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daddy-dins-girl · 8 months

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Talk Me Down

A fic requested by @anotherpedrolover

I was gonna wait until Frankie Friday (tomorrow) to post this, but this sweet human being has already waited like 2 months for me to finish this, lol, so here you go! I was asked to write a fic about insecure!Frankie who has some self-esteem/body image issues but after being with Reader (who is very appreciative of his body) he gets into it and develops a bit of a praise kink for it but but he hits a rough patch and gets into a dark place, feeling very undeserving of the love and attention Reader gives him. The person who made the request asked me to focus on his feelings and emotions when he is feeling bad and insecure (and specifically asked for some tears to be shed, lol) so I did my best to beat the crap out of Frankie (emotionally).

I hope this is somewhat what they had in mind and that they like it :) I've never really written anything like this (PWP queen over here) so I hope I got it right and didn't make Frankie too OOC. Hope you all enjoy it!

Page dividers provided by the gracious and talented @saradika-graphics

Ao3 link

My Masterlist Word Count: 9.8k Fandom: Triple Frontier (Frankie Morales x f!Reader) Notes: Pre/No TF Mission. Fic title is from the song of the same name by Troye Sivan. Warnings: 🔞 18+MDNI. Angst. Drama. Body Insecurity/Self-esteem issues. Praise Kink. Smut (pretty tame and not a lot, considering its me lol, but its there). Sad!Frankie. Mid-Life-Crisis!Frankie. Emotional hurt/comfort. Eventual happy ending. Established Relationship. No use of y/n. No physical description of Reader.

“Babe, have you seen my -“ you cut yourself off mid sentence as you turn the corner and your eyes land on your boyfriend, leisurely sprawled on the couch with his legs up on the ottoman, ankles crossed over each other and television remote firmly in hand while a baseball game plays in the background.

“Are you serious?”

“What?” Frankie asks, incredulous.

“We have to be at Will and Benny’s in like…” you pause to look at your watch. “Fifteen minutes! And what is that… are you eating the potato salad I made?”

“Was I not supposed to?” Frankie responds, forkful halfway to his mouth again already.

“Oh my god” You shake your head. You literally can’t with him today. You made that for the barbecue pool party today and now it was nearly half gone.

“Nevermind, let’s just go” you huff. You’re not in a great mood and maybe you’re being a little bitchier than usual thanks to this god awful heatwave but Frankie wasn’t helping matters any.

“I’ll be in the car” you grumble towards his general direction as you head out the front door. At least there’s A/C in the Jeep.

Surprisingly he doesn’t keep you waiting long. He’s shoving his slides on his feet as he hops down the front steps only a minute or so later and then jumps into the driver’s seat next to you, buckling his seatbelt and the two of you head out of the driveway.

“See, plenty of time” He grins at you when you pull up to the outside of your friends house a short while later with actually a few minutes to spare before your requested arrival time. You had attempted to stay mad at him, neither of you speaking more than one or two words the entire drive but now with that stupidly adorable smirk on his face you have no choice but to want to kiss it off of him. Despite your best efforts, a smile tugs at the corners of your mouth.

“There it is” his grin widens as he brings a hand up to pinch at your cheek and you playfully swat him away, trying and failing to hold back a little laugh.

“Baby I don’t know what you think we’re gonna miss anyway. It’s my birthday party. They literally can’t start without me”

“Francisco Morales, you’re going to be late to your own funeral, you know that don’t you?” You shake your head at him but the smile hasn’t left your lips.

“Oh baby we’re gonna be real late if you keep that ‘Francisco’ talk up” he says, wiggling his eyebrows at you and reaching over the center console to grab a handful of your upper thigh. “Maybe we skip the party all together, you give me my birthday present early, hmm?”

“Get out of the car you perv!” You laugh, giving him a playful shove. “Are you sure you’re turning 40 and not 14?”

“All right, all right I’ll behave” He sighs, hands up in the air to signal his defeat.

