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lublycho · 4 years

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No Mercy | Chapter IX (m)

Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Chapter 6. Chapter 7. Chapter 8.

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-> pairing | Seungyoun x reader

-> word c: 8k+

-> genre: mafia au, fluff, angst, (possible) smut

-> summary: Dating a mafia boss is hard. But it’s harder when the mafia boss is a powerful, possessive drug lord, who likes to keep track on your every little move. Caught in a cat and mouse game with his enforcer for two weeks, you must bear through his severe scrutiny, because one wrong move could mean a bullet to your head.

-> Warnings: I can’t write any thing here without spoiling the story but please read at your own discretion. This chapter is very dark and twisted, filled with gory descriptions. Again, please read at your OWN risk! Mature content ahead.

Loosely inspired by © A bittersweet Life

One late autumn night, the disciple awoke crying. So the master asked the disciple, “Did you have a nightmare?”

“No.”

“Did you have a sad dream?”

“No,” said the disciple. “I had a sweet dream.”

“Then why are you crying so sadly?”

The disciple wiped his tears away and quietly answered, “Because the dream I had can’t come true.”

********

D-Day

9:52 am

“Are you nervous?”

You woke up to Seungyoun’s soft voice crooning past your ears in the uproar around you. Your eyes fluttered to accommodate the light of the bustling airport, head still nestled against Seungyoun’s shoulder.

“No,” you said, voice groggy from sleep. You slowly acclimated yourself to your surroundings, reminding yourself you weren’t in the comforts of your home, but in a busy airport, dreading the arrival of Seungwoo.

Oh, how fast the time had passed since you kissed Seungyoun two days ago. It had all been ethereal to say the least. You in his arms as the sun came up and as it went down again. You remembered the moon and how it shied away as Seungyoun held you tightly in his arms, kissing away the fears that etched up your throat. His hands were in yours, and they were on your heart and they were on the scars on your thighs. They were everywhere you wanted them to be, all as his eyes never left yours.

His eyes, you thought, were a universe of their own. They were brimming with ardour and resentment. Ardour for you, and resentment for the world. He shared your love with only the sun, for the sun ignited his love, stirred it up and carried it to you.

He was in love with you. That at least he had come to terms with in the past two days. And he knew what you felt for him too, for your every kiss lingered, as if it would be the last.

Because Seungyoun was with you, you had been a little less lonely for two weeks. But as you looked up at the crowd of people coming out of the arrival terminal, you realized your small bliss was about to be disrupted by the hurricane that was Seungwoo. You weren’t nervous, as Seungyoun had asked, instead, you were terrified. Terrified of what you would feel when you finally saw Seungwoo again, and if your feelings for Seungyoun would be swayed.

Amidst your rampant thoughts, Seungyoun pulled his head away from where it rested on top of yours.

It was time.

“I wish Dongpyo was here.” Your abrupt confession caught Seungyoun off-guard. He furrowed his eyebrows, looking skeptically at you.

“Why would you want that brat here?”

There was bad blood between them; you could feel it by simply hearing the annoyance in Seungyoun’s voice.

Dongpyo could be horrible. You knew that. But the fact that he could be good was only known to you. He had been the first to warn you against Seungwoo, albeit in not the best of ways. But even so, at least, he had tried. He had also been there for you like a little brother, using less of his wicked ways when he was with you.

“He’s not a bad person. Just misunderstood.”

And at fault for being Seungwoo’s adopted brother, you thought. You couldn’t blame Dongpyo for his wretched attitude, not with Seungwoo as his brother, and not with the constant humiliation and degradation he went through. You couldn’t imagine becoming anything less than a monster living the way he lived, and yet he had carried himself so well even amidst the terror, salvaging the small piece of his childhood.

Seungyoun scoffed and spoke again, but not to argue, “He tried to poison me once. Well, not exactly me, but I did get poisoned.”

Though the grave situation he mentioned, you still smiled. A hint of humor lined your lips when you said, “And then I saved you.”

Seungyoun’s eyes were a sparkling mess when he looked at you.

“And then you saved me.”

He glanced at his watch.

9:59 am.

There was an announcement going on, followed by people filing out of the arrival terminal again. One of them would be Seungwoo. One of them would die by your hands.

“I love you, Seungyoun.”

Your hands were shaking so you held onto Seungyoun’s, only to find them steady as rain, holding you firmly lest you collapse and tatter into pieces. He wanted to tell you he loved you too, that he wanted to kiss you more than anything in the world but the words lingered in the air, overcome by dread as he saw Seungwoo—in his usual attire of a black suit—walking out from amongst the crowd of people.

He gave your hands a firm squeeze before gently letting go.

“Be brave.”

Seungwoo was materializing too soon, too fast. It was hard to catch your breath when he took you into his arms, holding you as if he had not ordered Seungyoun to kill you; twice now. After what felt like an eternity, Seungwoo let you go. He held you by the shoulders, surveying your face with a broad smile.

“I’m glad you’re okay.”

And that was all the affection he could offer before he proceeded to give Seungyoun a pat on his shoulders.

“Thank you for bringing her here, Seungyoun. And thank you for taking care of her as I told you to.”

