#with context it makes sense but also you could replace 'she doesnt mind you' with 'shes scared to say no' and it could... theoretically look

[thetangibleghost]

this morning I started listening to the Sir Chloe album "I am the Dog" about it. I'm being weird, autistic, and insensitive about the whole situation. Within the context of my life it's either understandable or completely repulsive. Not sure which I seem to only be getting worse at guessing how my actions would be perceived by an outside party.

[raveneira]

The flowers was for Kawaki NOT Himawari

Istg the fact that this is even still debated is mind boggling when it couldnt have been made any clearer all because mfs dont know how to read.

Sarada says These will look perfect in Himawari’s vase

I dunno if people are purposefully being dumb or they actually cant understand basic literature but saying something will look nice in something does NOT mean they were bought for the owner of said object. Context plays a key role, you would know that if yall actually bothered to think for more than 2 seconds.

For example, Boruto bought flowers for his mother, and he put them in HIMAWARI’S vase, does that mean the flowers were for Himawari since he put them in her vase? no. Know why? because he said they were for his mother on her birthday and NONE of you questioned that regardless whose vase he put it in. But before I continue ranting I’ll keep it professional for now and address the context yall conveniently overlooked, the irrefutable proof of who the flowers were actually for.

Sarada’s face says it all here, why would she make an awkward face with a sweat drop scratching her cheek awkwardly about buying flowers for Boruto’s little sister who shes known all her life? why would she feel awkward about that? and why wouldnt she just answer Ino? all she says is Yeah, sort of... 

We know she never said who it was for because Ino literally GUESSES who their for based on her reaction, if they were for Himawari Sarada wouldnt have been awkward and just said Yes these are for Himawari, she wouldnt look awkward and hesitate to tell Ino who their for UNLESS they were for someone she felt awkward admitting she was buying flowers for, aka Kawaki.

Sarada from her own mouth calls the person she bought them for a HE and says HE will probably think shes just being nosy, and whos the one guy who has called her nosy?

This is not rocket science, its just basic common sense, all this debate just because Sarada says the flowers would look nice in Himawari’s vase, WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT BORUTO THOUGHT ABOUT THE FLOWERS HE BOUGHT FOR HIS MOTHER. 

My god where was this energy back then? why only with Sarada are yall going through all these mental gymnastics tryna prove she didnt buy flowers for Kawaki? the only reason you would fight THIS hard against such a simple gesture that you insist is completely platonic is because you KNOW its significance.

And to those of you who claim the flowers are in the trash, stop the cap, we dont know what happened to the flowers after they went to fight Boro, all we know is Sarada dropped them after going into shock seeing Konohamaru badly injured.

Even if they were discarded, it doesnt change the fact that she bought them for him and it doesnt change the fact that she cared enough to think of him while picking up flowers her mother bought for her father, she took upon herself to buy separate ones for Kawaki. I think thats the part that scares yall the most.

Boruto could have put the flowers in Shino’s vase for all yall cared and yall still wouldnt have questioned who it was for because he SAID who it was for, but because its flowers from Sarada for Kawaki suddenly its different.

The biggest part of all this is that the flowers were a gift from BORUTO for HIS mother on HER birthday, why would Sarada, replace a gift from someones son for her birthday, that makes absolutely no danm sense. Imagine Boruto replacing a gift Sarada bought for her mother, its just downright ridiculous. The only reason Kawaki is replacing the vase is because he BROKE it, Sarada has absolutely no relation to any of that so theres no reason for her to get involved in their family matters.

One final point about the context is what she says, that he’ll just think she’s being nosy, and what exactly did Kawaki call her nosy for in the first place?

She was staring at him which Kawaki noticed and asked her what is she looking at? his attitude was caused by 3 things leading up to this comment

1 Naruto kept insisting that Kawaki and Sarada were friends now

2 Mitsuki revealed that Sarada suggested they come there to spy on Kawaki

3 She was staring at him hard and he noticed

After Kawaki calls her nosy he immediately makes a point of telling her that he doesnt intend on becoming friends with any of them, referring back to what Naruto said, he makes clear that he rejects her offer of friendship from before, he is also irritated at her coming there to spy on him.

Notice the common theme in all this? all of this pertains to SARADA sticking her nose into HIS business, everything leading up to him calling her nosy has been HER being nosy about HIM, not anyone else.

So the only reason she would say he would think shes being nosy, is because the flowers are for HIM not Himawari. Why would he even call her nosy for buying flowers for a friend? shes known Himawari long before he has so if anything HE’D be the one whos being nosy for commenting on it.

Bottom line is yall only fighting this hard to make this a Himawari thing instead of a Kawaki one is because you yourselves know its significance, hell like yall were originally saying it could be completely platonic, but the implications of her buying flowers for Kawaki at the same time Sakura buys flowers for her husband is a bit concerning for non KawaSara shippers lol so believe me I get your concern.

But regardless of how you feel about it, the flowers were for Kawaki, deal with it.

[liquidstar]

ok. ξέρετε κάποιες λέξεις που υπάρχουν στα ελληνικά, αλλά δεν υπάρχουν στα αγγλικά, που νομίζετε ότι θα έπρεπε να υπάρχουν στα αγγλικά; (χρησιμοποίησα deepl και ελπίζω η πρότα��η να βγάζει νόημα)

μην ανησυχείς! η πρόταση βγήκε μια χαρά! αλλά θα αλλάξω στα αγγλικά για την υπολπή την απανδάση ^_^

okay so anyway i actually dont have a suuuper wide vocabulary in greek- my mom super does so i have no idea what shes talking about half the time so maybe i should ask her tho lol

but here's my sort of non-comprehensive list of some language shit that exists in greek but not really in english

first of all, i always found it funny that greek has different words for "died" depending on what it is that died. if a human died, its "πέθανε" (pethane) and if an animal died its "ψόφησε" (psophise) but theyre not always used literally- you would use the more respectful "πέθανε" if a pet passed away, but if some bastard you didnt like died you would use "ψόφησε" just to be an asshole (itd be considered super disrespectful but people still do it)

i love the word "παρέα" (parea) because it literally means "together" but can be used to describe a group of friends who always hang out with each other. its like saying "these people are my together" which makes no sense in english but isnt it a sweet sentiment?

"μαλάκα" (malaka) technically translates to "wanker" but wanker will never capture the same energy as malaka. not to me. not ever. not even close. the way its used is closer to how irish people use "cunt"

the word "πνεύμα" (pnevma) which basically means "spirit" but literally means "air" or "breath"- i cant quite describe it but the concept of air and the concept of souls are inherently linked bc of this in my minds eye. like the air in your lungs is your soul. that might not make sense i dont know!

i like the word "φιλοξενία" (philoxenia) which you can kind of translate as "hospitality" but that doesnt quite capture it- the first part of the word means "friend" and the second means "stranger" and it basically means showing the same kindness you show to friends to strangers

the word "βρε" (vre) or "ρε" (re) which ive talked at length abt bc its so. hard to describe in a language where it doesnt exist. its like. im going to copypaste from my other post: a word you put before a persons name (or even replace their name all together with) to sort of put more emphasis on it, but in a negative way. like, almost as if youre disappointed at how dumb the other person is being. obviously it can be used in an affectionate or lighthearted way too. like, its just a diminutive term i guess. you could also just literally say the word on its own in the same way you might say ���dude.” to someone, or even just as a way to show surprise. it just sort of depends on the context and tone of voice. like its such a common exclamation w a lot of uses but theres not really a single word in english that it can directly translate to, especially to prefix a persons name in the same way.