You’re glad he seems like he’s in a better mood so far today. He’s been a little off the last couple of days and you can’t say why. You’ve asked a few times if something was bothering him but he kept shrugging you off, insisting everything was fine. You chalked it up to maybe just work stress and are hoping now that the weekend is here that he’ll be able to just relax and have a great time with his friends.

Despite you being early, the party is actually in full swing on your arrival. You and Frankie let yourselves in through the back gate where the backyard is filled with several of Frankie’s (and now yours, you supposed) friends milling about. The ones you recognize immediately are his old military unit; Santiago, Benny, Will and Tom, as well as Will’s girlfriend and Tom’s wife. There are a few other people around you’ve definitely met before but can’t place all of them. Either way, you’re glad to see so many people have shown up for Frankie on his big day.

The space is decorated too with balloons everywhere, a giant banner that reads “Happy Birthday Fish!” and a big poster board is taped up against the side of the house as soon as you walk in that has pictures of Frankie and his family and friends all over it with the title “40 Years In The Making” written at the top in huge block lettering. You and Frankie both take a moment to look over the board before anyone deeper inside the yard notices you yet. There are a bunch of photos from his younger military days and even a few from when he was just a boy that have you gushing over him, telling Frankie how adorable he was and pinching his cheek for good measure. You spot a couple of pictures of Frankie having fallen asleep at a party (something he’s been known to do) with his signature ball cap pulled down over his face and beer bottle loosely gripped in his hand and those give you both a good laugh. There’s two photos of you and him together, you notice, and your personal favourite picture of Frankie - him flying his helicopter wearing a pair of Aviators, looking so sexy it makes you melt each time you see it.

You safely assume the wife and girlfriends of Frankie’s closest pals were mostly to thank for the decorating. If it were up to the boys there would be a folded table in the middle of the backyard with a pack of cards and a cooler full of beer and that would be it.

“There he is!” Benny shouts across the yard the moment he spots you both just inside the gate. He dashes across the patio and throws his arms around Frankie, nearly knocking him over in the process before landing a few hard slaps to his back. “Happy birthday ya old fuck” he teases, grabbing on to Frankie’s shoulder and jostling him slightly.

“Yeah, yeah, it’ll be your turn soon enough” Frankie reminds him but Benny just shrugs.

“Always be younger than you though” he winks and that earns him a little shove from Frankie.

The rest of the greetings go more or less the same way, playful teasing or ribbing on Frankie for turning the big “4-0”. It gets old quickly but if it bothers Frankie he doesn’t let it show, just takes it in stride as he makes his way through the small crowd and says his hello’s.

By the time you get home much later that night you’re exhausted. It’s late and the day had been long (and hot in that blistering sun). Add to that you’re sober whereas everyone around you had been thoroughly wasted which made the night seem to drag on even longer. You wanted Frankie to have a great time, it was his birthday after all, so you offered to drive you both tonight and somehow that had turned into you offering to be an Uber driver for half the party so instead of it taking ten minutes to get home it had taken an hour.

“I’m beat” you announce through a long drawn out yawn, stretching tired limbs over your head. “You wanna come to bed with me, birthday boy?” You ask playfully, walking up to Frankie and looping your fingers through the belt loops of his tan cargo shorts to tug him a little closer, hoping he catches on that you’re not that tired.

“Think I’m gonna shower, I hate smelling like chlorine” he complains, gently taking your hands and removing them from his waist. “You go on, I won’t be long” he promises before leaning forward and planting a kiss to your forehead.

“Baby,” you whine, a masterful pout displayed on your lips. “C’mon upstairs with me, while it’s still your birthday” you try seductively, hand reaching out to brush over the outside of his pants at his crotch.

“I said I want to shower” Frankie replies back, a little too curtly for your liking and his tone leaving no room for argument as he pushes your hand away a second time. You frown and the huff of disappointment you breathe out doesn’t go unnoticed by your partner.

“Baby come on, I’m sorry. I just don’t wanna go to bed smelling like chemicals. Go on up to bed, I’ll be right behind you” he says with finality and gives your hand a little squeeze before dropping it and heading off to the bathroom.

