#yes it's shorter than others haha it's so weird to write a normal length one for once

[justlookatthosesausages]

‘Emergence’ - an interactive fanfic

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CHAPTER 10 - Epilogue

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It was a known fact now that Honeymaren and Elsa lived together. It took a while for both women to take that decision. For Elsa, because she needed a long time of reflection for such a decision than the one of welcoming Honeymaren in her tent to live with her; and for Honeymaren herself, who usually was fast in taking decisions, but who kept insisting to her girlfriend that she had all the time in the world to agree on that change, even if mutual. 

Which, Ryder underlined, was the worst idea ever. 

“She'll take forever to decide now.” Sighed the Northuldra. 

Honeymaren had punched his arm at his sentence. 

“Aoh! Why are you always so violent when I talk about her?”

“Stop being mean about Elsa if you don’t want me to kill you.”

“Oh yeah. Because my sister is famously known for being a massive murderer. You wouldn’t even kill a moth last summer.” 

He got kicked to the ground by Honeymaren’s staff, and he didn’t add anything for the whole day. And took a mental note to never anger his sister during morning fight session. 

Honeymaren wiped the sweat off her face with her towel as she giggled with other Sami girls. Sighing in the typical happiness after early training, she walked to Elsa’s tent - their tent, she corrected her thoughts.

She walked for a while. The Fifth Spirit’s tent was isolated from others. It was at one of the borders of the village, but not too far so nobody felt like she was out of the camp, and children were happy to have space around the tent to play with her ice games when she made some. 

The brunette smiled at the memory of the moment she had asked Elsa how okay she was to not have her little fortress of solitude for herself anymore. Elsa had laughed openly in a soft way, and assured her that she had Ahtohallan for that. Another thing that Anna was right about. 

With a smile, Honeymaren entered the tent... And she suddenly blinked at the surprising heat in it.

“WAOW! What the--”

She looked around for Elsa.

“What the heck happened here? Did you make a fire??”

Elsa stopped right in her move, a wood log in her hand, about to add it to the stove in the middle of the room. She looked at her girlfriend with wide eyes, her mouth still.

“I thought you were going to like it.”

“Like it?” Scoffed Honeymaren. “Elsa, it’s like a thousand degrees in there! I feel like I just stepped into a volcano!”

The Spirit frowned. “You once went into a volcano?”

She then realized how stupid she could get when her brain was too distracted on Honeymaren.

“No, of course you haven’t.” She muttered, shaking her head.

The Northuldra stepped in, fanning her collar.

“I’m so sorry”, rushed to say Elsa, spraying ice into the stove. “I just have no idea what chilling air is. I don’t know what’s the discomfort limit, and as I used to live alone in this tent until now, I thought it would be too cold for you and that--”

Honeymaren put her hand on her shoulder to interrupt her. It was really efficient, for every time she touched Elsa, she instantly stopped talking and thinking.

“I’m fine. It’s perfect. I actually needed that heat, it’s getting cold outside. But nuances and appropriate measures are something we need to work on, okay?”

“Definitely.” Exhaled Elsa, agreeing. She really needed to know what was best for them both.

There was a silence.

“You can lower the temperature of a dozen degrees at least.” Indicated Honeymaren.

“Oh, right, sorry.” Hurried Elsa, and she refreshed the logs.

The Sami looked at her with a touched smile. “No need to apologize, you did nothing wrong. I truly appreciate the gesture.”

A smile appeared at the corner of Elsa’s lips.

“I’m quite surprised that you didn’t set the tent on fire.” Joked Honeymaren.

Elsa stuck her tongue out. 

“How was training?” She asked, changing the topic. 

“Great as always.”

“Did you let Ryder win?” 

“Pff. No.”

“Honeeeeey...” Sighed Elsa, bending her head. “You should let him win someday.”

“What? Oh, you’re so soft. He has to earn his victory. If he can’t beat me, he has to train more.” Smirked the Northuldra, cracking her fingers. 

Elsa shook her head. 

“Let me guess, you let Anna win from time to time so she doesn’t get angry?” Eye-rolled Honeymaren. 

“She actually win sometimes. And I don’t really have a competitive mind.” 

Her girlfriend giggled. She knew that very well. 

“Say, are you done with the... Whatever that obsession with making me comfortable was?” She asked, smiling. “Because I need your help on something. Are you available?” 

Elsa nodded.

“I’m all yours. No, wait, that sounded weird, I’m taking that back. I’m... Available.”

They laughed, and went out of the tent.

A little blue ball bounced from a nearby log and uncurled, jumping on Elsa. Hopefully, she was used to those unprompted surprises from the salamander, and welcomed him with a giggle.

“Hi, Bruni. What’s up?”

The Fire Spirit smiled and cuddled in Elsa’s palms. The latter absentmindedly showered him with snowflakes, and turned to Honeymaren. “So? What is it? What did you want to show me?” 

"Follow me.” 

That was an odd thing to ask, and quite useless, given that the Sami girl had grabbed Elsa's hand and started to walk to an isolated place of the forest. Bruni, curious like always, followed them - curiosity really was the character trait that all the Spirits had in common, thought Honeymaren as she looked at how the salamander walked behind them with its tiny adorable steps. 

"Where are you taking me?" Asked Elsa, smiling. 

