#you can't bullshit him he's like 200 years old

[kendrawells]

*knocks on your door* have you heard the good news about Wyllsin

[datura-tea]

when gwen came back to vault 101, no one cheered. no one welcomed her back. which is to be expected - there were some who blamed her for what happened. butch thought that was bullshit, but no one would ever hear him defending gwen. especially not gwen. so he watched from a distance when she stomped into the vault in her too-big boots, dried blood in her hair, dusty and dirty and standing taller than he had ever seen her.

gwen lit up when she saw amata, but quickly dimmed when amata approached her hesitantly, as if scared. butch can't blame amata; this new gwen, wasteland gwen, looked like vault gwen only in passing. wasteland gwen was rougher, tougher. imposing. her rifle slung easily from her shoulder.

butch wondered if she had ever killed anyone with it.

butch decided to break the silence. he pointed at gwen's rifle. "ever killed anyone with that thing?"

he leaned against the door as gwen and amata talked, noting gwen's frown deepening the more amata filled her in. she was all business now; very serious, impartial and indifferent. asking questions like: what happened here? what do you want me to do? how much are you going to pay me? which unsettled butch a little. gwen was never a joker, but she never took anything seriously, either. to see her stone-cold and stern (like james) was new, and it was concerning.

so when gwen passed him on her way to the overseer, he walked in step with her. she nodded at him. he nodded back. they stayed like that for a few blocks, just quiet. which was new, also. before, they would've been talking each other's ears off, firing off insults and jabs one after another.

gwen rolled her eyes. "hi, gwen," she said in a deepened voice. "it's nice to see you again, gwen. i was so worried about you, gwen." she sighed. "just shot wilkins with it."

"wilkins is dead?"

"fuck if i know. i didn't stay to check." she doubled back to peer into the clinic. she turned to butch, her hands on her hips. "look, what do you want from me?"

butch looked her in the eye. no need to beat around the bush, then. "i need to get out of here, man."

gwen shrugged. "then get out of here. what's stopping you and your dinky little knife?"

"dinky? what are you calling dinky?" butch bristled. "this thing's sharp as fuck."

"that shit can't peel an apple. that shit's barely worth a cap."

butch frowned. "the fuck is a cap?"

"wasteland money. it's dumb." gwen entered the clinic as she talked. butch followed her. "they use fucking bottlecaps."

"there's money up there?" brotch taught them about money and trade, but they didn't use it in the vault. "no vouchers? no rations?"

"no, man. you find food or you trade or you starve." gwen was rummaging through the rubble in james' office. "i've just been eating cold cram."

"but you're eating what you want," butch said. "you have a choice."

"yeah, i guess. it's just..." gwen sighed again and faced butch. "i'm not gonna lie, dude, it's bad out there. you get shot at, you get chased by randos, you eat 200-year old shit because you can't find fresh food. there's choices, sure, but it's between two shitty choices all the time." she gestured at their surroundings. "but, even with all that... it's loads better than this shithole."

butch whooped. "so you'll help me escape?"

"i'm going to do what amata wants, and that's to get the door open. what you do after that is your business." gwen went to the framed verse on the wall and opened it. "here we go."

butch went to her. she took out a bobby pin and a screwdriver and jimmied the lock, which broke with a small click. the safe opened, and gwen took out a small bag and some schematics. she stuffed both in her battered pack.

"okay, butch, i'm gonna go deal with the overseer," she said, patting his shoulder. "go do... whatever you want. go fucking wild. no one in here, or out there, cares."

"thanks?" butch watched her walk past him. gwen stopped when she got to the door.

"if you do get out, though," she said, "i live in this house in megaton. right at the entrance. you can't miss it. you're - and i can't believe i'm saying this - welcome there."

butch felt warmth bloom in his chest. it felt weird and gross, but not unwelcome. he smiled at her. she smiled back. and then she was gone.

[sirfrogsworth]

Just got back from the movie. The theater was in the middle of this hipster village type deal. Trendy shops and a wine bar.

I walked into the Alamo Drafthouse and the people at the front just kinda looked at me as I walked by. I had my ticket ready on my phone, but no one scanned it or looked at it. I don't know if it is always like that, but maybe next time I should try not buying a ticket and see what happens.

The large format fancy theater was as far away from the entrance as possible. I should have brought my cane. But I made it okay. It was indeed large and fancy. The seats were very comfortable and had electric reclining. There was also a button to summon a waiter which felt very high tech. And he would duck down super low as he walked in front of everyone. He looked like a penguin scurrying along. I ordered a pizza and it showed up just in time for the movie. It was pretty tasty.

The video quality was fine. I honestly didn't see a huge difference with the 4K laser projector, but the large screen was nice. I might be spoiled by my fancy HDR, 2000 nit TV. Projection just can't do that.

The front audio was much better than the last theater. Very clear voices. But the bass was a little boomy. Unfortunately I think they calibrate the audio for when there are more people there. 100+ humans in a space add a lot of absorption and diffusion. But there were maybe 8 people total and there wasn't anything to suck up the bass.

The Atmos was not even noticeable except in one or two scenes. That was disappointing. Atmos was one of the main reasons I chose that theater. I don't know if they skipped getting a Dolby calibrator or something. The side speakers were audible, but the ceiling speakers never made themselves known. Not even in the thunderstorm scene.

The ceilings were extremely high, so I'm wondering if the speakers were just too far away. Inverse square law would dictate they would need a lot of power and volume to cover that distance. This is probably why Dolby officially certifies theaters and this wasn't one of them.

This is what a front speaker in a theater looks like. There are usually at least 3 of them. Bigger spaces might do an array of 6--all behind the screen.

That is 7 feet tall, 200 pounds, and takes 3000 watts of power.

And you'll usually have 3 of these dual 18" subwoofers.

These beasts require 4000 watts of power and are also 200 pounds.

A typical theater Atmos speaker is like this.

About 30 inches tall and handles 350 watts.

All of those speakers have to cover about the same distance. Meaning the ceiling speakers were at a major size and power disadvantage.

So I think the theater was too big and too tall for Atmos to work effectively. You probably have to trade off a big screen or good sound. I'm going to try an official Dolby theater next time to see the difference.

The movie itself was okay. Maybe a 6 out of 10. A few good laughs, some fun action, but the humor was very hit and miss.

Now, I'm not just saying this because they are a creep, but Ezra is just... a lot. They do their funny jokey thing and it gets old very fast. It was okay when they were a side character, but when they are leading a movie, it fizzles. And then there is a second Ezra in the movie and they do the funny jokey thing turned up to 11.

Way too much Ezra.

But then Michael Keaton enters and he's just fantastic. I got such a rush of nostalgia from the 1989 Batman. That was probably my favorite movie for a good 3 years. 8 year old me was so happy to see my first Batman again. They even forced him to do some super cringe fanservice lines--and he nailed them.

He was like, "I'm going to take this bullshit line and make it awesome. Because I'm the goddamn Batman."

And Sasha Calle as Supergirl was also excellent. Though she was very underutilized. But if they can keep her, I think she could be a fan favorite.

The big complaint about The Flash has been the CGI. And I would say 75% of the CGI was great. There was a reveal of the Batwing that looked stunning. Supergirl flying was great. The vehicles were great. All of the invisible effects like backgrounds and set extensions were flawless. There was a big car chase that looked decent. There were plenty of top notch VFX in this movie. And I think the artists should be proud of those.

The stuff that didn't work was mostly just because the situations were unrealistic or the art direction was poorly done or they just didn't spend enough time polishing the effect.

When they animated Micheal Keaton doing jumpy flippy ninja moves, it didn't sell perfectly. And the speed and power of the Kryptonions was not nearly as well done as in Man of Steel.

But I know why people said the CGI was terrible. Though I don't actually think it was the CGI that was bad. I'm pretty sure they just made a poor aesthetic choice. Flash goes into the Speedforce and they cleary wanted to make it trippy and otherworldly. I don't think they were going for photorealism. I think they intentionally wanted everything to be in the uncanny valley. Unfortunately the style they chose looked more like a video game.

They were trying to do a Dr. Strange type effect and it just didn't work. It ended up being more... Lawnmower Man.

The only truly terrible effects were CG renders of people they couldn't get to do proper cameos because they were fired or were dead. Usually you need a 3D scan to do a CG double and it's hard to do that on dead people. The best was Admiral Tarkin in Rogue One, but they spent months and months on that.

CG Henry Cavill was probably the worst effect in the entire film and I'm guessing that really pissed people off.

The Flash running also looked bad, but that was 100% because Ezra Miller runs like a goof.

I have no idea why they run like that, but it looks so dumb and ruins the speed effect. Like, if you took them out and put someone running normally into the effect, it would have looked super neat.

And the only other VFX that didn't quite work was these slow motion falling babies. They looked photorealistic, but something about animating a falling baby in slow motion did not look right. Again, I don't think this was bad CGI. I think it was just a visual that was impossible to make realistic.

I know that sounds like a lot of bad effects, but that was every bad effect out of 2000+ total. Maybe 15 shots out of those 2000 were memorably bad. But the bad shots are always the most memorable and I guess that is why you don't hear folks talking about all of the flawless ones.

If you do see this movie and you haven't heard Kevin Smith's Superman story, you definitely should watch that first. Because the best gag in the movie will go over your head otherwise.

Sooooo, yeah... that was my night at the movies. On the drive there I got to see the Arch and downtown and it was beautiful. And on the drive home, Google decided to take me through every spooky ass neighborhood in St. Louis at midnight.

FUN!

[creature-featurez]

omg can i know ab betty and simon bc i also have one with like multiple parties at once im curious...

hello!!! sorry this took forever to answer (and for the... absolute novel that is the answer) this is surprisingly a very loaded question LMAOOO also sorry if i misinterpreted the question... i realized halfway through that you may have been asking something completely different...

putting under a [read more] to avoid being a terribly long post on the dash

First, I know you don't have a lot of knowledge on Adventure Time lore (at least I think..) so I'll probably be going on several smaller tangents and explanations of things so that the rest of what I explain makes sense. :3 If I get off topic, that's proooobably why. Second, the first "arc" of Reader's (my oc for anyone new here) story is heavily inspired by this fic, though I am currently rewriting it to be a bit more separate, and all of the later arcs are completely original. I like giving credit where credit is due, however.

