#would people read it if i explained the base knowledge abt be more chill they need to know for it ????

[thehandwitch]

this is so niche. so fucking niche. but. gravity falls be more chill au.

ford gets a squip because he’s desperate for academic recognition and acceptance among his peers. (his squip, of course, is bill.)

this is either set at backupsmore, where fiddleford gets increasingly concerned about ford’s strange behaviour and ends up using his super-awesome engineering skills to take down the army of squips, or …

this is set in high school, where stan knows something is wrong the minute ford starts pushing him away, and when he learns about the squips, he’s really, really tempted — it would be so easy to take it, to be accepted, to be the perfect son and never fuck up again — but stan is nothing if not loyal, and so he saves ford and destroys both their chances at being ‘normal’ in the process.

(i think i like the second, angst-wise — because it would be absolutely heartbreaking to blur the line between bill convincing ford to distance himself from stan & ford actually wanting to distance himself from stan — but also you can never go wrong with having fidds around, so…)

[sscoutregimentss]

I was gonna make a request based on your Eren x Gamer Reader post but then I saw you take poly requests... Erejean x Gamer Reader? (She/her pronouns btw ^_^)

sure thing anon! your brain is huge. i started a one shot which is now sitting in my drafts bc i literally dont know how to finish it. maybe i'll post it later but for now here you go headcanons woohoo

eren and jeans dynamic makes it look like its impossible for them to share a girlfriend but it actually? works surprisingly well?

arguing is kinda their love language in a very strange weird way. if theyre not fighting somethings wrong but their like constant bickering actually is rlly important to you three's relationship lmfaooo a lot of communicating is just eren and jean fighting and then you pick up on something they say and you three talk it out. plus its gets all their energy out at the end of the day... like when puppies run around in circles bc they didnt go on long enough walks

jean is the planner of the couple, always making sure you guys get tickets to see this that and whatever, always figures out how ur gonna get places and when everyone will be picked up, makes sure everyones schedules are free and that theres no big game release that you'll miss and eren doesnt have work and jean isnt volunteering

in terms of nerdiness jean is a decent middle ground between you (who says "ummm actually..." unironically) and eren (who thought dungeons and dragons was a kinky thing) because he lives with connie so he gets roped into playing stuff like rainbow six seige and watching battlestar galactica into late hours of the night. also he's an only child who was prone to boredom as a kid so he played video games like any other only child. that being said he has a more extroverted personality and aptitude for sports so he just never got as absorbed in it as you did

this kind of makes eren jealous tbh because he thinks jean has more to relate with you then him. but jealousy is like a natural feeling and despite his feigned reluctance jean is happy to share his knowledge with him.

plus eren realizes that what he lacks in video game and movie knowledge he makes up in anime bc jean is clueless on that front. once you went on this huge rant about how sailor moon would decimate goku in a fight and jean just goes "gokus the pirate with the fox spirit, right? hes trying to become number one pro hero right?"

speaking of eren eren and jean are on the same volleyball team (i hc they play volleyball bc theyre tall but i think theyd be cute on any sports team because im weak hearted) and you become their fave cheerleader <3 they look for you in the stands before each game and have their own little ritual for good luck. when he spots you jean jumps really high (despite the team captain, levi screams at him to save it for when the game starts) and makes a heart with his arms and blows you a kiss when he gets in the air and its so embarrassing so eren just dogpiles the embarassment but giving you an over exaggerated wink its the worst theyre gross

jean gets you into connie's discord server after you complain that people are really rude to you in online games and eren is quick to demand an invite too even though he literally plays nothing and has no idea how discord works. he will log in and ping you to show you a meme and even though connie's server is really chill with rules (like 10 ppl max, just some friends hanging out) he has always wanted to say "no memes in general" so he does it every time. you have to show eren how to use private messages once connie jokes abt eren being his discord kitten.

cuddle pile while watching movies... jean is a film buff so you three have movie nights rlly often. its usually you sandwiched in between them with jean behind you and eren in front of you so you can play with his hair. jean's movie taste is actually really broad and you and eren both find a ton of new favorites through him.

they both really like listening to you ramble. you can explain soooo much lore abt your fave series and theyre both really invested. eren is more invested in the characters while jean is more focused on what happens next, but theyre both listening rlly well and making sure you know they care. they kinda care in different ways though? while eren is just passionate and because he's so passionate he must know about all things you like, jean is either interested or just likes hearing your voice. of the two jean is more likely to give you short answers and he'll be more dozed off so he's good to go to when you just want to rant. eren is going to ask you more questions and get wayyy more confused so he's good to go to when you want to explain or flesh out your points.

jean finds eren's jealousy of fictional characters sooooo ridiculous. whenever eren is pouting about some new video game guy youre in love with jean is rolling his eyes because of course its eren jaeger he's just looking for things to get angry at. "what are they gonna do idiot, come out of the tv?" but then one day there's a character that looks a lot like eren and suddenly he understands everything. but he realizes you have a thing for guys with long hair. he'll keep the mullet around for a while

they both really like having you sat in their laps and (unbeknownst to you) in order to avoid conflict they created a system. cozy game? eren. reading? jean. watching anime? eren. watching something live action? jean. playing a game on your phone? eren. watching an analysis video for your favorite franchise? jean. just messing around on your computer? rock paper scissors, best of three. eren likes to hug you tight and rest his head on your shoulder while talking to you. when it gets quiet he'll nuzzle his face in your neck and give you small kisses there. while jean likes to put his hands under your shirt and rest it on your stomach while you two chat. he's puts his head on your head or throws it back depending on your height and kinda just likes letting his hands wander, like rubbing up and down your arms or tickling you lightly.

you: i hate this stupid game

eren: yeah babe that game fucking sucks (has never played it in his life)

jean: then stop playing it?

you and eren, at the same time: what? no.

all in all they are good boyfriends 10/10 would recommend.

