#yes based off their krang designs too

[sweeneydino]

Enraged by his loss of the fragments upon meeting the Samurai, the Shredder gathers the best of the cadavers he can find to follow and capture them before he must return to his own world.

Bloated, rotten, and vile, these endlessly burning creatures and their intense loyalty to their master will stop at nothing to capture the four kappa, not even with two pissed off dads and their extended family who are just as relentless when it comes to protecting those that they love.

--

These are young versions foot lieutenant and foot Brute btw ;) less formed, more malleable. And gross..

[cupcakeslushie]

LITA MAY LITA MAY LITA MAY

Ok ok so I have like a bunch of questions feel free to ignore BUT

I) she has a tail. Is that a Kraang feature or do all the turtles in your universe have tails and hers is just extended?

II) Uh pink? Pink like Kraang? Did she choose her life colors, or???

III) Is. Is she. Is she autistic too

IV) Draxum-Hamato sooooo what does she call them? Did they argue about nicknames? Also was it Donnie’s choice to include Draxum’s name as well

V) Lita in the comics???

VI) Is there a reason her shell isn’t smooth like Donnie’s?

VII) What does she call Renet?

VIII) Ninpo question mark?

IX) Pupils! I love the way you draw her pupils. Is there a reason or is it just fun

X) Does she have a certain resistance to Kraang mind digging? Like that thing they did to interrogate Raph in the movie? To read his memories?

XI) So the cloak/scarf thing is Leo, the purple accents and stripes are Donnie, and the kneepads are Mikey. Any Raph references in her clothes?

Apologies if you’ve answered these before and I just didn’t see them! Have a good day and give Lita one too for goodness sakes girl’s had it rough already

1. It’s more of a Krang feature. I do love when the turtles are drawn with tails, but I didn’t do it from the beginning, and so for consistency sake in the EW universe I’ve held off. Maybe one day I’ll just say “fuck it” and give into the urge to give them all cute little tails. But even if I did, Lita’s would be much longer than any of the family’s (except Raph’s hypothetical tail lol).

2. Lita being albino and pink in the IDW comics pretty much made that Krang connection for me lol. I didn’t have to reach too hard with her design. She leans into it.

3. I have her personality very close to Leo’s canon personality, so she’s more on the ADHD side. She does have some sensory issues with sound, which a lot of ppl with adhd have (👋🏻). But being raised around the quiet and solemn Time Masters Sanctum it’s like really noticeable. When she visits the family, it can be very overwhelming, but rather than shutting down, she gets insanely riled up and can’t contain herself. It works though—everyone is more than happy to let her ramble on.

4. She never met either of them but Splinter of course would’ve been Jiji and Draxum would’ve been just Grandfather. Nothing too out of this world lol. And yes, Donnie chooses to embrace Draxum’s name.

5. Sorry idk what exactly this is asking. Like yes? Lita May is based off IDW Lita, from the comics 😅 sorry if I’m missing the question.

6. She is a spiny soft shell like Donnie, but yes, her spines are significantly more pronounced, thanks to, you guessed it!

7. Master Renet, or Aunty Ren in a more causal setting.

8. 🤫 we’ll see (I’m still trying to think of something cool and not too OP lol)

9. Her eyes are just for design fun, and to link her to Donnie some more!

10. That’s gonna be another big 🤫, but less because I haven’t decided and more just for the big spoilers! 😜

11. She’s kinda got two outfits atm and I think I might end up merging the two. Her simpler outfit of just her wraps and mask are very Raph coded, so I wanna figure out some sort of middle ground with the two.

[echonvoid]

Hero costumes! For when the bois finally get their rhythm back

Donnie:

Hero Name: ??? Not really sure yet but probably a chess term or definitely one of his many fake names (*cough cough* Von Ryan *cough cough*)

Fun fact: I based his future design on @sheltered-uno’s WROR Au! Future Donnie Design. It’s a really fun design. Definitely fit a “future hero in the making” vibe I was going for. Also, mans is ripped as hell and has the build of an Olympian throwing sport player. He has canonically picked up and threw a 50-100 lb circular weight used for lifting exercises. Not pictured: His small rat/turtle tail that he got from splinter. Very similar to Raph’s, except his can stretch like elastigirl. Much more versatile

Leo:

Hero Name: Neon Leon

Fun fact: his face mask thingy is a brace/protective armor for his face and jaw, since Krang nearly knocked it clean off his face. It’s led screen can do pretty much whatever he wants. He has armor based off of CJ’s and metallic talons he wears on his feet, which function in much the same way as actual birds talons do. Not pictured: His huge ass Lou jitsu ears. They’re very similar to Raph’s

Raph:

Hero Name: Red Angel (of Preventing Harm)

Weapon: Tonfas

Random fact: he has the most of splinter’s quirk’s physical traits. He has splinter’s ears and his long ass tail. I tried to make him look more like a alligator snapping turtle dragon. Also, donnie made him a tech monocular so he can use both eyes in combat. It’ll switch eyes depending on which spectrum he needs to see through (visible or ultraviolet; but he can turn them into a full pair of glasses to see into other spectrums too)

Mikey:

Hero Name: Dr. Flambé???? (he wanted Magic Mikey, which Raph instantly Vetoed) Honestly the bois are definitely considered as underground heroes, since they plan on going back to New York and living on the down low again. So the names are mostly them being teenagers and having fun. Raph just happens to have a dope ass vigilante name already

Fun Fact: Mikey’s design was based off of this design by @meandtheyeehaws : (and thanks to @that1randomname for helping me figure out who it was)

I don’t know how else to tag this since it’s cross platforms (and I found it on YouTube so that was something) but I’m super grateful cuz it’s not easy to design superhero costumes for characters whose costumes have been them in the nude for 35 years (and they are very visible)!so I really was needing the inspiration. And yes Mikey definitely uses his art skills while fighting. He learned that from Mina

They don’t all go by just he/him but I’m so fucking tired and it’s too late to try to vary my pronoun usage for them at the mo

[muttkep]

Greetings Rise fandom! I got another concept for you all!

This could be for its own au, but this is something I'm planning to add into my Dragon Turtles au. I got to thinking about how the turtles could advance with their mystic abilities after the events of the movie, and that's when I got the idea that the bros could gain familiars. Basically, think of these creatures as something like the Palismans from The Owl House, except instead of turning into staffs, they become more like totems, jewelry, or other small, inanimate objects that could be carried around in case of emergencies.

As for how they got them, I like to picture a sort of traveling market that popped up outside of Witch Town. That way all the bros can explore it out of curiosity without getting into trouble with the residents. And as for each one, they all chose the turtles based on a mystic connection. And each one is unique, so let's get into who got who:

Raph: Ursa Minor cub. Bears are classified as strong earth-based guardian spirits, but I wanted Raph's little buddy to be about more than just strength. I also wanted a mystic creature he could show a softer side with. One without worry of getting hurt by the amount of mental anguish suffered at the hands of the Krang turned possibly physical. Hence the decision to give Raph what is essentially a perfect sized teddy bear that also doubles as his mystic partner.

Donnie: Albino Basilisk. Now, I had quite a bit of debate on what to give Donnie as a familiar. I considered something like a rabbit or a cat, but that felt a bit too obvious or overdone. This version of Donnie deserved something unique, so I started looking for alternative animals. The basilisk stuck out to me in a few ways. One, snakes are usually connected to water. Two, making the creature albino means that it would have difficulties surviving, and would have to think outside the box to live in certain conditions. Kind of like Donnie and his soft shell. Making this serpent in particular a fast thinking/highly intelligent creature. Also, much like how Donnie could be misunderstood as a cold and closed off individual, so too are snakes. Snakes can be highly misunderstood as cold, efficient, killing creatures of evil, but some out there actually have calm and friendly temperaments. And while it would take Donnie a while to get over the creepy feeling of them crawling over him, the feel of the smooth skin would probably be great for someone who is theorized to have certain sensitivities to certain textures. Not to mention that the gentle massaging feels of them gently constricting him in a not-too-tight fashion could help keep him grounded in a mental spiral. (And yes, I based the design off of 2012's serpent Karai. it was an intentional reference)

Mikey: Phoenix. Mikey's was an obvious one for me to do. Being the most Mystically connected out of the brothers means he had the highest chances of bonding with a very powerful creature. Enter the phoenix, a firebird with the ability to be reborn from the ashes of an old life. Colorful, graceful, and powerful, the phoenix can also have a soft or even mischievous side to it. A fun-loving creature with great abilities to help a fledging mystic warrior like Mikey gain his proper footing in using them. Especially without hurting himself, like with the portal at the end of the movie. As well as helping him gain confidence to stand on his own when his brothers can't help him.

