#yhmr fic

[basuralindo]

You'll Have Me Rise ch.19 is up!

Content warnings for nongraphic discussion of animal death, relatively graphic arachnophobia, mentions of family death and funerals.

Editing by @kamikazequail

And as always, commentary under the cut

-Yeah Jamil just walked straight into that pickup line completely unaware… Jade's never gonna let him live it down, if anyone ever tells him.

-Jade hides his emotions as well as he wants to when he's prepared, but have you noticed he's totally transparent when caught off guard in canon? I think he'd be more obvious than expected if something he wasn't prepared for made him uncomfortable.

-Yugioh voice: "You've activated Jade's special interest! You must stand by and listen to nature facts for a full hour." 

-Yeah Jade totally picked blue for poison specifically because it's such a universally innocuous color

-Jade: "Yeah I got whosits and whatsits galore" *opens door to reveal a horde of roadkill and mold*. Rizz game like no other

-tbh I just love slime mold and wanted to bring up slime molds because they're so fucking cool <3

-Oh btw, another fun psychology thing: If someone has a lot of stressors that they can't control or afford to be afraid of, the repressed terror can manifest as really intense irrational fears to things that are safer to avoid. For example, Jamil can't do anything about his situation and the risks and pressure involved, but he can absolutely obliterate a bug with very little repercussion. I feel like that phenomenon explains the level of fear he has with bugs in canon tbh.

-I also just really love bugs and didn't want Jamil killing them for character accuracy, so I've inserted Jade as protection. 

-I might go into this more in some other post but like, I love the contrast of classic fishtail mermaids in their reef environments vs deep sea monster mermaids. There's just so much room to build on the potential cultures surrounding that.

-Did I need to go on a tangent about mermaid funerals? Will the details ever be plot relevant? Probably not. But hey, world building. (I'm considering Azul keeping a locket with his stepdad's teeth)

-!!! I've been waiting to drop more info about the tweels parents! Anyway, it's a personal headcanon that the twins' social issues developed in response to being involved in mob violence early on. Too much ugliness to handle as kids, and they both kinda broke in opposite ways. Also kinda ties into their unique magic imo: Floyd being expected to handle himself in a fight and needing a defense, and Jade needing a more efficient way to extract info from people. 

-I could go on a whole ramble about my ideas for the Leech parents, but the short of it is that I think Jade and Floyd each picked up some personality quirks from the parent they were around more, but mostly developed emotional responses to balance out each parent's behavior (ie: reserved, observant, and meticulous in response to unpredictable emotional outbursts, vs emotional instability and exaggerated emotional reactions in response to emotional neglect and under-reactivity), hence the two comparing each other to opposite parents last time it was brought up. It also resulted in them balancing out each other's dispositions, leading to the kinda codependent dynamic they have as adults. I think they'd both feel like they specifically came out wrong as a result too. Like, Floyd believing he should be more pragmatic and levelheaded like Jade (like his mom wanted), and Jade feeling like he's too far gone and distant to connect with other people the way Floyd does.

-Mind games can be a form of foreplay, if you're tedious enough.

-I think Jade and Jamil would have similar ways of showing insecurity, Jamil's just more flexible about it. Jade, meanwhile, has ensured a position where he doesn't have to relinquish control unless he chooses to

-Will these people ever make out with Jamil in a normal location? The world may never know.

[basuralindo]

You'll Have Me Rise ch.16 is up!

And I finally got to properly include Cater! (he's kind of a crossover from @terrible-eel's Trey/Cater fic!)

This time it's also featuring editing by @kamikazequail, so, if you notice an overall improvement in the polish, you know who to thank!

Also, thank you to everyone for being so supportive and patient this past week. It's been hellish, but you've all been great, and I'm glad to be able to pull back and put some time into something nice for a bit.

Now, I know I'm missing a few chapter notes that I wanted to mention on this, but I've been trying and failing to remember them since last night so I'm giving up for now (just leave a comment if you wanna hear my thoughts on something specific). Anyway the rest, as always, is under the cut

-Soooo about my "Kalim grew up around brutal assassination attempts and his only friend was a trained killer and overall he's just completely desensitized to graphic or spooky shit" theory? Slasher films must be more chill than his last family reunion,

-Hey so did I mention I love Cater and Lilia? This was my first time trying to write them, and I feel like it was clumsy, but I really wanted to show an outside view of Kalim and Jamil's dynamic through someone who's more familiar with modern human society. I feel like anyone observing these guys interact is eventually gonna experience that skincrawling dread of "something is not okay at home"

-Also yeah I imagine Jamil having the most deeply uncomfortable vibes once he's in his own environment. Like, the housewarden chambers is where he doesn't usually have to perform and mask for other people the same way, so once he drops the act a bit there's gotta be some sinister, angry detached shit under it all. Not to mention all the hostile magic woven into the area to protect Kalim. Kalim, of course, is desensitized to all this because that's just what his lifelong friend feels like. It's probably cozy

-Oh? The scarabia duo starting to develop wildly different english dialects as they spend more time with people of their choosing instead of assigned company? Big time side agenda to show an immediately perceivable metric of them growing into themselves separate of each other as time goes on? Couldn't be

-Speaking of language: I think I've mentioned before that Jamil allows himself to admit ignorance and ask questions to Azul more, because Azul always takes him seriously and doesn't try to embarrass him for not knowing a word or phrase. There's trust and respect there. With Cater he's also asking more questions because he knows Cater has been helping to tutor Kalim with some decent success, and is willing to test the waters a bit. Partially because he can barely keep up with Cater's lingo and is treating it like learning a new dialect, which he knows he'll need some help figuring out.

-Notes on their speech: Jamil focuses a little obsessively on impeccable grammar, vocab, and pronunciation in the hopes of not giving anyone more material to criticize him. He struggles more with casual lingo and slangs because of this (and not socializing much in general), and is afraid to fuck up at contractions so he tends to drop them when stressed/flustered or over text (some are easier than others, like I'm and it's vs don't and won't). Since he mostly learns from Azul lately, his speech skews even more towards formal and anachronistic. Kalim isn't that concerned with accuracy. He likes to socialize and starts up casual conversation easily, so he picks up a lot more slangs and dialectical quirks but doesn't apply himself to learning "proper" english much. He's able to navigate casual conversation well, but often fucks up at unfamiliar vocab and grammar rules, and doesn't sweat correct use of things like conjunctions so long as he can get the general point across. Cater helps him out a lot, so he picks up a lot of Cater's terminology and cadence and ends up sounding much more modern than Jamil. So, their differences in speech aren't a matter of intellect, just a difference in learning style and social values.

