#yeah yeah yeah let me train my son and be emotionally disconnected from him so i can train him to go through a really dangerous tower with a

[wormfunkie]

really gotta say. not a fan of norman. dude has to be one of the worst dads in pokemon and the bar is already pretty low 💀

[bgharison]

Which WIP?!

I have about three weeks between classes, my meds and my muse seem to be holding a tentative truce, and I really miss writing.  Wanna help me decide which rabbit hole?  I need to choose one and kind of stick with it.  My goal is to have a rough draft done by  August 19 and then edit during the semester.  (My goal is to start an original work in January 2020, so this is warm-up.)

I do find feedback and enthusiasm both validating and motivating, so if something makes you go “oooooooh” let me know?

Options below:

Option A:  Vaguely Pacific Northwest McDanno AU -- Steve returns from combat to his deceased father’s cabin, Danny is a journalist writing about missing children in the area.  Danny gets too close to the truth.  I only have three paragraphs of this written, but it’s outlined.  Inspired in part by the idea of a bearded Steve and Danny wearing jeans, boots, and scarves. 

(opening) He moved through the house, flicking on one or two lights, somewhat surprised that the electricity hadn’t been long since disconnected.  Since it wasn’t, the well pump still worked and the kitchen sink yielded fresh, cold water.  The aquifers here, in the northwest corner of the country, have the coldest, clearest water of anyplace he’s seen, on this continent or any other.  He cupped a handful of it and gulped greedily.  Even in the dim light, he could tell that the coffee maker had only a faint layer of dust.  It gave him pause, to think that someone had been keeping up the property.  His father must have arranged for a caretaker in his will.  

It didn’t occur to him to test the heat; he simply took off his boots and climbed, fully clothed, under the heavy comforter in the room that has remained unchanged since he left it almost two decades ago.

(random selection)  

“Go away, Danny,” Steve orders.  “I mean it.  Get the hell away from me.”

Danny wipes at the blood, dripping steadily now from his eyebrow, trailing down the side of his face.  His jaw clenches as he squares off against Steve.  “Why?  Because I caught you off guard, didn’t duck fast enough?  Come on, Steve, I know you didn’t mean --”

“That’s the point, Danny!” Steve explodes.  “That’s the fucking point.  Whether I mean it or not, this is what happens.  People get hurt.  The people I care about get hurt.”

“Yeah, is that so?  Well maybe the people I care about get something, too.”

“What?  What, Danny?”

Danny steps into his space and he can feel his own coiled tension reflected right back at him, in the stubborn set of Danny’s shoulders, in the heat radiating off his chest.

“This.”

Steve doesn’t have time to react before Danny’s hands are on him, wrapping around the back of his neck, his hip, pulling him in and down.  He tastes the tang of copper and iron as their lips crash together and for a moment it’s violent, and Steve falls into it.  Violence is familiar.

Option B:  Core Four AU Steve comes back from being presumed dead after the Hesse fiasco in North Korea and opens an acupuncture clinic.  Danny is building a new life on the island after losing his wife.  Steve starts to fall for Danny until he suspects that Danny is keeping a secret involving his little girl.  Kono is exasperated with all of the alphabet agencies that come into play -- CIA, FBI, ATF, and she just wants to know -- WTF?! Outlined but with two possible “reveals” I would need to choose from.  This one also give me an opportunity to play with world-building, because the setting is specific, involving an elaborate tree house, a zip line, and other things that end up getting SEALed in order to protect Grace. 

(There’s this)

“Kono, we are professional health care providers here,” he said.  “No dating clients.  And quit trying to set me up.”

“I’m asking for myself,” Kono said.  She beamed at him, a flash of white teeth and dimples.  “He’s adorable.  Like a . . . like a fluffy little lion cub.  I want to take him home and just --”

“Okay then, Kono, let’s get --” Steve glanced down at his schedule -- “Mr. Wilson into a treatment room.”

“Can I get him to put on a gown?” Kono asked.  

Steve looked at her sternly as she blinked in mock innocence.

(And this)

Then again, Danny wasn’t most people.  He noticed everything.  Too many years of training and practice to stop now -- besides, the stakes had never been higher, and his powers of observation, of reading people, of seeing through disguises and lies, might just be the edge that would keep him and his daughter alive until this mess was over.

He pulled off the road onto the narrow gravel drive leading back to the beleaguered property that was not only his cover, but his home -- his fortress.  He pulled up to the gate and keyed in one of two codes -- the one that verified that all was well, and that he was not under duress.  The gate opened smoothly, its deliberately aged and tenuous appearance belying that it was part of the newly installed state-of-the-art defense.    

The drive was long, curving around dense areas of vegetation that still hinted at previous deliberate planning and careful attention.  With a bit of work, the grounds would once again be functional and attractive.  His Camaro handled the gentle incline with ease, and soon he was pulling into the ground level garage of his home, opening the garage door with another code.  It slid closed behind him, the motion sensors glowing at each other in the dim light.  A third code was entered at the door between the garage and the house, the heavy deadbolt sliding open.  Danny locked the door behind him and reset the alarm.

“You realize that three sets of coded entry is going to be difficult to explain to visitors,” a calm voice said.  The clink of glass on porcelain in the kitchen, along with the scent of rich Kona coffee, was welcome.

(And this)

Steve took the long way home, the windows of his truck rolled down, filling the cab with fresh, fragrant air.  He knew he would never tire of this, never tire of being back home, back on Oahu.  Pulling into the driveway was something that at one point, he was sure he’d never do again -- he’d never take it for granted.  The house itself felt in turn far too empty and far too full of ghosts, but he couldn’t imagine not living here.  He was making peace with both the solitude and the presences he couldn’t quite shake.  When Mary was well enough to be discharged, he would bring her here, where he could watch over her, protect her the way a brother should, care for her like she needed.  He’d drag her out into the sunshine and fresh air.  It would help.  It had to.  

