#wwx finally gets to have sleeves....his arms are staying warm

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

As we approach the next arc in the story, an outfit change is now on the horizon! The question is, what are our lads going to wear?

(Please also vote in the Lan Wangji poll!)

[besanii]

shattered mirrors 73

[ set after #69 ]

He’s stumbling forward before he even realises he’s moving, knocking into the low desk with his foot and almost falling over if not for Lan Wangji’s steady hand around his elbow. His limbs feel like lead and his body moves as though wading upstream against a rushing river. His ears are ringing, his vision spotting at the edges, but through all of that he sees the person before him.

“A-Xian.” A sob bubbles up inside his throat at the sound of his name in her voice. “A-Xian.”

She too is stumbling towards him, arms outstretched and tears in her eyes. He wants desperately to fall into her arms, to bury himself in her embrace and let her warmth wrap around him and wash away the horrors of the last fourteen years. Pretend as though he is still Wei Ying, the ward of Yunmeng, her brother in all but name and blood, the little boy who had grown up as her second shadow.

Instead, he sinks to his knees at her feet and presses his forehead to the floor. Lan Wangji follows him to the floor, hovering protectively around him

“Your guilty subject pays respects to Gongzhu-dianxia,” he says. “I humbly beg Dianxia’s forgiveness for failing my duty to Yunmeng Jiang.”

There. He’s said it. The words that had been eating away at him all these years, the constant shadow of guilt lingering in the corner of his mind. His family had been tasked with the protection of Yunmeng and its royal family, it had been their job to gather intelligence and wield it in their defence.

He’d failed. And Yunmeng had fallen.

A strangled noise leaves Jiang Yanli’s throat.

“A-Xian, no,” she says. “No, A-Xian, there is nothing to forgive. Please, get up—”

She reaches for his hands, tugging at them to make him stand, but he remains resolutely prostrate.

“Gongzhu-dianxia, this guilty subject does not dare.”

Her hands tighten around his almost painfully for a moment before she sighs, her whole body sagging with the movement.

“You did everything you could,” she tells him. When he goes to deny it, she squeezes his hand again. “Look at me.” He reluctantly raises his head and sees her looking back at him with a tremble in the firm line of her mouth. “A-Xian, I would be dead—or perhaps worse—if not for you. You saved me.”

He presses his lips together in a hard line, his breath heavy through his nose as he struggles to keep the tears at bay.

“I could have done more,” he whispers. “I could have—”

“You did everything you could,” she repeats firmly. “A-Xian, there was nothing more you could have done. Not under those circumstances.”

A raw, wounded noise tears itself from his throat, through his tightly closed lips.

“I should have realised the reports were false,” he argues, hands twisting in the fabric of his robes. “I should have verified them personally, I—”

She takes his face between her hands, shocking him into silence.

There are new lines on her face, around her eyes and mouth, that hadn’t been there before; she’s older, he realises, and has had to fend for herself for many years. The Jiang Yanli before him now glows with health and vigour, dressed in the thick, coarse garments of the northern border tribes rather than the silks of the capital—a far cry from the sheltered princess from Yunmeng she had been in their youth. Her hands, still so small against his cheek, are rough and callused from hard labour.

“A-Xian, you did everything you could,” she repeats firmly. “It is in the past. Do not blame yourself any longer. Alright?”

He closes his eyes with a shuddering sigh.

And then he’s falling forward into Jiang Yanli’s waiting arms with an aborted cry, clutching at the back of her heavy cloak desperately. Her scent is different—the lotus blossoms replaced by something earthier and less floral—and the arms she wraps around him are stronger, the hug firmer than what he remembers. But the way her fingers run through his hair, the warmth of her body, the way she envelopes him in her embrace despite the difference in stature—there is no mistaking it. He would know it anywhere.

“Jiejie.” He’s repeating himself, over and over again, the way he has not done since they were children and it was still allowed. This is not a dream. “Jiejie, jiejie, jiejie—”

“A-Xian.” Jiang Yanli laughs, her voice thick with tears. “Oh, A-Xian, I’m so glad you’re alive. I’ve missed you so.”

He’s missed her too. There are no words to describe how much he’s missed her. So he just holds her tighter, buries his face in her shoulder as they sink to their knees in the middle of the study floor. He’s dimly aware of movement around them—the servants, perhaps, or Lan Wangji, stepping away to give them some privacy—but he doesn’t acknowledge them, overwhelmed by the fact that Jiang Yanli is here, in his arms, safe and sound after so many years.

“Fourteen years…” She pulls away, running her hands over his hair and face as she does, drinking in the sight of him. “A-Xian, you’ve lost weight.”

He shakes his head and laughs. “I’m alright. Don’t worry about me.” He leans into the hand resting on his cheek. “You look good, Jiejie. You haven’t changed at all.”

It’s her turn to shake her head, falling so easily into their familiar banter as she admonishes him for lying.

“Nonsense. Look at me.” She sits back on her heels and raises her arms to show off the travel-worn garb beneath her heavy cloak. “I’m just a humble farmer’s wife now.”