-So, Cater's supposed to be from the shaftlands, and his Halloween vignette mentioned moving a lot and never really fitting in, so I'm choosing to believe that he moved to the queendom of roses as a kid and had to transfer around there a bunch growing up.

-Headcanon that, because there weren't a lot of mages around the palace, and even less who would spare time to teach a servant, Jamil is mostly self taught. The result of that being a lot of kinda juryrigged practical spells that, once mastered, ended up being modified in various ways for whatever needs they could apply to. The things that weren't so self taught were mostly curses and assassin techniques passed down through his family, which also got modified over time for practicality and protecting Kalim. So a lot of his magic just feels immensely uncomfortable, like protection wards that are actually modified curses and shit like that. The rest is just very noticeably different from standard teaching, and of course Jamil doesn't want anyone to know he's invented so many of his own spells, so he downplays and straight up lies about it if asked

-Writing from Cater's perspective was a lot harder than I expected, but I really like him and wanted more of him in the story. And again, an outside perspective on this whole situation is much needed imo. Just, let someone actually look at Jamil and see that he hasn't gotten to be young yet

-The whispers movie is a reference to the Suspiria remake. The way dance is used for spells in that partially inspired Jamil's sandstorm dance in the first chapter, and it seemed like something he'd like

-Anyone: "Don't worry about it." Jamil: *Worry intensifies*

-Cater is out here holding the emotional intelligence and basic social skills of the entire school together. There wasn't a lot to go around, but he's making it work.

-I love the idea of like, between the preferential treatment and Jamil's own warped standards, his description of the octatrio and their merits being completely unrecognizable to the rest of the school. I don't think Cater would have been so encouraging if he knew who he was encouraging Jamil to give the benefit of a doubt to.

-Headcanon slightly supported by actual canon: I think Floyd has a relatively photographic memory, and he shows affection by taking note of the things that make people light up, and supporting those hobbies/interests with little relevant gifts, or just encouraging them to explore and talk about it and listening to them infodump. If it's particularly important to them he'll learn up on it enough to hold a real conversation. Since Azul and especially Jade are the type to get really deeply invested in every little detail of an interest, and he sees that Jamil seems to happily talk to both of them about that kind of thing, he figures there's a good chance Jamil would enjoy being bombarded with informative material and the like too.

-Since I'm bringing up Floyd's love language, I might as well add that I think Azul would deeply investigate to determine what someone might want from him, then try to provide it at a level above and beyond all expectations (partially driven by an obsession with proving his worth. potentially disastrous results when he misjudges what was actually wanted). Jade would give little gifts of things that a) he thinks they'd like, b) he wants to see how they'll react to, and/or c) he wants them to have because he likes the idea or aesthetic of it for them. These almost never include things they actually ask for, because it's more fun to experiment than just do something with guaranteed results. And he'd gift an overwhelming amount of these little things constantly, half because he gets a thrill out of seeing the reactions, and half because he wants the recipient to always feel the presence of his affection.

-Jamil, meanwhile, would probably show care through acts of service because it's all he knows so far (this may change over time as he heals). His hate language would be malicious compliance.

-Okay so I think Cater is absolute drunk aunt friend? I think he compulsively adopts people and drags everyone else into it and makes a whole project of helping them, and then ditches out for several weeks to have his own secret crisis. Then he pulls himself together and comes back chipper and doubles down on the project to keep his mind off of his issues because if everyone else is happy then he can fake it till he makes it. …I also think Riddle's overblot was a little traumatic and the idea of another one happening is freaking him out.

[basuralindo]

Heyyy it's been a while since I posted any writing snippets, but the next chapter is almost up, so here's another misleading preview!

Cater was in the process of opening magicam again when Lilia's head snapped up, suddenly on high alert. By the time he felt it too, the fairy had relaxed into a more casual curiosity. A general feeling of malevolence was creeping down the hall from the doorway, enough to make every hair on his body stand on end.

     He looked to Kalim and Lilia for any clue if it was a threat, but if the former noticed at all he seemed completely unconcerned, and the latter looked more interested than worried. Cater didn't know if that should be a comfort or not. This place was warded up to the teeth, you could feel that the second you got anywhere near the Housewarden quarters, and nothing seemed to be reacting as far as he could tell, but that vibe couldn't possibly be nothing...

[basuralindo]

Next chapter is gonna be up really soon and I have the title song stuck in my head and I really love the song so I'm sharing it as a teaser

I'm so excited cause I've had this one planned for months and I love it but I'm sooo goddamn nervous because if it doesn't go over well I'm gonna bury myself in a ditch :D

[basuralindo]

YHMR chapter 17 preview~~

The whole display had Azul's touch, but… There was a sense of lightness to it that he couldn't have predicted. Gentleness, even. The cheery innocence of a perfectly blue sky, compared to the shrewd, jaded creature who'd crafted it…      Was this what remained of that soft hearted child, who once loved so deeply? The one who'd long since barricaded himself behind wealth and malice… Had a young Azul once lulled himself to sleep with dreams of the sky, just as Jamil used to dream of freedom and adventure and wishes come true?      {Or do the children of gentle homes not need to tell themselves stories at night..?}

Is this one misleading and out of context? Who knows! Maybe I couldn't find a good excerpt, maybe this is more confusing than you may realize! Find out in 2-6 business days!

[basuralindo]

How it started:

How it's going:

(I'm celebrating the yhmr update)

[basuralindo]

YHMR chapter 20 finally up!!

Thank you all for being so patient with the updates lately, I've been impatient to get this one finished, but here it is at last! More commentary under the cut

-So, I guess everyone has their own unique approach to consent when it comes to Jamil. Azul, who's both horrified at the idea of unintentionally forcing Jamil into something and so over being the one begging for scraps of attention from people who find him repulsive, has decided to wait stubbornly for Jamil to prove what he wants by coming to him. Floyd, being Floyd, figured "why is everyone playing chess with this when I can just make him tell me what he wants straight up?". And Jade… having taken notes from both of their stories and observations, decided that Jamil couldn't be trusted to give an honest answer and therefore the most efficient and surefire way around it was to push him past his comfort level and see what he acts like when he's lying.