[infinnitethejackal]

Hey Finn, do you think you could teach me about what kin is? It sounds really intriguing and I think I'd enjoy learning about it :O

aaa, sure thing dude!! i’m not the best teacher in the world ngl lmao but like, i can at least attempt to do so! first off, i’ll preface that kin views, feelings and experiences can vary from person to person, so my own word shouldn’t be taken as all there is to being kin. i’m also gonna drop a couple of links before i get onto my own ramblings on the topic for additional information / more input!the otherkin wiki could be a good place to start poking around as there are multiple pages for different types of kin and other nifty stuff! treat it like an info hub! for example, check here for a brief run-down on fictionkin - my type!below a read-more here are then my own ramblings on Kin Stuff™ for you and anyone else who may be interested :0c 

ok, here we go! to begin with, as you heard me mention above the cut, there’s different types of kin - many actually - but they all still boil down to bigger categories for the most part - at least from what i’ve observed! otherkin is likely the most common term you’ll hear above all, and, again from my own observation so take with a grain of salt or w/e, is kinda treated as an umbrella / core term that links into everything else in some way or another?? for example, fictionkin are considered part of the otherkin community, stuff like that. idk it’s hard to explain hhHHHH moving on!!since i’m fictionkin myself, i’m gonna assume that’s the kind of kin you’re mostly asking about here, but like if you do mean a broader range, then fear not cause most things that i’ll try to cover such as memories of being who/what you kin or phantom sensations and all that jazz can still apply anyways.so! fictionkin is kinda… well, i guess the core of it is that it’s where you’re very deeply connected with a character, to the point where you just feel you are them, you identify as them. you just… have this strong feeling, this sense of “i am _” and it’s kinda hard for me to describe personally. most fictionkin such as myself believe in multiverse and past lives; there could very well be universes where these characters are or were real, and when they pass on, they move into another, taking a new form in doing so. it can be a spiritual thing, that kinda deal you know? different body, same soul? idk? but as i said earlier, this all still may vary from person to person; not everyone in the world has the same beliefs. to a lot of non-kin ppl, the whole thing probably sounds a bit bananas, identifying as a fictional character and whatnot. theres uh. a fair bit of hate for us out there lmaobrushing up more on the previous life stuff, some ppl actually have very in-depth and vivid memories of their life as the character they kin with and it’s really interesting!! they can be triggered by things relating to their character, or sometimes come in dreams. others may lack them, but whether you do or don’t get kin memories doesn’t make you more or less valid as kin. in some cases, ppl also share memories! that’s often referred to as being canonmates - taking into account how their memories line up so well, two or more ppl may believe they came from the same “canon” / timeline / universe as each other. also included in this topic is canon-divergence! a canon-divergent kin is where someone may have memories that conflict with some source material of the game/book/movie/etc.to pitch in my own example of the above kind of things, while i’m still not sure if it’s truly a memory yet as it’s my first experience trying to identify one, i have this extremely specific image that’s always dwelled in the back of my mind. it’s me as infinite, pre-forces, lounging in a big ol’ chill dogpile with the rest of the jackal squad. we’re in a desert, but nearby an oasis or smth i think? and for once i’m letting my guard drop?? they’re teasing me about how i’m going soft, but i don’t bother denying it and we all just cherish the moment of peace for once. i just… have such strong feelings attached to it, it’s stuck with me so long and it feels like something that may have happened. other things i feel fairly sure of are my old name being finn (hence why i use it now), and at some point (likely post-forces / post redemption of some kind?) i had a strong positive connection with gadget despite him not even being truly canon nor a friend of infinite at all.i’m wracking my brain for other stuff to mention, and more things related to kins can also be experiencing phantom pains of injuries received in their past life or just like, general sensations induced by kin related stuff. as a sensation example, again using just my own personal experience, one of the earliest times i can remember that i heard the phantom ruby sound effect in clear quality, i had a… kind like a sudden, tingly rush in the centre of my chest from what i recall? and there was this sense of discomfort i guess, yet also familiarity sorta? it was just after the game coming out so kinda a while ago now. some ppl get really unpleasant pains, tho i haven’t personally been thru that.on a final note, i think the last thing that comes off the top of my head to mention is kin doubles! i’m sure you’ve likely heard abt double drama joke posts and other stuff like that bc sometimes the discourse can be Real between ppl. again, doubles link back to the whole multiverse idea that a lot of this branches from, which would explain there being so many multiples of a character, bc we’re all from slightly different universes. some people can find doubles invalidating or intimidating i think? and so they don’t like interacting with them? others think they’re the “only real one” and that’s kinda shiddy. others are fine with doubles and i fall into that category!! welcome all twinfinites B)aaaand i think that a wrap! there’s a looooot of tangents here bc i wanted to try and provide as much insight as i could based on my own experiences, thoughts and knowledge, but even i’m still kinda Novice Kinnie so!! i apologise to fellow kin ppl if i made any inaccuracies lmao i’m not used to Explaining The Thinghope it was at least a lil informative !!

[moiraineswife]

can you pls make a post abt your autistic nesta headcanon :o

Suuuure friend. It’s kinda personal in the sense that, like, this isn’t an argument for canon it’s just…where I see autistic things in Nesta/things that I’ve chosen to interpret/headcanon as autistic things. So this isn’t an attempt to “convince” anyone that she’s autistic it’s more just…An interesting way of twisting the canon a little bit for the sake of some headcanoned autistic rep. (But like I do love this hc so much, u can pry it from my cold, dead hands, I will talk about it endlessly, it’s great.)

Okay this is literally just going to be like…a list of things Nesta does that are so much more interesting to me when viewed through an autistic lens SO, onwards and upwards. This is long btw, and pretty messy?? Things are roughly sectioned out but also not really. #ITried. 

-Poor at readingpeople’s intentions/non-verbal communication:

See: the argument with Feyre at the beginning of ACOTAR.Feyre is being practical and factual when she tells Nesta why she won’t be ableto marry Tomas Mandras as she wants to because his family can’t afford it. Nestadoesn’t see what she’s actually projecting/intending and assumes that she’strying to hurt her/hit her where it hurts the most (Nesta feeling like a burden to those around her, which is a massive insecurity of hers) so she snaps back. She takesin the content of Feyre’s words and nothing else, slapping her owninterpretation over them and responding in a way she thinks is appropriate.

Also:

Teasing my sister,poking fun at her … I snatched a seat at Nesta’s side and murmured, “They meanwell.”

This bit I enjoy for two reasons a)- more proof Nesta doesn’tunderstand people’s intentions (which explains so much more why she goes on thedefensive about everything ��� she doesn’t get tone or body language orintention, she just goes purely on the content of what people are saying to herand if it sounds bad she takes it that way and assumes they’re trying to hurther, regardless of how it’s actually meant)

b)- the relationshipdevelopment between Feyre and Nesta. Feyre now understands Nesta better andknows how she tends to respond to things like this and so she quietly explainswhat Nesta can’t pick up on herself and reassures her that the Circle aren’treally mocking her, they’re more…including her? But it takes Feyre explainingthat for her to get it.

