#yeah idk I’ve just been kinda falling away from the hyperfixation

[morelikedoccock]

I’ve been tired and losing my drive to draw/write but this made me chuckle so I doodled it

Insp below

Based off this:

[rhydium]

Info dumbo about the StarFinite story?

aright u asked for it anon GET READY [cracks knuckles] this is gonna be long so obligatory cut in 3, 2........

...1!

so the uh, the au! the story!! w/e yall wanna call it! full disclaimer, i only began working on this whole thing a while ago, but it's totally taken over my fukn brain. like, we're talking big hyperfixation hrs. am i cringe for being this invested in my own content? yes? cool i do not Care >:3€

i should also throw it out there real quick that i am kin w/ infinite, n this is actually one of my two canons (both of which are my own aus lmfao wow). i didn't go into it expecting it to be but sfsfsgdfs here we are ig!! for that reason it's got extra importance to me n this definitely contributes to the euphoria i get from it!! it's a lil odd writing ur own canon,,? but i kinda just go w/ the flow!

the au n, the story that i will start Eventually, revolves around infinite n starline (obvi) n it's honestly just ... the tl;dr is big healing momence n, what's this? uh oh sisters !!! they are falling in love 😳😳😳

uhhhh so infinite is an android, made by eggman. that's like, the most notable canon divergence here! super important context to have. i've got a whole big theory on the possibility of sega originally intending infinite to be an artificial being (which i explored in the works for my Other canon too), stemming from not only the scene in forces wherein infinite comments on sonic's "data", but a line of dialogue from tails in one of the last stages of the game where he Literally Says "so this is where eggman built infinite". that ... i mean. that contrasts w/ episode shadow pretty hard don't it?? would explain why that dlc was so rushed, n the comic too. ANYWAY adsfsfs um that's a seperate ramblepost. yeah!!!

they are also agender n use they/them (primarily) as well as he/him!! so i'll be refering to them w/ those pronouns!

after the war, infinite is taken in by the resistance n, instead of being dismantled, they're basically given a chance to rehabilitate themselves. it's agreed that they won't be reprogrammed, as despite the potential risks, it feels wrong to do so; like a violation of their free will, individuality n thinking. if infinite is to be a good person, it's not gonna be bc other ppl recreated their entire personality, it's gonna be bc it's what they themselves truly want. robot ethics idk man!! u can't tell me that sonic n co wouldn't offer this to infinite if they offered it to metal in IDW,,,, i am Standing By This!!!

it's, yknow, a bit rocky, at first. infinite has to really fight the urge to return to eggman (something they already tried once, before the resistance found them; they were cast out). it's a struggle against what they were built to do, against giving into unhealthy familiarity over facing a, while healthier, unfamiliarity. new faces, a new life, turning their back on their mission n creator, it's like, a lot.

they work for/with the sonic crew, rebuilding the world they tore down as deemed fitting justice, being closely monitored for a bit as a natural precaution. as it becomes apparent infinite truly no longer has any ambition to harm others (they don't have much ambition for anything, really), they're then granted more freedom, n start taking on more important missions!! it at least gives them something to do, keeps them occupied. they have issues with dissociation, unreality, whether they're truly a real person bc, well, android. feeling purposeless, n a lack of worth, especially. a need to prove themselves. heavy stuff. i'll kinda go into that a bit more in a sec. their work grounds them, if only temporarily.

n soooooo... IDW comic stuff happens. metal virus time. starline gets kicked out of the empire.

now, as the comics are ongoing, n as this is already an au, there's gonna be divergence, n i must admit i haven't planned out all that yet. there's a lot i have to consider!! infinite being w the resistance/restoration is a big game changer ... tho i Do believe that they were absent, likely on a far out mission during most of the chaos. eggman doesn't know abt them, nor does starline or anyone else other than the sonic crew; n some civilians that recognise them.