Seungyoun had settled things with the Lee syndicate, hence the words of gratitude. He had blown up their most prized possession—the warehouse—and that had damaged them beyond repair. Of course Lee Jinhyuk operated in multiple locations, but his prime business had taken a huge blow and thankfully, they couldn’t get back at Seungwoo or his men for they lacked the resources. They would heal, and they would come back, but that would take an awfully long time and by then Seungwoo’s syndicate would be out of their reach.

That, and Seungyoun’s heroic deed of saving you had restored his pride and honor in Seungwoo’s eyes, not that he cared much. Seungyoun had seen what Seungwoo could be, and he had not liked it in the slightest.

“It’s good to have you back, Seungwoo hyung.”

Oh, the lies. They poisoned Seungyoun’s tongue.

“And it’s good to see you both.”

You glanced at Seungyoun. He was smiling, though the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

Once the greetings were done with, Seungyoun drove you and Seungwoo back to your home since Seungwoo had insisted on spending some time with you. You hated the idea of being anywhere near Seungwoo, in fact you hated everything about him. His voice, his presence and the way he was driving you away from Seungyoun, piece by piece.

It felt bizarre when it was Seungwoo you went into your house with and not Seungyoun. Seungyoun stayed back, in the driveway in front of your house as you went farther and farther away from him before disappearing behind the confines of your house.

He had seen your eyes waver when you closed the door, but he had simply given a nod of assurance. A nod that he hoped would tell you everything would be fine.

But as soon as the door to your house closed you felt something blocking out the air from entering your swollen lungs. It was hard to breathe, and even harder to think when you felt Seungwoo leading you into your bedroom before kissing you.

“I missed you,” he murmured against your lips. His hands gripped your waist, lips catching onto your neck as you tried to find the voice to protest. You wanted to push him away, to scream and yell at him for letting you down.

But your voice betrayed you as you replied, “I missed you too.”

There was no truth behind your words, and at least for that, you were relieved.

Meanwhile, Seungwoo’s hands were crawling up from beneath your shirt, tugging at its hem.

Come on, Y/n, just tell him to stop.

You couldn’t tell him to stop. Not when his hands were slipping you out of your shirt and your bra, stripping you down till you were stark naked and at his disposal. He gently pushed you down onto your bed with one hand, taking off his shirt between a string of short kisses, some of which you returned, most of which you didn’t. There was a sudden need to cover yourself out of shame, out of embarrassment, but Seungwoo had your hands pinned by your sides, putting that need to waste.

There was still time to ask him to stop, you knew it. But then again, what would your excuse be? That you were tired? That you were just not in the mood?

No, that would be too weak of an excuse, and Seungwoo would catch up to your lies before you could get a grip around him. You forced yourself to suppress a sigh, eyes wandering as Seungwoo left a trail of sloppy trails down your chest.

You whimpered when Seungwoo’s hand trailed down your stomach, leaving a trail of shivers down your spine. His slender fingers raked up and down your thighs, exploring the skin where Seungyoun’s warm hands had found refuge. You bit your lips, keeping yourself from shedding the layer of moisture blurring your vision.

You were so weak, so helpless.

You could only close your eyes when you heard the clink of Seungwoo’s belt and the ruffle of his pants as they joined the mess of clothes on the floor. You hoped closing your eyes would make this end soon, but it only made things worse. With darkness behind your eyes, the void was filled with memories full of longing. And in that longing you saw your brother, your friends and brightest of all, Seungyoun, living in a world where Seungwoo and men like him didn’t exist. It was a lovely world. A world you wanted to be reborn in.

But it disappeared when you opened your eyes, your breaths breaking into shallow whimpers as you felt Seungwoo push into you. He kissed you as he picked up his pace, setting a steady rhythm, pushing himself in and out.

“I love you so fucking much.”

You wished there was a gun nearby. Or any weapon you could pierce Seungwoo’s cold, traitorous heart with. But there were only your tears, which he licked away with his poisonous kisses.

You were at the mercy of a merciless man. And you were entirely helpless, accepting your defeat with every kiss he gave you.

But not for long.

***********

“I have to get to my dance class.”

Your voice broke the terrible silence around you. Seungwoo shifted behind you, pulling you closer. He mumbled incoherently about how you could just skip it for today.

“I can’t, I’ve already skipped too many.”

You pushed yourself out of his grip, leaving the bed before quickly slipping into your clothes. You prayed he wouldn’t press the matter and let you leave before the confinement of your house could suffocate you.

“Fine.”

Seungwoo shifted out of the bed, putting on his own clothes before walking up to you and resting a hand on your cheeks. His touch was soft, but his eyes were stern. Slowly, he was returning to his real self; the stoic and reserved Seungwoo that he had buried somewhere inside him was crawling out of the mud, opening his eyes to the world he left behind.

“I will send you a dress today.”

Seungwoo’s hand left your cheek and caught onto the pendant hanging around your neck. The morse code pendant was still in your possession after Seungyoun had denied your offer to take it back. You had not complained when he had placed the chain back into your firm hands. Instead, you welcomed the feeling of the cold metal back on your skin.

You watched as Seungwoo twirled the pendant in his hands, surveying the small engraved morse code which only you knew the meaning of.

“I want you to wear it tomorrow.”

He let the pendant fall back onto your neck.

“What’s tomorrow?” You asked.

Seungwoo turned his back to you, turning to face the residual light seeping from your room’s window.

“I’m back after two weeks, don’t you think that calls for a little celebration?”