-Joke's on Jade, Jamil is also Very Aware of microexpressions, and can catch his subtle changes in demeanor just as well.

-I know I've mentioned the idea of Jade having sensory issues before, but now I'm adding touch repulsion because I just can't get enough drama (or representation tbh. I've seen like three touch repulsed characters in my entire life).

-believe it or not, I actually try hard to make sure not every character is perfectly capable of raising a single eyebrow. Jamil kinda does it in canon, and also just seems like the type who'd master the art of annihilating people with a single judgy expression since he can't talk back. There's no way Floyd wouldn't figure out how, and no way Jade would let him be the only one capable. So really that just left Azul as the only one in the relationship who can't, and that feels like it'd be exactly his luck.

-Was the oral agreement kiss a happy coincidence, or did Jade introduce the term in the hopes of getting Jamil to say "oral"? That's for him to know

-Jamil at it again with the modified curses for basic household tasks. Maybe I'm reaching but I feel like it makes a decent metaphor for everything he could so easily be, vs everything he's had to put effort into contorting himself to become.

-Alsoooo I know the fish are all good cooks, but considering how different food prep must be on the surface, and the way Jade is shown to be very formulaic with new projects and how Azul just, IS, I imagine they started out approaching surface cuisine through research and carefully following recipes, and there's bound to be a lot of practical tricks that they aren't experienced with yet. Which is to say, watching human cooks break rules and wing it with recipes must be new and interesting for them, because while they probably have some theories on how things could work if they tweaked it (like in Floyd's chef vignette), they probably haven't had much time to experiment as much yet

-I'm picturing Jade making the aprons for everyone, half as a joke. Azul's is designed to be cute enough to be embarrassing, but still fitting his tastes enough that he can tell Jade put real thought into it, and Azul loves it for the gesture despite the teasing. He would never let another soul know it exists, and will die when he finds out Jamil's seen it. Floyd's was something Jade knew he would love the second he saw the fabric (it's inspired by this tourist shirt I found)

[basuralindo]

New oneshot!

You guys have no idea how much I worked to get this posted on valentine's day, and I failed most of you by a few hours, but it's still valentine's somewhere!

This is technically a future point in YHMR, and might get incorporated into the main fic in some way, but I'm leaving this one as a oneshot because I don't really wanna change the rating and warnings on the main story.

So, to all of you who've been patiently waiting for over a year for these people to finally hook up, thank you, and enjoy some Jade/Jamil smut. Happy (late) valentine's! ❤️

(Mind the tags, this is kinda dicey. It's also very much 18+)

[basuralindo]

You'll Have Me Rise chapter 21 is up!

Hey look, proof that I didn't forget about this!

Another huge thanks to @kamikazequail for editing!

As usual, babble under the cut

-Fun fact! Waves breaking have a very different sound from underwater, and it's more similar to the white noise of a manic episode (in my experience). So, the sound in Floyd's head is supposed to be more like a semi-rhythmic hissing/grinding/static -also kinda similar to leaves in the wind. It's not the only sound that happens, but it's a common backdrop to more acute points in an episode.

-Another common type of auditory hallucination for me is certain important environmental noises? If that makes sense? Like doorbells or phones ringing or people calling for me -shit that you have to keep an ear out for, but especially sharper sounds like doorbells/alarms/certain ringtones. Point being, it was fun to come up with plausible environmental sounds that might stick with a merman, and whales were definitely one of the most interesting. You can hear their calls from ridiculous distances with varying levels of clarity, while up close they're crazy loud. And sperm whales are known to dive into the abyssal zone to hunt things in the size range of the tweels' mer forms, so that's actually a legitimate sound for him to be vigilant about. (personally, when I zone out too much and get lost in the chatter, I get some random male voice shouting HEY into my ear. which isn't like, a voice I recognize or any kind of specific threat. sometimes it's really not that deep, but I had to pick something plausible that could make startling loud noises underwater, so that kinda narrowed it down to cetaceans, and there aren't many that you'd regularly encounter in far northern abyssal zones)

-Okay so ever since Azul's reaction to the gargoyle in glorious masquerade, I haven't been able to let go of the idea that merpeople would have to be hyper vigilant about camouflaged predators in their environment, right? The ocean hosts so many ambush predators after all, and they especially tend to imitate rocks and soft corals, so I wanted to incorporate that residual caution in the fish gang. 

-On a related note; most fish have a sensory organ dedicated to detecting minute vibrations and changes in pressure, with some specialized to detect electrical impulses (also, some marine predators use weak electrical impulses to detect prey). Sooo I'm just kinda… adding that to mermaid evolution here. I think it'd be neat if the octatrio's ability to both sneak up on and detect Jamil had to do with him unknowingly using magic similar to the marine predators that the trio evolved to detect and avoid.

-Continuing the fish topic: Since sound doesn't travel the same underwater, mermaid language would have to be different from anything humans speak, right? I picture them using whatever human language is most practical in their region (for simplicity I'm going with english here, since the northern coral sea seems to be near the rose kingdom? and because english tends to be pretty pervasive) as a standard secondary language for trade and any out of water speech (like air pockets and shit). But anyway, the rest of the time it's dolphin type whistles and clicks and those low gravely sounds that fish apparently make.

-Okay. Look. You can pry the idea of Floyd's romantic streak from my cold dead fingers. He's canonly very observant and there's some hints that he can be considerate when he wants to be, and most importantly I think it's cute. Picture him listening to music and daydreaming about his crush.

I think this story really isn't about them all bringing out the humanity in each other. I think they all see themselves as monsters, and they see that part of themselves in each other, and it makes them feel real in a way that the world tries to sweep away. It's a common ground that makes them feel at home together. Like evidence that they're not built wrong and need to fix something, but that they're built for each other and don't need to change for the rest of the world. They don't need to be good or deserve good things in order to deserve each other.

[basuralindo]

WIP Wednesdayyyy it's been a while

So, I got obsessed with this art collection drawn by @deezneezz a while ago, and since it's been living in my head rent free, I was inspired to write a chapter based around it in YHMR!

It's not exactly coming up soon in the story, but it'll be there! So, here's that scene under the cut!

   

  "Seasnake~!"

     "Floyd?!" Jamil whirled to track down the familiar voice in an unfamiliar setting. 

