#will campos get out of my head i beg you

[methcheese]

me when “i didn’t grow into someone he can be proud of after he did all that” and “youre not proud of me?” and “if i yell at him ill never stop yelling at him” and “why my dad cant feel the way dads are supposed to feel about me” and “i dont even like me that much” and “he did this for me and he doesnt even like me”

[seeasweetsmile]

Hey ! Here a Kimdine oneshot that nobody asked for. I already talked before : it’s about a race between Kim and Ondine. Ondine will be on subway, and Kim at foot. (because, let’s get real ; Kim is crazy enough to do this kind of bet). @snekwami I’m permit myself to tag you in it. Hope you don’t mind ! ^^

On ff.net in French. On Ao3 in English.

Title : Race against time Pairing : Kim x Ondine (Kimdine) Disclaimer : Characters are not mine, I’m just have fun to write them. Summary : After Kim once again praised his abilities for the race with Ondine, who only half believes him, he decides to prove to her that he’s right in the form of a challenge : Ondine by subway. Kim running. From the Louvre to the Place d'Italie. Whoever arrives first at the fountain wins.

.

"Are you sure you want to do that ?”, asked Ondine for the umpteenth time, looking down at Kim's squatting figure next to her. Indeed, he was curled up on himself and was firmly tie his laces. The challenge he was about to do had begun earlier this week. While they had walked the streets of the city and had seen a runner with expensive sneakers on the poster of a pub stuck on a bus stop, Kim had again boasted of his capabilities for the race with Ondine because "pfff, I don’t need these big shoes to be the fastest in Paris". Of course, the redhead had only half believed, as evidenced by her little head movement accompanied by her amused smile. Vexed, the sportsman had decided to prove to her that he was telling the truth. And what's better than turning that into a bet ? The rules were simple : Ondine would go by subway. And Kim on the run. From the Louvre to the Place d'Italie. Whoever arrives first in front of the fountain wins. Ondine's only difficulty with her subway trip was that she had to take a connection and not take Line 7 – which was a direct route. Otherwise it would be too easy and she would win in advance. She should take Line 1 towards Château de Vincennes, then change to Bastille to take line 5 and stop at Place d'Italie. So, it would take about 25 to 30 minutes by subway if all went well. While Kim had calculated the distance time : If he walked quietly, his route would take him 50 minutes. But Kim wouldn’t walk. He was going to run. And the boy would run fast, so you could compare his speed to that of a bike. As a result, his time would be halved and he would travel the distance in just 25 minutes. Their times were about equal, so it was playable.

And now, they were here on a misty Saturday afternoon, posted next to a metro entrance, waiting to begin their foolish challenge. “I’ve never been so sure of my life.”, he replies, switching to his other shoe. While she was in her thoughts and she crossed her arms behind her as a sign of timidity, Ondine smiled with a mischievous air – despite her cheeks that took on an adorably pink hue, and sank a glance towards him. “So… do you want a good-luck kiss ?”, she teased as her heart beat faster. But Kim stood up at once, resting his fists on his hips, while a confident smile stretched his lips and his gray eyes twinkled with determination as he crossed her eyes. "No need for luck. You will see that my abilities are real. I already won the inter-college tournament last year, remember ? So this course will be a breeze.” Ondine blinked, disconcerted by the assurance of her boyfriend who was so focused on the race to not consider that she offered him a implied kiss. She smiled awkwardly as the hope in her heart was slightly deflated. It was Kim, after all : there were times when he did not really grasp the subtlety of things. Or he had only listened to half of what she had said and only retaining the word "luck ". Yes, it was very likely that this is the second possibility.

"My train arrives in two minutes ; I should go there.”, she says after consulting her phone. She put her phone in her bag and said, "Well, I'm waiting for you in front of the fountain, then !”, as she greeted him with a wave of her hand. "Yeah yeah, get smart with me, Ondine.”, Kim laughs. "I'd prove you that I'm right." "That's what we are going to see.”, she concluded in a wink. Then the redhead disappeared on the stairs of the subway. Kim looked down at the watch on his wrist, whose two-minute counter was decreasing second by second. He closed his eyelids, jumped on the spot to warm up, then set in position : the fingers placed on both sides on the ground, one leg stretched behind him while the second was folded, buttocks slightly raised in height. He ignored the intrigued and confused glances of passers-by around him. Eyelids closed, he took a breath, released his overflowing air, re-opened his eyes as gray as sharp in front of him, then waited. His watch emitted two distinct beeps and the athlete burst into the air, sliding his soles on the asphalt. When the wind gently stroked her face, Kim had a good feeling and allowed herself a confident smile.

.

On her side, Ondine let the last people go down on the platform and went up in the wagon. Despite the few seats that were available, the redhead strategically chooses to stand beside the doors. In this way, she would be able to get out as quickly as possible and access the other tunnel. The stations run at the same rate as the doors open and close. Although she has her headphones in the ears and the sound at a decent level to hear the lyrics of her music, the squeak of the wagon on the rails twists her eardrums and makes her cringe. She has lived in Paris for years and uses public transport, but she can never fully get used to this kind of noise. Once the stop "Bastille" reached, the train slowed and Ondine takes a step forward to be in front of the doors. She glances at her mobile phone and finds that she is on time. The door of the wagon opens automatically to vomit his passengers, and the redhead starts running again. She hurries to run in the corridors, avoiding and doubling other users, to catch her next subway. When she hears the sound of her train ringing earlier in the corridors, her heart misses a beat and she starts down the stairs, hoping to get it on time. But once on the pier, she is forced to watch, helplessly, the departure of the train that sinks inside the tunnel at the other end of the wharf.

A woman's voice then announces that the next train is in three minutes, and Ondine slams her tongue to the palace. "Shit... !”, she pleads to herself. Frustrated at having to wait and waste precious time, she ran her hands over her face and short strands, trying to calm her nerves. Damn, at this rate, Kim was going to win. She imagined him almost doubling her own subway, and this thought snatches her a brief smile. The scariest thing was that this idiot is quite capable to do it... Her green eyes fixed on the train, which stopped in a scream as horrible as it was deafening, she was selfishly begging for Kim to be slowed down by piles of red light, and a monster crowd to slow down his extraordinary speed. Once supported against the window of the wagon that would lead to victory, the redhead can’t help but tremble anxiously her leg watching the stone wall scroll at a crazy speed. Let’s hope that she arrives before Kim despite the slight delay she took. She knew from experience through swimming that every second counted. That's why she couldn’t afford to hang out once out at her station. And although it was not as excessive as him, she also had the spirit of competition.

Especially that, apart from the simple pride of being right, the loser will have to pay for each other's new accessories for their respective sports :

So if Ondine wins, she could have a swimsuit that would unleash her full potential, more powerful glasses, and maybe even the green-turquoise bath towel with flamingo motifs on which she had flashed a few weeks ago.

And if Kim won, he would have the right to the full panoply of the perfect runner ; an undershirt that perfectly sculpted his muscles, a pair of light shorts that exposed his thighs, a cotton cuff for his wrist, and if she was generous, maybe she would take sneakers that were even more comfortable than the ones he owned already. Soon, the stations "Quai de la Rapée", "Gare d'Austerlitz", "Saint-Marcel", and "Campo Formio" gave way to the long-awaited station : "Place d'Italie". As soon as she was released from the train, the redhead hurried off the platform, climbed the steps two by two, passed the turnstile with a sudden movement that earned her the outraged look of a little old woman, and ran quickly in the corridors to take the stairs two by two. Once outside, in the open air, she didn’t have time to catch her breath and rushed on the first pedestrian crossing she saw.

"Come on, faster... faster...", she mumbles in her breath.

As she skirted a lot of people in a quick step and mechanically apologized when her broad shoulders jostled the others' handbags, Ondine glanced up at the trees and the fountain that spat out her jet water in the center of the square, hoping not to see a red hoodie.

But her prayers were unfortunately not heard, since at the arrival of the iron enclosure that bordered the park, her green eyes caught the red garment and the blonde lock of his competitor a few meters from the central fountain. Her infernal rhythm stops dead, just as her steps creak on the gravel. She does her best to catch her breath. Inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth, swallow, and so-and-so.

When she sees him shaking his arm with a huge smile in her direction, she still doesn’t believe it. Kim had won. Her shoulders sag and a bittersweet fragrance floats in the air. Despite the result, she closes her eyelids and greets the victory of her boyfriend with a proud smile.

Joining him, the smile on her face froze when she noticed that he was limping slightly and had the side of his head stained with blood. She gasps, instinctively putting her hands to her mouth to avoid screaming in horror.

"Kim ! Oh my god, what happened ?!”, she asks as she raises her fingers and hesitates to touch the wound in his head.

"Oh, I got hit by a car. Nothing serious.", he replies as if he were telling her that he had been buying a wand at the baker's.

"What ?”, she lets go of her lips.

"Yeah, that was crazy. I was running on the sidewalk but the traffic light in front of me went red, so I went – because I did not want to waste time, do you understand ?, but a car arrived and hit me. I roll on a meter or two. But I felt good, so I continued to chart my way.", he says, proudly bulging his chest, his fists on his hips.

“Usually, it’s the cars that make hit-and-runs offence when they overthrow a person, not the other way around...", Ondine managed to answer in an Olympian calm that surprised her herself.

"I know !”, Kim continued, extending his arms, "But I didn’t have time to stop or wait for help to examine me ! I shouted "I'm in a hurry, sorry !” And then I left. I think it was the adrenaline that kept me going all the way. I even think I was in the Zone. Ah, but now that I'm at rest, my leg starts to hurts and - oh my god, you hid me that you could using the multiclonage.” he says before tilting his body to one side and squinting his eyes. "You're not akumatized one more time, are you ?"

Ondine sighs and gently takes his hand in hers to squeeze it in comfort. For him or for her, she didn’t know too much. She crosses his gray eyes which examines her with a dubious look and shakes her head, tired.

"No, I'm not re-akumatized, Kim.”, she answers before making a move towards the fountain. "Come on, come over there : we'll chill out a moment."

They landed on the stone outline of the fountain, which spewed its water in a throbbing sound. Once seated, she immediately took her bottle of water from her backpack and a handkerchief to soak the tissue and dried blood on Kim's temple. Except for the small start in contact with the cold water on his wound, the latter didn’t flinch and let himself go. After checking the result, the redhead asked him to hold a new handkerchief soaked in water against his wound - in case the wound would re-open, then get up. "Don’t move.”, she ordered away, hand raised while the other pulled out her mobile phone. "I will call the helpers to take care of you." While on the phone, part of her mind is aware that Kim – with his arm still raised to hold her handkerchief to the side of her forehead, watches her pacing. When she hangs up and approaches her boyfriend to sit next to him, he lowers his arm and puts the tissu next to his thigh. "They arrive.”, replied Ondine at the sight of his questioning gaze. "You drank your bottle of water, by the way ?" "Fifteen minutes after my departure.”, he informs, nodding his head. Ondine acquiesces in a "good”, then dig into her backpack to get out a cereal bar. "Here. For you to regain strength." Eyebrows arched in astonishment, Kim blinked at the snack she was giving her. "What about you ? You don’t want it ? It's yours, nah ?”, he asks. "I already ate it on my way.”, she lied, shaking her head. "But I thought of taking several just in case." "Oh.”, he answers simply, before gently smiling at the candy. "Thanks, Ondine. You're awesome." She then watches him open the package and chew in the cereal bar to store the piece in his cheeks as if he were a hamster. His gaze softened at the sight of the young man who seemed happy to have something sweet to put in his mouth, no more shocked than that to have had an accident. "You're really an idiot... do you know that ?”, she blows. Kim throws a glance at her, and she notices at that moment that his features stretch with an amused air. "There must be one who has everything in the muscles and nothing in the brain !”, he jokes. But that did not make Ondine laugh, who looked at him with pursed lips and a frown. Seeing that she had just disappointed, Kim swallows what he has in the mouth and shamefully drops the eyes at the same time that his shoulders collapse. Using his thumb, he triturates the paper from his cereal bar with a slight noise.