"μάγκας" (mangas) literally means "tough guy" but i think i could more accurately compare it to the word "macho" which isnt english itself. it actually comes from a sort of old counterculture movement

"καψούρα" (kapsoura) is a word that describes a burn, but is more-so used metaphorically to describe an intense desire- one so bad that it burns. it sounds poetic but most of the time i hear people use it to describe food cravings lol

"κέφι" (kefi) is a word that describes an uncontainable joy that simply HAS to be released in one way or another- this is why greek people break plates when partying. we're letting out our kefi!

this isnt really untranslatable per say but its more like, a different way of wording things than we would in english- the word for the universe, for the world, and for mankind is all one word: "κόσμος" (cosmos).

"μεράκι" (meraki) is most commonly translated as "passion" but it more literally describes a passion so intense you put your soul into it, with absolute devotion, especially in reference to art or cooking

"γεια σου" (yia sou) is how you greet and say goodbye to people in greek, so usually it just gets translated as "hello" or "goodbye" but thats not actually accurate! what the term actually means is akin to "i wish you good health" which you start and end every interaction with. you also say "to our health!" when toasting.

this one is kind of morbid but "kοψοφλεβικα" (kopsoflevika) is a word (and genre of music) that means wrist-slicing. it hyperbolically refers to something so sad that it makes you want to slit your wrists. not all of them are sweet and lofty lol

[iamcompletelyrandom]

// TCF CHAPTER 644 - 688 SPOILERS

what if the reason the disguised hilsman suspiciously smiled when saying that he wasnt apart of the thames household / his last name wasnt thames is because thames wasnt always the original name of the household or something??

(that would explain why he smiled even when saying that he isnt involved yet saying so much about cale’s mother.. i do not think he is lying or would lie so pointlessly, no him and ron are too alike in that, but enough to be twisting the question? absolutely.)

if not then we do know he is also somehow related to the thames household, judging from his hatred towards hunters and how closely hes talked about cale’s birth mother

cale also mentioned that he wasn’t white star, but also not someone he has met before, yet still friendly to him and deruth, as well as loyal people serving the henituse family (but not to violan, judging from the way he tried to grab her neck once he was discovered)

actually speaking of their conversation together, he talked about the henituse values from an outsiders perspective but was suprisingly knowledgeable about it, not only that but talked about the duchess position and not violan herself... does he have familiarity with it, or is he just knowledgable?

not only that but being able to take down a vice captain and capture him as well as notice when someone is watching him, he isnt hostile either and seems.. old? from violans perspective... and he was able to notice (or atleast know beforehand) that deruth was replaced with white star before cale and violan were... (either familiar with deruth enough to notice or familiar enough with white star to notice/know) (679)

he was smiling as he looked towards the diary too... does he know what it means? does he recognize it?

he is related to the thames, but he is not a hunter nor have the a power similar to annual rings of life (judging from the way he talked about cale’s mother with cale, he either doesnt know that cale is a transmigiator/regressor or simply does not care enough. however judging from the way he did not ask cale who he was in cale’s body like drew did in her diary, or expose who he was in front of on and hong, or say that his time is warped like some white thing, im going to assume it is the first option)

... or perhaps maybe hes the eldest orabuni that young drew thames mentioned during the trial for the annual rings of life

“– I have this weird feeling that I will like you even though we just met! You oddly look like that half-witted fool Deruth, but you also look similarly handsome as my eldest orabuni!” (664)

(and we all know how important the things that the ancient powers’ trials’s say go) (looking at you fire of destruction and shield)

that would explain why he mentioned that deruth might be able to recognize who he is and point him out, (why ever else might deruth know him if he is not either extended family or friends to his late wife? maybe relying on similarity as sibling?) (also what does he want to say to deruth? something so important that hes faked and disguised himself coincidently when white star was running around? (and more importantly was it related to thames and the research and information the household was doing, especially with white star as a reincarnator?)

not to mention why hes so familiar to cale’s late mother (clumsy like his mother, matching scary smiles mean something bad is about to happen (and mentioning these habits was when his mother was in her youth? clearly he was close to her)) (688)

maybe atleast a family member then perhaps? maybe a relative if not the older brother.. or maybe a bestfriend (unlikely. he judged that cale definitely had thames blood.)?

...but wait..

wasnt it said that drew was the last and only surviving decendent of the thames household, which is said to have perished once she married deruth and decided not to continue the household..?

if thats so.. where exactly did her elder brother go?

(when you say eldest do you think that maybe there could be more then one older brother? or is that a translation taken wrongly..?)

AND WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

EXCUSE ME??? HELLO???

BECAUSE IM KINDA (NOT REALLY) TRYING TO READ THE LINES BETWEEN WHAT SHES SAYING HERE AND I DONT LIKE THIS

so shes saying that a group of people want to hunt the souls of people (and perferably of those that might be young and weak) and somehow couldve ended with something bad going on..?

and apparently the thames household has massacured or “used” all of these people to the point where its been “resolved” and hunters will no longer appear..?

and somehow, the red light (the light from the annual rings of life ancient power flowing into drew’s diary) is the same light of that dorph managed to identify of a person that taught him how to not only use the darkness element, but also hunt darkness elementals (667)

THE HELL DOES THIS IMPLY??

drew has the exact same “light” (the element of present and innate fate? time? or something more?) to the (presumed) hunter (THAT I THINK IS HONESTLY STILL ALIVE, MIND YOU) that hunted down darkness elementals who possessed a red light (but did not absorb it? ancient powers get absorbed right?)

she also commented that the annual rings of life (which allowed people to see the time around all living things (including people whos time is warped), as the annual rings of a tree) “needed to be apart of the Thames household to use this power properly” - (665)

while thankfully it means that white star wouldnt know how to use it either (judging from not being able to tell how time is warped besides that it is for cale and choi han), it also leaves some very interesting context for WHY THE HELL WOULD A HUNTER HAVE THIS POWER THEN??

LIKE?? IT WOULD MAKE SENSE FOR A THAMES TO HAVE IT BUT THE FALSE HILSMAN DIDNT SEEM TO HAVE IT EITHER

...so if the thames were so adament about fighting against hunters who used the souls of non-reincarnating / single lifers, why is the records and the research all full of how to destroy all of those with a “warped” time.. including those single lifers...

and depending on how detailed the information on the annual ring of life is on how to eliminate such beings.. wouldnt that mean that the thames has been studying that too alongside it..?

but when the other hunter got its “red light” while the fake hilsman didnt have make sense... unless.. the hunters were originally to have it and the thames “used” them or “resolved” or took it from them for their resea-

...im sure that that is not the case.. yeah.. that couldnt ever be the case..

this seems like seriously complicated stuff... i feel like there are chills on my back and im having lemon tea for some reason... and whatever happened made the thames going to a baron to a fallen noble... haha oh dear..