You sigh but let him go. Truthfully you’d been trying to drag him out of the party for hours, desperate to get him alone and all to yourself. You don’t know what’s come over you today but you felt downright needy for him, your hormones just off the charts and now he’s making you wait even longer when all you want to do is rip his clothes off and show him exactly how glad you are that he was born forty years ago today and by some cosmic twist of fate found his way into your life.

Once in the bedroom and settled into bed you hear the spray of water come to life in the bathroom down the hall and your mind can’t help but drift and think about Frankie, naked and in the shower. How the water is cascading down his broad shoulders to his soft tummy and strong, thick legs and a heat floods your body, going straight to the lower part of your abdomen. You loved his body and you weren’t shy about telling him either. You remember back to when you’d first started dating, the early stages of your intimate relationship. He was so shy around you at first, always insisting the lights be off or even leaving his t-shirt on when you’d have sex. It was all a mystery to you, how someone as gorgeous as Frankie could have self-esteem issues but you loved to remind him how crazy he drove you and how perfect he was in your eyes.

At first he got so embarrassed at your borderline worship of his body, refused to even believe you in the beginning but he warmed up eventually to the point where he loved it. Craved it, even, your praise of him. Though he’d never admitted to it out loud and always remained a little bashful about it, you could tell. Frankie was already a very generous, selfless and enthusiastic lover, but when you really got vocal with him (or better yet let your tongue and hands do the talking) of how much you enjoyed every part of his physical anatomy, Frankie could get downright animalistic with you and it brought the already amazing sex to a whole new level for you both. You had definitely uncovered a little praise-kink in your boyfriend that you don’t think he even knew existed in himself and honestly no sexual relationship you’ve had in the past could ever hold a candle to the one you and Frankie have created together.

You plan on using every weapon in your arsenal on him tonight to truly wish him a happy birthday he won’t soon forget. You’ll caress, kiss and lick your way from his prominent neck vein, his broad chest with just the lightest smattering of golden brown hair, take more than enough time for your tongue to appreciate each of his small dusty pink nipples before you continue down his sternum to where he gets a little softer. You’ll playfully nip and suck at the small expanse of flesh at his belly that protrudes just barely over his waistline, making sure to let him know with words how gorgeous he is, how hot he makes you, how he’s all yours. You just hope you get to have your fill before he takes his own. It had taken you a while to get Frankie to allow you to appreciate him the way you wanted to. He was always insistent on your pleasure and he still is to this day, but you’ve managed to strike a fairly delicate balance now for the most part, though you’ll admit there are days where Frankie comes home and he just needs you. You’ve come to recognize it on him and you’re glad to give him the reins when that happens, knowing that he’ll allow you to do the same when you need it. When you said Frankie was a generous lover you weren’t exaggerating. That man would spend hours with his face buried between your legs if you’d let him, and sometimes you’d let him do just that. But tonight was for him and tonight you need him. Need to show him how in love with him you are in a way that words just can’t do.

You have to press your thighs together just at the thought of him in the shower now, hoping he won’t be long so you can hopefully pull him out of this weird mood he’d been in most of the day. It started not long after you got to Will and Benny’s. Just silly, little things that just seemed to set him off to the point where he’d either pick a fight with you (or whoever else he happened to be talking to) or just get overly quiet and wander off by himself. You think back trying to think what could’ve started it all. He’d gone into the party in a good enough mood but soon after he started acting weird. The two of you barely fought, like ever, and here you were today in front of all your friends getting into a yelling match with each other about goddamn sunscreen of all things. And it wasn’t just you, he seemed overly quiet today around everyone, even his best friends who were more like brothers to him than anything and none of it made sense to you, you just hope now that he was home maybe he’d get out of his funk.

