressed casually for dinner (jeans, a Henley shirt, suede jacket and brown boots for Keanu, leggings, an oversize cable knit red jumper (which she’d bought new for the trip) and knee length boots for Emily) and strolled down to the lakeside restaurant for their meal.  The food was delicious but simple. Keanu opted for a ribeye while Emily went veggie with pumpkin ravioli. They both had the chocolate fondant for pudding and shared a bottle of red, holding back on the booze a tad knowing that neither of them could drink so much any more and that they wanted to make love that evening - the last thing they needed was alcohol taking the edge of their senses.

A golf-style buggy took them back up to the cabin to fend of the cold as well as make sure they didn’t lose their way in the dark.

Back at the cabin, Keanu lit the fire which was all set ready for them and they snuggled on the sofa while it crackled away, throwing shadows round the room. After a few moments of quiet, with Emily nestled into his side, Keanu spoke

“You’re not falling asleep are you?”

“Well it is very cosy, but no, I was just wondering when you were going to make good on your promise to ravish me”

“Round about now OK by you?”

“Uh huh”

She turned her face up to his and shared a kiss, soon opening her mouth to let his tongue in, exploring her mouth in a way they hadn’t done for, she couldn’t remember how long really. They always seemed in such a hurry when they had sex lately  - either because they were exhausted or because the children were due to wake any minute and probably because they’d each felt the emotional distance that their disagreements over how they had been living their lives had created.

As passion flared his hands wandered under her jumper working it up gradually to reveal her breasts, clad in a racy red push up bra.

“ooh that’s new! he exclaimed.

“mmm well I wanted this to be special – although I fear you’re about to get leaked on!”

 “Let’s get this off then, don’t want to spoil your new things”

She took off her jumper and bra and helped him peel of the Henley shirt. His pale skin took on a warm tone in the firelight as he eased her onto her back on the sofa and leaned down to kiss her breasts.  He suckled gently on the left one which did look a little fuller than the other, swallowing a little of the sweet milk and groaning as he did.

“Do you want to pump it a little? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or worry”

“I’m OK with a little leaking If you are ….. maybe I can pump in the bath later”

He groaned, happy not to stop their love making and sucked on the right breast for a moment as well before nuzzling his face lower down her body making her rise up against him in need. He edged his knees off the sofa then and rubbed his hands down her thighs

“You do know I love these boots don’t you?”

“I do” she said stretching out her legs in turn so he could unzip and pull them off. She raised up her bottom as he snaked his hands under her to pull off her leggings and panties in one go,  then he stood and unzipped his jeans in front of her, peeling them off along with his boxers so he stood naked before her, his cock standing to attention.  Then he surprised her by scooping her up off the sofa. She half expected him to take her up the stairs to the big bed but instead he gently laid her down on the fluffy rug by the fire.  

Kneeling in front of her, he smiled and paused a moment to admire her  :

“you are so  beautiful, all laid out for me feast on”  

Emily blushed, as he positioned himself between her legs and started a slow, slow assault on her senses. His hands brushed over every bit of her, light as a feather making goosebumps rise on her skin.  Then he moved to kissing her, working his way round her body from head to toe, lifting each  arm and leg and kissing underneath them on the soft, delicate skin there.  By the time he returned to her breasts and started edging his mouth down to her stomach, she was arching her hips up beneath him. His hand met her folds at her next upward thrust, the slickness making him moan and angle a finger to slide inside. She came the minute his finger entered her, shuddering all around his long digit which curled up inside, seeking out the rough skin that would catapult her to the stars. He met his mark and her screams filled the room.  As she came down from her high, he kissed her thighs gently, his hot breath passing over her pussy before he lapped it gently.

As Emily lay with her hand over her eyes, recovering he lay down next to her and rested his face against her breast, letting out  a contented sigh.

“Do you wanna go up to bed now sweetie”

“No, I think it’s your turn to sit back and enjoy” she replied.

Her actions mirrored his as she tended to his body.  When she reached his stiff cock and took it in her mouth he started to protest.

“Em I won’t last, I swear, that’s too good”

She released his cock with a pop.

“Who cares – for once we have time for another round” she grinned before taking him back in her mouth and starting to jack his cock firmly while fondling his balls with her free hand. His head fell back on the rug and he groaned, starting to gently raise his hips and fuck her mouth. She could feel him getting harder as she neared her goal, pumping faster and pulling him a little out of her mouth so she could move more freely.  He raised up a little on his arms so he could watch himself plunging in and out of her mouth. It was too much.

 “Oh God, I’m  gonna cum, now, now!” he shouted knowing what she would want to do. Just as she felt the pulsing of his cock begin, she pulled away and let him spray his warm cum all over her breasts, groaning at the sensation. She rubbed her breasts,  a little milk dribbling out and mingling with his cum  making Keanu giggle as he lay on the rug, still breathing hard from the powerful release.She joined him then, laying beside him and holding his hand as they enjoyed the aftermath.  Soon they got a little chilly and agreed to take a bubble bath. Afterwards they had every intention of making love but a blessed sleep took them before they could. It would be OK with them, another day alone awaited them tomorrow.

@penwieldingdreamer @fortheloveoffanfic @kindainlovewithkeanu @ladyreapermc @witty-wallflower @gatsbynouvel @bitchyslut99 @keanureevesisbae @omg-imagine @iworshipkeanureeves @fics-not-tragedies @ficsnroses @kindainlovewithkeanu @paperplanesandwallflowers

[ladyreapermc]

Fic: Think Twice (Keanu x F!Reader)

Summary:  you’re making a new rom-com with Keanu and your ex-boyfriend. Jealousy ensues

Pairing: Keanu x f!reader

Author’s Notes: Requested by @holiday-armadildo based of prompt #13 from Spicy Prompts (”admit it you were jealous, you only fuck me like that when someone gets too friendly”). I went and added prompt #6 (”you’re hot when youre jealous) too because why not. And also took inspiration from this post.  I’m quite aware that Keanu went completely ooc in this (as far as I’m aware, but hey? who knows), so just enjoy the smut, ok? Also, if you never watched The Princess Bride, go watch it right now! It’s fucking amazing ok?

Wordcount: 1875

Warnings: smut (wall sex; being annoyingly loud; some bad language)

You should have known that this was gonna be a bad idea. In what universe shooting a movie with your current boyfriend and your ex-boyfriend could possibly work?

To be fair, when you said yes to the role, you had no idea they were planning on casting Trevor as the other end of the love triangle for this rom-com. When they finally told you, you had already signed the contract and couldn’t exactly change your mind.

At first, you thought it would be fine. After all, you and Trevor ended on pretty good terms and you were both professionals. And even if your relationship with Keanu wasn’t public knowledge yet, it was still pretty solid. There was no reason for him to feel threatened by Trevor’s presence.

Except for the fact that Trevor seemed dead-set on getting back in your pants. It was the only reason you could think of for him to be so clingy with you.

Sometimes it felt like everywhere you went, there he was, talking and joking and laughing and touching… And even if you did miss the ease camaraderie the two of you used to have back when you were dating and working in your first big roles together, it was starting to be too much.

So you tried to give him some hints to back off, but gently because you didn’t want to make things awkward in the set. It was of no use, however, and the entire thing was starting to affect Keanu, even if he didn’t say it.

You could see it everything the older man caught sight of you and Trevor together. Keanu would get a certain set in his jaw, tight and tense as he looked away from you two or even left the room altogether if he wasn’t needed for a scene.

You were starting to get worried so when a night shooting got called off by unexpected rain, you scheduled a quiet night for you and Keanu, starting with a nice meal at the restaurant of the hotel you were staying for the duration of the principal photography for this feature.

You should’ve known it wouldn't be that easy.

Only a few moments after you and Keanu were seated, Trevor showed up, dragging a chair over to your table before you could voice a protest.

You glanced at Keanu and there it was it again, the stiffening of his shoulders, the clenched jaw and all you wanted was to hug and kiss him.

“Buttercup, they have that dessert you love,” Trevor said, browsing the menu.

His voice way too cheerful and as you winced at the stupid nickname, you knew he had done it on purpose.

“Buttercup?” Keanu asked, one eyebrow arched.

“On our first chemistry test, they had us read from The Princess Bride,” you explained, feeling your cheeks heating up.

“She was outraged when she found out that I had never watched,” Trevor added, leaning forward on the table, using a conspiratorial tone as he glanced at you. “And insisted we watch it together.”

“Well, I mean, how can someone not have seen The Princess Bride?” you started with an indignant snort. “It’s…”

“A classic,” Keanu completed before you could finish and you had to smile, watching as his own lips curled into a smile too.

“Well, it ended up being our first date,” Trevor piped in, ruining the brief mood that had set between you and Keanu.

The rest of the dinner followed pretty much the same routine. Every time you shared a moment with Keanu, Trevor seemed to pipe in, disturbing the mood and by the time you were done with dessert, all you wanted was to retreat to your room and get a break from Trevor and his insistent advances.

But first, you had to endure one of the most uncomfortable elevator rides of your life, with both Trevor and Keanu standing at either side of you, but one step behind so it almost looked they were your bodyguards, especially with the way they were both scowling and glaring.

As soon as the doors were open, you crossed the hall towards your suite with quick steps. You were expecting Trevor to keep walking, head to his own room which was next to yours. Instead, he stopped by your side, with a small suggestive smile and you knew what was coming next.

Before he could get a word out, however, Keanu stepped in front of him and used his own keycard to unlock your suite door.

“Goodnight, Trevor,” he said with a slight smirk, ushering you inside with a hand on your lower back, before closing the door in Trevor’s face.

You managed a short laugh, before Keanu pressed you to the door, kissing you as his life depended on it.

His fingers did quick work of your jeans’ buttons, shoving them down your legs and off, before pulling you up until you wrapped your legs around his hips. He rocked against you, his hard cock rubbing against your core making you gasp and grin against his mouth.

“You’re hot when you’re jealous,” you whispered, struggling against his belt and the buttons of his pants.

“I’m not jealous,” Keanu protested, sucking on your pulse point hard enough to make you hiss at the mixture of pleasure-pain and you knew you would have a mark tomorrow. “Just want to make sure he takes the fucking hint.”

 He moved away from the door and into the room until your back was pressed to the farthest wall at the end of the suite.

“Ke, what…?”

It was all you managed before he silenced you with a hungry kiss, nipping and sucking on your bottom lip, and you did your best to stifle the moan ready to escape your mouth.

“Don’t do that,” Keanu said as he held you with one arm and shoved his pants and underwear down mid-thigh with the other.

“I wanna hear you.”

He kissed your jaw until he reached the shell of your ear. His voice so low and rough you felt in your core.

“I want him to hear you.”

And for the first time, you realized that Keanu had you pressed to the wall that separated your suite from Trevor’s.

He gave your clit a hard swirl that made you cry out, hips bucking against his hand and you felt him grin against your cheek.

“Good girl.”

He moved your panties aside letting his fingers caress your wet cunt, before he brought them to his mouth, sucking it clean.

Seeing Keanu tasting you like that always made your brain shut down for a few seconds and you let your head thud back against the wall, your gasp turning into a loud moan as he thrust into you in one smooth motion.

“Fuck, Keanu!” you exclaimed, clawing at his back as you tried to adjust to him.

He only gave you a brief moment before starting the pounding into you, your moans turning into loud hitching cries. You fisted his hair, trying to hold his head still so you could kiss him, but Keanu dodged your lips, smirking.

“Please,” you whined, and he chuckled.

“Say my name.”

“Keanu,” you breathed out, letting your head fall back against the wall again.

He pushed his thumb against your lips and you sucked on it, swirling your tongue around it like you’d do it to his cock just to hear him grunt.

“Again,” he ordered, pulling his thumb from your mouth and bringing it back to your clit.

“Keanu,” you moaned, body shaking with need. You were so close.

“Louder,” he commanded, mouthing at your throat.

“KEANU!” you shouted as he bit on the spot where your neck met your shoulder.

Pleasure shot through you and you tugged at his hair harder than intended, your legs tightened around his hips as you rode the last of the sparks that made your body entire shake and your cunt squeeze around him.

Keanu sped up his movements, grip so tight over your hips you knew he was leaving bruises, thumb still working on your clit, which was so sensitive there was an edge of pain mixed with the building pleasure.

Still, your body responded to it. To him. It always did and you held tight on his shoulders, rocking down to meet his erratic thrusts.

“You’re gonna come again with me?” Keanu asked, his voice gravelly and breathless and you nodded.

“Did he ever make you come like this?”

You shook your head.

“Wanna hear it.”

“No!” You exclaimed, being rewarded by a sharp thrust and a flick of his thumb that had you clenching around him and hitting your fist against the wall. “Oh fuck! No! Only you.”

“Good.”

His voice was all but a growl as he found your mouth for a sloppy kiss that was more shared breath than anything else, his hips losing his rhythm. You held onto to him, letting out a litany of loud, encouraging curses against his mouth until you felt him tense and come with a groan.

As you came for the second time, you cried out his name again, if possible, even louder than before, earning two loud thumps against the wall coming from the room next door.

The two of you laughed breathlessly as Keanu stumbled to the bed, collapsing on top of you.

“I think he took the hint,” Keanu commented against your neck and you giggled.

“Admit it, you were jealous,” you accused, brushing some strands of hair stuck to his flushed face. “You only fuck me like that when someone gets too friendly.”

“Ok, maybe I was a little bit jealous,” he said with a grin, before kissing your cheek and standing up.

Stretching in the bed, you smiled at the sweet ache between your legs. You knew you should probably get up to clean up, but couldn’t find the energy to break away from the pleasant buzz the had set over your body.

You were almost drifting off to sleep when you felt the warm wetness of cloth as Keanu cleaned you up, before helping you out of your shirt and bra.

“Wanna put anything on?” he asked, kissing your cheek softly and you shook your head, not even bothering to open your eyes.

Not until you felt the bed dip and Keanu pulled you into his arms. adjusting your position until the two of you were lying on your side and he was spooning you.

“Can I say one last thing?”

He kissed you right over the bite mark he left behind and you only hummed in agreement.

“Only a dumbass would go Buttercup as a nickname when you have Inigo Montoya right there.”

You burst out laughing and turned to face him with a wide grin.

“I know!”

And it was almost as if you two shared the same brain because you both spoke at the same time:

“My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!”

You both fell into a fit of loud giggles that made Trevor hit the wall again. You stifled your laughter against Keanu’s lips as you kissed him slowly.

“I love you,” you whispered.

“Love you too, Inigo,” Keanu replied, sending you into another fit of giggles.

xxx

Permanent Taglist (give me a shout if you’d like to be added)

@poisonedjoinery @ringa-starr​ @curly-minnie​ @i-cant-remember-my-old-login

@caryled @beyond-antares@kathorax​ @krazycags01​ @meetmeinthematinee

@red-pill-blue-pill

[enygma0710]

Once in a Lifetime... Outtake

So yesterday I was tagged in a Author tag game and going through it I realized I have shit ton of unused scenes that could easily be drabbles or outtakes as I like to call them for all my fics but ALOT for OIAL. 

So i dug up one that was initially in Chapter 4 and it didn’t work or add anything to the story but gets referenced in an upcoming chapter. So I’ve decided to share it here...maybe eventually on Ao3 but it was Valentines Day event that got cut and seeing that it is Valetine’s Day, fuck it why not share it. 

This take place in grade 7 for Jon and Dany and the awkwardness of Valentines Day when you kinda start like boys/girls but don’t know how to navigate it. Terrible years I know but here is the Outtake from Once in a Lifetime. 

__________________________________________________

“Daenerys, just pick something or we’re going to be late,” Rhaella sighed giving her daughter an exasperated look.

Dany stood in front of the Valentine’s Day card selection, chewing on her nails. For the past month, Margaery had stressed the importance of this year’s Valentine’s Day. They were in grade seven and the cute silly cards from the years before were no longer appropriate 'We're no longer children,' Margaery informed both Missy and Dany. 'Those are childish things and we are now women and as my grandmother says women leave childish things behind them’

But that’s what made Valentine’s Day great. It was the fun of exchanging goofy cards with friends and eating candy, cupcakes and all types of pink, red, white sweet confectionary delights that made Valentine’s Day one of her favorite holidays. Every year they would end the school day in their homerooms and feast upon generous amounts of treats till their stomachs felt like they would burst, leaving them twitching in the blissful rush of a sugar high. Why did this year have to be any different? Dany pouted as she stared at the card arrangements varying from the extravagant saccharine glittery cards to simple brown cards with only a red heart.

“Dany?”

Dany snapped up to see Rhaella scowling at her. “Now, please?”

Dany reached back over, grabbing a safe Tiny Toons card box as she rushed over towards her mother to check out.  

Later after her dance practice. Dany bounded up the stairs towards her room. She flopped herself down on her bed, an arm covering her face, an earlier irritation still throbbing behind her eyes. Today’s dance lesson had been a disaster. She had been distracted and missing ques, very much unlike her and so much so that her instructor chastised her and informed her mother. Dany remained silent while her mother reminded her of the importance of paying attention even with tomorrow's events. Dany agreed but her thoughts kept wandering back to the box of cards now lying on her desk with Margaery cooled voice ‘it’s different this year, just trust me’ ricocheting through her thoughts.

“Tough day sister?”

Dany cracked her eyes open to see Vis leaning against her doorframe, studying his nails. “I’d thought you’d be all excited about tomorrow little party. It’s your favorite holiday.” His voice taking a condescending tone.

Dany pushed herself onto her elbows, narrowing her gaze at her annoying brother. "Shut it, Vis."

He clicked his tongue against his teeth, walking into her room settling against her desk. She hated it when he just invited himself into her space. It only aggravated her. "Attitude I see, this wouldn't have something to do with the little ragtag team that came by earlier would it?"  

“Who?” Dany perked up. Margaery as she told them that afternoon was ‘prepping’ for tomorrow. Missandei had indoor soccer practice, so who was Vis referring to?

“Oh you know, those boys the three of you hang out with?”

It couldn’t have been Jon he had swim practice and gods know where Theon and Robb were but they never came to her house, she always met them.

“It was probably for homework, no big deal.” she shrugged.

Vis gaze narrowed in on her, his lips pulling into a scowl. "That's it? no blushing, no giggling?"

Dany brows pulled into a perplex expression under Vis’s scrutiny. "Well, your no fun. At least Margaery and Missy bite when I tease," he smirked.

Dany rolled her eyes tossing a pillow at Vis. Ever since he discovered a few magazine clippings of Keanu Reeves that he had become unbearable with his taunting and teasing, jokes and questions about who she had a crush on and his condescending advice.  She hated it and wished Rhae was home. Dany stood up from her desk, failing to forcefully remove him from her room. “Bye Vis.”