He keyed in the alarm code and slipped inside the still house.  Ignoring the boxes half-packed in his father’s office, gathering dust, he headed for the kitchen.  

Option C:  A case from Danny’s past comes back to haunt the team and threaten the island.  This one is not really outlined.  Possibly gen/case fic, possibly newly McDanno, potentially an OC interest for Steve when the original profiler, who considers this case her one failure, comes to help (because I love playing with OCs and creating better love interests for him than the show manages to do, and I loved the dynamic with Steve and Alicia Brown, and even though I didn’t see it as romantic, I think Steve could fall for someone who is a match for him intellectually and who would understand what his years in the underbelly of Naval intel did to his psyche, and I love the ‘brilliant, mentally tough but physically vulnerable person matched with the brilliant, physically tough but emotionally vulnerable person” trope, sue me).  And I love exploring Danny’s back stories and volatility and the reasons that his marriage failed because his job came first.  We would see a darker Danny in this and that intrigues me. I might also jump the timeline for the first time (for me) put this post season-4, meaning Junior and Tani instead of Chin and Kono.  

There’s this:

“We called him the Holiday Weekend Killer,” Danny said.  “First body, just like this one, the Tuesday after President’s Day weekend.  We found the next body the day after Easter.  And then another the Tuesday after Memorial Day.  And then we ran ourselves into the ground all through the heat of the summer, got nowhere, and the fourth body showed up the day after Labor Day.  We missed Thanksgiving with our families with nothing to show for it but another dead woman -- this one we had to identify with dental records, because the son of a bitch had four days to torture her.  We took off twenty-four hours, Christmas Eve into Christmas Day, might as well, since we had no fucking leads.  He had almost a month with that poor girl, college student, aged out of the foster system, so no one fucking noticed she was missing until classes started again in January.  Christmas Day, no one even fucking knew that beautiful --”

 Danny broke off with a muttered curse and walked out of the room, pushing the doors open with such force that they struck the walls behind, the sound echoing as Steve and Max stood in shocked silence.

 “Give us a few, yeah, Max?” Steve said quietly.  

He caught up with Danny in the basement locker room, the soles of his shoes sticking out of the stall where he was retching over the toilet.  Steve grabbed a length of paper toweling and wet it at the sink.

Danny staggered out of the stall and silently accepted Steve’s offering, wiping his face and mouth.  He balled up the toweling and dropped it into the wastebasket, then rinsed his mouth at the sink, hands trembling on the faucet.

Steve waited, arms crossed, leaning against the door of the locker room.

“I’m sorry, Danny,” he said, when Danny finally turned off the water, leaning over the sink, his breath coming in ragged gasps.  “We’ll all understand if you need to sit this one out.”

It happened so fast that Steve flinched in surprise, Danny’s hand lashing out and shattering the mirror in front of him.

“Sit it out?  Why bother?  This fucking animal already destroyed my marriage, almost cost me my baby girl, not to mention the pile of pretty young corpses we processed.  Processed lots of bodies, Steve, but precious little evidence.  I’ll have them FedEx it to us, shouldn’t take much to send one fucking file box full of nothing useful,” Danny exploded.  “Sit this one out?  What, just do paperwork while I watch you and Chin run yourselves into the ground, while we all try to pretend that we aren’t worried sick about the possibility of this guy getting his hands on Kono?  While Max stacks up bodies in the morgue?  Bodies that no one claims?  Because this guy, this guy, Steve, he knows how to pick his victims.”

“Danny,” Steve sighed.  He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck.  “Danny, we have -- we have resources here, we can cut through red tape.  If it is the guy --”

“Cigarette burns on the soles of their feet, Steve, do you have any idea --”

Danny stopped short at the flicker of emotion that Steve couldn’t mask quickly enough.  He met Steve’s gaze and held it.

“Yeah,” Steve said.  “We’re going to get this guy, Danny.  Now listen, the first thing we need to know -- is this personal?  With him and you?  Is he here, now, on Oahu, because you’re here?”

[raynebowrayne]

Late night ramble about Kylo/Ben.

First lets look at the actual person, then see if we can draw some Episode IX conclusions.

Ben Solo - Emotionally neglected, physically pampered, angry outbursts, emotionally volatile, highly sensitive, lonely.

Kylo Ren - Emotionally abused, physically abused, angry outbursts, emotionally conflicted, highly sensitive, lonely.

"Out of the frying pan and into the fire - young Solo has jumped." Yoda might say.

Notice how similar the two are? At their core they are truly the same person. That really is Han and Leia's baby boy.

We know why Ben Solo rejected his birthname: his family failed him, hurt him, rejected him and tried to kill him in his sleep.

We know what Kylo Ren is supposed to be: Vader 2.0.

We know why Kylo Ren can't quite reach Vader level Sithdom: He's conflicted.

Why is he conflicted? He doesn't truly want to be in the situation he is in.

Why is he in that situation? Luke robbed him of all other options when he lit his blade that night.

Why did Luke do that? He panicked.

Why did he panic? Luke mind raped his sleeping nephew and saw the destruction of everything he held dear in Ben's mind.

Why did Luke mind rape Ben? Ben was a school-shooter type kid, moody, dark, with outbursts during training… Luke wanted to find out what was wrong with his nephew.

Why was Ben like that? He was a pampered, spoiled only child of two absentee parents with gargantuan expectations put on him from all sides at an early age.

The knowledge of his connection to Vader was kept from him far too long and given in an inappropriate way.

His parents made him feel like he was some kind of monster. They talked about him behind his back but loudly enough to be overheard. They sent him away to be Luke's problem. Luke tried to murder him in his sleep. Ben believes that he is a monster. It's what his family thinks of him, it's what everyone thinks of him, so it must be true... right?