"Sorry...", he mumbles. "I know very well that I do not have much in my head but that's the only way I can draw attention to myself. I prefer to be stupid and take everything lightly rather than being serious." "Hey.”, she called, banging her elbow gently against her boyfriend's blank. She crosses his gray eyes, the edges of which were slightly slanted - a detail she loved so much, then smiled reassuringly. "You don’t have to show off or do the interesting thing to get noticed. I mean, it doesn’t bother me ; I think you're awesome enough and funny to appreciate that side of you. And for having seen you at work, I know how fast and enduring you are. It's just that... ", she said, shrugging her shoulders,"... when you brag too often, you have a hard time showing modesty or restraining yourself when you want to do the clown for example. And it tends to annoy others." Then Ondine was silent, giving him time to digest what she had just said. She turns her attention back to her backpack to catch her bottle of water again, and open it to take several sips that instantly made her feel good. Hands resting on his thighs, Kim looks down at his shoes, staring at his outstretched legs without actually seeing them. He stays silent for two solid minutes, occasionally raising his protein bar to bite in and chew it. "I'm sorry, Ondine.”, he finally said as he tossed the empty paper of his treat into his fist. "I promise you that I will make an effort for my oversized ego." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ondine's hand making his way to hers and gently taking it to intertwine his fingers. Looking up at her, he saw that she gave him a proud and confident look at once, slightly pink cheeks. "I know you'll get there." And then, just as gently, she leans towards him and kisses him in the corner of his mouth. While he is vaguely aware that his ears are heating against his will, Kim feels stupidly smiling at the small gesture of affection. His mind naturally thought of words of love that bubbled in his chest, words of love that immediately went up in his throat, and pricking his tongue, ready to go out. Despite his discomfort that remained on his colorful cheekbones, Ondine looked at him in expectation, as if to encourage him to speak. However, Kim's brain blocked the routing with other facts and made him say something else : "It's me who won." The redhead fluttered her eyes as she descended to Earth and gave him a disillusioned disbelieving look. "What ?"

Seeing the tender look Kim had given her just before, she was sure he was going to say something sweet, but that's clearly not what she expected. Was his brain derailed at the last moment ? The boy continued his explanations, not in the least disturbed by the confusion of his girlfriend. "The bet.", he says. "In the end, I was faster than you. Even if you took the transports..." "I ...", hesitates Ondine, still partially lost, before approving the facts by shrugging her shoulders. "Yes. I missed my connection." At this answer Kim hummed thoughtfully while leaning his head slightly to one side, his eyes absently raised to the sky. "We could have arrived at the same time.”, he thinks aloud. "It's very likely, yes.”, she agrees calmly. Kim continued on his way. "I'll have to update my picture of victories..." The redhead watched a dog waddling proudly as he walked on the gravel while his master quietly followed him. She gently tightened her hold on Kim's moist hand before making a comment. "It was still really stupid bet." "No more stupid than the time I had to go around the pool gym in the middle of the winter just wearing my swimsuit to prove to you that idiots could catch cold !”, retorted the sportsman while coughing a laugh. Her lips curled in an amused smile as she nodded slightly, remembering this precious – and oh so absurd – memory. She then heard Kim take a long breath. "Ahh !”, he sighs openly. "To be honest, I would have liked to go to the sports shop to buy my new racing equipment directly after our challenge..." He had a slight, disappointed pout, and while she was going to wonder at the fact that he had been confident at this point, his attention was attracted to something else: between the trees, she could see the blue beacons as well as the Ambulance van park on the edge of the roundabout, at the park entrance. She closed her eyelids and smiled. "Well, we'll go next time.”, she says, standing up. "Your carriage has arrived." "Where ?”, he wanted to know, leaning over to the side, as if she could have hidden the help behind her. "Over there.”, replied the redhead pointing the officers down the stairs and heading towards them. While turning his head mechanically to the left, Ondine glanced at his forehead and found that the dried blood had already been removed thanks to the handkerchief and the water she had given him a little earlier. The wound did not look very deep ; he was probably going to have to do a medical scan to make sure he didn’t have a brain injury, as well as having a forced rest because of his limping leg, but otherwise, Kim should be able to get away with it. He is a strong boy. Obnubilate by bets as dangerous as idiots, certainly, but she will not trade for anything in the world. All she was hoping for was that he should be more careful in future challenges.

[crystalracing]

My thoughts on the F1 Hybrid era 2014-present and a timeline of being a Kimi Raikkonen fanatic since 2002

My love-hate relationship with Formula 1 is very much at the Hate spectrum and it no longer feels fun. Those who read my social media accounts could easily mistake me for having the worldview of a 47 year old man, when in fact I’m 3 years short of 30. I see new school fans who only remember Raikkonen’s struggles and care little for his McLaren years, where even then misfortune lurked around the corner. There was one difference back then, however: Kimi was the new kid on the block. On any given Sunday, even after an average qualifying performance, the talismanic Finn could dazzle fans the world over. The vivid sound of a cacophonous V10 would scream in a global audience’s ears and a baby faced Finnish boy wonder from an impoverished Espoo countryside upbringing would leave a smile on millions of faces. F1 was in the midst of what seemed a never-ending Michael Schumacher/Ferrari led domination. Despite near-misses in 2003 and 2005, where the Finn took nine wins and two runners-up for the Woking-based squad in between numerous boozy nights and the beginning of a marriage to Jenni Dahlman, later doomed by the pair’s lack of commitment, bounty of love affairs and lack of mutual interests, the fans sang his praises. Fellow drivers such as Ralf Schumacher were left bemused by Kimi’s taciturn, carefree and single-minded demeanour, but the corporate sponsors found a sweet spot for the Finn: his apolitical attitude melded well to act as a figure of universal popularity- the shyness of a geek, the lackadaisical social standing of a class clown and the heart of a world class athlete. And I just couldn’t help but champion him.

The current hybrid engine formula for F1 is a mess: huge wings creating ridiculous amounts of dirty air, fat tyres, three DRS zones on a regular basis at most circuits, the fuel-saving and Pirelli’s SEVEN compounds of tyres- two of which will be not used meaningfully at all this year (Hard & SuperHard). In 2009, the teams followed a new formula with skinny wings, slick tyres and a banning of bodywork elements on the sidepods and places you wouldn’t expect an aerodynamic piece to hang off. Max Mosley also proposed a budget cap, which encourged Litespeed (Lotus/Caterham), Manor (Virgin/Marussia) and Campos (HRT) to join in 2010. Of course, in true F1 fashion, the FIA failed to follow up on such proposals to enforce budget caps and it’s only now with Liberty Media that an argument to enact a plan for cost cutting has been brought back. Sadly, the three 2010 teams were all gone by the end of 2012, 2014 and 2016 respectively. However, drivers moaned about the lack of driving challenge enforced and the subsequent bigger cars (followed by 2019 regs) begs the question: 

Does F1 have an identity anymore? Is it willing to stand up for a set of sporting and technical values? Because Jean Todt et al at FIA seem sidetracked and manipulated by the corporate bosses at FIAT, Daimler, OICA & Honda. 

In the decade of 2010s, only 11 drivers (Vettel, Hamilton, Alonso, Raikkonen, Bottas, Ricciardo, Verstappen, Maldonado, Webber, Rosberg & Button) have won a race despite 169 Grands Prix having taken place in this decade alone. That’s how truly uncompetitive the Pirelli era of F1 has been, especially compared to the 2000s, which had 17 different winners in 174 races. In fact, here’s a list of the past decades:

1950s- 24 different winners (87 races)/ 15 (77)* 1960s- 21 (100)/ 20 (99)* 1970s- 29 (144) 1980s- 21 (156) 1990s- 17 (162) 2000s- 17 (174) 2010s- 11 (169) (with 18 months still left to go!!!)**

*without Indianapolis 500

During 2014-16, Mercedes won 51 out of the 59 races. 2011-13 saw Red Bull win 32 out of 58 races. 

From 2010-18 (as of Belgium): Red Bull win 52 (out of 169 races). Mercedes win 72 (out of 169 races). Ferrari win 24 (out of 169 races). McLaren win 18 (out of 169 races). Lotus [now Renault] win 2 (out of 169 races). Williams win 1 (out of 169 races).

******

Now I find myself amongst insecure Sebastian Vettel fans, who I do feel genuinely sorry for: if Vettel wins with Kimi suffering issues, rival fans will point at possible favourable treatment. If Kimi gets close and threatens to beat Vettel, then rival fans will point at Vettel’s tendency to be just above-average in favourable conditions. After all, none of Sebastian’s 52 wins have never been won from outside the top 3 starting spots; whilst as recently as Hockenheim, title rival Hamilton finished on the top step of the rostrum from a P14 start. Much has been made of Vettel’s awful 2014 season, where his apparent inability to adjust to a car lacking rear-end downforce enforced by the new regulations (accompanied by the now-scorned new hybrids) was worsened by new team-mate Daniel Ricciardo outracing and outqualifying him. Once seen as invincible, despite Alonso’s best attempts in a clearly inferior Ferrari to interrupt his quadruple title-winning streak, Vettel had been well and truly humbled. Whilst he possesses a chirpy, charming personality, those nagging concerns over his tendency to crash out at crucial moments linger (2017 Singapore, 2018 France, 2018 Germany), whilst rival Lewis Hamilton (despite moaning more than Nick Kyrios in a tennis match) remains impervious under relentless pressure, having only lost in 2016 to his eternal rival Nico Rosberg (mostly thanks to struggling with a dodgy clutch biting point for race starts and that engine failure in Malaysia). Additionally, Kimi’s presence has reaffirmed a belief amongst rival fans that Vettel needs an obedient, passive number 2 alongside him, whilst Hamilton at the very least went head-to-head with two reigning world champs in Fernando Alonso and Jenson Button at McLaren and Rosberg, where equal number one status was mandated by Mercedes. Only twice Rosberg gave way to Hamilton: 2016 Monaco (partly due to brake issues, but possibly to atone for their first lap collision in the previous race in Spain) and 2013 Malaysia when Rosberg was told to hold station and let Hamilton take 3rd. However, it is arguable Mercedes’s sheer dominance between 2014-16 allowed them to enforce an equal driver policy with no serious threats from the opposition for either championships.

To further my claim, more bad news will come for Vettel fans when popular rookie Charles LeClerc joins Ferrari as his long-awaited team-mate: if Charles beats Seb, his time in F1 is likely to over before he turns 35 and his reputation smashed, whilst if Seb beats LeClerc, accusations of team-favoritism will re-emerge as quickly as they disappeared with Kimi’s retirement. It’s a lose-lose situation for Vettel fans, especially when you consider Fernando Alonso’s demise enforced by his own internal politics and poor career choices and Lewis Hamilton’s ability to exact the maximum out of a recalcitrant Mercedes, which has been de-crowned as F1′s fastest and best all-round chassis and engine package. To worsen matters, Kimi fans (including me) feel zero sympathy for anything that ever goes wrong for the German. Unfortunately, it does turn into hate and resentment, but only because we know what our Finnish man is capable of even in his declining years: fastest in FP1 and FP2 and fastest in Q1 and Q2 at Belgium 2018 with a record-breaking time of 1:41.501. Add to claims by Lewis Hamilton himself that Vettel has never beaten a team-mate in their “prime”: after outpacing journeymen Vitantonio Liuzzi and Sebastien Bourdais with ease, Mark Webber’s weight issues, advancing age, subsequent injuries and struggles with Pirellis handed the impetus to the Weltmeister. Followed by an infamous 2014 with the Honey Badger and a lengthy spell with a passive Raikkonen, it’s no wonder Vettel fans will easily attempt to deflect Ferrari's questionable treatment of Raikkonen to that of Mercedes’, Red Bull’s and even Toro Rosso’s treatment of Valtteri Bottas, Renault-bound Daniel Ricciardo and Brendon Hartley. 

Which is not to say they’re wrong, but their defensiveness is compounded by Ferrari’s historic preference for a hierarchal driver system (Schumacher & Barrichello at Austria 2002 & Alonso & Massa at Germany 2010 widely publicised), followed by recent events at Germany again this year (albeit with Jock Clear tentatively trying to make Kimi guess his cryptic message) is telling: they know Vettel has a peripheral place amongst the true greats of F1 thanks to years of Adrian Newey’s double diffuser Red Bull chassis and Renault’s V8 engine mapping system enabling Seb to play the role of the “Opening two laps” merchant. What I mean by that is his ability to create a gap of over one second within the first two laps in a standard 2010-13 race to stop the car in 2nd place from exploiting the DRS detection range against him, from which he then subsequently exploiting his car’s technical advantage to predictable perfection. Plus when you consider Lewis Hamilton’s misfortunes with McLaren, his existential crisis and a troubled relationship with ex Nicole Scherzinger and Raikkonen disappearing for two years to do WRC (and Kimi’s father slowly dying of alcoholism-related illness), it almost seemed 2010-13 was game, set and match for Seb despite occasional gremlins striking in 2010 and 2012.