He resisted her pushing and prodding, chuckling at her efforts until their mother called up the stairs that a ‘Jayla’ was on the phone for him. Dany bit back a giggle of seeing the perpetual smirk drop from his face, the top of his ears now pink as he ducked out of her room to receive the phone call.

Dany closed her door, settling behind her desk as she started her homework for the night.

Margaery had been right. It was different.

Dany peaked out from behind her hand as people around them open up their bags of Valentine's cards and candy. Dany had thought she had done it right by picking a safe set of Tiny Toons cards with the candy hearts. She signed her name on them and randomly handed them out. Easy right? Oh, how wrong she had been.  

“So, Dany?”

Dany lifted her gaze to see Theon leering at her, holding the Buster Bunny card she had given him in his hand. “You’ll stand on your ear for me eh?” he chuckled.

Dany closed her eyes, wincing. It was a joke, one that Theon’s had to misconstrue into something more. She felt her face flush with embarrassment. “It’s a joke Theon.”

He shook his head still grinning. “Nope, I don’t think it’s a joke. I think you like me.” He winked.

“I told you,” Margaery sing-song whispered next to her.  

The nervous embarrassment churning in her stomach quickly turned into hot anger. Dany brushed her silver bangs out of her eyes, glaring at Theon.

“Careful Theon,” Robb warned from an adjacent seat. “Dragon Queen remember?”

Theon’s eyes instantly widened, the bobbing of his throat as he nervously swallowed, looking away. He glanced down at the pile of candy in front of him, picking up candy heart that Dany taped to his card. She groaned, closing her eyes.

"Kiss me? Huh, Targaryen?" He waved the heart at her, grinning as he puckered his lips making kissing noises at her.  

Missy snorted next to her, giggling as she ate more chocolate. Dany grip tightened on the table and was about to reach over, swatting his stupid lips off his face when Jon thwacked him hard against the back of his head.

Theon yelped, his head jerking forward and snapping towards Jon. He pulled his arm back ready to retaliate but Robb intervenes with a patient arm separating the two. Jon looked over to Dany giving a small smile that Dany returned. The tension at their table quickly returned to normal banter when Robb asked Missy to trade his third chocolate heart for two of her sugar cookies. They continued to trade candy, eat cookies and cupcakes till they were dismissed by the bell.

Dany stepped out of the school, tucking her jacket firmly around her, her hat pulled low, protecting her from the chill in the air. She started her familiar route home when she heard someone call her from behind. She turned to see Jon jogging to catch up with her.

“I thought you had practice today?”

Jon shook his head. “Cancelled, problems with the pool’s pump room. What about dance?”

“My instructor has a hot date tonight so canceled,” she giggled, wagging her eyebrows.

Jon chuckled as he fell in step next to her.

“Did you get any good cards this year?” she asked.

“Not really, a lot of generic ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ ones. I did get a big heart one from Ellie, the girl that sits between us in history. What about you?”

Dany smirked, shaking her head. She did get some generic ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ cards, and some cute ‘You’re my Valentine’ ones from Missy and Margaery. She did get one sweet card that read ‘Be mine’ from a guy she had never spoken to in her English class, that left her unsure of how to respond to the sweet gesture. “Same, I told you, Jon, when you smiled more and aren’t brooding you’ll get more today and look what happened you got a heart card from Eleanor,” she teased, nudging her shoulder against his.

Jon looked down at her, shaking his head. Muttering about she’s just a friend as they reached the corner. Dany turned to head the rest of the way when she turned to see Jon kicking at the frozen thatch of grass. He looked up at her, his grey eyes intently studying her before he huffed pulling his backpack off his back, opening and settling it on the ground. He dug around for a few minutes before he stood up with a dark red card in hand.

Dany looked at the card and back at him. He had given her an X-men Valentine with a dark chocolate heart. He wordlessly gestured for her to take it. Dany took the card from his hand.

“What’s this?”

“Just something extra,” he looked away, focusing on his shoes while rubbing the back of his neck. “To say thanks.”

“For?”

Jon sighed, “Just, thanks.” He grimaced, turning to walk in the opposite direction but stopped, looking over his shoulder. “What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?”  

“After dance lessons, nothing why?”

A mischievous grin pulled Jon’s features. “I’ve found an abandoned tower in the Wolfwood's. Wanna explore it with me?”

“Of course,” she grinned.

“I’ll meet you at two, and wear something that can get dirty, not like last time,” he warned.

Dany two steps forward, reaching out, shoving him in his right shoulder. Last time had been one of their spur of the moment adventures that led them to an isolated section of the park. Her mother had been furious when she returned covered in mud with her new jean jacket ruined.

She made a funny face, sticking out her tongue. “Fine, later McBroody.”

Jon returned a mocking expression, crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue. “Bye Dragon Queen.”

They went their separate ways towards the others home. Dany reached her house and quickly greeted her mother before running up the stairs to her bedroom. She closed and locked the door behind her, Jon’s card burning in her hand.

She sat down on her bed to open it. Inside was what looked like a homemade card. She pulled it out to see a hand-drawn picture of Batman and Robin. I didn’t know Jon could draw? It was Batman and Robin flying through the air with the illuminated Gotham city sprawled below them. Dany ran her fingers along with the drawing, the detail was fantastic. It reminded her of a panel from one of her favorite comic books. Hang on, she reached over to her bedside table and shifted through the magazines and books there, retrieving a copy of All-star Batman.  She opened it to see the artwork in question. Jon had recreated the entire scene down to the tiniest detail. It was beautiful. She stared stunned at the card when she realized it opened up. Inside she discovered a winter rose pressed in wax paper. She remembered seeing these in his uncle’s greenhouse last year. She lifted it from the card to see on the inside written in Jon’s familiar scrawl. ‘You are the Robin to my Batman, thanks for being my friend- Jon’  

Dany beamed at the message. Jon could get on her nerves and they could push each other’s buttons that cause them to constantly bicker but all aside ever since last spring Dany knew she could count on him being there and considered him as one of her best friends. Dany leaned back on her headboard a silly grin plaster across her face as she pressed the card to her chest, a warm fuzzing feeling radiating from the sweet gesture. The front door opening and her father and Vis’s voices breaking through her bliss. She quickly but gingerly returned the card to its envelope and tucked them both away into the trunk she kept hidden under her bed.

“Dany!” Vis yelled. “It’s your turn to put the dishes away!"

“I did it last week it’s your turn!” she yelled back, closing the door behind her as she jogged down the stairs into the kitchen. Her father glanced up from behind her blushing mother. Vis mocked gagged behind them, before pulling her over to the dishwasher.

She opened her mouth to protest but her father raised his hand with a stern look. “I don’t care who does it. Just get it done.”

He turned leading her mother into the living room, where Dany spied a bouquet of lilies on the table. Dany smiled and started unloading the dishwasher while Vis started washing the dishes. She noticed a reddish bruise on her brother collarbone, Vis turned back towards her catching her staring. He smirked, “You’ll learn all about these one day soon D, but” his eyes darted towards the dining room, voice lowering. “If you ever get one of these make sure it’s where it can’t be seen or Father will kill the guy…or girl.” He winked.

Dany gave a bewildered expression at Vis, he’s always been hard to anticipate. Dany chalked up his comment of another moment of Vis being Vis and continued her chores while she thought about what tomorrow’s adventure with Jon would entail.