He tries to live up to everybody's expectations of him. His parents, Luke, Snoke, Phasma, Hux, his shuttle driver, the random stormtroopers who see him in the halls… he is trying so hard to live up to expectations... it's too much for him, it overwhelms him at times.

The Kylo Ren identity and mask allow him to act out a fantasy, a fantasy of power, purpose, and poise… everything his grandfather was known to have had in spades but that Ben Solo lacks.

Yes, Ben is strong in the Force, immensely, but in reality he is an abused manchild who is lacking all agency and all forms of privacy... he lies to himself constantly to make his bad situation tollerable, but in fact he is just an overwhelmed boy who is frightened, abused, and powerless.

Snoke lies to him with every breath and manipulates him 24/7… he keeps Ben in a constant state of upheaval. He wants Ben to be a rabid cur… to be Hux with Skywalker blood. He constantly berates and abuses Ben for failing to live up to this expectation.

Kylo Ren is a shell, a mask, a sham. He is Ben's shield against the pain he carries, the suffering he endures and the horrorific acts he performs on behalf of Snoke and the first order.

By nature, Ben is an introvert. An overthinker. An empath. These traits do not mix well with being an evil henchman. Make no mistake, he does want to be an evil henchman. He wants so many things that do not mesh with his personality. He wants to be respected even revered like his mother. He wants to be feared like his grandfather. He wants to be glib and gutsy like his dad… but in fact he is at the same time not at all like his family and so much like them it's scarey.

He has some of their traits, a penchant for drama, recklessness, flying and quips…. But on a fundamental level his family is peopled by charismatic extroverts, and he is an awkward introvert.

Leia tells Han she wants their son back, but that's not possible… their son, in her mind, is an illusion... Leia's version of Ben never existed. She never saw him for who and what he is, she only saw him in the context of her expectations of him. As did Han, and Luke, and Snoke and Hux… all of the prominent people in his life… they look at him and see what they expect of him.

Nobody sees him for him. Nobody is privy to the depths of his pain, sorrow, loneliness and solitude. Nobody is even aware he has those feelings until Rey comes along and Forces her way into his mind's inner sanctum.

Nearly three full decades into a life spent unseen, unknown, disconnected from everybody and then… out of nowhere, a nobody - his polar opposite - appears and she sees the things he keeps hidden from everybody (including himself to a large extent).

She sees everything he doesn't want known… yet, she expects him to be exactly what he appears to be… an unfeeling monster... but she knows better than anyone that's not truly who he is. She knows it well enough to pick up on the one thing she can do to actually hurt him… call him a monster.

Rey isn't sugar n spice n all things nice, she's fierce, fiery, and vicious. She's going for the throat when she calls him a monster, make no mistake about that. She KNOWS how much that will hurt him and she does it on purpose. Twice.

Ben has seen into her mind, too. And in her he finds another soul that suffers as greatly as he does from loneliness, neglect, abuse and solitude. He knows how to hurt her, but he doesn't exploit it for the petty satisfaction of hurting her. Yes, he does hurt her with it, but not for the sake of hurting her. He uses it to try to help her see that she is so much more than her parentage. She is better than them… she has risen above her lineage, while he longs to do the same but knows that he never can. He hurt her to heal her, like resetting a fracture that has begun to heal wrong. It may have hurt like hell but he did it with GOOD intentions... unlike her intentions when she called him a monster.

That's the thing about Ben… he has good intentions… even when he's doing bad things. His big picture goal isn't galactic domination, unlike Snoke and Hux, his goal is peace in the galaxy, an end to a war that's been raging off and on since the fall of the Old Republic. He is morally flexible enough to feel that most means are justified by the ends… but he is not morally bankrupt enough to support the obliteration of star systems or planets.

The connection he feels with her is a purely human connection. Two survivors who have found each other. Two lonely people who feel isolated even in a crowd but who find belonging with each other. Yeah, they have the Force, the mind bridge and all of that... but without that very real and very human connection the Force Bond would have been as useful/meaningful-useless/meaningless as Harry Potter's connection to Voldemorte.

If the entire Resistance had been destroyed on Crait and Rey had joined him in the ruling of the galaxy his big picture goal would have become a reality. Would killing all the rebels have been a dick move? Sure. But killing the rebels would have ended the war and brought peace to the galaxy.

Would he have been Palpatine or Snoke 2.0 as Supreme Leader? No. That's not Ben. He actually has good intentions, they didn't. If Rey had accepted his proposal he would have had the woman he desperately loves by his side to help his moral compass point north. (Make no mistake he is in love with her.)

Rey is not by his side, though. She chose a different path. Which pushed him onto a different path as well.

I can't say what Supreme Leader Kylo Ben will definitely be like… but I can tell you he will be better than his predecessors… because he does at least have good intentions and isn't completely morally bankrupt. His moral flexibility (thanks dad!) Will no doubt keep the Resistance alive for a while… but his good intentions will win out in the end… though maybe not in an orthodox way.

It is my belief that the big space battle we've been promised in Episode IX will not be between Resistance and First Order but a civil war between Hux/Snoke loyalists and Kylo Ben loyalists who will hail him as a great leader owing to the RESULTS toward galactic peace he will inevitably (and deservingly) be credited with.

Despite her rejection of his proposal I do think Rey genuinely cares for/loves Ben Solo. I believe that in the end she will save his life at some point in Episode IX.

I do believe that his turning out to be a decent Supreme Leader will ultimately be what wins Rey's heart over completely... though by the end of TLJ it's clearly very close to being there already.

Leia's death, I think, will have very little to do with Kylo's ultimate redemption, my money is on his love for Rey being his motivation.

He will never be fully light, just as he will never be fully dark, but he will find an acceptible middle ground before the end. He will, like his father before him, always be a bad boy who also happens to be a good man...but could never be a "good guy." Though he will prove to be a protagonist, he wont ever be the "good guy" that everybody calls for game night or pub hopping.