The brunette didn't answer, and gave a stare to Bruni with a silence sign, putting her finger on her mouth. The Fire Spirit tilted his head to the side, trying to understand why she looked like she wanted to make him keep a secret.

Elsa turned her head to him, sharing the confusion. Suddenly, Honeymaren kissed Elsa on the lips, and she blinked of surprise, then smiled and kissed her back. What started as an improvised kiss turned into a passionate one, and they kept their love rhythm for a long time. 

Bruni squealed in embarrassment, and he closed his eyes as he became pink, his magic fire glowing like a blush. When he gave a peek by slowly opening his eyes, Honeymaren and Elsa had parted the kiss, and looked at each other with such devotion that it was obvious that they had forgotten Bruni's presence. They were looking into each other's eyes with their arms on each other's waist, relaxed and happy. Bruni perceived the message - mostly "Shoo! It's a private moment!" - and trotted away with a giggling squeal. 

Honeymaren stared at Elsa. 

"You're not blushing." She noticed. 

"Should I?" Teased the blonde. 

The Northuldra’s hold on Elsa’s hip got stronger. 

“No, I'm happy that you've used to our intimacy now. And as we'll live in the same tent starting from today, I just wanted to make sure...” 

“That I won't get embarrassed? Or bashful?" Completed Elsa.  

"Yes." Nodded her girlfriend. 

Now it was Elsa's hold which got stronger. And Honeymaren gasped, because she was pretty sure that it was even tighter than her own touch. 

"You’ll have to be the one who’s going to get used to me in the tent." Smiled Elsa. 

There was a beat. 

“Wait... Did my sentence make any sense?" 

Honeymaren laughed, and she hugged her close. "Not really, but I got it. By the way, you're a terrible flirt." 

Elsa pouted, but knew that it was true. 

"But it's okay!" Smiled Honeymaren on a reassuring tone. "You'll learn." 

The Fifth Spirit switched to sarcasm. "What? From you?" 

"Am I not a model?" Smiled the brunette, getting even closer to her, and now their noses were touching. 

"Certainly not.” Puffed Elsa. 

She then looked around. "But we can learn from each other." 

They got even closer, if that was even possible. 

"I'd love that." Grinned Honeymaren. 

She kissed her, and started to walk away the instant that followed. "Let's go take care of the reindeer." 

Elsa grabbed her arm. "Wait. Didn’t you need my help on something?" 

Honeymaren thought that she was trying to hold her for more cuddling, but she was genuine. She puffed at Elsa's big caring eyes. She really did have a long work to do to make her better at flirting... 

"Of course not, you ethereal idiot. That was a ruse to make you follow me without asking questions. You're the attentive and protective type. And it obviously worked." 

Elsa pouted once again, but admitted that she was right, once again. 

"So you don't need my help to take care of the reindeer?" Said Elsa, lifting an eyebrow. 

Honeymaren’s mouth opened in a perfect O when she heard her sarcasm. "Hold on, that's not what I meant." 

"Byyyye", smirked Elsa, waving and turning around. 

"No wait, Els, you know it’s always easier when you use your magic! Hey, come here you dork!”

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Several days later, or rather nights, the peaceful silence in Elsa’s and Honeymaren’s tent was interrupted by a light scratching of pen on paper.

Honeymaren finished noting the soup recipe Kristoff had asked for, taping her pen on her lips as she checked that she didn’t forget any advice in the composition, and exact ingredients. She wanted to make sure that Kristoff would cook the best version of the soup. He had asked the recipe discreetly on his last visit, for he wanted to cook it for Anna on the upcoming cold Winter evenings, when she was so busy with royal paperwork that she barely had the time to eat.

The Northuldra smirked as she added ‘Mix the butternut first if you want the soup to be even sweeter’ in a corner of her notebook page. Once she was done, she detached the page and folded it at the light of the lantern next to her on the nightstand. She then closed her notebook and put it next to Elsa’s on the ice cabinet. Honeymaren stretched her arm as she reached the surface, her tongue out, doing all the effort necessary to not go off the sheets to not wake Elsa up.

The blonde was sleeping next to her on the bed, but practically on her, one arm against her on her pillow, and the other on Honeymaren. The woman sighed at how beautiful she was in that position, and yet she had no clue. Honeymaren had lost the count of how many times she had told Elsa how beautiful she was in casual moments and that the latter had looked at her with a surprised face and a ‘I do?’. 

Elsa was a real extra and dramatic person who loved sparkly outfits, noticed Honeymaren, but paradoxically she had no idea how she was admired in daily moments where she didn’t even bother about her appearance.

In this specific moment, Elsa had crafted herself a quick ice night gown that was like a second skin, too tired to make herself something more fancy before falling into bed. As Honeymaren was outside telling a story to the children, Elsa had entered their tent, turned her outfit into something lighter, fell on the sheets, and curled herself against the coat which the Northuldra had left on the bed that morning. Elsa obviously wasn’t doing this to warm herself up; she liked the smell of her girlfriend in the winter clothes, and when Honeymaren entered the tent an hour afterwards, she wasn’t surprised to see her sleeping tight to it with a smile at the corner of her lips. The blonde was holding her coat like a child would do with a comforter.

Elsa was exhausted, after spending her whole days helping the Giants build a valley up West to make an access for merchants. She was deep into slumber, and was sleeping with her mouth slightly open, breathing calmly. Honeymaren smiled as she observed her. She was very glad that Elsa was a Spirit with still a human body, and could feel tiredness and had to sleep, so she could admire her as she did so.