At the word ‘wife’, Wei Wuxian is suddenly reminded they are not alone. His attention is drawn to the doorway where Jin Zixuan stands with his arm around a boy of no more than ten. Gone are the fine, embroidered silks and gilded jewels signature to the Crown Prince of Lanling. Instead, both are dressed in the same thick, northern-style robes as Jiang Yanli, both with the same broad shoulders, sun-kissed skin and matching vermilion marks between their brows. Jin Zixuan offers him a nod when their eyes meet.

“Wei Wuxian, it’s been a while.” After a moment, he hastily corrects himself and bows. “My apologies, I did not mean any disrespect. Jin Zixuan greets Hanguang-wangye, Hanguang-wangfei.”

“Taizi—Jin-gongzi.” Wei Wuxian corrects himself quickly, returning his greeting with a short bow. “There is no need for such formality. It is good to see you all well.”

He is surprised to find he means it sincerely; there was no such goodwill the last time they had crossed paths, young and foolhardy as they were. But those days are long past. Gone is the spoilt young prince who had spurned the woman he regarded as a sister, buried beneath the cold ashes of a war that took everything from them in one fell swoop. This Jin Zixuan is a husband, a father, who had done the unthinkable—renouncing his claim to the throne of Lanling to search for Jiang Yanli without knowing whether or not she was even alive—and had been rewarded for his devotion.

Jiang Cheng, ah, Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian thinks. I think even you would hold a bit of respect for him now.

Jin Zixuan’s eyes shift to Lan Wangji, standing silently behind Wei Wuxian, and offers a deeper bow, which Lan Wangji returns with an incline of his head. Jiang Yanli follows suit from where she is still on her knees with Wei Wuxian, bowing low at the waist.

“Jiang Yanli greets Hanguang-wangye, Hanguang-wangfei,” she echoes. “Thank you for taking care of A-Xian. Yunmeng owes you a great debt.”

Before either of them can react to dispute her claim, she turns to beckon the boy—her son, Wei Wuxian’s heart leaps with realisation—closer with one hand, dabbing at her eyes with the sleeve of the other. She draws the boy closer, turns him to face both Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji with a warm smile and a comforting hand on his back. The boy looks up at them with something akin to awe in his eyes.

“A-Ling, come and pay respects to Wangye and Wangfei,” she tells him. “They are our family’s benefactors. Without their help, we would not be here today, so we must repay this debt however we can.”

“Yes, A-Niang.” Jin Ling steps away from his mother, squaring his little shoulders in a way that reminds Wei Wuxian of his father when they had first met, trying to put on an air of importance despite his small stature; he clasps his fingers in front of his chest and performs a textbook-perfect bow from the waist. “Jin Ling pays respects to Hanguang-wangye, Hanguang-wangfei.”

Wei Wuxian looks back at Lan Wangji, helpless in the face of their collective insistence, and sees the corner of Lan Wangji’s lips twitch. He sighs in defeat.

“Jin-xiao-gongzi,” he says, struggling to keep his voice steady. “Your mother’s family took me in when my parents passed, kept the roof over my head and the clothes on my back. Without them, I would not be here today. Whatever debt there is between us, let us wipe the slate clean now and start anew.”

He sees Lan Wangji incline his head in agreement, eyes soft as he holds out a hand to help him to his feet. His arm is warm and steady around his waist, his hand firm in his, holding him upright as he works to calm the storm of emotions warring within his chest. Finally, he gives the hand in his a brief squeeze and turns back to their guests with a bright smile.

“Now, let’s dispense with all this formality,” he says. “You must be tired from your journey—you must stay with us, here in Hanguang Manor. In fact, I insist upon it.”

Jiang Yanli exchanges a quick look with her husband.

“We do not wish to—” Wei Wuxian clears his throat pointedly, and Jiang Yanli falters mid-sentence, pauses and acquiesces with an amused sigh. “Then it would be impolite of us to decline such a generous offer.”

--

Translations

Gongzhu-dianxia (公主殿下) - Your Highness, the Princess

wangfei (王妃) - consort to the Duke, his legitimate wife/spouse

--

Notes

Approximately a billion years later!!!!

WWX called JYL jiejie as a child, before they got older and it was inappropriate to do so, after which he sometimes called her shijie in private, but mostly addressed her as Gongzhu-dianxia in public.

Any errors or inconsistencies will...be addressed at some point. It’s been a while and I need to revisit some things to remind myself what’s happened >_>

--

buy me a ko-fi!

more shattered mirrors fic | verse

[miyu-hyperfixates]

Water ghouls AU!

[Part 0.5: Meeting Wei Ying]

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3)

Madam Yu and Madam Jin were in Yiling for a night hunt, where they encounter kid!WWX being chased by a group of dogs. Seeing the kid cornered and trying to protect his very small bun... Both of them couldn’t help but think of their own children in such a position and went to chase the dogs away.

Madam Jin actually brought WWX two other buns.