Leo: Kirin. Leo was also a hard one to figure out. I considered animals like stags, deer, elk and the like. But then, I remembered that Leo had a liking for Unicorns, however I didn't just want to give him a generic unicorn. That's when inspiration struck. I was revisiting the OVA series of Petshop of Horrors, and in the 4th episode, it talked about the Kirin. The Kirin is stated to be a holy beast, who serves no one but it's sovereign. Therefore, the person to gain possession of the Kirin, was destined to be a great ruler. That's when it all clicked into place. The Kirin is not only the Eastern equivalent to the unicorn, but a lot of what it represents could tie into Leo's struggles of being a better leader after the movie. Sovereign is another word for king or leader, and in ancient Chinese/general Asian lore, the arrival of a Kirin was meant to signify the coming or going of a great leading figure. A creature that was benevolent to its allies and had ruthless furry for its enemies. And not just anyone could choose a Kirin as a familiar or guardian spirit, it had to choose you. And after everything Leo went through, fears of failure, the pressures of leadership, the guilt of causing/nearly causing the apocalypse, he would need some kind of sign or reassurance that he was back on the right track. That he was improving and could be a good leader like Casey Jr. said. And what better way than to be chosen by a great mythic beast, with its own set of scars, to choose him to be its leader. If that doesn't prove Leo's leadership capabilities, I don't know what would.

Anywho, thanks for reading my crazed ramblings, and I hope you enjoy the content. Feel free to comment and let me know your thoughts on the concept. Hope to see you soon!

Characters mentioned are not mine, all referenced media belongs to their rightful owners. The artwork is mine only.

[oogaboogaspookyman]

Accidentally found that blog that made that one comic about a slasher and his bubbly happy-go-lucky gf (edit: found it again, it's @/bludragongal , go look at her stuff lol (DO NOT TAG HER PLEASE I AM FEAR)) thought "there should be like... A monster genre version of it"

My head started spitballing shit for it immediately after.

Concept under the cut because beeg

Human character: Sandra H. Prolly a goth girl (or at least like- not bubbly but also not deppressed, still can and WILL kill if she's angry enough, just like the og) with a ridiculous love and interest in animals, especially freaky creatures, flora and fauna and shit like that. By "ridiculous love and interest" i mean like- she loves these things so much her vibes walk up to you and say "dude idk bout you but i think she's autistic"

Monster character: Krang. Alien monstrosity that is currently hiding here and there because. It's. It's an alien. An extraterrestrial living being, stuck on earth and decided to just vibe lol. Instead of killing because yes, it's only gonna maul you if you piss it off or something, like- oh you slapped them? Hm. Death :). It's also highly smart, prolly learns how to speak english with a certain someone's help and he learns REALLY fast. Design wise i'm thinking it's based on the creatures from that horror movie called A Quiet Place, minus the hearing shtick and the feral is lessened down to like. Cat levels of gremlin. Yes it's also a smug, snarky and mischievous bastard, but that's not stopping the fluff potential.

The meeting: Sandra is walking around with friends after having set camp purely to vibe because god damn it it's nearly the end of the year and shit they get to have a break for once from their work and stuff, and they're all like chill and jokey, cracking the worst of jokes (some dark ones too, Jared you can't friggin' joke about INFIDELITY that's horrid nooo get smacked upside the head you jerk lol), and they suddenly hear screeching and growling from somewhere deeper in the forest, and one of them goes "ayo who's gonna check it out" and Sandra one proposes rock paper scissors to decide. Sandra loses and kicks the winner in the knee because man fuck you honestly.

Sandra walks deeper into the forest to find the source of the noise. Deeper and deeper and deeper... Until she finds a freakish, monstrous creature trying to break free from a bear trap, growling and screeching from the pain of the little cursed machine biting into it's flesh. Sandra gasps and runs over to the creature to get the bear trap off his leg, and it just growls lowly as a warning. No. Get away, life form. I can do it myself anyway. It's just a little primitive machine. It's smart but not enough to hold me back. Stay away. But she's stubborn and convinces the creature to let her help... It reluctantly accepts, and she pries the bear trap open, letting him get out of it.

She tells the creature that it's gonna call for her friends, who are also of her species, but it's not for anything malicious, it's to help him heal. The alien creature growls lowly as a form of expression Aka it's offended that Sandra is willing to help him THIS much when it can heal on it's damn own, but she insists because she genuinely cares a lot about it and doesn't want him to be hurt. The creature reluctantly accepts but only because he doesn't want to be too mean.