I see F1 social media figures dismissing the suffering of Raikkonen fans, bemused at how thousands could be enchanted by an aloof old-school Finn, who regards journalists as vultures to be treated with well-justified caution. New school fans belittle Kimi fans, viewing them as holding a monotonous review of Raikkonen’s misfortunes and characterizing them as incapable of leaving the blame at the aging 2007 world champion’s feet, despite repeated strategy failures of a scarlet team saddled with an one-car team mentality. Bahrain saw Ferrari pit Vettel on a dangerous one stop strategy, where had it not been for a cautious Bottas, Vettel could’ve easily come 2nd, whilst Raikkonen would suffer the brunt of vicious social media abuse for stomping off to allow paramedics to tend to injured mechanic Francisco Cigarini after Ferrari failed to solve a crossthreaded wheelnut issue shared by sister team Haas; China saw Ferrari pit Vettel too late and resorting to exploiting Kimi as a road block; Baku saw the Scuderia bizarrely ignore Kimi’s dreadful pace on yellow soft compounds (yes, Kimi had indeed wrecked his last red supersofts in Q2), but then proceeded to place Vettel on the same yellow softs, which saw the German lose time to Bottas and forced Ferrari to resort to changing both cars to ultrasofts during an impromptu safety car period kicked off by the Red Bulls; whilst Hockenheim saw Ferrari absurdly miscalculate Kimi’s pace and end up with the Finn leading ahead of Vettel, followed by an awkward set of radio messages where the impatient Iceman forced the team to directly order him to let Vettel past. Subsequently, Ferrari’s shock at Vettel’s stadium crash and slowness to pit Kimi for new tyres (one lap too late!) during the SC period saw them lose a race they still could win with their “second” car, seemingly disheartened by Vettel’s blunder. Their gamble to split the strategy in Q3 for Belgium, leaving Kimi with less fuel than Vettel in the hope of quickly refuelling Kimi in the case of the rain easing (which it did) and you get the picture of a 38 year old left forlorn by a recalcitrant team hellbent on guessing their chess moves for car #7, but frightened into placing all their eggs in one basket for car #5. In a monotonous hybrid era filled with Pirelli control tyres, countless DRS zones that permit the top cars to overpower the midfielders and mindnumbing fuel saving, both Ferrari and Mercedes have isolated their Finnish wingmen to mere sideshows. 

In this social media age, I see a culture of outrage galore amongst the F1 community. With the fan base no longer proliferated over internet forums, instead it is centralised amongst Twitter, Youtube, Facebook and Instagram, all of which provide more accessible platforms with user-friendly interfaces implemented, the need to find issues that don’t even exist is prevalent. The agonisingly rapid decline of F1′s spectacle has left fans increasingly tribalistic, with winning amongst those supporters of drivers in front-running cars the only source of satisfaction remaining. Unfortunately, I am now more Kimi-focused than I was in the mid-2000s: back then it wasn’t close to feeling like life and death if Kimi struggled (and boy, he had his bad moments then). I could easily applaud other drivers such as Jenson Button and Mark Webber when success came their way. I even supported Felipe Massa in his bid to win the 2008 World Championship, despite being at Kimi’s expense. But now seeing fans stirring up bile and provocation to humiliate reviled drivers leaves me feeling hollow. It makes me lust for the days when social media was not a thing; just myself sitting in the front of the couch watching ITV or BBC. But thanks to Sky and internet streaming, I find myself drawn to my laptop to avoid the increasingly jingoistic F1 TV presenters on Channel 4. The days of Jim Rosenthal, Tony Jardine, Steve Rider, the linguistically discombobulated Mark Blundell and Louise Goodman feel like another lifetime ago; the days before such partisan nonsense emerged with Lewis Hamilton. 

The trivialities have surpassed the main racing events, where transfer gossip and who-said-what is more entertaining. Salacious news about drivers’ private lives now seep through the paddock; asking drivers to sing silly songs and journalists wanting to be friends with the drivers and team personnel where everyone becomes too familiar. The loss of mystique and luster of a Grand Prix environment, where fans become too emotionally involved in events where they possess little power to truly influence and instead whine and cry when things inevitably fail. In the past, with no social media or mobile phones, you had to actively find local neighbours and tour race tracks to find your motor racing pals; now a “friend” is merely a follow button away on a major social media platform.

We now live in the era of “Trial by Social Media” where a truly overemotional or defamatory comment can be validated by a high number of likes, reposts, retweets and reactions.

To make matters worse, not only are tribal lines drawn along with teams and drivers, but debates such as Grid Girls and the Halo. Frankly, there are idiots on both sides of the debates for both issues, who believe they hold the moral high ground and act like they are holier than thou against those who disagree with them. So now only are the drivers, sponsors and teams competing against each other on the track, the press room and the pits, but the fans and journalists are competing against each other for social media brownie points! Strawman anyone with any ridiculous quote and you’ll win! (Of course Kimi Raikkonen fans too are susceptible to nonsense comments. Social media unleashes your emotional rambling at any given moment). But in lieu, one thing about Charles LeClerc’s accident at Belgium stuck out and that was the journalists going on rambling lectures about how the Halo certainly saved his life, despite a lack of any scientific research concluded to prove the Halo actually stopped the McLaren of Fernando Alonso even making the slightest contact with LeClerc’s helmet. The extreme moralistic beating dished out to the viewing audience over the Halo and Grid Girls is jarring. Plus constant gimmicky sideshow jokes from WTF1 and their obnoxious jokes of “That’s Radillon, actually,” which carry no punchline and have already been brow-beaten to death by its strange following. (I know, not entirely related, but I needed to fit a bit about that dogshite WTF1).

F1, along with other motorsport series, has banged about attracting millennials and Gen Zs, but honestly at this point it is literally about as far from cool or hip as you can get.

In addition, I fell out with one truly moronic member of Lewis’ fans: a man with the most conflicting and contradictory political views I’ve ever seen (he reacts to political events and what celebrities say on a whim) and an inability to judge drivers properly at all. A man who was distraught at the idiotic outrage at Lewis Hamilton’s “Boys Don’t Wear Dresses” joke, which was clearly showing Hamilton mocking old conservatives who would demand strict gender roles at all costs. I openly wrote a tweet defending Lewis and comforted his fan via a reply to one of their tweets. But when Raikkonen stormed off after his Bahrain pit stop debacle, this same Lewis fan joined in the outrage mob when everyone called Kimi something around the lines of being a crap human being. I had to block/unblock him simply to avoid verbally abusing him and having my account suspended, as he used his reasoning of excusing of Logan Paul (a bell-end who misused the Japanese’s accommodating nature to insult their culture and deliberately walk into a suicide forest for his own attention seeking sick nonsense and despite having a prejudicial view of East Asians, now has a Hapa girlfriend in Chloe Bennet) to justify roasting Kimi. I’m sorry, but just because you failed to understand the lack of morality in one certain vile human, so you then pick on a softer target who never intended to provoke controversy, is the act of a weak, cowardly and dumb individual.

It must be remembered how badly Kimi was treated in 2008, where Massa gained the upperhand for Ferrari in this article:

Why Kimi was not on top of his game in 2008 by wrcva

https://f1bias.com/2012/04/05/truth-about-kimi-ferrari-santander-2008/

But enough of that, I want to talk the glorious past in my rose-tinted glasses: how I began my life as a bonafide Formula 1 fan.

I started watching the sport in 2002 with a wide-eyed approach due to being 11 years old. Whilst it was in the midst of a Michael Schumacher/Ferrari dominated time span, I had hope his monopoly of victories and championships would end. Mika Hakkinen had retired and in his place came a fellow Finn, Kimi Raikkonen. I was unable to articulate what attracted me to become a Kimi fan, as I initially chose to support Ralf Schumacher, Giancarlo Fisichella & Alex Yoong (!). Whilst I came to cease my backing of Ralf and the hopeless Yoong, I struck by curiosity to the Iceman when I witnessed the 22 year old firmly plant his foot flat through the Kemmel Straight in Spa-Francorchamps, blinded by a heavy plume emitted by Olivier Panis’ stricken BAR-Honda (some things never change!) Through reading a 2002 ITV F1 Guide book, which now lies battered and almost shredded, its description was one of a rebel and a selfish Espoo native, who had lucked his way into the McLaren #4 seat at the expense of his supposedly more deserving Sauber team-mate Nick Heidfeld. That initally turned me against Kimi, believing he had a silver spoon in a figurative sense, but an astonishing drive to P2 in 2002 Belgian GP qualifying, followed by an outrageous rear end save on Sunday began to sway my stubbornness. It proved his storming drive in France to P2 (which he lost the lead in the later stages thanks to running on Allan McNish’s Toyota engine oil) earlier that year was no fluke in a season blighted by major reliability issues, which saw the Finn retire from 11 out of the 17 races held in 2002. That year saw Kimi pick up his maiden podium and fastest lap in Australia and four podiums, plus Raikkonen outqualified elder team-mate David Coulthard an impressive 10-7. Sadly, the mechanical failures would prove a harbinger of what overshadow Kimi’s time at Woking.

2003 would see Macca continue its MP4-17 chassis in a D specification, with plans to introduce the MP4-18 in Canada. A rapid change in FIA sporting regulations (plus a promised abandonment of traction control from Silverstone onwards) was enacted, as the sport’s owners unanimously agreed that F1′s appeal would fade if a certain scarlet team’s monotonous accumulation of wins was not at least curbed in the slightest. Melbourne qualifying, in its new one-lap shootout format with two sessions split between Friday and Saturday, ended with a predictable Ferrari one-two of Schumacher followed by obedient no.2 Rubens Barrichello (or Bwoahrrichello). The new qualifying regulations stipulated cars to carry the race fuel and tyres they’d start with throughout their Saturday qualifying single-lap run, which left the heavily fueled McLarens of DC & Kimi in P11 and P15. On race day, the heavens opened and the track was damp at the start. Raikkonen pitted for dries on the formation lap, so he had to encounter the early laps with caution as the field eventually copied the Finn’s switch to grooved tyres (remember those?) during the early laps of the race. Lap 17 saw the Iceman grab the lead, which he would hold until lap 32, where a drive-thru penalty was administered to the Finn for speeding in the pits. Later a wheel-to-wheel encounter between Schumacher and Raikkonen saw the German lose his bargeboards and Juan Pablo Montoya threw away an improbable 2nd career win on lap 48 with an inexplicable spin. Coulthard flew past for what would be a 13th & final career victory; Montoya took 2nd and Kimi clinched 3rd ahead of a frustrated Schumacher limping in 4th. The race craft was present in the Espoo native’s driving, but the consistency and legendary race pace would appear in the next race in Malaysia. Sepang saw Kimi start an average 7th, but drama at the start delivered the Finn a lucky break. Schumacher lunged at Jarno Trulli’s Renault in a mistimed maneuver and the Italian’s young team-mate Fernando Alonso led, albeit held up the field after taking a fortuitous pole in a Renault qualifying 1-2 abetted by a light fuel strategy. It was all the impressive as the Spaniard was carrying the flu, but after Raikkonen made light work of Heidfeld to grab second, McLaren’s tyre durability and heavy fuel strategy allowed the Finn to overtake Alonso in the pit stops and beat Barrichello’s 2002 all-conquering Ferrari by 39 seconds. Many participants had melted in the sweltering southeastern Asian humidity, but the Iceman had arrived and an impressionable 12 year old had found a new hero.

The 2003 saw Kimi miraculously remain active in a title fight in a two-year old chassis, which was never replaced due to the MP4-18′s dreadful manufacturing structure. Ferrari’s new F2003-GA was revealed in Barcelona, the fifth round of the championship, but Schu would only beat the Spanish local hero Alonso by 5.7 seconds. The youthful zest of Kimi saw him over-commit in turn 7 on his Saturday Q lap, sending him to the back of the grid. Pizzonia stalled on the grid for the start on raceday and Raikkonen hit him unsighted. Along with another spin in Canada Q2 and a subsequent puncture in the race, Kimi toiled to P6 and lost the championship lead to the mighty Red Baron, a lead he would never recover. The following Grand Prix saw Kimi, though, take his maiden pole position in Q2; despite not taking an overall fastest sector time on the Nurburgring circuit, the 23 year old Finn clocked a 1:31.523 with race fuel aboard; his Friday Q1 lap was a dazzling 1:29.989, just 0.08 slower than Montoya’s 2002 pole lap. Race day saw the Finn storm into a nine-second cushion over Ralf and everything went as planned in his scheduled pit stop on lap 16. In spite of having regained the lead, lap 25 disaster struck: a Mercedes-Benz engine failure. The sound of the V10s rang around the historic Rhineland venue from all cars but one: car no #6. For the first time in my twelve years, a sudden rage of anger engulfed me. 