i'm not 100% sure of Exactly when it happens, but i think it's just after bad guys, that infinite is sent to locate n bring in starline. it doesn't prove too difficult. there's a whole, starline realising "oh fuck it's you???", some bickering n, the two don't hit it off right away. they're both kinda like. not mentally stable ddgddgdds,,,

so uh. starline ends up essentially going thru the same sorta shit as infinite. careful watch, rebuilding, all that jazz, making sure he can be trusted. he's like... very very lost, quite like infinite is. the world has kinda calmed down, in the meanwhile.

it's at this point i'm gonna go ahead n drop a bit of a ramble i subjected my friends to a while ago, to articulate the way i see the two, n their dynamic together!! i was considering making this it's own post a while ago!

analysing their characters a bit... let's look at starline. Like. so we have this, in bad guys, which SENT ME tbfh;

i feel like it's the moment that triggers starline onto the path he is rn canonically,,, he's clearly like. rly mad n bitter. the core of this?? he wants his work n his efforts to be acknowledged.

he's big angry. still kind of in denial at this stage. he has himself obsessed w/ the idea of making eggman see him as Worthy, that if he just tries hard enough, that'll happen. he's dependent on eggman's validation, n i mean, it's no surprise; he's followed him a Long Time by the sounds of it.

then in the recent issue, hold the fuck up, bc we got, This;

god. my god it's all comin together now homies. this???? this right here??? it is the CLASSIC "i have to do this to prove i'm strong n powerful n smart n worthy n should be respected please Give Me Acknowledgement" ..... n who else is Like That? can u see where im going w/ this?

i think most ppl are aware of infinite's character being extremely indicative of self worth/esteem issues n the need to prove themself, right?? the extreme adversity, repulsion, perhaps even fear toward the idea of being weak. the compulsion to prove otherwise, to show their strength, to become powerful, to conquer to make a point. their theme exudes this same energy as their behaviour in-game; an aggressive attitude, trying to assert themself, while if u rly listen...? the lyrics are actually really sad in places. it reeks of cover up, although composition wise, a v interesting thing to note is a lot of the more telling lyrics are prominent while some of the affirming ones are in the background. indicative of a desire to have their true feelings be heard but caught in a vicious loop?

okay okay that's yet Another different analysis. AHEM.

not to get deep on main (oh who the hell am i kidding that's the point of this entire thing) but i think starline has issues w/ his worth in a similar way to infinite. they both seem to have this need to Prove something, whether it's to others or themselves, n get caught in a toxic spiral of doing worse n worse things for Some kind of validation or acknowledgement. they'll go to really big lengths chasing that, n both of them ultimately sought validation in the wrong place n wrong way.

this is a big part of my starfinite dynamic,, n so, what happens, as they get closer n open up??? we have them BOTH realising together that they don't have to do fuck all to prove anything to anyone. they don't need to do all this to show they're strong n smart n worth something, not to anyone else OR themselves. they're enough as they are. they bond over that shared feeling that they have to do xyz, to prove themselves, n that desire to just finally be acknowledged n appreciated n help each other thru it. to help each other understand that other ppls approval, or lack thereof, doesn't define them, their strength, intelligence, and worthiness.

i feel like they have an interesting parallel between them in like... the above could be taken as a general analysis, but to go more in depth on this au specifically?? ...

starline followed eggman for presumably a long time n it no doubt left him feeling a heavy and deep regret for all that time wasted n spent on an unhealthy path. infinite kinda teaches him that what matters is what he's doing Now n also reminds him that if none of it happened, starline wouldn't have learnt a lot of the serious skills he has. n while starline still feels bad, he also realises himself that, he likely never would have crossed infinite's path if none of it happened. for that reason, he wouldn't take it back.

infinite has only been recently made, on the other hand. they haven't really existed long, yet, but so far their experiences haven't been very positive n it can be .... discouraging. starline sorta, shows infinite their limited experiences w/ the world are a very tiny fraction of what's out there, n things can absolutely change, yes, including for the better; that's the essence of life, a neverending, constant flow of change.

it's a big tale of moving on n letting go, honestly; made easier as they're doing it together. n as they heal n grow, well... these bitches gay. sfshshdgds like, ig that's putting it p bluntly but!! they start to trust each other, understand each other more. as they get to truly know who the other is, they both start developing The Feelings. they're both pretty oblivious n the reveal is totally unknown so far!! yeah, i know, bummer. i suck. boo. adafsfsds however i can say there will be lots of content in the making!! if that soothes the soul! i've got of ideas i hope to bring to life.