...at the very least, we can count on having his highness crown prince alberu to tell us what happens once he asks the king! yeah! im sure its nothing big to worry about and it would all be revealed in due time, theres no need to worry about that kind of stuff!

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

Important Asks/Interesting Theories

Beware, this post is filled with spoilers for Zemblanity! Read after you’ve finished the main series, as it’s constructed so that everything makes sense in the end. But if you’re still curious or confused, here’s the guide you need!

Be sure to look at the date of when any of the asks were posted before you send me a new one saying ‘but this isn’t possible because [insert reasoning here]’ especially for the theories. I tried to put a ‘Prior to’ section for all of them but yeahhhhh just check the dates.

So these were originally individual asks on my blog but I got rather lazy to reblog and tag everything (and I’m kind of afraid of hitting the post limit again), so I’ll just type them out here.

Table of Contents so You Don’t Have to Keep Scrolling:

Asks About Zemblanity in Case You Are Confused

Confused about the timelines?

So if TL8 Ten and TL9 Ten merged that means they have the same memories and behaviors? That’s why he remembered to save (Y/N)?

Does jumping from timeline to timeline affect Sector V? For all timelines is there only one Sector V?

So why are (Y/N)’s dreams a thing?

Can you explain the whole TL8 Ten getting sent back to TL9 and everything that resulted?

So why does Kunhang want to drown the system?

So is Yangyang actually in love with (Y/N) or is it just infatuation?

[Not an Ask] Regarding the Dream Sequences in Zemblanity

Interesting Theories About Zemblanity

{Prior to TWN4} Mark Lee is the True Culprit (Personal Favorite of Mine)

{Prior to TIR0} Maybe Yangyang is the best friend in Ch. 4’s dreams…

{Prior to TIR1} Maybe Xiaojun is the best friend in Ch. 4’s dreams…

{Prior to TIR2} Maybe (Y/N) and Ten coming up to the moon in 2004 was a lie?

{Prior to TIR4} Maybe (Y/N)’s dreams aren’t hers and she’s living through someone else’s memories?

{Prior to TIR4} Hendery might have gotten into an accident that involved severe burns…

{Prior to TIR5} Xuxi’s definitely the man in Chapter 2’s dream sequences

{Prior to Chapter 5} Xiaojun knows everything

{Prior to Chapter 5} Xiaojun is the man in the Newton’s Cradle dream

{Prior to TWN5} Hendery definitely has D.I.D.

{Prior to Chapter 6} The Dream Guy in Chapter 5 is Hendery

{Prior to Chapter 6} The Multiple Timeline Theory (Note that many people contributed to these so they may not be consistent)

{Prior to Chapter 7 and TWN6} The Matrix Theory

{Prior to Chapter 7’s Release} Maybe Xiaojun’s the Inmate in TIR6

{Prior to Chapter 8’s Release} The inmate from 2022 (mentioned in TIR6 and TIR8) is Ten

Special Questions

So, what happened to the 2004 Flight Records?

Who was the eighth inmate who killed himself?

Asks About Zemblanity in case you are confused

Confused about the timelines?

Q: Hi, i hope you get this question because it's the first time I'm asking something on Tumblr (I've been here for like a month or so 😅). And I hope I don't annoy with this question or maybe someone asked this already but what about the TL6? Chapter 8 honestly got me so confused that I locked up who belongs to which Timeline and I think we got like 9? TL1-5 is Kun, Xuxi, Xiaojun, Sicheng, Hendery. TL7 is Yangyang and TL8&9 is Ten because they got merged??

A: Hi there!! Welcome to tumblr! I’m honored to be your first ask, love ❤️ Also, fear not, asks never annoy me, I’m actually quite fond of them, because if one person is a bit confused, chances are others are too. Plus, I love to hear from my readers! No one has asked yet, so I don’t mind answering your question! To break it down, the timelines are as follows:

TL1 - Kun TL2 - Xuxi TL3 - Xiaojun TL4 - Sicheng TL5 - Guanheng (Hendery/Kunhang) TL6 - Ten (inmate Ten from TL8) TL7 - Yangyang TL8 - The events prior to Zemblanity, Sector V is established, all 7 members of WayV are inmates. Ten has memories from both TL6 and TL8 TL9 - Main Zemblanity timeline. TL8 Ten is sent back in time within the Warden’s lifespan and merges with TL9 Ten as a result, he loses his memories and starts life again from the age 8 and retains memories from TL9 Ten up to that point.

So technically Ten has been through three timelines (6, 8, 9) Good for him.

So if TL8 Ten and TL9 Ten merged that means they have the same memories and behaviors? That’s why he remembered to save (Y/N)?

Q: question questiooon hehe did tl8 ten and tl9 ten merged?? Like their memories and behavior?? Thats why he remembered to save (y/n) and yet has a different behavior?

A: Yeah basically.

When the Warden sent Ten back during his (the Warden’s) lifetime, Ten ended up replacing TL9’s Ten, or merging, as you called it. Luckily due to Ten’s lack of memories of TL8 it wasn’t a horrible merge, and it allowed him to grow up completely differently than he did in TL8. I’d say that he just wanted to save (Y/N) cuz bestie things, but maybe there was a hidden subconscious feeling of “I must protect this girl with my life”

I could be wrong, but I think I once mentioned how (Y/N) felt that Ten was rather overprotective of her.

Does jumping from timeline to timeline affect Sector V? For all timelines is there only one Sector V?

Q: another question hehe so jumping from timeline to timeline and changing things doesnt affect sector v?? Like for all timelines there is only 1 sector v?? As in it merges all timelines??

A: [I kind of worded this one weirdly in the original post, so let me rewrite it a little] 

How I wrote it in my outline, verbatim, is “Due to Sector V being a locating where neither time nor reality follow their set laws, it remains independent of the other timelines, this allows people of other timelines to be able to walk amongst each other without dire consequence. Although it may sometimes pick up on rifts within the timelines closest to it.”

Amendment: So basically it is entirely possible for another to exist, as long as their timelines aren’t right next to each other (as in there aren’t too many major events, or even small choices that overlap or are similar within both timelines).

Amendment: But when someone, in this case Ten, who is closely linked to the Sector is purposely messing with people who are associated with it (since he was jumping into timelines the inmates were in), this causes the rifts in the Sector.

So why are (Y/N)’s dreams a thing?

Q: OH. so the dreams y/n got while inside the sector were caused by ten jumping thru the timelines??? i guess that would explain why the very last ones she had were of ten in that dark ass room..... but now i cant stop thinking abt how yangyang keeps trying to kill xiaojun because he probably did kill his timeline's xiaojun and now i wanna know yy's story

A: I originally answered this one prior to the story being finished, so allow me to amend this one too.