The rest of season saw Raikkonen accumulate 2nd places regularly, but the aging MP4-17 and adequate Mercedes power unit lacking the potency Kimi required to challenge the emerging Williams-BMW FW25s, followed by a resurgent Schumacher, whose Ferrari had been limited by a batch of Bridgestone tyres which struggled mid-summer, as its French counterpart Michelin found a upper hand for the first time since its return to F1 in 2003. Hungary saw Michael humiliated as a gallant Alonso took pole and lapped the five-time world champion around the tight confines of a circuit colloquially referred to as “Monaco without the barriers”. After being stuck behind Mark Webber’s Jaguar before the initial pit stops, Raikkonen took a steady 2nd albeit 17 seconds behind Spain’s debut F1 race victor. 13 races down with 3 races left saw the championship reading Schumacher 1st with 72 points, Montoya 71 points and the young Kimster 70 points, somehow punching above his car’s weight despite losing further points in a first lap collision in Hockenheim in the previous round. Team-mate Coulthard, meanwhile, was floundering in 7th place with just 45 points in a season where many British commentators had declared 2003 as make-or-break for the Scotsman. But the scheming Maranello boys were working overtime to study the rulebook, where they found Michelin’s front tyres had expanded to 283mm rather than the stipulated 270mm. Whatever performance loss Michelin had suffered in remolding their compounds remains unknown to this day, but Monza came and McLaren had capitulated in their battle to get the MP4-18 into race trim. Schumacher won for the first time in front the raucous Tifosi since Canada, Montoya took 2nd and Barrichelllo nipped into 3rd. Kimi took 4th with a MP4-17D that was at the end of its development cycle. Despite heading to Indianapolis with a seven point deficit, Raikkonen took a valiant pole and took a solid lead until the rain came. Fellow championship contender Montoya screwed up massively by turfing Barrichello into the gravel trap at Turn 2 on lap 3 and his subsequent drive-through penalty brought his driver’s championship challenge prematurely. The Michelin wet compounds were no match for Ferrari’s Bridgestone wets, which had a decisive advantage, leaving Raikkonen struggling in fourth when the track dried and mathematically out of title contention.

Thankfully the Indy circuit dried swiftly when the downpour seized and Kimi stormed past Jenson Button’s BAR, which had been leading for 15 laps (!) and elder statesman Heinz-Harald Frentzen, who was driving his penultimate race for the fabled Sauber squad. 2nd was the end result for the Iceman, who headed to Suzuka on a nine-point deficit to a prospective sextuple world champion. Only a win for the McLaren driver and a failure to finish in the top 8 for the Red Baron would suffice in making Kimi what would have been then F1′s youngest world champion, just five days short of his 24th birthday. A late downpour left Schumacher down in 14th in Q2, whilst Raikkonen took a mediocre P8 with Coulthard alongside him. Race day saw Montoya (whose Williams team still had a chance for the constructors’ title) and Alonso launch into an early 1-2, only to retire as quickly as they had surged into those positions. Barrichello controlled the Japanese GP as if he had been Ferrari’s team leader, whilst Maranello’s contracted lead driver carved his way through midfield like he’d been staggering through a hangover after having drank a crate of beer, with collisions with brother Ralf et al. Dutiful team-mate Coulthard fell behind in the pit stops to allow Kimi to run in 2nd in the hopes of an unlikely mechanical failure to Rubens and Michael to stutter, but neither happened. Schumacher, frantically wiping his heavily oiled helmet and clearly unaccustomed to tackling midfield cars for position, somehow fought into P8 and won his record-breaking 6th world championship in the most uncharacteristically clumsy manner. 

Raikkonen lost the championship by just two points (91 to Michael’s 93), but the new points system of 10-8-6-5-4-3-2-1 for the top 8 (instead of the top 6) proposed by guileless Irishman Eddie Jordan had aided the Finn’s unlikely challenge. Under the former 10-6-4-3-2-1 system, Schumacher would have won the title at Indy with a round to spare and Jordan would have take 5th in the constructors’ largely thanks to Fisichella’s unexpected win at Interlagos (where only the intermediate compound was taken due an idiotic new rule to limit teams to one wet weather tyre choice), but Eddie’s boys were left in 9th out of 10th. 2003 was a step towards the changing of the guard, although whilst the grandmaster held onto his crown by the tip of his tongue, the likes of BAR (later Honda, Brawn & now the mighty Mercedes), Renault, Jaguar (now Red Bull) & Toyota had taken major leaps forward and BMW impressed with their engine’s driveability and outright top end power, but let down by the Williams’ poor strategic planning and a mercurial driving duo of Ralf and JPM. Jordan, having won two races and finished 3rd in the constructors’ in 1999 and challenged for the drivers’ title with the now-retired Frentzen and a dynamite Mugen-Honda power unit, had slipped down 6 places the F1′s pecking order in just four years thanks to a lack of investment, as F1′s emerging manufacturer era was in a full swing.

2004 saw Schumacher and Ferrari regain their full-time dominance of F1. Mercedes’ reliability was tragic; Raikkonen retired from 5 of the first 7 races with engine maladies thanks to F1′s new engine rules which mandated power units lasted for an entire race weekend or force drivers to take a ten-grid place penalty, something the Finn became familiar with. Schumacher equaled Mansell’s record of 5 wins from the opening 5 races of a season, whilst Jenson Button emerged as a genuine contender, having taken his maiden podium at Sepang where he held off Barrichello in the closing laps. Elsewhere, Jarno Trulli was beating Fernando Alonso, who seemed rather erratic and possibly complacent after his promising 2003 season (sounds a lot like a young Dutchman in 2018, whose father drove his last season with the lowly Minardi team in a damp whimper). Trulli broke Schumi’s winning run with his sole career win at Monte Carlo, where Alonso crashed after running wide trying to pass Ralf’s misfiring Williams and the infamous collision between embittered enemies Schumacher and Montoya, both incidents occurring in the Tunnel section. However, Trulli’s Renault honeymoon would eruptively hit freefall, culminating in his embarrassing concession of the final podium spot at Magny-Cours where Alonso had taken pole and looked a likely victor until Ross Brawn’s ingenuous four-stop strategy for Schu’s car scuppered a second career win for the Spaniard. Michael proceeded to win 12 of 2004′s first 13 Grands Prix, whilst McLaren built a new B chassis. Then came Spa and the start of the King of Spa legend.

Raikkonen qualified an unimpressive P10 in mixed conditions. The two Renaults took 1-3 split by Schumacher, who was looking to take his 7th drivers’ crown. Race day arrived and despite Trulli/Alonso leading the first quarter of the race, engine troubles for Fernando and an early pit stop paved the way for Kimi to gain control of the race, after surviving the first lap carnage from the backmarkers.  Daily Express editor Bob McKenzie, who had pledged that he would run naked around Silverstone if McLaren won a race in 2004, honoured his deed at the following year’s British GP in front of cackling Raikkonen and a smug Ron Dennis. 

Jarno Trulli would later become the first of a long list of team-mates mysteriously screwed over by having Fernando Alonso as his driving partner (Fisichella, Piquet Jr, Massa, Raikkonen, Vandoorne spring to mind anyone?), whilst McLaren announced the arrival of Colombian firecracker Montoya to join icecool Kimbo for 2005. An early tennis (!) accident sidelined Monty and early setup issues meant the potential of the MP4-20 had been withheld in the flyaway openers, but Imola saw Kimi sprinting out of the gates. A dominant pole pointed towards to an emphatic Kimi win, but race day saw his CV joint fail after just 8 laps. Wins at Barcelona and Monaco brought the Iceman into title contention, but he lagged 22 points behind fast starting Alonso. Then Nurburgring came, the scene of heartbreak just a couple of years prior. Raikkonen, having come off a run of leading 160+ consecutive laps, look set for a third straight win but he flatspotted his tyre whilst lapping Jacques Villeneuve and a subsequent vibration saw the McLaren’s suspension explode on the very final lap. Alonso, driving at 70% his car’s potential clinched an easy win ahead of Nick Heidfeld (who would never win a F1 race), increased his lead to 32 points. Point blank no. 3 for Mr. Raikkonen of 2005, who was now 32 points down on the 23 year old Spaniard. With the engine regs tightened to a power unit life of two full weekends, predictably Mercedes would suffer issues in the practice sessions in France, Britain and Italy, the last of which Kimi astonishing set the fastest qualifying lap but was forced to start 10 places lower. Raikkonen took 19 points in those three weekends combined, whilst Alonso grabbed 26. Add in Montoya’s lack of concentration whilst lapping backmarkers (Monteiro in Turkey and Pizzonia in Belgium) and another mechanical failure at the Hockenheimring, it meant Kimi never could truly chip away at Alonso’s advantage, which remained sub-30 points. It set the Spaniard up to become F1′s then-youngest champion in Brazil, where McLaren didn’t even bother asking Montoya to concede the race lead to Raikkonen as it was so obvious Alonso would keep hold the 3rd place he required to be crowned in Interlagos. 

Suzuka 2005. Kimi’s greatest race. Started P17 after a washed-out qualifying. It was astonishing race in a season where only one compound of tyre was permitted for all drivers, culminating in the Indy-gate farce where all Michelin-shod cars withdrew due to safety fears of tyre exploding around the oval section at turn 13. However, despite Alonso and Schumacher joining the Finn near the back, there was still a constructor’s championship to be won for McLaren thanks to nine race wins thus far. The quality of overtakes was pure as there could be: Alonso’s ace manoeuvre on aging Schumacher at 130R is still highly-regarded by his own fans, but his victory chances was wrecked by race control ordering him to drop 13 seconds to let Christien Klien’s Red Bull after an illegal overtake under yellow flags. Montoya crashed out on lap one after a ludicrous entanglement with another aging fart, this time Jacques Villeneuve in an underfunded Sauber. Giancarlo Fisichella led the race comfortably after Ralf Schumacher pitted absurdly early for fuel in a blatant publicity stunt by Toyota to grab headlines of a home pole position for media value. However, despite a 20 second gap having been built him and Raikkonen, the Finn relentlessly decimated the midfield runners with no DRS or gizmo nonsense (traction control aside) and with five laps to go, Kimi peered into Fisi’s mirrors. On every approach to the Casino chicane in the final lap, the beleaguered Renault driver kept resorting to holding a tight line, leaving his exit compromised and gradually more vulnerable to Raikkonen closing up on him to size up a move into Turn 1. This was possible despite Kimi having to ease off the throttle in 130R due to oppressive dirty air turbulence of the mid-2000s chassis; but yet come the penultimate lap, the impossible had become the inevitable. Fisichella inexplicably, possibly wilting due to an inability to pump consistently fast lap times which were became sadly more common in his later decline, again took a tight inside line into Casino Sqaure chicane despite being a tough spot for cars in behind to lunge forwards to make an overtake. His Renault squirmed with his tyres burning out from his overly-defensive driving and Kimi pounced. Giancarlo wiggled to the inside line across the start-finish straight (and almost touched the pit wall!), but was powerless to stop Kimi overtaking around the outside of Turn 1 on the final lap.

2006 was Kimi’s final year at McLaren. With Schumacher revitalised in his hunt for title no.8, BMW having taken ownership of Sauber, Williams now an independent team, Red Bull very much a thing, Jordan having become a second-hand shed for billionaire investors to pump-and-dump at whim until Vijay Mallya saved them at the end of 2007 and BAR fully sold into the Honda’s shares thanks to the European Union banning of tobacco sponsorship- something which has starved racing teams and youngsters of much-needed funding- F1 was changing again. Michael Schumacher was now 37 and Felipe Massa had replaced Rubens Barrichello as his right-hand man. Raikkonen had now grown tired and appeared increasingly soporific with McLaren’s reliability being worse than any other down the pitlane. With the joint worst retirement and reliability record with equally luckless Mark Webber, Maranello had seen a wonderful opportunity to snap a disgruntled Finn, who had been declared “Ferrari’s next world champion” in a F1 Racing Magazine in 2001. Luca di Montezemelo laid an ultimatum with Schumacher: the German would have to drive alongside Kimi Raikkonen as Ferrari team-mate in 2007 or retire. Michael chose the latter option in an emotional post-race reception at Monza and the rest they say is history.

