#disclaimer that this is literally all just speculation and i actually have no idea whats going on im just bsing whatever is on my mind rn

[writing-for-life]

So, you mentioned something about Thessaly in a 90s context in one of your responses to another post, and I was wondering if you could expand on that. Because yeah, I have no problem with her *existing* as a character, because obviously she has a role in the narrative, but I highly suspect that her perceived role has changed a LOT in the intervening years since the initial writing.

As someone who first read Sandman in 2022, I figured that her character role was to get us to question what we think we know about Morpheus. Can we really trust that he's changed or improved, or that he's even all that likeable, if he's literally jumping into bed with this thoroughly unpleasant woman who likes violent murder *way* too much and also seems to be transphobic to boot?

At the same time, though, I got the uncomfortable sense that we were supposed to *like* Thessaly. In a sort of, "You go girl, be a #girlboss, let's show these boys we can be JUST as good at killing as them!" sort of way. Which I rationalized as "well, that probably was progressive in the 90s, but the idea of cold blooded violence and emphasis on the possession of a womb being feminist ideals has aged poorly."

So, yeah, I'm wondering if that is anywhere close to how she seemed in the "intended" context.

[As always: Send me asks about everything Sandman-related!]

This is such a good ask, and I feel there are a lot of bases to cover here. Not sure if I’ll do it justice, but here goes…

Disclaimer straightaway: I absolutely detest Thessaly and everything she’s done narratively, and I’m neither a Thessaly-apologist, nor someone who loves her as a character. But I think we need to discuss her with a bit more nuance than I see in lot of fandom spaces.

I think first of all, we need to look at:

Thessaly as a fictional character

As you already pointed out, she naturally has a role in the narrative. I also think parts of her role in said narrative are sometimes a bit misunderstood. One prime example would be the idea she never loved Morpheus. And yes, she absolutely always put herself and her own interests first, so from that angle, she loved herself more than she loved him. That doesn’t mean she never loved him at any point though. Many people quote her saying that she never did as proof that she didn’t. But what people say doesn’t always align with what they feel or do: She says at his wake she swore she’ll never cry over him again—and cries while she’s saying it. That tells us two things: She *did* cry because of him before. And she *does* cry now.

Again, she is a selfish, utterly horrid bitch, but she loved him at some point, and she was mad at him for neglecting her and not paying her enough attention. That’s when it turned sour (and we know how absolutely shit at communicating with women Morpheus is, so they’re both as bad as each other in that regard).

I see her as someone who is totally disconnected/dissociated from her emotions, to the extent that she probably really believes what she says, out of some deep-rooted fear of any kind of vulnerability. Why that is—we can only speculate, because Neil never went into it, hence nothing we assume will ever be canon.

What can be considered canon, however, is that Neil has confirmed the fact that she *did* love him at some point—most notably in the Sandman Companion:

Hy Bender: […] Of course, she’s lying when she says she never loved the Sandman.

Neil Gaiman: Of course; I think that’s made explicit by the final panel, where she says, `I swore I would never shed another tear for him’ while crying. But after he’s won her and then returned to his duties, he wasn’t enough for her anymore. She wanted attention; and when she wasn’t getting it, she said, “Right. We’re done,” and walked out on him.”

I’d also like to point out that the most trans-exclusionary prick in the whole of AGoY is actually George, just that he’s not a woman, and hence, no one ever seems to mention it (he’s actually the one egging Wanda on, not Thessaly). Plus, walking the moon road is maiden, mother and crone to a T, and consciously so. Foxglove is the maiden, Hazel is pregnant, and Thessaly is ancient. So Thessaly’s choice was also based on that, and the only one who Wanda really could have *potentially* replaced would have been Foxglove; she presumably never had penetrative sex, unlike Hazel (in the archaic definition of what penetration means, so we don’t need to argue about lesbian sex practices now). We don’t know that about Wanda, no matter if someone sees her as a man or a woman. I didn’t mean to get that explicit about maiden status, but I guess it *is* important in this context (although yes, of course Thessaly said Wanda is a man, and I’m not arguing that either, but I still think it was grounded in her belief how moon magic works).

Which brings me to a very important point: Thessaly is ancient. Culturally, we can’t compare her to someone who grew up in the 20th century, also with regard to her violent inclinations. She is thousands of years old. She’s seen it all. She has a fierce sense of self-preservation, maybe even rooted in some fears or trauma of her own. All not very nice character traits, no, but that’s not the yardstick, and probably was never supposed to be. I also remember Neil saying he consciously wanted to oppose neopaganism and the watered down, new wave witchcraft of the time (late 1980s/early 1990s, and that, I really remember), which was all about the “divine feminine”, female empowerment, tarot cards and incense sticks. I’m being a bit flippant now, but it isn’t far off. It was more of a trend than anything. He wanted to consciously oppose it with someone who would still act according to ancient, rather violent codes and rules. And Morpheus will have known those, and probably found them less surprising than we do (doesn’t necessarily mean he’d condone them either).

The fact whether Thessaly should make us question Morpheus in the comics is a tricky one. What she definitely *should* make us question is: Morpheus could have quite easily broken some rules in the Kindly Ones when Thessaly had set up the protection circle for Lyta, and the consequences probably would have been less disastrous than playing by said rules. And we can safely presume he knew. We are also supposed to question the same when he lets Nuala call in her boon and doesn’t just say: “This isn’t really a good time, can we do this later?” (and he absolutely COULD have done that), but actually follows through with going ,“Well, what gives, I basically grant you your boon now and leave the Dreaming, even though I know the potential consequences.” So yes, Thessaly is supposed to make us question Dream’s choices, but probably not the way we think. And for that, we perhaps should look deeper into…

Thessaly the TERF and Feminism in the late 1980s/early 1990s

This might get a bit longwinded, and I am showing my age here. I grew up at the intersection of second wave and third wave feminism, and as a bisexual woman, I made a lot of experiences during the early 90s that feel wholly aligned with the plot of AGoY (which was written during that time). I don’t want to write a whole essay about feminism here, but second wave feminism was on its way out in the late 80s. A lot of the bad associations some people have with feminism today stem from that time (not always justified, because a lot of good was achieved during that period. But parts of it in specific sub-communities—definitely problematic). Equality vs equity discussions within the feminist movement were dominating everything, and the divide between radfems and libfems was getting deeper. People like Audre Lorde IMHO rightly criticised that failing to understand that not all women start on equal footing, that not all women are the same, is problematic (so you could easily see how this is incorporated into the narrative of AGoY).

Second wave feminism wasn’t just about making sure women had rights. It was very much about “all of us can do everything men do, and we want the same a man gets”. It was all about the workspace (so often very white, CIS, middle class), not being at home with the kids etc (of course there were also other topics, but this one was really quite dominant). You could even see it fashion (massive shoulder pads etc). All the while, actually *being* a man was vilified (again, just in certain quarters).

So I feel you’re on to something with your #girlboss comment, only that I don’t think it was intentionally set up to like her, but rather as a criticism of what certain quarters of the feminist movement were like at the time.

Personal anecdote: I got that type of schtick from WITHIN the LGBT community at the time. Bi-erasure was big. And there were radfem lesbians that would actually tell you that being bi doesn’t exist, that you are basically a traitor to your “sisters” and just a lesbian who isn’t fully out. The same shite they used to criticise about men who would say you’re only a lesbian because you haven’t found the right guy yet. And here they went, telling you that you can’t be attracted to men if you’re also attracted to women.

Third wave feminism has a much stronger focus on the individual woman and what it means to be a woman to HER. This also included trans women, much more than during the second wave. Judith Butler’s work is actually exemplary for this (in essence, there is no such woman as “the” woman—we’re all different despite sharing common traits and problems. Trying to make us all the same will only harm us in the long run).

And with AGoY and Thessaly, we are exactly at the moment in time (in the comics) where that shift happens. I think Neil got it right for the time, and understood a lot of what was going on. Many people in queer communities felt really understood and seen, myself included. I absolutely see how that translates differently today. But it always saddens me when the historical context gets completely stripped away, and people don’t take the time a work of fiction was written into consideration and only measure it from today’s viewpoint. We can, and absolutely have to be critical if the TV shows fails to address these points and just translates everything 1-2-1. Which I am fairly certain won’t happen, because Thessaly has already been stripped off a lot of her obvious TERFiness in the Audible. I’m not even sure if we’ll get her in the show—we’ll hopefully find out.

Phew, that was long, I’m gonna lie down 😂

[alltoolewis]

Core Memories- Mason Mount 🤍

As a Disney girl, I had this wild idea to do a series based on inside out where I do 5 different core memories that are based on the 5 emotions- Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear & Disgust. Hope you all enjoy them & please let me know who you would like one for next 🤍

Also ‘joy’ might be one of my favourites that I have written in awhile! It’s literally my dream!!!

Summary- The 5 emotions of your and Mason's relationship... (disclaimer these don’t run in order of events..)

SADNESS

“Honey I’m home..” Mason sang through your shared house, expecting you to run in his open arms like you normally did. But as his arms were left empty and not a sound could be heard he knew something was wrong.

“(Y/n)” he called, dropping his stuff instantly as he entered the living room to find you. His heart stopped as you weren’t were you normally were, your mug wasn’t on the coffee table and your laptop was closed shut something that was barely seen in all your years of dating “baby? Where are you?”

Running up the stairs, his heart shattered as he entered your bedroom finding you curled up on the bed, eyes red and puffy as silent sobs escaped your mouth “omg darling what’s happened?” Making his way to the other side of the bed, he wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you into a comforting spoon. A muffled response came from your lips as he drew patterns down your arms in hopes to calm your overwhelmed body down “what was that baby?”

“They let me go…” you whispered, voice cracking as you turned around his arms. Your wet eyes being met with his concerned ones as you broke down completely “they actually did it… they let me go..”

Mason pulled you closer to his chest, as your tears soaked his training top. It was speculated for months now that your dream job you had bagged just under a year ago was having a shuffle round & the newer employers would be the most vulnerable. For the last 2 months you had worked your arse off to keep the position, doing every extra shift you could, working over time every night.. even sacrificing your nights off with Mason to do it. But your efforts weren’t good enough…

“Shhh.. shhhh it’s okay…” Mason hushed you, rubbing your back up and down as your cries and heavy breathing could only be heard “your going to be okay baby…”

“I worked so hard mase…” you mumbled into his chest “I put everything into that job and they sacked me… I failed them… I failed you… I’m so stupid!”

“Hey, stop that… you didn’t fail anyone especially me!” he whispered, his own tears threatening to escape as he watched you fall apart for the first time in front of him “you are the most talented, hardworking, driven woman I have ever met! You deserve the world baby girl! A job that will appreciate you for who you are & respect you for everything you do for them! That shit place didn’t deserve you… I love you so much okay, so fucking much… your going to be okay”

Feeling a tear drop on your temple, you looked up to find a crying Mason causing your heart to break even more “why are you crying?” You mumbled, not trusting your voice to speak loudly as the tears continued to fall down your boyfriends cheek “I just hate seeing you this way sweetheart… putting your self down because they didn’t treat you right. It’s not fair… you don’t deserve this”

Wrapping your leg round his waist, you moved to straddle him, allowing your head to fall in the crook of his neck as he continued to massage your back “I don’t know what I’m going to do Mason… I need to work, I can’t be 22 and unemployed my family will be so disappointed in me once they find out..”

Moving your chin to look at him, he placed his lips to yours, your tears mixing together as you kissed the sadness in your bodies away “listen to me…” he mumbled, pulling away from you as he kept his head to yours “you are not an embarrassment okay? You’ll never be one! & I don’t worry about a job.. we’ll find you one that’ll treat you fair, but until then your going to rest and let your body relax, your overworked darling… but there is a positive in this your not thinking of…”

“Is there?” You mumbled

“Yes..” he smiled, pecking your nose “until you find one we get to spend more time together… no overtime or extra shifts, just me and you!”

For the first time that night, your lips pulled up into a grin “I love you so much Mason… I don’t know what I’d ever do without you…”

“You’ll never find out baby..” he whispered “because unlike your shit job I’m not going anywhere… I’m never letting you go..” What started out as one of the worst days of your life, turned into one of the most learning…

The day you figured out your worth and value all in the arms of the love of your life… a learning you’d never forget!

FEAR

"How longs left?..." You muttered nervously to Jaz, not having the nerve to look at the huge screen in front of you displaying the time as your eyes remained fixated on your team in front of you. "About 5 minutes" She replied, throwing her arm around your shoulder. Your eyes kept flicking between the field of different colors of blue and the bench where your boyfriend sat anxiously bouncing his knee. The ball continued to be passed around the pitch for what felt like the longest 5 minutes of your life, most of which was spent with your hands covering your face or your head nuzzled in Lewis's neck. Your head was spinning so much you didn't even realize the full-time whistle had been blown until you saw the crowd of royal blue erupts and your feet being swept off the ground as his brother bounced up and down with you. Screams of 'he's done it' and 'Let's fucking go!' filled the section but your mouth remained closed... letting the moment sink in that your boyfriend, your best friend, the love of your life has just achieved something that you had both dreamed of since you were little kids. Having plenty of pillow talks of over the last couple of years about your dreams and aspirations... and now one of his has come true & you couldn't of been prouder!

"Are you coming down?" Debbie smiled, her own eyes teary as she gathered her stuff ready to head down to see her little boy, but you shook your head "I think I'll stay up here.." You mumbled, anxiety bubbling you as you thought about standing in the middle of the pitch in front of thousands of fans and cameras. Even after years of dating Mase, you still hadn't gotten used to it all, something about being under the spotlight always freaked you out, some people still thought he was single due to the lack of your appearance in public. Mason never pushed you to be so tho, and although he wished you would join him for seasonal celebrations or to show you off in public he knew you weren't comfortable. "You sure?" Lewis sighed, wrapping his arm around you "I think he would love to have you down there with him & besides nothing going to happen love, we will all be there for you."

Taking one last look down to the pitch, finding Mason dancing and messing around with Chilly and Reece. But with the insecurity still being there you shook your head "I'm sure" You smiled "I'll stay in the VIP box until it cools down a little, then I might come down... can you let Mase know that I am proud of him tho? & give him a kiss from me!"

"Of course, we can! but maybe not the kiss!" Lewis chuckled, as Debbie hit his chest "We will see you in a bit sweetheart!" Debbie beamed, waving you goodbye as you both went in different directions, them heading down while you went to hide in the booths.

The second he saw his family he knew something was missing "Where's (y/n)?" Mason asked as he finished hugging his mum, still looking over her shoulder in hopes to find you stood there. "Oh, she's up there..." Lewis sighed, pointing over to the VIP booth, leaning down to whisper into his brother's ear "She was feeling a bit anxious mate, so she said she's going to wait for it all to cool down & then she might pop down" Mason's heart sunk at his brother's words, not liking the idea of you being all alone there when your feeling uncomfortable "She is okay tho right?" Mason asked voice full of worry. "Bro she is fine, I promise I wouldn't of left her if she wasn't" He felt a little better after hearing that but still he didn't feel right.

"She wanted you to know that she is so proud of you!" His mother smiled, as his heart burst. "She also wanted us to give you a kiss but I ain't doing that" Lewis joked, causing Mason to throw his head back laughing.

The next 15 minutes were spent taking pictures and chatting to the other family members, and although he tried to keep preoccupied and not be distracted by you not being there, he couldn't handle it any longer. "Mase!" Lewis called as he spotted him walking away "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to be with my girl!" Mason smiled, looking up to the almost empty box, only having you in it but it was about to gain one more person as he sprinted down the tunnel.

While that was going on, you watched the celebrations with nothing but tears in your eyes. A mixture of pride and disappointment. Although you were ecstatic for the team, a part of you couldn't help but feel angry and disappointed, for letting your anxiety and insecurity yet again ruin it for not only you but Mason. Watching all the other players being congratulated by their partners, kissing and hugging as the confetti falls down on them, broke your heart. Despite Mase telling you many times that it didn't matter & that your celebrations in private means much more to him, you knew he was lying! He wanted that moment just as much as you did... but you just wasn't ready for it.

Sighing you turned away from the pitch view window, not being able to handle it any longer. Sitting down at the table perched in the middle of the room, you sighed allowing the tears to fall freely down your face. You were so caught up in your own pity party, that you didn't realize your boyfriend leaning against the wall as he watched you with a broken heart.

"I hope those are happy tears..." He chuckled half-heartedly making your head shoot up in shock "Cause if not I always suspected that you are a city fan!"

Giggling you shook your head, meeting him halfway as you threw yourself in his arms "What are you doing up here Mase?" You sighed, looking up to him as he wiped away your falling tears "It didn't feel right celebrating down there without my favorite girl" He smiled "So if she isn't ready to come down there to me... I'll go up to her!"

Your heart melted at his kind gesture as you gave him a sympathetic smile, all of a sudden feeling guilty for making him miss out on celebrating with his team "I'm so sorry Mase.." You sighed, leaning further into his touch as you placed your head on his chest "I've ruined it for you again... you should be down there with your team & your family, the people who have helped you on this journey every step of the way. Not your over-anxious girlfriend who can't even make it down on a field without breaking down-"

Cutting your words short', Mason places his lips to yours taking any remaining stress and anxiety from your body as he felt you relax against his touch. His hands held you close as he broke away slightly, whispering between the small gap of your lips "If I remember correctly sweetheart... you were the one who has been with me every step of the way..." You hated to admit it but he was correct, throughout the whole season you were by his side. Celebrating every win, consoling him after every loss. There wasn't a single match that you didn't watch or support him in

"But-"

"No 'buts' baby..." Mason chuckled as he took off the medal around his neck, instead letting it fall around yours. Picking up the metal, he placed it on his lips "We have done this, together..." Meeting him in the middle with tears in your eyes, you place your lips on the other side "Together..."

Smiling at your words, Mason grabbed two champagne flutes off the table, filling them both up before handing you one "To Chelsea, To our Love, To each other... I love you (y/n) more than any celebration... cheers to us!"

"I love you too Mase... more than anything in the world, cheers"

Wrapping his arms around your waist, You and mason continued to watch the rest of the celebrations continue from the comfort of the private box. It was that moment where it really sunk in what he had achieved, and he didn't want to celebrate it any other way! The next 30 minutes were spent the same, small chit-chat about what had just happened, quick kisses, and confessions of love as the champagne made its way through your bloodstream. and although it started badly for you & things seemed uncertain... at the end of the night things became pretty memorable...

a core memory for sure!

DISGUST

“Please tell me you didn’t just put tomato sauce on that egg” you mumbled, covering your eyes in despair and utter disgust. Mason looked at you with a confused look, placing the bottle down slowly “no…” he replied, voice not sounding that convincing at all!