ofc there's still a lot of more specific things i haven't covered here so! if y'all want more juice hmu w/ more focused questions but !! this is the overview n i hope it was a decent read now that gave some uhhh! Cool Insight! yea!!! ✌

[sad-boy-mono]

Character and Relationship Backstory and an update from me

Hey y'all! I have an update on where I've been at the end of this post for those of y'all who have been following Highschool Casualties and are wondering where I went, but if you've just stumbled across this I don't want to throw a long and random explination at ya!

Haven’t read the main story yet?

Heres the Tumblr Masterpost and the Ao3 link!

The characters

Damien Haas

16, sophomore in high school. Hardcore musical theater kid from grades 4-8. Loves to sing and shit. Got quite a few bigger roles early on. Things got busy freshman year, so he had to put things on hold.

(Favorite musical is probably falsettos or something idk I'm not a theater kid.)

(That's a lie, I'm just a bad theater kid XP)

Fucking loves superhero movies and shit because haha irony.

Favorite class is Drama, least favorite is math. Because math is hard and temporary but Shakespeare is forever.

Has an irrational fear of doctors, dentists, and needles due to some surgical mishaps that occurred when he was young. Also has a fear of the ocean.

Deals with anxiety and frequent panic attacks.

Shayne Topp

15, sophomore in high school. Really fucking loves football, but not on the team. He wanted to be, but he use to be friends with some of the people on the football team. And they... weren't the best to say the least. They were bad influences and caused Shayne to do bad things. He's no longer friends with them, but still goes to the games with Courtney and Damien to cheer on Courtny's brothers who are on the team.

Favorite class is probably woodworking, least favorite is math. Because math is hard and temporary but birdhouses are forever.

(Though he's actually really good at math, like he has the capability to take honors and do well. It just isn't fun.)

Doesn't know how to ride a bike and can't swim. Deep water freaks him out.

Has a huge fear of hurting other (because haha irony) and always puts his friends before himself.

Courtney Miller

14, freshman in high school. Loves writing and art. Has a lot of sketchbooks, but most of them are half filled. At this point she just collects cool sketchbooks.

Also love film/acting/drama but has a lot of anxiety around performing, so she ends up being on her school's tech crew. She's really good at editing, and has a passion for behind the scenes work around productions.

Favorite musical is Heathers.

Favorite class is her painting and art history class, least favorite is math. Because math is hard and temporary but art is forever.

Struggls a lot with school. Doesn't have many friends outside of Shayne and Damien, even when it comes to her tech crew. Generally on bad terms with "friends" (bullies) from middle school.

Doesn't enjoy the other people in her class. A few of them are former (or current) bullies from middle school.

Relationships

Damien and Shayne

Met in the first grade, became friends in a very first-grader-like manner.

Shayne: Hey I like your pokemon shirt

Damien: Oh thanks, you wanna play with trucks?

Shayne: Yeah sure.

They’ve been best friends ever since.

They had a bit of a falling out from mid 7th through 8th grade because of the guys Shayne hung out with. They were your average middle school douchbags but a lil worse.

Things got sorted the summer following 8th grade.

When they started high school, Shayne’s older brother would pick Damien up and give him a ride to school every morning; even though Damien was in walking distance.

But a month-ish before their freshman year, Shayne’s family ended up moving closer to Damien’s, because a tree fell through Shayne’s house during a terrible storm that hit their town. Even though it hypothetically could've been fixed, the house was old so they took it as a sign to just move.

Shayne is the only person who knows about Damien's anxiety outside of his family, and is who Damien goes to when he's having heighted anxiety or a panic attack.

They also bond over their fear of water strangly often.

Shayne and Courtney

Courtney’s family moved across the street from Shayne’s family when Courtney was in the 7th grade and Shayne was in the 8th. And after the initial family intoductions when the Millers first moved in, Shayne never talked to Courtney. Until about a month later, when he was home alone and Courtney knocked at his door.