Yup yup! Our boy royally FUCKED up the timelines.

Amendment: I based this off of the old saying that Dreams are windows to other versions of ourselves, past, present, future, other dimensions, etc. Basically, Ten was trying to merge the timelines enough to get into one of these dreams to communicate with (Y/N), but by the time he succeeded he ended up ripping the fabric of time enough so that (Y/N) was able to talk to the other inmates long before she even got trapped in the Sector.

Also, since this ask spoke about the dreams, the dreams are direct reflections of that inmate’s state of mind. Do with that what you will.

Can you explain the whole TL8 Ten getting sent back to TL9 and everything that resulted?

Q: my brain hurts 🤠 so serial killer ten was sent back in time (and to another timeline?) and had his memories erased... and then he jumped thru timelines to get back to a time before y/n died.... so he can help y/n get out..... 🤠 i'll just go listen to domino on repeat call me when yall are done killing poor y/n HSNSJSJ

A: Time is such a kunfusing kuncept (😀) but that’s pretty much it yeah. If you want the full thing…

So Ten was sent back in time, however in order to keep some events of the timeline (in this case the Sector, the Station, etc.) the Warden sent him back to a time during his lifetime and due to some timey wimey bull shit this not only caused Ten to lose his memories but also caused him to become significantly younger. Hence why he and (Y/N) have memories of them being younger, because they actually did grow up together. 

Later in the story, Ten did travel to six different timelines, all in order to establish that side effect connection that results from fucking with the timelines to get in contact with (Y/N), all of which were both unsuccessful and resulted in (Y/N) being linked to the inmates instead (hence the dreams). The original plan was for him to establish a stable connection with (Y/N) since the server in the Sector is blocked and nearly impossible to get into from the outside and tell her how to get out from there, but we all saw how that ended up 🙃

So why does Kunhang want to drown the system?

Q: “So it’s safe to say that it is this alter who I see trying to drown the body.” IM SCREAMING- WHO IS TRYING TO DO W H A T?! OOOH. WOW. I-

A: The definition of a persecutor, to put it in simple terms, is a “misguided protector.” They typically hold the more traumatic memories of the body that the other alters or the host don’t. Often times the persecutors see it as it’s them against the system (in this case Kunhang against the other alters), and they see things as “oh, the abuser can’t do this to me if I do it myself” then it gets worse from there. Often times they punish the body (and by extension the other alters) by making them relive the trauma. (Note that it’s very rare for Persecutors to take their anger out on other people, it happens, but it’s rare, often times the rage is turned against the system)

So knowing that it’s Kunhang who forces the body to drown…. do with that what you may.

Amendment: In greater context of the story it’s explained in his ending that he was kidnapped and held for ransom by the rivaling kingdom and upon his return it was discovered that he developed DID while in captivity.

Of course through therapy they can be taught that what they’re doing is wrong, which is what we see through Kunhang present day. But yeahhhhhhh

Poor Guanheng :(

So is Yangyang actually in love with (Y/N) or is it just infatuation?

Q: So is Yangyang actually in love with her or is it just infatuation? Ik you said you've changed it a lot but still,,, also the way the only named connections towards Yangyang are "avoid at all costs", "weirded out", and "doesn't want to die" is both scary and amusing

A: When I first drafted Zemblanity (yes there is a first draft that you guys will likely never see) it was pure, unabashed infatuation. In the first draft I actually planned for each inmate to have a certain type of complex (god complex, father complex, etc.) but I figured the topic was both too information loaded and delicate to write about accurately in a fanfiction (I’m already juggling enough with the mental disorders, I’m planning to minor in psychology so I’ve taken a few of the classes before, so I luckily have notes from there I can turn to, all I need is some brushing up) Yangyang’s complex involved him seeking the need for stability, so at the time it was indeed just pure infatuation with no feelings of actual love.

Now it’s a bit different, I can’t give you the full answer for obvious reasons, but I will say he does feel genuine love for (Y/N), and so do the rest of the inmates, there are a few things attached to that genuine love though, but then again who doesn’t have some strings attached. The only thing that separates love from infatuation are those extra things hanging on to the feelings, after all.

Amendment: So now that the series is over, I can explain in full detail. Basically it’s some form of guilt that Yangyang felt, which is explained in his ending. And it was also the need to get closure for how she died, a mix of both. His mental state has already been in disarray, so when (Y/N) showed up at the Sector I think it’s safe to say it wholly broke. And it became something of “I knew she was still alive.”

Also yeah that’s what happens when you’re tipsy and story boarding at the same time, you come up with interesting character relationships lol 😂

[Not an Ask] Regarding the Dream Sequences in Zemblanity

One would do well to distinguish which dream sequences happen real time and which ones happened in the past. In this case I’ll spell it out easy peasy, each dream sequence that is happening real time is linked by one deciding factor: Ten. Often times he’s in the background and is described as trying to tell (Y/N) something important, but she can’t understand him.

Otherwise, the dream sequence happened in the past with exception of Kun’s dream sequences in Chapter 1, which happened real time.

Interesting Theories About Zemblanity

{Prior to TWN4} Mark Lee is the True Culprit (Personal Favorite of Mine)

Theory: Okay so like I know we're all tossing out Zemblanity theories but like consider this: Who was the one who was in charge of all the years? Who else do we know has access to a computer? Who else is associated to (Y/N). That's right. Mark Lee.

Response: THE WAY I CACKLED WHEN I READ THIS

That’s it. Anon figured it out. I gotta rewrite all of Zemblanity now

I’m joking of course but this is TOO FUCKING FUNNY I 😂😂 YOU GUYS ARE SO CREATUVE

Was it Correct? As expected, no.

{Prior to TIR0} Maybe Yangyang is the best friend in Ch. 4’s dreams…

T: Lmaoo my theory is that YangYang was the best friend and whoever he murdered was the boyfriend of y/n. Hes severely mentally unstable so thats possibly why he is projecting the image of that person onto Xiaojun and why he hates him so much. Thats why he knows so much about y/n and why he had her locket.... he was also quite abusive to y/n. Maybe she had her memories of him erased somehow but he feels she abandoned him personally and thats why he tied her up??? Hmmm. Just a theory though

R: But that’s just a theory! A Zemblanity theory! Thanks for reading!

God I hope at least some of y’all get the reference

I will say, you’re not too far off the mark, but you’re not 100% there either. 👀

WIC? Not completely. They did get Yangyang being the best friend correct and that he murdered (Y/N)’s toxic boyfriend (who just happened to be Xiaojun). But that’s about it, and I applaud you on getting that close!

{Prior to TIR1} Maybe Xiaojun is the best friend in Ch. 4’s dreams…

T: OKAY HEAR ME OUT: I think is the case as to why Xiaojun and Yang² hate each other (apart from the theories I left under chp 4). I really think that Xiaojun was actually her best friend and that he helped her out of her relationship with Yang²... and I think Yang² said "he hurt her" cause hes lowkey delusional? And psychotic so he thinks everyone's put to get him. As for Ten, he needed to be her best friend since Xiaojun is an inmate WHICH IS WHY THERES NO RECORDS OF THE DAY SHE CAME TO THE MOON

R: Interesting theory, but like the others, not too far off the mark, but not quite there. Also the lack of records of the day she went to the moon, there’s a reason, but that’s not quite the reason, ahhh that’s confusing but it’s the only way I can say it without revealing too much.