And that's more than fine by me.

[luckyukhei]

Close To Heaven, Closer To Hell

a/n: are you ready?

word count: 1.3k

au!: mafia!

summary: The reader is a badass stripper with secrets, a pistol named ‘Protection’, and, a taste for something, better looking than the seven soon to be mafia leaders who wandered into her strip club, revenge.

CHAPTER 5: talk to me

unplanned parenthood

It’s been days since you woke up in Jin’s bed and you’ve been avoiding him. It wasn’t him per say. It was you. You just couldn’t let yourself get attached to him. Getting attached to things only makes a mess. If you wanted to get attached to something that’ll only make a mess you’d get a dog.  You had to emotionally disconnect to save yourself.

You were in the kitchen sipping your coffee with the most of the guys when Jin and Namjoon walk in you look up. Namjoon was putting his phone in his pocket before even opening his mouth to speak.

“What did the boss man want?” Hoseok asked, handing Namjoon some coffee.

“He wants to have an in-depth meeting with all of us including Y/N.” Namjoon took the coffee in his hands and looked at you.

“Well, I’m gonna need more professional clothes then. That one outfit is all I have.” You sipped your coffee and scrolled through your phone looking like a bored teenager.

“Who want’s to take her shopping?” Namjoon barely got the words out when two voices almost simultaneously rang out with variants of ‘I will’.

Taehyung and Jin were the sources of the nearly identical words. Your eyes flicked up to look at the two. Jin gave Taehyung a glare that the younger member was completely and utterly oblivious to it.  

“I’ll meet you back here in ten minutes, Tae. Be ready.” You placed your hand on his shoulder before walking past him and to your room.

You opened then closed the door after entering and found a suitable casual outfit. A striped crop top and overalls were the choice for today’s venture. You opened the door and met Taehyung in the kitchen from there you guys when to the garage, where you’ve never actually been before. You grew up hating cars and still do so, you never really felt interested in exploring that part of the house. That was until you saw her. Oh, she was a beaut. She was a slick black 2000 Suzuki Katana 600. You loved motorcycles.

“Who’s bike?” You nodded towards it trying to keep your cool but, the male noticed your obvious excitement.

“Yoongi’s. Maybe he’ll take you for a ride soon. My car’s over here though.”

You and Taehyung decided after hours of trying on and buying clothes decided to sit down for lunch. You ordered a salad and started talking with Taehyung. He was such a sweet guy. Music played lightly in the background as he asked you questions.

“Why did you pick the name Angel?” He haphazardly hummed out, taking a bite of his food.

“It’s very common. Make’s it easy to hide, especially in the stripper world. So if someone happens to be looking for me by the name they have a small chance of finding me.”

“Ah.” He nodded letting the conversation kinda died and he wiggled in his seat to the background music.

“You dancing?” You looked at him with your brows raised.

“Yes, I am.” The grey-haired man retorted.

“Alright, old man.”

“Do you dance, Y/N? I mean other than stripping.”

That question brought painful memories with it but, you didn’t flinch. You left them on the inside and let your face show no emotion. Although it wasn’t a hard feat as you’ve trained yourself for years not to show emotion, you still felt guilty as if you were lying to him. You were quick to remind yourself that this whole situation was a business transaction. Why is he acting like you both are friends? If this is a business transaction why did you sleep with Jin? Why did Namjoon worry so much about you? Same with Jimin and Hoseok? Why did you want a connection with the seemingly cold Yoongi? Wh-

“Yes. I did ballet for fifteen years.” You decided to keep it short to save the emotional dilemmas.

“Fifteen years?!” Taehyung’s eyes were as big as his plate.

“Yes. Now finish your food we have shopping to finish.”

You and Taehyung walked around, after getting everything you desired for future meetings, just window shopping when the young man stopped dead in his tracks causing you to turn around. What you saw melted your cold heart. Taehyung was bent over with his hand on the window of a pet adoption. The particular window showcased cute little puppies. One of the puppies had both paws on Taehyung’s hand.

“Y/N... Can we go in?” He asked turning his head to look at you.

You couldn’t just say no to those adorable puppy eyes or the actual puppy, “Sure. But, only to look.”

Taehyung rushed in and you followed. You both walked up to the cage that held the puppies.

An employee soon came over to accompany the both of you, “Would you like to hold one ma’am?”

You nodded, “The one with eyebrows.”

She chuckled and reached into the cage picking up the little dog then giving him to you.

His little tail wagged as he licked your cheek, He was so tiny! You had to have this cute being.

You looked at Taehyung,” Well...Namjoon did suggest that I get a guard dog... Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Ma’am, can we have the adoption paperwork?” Taehyung and you were now parents to Yeotan. A puppy with the cutest eyebrows and best parents who aren’t together.  

Taehyung had Yeotan in a puppy carrier strapped to his chest as he was on the phone with Namjoon, “We got a guard dog by the way...” Taehyung was quiet and only let out a few ‘uh-huh’s. “We’ll pick up dinner before you get to meet the-” He looked down at the sleeping puppy, “Ferocious beast.”

The look on the other member’s faces as you walked into the house as they were faced with this majestic scene before them; Taehyung, who had a small dog strapped to his chest, new Gucci shades, a coffee in one hand and shopping bags in the other, and you wearing matchings shades, holding more bags in one hand, and pizzas in the other.

“So- uh- A few questions...” Hoseok started but, he couldn’t quite find the words.

“What’s with matching shades and tiny dog?” Jungkook finished for him.

“Yeah- When Namjoon said you got a guard dog I didn’t exactly expect a rat.” Yoongi nonchalantly added,

“Excuse me? How dare you talk about our son like that?!” Taehyung exclaimed.

“Don’t worry, Taehyung. They’re just jealous.” You told him

“Wow. Okay, you two are no longer allowed to go shopping without a third member.” Namjoon sighed rubbing his forehead.