     He almost missed the teal hair hidden among a cacophony of vivid fabric. Floyd was seated on the arm of one of the waiting couches, wearing casual clothes in bright shades of teal and purple, accented in yellows and magenta. 

     He was beaming in Jamil's direction, while stiffly poised boutique staff lingered nearby -clearly uncomfortable with his demeanor, but hesitant to approach. Their glares shifted to Jamil when it became clear he and Floyd were affiliated. 

     Embarrassment burned in Jamil's cheeks at the unwanted attention. He looked away to assess the rest of the situation and found that, unsurprisingly, Floyd was not alone. Standing behind his brother, dressed in more muted shades, Jade was grinning at the whole scene. 

     It was Jamil's first time seeing Floyd without black in his clothing, but the look suited him. Jade, on the other hand, was making Jamil realize that he'd never considered what the man's personal tastes would be outside of his uniforms. 

     He wouldn't have predicted red. Or patterns, for that matter. Least of all accessories. 

     Jade caught him staring and offered a small wave. He was dressed in a burgundy turtleneck sweater, worn under a black T-shirt and paired with plaid trousers. Jamil realized with further embarrassment that it was simply a shock to see him dressed his age. 

     The both of them, actually, looked like they had pulled their looks from a fashion magazine. It struck Jamil belatedly that they wouldn't have much experience with human clothing outside of what the school provided, and he was charmed by the idea of seeing what they would show interest in without the influence of cultural associations.

     He let his gaze drift to the chains hanging from Jade's belt, and noticed the collection of charms they hosted. One side included a few varieties of mushrooms and insects in vivid colors, and on the other, an eel the color of his hair, a purple octopus, and something red that looked like a feather and gem.

     Jamil squinted at the last one, finding it uncomfortably familiar…

     A sputtering "owww" jerked his attention back to Kalim before he could finish the thought. The prince met his concerned look with a pout.

     "Your hair whipped me in the face," he grumbled. "The bells hurt…"

     Jamil clutched at his ponytail, mortified, only to be interrupted by Jade's snickering.

     The merman changed expression the second Jamil turned to glare at him, and Floyd broke into a giggle fit of his own. Jamil rolled his eyes and turned back to Kalim.

     "I'm sorry, are you alright?"

     Kalim laughed brightly, perhaps finding the twin's joy contagious, perhaps just not wanting to be left out. "I'm fine! Just surprised. But look! Floyd and Jade are here, hello!"

     He scuttled over to greet them, the raucous energy distressing the staff even more. Floyd's smile turned false at the approach, gaze flicking over to Jamil with weighted interest, while his brother beamed almost sincerely in anticipation of chaos.

     "Hello Kalim, Jamil, a pleasure as always to see you. Doing some shopping as well today?" 

     Jamil smiled back in greeting, and hurried over to join the group before Kalim could say or see anything he shouldn't.

     He was already chattering out an excited reply, much to Floyd's quiet displeasure. It allowed Jamil the chance to sidle up to Jade and get a better look at his belt charms. To his alarm they did, indeed, include a red feather and oval gem, like a small replica of his hair charm.

     "Kind of you to join us…" Jade murmured once he was near. "Had I known we were heading to the same place today, I'd have invited you properly. Although, the surprise appearance does mean that-"

     "Look Jamil, Azul's here too! Hi Azul!!" 

     Kalim's voice echoed through the room, immediately followed by a startled yelp and Azul's voice stuttering out Jamil's name in alarm.

     The twins broke into nearly matching grins at the sound. They all turned in time to see a silvery head emerge from behind a trifold changing mirror, blink in surprise, and duck back out of view long enough to clear his throat.

     Azul reemerged a moment later, straightening an outfit in layered shades of purple, price tags still hanging from the sleeves. He, too, was trying out patterns; similar to Jade's pants but in shades of lavender and gray on a button up shirt. It was layered under a pale sweater and a darker, lightweight coat to form a look very similar to one of the mannequins in the window.

     "Jamil!" he greeted with more confidence this time. "And Kalim, of course, how wonderful to see you both!"

     Jamil smiled at the sight of his flustered antics, only to smother it at the reminder of Kalim's presence. He greeted Azul more formally, then turned back to Jade with a nudge.

     He motioned to the feather charm with his eyes and fixed Jade with a serious look. "If that is what I think it is, I need Kalim not to see it."

     Jade responded with a playful smirk. "Do you like it? I put it together myself, and daresay did the original some justice." 

     Jamil desperately suppressed a flush, turning away to dodge the teasing. "Just hide it from him, please?" he whispered urgently. The significance of the gesture was something he'd have to explore when Kalim was not there to witness it. 

     Floyd didn't give him a chance to think on it any further, coming around to drape his arms over Jade and Jamil both. His body wedged between them effectively hid the charm from view enough for Jade to tuck it away into a pocket.

     "Snakeyyy~" Floyd trilled. His voice was as upbeat as his demeanor, but both held a subtle tension that Jamil had become familiar with as a sign he was straining to be on his best behavior. "What're you guys doin' 'round here? You shoulda told us you were gonna be headin' down this way!"

     "Small island, isn't it?" Azul cut in brightly. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"

     Jamil looked up to see that Floyd had ditched Kalim just in time to leave him in Azul's path, forcing the man to address him instead of Jamil. It also allowed Jade and Floyd to heckle Jamil freely, much to the dismay of the now hovering shopping assistants.

     Kalim tore his eyes away from the three of them to beam at Azul. "Hey! I didn't know you were out shopping today! Jamil and I are looking for winter coats."

     "Is that so?" Jade's expression brightened menacingly. Some meddling temptation pulled him away to Kalim's side. "It so happens that we came here for some shopping of our own. Azul has actually been doing rather …extensive research into the available coat options himself, so we would be happy to help you two find the perfect choice."

     Floyd snorted at the comment, and slouched lower to murmur to Jamil. "What he means is Azul's been here for hours fussing over every single jacket in this fuckin' place. Still hasn't picked a single one, but he must've tried 'em all on three times over-"

     "I like to be thorough," Azul said tersely, having reached earshot. He shot Jamil a warm smile. "But Jade, at least, is right. We would be glad to join you in picking something out, isn't that right Floyd?"

     Floyd cocked an eyebrow in Kalim's direction and rolled his eyes, but shrugged in the end. He gave Jamil's shoulders a short squeeze as he responded. "I mean, if we get to watch Seasnake tryin' on clothes, I'm not gonna complain."