*****

Despite of all this, seeing Kimi’s heartbreak in the hybrid era and his changed attitude as a father-of-two has endeared me to him far more than I ever did in my teenage years. I can see he is more focused than ever and he’s a better man than he was ten years ago. If I saw lose then, I wasn’t as bothered as much then as I am now (and yes, the passion of being a hardcore Kimi fan boy is burning me out).

[ziadawrites]

Take My Hand

In movies people wake up so blissfully; there’s the sun peeking through unveiled windows and a deep breath from the protagonist. Then eyes open, a full body stretch is thrown in, and they’re up and out of bed onto a great day. But that is not how I was awoken today. After letting me sulk over mine for around for 5 days, my dearest friend and greatest enemy, Leti, thought it was a marvelous idea to not only barge into my room, door bang and all, but also throw open my tightly drawn curtains while yelling, and I quote,” JOSEPHINA GLORIANA ARROYO-CAMPOS! WAAAAAAKE THE FUCK UP!” then as her final performance, adding a perfectly executed pounce onto my sleeping body. “Letiiiiiii,” I groan for the third time since we got into the car,” why are you doing this? I told you I am okay! You don't have to worry about me.” “Bullshit Josie, you may be able to fool everyone else but you can’t fool me,” She said, blowing cigarette smoke outside the cracked open window. “I’ve known you so damn long that I know you’re feelings like they’re my own and my heart is hurting…. so yours must be too.” At her words I looked at her, Leti has always played the bad girl role but her heart is softer than a baby’s blanket. She was right about one thing, she has known me forever. Our mothers were best friends and so it was only natural that we were too or that’s the way they wanted it to be. The truth was Leti and I had grown up fighting each other, always trying to outdo the other with toys, boys and fashion. It didn’t last long thankfully because when Leti’s mom got sick there was no one left to take care of her but Mami and I. Eventually when Tia Tiny died, I vowed to always make sure Leti never felt as if love had left her along with her mom. That didn’t necessarily stop the fighting of course but it ceased all of our competitions. If anything I always wanted her to win. “Okay Leti, take me wherever you see fit.” I relented. She smiled and turned up the radio, leaving us to a peaceful journey. “Jos wake up. We’re here.” Leti said shaking me awake again yet softer this time. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes from my impromptu nap,” Where are we?” I slurred then took a look around. “We’re at the cemetery. We’re here to visit Mama.” She answered, grabbing a bouquet of yellow tulips and proceeding to get out of the car. I studied her for a minute and then followed suit. The walk to Tia Tiny’s gravestone was a quiet one but didn’t begin to match the thick air that surrounded us when we arrived to her. Leti placed the flowers on her mom’s marker,” Happy Birthday Mama, I love you and miss you so much.” It had slipped my mind what today was and immediately I felt the guilt seep through my skin as we stood there quietly. Minutes passed by like hours before Leti spoke up again,” You know Jos I never told you this but, when it became clear that Mama wasn’t going to make it through I was so scared. I was so scared that after she died no one was going to love me. I’d seen movies and heard words of kids who got tossed around the family unwanted and I was so scared that was what was going to become of me too,” She looked at me then and I could see the tears of past worries and relief in her eyes which brought a sting to mine too,” Little did I know that I would be blessed with the greatest gift that is not only our family but is most importantly, you. We used to fight so madly remember?” She laughed and I nodded, smiling,” But when my world felt like it was falling apart you took a look at it and said,”this won’t do Leti” and you pulled me through. You put everything aside for me and I want to do the same for you. I know you’re hurting, I can see it so I’m gonna do the best I can. I’m going to give you all the love I can because you’ve always taken care of me and now it’s my turn to take care of you.” “Leti, I know you’re worried about me but I swear I’m okay.” I felt something wet hit my nose and looked up. The clouds were colored darkly and seemed to be filled with something heavy. “When are you going to stop pretending?” Leti was irritated now. “When are you gonna quit thinking something is wrong with me?” The clouds were big swirled masses and droplets became more persistent in their falling. “Because there is something wrong with you! No one just isolates themselves from everyone coincidentally after their boyfriend breaks up with them Josie!” “Oh my god Leti can you just leave it alone please? For me?” I begged. Her stubbornness was getting to me. I just wanted her to leave me alone, I was doing fine on my own. I was handling it well. Why couldn’t she see that? “No I can’t and I won’t, you need to let your emotions out.” “Can’t you take a hint? I don’t want to. I don’t want to do any of this. I don’t want to be here and I especially don’t want you up my ass about how I’m feeling. Just leave me alone!” I stomped away from her and Tia Tiny in the now pouring rain. It’s amazing how much the weather and moods correlate with each other. “Well too fucking bad!” I whipped around,”What did you say to me?” Leti walked the distance between us,”Well too fucking bad. I don’t care what you do and don’t want. I’m gonna stay up your ass until the shit you’re holding in comes out your mouth.” “And pun intended!” She said as an afterthought. “Fuck you, Leticia Moretti.” I said pushing her. “Fuck you, Josephine Campos.” Leti said pushing back harder. And it went on like that. Until I slipped in the mud, falling flat onto my back. Instead of getting up, I decided to lay there. I already feel like watery dirt might as well lay in it too. After awhile, Leti grabbed my hand, pulled me up and then we looked at each other. She shook her head looking at the mess of me and pulled me into her arms. This is when I decided to cry. The silent kind, where you only shake and shudder but all the slobbiness doesn’t make itself heard. “There, there baby. I know. It’s okay.” Leti reassured, patting my wet head. Most of the tears subsided before I finally said,”I- I just feel so stupid you know? I should have seen it coming. There were so many signs that he was going to leave me for her and I just didn’t want to see them because I loved him so much. I thought if I let him go and get it out of his system, he wouldn’t leave me. I’m such an idiot Leti and I don’t feel like I have a right to be so hurt when I did this to myself.” Leti grabbed my face then so I could look her in her eyes when she said,” Josie listen to me very clearly, it is not your fault. He is the idiot for leaving you and I hope he soon receives what I know is coming to him. You’re feelings are valid and don’t you ever think for a second they aren’t. I love you and I am here for you, so don’t push me away anymore.” When I thought I couldn’t cry any harder, I proved myself wrong,” I love you too and I won’t I promise.” I sobbed even more horrendously, we hugged, Leti laughed and despite everything, I felt better than I ever had. I knew that as long as I had Leti by my side, no hurt nor would any pain last forever.

[telltheworld-phff]

Chapter 36: Bésame*

They were back at the hotel an hour later. They had called their families to wish them a happy new year and turned off their phones for the rest of the night. When they entered their room, Carol was surprised to see it was all candle lit, with red roses everywhere. They had chocolates and champagne and other things to snack. She put her hands on her mouth to see what Harry had done for her. She looked behind her and he had his hands casually on his pockets. He smiled and she went to him.

“Why did you do all of this?” she whispered and looking around this romantic setting once again.

“Becaue I want only the best for my girl.” he answered simply and caressed her face.

“It’s too much, Henry. You didn’t have to do all of this, you didn’t have to spend your money on this trip. I’d be happy even if we were in pajamas watching TV.” she looked at him concerned.

“I know I didn’t have to. And I said already a couple of times that I wanted to do all of this for you. You deserve to be treated like this, Carol. And the fact that you’d be happy with pajamas and TV is one of the many reasons why I fell for you. I know you’re not a bedazzled person.” he answered her.

“I don’t think I’m worth all of this.” she said shyly and his hand got hers before he kissed her palm.

“That’s where we beg to differ. You’re worth way more than just this.” he said and walked to the table and served their glasses of champagne. He gave her one and said: “To you, to us. To a new year full of happiness and great memories.”

They drank the first sip and she was again looking around. The roses were giving the room a great smell and it all was so romantic that she was getting emotional, again. She smiled and looked at him. They both had already taken off the heavier parts of their clothing.

“I...” she said and stopped, then took another sip of her champagne and started again. “I want to do something.”

“Anything. But what is it?” he asked curiously.

“Wait for me here. Ok?” she said and shyly smooched him before opening the wardrobe’s door and getting her luggage out of it and locking herself in the bathroom.

He simply waited for her by the table admiring their room’s view of the fjord.

She fidgeted over the idea for a couple of minutes before going her heart’s way. If he had gone out of his way to make all of this for her, she could thank him properly. She opened her bag and took a white negligee that she saw on one of the stores while he got their car. She didn’t think she’d use it – not on this trip, anyway – but now she couldn’t find any reason to why not. She changed quickly, retouched the light make up she was wearing and combed her hair again. She thought she was silly by doing it, Harry already saw her body, he already knew it. But she couldn’t lie and say she didn’t like the way his eyes burnt with passion whenever she undressed for him. She took several deep breaths before opening the door. She was thankful he had his back turned to her, she was shy and acting like a virgin in front of this man that knew all of the keys from her body. She adjusted the negligee on her body and walked up to him. She embraced him from behind and he immediately looked for her hands to kiss it before turning around and seeing her.

He studied her body and she was so self conscious at this moment which showed when she bit her lips and had her eyes to the floor. He loved the way the white silk and lace covered her body but didn’t leave much to imagination. He loved how it made her breasts look bigger and how the small panties she was wearing made her legs be wider and her butt hotter. He gulped before putting his index finger under her chin and lifting it up. He wanted to see her eyes. He wanted to make sure she wasn’t doing this because she thought he was wanting something in return from the trip. He wasn’t.

He smiled and she could see that he desired her but he also looked a bit confused. She shyly smiled and he soon followed.

“Wow...” he whispered getting his face closer to hers. “It should be a sin for you to be able to wear something like this.”

“Why?” she was hypnotized by his staring. “You don’t like it?”

“I love it.” he soon answered. “But now everything I can think of is taking it all off you.”

“What’s stopping you?” she said before closing the distance between them and kissing him.

-----M-----

Bésame la boca, con tu lagrima de risa, bésame la luna y tapa el sol con el pulgar, bésame el espacio entre mi cuerpo y tu silueta y al mar mas profundo besaré con tu humedad.

[Kiss my mouth, with your tear of laughter, kiss me the moon and cover the sun with your thumb, kiss me the space between my body and your silhouette. And I will kiss the deepest sea with your moisture.]

He angled his face so his lips could lock on hers. It started small, almost innocent. His hands were on her waist and hers ran from his arms to his neck and she held on there. It was soft and gentle and meaningful for them. Harry brought her body closer to his and she sighed into his mouth. She soon snaked her arms on his neck and when the kiss started to grow to a more intense path, her nails gently scratched his scalp. She tentatively used her tongue on his lips until he opened his mouth and they could have a taste of each other. Her kiss was getting more and more confident by the minute and the flavor of champagne only increased her wishes to give herself to this man that was wanting her. She traced her tongue over his while it explored his mouth and he moaned a couple of times when she bit his lower lip. She’d sometimes suck on it and when they parted the kiss to breath, both were with swollen lips and cocky smiles on their faces. One of Harry’s hands went lower and grabbed her ass while his kisses traveled from her delicious lips to her face and then to sweet spot behind her ear where he bit softly and then sucked on it. He used his tongue to make a path to her neck and his breathing so close to this sensitive spot made goosebumps appear on her soft skin. He pressed his body against her and tightened his hold on her. He nuzzled his nose on her neck over and over and over again and she closed her eyes and he felt her shivering. He made her walk until her legs felt the bed. It was full of rose petals and he, holding her by the hips, adjusted her in the middle of it. He was in front of her and cupped he head in his hands before kissing her temple and cheeks and her mouth. He wanted the sweet taste of her kiss again.

Bésame el susurro que me hiciste en el oido, besa el recorrido de mis manos a tu altar con agua bendita de tu fuente bésame toda la frente, que me bautiza y me bendice, esa manera de besar.

[Kiss me the whisper that you made to me in the ear, kiss the path of my hands to your altar

With holy water from your source kiss my whole forehead, who baptizes me and blesses me, that way of kissing.]