You shook your head because he wasn’t looking. Because you were always the bravest when he wasn’t looking.

“I see…,” Your voice trailed off. With timid steps, you stepped back from Seungwoo, striving to put as much distance between you two as possible.

“I should probably get going... I’m getting late.”

Seungwoo hummed in response.

You walked out of the room, relaxing your tense muscles. Your legs ached to run, but you steadied them until you were out of your house and walking across the driveway. Only when your house had vanished into the horizon behind you did you finally give yourself the release you so desperately needed.

You took a deep breath of fresh air and then bolted into a run.

And you didn’t look back. Not even once.

***********

4:30 pm

“So...Which one will it be?”

Seungyoun watched as Wooseok held up two plates with samples of red velvet cakes. One was a crimson monstrosity with powdered sugar sprinkled at the top while the other was smaller, yet hideous with its peculiar assortment of chocolate candies. Wooseok looked at Seungyoun eagerly, tapping his foot rapidly.

“I don’t know-”

“Oh come one! How hard can it be? Just pick a damn cake.” Wooseok was at his edge now, agitated by Seungyoun’s indifferent behaviour. He placed the plates down on the Seungyon’s desk. The sound of their clink against the wood startled Seungyoun, cutting sharply at his dazed mind.

“You can talk to me if there is anything bothering you.”

Seungyoun gazed up. He considered Wooseok’s offer, the burden in his heart aching for a release. He debated whether he could trust Wooseok, and felt ashamed for doing so. Wooseok was Seungyoun’s oldest friend, and perhaps, his only friend. To doubt him would be to doubt everyone he had ever known all his life.

“I’m okay, just tired.”

Wooseok waited for him to change his mind but Seungyoun was firm with his decision to keep the matter to himself. After all, the less people he involved, the safer everyone would be, or so he believed.

Seungyoun pointed to the larger cake on his table, the one covered with powdered sugar.

“Put that one out.”

Wooseok let out a sigh of relief, “Finally.”

Seungyoun surveyed him as he proceeded to pick both plates up from his desk.

“Is there any special occasion for which you brought the cakes?”

Wooseok peered up at him, face pulled in a frown.

“You don’t know? Mr. Seungwoo asked to prepare for a party in his honor, because we overtook the Lee’s.”

Seungyoun stared at Wooseok, not blinking for a few moments as he took in the information.

A party in his hotel that Seungyoun himself did not know about? Usually any occasion or event would be discussed with Seungyoun first, and only after he had approved it would it proceed. No matter how significant it may be.

When Seungyoun didn’t speak for a long time, Wooseok cocked his head to one side, curious as he asked, “You didn’t know? I think Seungwoo asked the event manager to organize it this time.”

"Dongpyo?" Seungyoun asked, voice laden with disbelief. It seemed as if Wooseok was about to shake his head but the abrupt click of the door handle made them both snap their heads towards it.

As if on cue, the little devil barged into Seungyoun’s office, not bothering to knock as he plopped himself down on a chair by the desk.

“I’m getting out of here,” Wooseok mumbled, hurriedly taking his leave.

Unfortunately, no one liked confronting the little devil. But much to Seungyoun’s dismay, it was an absolute necessity for him to have to speak to him.

Before Seungyoun could greet him with a well-crafted insult, Dongpyo threw a heavy file at his desk.

“I can’t deal with this. This whole party organizing thing goes past my head.”

“And you want me to do what about that?”

Seungyoun glared at Dongpyo who remained unfazed by his hostility. He was too used to the constant banter.

“Nothing,” Dongpyo shifted in the seat, toying with Seungyoun’s name plate on the desk. His shoulders tensed when he eyed Seungyoun, though his eyes were soft. And for a second, whilst looking back into Dongpyo’s eyes, Seungyoun could see the boy he was. The boy he could’ve been if things hadn’t gone south. A boy he could love like his little brother, but the image vanished as soon as it materialized when Dongpyo spoke, “I just came to give you a heads up,”

If he hadn’t seen Dongpyo’s eyes soften just a moment ago, Seungyoun would’ve replied with a sharp retort. But there was a sickness in the boy’s eyes, a fever in his small heart. And Seungyoun would be a heartless bastard to damage him further.

“One of us has our foot in the grave.”

Dongpyo opened the file discarded on the desk. He flipped the pages, motions sluggish as he stopped on a page and turned it towards Seungyoun.

“There are more than 200 invites,” Donpyo said as Seungyoun skimmed through the page.

“Seungwoo wants music, dancing, maximun protection and basically everything he would usually need before he was about to orchestrate murder in the premise.”

Seungyoun nodded subconsciously. He recalled all the parties he had ever organized, the ones where blood was shed and the ones where things had been relatively quiet. Then he looked at the instructions given for tomorrow’s party, and his blood ran cold.

“How do you know it might be one of us he’s after?”

Dongpyo shrugged, “He didn’t tell you about the party, and neither did he tell me.”

“Besides,” he stood up, placing the name plate in his hand back on the desk. “We’re not really his favorites nowadays.”

Seungyoun observed him skeptically, “Why would you say that-”

“Oh don’t act so stupid Seungyoun, it doesn’t suit you.”

Dongpyo was so relaxed it put Seungyoun on the edge. He waited for him to continue, growing anxious by the second.