OKAY! So now back to the actual question LMAO

In Adventure Time, there is a great war among humans somewhere in the 90's-2000's. It's a nuclear war that wipes out most of humanity and leaves a lot of radioactivity around, essentially creating an apocalypse for any surviving humans. In my au, this war takes place sometime in the late 90's. The seeds for Reader and Simon being in a relationship exist as early as the early 90's, though circumstances regarding the both of them being unable to further their education together prevent it from ever really going anywhere. Reader (who is still female presenting) struggles to keep up in the very male dominated field of anthropology and archaeology in the 90's while Simon easily finds his footing in doctorate programs. (He's cis in this au sorry Simon.. it just makes the most narrative sense.) Reader eventually loses contact with Simon as they drift away from each other and this is around the time that Reader goes missing, finding an ancient shrine and making a deal with a deity to survive the upcoming war. This is about 3 years before the nuclear fallout from the war. Meanwhile, Simon and Betty have met and the canon events of Fionna & Cake / Adventure Time are playing out for them! They find the Enchiridion (a magic book Simon was looking for to prove his studies on magical relics isn't bullshit), fall in love, get engaged, and this is around the time Simon loses contact with Reader. And then Reader's family reaches out to Simon. Reader has been missing and no one can find them. Betty comforts Simon during this time, but there isn't really much anyone can do. Eventually Simon finds the crown and becomes cursed, and Betty time travels 1000 years into the future to help save him like in the show. And we're back with Reader! Who accidentally overslept surviving the war by 800 years. They wake up and realize very quickly that they are (1) no longer human and (2) definitely not in the 20th century anymore... After a while they also learn they are immortal. About 200 years later, Reader is a successful healer, using 20th century medical practices and whatever they can find in centuries old texts. They've gotten quite the reputation as many families have been using their practice for generations, and rumors have spread that they can cure even curses (much to Reader's chagrin). This is when Betty, who is now going insane desperately trying to save Simon, visits their shop. Of course, when Betty learns that Reader can't, in fact, cure curses, she's pissed. They get into a big fight and Betty is banned from Reader's shop. The two don't interact again by the time Betty actually does save Simon from being cursed as the Ice King, and Reader never puts 2-and-2 together. To make a very long explanation a very short one, Betty saves Simon by fusing with a chaos deity named Golb, becoming Golbetty. She then returns to this void between universes, leaving Simon once again mortal but now all alone. 12 years later, Simon and Reader reconnect! They slowburn fall in love, but Simon isn't really over Betty, esp when it comes to wanting to save her. Simon is trying to reach Golbetty through an ancient shrine, but Reader is completely unaware of this. Reader is left in the dark when it comes to a lot about Betty, actually, but respects Simon's privacy. The two of them settle into life together after reconnecting after 1000 years, both having long accepted the other died in the 90's, and things seem okay for the most part...

WE'VE HIT ARC 2 WHO CHEERED

Okay so things aren't all that okay. Turns out becoming a weird pseudohuman fucks with your self-image and connection to humanity, who would have thunk! This isn't anything new for Reader, who already associated their being nonbinary/transmasc with being turned into a creature shortly upon settling in the Land of Ooo (tho: author's note, they were always nonbinary, it's just hard to accept that when you're already struggling to make a life for yourself in a male dominated career in the 90's. Reader is mega-coping.) But reconnecting with Simon kind of made it... worse. Sure, Simon was cursed for a while but he got out of it mostly human, where Reader is very much not human. They find themself comparing how they once were to how they are now and feeling inadequate for Simon. Simon tries his best to help, but there's only really so much he can do. Things only get worse when a witch comes along who claims to know exactly what kind of creature Reader is. Reader is a golb-beast, a rare (often only thought to be mythical) creature created by being cursed, or in some interpretations blessed, by Golb. Reader is the only one of their kind known in existence, and this witch worships Golb. Knowing magic, she is able to manipulate Reader's curse so that they attack Simon, almost killing him, and in the chaos of everything she kidnaps Reader. The captor (I need to name her..) has a mansion that is decorated with statues and artwork of Golb, think Catholic cathedrals, and she initially locks Reader in the basement where she has a dungeon of sorts. She's kind of really fucked up and treats Reader like an exotic pet she tamed rather than a sentient human and even goes as far as to only let them eat raw meat it's crazy. Reader keeps up hope that Simon will come for them but the captor tells them (a lie) that Simon ran away from them when they attacked him. He's scared of Reader being a beast and won't be coming back for them. While Reader doesn't believe this at first... the longer they're trapped the more doubt starts to set in. Meanwhile Simon is actually losing his mind trying to find Reader after healing from his wounds, but to little avail. It takes months before he even gets a real lead. Eventually he is able to rescue Reader but in the chaos a fire starts. A statue of Golb falls and crushes the captor, killing her instantly while Reader watches. It should feel good but... Reader is emotionally crushed. It takes them a long time to get used to being back in the normal world again. There's a lot more I didn't cover here bc it isn't too important to Reader and Simon specifically, but there's a lot Reader has to overcome. This entire situation really sets them back on feeling human and accepting themself as they are. This time, Simon can't even seem to really help them when they're at their worst.

(continued in a reblog bc apparently i flew too close to the sun with this post...)

[monsteraaureaqueen]

How Carmen got *those* arms.

(Reposting my Reddit comment from r/TheBear, because people seem to like it. I fleshed it out... much like Jeremy Allen White's biceps, ha)

By the time Carmen got to middle school, the verbal taunting and teasing the slight, daydreamy little boy had always endured from his classmates started getting physical.

When 13-year-old Carmy came home from school, shirt torn and eye blackening for the third or maybe fourth time, Mikey decided Mom's fussing and smothering and angry calls to the school weren't going to get anything done.

He had to toughen Carmy up, or at least help him be less of a target. He decided to start with the very basics: he took the kid out to the garage, where Mikey still kept the weight set that wouldn't fit in his crap apartment, and taught him the basics.

That's been... Jesus, twenty years ago now, but Carmy's kept it up ever since. The math is simple: short and jacked is, you know, better than just short, any day of the week.

(And God knows cardio is out of the question; if Carmy dared attempt a run along the lake or some such bullshit, he'd probably collapse and die about 200 yards in. Fuck, the cigarettes are doing a number on him and he's old enough now to feel it, the hack and the rasp and the sluggishness. But he doesn't know how to even think about quitting. Even though it's terrible for him in every way, even starting to blunt his palate, just a little but he knows, he can tell. He just can't fucking do this without nicotine, without the blessed ephemeral relief of cold, fresh air and the flick of a lighter, the inhale, the rush. He just...not now. Maybe someday. But not now.)

He does it in his living room, before work, at an ungodly early hour. He has the most barebones setup imaginable - a set of adjustable dumbbells and a doorway chin up bar. He does the most absolute basic routine: Chest presses, shoulder presses, rows, biceps, triceps, chin-ups, lunges, abs. Heaviest he can handle, to failure, 20 minutes max. He actually kind of hates it, but he does it every other day before work, even if he wakes up exhausted (which is daily), even if he didn't sleep at all. He does it no matter what. Because he committed to it. He hates it, but it's part of who he is and what he does. That's the kind of guy he is.

And because Mikey taught him this, taught him this to help him, to protect him. So even though Carmy hates the tedium and the pointlessness of it, every time he lifts one of those stupidly heavy barbells while it's still dark outside and everything in him wants to put it down... somewhere in that place below conscious thought, it reminds Carmen that his big brother once loved him.

[purplemys]

Inuyasha Rant/Rambling

I think it would have been cool to see Izayoi outside of being sad, dead or a damsel in distress. She could have been given much better substance.

I would have loved to see what her and Inuyasha's lives were like pre-death. Wiki says she died of natural causes. It can't possibly be old age because discounting the 3rd movie, Inuyasha ages like any human would. (If anyone says otherwise, that would make him way older than not only Kagome, but Kikyou too.) He was 9 - 10 years old when she died. Then this would mean sickness? Would have been nice to see Inuyasha's last days with her or how her family treats her... Ya know...to make me care more...

Some alternative deaths I have in the back of my mind,

a) getting killed by a rival demon of Toga's to show that yes, she was always in danger by mere association, let alone having the child of a Demon General/King. At that point, getting murdered by a demon might as well be a natural cause of death at the feudal era.

b) The house/estate got stormed by a hate mob because she's "impure" or a major target by other demons. She was either disowned or her family legit just fell into ruins. Either way, nobody would protect her. Wouldn't it be so tragic if it was humans who killed Inuyasha's mom instead of just demons? There's so many ways to make all this (TogaxIzayoi story, InuKik,Inuyasha learning to trust humans again) so much more heartwrenching. Inuyasha rarely mentions her in both the manga and the anime. At least in the anime, he mentioned her to Kikyou once which was nice but that's about it. In the manga, she didn't even have a name or a face.

I think it would have been cool to see Kikyou outside of being sad, undead or a damsel in distress.

No, but seriously, there could have been better ways to write Kikyou's character than what we have been given. For all the shit I say about the characters I hate (like Kikyou and Hawks), at the end of the day, I appreciate the concept/attempt. They're like stylized bottles with little canon substance in them.

Kikyou, self-insert or not, she's integral to the plot- to Inuyasha's life. Now how would I rather the story have gone when it comes to Kikyou?

A) They should have written her relationship with Inuyasha way better.

or

B) She should have remained a major antagonist.

or

C) Let the characters (who always call one another out on their bullshits mind you) call her out on her shitty actions during her redemption.

or

Better yet, A + B (since her being an antagonist, getting called out should be a given) or we keep the plot as is but with a bonus C!

With Option A, it should fix the major issues I have with InuKik: a)Their dynamic and how it's inherently in Kikyou's favor. b)Their mutual distrust of each other. c)The lack of intimacy outside of being romantic/sexual partners.

a)Their dynamic and how it's inherently in Kikyou's favor.

Socially: Inuyasha was an outcast from having no family (they're either dead or hate him), being homeless, and worst of all, being a half-demon. In contrast, we have Kikyo, who is a priestess of high status, she is loved, she is legendary, she is powerful (if she killed him upon their first meeting, no one would care).

Mentally: Kikyo in canon, is not only regarded as older, she is meant to be wiser. She was educated, trained, and was (supposed to be) smart. Inuyasha by contrast was very likely homeschooled, sheltered and never had any of the social interactions Kikyo would have had. Inuyasha is said to be physically 15, if said to be 200 years old. Okay. Based on what I said about his actual aging in canon, he is 15 years old. Kikyo should have known this, yes? She met this young social outcast who was hated by both man and demon and thought "Yeah, ask him to be human. That solves both our problems and we can be happy!" But would it have worked?

But before all that, why would Kikyou specifically want the jewel gone?

"She wants to be a normal woman." Okay, but what even is normal in a world full of demons, witches, and other supernatural entities? "She doesn't want to be the guardian of a jewel that grants immeasurable power, that puts her life at stake more than usual." Fair enough, but I raise you this, her life was already at stake all the time anyway simply by being a powerful priestess (Midoriko for example). Inuyasha was even helping her guard the jewel which was barely kept safe.... at a shrine in the middle of the village... why was it just placed on an altar. I don't know. I won't touch it.

