#wow a 360 one time I actually mean to say 360 and say 180 whew😭
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anyway going to ~feel my feelings~
#I feel like I did a 180 in terms of my spiritual growth since last time I was here#I really got into meditation and mindfulness when I first came here and something about being on an island really kickstarted it#also coupled with the stress of job searching and loneliness#even when my dad was in the hospital I’d meditate almost everyday#now I’m back went back home made some new friends reconnected w old ones got a great job#went though some traumatic things in my personal life#and I feel like I’m constantly trying to control everything so I don’t have to feel any sadness or grief anymore#maybe because of what I’ve went through since then#I kinda decided I’d rather spend my time trying to avoid pain than learn to live with it#even with my health journey and my parents it’s just me constantly trying to fix everything#and it’s like I’m back at square one where I need to learn how to release control and accept there are things in life that I can’t avoid#as painful as they are#wow a 360 one time I actually mean to say 360 and say 180 whew😭
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