The Sami woman blew the candle out in the lantern she had lit up to write the recipe, and slid down the bed under the covers to be at Elsa’s level. Only the light of the Moon passing at the top of the tent lit up her face, but her platinum blonde hair looked like it shone in the dark. Honeymaren smiled and softly put a kiss on her forehead.

Elsa moved at the sensation, waking up a bit, but falling right back to sleep.

“Yep, you’re wrecked.” Murmured Honeymaren.

She put the blanked on them both, even though, she knew, that it was of no use on Elsa, and she would soon toss it away in her dreams. She felt Elsa getting closer to her, and that was so soothing that she found sleep in no time.

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They enjoyed the rise of the sun as they had their breakfast, and Honeymaren nudged her girlfriend as they ate.

“How powerful are you, exactly?”

Elsa looked down with a smile. The brunette was lied down, her head next to her. Honeymaren’s voice, as she asked that, was filled with concern and fascination at the same time.

“Well, we were bored on a rainy day with Anna once, and we kind of did the maths…”

“I thought that you couldn’t estimate your magic with numbers.”

“It’s an expression.” Smirked Elsa.

Honeymaren stared at her girlfriend with a challenging look, and twirled so her chin would be on her hands, lying on her stomach. “What is the most powerful thing you’ve ever done with your magic?”

The blonde smiled, and looked at the horizon.

“I switched an entire kingdom from Summer to Winter, once. Just because I was upset.”

The Northuldra’s jaw dropped, and the Fifth Spirit laughed at her reaction. She nudged Elsa. “You’ve never told me that!!”

“Well, I don’t really like to talk about it. It was four years ago, and I still am a bit ashamed about it…”

“I understand. But when blondie is upset, she’s upset!” Giggled Honeymaren. “I’ve seen the state you can get into when you’re angry. I pity the poor enemies.”

Elsa wasn’t smiling, however. Honeymaren’s smile therefore vanished.

“You don’t get it. I wasn’t upset in that way.” Stated Elsa, now grave. “I was scared, overwhelmed, and I lost control. I didn’t do it on purpose. Also, that wasn’t a foe kingdom. It was Arendelle.”

The Sami woman got speechless. All those informations at a time… Her eyes widened as she processed everything.

“Elsa…” She muttered instinctively.

But to her surprise, the Spirit didn’t seem to be sad in any way. Like it was all part of the past, and she had completely healed from it. The blonde looked down at the hand Honeymaren had just put on hers.

“I’m okay.” Smiled Elsa, a bit weakly. “Anna helped. And I managed to thaw it all and bring back Summer. Thanks to her. She helped through the years, as well.”

“To move on?”

The blonde nodded. “The Arendellians also were comprehensive and supportive. I didn’t expect it, and it was really heartwarming.”

Honeymaren smiled. “Even if some of them got severe colds?” She joked.

Elsa giggled at her humor. And the brunette enjoyed the return of happiness on her face in the early sun rays.

“Apparently, nobody got harmed. It’s a miracle.”

“Your magic is a miracle.” Slipped Honeymaren.

Elsa turned to her with a touched expression and a light blush.

“…Thanks.” Muttered the blonde.

The brunette took another chocolate treat from the box - Arendelle’s finest, that Anna had brought as a gift - and a silence passed.

Elsa cleared her throat.

“So, yeah. That was the most powerful thing I’ve ever done. I think.”

“This, and stopping a gigantic tidal wave.”

“Oh, yes, also that.”

“Hey, you did that sudden Winter accidentally. Imagine what you could do on purpose.”

Elsa smiled. “Anna comments on that quite often. She says that if Arendelle is ever attacked or at war, we’ll be safe and done with it before the first day of fight is even over.”

The Northuldra laughed. “Especially with the help of the Spirits.”

“Especially with the help of the Spirits”, nodded Elsa, sharing her laugh.

She looked at Bruni, several meters below, playing with Gale and sticking his tongue out as he flew in the air.  

“Well, some of us really aren’t the fighting type.”

Honeymaren smiled, and took a chocolate treat from the box.

“Think fast!”

“Uh?”

A chocolate treat bumped Elsa’s mouth, and she grunted at the sudden shock.

“The heck?!”

Honeymaren cackled.

“Yep, your reflexes are really bad. We’re screwed.”

“Come here, you’ll see if my reflexes are bad!” Threatened Elsa with a smile, suddenly standing up to tickle Honeymaren.

The latter hurried to roll away and stand up too, and gasped with a giggle as she ran out of her reach.

Elsa tried to catch her, grabbing her waist, and they kept running after each other in the forest, filling the woods with laughter.

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THE END 

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*bows* Here we go! :D I hope you enjoyed this fanfic just as much as I enjoyed writing it (read: a LOT). Thank you SO MUCH for all the awesome feedback you gave me so far, you all, it’s really meaningful and touching. Whether you tell me you laughed, or cried, or squealed, it shows that you loved my work and I’m very happy!

The best compliment you guys gave me and that seems to come back again and again (to my delight) is that everything is “totally in-character”. It’s amazing.

I’m glad you like my style! If you want to read more of it, check out Untangling the Frozen Knots, my Frozen x Tangled crossover fanfic novel. It’s 140K words long and available in paperback version. So comfyyyy!