WWX of course was very grateful towards the two very kind [AN: I think it’s the first time I’m using Madam Yu and kind in the same sentence, pff] aunties... And when he saw that they carried swords his eyes went very wide, before hastily rummaging through the pockets of his dirty clothes. He pulled out a talisman and gave it to Madam Yu, beaming, “Here auntie, a lucky charm for you!” 

Both Madam Yu and Madam Jin looked intrigued by the ‘lucky charm’ that was actually a talisman. But they were unfamiliar with the sigils on it, and considering the slightly childish handwriting, both of them guessed that it might have been the kid’s work. It was more than probable that the kid’s parents were cultivators and he saw them writing talismans and wanted to copy them... Of course, to his small mind the sigils were probably no different from gibberish. And so he thought that he had made a proper “lucky charm” and decided to gave it the kind aunties as thanks.

Even Madam Yu had to admit that the kid was cute and endearing. So she took the talisman, thanks him and shoo him away.   [Because she could be kind from time to time, but not that kind and besides they still have a ferocious beast to hunt down.] She slid the talisman in her sleeves and will probably throw it away later when the kid wasn’t watching.

And well two hours later and the street rat and his talisman were probably the last thing on her mind. ‘Cause the lone ferocious beast that they were supposed to kill turned out to be a pack of six ferocious beasts.

At some point during the quite challenging fight, Madam Yu got momentarily distracted by something and it allowed one of the beast to rush through her defense. Considering how close it was and the direction of its jump, she barely had the time to raise one arm to protect her face. But before it could actually chunk at her arm it suddenly stopped as if it had slammed into an invisible wall. The protective barrier of course collapse barely a few seconds after because the spiritual energy sustaining it was quite low but it gave Madam Yu enough time to take a few step back and counterattack.    

Soon enough after that all the beasts were dealt with and they could finally relaxed. This was when Madam Yu took out the ‘lucky charm’ from her sleeve. It just happened that the arm she had raised to instinctively protect herself had been the one with the talisman within the sleeve. And sure enough, the talisman was still warm and the sigils were slightly bright in some parts and burnt in others. Indicating that it had been activated not so long ago.  

Madam Yu and Madam Jin looked at each other with wide eyes. Turned out what they thought were a child drawing was actually a proper protective talisman!

So of course they had to go and track WWX down again, because a kid who could write talisman that could be activated and properly worked (even if it was for merely a few seconds) was nothing short of a genius. It would be a tremendous waste not to nurture such potential.

They didn’t have any difficulty in finding the kid again, he was actually sleeping in one of the corner of the street where they had met earlier near a small makeshift tent made of dirty quilts.

The kid woke as they came closer and beamed at them, “Aunties, are you finished night hunting? Did the lucky charm help?” Madam Yu: It did. Did you write it yourself? The kid nodded enthusiastically. Madam Yu: Do you want to learn more? WWX: Can I? Madam Yu: I belong to the Yunmeng Jiang Sect. It is one of the Great Sect of the cultivation world. If you come home with me, I’ll take you in as a disciple and teach you. I won’t be kind though, so be prepared. WWX: I’ll come!! I’ll come! Please teach me!     Madam Yu: Very well, then come along. WWX rushed into the makeshift tent to take out his meager belongings (one fourth of a cinnabar, a very decrepit brush and the two buns that Madam Jin brought him earlier) and happily followed the other two. [And that’s how you catch a wild Wei Ying, *clap clap* (and she didn’t even need to bait him with watermelon)]

Because it was quite late at night and because the kid was super dirty, they decided to stay at a nearby inn, where the kid was forced to take a bath and changed clothes (that Madam Jin brought him... it was the clothes of the inn’s owner’s son and weren’t of high quality but it was definitely better than the clothes that WWX had been wearing).

After the kid looked more presentable and way cleaner, they took the opportunity to ask him about his talismans.

Turns out they were right. His parents had been cultivators  - probably rogue cultivators - and it was his mother who taught A-Ying this protective talisman. It was apparently his “job” to help them make it. Because he was “back-up” and it was a “very important job”... And she had made him make a dozens of them until he got it right and could actually activate them.

Thinking about it, the mother’s aim had probably been to provide him with a tool to protect himself just in case.

By the time, he finished talking about it, the kid was starting to nod off so Madam Yu send him to bed. But just when she did so, she suddenly realized that she didn’t actually know his full name. “A-Ying, what is your name?” WWX *sleepily*: A-Ying’s name is Wei Ying, courtesy name Wuxian. Madam Yu, suddenly filled with dread: Wei? Are your parents Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren? [By the way, at that time, news of the WWX’s parents death had not reach Yunmeng yet, which is why she didn’t make the connection immediately when she heard WWX calling himself A-Ying] WWX: Yes! Auntie, do you know them? Are you friend with them? Madam Yu: We are not friend. But I do know them. WWX: Oh...  

About eight months ago, WWX’s parents had gone to a night hunt in Yiling. And because they thought that this case might be more dangerous than usual, they didn’t take him with them for the actual hunt and made him wait for them back in the street of Yiling [in the exact corner where his makeshift tent is]. They never came back.

Madam Yu, once WWX fell asleep, very bitterly: So she’s dead... And I’m actually taking her kid in. What kind of fate is this? Is she mocking me beyond the grave?

