#you don’t owe people happiness you shouldn’t bend over backwards for someone just because u love them

[bugdogg]

Post where I talk about my thoughts on what I want relationship wise cause no ones around to listen rn, I’ll probably delete this post later cause I’m a coward, warning for complaining, I complain a lot. Also uhh I like this picture I took, these flowers are very pretty, love seeing them

I hate feeling desperate, I hate having little needs that can only be fulfilled with another person, it sucks. I went through a whole thing of being someone’s caretaker, trying so hard to make them happy and thinking I could fix them despite being so messed up myself. I know how it feels to be so relied on, I don’t like being in a relationship because of it, I don’t want to feel needed but at the same time it feels nice (using a lighter word for it)

Ik neither is bad, independence and codependenc , if its balanced between the two, but I think the thing I get caught on a lot is that you don’t need one specific person, there are so many people out there why just stick with one for your entire life. It works for a lot of people and I’m happy it does but idk why it feels like it won’t work for me. I think of it like friends, I love my friends, I like being close with them and like helping them and feeling wanted as a friend. But I’m not gonna have just one friend, one person isn’t gonna meet my needs, at least that’s what it seems like.

I considered polyamory but the issue is I don’t wanna feel like I’m tied to anyone, I don’t wanna have to run my life by anyone, I wanna freely be close with multiple people and it wouldn’t bother them if I worked like that. And Ik there’s people who just hook up and all that, buddies who you may be intimate with once in a while but I don’t know how to go about it and the only real way to experience it and experiment.

“We’ll if you wanna have that then go find people who-“ I know that, Ik I should just go looking but it’s scary as hell. I’m young, inexperienced with wading through the safe and dangerous people, I have a hard time finding people like me in the first place, and I’m easily overstimulated by everything so going out to meet people is a little hard.

“Well why don’t you just use an app to hook up or something?” … idk 😐 (I’ve run out of steam lol, I keep calling myself pathetic for my wants but Ik having them doesn’t make u pathetic. I’m just hard on myself ig…)

Anywayyyy, i think I should sleep…. Cause I’m supposed to wake up in 6 hours to go paddle boarding.

Don’t fuck up ur sleep schedule like me, beee betttterrrr

[lunarmoonflowyr]

not 2 get involved with the Disk Horse at all but I’ve been seeing several posts going around with the rhetoric of like “prioritizing yourself above other people is actually bad and you should be helping other people!!! prioritizing yourself is selfish and you shouldn’t be proud of it!!!” and I just want to extend a personal middle finger to anyone who blabbers on about that shit because No

“prioritize yourself” does not mean “pursue only your happiness above anything else and fuck everybody else”

it means

“be conscious of what you can and cannot mentally handle and don’t be afraid to take space and time to yourself and don’t feel bad for cutting people out of your life that don’t improve it”

and that kind of rhetoric just sounds Really Shitty and comes off to me as “people don’t want me around in their lives for some reason so obviously They Are The Shitty Person and I’m not doing anything wrong”

there is absolutely nothing wrong with cultivating the happiest possible environment for yourself and that rhetoric just smacks of the whole “well I’m mentally ill so it’s okay for me to be a shitty person” nonsense 

if u need to cut someone out of your life because they drag you down, do it. if you need to stop talking to someone because you can’t handle their problems, do it. you don’t owe people shit and you’re nobody’s therapist. 

this is coming from somebody who bends over backwards to help other people, to listen and to offer advice or help in the best way possible. i’m constantly trying to help people solve their problems. 

because yes, helping other people is good! do it if you’re able to! that’s not the point of putting yourself first. 

putting yourself first means surrounding yourself with the people that make you happiest. you don’t owe anyone anything, and if someone isn’t improving your life, they don’t belong there. anyone saying otherwise is just straight up Wrong.