Cheers and thank you all again! See you on the next fanfic or drabble! ;)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #301

“i was waiting for my chance to find the light”

Did you like the beach a lot more as a kid more than you do now? Why/Why not? I did. Everything was more fun as a kid. I never REALLY loved it, though, because I did and still do hate the heat and walking through sand and getting it stuck all over you. It's pretty much torture now because I have extreme difficulty walking through sand. Has there ever been a time where you just couldn't stop crying? Explain. I know I've had days many years ago when my PTSD was truly awful where I'd sob multiple times a day. What's your least favorite time of day? Why don't you like that time?Late afternoon, like around 3-4 or so. By that point I'm usually bored senseless and going downhill. Do you like your lips? Do you enjoy kissing? They're fine, ig. And I mean yeah, if I'm really into the person? Do you like any music from the American Idols? Which ones? Ngl, I don't even remember any besides Kelly Clarkson, and who the FUCK doesn't like "Breakaway." Do you like when people challenge you? If so, in what? No, I get nervous about embarrassing myself. Personally for you, is falling for someone way beyond your control? It is entirely out of my control. What's something other than a fruit that you love in milkshakes? (Ex.twix ) Mostly chocolate stuff, haha. What is your all time FAVORITE milkshake? Ever tried the Reese's Blast from Sonic? That's some A+ shit. What's the latest you've ever stayed up reading a book? No clue. When having a peanut butter & jam sandwich, what is the best kind of jam? Grape. Do you like to write poetry? Yeah, but it's been a long time since I wrote anything. I used to do it aaall the time, but now I have to be seriously motivated and dedicated to the idea. When you get mad do you cry? Absolutely. Would you ever consider modeling? No. I do think one or two model-esque photos of myself would be nice and possibly help my self-confidence, but it's not something I'm seeking out and paying for. Are you scared of crossing bridges? Not very, no. If they're kinda sketchy-looking, I might feel a tad tense, but I'm not really scared of them. Would you consider yourself clumsy? I am unfuckingbelievably clumsy. Ever bought ice cream from an ice cream truck? Yeah, sometimes Mom would let me and my sisters do that as kids when one came through our neighborhood. Have you ever had a poem or story published? No. If you had/have a kid would you ever let them get a tattoo? If they were of the appropriate age, of course. And if they were getting it done professionally and not at some party drunk with friends. They better be in a sterile environment with someone who knows what they're doing. Do you love guinea pigs? Absolutely. I had three or four as pets when I was a kid. What is the worst thing you ever did that got you grounded? Probably run away from home. Have you ever been chased by a snake? No... and this is a misconception. Snakes don't chase. They go for what they see as the safest escape route, and sometimes they identify your own chosen direction as where they wanted to head, too. Where do you wanna work? I want to be a freelance photographer. What awards have you won? A lot of "A honor roll" trophies through school, among other academic awards. I seriously don't know what happened to that intelligence. I also have dance awards and lots of childhood sports team stuff. Would you consider yourself good at taking care of kids? I don't think I am, no. I'm way too nervous and awkward around kids. I've had to babysit for my sister twice though, and Ashley told me the kids had lots of fun and had no complaints. I guess like... I can do it, I am just very, very uncomfortable taking kids under my wing. I worry about leading them in the wrong direction. How old would a guy have to be before you wouldn't date them? I don't know, it would really depend on how much I was into the person. I generally stick with the approximation of a ten year gap though being my limit, so I think maybe him being in his mid-30s would make me feel a bit too weird. Be honest, have you ever tried weed? No, but quite honestly, I'd probably try an edible. I refuse to smoke anything for my lungs' sake. I'm curious if medical marijuana would actually be beneficial for me. Has anyone ever broken up with you with a note? No, but uh... I have, lol. It's how I broke up with my "puppy-dog love" boyfriend in middle school. Literally after he asked me if I was thinking of breaking up with him, and I said no before handing him the note because I was just too scared to do it to his face. I know, that was absolutely awful. Never, ever do that to the most innocent boy ever, kids. He didn't deserve that. Do you have sensitive teeth? Kinda. What was the worst thing you ever did to get detention/suspended? I've only ever had detention once for having too many tardies to my first class of the day in high school. We'd frequently arrive to school just a few minutes late because I was fucking impossible to drag out of bed. Have you ever suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder? Yes. Do you suffer from nasal allergies? Yes. What's your favorite kind of pudding? I only really like chocolate pudding. Have you done anything really interesting lately? I guess you could consider starting a virtual partial hospitalization program "interesting." It's not the intensive version like my first was, but rather being shorter. I just really need something to get my mental health back on the tracks. What’s the latest really fun thing you’ve done? REALLY fun? Hell if I know. I don't experience "fun" a lot at all anymore... I only ever feel like, this watered down, unenthusiastic sorry excuse for it. Have you discovered any good music lately? Oh yeah, I've found lots of 3TEETH songs I'm mad into. "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli is also a total bop. How about any good new television shows? No. Or perhaps some interesting books? Nothing new, no. Have you picked up a new hobby or learned a new skill? I mean, within what timespan? Nothing lately, really. Has anybody ever done your makeup for you? Yeah. Do you own any sparkly items of clothing? No. What’s the most colorful accessory you own and use? *shrug* Do you enjoy drag artists’ work? If so, name some of your favorites. Oh yes, I have wild respect for drag queens. I don't know enough of them to have a fair favorite, but I do watch Trixie Mattel on YouTube and he is a goddamn hoot. What, right now, is the best thing in your life? Um. I don't really know. Probably the fact my mother still lets my too-big-for-the-nest ass to live with her... I don't want to picture how my life would be if I didn't have her still essentially holding my hand. What’s a place you like to go to when you need to get away for a bit? I actually love car rides for this, so long as I can ride passenger and just blare my music and not talk. It's so odd, being afraid of driving but finding great freedom and comfort