Hint: Look back at the Warden’s Notes, I usually drop spoilers in them on accident and I just forget to delete it

WIC? Ah, Vicky, Vicky, Vicky, you’re gonna give me a run for my money some day. You were SO close I got scared, haha. But, sadly, incorrect. Yangyang was the best friend and Xiaojun was the toxic boyfriend. As for the records part, I thought I left enough evidence for y’all to figure out, but I suppose not.

{Prior to TIR2} Maybe (Y/N) and Ten coming up to the moon in 2004 was a lie?

T: maybe y/n and ten being brought to the moon when they were very little was a lie and thats why the records for 2004 arent there 🤡 im just a simple dumbass i'll just wait until someone smarter puts together a sound theory HSNSKS ALSO ALSO ateez concepts are always so cool i 😔🥺 always my faves

R: Awww but you’re plenty smart, love 🥺 the fact that you can put together even the smallest theory is amazing!!!

But I acknowledge your theory and will put it up like the rest ❤️

WIC? Sadly, no. And I think I should just say it at this point and ruin the spoiler but hmm... I’ll put it at the end, how about that?

{Prior to TIR4} Maybe (Y/N)’s dreams aren’t hers and she’s living through someone else’s memories?

T: WAIT CRYS- WAIIIIT WAIIIIIT WAIIIIT.... okay okay okay are the dreams or memories that appear in the chapters uniquely Yn's? 👁👄👁 (please donr make me feel like a clown cause 😣✌🏾). This is me b4 you answer my last ask BUT what if the memories arent... hers.... what if most of the inmates had girlfriends and for those who committed murder, it was linked to the s/o..? Since Kun has OCD it would explain some questionable and almost controlling behaviour towards a lover and same applies to Yang². Just a thought. A far fetched thought that doesnt make sense (not to add but if Xuxi had a lover, kidnapping would apply to the s/o or another party 👀) ✌🏾... so uh again just a thought... the memories arent... lets say consistent(?). Lkke in one of them, shes a secretary, in the other shes a teacher... okay I'm really gonna go with the theory I had. What if the dreams arent hers? Let's remember she and Ten dont have recollecting of coming to the Moon... and in that one Wardens Note Ten was shocked about info he learned at the end... I'm lost lmao. The memories arent hers, in each chapter theres a memory that may(be) include a character which is why the person is never mentioned. Another thing is that in some of the memories, she explicitly says that she has no control over what shes saying or doing which means that they happened in the past and since she has no recollection of them happening, theres a strong chance that shes experiencing it for the first time... which means that she is experiencing the dream through the original person 🤡

R: I had such half assed responses to these so lets just not type those out--

WIC? No, but also a little. The concept is there, but not really. But you were on the right track with Kun and Yangyang. But this did come out before we established that multiple timelines are a thing in Zemblanity, so I liked where you were going with this one! Technically, the memories aren’t hers, but at the same time they are.

{Prior to TIR4} Hendery might have gotten into an accident that involved severe burns…

T: Actually, I think Hendery got in a severe accident that involved 1st degree burns... and I read somewhere that if you get burned that you should put the wound underwater for 20 mins or waiting for paramedics (I'm waiting til you debunk this hehe) sO then baby was burned and since they in space... you know- gravity! And then since gravity is there, he needs to stay underwater so that he doesnt die cause of his burns 🤠

R: I mean, yes? Like medically yeah it’s best to put burns underwater as soon as you can (cold water preferably) but imagine having to stay underwater for 16 hours for a burn?I like it.HENDERY SWEETIE TOUCH THE STOVE-

WIC? Nah.

{Prior to TIR5} Xuxi’s definitely the man in Chapter 2’s dream sequences

T: OKAY SO LIKE- I'm positive of one of two things, the second chapter dream is (Y/n) and Xuxi cause in the interrogation room part 4, he mentioned how his wife is clumsy and that they havent been married for long and in that memory, the invisible person said how (Y/n) was clumsy and she mentioned how they were waiting to start a family which is a hint that they're married. So I'm pretty sure (watch me be wrong) that Xuxi was the invisible person in Chapter 2 illuding to yn being his wife now ----- but now wouldnt that mean that (Y/n)'s dead since she killed herself? Now listen, we all remember that theory of it being multiple versions of her being with all the inmates right? Well let's say that that theory is true, we basically have some sort of evidence illuding to that. Both versions so far of the wife/girlfriend has died and if it's all those timelines crashed together, itll make sense as to why they all know her (one way or another)... 👁👄👁

R: Ooooh interesting, alright how about the other dreams now 😗 I’m interested in this theory, That is also true, according to the basic logic of the multiple lives/timelines theory

But is it what’s happening in Zemblanity?😗

WIC? Yup. I actually never intended for the dreams to be purposely hidden, like literally the dreams subjects are who’s featured in the chapter HAHA but yeah. The only thing off about the theory is the last part tbh.

{Prior to Chapter 5} Xiaojun knows everything

T: Okay so the girl always dies and there has to be something about her that warrants that. Xiaojun said he knows/remembers more than the other inmates so that could be what he is holding back from the warden.. Maybe he knows the reason why? Maybe he has some other information? All I know is, from what we've learned, Xiaojun really did do "what he had to do" and there has to be some other thing he did that would have warranted him going to Sector V because that can't be it.

R: Maybe so 😗

But that will be revealed with time

WIC? Xiaojun does know what happened in the last timeline, so whatever he learned back there transferred over. So yeah, kind of

{Prior to Chapter 6} The Dream Guy in Chapter 5 is Hendery

T: the dream guy in chapter 5 is hendery cuz the dreams seem royal-ish and the guy gave me “prince” feels and technically hendery’s a prince so yeah. and he said his true self will be hiding behind a facade and hendery seems like he has a split personality. so basically he got his new personality by repressing memories of (y/n) (he was the only one who seem to not know (y/n) when they met). and also the way the “king/prince” said “Don’t.” (tea scenario) and hendery said “Don’t” gave me chills

R: Nice catch 😏 I’ll admit you’re on the same path as many other readers, very good 👍

WIC? Yuuup.

{Prior to Chapter 6} The Multiple Timeline Theory (Note that many people contributed to these so they may not be consistent)

T1: So like my theory is that the boys had met (y/n) in different timelines?? Like for example Kun is timeline 1, and (y/n) had died there??? — jongin smth. And theen on her next time line— she met lucas idk its smth like reincarnation or just like because sector v has a unique time and reality. Like they all lived in different realities but sector v connects all of those realities— in which (y/n) was also in. And another theory (since best friend and boyfriend conflict goes on throughout the previous chapters) each wayv member is like the bestfriend or boyfriend of (y/n) each timeline— like ten in this present timeline Buuuut i cant explain why yangyang is the one on 7th timeline whilst ten was currently the one (y/n) knows personally

Add on: I was reading anons theory and I was thinking the same thing. Because time is different In the sector that allows them to be in the same timeline. (Think ATEEZ new concept where they all knew each other but got separated, but are coming together again.) This would also explain all of the different voices that Y/N hears and how in the warden noted that Ten is starting to piece things together.