“I don’t particularly care about you, but I care about Y/n. And she probably cares about you, unfortunately. That’s why I came here. If Seungwoo does anything to you, that girl is going to blame herself for the rest of her miserable life.”

Seungyoun’s heart thrummed against his chest. His mouth was dry, making it difficult to swallow, and even difficult to speak when he tried, “I don’t know what you’re talking-”

“Of course you do. Just now when I took Y/n’s name your eyes lit up in apprehension. It would be a wonder if Seungwoo hasn’t noticed the spark between you two yet.”

“Don’t you dare-” Seungyoun threatened, but was cut off mid sentence.

“I don’t want to. Like I said, I care about Y/n.”

Dongpyo scoffed when he saw Seungyoun’s look of disbelief.

“I know it sounds weird coming from me, but even the devil can have a heart.”

Seungyoun didn’t speak as Dongpyo sauntered out of his office, shooting him a look of what could be pity as he closed the door behind him.

Dongpyo’s words lingered in his mind as he closed his eyes and leaned back against the chair.

He wanted to think about the party tomorrow, of what it would bring for him. Of what it would bring for you. But he could only think about how much he missed you, and how it sucked to not see you every second of the day.

He thought and thought as he dug out his phone from his pocket and contemplated dialing your number.

He didn’t hesitate once as he pressed dial, eager to hear your voice again.

*********

Your friends couldn’t believe you when you told them you were quitting the dance class. And you partially blamed yourself for being so abrupt with the confession. It had slipped out of your mouth in a normal conversation as you all were packing up for the day.

“Can’t believe it’s my last day,” you had blurted out of nowhere while you all were laughing. Your untimely confession had plucked the laughter from the boys’ mouths, leaving them scampering for answers. Hyeongjun was the first to break. He clinged to your shoulders, tears pricking his eyes as he pleaded you not to leave. Junho was soon to break down next, throwing questions that you had difficulty answering.

Minhee had been the most patient, merely listening as you explained your side of the story to the more persistent boys. He had stayed behind when Hyeongjun and Junho had left, wanting answers that you could give him easily.

“You’re not really coming back.” Minhee pondered out loud, a contradiction to the reassurance you gave to Hyeongjun, claiming you were just temporarily quitting.

You two were sitting on a bench near the bus stop, in a rather solemn street. The road was empty, save for the occasional car that rolled by, and even emptier was the air surrounding you.

“No,” you choked out, holding back tears and avoiding Minhee’s stare. “I don’t think I’m coming back.”

There was silence on Minhee’s side. He took a moment to push back his own tears, and sighed as he took your hand in his.

“You can talk to me, Y/n.”

Of course I can, you thought. If there was any person you could talk about your problems to, it was Minhee. Your friend, your confidant. The person who knew you before anyone else did. And yet, when you opened your mouth to confess, something stole the words right out of your mouth.

You gaped up at Minhee, tears welling up in your eyes as you struggled to speak. You choked back sobs, shaking your head as he took you in his arms. Minhee held you as if you were mere pieces of broken glass, fearing that if he let you go you would scatter onto the pavement.

"It's okay," He cooed in your ears, slowly stroking your hair. Minhee's movements were soft, voice strong.

You wiped your tears with your sleeve. Your chest heaved as you tried to calm yourself down. Gradually, your head left Minhee's chest, and his arms slid down your shoulders, returning by his sides.

Wiping away the residual tears, you whispered-because that's all you could do with your hoarse throat-, "I’m sorry I’m doing this to you guys."

A flare of headlights and the rumble of a bus engine could be heard in the distance. Out on the edge of the road, Minhee’s bus rolled towards the bus stop. In a few moments Minhee would get on it, and you would lose the last piece of yourself with him. You had already lost Junho and Hyeongjun, fed them up on baseless promises, but the closer the bus got, the more adamant you became on not telling Minhee any lies. Lies would smoulder your friendship, but the truth would set it on fire.

“Whatever it is that is holding you back…” Minhee began, biting his lips as he tapped his foot against the ground. He looked at you, face dulled into a look of pity, “I just hope it doesn’t take you away from us, from me, forever.”

He leaned forward, face suspended a few inches from yours as he turned your head down with his hands and kissed your forehead. The ache in your heart dulled as your pulse scampered, making you dizzier by the second.

Minhee pulled back and the bus stopped in front of you. It was time to let him go.

You wished you wouldn’t be gone forever. You truly, deeply wished that. But there would be blood on your hands soon, and you couldn't smear it on your only friends. You just couldn't be that cruel.

Minhee climbed up the small stairs of the bus, hesitant as he spared you a glance over his shoulder. You captured the look on his face. In case you never saw them again, you wanted to—at the very least— remember what your friends looked like. The doors hissed as they closed. And away went the bus, taking the last of your friends with it.

*********************

“The tide is high today.”

You lifted your head from where it rested on the dashboard. Out in the distance you saw waves crashing against the blanket of sand, rising up as if to engulf the beach before receding and taking away with them the mischievous threat. The sun ebbed way over the horizon, dipping into the endless sea, bathing the world with the residue of its fading light.

Some of its light shone on your face, and some on Seungyoun’s face as he gazed at you from the driver’s seat of his car. His lips were turned up, flickering with the ghost of a smile.

“You look beautiful.”