Now, Kikyo has been robbed of a regular childhood just by being born a priestess. I'll giver her that. She's way too young, even by their standards, to be burdened by a life-threatening job. Which begs the question, why does Inuyasha have to bear the consequences of that? He was already helping her, protecting her and her village. She proposed the idea of him being human, leaving himself vulnerable, leaving something he was born with, just to conform with society- and what changes with her? She already admitted she's just going to live as a priestess without the threat of the jewel. That's something so heavy to leave on him -

(I had to check what she actually said and it was just "I will be an ordinary woman." See earlier point. Wishing him to be human doesn't suddenly rid her of her powers, she'd still be a priestess regardless lest they elope which was never stated or implied. I mean, she could have dropped her position as priestess ? But it was never stated or implied what she meant. Honestly that proposal between her and Inuyasha didn't feel like a proper conversation between lovers who planned to eventually marry.)

Which now leads to my next point, it wouldn't have worked.

(Disregarding the possible implications of the jewel being destroyed had they just burned the jewel inside Midoriko's mummified corpse, or if not, just sealed the entire cave with Kikyo's powers that came next to Midoriko's.)

The jewel, at least in the anime, was finally gone due to "the right wish" - Kagome's selfless wish. The Shikon Jewel got tainted by any sort of impure, selfish desire, yes? The mere inkling of jealousy, hate, and envy was enough to taint the jewel. While I think Kikyou just wanted that jewel gone and never to see Inuyasha again. I'll entertain the idea for the sake of my argument. Kikyou's supposed wishes on the jewel were (in the first case, was going to wish)

1) "For Inuyasha to be human." - The main motivations for this wish aren't inherently awful but it's still questionable at best. Inuyasha clearly hesitated and she insisted that this wish will lead to them living normal lives. Inuyasha clearly dislikes being human - being weak, vulnerable, and essentially unreliable during an attack lest he trains to be a soldier afterwards, and even then that's not going to stop demons who just know what he looks/smells like-he'd be dead. To end this point, this clearly benefits her more than it does him. That's clearly still selfish.

(Even if Inuyasha was fully into it, that wish is still by all technicality, self-serving, - a wish tainted by possible feelings of resentment and loneliness, only to be somehow "fixed" by conforming to a world that clearly hates him.)

2) Supposedly, "Kikyo wished to see Inuyasha again" and that somehow manifested into Kagome being born with the jewel. I'll lightly entertain the idea that that wish is what caused the jewel to be recreated and brought back to the feudal era. That wish is still very much self-serving. It is what she wants, after she "killed" or sealed her supposed loved one. You really can't ask for someone back after you did that to them. (This is ignoring the fact that the narrative wasn't even sure what happened back there. She aimed to kill. Then he was sealed because "she didn't want to kill him." Then the story says "she followed him to death." Which. Was. It.

This leads me to my next point, relating to her wish. Kikyo clearly had a basis of what the right wish could have been. She wouldn't have suggested that wish to Inuyasha if she didn't know what constituted as a wrong wish, right? "She wasn't sure actually, cut her some slack!" Then why would she want to test her idea out on Inuyasha, who she supposedly cared about. She knew the jewel was dangerous and likely twisted any wish the user had based on any sign of impurity.

Why use it on Inuyasha?

What, because he was desperate enough to let her.

b) Their mutual distrust of each other.

Inuyasha didn't trust her enough to know that she wouldn't just suddenly fire arrows at him the exact day they promised to seal their fate together. He didn't even bother checking her scent- very important, mind you. It's actually evident post-resurrection that he didn't even put it past her to keep hurting him. With Kagome, he always doubted if she could ever actually hate him. I think it is also note-worthy to point out that after thinking Kikyou betrayed him with those warning arrows, he never bothered to sought her out, hurt her, confront her or anything, just snatch the jewel, sack the place then run.

Kikyou didn't even bother checking the aura of the person who she thought was Inuyasha. This man fought for you, helped protect you and your people, always made the effort to get closer to you, even agreed with your questionable plan, ready to abandon half of his identity to be with you, and you didn't once think "Hey. Something ain't right."

"They were fooled! Naraku was cunning! The disguises looked real!" Naraku can't hide scent and aura! These two "lovers" lived in an era where shapeshifting demons who want them both dead were a thing and they never thought it could happen? This lack of acknowledgement ties into another point I have.

c)The lack of intimacy outside of being romantic/sexual partners.

So they didn't trust each other enough and it was barely given proper acknowledgement and introspection. What did they have going for them outside of the kissing and being social outcasts "together"?

Well, they went out on a boat ride together. Sat nearby each other whenever they were barely talking. Didn't talk about much and it was about loneliness and about the jewel. (minus the one time they had brief mention of Inuyasha's parents and Kikyou even apologized for damaging his robe.) She asked him to bathe with her once. Don't know the rest.

They could have literally talked about anything else of substance. Inuyasha's Mom, Kikyo's parents, Kaede, the villagers, places they've been,Favorite Food, people they've faced, Onigumo, The looming threat of being ambushed by shapeshifters, nasty bandits, their hobbies outside of what they do, their education, the topic of how their marriage would be, what their life would be like, where would they go- literally anything else?

"That's the point! It's tragic and sad and they didn't have enough time! It was cut short because of Naraku-"

Tragic implies inevitability of the awful thing that will happen. e.g. A forbidden relationship being found out, put to the test and despite doing their damndest, one or both of them die.

Kikyou for some fucking reason, never bothered to tell Inuyasha of this Onigumo (who lusts for her mind you). Inuyasha never bothered to be more open about not liking being human. The both of them not even bothering to try giving the other benefit of the doubt.

"That's the point! They're immature! They were desperate and needed each other's company!" That's not love. That's infatuation at best and unhealthy at worst. I wouldn't mind you know, if they (the narrative and characters) just treated it as such. Say so, they were lonely and just needed someone and it happened to be each other. Now why would you want to marry someone you're not emotionally intimate with, let alone you barely trust?

How Can All These Be Fixed:

1) Have Inuyasha and Kikyou have simple scenes of bonding outside of being angsty teenagers. Kikyou was capable of playing with kids, so she's probably somewhat fun. Apply that to Inuyasha then. Yeah, "but that's childish!" Let the young people have fun- eat together, play board games, stargaze, talk gossip, literally anything lighthearted, please. The atmosphere around Inuyasha and Kikyou always felt so heavy. Not even in a somber, melancholic way. More of "Do these people even really enjoy each other's company?"

So there was one scene that wasn't shown enough of and when I read it, I really like it: The origin of the subjugation beads. Kikyou decided not to kill him after finding out he was after the jewel. Made the beads and was about to trick him to wear them as a present but decided not to give them to him when he suddenly gave her his late mother's shell of rouge, which she likely felt touched by. Questionable, even she admitted it. If she gave it, she should have confessed to it and never use it- kept it as a necklace gift. Either way, that, that kind of moment is honestly cute. Plus, the mention of his parents I stated earlier. :)

Should have had them courting each other with presents and late night talks instead of whatever the anime gave us.

2) Have Kikyou try any other way of making Inuyasha welcome in society instead aiming for what honestly should have been a final, desperate attempt.

Inuyasha did not like being human. Simple. Kikyou should have known this, yes? Nope. Because Inuyasha never showed himself to her as a human. Never told her about. He was never around long enough for her to even come close to seeing him human. Because he didn't like being vulnerable around her or anyone for that matter. Come to think of it, their "relationship" properly "developed" because Inuyasha for once felt compassion towards her. Kikyou started the entire meeting thing because she felt confident, arrogant even, that's he's just a half demon she doesn't need to kill. Alright, fine. Standard "They didn't like each other at first because of obvious reasons." Then she felt some sympathy when she found out that Inuyasha's parents were interracial and both deceased. Okay, nice development. Then it ends there. That's the best they could do with them. Basic remorse and sympathy. For all the months that Inuyasha stayed at that village, Kikyou didn't even invite him to stay inside with her and Kaede. The attempt. The mere offer would have been nice. Kikyou should have at least made more of an effort to integrate Inuyasha into the villages (she had influence over them). Inuyasha only seemed to matter to the villagers when he's needed for a fight or when he's feared.

I would understand if Kikyou and Inuyasha wanted to be rid of their respective powers if they actually tried to be normal and the villagers just did not like them being together. But no, Kikyou tried being normal for a day, playing with kids which for some reason, she only started doing when Inuyasha was around because "she felt more human with him" or something. Yeah but why though? What's the difference with Inuyasha around and him gone, in regards to her duties at the village? Fine, say Kikyou did feel softer and kinder when Inuyasha came because it's the first time she had to actually feel sympathy for someone who isn't human. Why hammer in that Kikyou pre-Inuyasha was kind, caring, and loved by all? Wouldn't it have made sense to write her being colder to everyone except Kaede, at the beginning, feared even but she started changing with Inuyasha which could lead to the people being more accepting of half demons?

Fine- if you don't like that option and that Kikyou had always been an open-minded, kind, smart person, why not use that influence to make Inuyasha an equal. A hero. "Oh she didn't trust him enough for that." or "The society will never like Inuyasha even if she said anything."

Currently, Inuyasha's respected in the world by doing what he does best and it was helping people, slaying demons and protecting the weak. Something he was already doing pre-seal anyways. It's baffling that there wasn't even an attempt to take him everywhere as her bodyguard and to spread that positive message to all the villages that not all demons were evil.

Could they have thought she was bewitched? Probably. But it seems Kikyou's word was gospel to the lot of them. The attempt would have been good.

3) Kikyou should have died any other way, caused by Naraku.

The only way this whole ordeal felt "tragic" was because of the curse Tsubaki placed on Kikyou (weird plot-convenient curse she had there). What was her fucking plan really? Just hope that Kikyou was gonna eventually fall in love? What if she didn't? What then? Kill her? Why not do that to begin with? Kikyou knew all this actually and just vowed to never fall in love but later in the anime she managed to deflect a curse and turn it on Tsubaki? Is there no way to counter the initial curse? She's much more powerful! But the reason why this was never properly dealt with was because it would be convenient for the plot for Kikyou to just die because of Inuyasha. And he didn't even know about all this until later on , if I recall correctly.

If we took that whole thing with Tsubaki out, we would have been left with Naraku's scheme. (Which is what I grew up knowing about, I only knew of the curse now. I was just told her power would diminish when she fell in love, which is bullshit because Kagome never had that problem and Kikyo's powers didn't weaken by that much. So apparently ist was a curse. Huh.)