Madam Yu could actually picture with great clarity what was going to happen as soon as WWX will arrive at Lotus Pier. JFM will welcome him with open arms. A son of a servant will be raised way above his station, not only as a mere disciple of the sect but like a son of the Yunmeng Jiang Clan. And A-Cheng will probably cease to exist in the eyes of JFM as soon as the son of Cangse Sanren would arrive.

Madam Jin seeing Madam Yu very sour face, tried to reason with her, “You’re not going to leave back in the street, are you? Outside of the fact that he is Cangse Sanren’s son, he didn’t do anything wrong and has a lot of potential.” [Those words are so going to bite her in the ass a few years later when Meng Yao comes into play, haha] Madam Yu: I am not coming back on my words.

Besides she was pretty sure that even if she left him there, as soon as words of their death reached JFM’s ears, he’d go and search the whole word for Cangse Sanren’s son. He wouldn’t give up until he managed to find him and then they’d end up exactly in the same situation (actually it was probably even a worse situation, there was no way rumors wouldn’t fly around with Jiang-zongzhu looking for and adopting the son of the woman he was rumored to be in love with).... The only way to prevent this situation was to straightforwardly kill the kid right now. But Madam Yu had not reach such a low point that she would go and murder innocent young kids no matter how troublesome their parents were.

If she’s going to have to endure the presence of Cangse Sanren’s son either way, then so be it. If she’s going to have to get used to the idea that Cangse Sanren’s son will from now on be an adoptive son of her family, then so be it. But she will make sure that both sons will be treated accordingly, even if this is the last thing that she’ll ever do! 

---------

Status Progress:

>> Wei Ying has been upgraded to adopted!

>> Madam Yu has been upgraded to on her way to become a good mother out of pure spite!

--------------

Author’s note: Right so remember when I said after part 3 that Meng Yao will appear next time? I lied. (Though he does make his entrance in part 4, you get this prequel/backstory first.)

So in canon (please correct me if I’m wrong) WWX’s parents died when he’s about six and he’s only found by JFM when he’s about eight or nine? That’s such a huge gap. And my personal hc to explain it is that actually JFM didn’t know they died for a long time.

I mean both of them were rogue cultivators. If there were no one around when they died how would it be possible for anyone to know that they died? My guess is that they actually send messages/letters to JFM once in a while (like every two or three years to let him know what they’re up to). Stuff like, “If after X times you didn’t get any news, then please consider us dead” or something. If they died in Yiling right after sending one of their letters, informing him of their location, then it would make sense that JFM would only notice that something is wrong a few years later with no new letters. Naturally he’ll go look for them and search at the last place they mentioned first and try to trace back what happened from there. Which is how he found WWX in the street of Yiling.  

Now in this universe Madam Yu stumbles upon WWX by pure accident less than a year after his parents’ death, which means that he actually gets adopted younger than he was in canon. Which means that by the times the event of part 1 happens, he was already living with the Jiang for something like 4 years (which explains why he has so much more lee-way and is so much more comfortable within the family).

Next time: Part 4 - Meeting Meng Yao (for real this time haha)

[rosethornewrites]

fic: remember the moments when we were together

Relationships: Lán Yuàn | Lán Sīzhuī & Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn

Characters: Lán Yuàn | Lán Sīzhuī, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī

Additional Tags: Grief/Mourning, Memories, Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, wwx needs a hug, Regret, Self-Esteem Issues, Loneliness, Crying, Hugs, Truth, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Father-Son Relationship, Angst and Hurt/Comfort

AO3 link

Part of the try to praise the mutilated world series

Spectre | leaves eddied over the earth’s scars

Notes: The title is again from the poem "Try to Praise the Mutilated World."  I wanted to explore how this would impact SiZhui, who is only just starting to reconnect with his first adopted dad.

------------

SiZhui feels awkward, standing with trays of food under the magnolia tree behind the jingshi. His father had asked him—almost begged, actually—to have lunch with Senior Wei today. The man wasn’t eating or sleeping well.

‘Grief,’ is all Hanguang-Jun said in explanation. 

SiZhui understands grief. He watched his father grieve for 16 years and was blessed to see it end. He himself grieved that same length of time for memories lost to fever and trauma.

It turned out they had been grieving the same person, mostly. Like father, like son. 

But now, as he watches Senior Wei sedately pet a rabbit on the porch of the jingshi, his normally sharp eyes distant and red-rimmed, his face pale… SiZhui remembers he’d seen this grief at the Burial Mounds so long ago, as the man had given up his entire world to protect him and the other Wen remnants. 

He’s so distracted as to not notice SiZhui’s presence, not even when he calls out.

“Senior Wei?”

SiZhui knows he’s been sitting there, unmoving, for probably the entire morning since Hanguang-Jun left to finish preparations for their journey to Yunmeng. Magnolia petals lay against his robes, contrasting starkly with the black fabric. Enough to account for hours.

He moves closer, repeating the greeting, to no avail. 