She used her hands to unbutton his shirt while his mouth devoured hers. She couldn’t hold in her soft moans while he kissed her and specially when his hands started to wander on her body. Harry knew when to touch, how to touch, where and how much he could press and he simply knew what she enjoyed more. He was taking care of her, and she loved that he always put her wishes and pleasure first his own. When his mouth was away from hers, he kissed her chest and the round flesh around her barely exposed breasts. She looked at him while caressing his head and smiled. He was for sure a boob man. He had a bit of a hard time untying the knot on the front of the negligee but he naughtily smiled when he got it out. He undressed her so quickly and discarded the small piece of clothing on the floor. Her boobs were the right size and he could cup them with his hands. Her nipples were already up, like if they knew they’d get the needing attention they wanted. It was like her body missed his. His strong hands cupped her breasts before his face lowered enough to give soft bites on the flesh around them, he was playing and taking his time. When she felt his hot breath on her already excited nipple the goosebumps reappeared on her skin, she closed her eyes and arched her back and he didn’t lose any more time before suckling on one of them. She gave slowly and gentle suckles and small bites while his hand and fingers paid attention to the other one. Carol’s hands were on his arms and she even put one of her hands over his, so when he squeezed her breasts she made him do it harder.

Besa mis campos y mis flores, con tus gotitas de colores, besa la lluvia que resbalala ventana, besa mi vida y mis cenizas, me diras que voy deprisa, bésame y deja con un grito, que lo logre. Besa el torrente de ilusiones, bésame todas las pasiones, besa mi rio hasta su desembocadura, besa mi vida y mis cenizas, me diras que voy deprisa, besa mis dias y mis noches, mis diluvios y mi cielo a pleno sol.

[Kiss my fields and my flowers, with your droplets of colors, kiss the rain that slips the window, Kiss my life and my ashes, you'll tell me I'm hurrying, kiss me and leave with a shout to make it. Kiss the torrent of illusions, kiss me all the passions, kiss my river to it’s mouth, Kiss my life and my ashes, you'll tell me I'm hurrying, kiss my days and my nights, My floods and my sky in full sun.]

He kissed her chest, her belly, her arms and hands before letting her lay down on the bed. He took off the shirt she already unbuttoned and she smiled at him.

“You’re so perfect.” he whispered getting in the middle of her legs and her hands soon found his and their fingers intertwined when his mouth started kissing her inner thighs. He bit and he kissed, he rubbed his nose on her pearl over the small panties she was wearing and she gasped. He let go of her hands only to take of her last piece of clothing and he spread her legs a bit more. Her breath was labored because she knew how good his mouth made her feel, her hands were running on her body and she cupped her breasts when she felt his breath approaching her. She let out a small hiss when his hot tongue circled her clit. It was so damn slow but it was making everything within her awake. He circled her clit one, two, three times before getting it gently into his mouth and sucking on it. He smiled when she let out a small cry and her body shivered. He hooked his arms under her knees to make sure her legs would stay open and watched as she cupped her breasts and pinched her nipples while his tongue traveled around her sex. He watched, with her clit in his mouth, when she opened her eyes and stared at him. He dirty smiled and again circled her pearl so she could watch. He saw when the lust filled her eyes and her once sweet and shy smiles gave way to her sexy and aroused ones. He loved that he could notice the difference between them and used his teeth to gently ran across her clit before traveling down with his mouth and giving suckles on her inner labia before running his tongue up and down her entrance. He would never get tired of her sweet taste. He would never get tired of how wet she’d get with his touch. He licked and bit and suckled until she almost came before stopping. He had a naughty look and she was annoyed. He had brought her to the edge and now he stopped.

Bésame los ojos, aun dormido en la mañana, bésame la piel con el caudal de tu estreches, con agua bendita de tu fuente, bésame toda la frente que me bautiza y me bendice esa manera de besar. [Kiss my eyes, even asleep in the morning, kiss me the skin with the flow of your narrow, With holy water from your fountain, kiss me the whole front who baptizes me and blesses me that way of kissing.]

He quickly was out of his pants and boxers and he sat cross legged on the bed. He helped her to sit and she still had a frustrated expression on her face and he laughed at that. She sat on his lap and she wrapped her legs around him and her arms around his neck. She started to rub herself on his hard and hot member while staring at him in the eye. He liked the feeling of her wanting him as much as he wanted her. His hands were on her ass and his face was so close to her breasts that he sucked on one of them leaving a love mark around it.

He only let go of her ass with a hand and he used it to rub his head on her clit. She bit her lip and he soon did the same. He bit her lip and suckled on it, his head was almost entering her when she stopped him.

“Harry… the condom!” she remembered.

“We’re safe with the pill.” he answered. “It’ll be in your system for longer than my swimmers.” he kissed her neck and waited until she insisted. He didn’t like to wear condoms and he wanted to really know what it was like to be inside her without it in the way.

“You sure?” she said and sighed when he kept rubbing his head on her.

“I am. I want to cum inside you. I want to feel your hot pussy around my dick.” he whispered in her ear. He looked at her and she nodded. He gently lifted her a little bit and helped her guide his length inside her. Both of them had a moan stuck in their throats when they felt each other. Carol was tighter and hotter and wetter than he thought she’d be. And Harry was throbbing, she could actually feel it, and it was the most amazing feeling she had ever felt.

“Holy fuck, Carolina.” he cursed when he was all inside her and she was again sitting on his lap and with her hands around his neck. Her forehead was on his and they were still for a while, panting and with eyes closed for a while. She was the one that moved her hips around first. She was getting used to him inside her. She moved her hands and could feel him follow her movements.

She sucked on his earlobe when she was slightly lifting her body so he could slide in and out and he was doing it easily because of her wetness. She moaned in his ear and she loved to see that it did the trick all the time. He tightened his hold on her and helped her to increase the pace. They opened their eyes at the same time and both had dirty smiles on their faces. Carol looked down and watched and he sliding in and out of her. She watched they getting united and listened to the small noises their bodies made. She got even more aroused by that and Harry led one of his hands to her clit, he used her own moisture to wet his finger before rubbing it slowly.

She moved her hips up and down, back and forth and she twirled around his member. She loved the feeling of being filled. She was for the first time in forever feeling whole. She was feeling loved and desired and respected. She was out of her comfort zone, but she was in a place where she recognized as home. He was her home, he was her best friend and he was the best sex partner she ever had. She let out a loud moan when his mouth circled around her nipple and he suckled on it. Her senses were up and he was overstimulating her.

“So fucking great” Harry said, his voice low and husky and filled with lust.

“You like this?” she asked and he simply nodded. “What about this?” she clenched her walls the way he loved and his cock was now sliding inside her with more difficulty. She even held his head in a place before releasing it so he could thrust inside her again.

“If you keep doing this I’m not going to last longer.” he said and flexed his hip to find hers again. She was quickening their pace and he let her lead the moment. She kept clenching her walls now and then and she loved to see him cursing and moaning and groaning her name while sweat formed on his forehead. She kissed and suckled on his neck while she did that and her nipples rubbed on his chest.

“You going to cum inside me, hm?” she whispered sexily while sucking his earlobe again and while her hands wandered on his body. He didn’t answer and she noticed he was almost there, she could feel him throbbing inside of her and she was so, so close.

She then started to roll her hips and lifted herself a little bit more. He was helping by flexing his own hips to meet hers mid thrust. Their bodies took total control of the moment and Carol leaned back, supporting her weight with her hands behind her on the bed, she was going up and down on his length feeling all of it inside her and he soon started rubbing her clit again. She was moaning and with her eyes closed. She felt when the first wave hit her. She screamed his name and clutched the bed’s cover. Her body filled with goosebumps and she shivered. He groaned and grumbled when he started to cum. The first shot was sent her even more to the edge. She felt him, hot and sticky on her. Again. She loved the feeling of being his in this way and she writhed while her body climaxed together with him.

-----M-----

It took them a while before coming down from their high. They were still joined when she hugged him. She hid her face on his neck and he caressed her back. He waited a little bit before gently lifting her so he could slide of. She smiled at him and cleaned the line of sweat on his forehead.

“You’re going to kill me someday, Carol.” he said and she laughed.

“Why?”

“You are so fucking delicious and you keep clenching the walls on me...” he said pecking her lips playfully while she laughed.

“Well… you like it. Works every time.” she shrugged and laid on the bed. Her legs were still too weak to be able to get up and get cleaned up. She adjusted the pillows and he admired her body.

“I’m glad to see you gained a few kilos back.” he said running his hands on her thighs, still sitting.

“I gained a few back, I did. But I guess I gotta stop now.” she scrunched her nose at him.

“As long as your boobs stay the same, I don’t really care.” they both laughed.

“You’re such a boob man, Harry.” she called for him with her index finger and he laid beside her.

“I am. And you have the perfect ones. And they love me too.” he said looking at her.

“I think they do.” she caressed her boobs and he ran his tongue on his lips looking at it. “And you left me with another mark.”

“Well… It’s not my fault.” he said before putting his hand over hers while she caressed her boobs.

“Harry… we just had sex and you want another go?” she was surprised when noticed his change in behavior.

“Well… not right now, but we’re entering 2018 the right way.” he blinked at her and she laughed.

They stayed in bed for a while before he getting up and going to the bathroom. He cleaned up and got a small piece of cloth with warm water and came back to the room. She was still laying in bed when he sat beside her and asked her if he could help her. She was shocked and ashamed and was saying it was a couple more minutes before she’d be able to walk and go get cleaned and he was the perfect gentleman.

“You don’t have to be ashamed. It’s a normal thing. Let me help you so you can rest.” he said and she nodded after a while. He opened her legs and gently cleaned her with he cloth. He discarded it on the trash bin and made her a plate with snacks and more champagne. They ate and it took her a while to not be shy around him anymore.

What surprised her the most was the fact Harry was always touching her. Either he was caressing or kissing or hugging or simply resting his hand on her, he was always finding a way to be close to her. She always thought he’d like to have personal space and never imagined he’d be just the way she liked: someone who wasn’t afraid of demonstrating their feelings.

A/N: I promised I’d be back and here I am. I love me some loving Harry. Don’t you guys do too??

Let me know.

Bésame means kiss me. 

And this chapter’s song is this one.

[pope-francis-quotes]

20th March >> (@Zenitenglish) #PopeFrancis #Pope Francis’ General Audience: Full Text. Holy Father Continues Catechesis on Lord’s Prayer.

The 20th March 2019, General Audience took place in Saint Peter’s Square, where the Holy Father Francis met with groups of pilgrims and faithful from Italy and all over the world.

In his address in Italian, the Pope continued the cycle of catechesis on the Lord’s Prayer, focusing on the theme “Your will be done” (Bible passage: from the First Letter of Saint Paul the Apostle to Timothy, 2: 1-4).

After summarising his catechesis in several languages, the Holy Father addressed special greetings to the groups of faithful present. He then launched an appeal for the populations of the various regions of Mozambique, Zimbabwe, and Malawi, afflicted by floods in recent days.

The General Audience concluded with the recitation of the Pater Noster and the Apostolic Blessing.

Catechesis of the Holy Father

Dear brothers and sisters, good morning!

Continuing our catechesis on the “Lord’s Prayer”, today we focus on the third invocation: “Your will be done”. This must be read as united with the first two – “Hallowed be your name” and “Your Kingdom come” – so that together they form a triptych: “Hallowed be your name”, “Your Kingdom come”, “Your will be done”.

Before the care of the world by man, there is the tireless care God uses in relation to man and the world. All the Gospel reflects this inversion of perspective. The sinner Zacchaeus climbs a tree because he wants to see Jesus, but he does not know that, much earlier, God had looked for him. Jesus, when He arrives, tells him: “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today”. And in the end, He declares “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost” (Lk 19: 5-10). Here is the will of God, the one we pray to be done. What is the will of God incarnated in Jesus? Search and save what is lost. And we, in prayer, ask that the search for God be successful, that his universal plan of salvation be fulfilled, first, in each of us and then in the whole world. Have you thought about what it means that God is looking for me? Each one of us can say: “But, God is looking for me?” – “Yes! He is looking for you! He is looking for me”: He looks for each one, personally. But God is great! How much love there is behind all this.

God is not ambiguous, He does not hide behind enigmas, he has not planned the future of the world in an indecipherable way. No, He is clear. If we do not understand this, we risk not understanding the meaning of the third expression of the Lord’s Prayer. Indeed, the Bible is full of expressions that describe God’s positive will in relation to the world. And in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, we find a collection of citations that bear witness to this faithful and patient divine will (cf. 2821-2827). And Saint Paul, in the First Letter to Timothy, writes that He “wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth” (1 Tim 2: 4). This, without a shadow of a doubt, is the will of God: the salvation of man, of man, of every one of us. God, with His love, knocks on the door of our heart. Why? To attract us; to attract us to Him and to lead us ahead on the path of salvation. God is close to every one of us with His love, to lead us by the hand to salvation. How much love there is behind this!