-0 concept of socialprotocols/rules. Like literally fucking none.

See: “Nesta only said,“Why do your eyes glow?” Little curiosity—just a blunt need for explanation.’  

[…]

 “They neverdared ask me that, either.”“Why.”“Because it is not polite to ask—and they are afraid.”

Never in all her days has anyone asked Amren that becausea)- it’s not polite and b)- they can pick up on the Do Not Do This vibe Amrengives off. Nesta gets none of that. She has a question. She asks it. No frills,no mess, no fuss. The autistic way. Lucien is literally having a heart attackin the background, Feyre and Rhys aren’t breathing but Nesta isjust…Completely chilled because she genuinely doesn’t get why this might be abig deal.

(And the fact that she actually asks why no-one in the who knows how many years Amren has beenalive also implies this lack of social knowledge and understanding. Not onlydoes she blurt out the question in the first place without thought but she hasto ask why no-one else has ever thought to probe Amren on this because she still hasn’t picked up on the atmosphereof ‘girl pls stop ur going to get murdered’ that’s going around the room. She doesn’t understand that she’s crossed a line here and is being impolite, genuinely. She was curious. She asked a question - one that no-one’s ever asked before, which baffles her because, as far as she’s concerned, it’s a pretty practical/intuitive question like come on people why is no-one asking this?)

And:

“What do you want?” I felt the blow like a punch to my gut.“At least immortality hasn’t changed some things about you.” Nesta’s look was nothing short of icy. “Is there a purpose to this visit, ormay I return to my book?”

You can read this asher being mean or deliberately pushing Feyre away but based on previously citedevidence this is just…Nesta, to me? There’s this constant focus on pragmatismand purpose with her and this is just…Kinda like the Amren thing, a bluntattempt at understanding something she doesn’t –ie why her sister has come tosee her/if she needs/wants anything.

It’s practical, like her questioning Amren. The “emotional aspect”(for lack of a better phrase) the curiosity/the cruelty is missing. All there isis a blunt need for explanation. I don’t think she’s trying to hurt Feyre Ithink she’s just blunt and has no concept of social rules and why this Isn’tThe Done Thing. There are a lot of social niceties required here and Nestadoesn’t get/do any of them.

She’s reading, Feyreinterrupts, she assumes there’s a reason for this and she wants to know if sheneeds anything and if not if she can go back to her book. This comes across ashurtful to Feyre because she doesn’t get the way Nesta processes interactions. ToNesta this isn’t rude or cruel it’s just…Practical. It’s a fairly simple Aleads to B leads to C type pattern of thinking that misses out the socialfrills and expectations that most people have to…Hide the A leads to B leadsto C pattern of their own interactions because simply saying exactly what you feel/think in situations like this can come across as rude or cold.

-Difficulty socialising/interactingwith people:

-The bluntness is an aspect of this but Nesta isn’t exactlythe world’s biggest people person. She only really has Elain (likely becauseshe understands her and has learned to read her/understand her so she’s comfywith her – Elain gets Nesta in a way I don’t think anyone else truly does – noteven Feyre, (see: the way that Elain goes to Nesta after her and Feyre’sargument in ACOTAR. Fandom condemns her for “siding” with Nesta over Feyre, but Ithink it’s because Elain understands that Nesta was deeply hurt, which was why shelashed out, something that Feyre does not notice) so Nesta is more comfortablearound her)

-Nesta also seems to have trouble making and keeping friends. She’sconstantly shown as being isolated and alone in ACOTAR. When Feyre returns tothe manor it’s clear that Elain has slotted back into the noble social circles again but Nestahasn’t. She’s withdrawn from their friends, the staff, from everyone, really, and Elain comments:

 “She hardlytalks to anyone, and I feel wretched when my friends pay a visit, because shemakes them so uncomfortable when she stares at them in that way of hers …”

Part of this has to do with Tomas’ recent assault and herdeliberately distancing herself from other people. But Nesta making peopleuncomfortable and ‘staring in that way of hers’ are totally autistic things,especially the staring. Autistic people can have some issues with eye contact; either making too much or too little. Nesta is on the ‘too much’ side of things(this is something she does quite a lot, too, it’s not a one-off thing, as implied by ‘that way of hers’ and the fact we see her do things like this several times in canon).

-The only time we ever see Nesta fully relaxed is when she’sbeen on her own, reading in the library in the House of Wind. She’s not aroundother people and she doesn’t have to try and figure out protocols and shit, shecan just be. (There’s an argument to be made here for sensory things too –librariesare typically quiet, comfortable places that don’t have many things in the wayof uncomfortable sensory things that can overwhelm, they’re safe spaces for autistics in that regard. But more on that later) Assoon as people reappear, she instantly and visibly tenses up again.

Also this line like just…speaks to me:

“You don’t mind fixingthe wall or going to the Court of Nightmares, but speaking to people is whereyou draw your line?”

Because…Yup. What Feyre is asking Nesta to do,essentially, is be at the centre of social attention, which is obviouslysomething she’s not super comfortable with. Nesta doesn’t like feeling out ofcontrol of herself and in a situation like the one Feyre is suggesting, whenshe’s poor at communicating with people and reading them, this automatically puts her on her offfoot, which she doesn’t like. It also puts her in a new place in a room full of strangers she has never met before and is in no way comfortable with, which is yet another autistic related thing that would put her off this kind of thing. 

(putting in a cut for length, more of the same below) 

Black and whitethinking

-This describes Nesta’s attitude towards…Pretty mucheverything but it’s a fairly common autistic trait too? Seeing things in veryblack or white/right or wrong type standards and struggling with abstracts. Autistics tend to have their own sets of Rules and it crosses over into that idea as well. Italso applies to the way she is with Feyre in ACOTAR. It’s all very pragmaticand very stark and clear-cut as far as she’s concerned:

“But I knew—with asudden, uncoiling clarity—that Nesta would buy Elain time to run. Not myfather, whom she resented with her entire steely heart. Not me, because Nestahad always known and hated that she and I were two sides of the same coin, andthat I could fight my own battles. But Elain, the flower-grower, the gentleheart … Nesta would go down swinging for her.”