After Shayne asked 'what's up?' Courtney asked if they could be friends.

“Do you know how to play smash?” Shayne asked.

Courtney sighed and let out a defeated ‘no’ and began walking away from the door.

“Ok, I’m gonna teach you how to play.”

They would hang out quite a bit until Shayne moved, but they still talked a lot.

Shayne later found out that Courtney would go door to door asking for friends. Shayne was the first and only person who had actually said yes.

Most people mistake them for siblings and when they find out they aren’t related, they assume they’re dating.

Shayne treats Courtney like a little sister and is very protective of her.

Shayne was fucking LIVID when he found out Courtney was being bullied. As much as he wanted to fight them, Courtney talked him down from doing so.

He still did the whole 'don't fuck with Courtney or I will fucking kill you' big brother thing. It did the trick for a while. When you're a very athletic 15 year old, it's easy to intimidate people that are younger than you.

Courtney hasn't told him about... the current bullies though.

Courtney and Damien

Met through Shayne. He made a group chat with the 3 of them that Shayne named “Operation Friendship”. Since Shayne and Damien weren't on speaking terms when Shayne and Courtney became friends they never had a chance to meet.

But they didn’t meet in person until Courtney’s first day of high school, where the 3 of them had their first class together, conveniently...

Anytime they play video games, a conversation along this happens.

"Courtney where did you learn to play this game?"

"...Shayne"

"Explains why you suck"

"HEY!"

(Shayne) "HEY!"

------

Hey! Thank you so much for reading! It's been awhile hasn't it. Yeah, I'm sorry. My life has been all over the place for the past few months and I've been struggling to find the motivation to write. I don't want to specifics because it's not only very personal, but a long story.

But to summerize why I sorta dissapeared, I had a lot of personal issues going on with both school and home and as my mental health was on this steady, but consistent, decline, it was at its very lowest in December. My home issues had reached their peak, and with the end of the quarter coming up after Xmas break and my weeks worth of late work coming back to bite me, I was too stressed to work on anything I found enjoyable without losing motivation immidiently.

Things didn't start getting better for me until some time early in semester 2 of my year. My school was transitioning back into fully in person with covid rates at their lowest in my area and things were finally feeling consistant again, but I was still getting my bearings. School still felt draining, though much less than before, and I didn't have much energy to work on things I was passionate about. I don't think I even made a new document for chapter 6 until mid-ish March.

I'm very nervious about coming back to this story after so long for many reason. First being, although I am feeling better mentally, things feel very off with writing this story. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of passion to write this story and want to see it to completion, I've just had a fluxuating interest in smosh aswell. I enjoy the channel, just not as much as I use to. And my hyperfixation on Smosh was a big drive for me writing the story. Second being that I have so much writers block around the sixth chapter of this story, and I'm worried that as soon as I try to work on it, that block will make me lose my motivation again and I'll put it off for another 6 months.

This "chapter" (idk what else I'd call this) has probably been fully finished in my drafts for about a month now, and I've been putting off posting it because of those listed anxieties, but I really want to continue writing this story so I hope you enjoyed!

Also sorry if this explination was all over the place, I just got my first covid vaccine today and am feeling kinda bleh.

[thalmor-banjo]

This is a vent post but I have to get this off my chest.

I have ADHD, but it’s undiagnosed by medical professionals. I think it’s pretty mild, but I still have issues with schoolwork, personal projects, etc.

I stim when feeling very overwhelmed/intense feelings. Sometimes it’s happy flapping from a good fanfic or amazing scene from my favorite show. Other times it’s angry jerks. If I stim when I’m angry everyone shuts me down immediately and says I need to, “Get control of your (my) emotions.” When I was small I wouldn’t hide my stimming and no one really thought it was anything unusual, but as I grew I learned to mask it (because I was intermittently taken to therapy for years). Now I mask in public but when I’m alone, it kinda just all comes out, ya know? And it feels good and happy and oh my god do I love it. But if I do it in front of anyone else (who doesn’t know, some of my close friends do and I���m comfortable being myself in front of them), they’ll look at me like I’m fucking insane.