Therefore, praying “Your will be done”, we are not invited to bow our heads in a servile way, as though we were slaves. No! God wants us free; it is His love that frees us. The Lord’s Prayer, indeed, is the prayer of sons, not of slaves; but of sons who know their father’s heart and are of his plan of love. Woe to us if, pronouncing these words, we were to shrug our shoulders as a sign of surrender in the face of a destiny that repels us yet we are unable to change. On the contrary, it is a prayer full of ardent trust in God Who wants goodness, life, and salvation for us. A courageous, even combative prayer, because in the world there are many, too many situations that do not follow God’s plan. We all know them. To paraphrase the prophet Isaiah, we could say: “Here, Father, there is war, prevarication, exploitation; but we know that You want what is good for us, so we beg of you: let Your will be done! Lord, subvert the plans of the world, transform swords in plowshares and spears into pruning hooks; may no-one ever more practice the art of war!” (cf. 2: 49. God wants peace.

The Lord’s Prayer is a prayer that ignites in us the same love of Jesus for the will of the Father, a flame that drives us to transform the world with love. The Christian does not believe in an ineluctable “fate”. There is nothing haphazard in the faith of Christians: there is instead a salvation that awaits manifestation in the life of every man and woman and fulfillment in eternity. If we pray it is because we believe that God can and wants to transform reality by overcoming evil with good. To this, God it makes sense to obey and abandon oneself even in the hour of greatest difficulty.

This was the case for Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane when He experienced anguish and prayed: “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done” (Lk 22: 42). Jesus is crushed by the evil of the world, but trustfully abandons Himself to the ocean of the love of the will of the Father. Even the martyrs, in their trial, did not seek death; they sought what came after death, resurrection. God, out of love, can lead us to walk on difficult paths, to experience painful wounds and thorns, but He will never abandon us. He will always be with us, next to us, within us. For a believer, this is not a hope but a certainty. God is with me. We find the same in that parable of the Gospel of Luke dedicated to the need to pray always. Jesus says: “Will not God bring about justice for His chosen ones, who cry out to Him day and night? Will He keep putting them off? I tell you, He will see that they get justice, and quickly” (18: 7.8). This is how the Lord loves us, in this way He cares for us. But, I want to invite you all together now to pray the Lord’s Prayer. And those of you who do not know Italian, pray in your own language. Let us pray together.

Recitation of the Lord’s Prayer

Greetings in various languages

French

I cordially greet French-speaking pilgrims, in particular, the Saint Jean Marie Vianney Society Seminar, the youth and all the people of France, Monaco, Switzerland, and Belgium. In this time of Lent, we contemplate Jesus in Gethsemane, crushed by evil, but trustingly abandoned to the will of the Father. God can guide us on difficult and painful paths, but – it is sure – He will never abandon us. God bless you!

English

I greet the English-speaking pilgrims and visitors taking part in today’s audience, especially those from England, Belgium, Croatia, Norway, Nigeria, Indonesia, Japan, Singapore, the United Arab Emirates and the United States of America. With prayerful good wishes that this Lent will be a time of grace and spiritual renewal for you and your families, I invoke upon all of you joy and peace in our Lord Jesus Christ.

German

I cordially greet the German-speaking pilgrims. From Vienna came the interreligious movement “Earth Caravan”, on a pilgrimage for justice and peace. Let us commit ourselves to discover ever more deeply the will of God, for us and for our lives, for our communities and for the whole world. Let us be ardent collaborators of His saving will. A Good Lent to you all!

Spanish

I cordially greet Spanish-speaking pilgrims from Spain and Latin America, particularly the Manos Unidas de España Foundation, which, from the Christian commitment in its campaign against hunger, seeks to fulfill God’s will so that no-one may lack their daily bread or necessary means in their lives. Let us ask the Lord that our testimony and our prayer be a wake-up call so that all men may come to the knowledge of the truth and be saved. God bless you all. Thank you.

Portuguese

I address a cordial greeting to Portuguese-speaking pilgrims, in particular to the Brazilian faithful of Ribeirão Preto. Dear friends, in the time of Lent, the Church recommends that we increase the time we dedicate to prayer. May such moments of filial dialogue with God help us increasingly to rediscover His infinite love for each of us and thus become instruments of mercy and peace. God bless you.

Arabic

I warmly welcome Arabic-speaking pilgrims, especially those from the Middle East! Dear brothers and sisters, Saint Paul teaches us that in our prayer we must open ourselves to the presence of the Holy Spirit, Who prays in us with inexpressible cries, to lead us to follow God with all our heart and with our whole being. Thus the Spirit of Christ becomes the strength of our weak prayer, the fire of our dry prayer, giving us true inner freedom, teaching us to live and face the trials of existence, in the certainty of not being alone. May the Lord bless you!

Polish

I cordially greet the Polish pilgrims. Yesterday we celebrated the solemnity of Saint Joseph. The protection he offered to the Holy Family is a significant example for us. As Saint Joseph did, we keep Jesus in us, when today we receive Him in the Eucharist and in listening to His word. With the same love, let us turn to Mary asking for support and good advice in daily life. From Saint Joseph, we learn trust in God, humility, courage, and obedience. Praised be Jesus Christ.

Italian

I cordially welcome the Italian-speaking pilgrims.

I am pleased to welcome the Capitulars of the Missionaries of the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary; the participants in the meeting promoted by the Focolare Movement and the Deacons of the Diocese of Milan.

I greet the parish groups, in particular that of Gesualdo; the pastoral units of San Martino in Campo; the Campus Bio-MedicoUniversity of Rome; and the following associations: AIDO of Alessandria; “White Roses on the asphalt” of Senigallia; Active Citizenship of Bronte; the White Hands Choir Melissano, and the educational Institutes: there are many of them!

I address a special thought to young people, the elderly, the sick and newlyweds.

The journey of Lent, which we are following, is an opportunity for authentic conversion for each one of us so that we can reach the full maturity of faith in Christ, eager to spread His Gospel in every environment of life in which we find ourselves.

Appeal of the Holy Father

In these days, major floods have sown grief and devastation in many regions of Mozambique, Zimbabwe, and Malawi. To these dear populations, I express my sorrow and my closeness. I entrust the many victims and their families to God’s mercy and implore comfort and support for those afflicted by this disaster.

© Libreria Editrice Vatican

20th MARCH 2019 15:04GENERAL AUDIENCE

[sara-naked-blog]

Emilia

This was my great grandmother on my mother’s side. I.e. my grandmother’s mother. I vaguely remember meeting this woman a few times but i was very small, even then she seemed a harsh and cold woman.

My grandmother often told me how ruthless her mother was. Emilia met Jaime (My great Grandfather) through a family member. They had a 10 year gap. 

Emilia’s brother-in-law met Jaime on a trip to Lisbon. Once he came back home he spread the news to his family about this great person he met who was very well off and a kind, honest, hard working man. 

After a year of courtship via letter not once meeting each other, Jamie convinced Emilia to married him. I am told it wasn’t for love, she merely saw it as a way out of her miserable life in the farm. They soon moved to a neighborhood in Lisbon.

Jaime had a heart of gold, everyone loved him. He always went out of his way to help others. He was a 1st class carpenter in the navy boats, he often worked hours extra and built furniture for his poorest friends at no cost. Well... the only cost he’s require would be a glass of wine...

Jaime was an alcoholic although never a violent one. My grandmother always told me how they would argue as Emilia treated the children badly but that he would often let it go. 

“Jaime always said to Emilia if you touch our children i will never forgive you! Children and animals only have what you give them they are innocent beings please don’t mistreat them. I can’t and won’t ever forgive you.” 

But she did not listen. They had 4 daughters. Olinda, my grandmother, was the eldest. She took care of them all. At 7 she’d get up at 5am to cook breakfast and dress her sisters ready for school. After school she’d then spend the rest of the days cleaning and washing clothes and dishes whilst her younger siblings did what children do... play. 

Soon after they had their 3rd child Jaime lost his job and therefore they lost their house. In a moment of despair Jaime found a quiet spon on the street where he builts their new home made of bed sheets and a wooden  carving with the family name. HE got accosted by the police to remove it all to which he told the police officer: “what am i to do with my 3 daughters if I have no home?” If by pity or what the police officers let him be. 

Jaime was lucky enough to get yet another job  working with the navy vessels where they then managed to secure a home in Campo pequeno, Lisbon.

Emilia worked as a fishmonger and she would go every morning to the local park and sell fresh fish to the people passing by. This is how she made her money. 

On top of this Jaime gave her all of his wages as she was the head of the household taking care of the children... supposedly. He worshiped Emilia, no matter how horrible she was to the point where she hit him and hurt him in every way possible he loved her. No one is entirely sure why she wasn’t a very nice person nor was she a beauty. He on the other hand could get any girl he wanted. He was tall, with a chiseled jaw lane, and green eyes. Because Portuguese people have very dark features, i.e. dark hair and dark eye color anything deviating from the norm is the most amazing thing. So people who are ginger, blond and have light eyes are almost seen as unicorns there... In fact he had had previous relationships, one of whom he dated a widowed woman who was raising a daughter alone. Although they separated and a few years after the woman died leaving her daughter orphaned he took care of the girl as if she was one of his own. 

It’s suspected Emilia was doing the same as her mother once had. When Emilia’s dad died her mother, Maria Canhoto or canhota as known to her friends, found herself as a widow with 4 small children to take care of  in total disbelief and despair she ripped her hair out literally. However, she did not let it crush her she used the money she got from her husband’s death to buy further lands. The lands were so vast that many lands were forgotten about and taken over by others without the family ever noticing. There were many grape and orange fields and miles and miles of pine tree fields.

Although we will never really know how much money and lands were left over, Emilia told my Grandmother that she did not include her in her will as she was afraid she’d take it all in a selfish act. My grandmother would never do such a thing as she always took care of everyone without complaining, if anything she even offered to get punished instead of her sisters. Often she’d go without food for them too...

Emily’s final act of ruthlessness is the one that marks everyone’s memories of her. Jaime had  a fall and injured his knee, being selfish as she was she refused to buy any good medication to combat infection or even pain. Olinda begged her to call the doctors or nurses to come have a look at her dad as he was weaker by the day... Emilia refused saying that the house was in a mess and she’d have no one to come and judge her for it. My grandmother cleaned the house every day the house was pristine. She just didn’t want him alive anymore. Jaime died from blood poisoning. When he died over 200 people came to his funeral, his friendship and love for others clearly made an impact.

Emily’s story ends with her dying alone. She died an alone and miserable death, with herself being used for her money and conveniences as she used others. No one attended her funeral with the exception of my grandmother. Her dear daughters had excuses not to go, now that they had inherited everything they were made. My grandmother did inherit some lands... but that’s another story...

[positivepsychologyinterventions]

How to Inspire Your Writing (and Your Life) Every Day

There are various clever quotes about why inspiration is unnecessary for writing. After all, writing is work. After all, plumbers don’t need to be inspired to do their jobs; they just do their jobs. The same goes for electricians, attorneys, and doctors. And if we wait to write until we’re hit by some magical wand of inspiration, we might never start in the first place.

This is true. Being able to work whether you feel inspired or not is important. It’s a great skill. And yet inspiration is critical, too.

In a piece entitled “Why Inspiration Matters,” Scott Barry Kaufman writes, “Inspiration awakens us to new possibilities by allowing us to transcend our ordinary experiences and limitations. Inspiration propels a person from apathy to possibility, and transforms the way we perceive our own capabilities.” Inspiration sparks creativity, and helps us make progress on our goals, according to Kaufman.

Inspiration also is vital because “an insipid view on life is deadly,” said Susie Herrick, MFT, a licensed psychotherapist and author. “Breathing in beauty is our birthright. It’s what feeds our capacity to see metaphor and synchronicity.”

Inspiration keeps writer and author Nicole Gulotta’s creative life filled with enthusiasm. “It’s exciting to never know where inspiration might come from, which reminds me to keep my senses sharp and pay attention as much as possible.”

Reading provides Gulotta with lots of inspiration. Recently, she’s enjoyed reading Writing as a Path to Awakening by Albert Flynn DeSilver and Good Prose by Tracey Kidder and Richard Todd.

Also, “walking or other gentle exercise really helps get my body and mind relaxed so creativity can easily move around,” said Gulotta, author of Eat This Poem: A Literary Feast of Recipes Inspired by Poetry, and a blog by the same name.

Movement is key for Sydney Campos, too. Dance and yoga—which are daily rituals—keep her creative energy flowing. She also finds tremendous inspiration in spending time in nature, along with meditation, and energy healing and acupuncture sessions.