There’s a lot of stuff in here I’ll pick through bit by bit inthis context.

First that pragmatism, that black and whiteness, in Nestaknowing that Feyre doesn’t need her and is capable of fighting her own battles (not just in this instance).Nesta doesn’t waste time making a show of things or pretending. It’s quitesimple. Elain needs her; Feyre does not – Elain is where she directs her focusand attention. Nesta dedicates herself fully to one thing, the thing sheactually needs to do, rather than tearing her attention between two differentthings when one isn’t necessary in apractical sense.

This also ties in a bit with the socialniceties/expectations thing because the kind of socially acceptable thing herewith regards to Feyre hunting/looking after herself is to fluff things up and‘oh Feyre, shall I help you?’ and offer even if she knows it’s going to berejected – which it would be, because Feyre doesn’t need her help and wouldtell her that. (Incidentally, that rejection would also reinforcing the fact that Nesta is of no real use around the house/in terms of keeping them alive). 

Nesta is perfectly aware of this and doesn’t see the pointin wasting time/words asking when she already knows the answer (and has done for like…five solid years at this point) – even though it’d bemore ‘polite’ of her to do so and be refused because then it shows she cares. 

Social rules are what dictates this way of showing you care, however. To Nesta this is just an entirely empty and pointless gesture. Black and whitelogic dictates that Feyre can take care of herself so Nesta dutifully turns herattentions elsewhere to where she’s actually needed – in this case it’sprotecting Elain. 

When Feyre does need her, however, such as when she’s beentaken by Tamlin, but Elain is comfortable and safe, Nesta moves heaven andearth for Feyre while leaving Elain to her own devices – this is not anElain-exclusive attitude; it’s just the way she is. The same way that she protects Cassian at the end of ACOWAR, and the way she agrees to put herself in a situation she was deeply uncomfortable with (sharing her story with the High Lords) and becoming the human’s emissary because she did not want them to be forgotten. Nesta, like Cassian just fuelled by wildly different motives, protects those who cannot protect themselves; and leaves those that can to do so. 

-Then there’s the other aspect to this black and whitenessin the way Nesta views the world and those in it – for example how she sees herfather. Her morality/sense of good and bad is shaped a lot by this kind of thinking too. There isn’t anything tempering her resentment or her hatred of her father in her eyes. Hedid bad; he’s a bad person, she rejects him, it’s as simple as that. He let hermother die, he lets them starve, he doesn’t even try. Line crossed. Caseclosed. She hates him, fully and completely without any mitigation, end ofstory. (And her feelings here are entirely valid, I am in no way saying thatthis is the ‘wrong’ way of viewing things, it’s just Nesta’s way, and she’scompletely and utterly entitled to it.)

-I’m also using this to aggressively explain away the endingof ACOWAR and the horror show that is Nesta’s conflict with regards toher father. Things are very easy for her to work out while they’re in simpleblack and white/good and bad terms. Her father continues letting them starveand never tries for them, that makes it very easy to consider him as bad andmove on with life. He never does anything to contradict that; there are noconfusing good actions blended in with the bad to swing her focus/feelings. Whenthings become more complicated she struggles with the abstracts. When herfather brings ships named after his daughters to help them and dies right infront of her supposedly defending her this muddies her previously crystal clearwaters.

She has all of this hate and resentment that she’s had forall these years and it makes it impossible to just shift gears and consider himas good because he’s done this good thing for her now. He’s a mix of good andbad now, she has good and bad ‘evidence’ for her feelings towards himand she can’t cope. There’s no easy way to quantify this and put it in a nice,neat little box of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ ‘hate’ or ‘love’ and she gets conflicted andconfused and upset as a result because she can’t work out her own feelings(also an autistic thing) because things aren’t simple stark concepts anymore. She has almost a decade of bad things, but his last act was a good one, and this makes it difficult for her in the absolute way she sees things because suddenly he isn’t an absolute any more and she can’t process it. 

-Also, as I said, this is pretty much Nesta in a nutshell.She deals with things in very definite black and white extremes most of thetime. An answer is either yes or it’s no, the word ‘maybe’ does not exist inNesta’s vocabulary.

“What happened toTomas Mandray?” I asked, the words strangled.“I realized he wouldn’t have gone with me to save you from Prythian.”And for her, with that raging, unrelenting heart, it would have been a line inthe sand.

Earlier on in the book Nesta stated that she loved Tomas.Whether she did or not is debatable but she was fully ready to move out of thecottage and marry him and she pulls a complete U-turn on that because of thisone realisation – a realisation, moreover, that’s based fully on this idea ofcommitment and the black and white nature she sees the world and how she drawslines in the sand with people. This one ‘bad’ action alters her feelings towards him from being willing to marry him, to leaving him on the spot. She deals in absolutes. It’s how she sees and weighs the world and those in it. 

Dislike of change:

-Nesta handles both the death of her mother and the loss oftheir fortune arguably much worse than either of her sisters. Feyre knucklesdown and lives in the moment, Elain looks forwards to a brighter future. Nestagets stuck in the past. These are two massive, massive changes and she doesn’tadapt well to either of them.

She blames and hates her father for her mother’s death andnot doing more to save her (more black and white extremes in there (though alsoa fairly typical reaction to grief/loss, but the extent Nesta takes it to andthe sheer absoluteness that she looks on it with still strikes me. She doesn’tonly condemn her father for this she hates him for it with every inch of herbeing)) and she continues to act like a noble lady even when she lives in arun-down hovel and associates with peasants as opposed to nobility, and hasdone for years. She doesn’t adapt well at all, she continues to live in andlong for the past and she refuses to properly transition into their new life.

But she can’t slot back into her old life either once shegets it back, either, because that’s another change and another upheaval. She becomesisolated, pushes people away, and can’t stomach the social niceties andsmothering rules that come with those social circles and way of life. She does not fit and she cannot adapt in the seamless way that Elain and her father do with the sudden change of their fortunes. She again remains stuck in the past (quite literally, since she fights the glamour and remembers what happened while no-one else does) 

This pattern of her isolating herself when she can’t copewith changes is pretty common, too? She does the same thing after her Making. Ialso think that she projects being more okay with what happened than sheactually is. Nesta has this need to feel in control of herself and when shedoesn’t I think she projects this feeling of being in control even more thanusual in order to try and feel that. But I don’t think she adjusted as well asshe appears to have done, and I think there are hints at that but I won’t gointo all of them here, it’s too long and not relevant enough to delve into. 