She calls for her friends, they find it and try to help (and control themselves, Andy no you can't take pics of him to post on your Instagram that's risky and besides you can't take mean comments towards you well at ALL) they help her heal the creature's wounds and done! He has bandages and shit! Usual health things! She asks him about his name and it just. Whispers in it's alien language. She doesn't understand it and asks again, to which the creature responds by grabbing a stick and writing on the dirt it's name... In the same alien language. Sandra just goes "i'll ask again later, you should learn english..." and it just growls lowly in disappointment like- god damn it i gotta learn english because human don't understand my language >:(

After that, Sandra waves goodbye and the creature runs away, back into hiding and vibing, and she and her friends go back to dicking around, not knowing it's not the last time she's gonna see it...

Their relationship: Krang develops a crush on Sandra not right after finding it or something like that- Krang is not familiar with human life forms and doesn't trust easily (also canonically semi tsundere lmao it's funny for me)- it's only developing a crush on Sandra once it decides to stalk her and spots her just. Vibing. Thriving happily in peace and tranquility without a care in the world.

She has a cat, she has a family, friends, she has a lot in her life... What does he have? Constant fear, worry, dread and anxiety from living in the wilderness, from having to hide from every single human, just so it can simply vibe. It takes shelter in sewers and caves and abandoned places, for crying out loud, it's lonely!

He's obviously not developing that attraction the moment it stalks her, no, they stalk her purely to learn because this human just. Saved me?? Human cares??? That's weird i should learn a bit more. It started as a little learning expirience, following her wherever, watching her do things just to learn a bit more of this particular human that decided to give him another chance in life.

Then it starts going a more "i wish that was me" route. It starts to feel envious of Sandra's peaceful life, her happiness and how comfortable she is in her own little world... It became a desire for a better, more comfortable life, following her wherever, watching her do things, just so calm and happy, without a care in the world... He has to take shelter in the most disgusting, lonely spaces just to have a tolerable chance of survival.

One day, it spotted Sandra walking around with her friends again, throughout a mall, supposedly planning to "watch that one movie they waited for so long to see", according to what it heard... It catches a glimpse of two men wearing a black disguise, making them nearly unidentifiable. It's not going to let them ruin Sandra's little joy, even if it's meaningless, it's joy nonetheless.

Two male young adults went missing that day, nobody knows what happened to them. Krang knows. They did it. Sandra's safe now and nobody has to know or get in their business.

After that, Sandra and her friends went walking back to their respective homes, gushing about the movie, just goofing off like they always do.

Sandra didn't expect the creature from a while ago to be in her house, playing with her dog. And Krang expected her to be happy to see him, but instead he got a very surprised /neg Sandra processing the fact there's the fucking creature in her god damn house what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck.

After that it's just a slice of life SLOW friends to lovers kinda thing, it learns english and finally answers the million ages old question /j: his name...

"So, funky thing... Now that you know english, what's your name?"

"..."

"I... Ammm... Krann..g"

"Krang, huh? It's a pretty name!"

"Pretty name for a pretty creature!"

"... Pret... Ty...?"

"Hrm... ////"

"Heheh! I'm Sandra, if you're wondering"

"... Pretty name... For a... Pret.ty... crea...ture"

"Eheheh... Thanks, i guess ////"

[satireknight]

TMNT S02E08 - Invasion of the Punk Frogs

Admit it. That title alone makes you curious.

So it starts with Michelangelo evading lasers, trap doors, and grabby metal hands. Where the hell does Donatello get the sheer amount of equipment needed for this kind of thing?

But at the last minute he’s washed back by a flood of water. It turns out this was a timed obstacle course, which each of them are doing in turn.

And then Splinter says something really weird: “All indications are that [Shredder]’s planning to return with the Technodrome.” What indications? Did they just try to handwave foreshadowing into my face? I don’t remember that coming up before.

Not to mention you’d think Krang wouldn’t be in any hurry to return. I mean, he was pissy on Earth because he’d been banished from his home dimension, and now he’s back where he wanted to be. He seemed pretty happy about the situation at the end of last season. Why would he bring the Technodrome back to Earth?

Anyway, Shredder calls Krang up to announce that he has a new Plan O’ The Week, and this one will really work, unlike all the others, so there. His plan is to create more mutants to attack the Turtles and... second step something something, third step profit.