"But Naraku's whole M.O is manipulating and tricking people!" It's one of them sure, but Naraku is also ruthless when it came to his attacks. Should have went with that route instead of them falling for an obvious trap that pretty much proved how shallow their "love" for each other was.

In this new version, since Inuyasha and Kikyou are an actual couple, they wouldn't have been fooled by obvious trickery and Inuyasha would have known about Onigumo- this leaves the options of possession/puppetry, trapping them both in an illusion, and or just straight up killing Kikyou while Inuyasha was lured elsewhere. But if we insist that she had to have been killed while he was transformed as Inuyasha, just to fuck with her, then at least have her know that it wasn't him but someone she isn't sure of (condition being she's not aware Onigumo has a thing for her) , wishing that Inuyasha would avenge her. Inuyasha, upon finding out that he's been lured to somewhere else (something that can happen, like with Mt. Hakurei) or tricked, and Kikyou had been killed, yeah, he's out for vengeance. The way he could be sealed was if Naraku then uses Kikyou as a disguise to attack him then get Tsubaki to do the seal. With the first one, since Inuyasha knows Kikyou is well, dead, it leaves who could possibly be out for the both of them (not immediately thinking it's Onigumo since last he checked, the man was a critically injured human who has no relationship connection to either of them). With the second, Tsubaki gets to fuck with them both because she's always hated Kikyou and wanted to one-up her. There, you have your tragic lovers who deserve to be together and get revenge for what happened to them.

Option A + B

This is the one where Kikyou doesn't get redeemed. Fast forward to Kikyou being resurrected because the hag thought she could do something with that. She's bones, gravel, spite and hatred incarnate. And she should have stayed that way. I adore the idea that had Kikyou been written to be good and then upon being dug up, turned into this awful husk of a person who just resented the living.

You can't have both the likeable, kind, sympathetic Kikyou while she goes around hurting people, stealing souls, scaring kids, helping Naraku, killing someone with her powers-an innocent human at that.

She goes on resenting Kagome, who is an unwilling participant in this love triangle, a 15 y.o who actively helps Kikyou and Inuyasha. (The manga is littered with Kikyou pointing out that Inuyasha was hers to heal and keep. I'm not against the idea of Kikyou coming back as this vindictive spirit but they should have acknowledged that. Not even her sister acknowledged it. Kikyou legit went "Inuyasha's gentler now. When he wasn't with me. She's healing his heart. I should have been the one to do that." and Kaede just went "Kagome is a strange child." Maybe tell her to not be so possessive? Yeah I know she looks a tiny bit like Kikyou but damn, she was willing to murder a child.) She goes around hurting the people she used to care about (Kaede, Inuyasha), hurting the people Inuyasha cares about (Kagome, the gang) and this creates heavy impactful angst! Because if they were an actually happy couple and this happened with Kikyou, then it comes down to Inuyasha's "She's no longer the woman I loved. She's a danger to the people around her and herself. Her soul needs to be put to rest." And then you have her die once, at the end to finally give her closure with Naraku and Inuyasha. I would have cried if that was the case.

and Option C, the one where she gets redemption.

I hate the love triangle because of how convoluted it is. Inuyasha looks like a fickle cheater at times, Kikyou clearly hates Kagome, and Kagome is just in it, trying to be the bigger person for the both of them and not fucking die.

If we kept the entire story as is, the least they could have done was acknowledged how awful Kikyou was to Kagome, Kohaku, Kaede, and a lot more people.

Her bullshit plan using the jewels to give Naraku a new body and then destroying him, along with the jewel was so ridiculous, not even counting the lives ruined in the process.

Would that arc have been solved if the characters just acknowledged that she was being shitty? No. Because that also needs to be coupled with her owning up to her mistakes.

She never owned or admitted to trying to kill Kagome, Inuyasha, and Kohaku. She never took accountability for being such a liability in during battle. She never owned up to the fact that she was absolute trash to her boyfriend, trying to drag him to hell, making him for guilty for even finding happiness with another woman, nevermind not even sure if they were dating, just chalking her up to "her replacement". She always had to be right and pitied on and that was so infuriating.

I think I'm getting a headache. Lets move on.

Now to fix the redemption, with Writing A + a bit of B.

Rewind back to Kikyou being resurrected, she's spiteful and bitter and the resentment is now personal, focused on Inuyasha, Kaede and most of all, Kagome, who she views as her replacement.

Since in this version, Kikyou knew Inuyasha didn't murder her, the hurt now comes from the fact that it seems like he moved on, with her reincarnation, and he hasn't avenged her yet. Of course she would be upset, she has every single right to be. To be a memory. To be stuck in the past. I'm gonna tear up just thinking about it.

Now where does Kagome come in all this. Nothing changes. She already actively helped Kikyou and Inuyasha in canon. She had always been understanding, the only condition being Inuyasha tells her beforehand that they will meet.

Kikyou and Kagome's relationship wasn't always just about their romance with Inuyasha. There were other things to be petty and or insecure of, like their roles as priestess, rivals of Midoriko's legacy, all that.

So here we know that Kikyou lost everything, not just her life, her beloved, she lost her position, her life's hard work, and all that went to a woman from a different time period- clearly she didn't belong here.

So there, we have the angst and drama on both sides. Kagome's insecurities trying to measure up to an amazing priestess and person, and Kikyou's insecurity of being replaced by "another her".

"But that's already canon! Kagome is an extension of Kikyou! She's her reincarnation! Wouldn't that make them the same person!"

No. I hate it when people disregard the message said and told by the narrative that Kikyou and Kagome were never and will never be interchangeable. Kagome is not Kikyou's 2nd Chance to be with Inuyasha. She's Inuyasha's 2nd Chance at Happiness. Kikyou is not Kagome from the Feudal Era. Kagome and Kikyou are two very different people.

You can make Kikyou and Kagome opposites without making the other ridiculously unlikable. (With Kikyou being so unkind and unsympathetic and Kagome being "bratty and spoiled" -according to InuKik shippers.) I don't have to put Kikyou down to prop Kagome up. The writing did that all on its own.

I'm trying to put them on an equal bar while trying to keep them with their individual personality and quirks.

Pre-Death Kikyou can be the calm, collected, intelligent, fearless one. She was mature for her age, probably overworked and never got to experience all the joys of being a teenager. (One might even add some level of paranoia that adds in to Inuyasha's protectiveness towards her and why he's so special to her. )

Kagome is the impulsive, temperamental, resourceful, brave one. She's emotional, sassy, and all around a social buttefly that got all the experience Inuyasha and Kikyou never had.

There. Complete opposites without the other being so unbearable.

Now how would Kikyou and Kagome's relationship go?

Well, only in the anime, I appreciate the attempt to make Kikyou respect Kagome. The episode was called "Kikyou and Kagome Alone in a Cave."

I would have liked this more if this wasn't one episode among multiple episodes with attempts on Kagome's life, Inuyasha's life, Kohaku's... Ugh.

For this version, she can probably try killing Kagome once because she was newly resurrected and "there can only be one of us." Kagome immediately tells Inuyasha this and this obviously angers Inuyasha which Kikyou then accuses him of actually replacing her. This drama causes a rift between the two that has nothing to do with Naraku or them being gullible or selfish because that was absolutely infuriating. Kikyou then keeps looking for ways to send Kagome back to her time (which she did in the first movie, she quoted "You don't belong here. Never return." )

Kagome clearly bottling up resentment at this point, because this undead woman whose name she has to live up to hates her, wants her boyfriend back, and just sent her back to her time. We have that scene of her realizing she loves Inuyasha but wanting to be supportive. The same goes as follows until Kagome finds her again, injured and filled with miasma after her last encounter with Naraku.

Kikyou, still bitter at this point, wandering around, stealing souls to stay "alive", looking for Naraku, just sees this girl and gets defensive. Kagome, having decided to be the bigger person and be sympathetic, offers to help Kikyou. Kikyou obviously taken aback, begrudgingly accepts this.

Kagome leaves the situation with more pity and sympathy for this woman she barely knows, and maybe some perspective. Kikyou isn't immune to mistakes and getting injured. It's okay to not live up to her right away. Kikyou leaves the situation with newfound respect because if it was the other way around, would she have helped? Would she have set aside her resentment to help someone again? If she didn't, what would that make her? Was she always this vindictive beneath the surface? Without the expectations of being the mature older sister/priestess, would she be selfish? Kikyou should have pondered stuff like that in that state.

Because Kikyou is supposed to be smart and self-aware.

Maybe have Kikyou want to get to know Kagome personally-? Maybe earn her trust back?

Now what happens to their relationship with Inuyasha involved? Kikyou now having more respect for her reincarnation, should actually stick around to see her and Inuyasha in action, maybe even try to help out, see what their dynamic is like, maybe kinda see if Kagome's better than her or not. This drama is better than the constant Inuyasha running off to see Kikyou and Kagome being jealous even though Kagome stated outright that them seeing each other was not the issue, it was them going behind her back.

Okay, so I love Kagome and InuKag but this needs to be stated, they were all did dirty. Kagome and Kikyou's potentially complex relationship was boiled down to relationship drama.

How Do We Fix The Love Triangle?

Easy. It ceases to exist. Let Inuyasha, Kikyou, and Kagome have a proper friendship and talk about their situation. The common argument neutral parties have about the love triangle is that "Inuyasha cares about them both equally!" I'd believe you if it didn't feel like InuKag + Kikyou attempting to homewreck an already good relationship.

"The Love Triangle was integral to the plot!"

It was a fucking parasite is what it was.

"But what is the drama of these three if not the romance?"

Insecurities, Duties, Mortality, Regrets, Expectations, Trauma, Loss, and Competition, among other things. The feudal era is a goldmine of drama and angst and you want to settle for this weird trite?

Inuyasha's main conflict in the series was avenging Kikyou and getting a happy ending for himself and Kagome. Great. Cool. But that damn love triangle made it seem like it was a 'who did he love more' then proceeded to show that Kikyou was awful and Kagome really just was the better choice.

Now, with this version, what is the main conflict, if he and Kikyou were indeed happy and Kagome is there, the new girlfriend... well, it is letting go of the past and moving forward.

Kikyou is quite literally dead. Kaede, Inuyasha, her village mourned her 50 years ago. Next thing she knew, she was conscious- made from clay and bones. The world move on without her and that, she never had a say or fault in any of what happened- to her, it was like days ago (since Inuyasha did not age) You can't even fault Inuyasha for this if they were happy. The tragedy lies now in what they never got to and never will finish.

Kikyou's clay body maintains itself from souls of dead women. Wether she takes them or her body's just a magnet for them, up for debate. Either way that is not sustainable and she's taking souls from strangers, not letting their souls to move on and rest.