For psychologist and writer Ryan Howes, Ph.D, curiosity creates the spark. “There is so much to learn—about people, psychology, and writing itself—that I’ll never run out of material.” He is driven by all sorts of questions—his own and questions from readers and journalists: “Why do we need emotion?” “What really makes therapy work?” “Why don’t therapists talk about themselves?” “How does talking help me feel better?”

“Each question is like a little challenging puzzle that begs to be solved, and writing is simply the method I use to solve it,” said Howes. “I honestly don’t spend much time evaluating whether or not my writing is ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ my goal is simply to provide a coherent answer.”

Tanaaz Chubb, author of numerous books, including The Power of Positive Energy, is inspired by connecting with others and hearing their stories. “Even just the smallest exchanges can inspire me to write about something.”

While writing her book Your Story is Your Power—co-written with Elle Luna—Herrick turned to sappy music. “Like chocolate, the bittersweet twang on the heart brings words to that dreamy poet in my head. Writing is like getting a cat to come to you. A ball of string comes in handy. To get myself to write I had to really pull on my heartstrings.”

For you music, movement and meditation might not work. Because different things inspire different people. Below, you’ll find an assortment of tips to try and experiment with. Ultimately, focus on what stirs your own heart, mind and spirit.

Pretend readers are waiting for your work. “Think about the person who was like you once who found a book that fed their soul and wrote stuff in the margins,” said Herrick. “Imagine them writing you a letter sharing how your [writing] inspired them.”

Follow your bliss. Make time to do things you love every day, said Chubb, creator of Foreverconscious.com, which focuses on all things cosmic and spiritual. Maybe that’s sewing, sketching or tending to your tiny garden. Maybe it’s riding your bike or reading memoirs or listening to history podcasts.

Play as much as you can. “We are all adults running around with these inner children—these storehouses of knowledge, wisdom, inspiration and joy—waiting to be acknowledged so they can be expressed,” said Campos, author of The Empath Experience: What To Do When You Feel Everything. Find activities that feel like play to you.

Follow the crumbs of your curiosity. Pay attention to your questions and observations, which have the potential to become prompts for your writing, said Howes, co-founder of the Mental Health Boot Camp, a 25-day online wellness program that helps people self-reflect, learn to meditate, understand relationships, and develop new habits to navigate life’s challenges. For instance, you observe a co-worker’s peculiar habit or discover a surprising story deep in your family tree, which inspires you to write a short story or magazine article.

Become a channel. Campos suggested “dancing, breathwork and shaking to move energy through your body and prepare yourself to be a true channel for receiving the powerful wisdom you are uniquely designed to express with your incredible voice.”

Switch things up. “Painting in between writing sessions is a great way to give the right brain a rest and allow it to recharge,” Campos said. What can you do to engage different senses when you’re not writing?

Identify your cause or theme. Is there a common theme to your interests and hobbies? Are you passionate about social causes? Do your questions focus on the same subject? As Howes said, “You may have been living according to an inspired purpose without even knowing it. Once you identify it, it’s easier to find inspiration in your projects.”

For instance, years ago, Howes discovered that many of his personal and professional interests revolved around a similar theme: “making mental health accessible to the masses.” “Now my eyes are open for any opportunities to advance this cause, and the opportunities are endless.”

Herrick has a writing-specific learning disability. She’s shy. It took her 13 years to write her first book, which was published when she was 55. Her second book was just published, which she wrote with a broken arm. She underscored the importance of doing it anyway.

In other words, she encouraged readers to pursue their writing regardless of the challenges, obstacles, second guesses and self-doubts—an incredibly inspiring message, whether we’re talking about creating or not.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2JYTwgr via IFTTT

[anthonycharlestabone]

Having trouble viewing? View in Browser Thursday, October 12, 2017 TOP OF THE MORNING It's Thursday, Oct. 12, 2017. Welcome to Fox News First, your first stop for today's news. To get your early morning news emailed directly to your inbox, click here. Here's your Fox News First 5 - the first five things you need to know today: The Harvey Weinstein sex scandal exposes a Tinseltown wall of silence, sends Hollywood into chaos NBC is under fire for declining to televise a Weinstein exposé  'Hannity' Exclusive: President Trump says the NFL should have suspended quarterback Colin Kaepernick for kneeling during the national anthem The Obama presidential library will not keep hard copies of the former president's documents onsite, baffling historians Conservative students at UC Berkeley face threats of violence for their views Let's take a closer look at these stories ...    THE LEAD STORY: Hollywood is in chaos, and all because of one man: Harvey Weinstein. Multiple allegations of rape, sexual harassment and trading sex for movie roles have forced one of the most powerful men in show business out of his company and begging for help and forgiveness ... But Weinstein’s dramatic fall has implications that extend much further than his business and personal relationships and so far show no signs of abating. From the women he allegedly abused, to the associates who allegedly knew about his behavior all along but stayed silent, to the A-list actors and actresses who depend on him for their career-making roles, many of the biggest Tinseltown titans are wondering what their lives — and show business itself —  will look like in a post-Weinstein town. Report: FBI opening investigation on Weinstein Report: Weinstein Co. knew about payoffs since 2015 Everything you need to know about the Harvey Weinstein sex scandal Roundup of Hollywood's reaction to the Weinstein sex allegations Weinstein leaves LA for rehab in Arizona NBC BIAS EXPOSED? Critics are wondering why NBC passed on running a Harvey Weinstein sex harassment exposé that was ultimately published by the New Yorker. The answer may lie in NBC's Hollywood screenwriter news president, Noah Oppenheim... Until a few days ago, Weinstein was one of the most powerful and influential players in Hollywood. Oppenheim is still an active screenwriter who wrote Jackie, a 2016 film starring Natalie Portman, and has been attached to multiple other projects. He has told industry colleagues that he’s likely to one day return to Hollywood full time. Former MSNBC host Ronan Farrow, who reportedly worked on his Weinstein story for a year, had offered the scoop to NBC News months ago. However, the Oppenheim-run news organization refused to air the story, saying it did not meet their journalistic standards. Farrow then took his 7,718-word bombshell to the New Yorker. From Fox News Opinion: Weinstein, what on Earth does the NRA have to do with your mistreatment of women? Hillary Clinton says she'll give Harvey Weinstein donations to charity  Howard Kurtz: Clinton, Obama finally appalled by Weinstein 'HANNITY' EXCLUSIVE WITH TRUMP: President Donald Trump suggested that the NFL could have avoided the controversy over national anthem protests if it had suspended quarterback Colin Kaepernick for kneeling during the playing of "The Star-Spangled Banner" ... "The NFL should have suspended him for one game and he would have never done it again," Trump told Fox News' Sean Hannity during an interview in Harrisburg, Pa. Kaepernick began kneeling during the national anthem last season as part of a protest against police brutality while a member of the San Francisco 49ers. Kaepernick has since become a free agent and has been unable to get a job with another NFL team. Meanwhile, to the chagrin of NFL executives and fans who don't like to mix sports and politics, the sight of players kneeling during the national anthem has become the norm. Judge Andrew Napolitano: Is taking a knee protected speech? OBAMA’S PAPERLESS LIBRARY: The Obama Foundation is taking an unconventional approach to the presidential center and library planned in Chicago. It is opting to host a digital archives of President Barack Obama's records, but will not keep his hard-copy manuscripts and letters and other documents onsite ... That means no thumbing through the ex-president's correspondence on the health care fight or first drafts of his State of the Union speeches. The decision has historians scratching their heads. The Chicago Tribune reports that while Obama's physical records are currently in a private facility in Illinois, they will likely be shipped to locations in and around Washington, D.C.  CONSERVATIVES UNWELCOME AT UC BERKELEY?: The birthplace of the free speech movement in the 1960s apparently isn't very friendly to today's conservative students ... Following a slew of high-profile, violent protests against conservative speakers on campus, students say that life at UC Berkeley has become more difficult for anyone whose politics lean toward the right.  Flashback: $600,000 security price tag as conservative Ben Shapiro speaks at UC Berkeley Cal Thomas: Students at Seattle Law School denied a well-rounded education by the free speech police.   ABOUT LAST NIGHT 'FAKE' RUSSIA COLLUSION: "It wasn't Russia, it was a bad candidate. It was a candidate that didn't go to Wisconsin and Michigan like they should have." – President Trump, on "Hannity," addressing Democrats' insistence, almost one year later, that Russia somehow titled the 2016 presidential election in his favor. WATCH HYPOCRISY, HOLLYWOOD-STYLE: "That's progressive values in Hollywood in a nutshell. Oh, I'm totally committed for more roles for fierce, strong, independent women, and I'll consider giving one to you if you come up to my room and sexually service me." – Author and radio host Mark Steyn, on "Tucker Carlson Tonight," skewering Hollywood liberal elites for claiming to stand up for empowering women, while ignoring Harvey Weinstein's alleged sexual harassment for years. WATCH   MINDING YOUR BUSINESS House Ways and Means Committee Chair Kevin Brady continues push for state and local tax elimination. GE stock hits 4-year low as analysts debate possibility of dividend cut. NAFTA benefits Canada more than the U.S., agriculture secretary says. J.P. Morgan's loan arm may see hurricane impact.   NEW IN FOX NEWS OPINION Repeal the Jones Act to speed Puerto Rico recovery. Michelle Obama's condescending and disgracefully out of touch advice to job-seeking women. The conservative case to keep the Iran deal. Shouldn't pro-life students have the same free speech rights as millionaire athletes?    HOLLYWOOD SQUARED Kid Rock vs. Eminem: Will music stars compete for Senate seat? Alec Baldwin has drink-throwing meltdown on NYC street. OBJECTified preview: Tyler Perry opens up on his faith. Andy Cohen to host CNN's New Year's Eve with Anderson Cooper, replacing Kathy Griffin.   DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS? Star of 'racist' Dove ad speaks out. Zuckerberg apologizes for VR tour of hurricane-ravaged Puerto Rico. Volcanoes kill about 540 people a year, scientists say. 'Surprise period pants' is the worst Halloween costume idea.   STAY TUNED On Fox News: Fox & Friends, 6 a.m. ET: Country singer and reality TV star Jessie James Decker discusses her recent announcement of her pregnancy, the latest season of her A&E show and more. Hannity, 9 p.m. ET:  Jesus Campos, the security guard shot by Las Vegas gunman Stephen Paddock before the Oct. 1 massacre, speaks out in an exclusive interview.   On Fox Business: Mornings with Maria, 6 a.m. ET: Linda McMahon, administrator of the Small Business Administration, takes on the implications of tax reform for small businesses. Varney & Co., 9 a.m. ET: UFC President Dana White discusses efforts to help Las Vegas massacre victims and more. Cavuto: Coast to Coast, Noon ET: Sen. Rand Paul talks the Iran nuke deal and tax reform. The Intelligence Report, 2 p.m. ET: Counselor to President Trump Kellyanne Conway takes on the hot topics facing the White House today Countdown to the Closing Bell, 3 p.m. ET: Brendan Boyle, House Budget Committee, discusses the latest in the quest for a budget plan.  Risk & Reward, 5 p.m. ET: Lt. Gen. Thomas McInerney sizes up the implications of Trump decertifying the Iran deal. Making Money with Charles Payne, 6 p.m. ET: Rep. Mark Walker discusses disaster relief funding challenges.  Lou Dobbs Tonight, 7 p.m. ET: Rep. Ron DeSantis, House Committee on Foreign Affairs, takes on the latest threat from North Korea   On Fox News Radio: The Brian Kilmeade Show, 9 a.m. ET to 12 noon ET: Columnist Marc Thiessen dissects President Trump's anticipated decertification of the Iran nuke deal; Kevin Hassett, chair of the Council of Economic Advisers, takes us inside Trump's tax reform plan; columnist Andrew McCarthy discusses attempts by the Justice Department and FBI to hide info about the Trump dossier.   #OnThisDay 2000: A suicide bomb attack on the destroyer USS Cole in Yemen kills 17 sailors. 1997: Singer John Denver is killed in a plane crash in Monterey Bay, Calif. 1957: Dr. Seuss' "How the Grinch Stole Christmas!" is first published by Random House. 1792:  The first recorded U.S. celebration of Columbus Day is held to mark the tricentennial of Christopher Columbus' landing.   Thank you for joining us on Fox News First! Enjoy your Thursday and we'll see you in your inbox first thing Friday morning. Unsubscribe ©2017 Fox News Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved. 1211 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY, 10036. Privacy Policy.