A/N: If you made it here, thanks for reading. This may go up on Ao3 eventually so we’ll see. OIAL is wrapping up on my end just gotta start posting it. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: we forgot another one off the 💀💀💀 list Jimmy: you gonna stick or twist? Janis: 👊 me if you give a shit Janis: need all the ways at my disposal Jimmy: here you are then, hot glue gun Janis: 🤔 Janis: sounds like a bit of 💀👑 & 💀#2 if you take it to your 🗢 and slowly starve Janis: still leaning towards 🔪 personally Jimmy: Alright, I'll invite them over Jimmy: keep your jealousy in check, my dear Janis: Jealous of you or them? Jimmy: ain't goals either way Janis: Neither is you taking up crafting, tbh so Janis: why have you got a hot glue gun? Jimmy: these cotton wool balls won't stick themselves to a 👕 Jimmy: gotta get 'em on before 💀👑 and 💀#2 think I've put snacks on Janis: 🤢 Janis: new 😎 look? Janis: 👎 Jimmy: piss off, this 🥉💡's nowt to do with me Janis: Who's is it? Janis: they ain't wasting snacks Jimmy: dunno, some other dickhead online whose kid don't wanna be a 🐑 an' all Janis: Ohh Janis: one of the more creative nativity outfits too, unlucky Janis: no tinfoil 👑s or dubious tea towels Jimmy: still looks shit enough to make our kid 😭 Janis: and you ain't got enough days to ship a probably shittier version from China Janis: alright, hold on Jimmy: I get that you live in the middle of nowt but nicking a 🐑 for #inspo ain't gonna help Janis: yeah, way to ruin my fun Janis: but my ma has had enough kids to have some ideas so you owe me for how 🥱 but informative this will be Jimmy: be a right laugh for you, be another pet I didn't ask for and have to piss about with Janis: or sunday lunch Janis: pessimist Jimmy: he's 😭 already, dickhead Janis: and I thought you northerners were meant to be hard Janis: grim and that Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Janis: Anyway, you want me to surprise you with the 🥇💡 or do you just want the lowdown on where to go Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Jimmy: if I can unstick myself or need your 💪🏆 Janis: 😏 Janis: how about I get on the bus to town now Janis: and if you manage to deal with your sticky fingers before I get there, then you can go? Jimmy: how's your ankle? Janis: not even on the scale now Jimmy: might be after you've put your foot down 🚍💣 Janis: Keanu could untangle you in 90 minutes, I reckon Janis: easy Jimmy: he ain't been pissing about 🐕🏃 Jimmy: how many you done? Janis: loads Janis: 💸 'cos the gifts don't buy 'em selves and the 🐕 owners are too busy sticking cotton balls to t-shirts, clearly 🎄✨ Jimmy: nice one, Janet Jimmy: now I'LL have to keep my jealousy in check while you put your 🦶 up on some other 🚍 riding knobhead Janis: only fair Janis: especially as you've reminded me how rammed that fucking bus is gonna be now Jimmy: I'll give one of my 👮 mates a bell to get you a 🚔 escort, hang on Janis: 😍 the perks Janis: there had to be some Jimmy: 🤡 perks off you Jimmy: won't be no struggle getting yourself on that 🚍 however full it is Janis: I'm pretty flexible Janis: contortionist might be a bold claim but 💪🏆 Jimmy: but it ain't a proper flex til I say it Jimmy: 💔 for you Janis: that's a fake flex Janis: don't need you for nothing Jimmy: after what happened on the assault course it'd sound like a real pisstake Janis: 1. that's agility if it's anything 2. also your fault Jimmy: never said it weren't, just how it'd sound Janis: No need to tell me what it 🔊 like Janis: the DMs are on the up again, yeah? Janis: same Jimmy: tis the season Janis: cutting it a bit fine to get a decent gift out of it Janis: but I suppose the couply selfies you can take are a close 🥈 for them Jimmy: can't keep the receipt on chlamydia but you can blag you went somewhere nice for the hols Janis: girls are actually demented Janis: at least no lad is gonna try and put me in matching knitwear and make me meet his nan Jimmy: 🥇💡 idea though I'll get you a #goals gift that ain't a trip to the cemetery Janis: oh yeah Janis: I'll get you something as well, even though I'm not required to try as hard Jimmy: stick a 🎀 on yourself and have done Jimmy: what the rest of the lasses do Janis: yeah literally Janis: as long as I heavily imply I'm gonna suck your dick, all is well, all is #goals Jimmy: 👍 Janis: but if you don't do good that # is gonna be a read Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: even if you get out the glue after me Janis: you can come to the shops too Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say even if you give me the glue gun #regifted Janis: I mean Janis: not quite handcuffs Jimmy: fuck's sake babe, let me leave my work at work Janis: fine Janis: the 🚔 escort will as you won't Jimmy: you and your stolen 🐑 Jimmy: dead romantic, that Janis: I'm not from the middle of nowhere, tah Janis: 🐑shagging isn't a hobby Jimmy: back to the drawing board for our fake break up Janis: all the shite songs they pump out have plenty of inspo in 'em Jimmy: nowt I don't know about 🎄🎵 been forced to hear 'em since November Janis: 💔 gutted Jimmy: no chance of 🎻 Janis: how have you not fully lost it yet Janis: only a few days to go Jimmy: how'd you know I've not? Janis: I'd have heard of a mass shooting Janis: not that out of it Janis: also my sister wouldn't be about no more which would be a bigger giveaway Jimmy: 👻 letdowns Jimmy: worst I can do is rattle a few cups Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: I'm used to it Janis: the friendmas organisation is in full swing Janis: 🤡🔫 Jimmy: where's my invite? Janis: OMG, no boys allowed! 🚫 Janis: though bets on Mia breaking her own rule there just to torture Grace Jimmy: I'll 👗👠💄 and be a prettier lass than any of them Janis: 😍 what kind of fake gf would disagree Janis: aside from the fact that ain't a stretch on a good day Jimmy: tah Jimmy: when is it? Janis: [some day as close to xmas as you are allowed 'cos pretending we're such good mates like okay] Jimmy: alright Jimmy: 🖋🩸 Janis: like, no offence or anything, babes Janis: but I don't see you passing REALLY 😬 Janis: and even they might notice they've picked up another desperado Jimmy: 1. piss off would I not 2. call it my 🎁 seeing the look on 💀👑 when I bring her 🎄 cake Janis: it would be decent craic Janis: they never do it at ours though Jimmy: typical, that, can't get sodding rid the rest of the year Jimmy: have to get us an 💌 then, won't I Jimmy: hang on Janis: I get it Janis: you miss Asia Janis: don't think 💀👑 has 'em do team-building exercises 💔💔💔 Jimmy: yeah, cupid's arrow's got nowt on falling on your arse when the ground's near froze Jimmy: reminded me of home 😍😍😍 Janis: she's well considerate like that Janis: not so braindead after-all Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: don't wanna give 💀👑 the 🎁 of seeing I've had to flirt with her to crash their bollocks festivities Janis: can't play into her hands that hard Janis: keep your 😍😍😍 focused in the right direction Jimmy: 🚍 Janis: yes, this is your driver speaking Jimmy: be a 🚑 if your mum ain't cracked on to a way I can chuck this glue gun Janis: I've sorted it Janis: well my sister's shit taste in fashion helped Jimmy: usually get 💰 for 3rd degree burns, me Jimmy: how's that for a flex? Janis: You made a rod for your own back being the artsy one or what? Jimmy: weren't gonna let a 6 year old have a go, were I? Janis: and it's not Ian's thing Jimmy: dunno where he is Jimmy: might be work, might be the pub Jimmy: be a better shout to give it over to my sister, anger issues an' all, any road Janis: you can put it down and get yourself a drink now Janis: all I need you to have is a black marker, which I know you do Jimmy: #whenshereallygetsyou Jimmy: 🥃 cheers Janis: you know those sherpa jackets they all have Janis: makes them look like a giant 🧸 but not in the adorbs way they're hoping Janis: Penneys has loads of them, get a paper plate, glue it on the hood and colour it in black, cut another in half for the ears and ta-da Janis: and I'll just take the jacket so no need to pay me back Janis: only in favours, obviously Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: IOU enough 🚬 to send that cheap shite up in flames, I get it Janis: yeah, probably don't string some fairylights round his neck as well Janis: would've taken hers but it's almost pink and I reckoned that'd just make him 😭 more Jimmy: you'd have to nick them an' all for him to be in any danger Jimmy: and what kind of fake boyfriend would let you up on the neighbour's roof with that ankle Janis: you want some lights? Janis: it's the easiest shop to borrow from Janis: they must have some that aren't shaped like the 🍆 emoji or a fucking unicorn Jimmy: 💔 I ain't coming with, you've really sold it to me Janis: oh, duh Janis: you call it primark Janis: it's hell on earth, you'd love it Janis: when they ain't guzzling your over-priced coffee, they're getting fast fashion made by little slave kids 💖 so cute Jimmy: hang on, why the fuck do you call it something different? Jimmy: now I have to come, not gonna knit an ugly jumper myself and nan's 💀💀💀 Janis: adds to our delightful charm? I don't know Janis: imagine the atrocities Janis: I'm gonna find the best, by which I mean WORST, one Jimmy: I'll meet you there Jimmy: be enough dickheads to follow if I get lost Janis: follow the knock-off UGGs they've trashed in the rain and snow Jimmy: hot Jimmy: don't get enough wet 🐕 smell off of you as is or owt Janis: err fuck off Janis: I haven't even got a dog, you have Jimmy: I have nowt to do with it, you can't move for 🐕🐾💩 Janis: 1. I don't fucking smell, dickhead 2. you're well opposed to me showering so you'd have yourself to blame if I did Jimmy: I'll nick you a 🦽 and you can do what you like Jimmy: many cold 🚿 as you need, mate Janis: you just want me to freeze now Janis: and your ⛓ kink hasn't got any less blatant Jimmy: weren't the way you wanna 💀💀💀 Janis: It ain't Janis: so your genius plan better include a way to warm me up Jimmy: might do Janis: the ugly jumper don't count Janis: cheap shit, as mentioned Jimmy: don't remember chucking it in the ring as my 💡 Janis: I don't wanna dress up as a sheep neither 😏 Jimmy: 💔 you'd be a well fit and mysterious one Janis: the racial undertones of ba ba black sheep have already been pointed out Janis: very on the nose Jimmy: I ain't got as far as black facing our kid, what more do you want? Janis: yeah, minorities are WELL demanding like that Jimmy: that'll be why Ian's steering well clear Janis: 💔💔 of course Jimmy: 🎻😭💔 Janis: thank god this is fake dating Janis: don't need a get out situation, tah Jimmy: knew you were protesting too much about the ⛓ Jimmy: you love it, Jules Jimmy: don't even need the stockholm syndrome to kick in Janis: not so much I wanna try it with your dad Janis: that's more 💀👑 gig Jimmy: UGH FINE we won't pass you round Janis: 😂 you're vile Jimmy: 💕 Janis: not as bad as some of the 'people' on this bus though Janis: won't be too hard to pretend to be glad to see you, in case any of the herd as in Penneys Janis: glad to breathe clean air more like but 🤫 Jimmy: 🚭 I get it Jimmy: very subtle Janis: easier to get you to cut down if I just take half Janis: but alright Jimmy: stop having a go at my stamina, dickhead Janis: make me Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: 🏃 after your 🚍 ain't the way to go about it Janis: Impressive but also stalkerish, yeah Jimmy: turning every dickhead there into a fan ain't clearing either of our DMs Janis: I doubt all these 👵👴 have Instas Janis: but the single mums with the screaming kids, definitely Janis: don't wanna ponder the creepy guy at the back Jimmy: but have you double checked it ain't Lucas in a disguise? Jimmy: he'll be missing you SO bad by now Janis: 😱😱 Janis: my hopes? ⬆️ Jimmy: 🎁's have begun, Jasmine Janis: Good Janis: I do expect one every day tbh 💅 Jimmy: alright Janis: that's a joke though Jimmy: don't have to be Jimmy: 🏆🥇 me Janis: only if you're gonna steal 'em all Janis: don't need to waste real money for the fake #goals Jimmy: DUH Janis: then proceed Janis: I can slowly just put them in Grace's room, I'm sure Jimmy: we could use the glue gun to stick 'em to her ceiling Janis: now you're talking 😍 Jimmy: do 💀👑 an' all if that's where their friendmas is but probably need a ladder to reach her ceilings Jimmy: no standing on the bed when you're 💰💰💰 Janis: You love to carry me, I'll get on your shoulders Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I think it's at hers Janis: maybe 💀#2 but none of the others want their houses and lives judged that hard so they opt out Jimmy: we'll be able to get some more blackmail material either way Janis: Did you seriously get an invite? Jimmy: are you actually doubting me or what? Janis: I know Asia's thick as shit but Janis: what did you say? Jimmy: [sends her the messages cos it seriously wouldn't be hard since the flatwhites think everyone wants to be their BFFs even though the opposite is true, so all he'd have to do is be like soz about the school trip we're just SO IN LOVE WE CAN'T HELP OURSELVES] Janis: 🙄🙄 Janis: fairplay but 🤢 🤮 🤧 😷 🤒 🤕 new scale needed Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: where are you? Janis: Do you actually know your way about yet or? Janis: I'm still a bit away, though, if that's what you mean Jimmy: I did mean on your new 🤢 🤮 🤧 😷 🤒 🤕 scale Janis: 🤕 then Janis: clearly Janis: you? Jimmy: 🤮 Jimmy: weren't talking to 💀👑 Jimmy: directly anyway Janis: She'd not have said yes Janis: unless she's got some pig blood just waiting, like Jimmy: she's so #invested in our 💘 she'd say yeah near enough whatever I said Jimmy: probably reckons she can 💔 us before the pudding's served Jimmy: her 🥇💡'll be to have Asia in a sexy santa outfit ready to crack onto me or some bollocks Janis: nah, seriously Janis: wanna talk pimps Janis: one of Asia's only uses Janis: poor bitch Jimmy: I'll take my 🎻 Janis: as long as it don't look like you're 💔 you can't go there, fine by me Jimmy: I get that none of them can read body language but facial expressions are a bit easier Janis: and you are so expressive Janis: 😒😎 Jimmy: for you, baby, the 😎'll be off Jimmy: nowt to do with the 🌧 and 🌨 Janis: 😳😖🤤🥴 Janis: so many expressions 🏆 Jimmy: Oi, I wanted to give you the 🏆 Jimmy: pissed on today's 🎁 Janis: 😮 there's me, still acting surprised Janis: you can't say you're gonna give me something then not Jimmy: SUCH range, you Jimmy: where would I steal a 🏆 from? nah, you'll get something Janis: I take my wins in many forms Janis: you can just tell me Janis: that'll work Jimmy: you can just wait Janis: 🥺 Janis: original scale Jimmy: it'll be worth it Jimmy: famous last words Janis: can poison the dish we have to bring Janis: if you're ready to go 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I don't wanna go with them Jimmy: just you Janis: I can promise it'll be worth it then too Jimmy: alright Janis: am gonna make that meal fucking inedible for them Janis: even if it's coming straight back up in most cases Janis: and fucking with them however else we can  💭 Jimmy: 🤞 Bill's 👻 knows some others, Dickens would be a good shout to keep things on brand 🎄 Jimmy: but whether he do or don't I've had loads of piss poor dinners Jimmy: Ian knows how to pick well #goals girlfriends Janis: think he'd be the 'what's the point in you if you can't cook n clean?' type Janis: being mysterious runs in the family, clearly Jimmy: beggars can't be choosers, mate Jimmy: slim pickings round that office when you've already been done for harassment Janis: 😬 Janis: need to talk to Mia's dad, work out the legality of being a perv with no repercussions Jimmy: how he tells it he's had loads 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: woe's him Janis: woe's the stupid bitches still going there after, more like Janis: have a word, ladies Jimmy: sort your heads out Sharons Jimmy: need a new mum who's got her shit together, tah very much Janis: one who's handy with a hot glue gun Jimmy: or a sewing machine, why the fuck not dream big? Janis: steady on Janis: #mommygoals isn't a hashtag I wanna endorse Jimmy: 😏 Janis: take mine, if you like Jimmy: bit weird Janis: I only 🐕🏃 Janis: cooking, cleaning, hot glueing, not services I provide, soz Jimmy: I'll live Jimmy: more #goals to be fuming about your mother in law Janis: easily done Jimmy: with my mum an' all, soz you'll have to take my word for it Janis: you're unlikely to see mine Janis: unless you have a banging selection of herbal teas Jimmy: gutted she don't wanna see her 🐑💡 brought to life on stage Janis: reckon turning up when you ain't got a kid in it gets you on a register, no? Janis: my dad coulda, sure some of his spawn are performing too but alas Janis: she didn't have that many 🥈 Jimmy: Ian's seat's going spare is all, obvs it were front and centre, dad of the year that he is Janis: what's he got on? Janis: latest disciplinary Janis: is your brother gutted? Jimmy: he'd be gutted if I weren't there Jimmy: what a #humblebrag Janis: good thing you can be arsed then Janis: and you have a sister too, right? Jimmy: dragging her along, kicking and marding 💪🏆 Janis: know the feeling Janis: bribe her with maccies after and tell him it's a treat for being a ⭐ Janis: everyone's buzzing Jimmy: what've you got on? Janis: me and my absolutely packed schedule? Janis: only 🐕🏃 ain't far off, aside from what I wanna, which can be done any time I want, of course Jimmy: nowt 🥇 about mine but we could edit it to look like we're #livingourbestlives Jimmy: I live right by the school, you could wait for me there, take some 📷 or whatever Janis: It's actually not an awful shout Janis: they're all obsessed with the cute kid thing Janis: and actually, Asia might be there with hers so Janis: very goals Jimmy: do try and put it out my head there's more than one set of those 🦷🦷 about Jimmy: fuck it, come then Jimmy: least I know you'll be sitting down Janis: 😂 fuck marrying a doctor, she's gotta find a dentist, for the whole family's sake Janis: I'm not coming in a 🦽 though Janis: that's a bit much Jimmy: #ultimategoals Jimmy: just admit you want me to carry you, girl Janis: behave Janis: might not be OUR teachers, but they'll have no issue telling you off, I'm sure Jimmy: donkey'd be a bit much but as fake pregnancy announcements go, top tier Janis: so gutted I can't fake labour and give birth to the new lord and saviour Janis: really steal the show Jimmy: could if it's Lucas' and you're making a Christmas cuck of me Janis: um, it's God's Janis: keep up Jimmy: sure it is Janis: 😱 Janis: didn't catch Joseph acting up like this Jimmy: didn't give him any lines, did they? Janis: I think he gets to ask if there's any room at the inn Jimmy: Oi mate, give us a 🛏 Jimmy: brought my own ⛓ like Janis: don't even get a break mid-labour Janis: hardcore Janis: weren't you Joseph in your nativity then? Jimmy: that your guess? Janis: yeah, I reckon Jimmy: what were you? Janis: just a generic angel Janis: was going to be one of the wise men but grace threw a fit if we weren't exactly the same Janis: tah for the downgrade Jimmy: if they could 👀 you now Jimmy: oscar worthy fake girlfriend performance day in, day out Janis: obviously they didn't see my potential like you, babe Janis: she might have legitimately tried to murder me if I got to be Mary 😂 no she weren't a twin, like Jimmy: I actually were one of the wise men, soz, sweetheart Jimmy: could've been #fated Janis: bet you was frankincense 'cos you could say big words Janis: I'm so 😭 honestly Jimmy: as roleplays go, not my top choice, but owt for you, babe Janis: if anything is a test of how well you can fake it Jimmy: you testing me? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: if we have the time to make THREE costumes instead of one Janis: I highly doubt it Janis: 😏 Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: tin foil 👑 weren't it? Janis: yeah, and some kind of bedsheet robe, bit of tinsel Janis: sorted Jimmy: bet they have a 👸🏽 I can nick for you if your description of that shop were owt to go by Janis: definitely Janis: even if the hen party ones have L plates and dicks over 'em, the Disney ones should be a bit more nativity appropriate Jimmy: steal the show piss easy Janis: LOVE making little kids cry, obvs Jimmy: same Jimmy: just ain't as good when they're deaf, you can't get the volume out of 'em Jimmy: gutted we didn't end up with one who always shouts, obvs Janis: I'm gonna assume you got that deaf free pass and not go there myself Jimmy: safer to take owt I say with  🧂🤏 Jimmy: all fake anyway this Janis: ain't forgotten, you're alright Jimmy: didn't hit your head, I remember Janis: wouldn't tell you if I had Janis: the drama'd be too much Jimmy: I'd have worked that much out Jimmy: northern and only a bit thick Janis: 😵😵 Jimmy: no excuses, pisshead Janis: I know, I know Janis: you pride yourself on being 🏆💪 at the whole fake caring bf thing Jimmy: you saying I'm not? Janis: didn't say that, nah Jimmy: what then? Janis: what do you mean what? Janis: nothing Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you're lucky you live in town Jimmy: about the only thing mine's got going for it Janis: yeah Janis: this bus ride has nothing though so take the 🍀 Jimmy: how long? Janis: gimme 15 Jimmy: [gives her whatever he's drawn her for the first advent doodle because I was hoping to find something but I've been cockblocked] Jimmy: [maybe it's her as a lil bub wise man though now cos live your dreams] Janis: [love that, when you dunno what to say for a hot sec so you post it first being fake but lowkey having to tell the real story somewhat 'cos like, why and what else so it can't be that fake] Janis: you are good at art, give you that Jimmy: @ Ms Howe Jimmy: 💰 on her having a real account but dunno what it is Jimmy: @artteacheroveralls73 Jimmy: @reasonswhyloadsofartistsareproblematic Jimmy: @ihatenortherners86 Janis: you aren't her fave? Janis: 💔 Janis: cliche affair could've cut out any need for fake dating Jimmy: not a lass with a bowl cut and 🖌 behind her 👂 Janis: you've got the same type Janis: bummer Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😂 Janis: we can say it is Janis: maybe one of 'em will chop off all their hair Jimmy: you'd have to an' all Jimmy: unless you're that 🥇 I've binned off my type Janis: Precisely Janis: no competition Jimmy: what's yours then? just 👴 who teach you or what? Janis: must be Janis: not a lesbian and that's the other guess Jimmy: 👍 Janis: tah Janis: well affirming Jimmy: didn't need telling that you weren't gay Jimmy: not that good of an actress Janis: rude Janis: basically got an oscar Jimmy: off who? Jimmy: don't count if you give it to yourself, Judith Janis: you Jimmy: you've had nowt off me but that top quality 🎨 Janis: only because you can't find a 🏆 to give me Jimmy: 'cause it's up to me what I give you Jimmy: and as rewards go, I can do better Janis: I like the drawing Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: you can have it, instead of just a 📷 if you want Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: what do you actually want Janis: in return Jimmy: what's #goals? Jimmy: other than all this nativity bollocks Janis: true, very selfless of me Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: weren't wrong about the 👼🏽 casting even if you were fuming Janis: I can fake 👼🏽 yeah Janis: but it's not really that selfless with all the #content we'll be getting Jimmy: still, I'll leave off taking your halo for a bit Janis: 'til you get me my 👸🏽 Jimmy: only fair Jimmy: can't fit a bobble hat over a head that big and with all that hair an' all Janis: still not getting a bowl cut Janis: let it go, babe Jimmy: good Jimmy: hard enough to fake the 😍 as you are Janis: yeah right Janis: hear the 🎻 from here Jimmy: play them like you mean them, babe Janis: if you wanted this to be easy for you Janis: should've picked an art hoe you could get properly 😍 over Jimmy: you're alright, a lass like that wouldn't be impressed by owt like a quick 🖋🎨 Janis: so now I'm TOO easy, yeah? Jimmy: not a tweet I'll be sending but Janis: fuck you either way Janis: just because I'm doing my job 🥇 you're gonna have a go Janis: thank me, more like Jimmy: fucking me regardless is something an easy lass would do 😏 Janis: yeah but I only fuck you 'cos you're the perfect little boyfriend so don't matter Janis: no one knows how much of a colossal dickhead you are, remember Jimmy: be about right Janis: you haven't bumped your head and forgotten the plan neither Jimmy: not yet, like Jimmy: but hell on earth were what you said Janis: if you get in way of a big mammy and her Christmas deals, you might be in luck of a fair smack, yeah Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Janis: good 'cos I won't be saving you Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: entertain yourself Jimmy: easy Janis: contrary to your opinion, not obsessed with your 🍆 or what you do with it Jimmy: got an inbox full of lasses who are, I'll live Janis: yeah, you're loving it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: [a picture of him waiting for her wherever the bus comes in doing his own 🙄 because he's a nerd and also he's never gonna just wait for her outside the shop when THAT ankle] Janis: Wow, if you're gonna leave, politer ways to 💔 Jimmy: ruder ways an' all Janis: idk Janis: quite rude, that Jimmy: is it? Janis: suppose I don't have to fake my 😍 at your mug right now Jimmy: there you go then Janis: Not going to say thank you still Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: you don't need to wait though Jimmy: can't chuck myself under the 🚍 til it gets in Janis: not how you wanted it Janis: or how I said I'd do it Jimmy: never said it'd 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: you want a 🦽 or what? Janis: you want matching Janis: alright Jimmy: what could be more #goals? Janis: I quite like walking but you know Janis: as you like it Jimmy: dry your eyes, mate Jimmy: bit more nursing and you'll be well away Janis: you gonna let me go then? Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 you Jimmy: not gonna have a choice Janis: thought you might finish the job Janis: 🦶🪓 Jimmy: did cross my mind Janis: No shit, Kathy Janis: the kink is blatant Jimmy: you could do worse, Lucas ain't gonna let you piss about in bed all day when it's his turn Janis: 🤤🤤 Janis: I like the challenge Jimmy: #blessed Janis: counting down the days Janis: #tilwemeetagain Jimmy: 🤞 you'll have him all to yourself in detention Jimmy: no tah needed Janis: you heard anything yet? Jimmy: he ain't using that for why he's not bothered to crack on with crafting a 🐑 costume Janis: 👎 Janis: he's gonna look cute Janis: not your dad Jimmy: I get it, no need for a poor man's Lucas when you can have the real thing 🥇 Janis: something like that Jimmy: 👴💕 Janis: [better show up gal] Jimmy: [resist the urge to immediately pick her up please sir] Janis: [when you're awkward like it's been ages just because there's been like a night or a day whatever reprieve love it, just like let us get to primark to get this sheep costume moment hun] Jimmy: [are we doing both on mobility scooters or him pushing her in a wheelchair/trolley because v different vibes but both iconic] Janis: [hmm, I assume their Dublin store would be big so I reckon we could go mobility scooter, you would find that more fun once you get into it too] Jimmy: [love that just don't do a me and knock a whole display of bras over yourself] Janis: [I did say we threw our bra on Mia's head so let's not reclaim that for yourself hen, though I do find them difficult to drive as someone who hasn't needed to so it will be carnage, like Primark at xmas isn't already hehe] Jimmy: [10000% am gonna say he takes off her shoes and won't give them back so instead puts on some OTT christmas slippers that are shaped like a xmas pudding or some nonsense because she's been on that ankle too much honey and we are cross] Janis: [we do not love ourselves or our lives enough to take a break so it's tea also that is amusant so yes because shan't be buying and that's the kind of mankiness you can expect from this shop or any high street one lowkey] Jimmy: [literally just gonna chuck them back on the floor or leave them in this scooter basket soz not soz, she's not walking around they won't get too trashed hens] Janis: [peeps do go feral so so can you lads, not to mention taking the piss out of all the weird things they put on clothes 'cos it do be wild] Jimmy: [they are gonna have a lovely time taking the piss out of everything and everyone tbh] Janis: [there should be peeps from school in there but like randoms so not enough to warrant a full show but as an excuse you barely need for couplish behaviour when spotted] Jimmy: [great idea cos you know there would be loads of peeps out shopping rn odds on some of them you vaguely recognise, I vote for some art hoes for the lols] Janis: [ha some art hoes out with their fam or something I live] Jimmy: [aesthetically doing the most haha] Janis: [just immaturely like there's your real girlfriend] Jimmy: [will get you with this scooter like they're bumper cars like oi] Janis: [when you don't know her name obvs so you're just shouting out really pisstakey ones like oi clem oi wren etc] Jimmy: [can't not lol] Janis: [sorry to this girl but we're not, just don't trash these scooters that we're using to bump into him/everyone/everything] Jimmy: [also not sorry for whatever he's chucking at her as the mood takes him] Janis: [just don't chuck that stripper jumper or we'll actually be raging] Jimmy: [can't wait for your jumper try on sesh when we reach that section lads] Janis: [oh lawd] Jimmy: [they should try on like onesies and all sorts so we have to have a full big disabled changing room moment] Janis: [the filmsy excuse like must you? yes obvs] Jimmy: [we live for a flimsy excuse in this era] Jimmy: [actually gutted the flatwhites aren't here because they have beds set up with xmas covers etc in the big primarks imagine the show they could've put on] Janis: [we must be prepping our low-cal xmas meal lmao] Jimmy: [Asia won't be making her sister's donkey outfit] Janis: [lmaooooooooooooooo what else can you do in a primark hmm] Jimmy: [I don't think we can get decs cos they all suck we're gonna have to steal them from elsewhere] Janis: [that fine, any other shop will have some that aren't horrific, primark might have the kind of make your own vibe that Bobby would like] Jimmy: [aww that'd be cute] Janis: [you crafty boi, you'd also know how to do it without a kit girl so if you wanna come through you can, as for primark, we probably get the vibe, unless there's anything specific we wanna say/do?} Jimmy: [I think we've covered it so you can go back to his gaff and construct this 🐑 lewk] Janis: [at least we've made your life 10x easier with this coat, also gonna be the first time you've been to his so probably just hanging about outside like am I leaving now or] Jimmy: [will carry you over the threshold like that was what was stopping you coming in even though he blatantly doesn't need help & make you tea so we can have that milk two sugars revelation] Janis: [just like sup bitch to Twix] Jimmy: [the beginning of the real love story] Janis: [not like we're pure awkward and like hi dog this I can do right at least] Jimmy: [I hope they've found a christmas jumper for you too Twix cos there's no festive cheer in this gaff] Janis: [casually assess how many decs we gotta get, also dread to think the jumpers you've ended up with] Jimmy: [give her that doodle you did and dramatically sign it like a nerd] Janis: [🙄but 😏 'get famous and I'll flog it'] Jimmy: ['you've posted it, bound to get insta famous' cue a fake dramatic scroll through his phone] Janis: ['if you have to put a word before it, it don't count' and mimes shooting him in the chest 'cos insta fame is all we have hunny] Jimmy: [does an OTT death scene] Janis: [twix will be trampling all over you like oh hey what you doing down here] Jimmy: [😒 but we secretly love her really] Janis: [just like it's your own fault boy but putting out a hand to help him up] Jimmy: [takes it and pretends like he's gonna pull her down which is accidentally saucy, remember that mud moment lads, but doesn't obvs] Janis: [😳 and lowkey pretending you're gonna drop him so he's reminded of Asia and the assault course instead] Jimmy: [puts her foot up and generally fusses like a nurse because we know it's fucked] Janis: ['you're meant to be drawing a sheep's face right now' 'cos you cannot like focus boy] Jimmy: [gets and chucks a bag of frozen peas at her so he can put a tea towel on her head like an even bigger nerd but then does get his craft on] Janis: ['downgrade' like where's me crown but staying put 'cos it'll be more fuss if you don't] Jimmy: [obvs does make her a crown that's actually decent because that bitch] Janis: [so amused 'cos impressive 'wasted on me and not quinn'] Jimmy: [takes a pic like it's not wasted now but really it's to hide our heart eyes/stop him saying something that he can't pretend is fake when there is nobody here] Janis: ['rather this than a sheep, I guess' like not a #goals lewk soz bobby it will be on you] Jimmy: [chucks all those cotton wall balls he couldn't attach at her like they are little snowballs because playfights forever] Janis: [just juggling with them like I too can be impressive lmao] Jimmy: [craft break while he tries to have a go/tries to get her to teach him how to do it because we're impressed but also competitive] Janis: [love that for y'all, I can't do it but I assume you'll at least be able to do 2 or 3 jimothy] Jimmy: [one should fall in his tea though because 💔] Janis: [devastation] Jimmy: [cue OTT pout soz for how distracting that always is] Janis: [getting up like calm down, I'll make another one, 'cos looking for an excuse to move tbh] Jimmy: [gotta push her back down into that seat before she can because sauciness forever] Janis: [just like OI but a LOOK too] Jimmy: [giving that LOOK back as standard] Janis: ['I can do it'] Jimmy: [putting out a hand to help her up for that parallel] Janis: [reluctantly taking it with a 😒 'cos omg we're fine even though we aren't but you know] Jimmy: [does the drawing a smile with his finger tip thing because if we actually touch her rn there will be no stopping us and this sheep isn't gonna finish itself] Janis: [run and make that tea gal distraction distraction] Jimmy: [likewise get crafting again jimothy] Janis: [let twix out the kitchen door 'cos she's being cray no doubt] Jimmy: [of course she is] Janis: how old is your brother Jimmy: 6 Janis: cute Jimmy: I'll pass that on Janis: the only kids I know are toddlers and babies Janis: have to be a bit less annoying at that age, right Jimmy: he's the only kid I know Jimmy: don't do my head in as much as the screaming 👶's at work Janis: yeah Janis: my oldest sister has a couple, they're nightmares Jimmy: 🤞 Ian's past it Janis: 🤞 his girlfriends are Janis: blokes never are Jimmy: depends whose arse he decides to slap at the photocopier this week Jimmy: 🤞 for a barren Sharon Janis: Christmas wish, or whatever Jimmy: @ Santa Jimmy: have a word Janis: plenty of sad christmas movies with that premise Janis: your brother really needs to be the ⭐ though Janis: you're well past it Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: every teenager on telly is played by a 35 year old, me and my crows feet are well in Janis: and I'm saying you pining for a step mum is for a whole different type of film Jimmy: dunno what you mean by that, Jenna Janis: 😇 Janis: [come back with that tea and the most dubious sure jan face] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [shakes head like tut tut] Jimmy: [sips tea in a sassy manner] Janis: ['animal' and pointedly checking out his progress] Jimmy: [imaginary watch check time lol] Janis: ['never ends, eh?' squishes his face like poor boy] Jimmy: [a shrug 'not til you kill me'] Janis: ['better put in your appearance first for the kid'] Jimmy: [nods because no fucker else is gonna do it 'whatever they're using for the baby jesus might come in handy an' all, fake kid for you to remember me by' because we think we're leaving lol] Janis: [such an unamused face 'no thank you' like you don't know how rife teen pregnancy is in this fam lol] Jimmy: [a look like yeah it won't look as fit and mysterious as me but still] Janis: ['it's always some pale ginger kid anyway'] Jimmy: [picks up Twix and wraps her up in the sofa blanket like a little bub and hands her to Janis like there you go cos looks a bit like them being white but with whirls and she was a bit gingery when she was a pup] Janis: [when you can't just yeet this dog so you have to take her and give her some love but you're like 😑] Jimmy: [squishes her face like she just did to him] Janis: [swats him away 'prick' and is on our phone like we're very busy but we just don't wanna make this bad mood more of a thing] Jimmy: [Twix just kissing her face like ILY] Janis: [can't be mad at this pup at least, in reality we just seeing where nearby does decent decs that you can go and get] Jimmy: [meanwhile we're getting the bae painkillers cos we think that's why she's cross] Janis: [shakes head, 'saw Helena earlier'] Jimmy: [shrugs like suit yourself 'tah for keeping it off the 'gram' like she's cheating on you with Helena imagine] Janis: [? then like ugh 'turns out she sells 'em so well in' she does not and we did not, the utter lies girl] Jimmy: [we're ignoring that bollocks and drinking our tea/finally finishing this sheep] Janis: [ta-da gesture 'where is he, anyway?' like neither of us can model this sheep moment adequately] Jimmy: [looks around OTT dramatically like 😱 where IS he? cos can't just answer a question] Janis: [lifts up a cushion or something like hello?] Jimmy: [cue a silly fake hide and seek] Janis: [Twix will give you away so easily lmao] Jimmy: [eventually flopping down OTT dramatically basically on top of her like you're so knackered because always taking the piss out of his stamina] Janis: [acting like he's so heavy like you're gonna kill me] Jimmy: ['not the way you wanna go'] Janis: ['is that even a question?'] Jimmy: ['didn't draw owt' because he did draw ? on her with a fingertip during the school trip and it was very flirty] Janis: ['there you go then' like no need to answer] Jimmy: 'reckon we're on our own' like there you go then for that question you asked about Bobby's whereabouts but you're still basically all up in her grill so it's accidentally flirty as well as a no shit answer] Janis: [takes a picture to be like now we ain't] Jimmy: [do a little photoshoot so you can have an excuse to make out because it's been FOREVER as far as you're concerned] Janis: [when we haven't even processed any of this lowkey] Jimmy: [it's a headfuck kids] Janis: ['did you go to school this morning, after?' 'cos saying you clearly didn't] Jimmy: ['what kind of question is that?' cos clearly didn't either, nods in the direction of the sheep costume fail like] Janis: [shrugs 'maybe you give up easy' like he came home did ten minutes and was like nah] Jimmy: [a look like very subtle challenge there babe] Janis: ['piss off' and pushing him a bit away 'cos we haven't moved evidently] Jimmy: [gets up and starts cleaning up all the crafting mess like fine I can take a hint] Janis: [ah the frustration, getting up like well then 'what time's the nativity thing?'] Jimmy: [telling her whatever time it is] Janis: ['meet you there then' and peacing] Jimmy: [so many things he wanted to say but we're not saying any of them] Janis: [oh lads] Jimmy: [sends her a pic of Bobby when he tries on that sheep lewk] Janis: 👍 Janis: looks pretty good I reckon Janis: he happier now? Jimmy: he's moved to 😢 Jimmy: should've kept your 👑 'cause the only 🏆'll be the FUMING mum's 💔 they never 💡🥇 of pissing about with their old clothes Janis: it's an improvement, suppose Janis: nah, could've earnt it if I committed to taking my sisters and glueing a paper plate to it Janis: 💔 oh well Jimmy: far as thankless tasks go, it's got nowt on 👴👵☕ Janis: you can wear it then Janis: have to size it up Jimmy: you gonna give me a hand or what? Janis: you did such a good job first time 'round Jimmy: without the tweet singing my praises, how would I know? Janis: if you want me to post, just say so Jimmy: if I have to tell you how to do the job, might as well do it myself Janis: fuck's sake Janis: we're literally going to clog their feeds later with all this nativity shit Janis: don't act like I ain't doing anything Jimmy: didn't have you down for a part timer but alright Janis: what you have me down as is irrelevant 'cos you don't know me Jimmy: weren't about to start a Q & A Janis: Good Janis: I know how to do the job, so do you Janis: leave it at that Jimmy: I were only pissing about, what's your problem? Janis: nothing Janis: there's just no need to do anything else Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: okay Janis: don't forget the santas hat you said he needed for jingle bells at the end Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: not worth a screenshot Janis: but I got the message, like Jimmy: what message is that? Janis: more 👏 content 👏 Jimmy: steady on, I ain't 💀👑 Janis: the point was bigger and better, weren't it Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Jimmy: you said nowt Janis: when did I? Jimmy: no need to do owt else, weren't it? so there's no need to make me sound like a tory slave driver Janis: just forget it, alright Jimmy: forget what? Janis: that I said anything Jimmy: or what? Janis: why would you not? Janis: there's nothing to gain from this Jimmy: might be if you stop being a dickhead and tell me what's wrong Janis: I'll just stop Janis: if you do as well Jimmy: what have I done? Janis: do you think you've done anything? Jimmy: that's not an answer Jimmy: the answer's nowt Janis: there you go then Jimmy: stopping doing nowt means doing something, so go on, what do you want? Janis: I don't want anything Janis: alright Janis: I shouldn't have slept with you Jimmy: freezing weren't how you wanted to 💀💀💀 either Janis: what Jimmy: I weren't gonna let you sleep out there on your own Janis: are you serious Jimmy: are you? Janis: you've already called me desperate for it Janis: now you think I'd just do it for the warmth and you get to be some kind of gentleman for bothering Jimmy: 1. I've said nowt of the sort 2. sort your head out if that's where you reckon mine is Janis: You said I was easy Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: that were you, for a start Janis: no it wasn't Jimmy: bollocks Janis: it was you Janis: anyway, it was a mistake Jimmy: you legged it, you're calling it a mistake, nowt to do with me, that Janis: because I'm not easy and you've got the wrong idea if you reckon that Janis: so let's stick to what is actually working and leave it Jimmy: you're being a massive dickhead Janis: and what Jimmy: and nowt's gonna work if you don't leave it out Janis: that's literally what I've said Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: how are you gonna have a go at me? Janis: you could've just shut the fuck up and it'd be fine Jimmy: how would it? Jimmy: you're sitting there 😒😤😭💔🎻 over some bollocks you reckon I said and you weren't gonna say owt Janis: don't take the piss Jimmy: or what? Jimmy: that's what you've been doing all day, mate Janis: fuck off have I, I've been helping you out Jimmy: suffering in silence 'cause I'm such a bastard, more like Jimmy: have a 🏆 Janis: you're the one being dramatic, I didn't say that Janis: I just didn't appreciate what you did, that's it Jimmy: you spent ages with me after I apparently called you a massive slag, what else do you call that? Janis: I was already on my way Janis: what am I gonna do, actually turn the bus around, no Jimmy: not be a doormat Jimmy: there's your mistake if you're looking for one, Jodie Janis: fuck you Jimmy: this is me being a prick since you need a hand working out the difference Janis: stop talking to me Jimmy: stop putting words in my mouth Janis: I didn't Jimmy: I don't think you're easy Janis: right Jimmy: Why would I? Jimmy: don't flatter yourself, alright, my benchmark for that is set at fucking half the north Jimmy: and even then, you'd have to really be dating me to get me to give a shit about it Janis: I didn't ask you to give a shit, nor do I want you to Janis: and it's hardly flattering but doormat is worse so yeah Janis: go away now Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I hope your brother doesn't totally hate it Jimmy: don't bother wasting your christmas wish Janis: well, he'll be fine, there are worse things than stage fright Jimmy: don't waste the reassurance on me either Janis: Jesus, whatever then Jimmy: there's nowt worse than having no parents about when every other dickhead does Janis: Yeah Janis: he won't be the only one Janis: and at least someone is there at all Jimmy: tah for that Janis: it's the truth Jimmy: most helpful you've been, pointing that out Janis: well what Janis: what else would you want me to say Janis: it's shit Jimmy: I didn't ask for you to say owt about it Janis: so you brought it up to what Janis: get a 👍 or 👎 Jimmy: you brought it up Jimmy: reckoning you know what's our kid's problem how you reckon you know what I think Janis: no, I was going Janis: I was literally just saying hope he doesn't have a terrible time Janis: don't have a go at me 'cos your dad ain't going Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: I'm having a go at you 'cause you're doing my head in Janis: then I'll be going Janis: we don't need to talk to each other Janis: right now or barely at all Jimmy: 👍 Janis: when we need to do more fake shit, then we'll do it Jimmy: alright Jimmy: you know where I live Janis: Yep Janis: later Jimmy: [not gonna reply cos have a nativity to get ready for] Janis: [ah soz for the mess that has been made everyone, gutted we will not see the sheep costume in action] Jimmy: [how dare you arseholes ruin my festive fluff] Janis: [my boo is fuming, at least we can force you together easily enough after, and you did help with the costume] Jimmy: [we've ticked that and jumpers off the list, well done us]