Peeking through the cracks of your fingers, you groaned as you noticed the red splodge of sauce on his plate “Mase! That’s gross, how can you even eat that…”

“Have you ever tried it?” He smirked, holding some of the dipped egg in near distance of you. “No I haven’t…” you groaned, taking one look at the fork in front as you gagged “& I ain’t going to so please get that away from me!”

“Your so dramatic..” Mason laughed, placing it in his mouth instead as you rolled your eyes “see delicious, your missing out baby..” he hummed, before continuing to shovel the vile food in his mouth.

“I’m not missing out on anything darling” you replied, gathering your plate of barely untouched food. Furrowing his eyebrows, Mason gave you a puzzling look “Where are you going?”

“Away from you & that disgusting concoction on your plate..” you smiled, patting him on the shoulder before going into the kitchen, getting comfy on one of the barstools set up on the counter.

Mason couldn’t help but laugh at how overdramatic you were being. Complementing to go with you or not, he decided that it was best to leave you be, just in case his food did gross you out to much. Once he was finished, he skipped to the kitchen with his empty plate still finding you perched up on the barstool with your phone in your hand.

Tiptoeing behind you, he placed his arms around your waist causing you to flinch a little as he whispered in your ear “did you miss me darling?”

Spinning around on the seat, you gave him a glare “I missed you… not your dinner tho!” Chuckling he wrapped his arms tighter around you, leaning down to give you a warming kiss one that you both craved ever since you had began your journey together…

But it didn’t last as long as it normally did as another gag fell from your lips.

“What’s wrong now!?!” Mason laughed as you pulled away from his touch, running to the sink to rinse your mouth “I can taste it!” You mumbled gargling as much water as your mouth could hold.

Mason watched you in amusement “your crazy..” he laughed shaking his head as you spat the water out, lifting your hand up to flip him off.

Although the experience was different for the two of you, you knew that neither of you would forget this moment for a long time… maybe forever!

ANGER

7pm… it was now 7pm & there was still no sign of Mason coming through the door. Sighing for the tenth time that hour, you reached for your phone hoping there was some sign that he had remembered the important dinner you had both planned for months. But as you were met with a empty notification tab you knew that he’d forgotten.

You wanted to remain hopeful, that he was planning some big grand gesture to celebrate your 3 years of love so. So you stayed put on landing stairs, the royal blue dress you had specifically picked for this occasion hugging your body & your mascara hanging on your eyelashes like a thread as tears began to threaten your eyes.

Your phone finally vibrated against your knee 40 minutes later, but your heart didn’t skip like it normally did when you saw his name, instead it deflated as you answered it instantly hearing the background noise of the busy club he clearly went to instead.

“Hi baby..” He spoke through the loud crowd, smile adamant in his voice.

“What do you want Mason?” You snapped, getting up from the stairs not even bothering to stop the tears anymore. He knew something was wrong as you spoke his full name. You never called him Mason unless there was something wrong!

Shuffling through the crowd he made his way outside “hey…hey. What’s happened darling?” He cluelessly replied not having any clue for sharpness.

“What happened!” You hissed, making your way up the stairs to get out of your outfit “Mason are you fucking serious right now!”

“(Y/N)… I don’t know what your talking abou-“

“YOU FUCKING FORGOT MASON!” You yelled, not even caring any more as your emotions sprung out of you. Silence filled the other side of the phone as Mason tried his best to figure out what exactly he had missed.

“See you don’t even know…” you snapped, ready to hang up the phone before he spoke up finally putting all the pieces together “(y/n), I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to okay… I’ve been busy with work and the start of the season & I know it’s not a excuse-“

“No mase it’s not!” You scoffed.

“Please just listen to me baby..” he pleaded wanting you to hear it out “I will come back now okay and we’ll spend the rest of the night together… I’ll make it up to you I promise”

“3 years mase..” you sighed, not having the energy to shout anymore “it was our 3 year anniversary… I’ve been waiting for you on our landing for 4 hours while you’ve been out parting with your ‘lads’ for the tenth time this week…” masons heart burst as he heard you pause, a muffled sob echoing through the speaker as you cried “I wanted tonight to be our night… to celebrate us & everything we’ve been through. But you had to chose them once again didn’t you… like you always do”

Your dig punched him right in the heart as he began to feel frustrated “I haven’t chose them over you!” He groaned “I’ve never chose them over you so stop being so needy!”

“Your unbelievable!” You cried, body freezing as his words sunk under your skin leaving a permanent mark “if you don’t chose them where are you now eh? Where are you now on one of the most important dates in our relationship?!?”

“(Y/n)…”

“Don’t (y/n) me Mason!” You growled causing goosbumps to rise on his skin at the unfamiliar tone “if I’m so needy and demanding how about you just call it quits! End it now so you can have all the freedom you want!”

“Please stop it … I love you! I didn’t mean it that way-“

“Don’t bother coming home!” You interrupted, voice shaking “I’m going to bed…”

“Please wait..” Mason pleaded, wanting to make it up with you but it was too late!

“Happy anniversary mase…” you sighed “have a nice night out with the lads… the sofa will be ready for you when you get home!” & with that you hung up, throwing your phone to the side as you broke down on the bedroom floor… this wasn’t the way you’d expected tonight to go.

You didn’t know how it was going to go after this, if you’d kiss and make up or leave it rotting for days until it couldn’t be fixed… but either way it was safe to say that neither of you would be forgetting it any time soon!

JOY

“Are you going to eat all that?” You giggled as Mason piled his plate up with all the croissants and pain au chocolat’s he could fit on his plate. “It’s not everyday we’re in Paris baby…” he laughed, giving you a playful stare “and anyway TT told me to enjoy myself and to eat as many pastries as I want so I’m making the most of it!”

Giggling, you shook your head, grabbing one of the many croissants on his plate giving it a nibble “well if the boss said, who am I to stop you!”

Glancing out the window your heart stopped slightly at the surroundings around you. You still couldn’t believe that you were in Paris, sat in front of the love of your life eating pastries and sipping red wine in the most famous city of love. When Mason told you that you were spending your 5 year anniversary here you didn’t believe him… one because of it being so last minute and two because it was in the middle of the season & Tom might not of given him the time off… but lucky for you the big boss hisself was more than happy to allow Mason to go a way for a couple of days, making him promise however that’ll hell put 100% effort into all games and trainings for the rest of the season!

“So what should we do tonight?” You smiled, sipping your red wine as Mason flashed you one of his signature smirks “leave that with me baby girl… I’ve got something up my sleeve for you tonight…” your eyes grew wide, as your mind instantly went to the dirtier side of his comment causing him to kick you gently under the table “you naughty girl! I meant I’m taking you out to dinner… why are you always thinking of sex am I piece of meat to you..” he playfully teased, causing you to giggle “of course not! But after last night how am I not supposed to think of the most vulgar… you were rough!”

Getting up from the table, Mason removed your plates, giving you a cheeky kiss before taking them to the other side of the room. “Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it” he smirked “I think the whole floor now knows my name!”

“Oh shush..” you chuckled, walking over to him to wrap your arms around his waist “what should I wear tonight anyway… you can’t just throw a surprise date at me and not tell me what to wear..”

Pulling away from your hug, Mason made his way over to his case pulling out a Givenchy gift bag and Louboutin heels making your eyes go wide. Just as you were about to comment Mason cut you off with a smile “before you start commenting on the price… I wanted to spoil you okay? Make you feel as special as you make me…”

Handing you the bag first, your hands trembled as you pulled out the most gorgeous royal blue split dress you had ever seen instantly making your eyes tear up “oh my god mase…”

“Wait till you see the shoes…” he smirked handing you the small ruffle bag containing a stunning pair of glittery red bottom heels.

“These must of cost you so much mase, I don’t deserve-“ putting his finger across your lips to shut you up, Mason whispered “you deserve the world… & I want to be the one to give it you…”

“Mase..” you sighed, feeling the tears fill up your eyes, causing Mason to chuckle instantly wiping away the fallen tear “don’t cry baby, your going to set me off and the day has barely started… now go put on the stunning dress, our reservations is in 2 hours”

Not waiting another minute to try it on you slipped off to the bathroom, feeling like a Disney princess as you slipped the perfect gown on. Once all your makeup was set and your hair was placed in a tidy high top pony tail you left the side room to find a suited and booted Mason looking as handsome as ever.

His eyes went wide as he took in your frame… you always looked beautiful to him, there wasn’t a day that you didn’t. But right now, you looked like perfection… there’s was nothing on this planet, or even the universe that could compare to you in this moment…

“Wow..” he sighed, allowing a tear to fall down his cheek “you look-… wow!”

Giggling, you pulled him closer to you “don’t cry baby… the nights barely started yet” you teased repeating the words he spoke to you earlier. Giving his lips a gentle peck, you smiled “but thank you handsome… you look unreal too!”

Taking your hand in his, he kissed it softly “thank you my darling… how about we get going yeah? So i can show the whole of Paris how stunning my girlfriend is…”

“Let’s go…”

———-

The rest of the evening was spent with nothing but tipsy kisses and glasses of wine, as you and mase celebrated your love in the only way that was fitting for you both! After the meal and Delicious desert, Mason insisted on you both taking a walk to the Eiffel Tower & who were you to miss out on the opportunity to see the landmark on the most special day of your life!

“Wow…” you breathed out as you took in the scene in front of you “it’s beautiful…”

“I know..” Mason sighed. As you turned to look at him you discovered he wasn’t looking at the glistening tower in front of you… he was looking at you.

“I love you so much…” he mumbled as he wrapped his around you from behind “more than anything in the world!”

“I love you too mase…” you whispered not wanting to ruin the moment “thank you for the best night of my life”

“It’s not over yet baby..” he smiled, kissing your neck as he grabbed your head “let’s head back to the hotel, it’s getting a bit cold for you to stand out here..”

Nodding your head, you squeezed his hand indicating him that you were good to go back. But as you began walking home, you noticed his behaviour shift, his hands were shaking like crazy and his mind looked like it was constantly on the run. But Every time you tried to figure out what was going on, he would politely dismiss you stating he was just cold.

Once you got back to the room, Mason pulled out the card key swiping it in the lock before taking a step back causing you to raise your brow in confusion “ladies first…” he smirked, causing you to giggle as you pulled open the door finding it filled with complete darkness.

“Mase..” you questioned, as he flipped on the light, closing the door behind you both as you took in the sight in front of you…

Rose petals covered the floor and bed, as balloons lifted in the ceiling each attached to a photograph of you both through the years… your hands trembled as they traced each one, eyes tearing up at the memories around you. “Mason..” you whispered, turning back round to face where he was still stood at near the door “how did you do th-“

Your body froze as you released he was no longer stood, instead kneeled on one knee! “Oh my god Mason..” you breathed, covering your mouth as tears leaked from both of your eyes..

“My (y/n)..” Mason started, a tear running down his cheek “I can’t imagine my life without you, I don’t want to even think of it. You are my light, my world, my soulmate… you make me the happiest man in the world by supporting me and showing me nothing but love & I want nothing more to have that for the rest of my life… so (y:n), my darling will you do me the honour in marrying me?”

Without thinking you lept in his arms, causing you both to topple over with tears and giggles surrounding you! “Yes..” you whispered, kissing his lips repeatedly “I’ll marry you…”

What began as the most memorable morning ended with it being the most memorable day! With a little help from the hotel staff, Tom & of course the love of your life!!!

[redstrewn]

The 7 august 2023 redstrewn perception of Leander

Before you read:

Nothing in here is new. It's all things I've already rambled about and theories others have already shared. I'm just dumping all my thoughts in one place.

I'm crass so there's gonna be sexual jokes in there

Disclaimer 1: This perception is based on many theories by other people. I don't claim to be the original speculator for these ideas.

Disclaimer 2: Plz don't yell at me for my insane delusions of Leander. You dont have to agree and I don't expect you to.

Onto my perception of Leander.

In my opinion,

His hogging of MC is due to the following:

Primarily, their power.

He has plans for it I think. The hands could have connections to fogfall (Vere, paraphrased from memory: "You're like me: not quite human, not quite monster." Vere emerged from fogfall. The soulless that attacked MC seemed more interested/distracted by their hands).

Leander could be interested in fogfall serving him—increasing his ability with magic, which is a distortion of/messing with reality. He's got motifs of what's often considered the territory of god(s) that mortals aren't to meddle with, lest they suffer terrible consequences. (Heaven, underworld, life cycle/resurrection, immortality/eternity, crossing planes/boundaries, dislike of the unknown.)

Along with his apparent egotism from his uquiz result, his erased fatal flaw, repeated use of the word "hero," and "Mages lust for power. It's always their downfall," I think it's not unreasonable to assume he intends to meddle with exactly the things mortals are told not to mess with. He's described as a rebellious mage after all (I think. Going from memory here).

Leander is taken aback by MC's power, noting its contrast from other curses he's dealt with. Considering it can completely overtake another's mind and, in my opinion, also affected Leander before he got ahold of himself (his expression dropping and seeming to reach for MC's throat), it seems to be highly powerful and thus...something exactly a mage would lust for.

Secondarily, their vulnerability.

People have many differing opinions on Leander: whether he's a yandere, if he treats MC like special or if he's just like that to everyone, if he's actually an asshole or just naïve, etc. But there's one thing that's pretty much indisputable and canon: he's got a mad savior complex. He and his Hounds act as Lowtown's helpers and his attitude to Vere in his relationship chart spells this out clearly.

Enter MC. Completely hopelessly clueless on even the most basic customs of Eridia. Desperate and broke and with nobody to turn to. To top it all off, he can give them something no one else can: normal touch that they're starving for.

If that isn't the ultimate wet dream of a guy with a mad savior complex, I don't know what is. Pretty sure he would've cum on the spot after MC responded "yes" to his question, "Am I the first person you've touched like this?" if he didn't care about weirding out MC LMFAO.

Thirdly, his egotism

Truthfully, this is related to his savior complex—it derives from egotism.

He loves attention and dislikes being ignored canonically. To MC, he is special to a metaphorically and literally magical extent: because only he can continuously, over a possibly infinite future, offer them something they've never had in their entire life.

Won't an egotistical guy get excited over that?

MC is special to him because he knows he is special to MC. He knows his magic can't cure them. But he can offer a taste of it the way no one else can.

Fourthly...loneliness?

"Despite his popularity, he isn't close to anyone." Like the saying goes, being alone in a crowd (Bloodhounds in his case) is the loneliest feeling of all.

So why isn't he close to anyone?

It's on purpose

Eridia's currency is information. Baring oneself (metaphorically at least) to anyone poses more risk in this city than elsewhere. He's a leader. Leaders need followers. Followers need someone to believe in. For people to believe in someone, they must have good reputation. Baring his flaws poses risk to that.

Nobody want him lol

I think it would be funny if he's popular and has a good enough reputation that people respect and adore him...but know that they're better off not getting with him lol. Vere looked into his soul and fucking hates what he saw. I don't have enough evidence for this take. Just that it would be fucking hilarious.

Was he chasing after the other LIs because he's lonely?

He seems to be the type to chase anyone down (or at least anyone that may be able to offer him something) whether that's just to gather information talk over drinks/dinner or recruit them into his Bloodhounds.

So, okay, yeah maybe it's not just that he's lonely but he also gets to gather more information by picking people's brains. And also he gets to add onto his growing gang that does his bidding. And also he could convince and influence others to do things he wants (like he does with MC! "Noooo haha MC stick with me the rest can't help youuu").

He could be both lonely and networking like the business major that he is 🤷‍♀️

What's his fatal flaw?

"Mages lust for power. It's always their downfall."

🎵 Love's gonna get you killed. But pride's gonna be the death of you, and you and me 🎵 — "PRIDE." by Kendrick Lamar

God complex! Savior complex! Egotism! The deadliest of the seven deadly sins! The sin of Satan himself that caused him to be cast out of heaven! The cause of Icarus's great fall! The damnation of Faustus! Give it up for HUBRIS everybody!

It's all about arrogantly believing you can handle or know better about greater powers you're told no one should or can.

Gosh, how embarassing this would be if people knew your fatal flaw was considered the worst of all flaws...and about being the biggest failure too. If I was an egotistical guy worried about my reputation, I'd scratch out my fatal flaw too.

Does he care about MC at the time of demo?

He cares about them a lot! Because of their power, his savior complex, and his egotism! The loneliness probably helps. He's special to them so they're special to him!

So he likes them?

Sure! He loves how much their power can do for him and how much they feed his ego!

Wait what? Is he just using them?

😬🤭 Don't worry, he's lonely. He'll probably end up actually caring enough to honestly think about what's actually best for MC and not just his selfish intentions...eventually...at some point...maybe?

But he's jealous! He likes them then, yes?

I mean...I wouldn't want to lose a source of great power and ego boost to anyone else as an egotistical mage, personally. Especially not my rival that I'm actively trying to kill.

This perception of Leander is too dramatically horrible. He can't be as uncaring as you think.

I think he likes to think he cares! He probably likes thinking of himself a hero who does no wrong and only does what's best. Even if the means might be a little unconventional or reprehensible to some people.

But I also think he's highly fucking delusional about it all. Probably why people get deranged/insane vibes from him.

I think his head is so far up his own ass he can't fucking see he's clearly being more selfish than he might like to think. He's so convinced he knows better, runs away from his cushy home, runs away from enrolling into the elite institution to do his own thing and make his own group to run his own set of people. He says something like, "I'm just as good as the Senobium. Better, even."

That's some audacious shit! That sounds like a man who doesn't know his own shortcomings. And he is according to his uquiz and the fucken slashing of his fatal flaw. HUUUUUUUBRIIIIIIIIS. He's delusional about himself: his feelings, intentions, knowing what's best, whatever.

I want to fucking swing a bat against his thick skull, honestly. He'd make a great piñata.

End note

Honestly thought this post would be longer but I don't know what else to ponder about this rascal.

[first-and-last-neocount]

Coldfire Trilogy Daemon!AU Headcanons

Alright, let’s do this. 

Get over here, Kaley *grabs @straysinfiltrator by the collar and yanks* This is all your fault, so come look at what you’ve wrought. XD 

This is a post speculating on what daemon each character from the Coldfire Trilogy would have in a crossover/fusion with His Dark Materials. I’ve put in some general headcanons for the crossover ‘verse and then listed out each daemon’s name, species, gender, some of the symbolism of those choices, and the character they’re associated with. 

I do not have time to start yet another WIP, so instead you’re all getting this massive headcanon dump for the hypothetical fusion fic that I’ve had floating around the back of my head for a couple years. A quick disclaimer: I haven’t actually read His Dark Materials yet, I’m familiar with daemons through fandom and other AUs I’ve read as well as a quick spoiler-free trawl of the HDM wiki, so if the series has specific meanings for certain animals I’m unaware of them. I’m just having fun and going off the animal symbolism I know from general mythology and/or Google. 

This got absurdly long so I put it under the cut.  