She does isolate herself again, though. As she did in the cabin, as she did returning to the manor. She doesn’t really try andactively engage with her new life she just keeps doing what she does; same patterns, different setting. Shedoesn’t try to get to know the Circle or explore Velaris or integrate herselfinto being fae. She remains wearing her old human clothes, doing the things shewould have done as a human, like sitting alone in the library and reading. Sherefuses to train with Cassian and she refuses to acknowledge her new abilitiesor work with them because these things are new and different and overwhelming.  

She clings to the past again. She continues wearing her olddresses and doesn’t change into things more appropriate to the fae world. Sheeven turns up to training and tramps around war camps in her typical dressesbecause they’re familiar and comfortable. (wearing the same clothes over andover again is also a pretty common autistic thing in itself, hence the focus on it)

 The human worldalso remains at the forefront of her thoughts – she remembers to compare thefood the first time she eats with Feyre and the others and she names herself anambassador for the human realm and declares that she hasn’t forgotten them.

Prioritising actionsover words/disliking social niceties:

I’ve kind of mentioned this already but this is in aslightly different vein. Nesta is very actionorientated. She shows how she feels about people in the things that she does,not what she says. She’s very straightforward and I think one of the reasonsshe comes off so poorly is that she puts all of her efforts into doing things (see: the whole going tothe wall thing for Feyre) but she doesn’t back it up with social niceties. (I talked about this earlier; Nesta is living in a world that operates under different social rules to everyone else. Typical social rules dictate that social niceties are a way to come across well and caring - such as offering to help even when she knows it’d be rejected. Nesta doesn’t demonstrate her caring in that way, but she does demonstrate it - in her own way, in terms that she understands and responds to) 

Nesta doesn’t soften herself or attempt to be somethingshe’s not; she doesn’t try and charm people with sweet, flowery words the waythat Elain can, she isn’t made that way. She comes off as cold and rude when inactual fact she just isn’t burying what she says under sixteen layers ofexhausting social protocols that she doesn’t understand. 

Nesta just is. She’s just unapologetically herself(which, in the context of this hc, I adore, because so many people, girls especially, miss out ondiagnoses because they force themselves to learn to appear more socially adeptthan they feel/with what lines up with their experiences with people becauseit’s expected for girls to be soft and polite, and very well-mannered and Nestadoesn’t do that. She is unapologetically herself. She places no stock or valuein social niceties and she doesn’t bother wasting time on them or mincing herwords to try and appease those around her when she just doesn’t get it/care forit herself)

“ I never have togo back to those sycophantic fools over the wall. I get to do as I wish, sinceapparently no one here has any regard for rules or manners or ourtraditions.”

There’s a couple of things in here – one the ‘sycophanticfools’ comment which implies what I was saying about her disregard for socialniceties and that forced, excessive politeness that’s common in high societycircles. In her culture this is just the way that people are and the way theytypically communicate and behave but Nesta refers to them as ‘sycophantic fools’because she isn’t operating under the same rules as they are and just sees themas pandering and false which she dislikes. I can’t see Nesta being particularlyadept at that and I can see her accidentally offending people with the way sheis, awkward silences and shutting down of conversations and completely missing out all of the fluttery, excessive politeness that’sexpected of ladies of her station.

Also the slightly negative connotation in ‘apparently no-onehere has any regard for rules or manners or our traditions’ – implying that shedoes. Autistics tend to be quite rule orientated and routine orientated too,both of which get covered by ‘rules and traditions’ here. Even if they arearchaic and backwards and limiting due to her gender, she finds the completelack of them distasteful/negative because it means there’s no order and nostructure in this world, which doesn’t fully sit right with her.

-Empathy/Emotions:

Autistic people tend to have variations in this (notnecessarily always less than allistics) they can either be hypoempathetic (lessthan typical) or hyperempathetic (more than typical) in different ways. Thereare different types of empathy, believe it or not: cognitive empathy, which isbeing able to understand/know what someone is feeling without them telling them,usually via non-verbal communication, things like tone, body language etc(Nesta, with her poor reading of people’s intentions and body language etc would,arguably, have less than normal cognitive empathy) Same with affective empathywhich is basically, you feel the same emotion you’ve identified in someone – ifthey’re sad, you get empathetically sad too. Nesta doesn’t seem to have a hugeheaping of this either (she has a lot of intense feelings, but they don’tnecessarily mirror the people around her), so she’s hypoempathetic when itcomes to cognitive and affective empathy, as far as my headcanon goes.

She seems to have a fair amount of compassionate empathy,however, to the point of perhaps having too much. Compassionate empathy is,basically, the desire to help people if they’re having problems. She leapfrogsover the non-verbal understanding of what someone is feeling, and she doesn’tempathetically feel what they feel either, but the depth to which she feels theneed to help people is definitely in there. See: the scene where she begs thequeens to give up the book to Rhys and Feyre and the scene where she tellsCassian that she can’t leave him on the battlefield, and the lengths she goesto to try and help Feyre after Tamlin takes her away etc etc etc.

Nesta is said many, many times to feel things a lot moredeeply than those around her. This is, as far as I’m aware, a fairly commonautistic experience, especially because she’s very poor at showing it. In theWings and Embers short she thinks to herself: 

‘She felt it all—tookeenly, too sharply. Hated and cared and loved and dreaded, more than otherpeople, she sometimes thought. Could sift between them all in a matter ofmoments, like she was trying on different sets of clothes, and no one couldtell or care.’

In addition to the depth of feeling thing, the no-onenoticing how she feels is pretty telling. Autistics struggle to read otherpeople but can also suffer from people struggling to read them in turn, whichis something I think Nesta gets a lot of since she feels these things so, sodeeply but no-one ever notices it and she gets brushed off as beingcold/withdrawn (also common to autistics) when in actual fact she’s the preciseopposite. She just doesn’t communicate it in the same was as everyone else, sounless they know her very well and/or are very socially switched on (ie Cassianand Elain) they don’t notice and don’t understand her.  