     Azul and Jamil both flushed at the comment, and simultaneously glanced over to be sure Kalim hadn't heard. Fortunately, Jade was keeping him occupied enough with conversation to remain oblivious. Though the look Jade threw over his shoulder at them said that he'd heard everything.

     Jamil smiled sweetly at Azul, and elbowed Floyd in the ribs. "It looks like Kalim is happy with the idea, so consider your offer accepted. However," he dropped his voice sternly, "We do still need to be subtle."

[basuralindo]

YHMR hit 200!! 🎉

Big ❤️❤️ to everyone who's been reading! I once again can't believe this many people are enjoying my shit, but I'm always greatful

[basuralindo]

YHMR ch. 17 is hereeee!!

With editing by @kamikazequail!

Commentary under the cut

-Shoutout to those surreal early morning encounters with almost-strangers after sleepovers

-Based on Jamil's beans vignette, I have a theory that Lilia actually does know quite a bit about cooking (I mean, he's had plenty of time to research and learn about it at least in theory), and either can't resist tampering because he's a menace, or just SUCKS at applying the knowledge.

-Everyone's tryna help Jamil out in their own way. He's just too distrusting to appreciate it

-Yes I'm implying that Azul still didn't think to google the name and checked the library for an Arabic dictionary instead. I like to pretend that the mermen still aren't really used to electronics. …I also needed an excuse for Azul to be wandering around campus. We can blame it on a hangover idfk

-Yeah so, personally, I think the kind of mind/magic that is inclined towards manipulating minds would also have an easier time getting into intricate, fiddly mechanisms like locks. Or breaking past wards. I just feel like if you can't keep Jamil out of your mind, you wouldn't be able to keep him out of a room either

-This actually plays into my previous headcanon about his approach to crafting wards through modified curses too. Instead of just a barrier to keep people out, it's more like a boundary that does someone serious harm when they cross/trigger it. It may not be the correct way to go about it, but it sure does keep people out anyway, and they don't get broken through the same way proper barriers would

-I don't actually have any headcanon of like, specific lighting spells that draw from childhood joy, though I realized it kinda sounded like it. My thinking was that there's probably a million ways to cast light, taking varying levels of skill or focus and producing different types of lighting results, but I think any mages that figured out their magic early on would have their own unique spells for it. Like, kids wanting a light at night is pretty universal, and so is wanting to entertain themselves when they should be sleeping (think about how many fancy lamps and projectors are targeted to children). So, I figure a lot of young mages would come up with ways to produce light pretty early on, and, using it mostly while alone in the dark, would probably start coming up with entertaining projections or snowglobe effects and stuff. 

-Continuing that thought: It was mentioned a few chapters ago that Jamil had developed his light sphere as a way of playing out scenes from stories (partially inspired by Jafar's hourglass scrying scene in the original movie). He also comes from a culture that, based on the game, seems to still use a lot of lanterns and firelight for atmosphere, so he easily associates light with a flame in the dark. Meanwhile, I picture Azul having a fascination with the surface (little mermaid ref), and kinda imagine him getting a few rare opportunities to visit the ocean surface, being dazzled by it, and wanting to recreate images of it later on. And, since pretty much all light he sees from the sky ends up filtered through water, his subconscious notion of what sunlight looks like is pale blue ripples. Also, bubbles underwater look shiny and luminous and come in clusters, so associating a series of small orbs with light would make sense for a merchild. So yeah, not a specific spell drawing on childlike wonder to create light, but just kids being kids, sorry.

-You might think Jamil's greatest skill would be cooking or combat, but in fact, it's the ability to drastically misinterpret all attempts at love and kindness

-Is Azul painfully dramatic? Yes. Does it absolutely work on Jamil? …Also yes. Their heads are in the wrong era

-Poor Azul out here getting the double whiplash of learning Jamil and Floyd are both crushing on each other without him knowing. …And Jade having his love for chaos tested -idk how to explain what I'm describing with Floyd here. It's like, coming back from a bipolar episode really can feel like waking up from a lucid dream. Like you're present, and you're conscious of what you're doing, but the world doesn't feel quite there the same way, the details feel fuzzy, and everything kinda slips in and out of control in a way? And usually you can feel it start to ease up a little, sometimes not. Either way, at some point the madness breaks like a fever and you're just, suddenly awake. So yeah, sometimes Floyd is lost in the pits, and his loved ones are stuck sitting by and waiting for him to come back.

[basuralindo]

YHMR Ch. 18 drop!

This one gets very mildly NSFW, so, don't read it at work I guess idk. Enjoy!

Editing done by @kamikazequail, and commentary under the cut!

As always feel free to comment, I'm constantly fiending for feedback.

-Jamil: Decides to worry less about something for once in his life. The universe: "Oh, bitch…"

- But yeahhh I imagine him as the type to get stabby when he's startled. In case that wasn't apparent yet.

-You may have wondered what the point of that whole tangent about spatial compression pockets five chapters ago was for. It was literally for this moment. I need Jamil to have a knife on him at all times, can't picture him not doing that, and I needed a way for him to not get caught with it ("But a magic school would be prepared for students to have access to things like that and would have security measures against hidden contraband items-" NRC is so fucking lax. students try to murder each other all the time. Everyone always goes 'nooo it's against the rules to use magic in a fight!' and then they do it anyway, and staff never gives a shit -and that's for the canon highschool version. Universities, by nature, give even less fucks. If there was a stabbing on campus, Crowey would only pay attention if it became a publicity issue. I think the staff would actually encourage hidden pockets if it means they gain plausible deniability for knowing what the students are up to). Aaand when I realized I was gonna be writing this scene, I needed to be able to mention the knife without having to stop and explain where it came from or why he has it. So yeah, there it is, Checkov's magic wristband of holding. He'd keep it hidden under his PE wristband

- ….Jamil finally has someone willingly following his orders. Of course that's immediately gonna go to his head

-What's that? Jamil giggling happily for the first time in his life because his crush maimed someone in his honor? Sometimes "perfect for each other" involves both parties being incredibly unwholesome.

-Aaand finally, Jamil realizes he's a monsterfucker

-Yeah btw, eels have to move their bodies side-to-side to swim, and I figure that any mermaids who swim that way would need side musculature similar to abs, which would look…. unique. I guess. So yeah the tweels would have fucked up torsos. And you need a decent understanding of anatomy to consistently win knife fights, so Jamil would definitely notice. (also the lateral line sensory organ in fish runs down the sides, so, idk. it'd be a sensitive area is what I'm saying) (yeahhh I've always been really into marine biology, and tbh I never thought this is how I'd end up applying the knowledge, but here we are.)