Seungyoun’s eyes glistened as they surveyed your face, lingering on your reddening cheeks from his abrupt compliment. He ran his fingertips across your face. His touch was barely a soft caress, gone before you could even feel it. It left you seeking for more.

“I wish Y/n and Seungyoun of two weeks ago were here instead of us,” you whispered, fearing that raising your voice would steal the perfect moment away.

“Y/n and Seungyoun of two weeks ago despised each other,” Seungyoun laughed. He turned to face the beach in view, the pupils in his eyes dilating as the world around you darkened.

“Then I wish Y/n and Seungyoun of today could go back two weeks, to the safety of a few dance lessons and a game of UNO.”

“And have you win the game by cheating all over again? I’ll pass.” Seungyoun scoffed, humor thick in his voice as he tilted his head to look at you again.

“I did not cheat. You were just too bad at it.” You huffed out, folding your arms over your chest defensively. The smile was still on your face, keeping the air light and breathable, unlike back at your house.

“Of course,” Seungyoun rolled his eyes.

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss on your lips, smiling when your hands intertwined with his. You kissed him back, listening as the sea around you rose like the butterflies in your chest. Seungyoun pulled back and the sea withdrew, shying away from what lingered between you both in that ephemeral moment.

“I should take you home.”

Seungyoun’s words broke the moment, and his voice broke the sea as it reached forward with foamy waves, unleashing its fury onto the beach. The roar of the tide instilled a violent fear in your chest. You licked your lips as Seungyoun pulled away, shifting the gear until his car was pulling out of the small parking lot in front of the beach.

“Don’t take me to my home.”

You clung to Seungyoun’s forearm, holding him tight. Your chest heaved with the memories of early morning dwindling in your feeble mind.

Your sudden shift of emotions startled Seungyoun. He looked at you, eyebrows furrowed as he slowly nodded.

“Where else do you want to go?” Seungyoun asked, mind whirring.

You shook your head, sighing. Anxiously, you fidgeted with your fingers, pulling your lips into a tight line.

"Your home. Take me to your home."

****************

You had expected Seungyoun’s home to be a lot of things; dark, remote and even a bit scary. But mostly you had expected it to be messy and closed off.

What you had not expected his home to have was so many windows. Every single room in his colossal house had a large window, may it be the living room or the bedroom itself. They made the house look brighter, despite the dark beige interior. Where your house was a hideous mess of green interior, Seungyoun’s was a warm brown. It was easy to find comfort in every room Seungyoun showed you, but mostly in the living room you sat in as Seungyoun fumbled with something in the kitchen.

“You sure you don’t want any help?”

Seungyoun tried to glance at you, but hit his head on the shelf in the attempt. You tried to hide your smile as Seungyoun let out a curse. Nonetheless, he covered his clumsiness with a smile.

“Nope. I’m doing pretty good.”

He gave you a thumbs up, reminding you of the day he first met you, when you had shown the same gesture to him. He had found it bizarre back then, annoying even. You had merely smiled at his distant behavior.

You two had hated each other then, yet everything else was so easy, so normal.

Seungyoun stepped away from the stove, gently removing the kettle he had been brewing tea in before pouring the searing liquid into two cups. You shifted to peer at him from the corner of the living room, still seated in the couch facing the tv.

He sauntered into the room, carefully blowing on one of the cups in an attempt to cool it down. He handed it over to you, before setting down his own cup on the side table.

Hesitantly, you sipped the tea, waiting for the hot liquid to burn your tongue but relieved when it was almost lukewarm.

"Don't do it Y/n."

Your head shot towards seungyoun. He was perched on the edge of the sofa, fidgeting with his fingers.

"Do what?"

You dreaded the answer. You knew he would stop you from fulfilling the promise you made yourself. The promise filled with Seungwoo's blood and the pain he made you feel. And you knew you would willingly do anything Seungyoun wanted you to do, except for this one thing.

"Don't kill Seungwoo."

You placed the cup in your hands on the table in front. Seungyoun tugged at your hands, gently holding onto them.

"I know he has caused you a lot of pain, I know… I know he is a bad person. But you are good. You are the best person I've ever met. And I don't want you to taint that perfect part of you."

You weren't listening. You didn't want to listen.

"Please, let it go. Go back home, to your real home."

You knew Seungyoun was talking about the home you left long ago, the one where your parents and your little brother Dohyon lived and waited for you to come back.

"Will you come with me?" you asked.

Your eyes were searching Seungyoun's face, but what you searched for, you did not know.

It took Seungyoun a moment to answer. You could see that he was fighting something off, something that sounded like the clink of heavy chains weighing him down. You wanted to help him fight it off, but your own prepositions kept you from doing so.

"My world and your world are very different-"

Maybe this is it, you thought. Perhaps Seungyoun had finally reached the edge of whatever love you two had and he just didn’t want to go any farther. You didn’t blame him for it, but it hurt nonetheless.

“But I’m willing to leave my world behind and create a new one… A world that welcomes us. If only you are willing to do the same.”

Were you willing to do the same? No. Not at all. Or at least that’s what your mind told you. You didn’t dare ask your heart for an opinion, because you knew what it wanted.

Defeated, you wrapped your arms around Seungyoun, indulging yourself in the intoxicating scent of his body. With your body so close to his, Seungyoun forgot that you gave him no affirmative answer. And you forgot that you were going to kill Seungwoo tomorrow, at the party meant to celebrate him, wearing the dress he sent for you.