in just... going. Do you like apples? I love apples. Anything exciting coming up for you in the near future? I paid the deposit for my tattoo appointment, so it was officially scheduled in May!! I was expecting an open date to be kinda far with just how amazing this parlor is, so I wasn't too shocked to hear I have to wait a few months, but man I can hardly wait. When you get an account for something, what's the first username you try? Unless it's for a "professional" site, in which case I'd use my actual name, I just about without fail with use "Ozzkat," or replace the "o" with a zero if that's somehow taken. Would you be okay with a friend wanting to date one of your exes? Which ex? What kind of accent do people typically have where you're from? Southern. Does history interest you at all? Can't say it does. What's something you wish you could do-over? There are many things, man. Is your hair in layers or is it all the same length? Neither, really. The left side of my head is very short/shaved, and as the hair goes around to the right, it gets longer. There aren't "layers," though. Is there anyone who you're afraid to be in a car with, if they're driving? I wouldn't say afraid, but with my sister's road rage and serious tail-gating issue, riding with her can make me nervous. What's something you're very good at? Um, I guess creative writing. Do you like sour gummy worms? oh FUCK yeah Would you pick up a hitchhiker if they seemed harmless? No. I am way too paranoid for that shit. Would you be bothered if your boyfriend liked to bite you? Uhhh I'm going to assume you mean this in a sexual context, in which case I don't care so long as it's not in a visible spot. How often do you get the opportunity to be completely alone? The answer used to be a shitload, and seeing as I'm in my room most of the time, I still feel like that's kind of true, but since Mom's cancer diagnosis and she had to stop working, she's usually home with me. I like it that way, though. Total isolation is bad for me. Do you have a trampoline? Nah, haven't in many years. What's your favorite Pixar movie? Finding Nemo. What is the strangest thing you've been asked? Something sexual that made me extremely uncomfortable. What’s the weirdest thing about life that people just accept as normal? The fact we put so much worth into pieces of green paper. What's the most random thing you've done out of boredom? *shrug* What show did your parents not let you watch as a kid? There weren't any specific shows that we even wanted to watch that Mom forbade us to see... I mean she certainly wouldn't let my sisters and I watch something like South Park as little kids, but none of us really sought unsuitable shows out. We were all about Disney, Nick, and Animal Planet in my case. What is the most pleasurable feeling that doesn't involve anything sexual? What comes to mind first is a big hug from someone who makes you feel safe when you don't anywhere else. What was your last "oops, wrong person" moment? I'm going to assume I sent somebody a text meant for another person. I'm super careful about avoiding stuff like this because I get horribly embarrassed, so it's difficult to recall the last time I slipped up. What do you find attractive that isn't considered "normal" attraction? Having a broad imagination and drive to create. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done drunk? N/A What's something you really enjoy, but can't have? A pet tarantula because Mom refuses to let me lmao. I'm so into them now and desperately want a Grammastola pulchra. What Wikipedia article have you recently read? I haven't read any recently. What subject should be taught at schools, but isn't? Basic adulting and financial skills. What is the worst game you've ever played? I dunno. I've played sooooo many video games throughout my life. What tragic event was coincidentally beneficial to you? My overdose because it led to an intensive partial hospitalization program that totally changed my life. What did you think was cool when you were younger that you now think isn’t? Good question... What are your favorite or most memorable lines from any movie/show? I vaguely remember the concepts of some quotes, but not well enough to recite them. None that are seriously memorable or heavy pop up in my head now. What's a good example of 'Don't knock it till you try it'? Putting peanut butter on top of waffles with syrup. It is fucking delicious. What's your go-to get pumped up song? 5FDP's cover of "Mama Said Knock You Out" is badass HYPE. What's the dumbest thing your parents have said or done? Well, through a family assessment before my current partial hospitalization could begin, I very recently learned my dad fucking did drugs before my sisters and I were born, including shit like cocaine. That was great to suddenly learn. As for my mom... probably have a kid too young? She doesn't talk very much about her eldest daughter's history with (and without) her, but I know enough to know that was a very rocky time in her life. What are some things you wish existed? Cures for countless illnesses, and I also have SUUUUUCH a yearning for some kind of technology that could copy an image in your head onto a drawing device. If only I could draw how/what I see up there... Which person shaped you the most? Jason. Or Mom. What’s the one movie you couldn’t finish? Why? Couldn't tell you; I just haven't watched enough. What's a small thing you have a big passion for? Meerkats, quite literally with "small" lmao. What change have you made recently to help the environment? I have metal straws I try to remember to bring with me if I go out to eat. What was the hardest thing you've ever had to forgive? The way Jason left. Is there anything or anyone you're angry at, that you haven't forgiven yet? I sometimes question if I truly have forgiven Jason. I lean kinda heavily towards yes, I have, I'm just bitter about it all regardless. Have you ever plotted revenge against someone? No. Have you ever done anything to get revenge against someone? I can't think of anything off the top of my head. What is the greatest longing of your heart? To feel purpose. Who was your first love? Some guy in high school who "had" to talk to me upon seeing me the first time, only to wind up wanting to hear nothing from me later on down the line. What denomination is your church (if you go)? N/A What was the first year you voted in a presidential election? This most recent election, actually. Have you ever been afraid of the world ending? I used to worry it would happen in my lifetime, but now I don't. If it ends, it ends. I ain't got much to lose nowadays. What is unfair about your life? My mental health. My financial position. I'd rather not focus on the billion shitty things going on in my life rn, so next question. Did you write love poems when you were younger? ugh Who are you jealous of and why? There's a lot of people I'm in some way envious of, honestly. Have you ever had an account of yours hacked? Yes. Thankfully nothing major happened. Have you ever been a victim of police misconduct? No.