R: (½) I said this in the previous post but I actually really like this theory, it’s a very interesting take on what’s going on. Posting this one first so it appears below the first part!! Ooooh this one’s different from the ones I’ve read so far, I like where you’re going with this one anon, props to you for cutting from a different fabric!

Ooooh and the theory deepens, you guys are so creative I love it 🥰

WIC? Not far off the mark, but not a bullseye.

{Prior to Chapter 8’s Release} The inmate from 2022 (mentioned in TIR6 and TIR8) is Ten

T1: So I wanted to write it in the comments but I have an idea and wanted to write "directly" (I also don't use ask option a lot so also It will be multiple part so sorry 🥺🙏) I got a sudden idea while looking at the dates of the newest interrogation room and the dates of when the Inmates were brought to Sector V and... I think I got something... Kun, who was the first one to come to sector V, first came in February but the Interrogation takes place in January and a whole ass moth before it. 

So I came to a sudden realization that there was a 7th Inmate who allegedly killed himself. And then my mind made a connection to Ten who in the MV and promotion shots was shown to have the same V tattoo as the others. Could it be that Ten was the original Inmate? It would kinda add up i think. Like there is a possibility that The Warden (our Father) was fed up with him and killed him but filed it in reports as a suicide. 

It could be that it isn't our Ten because if my Multiverse Theory is right that would open a lot of possibilities. It could be a wierd coincidence to have two Ten's in the same Building (not that I'm complaining) so it could be less likely. But I have two versions of the theory. The second being that neither Ten or we have a recollection of how and why we were brought to the moon station. Which in on itself is pretty fishy. But to assume for a second that Ten was convinced of Murder... 

And maybe he was tortured to the point of amnesia and/or memory loss and then tossed out of the Sector with some false memories but somewhere in his head he “remembers” (something like deja vu) about what happened “last time” and when she wants to meet the others he tries to prevent it. 

Underneath there, somewhere in his mind he knows what he did wrong and tries to prevent it from happening again. He knows that whatever happened to us can happen again if we meet the others. Or we are all in a loop and Ten is like Sans from Undertale and knows it all and has godlike powers. Idk mate it's 1 Am in Germany and I'm basically sleeping at this point. But remember it's just a theory. A Zembalty Theory. (hopefully I wrote it right) also sorry for spamming your inbox 🙏🥺Love you

R: Yessssss, also I like this theory, more answers will be revealed soon. 

That is true 👀 But if I recall correctly, I believe it was the eighth inmate that offend himself 🤔 but it is an interesting theory, I’ll give you that. 

I have grown very fond of the multiverse theory, there’s a lot of space for it to grow. But as for your second theory it would tie in the missing files from both 2004 and 2019 😗

WIC? Ten was, indeed, the original inmate. Also I did allude to their being a ��time loop” of sorts in much of Xiaojun’s parts.

T2: Theory time hehehe The inmate from 2022 was actually Ten- and he was bargaining with (y/n)’s father (who i assumed did not die in the original timeline) for smth (like he requested Ten to go back in time since he mentioned that Ten figured out a way to travel through time) *i connected the time paradox here wherein one goes back in time so things change in the future. 

But then Ten betrayed the previous warden and killed him (past of warden)— thats why his death is still a mystery—- and this leads to the current timeline where Ten becomes the warden instead of (y/n)’s father living up till 2022— and this also leads to Ten not knowing what he did on the other “future” and probably not being a criminal— (but that would also mean the deal wont happen right? Idk anymore)

and probably the old warden requested him to go back to 2004??? “As long as you refrain from killing anyone else, you should be fine, I’m sure you’ll remember at least that much.” Also take note of this— its like if Ten* refrains from killinganyone else from the past then he’ll remember atleast some parts of their deal when the future changes

So ye this is me trying to understand the masterpiece called Zemblanity. Kudos to you for making my brain active during quarantine 🥰

oof i forgot a detail —- thats why Ten (as (y/n)’s bestfriend and warden) doubts if he could even trust himself— and why his populace records is a mystery to (y/n) Anyways thank you for taking your time to read these! 🥰☺️

R: Now this is a theory I enjoy! Very well thought out, but I must say, although it hasn’t been explicitly stated I assume is implicitly understood, the Warden has some control over the timelines considering that each inmate is, theoretically, from a different timeline. For Ten to be able to do it, assuming he is the unknown inmate, he would have to have already gained the status of Warden, which is impossible considering that the old Warden is still alive.

Ah yes, a classic time paradox, we certainly love those, don’t we? If only we were at that part in Zemblanity where the rules of Time were strictly laid out, but alas, we are not. So for now we will settle for this paradox that if Ten was thrown back in time and killed the Warden, the conversation will never have taken place, and Ten would have never, theoretically, been sent back in time.But then again if the Warden wasn’t killed and the conversation did take place, that would establish an entire time loop, wouldn’t it? Just Ten constantly going back to 2004 and reliving everything only to be sent back again, and again, I wonder what needs to be done differently, hmm…

This is a possibility, and I was going to mention it in the (2) of this ask, but I actually found that it would make more sense to put it in here. If Ten was, theoretically, sent back in time, how would you explain (Y/N) and Ten having memories of when they were toddlers? Assuming you’re intending that if Ten was sent back in time he’d still be a full age adult.

It’s no problem, I’m trying my best to keep your minds sharp while we all spend our days in our homes hehe… Ohhh and thank you! I’m so glad you enjoy my little (okay actually huge) story of Zemblanity!!!

This is a theory I like a lot, I can tell you put a lot of thought into it! But it would explain why there are some lapses in Ten’s judgment as to who he can trust, and it would also explain why (Y/N) had to search up Ten’s name in her Records database

WIC? Actually, this is probably the closest one to the truth anyone has ever gotten. Props to you, anon!

T3: Did they agree to have Ten stay out of it so he was there to protect YN since none of them could do it cause they clingy af and would of started a war and killed each other 👀🙊 and cause they mental health is deteriorating more and more in the Sector they willing to throw Ten out the way to get her back 🤔🤔🤔

AAAAAAALSO!!!!! Rereading the Warden Notes, there was mentioned of 8 inmates but the 8th killed himself so it was decided to be maxed out at 7.......who be the 7th inmate..... I swear tf if I'm right about Ten imma be needing at least 4 bottles of wine to cope, however if I'm wrong! I'm still gonna need them 🙊 (I'm so sorry, these were all EUREKA moments.....i didn't mean to spam)

R: Ooh I like this one, but I do have to say why Ten? But if this is true, I’d argue that either Kun or Hendery could’ve done it too, Kun’s a patient character and Hendery’s pretty chill. Plus according to the story line Ten and (Y/N) came when they were toddlers and both have memories of such, hmm…. 🤔

FOUR BOTTLES AHAHAHAHA. Also noooo I don’t mind spam at all, love, so don’t worry ❤️ But yes I do acknowledge that I wrote that the Sector is maxed out at 7 but I will also say that it doesn’t necessarily mean that there were seven at the start of the story 👀

WIC? Sadly, no :(

Special Questions

So... what happened to the 2004 Flight Records?