[thirteen-beaxhes]

Well This is Egg-celent (Tyrus One Shot)

Summary: TJ jokingly left a comment on Cyrus Goodman’s Tweet, and got an unexpected response.

Words: 4248

AO3 LINK IN REBLOG

~~~~~~~~~

“Hope you guys enjoyed this one! I loved the concept and had a blast making it with all my friends. I will see you all again, with another ridiculous to execute idea!” And the screen went black, the boxes of Youtube’s recommended videos popping up.

TJ laughed slightly at the end, using the back of his hoodie sleeve to wipe his nose, ignoring the tears streaming down his face. No stopping them clearly. But he was happy for the short break from his spiralling mind, for the brief respite.

Thank god for Cyrus Goodman’s films and videos, he thought to himself with a sigh, pushing his laptop back onto the bed which he had currently been lying on for two days straight. Amber had been walking in every now and then, desperately trying to get TJ to do something, anything, to try and not have him sink further into his emotions.

That worked about as well as one could imagine.

Drawing a shaky breath, TJ brushed off some of the cookie crumbs on his hoodie, accidentally kicking the empty ice cream carton off the bed. Oh well. He looked around his room to find it resembling the scene of a tornado hitting it. But he just couldn’t get himself to clean it. In that state, the chaos was comforting to him.

He picked up his phone, rubbing his stinging eyes as he opened Instagram. He clicked on the first Story, not even checking the name. He just wanted to let them play, giving some background noise as he just stared blankly at his screen. But, he jerked his head forward as soon as he heard that oh, so familiar voice.

Louis.

TJ gulped, his throat suddenly dry. He held his phone up with both his hands, peering at the screen, looking at the boy who had walked into his life a year ago and had stolen his heart, and who had left nothing but a stain on the carpet when he ran away with its broken pieces 3 days ago. He was at the bowling alley, hugging another boy TJ hadn’t seen before by the shoulders, laughing, his smile radiant. Having the time of his life.

Hoor-fucking-ray.

Tears filled up his eyes, as he immediately exited the stories, slamming his phone down onto the bed. He sniffed, unable to stop  some stray ones from falling, the drops staining his hoodie.

He just hadn’t been good enough for him, that was it, TJ thought to himself, picking up his phone again, very pointedly avoiding Instagram. That’s why he was able to move on so fast. That, and the circumstances of their actual break up.

TJ took a deep breath, opening Twitter to absent-mindedly scroll through his account. He made it a point to stick to his stan account, knowing that it was the only social media where he wasn’t following a certain someone. He let out a small breath every time he came across a meme, just trying to lose himself to the endless scrolling.

A few minutes later, a notification popped up with the tweeting of a bird. TJ narrowed his eyes, scrolling up and letting a small smile come up on his face.

@CyGoodman_ : i’m in an irrationally vengeful and havoc-wreaking mood now

TJ laughed quietly, shaking his head slightly at the tweet. He could just imagine Cyrus standing with a sledgehammer ready to total someone’s car. He focused more on the Cyrus part than the car, but no one needed to know that.

Maybe it was the mood he was in, or maybe TJ was just too tired. But soon enough, he found himself typing out a reply and posting it, before he was able to register what exactly he had just said.

@filmsaregoodman : haha great maybe you can help me egg my idiot ex’s house this weekend then

Why did he say that?! Cyrus was going to think he was so weird!! TJ thought to himself in a panic, taking short breaths as he clicked on the button to delete it, but he stopped himself.

He would never see it, given the flood of replies, he rationalised. Besides, he just saw someone ask him to meet them in an abandoned building with a pickaxe so he definitely didn’t have to worry about being too weird.

TJ just groaned, shutting off his phone and plugging it into his charger as he turned onto his side. He just needed to sleep and focus on trying and actually getting up the next day, he thought as he pulled the sheet over himself.

*

The beeping of his alarm drilled into TJ’s brain, and he groaned as he rolled over onto his back, pinching the bridge of his nose. Who invented the concept of time? TJ just wanted to have a kind word with them.

As he blindly reached for his phone, TJ was also hit with the unimaginable stench of his room, courtesy of him not having showered. He winced at that, making a mental note to go crazy on the deodorant. He opened his phone, clicking on the Twitter app. Nothing extraordinary seemed to have happened, but when TJ looked through his messages, his eyes caught a name and he yelped loudly, falling off his bed in an unceremonious crash.

“TJ!” Amber yelled, running into the room, holding a spatula. She saw TJ breathing heavy on the floor, muttering wildly to himself. She walked up to him and smacked him on the head with the spatula. “What happened?!”

“Why do you have a spatula?!” TJ asked incredulously, rubbing his head.

“Cuz I thought you were being attacked!”

“So a spatula was your best weapon? You were literally in the kitchen! With knives!”

“Well, I’m sorry if I grabbed the first weapon I could find! And we are getting off track!”

“Okay so,” TJ said loudly, before holding up his phone in excitement. “Cyrus Goodman DM’ed me!”

“What?!” Amber yelled excitedly, dropping the spatula on the floor as she jumped next to TJ. “What? How?”

TJ explained the Tweets from the previous night and then held his phone up to her, showing her the message. Amber pulled the phone to her, peering at the message in confusion.

“Hey! This is so weird and may seem stalkerish ahhhh but I saw your reply to my tweet so I wanted to ask: can I have your address?? I swear I won’t send a hitman to your house!” Amber read out, narrowing her eyes in confusion. “Well, that’s strange.”

“I know but, he messaged me!” TJ squealed, but soon he looked at her in confusion. “What do I say? What does he want my address for? Maybe he wants to send something? Oh my god, how do I look?”

Amber laughed, shaking her head as she got up, patting him on the shoulder. “I don’t know bro, you need to figure that out.” With that, she walked out of the room, yelling that she would be back from work late that day.

TJ sighed as Amber left, hiding his head in his hands.

He could draft a message to his favourite creator no problem, right?

Yeah, right.

*

Despite his five hundred mental breakdowns over trying to type a single word to Cyrus Goodman, the next couple days passed relatively normally. Amber finally managed to shove TJ out of bed, forcing him to go to work at the coffee shop where Marty was extremely concerned at his disappearance. Life returned to normal, and if TJ shied away from his phone and social media, and just smiled amicably at guys who tried to hit on him, no one said a word. The messages and tweets slipped out of his mind almost completely.

It was now Friday, and TJ groaned as Amber walked up to him, modelling yet another dress as she prepared for her date that night.

“You sure you’ll be okay at home?” Amber asked, concerned, as she looked at herself in the mirror.

“Yes Amber, I’ll be perfectly fine,” TJ said, laughing slightly.

“Okay,” she said, slightly unsure. But soon, she grabbed her handbag and left, flashing a small smile of nervousness before she left.

After she had gone, TJ slumped into the couch, grabbing the popcorn and ice cream he had abandoned as Amber asked him opinions on all her outfits for her date. He opened Netflix, hugging a pillow as he clicked play on ‘Always be my Maybe’, telling himself he was only watching for Keanu Reeves, not at all because he was lonely and rom-coms were his only shot at romance in his life.

He was more than halfway through the movie, and past the point of being civil as he ate, stuffing popcorn into his mouth as tears rolled down his cheeks. It wasn’t even that the movie was sad, but he was just having one of those movie nights. Suddenly, he heard a knock at the door. Narrowing his eyes, TJ brushed off some popcorn kernels, confused at who could it be. Not Amber, unless her date went bad.

Probably their neighbour about sugar, TJ sighed, as he pushed himself off the couch and rubbed his eyes as he shuffled to the door.

“Sorry mate, no sugar,” TJ said, before looking up and gasping.

Cyrus. Goodman.

What happened next, TJ wasn’t at all proud of. He screamed and slammed the door shut.

What the? How the? Why was Cyrus Goodman at his doorstep? TJ thought wildly, running a hand through his hair. He jerked his head up in shock.

He had just slammed the door on him!

TJ took a deep breath, keeping his eyes squeezed shut as he opened the door, with what he could only assume was a sheepish expression on his face.

“Hey,” Cyrus said softly, and TJ could’ve practically melted on the spot. “I thought for a second I had the wrong house or something,” he said, giving a small laugh that could’ve made angels sing. “Are you, Theo?”

“Y-Yeah,” TJ whispered, finally looking up, but immediately looking back down at his feet because oh my god Cyrus Goodman was standing at his doorstep. “Actually, TJ.”

“What?”

“Call me TJ. I just use Theo on Twitter so people don’t know who I am,” TJ said sheepishly, finally forcing himself to look at Cyrus.

He looked amazing, obviously. He was wearing a navy blue sweatshirt and dark jeans. But TJ furrowed his eyebrows when he looked down, noticing the three toilet paper rolls and three egg cartons tucked under Cyrus’ arm.

“Um, what’s that?” TJ asked, pointing at the questionable supplies. Cyrus looked confused, but looked down at his arm and understood.

“Oh! Yeah, I didn’t wanna bother you with the supplies, so I got them myself!” he said happily, pulling TJ out of the house by the hand. “Come on, we don’t have much time.”

“T-Time? For, for what?” TJ stammered out, unable to concentrate on anything other than the fact that he was practically holding Cyrus’ hand. Cyrus tilted his head to one side.

“To teach your ex a lesson,” Cyrus said simply, with a smile that teased I thought that was obvious.

A wave of realisation hit TJ, and he dropped his jaw open. “I was, I was joking.”

“Well, I’m not. Come on, it’ll make you not cry,” Cyrus said softly, reaching up to wipe away a tear that was on TJ’s cheek with his thumb. His hand lingered by TJ’s face, and god, if that was what it felt like to have your breath taken away, TJ never wanted to breath ever again.

Before he knew it, TJ was slipping on shoes and grabbing the keys out of the cat bowl he and Amber had stolen from their parents’ house when they moved out, shutting the door behind him as he followed Cyrus out the door.

Now that they were outside, walking on the streets, TJ was confronted by the fact that this was real. There he was, walking down the street with someone whose work he had admired for so long, who he may or may not think was breathtaking to look at, and they were walking with him to John’s house, to egg and TP it. Even dreams couldn’t come up with something this wild. But it was real, the chill in the night air, his visible breath in the air, everything was real.

“Let me hold something,” TJ said, trying to grab some of the things from Cyrus, but he moved away.

“No no, let me,” he said with a smile. “Least I could do.”

“Well, you’re doing more than you had to already. It’s all I could do.”

“Still. I wanna do this.”

TJ smiled, shaking his head slightly. He looked ahead, catching glimpses of Cyrus in his peripheral vision every now and then. He could also feel Cyrus looking at him every so often, and that made TJ’s cheeks flush, but if anyone noticed, he’d blame it on the cold.

Finally, after some minutes of silence and of Cyrus looking at him, TJ caved and turned to Cyrus. “What? Did I leave ice cream on my face?” he asked nervously, reaching up to wipe whatever it was away.

“No no,” Cyrus said, raising his eyebrows in amusement. “It’s just, I can’t imagine someone being stupid enough to let someone like you go.”

That comment was enough to turn TJ into a blushing mess, his heart doing the foxtrot in his chest. “I mean, I’m not that great.”

“That’s insane! We’ve exchanged like, 5 sentences, and I know that if you were with me, I’d never let you go.”

TJ choked, disguising it as a cough. What what what, did he say if TJ were with him. Hold the phone, he was dying. Tell Amber that he died as he lived, gay.

Cyrus just laughed quietly, bumping his shoulder with TJ’s. “Sorry, too much?”

“No no! Not at all,” TJ exclaimed, turning to look at him. “I just, no one’s said that before.”

“I can’t believe that,” Cyrus said, and TJ had to keep his eyes trained to the ground, knowing that hiss face was burning up.

They walked down the street in silence for some more time, before Cyrus looked at TJ.

“If you don’t mind telling me, why do you want to egg your ex’s house?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.

TJ sighed, looking up at the sky, few stars visible in the sky. Fitting. “We’d been dating for 8 months, but I always felt like I was giving more than he ever was. And then I found out two weeks ago, that he was cheating on me,” he said quietly.

“That’s horrible TJ,” Cyrus said quietly. TJ just scoffed.

“Worst part, I knew that’s the kind of guy he was. And yet, I thought I could be the exception.”

“It’s not your fault,” Cyrus said comfortingly, placing a hand on TJ’s shoulder.

TJ just smiled appreciatively. He looked to his left and stopped, taking a deep breath.

“What is it?” Cyrus asked, stopping beside him.

‘We’re here,” he said, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

“Well then,” Cyrus said, with a mischievous smile as he set down the cartons and pulled out two eggs. He handed one to TJ and kept one with himself. “On the count of three then.”

TJ smiled nervously up at Cyrus. “One.”

“Two,” Cyrus said with a smile, coming closer to TJ.

And with twin smiles, they looked at each other. “Three.”

*

“That was insane,” TJ said with a smile, running a hand through his hair, but realising too late that there was egg yolk on his fingers. “Ugh!”

Cyrus was laughing, doubled over. TJ looked over, unamused.

“Haha. Thanks Goodman.”

“Hey,” Cyrus said, holding his hands up. “Did it help or not?”

“Actually,” TJ said, looking away thoughtfully. “It did.”

“See? Vengeance tastes sweet.”

“More like tastes like an impending salmonella infestation.”

Cyrus rolled his eyes, shoving TJ in the shoulder. But then, his expression grew softer. “You sure you’re okay?”

And when TJ thought about it, he was surprised to find himself nodding. Cyrus let out a sigh of relief, looking at his watch.

“Well, 2 am is no time to go home but I’ll try my luck,” he said with a tired smile. “I had fun, TJ.” And with that, Cyrus began walking away, but TJ called out to him.

“Hey!” he said, running up slightly to him. “If you want, you can stay over at my place.”

Cyrus raised his eyebrows slightly, and TJ tried to explain himself nervously. “Well, it’s late. And it’s the least I could do after you came all this way.”

“I literally live across town, TJ,” Cyrus said with a giggle. “But okay, I’ll take you up on that offer. Thanks.”

With that, the two of them began walking back to TJ’s house, an unexpected tension in the air. But it wasn’t unwelcome. TJ and Cyrus constantly snuck glances at each other, both looking away as soon as the other caught them, cheeks pink. And it was pure coincidence if they were walking close enough to let their fingers brush against each other with every step.

They crept into the house quietly, TJ putting a finger to his lips.

“My sister is probably back from her date,” he whispered, and Cyrus nodded, and they made their way to TJ’s room, avoiding as many floorboard creaks as they could. When they got to the room, TJ wanted to throttle himself at the mess.

“I’m, I’m sorry about everything,” TJ muttered, trying to clear space. But Cyrus was deep in thought, looking around the room in awe at the posters and pictures, running his fingers along the spines of the books on TJ’s shelf.

“You like reading?” Cyrus asked softly, turning around as he took off his shoes.

TJ nodded. “Mostly history. You?”

“Space and reptiles,” he replied, sitting down beside TJ on the bed.

“Wow. Just two nerds sitting here together, huh?”

“Seems like it.”

There was a silence after that, both unsure of what to say. The soft orange light of the lamp in TJ’s room was making Cyrus’ face look warm and even more gorgeous than normal. TJ let his gaze flick down to Cyrus’ lips, but he pulled his eyes away, reminding himself that he did not need a relationship just then. Cyrus took a deep breath, hiding what looked like disappointment behind a soft smile.

“So, uh, I’ll take the floor?” TJ said, picking up his pillow. But Cyrus shook his head.

“No, I’ll take the floor, you sleep in your bed.”

“It’s fine, Cyrus.”

“No it’s not,” Cyrus said, grabbing TJ’s hand. “Okay, let’s just share the bed.”

TJ glanced at his bed, worried about size. But the atmosphere in the room was making his sleepy, so he just nodded his head, making the bed for the two of them.

Before they got into bed, TJ grabbed Cyrus’ elbow and pulled him to himself, wrapping him in a hug. Cyrus was surprised, but soon slipped his arms around TJ’s waist.

“Thank you for this,” TJ whispered into Cyrus’ ear, before pulling away and climbing into bed, Cyrus following him as his back faced TJ’s.

And when Amber walked into the room the next morning to find her brother sleepily cuddling the famous person who had messaged her brother, she almost screamed in shock, horror and joy. But then, she just smiled, and went to make breakfast.

*

TJ should have known. Some things were just too good to last. Even things like Cyrus Goodman.

Why had he been stupid enough to let himself fall again? Why couldn’t he learn his lesson?

He’d convinced himself Cyrus was different that Cyrus had seen who he was, and he loved him. He had convinced himself that they were meant to meet for a reason, because he was the one.

Well, another thing TJ Kippen was wrong about.

“Teej, please open the door,” Amber pleaded. “I’m worried about you.”

TJ sighed, pausing his loud rock music to open to door to Amber. Amber gasped when she saw his bedraggled appearance, immediately pulling him in for a hug. Even though he had spent the last 4 hours crying, that hug alone made TJ collapse into sobs, sinking to the floor as he pulled Amber down with him.

“I really thought, Amber,” TJ gasped, but Amber shushed his, placing her hand on the back of his head.

“You’ll be okay, I got you,” she whispered back to him, as she held onto TJ. After they pulled away, when TJ’s tears were just a silent stream, she narrowed her eyes. “What did he say?”

TJ just shook his head. “He just said, ‘This isn’t gonna work out. I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me. I can’t explain.’ Bullshit.”

“That’s a lame excuse,” Amber huffed, pushing a strand of TJ’s hair back.

“I don’t know what to do Amber,” TJ said in a broken voice. “I thought we could make it. But, I shouldn’t trust anyone.”

“I’m so sorry Teej,” Amber said, leaning her head against TJ’s. “Do you want me to make you anything? I can get ice cream from Costco.”

“No,” TJ said, shaking his head and pushing himself off the floor. “I, I need to do something. But I need your help.”

“Okay?” Amber asked, confused.

“Could you get a carton of eggs for me?”

*

“Why are we doing this?” Amber said, hoding the carton of eggs as she and TJ sat in the cab to Cyrus’ apartment. “What, are we gonna egg his front door? Cuz I’m gonna do more than that.”

TJ shook his head, a small smile on his face as he got out of the cab. He took a deep breath and walked into the building, walking up the stairs to Cyrus’ apartment. The lights seemed to be out from downstairs, so he was probably out or asleep.

“Give me the eggs,” TJ said, and Amber handed him the carton, which he set down at the doorstep.

“Wait, what? We aren’t throwing them?” Amber whined, but TJ just looked up at her.

“Can you, give me a minute?” he asked quietly, and Amber nodded, walking down the stairs.

After she was gone, TJ pulled out a carefully penned note from his coat and placed it on the carton, knocking loudly on the door before walking away, squeezing his eyes shut as he left the building.

I couldn’t even find the energy to throw these at you. Because you were the last person I expected I’d need to do that to.

*

TJ called into work sick the next day, a fact Marty didn’t question much. He didn’t need to ask TJ to see that he was going through utter shit at the time. So, some time alone was what he needed. Even though Amber wasn’t completely ready to leave him alone, but TJ pushed her to accept the date her girlfriend had asked her on.

“I’ll be okay, Amber,” he had said, kissing her on the forehead. “Now go get your girl.”

The mood was perfect too, the rain beginning to pour in torrents. TJ curled up in his blanket, watching Love Island on television. At least some people’s love lives were worse than his. TJ was heavily immersed in the drama between the house members, when suddenly, he heard someone knocking on the door.

In this downpour? TJ thought to himself as he walked to the door and opened it. But when he saw who it was, he froze.

“Cyrus, are you crazy?! What are you doing here?” TJ asked in shock, taking in his appearance.

“I, I had to see you,” Cyrus said between pants, taking in deep breaths.

“Did you run here?”

Nodding, Cyrus took a step forward, but stayed outside. “TJ. I’m so, so sorry. I thought I had to protect you, but I, I made a mistake.”

“Don’t,” TJ cut him off, his voice breaking. “Don’t’ do that, Cyrus. I’m trying to move on.”

“Please, TJ,” Cyrus pleaded, grabbing onto TJ’s elbow. “Please just hear me out.”

TJ just sighed, and looked up at Cyrus, nodding.

“I love you, TJ. So, so much. And being with you has been the best thing to happen to me. And when we decided to go public, I was so happy that I could share my happiness with everyone,” Cyrus said with a sad smile. “But, I started seeing messages and posts with people hating on you, and insulting you, and I know you said it didn’t bother you, but I know it did. I could see it in your eyes. I thought if we weren’t together, it would stop, and you’d be okay.”

“Cyrus,” TJ said softly, squeezing his hand. “You don’t need to worry about that. Sure, it’ll take some getting used to, but in the end, I just wanted to be with you.”

“I just wanna be with you too,” Cyrus said softly, reaching up to brush TJ’s cheek with his thumb.

TJ smiled softly, before leaning in to capture Cyrus’ lips in his, tasting the rain without any care. Cyrus wrapped his arms around TJ’s waist as TJ cupped his cheeks. After they pulled away, TJ leaned his forehead against Cyrus’.

“I love you, TJ.”

“I love you too, Cyrus. And I hope you never give me a reason to egg your house.”

 ~~~~~~~~

This is fluff cuz i got peer pressure by @heart-eyes-kippen and @criminalambis​

[nightcoremoon]

ok so let's talk twilight. girl meets vampire. girl falls in love with vampire. vampire falls in love with girl. girl and vampire start dating. evil vampire wants to eat girl. vampire kills evil vampire.

new moon. vampire leaves girl. girl gets depressed. girl rebounds with werewolf. werewolf wants to fuck girl. werewolf realizes he's the rebound. werewolf leaves girl. girl seemingly attempts suicide. vampire learns about this and attempts suicide. girl goes to tell him she's not dead. vampire king gives a warning.

eclipse. vampire and girl are back together. evil vampire girlfriend wants revenge. evil vampire girlfriend makes evil vampire army. vampires and werewolves kill evil vampire and army. vampire king gives another warning. vampire marries girl.

breaking dawn. vampire and girl get married. and fuck. girl gets pregnant. baby will kill girl. but abortion is ~evil~. girl dies and gets turned into vampire. werewolf wants to fuck the baby vampire. vampire king shows up to kill the baby. it was a big misunderstanding lol. happily ever after except for the people who died.

that's the gist of things for anyone who doesn't remember.

ok so there's two groups of people. team edward, people who are satisfied with the canon. team jacob, people who say "fuck that, girl should be with werewolf instead". and many people on team jacob proceed to say that team edward all condone pedophilia and stalking and other terrible things. fandom wars happened. and in the end, most people moved on.

...

but not me.

now, I wasn't an obsessed super fan. I thought the first book was boring as shit until the second half. it took me a month to read the first half and three days to read the second half. I read the entire second in literally one day. the entire third in like 3 days. and the entire fourth in like 5. I watched all the movies in theaters. but none of this was by choice. my mom and my several sisters basically made me, but it was okay I guess. personally my fandom progression started with final fantasy 12. it moved into eragon, death note, jak and daxter, avatar the last airbender, invader zim, tales of symphonia, a dash of harry potter, sly cooper, my little pony friendship is magic, dead space, red vs blue, twokinds, resident evil, etc. I'm not in the twilight fandom by choice, but I know all the lore and trivia so fuck it. I might as well be.