You knew you would have to remember it all once Seungyoun’s embrace was no longer subduing the rage in your heart. Even so, you gave his offer a thought.

But the boiling blood coursing through your veins burnt your thoughts and it scorched your common sense.

You were going to kill Seungwoo. One way or another.

*************************

The black silk gown clung to your body, making you squirm in discomfort. It was a simple dress, pooling at your ankles and hanging low on your shoulders, a rather loose fit.

But it wasn’t the dimensions of the dress that irked you. It was its pitch black color. Black had never been a color you liked. It was too edgy, like a black hole stealing the light around.

Still, you straightened your shoulders and clutched a matching purse in your hand, smiling as you drifted through High Sun hotel, thanking the staff that welcomed you and the stream of outrageously dressed guests.

Seungyoun was nowhere to be found, as expected. He would probably be in his office at this hour, overseeing guest lists and last minute preparations.

One of the staff members guided you through the gigantic hallway and into a hall where the party was in full swing. If you hadn’t seen enough of them already, you would’ve been in awe of the immaculately dressed aristocrats crowding the large hall. You could always count on Seungwoo’s guest to flaunt their glistening diamonds and gold in every way possible. They almost made you conscious of your own plain dress, save for a few jewels that lined its neckline.

“You don’t look so bad.”

You turned your head sideways, smiling when you found Dongpyo standing not too far from you. Clad in a tuxedo with his hair pushed back, he resembled Seungwoo even though the resemblance wouldn’t help him in the slightest. His hands were pinned behind his back, face holding that signature scowl he was infamous for.

“You don’t look so bad yourself.”

Your compliment relaxed him a bit. It broke the look of annoyance, leaching it away in an instant. Tentatively, he stepped towards you, gracefully extending a gloved hand before gazing up at you.

“Care for a dance?”

You shrugged.

Dongpyo pulled you into the centre of the lavishly decorated hall, under the crystal chandelier that was suspended above the dance floor. The mellow music sifted through the air, making you painfully aware of what you carried in your suspiciously voluminous purse.

Donpyo placed a hand on your waist, while the other clasped your hand as you two danced to the slow melody. You were quiet for the longest time, simply taking in the bizarre world around you. The place, the people, the music; it was all so foreign to you. And perhaps it would always be, because no matter how hard Seungwoo tried to make you fit in, you just couldn’t. You were like a stubborn puzzle piece, printed to complete the puzzle yet too persistent to just not form a sound shape. Seungwoo had tried cutting you, tried moulding you to fit his puzzle, but to no avail. You were simply unchangeable. A wild beast in a world full of pacifists.

And like a beast, you always had an unquenchable thirst for revenge. The desire to see the blood pouring from the skin of the person that wronged you, to watch as they were persecuted in front of your very eyes. That’s what you had done with the men who took everything from you. That was the story unknown to most.

After Seungwoo had saved you, he had asked what you wanted to be done with the men who had stripped you of your honor. And what you had asked Seungwoo to do to them was beyond the imaginations of a sane human being.

You had asked them to be burned and skinned and butchered like farm animals. You had watched even, as the men had their tongues torn out with pincers, parts of their bodies burned with scorching torches as they screamed in agony. With every scream they let out, you gave them a fit of laughter. You were a monster in the eyes of the men who held you at their mercy just days ago.

At the end of it all, you had stayed to bid farewell to what was left of their barely breathing bodies. You knew not what became of them, where they were buried or if they were buried at all. They certainly did not deserve a proper burial, perhaps cremation would’ve been preferred by you, just so they would get a taste of where they would be going after you were done with them.

And it wasn’t as if you wouldn’t be going to hell, too, after all that you had asked from Seungwoo. And maybe, above all the pain Seungwoo had given to you, the real reason you wanted to kill Seungwoo was the fact that he had seen you become a monster. You had been at your worst when you had met him, consumed by the fire of retribution. But you were at your best when you met Seungyoun, and you knew very well that as long as Seungwoo was alive, he would never let you be good.

*************

"She is looking beautiful, isn't she?"

Seungwoo walked over until he stood next to Seungyoun. They were both standing on a terraced balcony that overlooked the hall below, watching as people loitered amidst the raging music and intoxicating drinks.

"I suppose."

Seungyoun knew without a doubt Seungwoo had been talking about you. He could track his gaze down to where you danced with Dongpyo. Your eyes held the memories of long ago, yet your body flowed with the soft melody.

"It is always too bad when something so beautiful starts to corrode."

Seungyoun peered at Seungwoo from the corner of his eyes, wondering what he may have meant from his blatant confession.

Seungwoo turned to Seungyoun, tilting his head to one side. "So in the span of two weeks, you found nothing on her?"

Seungyoun didn't avoid his gaze, despite the desperate need to do so.

"No. No, I didn't."

Seungwoo hummed in response, trailing his eyes back to you.

He furrowed his eyebrows, focusing them as if he was trying to get you to look back at him. At some point, you jutted your chin towards the balcony, and found the eyes of one of the two men. And it wasn't Seungwoo.

"Kill her anyway. "

Seungyoun's eyes snapped over to Seungwoo. His veins constricted as his face turned pale against his perspiring body.

"What?"