The problem is that the Technodrome is in the middle of an ion storm, which is presented as being just a thunderstorm. Shredder insists that this absolutely can’t wait and they have to risk sending through the mutagen... um, why? Is there a reason this plan can’t wait until tomorrow?

So we cut to a camper RV in the middle of a swamp, and a couple who are probably going to be arguing about their vacation for the next few months.

I can see why. I’d lambast any spouse o’ mine who took me on vacation to a swamp. What are you supposed to do there, attract leeches?

The couple’s son is keeping himself occupied, though, having found four frogs that he wants to keep as pets. Mom is grossed out and orders him to put them back where he found them.

Just then the canister falls out of the portal, cracks open and starts leaking into the water. Guess what the frogs come into contact with as soon as the boy drops them.

Krang informs Shredder about this fuckup due to his impatience, and Shredder decides to go to Florida. Um, how? I mean, is he going to drive, or take some form of commercial transportation? Rocksteady and Bebop are left in NYC to distract the Turtles from.... um, Shredder not being there.

The Turtles hear about giant frog-mutants, but aren’t able to investigate due to Bebop and Rocksteady generally causing mischief.

Shredder has somehow teleported to Florida, where he finds the canister completely empty and four giant talking frogs. He pretends to be a nice person to get the frogs on his side, gives them holographic clothes (?!), and claims they’re going to be battling the evil Ninja Turtles.

He recalls Rocksteady and Bebop, and introduces them to the frogs: Napoleon, Attila, Genghis and Rasputin. Only Napoleon looks kind of worried about this, ironically.

Bebop rather logically points out that as trained ninjas, the Turtles won’t have any trouble defeating the frogs. Shredder dismisses this by saying that he’s personally trained them... wait, what? This can’t be more than a day or so after he found them, and he presumably spent most of that time getting back to New York.

Are we really supposed to think that he can turn them into good fighters in the space of a single day? Because watching any iteration of TMNT requires a lot of suspension of disbelief, but that pushes me too far.

It also raises again the question of how long the Turtles have been mutants. If you remember, they mutated from tiny turtles right into their teen forms in the first episode, so... does that mean Splinter was just really fast with their training, and they’re not actually teenagers? 

The Turtles are eating again when April tips them off to a report on four green robbers described as looking like giant turtles. Um, the frogs really don’t. They really don’t. They look like frogs.

The mayor starts ranting about how the Turtles have terrorized the city, even though the only “terrorizing” I can remember was from some dorks in costumes. Then again, he IS a politician. Jump on an issue to be seen doing something, and don’t let pesky facts get in the way. So he’s created an anti-Turtle squad to hunt them down, with Max Headroom in charge.

The frogs seem awfully cheerful about the idea of taking over the city, which I guess is naivete in action. I mean, they don’t know that such things are bad, and you can frame almost anything as being good if you want.

Shredder wants more mutagen, but Krang confirms that he already sent him the last. Yes, impatience really got you a mutant army, Shredder. But Krang is apparently in a generous mood, because he will tell Shredder the recipe for making more.

The Turtles, meanwhile, are being hunted down whenever they show up on the surface. It’s funny that the most effective part of Shredder’s plan was actually the part he didn’t plan.

The Frogs show up at a chemical warehouse to steal some stuff, where they debate the morality of what they’re doing.

The Turtles are tipped off about it and somehow get to the chemical plant in the next couple minutes to stop the frogs in mid-heist. Did the frogs stop for dinner before looking for the chemicals? Space is warped and time is bendable!

But the frogs manage to escape using a flash-grenade-arrow.

“I’m insulted! How could anyone mistake those... things for turtles?” Good question. They look like frogs.

Donatello immediately figures out what the stolen chemicals are for, and says that they need another one to finish the mutagen. Don’t ask me how he knows this. He’s the designated know-it-all.

Yes, April has extensive database information on chemical shipments... on a 1988 computer. At a news TV station.

Oh, and because he’s a troll, Krang didn’t mention the last ingredient to Shredder before... just to be a dick. Seriously. 

And he also knows where the shipment of the chemical will be... even though he’s not even on the same planet. Where do people get this information?

Shredder’s also starting to lose the frogs, who want to know why they can’t try to reason with the Turtles instead of just killing them until they’re dead. Shredder obviously does NOT want that to happen.

Meanwhile, April covers the anti-Turtle squad and their giant freeze-ray-equipped tank.