Your mind doesn’t have any longer to dwell however because Frankie emerges from the bathroom and into the bedroom, already changed into a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Your tongue absent-mindedly peeks out to swipe across your bottom lip at the way the wet curls stick to his forehead or how tiny droplets of water soak through the thin cotton of his dark gray t-shirt because he didn’t quite dry himself all the way off before tugging it over his head.

Not that it matters, you don’t plan on him wearing it long anyway.

“Finally” you smile at him from your spot on the bed and shuffle back slightly to pat down on the space next to you on the mattress. You pull back the bed covers to reveal that you’re wearing next to nothing, A black lacy bra and matching panties that really left nothing to the imagination. It was Frankie’s favourite on you.

“You didn’t have to wait up” Frankie says casually, looking down as he unfastens his watch from his wrist to toss it on the nightstand. If he notices your state of nearly undress during his brief glance in your direction he doesn’t say anything or even react. “Thought you were tired” he adds, feigning concern for your sleep habits.

“Read between the lines Morales, was just trying to get you into bed” you tease, sticking the tip of your tongue out at him playfully. He says nothing in response, just flips off the light and crawls in next to you but to your surprise just throws the comforter over you both and turns on his side and faces away from you as he scrunches up his pillow under his head until he’s comfortable and settles.

You frown, not that he can see you, but shuffle over to him anyway so you’re pressed up against his back and your arm slings around his waist. You stay still for a minute, waiting to see if he’ll take your less than subtle hint that you’re “not tired” but he just lays there, unmoving, and so you decide it’s time to take matters into your own hands. Literally.

Your hand slips under the hem of his shirt to rest on his soft belly and begins to gently explore. Fingertips dancing along the smooth skin and sparse little body hairs and moving over to his hip where you grab onto the small bit of extra skin there and massage his side but before you can go any further he’s grabbing your hand and pushing it out from under his shirt. He brings it to rest on top of his chest over the thin cotton of his t-shirt and just holds his hand over top of yours.

“Baby?” You breathe out into the blackness of the room, worry evident in your tone. Was he angry at you for something else now? You hadn’t even done anything for him to be mad at you about, you’ve been in bed the whole time.

“Sorry, I’m just tired” he mumbles into the pillow but you’re not buying it. Frankie was a bit of a night owl, not to mention it was a Saturday night, neither of you had work in the morning and the two of you always made sure to make the most of your weekend nights together when you could really take the time to make love the way you craved to all week.

“Hey,” you call out softly, grabbing for his shoulder and pulling it towards you so he’ll turn to face you. He lets you, turning halfway to you, onto his back and craning his neck to face you.

“Is everything okay? Are you mad at me or something?” You ask genuinely concerned. You try not to make it sound like you’re pouting because you’re not, you just need to know what’s going on with him. Maybe he’s upset about something, or maybe just a little too drunk to actively participate the way he thinks he should but you wouldn’t mind too much if he was, you certainly don’t mind taking care of him and you know he’ll more than make it up to you the next time.

He lets out a sigh and tiredly rubs at his eyes.

“Of course not. Come here, I’m sorry” he sighs once more and lifts his arm closest to you so you can snuggle into him, your head resting on his shoulder and your arm drapes across his middle again. He tilts his head down slightly to kiss the top of your hair but otherwise makes no moves to initiate anything further physically with you, just holds you tightly to his body.

“Are you really tired?” You ask quietly, turning your face slightly to nuzzle into his neck and plant little kisses there. You feel the little shudder that runs through his body and a smile pulls at your lips.

Maybe he wasn’t mad at you.

“I haven’t given you your present yet” you breathe into the warm flesh of his throat, tongue darting out to give a tentative little lick to the underside of his jaw and he rewards you with the slightest little moan, but it’s enough that you heard it and it encourages you to continue.

You begin to kiss and lick your way down the column of his throat while your hand leaves his chest to come down and gently palm him over his boxers and he instinctively thrusts his hips into your touch and you moan into his skin. You can feel him beginning to swell under your touch already.

“Mmm, can I take you out?” You murmur against his collarbone and he nods his head.