"But the relationship was supposed to be flawed and exploitable and that's tragic!"

You're asking people to care about two people who barely care about each other beyond the bare minimum.

If the goal was to make them flawed but believable why did they have to crank up the problems to 20?! If Inuyasha and Kikyou were meant to be individuals with serious deep-seated issues, why not bring that up, lets talk about that. Address it. But nah, the story kept flip-flopping between calling it an undying tragic romance and a betrayal that somehow stemed from a lack of trust. Feeling betrayed ≠ Not having any trust in that person.

"It's like enemies to lovers where they don't trust each other completely!"

First off, there's no ideology/authority that makes a human dating a demon illegal. The exception is priests and monks because they're spiritual heads who are tasked to killing demons so yeah it would be highly questionable. For the demons, having intercourse with a human isn't really unheard of because they already see humans as lesser, be it entertainment or ya know, food. They raise eyebrows when the demon in question falls in love and makes an offspring. The point I'm trying to make is that they were never actual enemies and the story never painted them as such. Their description in canon is "tragic lovers". Also, the proper taboo here is it being interracial.

Inuyasha himself has no personal grudge against Kikyou at the start because why would he? He never had the intention of hurting or killing her because Inuyasha never harmed humans out of fun or spite. Kikyou, it's just business. Her job was to protect the jewel. She did so.

End of this segment, just brought it up in case someone tries to justify why two "lovers" didn't trust each other to not get attacked by the other.

Now for my final thoughts, there was a point in time that I was a fan of Kikyou's design, her aura, all that. I even drew her nonstop at that period. Same goes for Hawks actually. But why inflate what actually happened in canon? For all the fun what-ifs, could-bes, this is what we have. This is what is shown and told to us. I'm more of a show and tell person and but if I had to choose, it should be Show. Kikyou's pretty design doesn't really mask the fact that she's underdeveloped and written like scribbles on cardboard.

Miscellaneous things to mention before someone brings it up:

1) Kagome's final wish on the jewel was selfless because of her very personal motivations at the beginning and at the end of the story. Kagome stayed to help collect the shikon shards because she felt personally resposible for it shattering. Kagome didn't have to, really. She didn't know these people, even worse, they were 500 years ago. They'd still be long gone when she returns home to her normal life. But no, she selflessly stayed to help fix the mess she accidentally made trying to fulfill Kikyou's shoes. Now, at the middle of the story, friends and all. What did Kagome specifically have to lose if she walked away from the fight, with Kikyou back to do her job? Her pride? Her job of filling in for Kikyou? Inuyasha? Yeah, true. But those are still things she started without. What did Kagome have at the start of the story that she never would have lost if she walked away- her family, and her life at the modern era. She personally had nothing to lose at the end of the day by wishing for the jewel to disappear. (The wish was anime only. The manga states Kagome will fight in Midoriko's place eventually which yikes...)

"Kagome wished for the jewel so she could stop fighting because the jewel hurt her friends and so many more people!"

Yeah. Other people. Not her, specifically. She chose to fight. She didn't have to. She had no obligation to. "She didn't belong in that era." Kagome had nothing to gain from the jewel's power- no personal vengeance, no lifelong grudge to speak of. The wish benefited everyone else the most. Which is why it was the right wish to make and why Kagome was the right one to make it.

2) InuKik would not be cute or romantically tragic if Inuyasha was a girl and Kikyou was a man- it would be way too obvious it's unhealthy at best and abusive at worse.

See my points about the disparity between social status and maturity. Side tangent: Now the rich person x poor person is a common trope and the implications of abuse of power is usually sidestepped by having the poor person secretly being rich, becoming rich or the rich person losing those riches and power to be with the other. Now Kikyou and Inuyasha don't have a class problem but it's more of a position/status in society issue. Kikyou is a priestess, someone with the authority and "pass", if you will, to exterminate demons people deem dangerous. No one would care if she killed Inuyasha on first sight because who would protect this man's right to live? He had no support system, no family, friends, nothing. That itself isn't the main issue because she spared him for vague reasons. The issue now lies with her attempt to ask him to use the dangerous jewel to make a wish. If something goes array and he hurt her or anyone else, she'd have "good reason" to hurt/kill him in self-defense. Just a thought.

Kikyou has been really nasty towards Inuyasha despite him always being the one to get closer despite getting hurt. She was possessive, making him feel guilty for her death, asking him to die for her, to abandon the happiness he got from Kagome and his friends.

Now all the issues I've mentioned here and paragraphs beforehand and then genderbend that. You'd call him controlling, manipulative, selfish, abusive, yes? Because that's what she was like.

"You're reading too much into it!"

And why shouldn't I? If their relationship was so important, why shouldn't we look at it and scrutinize it?

"You're overreacting. She did reassure him that it was all Naraku's fault! He tricked them!"

- By exploiting an already weak relationship.

"InuKik was supposed to be endgame but the author of the manga was pressured to make it InuKag."

You as the author, have the power to make your story any way you want. If you're gonna upset a bunch of fans for a pairing you've written well for, better back it up with an equally well-written pairing. Leave no room to argue. No one will give you shit if it was done right. If you can somehow make a good way to write Kikyou back in and give Kagome a satisfying ending then yeah, it would be fine. Not happy for everyobe but it would have been serviceable. I'd say, if you're gonna piss the fandom off, at least do it well.

3) I'm not a mysogynist. I'm a girl and I would like to not see someone go "Ew. You're too hard on Kikyou but give Inuyasha a pass. You're just pitting two women against each other!"

I just said how Inuyasha's character was tainted by the love triangle, along with how we can have two powerful likable women and not reduce them to romantic rivals Inuyasha just had to choose from. I appreciate the "what Kagome and Kikyou offered him if he chose them" but I can totally understand how that would come off as unfair to the other party.

4) I have enjoyed fanfics with Kikyou before.

The first one. Can't remember the title but it was a ficlet about Kikyou being a narcissist. She kissed Kagome in that one because she was so entranced about Kagome being pretty. It was so weird because I don't think it was meant to be romantic. Kikyou was supposed to be self-absorbed and unsettling. This was the same woman who thought so highly to herself and told the 15 y.o stranger that she was an extension of her. Damn.

The second. It was what I suggested, maybe have Kikyou actually want to get to know Kagome. In this fic, Kikyou, after having been saved, wanted to befriend Kagome, earn her trust back. Kagome, already nice to her by default agreed to hang out and they even had friendship necklaces! :D It was a cute ending when they finally set aside the thing with Inuyasha and just talked about being girls, school, teen stuff- because Kikyou never had that so Kagome brought her presents from the modern era and I should stop rambling omg.

The third. Kikyou post-resurrection, having been rid of her duties and mortality decided that she should be more chill and carefree. The fic was half serious, half Kikyou just flirting with guys, sleeping with everyone who wasn't taken, ugly, or a minor. The fic was just fun, because it wasn't weighed by the characters not talking about the very suffocating relationship drama. Inuyasha, Kagome and Kikyou talked, remained friends, and she was over all being friendly now that yeah, she doesn't have to be crushed by the weight of responsibilities and it wasn't like she was leaving Kagome to do the work since she decided to stay with them to help out. Also, SessKik. It was just interesting.

5) The easier and more dramatic way Inuyasha could have betrayed Kikyou was to take the jewel when she handed it to him and he secretly wishes to become a full demon and then mauling her (still fulfilling thay violent death curse Tsubaki set on her). Just a thought.

6) KagKik is so fucking odd to me because Kikyou first thought Kagome to be an extension of her and then she flat out hates her. The the story thinks Kagome was Kikyou's second chance to be with Inuyasha. I don't need to tell you why it's a tad bit weird. I swear.

7) A polycule is a weird way to solve this. That takes out the tragic part of Kikyou being dead. To each their own I suppose but this should come with the condition of Kikyou being a well-written partner to begin with and Kagome being somehow okay with a three-way with her boyfriend and his undead ex girlfriend. ' - '

[fortheloveofdeaddove]

Just processing some personal struggles. Not much to see here.

Over the last week or so, I've encountered conflict of the traumatizing kind. I'm sensitive and lack a wide catalogue of coping techniques (I'm adding to that bag but it's still like... 4 main ones I use interchangeably lol), so the things I actually went through may phase others less.

My spawn has been dealing with neighborhood kid drama, of the lets-ice-one-child-out-and-doxx-their-parent variety. As far as doxxing goes, it could have been a lot worse. I received one anon text (I've already traced it) that was harassing, and it was only my phone number revealed and the video was taken down.

This was done by a 10 year old child (Child A). All because when they (Child A + Child B, C, and D) ganged up on my spawn at a birthday party last week, I marched my ass over to the house where it was happening (no adults, 1 twelve year old, the rest between 9-10), and shouted at them. I didn't cuss them out, but I shouted. In the past (over a period of four years now) I've tried lovingly counseling, firmly setting boundaries, having NO boundaries and being That House, etc etc. This is a low income neighborhood that folks are stereotyped about all the time (I live in a mobile home gotdang it, we're trailer trash out here, only THIS trailer trash takes their spawn to therapy). I've tried to extend compassion and not pigeonhole people, and I've allowed my spawn to tackle bullshit after bullshit after bullshit in hopes they would actually establish good bonds with these fucking hyenas. But this time I let them fucking have it, and yes, on a little kid's birthday party. The same little kid who my spawn spent two days planning this party for, evening making sure decorations went up because my spawn knows this kid is neglected. I scraped every extra penny I had to take them (spawn + Child B - birthday child) to the Barbie movie with my spawn earlier that day just to have them (Child B) turn around and corner my spawn in a bathroom and physically assault them because they were 'trying on her mom's lashes' and didn't want them to.

If you think this is about my spawn's mistake, you're wrong. Yeah, they're stubborn and not only is that unhygienic, but it's rude not to respect someone's boundaries. They're in trouble for that. My kiddo gets held accountable, often times more than they deserve.

It's never okay to push someone into a room and prevent them from leaving, then kick them, for ANY reason, let alone lashes. And yeah, between the push and kick, my spawn kicked back.

So I'm surrounded on many sides by hostile neighbors who all want to blame my spawn. I still have to talk to the mother of the doxxer this morning, but she hasn't historically been interested in holding their kid accountable for any bad behavior that they don't directly witness themselves. Thankfully I have proof, but even having this convo makes me want to throw up.

Then, two nights ago, I crashed hard during the evening (my menstrual cycle hit me HARD this time, I don't even remember going to sleep). I was awoken from a dead sleep by my father (it would be generous to call him a coparent, but he is a relative adult in the house) at 10:15 pm with utter panic in his voice saying, "I can't find Spawn."