-Poor Ace. I actually like Ace, he's just chronically unfortunate. I dunno if it's out of character for him to be tryna help out, but I think he has a genuine nice streak.

-Aaand yeah, Floyd grew up with very different ideas surrounding leadership and respect than Jamil, and he's not particularly keen on someone he respects having to follow the orders of a guy who'd never survive in the mafia

-So, I realize that it's been confirmed in canon that the mermen need potions to transform back and forth, and I'm choosing to ignore it. Thank you for your understanding.

-The eels in the little mermaid are always tangled around each other and everything, and I think that's really cute, so the tweels are gonna be in constant contact too

[basuralindo]

Okay so @pixiestickie and @weilaverdui caught me before I passed out for the night, so here's the first draft of the first half of YHMR chapter 15, in consolation for the ao3 outage!

As always I'm happy for any feedback, but I'm gonna fall asleep as soon as this posts so I won't hear anything for a few hours

(chapter under the cut)

"Do you think he hates me?"

"No." Jade replied without looking up from his counting. He could feel Floyd's frown.

"Oh c'mon you didn't even think about it! Are ya even listening to me?"

"Yes." Jade tried not to snap as he replaced the last stack of madol and closed the change box. "I am listening, and I did not need to think about it, because he clearly doesn't hate you."

"You don't know that!"

"Yes, I do."

"Oh yeah, how?? You don't even talk to him usually-"

"I do, actually." Jade said crisply. "I came across him in the halls the other day, and he joined me for lunch."

"WHAT?" Floyd nearly shrieked. Roughly the reaction Jade had hoped for.

"At the cafeteria, nothing intimate."

Floyd's tone darkened despite the reassurance. "Jade."

"Yes?" Jade asked brightly.

"What did you do."

"Just talked to him, as I said." Jade assured him again. "My point in bringing it up is that he asked after you, which he wouldn't have done if he didn't want anything to do with you."

Floyd blinked, wide eyed. "He- what? What'd he ask??"

"He wanted to know if you were alright. Something he wouldn't have to do if you weren't skipping classes and avoiding basketball practice for a week." Jade turned back to his work, sifting through paperwork to find the EOD reports. They hadn't been properly organized after the last closing shift, yet another side effect of having his business partners hopelessly preoccupied…

And of course, Floyd was too busy having another little conniption to be told anything about it.

"What- but- why's he goin' to you about it??" He demanded. "I was right there in front of him and he barely even talked to me!" Floyd huffed, then flopped himself over the bar with a frustrated sound, laying his head on his arm while rubbing at the base of his skull.

Jade sighed. His brother had come slinking out of hiding the moment they'd closed for the evening, determined to fret Jade's ear off about the same problem he refused to fix. Again. It had been the same pattern for nearly two weeks now and he was getting sick of reciting comforting platitudes.

"Did you give him a chance to talk to you, Floyd?" He asked impatiently as he put the papers down to face Floyd directly. "Or did you march him over here in a huff, snap at me for making you greet him, and then storm off to hide until he was gone?"

Floyd narrowed his eyes, then dropped his gaze, and muttered "Shit…"

He rolled to plant his face squarely into the bartop and slapped both hands over the back of his head. "I'm such an asshole." He moaned in muffled despair. "Now he definitely hates me!"

Jade rolled his eyes heavily, leaning to press a finger against his temple. "He doesn't hate you. He's confused by you, he's worried. You could see it on his face if you weren't so desperate to avoid looking at him." He looked to Floyd for any sign of a response, and watched him hunch down even further. Jade sighed again. "If anything, he likely thinks that you hate him after that little display."

"I don't hate him!" Floyd's head shot up to retort, then sunk back down in continued despair. "I just… Mmph…" His voice shrank down into something too easily muffled by his arms. Jade took a deep breath.

"Floyd." He tried again. "He doesn't understand your moods, he's not used to you like this. It's confusing. I can assure you that he doesn't hate you now, but you need to talk to him soon -and Azul, for that matter. If all three of you were on the same page this wouldn't be such an issue, everyone is worried."

"Stop lecturin' me like you know anything about it." Floyd grumbled.

"I think you drastically underestimate just how much I know about it." Jade admonished him, running low on patience. He returned irritably to his paperwork.

"Like what?" Floyd asked, sidling into his peripheral. He sounded a little more suspicious than whiny now, at least that was some improvement.

"Plenty." Jade said lightly. "I know he's anxious about your feelings, paranoid of our collective motives, vulnerable to acts of kindness… He doesn't socialize much, either, no acquaintances close enough to keep in contact with. As far as I could gather the three of us are the only people he texts conversationally. -That puts you in a rather privileged position for his attentions, don't you think?" He didn't wait for an answer, Floyd's silent tension was enough to prove he was listening. "I've found Jamil to be actually quite forthcoming, under the right circumstances…"

That got Floyd more sincerely riled up. "What circumstances?" The question had more of an edge to it than he typically directed at Jade. "How did you make him tell you that -did you hypnotize him?"

"Oh, relax. There was no need for my magic." Jade felt Floyd's stare boring into him, though he had no intention of looking up until he was finished with the tasks at hand. "I simply provided a listening ear, and read between the lines."

A hand came down on the papers Jade was working on, not violently, but blocking his ability to fill them out all the same. "Jade. What the fuck?" Floyd demanded. "He doesn't just talk about shit like that. What did you do to make-"

"Have you considered that might be because you don't give him the chance?" Jade snapped. "I didn't need to hypnotize him, I just gave him time to speak. He takes a while to think before revealing anything." True, the migraine probably helped lower his defenses a bit, but that wasn't helpful to share at the moment.

Floyd leaned over to frown at him.

"Whaddaya mean? I talk to him all the time -and he talks back. He just never talked to me about anything personal before, what gives? I thought he was afraid of you."

"Not as afraid as he used to be, unfortunately." Jade sighed. "The truth is, all I did was talk to him. You simply need to try a lighter touch. You overwhelm people-"

"Jamil doesn't -" Floyd began defensively.