General headcanons: 

Most people have daemons that take the shape of Terran animals; lots of Earth's animals are only known to Ernan science due to someone, somewhere, having their daemon take that form. Some of these animals are obscure enough that they’ve been given new names, because by the time the daemon settled in that form, no one knew what that animal had actually been called on Terra. Adepts, on the other hand, always see their daemons settle into an adult form of a mythical creature (as if there wasn’t already enough setting adepts apart). 

Rakh do not have daemons. This is not because they don’t have souls, but because they don’t repress major parts of their psyche to the point that they manifest in an external form. Hesseth gets very smug about this at least once and refers to Enmesarra as Gerald’s “feathery mental issues”, which both the adept and the phoenix take great offence at. 

Avian daemons are exceptionally rare on Erna. Guess what family line tends to have them, though (spoiler: it’s the Tarrants). 

Same-sex daemons are still a bit of an oddity, but tend to be more common with adepts or those with a great deal of innate sorcerous talent. This is sometimes held as a point of pride, and Senzei has a moment of serious bitterness when he realizes that Ciani’s new Church boyfriend has a male daemon and still chose to dedicate his life to the eventual eradication of sorcery, while Senzei is stuck with his own tellingly female daemon. It’s not a hard and fast rule, though, and there are plenty of sorcerers and even adepts that have more typical opposite-sex daemons. 

I believe I read somewhere that daemons in His Dark Materials get their names from the daemons of their human’s parents, but I’m running with the idea that Ernan daemons name themselves sometime during childhood or adolescence - pulling from the knowledge of their human’s subconscious for a name, which predisposes them to having names that are thematically appropriate for their humans. They might also go through multiple names, much as they will try out multiple forms, until they settle into their permanent shape and name. 

List of Daemons:

Gerald Tarrant - a phoenix, no question. Literally the first thing that I thought of when I heard about daemons and started thinking about Coldfire. Male, which was seen as particularly odd during the Revival, when very little was understood about daemons and what affected their manifestations. The phoenix’s name is Enmesarra, after a Sumerian god of the underworld. Phoenixes of course symbolise immortality and rebirth, but also cycles of change and the reinvention of the self; nothing could be more appropriate for a man who has lived under so many identities through his unnaturally long life. 

Damien Vryce - a male cougar named Solomon, after the Biblical king. Cougars have a lot of symbolic meanings, but some of the ones that come up most often are protection, adaptability, secrecy or hidden depths, and confidence. Damien’s mother was quite excited about his daemon being male, thinking that he would turn out to be a very powerful sorcerer, and it only made the split in the family more bitter when Damien joined the Church. Not only do I feel like the symbolism of the cougar really fits Damien, I also find it low-key hilarious to have Gerald with a bird daemon and Damien with a cat. 

Ciani - a kitsune named Raijin, after the Shinto god of thunder. Kitsune are archetypal tricksters, inhabiting a certain moral grey area, and are usually seen as representing intelligence, cunning, and magical knowledge. They also carry associations of commerce and wealth, which I think fit quite nicely with Ciani’s business as a loremaster. Raijin only has five tails, as opposed to the nine that kitsune are said to be able to obtain when they reach the height of their powers, implying that he still has room to grow - and symbolising that Ciani’s quest for further knowledge is never finished. 

Senzei Reese - a female squirrel monkey named Atropos, after the third Fate from Greek mythology. Atropos’s name means ‘the unalterable’, reflecting Senzei’s inner despair that, no matter how hard he tries, he can never change his fate; he can never become an adept. Monkeys of all varieties are held to represent intelligence and mischief in many cultures, but also greed, with their habit of taking things that do not always belong to them. This reflects some of Senzei’s positive qualities, while also hinting at his fatal flaw, the obsession for something he cannot have and tries to steal with lethal consequences. 

Jenseny Kierstaad - a female amphisbaena named Kadru, after a Hindu goddess known as the ‘mother of a thousand serpents’. Kadru is the creator of the naga race and a goddess associated with cleverness and trickery, preferring to outsmart her opponents with riddles rather than facing them in combat. Amphisbaenas represent unique vision, evolution, and the merging of opposing ideas; the perfect representation of Jenseny’s unique powers. (Plus, I couldn’t resist the symmetry of giving Jen a serpentine daemon as a foil to the Undying Prince, and foreshadowing her defeat of him through a very well-played deception.)

Rasya Maradez - a male tiger named Khan. While this name originally comes from a title used for the chieftains of many tribes in the Eurasian Steppes, I think that Rasya first encountered it as a child in the works of the Terran novelist and poet Rudyard Kipling, which her father often read to her. Those writings inspired her desire to be an adventurer, and fairly directly led to her later career as a ship’s navigator. Tigers symbolise strength, independence, and grace. 

Lio Rozca - a female mastiff named Alexandra, a name which means ‘defender of man’. Dogs in general symbolise loyalty and companionship, and mastiffs in particular are renowned for their stubbornness and ferocity when challenged. In Christian culture particularly, dogs represent protection and are even likened to priests, defending their flock from threats. A good companion for a stubborn old seaman who kept his crew safe for decades and eventually converted to the faith of the One God. 

Narilka Lessing - a male horse named Arion, after the talking horse born to Demeter and Poseidon in Greek mythology. Horses typically represent freedom, courage, loyalty, and triumph, as well as being prized symbols of wealth and nobility. I like to think that people who instinctively underestimate Narilka because of her delicacy and beauty are often confused by her daemon, not understanding why she has such a large and formidable creature instead of something that matches her aesthetically like a small bird or butterfly - and that those people eventually figure out the hard way why Arion settled in the form of a horse. 

Andrys Tarrant - a female raven named Jezebel. Believe it or not, this name is not just me slut-shaming Andrys (though I’ll admit that I do think that potential subtext is hilarious); it’s also because Jezebel is maligned in the Bible as the ‘enemy of God’s prophet’ for her scheming against Elijah. Her name has come to be associated not only with wickedness, but also power and defiance, since she is one of only a handful of female rulers named in the Bible and Elijiah initially fled from her wrath. Ravens, likewise, are frequently considered ill omens; however, they are also associated with grief and wisdom, as well as prophecy. I have a half-formed thought that Jezebel had already mostly settled in the form of a raven but was going by a different name when Gerald slaughtered the rest of the family, and Jezebel renamed herself in opposition to him, while Andrys was busy falling apart. 

Andir Toshida - a female white deer named Flidais, after the Irish goddess of the hunt. White deer have long been used to symbolise the connection between royalty and divinity, with the White Hart gaining fame as the personal badge of King Richard II. In a broader context, white stags are associated with the god Herne, and represent purity and heavenly favour. I think that this became something of a self-fulfilling prophecy; Toshida’s ambitions for the Church led Flidais to settle in the form of a white deer, which convinced Toshida that his ambitions were divinely sanctioned and made him even more dedicated. 

Jaxom - a female Amarok named Augusta, after the title given to Roman empresses. Amaroks are creatures that are initially all but indistinguishable from ordinary wolves, save that they are solitary and never form packs; they are also far more intelligent and vicious than any natural wolf. They are associated with wariness, cunning, and pride. Despite Augusta’s size, as far as Jaxom or anyone else was concerned for many years, she was just a particularly large and imposing grey wolf. 

Iso Rashi - a female boa constrictor named Astarte, after the Canaanite goddess of fertility and war. Serpents carry an incredible weight of symbolism, both positive and negative, but the associations I was leaning most on here are immortality, power, destructiveness, and secrecy. I also just flat-out love the potential narrative juiciness of Jenseny and the Undying Prince being the only two major players in the series with serpent daemons. 

The Master of Lema - a male crocodile named Fafnir, after the dragon in Norse mythology. Fafnir was originally a dwarf who transformed into the shape of a dragon through his own greed and cruelty, which I think speaks for itself. Crocodiles are frequently associated with hunger, viciousness, and deceit, though they were also revered as symbols of power and strength in ancient Egypt, a dichotomy that I found quite appropriate. 

Bonus wild speculation about characters that don’t technically appear in the series proper: 

King Gannon - a female jackal named Kali, after the Hindu goddess of destruction. Kali is a goddess not only of power and destruction but of rebirth and protection as well. Jackals, likewise, carry many conflicting associations; they are sometimes seen as ill omens and guardians of the underworld, but also as intelligent, resourceful and brave. A good fit for a man that Gerald must have once respected, but who betrayed him in the end. 

Almea Tarrant - a male otter named Taliesin, after the legendary bard of Welsh mythology. I headcanon Almea as having had a deep appreciation for songs and poetry, and that being one of the things that she and Gerald bonded over. Otters are representative of cleverness, friendship and playfulness, and frequently appear as symbols of good luck. (They are also associated with love and motherhood, because of how protective they are of their young, and I will not cry I will not-)

Bonus bonus, have one for my OC as well. 

(If you’re still reading this far into the post then I love you and I am handing you a warm fresh baked good of your choice, straight from the oven of my appreciation.)

Jessa Thorson - a male pine marten named David, after the Biblical king of Israel who defeated Goliath as a boy. Pine martens are symbols of good luck, bravery, determination, and skill in hunting. They are also disarmingly adorable while simultaneously being quite deadly, so there’s that. I haven’t gotten to writing this part of the Escape!AU yet, but in the backstory for that setting Jessa and Damien met and became friends before Ciani was attacked and Damien left Jaggonath to go hunting Dark Ones, and if they became friends similarly in this AU it would absolutely be funny as hell to both of them that Jessa’s daemon is named David and Damien’s is named Solomon (father and son respectively, according to the Bible). 

So! 

That’s what’s in my head for now, I think I have successfully divulged all of my current thoughts. XD I may continue to share ideas about this AU if they come to me, in a desperate attempt to continue purging it from my brain and keep it from distracting me. If I forgot a character, feel free to poke me and I’ll happily do additional daemon-assigning in a follow-up! 

(I don’t think that Iezu have daemons, but I might also do a follow-up about what daemons they would create illusions of when they’re trying to blend in with humans, because showing up with no daemon would be a surefire way to out themselves as faeborn immediately. Technically they could have a different daemon every time, but I feel like they’d have ‘favourite’ daemons just like they have ‘favourite’ forms, and I could definitely hammer out what those are for the Iezu we see most of in the series - that being Karril, Calesta, Riven, and Saris.)

[honeydipped-crystaltipped]

On Carmy and Claire

Disclaimer: I have only watched 8 of 10 episodes of 2nd season. 

(And it probably goes without saying that I’m on the CarmxSyd ship lol)

So in the beginning of season 2, we hear people giving Carm a hard time for not knowing how to have fun. He doesn’t even really knows what ‘fun’ entails. I would venture to say that that is a large part of why he even entertains the idea of hanging out with Claire; He was literally just wondering how he can pass the time, and then voila, this girl from his past appears and pretty much forces herself into his life, and he’s like woah, maybe this is the fun I’ve been looking for? So of course he takes that chance!

And so that is one reason that I’m thinking that this relationship isn’t going to go past season 2. I have been reading spoilers here and there and it appears that they don’t stick together by the end of season 2, but some people speculate we could see her in season 3 and I'm honestly like, doubts?

Another thing: I don’t feel like Claire really understands Carmy, or at least his passions/goals in life. She knows that he is currently renovating his dream restaurant, how stressful it is, how much time is demanded for it, and yet is very adamant about how he needs to go to some party with her so she can cheer her friend up. Of course, Carmy could have said no. I’m not totally putting the blame on Claire, but I think if she had his best interest in mind, she could have framed this party as more of an option for him to attend with her, if he has the time. Instead she like guilts him into going? And idk, that kinda rubs me the wrong way the more I think about it. 

I really think what it comes down to is that Carmy is desperate for some semblance of normal, of fun, of happiness. Claire came at a perfect time and presents that to him. I think on paper, she is a great catch. She is his youthful crush, the one who got away. She finally comes around and notices him. And so that’s why in his mind he’s probably thinking she is too good to be true, so he's gotta pounce on the opportunity while he can.

However sometimes, the things we want or believe to be perfect for us, are not what we actually need. 

And the way they get together pretty much instantly is what kinda makes this ship a little boring to me IMO. lol. It’s almost too easy. I love a slow burn. 

Maybe I will have more thoughts once I finish the season, but for now, that’s all folks.

[valleyfthdolls]

Haven't heard of Cassie possibly being the next villain before, can you tell me about it?

Yes I can!! I love this idea.

The basis for the theory of it being canon comes from the VANNI mask in Ruin. At the beginning, Cassie is given Vanny's mask from the Help Wanted Curse of Dreadbear DLC, and it implants a "transponder" whatever that is into her brain. Using this, Helpi communicates with her wirelessly even without her wearing the mask, and I believe this implant into her fucking brain is also how the VANNI mask can get "stuck" on her face using the AR inhibitors which prevent her from taking it off if activated while she is wearing the mask, as well as possibly explaining her ability to seemingly teleport while wearing the mask (idk how to explain that). At the end of Ruin, it's revealed that The Mimic has been corrupting the virtual augmentation neural network (the VANN? sure.) and luring Cassie to the ruins under the Pizzaplex to free it. At the end, Cassie gets in contact with Gregory, but the double captions and screeching of the intercom imply interference from The Mimic, who cuts the elevator cord (something Gregory, who was not at the Pizzaplex, wouldn't be able to do remotely) and sends Cassie plummeting to her presumed death.

The theory of Cassie being the next villain suggests that Cassie survived the fall, but was understandably deeply traumatized by the apparent betrayal from her friend who she had risked her own life for. As a result of this, she could become a villain to him, seeking revenge, but I think that if she survived the fall of the elevator, it's not just her own hurt that would do her in (though I do think The Mimic can best infect people who are hurt/mentally weakened), but The Mimic itself, and the implant connecting Cassie to it.

I think that since The Mimic is still "alive" and fully functional at the end of Ruin, it is likely still capable of corrupting the neural network, which, remember, Cassie is permanently hooked up to because of the implant in her brain. Now that Cassie is alone, vulnerable, traumatized and nearing death, The Mimic, who was intentionally tricking her into believing the elevator fall was Gregory's doing, can take it a step further and corrupt her brain, giving it another follower. This is probably what happened to Vanessa when it corrupted her, too, since it implies that Glitchtrap did literally infest her brain through things like Tape Girl saying Glitchtrap would "merge" with her and Fazbear Entertainment putting a disclaimer for "digital consciousness transference".

Either way, if Cassie survived, The Mimic is right outside the elevator door already repeating Roxy's voice (her line saying Cassie's name was recycled from earlier in the game) to make her inclined to trust it, so it's not looking good for her.

Funnily enough, before Ruin's release, I had speculated that Cassie had actually already been an escaped victim of this- specifically, that Cassie was Patient 46 from the tapes, having already escaped Glitchtrap once, and that the VANNI mask; the color matching of the AR world, Vanny and Glitchtrap's eyes, and Cassie's shoes; MXES not appearing to be attacking; the Cassie - Cassidy (Princess) parallels etc. in the trailer showed that Cassie had gotten roped into all of this already and that it was now trying to pull her back in.

[iamcompletelyrandom]

// TCF CHAPTER 644 - 688 SPOILERS

what if the reason the disguised hilsman suspiciously smiled when saying that he wasnt apart of the thames household / his last name wasnt thames is because thames wasnt always the original name of the household or something??

(that would explain why he smiled even when saying that he isnt involved yet saying so much about cale’s mother.. i do not think he is lying or would lie so pointlessly, no him and ron are too alike in that, but enough to be twisting the question? absolutely.)

if not then we do know he is also somehow related to the thames household, judging from his hatred towards hunters and how closely hes talked about cale’s birth mother

cale also mentioned that he wasn’t white star, but also not someone he has met before, yet still friendly to him and deruth, as well as loyal people serving the henituse family (but not to violan, judging from the way he tried to grab her neck once he was discovered)

actually speaking of their conversation together, he talked about the henituse values from an outsiders perspective but was suprisingly knowledgeable about it, not only that but talked about the duchess position and not violan herself... does he have familiarity with it, or is he just knowledgable?

not only that but being able to take down a vice captain and capture him as well as notice when someone is watching him, he isnt hostile either and seems.. old? from violans perspective... and he was able to notice (or atleast know beforehand) that deruth was replaced with white star before cale and violan were... (either familiar with deruth enough to notice or familiar enough with white star to notice/know) (679)

he was smiling as he looked towards the diary too... does he know what it means? does he recognize it?

he is related to the thames, but he is not a hunter nor have the a power similar to annual rings of life (judging from the way he talked about cale’s mother with cale, he either doesnt know that cale is a transmigiator/regressor or simply does not care enough. however judging from the way he did not ask cale who he was in cale’s body like drew did in her diary, or expose who he was in front of on and hong, or say that his time is warped like some white thing, im going to assume it is the first option)

... or perhaps maybe hes the eldest orabuni that young drew thames mentioned during the trial for the annual rings of life

“– I have this weird feeling that I will like you even though we just met! You oddly look like that half-witted fool Deruth, but you also look similarly handsome as my eldest orabuni!” (664)

(and we all know how important the things that the ancient powers’ trials’s say go) (looking at you fire of destruction and shield)

that would explain why he mentioned that deruth might be able to recognize who he is and point him out, (why ever else might deruth know him if he is not either extended family or friends to his late wife? maybe relying on similarity as sibling?) (also what does he want to say to deruth? something so important that hes faked and disguised himself coincidently when white star was running around? (and more importantly was it related to thames and the research and information the household was doing, especially with white star as a reincarnator?)

not to mention why hes so familiar to cale’s late mother (clumsy like his mother, matching scary smiles mean something bad is about to happen (and mentioning these habits was when his mother was in her youth? clearly he was close to her)) (688)

maybe atleast a family member then perhaps? maybe a relative if not the older brother.. or maybe a bestfriend (unlikely. he judged that cale definitely had thames blood.)?

...but wait..

wasnt it said that drew was the last and only surviving decendent of the thames household, which is said to have perished once she married deruth and decided not to continue the household..?

if thats so.. where exactly did her elder brother go?

(when you say eldest do you think that maybe there could be more then one older brother? or is that a translation taken wrongly..?)

AND WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

EXCUSE ME??? HELLO???

BECAUSE IM KINDA (NOT REALLY) TRYING TO READ THE LINES BETWEEN WHAT SHES SAYING HERE AND I DONT LIKE THIS

so shes saying that a group of people want to hunt the souls of people (and perferably of those that might be young and weak) and somehow couldve ended with something bad going on..?

and apparently the thames household has massacured or “used” all of these people to the point where its been “resolved” and hunters will no longer appear..?

and somehow, the red light (the light from the annual rings of life ancient power flowing into drew’s diary) is the same light of that dorph managed to identify of a person that taught him how to not only use the darkness element, but also hunt darkness elementals (667)

THE HELL DOES THIS IMPLY??

drew has the exact same “light” (the element of present and innate fate? time? or something more?) to the (presumed) hunter (THAT I THINK IS HONESTLY STILL ALIVE, MIND YOU) that hunted down darkness elementals who possessed a red light (but did not absorb it? ancient powers get absorbed right?)

she also commented that the annual rings of life (which allowed people to see the time around all living things (including people whos time is warped), as the annual rings of a tree) “needed to be apart of the Thames household to use this power properly” - (665)

while thankfully it means that white star wouldnt know how to use it either (judging from not being able to tell how time is warped besides that it is for cale and choi han), it also leaves some very interesting context for WHY THE HELL WOULD A HUNTER HAVE THIS POWER THEN??