We're not very calm people around here, so I immediately went outside and roared their name twice. I have a terrifying fucking roar. I've made grown men cry. So in just a moment they were wheeling around the corner on their bicycle, accompanied by one of the hyenas. Spawn is so desperate for friends because they've experienced a lot of upset in their early childhood development (Covid isolation, moving and losing friends, a single, non-sober parent - though I'm 200+ days sober at this point - etc, this is why we do THERAPY). So the oldest and most manipulative hyena broke the ice circle first and wormed her way back in to my child's good graces while I napped.

For whatever reason, this missing incident was different than when they haven't come home on time after sundown before. I've almost always had an idea of when they left, who they were with, and where they were going. But this time I had no context, I'd been dead asleep, and my dad woke me up in so much panic I think it really fucked me up. I sobbed and sobbed like I was grieving after she got back. It shocked my Spawn, who immediately realized how they'd fucked up. I didn't sleep that night. Barely slept last night, even though they were at a sleepover with their aunt.

I can't write right now, it's frustrating. I'm going to try again today, but I think all this is taking it's toll. That on top of the unpleasant interactions I've had due to my latest fandom interaction - which was MEANT to provide inspiration and be an expression of joy over my own work. But it's turned into an unpleasant, anxious experience I just want to be over with.

[rainey-staerie-daize]

You wanna know something I've realized?

This week is supposed to be my "birthday week" because I was sick on my actual birthday (and I still am, by the way), but almost nobody's been acting like it.

If I'm not counting the $100 bill in my birthday card from my mom, my only actual presents were from Kare, my seven-year-old sister. They were a painted rock and 15 signs with various nicknames taped around the house. Most of the nicknames are things I've never been called. And yes, 15. She just told me I missed one when I was taking them down.

For extra reference of why I'm kinda salty:

Xan had Mario-themed birthday decorations up for his birthday. On my day, his decorations were still up. Forget my own decorations. His were still up! They'd still be up if I didn't take them down the day after my birthday.

Mom never knows what to get me. Always blanks. (Wow, say you never got to know me and my interests without saying it.) So I made an Amazon wishlist. The original reason I made the list, actually. And she usually asks me for the link every year, because she always loses it. She never asked this year.

I was met with attitude when I asked if Mom bought the body wash I wanted when she got home from the store, but she bought Xan DLC for a game today.

Mom also sat and played that game with Xan today. On my actual birthday, she took a nap.

Mom spent around $200 on Xan's presents to my knowledge, while I got that $100 in a card. She was complaining about the price in a group chat actually, saying she doesn't want Xan to be disappointed. Meanwhile, this has been the most disappointing birthday I've ever had. More effort was made for my first, and I don't even remember it. And this year was my golden birthday, the one I've been looking forward to for a couple of years, actually.

The kicker? The reason that makes every previous bullet point infuriating? I forget to clean up sometimes. People also tend to find me annoying, even if I try not to be. My bad, I guess. But Xan's a legitimate asshole. Take yesterday, for example: he called me an idiot and a liar repeatedly. Screaming it. I'm neither of those things, mind you. And why? Because I was trying to get him to clean up (because Mom told me to have the littles pick up for our "Halloween party") and be kind. That's it. But I was met with screaming because I unplugged the Firestick, because, y'know, he wasn't listening. And at some point, he went to his room so he couldn't hear me try to talk sense into him (which I was honestly grateful for, because I didn't wanna hear him anymore), so Kare finally got a TV turn (because Xan was hogging it all day). And he later came out, stole the remote, and changed her movie (Nimona) back into his stupid YouTube videos. And even better: I was also met with Mom being angry at me for unplugging the Firestick when she got home from buying Halloween candy! What does she expect me to do if he doesn't listen to me? Nothing, like she does? Excuse me, but I'm not a doormat, and I'll never be sorry about that. Seriously, though, what was I supposed to do? I'm not allowed to smack him, and I can't think of anything besides taking away the screens. He's ten by the way, and I used to say he sounds two when he screams, but no, I change that comparison to "insane." Might legitimately be a narcissist, but I have no way of warning his therapist. (And I'm still salty he has a therapist, which I've wanted for years.) I've told Mom to bring up narcissism with his therapist, but I'm pretty sure she hasn't. She wants to make it seem like our household is "normal" to the public, which is bullshit.

For a few years now, I've felt like the joy my mother has had on my birthday has been fake. On the day of, she's always acted like I'm such a blessing, and will make a Facebook or Instagram post with old pictures, talking about how much she loves me. Meanwhile, she has had no problem yelling at me on the 22nd and 24th. I'm pretty sure she doesn't even like me.

I don't know whether to be glad or disappointed that she has finally decided to stop being so fake.

[spidey-bie]

(You know, I probably got shadowbanned because I reblogged a picture of uncensored breasts in a compile post of historical pictures of lesbians. Like, fully uncensored out there tits. Watch me do it again because I'm not sorry) -After careful thought, I have realized that Hobie's second love language might be quality time, considering that he lives with everyone that he is vulnerable with in the spider-punk comics. Food for thought.

-I have learned, via math that Moxie is actually a buff ass bitch second to Hulk in terms of strength. I divided the body difference that the average crab spider is able to eat. most are able to kill and eat 3.6x their body weight in bigger prey, then used that as a resting weight because that's the average to get a baseline for their highest lift weight and hysterical strength. The easiest load that they are able to lift one handed is 36 tons. GODDAMN. In terms of hysterical strength, because the human body only lifts 50 percent of what it is capable of due to a unique difference between humans and other animals (meaning other animals can use their full strength off the bat, humans have to work up to it so they don't hurt themselves and their body) they'd lift anywhere between 300-500 tons in hysterical strength. their lift weight would be around 200 tons. The goddamn was necessary. Average Spiderman usually only go to 1-10 tons.

-MOXIE BROKE MY PLOT! ;w; IM WRITING THEIR STORY AND AFTER HOBIE GOES AWAY TO HIS OWN WORLD, MOXIE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO MEET THEM AGAIN UNTIL THEY BUILT A MACHINE TO KEEP MIGUEL B AND THE SPIDER SOCIETY FROM TRAVELING TO HIS UNIVERSE (because spider society works on fascism baseline, to root out diversity in spider people so that they don't break the world. Hobie's universe is the exact place where those ideals can thrive fully and therefore fuck him harder then anyone else in the web.) BUT THEY FUCKING WRECKED MY PLOT. BY MY OWN LAWS OF BULLSHIT WHAT THEY NEED TO TELEPORT INTO A COLOR IS A TANGABLE SURFACE, AN INTIMATE IMAGE (well made and acquainted) OF THE LOCATION AND A MATCHING COLOR PALETTE. BECAUSE MOXIE HAS TO TAKE ALL OF THEMSELVES WITH THEM WHEN THEY TELEPORT, THEIR DEAD SKIN CELLS AND DNA WOULD HAVE TO BE ABLE TO COLORCHANGE. THEREFORE ANYTHING THEY'VE BEEN AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO BRUSH ONTO WOULD BE ABLE TO CHANGE COLORPALETTES FROM THEIR COMMAND, THEREFORE CAN TELEPORT FUCKING ANYWHERE. I DIDN'T MAKE IT A RULE THEY CAN'T TELEPORT OUT OF DIMENSIONS IF THE OBJECT THEY ARE INTIMATE WITH IS IN ANOTHER DIMENSION. THEY CAN TELEPORT TO HOBIE ANYTIME FROM HIS SUIT AS LONG AS THEY MEET WITH A RED AND BLUE SURFACE. FUCK! This also means if they're ever caught by another spiderman when they start rebelling that they can literally teleport the fuck away because their suits and bodies are tangable surfaces. I MADE THE BITCH O.P.

-There is a bathhouse scene. No, it isn't romantic but oh my god the fluff. I'm dying of diabetes over here, jay. You can't even fucking- It's so soft. I might just write it first and slide it into your ask box.

-Moxie's universe Hobie is a florist who is an anarchic environmentalist. In their universe, political environmentalist who work in botany based jobs are called Honey Bees. Yes, I only did that because it sounded cute.

-Lavender in their world is the blue shoelace version of the punk scene. This has cultural and historical significance. At an old shitty venue 60+ years before the story takes place, a young black woman ran in when a punk band was playing because she was targeted by police. In retaliation the band that was playing at the time (Untamed Misfits is the name of the band) Had a really really buff and hairy singer, who was also black. They switch clothes, the singer now in a lavender long-skirted dress and waited until the cops came so that he could kick their ass. Events happened that later lead to a historical event called the Lavender Riots. It also pairs with the gay movement because the guy who was arrested was a non-passing masculine in a dress. I am indeed doing social research for this story, how could you tell?

-Punks after Moxie jumps into the scene as "painter" (Boring, I know but they don't fall into the spider brand because they personally do not find it flattering to only be seen as a mutant, an other, instead of a human first. There is nothing more human then passion itself.) the local punks actually start a new kinda subgroup called Splatter-punk. Think of the most eye bleeding shit with body paint hell over your usual DIY punk fit. That's it. Also Your spidersona is cool as fuck, keep us updated on that playlist lore?

Going to add that into my personal HCs. Hobie Brown.... quality time.

I HATE WHEN THEY DO THAT. Actually I know more than you about my own plot thank you very much. I MADE YOU WDYM.

Siiiigh it seems the sugar high is spreading 😔. Fluff everywhere. I'm gonna have to write some angst soon or something lest y'all get too comfortable. BUT YES I'D LOVE TO READ THIS BATHHOUSE SCENE.

Honey bees ASDFGSJXJDJDKKD 😭

Ah so I'm not the only person doing in depth research on different countercultures and social movements when coming up with my ocs. Noted.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT BECAUSE I NEEDED MOTIVATION TO FINISH MY PLAYLIST POST. I have to finish editing part 2 which goes into more of her backstory. But I really wanna get to her Aunt and MJ so I keep getting distracted 😭

[bydfi]

My coworker has held 20+ BTC since 2013, how does he stay so disciplined?