[essentiallychaotic]

85 statements R U L E S : you must answer these eighty five statements and tag twenty people I was tagged by the always wonderful @acynicandanidealist​ ^-^ (also sorry if this has been tagged for a bit, my tumblr didn’t tell me so if I’m doing this weirdly late whoops :/ ) I would like to tag: @skittles-pixie​, @pacificjim​, @khanleesi​, @keepingkaya​, @astreana​, @elfiethewicked​, @bleustocking​, @cuemypulse​, @wingleader​, @lokidiabolus​, @scribbly-wibbly-stuff​, @stenchy-wench​, @universalhouseplant​, @shalanos​, @nancysinatras​, @dragonsdawn​, @hungry-angry-lyingdown​, @horaetio​, @inktaire​, @pntmrcys​, aanndd anyone else who wants to do it!

Also sorry if the formatting is wonky, I’m on mobile. Part 1: the last: drink: Water, I have this like quart mason jar with a drink lid, cause I’m one of those people I guess :P phone call: I talked to my Dad this afternoon text message: Uummm… I had to go check haha, it was Cece song you listened to: Probably something by David Bowie this morning (followed by me wandering around the house just singing his name, just repeated dramatic “Bowie!” My dogs loved it) Ooo unless movies count, then whatever is the credits song for the new Ghostbusters :D time you cried: I cried cutting up shallots tonight… other than that idk… I cried during Wonder Woman, seeing my childhood hero portrayed so perfectly was emotional Part 2: Ever: dated someone twice: Like gone on two dates? Yes. I think I’ve gone on two dates (technically three) with two different people. I don’t really date much tho, it takes so much time and college is a lot of work kissed someone and regretted it: Nah, I’ve learned something about how people are every time, hard to regret useful life lessons been cheated on: That involves a relationship so no lost someone special: No one that has passed away, but last fall I had to realise that a friendship had turned really toxic and was impacting my stress and health, which was really hard because she was very important to me, and losing that friendship has been a point of pain this year been depressed: Yes, I’ve just gotten to the point in the last two years where I am able to manage it and not let my depression or anxiety impact my life. I’m really lucky that I don’t have to take meds for it, mainly because I’m super forgetful and never remember to take any pills I’ve ever had gotten drunk and thrown up: Yes and I don’t recommend it. It’s very not fun Part 3: Favourite colours: Green, blue, brown, gold, and red Part 4: In the last year have you: made new friends: I have, and they are all wonderful people fallen out of love: Nope laughed until you cried: I think I have, but even if I haven’t actually cried I’ve gotten close, I’m blessed with wonderfully funny people and pets in my life ^-^ found out someone was talking about you: Yeah my professors, apparently it was nice things but it still freaks me out when they casually are just like “oh that reminds me, we were talking about you at the meeting the other day…” met someone who changed you: Maybe more of met people who affirmed my belief that people can be good and kind and caring, and that I should keep working to be present in the kind and caring parts of myself (cause boy did I used to be bitter and grumpy) found out who your friends are: I feel like this is that “when times get tough you’ll find who your REAL friends are” kinda thing… which I don’t really put a lot of stock in because I think awareness of who people are and where they are at is important in respecting them as individuals… I did lose a couple of friends in the whole big ending toxic friendship thing, but I kinda saw those coming and there’s no hard feelings kissed someone on your facebook list: Nope Part 5: General: how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: I have met them all in real life but one. He and his friends were drunk and at the same hostel as my friend when she was on the phone with me and he asked her if he could talk to her friend and it was hilarious and he added me on facebook do you have any pets: Two puppies do you want to change your name: Nah, my name means born of fire, and I kinda like that… plus it also is connected to my mom’s name in a weird, circuitous way and I like that too what did you do for your last birthday: I had class and work, and then planned on meeting up with friends for our usual pub-and-board-games night and they surprised me with cheesecake and those candles that relight themselves… it was a fun night :) what time did you wake up: 9am-ish what were you doing at midnight last night: Playing with my phone I think… reading something on Ao3 name something you can’t wait for: I start grad school in Belfast this fall, so I’m really excited and also crazy nervous about that when was the last time you saw your mom: A couple of hours ago when we were watching Ghostbusters (I love that movie, Melissa McCarthy is my hero) what are you listening to right now: Silence. Also my dog licking her paws. Everyone here is asleep. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah, remember that one random friend on facebook? His name was Tom… there are probably other from college but I’m drawing a blank something that is getting on your nerves: Just… just so much of the social inequality and how badly our social system fails people who need support… and the fact that their voices aren’t respected and sought out when it comes to telling their stories, like what is that??? most visited website: Ummm… tumblr, gmail, facebook, and my grad school’s website are probs all really close rn hair colour: Natural is a mediumish darker brown colour… currently it’s a brownish/purple colour bc I dyed it months ago and just let it fade long or short hair: Shoulder length, so longish? It makes it easier to control my curls and make them feel fun do you have a crush on someone: Nope what do you like about yourself: Aahhh…. I like to think I’m fun to hang out with I guess… I’m that person whose like “let’s go on an adventure!” And then drags friends to walmart at midnight before walking around campus piercings: I have my ears pierced, and my nose. I used to have my septum pierced too but I took it out. blood type: B positive nickname: Mack or Kenzi relationship status: Happily single, dating takes work and always feels like I’m trying to present this nice and shiny version of myself…. anyone else feel that? zodiac: Aries pronouns: She/Her favourite tv show: Gilmore Girls gets my soul, but Stargate Atlantis is right there too tattoos: Tribalesque (i don’t know any other way to describe it) Celtic woman on one shoulder blade, Celtic tree of life on the other, I have the words “hope is a thing with feathers” (Emily Dickinson) on my left forearm, two black bands around my right forearm, three dots on my right hand ring finger, and this three dots, three lines celtic symbol on my left ring finger (those last two were done in my dorm room last year by friends). I’m also about to get a rose on my right forearm and my bro and I are going to get small sibling tattoos right or left handed: Right, but I can kinda write with my left bc in elementary school this kid in my class broke their dominant arm and it freaked me out bc if that happened to me I wouldn’t be able to do my schoolwork so I practised writing with my left hand. (I can also write so it’s perfectly backwards like a mirrored image bc I used to get bored in class sometimes) piercing: Yup. sport: I watch soccer and baseball, but I don’t play anything (Sleep break and also tired of fighting with mobile yaaayyy) vacation: Oooohhh anyplace with marvellous culture and history really. But I’d love to go to Paris or Rome. pair of trainers: Do converse count? Part 6: more general : eating: All food is wonderful but I love my dad’s bigos stew. drinking: Water with lemon in it. Or coffee and tea I’m about to: Finish watching Ladies in Lavender then go to bed. 