Surprising Senior Wei is never an excellent idea, would likely result in lunch being all over them. The man has spent too much time despised and fighting to survive, to fail to react if his attention isn’t drawn before SiZhui approaches. Enough of the juniors (including Jin Ling) have learned this by experience. And though the man only moves to defend, never to harm, SiZhui intends for this meal to wind up in their bellies. 

“Xian-gege?” he tries, but again meets no response. 

SiZhui sighs, not sure how to handle this. He went to Caiyi town for the food, ordering Senior Wei’s favorites, and though the talisman he’s attached will keep it warm, he knows it will taste better fresh. He’s even brewed his favorite spiced tea, the one with cardamom, fennel, ginger, cinnamon, and anise—what most in Gusu and especially Cloud Recesses consider far too piquant. SiZhui himself enjoys it with a little milk.

He takes one step closer, and notices something he didn’t before—Senior Wei has tear tracks on his face.

For a moment he’s seven years old again, peeking from the door of his room in the jingshi late at night, listening to his father play what he would later learn was Inquiry, watching him cry silently.

“A-Die!” wrenches from him before SiZhui can get ahold of himself.

He’s not sure whether the words or the tone do the trick, but Senior Wei jerks and turns to him with wide eyes. 

“A-Yuan?”

After a moment, he attempts a smile, but it’s a ghost of what SiZhui knows his smile to be, a mask like the one he wore all those months upon his return, something he hides behind. 

SiZhui places his trays on the porch, abandoning them in favor of wrapping his arms securely around the man who started his upbringing.

“I thought I’d have to call you a-Niang to get your attention,” he jokes.

The Yiling marketplace story represents the one time his fathers were together with him as a child, and he hopes to startle a laugh from Senior Wei. 

He is disappointed. The smile becomes a shade less forced, but only briefly. 

“Sorry, a-Yuan. How long were you calling for me?”

SiZhui reaches up to dab at his cheeks with a sleeve. He wants so badly to address Senior Wei’s behavior, but he doubts he’ll get him to eat if he does. 

“Only a couple minutes. I came to eat lunch with you. I even went to Caiyi town for your favorites and brewed your favorite tea.”

He’s unspeakably relieved when he gets a genuine smile from that, even if that smile is still tinged with sorrow.

“Ah, my handsome son is spoiling me so,” Senior Wei teases.

SiZhui laughs and repositions the trays. He pours the tea, then serves him first, then himself, covering the dishes to keep them hot after. Senior Wei’s food is a vibrant red, just the way he likes it, while his own is much blander though still spicier than what is usually preferred in Cloud Recesses. 

The movement of chopsticks from plate to mouth is a win, and he doesn’t mind when Senior Wei leans against him slightly, as though taking comfort in his presence. If SiZhui can offer that comfort, he will. 

Sitting on the wooden patio, eating in comfortable silence with the man he considers his first father, the man who had been lost to them all for sixteen years, is a comfort to him as well.

SiZhui isn’t quite sure how long he takes to realize the only noise is his own chopsticks against porcelain, but when he realizes he turns to find Senior Wei staring into the distance, a morsel of food suspended between chopsticks halfway to his mouth. His bowl is more than half full still. 

“Senior Wei?”

Senior Wei startles, the food slipping through his chopsticks and landing on his robe. He tries to smile again, but SiZhui sees the effort it takes.

“You don’t have to call me so formally,” he finally murmurs, the effort sliding away. 

“So I can call you a-Die? Even in front of the other juniors?”

The ghost-smile flits across his face again, and SiZhui wonders if that’s the most he can hope for right now. 

“Anytime you like. You can even call me a-Niang if you want.” Senior Wei sighs softly, setting his bowl back on the tray. “I’m sorry you went to such trouble for me, but I’m not very hungry.”

SiZhui has a memory of making a specific face at him as a toddler to get his way. Perhaps it’s Senior Wei’s influence at such a young age, but he’s just shameless enough to school his face into a worried pout.

“I’m worried about you, a-Die.”

He’s horrified when it backfires, and Senior Wei sobs. Where before his tears had been almost disturbingly silent, the raw emotion now is heart-rending.

Immediately he abandons his bowl, not even checking to make sure it stays upright, and pulls him into a hug. Senior Wei doesn’t fight it, just buries his face against SiZhui’s shoulder, shaking.

“I’m here, a-Die. I’m here.”

Senior Wei is murmuring apologies almost immediately, but SiZhui doesn’t dare let him go.

“It’s okay to cry, a-Die. You can cry as much as you need to.”

It was something Father had told him once upon finding him hiding to cry, letting him know that tears were not shameful, and the rule ‘Do not grieve in excess’ did not mean one couldn’t grieve at all. In those days, SiZhui didn’t know what he grieved, but Father had cried with him. It had helped.

“I don’t want to burden you,” Senior Wei whispers.

“You’re not a burden! Not ever. Father and I missed you so much all those years.” 

SiZhui is almost afraid to hug him more tightly, he seems so fragile.

“Father played Inquiry all the time,” he tells him, rubbing his back in slow circles. “He never stopped searching for you, even though you didn’t respond.”