You and Taehyung came up with a shared custody agreement so, for the first night, Yeotan stayed with him. Which you were okay with because you were pretty tuckered out. Your bed was so comfortable but, still couldn’t lull you to sleep just yet. Energy still lingered.

You sighed and walked down to the kitchen. The light was on so that means someone is already in the kitchen.

Please don’t be, Jin. Please don’t be, Jin.

“Oh...Angel. What are you doing up?” It was the voice of the member that liked you least.

“Can’t sleep.” You told him looking for a cup, “What about you?”

Yoongi rubbed his face,”Work.”

“Work?” You asked. You really hadn’t learned any of their places inside the group yet.

“I specialize in weapons but, mostly explosives.” He told you shutting his laptop.

You gave him an odd look.

“I like fire.” He shrugged and put on his jacket.

“Where are you going?” You asked and started to follow Yoongi as he walked towards the garage.

”I’ve got a solo job.” He threw over his shoulder dryly as if trying to stop you from prying further.

“I’m coming with.”

[autistic-science-cryptid]

Comment Exchange about a Manipulative Autism Mom

As I promised, here is the comment exchange, which I did on the Patheos blog Roll to Disbelieve, which discusses the behavior of a particularly manipulative Autism Mom™. To sum up: The owner of that blog, Captain Cassidy, once worked in a call center, and the Autism Mom™ in this case grabbed up the fanciest TV package she could find, one she could not afford, and played the autism card (complete with the whole array of humiliating details that so any Autism Parents show without the child’s consent) to get her bills forgiven indefinitely so she could basically et these services for free. I responded talking about how this is a well-known phenomenon within the autistic community, one we really do not like, and she and I ended up in an exchange talking about how this behavior affects the kids and how annoyingly manipulative it is. This is what led me to the conclusion that this type of manipulation, while it may not be always against companies, may be driving a lot of the vocal refusal to accept the sort of advice we have to give. After all, they want to hear a pat answer that makes their child convenient - they don’t want to hear that they may need to try multiple things, accept messy parts of life, and various other things we suggest that are likely to work, but are not something you can just implement and forget.

Exchange under the cut - note that a few other people on that blog, allistic people, do agree with the sentiment that people who claim autism as their identity when they themselves are not autistic, while simultaneously denying this identity to actually autistic people, is really a disgusting thing to do. All users except Captain Cassidy and me are designated with initials:

Captain Cassidy (blog mod, also calls herself Wielder of the Banhammer) Perpetual victims tend to leave nothing to chance when it comes to fucking up their lives. It's just amazing how they manage to cover every single potential base with epic failure so that there's only one possible avenue of help--which is guaranteed to be someone who'll be hugely put out by rescuing them. It's like watching the human version of a slow-motion train wreck. Then when nobody leaps forward to save them from their own poor choices, they'll whine that "so-and-so doesn't want to work with me." Yeah, been there and done that with call center work. You could always immediately tell who those people were: they'd have tons of little credits and line-item deletions on their accounts, a balance that hadn't been current since their account started (and a fairly recent activation date at that), a constant wave of promotions and specials they probably shouldn't have gotten, and--the tip-off--a pattern of forgiven late fees, disconnection fees, and bounced check fees, each noted with some new disaster the customer had suffered that had prevented them from paying their bill on time and in full that month. They always had some ideal solution in mind, and it seemed like they would refuse every option and possibility we offered if it wasn't that solution in their head. Usually the solution involved total absolution of all fees and balances, but barring that they'd happily take a very large discretionary credit "for being such good customers" and as "compensation" for the hassle caused to them by the disconnection or whatever. If a frontline agent refused to "work with them" that time, they'd escalate as high as they could to try to get their bill credited. I was one of the people in that escalation chain, but had the good fortune to be working for a company that was cracking down HARD on those kinds of credits so I could refuse knowing upper management wouldn't give in either. These idiots would ride the carousel as long as a company would let them, then fuck off and go right along to the next provider of that service. I remember telling one that sooner or later they'd go through all the providers in their rural area and it might be a good idea to talk to someone about learning how to budget and all that because she'd hit the limit on what we could do to save her from herself. It didn't go over well with her. (She had an autistic son, she said, and she'd gotten that company's largest entertainment package on a new customer promotion about 18 months previously. The son had gotten used to watching a channel that only came with that package and would, she assured us, beat his head against a wall until he landed in the hospital if he couldn't have that channel on all the time. She hadn't actually paid a bill at all in about 16 months and now owed the company somewhere around $2000. Normally that was an impossible balance to accrue, but we'd inadvertently taught her a very dirty trick we could do in cases of extreme need: When she got disconnected every month, she'd call up and pity-party someone into taking pity on her and reactivating it, even if that meant re-aging her account to get it back online, with the assurance--never fulfilled--that she'd totally pay in full "soon." The company's fraud team had flagged her account and made it impossible for ANYBODY not on their team to reactivate her without payment in full plus three months in advance. She was used to escalating a few times, since only people at a fairly high level could re-age accounts. I was one of them, but I sure wasn't gonna do it for her. Re-aging meant to take her full balance, credit that amount to the account to bring it current, then charge it all back again. In effect, she would still owe the full balance, but now it showed as a current balance instead of a past due one. This is a TERRIBLE thing to do and it completely freaks out fraud investigators. So she escalated on me, and I sent her to a manager, who "wouldn't work with her" either, and then she landed in the fraud team's queue and I didn't hear anything past that. I didn't believe her excuse story, but it hardly mattered if I did or didn't; the only solution at that point was for her to pay what was being demanded, and that wasn't the solution she wanted to hear.)