Another thing, I get overstimulated occasionally. Most of the time I'm ok and can slip out of the situation, but sometimes I'm really really not. (Some background, I have an autistic sister, but outside of her specific situation my family is v ableist.). During quarantine I've stopped masking as much (because it's literally impossible to keep up 24/7) and it's been...detrimental to say the least. Whenever I visibly get overstimulated, someone in my family will notice, then they'll all intensify the behavior ("Exposure therapy is the cure for being overwhelmed"-my lovely mother). I hate it so much. Like I'm obviously in discomfort, can you fuck off???

This March something happened. I'm not sure if it was some kind of breakdown or what, but I just couldn't anymore. The whole day I was on edge, but being forced to sit in the cold living room, not allowed to listen to music or have a blanket, just being forced to work, it fucked with me. My thoughts were too loud for my head. I kept trying to work and they just would shut the fuck up. I tried to explain, but no one would listen. I lost it. Started crying, begging for my headphones. My thoughts were too loud and I couldn't push them down. It wasn't like they were meaningful, I just couldn't focus. It felt like they were ballooning up into my throat, blocking the words I so desperately wanted to scream. Instead, all that came out was, "it's too loud" or something of that vein. I had reached a breaking point. I can't even describe how it felt in words. I was so panicky because my family wanted this work to be done and I was trying so hard but my thoughts were too loud and I just wanted to be in my warm bed snuggled up but I couldn't because who knows why and I had to sit in this cold chair that was sticking to my thighs. The words to describe what I was feeling just couldn't come out past the great nothingness blocking them. They (mis padres) were texting the entire time this was happening. I found out later what they were. Here's my favorites, "she's (I'm trans and they misgender me constantly omfg but that's for another day) acting like River (a character from Joss Whedon's Firefly, one of my absolute favorites. They had just shown it to me the past week. The implication being I was acting out to get out of work, that I was just faking)," "If she (ew ew ew she/her get it awayyyyyyyyy) were a dude, I would punch her (again, they're implying I'm acting out for attention and trying to skip out on work while also being incredibly ableist.).". My parents, the people who have teared me since birth, let me shatter and crunch under their unsympathetic feet. When I tried to communicate my suffering, they turned away, assuming it was all an act and none of it was real. It really stung at the time, and I still don't trust them with a lot of my real thoughts.

Probably the final thing, hyperfixations. I don't forget to eat or drink when hyperfixating (although sleep can be an issue). Not sure why, but it just works out that way. Recently I fell head over heels for the Mandalorian. Space westerns are just my thang (looking at you Firefly). Mando is this battle hardened man who's so devoted to his religion and yet a little green baby comes along and changes it all. My favorite episode is Chapter 15, spoilers ahead. I hate Mayfeld, so much like oh my god. But he makes a good point about lines we're not willing to cross until lines get blurred. It really spoke to me. SPOILER When Din is forced to take off his helmet to do the scan, my heart dropped. I've had to break promises (that I've made to myself) to keep safe (ex: coming out in 2020). But it wasn't just some throwaway vow. This was his religion, his entire way of life. And his sect says you are no longer Mandalorian after removing the helmet, that taking it off means never putting it back on. It's incredibly moving and speaks to something in me; there's a reason it's my favorite episode (so far). And also part of it is that Pedro Pascal is really fucking handsome. Like IRL I'd probably have a squish on him more than anything else, but he's still really hot. Anywayyyyyyyy, back from the tangent, I've watched it at least four, maybe five, times. Chapter 15 is a good episode and it makes me happy. A note: my family (aside from one other member) is aggressively heterosexual and cisgender. Like any time I talk about the future they're immediately like "oh yeah, you'll tell your husband and kids about this later.". It grates on my nerves so much. Like I'm not straight, never will be, and would rather adopt and help (a) kid(s) that need a home rather than bringing another human into the world. Idk if it's just me, but the way they imply I'll have a heterosexual relationship as a cis woman who fucks her husband is just weird and uncomfortable. I don't wanna talk about my sex life with them, nor 1} who I'd like to fuck 2} how I'd like to fuck 3} when I'd like to fuck. Long story short I don't want them to know that I enjoy Pedro Pascal's acting because they'll fucking hound me on it. I wish I didn't have to protect myself and not reveal my thoughts, to keep everything rolling around upstairs from falling off my lips. Then they act like I'm unreasonable for not wanting to share what I'm smiling about. How my sister (who's also ND), starting seeing memories from her past lives. I don't know enough about that kinda stuff to say anything meaningful. I know if I'd have said that my parents would have scoffed and ignored me, but when sister says it, the words are coming directly from God's lips. But when I brought up reality shifting ( something I've been attempting since October), father asked if it was somehow possible for everyone to share a hallucination across thousands of miles. I just wish they'd treat me like they treat her. Like a human bean who deserves to be believed and respected.