LIKE?? IT WOULD MAKE SENSE FOR A THAMES TO HAVE IT BUT THE FALSE HILSMAN DIDNT SEEM TO HAVE IT EITHER

...so if the thames were so adament about fighting against hunters who used the souls of non-reincarnating / single lifers, why is the records and the research all full of how to destroy all of those with a “warped” time.. including those single lifers...

and depending on how detailed the information on the annual ring of life is on how to eliminate such beings.. wouldnt that mean that the thames has been studying that too alongside it..?

but when the other hunter got its “red light” while the fake hilsman didnt have make sense... unless.. the hunters were originally to have it and the thames “used” them or “resolved” or took it from them for their resea-

...im sure that that is not the case.. yeah.. that couldnt ever be the case..

this seems like seriously complicated stuff... i feel like there are chills on my back and im having lemon tea for some reason... and whatever happened made the thames going to a baron to a fallen noble... haha oh dear..

...at the very least, we can count on having his highness crown prince alberu to tell us what happens once he asks the king! yeah! im sure its nothing big to worry about and it would all be revealed in due time, theres no need to worry about that kind of stuff!

[gar-trek]

please share what you have to say about food cubes!!

I was feeling a little apprehensive about releasing the TOS Food Document™ because it is so damn long…. But since you asked anon

DISCLAIMER:

This is focused solely on food as it appears in the original series. Whatever explanation of food synthesizer/replicator that may come in later series does to apply here. I am also not a Star Trek expert. I’m sure there is some super fan out there who knows everything there is to know about food in TOS, but that person is not me. This is just my thoughts as I’ve observed instances where food is shown or mentioned in TOS. If my thought process is flawed, or I make some claims that don’t really make sense, I am sorry. The food canon is very complicated and vague, so this is me just trying my best to make sense of it. I’d also like to mention I did not explicitly cover the meal scene in What Are Little Girls Made Of? Or the ice cream scene from And The Children Shall Lead, but I do make reference to them. I’m sure there are other food scenes I didn’t get to cover here, so if I’m missing a few pieces, I’m sorry.

Anyway… let’s get into it!

The original series, food, and other things that keep me up at night

I don’t care about continuity or plot holes in Star Trek: The Original Series, and if I did, I think the show would become rather unwatchable. It’s not about what happens to get us from plot point A to B, but more important that we do get there (ie, who cares how or why Spock’s brain has been removed from his body, it’s more important that we do get it back inside).

This being said, there is one aspect to TOS that baffles me to no end, and its something I just cannot overlook: the food. Food, the entire concept of it as it appears in TOS haunts me. Each time they show or mention food it makes less and less sense. It’s a never-ending nightmare and I spend every day trying to understand what goes on in the Enterprise Cafeteria. Today I would like to explore a couple food instances on TOS, and hopefully make a little sense of what is happening.

The first chilling incident: The Man Trap (S1E2) - Rand is a thief

In this episode, we see Yeoman Rand on her way to deliver Sulu his meal. She is carrying a tray of colored food cubes (which is what I will be referring to them as here, because there is no official name) and what we can assume to be some kind of alien variant of celery (earth celery with some red crap stuck on top). While waiting for the turbo lift, Rand eats one of the celery sticks intended for Sulu. My question is why. Like literally why does this happen. Sulu never mentions it (maybe he doesn’t notice). She never mentions it to him, which means we can assume she doesn’t want him to know. So why is Rand stealing food? Does she not get enough to eat? Is the limits for how much you get to eat on the Enterprise that strict you need to turn to thievery to get a proper meal? and if that the case, she’s shorting Sulu on his allotted food. In this same scene, we see Ensign Green (who is really a salt-sucking monster) make a grab for the tray as if he too is going to steal Sulu’d food. However, Rand slaps his hand away and asks “who do you think you are?”, a hypocritical statement considering Rand is also in the act of stealing food. So Rand, I must pose the same question to you. This scene has no resolution, so any interpretation is up to the viewer. Whether you think Rand's actions make her a girlboss or a thief, is up to you, however, one thing is undeniably true: Rand eats food off other people's plates.

Other food-related things of note in this episode is that Sulu sprinkles salt on the celery sticks. This means they are either bland or that's just his personal taste. Also, when Rand gives him his tray, he says “may the great bird of the galaxy bless your planet” and this has nothing really to do with food, I just thought it was kind of badass.

(Sulu’s food tray with 3 celery instead of 4 because Rand ate one)  

Incident two: Charlie X (S1E3) - synthetic meatloaf

In Charlie X, we see Captain Kirk make this comment in passing:

“Today on earth it is Thanksgiving, if the crew has to eat synthetic meatloaf I want it to look like turkey.”

This statement leaves us with a couple undeniable truths:

1. Meatloaf is a meal option on the Enterprise.

2. It is synthetic, meaning the meatloaf may not contain any meat at all.

3. It is not shaped like turkey, but it is possible to do so.

if the meatloaf served on the Enterprise is synthetic, then it very well could be made out of the same stuff the colored food cubes are made out of. Also, (and this is pure speculation so take it with a grain of salt) since we never hear anyone refer to the colored food cubes by name, they could literally be the “synthetic meatloaf” that Kirk is referring to here. In this case, the term synthetic meatloaf would not mean a synthetic version of the popular American dish meatloaf but instead loafs of synthetic meat. Since we do not know exactly what synthetic meat looks like, it very well could be brightly colored cubes.

In either case, Kirk is asking them to turn synthetic food from one shape to another. We understand this is possible through the food synthesizer, however, if all the food they eat on the Enterprise is synthetic anyway, then why did Kirk specifically mention synthetic meatloaf in the shape of turkey? would the turkey not instead be made out of synthetic turkey? why must the synthetic turkey be made specifically out of meatloaf? isn’t every single food that comes out of the food synthesizer made out of the same thing? It would have made more sense for Kirk to say “it's thanksgiving so can you made the food synthesizers produce turnkey?”. However, Kirk is like, a really cool guy, so it is possible that the meatloaf comment is just a fun joke. Either way, we know that synthetic meatloaf is a standard menu item on the enterprise, yet we have never seen anyone consume it.

Incident 3: The Corbomite Maneuver (S1E11) - Green leaves

In this episode, Kirk goes in for a physical, and Doctor McCoy reports that the captain is 2 pounds overweight. In response to this, the Doctor changes the captain's dietary card to help him lose a little wight (🙄). We later see the captain served a “dietary salad” in place of his usual meals. The existence of dietary salad is interesting for many reasons. Most importantly, we understand that dietary salad is somehow better for you than what is usually served on the Enterprise. It most likely has a lower caloric intake than say, colored food cubes. However, as discussed before, most if not all the food on the Enterprise is synthetic. If the food is created, and not naturally made, then one can assume its caloric value can be controlled. Would it not be possible to make a lower-calorie version of colored food cubes? one would assume that the cubes are made to have the perfect amount of nutrients to satisfy yet keep humans a healthy weight if they are in fact a form of synthetic man-made food. How would the captain overeat, if portions are pre-determined by dietary cards? Is Kirk somehow going rouge and consuming food that is not created by the food synthesizer (the captain's secret cookie stockpile??).

The existence of this salad also begs another question: is it synthetic as well, or are they growing fresh salad on the Enterprise? We do know that they are able to grow things on the ship, however, there has never been any discussion of growing crops specifically for consumption. If this is the case though, it may explain why we often see crew members eating celery sticks. Perhaps things like celery sticks and dietary salads are grown on the Enterprise, but all other food is synthetically created. In which case, who’s job is it to harvest food and prepare it for meals? Did Rand have to put that dietary salad together all on her own?

One more interesting point about the Salad: When Kirk first receives it, he asks

“what in the devil is this? Green leaves?”

which prompts Rand to explain that it’s a salad. It is very possible that Kirk genuinely has no idea what a salad is. He may have never had one, nor heard of the food in his entire life. Later we see him eat the salad with his hands, which further proves the point that captain kirk doesn't know what salad is. Why captain Kirk would somehow have no knowledge of salad is up to speculation.

Incident 4: The conscience of the king (S1E14) - Cry over spilled milk 

In this episode, Lieutenant Riley is served colored food cubes and a glass of what appears to be milk. There isn’t much of significance here, other than the fact we know it is possible to get a glass of milk with your meal on the Enterprise. Unlike Sulu, Riley doesn’t have any celery sticks but seems to have a larger serving of colored food cubes as compensation. We also learn that milk is served in a large glass, something that seems very impractical on a starship.

Riley proves my point moments later when he spills milk on a control panel and shatters the glass. This begs the question, who is going to clean that up?

Incident 5: Tomorrow is Yesterday (S1E20) - Chicken noodle soup

In this episode, the Enterprise accidentally beams a 60′s army man abroad their ship (for the second time). This random chad ensign asks the man if he’s hungry because he’s a troll I guess and he wanted to flex their cool future food machine. The army captain guy is like sure, I could go for some chicken soup right now (a very natural response to being beamed onto a spaceship for the first time). Chad ensign has like three cards in front of him, and I guess one of them just happens to be chicken soup because he puts it in the machine and the soup appears. Grant it, we never actually get to see the soup with out own eyes, but the army captain does seem to be pretty convinced that it is chicken soup just by the smell. This opens up a couple possibilities:

-The food synthesizer can make almost anything you want, and the card is maybe like a very broad category, like a dinner card, and when you put it in you can pick any dinner food you’d like.

or

-The food synthesizer can only make what is specific to each card, and the ensign just got extremely lucky and happened to have a card that was the exact food the army captain wanted.

More evidence, which we will go over later, points more towards the theory that one card is equal to one specific type of food. In this case, it is unclear how the synthesizer food cards are distributed, or how you get your pick of what food you would like. It is also more likely that options would be limited. This does make sense, however, it makes this scene very confusing, as, as I’ve pointed out, the ensign had a very limited number of cards, but exactly what the captain had asked for. Pure luck? what mind game was that Chad ensign trying to play with the poor man who was abducted from earth... we will never know.

One more very interesting thing is established here: The transporter room has a food synthesizer. Why this is is purely up to speculation. In my mind, having a food synthesizer in the transporter room would be like having a full kitchen where you park your car. Seems pretty useless, but maybe the guys in the transporter room requested easy access to snacks? Why the transporter room would get this special privilege is again, up to speculation.

Incident 6: Space Seed (S1E23) - Dinner with Khan

In Space Seed a special dinner is put together to welcome Khan onto the Enterprise. We see that they are being served colored food cubes and celery sticks. Doctor McCoy walks into the dining room and comments about how the display is “very impressive”. However, this seems like a very unusual comment considering we are shown the only food we have ever seen consumed on the Enterprise. What exactly makes this food “impressive” as compared to other celery sticks and colored food cubes? Is there some way to tell this particular food is better that we don’t know about, but is obvious to everyone on the Enterprise?

There is also a chance that Doctor McCoy is just very easily impressed with food, and upon seeing any food spread he is likely to comment in wonder. Note the way Scotty is looking at McCoy. His face is a mixture of confusion, judgment, and pity. Perhaps Scotty is thinking to himself “bruh, it’s literally just colored food cubes chill out man,”. There is no explanation as to why Scotty is giving McCoy such a look, so this very well could be the case. Even though it is a silly explanation, I don’t think it should be ruled out that one of McCoy’s personality traits is being overly excited about food of any kind.  

Incident 7: Journey to Babel (S2E10) Party food

Much like in Space Seed, in this episode, we get to see a meal put together for a special occasion. All the diplomates are getting down at a mixer where a spread of food has been provided. These snacks seem very similar to colored food cubes, however I do think they differ. They may be the same type of food, but different in some way. In which case colored food cubes is an overarching category of food, and here we see two different types. The smaller more brightly colored cubes can be put in drinks, though if this is what you are supposed to do with them, or just the preference of that one alien species I do not know. Though I must point out, we have seen colored food cubes served in brown sauce in What are Little Girls Made Of? (S1E8) so it is not completely unheard of to have your colored food cubes served soggy.

The other type of colored food cubes we see are a lot larger and more pair shaped (in reality, they probably were just skinned pairs dipped in food coloring, but for this essay, it’s important that we completely ignore the fact there is another life outside of Star Trek). Now to me, these are very interesting, because the dull color and apparent texture are a lit more similar to standard colored food cubes we have seen thus far. I would even go o far to say that this is the same exact food, just sans the cubed shape. So really, standard colored food cubes are just the cubed version of whatever this food is. This, again, is just speculation, but it does point us to the fact that colored food cubes are not naturally cubed (I’m going somewhere with this is promise)

Incident 8: The Trouble With Tribbles (S2E15) The trouble with Chicken sandwichs

Here we see Kirk attempting to order a chicken sandwich and coffee. What he gets instead is a plate full of tribbles,  hilarity ensues. I think this scene is interesting because we can add to our list of food items that are on the menu at the enterprise cafeteria: chicken sandwich. However, this is another food item we do not see. There is no way of knowing if the Enterprise's version of a chicken sandwich is what we would imagine a chicken sandwich to be. Much like the meatloaf and the soup, because we do not see it, there is no way of knowing if the food exists in the way that we as 21st-century people understand it. The events of TOS take place more than 200 years in our future, so to speculate that food could change a lot during that time isn’t a stretch. I don’t know, just some food for thought (lol)

Incident 9: By Any Other Name (S2E22) Living deliciously

In this episode, an alien taking the form of a human enjoys some colored food cubes. He makes a comment about how they are good they are while enthusiastically eating his food. This is a very important moment because it tells us that colored food cubes do taste good. In fact, they taste really good. Just before he eats, the alien comments on how humans could just take pills that give them all their nutrient needs and give up food completely (think the Jetsons cartoon). On the Enterprise, they do not eat just to live, but because they enjoy their food as well. This tells us that colored food cubes are at the very least, worth eating, and at the best, very delicious.

One more interesting thing: Spock is eating some kind of soup while everyone else enjoys colored food cubes. This could be a Vulcan preference, however, we know that Spock is vegetarian. This could be alluding to the fact that Colored Food Cubes are made out of meat.

Conclusion:

Yes, I asked a lot more questions than I answered. There are some things that make absolutely no sense to me, primarily, the food synthesizer and diet cards. Some evidence points to the fact that the food synthesizer can make practically anything (see Tomorrow is Yesterday, And the Children Shall Lead). However, one dietary card is equal to one specific food, which would mean they would have to produce a lot of these dietary cards if there is many meal options. How these cards are distributed, and what their limitations are, we do not know. And although we do not know the limits of what the food synthesizer can create, we do know these food have been served on the enterprise at least at one point:

-colored food cubes (variety)

-celery

-synthetic meatloaf

-synthetic turkey (Thanksgiving Special)

-Dietary Salad

-Milk

-Chicken Soup

-Chicken Sandwich

-Mystery Soup

-Ice cream (variety of flavors)

All of this food (except for maybe the dietary salad and celery) are synoptically created, so what they are actually made up of, I cannot say.

And finally, I would like to make a point about the colored food cubes. I think upon first inspection one would assume colored food cubes is a dish created specifically for space travel (think the food created for modern-day astronauts to consume in space). However, we learned that there is possibly a variety of colored food cube dishes. Since there is such a wide variety of food on the Enterprise, why would they also need to create a food specifically for space travel? I think that colored food cubes are actually a common dish, not intended specifically for space travel. Perhaps it was an alien food that got popular on earth, maybe it was a dish developed later in Earth's history by humans. I can only speculate, but I do think it is more than just boring space food. Everyone seems to have a preference for it, so I think it’s a dish you can eat over and over again and not get sick of. What colored food cubes taste like is completely up to speculation, but I would assume they are a savory food, considering we often see people enjoying them for their main meal.

I still have more to say, but for the sake of everyone, I’ll end it there. This was a lot of thought dumping, so if some of the things I said made no sense at all, I’m sorry. I’d love to hear some of your thoughts on TOS food! please share with me what you think colored food cubes would taste like :)

[transsexualhamlet]

do you think Nikolai is one to get jealous?

Ah, that's. Honestly. A difficult answer. And this will turn into an entire essay on Nikolai and how he thinks about himself and Fyodor because I am utterly incapable of giving a straight answer to questions

[Also big disclaimer for these are not characters that have canonical backstories and everything is very much speculation to me, but it seems that this is the way things must have gone]

So the short answer is No, But Yes, But No. No, as in Nikolai is horrifically clingy, and would do utterly anything to keep Fyodor as close to him and no one else as possible, including fucking murder anyone Fyodor even talked to, but he's aware that they ARE the closest people to each other, and that the issues between them stem from Fyodor and Nikolai themselves, not anyone else.

Nikolai is at his core one of those absolute wet and pathetic white dogs with the red shit around the eyes that whimpers and cries and sobs and passes out when their owner gets more than five feet away from them, no matter if their owner is with other people or totally alone.

Most of the time, Nikolai is not worried that someone else will take his place. Nikolai knows logically that he's known Fyodor for the longest, that he's the one who knows Fyodor the closest, he knows that he is Fyodor's most trusted devotee. No time Fyodor spends with anyone else will ever compare to what Nikolai has made himself to Fyodor, and at the height of their relationship when it was really just the two of them, he knew that was true, it was them against the world and they needed each other desperately as poor ratty teenagers. This is something that made him happy, that made him proud of himself, that gave him every single scrap of self worth he had.

It didn't matter how utterly devoted he was to Fyodor, it didn't matter if he would do anything to give up his life and soul for this sickly sad boy, Fyodor and he were both going to escape their cage, hand in hand. Fyodor was the one who brought him out of a trance, showed him how to be free and how to want freedom, and Fyodor himself was suffering so greatly and would not have survived without Nikolai, they were one whole being, utterly parasitic and symbiotic to each other.

Their entire relationship was built on the premise that only fighting against the entire world would give them solace and purpose. They truly understood each other, the idea of Nikolai's freedom and Fyodor's promised land evolved intertwined, all they survived and strived for was the far off promise that they could bring themselves and the world to an end and throw off the shackles of everything wrong with themselves.

The problem is, though, when it comes to a relationship entirely built on the concept of Literally Killing Everyone, where Fyodor encourages and inspires Nikolai to commit utter atrocities, where Nikolai enables everything Fyodor does and worsens every pessimistic belief in Fyodor's mind, if they truly plan to stick to those goals, there's no way it would ever go well. And the closer that their goal comes, the harder it becomes to stay together.

