#yado shitposts

[what-yadoking-likes]

“Dallas-” the tentative way Wolf approached the crew chief filled him with dread. Whatever this was about, it was going to take a while.

“... What should I get Hoxton for Christmas?”

“Jesus Christ, Wolf,” Dallas glanced at the time and date in the corner of his computer screen, “you’ve only got 8 days left!”

Wolf groaned and mumbled something about being busy, procrastinating, and Dallas sighed. It was no exaggeration to say Wolf had severe decision-making anxiety, and it was no wonder he’d been struggling - they’d been swamped with weird and wacky requests from Vlad much earlier in the month than in the years prior (secretly he wondered whether Vlad had caught on that the gang had begun avoiding him whenever December rolled around).

“Did you ask Sokol already? What did he say?”

“Blow job,” Wolf said, surly.

“Damn, that was my suggestion-”

“I know that already!” Wolf whined. He sounded so pitiful Dallas became serious.

“Okay. Come talk to me again at 5. We’ll both have no fewer than five ideas, alright?”

“FIVE? Aww c’mon, three-”

“FIVE. I SAID FIVE. If I said FIVE, it’s happening,” Dallas said loudly, pushing the Swede towards the door. “See you at 5! Five ideas at 5, Wolf, no excuses!”

Finally, Dallas had the office to himself again. He sank back into his comfortable chair and glanced at the ceiling.

“Bain-”

“You already told him what I wanted to say.”

Dallas glared.

[honeyfractals]

some sillies

[0verseer-o9]

hey so this is the lisa lore right?

[haydenhappyrave]

fanart i drew of dr yado dying in a glue trap

[sycamoray]

Argus has been blessed with jermbo

[wtfgaylittlezooid]

LISA AU where Buzzo realizes he’s being a fucking dumbass and sees what Brad is doing and is like, oh shit I gotta stop this before he kills everyone, and grabs the vaccine and realizes he won’t make it and time but conviently his old party members were about to leave to find him and Buzzos like “y’all take this before shit goes down” and they agree because they got nothing else to hope for

And basically they give Brad the vaccine in time and he chills the fuck out and everyone’s happy I guess

Cue slow relationship bonding and redemption as Buzzo tries to figure out how to make more vaccines and destroy the remaining joy, with the few joy boys helping

[toddellz]

Ungrateful time baby

[zanyjudgeexpertmonger]

Here’s the shitpost I promised @doodle-bound a while ago.  Sorry for not making it for a while.

So I took her design (Burns but with just the Yado hair ) and made it look even more like Yado.  I hope you enjoy it, Jordan!

[what-yadoking-likes]

Hailing from cold countries means that Sokol and Wolf have something to say whenever the other heisters from warmer climes complain of the cooling temperatures.

“This is nothing,” Sokol would sneer at whoever begun shivering first in their work wear during a stakeout. “This isn’t even single digit temperature. This isn’t even negative temperature.”

Wolf would shake his head mockingly. “They’ll be pulling out their scarves and gloves any second now.”

Their obnoxious behaviour around wintertime accelerated as indeed their fellow crewmates soon after began donning thick layers of clothing, hurrying into the Safehouse from the outdoors bundled up in heavy coats, thick scarves and woolly hats.

The pair even asked Bain if they were allowed to wear shorts whilst heisting.

“For safety reasons, it’s gonna be a no, fellas,” Bain said sternly. “Those long pants are for your own protection.”

Both Sokol and Wolf nodded to show they understood.

So imagine everyone's surprise when the pair showed up to their next heist in shorts they had clearly made themselves with kitchen scissors.

Sokol had cut his homemade shorts to land just above the knee, adding further rips and holes to make his look more fashion-forward. The length emphasised the swollen curves of his calves, causing the eye to trail across the muscles over and over.

Wolf had opted for a simpler look - keeping the hem messy with loose stitching, he fashioned himself a pair of hot-pants out of old work trousers.

“What?” he asked loudly, as innocently as he could, gazing at his fellow heisters who were wearing thick woollen vests over their crisp white shirts and thermal leggings under their trousers.

Chains didn’t know where to look and ended up gazing at the stars in the night sky above. Hoxton wolf-whistled and nodded approvingly, looking the pair up and down, wearing a leery grin on his face. Dallas fought to keep a straight face, knowing he needed to be the voice of reason. His mouth worked as he struggled back his laughter.

[what-yadoking-likes]

Been away from Tumblr for too long, can someone tell me who the new scrunglys and sexymen are?

[what-yadoking-likes]

The women are solemn, uptight, but above all else, fiercely competitive, even at a time like this.

"Well, I know my Bobby must've gone down fightin'. He was a fighter."

A beat. "My Dickie will always be my hero."

Solomon Garrett personally meets with them, wearing a grimace appropriate for the occasion.

He offers them the works - his condolences, a pamphlet explaining widow's pension & benefits, & an explanation of how their husbands died.

"Mr Robert 'Bobby' Peele, he-" he glances at Mrs Peele, "he died getting beaten to death with a money bundle."

Mrs Peele blinks. She blinks again. She must have misheard.

"A... a bag of money, Mr Garrett? They suffocated my poor Bobby with a-"

"No Ma'am, a money bundle. A, err, angry Swedish man beat him to death with a money bundle. Think of a stack of notes you'd get from your bank."

Garrett turns to Mrs Dickie Dickson, who suppresses her smirk - Bobbie Peele a fighter, indeed...

"Mr Dickson died, Ma'am, err. Well. Y'see, an angry chicken beat him with a golden spoon - a large one, mind - and then he set on fire, & he er... succumbed to his injuries."

Mrs Peele and Mrs Dickson stare at him.

"My condolences," he says, & leaves.

[what-yadoking-likes]

Payday fandom: Derek Steele

Everyone: Derek Steele

Payday 3:

[what-yadoking-likes]

Hoxton, realising Franklin can be shortened to Frank which rhymes with Wank which is like Wanker-

[what-yadoking-likes]

The Payday gang on another crazy Vlad heist.

The Payday gang on another crazy Vlad heist, waiting for that moment - was it gonna be nukes? Safes? Nightclub raids? Cruise ship shenanigans? Rescuing Hajrudin from dubious circumstances?

The Payday gang, robbing crates of wine from a brewery in the middle of bum-fuck-nowhere.

Chains, wondering aloud what kind of wine the crates contained, anyway.

Hoxton crowbar-ing a crate open, and finding bottles and bottles of this stuff:

Send post send post send send send

[what-yadoking-likes]

Bain: Jimmy has been released from police custody!

Actual footage of Jimmy being released from police custody:

[what-yadoking-likes]

Hoxton: I don't care what his name is, he'll always be Derek to me.

The meaning of Derek:

D is for Dickhead

E is for everyone thinks you're a dickhead

R is for really stupid wanker

E is for everyone agrees you're a bellend

K is for knob'ead