Me You know, that woman who claimed she had an autistic son? I wouldn't be shocked if she was one of those parents that the autistic community HATES. The ones who are always pity-partying their kid's autism, talking about how their kids DESERVE an autism cure (which most autistics, including me, don't want), acting as if autism is doom-and-gloom all the time, often supporting the crap "charity" Autism Speaks, which repeats those same pity lines, videoing their child's meltdowns and posting them on the internet without their consent along with giving graphic details of hygiene and bathroom habits of their kids, also without the child's consent (including feces-smearing, which is something an autistic person I know did as a baby and grew out of, and they transitioned to making mud pies by the creek as a kid), and calling themselves "autism parents" while telling us autistic people "no, no, sweetie, you are a person with autism". Ugh, there's a lot of nerve in that last one, taking our identity for themselves while expecting us to separate ourselves from it. And then it seems possible that one of these so-called "autism parents" (who inevitably are never autistic themselves, because autistic people who are parents call themselves "autistic parents") has the gall to scam your company, to boot. 

 S 
I just think it's obnoxious they make it all about them. 

C 
"Autism parent" sounds awful. It's like she thinks she's mothering the autism itself, rather than her kid.





Captain Cassidy, Wielder of the Banhammer  
Oh yeah, that was completely this awful lady. That's exactly what she talked like. She presented herself as one step holier than the Virgin Mary and it just outraged her that my company wasn't just donating services to her because SHE was an AUTISM MOM and didn't we KNOW what she was GOING through every day... And yes, I got treated to some astonishing personal details about her son that seemed engineered to evoke the most pity and disgust in listeners. I almost told her hey gal, I've been emotionally manipulated by the best. And you ain't anywhere close to that level.




Me 
I wish more people responded to "autism mom" laments the way you do. That type of manipulation allows parents to get away with literal murder of their autistic offspring, such that if you google "parent kills kid who has autism" or something, practically every article talking about such a murder has comments sections full of people saying things about how you'd understand why those poor parents would want to murder their autistic kid if you were in their shoes, and how the lack of services makes them worry so much they had to kill their kid.
 No, I'm sorry, lack of services means that you should be willing to advocate for those services, not use that an excuse to treat your kid like a rabid beast who has to be put down. And besides, if you autism parents can pull heartstrings the way so many of you do engendering sympathy for murder and waltzing right into communities of actual autistic people to shit on them and silence them, I'm sure you can use those emotional manipulation skills to aid you in advocacy work.
(Not you personally, I mean those shitheads who do things ranging from what that mom did to you all the way up to actual murder).
You even get things like the parents in this article (http://autistext.com/2017/03/04/autpocalypse-then-autpocalypse-now/ ) talking about how if their son's autism didn't go away, they might have to kill him, at which point the son's autism went away and the parents blamed the autism on a "cerebral milk allergy" which, as we all know here, is a bullshit disease and that of course if you discuss the possibility of killing a kid for being visibly autistic, that kid is likely to hide his autistic behaviors because his life depends on it. Duh. But of course, a little thing like reality isn't going to stop them from selling alternative medicine to treat something that, in actuality, was visibly and abusively "treated" by putting the kid in fear for his life.
And it is clear from the quotes of those parents in that article that those are not the words of parents at their wit's end (which, of course, is the impression "autism parents" who murder their kids often successfully give to a lot of people when they talk about how people need to "walk in their shoes"). Those words are far too cold and calculating for that, and are simply abuser words.



Me 
So, she was most likely telling the truth about having an autistic son, and she treated him like shit. Go figure. Just like every other "autism mom" out there. They do have a habit of presenting themselves as holy figures.
Really, I feel sorry for that kid.



Captain Cassidy Wielder of the Banhammer 
I'm glad to take your word on it--though sad for the son.
Probably would have been a way better idea for her to contact the company in writing and just ask for the donation before signing up for anything. They might even have granted it then, who knows... But signing a contract and accepting a huge entertainment package like that, then unilaterally deciding not to pay because she felt she'd earned enough Autism Sympathy Points? Not a good plan. And offering a child a channel on a package she knows for 100% certain she can't afford to pay for monthly doesn't sound like she was thinking with portals at all.



Me 
No, she wasn't. though I bet her taking an expensive package and working it into that kid's routine would win her massive sympathy points when her kid inevitably gets upset because his routine is disrupted due to the fact he can no longer see that show. So then she can use that as yet another example of how autism ruined her life (and yes, she would say it was her life that was ruined even though her kid is the autistic one).
Seriously, though. Don't incorporate shows you can't afford to keep into an autistic kid's daily routine - it's a real pain in the ass to have a routine disrupted without warning. I know that from personal experience. If your kid really likes that particular show, it would be more responsible to get DVDs of it if available, or else have it be something that you specially plan - do the latter if you can't get the DVD because that way the show falls under the category "special treat" and isn't incorporated into a daily routine.
But I guess advice like that is not going to go over well with people who use their kid's autism as a way to fish for sympathy. God for-fucking-bid they do anything that will genuinely reduce their kid's difficulty rather than win them sympathy points, especially since they are also doing things that make it harder for autistic people and those parents of autistic kids who actually want to make it easier for their kids and are willing to fight on their kid's behalf rather than using autism as a vehicle to fish for sympathy.



Captain Cassidy Wielder of the Banhammer 
It definitely gave her something to keep her days busy. I got the feeling she'd done this to a lot of other companies for a lot of other services and goodies and did a lot of phone errands to keep the gravy train and sympathy brigade moving.



Me 
And strung her son along in the process with repeated, unnecessary, and jarring interruptions to his routine, rather than finding things within his interest area that he liked and that she could consistently provide (i.e. a one-time or few-time DVD purchase in lieu of scamming expensive TV packages).
Seems that she cared more about getting the goodies for herself and exploiting her son's plight in order to do so, while making it worse for him, rather than making sure that both she and her son were able to have nice things she didn't need to scam people to get. And she probably saddled her son with a huge burden of guilt for getting attached to those goodies that weren't really his in the process, although it was in no way his fault that his mom brought in those things and let them be incorporated into his routine knowing damn well she might not be able to give her son consistent access to them (again, a disaster for a lot of autistic kids) rather than making them "special treats" as she should have done, while giving him things he could consistently use for his routine (like the aforementioned DVDs).
Getting goodies for oneself is okay (yes, I know that parents have a lot of reason to be stressed), just get goodies you can reasonably afford, for you and your kids, and don't use your kid to bilk people out of goodies like that woman did.