"Jamil doesn't fear you." Jade cut in. "But he does get fussy when he feels cornered." He looked Floyd firmly in the eye. "I don't know what exactly happened between you two, but I know you were particularly rowdy right before your drop. Perhaps you could start by finding out if there's something that you should apologize for."

Floyd looked stumped for a moment, then dropped his gaze. "I gotta be honest, it's kinda fuzzy."

"It usually is." Jade agreed. "If the events don't come back to you soon, your best bet may be to just ask him directly."

"Yeahhh, yeah." Floyd rolled his eyes evasively. "I'll try that. I guess. I dunno- since when did you start paying so much attention to Seasnake anyway? I thought Azul had you on Otter duty."

He turned to frown suspiciously at Jade again. Just as territorial about his precious serpent as ever. It was a wonder that he still couldn't see the hypocrisy in criticizing Azul's obsession.

"Perhaps if you two weren't so lost in your own fantasies, you wouldn't be so shocked at the things that happen around you." Jade snapped. It was more acute than he'd intended, the anger behind it was as surprising to him as it was to Floyd.

"Jade…" Floyd asked, uncharacteristically hesitant in the face of Jade's uncharacteristic frustration. "What's up with you?"

"With me? I'm not the one who's been acting differently." Jade replied coldly.

Another frown, softer this time. "Are you upset about Jamil?"

Jade felt his jaw clenching as he spoke. "I'm upset about having to pick up more slack lately than I thought you two were collectively capable of. I'm upset because I've never seen Azul distracted to the point of letting his work slip, or you so concerned over someone else's feelings that it keeps you up at night." The words spilled out of him as unexpectedly as the emotion. Not inaccurate, but not anything he'd thought over until the moment they were spoken. "Your bickering used to be fun, lately it's just been tedious. Since when does any human have this much power over you two?"

Floyd took in the barrage quietly, contemplating something as he waited to be sure Jade was finished. "You're jealous." Was all he said in return.

The accusation struck unexpectedly, giving Jade pause. "Should I be?"

Floyd's expression crumpled with sympathy. Something rare on him, and usually unwelcomed by anyone he cared for enough to show it. Jade wasn't quite sure if it was unwelcome to him now, but his brother rallied with an attempt at his trademark rakish grin.

"Jealous of Seasnake, over Azul? Fuck no." He said cheerily, the most animated his tone had been since the tiff with Jamil. "You think either of us could get rid of him that easy? I mean, you think he's obsessive 'bout Seasnake, remember how he tracked us down back in the day? That greedy bastard's not gonna let you go again just cause he wants someone else too. He's a hoarder like that. C'mere."

Jade was caught off guard again, this time by a hug. His shoulders went stiff as Floyd pulled him in, only to relax into the comforting pressure.

"You know you got nothin' to worry about with Azul." Floyd continued without letting go. "And yeah, I like Seasnake too, but you know I'm not going anywhere. I just wanna get him to come around more. I think Azul's the same."

Jade chuckled softly, resting his forehead against Floyd's shoulder. "I see. So you two can still see eye to eye, provided you aren't in front of each other."

Floyd gave a halfhearted "tsh" and ruffled Jade's hair in retaliation. "It's not like I hate him all of a sudden, Azul just pisses me off sometimes is all. He just needs to get dragged back down to earth sometimes".

Jade bit at the offending hand. "Stop it. I'll come out looking like you."

"No- ouch- fine!" After another, harder bite Floyd relented to just draping an arm over his shoulders. "Aaanyway, I thought you two were gettin' along all of a sudden, and next minute you're all pissed off about him, what's the deal?"

Jade frowned. "Perhaps he's just been more interesting lately than your and Azul's constant fretting."

In truth, it was a little frustrating how interesting he was finding Jamil to be. It would have been simpler to expunge a boring distraction from the picture -or perhaps more frustrating still, to have Floyd and Azul so enamored with something less worthwhile. Regardless, the man was posing an unexpected conundrum, and was progressing towards making himself a long term feature. Jade had yet to decide where he stood on the situation, lately he'd just been beset with the impulse to prod at it like a beehive until something caved in.

Floyd's expression was doubtful enough that nothing more needed to be said, and he seemed willing to leave it at that. After a moment more of silence he gave Jade's shoulders another squeeze. "Sorry 'bout complaining to you so much."

"Just talk to Azul soon, or I'll do it for you."

The door to Azul's office slammed open before Floyd could say anything. Quiet but urgent footsteps swept down the hall towards them. Clearly Jamil's, but closer to stomping than they'd ever heard from him. Floyd perked up with a concerned look, just in time to see a dark shape turn the corner.

Jamil froze momentarily when he spotted them, the alarmed look of prey caught in the open, and then his eyes fell on Floyd. Hurt creased his brow, his lips parted to say something that never left his throat, and just like that he gave up. Jamil dropped his gaze to the floor, letting his hair hide his expression until he could force some composure, and finally looked up to offer a partial bow.

"Thank you for your hospitality." He told them curtly, managing for the moment to keep any emotion from his voice. He didn't wait for a response before hitting off, strides about as fast as they could get without running.

Floyd had frozen too, and Jamil was already out of sight by the time he thought to call out. It earned a hesitation, almost a pause, before the footsteps continued and his scent disappeared behind the sound of a door closing.

Well, that couldn't mean anything good.

They exchanged a look, then asked in unison, "Should we… -oh."

Azul's sharp footsteps were next to come down the hall, and the man himself looked almost as distraught as Jamil once he appeared. Jade waved a hand towards one of the barstools, pushing it outward for Azul to take a seat. The invitation was accepted with a shaky sigh.

"So, how did it go?" Jade asked politely.

"Did he storm out on you, too?" Floyd added.

Azul glanced up from massaging his forehead to frown at them. "Too…? When- nevermind. How did it go? I have no idea. He didn't storm out, he just …very suddenly and quietly decided it was time to leave, wouldn't say why." He waved a hand in frustrated surrender and dropped his face back into it. "He said he'll bring the proposition up to Kalim, and apparently has no say in the decisions after that."

He bit out the last part like it was bitter on his tongue, voice dripping with anger and posture oozing with defeat. Jade went about pouring a glass of brandy while Floyd tried talking to him.

"So, what? Is he mad at you, did he hate the deal, what happened? What'd you do?"

Azul glared miserably over his glasses.

"If I knew what I did I'd be out there fixing the issue, not sitting around with- thank you, Jade." He took the drink from Jade's hand and gave it a sniff. "With a glass of brandy and no clue what to do about it."