I just wanna be able to stim and enjoy things I love without being "normal.".

Anyway, sorry for the long rant, thanks for listening/reading, here's a gif of this absolute human cinnamon bun of a human bean (description, it's Pedro Pascal glancing to the side, raising his brows, looking back, smiling, and then opening his eyes and mouth to make a goofy face):

[alley-cat-sunflower]

Pretending to have been tagged by @yuutolovesturtles​, who left it open-ended, because I just love talking about myself. (Also because I don’t know how to make the font all tiny-like on my own, so I’d like to save this for reference…)

The Last

Drink: Water.

Phone call: My supervisor, nitpicking church bulletin details.

Text message: Received? My mom telling me she was on her way home. Sent? Confirming that I received the message.

Song you listened to: The main battle theme from FFXV: Episode Ignis.

Time you cried: Half of yesterday as well as half the day before.

Have You Ever

Dated someone twice: I don’t really “date” people, but I have had a crush on someone, gotten over it, then decided to give it a try years later anyway.

Kissed someone and regretted it: Not really.

Been cheated on: Not to my knowledge.

Lost someone special: Kinda sorta not really?

Been depressed: Almost all the time. Trying to get better.

Gotten drunk and thrown up: I’ve never been drunk or even tipsy because I don’t like alcohol enough to drink it fast enough to feel anything. Also, being emetophobic, the possibility of throwing up is one of the main reasons I don’t drink.

3 Favorite Colors

Indigo

Scarlet

Cerulean

In The Last Year Have You

Made new friends: Yes, a couple. Started talking to the best lead at the dance hall, and now we’re pretty close. Had a classmate last semester who showed me more about myself and the world around me, but he’s missing in action at the moment. Working on making friends among other classmates this semester, too.

Laughed until you cried: Yes. I think the last time had something to do with my wonderful and ridiculous boyfriend, but I can’t swear to it.

Found someone was talking about you: Yes…? What does this mean?

Met someone who changed you: Absolutely; the aforementioned classmate.

Found out who your friends are: I guess? Expanded my circle a bit.

Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I don’t really use Facebook that often, but considering my boyfriend has one, I’d say so.

How many Facebook friends do you know: Why would I have any FB friends I don’t know?

Do you have any pets: Three cats at my dad’s house.

Do you want to change your name: Not really.

What did you do for your last birthday: Had a minor nervous breakdown, nbd.

What were you doing at midnight last night: Writing things I really, really shouldn’t.

Name something you can’t wait for: Final Fantasy VII Remake!!

When was the last time you saw your mom: Like, a few minutes ago? She just went into the garage to rearrange some stuff.

What are you listening to right now: “Valse di Fantastica” from Final Fantasy XV.

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: That’s one of my cousins, so yeah.

Something that is getting on your nerves: Walt Whitman.

Most visited websites: Tumblr, YouTube, various wikis (for research purposes).

Hair color: Brown.

Long or short hair: Long.

Do you have a crush on someone: I’m honestly not sure anymore.

What do you like about yourself: Hard to find anything these days… I guess I like that I’m passionate about things, even if they’re not exactly the ‘right’ things. And I like my writing ability, even if I tend to misuse it.

Blood type: I don’t know, actually.

Nickname: Alley or Alley Cat, in internet circles.

Relationship status: Not sure of the exact parameters as of now, but taken.

Zodiac: Wood Boar with Snake ascendant; double Aquarius with Aries rising.