-‘Learning’ bodylanguage/social rules:

-There are a few places where Nesta seems to be reasonablysocially adept – I’m thinking Wings and Embers where she correctly hits onCassian’s sore points but I don’t think this disproves  this headcanon. Autistics are capable ofunderstanding and reading body language it’s just not something that’sinnate/built-in. But there’s nothing to stop them learning it. A lot ofautistics learn how to ‘pass’ as neurotypical (sometimes evenunintentionally/unconsciously, they do so to try and fit in) by activelylearning to read those around them (which is why some autistics are good withinteracting with people that they know, but struggle a lot with strangers) andlearning social rules and mimicking those around them. The way that Nestawatches Cassian and has to work to consciously gauge his reaction to her inWings and Embers is telling.

Also this scene:

‘Nesta was watching the volley of words as if it were a sporting match,eyes darting between us. She didn’t reach for any food, so I took theliberty of dumping spoonfuls of various things onto her plate.’

This is the first time that Nesta has interacted with thegroup as a whole. She doesn’t engage with them or join in their conversation(and even when she fleetingly does, she only really talks to Feyre, her sister,who she’s obviously more comfortable with) otherwise she just sits and watchesthem, figuring out how they work, how to read them, how to interact with them. It’sall this conscious process of working people out and understanding them whenthey’re in this new casual setting.

-Misc bits and bobs:

-I can make an argument for Nesta being touchaverse/sensitive. Feyre comments that she’s never been physically affectionatewith her sister. When she and Nesta quietly talk over triggers and Feyre isreassuring/comforting her she does this: 

“Iknew better than to touch her hand. But I said, “When we get home, we’llinstall something else for you.” 

Feyre doesn’t attempt to physicallycomfort Nesta since she knows that won’t go down well. (As an aside, thisdoesn’t get discounted by the Nessian moments a)- Most of the time Nestainitiates their contact and b)- sensory sensitives are weird and with touch,having specific people be exceptions to the rule isn’t uncommon)

-@blogtealdeal gets credit for coming up with thissuggestion but the hc Nesta was reading the romance books that seemed souncharacteristic for her, according to Cassian, being her ‘researching’ romanceand trying to get a better handle on how to handle her relationship with Cassis my new favourite thing ever. If she were doing this it’d be a form ofscripting which is basically rehearsing an interaction before it happens. It alsospeaks to Nesta’s general ‘wtfness’ when it comes to relationships with otherpeople and her attempts at learning them through books is understandable.

- ‘Teaching Nestato paint was about as pleasant as I had expected it to be […] Supplies wereeasy enough to come by, but explaining how I painted, convincing Nesta toexpress what was in her mind, her heart … At the very least, she repeated mybrushstrokes with a precise and solid hand.’

Imagining things/thinking in pictures is something some autisticscan struggle with. Nesta doesn’t actually put what’s in her mind down when shepaints, she just copies Feyre’s exact brushstrokes and does what she does. (Kindalike the whole scripting/mimicking fiction thing from her romance reading) Translatingher feelings to paintings/expressing herself in that way is something she alsoseems to struggle a lot with. Trouble pinning down feelings exactly/knowingexactly what you’re feeling is also an autistic experience, it’s called alexithmyaand it’s something I can see Nesta experiencing without too much effort (especially with the Wings and Embers quote being taken into account as well).

Finally, This:

Amren nodded, more toherself than anyone. “You did not fit—the mold that they shoved you into. Thepath you were born upon and forced to walk.You tried, and yet you did not, could not, fit. And thenthe path changed.” A little nod. “I know—what it is to be that way. I rememberit, long ago as it was.”

This is just….The most autistic thing I have ever witnessedin my entire existence. That idea of not fitting, of trying to but not beingable to, of not being able to fit the expected moulds…And Nesta didn’t? Alsothe fact that Amren didn’t fit with the members of her kind because she feltthings differently to them and perceived and understood the world differentlyto them reinforces this parallel with Nesta being an autistic human whoperceived the world differently to those around her and engaged with itdifferently as well, therefore never quite fitting in.

(It’s also my headcanon (pure headcanon, as most of this is)to explain why Nesta appears to adjust much better to being Made Fae than Elaindoes. In spite of her struggling with the dramatic change, the actual Making she seems to accept better than her younger sister. She’s spent her entire life not quite fitting in and not quite belonging tothe people around her – this is not a new experience for her as it is forElain, who has always been very comfortable in herself/her interactions withothers)

I’m going to wrap this up here or I could genuinely go on forever. Like I said at the beginning of this, none of this is me trying to “””prove””” that Nesta actually is autistic/was deliberately written that way. This is just…An elaborate hc that I have and the above is like…the intricate details of said hc, I’m not trying to say this is the way she should be read/was intended to be read it’s just…An interesting way to choose to read her for the sake of some (really good) rep. 

TL;DR: Nesta is my beautiful autistic daughter and this hc delights me. Enjoy. 

[somanypetals]

ok ok ok. are you a spuffy fan? i feel like i've seen spuffy on yr blog and if that's not true then please ignore but i've been thinkin recently and i'm very interested in what you think/how you reconcile spike's attempted rape?? bc as a spuffy fan i love them together but i also can't ignore this part of their history in good conscience. was it ooc? was their relationship building to a horrible climax? i'm just very interested in what people think abt that writing decision

omg I’m sorry for taking so long to answer this, I wrote like half an essayand then firefox crashed and I got grumpy about it for a few days lol ;___;

anyway in short: do I ship it? yes. is my relationship with the shipcomplicated? fuck yes. can I reconcile the attempted rape? on a base level, no.on a character level, I am able to move past it but not look past it. on awriting level, I don’t reconcile it at all. was it ooc? yes and no,which is the interesting part

this got really long and I’m hoping that I can remember everything I wassaying before I had to start all over again (rip) but I’m sorry it got so longunder the cut

so I do still ship spuffy, but I have a really complicatedrelationship with it. I’ve shipped it since I was a tween, before I reallyunderstood the unhealthy parts of it (rape scene aside, which I was very clearon), and I’ve come to see those in a new light the past five or so years, butI’m still also someone who is very adamant about people being allowed to shipwhatever the fuck they want in fiction whether it’s unhealthy or not becauseit’s fiction, and at the end of the day I’m shipping something because I findit entertaining or interesting, not because it’s the paradigm of relationshipexamples. in fact most of the time it’s not, because I find most of thoserelationships boring on screen. so like, I do still ship it, but not the way Iused to?