Seungwoo left Seungyoun's side, patting him once on the shoulder before saying, "Kill her… or save her and kill yourself instead."

He exited the balcony from a vast door, leading to the antechamber of his office, leaving Seungyoun scrambling for air.

***********

“Are you okay?”

Your mind, seeping through the resistant memories, whirled back to the present. You licked your lips, nodding slowly.

Donpyo glanced sideways, eyes frantic as if on the lookout for someone.

“Seungyoun really loves you.”

You opened your mouth before closing it shut. Your heart hammered against your fragile chest, unable to contain your surprise at Dongpyo’s abrupt confession.

“What are you talking about?”

You gave him a fake smile, cheeks twitching as if too truthful to hide the lie behind the curl of your lips.

“Cut the crap. I know what’s going on between you two.”

You swallowed through your parched throat, words forming in your mouth but disintegrating from your voice.

“And I won’t tell Seungwoo, so don’t worry.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, raising a hand to wipe the sweat off of your forehead.

“But-” Donpyo looked sideways again, eyes shining with paranoia, “I want you to know that you should leave Seungwoo as soon as you can. The more you stay around, the darker your soul becomes. He will suck the life and happiness out of you and he will take Seungyoun away. I know it, I-I saw it in his eyes yesterday. There was… There was anger and agitation and he was on the edge. He was blabbering about you and Seungyoun, I don’t know… I just,”

You held onto Dongpyo who was on the verge of collapsing to the floor. His ragged breaths cut through the melody of the music, draining it of its beauty and filling it with dread to the point that it spilled in the air around you.

“Donpyo what are you saying?”

You yourself were on the edge of tearing up, frightened by Dongpyo’s revelations. Were you really going to lose Seungyoun? Would Seungwoo really take him away from you before you had a chance to love him to your heart’s content?

“Where is he? Donpyo?”

You grabbed Donpyo’s chin forcing him to look at you. His eyes were swollen, cheeks reddening with the way he cried.

“Where’s Seungyoun?”

Panic settled in your bones as you shook the boy by his shoulders, hissing when he wouldn’t stop crying.

“I don’t know,” he said between sobs, “I don’t know.”

Ignorant of the people around you, you let out a loud groan of frustration, ruffling your combed hair as you exited the hall. You meandered through the massive hallways, a hand on your chest to stop your heart from pouring out. In the heat of the moment, you had discarded your heavy purse somewhere, abandoning the weapon in it to whoever would lay his or her hands on it before you would again.

Pushing through a set of giant doors, you brushed past a few waiters politely telling you that you were in the private sector of the hotel and that they could not allow you to pass through. At some point they had abandoned you to your frantic search, deciding that talking to you would be like talking to a brick wall. And at that very point you had barged through what looked like an office and found yourself face to face with Seungyoun.

His face was turned towards you, a hand extended the way Dongpyo had moments ago to ask you for a dance. The only difference was that Seungyoun wasn’t going to ask you to dance. Because in his tight grip was a polished gun, and it was aimed directly at your head.

Pt II.

"Y/n?"

As fast as the gun had been aimed at your head, it lost its target just as quickly. Seungyoun dropped his hand, frowning as he saw you. Your name sounded strange on his lips, like it had the first day he met you.

"Seungyoun."

And yet, like always, his name was a prayer of relief for you; a tether, a string, a thread binding you together.

You took a step towards him, and then another and then you kept walking until your hand was in his but his gun was on your head. It had found its lost home again.

Were you shocked? No. Not when you had been in the same situation once already. You weren't angry, you weren't afraid. In that moment all your helpless self felt was love, and perhaps everything that went beyond it.

"It's okay, Seungyoun."

You smiled, caressing his face with your calloused hands, staining them with the curse that came with being with you.

"Why is this so hard?"

Seungyoun was on the verge of tears, cheeks wavering in an uncontrolled, feral emotion.

You laughed. And Seungyoun knew that if not for the gun, it would've been the best moment of his life.

You and him, him and you.

Every moment that you two had shared was a gift from God. You didn't deserve even a second with Seungyoun, and yet somehow you had been blessed with so many days of seeing him smile, and seeing him laugh. And if you had asked for anything more, you knew you'd be playing at terrible odds.

"Nothing else matters," you cooed. Your fingers hovered over his eyes, grazing his nose and feeling his shaking lips, "Only us."

You closed your eyes. Seungyoun closed his.

"I love you, no matter what."

Yesterday you were afraid of dying. Today you were willing to embrace it, if only by the hands of Seungyoun. You had no regrets now, no lingering hopes of mercy. It was okay. It was all okay.

"And I love you," Seungyoun whispered, taking a step back. He snatched his hand away from your grip, leaving your skin cold and empty.

You didn't mind. You had felt him once with the kind of touch you'd take to your grave.

"I love you, and no one can take that away. And no one can punish you for it. You committed no crime."

Seungyoun's eyes shot behind you, skin paling at whatever ghost he must've seen. You watched him swallow, cringing at the way he looked so weak, so helpless. You wanted to ease him off his pain. You wanted him to pull the trigger and set you free.

"Do it, Seungyoun."

Your face was peaceful as ever, a harmony in your heart melting into your voice.

You kneeled before him, taking one of his hands and placing it over your heart. It gave you strength and it made you remember. You heaved a long sigh as the uncanny click of the gun jolted awake your fading senses.