To put it simply, the Warden (Park Hyunjun) destroyed them. The Sector works in strange ways, as seen when the tapes from TL8 transferred over to TL9 for (Y/N) to see them. This is a special power of the Warden, the ability to allow items to transcend different timelines, which is only possible in Sector V (due to it’s independence of most of the rules of time). During his final negotiation with TL8 Ten, prior to sending him back in time to prevent the total destruction of the moon colony, he implies that he’d leave everything in place for the paradox item to find it’s way to Ten, and he’d keep him under watch.

However, Ten didn’t come to the moon in 2004. Now this is on me, I never explicitly said it, only left clues for it to be found. The records were damaged, but why? Every inmate has access to the Records room, but none have an incentive to destroy it, except for the one person it would apply to, in this case Ten. The Warden is implied to have special abilities in the Moon Colony, usually to prioritize the greater good of the Colony (i.e. calling the shots for executions, destroying cards, withholding evidence, etc.)

Now, TL9 Ten couldn’t have destroyed the records, why would he? But, I’ve mentioned on occassion that Ten was “always at war with himself” and, I quote from Ch. 1, “Sometimes [he has] to remind [himself] that [he’s] the Warden.”

There isn’t significant evidence that Ten wasn’t on that flight, but on the other hand there isn’t evidence that he was. All we have to go off of is the damaged flight records and what the Warden said in his tapes prior to being killed.

Do with that what you may.

Who was the eighth inmate who killed himself?

Sadly, no one actually important to the main story. He was just there so I can establish why there were only six inmates in the Sector at the beginning of Zemblanity, and why Ten was able to get convicted in there after the fact.

What about 2019′s records?

That was just a way to throw you all off, haha, it seemed like it worked. I never said that there weren’t any 2019 records, they were just tampered with and Mark had to reenter them, and I’ve long established that their Supervisor tends to make them work more since he’s that shitty a person.

[kittenn1011]

So I watched the new Live Action Kim Possible Disney Channel movie...

... and it was both worse and better than I thought it would be at the same time.

Warning: spoilers. For what it’s worth.

Pros:

- Some of the voices are on point. If I closed my eyes, Ron could really be Ron on occasion. I actually had to go check to see if Shego and Drakken might’ve been the voice actors actually, they were that close at times. It’s a bit inconsistent though, and tends to depend on how well each line was written. Special shoutout to Mr. Dr. Possible who had probably 10 lines and they were all exactly right. In the first five minutes, Dr. Dementor was really good too.

- Some lines are perfectly written. Special attention goes to a lot of Ron’s lines and moments in general: Unfortunately, a lot of these perfectly Kim-Possible lines are the sort of lines I didn’t find the strongest part of Kim Possible (Ron’s comic relief moments) but they made me smile nonetheless. Kim’s got a few great lines, too. 

- The opening. It’s a bit weird in live action, but the music is the original opening and they do minick some of the most distinctive memorable moments in it: Ron losing his pants, Ron stealing the pom-poms, Kim on the phone, Kim’s power pose... 

- The CGI establishing shots. The CGI is weird but the perfect replication of the Possible Home and the very close replication of Middleton High with ever-changing pun sign included was a nice touch. (”Procrastonator’s Club meeting postponed” haha 100% Middleton High there).

- I kind of enjoyed Kimmy and Nan and Mrs. Dr. Possible on a mission together, though the changes required to get there was a bit pointed making it predictable. 

- Meta jokes. They stand out a bit in the context of a live-action movie but Kim Possible has always had meta jokes so I see them as a pro. 

Cons:

- Another Mary-Sue synthodrone artificial lifeform sent by Drakken to destory KP’s KPness with the power of high school. Predictable from the first moment she stepped on screen, and even with a reason for it the Mary-Sueness was plain annoying. She even had a purple mission suit like Kim’s S4 mission suit wtf guys. I get the Mary-Sueness was the point but could you like not make a point that’s actively painful to watch for anvilicious lesson???

- Why did they not do the cheerleading thing? It was kind of KP’s thing, and replacing it with soccer for no reason was just pointless and dumb.

- They really fucked with the KP lore. Some of it wasn’t fully detrimental and helped with the translation to live action-- I don’t mind Rufus the hyperintelligent test subject found in lab because it explains him in a way his backstory wouldn’t and willing suspension of disbelief would not get past in a live action show. Others made sense for the short form but were just a pain to hear because like... there’s a whole backstory to KP which we’ve seen and it just isn’t as impactful to just gloss over it all when the story literally takes place during what the show considered backstory (KP entering highschool-- seriously, we couldn’t get her epic cheer tryout???)

- With the budget for effects and the translation from the cartoon, some things just didn’t work. Ron’s physical humour was at least discarded pretty quick because it didn’t really work in live action as well, but there are other things too that were weird.

- KIM. Let me give this chick credit where it’s due, she didn’t do horribly. She just wasn’t quite right. Part of it is that she’s in-universe younger than Kim ever was in the show and the actress is younger than Kim’s voice actress-- Kim moved and spoke with a confidence this girl can’t/doesn’t emulate. It stands out when almost everyone else is on point voice-wise. The original opening theme makes the voice difference stand out more too, so despite my general enjoyment of it, it really did make the movie feel weaker by reminding me of the so much better show this is based on. 

- It ends with a deagged Drakken entering Middleton High and the not-synthodrone Mary-Sue joining the team permanently. Like, really guys? I was getting movie pilot vibes, yeah, but if you want to reboot it as a whole show can you at least be more true to the lore so you can use it? Anyways, deaged Drakken is the worst part of this though. I could deal with an un-Sued Sue... but the actor playing Drakken was perfect don’t replace him!!!

- That one meta joke about one outfit being cartoony. Bitch you wore the same mission outfit through the whole movie too. And Kim was notable for animation of its time for its rotating consistent wardrobe, and to be honest I think it’s notably more realistic than most live action Disney’s infinite wardrobe that clearly carried over here. Kim always had lots of outfits, but you also saw some outfits or pieces repeat like a real person’s limited wardrobe causes. Did you guys even look at the source material?

Anyways:

Overall, I was honestly not expecting nearly as much as I got in the areas there were positives, but I was expecting more when it came to lore and Kim herself than we got. Worth a watch if you have a spare few hours but not going to blow you away. The good moments are worth it, but the bad moments drag it down a lot.