My coworker is a bitcoin millionaire. Well, he was for a brief time during the bull market, anyways. He has HODL'd his BTC for nearly a decade now, having bought originally under $100.00 each way back in 2013. (Really can't believe that's nearly been a decade already) I've often wondered, and asked him how his dedication to HODLing is so strong, especially in times like the past year where he could have sold for unfathomable gains and probably even retired at 40 years old, but didn't. In my time talking with him, I've noticed one key difference between us.. and that is the fact he doesn't know anything about cryptos current state of affairs, and he doesn't have much of a desire to. He has a life outside of holding BTC, and this disinterest in getting too involved in crypto bullshit is what has kept his resolve so strong for so many years, in my opinion. The concepts of trawling this sub, panicking over exchange collapses, or current happenings, being swayed by constant doomsday predictions and FUD are all foreign to him. He is a very technical person, and could easily come to understand newer projects/protocols, but he bought BTC, and that's all he has the need or desire to know. He told me that back in 2013 when he first bought, he would check daily, and remembers even considering to sell as low as $200 at times.. imagine what a mistake that would have been. He is an experienced investor, BTC isnt his only big win - he says this extreme discipline, not only in BTC, but any project you are passionate about will be what really make you incredible gains in the long run. In fact, he rarely even checks the value of his bags anymore. I asked him recently if he regrets not selling in the bull market last year, to which he said he feels incredible regret for not doing so - but at the same time, he says if he had given in to that urge to sell in any of the prior bull runs, he wouldn't be in the position he is in today, holding over 20 BTC. He said to me a million will buy him a luxury home, a new Tesla, and some other perks, but if he keeps holding another decade he might have homes and teslas for his children and grandchildren, maybe they'll never have to work in their lives. So long story short, the moral of this story is; "time in the market is better than timing the market". I know its hard, but try to stop freaking out about uncontrollable macro-economic factors, stop trying to trade and losing all your money every other day, stop stressing yourself out over shit you can't control. Set your limit orders, your DCA strategy, and get your crypto somewhere safe long term so you can forget about it and spend some time doing rewarding things with the people in your life who need you. The more you keep your mind occupied with other things throughout these dumps, the easier it will be to hold your positions for the long-haul through into the next bull. Personally I am taking this bear market as time to get back into playing guitar again, which is turning out to be great for my mental health and my hair-line. Sometimes I need to remind myself that crypto isn't my whole identity, and it definitely shouldn't take up every waking hour of my life. Have a great day and happy hodling everybody. That is all. submitted by /u/DeeperBags [link] [comments] http://dlvr.it/ScctJ3

[topconfessions]

Yeah I have to agree knowing everything now? Really just makes all the pieces fit. Even makes how well she's been able to avoid major consequences for the most part fit. After all who knows how many people she's slept with/has dirt on. It also feels similar to the Garam situation BH has going on right now

Also cause she was providing services and hung out with Top as just extra, it explains like you're saying the lack of real consequences and how everything was handled so oddly. It was like they couldn't do shit to her or be normally outraged cause he PAID for her company. Also explains why YG was pushing her and paid for her to go to the states to hide to protect TOP.

I am positive some idols especially the older male idols mess with escorts or girls people refer them to. Besides being brutally blunt here it's very out of character 200% for top to just get some random cute girl number at a coffee shop from her friend and use her as time killer fodder. I don't want to god mod him and say he can't live a normal life but like I always told you guys years ago in older confessions, with HSH and this scandal on the scene it totally ruined his image in a sense every single damn detail he ever gave us up until 2016-2018 about his ideal types and women he likes was a lie cause she fit none of it and none of the rumored girls do. Just the top we knew for years would never just randomly pluck a girl out of obscurity like that so nonchalantly especially when her face arguably isn't anything special compared to the women he works with 24/7 and to any HSH defenders I am not being mean or sexist or anything I'm cutting the bullshit and just keeping it 100. That would be like Beyonce suddenly divorcing Jay z and snatching up some 26 year old dude who constantly over exposes her and looks nothing like a guy she would date when we know shes a very private person who never wants to be exposed at all. It wouldn't add up unless its midlife crisis.

This really cleans up a lot of what we discussed cause I could only chalk it all up to mental illness and substance abuse also alcoholism for why he turned to her. They barely have a shred of decency or friendship between each other anyways. Her knowing Jonghyun sorta saved her ass for 5 minutes but he with all due respect gave me Michael Jackson vibes. Upstanding incredibly talented guy who is offered himself and is friends with anyone and probably doesn't the true extent of who is befriending.

Anyways yes that too. She probably messed around with other people in the industry and they couldn't directly rat on her cause it could lead to a full expose. The entire dating storyline the companies and media she'll out for TOP and HSH felt so forced and a big lie.

Welp

[jessitheninth]

Oh ho ho oh no.

So John says he did exactly what Harrow's parents did right? I always took this as a bit metaphorical but what if — it's not? What if he was a molecular biologist working as a contemporary of the precursor BoE or a leader with people working under him in research for colonization efforts offside the dying earth? And let's consider he was going to lose someone to their cause when the BoE left earth or they died in the conflict. A child, a lover, a sibling, take your pick of the metaphorical allusions in tlt, really 😆

So he does the unthinkable, he retaliates against the precursor BoE with a "smallish" nuke in the hopes it might allow him to genetically alter an embryo or a dying person if he harnesses the energy of the Nuclear cascade to fuel his theorum but the death is so sudden it creates the monstrous Alecto, modeled after the genome of his lost Annabel Lee and himself (maybe as an ovum, maybe as an adult construct, even by mistake on John's part in the latter case) but WRONG.

The nuclear attack goes into nuclear cascade and meltdown and John creates the Ultimate Necromancer, the source of necromancy itself when all of earths soul stuff enters her body at nearly the same time. This giving John the power of God over his own Adam or some bullshit 😂 then he Lyctors her for her power over death when she's old enough either physically or emotionally (or both tbh) and for her part, no matter how monstrous at first, shes tied to John as her only source of comfort and understanding for a hundred years before he dubs himself John Gaius and her A.L. Which sounds like a great way to compartmentalize her. First she was holy to him. His teacher. His comfort. His understanding of his own divinity. My guess is he came to understand he could hold power over her leading to his actual divinity when she trusts him to such an extent perfect lyctor is possible. Consider John as Alecto's first reference point to Humanity and her place in the hierarchy, he makes her an equal when she was leagues ahead of him as the monstrous collective spirit of a formless earth. Maybe he drug her down to his level and that's how he made her worse the moment he created her and began to teach her what it meant to be the worst part of humanity. So they were both fucked up when he lyctored her and remained so but he could pretend to be humanlike 😂 where she never was fully human so she can't even begin to understand how to act like one only having lived 200 years.

The only caveat would be this, would that have made everyone he ressurected similar human Constructs?

Essentially he does what he did to Gideon the first when Harrow explodes him with her soup on a massive scale after their bodies are subject to nuclear meltdown using the cells that remained and Alecto's pull over spirits, having imprints of all of them like Harrow does the 200. He affixes these spirits to new bodies through Alecto, reducing her amount of souls, and making her more humanized so she understands what he's doing on the broad scale over time. This makes her more dangerous to him hiding the truth. Maybe teaching her to speak was a mistake on John's part 😂 but you can't well fool people into thinking she was a harmless ressurection mistake of a new born blameless god if she can't speak at all.

Some ressurected had viable xy and xx and we're necromantic but after 10000 years their genetic diversity problems are leading to infertility, and the need for Necro vat wombs, so John has literally no remorse in respects to keeping the renewals. They're a literal insurance to make sure he continues to have an army of faithful so he can stamp out the BoE who know the truth of Alecto.

@tazmuir any of this on the right track?

[portiaphan]

DV Characters as Things Hannibal Buress Has Said

Alex: "I'm a gangsta, and gangstas don't ask questions." Yes they do ask questions! I thought that was a main point of being a gangster. "Hey, mothafucka, where's my money?" That's a question. "Do you want to die tonight?" That's a question too. "What? What?" That's two questions.

Alva: Gibberish rap is - I freestyle all the time, just hangin' out with friends. And sometimes when I'm freestyling, I'll lose my flow, you know, but I'll still wanna - I don't wanna just stop rapping because I lose my flow. So I'll just put in nonsense words till I can bring in regular words again.

Brielle: I couldn't imagine only being an actor or a writer. Because what the hell do I do when I'm not working? Mope?

Battista: I’m a dumb guy. My point of view is limited.

Bellamy: Why are you booing me? I'm right!

Beau: SIX PACK ABS! TEN PACK ABS! TWELVE PACK! What if I want an odd number of abs? What if I want a five pack to show people I'm still humble?

Bernadette: My other airport nemesis is airport security. I don't like them at all. They seem so dedicated to keeping bottled water out of the sky.

Calina: I acknowledge that I jaywalked, I apologize not for the act of jaywalking but how my jaywalking made you feel. I'll try not to jaywalk in the future while you're watching but trust that I'll do it for the rest of my life - it's the best way to go about being a pedestrian.

Castora: There's a lot of dudes in my neighborhood that have handlebar mustaches. Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache but don't try to have a conversation with me like you don't have a handlebar mustache.

Catherine: He said, "Man, we are right by the Adige River. These buildings are 200-300 years old, they have rats everywhere. Even the five-star restaurants have rats!" Somehow he made me feel like the asshole for bringing up rats! I don't know what kind of jedi mind trick that was - it confused the hell out of me because I still ended up ordering food then.

Cyrus: So we talk for a little bit. She says stuff, I say stuff, she says stuff, I say stuff. You know how a conversation works.

Celeste: I get upset easily by people. I saw this guy- he was on the phone. He had the phone between the ear and shoulder like that, but he didn't have anything in his hands. Which is really upsetting! Who the hell do you think you are? This action for people that are multitasking. Where's your other task? You're not doing anything else.

Daphne: He'd be the worst real estate agent ever. "Right here we have a 34 bedroom house. Let me show you around the property. Great features to this place, some of the rooms have extra, smaller rooms in them."

Delilah: I was in Scotland for all of August and it was the darkest time of my life. Mostly 'cause they call cookies biscuits. I don't like that at all. It was an incredible culture shock for me, tough to adjust but I tried for a few weeks. Pass me the chocolate chip BISCUITS. Let's have biscuits and milk, everybody. I love Oreo biscuits. But, in the fourth week, I couldn't handle it no more. THOSE ARE COOKIES THOSE AREN'T BISCUITS. Those are cookies. Cookies are cookies and biscuits are biscuits. If you call cookies biscuits, what do you call biscuits 'cause I'm not saying scones.

Everett: I did not move to Verona with a plan. The first time I moved to Verona, I just popped up. My sister was living here in Verona. I just popped up. She had her baby and a husband, and I just popped up. "Hey, what's up? I got $200 and dreams. Let's do this."

Genevieve: I can't just look at a status and move along. I see a status got 36 'likes' — can't accept it got 36 'likes' and move along. I got to click on it and start reading the names of the people that liked it. "Oh, yeah. Jim would 'like' some shit like that."

Grace: Yo ma, money over everything.

Halcyon: Awe man, I gotta get a team. I don't have a team, I just have friends. I call up my friend, "Hey man, I know you're my friend but I need you on my team right now."