From the way Senior Wei stiffens, he wonders if Father never told him that. SiZhui hopes he hasn’t overstepped.

“He never told me that. I never heard it,” Senior Wei finally whispers. “I don’t think I was in any condition to hear it.”

SiZhui feels frozen; there aren’t many reasons a spirit would not hear Inquiry, and one of those is moving on. The others are too horrible to think about. But this is a-Die.

“A-Die… Tell me? Please?”

He almost doesn’t want to know, but he can’t try to help if he doesn’t. He will not let ignorance be an excuse, not with a-Die suffering.

Senior Wei is quiet for several minutes before he finally speaks. “A-Yuan, do you know how I died?”

“Sect Leader Jiang,” he answers immediately. 

It was taught to all disciples, something he finds horrible now, that duty calls to kill a brother if he turns to evil. Knowing the truth of everything and regaining his memories, SiZhui wanted to be angry at Jiang WanYin. Only the man looked at his once-brother with complicated emotions that included longing. He knows it is not his place to judge. 

But Senior Wei shakes his head.

“After shijie… watching the whole cultivation world fight over the pieces of the seal, greedy for power… Everyone was dead, and I thought you were too, and I just didn’t want to exist in this world anymore.” 

Senior Wei shudders, seemingly lost in memory. 

“A-Yuan, I was a suicide. I threw myself off a cliff at Nightless City.”

SiZhui can’t stifle a gasp. He feels like the earth has opened up under him. 

“Lan Zhan tried to stop me, tried to save me, but I didn’t let him. It’s probably the worst thing I’ve ever done to him.” 

His voice hitches.

“I don’t remember the sixteen years I was dead, but I suspect my soul shattered at my death, so I doubt there’s anything to remember. If Mo XuanYu hadn’t forced my soul back together through the ritual, the pieces likely would have eventually just faded away.”

SiZhui hears a sob, and it takes him a moment to realize it’s come from himself. It was too horrible, that a-Die could have gone forever, that Father would forever be without him even in future lifetimes, and that the cost to prevent that was Mo XuanYu’s soul. The grief he carries is so much more understandable now. 

“A-Die, please don’t leave us again,” he whispers.

Senior Wei wipes at SiZhui’s cheeks gently with his sleeve, looking at him with regret. “I didn’t want to come back, at first. But I don’t want to leave now.”

He blurts, “Why wouldn’t you want to come back?” before he can stop himself. 

A-Die’s tears overflow again. “My shijie was dead, my nephew orphaned, my fault. My shidi hated me. I failed the Wens. The sects wanted my head on a platter. I thought Lan Zhan despised me, too. I was alone, and the world sucked, and I’d just cause trouble again. Why come back?”

“Father never hated you,” is all SiZhui can think to say in response. 

He wants to say more, that a-Die doesn’t cause trouble, that he wasn’t responsible for Jiang YanLi’s death or even Jin ZiXuan’s. There’s so much he wants to say, but words escape him. He knows a-Die still blames himself, and there’s nothing SiZhui can say to change that.

“Ah, a-Yuan. I know that now, but I’m, well, an idiot, so that took a while. But that’s why I ran away from Mo manor, and why I wore that mask. I thought nothing good would come from being recognized.”

SiZhui returns a-Die’s earlier gesture, wiping tears from his cheeks. 

“But things are better now, right? Why are you so sad?”

A-Die sighs softly. “Shijie is still gone. Jiang Cheng still hates me. It was so long ago for everyone else, but not for me. For me, it will be her first birthday since her death.”

That a-Die missed sixteen years is an ever-present facet of SiZhui’s life, an absence that spanned most of his life, but sometimes it’s easy to forget the impact on a-Die; he’s only been alive again for less than a year, and much of that time was taken uncovering Jin GuangYao’s crimes and then travelling for a few months alone. 

“That’s why you’re going to Lotus Pier,” SiZhui murmurs, realizing. “I’ll come with, a-Die. So you’ll have both Father and me with you.”

He knows a-Die hasn’t visited his home but once since he came back, that there are painful memories he must deal with. He doesn’t want him to face them, not alone. And while he’ll be with Father, SiZhui knows it can help to have more people, especially since a-Die feels Sect Leader Jiang hates him.

“You’re not alone, a-Die. You’re not.”

A-Die gifts him with a smile, a genuine one, and SiZhui lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“A-Yuan, you���re such a good boy.”

They stay like that, a-Die draped across his lap, and SiZhui remembers once, long ago, Aunt Qing telling him Xian-gege missed his sister. He remembers lotus seeds and blossoms, and a-Die barefoot with a smile. The memory is vague, pieced together flashes, but it’s there. 

Lotuses had grown in Burial Mounds. Surely they could grow in Cloud Recesses, perhaps in one of the grassy areas behind the jingshi, somewhere a-Die could look and be reminded of his sister, even though she’s gone. While at Lotus Pier, he’ll learn how to grow lotuses. He’ll find out what kind a-Die would like best, even if it means talking to Sect Leader Jiang about it.