 anyway, was it ooc? in terms of mythology canon I don’tthink it was ooc at all. spike had no soul, he was at a base level evil. I don’t think this excuses theattempted rape at all, nothing excuses it or forgives it, but it does explain abit how the spike who dressed buffy’s hand wounds at the start of the seasonwas the same spike who flipped a switch and attempted to rape her near the endof the season. spike never became “good” when he had no soul, he was like aferal animal on a leash. he learnt to play relatively nice with others andbecame fond of some of his owners, but he still wasn’t cured and if you tookthe leash off at the end of the day he would have bitten them. yes, spike lovedbuffy in his own soulless way, but he still had a literal, animalistic demoninside him (we even see in angel in over the rainbow etc. what the actual demoninside vampires is like at its base level) and no soul to control it—only theintellectual knowledge that some actions would get him in buffy’s good booksand some would get him in buffy’s bad books and so he kept it under controlbecause he wanted her and he also wanted to not be killed by the scooby gang.again: this does not excuse the attempted rape at all. nothing forgives it. butlike, it does explain why buffy and many viewers are able to move past it. Idon’t think that on a mythology canon level it was ooc at all, I think thatpeople just forget that spike was stillevil when he was being nice to buffy or dawn or joyce. I think that’s partof the reason it’s so hard to piece together whether spuffy really could workor be good as a ship, because the show never separates spike with a soul fromspike without a soul the way they did with angel. with angel it’s so clearlytwo different people, but with spike it’s a muddy mess of the same thing and ifyou don’t write spike with a soul differently to how you wrote him withoutone—how are viewers supposed to forgive him for what he did?

 was it ooc on a character level though? that’s a wholedifferent thing because that opens the can of worms of spike being ooc ingeneral. the spike we see in season four onwards is drastically different fromthe spike we see in season two, and I do think part of that is just plain oldcharacter development but I also think that part of that is due to them wantinga slightly different character when he became a regular? spike was almost woobified by his own writing team? I don’t thinkit’s anything like the character assassination of britta for example, and Iwouldn’t even call it character assassination, but I do think that at somepoint late during season three or early season four they decided they wanted aspike who was funnier, a bit more sympathetic, and a bit more worthy of being afan fave. it's less like character assassination and more like characteradaptation? I feel like they saw that james had this excellent comedicpotential and wanted to use that, and I’ve seen that with other characters onshows too. I think they had to bend spike a bit along the way to get the spikethey wanted and who they could have fun with. he went from spike the genuinelychilling villain, to spike the comedic relief, to spike the stalker, to spikethe coping mechanism, to spike the love interest…and it definitely wasn’t astraight line of development. they definitelyhad to bend the character along the way and lose some of what was thereoriginally and add some of what wasn’t there. and like, it’s not necessarily abad thing, like I fuckin love comic relief spike and I can totally understandwhy they might’ve been like “fuck this james guy is good we want more of that”,but I do think that on a character level they ended up with something that wasquite frequently messy. if you’ve taken this villain and woobified himyourself, then even if he is still evilit’s not surprising that people are surprised or find it ooc for him to attemptto rape buffy because they made him a puppy with a temper instead of a wolfwith a playful streak, and then suddenly his fangs come out again. andobviously to a degree that was the point of it, to remind viewers that he wasevil and he wasn’t good and buffy forgot that, the scoobies forgot that, everyoneforgot that, but at the same time if you woobify a character that much doesthat point land? or does it just become ooc? I think a spike in love with buffyand protecting dawn and getting flowers after joyce died could be consideredjust as ooc as a spike who attempted to rape buffy. he became a bit of a messycharacter if you really think about it for too long, and they never separatedhis soulless state from his soul-having state enough to keep track of it

 so anyway, on a character level I’m able to move past itbecause I think at the end of the day…spike didn’t have a soul when it happenedand he was written kind of weirdly over the course of the show but I still likehim. I move past it as a viewer because I wantto move past it, and because I find the spuffy relationship interesting (yet Istill want more/better for buffy always? man, I said it was complicated hahah)

 NOW, FROM A WRITING STANDPOINT

 bullshit bullshit utter fucking bullshit.

 why though? well apart from the reasons I’ve already mentionedabout kind of messy character writing and it being impossible to tell whichparts of spike are ooc or not…………the attempted rape scene was not about buffy,before during or after it happened

 they wrote it as a gateway to spike’s redemption arc. theytraumatised their main character, this beautiful female character and one of mytop favourite characters of all time, to boost a man’s redemption arc, andthat’s just fucking awful and we’ve seen it too many times and buffy doesn’t deserver that bullshit.

 now I don’t know whether there’s a solid answer on whetheror not spike went to that demon at the end of season six to get his soul or toget his chip removed, but it also like…doesn’t matter, lol? I personally alwaysread that scene as he went to get his chip removed so he could kill her, andthen the demon was like lol psych herehave a soul! which I think also makes it easier for me to move past theattempted rape, because then it didn’t literally lead to him choosing to go have a redemption arc andbecome a better man for her, but like a lot of people do read it the secondway. and either way!! it’s a crock of shit!!

 not only did they put in this scene so they could kickstartspike’s redemption, instead of picking some other non-rape or non-violence againstbuffy related plot point to lead to him getting a soul, but then they sort ofmade it all about spike in season seven too?

 they do address bits and pieces of buffy’s trauma afterwardsand how it impacted her, but way way too much of the focus was placed onspike’s guilt and spike’s wanting to fix it and how it impacted spike etc., sonot only did they have buffy almost raped to kickstart a man’s storyline, butthey barely focused on her trauma over the “trauma” of spike and that’sjust…fucking awful. like it makes me so mad and it makes me feel so gross.

 as a writing decision I think it’s sexist, disgusting, lazyand unforgivable and the biggest fault with what is literally my favourite tvshow of all time lol (you wouldn’t think it is from this rant?? but it is?? andI like spike and ship spuffy??? god this is a mess) and I think it was probablythe worst fucking writing decision on all of buffy (and this is the show thatkilled tara, a literal lesbian angel)

 and honestly……the fact that I am aware of and think it’s theworst writing decision possible almost makes it easier to move past from acharacter standpoint? because it was a bad writing decision, it takes some ofthe weight off of spike’s actions for me and I’m aware that it was stupid and grossand it would’ve been better if spike tripped and accidentally fell into a gravethat had a stray soul in it that he inhaled.