waiting for: Grad school to start this fall. (See: also slightly nervous about starting) want: To see the David Bowie exhibit in Seattle. get married: If I find the right person. I want something lowkey and fun tho, like a party that happens to have a wedding at it haha. career: I dunno, I’m looking at college professor/author right now. Or just switching gears and pursuing musical theatre haha. hugs or kisses: I like hugs more, but not when people just surprise me with them. lips or eyes: Always eyes. shorter or taller: I’m 5'9" so I guess taller…? older or younger: I am 24 sooo I feel older but really that’s quite young in the grand scheme of things. nice arms or nice stomach: I gotta be real I love nice biceps. hook up or relationship: Relationship. troublemaker or hesitant: Depends on my mood and the situation. kissed a stranger: Yup. drank hard liquor: Yeppers, quite a bit actually. lost glasses or contact lenses: I misplace my glasses around the house all of the time but not actually lost them yet thank goodness. turned someone down: Yes. sex on the first date: Not my scene. broken someone’s heart: I really hope I haven’t, but I feel like I might have. had your heart broken: Only platonically by friendships that went south been arrested: Nope, and I hope to keep it that way haha. cried when someone died: I’ve yet to have someone I know personally die, and I hope it’s a long way off still. fallen for a friend: I have friends that I was attracted to at the start of our friendship, but never really fallen for them no. Part 7: do you believe in: yourself: I do now, but it took several years. miracles: I do, but I also think they’re not quite what we describe for them in our cultural narratives . love at first sight: No, love involves seeing people clearly and unconditionally caring for them. I think we can have connection at first sight but not love really. Santa Claus: I believe that Santa Clause is the spirit of Christmas and a wonderful way to see good in the world. kiss on the first date: Depends. But normally no. I did have a first date that ended in a firm handshake. That was interesting. He was also the one who on our second date listened to me explain the beowulf text narrative arc for St Christopher and was genuinely interested so… angels: I am definitely open to the possibility. Part 8: Other: current best friend’s name: Cece is my bae. eye colour: Green. Favourite movie: Reality Bites or Pride and Prejudice

[trashfalgarlaw]

11 Qs!

RULES: Always post the rules. Answer the questions asked, then write 11 new ones. Tag 11 people to answer your questions, as well as the person who tagged you. 

This post is longer than Doffy’s legs dun dun.

Tagged by @sootbird THANK YOUUUU :) This is so late bhahahabahhabbahaaa

1. What song is stuck in your head right now? If there isn’t one, what’s the last one you listened to? Eminem - Space Bound I’M A SPACE BOUND ROCKETSHIP AND YOUR HEART’S THE MOON AND I’M AIMING RIGHT ATTT YOUUUUUUUU I love this song so much aaaaa

2. What did you wanna be when you grew up? Okay don’t laugh but I wanted to be Sailor Moon HAHAHAHAH I’M EMBARRASSED but it’s true.