[not-tryin-2-have-a-debate]

part 2 poetic waxing

i keep getting really mad at my ex the second i realize i was thinking something thats not real

because to the best of my knowledge she read this blog and heard me talk about my expiriences for so long and then she,,,,completely misunderstood them and tried to replicate them in a way that doesnt. make sense. and isnt what this is. and im still hoenstly really offended by that because wow. and i just wanna say like. especially since this blog is pretty much entirely Unseen now

like

im still terrified to recognize myself as psychotic

i dont want to be psychotic

im afraid to talk about it with my doctor or even touch on the symptoms and eps of it and im terrified to get put on pills for it and its a shit show

i think with the people im closest to i try to normalize the idea of being that way with myself

and i pretend the idea of being psychotic doesnt terrify me and say it freely because its not going away and im scared and i need to learn to not be so scared if im going to deal with it in any capacity i need to be able to recognize it

it was a long process.

i didnt start being that way overnight and i didnt recognize it until way after it started

and its not just 1 thing

to me the embodiment of it and the whole problem is that youre just constantly trying to figure out whats real and whats going on like your being hit on all sides

id describe my perception of and ability to perceive reality as a wall thats always being eroded down but can also have parts break off or have holes blown in it at any second...and im constantly trying to build the wall back up and reinforce it and repair it. but i usually dont have a fully formed wall and even if i got there id only be able to maintain it for so long until half of it got blown up again. etc etc wall metaphor if i leave it itll just fuckin collapse entirely

but yeah yknow like.

a delusion isnt just ‘when you think something that isn’t real.’

and like not to dip a bit too much into tumblr vocab and context or whatever but like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the way Neurotypicals take symptom descriptions at total face value is...tiring. idk how else to describe it. theres so much context missing.

these symptoms for me started up when i was a kid and got worse.

it was because i have so much family history with this shit that i finally noticed it and compared and recognized the beginning to get worse problem

because ive seen it in my brother and my uncle and my grandma and my family for years and i know it up close and personally

i dont just have some kind of kooky thoughts that i recognize arent real while im having them. my ability to do that at all came with practice and time and repitition.

i dont know when im not dreaming.i see and feel things that arent there.

i think thoughts that i cant recognize as mine and are usually a bunch of nonsense word salad shit.

i have real prolonged trouble recognizing myself as a human being thats physical and has human limits.

i have toruble percieving the present. i have trouble remembering the past.

i constantly really for real feel like ive seen this before.

every time i have deja vu i like have a whoel fuckign Moment lmao

i assume people think the worst of me and want to hurt me.

i assume the end of the world is happening out of nowhere and i really think its happening.

i think God is trying to punish me.

I think spirits are coming after me.

I really believe it.

I spend my day crying and panicking and hiding from shit that isnt real.

i convince myself my whole life is some kind of divine punishment.

its on top of that and

its after years of that

and years of seeing family members older than me and farther into it than me degrading at the same time

that i think some dumb shit and immediately catch myself

or that i think im getting psychic messages and can immediately be like ‘ok calm down’

its because im trying to convince myself im NOT like a psychic prophet and ive been able to recognize it before that i can see a message for what it is and recognize what im doing

its bc ive corroborated the expirience with my brother after doing it for years and years already

i didnt wake up one day and start thinking i was a prophet but also recognizing thats crazy yknow

i thought i was a prophet and then as i grew up i started realizing that it was crazy because i found resources and saw what my family was going through and got so sick of the worst parts and thought something had to be wrong with that picture

and even then the messages arent a delusion

having dejavu and being suspicious of it isnt a delusion

wishing something was true isnt a delusion

believing in gods and spirits and weird reincarnation stuff isnt a delusion

they’re parts of a whole and thats only a few of the parts

like an example of levels

really liking a celebrity isnt psychotic

wishing you were married isnt psychoticdaydreaming about being married to them isnt psychotic

imagining they’re talking to you or they’re addressing something in an interview to you isn’t psychotic, in and of itself (imagining the message but also kind of beliving it also isn’t )

actually beliving they’re addressing you in an interview or something isn’t a delusion, and though its like Psychotically-associated isnt An Automatic Sticker Of Psychosis slapped on your forehead

forgetting you aren’t acutally married sometimes isn’t a delusion.actually beliving you’re married to them is a delusion.

you won’t be able to recognize it as that until later.

the other behaviors, for you, since youre having a delusion, will come off of that.

someone non-delusional who really loved to dream about it might convince themselves into some magical thinking about the celebrity.

for you though, its because you’re married. you’re literally actually married so of course they’re leaving little hints for you! you never get to see each other!

you rationalize it.

because you believe it and having someone put a crack in things you believe in is scary for anyone.

i mean especially wow if someone told you were werent actually married to your spouse and didn’t even know them? they didn’t even know youre name or that you existed? that would be horrifying. of course youd come up with rationalizations.

and that delusion probably started because you really liked them and because you were lonely. but also because youve been having some issues and either are psychotic, were developing psychotic symptoms, or like Had The Propensity To Be Psychotic in general yknow like. the seeds were there or you were already living life as a psychotic tree and this was just a new branch.

after a while they might start to get it.

they might start poking holes in there own reasoning and being brave enough to follow that path.

and hopefully from there theyll get to the still-beleving-it-but-also-recognizing-its-’fake’ stage.

there are a lot of reasons i dont want to be psychotic.

no one should want to be.

anyone who says they want to be is either someone who’s a disgusting creep thinking other peoples crisises are some hot edgy mysterious shit OR theyre a psychotic person trying to humor themselves and be okay with themselves.

and you should be ok with yourself but that shouldnt replace wanting to improve and manage that really scary world-ending parts of shit.thats a whole other topic though

like

i dont want to be psychotic because im terrified of slowly loosing my mind. thats a freaky prospect that no one should really want. i only want that when im suicidal and wish i just didnt have a mind to think with at all kind of shit.

i dont want to be psychotic because i dont want to keep having these episodes and seeing this shit and thinking this shit. a lot of it is absolutely terrifying. other things are less active but like...i wish i could trust anyone ever. i wish i could trust my own judgement. i wish i didn’t get obsessive and weird about contamination and not be able to eat food or need to contain myself from freaking out if certain people touch me. that shit isnt cowering from God under a desk but its annoying and i don’t want to be doing it. i wish i could stop doing it.

i don’t want to be psychotic because once youve had it confirmed that you believe things that arent real that makes it just that much harder to trust literally anything you think.i have to check everything with people because what if im wrong or assuming or jsut being crazy or i thought something up that isnt true.and we all seem to have an amazing knack for like doign that whenever we were actually with reality, and forgetting to do it when we do actually have something a little confused lol. maybe thats subconscious.

i dont wanna be psychotic because i want some things to be true!! you know!! and learnign they arent is, again, confusing and really scary. no matter what it is. but if its something that you like or that brings you some kinda positive shit then thats even worse to have taken away and have be a lie. and even worse a Crazy Lie.

i don’t know how much of my religious views to trust and thinking that anything i believe in or think is up for questioning brings up a whole lot of good things that i dont want to be up for questioning.part of the reason im scared to go on meds is because im really worried some good things will turn out fake and go away.

im worried about what all could just like...dissappear. what if the whole world changed. what if im wrong about more than i thought or something that id never even considered.

like.....im out of steam now but.

yeah. idk