The closer the end of their world comes, the more a fissure comes between them. Fyodor is dead serious about this, and Nikolai has always fallen into the place of the one who carries out his plans. Fyodor is the brainpower and Nikolai is the strength behind the weapon and it's always been that way. Nikolai's search for freedom continues, but the more Fyodor gets caught up in the plans for the end of the world, the more he sheds in order to reach the state he yearns for, the more the ideas of freedom and the ideas of his feelings for Fyodor split apart and attack each other.

When Fyodor starts to truly plan for this end, when the decay of angels truly forms and Fyodor gathers other people who are just as enamored with him to help, like Ivan, when it becomes clear Fyodor needs him less and that the end is actually coming, it gets harder for him to reconcile everything in his mind. He becomes aware of how dependent on Fyodor in withdrawal, when Fyodor gets mixed up in the Port Mafia and ADA's affairs, when Nikolai realizes Fyodor still hasn't truly given him all his trust and feelings, and when he sees how useless and pained that makes him feel, it clashes with that idea. It becomes a weakness, it becomes a paradox, it becomes him realizing that his freedom is to die tied to a chair ripped apart by a chainsaw on the orders of someone a thousand miles away, perhaps it isn't truly freedom.

And he is desperately clinging to the love that they have, becoming more and more paranoid and obsessed, watching Fyodor slip away from him and knowing that there is absolutely nothing in their future that will ever let them be together happily, that is when he becomes jealous in that way. He is scared, that he's just a weapon, he is terrified that he's fallen back into the servitude and the trance and the clouding of his judgement and the clash of those feelings brings him to an obsession over that control.

The only way to at once bring Fyodor back to the closeness and understanding they had at the same time as eradicating the thing making him act like this and feel like this and asserting that he is not being manipulated, he's the one in charge- is to kill him.

So the question is, is he jealous?

I don't think he would ever come to the conclusion that a certain person is to blame for this. Yes, he's clingy, yes, he would 100 percent kill everyone around Fyodor just to get him back, but the truth is he knows at this point that it wouldn't make a difference.

He knows Fyodor. Fyodor knows him. No one else matters to Fyodor any more than Nikolai matters to Fyodor. And maybe that's not really a lot in his mind, considering he wants every ability user including himself dead.

(In truth, Nikolai matters to Fyodor so much, though this is the only way he knows how to save him. Fyodor's only way of saving Nikolai from the own paradox of himself and of Fyodor's entire dysfunctional existence is to give him the freedom he wants in this shitty awful terrible way, it's really only done out of care, but Nikolai doesn't know this.)

But the important thing is, Nikolai knows that there's no reason to be jealous, that nothing is ruining their relationship but the whole world and its circumstances. So I don't think he's really capable of being jealous of any specific person at all, because he is not losing Fyodor to any other person, he's losing Fyodor to himself and to his own ideals. The whole world is indiscriminately subjected to the wrath and grief he's feeling.

Uh sorry that was literally just "do you think nikolai is jealous" "It All Started When He was A Child"

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 313: Deku VS Lady Nagant

Previously on BnHA: Hawks’s super-hot badass murder senpai Lady Nagant showed up to fire a cupid’s arrow into my heart, and a bunch of literal bullets into my son. Deku was all “oh shit it’s Hawks’s super-hot badass murder senpai, what do I do, let me think back to Hawks’s advice for a sec.” Flashback!Hawks was all “anyway Deku so if my super-hot badass murder senpai ever shows up you’re basically screwed so you’d better abscond the fuck out of there.” Present!Deku was all “lol idek why I flashed back to that conversation since I’m just going to do the exact opposite of what Hawks said” and charged directly toward Nagant because WHY NOT. Overhaul was all “waah I need to get back to my boss who I put in a coma out of love” and Nagant was all “jesus christ why did I even bring you here” and had a flashback to AFO who was all “ILU NAGANT IMMA GIVE YOU AN EXTRA QUIRK SO PLEASE CAPTURE DEKU FOR ME PLEASE AND THANKS” and yeah. Shit is all over the place right now and I love it.

Today on BnHA: All Might gets attacked by a pair of discount assassins and is all “Call an ambulance! ...BUT NOT FOR ME” and it’s really badass but also I really wish he would stop tempting fate like this. Lady Nagant is all “[casually flies around town shooting shit]” and I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t read an entire chapter of just that. Deku is all, “[gets shot (≥_<)]” and releases a giant Smokescreen which prompts En to show up. En is all, “( •᷄⌓•᷅ ) (⌣̀ Δ⌣́) ( •̀_•́ )σ (¬､¬) (눈_눈)” which I consider to be a high point of both the chapter and of my life. The chapter ends with Deku using the Third’s quirk to launch a bunch of random objects at Nagant so that he can jump up and grab her arm all sneaky-like, and I’m sure this is going to prompt another week’s worth of discourse that I don’t care about at all, but fuck it, I’m having a good time.

OH WE’RE CUTTING BACK TO ALL MIGHT WELL THAT’S NICE I GUESS. CONGRATS ON NOT BEING DEAD

you named your car??

you named it Hercules??

I love you so much??

please marry me you giant fucking dork???

lmao speaking of huge fucking dorks

who the fuck are you clowns. la dee da we’re gonna murder All Might with our synchronized spear attack!! I mean... they’re clearly trying their best... maybe I should just be nice and politely hype them up like All Might is so clearly trying to do

like okay, but we all agree that this is actually the least intimidating attack any of us has ever seen, right?? these guys zipped up their hoodies all serious-like and are trying to attack All Might and Hercules with their Walmart tiki torches, but just, no?? right?? like the only way this could possibly be effective is if they were trying to kill All Might with secondhand embarrassment

“those are assassins” this is a VERY generous assessment, All Might

OH MY GOD THE TIKI TORCHES ACTUALLY KILLED THE FUCK OUT OF HERCULES

[slaps roof of car] this baby can fit so many weaponized festive backyard lighting solutions in it

and yet, even after watching this with my own two eyes, I still can’t take these dudes seriously. idek what it is. anyways r.i.p. Hercules, I loved you a lot but I guess you weren’t actually a very good armored car were you

omg they didn’t know it was All Might??

okay 1) for a moment there I was like “oh hey maybe they’re not so bad after all” but then a moment later it was like “ah nope, they are.” like, that was an interesting .06 second emotional journey there. anyways 2) All Might you have my permission to kick their asses for this disrespect, and 3) anyone else all of a sudden getting “wouldn’t this be an interesting time for Stain to suddenly show up” vibes?? no?? just me???

(ETA: hmm tbh I’ve still got those vibes and they haven’t gone away lol. Stain?? you out there buddy?? do you want to be cool for just once in your life. ball’s in your court pal.)

OH SNAP ALL MIGHT ARE YOU REALLY GONNA DO IT ARE YOU GONNA KICK THEIR ASSES

PROTECTIVE DAD MODE ACTIVATED?? BECAUSE YOU KNOW I’M HERE FOR THAT SHIT, SO YEAH, FEEL FREE

omg he’s shouting at them about how much Deku has suffered lmao and they’re just like falling over from being scolded

so they have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about though, right? “SIR THIS IS A WENDY’S” well whatever, you killed his pet car so he’s in a bad mood now

OH MY GOD

LIKE, JUST SO WE’RE ALL CLEAR, THESE FOUR PAGES SO FAR HAVE MADE ALMOST ZERO SENSE. LIKE MAYBE 2% SENSE TOPS. BUT ASK ME IF I CARE. GO AHEAD AND ASK. I SAID GO AHEAD, IT’S OKAY. ...NO I DON’T CARE AT ALL THANK YOU FOR ASKING

(ETA: also, the more I look at this panel, the more I’m just like, why the hell would you phrase it like that though, sob. way to doubly tempt fate?? are you trying to give Horikoshi a challenge??)

and now back to Deku who is randomly bouncing around the city and narrating it to himself just in case he was confused about why he was doing this

who are you talking to Deku. but thanks we appreciate it

man you gotta love that overconfidence. the smartest guy in the world warned you away from this lady, so SURE, LET’S RUN RIGHT UP TO HER. “I APPRECIATE YOUR INPUT, FLASHBACK!HAWKS, BUT I’LL TAKE IT FROM HERE” well okay then!!

I think it would be funny if RHA.com put little Buzzfeed-style polls in between the chapter pages so they could survey people at random intervals as they read their way through the chapter. like, you finish this page and then there’s a little poll there asking “do you think Deku’s plan of catching up to Lady Nagant and finding out where Shigaraki is will work?”, and you click “no” just like everyone else and then nod as the results show that 97% of your fellow readers also picked “no”, and you chuckle to yourself wondering how many of the 3% accidentally clicked on the wrong option by mistake, and then you keep on reading

ANYWAY, SO

HOW’S THAT PLAN WORKING OUT FOR YOU SO FAR DEKU. nice kick, though!!

omggggggg

ouch

update: Deku’s plan not really working out. sources tell me my boy has been fucking shot. this is an ongoing story and we will keep you posted with the latest developments as they come in

wait what

feel free to explain to the rest of us what all of this “UNLESS...” and “THAT POSSIBILITY...” shit means anytime, Deku

oh lol did he realize she could fly??

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE, CNN’s John King reports that Deku is still fucked. eyewitness reports now coming in that Nagant is doing no-look shots and basically not even giving a fuck. sources described her mannerisms and expression as “sexy, but in like an effortless sort of way.” we will continue to bring you the latest

so now there’s basically an entire page of Deku being all “ah fuck so she’s basically closing in and she could already hit me with impossible accuracy even from Far Away, so if that’s the case then her being Up Close is probably going to be even worse!” making good use of that Big Hero Brain there, Deku

so now what, you’re doing some kind of spiraling kick thing?? how is that going to help

oh lol he’s using Smokescreen to create some cover. aww, good for you Deku you named one of your Smokescreen attacks

OH NO LADY DON’T TELL ME AFO DIDN’T EVEN FILL YOU IN ON THE BASICS

seriously, AFO?? you basically told her what Deku’s exact strategy was going to be but then couldn’t be assed to drop that little, small, barely notable piece of knowledge that Deku is rocking multiple quirks?? is it supposed to be a secret or something?? you dropped the ball here man

damn this is getting intense now

(ETA: the way En is poking Deku’s head in that first panel is fucking sending me, I love this guy so much omg.)

well then what are you planning, Deku?? I’m actually really curious!! I am genuinely starting to be invested in this fight scene not only in the “wanting to see who wins and how that impacts the plot” sense, but also in the “wanting to see how it happens because the choreography and strategy is actually pretty cool” sense, which honestly hasn’t happened for quite a while now! this is fun

anyway so what’s up Deku, are you going to use another quirk?? I’ve been speculating that he hasn’t actually unlocked the last two yet (since Two and Three didn’t exactly seem convinced when we last saw them), but maybe I’m about to be proven wrong

(ETA: well he clearly has Three’s obviously, but Two’s is still MIA, and that’s the one I am of course the most curious about. that’s the one we’re all curious about, let’s be real.)

OH SNAP???

AHHHH I’M HYPED LOL. ANOTHER SHINY NEW QUIRK LOL SHOULD I PUT UP THE USUAL DISCOURSE DISCLAIMER

(ETA: so yeah, after thinking on it, I’m not gonna say “please no Deku discourse on my blog” this week, but I probably will ignore any discourse that does come my way though, just because I don’t have much interest in getting involved in what would probably be a pretty repetitive discussion. like, I can just sum up my opinions (which is what they are) here instead. in fact here they are lol:

1) I like the SIXQUIRKS and I like seeing Deku be a badass.

2) I also don’t think Deku is too OP. more like he’s exactly as OP as he needs to be at the moment, given that we’re approaching the end of the series. I expect the other kids will also be pretty damn OP when we see them fight again. we’re just at that point now where they’re all badasses (as well they should be; they’ve grown a lot and they deserve it). it’s just that Deku’s the one we’re getting to see right now.

3) of course I miss Kacchan and the others, but for me this vibes much closer to the MVA arc where even though I missed them, I was still having a blast (as opposed to the dark days of the Basement arc where I was pretty much losing it lol). like, even though Kacchan’s my favorite, I still love Deku a lot and this arc has been amazing for him getting to shine on his own (for like the first time, really).

4) y’all know I love the OFA plot and I’ve never been shy about that lol. I like all of the Vestiges a lot. Banjou and his over the top personality; En and his “guy you thought would be serious and :| all the time but is actually hyper-animated and ALL OVER THE PLACE” energy; Shiro who actually is a :| sort of guy lol; Three who I still expect will be fleshed out in a more detailed flashback at some point; and of course Two, who, well. you know what I think about him lol. Bakuverse is still on the table and I’m still hyped. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we still have yet to see Two actually talk to Deku (as opposed to talking to the other Vestiges while Deku is distracted). did he lend him his power yet?? or is he still holding out?? either way it’s definitely going to be a Big Thing when it finally happens and I can’t wait to see it.

5) Lady Nagant is Everything and just because Deku grabbed her arm doesn’t mean the fight is over yet lol. Overhaul hasn’t come into play yet either. not to mention that even if the fight is over, the “where do we go from here” part still has me excited either way. her connection to Hawks and the HPSC is very intriguing and we’ve barely touched on that as of yet; she definitely has more of a role to play in this.

6) last but not least, I feel like every week the discussion is all about how much focus Deku’s getting, and how OP he is or isn’t, and OFA this and OFA that, but meanwhile I’m actually so invested in the character development here though?? the way Deku has distanced himself from everyone (except for the Vestiges, because of course they’re already dead so it’s not like they can die again lol)?? the way he’s pushing himself far too hard and we can see the shadows in and under his eyes, and the fact that he never smiles, and even All Might has remarked on how he isn’t taking care of himself at all?? the fact that he’s so single-mindedly obsessed with focused on stopping AFO?? the fact that he’s still the same sweet old Deku despite everything and was so kind to that fox lady with the umbrella, but there was also something so sad about that scene because it felt like a reminder of the type of hero that he wants to be, but that he’s not allowed to be right now?? because the stakes are too high and the world is falling apart?? and he feels like he’s the only one who can do something about it?? and that he has to be?? and that he is putting so much pressure on himself right now, and it’s absolutely too much pressure for any one person to bear, and I feel like no one is fucking talking about this lol goddammit.

anyway so yeah. I have feels about this, and every week that slow-burn angst is getting more and more intense behind the scenes, and I feel like it’s all going to hit a breaking point eventually. sooner rather than later. it really feels like a mirror of Katsuki’s post-Kamino arc. where all that angst was just churning below the surface for like twenty chapters and then it finally was like “okay it’s time” and it all came bursting out and we got the best five chapters of the fucking series (in my admittedly biased estimation lol).

basically, I know that most of fandom is billing this as either the “villain hunt” arc or the “solo Deku SIXQUIRKS fighting arc” or whatever. but for me, it’s always been and still is the Deku Angst arc lol. the cool fights are a sexy bonus (the worldbuilding less so because even though it’s interesting to see society at such a low point, it’s also very depressing and gets old pretty fast), but for me the thing that’s really keeping me engaged chapter after chapter is seeing Deku like we’ve never seen him before. seeing him all quiet and withdrawn and brooding and focused on AFO, AFO, AFO, and seeing that “he just doesn’t take himself into account” mentality taken to extremes. I am invested in that. I’m soaking up that angst each and every week, and I’m invested in seeing what comes of it. it’s a big picture thing. week to week this arc might just seem like a bunch of villain fight scenes, sure. but Deku’s emotional journey is the thread that’s going to carry this arc through from beginning to end, and for that I’m willing to be patient.

anyway that turned into a BIG OL’ RANT there but yeah! so those are my thoughts on the disk horse as it currently stands. and like I said, I’m open to discussion, but tbh I will probably just wind up repeating these same talking points endlessly so just a fair warning lol.)

anyway so Three says Deku has yet to use his quirk at ALL but now he’s trying to combine it with another quirk?? damn. also please check out En’s face here you guys

En launching a sneak attack up my favorite character list by the sheer power of his expressions alone. he really knows how to make the most of his screentime

OH DAMN DEKU

at this point the 3% from that hypothetical poll earlier are starting to feel prettttty damn smug, I’ll bet. well shit

what in the fuck

?? so like releasing his chi or whatnot?? isn’t that basically just like base OFA all over again?? also Deku did you seriously just apologize to Gran’s cape

update: Nagant has turned her eyeball into a gun

hm. hmmmmmmm. ...okay yep, still somehow sexy

anyway so she’s just floating up there building suspense, as one does. lord I sure hope she has good reflexes because something tells me she’s going to need them

OH SNAP HE THREW GRAN’S CAPE AS A DECOY WHAAAAT OKAY THAT’S SOME SMART SHIT DEKU

LOL SHE’S MAD NOW

JESUS CHRIST SHE JUST NEVER TAKES A GODDAMN BREAK FROM BEING AWESOME HUH

DEKU ARE YOU JUST THROWING EVERY DAMN THING IN YOUR INVENTORY

but without the cape and the hood how will you continue to look like an enigmatic badass. you really can’t. which means we might finally be moving on from the wandering nomad part of this arc, stay tuned

LOL YOU MANIAC

I hope he went full Kacchan with the dialogue there. his face sure looks like it lol. popped out of a building all mad fdskljlkj omg

well this was fun, shit. I still have basically no idea what Three’s quirk does though lol. like, can he use it to charge up objects with kinetic energy or something?? but then what was all of that talk about combining it with one of the other quirks?? or was that just because he was using Smokescreen at the same time??

(ETA: having seen and read an additional half-dozen explanations of Three’s quirk, I can say with confidence that I still have basically no idea what it is or does.)

anyway so!! Deku is a badasssssss but something tells me not to count Nagant out just yet even so. also I really enjoy seeing Deku flip out on people like he doesn’t have a fucking hole in his torso because it reminds me of A CERTAIN SOMEONE and I always love to see him channeling that feral energy; I feel like it’s been a while

anyways good luck to you both!! I truly wish that both of you could win. but if not, then maybe you can at least become friends instead. you have so much in common, you both can fly and have multiple quirks and you’re both badasses, and plus it would just be really funny to see the look on Hawks’s face lmao

[eirist]

Little Bits and Pieces of Heaven

NAUGHTY OR NICE?

One-shot #: 31

Disclaimer: One Piece (and its characters) belongs to Eiichiro Oda-sensei.

Reminder: I have no beta-reader. Any grammatical and spelling errors are solely mine.

Warning: OOC possible. One shot scribble.

Rating: M (Just suggestive)

Note: One more for the road. Because, yeah, I forgot I had this prompt list! From the Winter Whimsies: Winter/Holiday/Christmas Prompt List. Prompt # 13 - Naughty or Nice. 