“This tracking device is tuned to their biorhythms.” Wait, what? How the hell did you get those?!

The Turtles intervene when the frogs rob the chemical shipment, but before anything more serious can happen, the anti-Turtle-squad shows up and demands they all surrender. And by “surrender,” I mean stand still so they can be frozen solid.

Fortunately Raphael knocks away the nozzle, and giant chunks of ice end up falling on the tank. These soldiers are clearly the best.

Leonardo says that they have to bring the frogs with them, because they’re also mutants, and they can’t let Captain Hoffman have them. Donatello and Raphael take some convincing, but they eventually come around to his way of thinking.

So they each grab a frozen frog and head into the sewers.

Splinter says that they have to win the frogs over with a show of trust, and first by melting the ice. Apparently being frozen solid is something you can get over in a matter of seconds if someone blows steam on you.

The frogs freak out and prepare to attack, but Splinter orders the Turtles to disarm, and tells the frogs that they can leave if they want. Might have been a good idea to not actually bring them to your home before that. The frogs finally realize that Shredder has been using them, and once again Leonardo has an idea.

Which he starts whispering to nobody in particular.

So back at Shredder’s current base, the frogs say that the Turtles got the chemical shipment and are going to hide it at the closed-down Stonewall Prison, aka Alcatraz.

Of course, it’s all a trap and the Turtles are lying in wait for Shredder, who figures out immediately that the frogs were involved in this scheme.

But before any kind of fight can break out, the anti-Turtle squad shows up. No, I have no idea how they knew to come here, since there’s nobody at the prison to tip them off, and Shredder was the only one to be told where the Turtles would be. 

Oh right, the bullshit tracking device that will be inexplicably dropped after the next few scenes. Really, if it were that easy, wouldn’t Shredder have found out where they live by now?

So Shredder whips out a crystal ball and holographically projects some squad uniforms on himself and his two mutants, before running out to leave the turtles and frogs in the lurch.

The anti-Turtle Squad throws knockout gas at them as they run... which somehow doesn’t affect them despite the lack of gas masks...

and the mutants make their way into the prison laundry room. The Turtles are having trouble staying conscious, but fortunately Rasputin still has his Green Arrow quiver and is able to blast a giant hole in the floor for them all to escape through. Captain Hoffman is defeated, his bullshit tracker never comes up again, and the whole subplot just kind of fizzles out of existence.

The Turtles say goodbye to the frogs, Michelangelo offers them a pizza only to get epicly rejected, and I have to wonder when in the last few days the frogs even tried pizza in order to hate it. Also, Splinter looks like he’s plotting revenge.

VERDICT

This one goes under the listing of “pretty good, but not great.” The biggest problems are the excessively fast training of the frogs, who become a threat to the Turtles in under a day, and the go-nowhere plotline of the anti-Turtle squad. I actually really like the idea, but it’s simply brought up and then dropped, when it could have made for a good secondary antagonist force in future episodes, especially since the mayor is unlikely to just decide the Turtles aren’t a problem because the episode ended.

The story itself is a pretty straightforward one, but it does have a lot to do, including introducing the Punk Frogs and bringing about their eventual about-face. I liked that their big issue was naivete rather than just being bad or good; they literally didn’t realize that someone could lie to them if they seemed nice, sort of like small children. They could have done a bit more questioning when Shredder was acting obviously evil, but overall it was a good take on the perils that would be faced by animal-originated mutants, and it even makes you wonder how the Turtles would have turned out if they had been with someone who wasn’t good like Splinter.

And of course, the door is left open for what other mutants might come out of Florida (hint hint) since presumably other animals down there would come into contact with the mutagen.

Krang, of course, remains a wonderful troll.

GRADE: B

[satireknight]

TMNT S02E01 - Return of the Shredder

I’m gonna get this out of the way now: the rest of the 1987 series is not as beautifully animated as the first five episodes, and the stories don’t tend to have many arcs or other such things that I tended to praise in the first season. But I’m not gonna bitch about those things, because it’s the norm and shouldn’t constantly be negatively judged by the highest points. 

Anyway, this episode opens an unspecified amount of time after the last one, with Michelangelo and Leonardo shopping for groceries and squabbling about what toppings they’re buying.

I know we’re meant to suspend our disbelief about nobody on the planet being able to notice what they look like under their trenchcoats, but... come on.

