#woes whines

[cripple-woe]

I made up a way to explain fatigue!

[mamawasatesttube]

i wish it wasn't so normal for people to complain about unfinished wips or fics that take a long time to update. because sometimes i think i have a really fun idea for a fic but it'd take a while for me to write, and i like talking about my work as i do it and i don't like writing entire fics over like 20k without sharing, because i lose steam. so if i were to write and post that cool fic idea, it'd be as a wip. and then i think about all the people who just refuse to engage with wips, or all the other people who would just go "update pls" all the time, and of how people only really comment in the first 24 hours something is posted and then it's lost to obscurity, and then i just go "actually whats the point in going through the effort writing this out? i'll just daydream about it now and then and be done with it." and then i don't write it. alas!

[deliciouskeys]

(Posting about writer’s block relieves writer’s block, right?).

Guys I’ve forgotten how to write fic, something happened to me between now and Nov 7. Going to Texas? Talking to a lot of cancer patients? Visiting my family and feeling slightly estranged?

I’m having that terrible swirl of thoughts to the effects of “I don’t write as well as I want, I haven’t improved a bit since 2003, what am I even doing with my adult life, no one wants to read my stupid sexual fantasies that are barely sexual, fanfic is a ridiculous past time, everything is pointless” (please no one feel obligated to tell me these are wrong sentiments, I’ve had this weird mindset before and I know it’s not an objective reality, I just hate being beset by this mood).

Also fandom-in-general wise, my bottomless gaping pit of insecurity I call a soul somehow gets upset every time I have an unpleasant interaction with someone in fandom, which i really should be inured to by now. I’m just shocked that it still happens even when I’m trying not to stir the pot, at least not intentionally. I’m still a bit traumatized about tagging fanart with anything but the most utilitarian tags. I live in fear and self-loathing.

[asukaskerian]

the urge to run to my friends every five minutes to show off what i just wrote so we can be excited together vs the nebulous feeling that they're all just humoring me

yeah so the nebulous feeling is really winning this one tbh. it's made writing such a chore sometimes i don't open a single file for two weeks.

it doesn't help when people go "no but i do want to see what you're writing!!" because that is also what they would say if they were humoring me. :(

[girderednerve]

i hit my head on a stack of spare shelves while setting up for tomorrow morning's storytime (it bled a little, i was very pathetic about it) so i got to go home an hour early and now i'm sitting on my couch wearing my beautiful girlfriend's stupid migraine beanie from the freezer. work should be illegal

[leaveherwildliketheflowers]

I am so sick. So so sick. I have some sort of respiratory infection meets mild flu, on top of pregnancy symptoms. I can't really take anything either (or at least I'm not willing to). I really just need a reprieve from the coughing, tight chest, chills and constant nausea.

[greghatecrimes]

okay so, you know how a few months ago I was all like "my brain is dead, burnout sucks. I can't wait to bounce back and be more productive" etc etc? Yeah, it was burnout, but also. I am discovering that on top of burnout/autism/adhd, I almost definitely have some sort of chronic illness. (God that was a really weird sentence for me to type, lol). And it's somehow both a big fuckin' surprise and not a surprise at all to me.

So I guess that is to say: I might not "speed up" with my writing or ask/message responses or other things as fast as I'd hoped, but I'm still here. I still love House just as much as ever, and I'm still at work on a bunch of stuff behind the scenes (namely ITD- chapters, screencap edits, a painting, potentially a short video edit) that I can't wait to share with y'all. And I still appreciate you guys so much.

This has really been a roller coaster of a few months and I'm not kidding when I say having this blog to run as a constant has been a real support for me through it all. I know things are only gonna go up from here despite this unexpected bump in the road, because I finally made it out. I'm determined to give myself a soft place to land and a lifestyle that nurtures instead of pushing 'till it breaks. As always, thanks for listening, thanks for having fun with me <3

[roselightfairy]

why the writing is so bad :(

[rhys-ravenfeather]

You ever think of all the things you want to draw and just get like:

[cripple-woe]

Some of the people crying about cripplepunk being gatekept haven’t been through this life. You just fucking haven’t. You never will.

You’ve never fed your friend their breakfast. You’ve never held that friends hand and said hey, it’s okay, it’s okay the treatment didn’t work. It’s okay. You’ve never let them curl into you and sob. You’ve never been friends with someone who was terminally ill. You’ve never been friends with someone who has bladder and bowel incontinence. You’ve never changed an adult. You’ve never stood outside of the disabled bathroom desperately trying to bust it open because your friend fell down and started to cry.

You’ve never struggled to chew or swallow, or move. You’ve never sobbed into someone’s chest ‘WHY CAN’T MY BODY BE NORMAL?!’ You’ve never watched a friend die so far before their time. You’ve never had to use adult diapers. You’ve never had to feel the shame of incontinence. You’ve never laid on the floor of a dirty accessible bathroom screaming, sobbing, gasping for air, unable to reach the emergency alarm.

Because if you had. You’d know why we keep this to ourselves.

Abled people like you just don’t fucking get it.

Fuck you.

[lord-shitbox]

i was gonna post something like "laid up in bed over some girl" but it turns out im actually Sick. on top of it all. laid up in bed over some girl AND a cold. unbelievable

[asukaskerian]

technically if i manage to finish this cherry wine scene then the chapter will be complete and i will just need to go over the whole thing to add/fix/edit some small things and it will be *postable.*

but also, luo binghe is making eyes at me over that pile of open ao3 tabs. 

hm.

[direwombat]

Syb is such a drama queen all she’s doing is laying in bed and suffering from insomnia. She isn't even that comfortable on account of at least one (1) internal organ rupturing

[igniferrus]

It is truly one of the most feelings of all time to write over 33k of a novel, then sit back and have to ask yourself "has anything actually happened in this story??"

[greghatecrimes]

it remains to be seen whether or not good quality writing is on hold until I can get my adhd medication again. Cause I've been working on ITD for like an hour and a half, and with my brain this disorganized, putting my thoughts into words feels like translating them into an entirely different language

[girderednerve]

drove for ten hours today & now i kinda get why the supernatural guys are like that