You smiled and tried to remember all the good times; the day you held his hand for the first time, the day he told you how good of a dancer you were, the moment he kisses you, for the first and last time. It all came rushing to you, fostering a joy in your veins.

You relaxed your shoulders, your grip around Seungyoun's hand merely a caress now.

"May we meet again," Seungyoun whispered.

There was a shift, an aching loss of feeling on your head and then the shot of the gun sounded.

It was over.

Everything was over.

You opened your eyes.

But not for you.

There was no Seungyoun in front of you, no hand of his on your heart. But there was a splatter of warmth on your face, a crimson liquid staining the wall in front of you.

And below you, right in front of your eyes lay Seungyoun, with a bullet woven intricately into his small head. It was then that you realized it was his blood on your face, and his blood on the walls and his blood on the carpet and his blood everywhere else.

"Seungyoun?"

You waited, your mind fazed and expecting an answer. You crawled towards him, hands suspended above his body as if not sure which part of him to hold first. "Seungyoun?!"

Your mouth hung open, jaw quaking. You raked your fingernails across your face, drawing blood in agony when Seungyoun gave you no answer.

"Answer me you idiot!"

Your voice was now a scream. It was all that mattered. Because Seungyoun was not here. And you were all alone. Tears cascaded down your already wet cheeks, turning red the further down they went. You took a lifeless hand and placed it on your chest again, shaking your head as if to shake off reality.

"No, no, no, no, no."

You chanted, blinking your eyes rapidly, trying anything to make everything go away. There was an ache in your throat, ice in your ailing lungs and tears in your swollen eyes.

"NO!"

Your wails were heard from across the doorway, at which stood the devil, the false god, the merciless. Seungwoo had many names. And he loved each more than the other.

He clapped his hands, sauntering into what used to be Seungyoun's office, eyes fixated on your disoriented self.

"What a terrible end."

You hissed as you turned towards Seungwoo, still kneeling on the floor beside Seungyoun, still mourning him.

"Stay away from me!"

Haphazardly, you grabbed the bloodied gun that lay discarded near his hand. You wiped away the blood on your eyes, pointing the gun at Seungwoo.

The man merely smiled. Bravely, he stepped forward, coming to stand close enough so that he could gently push away the gun's aim.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. The cowards remain cowards at the end."

Despite the urge not to, you still found yourself bawling in front of Seungwoo. Your hand trembled under the weight of the heavy gun, and perhaps under the weight of Seungyoun's death hovering over your chest.

"I told him to be careful around. I told him that you were easily swayed, but he just wouldn't listen."

Seungwoo spoke as if he was trying to make you understand. It felt from his demeanor that all of this was a terrible joke, a play to teach you a lesson.

"Why-why… did you… ?" your words were broken by your clogged throat and the simmering tears.

"You know I had to."

Furious, you aimed the gun again, right above his sick and twisted heart.

"You won't do-"

You pulled the trigger. It was easier than you thought.

With a thud, Seungwoo collapsed on the floor. His chest heaved and he took his last breaths. A moment passed, and then Seungwoo was no more.

You weren't sure if he deserved your tears, so you laughed instead. You laughed for Seungwoo and you cried for Seungyoun and then you laughed again for yourself. For your troubled fate and for your troubled mind.

The music from across the hallway made you imagine what dancing with Seungyoun would've felt like. Of what his hands on your waist and your arms around his neck would've made you feel. You imagined what never having Seungyoun touch you again would feel like, what always remembering him dead and cold and lifeless would feel like.

It wouldn't feel like anything. Nothing would ever feel like anything at all. Because when Seungyoun had placed his hand on your heart, he had taken it for himself.

But now he was dead.

And so was your heart.

************

When people have started gathering around the premise of the two deaths, you had been cradling Seungyoun's body. When the police had been called and they tried to take Seungyoun away, you had charged at them like a wild animal, screaming until they had to physically restrain you.

What came after was a blur. At some point you were detained in what looked like an interrogation room. People asked you questions but you gave them no answers. People screamed at you but you said nothing. They let you go when the silence threatened to drive them crazy, and when Dongpyo came to take you, he had gone a bit crazy too.

You were sent to a building with plain floors and plain walls, to a room that harbored only a bed and a few chairs. People came to talk to you, doctors you assumed, but you said nothing. A woman clad in white regularly took you out of the room, she fed you meals and tucked you in your bed at night. Everyone around you wore white, but not everyone was the same. Some people were quiet, but others were loud and violent. You hated the place, and you hated the loneliness.

You were released from the makeshift purgatory soon, when you had found your voice again. You had asked Dongpyo where Seungyoun's grave was, but he said he didn't know. You had asked then where Seungwoo's grave was, but he said he couldn't tell you.

You went home then. To your real home. To your parents and your brother Dohyon. They had asked what had become of you, but then you lost your voice again. You told them you were waiting. They asked what you waited for. You said they wouldn't understand.

Because you knew not where Seungyoun's grave was, you mourned him by looking up at the sky. You told him you wanted to meet him again, and that you had tried to, several times. But you told him you were a coward, and that you could only wait.

And lastly, you told him that in the world of no mercy, you had found a little, you had savored it and now you paid its terrible price.

You could tell him nothing else.

So you just waited.

You merely waited.

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