Captain Cassidy Wielder of the Banhammer 
Jeez, yeah, 100% this. I'm glad you brought that up because I guess I hadn't even realized that the son might feel guilty about any attachments he formed to the TV channel in question. I see why parents like that are looked down on. That's a lot to saddle a child with, and none of it's his fault at all.



Me 
I figured the son might feel guilty about this because I have felt guilty about similar things outside my control (like feeling so guilty about benefitting from the use of fossil fuels that I once went through a phase of basically denying climate change and hanging on to the hope of a magical solution so that the guilt wouldn't drive me nuts, especially since I couldn't realistically check out of use of technology, and this was before renewable energy sources looked as feasible as they do today)

Exchange over.

Bet I’m not the only autistic who would feel guilty about getting attached to something that people have gotten through ill-gotten gains. I mean, sometimes we do need to apply this in a socially aware way (like when talking about white privilege) but this isn’t one of those things. And even when it is a good idea to acknowledge this, it does not mean people should have to be ashamed of getting attached to something. Recognizing problematic elements and being ashamed of getting attached to something are not the same thing. But in this case, if the son did feel guilty, his mom would probably encourage it - heck, the tricks she used to manipulate Captain Cassidy, mentioned in the first comment, are exactly the sort of thing that would feed guilt and shame in a totally destructive way - his mom is portraying the situation in a way that would make the son feel like it is all his fault he gets deeply attached to things. 

Seriously, how else are you supposed to feel when your mean mom is on the phone to a company desperately saying about how you will knock your head against the wall so hard you end up in the hospital if you can’t have the show you’ve grown deeply attached to? Of course you would feel guilty and absolutely sick with yourself - you don’t leap to thinking it’s your mom’s fault and that she could have skipped the fancy package and/or gotten DVDs of the shows or a TiVo to record your shows instead if she wanted you to have the shows - both options would be 100% cleaner, and a lot more likely to be able to continue, than scamming a company out of the fanciest packages the companies offer (which companies will likely cut you off from when they find out anyway, and in this particular case it would not be a dirty trick on the part of the company to do so since the company is not breaking any promises in that case). Especially since yes, companies are unethical a lot of the time, and yes, there are a lot of things companies should not deny, but that does not mean that people should be using children to scam said company. And they shouldn’t be humiliating their kids in public like that either. Period.

[dancekickboxcardio]

I don’t know about you guys. But when you are on your technology 📱 💻 , do you guys notice that it doesn’t do exactly what you want or you operate it like usual to no go or something is just not right. I am a computer 💻 graduate student right. Also, I had a desktop when I was a kid. I never read the instructions on how to use them or studied 🤓 how Microsoft Office works. I learned as I go. When I was working as a caregiver, I actually had a MICU contract with the Clinic a semester before graduation among all things, my client’s husband was interested in the area and picked my mind on the topic. He was amazed at my troubleshooting skills when his printer 🖨 would not work. It is really trial and error based on knowledge. My German radio 📻 won’t play. All systems are in place. I disconnect the Bluetooth and played the app. The audio was coming out of my phone 📱. I also had changed Internet connections 🔗 from DSL. Our family plan has unlimited data 🌐. Well, I am enjoying 😊 it as I want it. I had a piece of cake 🍰. I didn’t ask for heavy whipping cream. I should learn to getting by. That’s how most people live. There is something powerful in keeping yourself in check. It spills out in many areas of life. I slept 🛏 in and without guilt. I don’t have an oversleeping 💤 headache ��. I am happy 😃 even if I am not anywhere but the gym 🏃🏼‍♀️ 💪🏾. I wanted to take a picture 📸 of the new TRX like training area. There are boxing 🥊 bags. How exciting 😆 . I was like a new kid on the playground. Soaking in every details of this novel machinery. I was like, “What are those big disk for, how about those handles?” It was thrilling. You forgot that it’s suppose to intimidate you and many people were already enjoying it. I didn’t want to take their privacy by putting them on my tumblr. I saw Mark Consuelo training with the team. They looked 👀 so good 😊 like they have bonds. He looks angry 😤 tough. I always see him like he is a puppy 🐶. When I went around to check the new stuff, I was trying to have a feel of how everything is. Usually being in a room full of boys does not bother me. But since being in the hot 🥵 sauna 🧖🏼‍♀️ night time 🌃full of only older men, I seemed to be aware of my womanly 👩🏼 presence. It was like that stepping into the big boy training machines. The place seemed packed with stuff in all areas. That says a lot about membership. I didn’t want to be the petulant courageous in the room. There are many forms of tough but it doesn’t need to insist and push everybody around. I had no choice but to cut through the people working out. I said hi 👋🏾 to heart ❤️ attack but really I am not there. I am not up. I am slowed in reaction. I am not feeling bubbly. I didn’t want to disrupt his weightlifting. I caught him in the middle of. He is so cute in baby blue shirt 👕. He doesn’t go for cute it seems to me. I guess fatherhood does things to him. He seemed happy 😃. He’s less serious on uncharted territory. Yeah, he’s like oozing with confidence. He doesn’t look 👀 it, but I feel that he is changing. I was being strict. I need my colorful 🎒 backpack. I am also changing my lip 👄 color. Fall 🍃🍂🍁 Someone suggested to keep my summer colors. Ok, para tú. I had plans on going to the health club today even if I am skipping yoga 🧘🏼‍♀️ for full back muscle healing ⛑. When my alarm ⏰ rang, I decided without guilt that I can take #namasteinbedallday . That’s what I am doing. I slowed myself to sleep 😴 last night. I was reading 📖 a book.