 I don’t know if that makes sense, in fact I don’t know ifany of this makes sense…but it’s like: spuffy is interesting. to me they havechemistry, they have narrative and trope appeal (even though it wasn’tfulfilled, or wasn’t fulfilled right), they are two characters I likeindividually, and so…I continue to ship it and enjoy it despite the horriblefucking bad writing decisions that went down in season six. I know that evenwithout the attempted rape season or even without season six it’s still anunhealthy ship and it’s problematic (and I want better for buffy at the end ofthe day), but it is at a base level to me entertaining, and that’s what I likefrom my ships

 god this is almost two thousand words I’m so sorry I have alot of thoughts and I had to rewrite half of this so it’s really, really scattered and confusing butlike…yes I ship it, no I don’t think the attempted rape was a good writingdecision, no I don’t excuse or forgive it but I do move past it

 and in answer to what other people feel about the scene andship….it’s really divided lol, a lot of people feel like I do, a lot of peopleprefer bangel, a lot of people prefer spuffy, a lot of people can’t look pastthe rape at all, a lot of people look past the rape too easily, and a lot of people probably don’t know what to thinkor have no strong opinions lol

 god

this is two thousand words I’m sorry

[kaedekayano]

MBTI classification rambles below

I try to keep an open mind about different interpretations and everything but I’m so frustrated at my son right now gakushuu why are you like this 

I don’t care very much for MBTI headcanons of AC characters because 1) their personalities can have many interpretations 2) if I see Karma or Gakushuu classified as extroverted one more time I will actually cry 3) MBTI isn’t very useful and has little actual scientific basis but anyway

I’ve HC'ed Gakushuu as INTJ forever which like,, me projecting?? yes absolutely but I also do genuinely think it and it would take me a lot of words to explain this but yes

I took a personality test as him and twice now 16personalities has told me he’s an ESTJ and I am so

“Executives are representatives of tradition and order, utilizing their understanding of what is right, wrong and socially acceptable to bring families and communities together. Embracing the values of honesty, dedication and dignity, people with the Executive personality type are valued for their clear advice and guidance, and they happily lead the way on difficult paths. Taking pride in bringing people together, Executives often take on roles as community organizers, working hard to bring everyone together in celebration of cherished local events, or in defense of the traditional values that hold families and communities together.”

“Executives are aware of their surroundings and live in a world of clear, verifiable facts – the surety of their knowledge means that even against heavy resistance, they stick to their principles and push an unclouded vision of what is and is not acceptable. Their opinions aren’t just empty talk either, as Executives are more than willing to dive into the most challenging projects, improving action plans and sorting details along the way, making even the most complicated tasks seem easy and approachable.

However, Executives don’t work alone, and they expect their reliability and work ethic to be reciprocated – people with this personality type meet their promises, and if partners or subordinates jeopardize them through incompetence or laziness, or worse still, dishonesty, they do not hesitate to show their wrath. This can earn them a reputation for inflexibility, a trait shared by all Sentinel personalities, but it’s not because Executives are arbitrarily stubborn, but because they truly believe that these values are what make society work.”

“Executives are classic images of the model citizen: they help their neighbors, uphold the law, and try to make sure that everyone participates in the communities and organizations they hold so dear.”

This sounds like??? Smth one of his teachers would write about him??? Gakushuu Asano is such a LEADER he's so great at bringing people together and never breaks the rules ever : ) I'm going to fight this kid he's so good at his perfect facade TM he can fool a personality test!! He can fool ME, WHILE I TAKE THIS PERSONALITY TEST AS HIM, 

 The problem with this is Gakushuu is an introvert who's really good at pretending to be an extrovert and the questions are all phrased based on capability rather than choice. like yes Gakushuu can gracefully maneuver through social situations, he can introduce himself to people and charm them, he's very good at it but that doesn't mean he wants to; he just needs to be good at Everything,,, but the test doesn't account for that aaaaah why do classifications need to be so complicated why does my son need to be. such a complicated human. which is why I love him but can he chill. tbh not sure where the S is coming from either - Gakushuu has always read a lot like an INTJ who is really good at playing an ENTJ. I mean: 

ENTJ: 

 "Commanders are natural-born leaders. People with this personality type embody the gifts of charisma and confidence, and project authority in a way that draws crowds together behind a common goal. However, Commanders are also characterized by an often ruthless level of rationality, using their drive, determination and sharp minds to achieve whatever end they’ve set for themselves." 

"This quality makes people with the Commander personality type brilliant entrepreneurs, and their ability to think strategically and hold a long-term focus while executing each step of their plans with determination and precision makes them powerful business leaders. This determination is often a self-fulfilling prophecy, as Commanders push their goals through with sheer willpower where others might give up and move on, and their Extraverted (E) nature means they are likely to push everyone else right along with them, achieving spectacular results in the process." 

 INTJ: 

"it is often a challenge for them to find like-minded individuals who are able to keep up with their relentless intellectualism and chess-like maneuvering. People with the Architect personality type are imaginative yet decisive, ambitious yet private, amazingly curious, but they do not squander their energy." 

"But this is because Architect personalities tend to believe that with effort, intelligence and consideration, nothing is impossible, while at the same time they believe that people are too lazy, short-sighted or self-serving to actually achieve those fantastic results. Yet that cynical view of reality is unlikely to stop an interested Architect from achieving a result they believe to be relevant." 

"Architects radiate self-confidence and an aura of mystery, and their insightful observations, original ideas and formidable logic enable them to push change through with sheer willpower and force of personality. At times it will seem that Architects are bent on deconstructing and rebuilding every idea and system they come into contact with, employing a sense of perfectionism and even morality to this work. Anyone who doesn’t have the talent to keep up with Architects’ processes, or worse yet, doesn’t see the point of them, is likely to immediately and permanently lose their respect."

i mean, come on. estj sounds like how an outsider (well, me) would perceive him, like a classmate or teacher; entj sounds like gakushuu himself; intj sounds like gakushuu but deep deep down beneath the layers and facades.

i could write so much meta abt this honestly but MBTI classifications in fandom (and not just in this fandom) tend to be obnoxiously shallow and slapping a label on a character for funsies and also subjective as hell. hhhhhh. but it’s so fun. i love my son

(on a side note Karma is an introvert who kinda tries to act extroverted but is shitty at it) (I got ISTP for him which sounds about right, although I might retake again bc I rushed it the first time. might be a letter or two off. its rlly hilarious that 16personalities calls istp the virtuoso, the virtuosos would be so offended)