Just then somebody robs the checkout counter, so they decide to intervene, and.... why is Leonardo wearing a jacket under his coat?

The one part of his body he decides to hide... is the one part nobody can see anyway because of the coat? I just don’t get it.

Anyway, they whip the robbers using grocery products (a lot of them) and tie them up with a store sign, and are allowed to leave with a free shopping cart full of groceries. I think the store might want the cart back, though. They’re remarkably expensive.

It must be a slow day, because April is covering a thwarted robbery at a grocery store. 

This episode also solidifies the supporting cast at Channel 6, by introducing April’s receptionist friend Irma, who is kind of dim and man-hungry; April’s douchebag boss Burne, who is a douchebag who lets his way-younger girlfriend influence his news work; and Vernon, who turns from just kinda sleazy to a full-on oily misogynist prick.

We then switch back to the Technodrome in Dimension X, where Shredder has donned his Whiny Little Bitch Hat and has apparently been pestering Krang to send him back to Earth about half as hard as Krang pestered him for a body. So Krang sends him back, apparently just to get some peace and quiet.

And Splinter apparently gets a premonition about this while the Turtles are busy infodumping each other about stuff they already know. You know, as people are wont to do.

Is it just me, or does that strapping look like it’s coming loose?

Anyway, Shredder gets kinda pissed off when he comes back, first because he was inconvenienced by some muggers, and secondly because he doesn’t have a small army of followers there to back him up. Krang’s attitude is that he can have some backup if he actually manages to accomplish something like killing his enemies. I assume Krang is going to spend his infinite time taking over something in his own dimension.

“Of course, I’m in the Big Apple.” I sometimes wonder if anyplace else exists in this series, to be honest.

Apparently that armor is made out of adamantium too, if a single punch can severe a branch as thick as a man’s torso.

So he does what any respectable villain would do: heads to a crappy run-down martial-arts dojo filled with flabby white guys who couldn’t throw a good punch with a catapult. The most notable thing about it is that the schmuck in charge is voiced by none other than Optimus Prime. I’m not even kidding.

And they highlight what wusses they are by immediately joining him when he destroys a punching bag. Imagine if Megatron had done that.

So in the course of maybe an afternoon, Shredder has managed to whip all the losers into semi-competent martial artists... which really highlights that his talents are wasted as a supervillain. Hell, if he just got enough disaffected people together for a few weeks, he could train an actual army.

And his brilliant scheme? He’s going to have them dress up in Turtle-themed T-shirts and paper bag masks, and have them commit crimes in order to wreck the Turtles’ good name.

I gotta say, this is a step down in writing. I guess if wearing a trenchcoat can disguise every single part of your body, from the shape to the color, then it’s not too implausible that all these incredibly nearsighted people would be incapable of telling actual turtles apart from guys in T-shirts.

But it’s really just such a silly idea for a villain to come up with, especially when the whole idea is “they’ll have to surface to clear their name, despite having spent their whole lives up to this point in hiding.” Even the voice of Peter Cullen can’t make this whole scheme seem anything but silly.

And I think Krang agrees with me, because he just yells, “You call that a plan?” and tells Shredder to stop calling him until he’s actually done something. I like to think he’s prepping for a planetary invasion or something interesting like that, and he’s annoyed that Shredder is constantly pestering him.

So Shredder decides to get some quality help... at the nuthouse. No, seriously.

And now suddenly I’m having visions of a Monty Python skit involving a lot of overacting.

So yes, he’s come there to break out Baxter Stockman, who has apparently been wearing the same clothes for quite some time now. Why? Because if at first you completely fail to kill a giant rat, try try again... using the same designer. So Baxter latches onto the first piece of construction equipment he sees and plans to rework it.

“... not a rat in this city will be safe!” Um, technically that was also what was supposed to be true of your Mousers, and just look what happened there.

April is also stressing out because of the robbers masquerading as the Turtles, which pretty much everybody is assuming are the actual Turtles because... people are kinda stupid. And instead of just making a copy of the tape and bringing it to the Turtles, she insists that they come to the Channel 6 building... and risk getting caught by hostile people. She didn’t think this through, I think.

Then again, they decided to bring their giant blimp with the word “Turtles” on the side. Apparently they aren’t that worried about being seen.

And even though the video only has one guy doing a single martial-arts move (kicking open a door), Leonardo is able to discern the guy’s fighting style instantly, figuring out that Shredder must have taught him. Because apparently the Foot Clan has only two members.