SiZhui glances down and finds that a-Die has fallen asleep against him, the dark circles under his eyes more pronounced than usual, and he resolves to stay still until Father comes, to let him sleep.

Maybe later, together as a family, they can get a-Die to eat more, help him through his grief, remind him he’s truly not alone.

He won’t ever be alone again.

[grandmasterofwangxiancultivation]

MDZS ch.84

you people are beautiful. just, i love it when you comment my screams, but hurrying me to READ CH.84 BECAUSE YES, MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN HEARD, THE CHAPTER C A M E O U T WHILE I WAS SLEEPING, I’LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN IN MY LIFE TY ERS

now that’s here, though, i’m less than ready for this and at the same time i’ve been dying to read it so- HeLp

Lan WangJi wrapped his right arm around Wei WuXian’s waist and took up Bichen. Mounting the sword, the two of them landed on the boat.

okay OKAY I’M WEAK FOR LWJ HOLDING WWX BY THE WAIST. LIKE, WEAK IN MY KNEES. IT’S THE BEST THING. THE ABSOLUTE BEST. LIKE HUSBAND AND HUSBAND, I MISS THEM BEING SO LOVEY DOVEY

EDIT:

Wei WuXian was just about to speak again when Jin Ling suddenly broke into tears. 

[...] Even as tears streaked down his face, Jin Ling still shouted, sobbing, “This is my dad’s sword. I won’t put it down!”

EXCUSE ME WHAT??!?!?!?!?! MY SON IS CRYING?!?!??!!??! HoW dArE yOu Do ThIs To Us MxTx sdingfpwiorjgw okay but, how heartbreaking is it that he doesn’t want to drop that sword? i can totally picture why jin ling would be so frustrated and couldn’t hold back anymore, can you even image what kind of battle is going on inside of him? how much he misses his parents and wants to get revenge only to realise that killing wwx is not what he wants and probably feeling guilty about stabbing him and secretly looking up to him even if he knows he shouldn’t do that and wishing things were different WHY DOES HE HAVE TO SUFFER LIKE THIS. WHY-

EDIT 2:

The one who called was Jiang Cheng, who stood near the edge. Still teary-eyed, as soon as Jin Ling saw his uncle, he immediately wiped his face, sniffing. He looked here and there and finally made up his mind to fly over, landing at Jiang Cheng’s side.

Jiang Cheng grabbed him, “What happened to you? Who did this to you?!”

(UNCLE JC TO THE RESCUE boy, does he care greatly for him. he is all he has left of his family *cough* jc-wwx-is-also-there-pls *cough* and i love this jc/jl moments, makes my heart really warm. i just wanna wwx in the picture, that’s all)

Jin Ling rubbed his eyes roughly, refusing to speak up. Jiang Cheng lifted his head, casting a nasty look at the fishing boat. His cold glare passed by Wen Ning, just about to land on Wei WuXian as Lan WangJi stepped out and blocked Wei WuXian’s silhouette, whether intentional or not.

(oèdkgoewigvp0wri LWJ STOP BEING PERFECT.

NO, WAIT, KEEP BEING PERFECT JUST WaRn Me-)

EDIT 3: disciples protecting wwx is- 

okay, i know i always say this, but it’s so, so, so good to see these disciples taking up to them to defend him. i LOVE the relationship that mxtx built between them, full of trust and spontaneity and loyalty and feeling secure in each others’ presence, and i love that it came to be like this after many hardship and doubts. the disciples came to know wwx for who he really is, and finding out about his identity made them more alert, sure, but their affection is still there and it burns in scenes like these when they just argue against sect leaders and adults and protect him like that. it’s so important and beautiful and i want wwx warm and loved by all of them-

EDIT 4: SORRY I’M SO TALKATIVE TODAY, BUT THIS CHAPTER-

Sect Leader OuYang hurried, “ZiZhen! Come back, come over to Dad!” 

OuYang ZiZhen was confused, “Dad, weren’t you the one who told me to get on this boat so that I didn’t annoy you guys?”

CAN I JUST SAY THAT I LOVE THIS SMART, SMART BOY?!?! BLESS YOU. 

EDIT 5:

Seeing this, Wei WuXian let out a long sigh of relief. As soon as he relaxed, heavy exhaustion suddenly passed over his face. He fell to one side.

It seemed that he didn’t waver because he couldn’t balance himself on the boat, but rather because he really was so tired that he couldn’t stand steadily.

E X C U S E  M E ODSJGIOWJGIORJ OMG OMG MY LOVE IS SO TIRED HE FREAKING FAINTED. WWX FAINTED i can’t even- i need him somewhere safe with his husband and their sons, not on a bOaT.

EDIT 6:

However, without requiring their help at all, Lan WangJi bent down slightly. With one hand at his arm and another behind his knees, Lan WangJi picked Wei WuXian up at once.

(of course he would. of course. LOOK AT HIM CASUALLY PICKING UP HIS HUSBAND. lwj you are a star in the sky, the moon of my dark nights, you give me hope and joy and you’re so perfect and caring pls just marry wwx now)

Carrying Wei WuXian just like this, he walked into the cabin. Inside the cabin, there wasn’t anywhere to lie down, only four long benches. Thus, Lan WangJi held Wei WuXian’s waist with one arm, letting his head lean on his shoulder, and with his other hand he pieced together the four benches into a platform wide enough to lie on. He gently laid Wei WuXian on the benches.