This is pret-ty straightforward. Merry Christmas!

Summary: Because in all honestly, neither one of them falls under the nice category.

“You in there?”

Nami bent down slightly, drawing the festively designed blanket that covered the entrance of the pillow fort to the side to peer in.

She only got a low grunt for answer. But that is enough to confirm where their swordsman is after he vanished from their party earlier.

The navigator straightened up as she studied the makeshift fort in front of her. No use asking Zoro what he is doing inside it because if you really know the man at all… it’s damn pretty obvious.​​

Considering how all the Sunny’s library lights are off and the place was only illuminated by the Christmas tree lights… she’s sure the green-haired man had just found his new—but temporary—sleeping spot.

​It was probably Usopp’s idea to build the fort. A good decision too really. Luffy and Chopper were so excited for their Christmas party later that night that they went hyperactive and got in everyone’s way and preparations (particularly Sanji who has been slaving in the kitchen all day) instead of actually helping out.

And Nami clearly remembered she delegated the task of baby-sitting them to Zoro, who ‘accepted’ it with grunt and a scowl.

​​How Usopp ended up baby-sitting them (Zoro included) instead of helping Franky set up the tree in the library, she can only speculate. But from what she heard from Jinbei… Robin took over the Usopp’s task in assisting the shipwright.

That made Nami raised an eyebrow. Oh, she had her suspicions that something is going on between their older crewmates.

The sniper probably intended to join the two younger Mugiwaras in their antics, and ended up looking out and distracting the two, taking over Zoro’s supposedly responsibility.

Which is good, because honestly… the katana wielder is absolutely useless when it comes to Luffy and Chopper and their pleading eyes.   

Her eyes scrutinized the fluffy fort. She had no idea where they got all those pillows nor can she recall they had that many on board. There were also blankets from the ship’s storage closet that were tied to the library’s windows along with those that looked like the ones she and Robin bought from the town’s market yesterday.

They were so festive looking—with bright colors of red, green and white and scattered designs of snowflakes, reindeers, decorated pine trees and silhouettes of a fat man in a red ensemble. She and the archaeologist can’t help but think that they are perfect for tonight.

That is… if they didn’t end up part of the pillow fort her childish friends decided to build.

She sighed. She’ll just charge them the total cost of those new blankets.

But she had to admit. ​Usopp did a good job putting it up. Luffy and Chopper absolutely loved it. It actually held their interest long enough for them all to enjoy a few Luffy & Chopper free hours and finish their preparations for tonight. And apparently… Zoro likes it too. Why else would he sneak out of the party to doze off inside it when he can literally just fall asleep right there at the galley even with their noises.

Nami bent down her knees.

“Make some space Zoro!” That was her only warning to him as she started to crawl inside it.

She heard Zoro huffed in irritation at her demand. “There’s no room for another in here.” He answered back in a snide tone.​

​“You’re the only one inside!” She retorted as she continued to make her way in. What the hell was he saying? Luffy, Usopp and Chopper were all in there along with him earlier. That means it is spacious enough.

She realized what he meant when she saw him. Of course another person can’t fit in because the idiot swordsman was lying, spread eagled on the whole floor space as if he exclusively owns the place! It wasn’t really that cramp. But since Zoro is a large man, he dominated the whole area of the fort easily (and selfishly, she might add).

She felt her ears heating at that.  

​So Nami decided to just crawl all over him... making sure to dig her elbows and knees as hard as she could on any available part of him.

She grinned wickedly when she heard an annoyed grunt from underneath her.

“Nami!” Zoro growled as he tried to move from his position. But it was too late. She already had him pinned beneath her. One of her knees dug into his leg as she wriggled her body above him trying to find a more comfortable position while draped all over him. “Oi careful!” Zoro warned and he immediately caught her other knee before it hit a rather sensitive spot.

Her grin immediately turned into a more dangerous smile.

​“Ooops…” Nami sing-songed as her face hovered over his. “My bad,” she said in a cheeky and obviously unapologetic tone.

Zoro looked at her irritably. “Damn it woman! Do you really have to do this?”

​“Yes because as usual, you’re being an ass.” She emphasized her answer by shifting above him in a totally careless manner… deliberately. Zoro grumbled expletives under his breath. His body maybe tough and hard from all the training he was doing, but when Nami in intentionally moving like she was lying on a bumpy mattress and was trying to beat the lumps in using her elbows and knees… it’s a different story. “Stop it!” He ordered before caging her to him using one arm.

​“Hey!” Nami complained. “No need to be so rough!” Zoro bit back a defiant and rather salacious retort on how she sometimes likes it when he’s rough on her. Instead, he wrapped his other arm around her as well, before tackling her to the side as Nami squealed in surprise. “Zoro!” The green-haired man chuckled at her reaction. Yet he didn’t release her even as she tried to wiggle her body to free herself from him.

“Serves you right.”

Surprisingly, she easily gave up and childishly blew him a raspberry.

Zoro just smirked as he looked down her face. It was a bit dark inside the pillow fort, but he can still make out her puffed cheeks and pouting lips thanks to the brilliant Christmas tree lights Franky had set up earlier. He bent down and swiftly stole a kiss from them. And Nami immediately relaxed in his arms at that. He in turn loosened his hold around her. But he still kept her within his embrace, as she tilted her head to look at him. And damn he did not like the way she's looking at him right now.

“So… where are my presents?”

Zoro inwardly groaned. He should have known that was the reason why she was looking for him.

And did she say presents?

Nami was looking at him expectantly then her brows furrowed.

“Don’t tell me you don’t have anything for me?” She gasped exaggeratedly.

Well… it wasn’t like she was expecting something from him. But still… it’s Christmas right?

​Zoro gave her a curious look. “Depends… have you been naughty or nice?” She blinked at his question. “What does that have to do with your gifts for me?” “You heard Chopper’s story about that fat guy who slides down chimneys to give out gifts?”

​“Yeah,” Nami nodded. “He told us about it in the party earlier!” “Well he has a naughty and nice list.” “…” Zoro looked her in the eye. “Only the nice ones can receive gifts,” he said in an almost somber tone as if he was talking to a petulant child. “You’ve been anything but nice Nami.”

​She almost shot up and out of his arms at that. And Zoro laughed at her reaction. “You!” Nami kicked his leg in retaliation. “I can’t believe you Zoro! I’ve been nothing but nice to you this week!” “That’s because you are trying to wheedle a gift from me.”

“Because it’s Christmas!”

“So?”   Nami scowled at him. “Look who’s being naughty now? I hope the fat guy doesn’t leave you with any presents!”

Zoro grinned. “Honestly, do you think I’m Luffy? Or Chopper?”

“You don't get a gift from me as well.​”

“I really don’t mind not getting one.”

Nami stuck her tongue out at him. “That’s it! If you don’t have anything for me, screw being nice!”

That only made him laugh louder. He didn’t doubt that for a second. Nami’s notorious for being ‘super kind’ when she wants to get something… especially from him.

Like that would work. He knows her too much. Almost like the back of his hands.

He smirked at her again, pulling her towards him, leaving no space between them as their bodies pressed close to each other.

“You are in no way a nice girl,” Zoro drawled as he watched her lips pursed. “But I actually prefer you naughty…” He whispered lowly at her ear before giving her butt a hearty slap, squeezing it a little,, before his laughter rumbled inside the fort again.

“YOU!” Nami stiffened against him, yet he felt her hands grasp the front of his jacket. A sure sign that she liked what he did. “Argh damn it!”

He cut off her incoming rant by pressing his lips against her. Soft, feather light kisses before shifting to light teasing nips that made her sigh contentedly.

“You’re not nice too you know.” Nami mumbled in between their kisses.

“I know.”

“Pirate hunters really not are.”

“Are cat burglars nice?”

“Hmmm…”

Zoro chuckled as she feigned mulling over her answer.

Nami snickered. “Then we are both not getting any presents from Chopper’s fat chimney guy.”

“True.”

They laugh a bit at their inside joke.

“Hey, Merry Christmas.” Nami greeted with a pretty smile on her face. “Merry Christmas Nami.” Zoro returned her smile. “And yeah, I actually have something for you. Even if you haven’t been nice at all.”

“Really now?” She giggled excitedly. She ran her fingers through his hair. “How about we call truce for Christmas​?​”

“Truce.” He agreed as he tilted her chin with his finger to kiss her again.

“Hmm… how sturdy is this fort?” Nami suddenly asked, stopping him momentarily. Zoro raised an eyebrow at her. “No idea.” “Think we can be a bit naughty here?” Nami whispered suggestively as she hooked a leg on his waist.

The corner of his lips twitched up at her suggestion. “Let’s find out then.”

[btsandvmin]

A personal dilemma

I feel like I have to explain properly why I have reacted the way I did and why the asks about me not doing videos for Vmin affected me so much. I am sorry for dwelling on this subject so much but it is something that is important to me and effect what I do and how I do it a lot.

This post is a bit confused and I might also come across both as a hypocrite and as "high and mighty". But I believe every person has a responsibility for what they do no matter how small the effect. And I need to get this off my chest. This is a conflict within me that I don't have an answer to yet.

For the last few days I've seriously considered if I should continue with writing analysis for Vmin or not. Because at the end of the day I know what I do have a sort of snowball effect that is out of my control. So asking me to not do videos in worry about Vminies getting delusional faster or me being seen as a analysis maker more similar to some ji/kookers or tar/kookers like tkk/lives made me wonder not only if putting out videos was something that bring more bad than good, but if making any analyses at all was something that brought more bad than good.

Even if I try hard to stay away from sounding delusional and to warn my readers of the problems with believing the things I point out and the narratives I share might still lead to more confidence in Vmin being superior or real. Even if it's not my intention I can't control what people do after reading or watching my material.

Thus if creating leads to more bad for both the Vmin community and perhaps in the long run even Vmin... How can I in good conscience keep doing it?

I always believed and hoped that my way of writing, and of being open and transparent with the problems with shipping analysis would rather at least to some extent halt the ones reading and understanding my stance from turning delusional or over confident etc. That I could be clear about the difference between facts, theories and narrative and make others aware too.

When I started this blog I was just shipping happily and reblogged others posts. Until the "you can't ship Vmin they are friends" issue bothered me enough to write about it so I wrote "The “bromance” issue". Then I kept making material to show why Vmin is just as good and easy to ship romantically as any other ship. Thus my 10 reasons to ship posts etc.

The first time I truly got into analysing territory was with my first song analysis. And even then it was just a feeling that the songs could match and speculation mostly for fun. Vmin kept doing things, and yet I saw a lot of people get angry or defensive just for shipping Vmin. For example as 4 o'clock came out and Vminies got attacked for "making it about Vmin". Already feeling like Vmin's songs kind of fit together, and how other shippers tried to make the songs about their own ships (including 4 o'clock) I started to look closer at various ship analyses and seeing the lack of Vmin analyses compared to other maknae ships made me feel like people just zoomed in on their own ship and ignored everyone else. I couldn't help but want to add my own Vmin interpretations. I wanted to add a Vmin perspective as a sort of counter weight. Especially since I felt the things I saw had more to them than similar theories from other ships. For example the songs, being soulmates, using army as a substitute for each other or my own version of Vlive analysis, which was that Vmin seemed to avoid it rather than them hiding in each other's room. Other ships had these theories, despite Vmin having at least some of these things confirmed. So in a way, the soulmate claim and 4 o'clock was my starting point to look at Vmin in a different way and a bit after that I started making analyses.

It felt weird to see all of these things go ignored when other ship communities made their followers believe in the relationships with a lot less than I felt Vmin had. I never got confident that Vmin was real and I still think the odds of any ship being real aren't that big. But I did feel like many people completely ignored Vmin both as soulmates and as a ship.

So, while asking my fellow Vminies to be careful with believing I kept looking at Vmin and added my biased theories to show it could very much be done with Vmin as well. I never wanted to make people delusional, but having been in many fandoms before I also knew that with size that is something that can't be avoided. I saw that as BTS kept growing and as big Vmin moments happened, that more and more people shipped them. It made me happy. But I also knew it would mean more and more would eventually start to question Vmin the way other ships got questioned. I really think it's something that happens eventually with enough of a following. There are so many ships in Kpop that people believe in and try to prove, it definitely wasn't exclusive to BTS. (You can even look outside Kpop at things like the Sherlock or Supernatural or even Hunger Games fandoms where many speculated that the actors weren't just close, they were romantically involved.)

I wanted to talk about Vmin, but I didn't want to be one of those that told people what to think and to believe me no matter what. I wanted peope to question without "knowing" what the truth was. I was hoping to bring something different than just the safe "this is just my thoughts and you can take it or leave it" disclaimers. I wanted to explain the problems and to remind ourselves (me included) that shipping is something that can easily turn into more if you don't actively remind yourself that we actually don't know the truth. We have narratives that seem to make sense, but so does other shippers... So for many of these belivers it is impossible to be right. Not everyone can be right about their "truth", if anyone, since they go against each other. If Vmin turn out to not be together I do not want to be the one responsible for people believing they were real, only to get hurt when they aren't.

This is something I've always felt, and as I kept writing analysis I always wondered if I really should. Especially since I saw some Vminies get inspired by me or even taking some of my theories and run with them as facts rather than the theories they were. I put things out there, moments and ideas. A narrative for Vmin. And I saw others adapt them and go further with them. I wasn't sure how to feel as I realized my blog perhaps contributed to Vminies feeling more suspicious and slowly more confident in Vmin being more real than other ships.

Even if it was my goal to make people look at Vmin, I guess with all the things Vmin did it all started to feel more "real" for me too. So many of my theories seemed to work and even get proven or added new material. The songs kept coming and Vmin kept being Vmin. But I also knew this exact thing happend with ji/kookers after G.C.F came out. New material that "confirmed" their beliefs and in turn allowed them to become more confident in being right. So I kept reminding myself not to get swept away, because in the end I don't think no matter how much we have gotten, that it has to prove anything besides how much Vmin mean to each other. Romantic or platonic truly doesn't matter.

Another thing that makes a difference to me is also the way I view the different ships if they would actually be real. For example watching ji/kook and ji/kook theories it seems pretty clear they don't mind people shipping them or seeing things between them. I've never seen Jimin be careful, but instead rather bold and almost pushy, with moments with JK. If Ji/kook is together their shippers too believe that they want people to know. With Vmin I saw it a bit differently... I've seen Jimin be careful with how he and Tae comes across since 2014. Why I don't know. But if we imagine there to actually be something between Vmin, then it doesn't seem like it's something Jimin wants us to know. Taehyung is a bit bolder, but either way the "narrative" I see for Vmin if they would be real is that they are careful with getting exposed. Thus there is also that factor to consider when writing theories about them. If Vmin would be real somehow, and they don't want to be "exposed" how is what I do the right thing?

I have had a post in my drafts for a while and I wanted to add it here in case you are interested. After all, this isn't something new that came after the video asks, but rather something I've always questioned. Which is why it really got to me when I got asked to stop doing something for the sake of the community, myself and Vmin.

This is something I wrote a while ago and I decided not to post at the time. I hope you will understand my feelings a little bit better after reading all of this.

I hope you understand where I am coming from and excuse me for generalizing and speaking about the Vmin (and other ships) community as if it's one big force and not many individuals.

***

Now, I have debated for a long time if I should talk about this at all and basically take a stance in a way I would prefer not to. I know I will lose followers over this, and that's ok. I can't force anyone to listen. But with the way I see the Vmin community grow I also see the confidence in Vmin being real grow. It's natural and happens with all ships eventually, but I still hope Vminies can look at shippers from other communities and realize the same kind of reasoning applies to us all.

I get more messages that sound borderline delusional now than ever.

I always suspected we would reach this point, because again, as things get more normalized and ok to talk about the bolder statements and theories will become. It literally happens with all ships, slowly at first and then gradually worse and worse until you reach truly delusional levels where Big Hit are playing up other relationships to hide the truth or trying to create a glass closet for another ship and where every choice and action has a possible agenda. I don't think Vminies will get worse than other ships that are much bigger and bolder. But I do think we have already changed a lot in the last year. Even looking at my own posts I seem to have at some point escalated from "Vmin seem to have these push and pull moments" to "Vmin's push and pull" if you see the difference. It might be small, but it definitely matters in how my views comes across.

When I write I do try to present facts and then speak carefully and not confidently about narratives or meanings. If we take my song analysis for example I think there is a substantial amount of things even when just looking at facts. But, saying what those facts might mean will in the end always remain a biased guess. Especially since other shippers have their similar theories as well that they believe in 100%. I mean, I could make a case for Tae and Hobi's songs being connected as well. I've seen analysis like this from all shippers at this point, and I can't dismiss them anymore than they can dismiss mine. (As long as they keep to facts.)

I am careful, and even then I see some of my theories being talked about as fact, or att least very close to facts.

From what I have seen I have moments between Vmin I have notcied and shared that haven’t been picked up on before I did it. I still have some things like this I haven’t shared at all, simply because I think fans would run with them and become more delusional simply by knowing about them.

Sadly, the way things are going I feel uncertain if I should share more of these things at all. I don’t want to have to go around and debunk Vmin moments or urge people to watch other ships, because in the end every person has the right to enjoy a ship in their own way. But I do think confidence is dangerous no matter how good moments we get.

Ji/kookers got a lot worse after GCF Tokyo and started to talk about how Big Hit might be working towards a glass closet. And that might sound ridiculous, but I have seen Vminies say the same with the way Vmin has been "shown" as Friends came out and other pretty good Vmin moments from the last year. The question of "Do you think something is up with Vmin?" or "Do you think they are planning something based on the amount of moments we get?" are questions I have gotten many times.

You might think I am being too careful, but because I have been in many fandoms in a period of over 15 years I literally see the same development happen for all different kinds of shipping communities. Real and fictional. Where the fans get more and more confident as the groups gets bigger. It’s a gradual change towards feelings certain and allowing more logical leaps to fill the gaps, but it will get faster and faster once it starts.

I don’t want Vminies to get more and more similar to how many ji/kookers and tae/kookers act and think. Where we find suspicion in everything and allow ourselves to feel confident. (Or worried whenever something goes against that belief.)

I might sound a hypocrite considering I do write analysis on Vmin, but I am sorry to say, the way things are going maybe I shouldn’t anymore.

Every ship in BTS have moments, and every ship in BTS even have believers who truly KNOWS their ship is real. I often used to get the question “do you know this or that about this other ship” and “if you only looked at and knew about xxx you wouldn’t ship Vmin” etc. And honestly, they have a point. Only I think it works both ways for all shippers. We all mostly look at our own ship and have our own narratives and reasons to think they make the most sense. But as soon as we allow narratives to sound like the only or most logical explenation we have lost a big part of our ability to question others and ourselves. That's why I wanted to add the Vmin narrative in the sea of ji/kook and tae/kook theories.

