#you guys know I’m a hater so make your own judgement but don’t lie to yourselves

[falklore]

“13 sleepless nights” well it sounds to me like she slept pretty good

[kuningannasansa]

A musketeers rewatch (that nobody asked for) 1x02

(very anti annamis, so if that bothers you steer clear :)

We open with Dartagnan preparing for a duel and declaring “I was raised to fight like a gentleman”. I thought he was a farmboy? I’m so confused.

“Every man for himself!” – lol! But also, is that what you were thinking when you decided to screw up everyone’s life with your dick Aramis?

Now Dartagnan has been arrested for illegal duelling. Which is fair and exactly what should happen. I mean, they should arrest that red guard too, ofc. But for all that the musketeers whine about their toys being banned by the nanny state, I think we can agree that laws banning duels were actually progressive and good?

Treville is MAAAAD!! Good!

“I’ve never been unpopular before” HA HA HAAA HAAAAA! You just wait a few seasons, honey.

Why do the extra background musketeers have period accurate clothing and ‘our heroes’ don’t? I mean, I get these leather getups are supposed to be sexy, but they don’t do it for me at all. I’d like realistic clothing more

Oh hey! It was all an act! I had legit forgotten! I am glad I’m doing this rewatch lol, there’s so much good stuff I’m experiencing again as if for the first time! Also, Treville is clearly a suppressed thespian!

Now Athos says Dartagnan is a farmboy again?????? I guess he’s a farmboy who was taught to fight like a gentleman for some reason

Aramis tells Porthos that he’s a terrible judge of character and he does like Aramis, so maybe that’s true…

Treville thinks Dartagnan’s life is worth the risk if he can uncover what the villain of the week is planning. I love my pragmatic dad!

Aramis says he loves violence in a woman. Well, I’m free to beat the shit out of him any time...

I was about to comment on the good old days when Anne had political acumen and cultivated a good public image by giving alms and grantign clemency to some prisoners. But then she told the governor of the prison that she would like to free all his charges and his face turned sour so maybe she always sucked at diplomacy? I’ll reserve judgement thou, I remember her as very clever and capable in season one.    

Prison Break: 1630 is looking good

Athos doesn’t have faith in Dartagnan to manage the mission. From his perspective it makes sense, but it still upsets me. 

Richelieu and Treville are working together on this one! Oh goodie!

Now this is the worst bit! Milady tells Richelieu she can get Dartagnan back by lying that she stabbed the guy in the last episode in self defence. And well… that does give people a valid reason to think that she lied about Thomas trying to rape her as well. For the record, I still believe her, her story remains constant throughout and she sticks by it even when she has absolutely no reason to lie. But this scene does give the haters a semi valid reason to doubt her and I hate that. And most importantly, this ambiguity in the text should not exist. The writers should have told us on screen one way or the other to avoid all this nasty discourse. Sometimes ambiguity is a wonderful device (cough*black sails final/*cough) but rape is not a topic that should be treated like that.    

Richelieu is turned on by her act thou. And slightly repulsed. By how turned on he is.

Milady is looking for Vadim on Richelieu’s orders! She’s on the same side as the musketeers, doing the same job (probably more successfully)! Watch them judge her anyway.

RICHELIEU WANTS FLOWERS!!

Oh no, Anne, don’t show Aramis affection! He’ll be stalking you for the rest of your life!

Porthos does not approve and neither do I.

Porthos reminds Aramis of Adelle lol. WRECK HIM PORTHOS!!

SUZETTE!!

Bonacieux is so very dumb, it’s delightful!

Milady just shot two of Richelieu’s red guards. Either she had his authorisation to do it when necessary or she just doesn’t give a fuck. I suspect the later.

Milady is promising Dartagnan riches and to introduce him to her “powerful patron” if he takes her to Vadim. Why? If Treville and Richelieu are cooperating on this why are their respective agents in the dark? Or perhaps RIchelieu is trying to catch Vadim on his own behind Treville’s back and get all the credit? Hehee

Athos is threatening to have Suzette whipped. And she tells him that it’s usually the other way around with musketeers, “but if the money’s right”. LMAO WRECK HIM!!

They are planning to use decoys at Easter mass to lure out Vadim and Anne says “the people know their King and Queen too well”. Do they, thou? They had wood cuttings back then not the fucking People Magazine. But I guess the plot hinges on the real royals going so whatever.

Louis: “My father never shirked public obligation” Richelieu: “Your father was assassinated”

“Common sense is for commoners” oh Louis! Listen to Richelieu!!

Richelieu says he may have misjudged, but I still think he’s right. I mean, politically speaking, it is good for people to see their King, not have him cowering behind castle walls while they are put in danger. But I still maintain those peasants would not be any wiser if they just sent decoys.

I like Vadim’s greed for money under a disguise of not entirely fake anti monarchism as a motivation. His plan is really clever too! Season 1 really had very good villains!

Richelieu in proper red cardinal’s robes! Me likey!

“Surrender or die!” lmao, as if they’re not going to hang him if he surrenders. I’d rather be shot, personally.

Milady kills Suzette. Okay, she was part of a conspiracy to rob the royal treasury so she would have been executed anyway, but I still don’t like it. Can we not kill all the cool female characters please?

Vadim’s death is beautifully shot, with him dropping treasure everywhere as he walks through the smoke. Cinematically very good!

Constance does not miss the quiet life! Bless!

So Milady lied to Richelieu and kept the Queen’s pendant she got from Suzette? But then that plot never went anywhere, as far as I remember. I know there were some cut Milady scenes in episodes 4 – 6 so I guess they decided to drop it, but I would have loved to see her have more agency independent of Richelieu as she pursues her own agenda.

Red Guards killed in the line of duty: 2 (let’s pour one out for them!) 

Women fridged: Suzette RIP!

Best Dressed: Louis and Anne (not an easy choice cause Constance and Milady also had some very nice dresses in this episode, but in the end I’m a trashy bitch who loves bling)