He placed the glass down hard on the table to drop his face back into his hands. "I have no idea what just happened." He continued in muffled dismay. "Everything seemed fine one moment, and then all of a sudden he's completely shut off and turning to go, not so much as a glance over his shoulder. Just, 'thanks for the drink', and bye."

Azul threw his hands up in frustration and took a large sip of his drink. He stared dismally at it after, sliding the glass in tiny circles to watch the liquid swirl. "I don't suppose either of you are in the mood for a riddle… I'm trying to figure out what exactly someone might be told every day since they were born."

"The fuck does that have to do with anything?" Floyd asked as he snatched the drink from Azul's fretting hands. He took a swig of his own and gave it back, earning little more than a tired frown. Evidence enough of Azul's emotional exhaustion. "Is he a sphinx now or something?"

That almost got a laugh, but Azul went right back to moping into his spinning drink. "I'd half believe it at this point."

"I think it's still pertinent to ask if this might affect the negotiations." Jade cut in. "You said he would take this to Kalim, do you trust that he won't sabotage it now?"

"I…" Azul squinted as he weighed the evidence in his mind. "I think he saw enough benefit in the alliance to want it for his own reasons. He's pragmatic enough for that."

"I certainly hope you're right." Jade replied, leaning to pour him more brandy. He expected Floyd to steal enough of it for the remainder not to do Azul much harm.

"You would think I'd know his patterns well enough to be sure by now." Azul grumbled, accepting the drink from Jade's hand only to surrender it, predictably, to Floyd's. "But he keeps his inner workings locked up tighter than a safe. Every snippet I get out of him just tells me I know even less than I thought…"

"What about a name?" Floyd asked suddenly as he slid the glass back across the bar.

Azul caught it on reflex, rolling it absently between his palms while he frowned inquiringly at Floyd. "A name?"

"Yeah." Floyd frowned back, miffed over not having been understood immediately the first time. "Y'know, the riddle? People hear their names every day."

Azul blinked once, twice, and then his eyes went wide. "Floyd, you may be right! I need to stop by the library."

He made a clumsy attempt to stand, only for Floyd to catch him by the shoulder and press him back into his seat. "No ya don't. It's the middle of the night and you smell like booze, go tomorrow."

Azul stared at him in bleary reproach until it became clear that the hand wasn't moving, then relented with a pout. "I don't see why that matters…"

"Trust me, they don't let you in like that." Floyd released Azul's shoulder to cross his arms stubbornly. "Besides, you left the EOD paperwork all over the place last night and Jade's been tryna track it all down for like twenty minutes. How's about you help him out. I'm gonna go make sure the kitchen's straight and then get some fucking sleep. 'Night."

With that, he turned to leave. Pausing just long enough to squeeze Jade's shoulder in farewell, and shoot him a meaningful look that flicked in Azul's direction.

Jade smiled to himself as his brother retreated, leaving him conveniently alone with Azul. Floyd always did have such a keen eye for details… Jade hadn't said a thing about the paperwork aloud, and here he'd thought Floyd was too busy fretting over Jamil to think of anything else.

Behind him Azul huffed, removing his glasses to wipe the lenses clean. "He seems more alive than he was this afternoon, what do you think?"

"Much more alive." Jade agreed. "He seems to be coming back, finally."

He took in the rare sight of unobstructed blue eyes, the way they were before coming on land. He couldn't help reaching for that lock of silvery hair, running it through his fingers and missing the way it would iridesce in the water. He really needed to coax Azul back into the water one of these days…

Azul squinted in an attempt to focus on him, glasses temporarily forgotten, and leaned into the touch. He coaxed Jade's fingers open to plant a kiss into his palm, then held it against his cheek with a contented sigh. "So long as I still have you, nothing is ever truly a failure, is it…"

Jade laughed softly, moving his thumb over Azul's face. "How much have you had to drink tonight?"

"Only enough to say what's always on my mind." He murmured, nuzzling deeper into the touch. "I was thinking about our families again tonight, about how grateful I am that I didn't manage to lose you."

The words loosened a knot in Jade's throat that he hadn't realized was there. He gripped Azul's face more firmly and pulled him in for a deep kiss, one that was finally met eagerly and without distraction. Gentle hands trailed up his neck as Azul kissed him back, holding him close and letting warm tears pool against his fingers.

"You and Floyd are my family." He insisted between kisses. "I wouldn't let you lose me."

"I love you." Azul whispered against his lips.

Jade hesitated, drew back, then pressed his forehead against Azul's, gripping tightly with fingers twined into the silver hair. "Do you still think about me when you don't need anyone to fall back on?" He whispered back. "When things are going well with Jamil, am I still on your mind?"

Azul drew back to look him in the eyes, however blurred that image might be, and frowned in concern. His hands gripped Jade's all the tighter. "Do you think you aren't a part of my triumphs, too? Part of my happiness? I think about you every move I make."

His sincerity was clear, chipping away at whatever tension had been building up in Jade over the weeks. Still not quite enough to shatter it. He gripped Azul's hands in return, the two small enough to fit neatly in Jade's fist. "Even now?" He asked. "Even when your latest venture leads you on such a frantic chase?"

Azul pulled him closer. Tiny hands and all, he dragged Jade easily across the bartop, pressing their foreheads together again. "Jade." He said more fiercely than he'd seemed capable of moments ago. "There is nowhere on this earth or below it that I would go without finding a way to keep you with me."

[basuralindo]

YHMR chapter 19 coming soon...

"That bite, the one on Azul's wrist where I'd left my number… Was that intended to make me jealous?" Whatever expression Jade threw his way, Jamil didn't look over to catch it. Fabric rasped against stone as the man shifted his weight. "Certainly not," Jade replied lightly enough to be foreboding. "There would be no reason for me to have expected it would make you jealous …unless you had been hoping to take something that isn't yours."

[basuralindo]

YHMR Ch. 18 teaser~

     Jamil blinked in disbelief, then felt his lip twitch, and some small dam broke. He never was one to smile much, not honestly, not as wide as he was now anyway. And the laugh which bubbled out of him didn't hurt his throat. Maybe it wasn't loud, but it was clear and light enough to sound alien to his own ears.       {Is this what a giggle feels like?}

idk how much these are even counting as out of context anymore, but I'm trying. This is short, but it's the only bit I could share without spoiling anything.