(i- just- wwx needs to stay comfortable, so lwj provided a makeshift bed for him and my heart can’t take all this fluff without crying a bit. they are an example of love and beauty. THEY ARE ALL I WANNA READ ABOUT. I LIVE FOR THEIR HAPPINESS)

Lan SiZhui suddenly realized that even though HanGuang-Jun was drenched in blood, the bandage that Wei WuXian tore from his sleeve and wrapped around that tiny wound of his was still knotted properly, tied around a finger of his left hand.

(did lwj purposefully tried not to ruin the bandage during the fight? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANNA SUGGEST, MXTX?)

[...] Right now, Lan WangJi finally took out his handkerchief, slowly wiping away the blood clots on Wei WuXian’s face. Soon, the snowy handkerchief had been dyed with red and black. Although he’d finished wiping Wei WuXian’s face, he hadn’t wiped his own yet.

(omg. *sobs* one knows how much lwj loves and adores wwx but is always taken aback in front of the extent of that feeling)

EDIT 7:

Lan JingYi was amazed, “I thought that Senior Wei would never get tired!”

(don’t you feel extremely happy whenever jingyi appears? i do)

[...] However, Lan WangJi shook his head. He only said four words, “We are all human.”

They were all human. How could a human be tireless? How could they stand forever?

(there. four words and he gave them a life lesson. this-

is so importan. for anyone, even us irl, this is so true but- can you think about the fact that the upstanding, renowed lwj is talking by experience? can you imagine how broken he was when... sorry, i can’t-)

EDIT 8: dfmoiwjgiowr the disciples eye-talking with each other is GOLD-

Suddenly, Wei WuXian wrinkled his brows, his head tilting to the side. Softly, Lan WangJi moved his head back where it was, so that he wouldn’t end up with a stiff neck. Wei WuXian murmured, “Lan Zhan.”

Everyone thought that he was waking up. They were ecstatic, but Wei WuXian’s eyes were still tightly shut. Lan WangJi, on the other hand, looked just as usual, “Mn. I am here.”

Wei WuXian was quiet again. As though he felt safe, he shifted closer toward Lan WangJi and continued to sleep.

(òkdjasKLFDIPEJRGIWJROIGNERJGNEKLRJG I’M SORRY DID I READ THIS SCENE RIGHT IS WWX CALLING OUT LWJ’S NAME IN HIS  S L E E P  AND IS HE DE FACTO  S N U G G L I N G  CLOSER TO HIS HUSBAND WITH NO CARE IN THE WORLD SOIFOWIRHGIOERHJGIEROGF

OMG I AM SCRYING -yes, scrying, like, screaming and crying at the same time and i needed a new word for this- SO HARD I CAN BARELY TYPE THIS SHIT)

The boys stared at the two blankly. For some reason, their cheeks suddenly flushed. Lan SiZhui was the first to stand up, stammering, “H-HanGuang-Jun, we will go out and get some fresh air…”

(OH

MY

GOD

I AM LAUGHING SO HARD. THE BOYS GOT FLUSTERED BY PDA.

AND THEY ARE ALL ASKING EACH OTHER WHYAREYOUBLUSHING I CAN’T EVEN START TO TELL YOU HOW FUN AND CUTE THIS SCENE IS WHO KNEW I NEEDED THIS-)

EDIT 9:

Wen Ning, “Young Master Lan, may I call you A-Yuan?”

[...] Lan SiZhui replied gladly, “Sure!”

Wen Ning, “A-Yuan, have you been well these years?”

Lan SiZhui, “Very well.”

Wen Ning nodded, “HanGuang-Jun must’ve treated you kindly.”

Hearing him speak of Lan WangJi in such a respectful tone, Lan SiZhui felt even closer to him, “HanGuang-Jun treated me as if he were my brother or my father. He even taught me how to play the guqin.”

THIS CHAPTER IS A FREAKING ROLLER COASTER AND I AM FEELING A BIT DIZZY BECAUSE-

“a brother or a father” i can’t believe i’m alive to read this.

THIS IS SO TENDER AND WARM I’M JUST GONNA SNUGGLE NEXT TO THESE TWO

EDIT 10:

After some thought, Lan SiZhui responded, “I cannot remember either. It was probably when I was around four or five. I do not have many memories of the things that happened when I was younger, but when I was younger, I doubt HanGuang-Jun was able to take care of me. I think HanGuang-Jun had been in secluded meditation for many years back then.”

He suddenly remembered that when HanGuang-Jun was doing secluded meditation, the first siege on Burial Mound happened at the same time.

WAIT

W A I T

W  A  I  T

ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT DURING THE SIEGE LWJ WASN’T ON THE FIELD

ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPLY THAT-

OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD I NEED TO SIT DOWN AND TAKE A BREAK FROM THIS CHAPTER