Recently I posted Can shipping turn into conspiracy theories? and part of the reason I did so was because I have seen an increased tendency in the Vmin community to walk this thin line between shipping and belief.

I feel very conflicted honestly. I want our community to try and stay away from being sure, no matter how compelling the arguments. Again, I have literal hundreds of pages about Vmin being weird or doing things I think make them the most likely to be real in some form when looking at BTS.

AND I AM STILL NOT GOING TO BE CONVINCED.

I have followed another group where members kiss when drunk and talk like they ship each other and even if a ship might seem real there is just too much we don't know. And a lot about other ships we decide to ignore or don't know. I have been accussed of being a ji/kooker because I won't say ji/kook being real is impossible. But how can l? How would me saying ji/kook can't be real be any different to the aggressive ji/kookers who has come to me to say "Vmin is cute but ji/kook is real".

Of course every person might have their own level of what might convince them, but we also know that literally millions of other people are convinced of completely different things with incredible certainty.

I don't want to be scared to put my theories out there so they can be taken as facts.

I have said it before, and I know shippers are drawn to confidence, but that's the exact reason to why I choose not to be confident even though it gets me more hate and less followers.

***

So this is what I wrote a while ago... And hearing people worry about what might happen if I start making videos just made these thoughts resurface. Especially since I didn't feel that video was very analytical, but it still likely would make people notice Vmin in a "what if they are real" way. Again, I use moments that exists, but I also add them in a different context, with a Vmin narrative. If what I write or make seems legit and makes sense then my tone of being careful might not matter. People will get exposed to moments and ideas I highlight and then take them further. That's why I hesitate.

I don't think I am big or influential enough to do much, but just doing 'a little' shouldn't excuse it if it in the end leads to something bad, more than it leads to something good. That's why adding YouTube as a platform doesn't make much of a difference in my mind if I still do what I do here. Sure YouTube is bigger and things get spread faster... But I write much more analytical and questionable things here than I did in that video, and even if it gets spread slower and to less people isn't what I do here in a sense then worse?

If me making videos makes some of you nervous (which I understand and relate to) then what will it lead to if I post basically a book on everything weird I've seen and thought in regards to Vmin?

I want to feel like I add more good to the community than I bring bad. I always thought I was doing the former as I tried to make my followers feel open minded rather than convinced. Now I don't know where I stand anymore and so I feel even more unsure of what to do.

Maybe I should have kept this all to myself and not vented out my worries to you. But I take this rather seriously and while I love what I do and love being part of the Vmin community I am feeling conflicted and I felt like sharing why might be good for me.

I know this was long and I applaude you if you managed to read through it all. I am truly so happy to have gotten so many nice and understanding and kind messages from you all. And many of you even saying you are happy you came across my blog and that I brought a new perspective, made you more open minded or even kept you from turning delusional. It makes me feel like I at least did some things right. I purple you all. 💜

[aenngelic]

I will protect her at all costs (chapter 2)

Disclaimer: please don’t hate me for it, if you don’t ship them please just don’t read it ok 🥲

contains: slow burn, Sniper falling in love with Kuon, Snipers view/thoughts, sexual fantasies, nudity, lemon stuff overall

It is a very long chapter I’m sorry

Note: please feel free to message me if you have certain romantic moments to include in the story! (Already running out of ideas oops)

It did not take long for us to find a bag of supplies. It was on a coffee table in some sort of lobby area. It seemed as if this building probably was meant to represent some kind of hotel, which I thought was a good thing, because that meant that there would be beds and showers to be found here as well. To our surprise, the bag contained mostly candy, which I wouldn't interpret as a balanced meal. However, the girl seemed to like this finding. It was only a matter of minutes before the chocolate residue stained the corners of my companion's mouth in a brown color. However, I preferred to smoke a cigarette at first and watch the girl devour her own body weight in the form of chocolate.

" This is fantastic! It feels like forever since I last ate chocolate! I faintly remember dieting before I entered this world too, so this must have been probably weeks since I held chocolate in my hand." Kuon said with delight. It was amusing to watch her enjoy sweets. Kuon's carelessness may be a burden at times, but her innocent character makes up for it.

" you partly remember your life prior to this, don't you?"

" Yes, not much to be honest. I'm sorry you can't," Kuon replied in a concerned voice.

"Tell me about it."

She gave me a visibly puzzled look before straightening her back so that she was sitting as straight as a candle on the sofa across from me, staring at her hands somewhat lost in thought. She seemed uncomfortable that I had now brought up this topic. Unfortunately, I could not take back my question. "Well," she began, "to be honest,the life I remember has not been the greatest, I guess." Kuon abruptly shook her head. " That's not true either. I was born into a rich family and had many privileges. My father owned a large company and had very high expectations of me from the very beginning. One day I was supposed to take it over. I was probably pretty lucky compared to other people. I was probably a big disappointment for him. My character was just not strong enough in his eyes. I also remember not really having any friends either, because I was privately educated. And anyway..." I could literally hear the lump in Kuon's throat as a tear began to stream down the girl's cheek.

" i'm sorry. You know, I didn't really mean to end up crying."

I felt my heart break once again, watching the girl grieve. I was surprised now, though, to find out that this yet seemingly uncomplicated high school student was actually carrying a lot of emotional baggage. I did not hesitate as I jumped up from my seat to calm the blue-haired girl. I really hated it like the plague when she cried. Trying to preserve my Coolness, however, I grumbled, "oh girl. What's wrong?"

I placed myself to her left, and pressed her against my shoulder while running my hand over her hair a few times. There was no way I could bring myself to face her, though. It would be too embarrassing and, after all, I was far from being the Prince Charming who would dry her tears with a silken tissue. Besides, I could not withstand the sight of her teary eyes. So there I sat, a weeping teenage girl wetting my blazer with salty drops of grief on my right, awkwardly staring off into the distance.

"It's, it's..." she stammered, not being able to form a word. "You're the first person I've been able to trust, and because of that, I'm kind of..."

She took a deep breath, "It makes me so unbelievably happy."

Almost for the second time that day, a cigarette nearly got stuck in my throat, but this time I was able to suppress my urge to cough. The girl seemed to really like me. But did I like her too? I would be lying if I said I did not care about her. And if she got killed, I could never forgive myself. It was astonishing how one could form such a strong bond with another person in such a short period of time. However, pouring out my entire feelings in front of her would not come close to the cool lifestyle I was pursuing.

" i'm also happy to have met you, Kuon.", i finally decided to answer after a moment of figuring out how to respond.

Kuon's face, which was still streaked with tears, started to smile again, which made me feel much relieved. However, it took her a while to completely stop her wailing . We remained in this position for a while, until at some point I realized that the girl had fallen asleep. Her head had lowered in the meantime even further toward the ground, so that after some time she was no longer leaning against my shoulder but much rather against my belly. When I noticed this after some time and looked down to the girl, a cute sight presented itself to me. Admittedly, on the one hand it felt nice to act as this girl's pillow. On the other hand, it triggered an immeasurable amount of embarrassment in me. But cool guys do like to take care of girls' comfort, don't they?

Therefore, I decided I'd rather not wake her up and hardly moved at all. I looked out the window to my right, watching the sunset and reflected on certain issues. I was thinking about Rika as well as the two girls we were trying to find and, of course, about Kuon and so many other things until my eyes started to close.

When I regained consciousness, the night must have settled in. Before I could even perceive my surroundings properly, I swiveled my head once to the left and once to the right and let my gaze wander through the room. Because the moon was particularly bright this night, everything around me had taken on a deep blue tone. It was so quiet around me that I could have heard a pin drop. In the next second I realized that I should not have fallen asleep in the first place. Somebody would have had to keep watch, after all! Crap! If an enemy would have come along the way, it certainly would not have been good for me and Kuon. I looked down to my thigh where the blue-haired girl was supposed to lie. I felt her place her head on my thigh at some point during the night, but when I looked down at my thigh, I could not find any girl. Where the hell was Kuon? A rational thinking person, as I was one, could of course assume that my companion did not necessarily have to be in danger, but could also have simply visited the toilet, for example. Nonetheless, my alarm bells started ringing immediately. Kuon was, after all, a young girl who, apart from the "rail gun", did not posses many possibilities for self-defense. So of course I was worried.

Without thinking much, I hopped up from the sofa, on which I had been napping a few moments before. In quick stride I wandered through the poorly lit hallway without really having a clue where I was heading. My head was foggy from the idea that the girl might be in serious danger. A few days ago, I probably would have accepted the fact that she was suddenly nowhere to be found and continued my journey. And now my stomach was already twisting at the thought of her getting in trouble.

Nevertheless, a short moment later, my heart pounding madly from the ever-repeating scenario in my head, I heard a noise at the end of the corridor. A soft, high-pitched humming was heard, drowned out by the pattering of many drops. Light emerged from the crack of a door on the left. Was she taking a shower? The feeling of relief spread through my chest, followed by some degree of annoyance. Why did the girl not wake me up? I took a few steps towards the door, but before I was about to reach for the door handle, I remembered that I should not do so. A gentleman never violates a lady's privacy. So I decided to wait.

I leaned against the local wall, one leg bent. Then I let my thoughts wander, while the pattering of the raindrops in the bathroom right next to me showed no indication of stopping anytime soon. A lady of high society must spend quite a bit of her life showering, I thought to myself. And before I knew it, the image of Kuon suddenly popped up in my head. In my imagination I pictured her body, wondering what it looked like completely naked. A bar of soap running over her plump breasts, leaving traces of foam on her soft, wet skin. A body swinging under the hot rainfall like a leaf in the wind, presenting its vivid buttocks. I wonder if she was shaved? Hardly had I been able to finish this dirty thought of mine and get mad at my filthy thinking when my ears picked up the sound of footsteps in the distance. And they were coming ominously closer.

Damn, I thought to myself and was about to reach for my rifle, only to realize that I forgot it next to the sofa where I had been sleeping. I had been so upset about her disappearance that I could seriously forget the most crucial item for our survival.What was I going to do? For a brief moment I was at a loss. Escape proved almost impossible at this point, since I was at a dead end and I could not force the approaching enemy down with any surrounding objects. Besides, if I escaped, it would only be a matter of time before the enemy would track down my helpless companion. In the next moment, almost instinctively, I reached for the door handle that led to the bathroom that Kuon had still claimed. Perhaps there were objects in the room that were suitable for fighting, or perhaps we could be lucky and not be found, I speculated in the heat of the moment. So I tore open the door and rushed into the bathroom, greeted by a hot haze that took over the entire area.

"Kuon!" I called out in a hushed tone.

Without hesitation, I pushed my way through the door that separated the shower from the rest of the bathroom as if I was walking through nothing. Until that moment, I had hardly given a thought to the circumstances of this situation. But at the latest, when finally the naked body of a schoolgirl jumped into my field of vision, I quickly realized this again. I was just about to violate Kuon's privacy. An obviously shocked girl looked towards me, that from 1 second to the other tried to cover herself desperately.

"Mr.Ma-", she was about to say, but I interrupted her raised voice by pressing my hand to her lips as quickly as possible.

While I was still in the act of stepping into the shower, I flicked the light switch in the same movement so that no sign of our presence could escape from the room. Maybe they would not find us here, I hoped at this point.

"There's someone out there," I whispered to the naked girl in front of me.

" if we are quiet, maybe we won't be found. If we are, then..."

Kuon replied to me with an unintelligible "Mmm" , which resembled the sound of a frightened gasp. My body had pressed so close to hers by now that I could feel the wetness of her skin soaking through my shirt. I had directed my face facing away from her so that I could sharpen my hearing for the footsteps I could hear. Furthermore , I did not want to add unnecessary tension to the whole situation. It was uncool enough to interfere with a naked girl taking a shower even if it was an emergency. My hand was still resting on her lips and even though I was wearing gloves and looking away, I could clearly feel the warmth building up in Kuon's cheeks. She was obviously blushing in this moment. But having her pressed against the bathroom wall while forcing my hand tightly onto her lips and not even keeping a distance of not 2 inches, I could not blame her.

For quite a while, we did not move at all. We listened closely to the footsteps, which came a little closer and finally slowly moved away from us again. Temporarily it was even so quiet in this bathroom that we could hear each other breathing. Kuon's breathing was fast and almost verged on hyperventilation in this situation. Because there was hardly any distance between our bodies, I could literally feel her chest rising and falling in short intervals. With each rise, her breasts brushed my upper body a slight bit. I tried, as always, to keep my composure and block out the fact that Kuon was completely naked. Only when several minutes had passed did my posture loosen and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Okay, we should be safe for now," I stated and let go of the girl.

I flipped the light switch and had to swallow.

Kuon had been naked before too, but it was only now that the danger was gone that I could really comprehend this fact. She had tried to cover her breasts with her hands and had simultaneously crossed her legs, looking down with a shameful expression on her face. However, the concealment attempt seemed to be unsuccessful for her. Although I only caught a glimpse of her appearance before I turned away from her as quickly as possible, I saw her entire beauty for a moment.Her breasts were in relation to her otherwise so petite body, large and plump. She had a narrow waist and perfectly shaped legs, in combination with her smooth, fair skin. And so she shaved, I could still tell. What remained most imprinted on my mind, however, was the look on her face.I of course preferred to see her friendly smile a thousand times more than this face that expressed pure shame. But I could not help but adore the sight of her big sparkling dog eyes looking at the ground helplessly.

My breath stopped for a moment, but then I quickly cleared my throat, my gaze already averted from her, scanning the room for a towel. I tried to hide the fact that I actually wanted to slap myself for the thoughts I was having. Luckily, my embarrassment was not visible through the mask. I had to change the subject immediately before the situation became even more awkward:

"Sorry, Kuon." , I mumbled. I was surprised myself by my harsh tone. It took me a while to recollect the words.

"You should let me know next time you decide to go somewhere else."

"Oh yeah right. I didn't mean to cause any trouble.", Countered the girl who also seemed to be a bit embarrassed. So it wasn't just me who was feeling uncomfortable about this situation. Without giving my companion another look, I threw a towel right over my head at her. I had a precise aim.

" I'm going to get my rifle. I forgot it in all the hurry near the sofa."

Just as I was about to open the door to step out, the girl interrupted my process by grabbing my arm with unusual intensity.

" can you come back here afterwards? Please?"

"That's what I was planning on doing anyway. I'll be waiting right outside the door," I replied, a bit puzzled by this question.

" but I have -." she interrupted herself, shaking her head slightly before continuing.

Then her facial expression regained its former composure, whereupon she gave me her typical, beaming smile. I could tell, however, that she did not mean it honestly. How I could tell that, I had no idea myself though. But did she want me to stay here with her?

" no you're right. I'll hurry up and be done in a few minutes," she said. While she was talking, she wrapped the towel around her body in a quick movement, fastening it in front with the help of a knot.

I had meanwhile turned my gaze back to her. Although Kuon was now dressed, it was difficult for me not to inspect her from top to bottom. Her entire body was still drenched in a hint of wetness, so that her skin was reflectingthe bright bathroom light. It was also slightly red from the hot shower water. I wondered if the red tint to her cheeks was also caused by that, or if I was responsible for it.I could not help but notice the way the towel just managed to hide all the places it was supposed to cover and yet was far too tight. If she bent over, a special view would present itself to me. Immediately I dashed this disgusting thought from my head. If I continued to reduce myself only to her appearance this could end in negligence on my part and I would not be able to protect her properly.After all, that was the most important thing. I also discarded this thought. Had this strange girl really become so important to me? Nevertheless, there was no place for interpersonal relationships in this world.Before I could get any further into this train of thought, I turned away again and finally walked out of the room. I was in need of a cigarette.

[wrenhyperfixates]

The Gift

Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: Tony says no pets in the Tower, but since when has Loki ever listened to him? Warnings: like one curse word A/N: Any Tom Hiddleston stans out there should get the Easter egg in this one :)

Disclaimer: Picture not mine

“Oh, come on, Tony! Please,” you whined for the fifth time that week. “Not even just a little one?”

“Absolutely not. It’d make a mess of the place. Not to mention that this isn’t exactly the safest place for a pet.”

“So it gets into a lab accident and we have a super dog. Not the worst thing ever,” you said, half joking, though Tony actually seemed kind of intrigued now. You changed your tactic before he got any ideas. “Besides, it won’t make a mess. I’ll train it. And not all dogs shed.”

“I guess, but someone might be allergic,” Tony countered, thinking he delivered a winning argument.

“We can get a hypoallergenic dog,” you shot back, though you’d already checked with almost everyone and no one said they were.

Tony grumbled, running out of excuses to give as to why you couldn’t get the pet you’ve been pleading for the past few months. Tony had become somewhat of a father figure to you during your time in the Tower, and you’d been pretty sure you could use that to your advantage. Sadly, though, nothing had been working. In fact, that relationship had been more of a detriment to you than anything else as you didn’t want to make him upset with you. Otherwise, you might just go out and buy the pet of your choosing. Maybe even more than one. Although, to be fair, it was Tony’s building, and he was allowing you to live here rent free, so you should probably just drop it. But you really wanted a pet, and you knew you weren’t the only one.

“Sorry, but still no.”

“Fine,” you relented with an overdramatic sigh. “For now, anyway.”

“Thank you,” he said, going back to whatever he was tinkering with before you came in.

You pouted in the lab for a bit, hoping he might change his mind, but to no avail. Eventually you slinked out and went into one of the common rooms, plopping on the couch between Peter and Bucky.

“So, how’d it go?” Peter asked after popping a handful of Skittles into his mouth.

“No luck," you responded sourly, stealing some of the colorful candy from him. “None of my strategies are working.”

“What if we tried for something smaller?” Bucky offered. “Like a gerbil.”

“I guess,” you grumbled as you flopped back in exasperation. “But we’ve had our eye on that Cocker Spaniel for a while. A gerbil just wouldn’t be the same.”

“Yeah, I know.”

You all sat in silence for a bit and watched as Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck argued about what hunting season it is, mulling over the situation. Admitting defeat seemed to be the most likely option at the moment, but you hated to just give up when you were sure there was a way to get what you wanted and not have Tony be upset with you.

“I’ve got it!” Peter suddenly shouted, bubbling with excitement. “We go and adopt it and then tell Mr. Stark that it just followed us home!”

“Except he wouldn’t let us keep it even then,” you stated, having already thought of that yourself.

“So we hide it. Simple,” Bucky chimed in. “By the time he notices, Peter will be so emotionally bonded to it, Tony wouldn’t dare take it away.”

“Great idea, Mr. Bucky,” Peter said, high-fiving him.

“Yeah, if only there weren’t cameras everywhere. Not to mention a home system that tells him everything,” you added, growing more upset at the lack of options by the minute.