I didn’t shut off right away. My mind continued to process. It’s just how it is. I can take like supplements or teas 🍵. Nyquill. I even woke up several times during the night. I am not in a bad mood 😒. I usually am because sleep 😴 is important part of functioning healthy and I know that and I am on it. I am doing what I can to do exactly the best way to increase my day’s productivity 📊📈. Today, the question ❓❔❓ begs if I should allow things to happen to me instead of me reacting and doing things to counter it. My answer right now which is different from my first solution is a balance. A push and pull. But what I had in mind is to let go. Maybe I am being too hard on being too hard. Does that make sense. It’s like you want this result so you are sticking to your approach but there are other factors that are acting upon the situation. Instead of charging at the same spot, allow it to unfold and attack. Capish 👌🏾.

I am almost done ✅ with the Lady Cop 👮🏻‍♀️ book 📚 and I can’t wait 😊 to return it. I wondered 💭 what the librarian said about the stolen book in my purse 👜. My audio dropped 🔽 and another elements presented itself, the server retrieval. The problem must be somewhere in Germany 🇩🇪. If you are schooled 🏫 in the infrastructure of the World Wide Web, you’d be amaze at the speed at which we receive information ℹ️ and the many hops it actually takes to get to us. Let me pull the class that I found invaluable from Dr. Chuck of Michigan University. It is a free course unless you want a certificate.

I lost my train of thought ✍🏾 🤔. I maybe a zombie 🧟‍♀️ slow to react and didn’t want to be bothered 😕 but I had stuff going through my mind 🧠. I find myself smiling 😃 and on further stimulus I tried to keep a straight face. I was noticing how there were many guys and they were so excitable. They keep on touching their hair, adjusting their glasses, stretching 🙆‍♂️. I suppose they want to be at their toes or they just had a full day already . Sometimes I am like that. But this day I was more, shucks I don’t want to slip from the belt on soft knees. I kept taking breaks and that’s ok. I found that I needed distraction even if it’s something I generated for myself . I remem what was on my mind. I want to know if my package 📦 shall be delivered. I think my Mom is here. I smell beef 🥩 cooking 🥘 on the stove. What an olfactory sense 👃🏾. I already drank my fit Americano ☕️. There was cold espresso on the fridge. I took many breaks oft times to relieve myself or grab a towel or check out what’s new. I have a song 🎶.

“What's new Buenos Aires?

I'm new--I want to say I'm just a little stuck on you

You'll be on me too!

I get out here Buenos Aires

Stand back--you ought to know what'cha gonna get in me

Just a little touch of star quality! “

Boy, I am up.

I just called the library , they said to bring the police 🚔 report. Thank God, I was thinking and included it on the list of items lost. I didn’t even list the cost of the Bagley Mischka wallet which would increase the value 💲💲💲💲 of the theft. My lipsticks 💄. My Tahari sunglasses 🕶 which is a little over a hundred bucks. Of course, I didn’t pay 💰 full price. What did I say? Cheapies for those without jobbies 😂. I know why Dad is a little worried 😟. He is sleepy 💤. He pulled long hours 🕡 for overtime opportunities that’s why I had to cancel 📞 my Derm 🥼 appointment. He’s bro is sick 🤒 with an infection. He’s the eldest. Is there going to be a death 💀? I maybe impervious not because I don’t have a heart ♥️ but the devastation has already been anticipated. I cannot do anything about it and I must know how to deal. Did you guys know that McCain’s son went back to his duty for like if I got it right 8 months 📅 and just returned to grieve? That’s the reality for those who serve in the armed forces even if your Dad was like a Presidential Candidate. You have to keep yourself together, honor him in the best way, and do what is your duty. That could be emotionally packed and loaded.

The day was plain really. I keep on bumping into Katie. She’s so dedicated at her job. I like her. Stacey left. She’ll be missed and I’ll always look 👀 to see if she came back. I didn’t see the newbies. I haven’t seen Jocelyn. I suppose she’s doing good for herself. She tells me she doesn’t earn a lot. I told her how I started selling books 👓 . You are starting. It get’s better. Adulting, you stick to it, you keep on, focus on what must be done ✅ and plan on a better future. There were no classes 💃🏼 afternoon. I didn’t make it to the sauna 🧖🏼‍♀️. I had to cut my time by 15 minutes ⏱ in second cardio ❤️ . I am happy 😃 that I already put in my work earlier. I stayed 30 minutes over early afternoon treadmill. So if you put it in a overall sense, I bested goal 🥅 by 15 minutes over. I saw Ahmed. I was so happy 😀 to see him. We know each other in the studio when I feel like being in the left corner. He said he has back issues too and I recommended Gina’s easier yoga 🧘‍♂️ classes. I remember Root. There was another one. I should check it out if anyone asks. Before taking my break I saw Lorene and stopped 🛑 to say hi 👋🏾. She noticed my water 💦 with lemon 🍋 and I had mention my nausea 🤢, headache 🤕, faintness 🌀. I met Jean a pediatric ICU nurse. She had a life changing medical 🏥 event. But without hesitation she recommended the Epley maneuver. Promising. It must be done ✅ by a medical practitioner and I keep on asking if a chiropractor 👨🏻‍⚕️does it. It sounds drastic. I told dance 🕺🏽buddy, we are human and we all have problems. We deal with it the best that we can. We have to determine for ourselves what’s the best action. Like if I know that folding down makes me sick 🤒, then, don’t do it. I just thought that if the prob persists for longer than 6 mons. shall I go to the ear 👂🏾 doctor? Also, aromatherapy and perhaps peppermint oil. Essential oil infused mat cleaner 🧼.