Hazel: You have a regular-sized tub and a miniature tub, the sink.

Henry: You never know what could happen when you go into a store - somebody might pull a Tonya Harding on you and break your knee cap. And now you got your knees all fucked up just ‘cause you wanted to get that vinyl.

Hugo: It sounds like God owed someone some money and they couldn’t get to him, so they murked his son. That’s what I really think happened. Jesus got stabbed up in an alley… but it’s easier to sell crucifixes. You can’t sell a pendant of someone getting shanked up in the alley. It’s a marketing scheme.

Ivan: Come to your place at 5:00 in the morning, eat your food, drink your drinks, leave at 6:30 without fucking like it’s cool. That’s a passive burglary.

Isabelle: Two separate charges $400 at Barnes and Noble. Who balls out of control at Barnes and Noble?

Juliana: Believe in yourself like one of those weird-ass clothing stores that only have six shirts in them. So many questions. How much do these shirts cost? How long have y'all been here? Why is there a DJ?

Katarina: Kill people, burn shit, fuck school, I hate spam emails! That's annoying! You think you have an email from a friend but it's spam.

Lucien: I believe in my ability to not spill food in my pants 'cause I'm a goddamn adult. And I've mastered the art of getting food from my plate to my mouth without messing up my jeans. You need to believe in yourself, too and get your life together, that's for babies. Have some confidence in your eating abilities and hand/eye coordination.

Lucrezia: I'VE ALREADY SEEN LIMITLESS.

Lillian: I'm not a club person, I'm more of a bar/lounge type of person. But, I'll go anywhere if you give me a free bottle of alcohol.

Mikael: I have weird aspirations. Like, I really want to kick a pigeon.

Matthias: It's a weird emotion when you're flattered and cynical at the same time. "Oh, that's nice that you would say that, but what the fuck are you up to?"

Marcelo: I just wear black and gray all the time. If you Google Image me, you'll just see a bunch of black and gray. It's simple. If I like a shirt, I'll buy six or eight of them, wear them back-to-back, and just wait for somebody to say something. "That's the same shirt you wore yesterday." "Yeah, but this one is fresh."

Maeve: When people go through something rough in life, they say, "I'm taking it one day at a time." Yes, so is everybody. Because that's how time works.

Nikolai: But this time, it was me and this old lady we were jaywalking together. We weren't together like that. But if we were, so what? Mind your business.

Odessa: It was a phone interview and sometimes when I do phone interviews and the journalist is boring, I just start saying crazy stuff to make it fun for me.

Olivio: There have been times I’ve been out, and my phone battery is at nine percent, and I was like, "Time to go home."

Orion: Don’t thank the lord. I gave you that compliment, thank me.

Priam: I lost my debit card recently, had five charges on it before I caught it. First charge, $30 Chuckee Cheese. Who goes to Chuckee Cheese as soon as they find a debit card? Are you serious?

Paola: I applied for a job at Starbucks. One of the questions was, 'Why do you want to work at Starbucks?' Uh, because my life is in shambles.

Pandora: I don't even know how to use a semicolon to this day, I use a comma every time. And you know what? If I email somebody and they get upset about me using a comma instead of a semicolon, that's not a person I want to work with anyway. And that's how you weed people out of your life.

Ramona: I went into this restaurant in Verona called The Two Gentlemen. Went into the bathroom at The Two Gentlemen, huuuuge rat in the bathroom at The Two Gentlemen and the rat looked at me like "the fuck you doing here?" That was his vibe, very negative vibe.

Rafaella: Sometimes I get drunk and I get into arguments with taxi drivers. And I get out the cab and I slam the door. That's not the way to win an argument with a taxi driver. The way to win is you get out of the cab and you leave the door open.

Regina: And that was the first time in my life, without any sarcasm, I could say, "What? You want a cookie or something?" Because any other time you say that, you being mean, but I meant it from my heart. "How many cookies you want, man? You want seven cookies? That's way too many cookies. You're being ridiculous right now. You can take, like, three or four cookies and get out of my face. Otherwise, you're taking advantage of my generosity."

Ronan: Wack.

Roman: In my hometown of Verona, I'm kind of a medium deal.

Theodora: We got interns at the job. You can just tell them to do stuff. You gotta be nice, though. I had this cat fax something. I handed him a couple of pages, and I handed him another page. I said, "Hey, man, fax something for yourself, too."

Tomas: Rap videos confuse me cause they have to be continued at the end but the never make a sequel. Where’s the second video? There’s so much suspense!

Trinity: I was at the airport and there was this kid, four or five years old walking with his mommy, fixed his fingers in a fake gun, and then took a shot at me. And I'm looking at the wall to see if there's something on the wall he could've been shooting at 'cause I'm in denial. I look back at him, he looks me in the eyes and takes too more shots. Now I'm hit three times, that's an act of aggression. I need to defend myself.

Valentina: Morpheus, Dorpheus, Orpheus, go eat some walruses. Orifices, porridges. Morpheus, Morpheus. Going to the Buffet and Walruses. Confidence, corpseses. Worcestershire sauce. Go into your orifices. Red pill, blue pill. Morpheus, walruses. Seashells by the seashorpheus. MORPHEUS DRINKING A FORTY IN THE DEATH BASKET.

Vivianne: "We'll keep you in our thoughts" With the other bullshit in your heads? No, keep me out of your thoughts, because I hear some of the stuff you talk about and if that's close to what you're thinking about, I don't want to be around that, so keep me and my family out of your thoughts, unless you're thinking of making me a sandwich.

[shiladityachatterjee-blog]

If you want life lessons, watch Dale Steyn bowl

There are various reasons why Test cricket is considered to be the sport that most closely resembles life. One of the biggest is that you need to keep hanging in when things are not going your way. If you are a batsman on a green seamer or a rank turner, play close to the body, always play the line of the ball and not the movement. Tuck your bat under your armpit and walk off if the ball still hits the edge, but cash in if you get a loose ball. If you are a bowler in flat conditions, stay disciplined, keep the scoring down, wait for a window of opportunity - natural variation, a hint of reverse, a second new ball - and make sure you are ready to jump through. Enjoy it while you are at it. Just like life. Take the hard knocks, don't blame the circumstances that you can't control, keep ploughing on, because some day the wheel will turn. Make the most of it when it does because the tough times are never too far away.

There are equally pressing arguments about which discipline of cricket is crueller, but in terms of cold statistics the bowlers seem to get the rough end of the stick. It's the wickets column that counts, they are often reminded. Historically, in all Test cricket, a bowler has taken a wicket once every 70 balls, uncovered pitches and bunsens and green mambas all put together.

Even when you look at the figures of the best among those who have taken 200 wickets or more, it took him seven oversto take each of his wickets. Even for such a ridiculously good strike rate, this wait for each wicket is painfully long.

Bowling, especially bowling fast, and more so, bowling at over 145kph, is not what human bodies are meant to do. It is a testament to their fitness, commitment to their craft and their general lunacy - "You've got to be mad to bowl fast," Shoaib Akhtar said - that the wonderful fast bowlers keep doing it for so long for relatively little success.

If Test cricket is life, Dale Steyn lived it to the fullest. If Michael Holding was the Rolls Royce of fast bowling, its Whispering Death, Steyn was a graceful gliding snake. Nobody bowled outswingers at a higher pace as consistently. He set up Test and series wins for South Africa in Australia, England, Pakistan, Sri Lanka and New Zealand. He won them two Tests in India. In South Africa he was untouchable. His highlight reel was the sexiest of all: quick outswingers pitching leg and hitting off, inswingers going past unsuspecting inside edges, mean bouncers, and that deranged celebration.

Steyn once said when he visualised bowling as an 18-year-old, he wanted to run in like Brett Lee, leap like Allan Donald, bowl as quick as Shoaib and be as accurate as Shaun Pollock. Not only did he end up mastering all that, he did it better and for longer than those four.

Steyn retires as the most prolific South African bowler, the quickest wicket-taker in the world, an all-time great in extremely rare company. And yet his dry spells were as compelling to watch as his hot streaks - the moments and overs before the eyes went crazy, the veins started to throb and threatened to burst, and he pulled out the chainsaw.

He looked forward to these periods of adversity. He looked forward to those unhelpful pitches because nobody took them out of the equation better. The harder he worked for his wickets, the harder he celebrated.

When you can't catch a break in life, find footage of Steyn's wicketless spells. They inspire; they tell you there is a wicket not far away, and that once you get one, you need to have a red-hot go at getting more. These periods are not pretty. He is seething within; he tries not to show it, but he can't help it. He tries everything. Tries to hit batsmen with his skiddy and deceptive bouncer. Waits for them to rub it if he hits them. Stares at them. Gets mouthy, but rarely nasty. Sometimes he bluffs his way through it. Bullshits himself into believing he can fight through it. Bluffs opponents into believing he is as in it as on a good day.

Against India at home in 2013-14, he once went 69 overs without a wicket, but once the ball began to reverse he took out six in 12 overs. That's a neat overall strike rate of a wicket every seven overs or so. That was also the story of his career: persevering when struggling, irresistible when on top.

Steyn lived for Test cricket. He lived for fast bowling. He lived for being there when others were flagging. There is nothing better, he said, than waking up on the fourth day of a Test, "your body absolutely buggered", knowing the captain still backed you to make the difference.

He has played only 125 ODIs. Since his debut South Africa have played 286. For a long time in his career, he was one of those rare players to have played more Tests than ODIs, purely through workload management. It probably left him at a disadvantage when it comes to gigs in T20 leagues - which he will set off to correct now.

In the end, though, Steyn found himself in a tug of war against a formidable opponent: time. In an interview to theCricket Monthly four years ago, he called the idea that fast bowlers usually either retire or slow down after the age of 33 or 34, "bullshit". He said he had seen Lee bowl 145kph at the age of 38, albeit not in international cricket. He felt fit and strong, and unlike Lee he was willing to push himself. He knew he needed South Africa more than they needed him; the team had shown it was capable of winning Tests without him.

Life had other ideas. Injuries started to pile up. Each one took longer to heal. One of them, on his last tour of Australia, was of such a freak nature that, according to team doctor Mohammed Moosajee, there was only one documented case of it affecting a cricketer before. When he came back from it, he did his heel in in the foot holes, the first heel injury of his life. That was the fourth Test he had walked out of in his last six. They irked him more than failure to provide results.In one of those four, even with a broken body, he did take the first Australian wicket - on 158, triggering a series-changing collapse - before going off. Even in letting his side down, he handed out a lesson. It was a poignant last big contribution.

Steyn was pace. He was swing. He was spirit. He was possibility. He was bluff. He was trance. He was life.