Pronouns: She/her.

Favorite TV show: I don’t watch a lot of TV… Monty Python’s Flying Circus?

Tattoos: None. Might get the planetary symbol for Uranus someday, though.

Right or left-handed: Right.

Surgery: None to speak of, and I don’t want any either.

Sports: I can’t play any to save my life, but I like watching San Francisco Giants baseball. Except for last year. Last year royally sucked.

Pair of shoes: Like, my favorite? I wear the same damn pair of leather boots every day.

Eating: Just had dinner, courtesy of my mother. Salmon, spinach, and rice with mushrooms.

Drinking: Water. Considering tea, though.

Waiting: For the FFXV Royal Edition content to download so I can face Somnus and learn more Ardyn backstory. I know, I know, I’m trash.

Get married: That’s crossed my mind a lot lately, since I recently wrote a wedding and have a couple more marriage-related fics on the back burner, but… I don’t know. That’s a question for another, less unstable time.

Career: I wanna be an author and/or editor someday. I’d love to be able to make money just writing my stories. The main issue is finding the motivation to write out my original ideas instead of hyperfixating on fandoms…

Which Is Better

Hugs or Kisses: Depends, but I’d say hugs overall since there’s only ever been one person whose kisses I have thoroughly enjoyed.

Lips or Eyes: Eyes, typically.

Shorter or Taller: Not like I have a preference, but a lot of my best friends are tall.

Older or Younger: Doesn’t much matter to me. It seems like most of my inner circle are within a couple years of myself either way.

Nice Arms or Nice Stomach: I don’t pay attention…

Hookup or Relationship: Relationship for sure.

Troublemaker or Hesitant: Bit o’ both. Fuck Mars in Pisces.

Kissed a stranger: Noooooooope.

Drank hard liquor: I don’t like alcohol.

Lost glasses/contact lenses: I can’t fuckin see without ’em, so no.

Turned someone down: Roughly once a year or every couple years, for some reason, but I’ve been fortunate to avoid any… untoward encounters. I don’t go out of the house. I don’t put that much effort into my appearance. I don’t go out of my way to socialize. Where did I go wrong?

Sex on the first date: More like “sex within the first year of dating” amirite? And the answer’s still no. It might’ve edged a bit closer to ‘maybe’ within the first few months of knowing someone else, but idk whether that’s changed or not; haven’t seen him in several weeks.

Broken someone’s heart: I… might have? I don’t think so, though. The people who give me their hearts are pretty resilient. I’m usually able to convince them to give them to me platonically instead, and then we’re all happier.

Had your heart broken: Nope. I have been turned down before, but I’m the only one allowed to break my heart, thank you. It’s easier that way.

Been arrested: God, no. Never even been in legal trouble. *knocks on wood*

Fallen for a friend: Nnnnot really? Normally, they’re fairly new faces. My boyfriend was my friend first, has been for seventeen years, but I didn’t really “fall for” him.

Cried when someone died: Oh yes.

Do You Believe In

Yourself: Now and again.

Miracles: Depends on the definition.

Santa Claus: Not anymore.

Kissing on the first date: I mean, clearly it happens? Just not with me?

Also not tagging anyone, because I am the slayer of tag memes; they always end at my doorstep. But this one was actually really fun, so if you wanna do it, please do and tag me! I’m living proof you can get away with taking someone up on that offer!

[the-occult-babe]

About Me - 2018

hey hey i wanted to do an updated about me thing for 2018 so under read more cause it’s long. 