I'm team edward.

I know what you're thinking. "but he's 100 years old trying to fuck a teenager! he watched her sleep! he almost killed her drinking her blood! he made her suicidal and depressed! he was super jealous and possessive whenever jacob was around! he broke her bones when they had sex! he impregated her with a monster baby that killed her! HE IS TEH EVILEST EVAR!!1"

let's take this one piece at a time.

1- he didn't try to fuck her. she tried to fuck him. but he said not until she's a full grown adult capable of making her own decisions, and not until marriage ~because premarital sex is wrong~

2- yeah watching her sleep was a little creepy but we can attribute that to stephenie meyer thought it was romantic because she's a dumb white mormon cultist

3- he is a VAMPIRE, and not by choice. and it was either suck the poison out of bella or let her become a vampire. which he didn't want to happen because ~being a vampire sucks 🥁~ so yeah he saved her life. and he managed to not drain her dry and kill her even though her blood is so goddamn delicious because she's a fucking mary sue

4- he didn't make her suicidal and depressed by leaving the country so she didn't get in any life threatening situations like being around jasper who has the self control of a fat kid in a twinkie factory. bella just took the breakup really really badly, and if someone reacts badly to a breakup, it's on THEM, not the other person. saying any differently is, what's the word, toxic and clingy. her emotional instability for plot is just indicative of the author's inherent misogyny (which makes sense, as dumbass mormon cultists are rife with the stuff)

5- he was not jealous and possessive. JACOB was the one who was toxic, since "that cold one will TAKE MY BELLA AWAY FROM ME". jacob wanted bella for himself because he had a crush on her since they were kids, and it was a super unhealthy obsession. edward could read his thoughts and was pissed; consider his backstory in hearing potential rapists' thoughts and killing them. but edward couldn't kill jacob because he was bella's friend. nothing more, though, and jacob fumed in his nice guy fedora

6- again, edward is a VAMPIRE, and a horny bastard at that, because he is a gentleman and therefore probably was a virgin too. he even told bella countless times that it would happen but bella thought it was #WORTH to get some of that hot vampire dick. I guess she's into some super kinky shit. no wonder 50 shades of grey made sense as a twilight fanfiction. anyway, bella seems to have fully consented, otherwise she's the world's most unreliable narrator.

7- the monster baby plot arc was propaganda against female bodily autonomy because "teh babby haz a SOUL and abortion is MURDER even tho she'll LITERALLY DIE otherwise but hey backwoods redneck mormon values are more important than the lives of women, right? anyway, ironically enough, he respected her bodily autonomy by not fixing the mistake he didn't think could happen (uterus vampires can't get pregnant but dick vampires can get other people pregnant? NANI, THE FUCK???) because bella didn't consent to him killing the fetus that was literally breaking her bones from inside since ~abortion is wrooOOoong~

and now, counterpoint.

...and counter-counterpoint.

"edward groomed bella" edward's main focus when she was 16 was to not kill her and drink the delicious cherry fanta, and his main focus at 17 was to make sure she didn't die and that nobody else killed her and drank her delicious cherry fanta, and only when she was a full ass adult was he like "alright fine you wanna marry me sooooo bad here's ur fuckin diamond ring". yeah they made out but like, consider that a FUCKING MORMON WROTE THIS BOOK. one can't fault a character for the dumbassery of the author. that's why in this house we stan james potter. and besides, a few years ago whilst playing truth or dare I at 21 was dared to kiss a 17 year old and I did- granted I didn't know he was 17 at the time but that doesn't even matter because granted edward was a lot older than 21, but granted that doesn't even matter anyways because you know how many teenage girls would make out with oscar wilde, keanu reeves, chris evans, or danny devito jason momoa if they had the chance? I know I would have. it isn't necessarily sexual unless you want it to be. besides, the argument could be made that brain development stops when you become a vampire, considering their body stops developing too. technically edward had the brain and body of a 17 year old, he was just 17 for a long time. so any way you slice it, there are acceptable explanations justifying this in the magic fantasy land of what-ifs and JUST BAD WRITING.

we good?

now let's tackle jacob.

he demanded she "choose" him over edward. he was just as childish and petty as mike. oh, poor mike. he was just too dumb. SWM be like. anyway, he literally abandoned her, his friend, because she wouldn't fuck him, when she needed her best friend the most. because that's who jacob was to her. he was her best friend. she kinda ignored him because edward is smexy and it overpowered her tiny teenage girl brain, or at least that's the author's excuse (yay for internalized misogyny). when they were in the mountains and he was keeping her from dying of hypothermia edward literally had to ask him to stop thinking about fucking her. while she was unconscious. which is kinda rapey. and then to top it all off, he wanted to fuck her baby daughter. so jacob is literally every single thing people called edward. he is jealous, possessive, creepy, obsessed with bella, and a whole bunch of other stereotypes associated with brown skinned man wanting to fuck white skinned women.

...

...

...

oh dear god.

wow I can't believe that the white woman who took an existing native american tribe and rewrote their culture to fit her vampire love story for white girls to have a sexy ~exotic~ savage feral werewolf boy in the love triangle turned out to be a racist all along.

so ideally, jacob would be the ideal partner for bella. lore-wise as well. bella and jacob grow old together in their plain regular normal human lives (and hopefully bella's face doesn't get clawed off like sam and leah BIG OOF FOR THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE), edward and tanya get married like they were supposed to do all along and gallivant off and do vampire things, all that jazz. edward isn't creepy and weird, bella isn't a magic mary sue with a magic fucking jean grey mind shield, jacob isnt an asshole.

but after reading the books and the evidence provided, I cannot in good conscience be team jacob over team edward.

thank you for your time.

fuck stephenie meyer.

and fuck all the dudebros who dog on girls for liking twilight anyways, as if dudebros don't watch and consume shitty media all the time.

[thorne93]

Custody Battle (Part 11)

Prompt: You had a son with your first husband, Keanu, but he’s being raised by your new husband, Tom. The two men cannot stand each other, and every time Keanu shows up unannounced to see the kid, he and Tom always end up arguing.

Word Count: 1545

Warnings: divorce, anger, fighting, language

Notes: this took me so long to write….But thanks to my beta @like-a-bag-of-potatoes I got it done

Forever Tags: @capsmuscles @cocosierra94 @essie1876 @magpiegirl80 @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @iamwarrenspeace @marvel-imagines-yes-please @superwholocked527 @missinstantgratification @thejemersoninferno @rda1989 @munlis @thefridgeismybestie @bubblyanarocks3 @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @hardcollectionworldtrash @igiveupicantthinkofausername@kaliforniacoastalteens @feelmyroarrrr @kaeling @friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo

Tom Hiddleston: @camigt1999 @lenawiinchester

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first flight to LA was two hours from when you arrived at the airport, so you impatiently sat, swiping through the dozens of photos of Jaxton you had. For a brief moment, it saddened you to see you had barely any pictures of Keanu and Jaxton, and for that matter, no pictures of all four of you.

You wished those two grown men could just get along. Yet, you understood their struggle. Tom had been there for the hardest parts of it, maybe not the pregnancy, labor, and first few months of Jaxton’s life, but everything else…. The potty training, the preschool, the juggling of schedules, the late nights, all up to the most recent events of bullying and school problems, he’d been there for it all. And Keanu, he was a great father - now. He loved seeing Jaxton and you knew he always had his happiness and best interest at heart. And now that you two had talked, that you realized and understood why he left, you couldn’t fault any of his decisions.

Both men had equal rights to Jaxton’s life and you just wished they could see that. That it wasn’t a fight or war or battle. That Jaxton loved both of them and he needed both to guide him and help him through life. That you loved both of them and they needed to share in the joy of raising such an amazing little boy.

----------------------------

Eons passed...Or so it seemed, but you were finally at the hospital, nearly running to get to Jaxton’s room, where you saw he was still asleep. A feeling of ease washed over you, now that you were finally in the room with your baby. Tom stood in the corner, one arm resting on the other as he mindlessly touched his chin. Keanu sat bedside, his elbows on his knees, his face a mask of pure terror and anxiety.

You knew Tom was worried about Jaxton, he loved him just as much as Keanu did. Tom had bent over backwards to help, love, and care for Jaxton and not once did he complain. But Keanu...well he had a bad track record, and when things like this happened, it scared the shit out of him, rightfully so.

Tom’s eyes snapped to your presence as you walked in, heading straight for Jaxton before kissing his forehead and hugging him tight, but he didn’t stir. You figured he must be exhausted. Tom was by your side soon and when you stood up, you turned and hugged him tightly.

“Hey,” he said softly as he rubbed your back. “He’s alright. They confirmed it’s not epilepsy, just heat stroke and dehydration. He’ll be fine and they said we can check him out in a few hours probably.”

“Oh thank God,” you breathed, relief touching you for the first time. “Thank you. Is he on something or is he just tired?” you questioned, eyeing your son with concern.

“A little of both, they gave him a mild sedative so he could focus on sleeping and resting, but he also has pretty much slept since we got him here.”

Nodding, you touched his arm before going over to Keanu. Glancing up, he saw you coming and seemed to shake out of his thoughts before standing to hug you, both of you gripping each other tight.

“You okay?” you asked softly.

He nodded. “Yeah, just scared me. One minute he’s fine, helping me pick up stones, the next...he’s lying on the ground… I didn’t know what to do,” he admitted with a touch of guilt on his face and in his voice.

“It’s fine. It looks like you did everything just fine,” you assured as you squeezed his hand. “I’m going to go talk to the doctor. I’d like to look at his tests and results.”

Both men nodded at you before you made your way out to the nurse’s station and asked for the doctor. After a few minutes, he appeared and the nurse gave him the file he needed to discuss with you. He showed you his blood levels and vitals and explained that when they dip into certain levels, it shows dehydration and signs of heat stroke. You knew the weather was unseasonably warm right now, nearly late spring temperatures, so you believed that. He went on to say they ran different scans of his brain and see no sign of epilepsy.

Just as you were wrapping up with him, Keanu approached you two. Once the doctor was done, you turned to your ex-husband.

“Hey,” you greeted.

“Hey, would you wanna come grab coffee with me?” he wondered.

“Sure,” you said, a bit of concern rising within you.

The two of you walked to the cafeteria and ordered some coffee and then Keanu chose a seat far in the corner of the room.

“Man, that was some scary shit,” he commented after a moment or two of sitting down.

“Yeah, I know,” you agreed. “I was panicking when I saw all the missed calls and then I got your voicemail and… Well full panic mode,” you said with a slight laugh.

A tiny smile pulled at his lips before his eyes dropped to the table. “I just...it was so scary. When he dropped...I just froze. I had no idea what was happening. I started to get scared, Ava and Jennifer went through my mind and I panicked an--”

You reached over and grasped his hand, pulling it slightly away from his cup, to calm his voice and mind.

“Kee, there’s nothing you could’ve done different. You weren’t expecting it,” you assured.

“That’s my point,” he quietly mused, almost to himself. “I didn’t know it was going to happen, but I should’ve been prepared, he’s my son. I can’t believe I’m about to say this but I’m glad Tom was there.”

You frowned. “Tom? Why?”

“When Jaxton first fell, I just...I panicked, right? I called out for help because I didn’t know what the fuck was happening. Tom was there in seconds, and he took care of the situation. He stayed calm, he did what Jaxton needed. He did things to keep him safe. He told me that an ambulance would take too long to get to us, so he drove us to the hospital in record time.” Keanu pause, seeming to gather his thoughts. “Honestly, if he wasn’t there I’m not sure what I would’ve done. I probably would’ve made things worse.”

“I’m sure that’s not true, but it does sound like it was good Tom was there. He’s got a cousin, I believe with epilepsy so...that’s why he was able to respond so quickly.”

“Yeah but...he saved the day. We were both really lucky to have him there and that’s why...Well that’s why I’m gonna back off,” he said before sighing a bit.

“What do you mean?” you wondered, your head tilting slightly as you peered at him.

“I’m gonna stop attacking him and going after him. You’re right. All of this going at each other’s throats and he-said-she-said shit and all of the fighting. The fighting over Jaxton, in front of Jaxton, accusing each other, it’s gotta stop. None of it is good for him, and hell it’s not good for any of us. We all want Jaxton happy and...I don’t know, this shit’s just tiring, ya know?” he asked as his eyes drifted to meet yours.

A soft smile touched your face as you nodded. “Yeah, I do. I’m so happy to hear you say that.”

“Yeah it just...it’s pointless. Tom’s a good guy, and you’re lucky to have him, so is Jax…He doesn’t deserve the shit I give him.”

“Thank you, Kee,” you softly said.

--------------------------

Jaxton got released a few hours after you’d gotten there, they advised rest and rest he would get. All of you drove back in your SUV as Jaxton laid with his head in your lap and you stroked his raven curls on the way back home.

Tom worked on ordering dinner for everyone, Keanu got the living room set up for movie night, and you went and got him Gatorade, and all the snacks he wanted. You made sure he drank plenty of water and didn’t take in too much salt. The group of you settled into blankets and pillows and had a moviefest, all of Jaxton’s favorites and a few new ones.

You kept him out of school the rest of the week, keeping him in bed ensuring he was cool and hydrated and rested. You probably doted over him a little too much, but you couldn’t help yourself. Keanu stayed at the house in the guest room so that he could be nearby as well, since Tom had to go back to filming.

You’d told Tom what Keanu had said and it softened him a million degrees. Typically, Keanu was usually the instigator but sometimes Tom could be the first one to say something off colored. But it seemed that since Keanu was calling a truce, Tom could lower his guard. The two men actually seemed to coexist peacefully except arguing over who would pay for dinner.

Life was starting to look a little better for your little happy family.

[sylvesterbarzey]

I know we’re all having some pretty messed up days and we will make it through. Now with that being said, nothing makes me feel better about my messed up day more than watch a horror movie about someone’s even worse day. Well here are five horror movies with some totally messed up days that will make you happy your stuck at home in your PJs.

HARD CANDY/ KNOCK KNOCK:

Okay, what happens in these movies are fucked up for sure, but it’s debatable that both male characters deserved it. Let's be real people! I found myself saying award winning commentary like:

"Oh My God!"

"Not There!"

"Why Lord! Why!"

Both these movies have some crazy scenes, Knock Knock is more mental and emotional torture, while Hard Candy is “body torture”. Now you might be wondering why these guys deserve one big fucked up day, well…one is a cheater and one might be a pedophile. Don’t open your door to anyone you don’t know…especially if karma might be looking for you.

MOVIE RUN DOWN:

Hard Candy: Hayley (Ellen Page) is a precocious teenager who goes to a coffee shop to meet Jeff (Patrick Wilson), the photographer she met on the Internet. Jeff thinks he is in for a real treat, but Hayley plays a trick on him. After drugging Jeff and tying him down, Hayley reveals that she knows Jeff preys on teenage girls and she has a plan to wring a confession from him.

Knock Knock: Two nubile, stranded women (Ana de Armas, Lorenza Izzo) reveal a sinister agenda after they spend the night with a married architect (Keanu Reeves).

THE INVITATION:

Your ex-wife invited you to dinner with her new boo.Do we really have to go into why this guy is having a Fucked up day? I mean really people....Your EX-WIFE! I guess you can be a grown up and play nice with one another but as the back story of Logan Marshall-Green‘s Character Will and his are shown for us, you know these people shouldn’t be having dinner and you also get the feeling that Will’s Ex and her new man, might need to be fitted for straight jackets.

MOVIE RUN DOWN:

While attending a dinner party at his former house, a man (Logan Marshall-Green) starts to believe that his ex-wife (Tammy Blanchard) and her new husband (Michiel Huisman) have sinister plans for the guests.

HUSH:

As a writer I understand the need to be away from the world. I sometimes dream about how much work I can get done if I was locked away inside of a nice cabin in the woods (Update, not a whole lot, unless you count watching Tiger King and Teen Wolf as work).Yet, as a writer I also know, nothing good comes from a story involving a cabin in the woods. Hush gives you the core parts of a classic horror: Isolated location

Masked Killer

Woman All Alone

and then throws in the fact that the main character is deaf, which adds a whole new world of issues for her to face. This is a great movie about when a writers dream goes terribly wrong and one woman’s battle to survive.

MOVIE RUN DOWN:

A deaf writer who retreated into the woods to live a solitary life must fight for her life in silence when a masked killer appears in her window.

LAST SHIFT:

Everyone has a hard time on their first day at a new job. Someone forgets your name, you get lost, you sit alone at lunch.So, that's all sad but did you have to guard an abandoned police department, alone? Yeah, it's not too bad of a day…oh yeah, I forgot to mention the Manson family wannabes who were murdered in that same building years ago, are now back looking for blue blood. This movie made me the biggest Juliana Harkavy, she killed this role! I really hope she does more arrow, but she seems pretty happy with her role as Black Canary on the CW’s Green Arrow & The Canaries.

Movie Rundown:

After rookie cop Jessica Loren is been assigned the last shift at a transitioning police station, she must wait for a hazardous-materials crew to to pick up biomedical evidence; however, the shift turns into a living nightmare.

HAPPY DEATH DAY:

Well, you had to have known this was gonna be at the top of the list. A movie where you relive the same day over and over again, only resting it with your death? Happy Death Day is the MVP of the Bad Day Movie Genre (I don’t think it’s really a genre, I might have made it up) and the scream queen that leads this movie is Jessica Rothe, who plays Tree. I love this movie! The concept isn’t new and could have been cheesy but the fact that you were watching Tree grow as a character and overcome this crazy day was amazing. She ended the movie in a totally different place than she started. It might be the writer in me but that growth and whole story arch puts Happy Death Day really high on my favorite horror movies list.

MOVIE RUN DOWN:

Tree Gelbman is a blissfully self-centered collegian who wakes up on her birthday in the bed of a student named Carter. As the morning goes on, Tree gets the eerie feeling that she's experienced the events of this day before. When a masked killer suddenly takes her life in a brutal attack, she once again magically wakes up in Carter's dorm room unharmed. Now, the frightened young woman must relive the same day over and over until she figures out who murdered her.