3. How long is your hair? Almost waist-length. OK BTW my hair has always been long my whole life, but I've been wanting to try a shoulder-length cut since I saw Mina from Twice with her short hair. I don’t know though, cutting my hair shorter than usual seems like a vital life decision to me... Should I just yolo it?

4. Are you allergic to anything? No, or I don’t know yet.

5. Night owl or early bird? Both? Depends on my activities.

6. Favorite kind of tree? Cherry!

7. Do you know how to say “sky” in a language other than English? 中文 HAHAHA and also Japanese and Korean. Also, French thanks to Kuroshitsuji.

8. Do you dream frequently? Yes, and my dreams are so realistic I always wake up confused.

9. Why’d you join Tumblr? Let’s just say I’ve made some big mistakes in my life and this is one of them.

10. Did you ever play jump rope as a kid? Of course hahaha but for some reason I found it terrifying.

11. Do you know how to swim? No. I ate a Devil Fruit. Oops my secret’s out.

ALSO tagged by @choppercuddles thank you thank you!!!~

1: Let’s answer this once and for all - pineapple on pizza, yay or nay?  Yay tbh. I’m not picky.

2: What’s your favourite season and why? Give me all of your fave aesthetics!  Transition between winter and spring tbh because when flowers start blooming everyone goes ‘OOOOOOH *takes 1000 selfies*’ and that’s good.

3: If you had to recommend any book, what would it be?  I’m currently obsessed with Falling Kingdoms series!

4: What is your favourite colour and why?  Gold because money HAHAHA but also navy because it’s so classy and mature. Maroon and reds too just because everyone says reds suit me lol.

5: If you could change your name, what would it be?  Eh, I don’t know. Probably something cool like Final Fantasy names.

6: If you could join a different universe of a fictional story (One piece or otherwise), what do you think would be your role?  Probably that one character who’s reluctant to change or too dedicated to one goal. Then protag shows up and character development happens. No, I’m not talking about Joel from The Last of Us but ngl this makes me think of him.

7. What’s your favourite swear word?  Chickenshit hahahahahahaha

8. Want to recommend a blog? Do it here!  All blogs mentioned in this post! :)

9. If you could learn any instrument in the world and be a master at it, what would you choose? If you already learn an instrument, what language would you speak?  I can play bass guitar but I’m not a master at it yet (too busy to practice it enough), also I used to be decent at piano but I haven’t played it in five years, so maybe these two instruments. As for language, I’d like to learn sign language. I know the alphabets but when people do it quick I become stupid.

10. Dogs or cats?  DOGS. I like cats too but DOGS.

11. The word Petrichor is the scent you smell when rain falls on soil or tarmac. Have you got a favourite word that’s unique like that?  Komorebi. It means like sunlight filtering through trees but I’m pretty sure this one is well-known already thanks to Wong Fu Productions.

OKAY SO @deadendpirate ALSO TAGGED ME LIKE CENTURIES AGO BUT I FORGOT AND NOW I REMEMBER. I’M REALLY REALLY SORRY I still wanna do it though because some of these questions are very interesting and thank you for tagging me! :)

1. What is your most prized posession? My dog is not a thing (and he’s got higher survival chance than me tbh) so... my books, and the stuffs my family and friends gave me.

2. What is your position on being on time? Well, I’m always on time for formal occasions, but for things like group study etc I always try to be the last one to come HAHAHAH because I know the first hour usually spent waiting on other people and playing around and I don’t wanna.

3. What is your favorite book/series? Falling Kingdoms series is my current obsession!

4. What is your favorite animal? Dogs! Also foxes and wolves. All canines maybe.

5. Favorite season? Transition between winter and spring but I love spring more because I die when it’s too cold.

6. Favorite type of landscape?(Rainforest, Island, ect.) POST-APOCALYPTIC TBH because it’s creepy and fascinating at the same time. Like sure everything’s a mess but it’s like so cool...? But if I have to pick something normal then starry landscape and arctic.

7. Dream Job? Any job in the games industry is a dream come true for me lol. But I’m still picky HAHAHA I don’t want T/elltale oops. *cough*IwantNaughtyDog*cough*orSquareEnix*cough*

8. What is/are your biggest fear(s)? I’m extremely reluctant to change tbh. Even from day to night. I think I wouldn’t mind being stuck in a time-loop? (Like in Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children)

9. Favorite band(s)? LINKIN PARK truly 我的 favourite omg.

10. Your favorite thing to eat? Dark chocolates, tangerines, xiaolongbao, carrots wow I’m healthy.

11. Something weird you see/happens a lot in your dreams Awkward zambies standing around getting shot at lol.

SEE THIS IS SO LONG HAHA

My questions:

1. Can you see/hear/feel ghosts? Do you have any paranormal experiences?

2. Your favourite movie of all time?

3. What is your useless talent?

4. What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

5. What are your weird pet peeves?

6. Imagine, you’re alone and it’s raining outside, then you hear heavy footsteps near your window. What will you do? (Sorry I love creepy things lol)

7. Favourite TV commercial?

8. What was the most risky decision you ever made in your life?

9. Describe your favourite friend.

10. If you met a vampire, would you let it bite you?

11.  Favourite fairy tale?

Tagging: @katsuukiiyuri @superpansexualfranky @mgiwara @voicelessthings @firstmateandcaptain @trafuckerlaw @bondsthickerthanblood @toramarimo @livinforluffy @cosmickei @raftel-is-waiting but of course you don’t have to do this~