The meaning behind my url: it’s me bitch, i’m the occult babe

A picture of me: inserting it is gonna break this so no, just search #me on my blog

How many tattoos i have and what they are: i have two right now, my switchblade on my right forearm and some beading under my boobs

Last time i cried and why: i was thinkin bout my ex Piercings i have: just my ears Favorite band: i don’t pick favorites and i just hyperfix on certain songs for days Biggest turn offs: lack of personal hygiene, stupidity, idk it depends on the person Top 5 (insert subject): bitch i don’t have top fives Tattoos i want: more knives on me? i’m getting a snake in like 3 weeks Biggest turn ons: anything aesthetic Age: 21 Ideas of a perfect date: naps i guess and vinesauce  Life goal: art director, maybe fashion lookbooks or something Piercings i want: nose ring i guess Relationship status: single Favorite movie: uhhhhhhh i don’t watch movies that much actually A fact about my life: i want to start youtube but i’m scared cause i don’t want people to like find me? Phobia: heights i guess Middle name: Dawn Height: 5′4″ Are you a virgin? nope What’s your shoe size? 8 US size

What’s your sexual orientation? asexual my dude. sometimes i’m demisexual because i love to please people and i’m hella empath so Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs? stopped smoking in hs, drink sometimes but only fruity drinks, and drugs are bad mmk i’m already always hallucinating Someone you miss: my first ex honestly What’s one thing you regret? oh boy all of high school, like how i handled things First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: uhhh i’m bad with names but there are some who are aesthetically attractive Favorite ice cream? blue moon or oreo One insecurity: babe i got PTSD in social situations so you know i’m insecure about that What my last text message says: stuff about school  Have you ever taken a picture naked? i used to be a cam model so yes Have you ever painted your room? when we moved to my new house i had my room painted dark purple. lighting sucks cause it holds in shadows but whatever Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? yes i’ve had a gf before Have you ever slept naked? yeah and i hate it Have you ever danced in front of your mirror? who hasn’t Have you ever had a crush? yes Have you ever been dumped? yes Have you ever stole money from a friend? i think i have yeah Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met? yes Have you ever been in a fist fight? no i stay away from people Have you ever snuck out of your house? i did when i was like 7 Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? i’m pretty sure it’s like that now Have you ever been arrested? no Have you ever made out with a stranger? naw Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? yes...? Have you ever left your house without telling your parents? not really, like i text them usually if i have to leave right there and then, i mean i live at home so Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor? when i was 7 Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun? of course man Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? no Have you ever seen someone die? kinda Have you ever been on a plane? nope Have you ever kissed a picture? yes Have you ever slept in until 3? usually when sick Have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now? yeah cause i’m a dumb bitch Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? yeah Have you ever made a snow angel? yes Have you ever played dress up? yea bitch Have you ever cheated while playing a game? uh huh Have you ever been lonely? yes Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school? for like a few seconds, i mean i don’t really trust falling straight up asleep in public with people around Have you ever been to a club? no Have you ever felt an earthquake? no Have you ever touched a snake? yes, i think 3 or 4 in my life Have you ever ran a red light? i don’t drive bitch Have you ever been suspended from school? naw i’m a good b Have you ever had detention? naw Have you ever been in a car accident? i got hit while crossing the street and now i will never drive. Have you ever hated the way you look? everyone does at some point Have you ever witnessed a crime? i took part in crimes too Have you ever pole danced? no and i still want to Have you ever been lost? ya bitch Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country? i’ve been to colorado Have you ever felt like dying? yes Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? ye Have you ever sang karaoke? idk sometime in the past i did Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? all the time Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? ye Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger? my last boyfriend was 28 and we started dating when i was 20 Have you ever kissed in the rain? yes Have you ever sang in the shower? yes Have you ever made out in a park? all the time i did in hs cause that’s the only place we went Have you ever dream that you married someone? yes Have you ever glued your hand to something? no Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? no Have you ever gone to school partially naked? in hs they let me wear just shorts, a bralette, and like a flannel so

Have you ever been a cheerleader? naw Have you ever sat on a roof top? nope Have you ever brushed your teeth? what kind of question is this of course i have Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone? of course..? Have you ever played chicken? ye in like elementary school Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? nope

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? uh yeah i was a cam girl Have you ever broken a bone? nope Have you ever been easily amused? yes all the time at work just watching people use self checkout and just not pay attention. like it’s such a power move when you walk up and press the big ass PAY button on some dude bro Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? yeah Have you ever mooned/flashed someone? does flashing on snapchat count? Have you ever cheated on a test? you know it Have you ever forgotten someone’s name? i can’t remember shit Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real? bitch i got dissociate stuff going on so no one seems real Give us one thing about you that no one knows. i put my life online, i think people can know anything about me