ALRIGHT! YOU SURVIVED ANOTHER LIST, I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT. I TOLD EVERYONE YOU COULD. SO SINCE I BELIEVED IN YOU, HOW ABOUT YOU DO ME A FAVOR AND IF YOU LIKED IT, SHARE IT WITH SOME OTHER HORROR LOVERS AND IF YOU WANNA BE A REAL SURVIVOR YOU CAN:

Checkout My Books

www.sylvesterbarzey.com/books

[ladyreapermc]

Fic: This isn’t a rom-com 17/17

Author’s notes: So we finally arrived at the last chapter of this fic. I’m really proud of myself for writing something this long and actually getting to the end. I am already planning a sequel and I’d love to hear feedback on this chapter and what you think I could include in the sequel. I also would like to thank everone who stuck around and commented on this. You have no idea how happy you made me. Enjoy this last (for now) chapter!

Summary: Keanu and Lilah meet at the set of John Wick. Rom-com shenanigans ensues

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6  Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16

Wordcount: 3923

Warnings: bad language; smorking, fighting and some angst

Lilah woke up the next morning with the sound of her father’s car pulling up in the driveway. It made her stomach twist into knots, dread filling her chest because she knew there was no way to avoid it now, they would have to have that conversation. She untangled herself from Keanu and it was clear evidence of how exhausted he was because he barely stirred.

She exchanged her PJs for a pair of shorts and the first t-shirt she could find and went down the stairs. Lilah paused just outside the kitchen, listening to her parents talking in hushed voices.

“He’s out of sedation and breathing on his own,” Frank said with a sigh, weariness and fatigue coloring his voice. “I really thought… for a moment there…”

“Don’t,” Alba said her voice breaking a little. “He’s gonna be just fine. He’s strong.”

“I know, I just…” another sigh from her father. “He had a couple of cardiac arrests during surgery. Turns out amphetamines in his blood were reacting badly with one of the medications.”

“Amphetamines?” Alba’s tone was confused. “Like speed?”

“I don’t know what it is exactly, but yes. He’s doing drugs.”

“It’s not speed,” Lilah said walking into the kitchen and making her parents look over in surprise. “It’s probably Adderall.”

“Adderall?” her mom frowned. “Why would he take that?”

“To help him study for some tests. He promised to stop…” Lilah hated to break Jamie’s confidence like this, but they needed the full picture.

“And you believed him?” Frank snorted, his expression almost scornful. “All junkies say that!”

“Jamie’s not a junkie!” Lilah exclaimed. “He just…” she trailed off, at lost of what to say. “Had a lot on his plate and thought he needed a bust.”

“Oh please!” Frank snorted again. “I worked two jobs all through med school and never used drugs to pass my tests! He’s stupid, that’s what he is! And ungrateful! He was given a golden opportunity and just threw that away! Once the board of directors finds out he was on drugs while working for the hospital, that’s it! His career is over!” He slammed his fist on the table, making Alba and Lilah jump. “Stupid, reckless, idiot…”

“Stop!” Lilah shouted, making Frank’s angry gaze shift to her. “Just stop! Jamie’s in the hospital and all you care about is if he’s gonna have a job when all he gets out? How heartless are you?”

“Lilah…” Alba called in gentle warning, but Lilah was too far gone to pay attention. Between the terror of almost losing her brother and all of the soul searching she had been doing the past couple of weeks, hearing her father talking about Jamie like that made something inside of her snap.

“Do you even care about us? Aside from making sure we’re the poster children you can brag about at the country club?” she all but yelled in her father’s face, watching his blue eyes going wide. “Do you wanna know why Jamie was taking Adderall? Because he was working 80 hours a week in a hospital where everyone knew he was your son. He knew every action he took, every misstep he made would come back to you. He was working in a place that anything less than perfect would be unacceptable. I’m surprised he didn’t snap!”

“All there you go again!” Frank scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I’m the big bad villain because I want my children to succeed. How awful of me.”

“Not a villain. Just an asshole!”

“Dalilah!” Alba’s voice was like a crack of a whip, making her stand to attention with a start. “You will not speak like that under my roof! Especially not to your father.”

Lilah pressed her lips together and crossed her arms over her chest. She hated how her mom always took her father’s side of things.

“No Alba. Let her speak,” Frank said with a sneer. “Maybe that way she can work out through these daddy issues of hers! Because that’s the only reason I can think of for her to crazy enough to date a man old enough to be her father!”

His words made Lilah stumble back and straight into Keanu’s strong chest. He steadied her with gentle hands on her shoulders and she looked up at him, catching the somber expression in his face. She wondered how much he heard.

“And you,” Frank continued, getting to his feet and walking towards Keanu. Lilah made sure to keep herself between both men just in case. “I’ve been trying to figure out if this is some kind of mid-life crisis or if you’re just a creep who prey on naïve young girls.”

“I’m not a fucking girl!” Lilah shouted, making her father gaze snap back at her. “I’m twenty-nine, dad! A damn adult! Completely capable of making my own decisions about who I date or what I want to do with my life!” she declared stepping up at him and Frank actually backed away. “And you don’t get to criticize anyone about dating younger women. Wasn’t mom 21 when you met her? While you were 36? Don’t you think you’re being a little hypocritical?”  She saw her father’s eyes narrowing and the way he swallowed hard as he glanced at his wife. He didn’t have an argument against that. “You don’t get to judge my choice in boyfriends and you certainly do not get to bully me into being ashamed of this.”

“Is that what I’m doing?” he snorted, arms crossed over his chest.

“It’s what you always do!” she pointed out. “Darling, don’t you think that skirt is a little too small? You don’t want boys to think you’re easy, do you?” she pitched her tone lower, mimicking her father’s voice. “Baby, I’m sure creative writing classes are interesting, but what are you gonna use that for? Be smart about what you spend your money on. Film school? Are you out of your mind? Grow up! You need a real career!”

She could see her father’s eyes widening as she threw his own words back at him. Lilah always wondered if he even noticed how much they hurt. From the corner her eye, she saw Alba staring at them, her expression just as horrified.

“Truth is I do have tons of daddy issues. Jamie too,” Lilah said, her voice returning to normal. “Because you spent all of our lives making us feel worthless unless we were doing exactly what you wanted. You made us feel like unless we were your perfect children, you would never love us. I became a nearly pathological people-pleaser and perfectionist, while Jamie kept pushing himself so hard he felt his only choice was to take drugs so he wouldn’t disappoint you. So, congratulations! You did a great job fucking up your kids.” Lilah turned her back on her father, heading towards the door. “Oh, not that you care because it’s not a career you’d approve, but I got in film school. Starting next year, I’ll be getting a master's degree in screenwriting.”

She walked out the door, without a second look to her parents, but she felt Keanu following her like a silent shadow all the way back to her bedroom. She felt weirdly numb after that shouting match. All the words that had been stuck on her chest for so long finally out there. She dropped on the edge of her bed, staring unseeingly at her own hands.

“Are you ok?” Keanu asked, tone soft and gentle. He was kneeling in front of her, trying to catch her gaze. “Talk to me, please.”

“I don’t know,” she finally replied with a shaky breath. “I think I went too far. I overreacted and…”

“Don’t do that,” Keanu asked, caressing her cheek with his thumb. “You have all the right to be upset. Always. It doesn’t matter the reason; doesn’t matter if they don’t understand it or if they wouldn’t react the same way. It doesn’t make your feelings any less valid, okay?”

And those words hit Lilah in a corner of her heart that had been shoving all the hurt and pain of having her feelings invalidated and reprehended by people who were supposed to love her unconditionally, including herself. Lilah swallowed around the lump on her throat and hugged him tightly, hiding her face in his chest. Keanu maneuvered her until she was sitting on his lap and pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head and mumbling soothing words as he held her through it all.

She didn’t know how long she stayed like that, but after a while, Lilah’s tears finally stopped flowing and she just stayed cuddled in Keanu’s lap, letting him embrace her, keep her safe, away from the harsh reality of her brother being in the hospital or the epic fight she just had with her father. In his arms, none of that existed.

“Can I ask something?” Keanu started, voice low and gentle and Lilah nodded against his chest. “You’re really gonna go? To NYFA, I mean?”

“Yeah,” she replied, looking up at him. “I got the money and you were right; it is my dream. I’m tired of pushing it aside.”

“I’m very happy for you,” he smiled wide, kissing her forehead and Lilah grinned, some of the tightness in her chest loosening a bit. “But just so you know, if you decided to take that job at Oxford, I’d be happy for you too. I just want you to do what is best for you.”

“I know,” she replied, meeting his lips for a kiss as relief washed over her. It was good to know that Keanu would be supportive of her choice either way. “Thank you.”

There was a short knock on her door and Lilah got up to open it. She found her mother outside, her eyes red and puffy, she had been crying just like Lilah herself had.

“I’m going to see you brother. Are you coming?”

“Yeah. Just give me a moment to change?”

Her mother nodded and stepped away, letting Lilah close the door. She turned to Keanu and he just gave her a soft, understanding smile, still on his spot on the floor.

“Go. You need some time alone with your mom.”

“Thank you,” Lilah sighed, bending down for one last kiss before quickly changing clothes and meeting her mother by the car.

Most of the drive to the hospital was made in awkward silence, her mother staring straight ahead, shoulders and arms tense almost like a statue as she drove.

“Mãe (mom)…” Lilah started once they pulled the car to a stop at the visitor’s parking lot of the hospital. She just couldn’t take the silence anymore. “Desculpa (I’m sorry).”

“Não, amor. Eu que deveria pedir desculpas. Eu nunca soube (No, darling. I should be the one to apologize. I never knew) …” Alba choked up in her words, tears springing in her eyes. “Eu nunca soube que você se sentia assim. Nós te amamos, não importa o que você faça ou quem você namore. Eu sei que seu pai às vezes age como se isso não fosse verdade, mas é. Eu prometo (I never knew you felt like this. We love you, no matter what you do or who you date. I know sometimes your father acts like that isn’t true, but it is. I promise).”

“Eu sei (I know),” Lilah sighed, rubbing her face. “Mas saber e sentir são coisas bens diferentes (but knowing and feeling are very different thins).” Alba sighed too and pulled her into a hug.

“Vai ficar tudo bem. Jamie vai ficar bem e nós vamos encontrar um jeito de consertar tudo isso. Todos nós. (It’s gonna be ok. Jamie is going to be fine and we’re gonna find a way to fix everything. All of us).”

As Lilah stepped out of the car, she really wished she could find a way to believe her mom, but after everything that had happened in the last couple of days, being ok seemed like a very distant reality. She kept quiet and followed Alba through the hospital and to the ICU room where Jamie was being kept for observation.

The sight of her brother all hooked into tubes and wires looking small and frail was so jarring it made her freeze at the door. Lilah had always seen Jamie as a force of nature, unstoppable to the point of being annoying at times. But right here, in that hospital bed, under the harsh lights of the room, he looked anything but that.

“You’re just gonna stand there?” he asked, voice low and raspy, surprising Lilah. She knew he was out of the respirator, but she hadn’t been aware he was already talking.

“No, of course not!” she walked in, standing by the side of his bed, unsure of what to do, where to touch. “How are you?”

“I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck,” he joked weakly, cracking a smile. Lilah snorted. Only Jamie would make such a terrible joke at such a time. “So, I hear you’ve got yourself a sugar daddy? Some famous old fart?”

“Seriously?” Lilah rolled her eyes, glancing at her mom, who just rolled her eyes too. “He’s neither an old fart or my sugar daddy. He’s just older and my boyfriend.”

“I wanna meet him. See if he’s good enough for you,” Jamie said, his eyes fluttering closed. Lilah could only imagine how much effort it took for him to stay awake to chat with them.

“You will. When you get out of here,” she said with a smile. “For now, just get better, ok?” Lilah pressed a kiss on his forehead and stepped outside to give Jamie and Alba a moment alone.

While she waited, Lilah emailed both NYFA, confirming she would be signing up in January, and Arthur Pierce, politely declining his offer. The action released what was left of the knot of doubt that had taken residence in her chest. Lilah was still terrified of course. It was a lot of changes in a short time. She had no idea where her life was going. But for the first time, she felt that, wherever it was heading, it was on her terms and no one else’s. Or so she hoped.

After visiting Jamie, they headed back home and Lilah made a beeline to her bedroom, expecting to find Keanu there, but to her surprise, the room was empty and his suitcase packed, ready to go. The sight of it made her smile fall. She knew he couldn’t stay, but she didn’t expect him to go so soon.

As she was coming down the stairs to search for Keanu, Lilah saw her father heading towards the kitchen. She went after him, knowing they needed to talk. She wasn’t gonna apologize for what she said, but she knew she had cut him deep and someone needed to take the first step.  

She followed him to the backyard, her heart hitting her throat when she saw Keanu was sitting outside, smoking. Her father loomed over him for a moment, but Keanu seemed unfazed as he looked up at the older man.

“Give me one of those,” Frank said, at last, taking a seat on the lawn chair next to Keanu’s. “It’s been ages since I’ve smoked.”

“Not a good habit to have when you’re a doctor,” Keanu commented, and Lilah thought she heard just a hint of tension as he handed one and the lighter.

“I googled you,” Frank said after he lit his cigarette and returned the lighter to Keanu. “Wanted to know what kind of man my daughter was dating.”

“What did you find?”

“You certainly have been dealt a shitty hand in life,” Frank said, and Keanu snorted.

“I guess that’s one way of putting it,” he said, glancing sideways at the older man.

“This isn’t just some random fling for you, is it?” Frank asked, meeting his gaze.

“I don’t just jump in flights to Miami for random flings, Dr. Bennett. I love your daughter very much,” Keanu replied, his tone almost matter-of-factly and Lilah’s heart lunged in her chest.

“So, you knew about this film school thing?”

“That she got in? yes. That was decided to go I learned at the same time you did.”

“Tell me honestly, can she make it?” Frank asked his tone almost pleading. “I know she thinks everything I do is to control her, but all I ever wanted was to keep her safe. She’s my baby girl. I’m afraid of what the world can do to her. How it can hurt her, break her spirit.”

“Dr. Bennett, I can’t tell you if she’ll make it or not. There’s no way to know,” Keanu started, shifting on his chair so he was facing the other man. “I will tell you this: your daughter is amazing. She’s smart and stubborn and she’s stronger than you think. Tougher than you think. Even if she doesn’t make it, she’ll be fine. It’s not like she doesn’t have a backup plan. Knowing her, she probably already has a backup for the backup.”

“Yeah, that sounds like my Lilah,” Frank said with a chuckle.

“Trust your daughter, Dr. Bennett. You and your wife raised an incredible woman,” Keanu said with a smile and Frank snorted, eyes downcast.

“Didn’t you hear? I screw her up.”

“Only if you hold onto that image of who you wanted your daughter to be, instead of seeing who your daughter is and can be. That woman? She’s breathtaking.”

As Keanu said that, he glanced over at Lilah, catching her soft smile and smiling too. Frank followed his gaze, noticing his daughter was there watching them, before looking back at Keanu with a chuckle.

“How long have you known she was standing there?”

“A while.” Keanu stood up and offered him a hand. “It was very nice to meet you, Dr. Bennett.”

“You too, Keanu.” Frank stood up too and shook his hand.

With one final nod, Keanu walked up to Lilah. He paused in front of her, hand on her cheek, just watching her. There was such a sadness in his gaze that she felt her chest tightening.

“I’ll give you two some privacy,” he said, pressing a kiss on her lips and walking away before Lilah could say anything else. She thought about following him, but there was another man in her life she needed to focus her attention on right now.

Lilah took the seat Keanu had vacated, hugging herself and keeping her eyes away from Frank. Part due to hurt. Part due to fear. She wasn’t sure what to expect just yet.

“He’s sneaky, that one,” Frank commented, stubbing the remains of his cigarette and Lilah nodded. “But wise and very much in love with you.”

“I’m very much in love with him too,” Lilah said, glancing at her father to gather his reaction but he just sighed.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Frank said, his voice breaking, eyes welling up. “I never wanted to hurt you I was just trying…”

“I know, dad,” Lilah sighed too, struggling to talk around the lump in her throat. “But Keanu’s right. You need to trust me, let me make my own choices. If I screw up, then I’ll face the consequences. That’s how life works.”

“I know,” he replied with a shaky breath. “If I could turn back the time…”

“We can’t,” Lilah interrupted, taking his hand and squeezing it slightly. “We can try to do better from now on.” Frank nodded, drying his eyes on his sleeves.  

“He’s right, you know?” he said with a soft smile. “You already are an incredible woman and I’m very proud of you.”

“Thanks, Dad,” she replied, letting him pull her into a hug.

Lilah knew this wound between them was far from healed, but they made steps in the right direction today and that was definitely something. She stayed wrapped in her dad’s embrace for a while longer before they both headed back inside. Frank stayed in the kitchen to help Alba, while Lilah headed to her room, finding Keanu sitting on her bed, all ready to go.

“How are things with your dad?” he asked before Lilah could even begin to speak.

“It’s… not good, but better, I guess,” she admitted, take a seat next to him and letting Keanu entwine their fingers together. “We’ll need to work on it. I need to work on it. Just another thing for the list.”

Lilah let out a long sigh. She didn’t even recognize her life at this point. Not after most of what she thought she was and wanted changed and Lilah didn’t even know if for better or worse just yet. Only time would tell. There was one thing Lilah knew, though.

“You can’t stay, can you?” she wasn’t just speaking about Miami.

“No,” Keanu sighed, voice so low Lilah barely heard it. “You’ll never be sure if you made these choices because of yourself or me if I stay.”

She let out a shaky, strangled breath, tears prickling her eyes again. She hated the fact that he was right. Would Lilah even have considered film school if she hadn’t met him? Would it even have been such a hard choice between NYFA and Oxford if Keanu wasn’t in her life? After everything, Lilah wanted to do this for herself and be sure she was doing it for herself.

“You know, if this was a rom-com, right now would be the part we make big declarations of love and kiss and everything would be magically alright,” Lilah pointed out, her tone a little bittersweet.

“This isn’t a rom-com,” Keanu replied, bringing her knuckles to his lips. “There’s no magic fix, Lil. Despite what The Beatles said, sometimes, love is not all you need.”

“I know,” her voice was cracking, tears making it hard for her to get the words out. “I don’t wanna do this.”

“Me either,” his own voice was rough and choked. When Lilah dared to look his way, Keanu had his head bent low, hair shielding his face. “But you’re figuring yourself, figuring your life and I’m afraid that if I stay, I’ll get in your way because I’ll want to help. Right now, if I could, I’d try to protect you from all harm. It took everything of me not to intervene when you were arguing with your parents. I still didn’t manage to stay out of it completely. I just wasn’t built that way. You need to know that it was all you. Your decisions, your mistakes, your wins… I can’t be part of it. Not yet anyway.”

“K…” her voice died as Lilah didn’t know what to say to that and Keanu let out a small snort, glancing her way, his eyes reddish.