And then they’re chased out by the shrill voice of Burne’s girlfriend, which can double as a torture device.

“And what exactly are you doing here?” “Tell her, snookums...” Um... did the show just imply that Burne is having sex with his girlfriend at work? Talk about getting crap past the radar!

And for the second time in as many weeks, Splinter is chased down by chompy robots made by Baxter Stockman. He must be having so much deja vu.

I’m starting to wonder if they keep repairing these walls between episodes. Also, this means that Baxter knows where they live... even though Shredder spends most of the series trying to figure that out. Oops.

The Turtles obviously notice that something smashed down the wall and kidnapped their sensei, so they follow the trail and... end up in a hole barely big enough to crawl through.

I’m going to guess and say that that was not where the construction equipment came up.

But oh no, Peter Cullen and the Pasty Guys are waiting for them there... and it’s not the most suspenseful fight in the world, because I think we can guess which team is going to be triumphant: the super-strong ninjas, or the schmucks who literally only learned to fight the previous day.

One thing that becomes more obvious is that there was probably some censorship issues that came up with the series, because the fights are a lot less weapon-based and brutal, and more about using otherwise-harmless surroundings to disarm and immobilize. Like sofa springs or tires.

Leonardo seems oddly cheerful.

“He left you a message... right there.” Yes, he left you a message on a large easily-seen wall, which somehow none of you saw before.

So Shredder, having finally gotten ahold of the guy he’s spent years trying to murder, decides to outright murder him before the Turtles even show up. Nah, I’m kidding. He goes Bond villain and arranges Splinter in an easily-thwarted, overly-elaborate death trap.

And now I’m having traumatic Dennis McKiernan flashbacks. Also, where did he even find a giant fist-shaped battering ram?

I’m also not confident that the Turtles couldn’t stop it, considering what we’ve seen them do before. I mean, Donatello tore the side off a van with his bare hands with little visible effort. Are we really gonna assume that the four of them couldn’t do something about this?

But then Baxter busts in for... some reason. I think he just wants to show off his construction-equipment invention. 

Also, he seems to have gone round the bend a little. I guess living in the loony bin will do that for you.

Fortunately for Splinter, the battering ram takes several seconds to actually move forward, so the Leonardo is able to free him pretty quickly because... he has swords. And the ratcatching machine gets smashed instead.

And Shredder does something that will soon become very familiar to anyone who sees this series: he loudly proclaims that sure, they’ve won, but he’s totally going to kill them some other day, followed by him scampering off into the distance with his bruised ego.

So the Turtles head home... the compromised home that Baxter apparently knows the location of. April turns up and is apparently confident that some incredibly crappy dojo being destroyed is a wonderful story. No, I’m not sure how. But her report does highlight that the criminal “Turtles” are some schmucks in costumes, which pisses off Burne’s girlfriend.

And if we need further proof that the Turtles are starved for any kind of feminine attention, they start debating over which one of them April was winking at on the news.

Seriously, they need to actually make the acquaintance of more than one woman.

And then she says, “If you must know, I was winking at... Splinter.”

Wait... does that mean she can see them through the TV set? Or are they just so predictable that she knows how they’ll react to any kind of positive attention, and she had the camera people just keep filming her staring blankly for several seconds before she said that?

Look at Splinter’s smile. He’s loving it.

Verdict:

So, obviously this episode was a step down on all accounts compared to the first season, but even taken on average from the rest of the series, it’s pretty mediocre. Mostly that’s because so much time is spent on the Crooked Ninja Turtle Gang, who are basically disposable mooks that Shredder openly admits aren’t actually more than a distraction. And yes, it irks me that Baxter found their lair, but there’s no real consequences for it.

And in case you’re wondering, no, Peter Cullen doesn’t really add anything except me wishing that Optimus Prime would show up.

It does set up something of the model for how the series would unfold after this, with Shredder developing schemes and plans that would never work the way he intended, and usually being sent scuttling away by the end of the episode. Not to mention the Turtles being more public figures that are recognizable by most people, and the dynamic created at Channel 6. 

I do love Krang’s approach to everything in this episode, repeatedly telling Shredder that he can fuck off and stop bothering him. He really doesn’t have any reason to help out if you think about it - he’s gotten back to his home dimension, which he was banished from, and he has all the technology and resources on his side. 

It’s not profoundly bad or anything, but it has a distinct lack of good. 

Grade: C