You pushed up from the couch as the episode’s end was heralded by Porky Pig’s “Th-th-that’s all folks.” After waving bye to your friends, you headed to your room to brainstorm in silence. The figure lurking in the shadows didn’t even register in your mind, so you had no idea that a certain god heard your whole conversation. Not only that, he was about to fix all your problems.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mr. Loki, where are we going?” Peter inquired as he and Bucky were led into the city by the trickster god.

“All will be revealed, spiderling. I assure you.”

Bucky just shrugged when Peter looked at him, and so they continued following Loki through the busy New York streets. After hearing about your plight, he had hatched a plan to get you what you wanted. All it took was a bit of research on that infernal computer device, and he was pretty sure he’d found the right shelter. It was a far walk from the Tower, and since neither he nor his travel companions could drive, he resorted to taking the subway, an experience he’d rather not have again. Finally, they arrived at the destination, and Peter was about to burst with excitement.

“Mr. Loki!” he gasped. “This is exactly where we were looking for dogs!”

“But I have a feeling you knew that already,” Bucky said.

“Indeed,” Loki replied. “I must confess that I overheard your conversation in the common room yesterday.”

“Oh I get it now. You’re doing this for-”

“No time for speculation, we are here to get me a pet,” Loki interrupted, “Go on. After you, spiderling.”

Peter, still blissfully unaware of Loki’s true intentions, led the way into the shelter. They were greeted with the sound of happy barking and the distinct smell of dog treats. Loki had to admit, he wasn’t the biggest fan of animals. He found some to be more agreeable than others, such as a good steed, but overall he thought them to be more of a nuisance than anything else. Thor had bought a cat for Jane once, and it tore up half of his capes before he presented it to her. Loki was glad his brother kept it away from him and his belongings. Not to mention he didn’t appreciate the sheer number of similarities people said he had with felines. Dogs, however, he was fine with, so long as they were trained properly.

“Hello, how may I help...” the girl behind the front desk trailed off, her eyes going wide with excitement upon realizing who the trio was. “Y-you’re... Oh my gosh. My friends are never going to believe this! But, uh, how may I help you?”

None of the heroes were particularly comfortable with the attention and star struck gaze of the girl, so it took them a minute to get over their sheepishness. Loki looked at both his companions before realizing he would have to do the talking. He sighed but knew the look on your face would be worth it. You’d look at him the same way you had so many times before, whenever he did little things for you, whether it be rubbing your shoulders after a stressful day or brewing you a cup of tea on a chilly morning. The two of you weren’t dating, exactly, but you weren’t exactly not dating, either. Loki found himself incapable of asking you to make it official, lest it ruin what you currently had. He didn’t know what he’d do if you no longer casually held his hand or rested your head on his lap while reading in the evenings. Even though he was fairly certain you felt the same way, that last bit of doubt wouldn’t leave him alone. Besides, despite usually being quite a great thinker, he couldn’t come up with a good way to confess. He supposed that kissing you would do the trick, but he wasn’t brave enough for that, so getting you a dog would have to suffice for now.

“My friends here were looking at some of your dogs recently, and there is one that they are quite smitten with. We are here to adopt it.”

“That’s right! A Cocker Spaniel named Bobby,” Peter offered. “He hasn’t already been adopted, has he?”

“Nope!” the girl responded in a perky voice. “He’s all yours as soon as you fill out the proper paperwork.”

“Mr. Loki, are you sure about this. Mr. Stark told me I couldn’t get a dog.”

“Exactly. He told you, not me,” Loki replied, picking up a pen.

“Well, yeah, but I don’t really think he meant it just for me. I think it was more of a general kind of thing.” Loki and Bucky looked at him in exasperation for a second, wondering how he could still be so innocent, before he caught on. “Oh, ok. I get it now. Carry on.”

The three boys huddled around the page as Loki filled it out, providing Tony’s credit card as payment when the time came. It seemed appropriate, Loki thought, that Stark should have to pay for making you upset, and taking that in the most literal sense was the only somewhat acceptable way, it seemed. No longer could The God of Mischief go around stabbing those who hurt the ones he cared about. In a way, he missed the good old days, as he referred to them, but his new life led him to you, which made the rest of it fine with him, he decided, as he finished his signature with a flourish.

“There,” he declared, admiring the loop of his fancy, cursive L. “Finished.”

The girl disappeared into the back, only to return with Bobby a moment later. After giving the paperwork a quick once over, she handed the leash over to Bucky, who couldn’t stop the smile from growing on his face. Peter immediately bent down to scratch the dark brown dog behind his ears.

“Who’s a good boy? You are! You’re a good boy!” he cooed.

“Spiderling, he hasn’t even done anything yet,” Loki said, somewhat perplexed, as Bobby rolled over onto his back, stopping at the god’s feet. “Though, I do suppose he is a rather good boy,” he added, an inexplicable smile tugging at his lips.

One stop at the pet store and a taxi ride later, both unknowingly paid for by Tony, they arrived back at the Tower with the newest member of their family. It wasn’t even ten minutes later that Tony strolled into the room where they were playing with Bobby. He stopped dead in his tracks as he noticed the dog, happily playing tug of war with Bucky.

“What is that?” he asked, pointing at the Cocker Spaniel.

“A dog,” Loki deadpanned.

“Yeah, no shit. I mean what is it doing here?”

“I adopted it. Really Stark, for a supposed genius you ask a lot of obvious questions.”

“Don’t get snippy with me, Rock of Ages,” Tony quipped back, gritting his teeth a little. “This is my Tower and I say no pets, except for maybe a goldfish.”

“Yes, this is your Tower, but it is our home, is it not? As thus, we should be allowed the simple pleasures of life, such as having a pet. After all, studies show that having a dog can reduce stress, something I’d say is rather important for people in our position.”

Tony glared for a minute, not really having a good response to that. Then he called your name, certain you were behind this.

“No, Mr. Stark,” Peter said. “They had nothing to do with this. Don’t blame them.”

“That’s right,” Bucky also defended you. “It was all us.”

It was already too late, though, and you appeared in the doorway. Loki had been planning on presenting your gift to you in some cute or clever way, but all he had time to do was a magic up a bow on the pup’s head, a green one, of course. Bobby started happily yapping at your arrival and trotted over to you, looking for a scratch behind the ear.

“Oh. My. Gosh. He’s adorable!” you exclaimed as he rolled over for belly rubs. “You finally got a dog for me, Tony? Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Sorry, but I can’t take credit for this,” he said, turning down the hug you were offering him by putting a hand up. Then he pointed at the mischievous trio whose doing it was.

“Well actually, it was mainly Loki,” Bucky said, nudging the god in the ribs.

“But Mr. Bucky, we all- Oh wait. Awwww,” Peter gushed as he realized what Loki was feeling.

“Oh. In that case, thank you Loki!” you shouted, throwing your arms around him in a hug.

Without a second’s hesitation, he wrapped his arms around you, too, returning the embrace. “You are quite welcome, my darling.”

You nuzzled into the spot where his shoulder met his neck. In turn, he put his head on your own and breathed in your scent, forgetting the others in the room for a minute. It seemed you had, too, because you looked equally startled when Tony cleared his throat.

“Ok, fine. He can stay,” Tony conceded, “but only if he doesn’t wreck the place. And keep him out of the lab.”

You all chorused your thanks and, despite his harsh tone, could tell that Tony had already taken to Bobby, who was now the center of attention again. After playing with him for a bit, Bucky made some excuse about having to leave and took Peter with him, both of them wanting to give you some alone time with Loki.

“This really is very sweet, Loki,” you told him after a few minutes.

“Think nothing of it. It is my gift to you.”

“I feel bad, though. I don’t have anything for you,” you said, biting your lip. “Well, actually, I do have one thing that I can give you.”

“Oh? What would that be, my darling?”

The end of his sentence was nearly cut off by your lips crashing into his. The kiss was a little sloppy, but filled with so much love and desire that neither one of you cared. After gathering his wits, Loki kissed you back, cupping your cheeks as you grabbed his shoulders, still a little unsteady from surging forward.

“That,” you breathlessly whispered, pulling away as Bobby began barking again.

Later that night, Tony found you and Loki passed out on the couch, Bobby sprawled out across both your laps.

“Huh,” he mumbled, draping a blanket over your shoulders. “I guess it’s a good thing they got that dog, after all.”

[captainofthetidesbreath]

Hey, I like to know your input on Vandren. i went through your posts about him hurting Fjord but I do not remember Fjord was ever cruel towards him. I can kinda see him being distant, but I do not see a toxic man. Again, I could just be blind to that sort of thing and I am not trying to start a fight, I just would like you insight.

as a general note on this topic, I do have a post on Vandran written right before the hiatus taking a general view of his character based on information we had from the campaign and Talks by 2.99 at this link.

Also, I received this ask before 2.131, so keep that in mind.

We’re actually in agreement about the sort of person Vandran is, anon! I emphatically do NOT see Vandran as a toxic person, simply flawed and at times hurtful. There’s a very wide gap between being hurtful and being toxic. I think it’s possible to be hurtful without being cruel or toxic. It’s possible to be hurtful without malice, without intent to harm. And, most of all, I think it possible for those who have given us the world and many keys to our lives to also hurt us in the same moment. “They were hurtful” is not at all the same as “they are toxic” or “they are a bad person”.

As a disclaimer, my view of Vandran softened over time as we’ve seen more of Fjord navigating the rest of his experiences, which in turn sheds light on this relationship, and heard Travis talk more about Vandran. From the beginning, I’ve found Vandran a complicated man, but never terrible and horrific, simply more flawed than Fjord initially saw him—but my opinion indeed softened, so some of my oldest posts on the topic take a harder stance than I have now.

But, I always argued against the idea that Vandran is a cruel, toxic, horrible person who was unkind and all besides to Fjord. As you say, we never had indications of that sort of picture of him. Distant, absolutely, but never cruel and mean.

Vandran has given a lot to Fjord. He’s given him opportunity, direction, attention, care—all in a moment where nobody else was willing to give it to him. I even truly believe that Vandran held affection for him but wasn’t able to ever properly express it to Fjord, due to personality flaws and his position as captain. I know this ask was sent before the latest episode, but there’s a gentleness in the way that Vandran decides he wanted to tell Fjord to take care of himself.

But we know that Fjord learned his own emotional distance and disconnect from Vandran, we know that he taught Fjord that stoicism and act of “putting no a brave face”, we know that he taught Fjord that his problems were his own to bear. These things all hurt Fjord—they directly created the constraints that Fjord finds himself drowning in for much of the campaign and cultivated Fjord’s inability to be emotionally honest and vulnerable with himself and others.

And none of that is a moral assessment of Vandran’s character. It’s not an indictment—despite how much I joke about taking a belaying pin to Vandran’s knee, it’s literally in the same way I joked during Rumblecusp about how Essek better be sweating and nervous in his traitor timeout, i.e. just jokes about bopping fictional characters on the head for less than ideal behavior. It’s not at all saying that Vandran is awful and horrible and terrible. @hit-it-or-crit-it said to me last week that Vandran is someone who recalls a lot of early Nein: they’re sort of assholes, they mean well, they have reasons they’re assholes, they still say and do hurtful things, they’re working their shit out, they’re doing their genuine best.

I cannot overstate enough: I do not think Vandran was a toxic influence on Fjord’s life, and I’ve taken issue with the more extreme speculation I’ve seen in very small corners of fandom prior to the Sendings in 2.131 that Vandran was even emotionally abusive. It is absolutely not those things. Being at times hurtful to someone is not the same as being toxic to them, and it is not the same as being a bad person.

The crucial thing with Vandran, and what I think MAKES it a fascinating relationship, is that it’s not a toxic relationship at all, nor is Vandran a toxic and bad person. This is not an arc about Fjord’s relationship with a person who is bad for him. It’s an arc about recognizing the harmful things those who mentored you, even mentored you otherwise very well, handed down and learning how to grow out of those things even as you continue to treasure the good they did you. It’s about how complicated people and our relationships with them are.

It’s about someone who meant so well for Fjord and gave him so much, truly—but who also modeled a lot of harmful things that Fjord internalized and caused Fjord to suffer in the long-run. That’s what I mean when I say Vandran has been hurtful.

Simply, he taught things to Fjord that hurt him in the end. Nothing more, nothing less.

[justalittlebluetiefling]

That is an interesting thought. Where does Fjord's devotion for the Wildmother and his love for Jester lie? Do you think he would really forsake the entire world if it meant she was safe? If so where does that take his character arc, it would be a bit of backwards development for him.

Disclaimer 1: This touches on some aspects of how protective Fjord tends to be and I would like whoever reads this to know that my feelings on that character trait are nuanced and I am not going to go super in depth, because I’d like to post this at some point. I’m very aware that some people aren’t fond of that part of him and I respect that, but I like that part of him and I’ve seen a lot of the arguments for why people don’t like it and I don’t agree. So, please don’t come at me about how Jester “could punch Fjord through a wall” or whatever. I know that. Fjord knows that. He respects that. He trusts Jester and her opinions and her decisions. But his protectiveness is a major character trait that he directs at everyone and a major factor in my opinion on this, so I had to bring it up.

Disclaimer 2: I’m not really great at faith-based meta, so this is mostly focused on how Jester makes Fjord feel.

Disclaimer 3: The likelihood I think this has of happening is like.. 0.5%. The circumstances would have to be exactly right and there are multiple things that would have to go wrong for Fjord to get to a point where he was sacrificing the world for Jester. I also strongly believe there is a road that could lead Jester to this point as well, but again, a lot of things would have to go wrong.

All right! With that out of the way! Let’s get on to what might be my most controversial post. (Actually, please keep those disclaimers in mind throughout this answer.) I’ve been trying to figure out how to describe my mindset on this. Because... it’s hard. But it comes down to a few things.

Fjord’s devotion to the Wildmother and his love for Jester aren’t mutually exclusive.

It’s already been confirmed that he would have been willing to fight a god’s servant to protect her.

There are very few things that Fjord has ever let himself want in life.

And right now if there was a point where he had to choose, I think he’d choose Jester.

And here’s why.

I mean, there are a ton of reasons why. But most of all, Jester’s the first person to show him what unconditional love and support look like and it’s not something he ever thought he would have. She’s backed him up every step of the way, even when he thinks he doesn’t deserve it. And he’s been devoted to returning that. I don’t even mean this from a “romantic” love standpoint, although that’s what it’s developing into. And nothing against the Wildmother or his developing faith, but he’s still figuring out how that works. I do believe he’s devoted to being her paladin and he believes in what it means to serve her. I also believe he’s just as devoted as Jester is to stopping what’s coming. However. I don’t believe he’s devoted enough to stopping it that he would be willing to give up everything i.e. her.

I’m gonna bring back the kiln talk, because it goes back that far. And the way it relates to Jester goes back that far. Farther, actually, but these are the only real receipts I decided to pull up.

He tells her that he lost his powers and that they eventually came back.

Jester: How did you feel when they were gone? Fjord: *without hesitation* Terrified. Jester: Did you want them back? Fjord: *without hesitation* Yes. Jester: Would you do anything to get them back? Fjord: *long pause* Fjord: No.

I mean, it’s a one-on-one conversation, but he still doesn’t break focus. He’s staring at Jester the entire time. And this is where I jump into excessive speculation, but it’s always been my headcanon that Fjord here is thinking about how he wouldn’t give up Jester for his powers. I can never get the idea out of my head when I’m watching this scene, because he’s so intense about the way he’s looking at her in this moment.

So... Jester gave him the strength to move on from that and seek out the Wildmother, right? And the Wildmother accepted him. And she’s already protected him from Uk’otoa’s influence. So he has plenty of reason to already feel devoted to the Wildmother. But like I said above, his faith is developing. He feels like he’s fumbling his way through it, even though he’s a shining paragon of the tenets of his oath. 

And now, I’m going to veer off and talk about Fjord and protectiveness and how he seems extra intense about it toward Jester specifically sometimes. 

A lot of that, in my head, comes back to the Iron Shepherds. Fjord is still holding onto the blame for that. He’s never let it go. Fjord was always fairly protective, but after that, he doubled down. I don’t think very many people realize how deeply that affected him and how a lot of the way he chases Jester out into danger can be traced back to that.

I mean, really, there were three big steps in how devoted he is to Jester and her safety.

The Iron Shepherds

His promise to Marion

The second Uk’otoa temple

I don’t need to say much about his promise to Marion, but I will touch on the pirate arc pretty quick. He was spiraling here. He was trying to figure everything out and how far he would go. It didn’t take long for him to figure out that he wasn’t willing to go the distance for Uk’otoa. And I do think a lot of that was resolved in his head prior to the second temple, but his conversation with Jester there was a big one. And also, don't turn evil, okay? But if you do, I'll still be your friend. I mean, it's okay. You know, some people are evil. It's okay. Just don't turn evil to me. That whole thing was just a reminder that Jester has always been there and that he can count on her constant presence in his life.

So, after that minor spiral he had during the pirate arc, he doubled down again with the protectiveness. He came out of that determined to be for Jester what she is for him. Fjorester really does give me cute Briarwoods vibes sometimes. It’s because they’re so ride or die for each other and I think that there is definitely the possibility of them breaking the world for each other.

That brings me back to a point I mentioned above. Fjord has let himself want very few things in life. He’s lost so many things. His life has not been great. But he wants Jester almost in spite of himself and, more than that, he wants Jester to be happy. The past few episodes, though, where he’s been feeling like she’s being threatened? He’s giving off this... vibe of... almost desperation to keep her safe. He probably should have kept the necklace, but he gave it to Jester, because she’s more important. And he felt as though Lucien was targeting her specifically. And then in 118? He watched her lose five years of her life in the blink of an eye. Forgive me for the hyperbole, but Jester’s mortality was literally paraded in front of him and he saw that there is a very real chance that he might lose her in this. It was enough to get him to stop holding back and tell her how he feels, which he intended to keep under wraps until after he wrapped up his own problems.

So... this is a really long-winded way of saying that I could absolutely see him picking Jester over the rest of the world. Do I think she could talk him out of it in a very emotional scene? Yes. Do I think the Wildmother would be able to stop him? I mean, maybe. She’s a god. But I think he would break his oath for Jester. Because he’d do anything for her. But if Jester wasn’t there to talk him out of it??? 

Would this be backwards development? Absolutely. It would be a very selfish action. But love can be a pretty selfish, sometimes.  

Remember how he said that he has a problem when they were talking about stopping the city? He knows they have to stop it and he’s committed to that cause.  But, everyone has their breaking point. Right now? Fjord’s breaking point appears to be Jester. And he knows it. He has to decide how much he’d be willing to give up and I think that the things he would do to not give up Jester scare him. I don’t really think he knows what his life would be like without her at this point and I don’t think he wants to entertain the possibility. Ever.

Totally Briarwoods vibes.

If you’re thinking I’m totally wrong right now, I would like to refer you to the top where I laid out some disclaimers prior to this answer. Thanks for your time! And thanks for asking me this!