“I like how you call me, K. Everyone else goes for Ke.”

“I’m not everyone else,” Lilah replied, and he smiled, that same sad smile from before.

“No. You’re not,” Keanu pulled her into his lap, hugging her tight, face buried on her neck. Lilah wrapped her arms around him just as tightly, nose in his hair, breathing in deep.

“What time is your flight?” she mumbled against his hair.

“In four hours,” he replied, and Lilah felt his warm breath tickling her skin.

“Can you stay until then?” She asked and Keanu tilted his head up, meeting her eyes.

“I’d like that,” he said, letting Lilah seal his lips with a kiss.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxthe end (for now at least)xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tag list (give a shout to be added or removed)

@toomanystoriessolittletime @meetmeinthematinee @theolsdalova @krazycags01 @beyond-antares @cumberbatchbaps @sgt-morgan @futuristic-imbecile @howtoruin-someones-perfect-day @a-really-bi-girl @fanficsrusz @nonsensicalobsessions @poisonedjoinery @soarocks @kindainlovewithkeanu @ficsnroses @weird-civilian​

[ladyreapermc]

Fic: This isn’t a rom-com 7/?

Author’s notes: So this one is a little longer than usual, but not by much. Lot’s of stuff happening and I’d love feedback about the direction I’m taking this. I’m always open to suggestions!

Wordcount: 3524

Warnings: one F. bomb, but other than that, lots and lots of fluff.

Part 1 Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6

Lilah was supposed finishing her breakfast and getting ready to go to work, but instead, she was browsing the New York Film Academy page, especially the Master of Arts in screenwriting and its admission application.

She didn’t even know why she was doing it. It wasn’t like Lilah was actually considering applying for it. She already had a master’s degree. Not only that, she already had a career that she spent the last ten years of her life investing in. This was just a stupid pipe dream and nothing more.

“Morning”, Isaac’s voice started Lilah out of her thoughts, and she hurried to close her laptop lid and turn to watch as he padded into the kitchen and poured himself some coffee, still on his PJs.

“Morning. Shouldn’t you be getting ready for work?” Usually, Isaac worked from 8 to five or later whenever needed.

“We had some night shooting yesterday and it wrapped up around six,” he replied yawning and dropping on the chair in front of her, cradling his mug. “I’ve just gotten back and I’m planning on sleeping all morning.”

“Jesus! That’s some horrible hours,” Lilah commented with a wince and Isaac just nodded.

“And I’m one of the lucky ones because all the runners take turns helping out while the others take a nap. I don’t know how Keanu does it. The guy is a machine. But this was my last day anyway.”

“Wait, what?” Lilah asked surprised. “You quitted?”

“Yeah. It was good money, but it was getting in the way of rehearsals, both theater, and band.”

“Band? What band?” Lilah looked at him confused. Why didn’t she know about this?

“Oh right! You didn’t come to my last gig,” Isaac said and there wasn’t any accusation on his tone, but Lilah still felt bad. She had been with Keanu last weekend and missed his performance. “These guys liked my vocals and asked me if I was interested in joining their band. I said yes.”

“But what about musical theater and the Hollywood dream?” she asked, her eyes wide. How come she missed such a change in her friend’s life? Isaac just shrugged.

“I’m still doing theater, but you know I love to be on the stage too and these guys have a great sound,” he said draining his mug and picking up Lilah’s breakfast dishes to bring to the kitchen. “And I can still take on Hollywood in a different way. But to do that, I need time to rehearsal. So as of Monday, you’re looking at the newest barista for Novelsy.”

Lilah was at a loss of words faced with so many changes in Isaac’s life in such a short period of time. She was being a lousy friend, focusing too much on her own issues and missing Isaac’s and Jean’s lives.

“Oh. I know that look,” he said with a frown. “It’s the ‘I’m having a freak out’ look. What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Isaac asked, tapping her temple gently.

“I just…” Lilah sighed. “I can’t believe I ended up missing so much in these last few weeks. I’m sorry.”

“Well, you have been a little self-absorbed lately,” Isaac pointed out with a small grimace. “But I get it. It’s the thrill of new love and all that.”

It was weird how Isaac’s words managed to be exactly right, but the truth behind them still took her by surprise. Because no matter how hard Lilah tried to fight it or pretend otherwise, she was in love with Keanu. Had been for a while now and it was both exhilarating and terrifying.

“Oh honey,” Isaac sighed, catching her wide-eyed gaze. “You’re one of the smartest people I know, but when it comes to your own feelings…”

And could she really argue with that? It was staring her in the face this whole time and Lilah didn’t see it. Well, no, that wasn’t quite right, was it? She refused to see it because she was afraid. Afraid of what it could be and where it would lead and how it would end.

And this was so no what Lilah signed up for when started this thing with Keanu. Or at least that’s what she kept telling herself. She kept repeating that he was her friend and that was all but none of her friendships ever felt like this. And to be fair, considering how sweet, humble, caring, intelligent and amazing Keanu was, did she even stand a chance of not falling in love?

“Are we having a meltdown at this time in the morning?” Jean asked in a yawn and filling a cup of coffee for herself.

“The penny finally dropped on the Keanu thing,” Isaac informed.

“Thank fuck! The oblivious thing was cute at the beginning, but it was starting to get annoying,” Jean said, her harsh words shaking Lilah from her daze. “Also, not fun to get kicked off my own place so you could have your little ‘not a date’ with Keanu.”

“I never kicked you out of the apartment!” Lilah complained, glaring at her friend and Jean rolled her eyes.

“Right. Because I wanna be here when you two are making heart eyes at each other. No, thank you.”

“Jean!” Isaac chided cutting her off. “There were a dozen ways you could’ve said that without coming off like a bitch.”

From the corner of her eye, Lilah saw Jean cross her arms over her chest, her lips pulling in a thin line of displeasure. She hated to be called out over her bluntness.

“But even though she could have phrased better,” Isaac continued, looking over at Lilah. “Keanu has been coming over a lot. Not that I mind, but it does take away some of our privacy, you know?”

Lilah sighed and nodded. He had a point. They both did. Lilah never thought she would be one of those people that ditched her friends the second they started dating. Not that she was dating Keanu but…

“I’m sorry. I’ve been a shitty friend.”

“A little bit,” Jean agreed, but Lilah could see she was fighting a smile. “But we still love you.”

“We do,” Isaac agreed with a grin. “And you can start making up for the lost time by coming to my band’s gig this Friday night.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Lilah assured, kissing his cheek. “Now get your ass in bed! You look exhausted.”

Isaac nodded and waved at them both, before disappearing into his bedroom. Lilah hesitated for a moment, before glancing at Jean, who was inconspicuously avoiding looking her way.

“Are we ok?” Lilah asked and Jean nodded with a sigh.

“I missed my friend, you know? I missed talking to you, knowing what was going on in your life and sharing mine.”

“I’ve missed you too,” she said, dragging Jean for a hug. “How about tomorrow, after my class, you and I get some retail therapy? Novelsy’s costume contest is next week after all.”

“A girl after my own heart,” Jean joked with a grin. “It’s a date.”

“Alright,” Lilah replied with a chuckle as she got up and head to her own bedroom.

She went to turn off her laptop, Lilah was confronted once more with the New York Film Academy page, which made her pause. When she told Keanu how she considered going to film school as a teenager, Lilah didn’t give him the full picture.

The idea of being a writer, creating stories and universes, especially movies, had always been a dream. She remembered reading The Lord of the Rings for the first time and having that mix of fascination and jealousy of Tolkien for being able to create such a fantastic, magical universe that entertained so many people. Lilah wanted to do that too. Leave a mark in the world, tell a story, make people laugh and cry and love that thing she created.

But Lilah also remembered how her father reacted when she said she wanted to apply for film school. He had actually laughed because he thought she was joking. She knew he didn’t do it to hurt her. He was looking out for her, wanting her to be practical about her future.

What were the odds of Lilah making it in that industry? One in a million considering that she was a woman of color? Considering that it wasn’t all depending on hard work? Was she even good enough to begin with? Well, there was one quick way to find out.

Her eyes shifted back to the computer and Lilah took a seat, browsing her archives. Writing samples were required for submission, a fictional piece and a non-fictional.

She could use one of the reviews she wrote for Novelsy’s blog as a non-fiction sample. Lilah had gotten positive feedback from those. The fiction piece would give her a bit more trouble and after some more searching, Lilah decided on a fantasy story she wrote during college.

Lilah would need to work out a few kinks, but she really liked that one, so she put on her headphones blasting some of her favorite music as the story poured out of her, her fingers flying over the keyboard in a way she never managed to do whenever she was writing her dissertation.

By the end of the morning, Lilah had close to five thousand words written and any thought prepping her class for tomorrow slip her mind, but Lilah didn’t feel guilty at all. There was only excitement as she proofread her material.

After she annexed the documents, Lilah rechecked the application form, hesitating over the campus options.  For a second, the cursor hovered over the LA option, before she selected the NY campus and submitted everything.

Lilah must be crazy for even considering LA. Even if for brief seconds. Her life was in New York. LA had nothing to offer her. Which was a lie, she knew, but fortunately, it was one easy to ignore.

Once that was taken care of, Lilah started to get ready to go to NYU. She had some data she needed to run through the analysis software and Lilah could only do it on campus. She was halfway through getting dressed when her phone rang, the screen showing Keanu’s name and selfie with the puppy beagle.

“Hey,” she greeted as how could Lilah have missed being in love with him for this long when just a phone call from him could brighten up her whole day? “How was filming last night?”

“It was good. Tiring, but good. Basil gave us the night off since we’re managing to keep up with the schedule,” Keanu replied, and Lilah could actually picture his proud smile. “I was thinking we could do something. Since I cut off our movie night short yesterday.”

“We don’t have to,” she said, reminded of Isaac’s comment earlier. “You must be exhausted.”

“A little bit, but…” he paused for a moment. “I want to see you.”

His voice was soft barely a whisper and it almost felt a little like a confession and it set the butterflies loose in her belly and she smiled.

“Well, we could watch something, get some pizza…”

“That sounds great. I’ll drop by later?”

“Sure, but promise to get some rest first?”

“I’m in bed right now. Don’t worry.”

And Lilah couldn’t help but conjure a picture of Keanu shirtless in bed, dark hair splayed over the pillow and hooded eyes. Her breath caught in her throat.

“Good,” she croaked as she tried recomposing herself. “Sleep well.”  

It wasn’t until she hung up that Lilah realized what she had just done and winced. She was such a terrible friend, but now it was too late. She knew Isaac wouldn’t mind. He would be out rehearsing anyway, but Jean…

Lilah stepped out of the room, finding Jean cleaning the breakfast dishes. She hesitated by the counter, drumming her fingers on the top and Jean heaved a sigh.

“What did you do?” she asked, turning around, hands on her hips.

“I might have invited Keanu over,” Lilah replied with a grimace and Jean rolled her eyes. “Sorry!”

“Fine! But only because I have to do inventory anyway.” Lilah let out a happy squeal and squeezed Jean in a hug. “And you’re helping me with the Halloween contest! It was your idea after all.”

“I promise! Thank you!”

Lilah said her goodbyes to Jean and headed out, doing her best to push thoughts on Keanu and her brand-new revelation aside while she worked, managing to be somewhat successful until she got back home to find Keanu, browsing through her bookcase, dressing in a fitted jeans and a t-shirt so tight it seemed to be struggling to contain his biceps.

“Hi,” she greeted, and Keanu flashing her a warm smile.

“Hi. Isaac let me in. That’s ok, right?”

“Of course. I’ll be right with you. I’m just gonna take just a quick shower.”

“Sure.”

Lilah dropped her things in her bedroom and hurried to the bathroom that she shared with Isaac. There was only one suite in the apartment and Jean claimed it since the place was hers after all.  

She went through her usual shower routine, but it wasn’t until Lilah was drying herself that she realized she didn’t bring any clothes with her. Lilah was just so used to shower and then go back to her room to change it kind of became a habit.

If it was Isaac or Jean outside, Lilah wouldn’t even hesitate to step out, but it wasn’t them. It was Keanu and she would have to walk past him to go back to her room.

There was nothing else she could do at this point, so with a deep breath, Lilah pulled the towel tighter against her body, making sure that there wasn’t anything showing before she walked out, refusing to look his way. She did, however, hear his sharp intake of breath disguised as a cough.

Once she was safe inside her room Lilah leaned against the door and let out a sigh. She just paraded in a towel in front of Keanu! Shit! Did he look? She wondered for a second but shook herself out of it. That would lead her nowhere. Instead, she focused on getting dressed, coming back to the living room to find Keanu on the phone. He gave her an apologetic smile as his attention returned to the call.

“My publicist. Sorry about that,” Keanu said, hanging up. “But I’m all yours now.” Lilah couldn’t help her wide grin at the way Keanu took a second to realize what he said and cursed under his breath. “I didn’t mean…”

“I know,” she chuckled. “It’s nice to be on the other side of those for a change.”

Keanu chuckled too, rubbing his nape in embarrassment and part of Lilah want to reach for him, pull him in a hug and a kiss, but that was a very dangerous line of thought so instead, she picked up the pizza menu.

“So, I have a very important thing to ask you,” she started with a somber voice. “It might define if this,” she gestured between them. “Will continue any further.”

“I’m already nervous,” he quipped, turning to look at her better.

“How do you feel about pineapple on pizza?” She inquired and Keanu shook his head in disbelief as he chuckled. “Oh, I’m serious. There is a right answer to this.”

“I don’t like it?” he replied with a hesitant smile and Lilah gaped at him in exaggerated horror

“And you call yourself Hawaiian!” she teased, clicking her tongue in disappointment and making Keanu laugh.

“You do know that Hawaiian pizza isn’t really Hawaiian, right?” He commented and she rolled her eyes.

“Fake Canadian then,” she shot back, sticking her tongue out at him and Keanu snorted in amusement. “Pepperoni?”

“Sure,” he agreed. Lilah called in their order before joining Keanu on the couch.

“So you’re going to Japan?” she asked curiously.

“Yeah. 47 Ronin’s premiere,” Keanu explained, and Lilah just hummed, avoiding his eyes. “What?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You have a very expressive face, Bennett,” he said, and Lilah laughed.

“I don’t want to judge a movie based only on a trailer,” she started hesitantly.

“But you didn’t like it,” he completed with a chuckle.

“It’s not that I didn’t like it, I just… Let’s just say Hollywood doesn’t exactly have a great track record on portraying other cultures.”

“You have a point,” Keanu relented, and Lilah was glad to see he didn’t seem upset with her comment. “We did our best to show respect for Japanese culture and the legend, though.”

“I’m sure you did. This is ok, right? Talking about your movies?”

“It’s fine. I like talking about what I do,” he assured, and she grinned.

“So, I can ask about John Wick? Because I still don’t know what’s about even though I’m technically in it?”

Keanu chuckled and quickly explained the general plot for the movie, hands waving around excitedly as he described the entire process behind getting the movie greenlighted and getting his friends Chad and David involved.

Lilah could tell not only how much Keanu loved what he did by the way he was smiling, by the eagerness in his voice, but she could also see that this wasn’t any movie for him. She hung onto every word of his, chin on her head and her chest felt about to burst at the overwhelming affection Lilah felt for him.

After a moment, Keanu fell silent and he once again did that ducked head, hand covering the mouth chuckle that Lilah learned to associate to him being shy or embarrassed about something.

And maybe he saw it in her eyes, so she quickly looked away. The last thing Lilah needed was Keanu catching on to her feelings and making everything awkward between them. She had come to enjoy their time together too much.

It was a bit of a relief when the pizza finally arrived because it gave them something else to focus on, beside themselves.

“You can try the Hawaiian if you want,” she offered after they moved to the couch to eat, a random movie playing on the TV just for noise. “I’m the only one who likes it in this house.”

“I’m good.”

“Are you sure? It’s really good,” she said in a sing-song voice and Keanu snorted.

“You’re gonna annoy me into trying, aren’t you?” He asked with a sigh that really wasn’t annoyed at all. Lilah just nodded with a grin. “Fine. Give it here.”

Lilah didn’t know why she didn’t just hand him the slice. Instead, she moved closer and lifted it in front of him. Keanu hesitated briefly before he took a bite, lips brushing against her fingers as he did it. It sent shivers down her spine because Lilah hadn’t expected it to feel this intimate.

“And?” she asked, clearing her throat.

“It was better than I was expecting,” Keanu admitted sipping his beer and Lilah grinned. Small victories.

She brought the slice back to herself, but before she could take a bite, Keanu leaned forward and stole the last bit. The movement brought him so close his beard actually brushed again her cheek.

“Hey!” Lilah protested as he grinned smugly.

“You’re the one that wanted me to try it,” he pointed out, bumping his shoulder against hers. Lilah shook her head and picked up another slice, trying to hide her pleased grin.

They talked for a while longer, completely ignoring the TV. It was fun and comfortable, and Lilah knew she could probably spend the entire night like that, but it was getting late and she knew Keanu had to work tomorrow and so did she.

“I think we should call it a night,” she said, turning off the TV.

“We didn’t watch anything,” he pointed out and Lilah shrugged.

“It was still fun. I like just talking to you.”

“Yeah, me too,” Keanu replied, his lips tugging on a smile as he helped her clean up.

“So, Novelsy’s hosting its first costume contest next week. Afterward, Isaac’s theater group is reenacting Rocky Horror Picture Show in this bar. It’s basically a bunch of drunk people singing along to the songs, trying to remember their lines and failing miserably. It’s really fun, do you wanna come?”

“Sure,” Keanu agreed, and Lilah could see the doubt in his eyes, that was quickly replaced with a curious smile. “Are you gonna be in costume?”

“Definitely,” she replied, as she looked at him under her lashes. “Gotta be there to know what it is though.”

“Then I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

There was something in the way that Keanu said it, the way he was looking at her that just stole her breath, making her heart thunder in her chest and there was no way to see this as anything other than flirting.

“See you on Thursday, then,” she said, standing up to press a kiss on his cheek. She barely missed his lips and she really hoped Keanu noticed it was on purpose.

(tbc)

Go to part 8

Permanent Taglist (give me a shout if you want to added or removed)

@poisonedjoinery @ringa-starr @curly-minnie @i-cant-remember-my-old-login @caryled @beyond-antares @kathorax @krazycags01 @meetmeinthematinee @red-pill-blue-pill @baphometwolf666 @soarocks @imagine-the-fanfics @moonlit-raven-haven @cumberbatchbaps @coolbreezeinkeanureeves @kindainlovewithkeanu @sgt-morgan