“Yeah,” he lets out in a breathy whisper and brings his own free hand down to help you shove his boxers down his thighs until he’s able to kick out of them.

Your hand wraps around his impressive length the moment he’s free from the confines of his underwear, slowly pumping him with practiced strokes and it’s not long until he’s fully hard in your hand and quietly grunting and groaning, your face buried in the juncture where his neck meets his shoulder. You hate that his shirt is still on, your mouth not able to reach all the places it desperately wants to.

Your hand leaves him for a moment as you push yourself up onto your knees and swing one leg over him so you're straddling his hips, your hands resting on his chest overtop of the soft worn cotton.

“You can be tired baby, let me all do the work” you coo, leaning down to place another kiss to his jaw as you slowly grind your pelvis into his. Maybe that was it. Maybe he was just too tired or drunk to have the full cognitive function he needed but that was fine by you, tonight was for him anyways.

“Shit,” he groans, hands sliding under the back of your panties to grope the globes of your ass in his two large hands and he presses you down even harder against his groin just as he thrusts his hips upwards, the delicious friction causing a moan to escape your lips.

“Mmm, you feel so good” you whimper against his heated flesh as you nuzzle the underside of his jaw and into his throat.

“Take these off” Frankie practically growls, impatiently shoving your underwear down and with his help you manage to wiggle free of them. You both moan in unison when your lower halves press together again, this time with no barriers between you as his throbbing member slides through your slick folds with every calculated thrust of your hips against him.

“Baby you make me so wet” you giggle, hands roaming his hard chest and broad shoulders. “God you’re so hot” you praise, mouth latching back onto his neck as you trail hot open-mouthed kisses down the column of his throat until you reach the collar of his t-shirt.

“Off” you gently demand, hands going to the bottom of his tee and beginning to push it upwards. You need to feel all of him, his warm skin on yours. Need to lick and kiss and touch every inch of him. “Let me touch you”

“Mnnmm mnmm” he shakes his head and without warning suddenly flips you both with practiced ease until you’re underneath him flat on your back and he’s on hands and knees looming over you. He grabs your wrists and hauls them up above your head, bringing them together so he’s able to hold them down with one hand against the top of the mattress so he can have one free and you giggle up at him.

“What’s gotten into you? You’re supposed to be tired, old man” you tease him but there’s no mirth in his eyes after he hears your words, no lingering smile on his lips. There’s desire, sure, but something else on his features. Subtle, whatever it is, but it’s there.

“Do you wanna fuck or not? Jesus,” he snaps. “I can’t do anything fucking right”

Oh, and there it is. It’s anger.

Your face scrunches up at his little outburst. That was not like Frankie at all. Not your sweet, loving, caring Frankie who adored you, this was someone else, someone you didn’t recognize.

“Get off me” you huff, easily wiggling your wrists free as he wasn’t holding too tightly and you bring your hands up to shove at his chest. His yelling at you instantly taking you out of the mood.

He does, immediately. He rolls off of you, grabs for his discarded boxers near the bottom of the bed and shoves them on. You do the same with your own underwear and also pull the sheet up to cover yourself, not wanting to feel any more vulnerable in front of him than you already do.

You have no idea what in the fuck that was all about, snapping at you like that when you thought everything was going rather well. He really was in a mood today apparently, and you didn’t care for it one bit. You’re already feeling overly emotional today, your period must be just around the corner or something.

The room falls silent. Frankie sits on the edge of the side of the bed, hands on his thighs and head hanging low while you lay back against the headboard, fingers twisting into the sheets, holding them around you like a shield. Tears well in your eyes, threatening to fall but you quickly blink them away before you bury your head in your knees.

“Do you want me to sleep downstairs?” He asks softly, the gruffness gone from his voice now. He sounds almost apologetic, though he’s still yet to apologize. He's not looking at you either, but your grateful for that at this moment.

You say nothing. Not trusting your voice just yet but the tiniest sniffle from your nose is near deafening in the stillness of the room. You quickly clear your throat in an attempt to cover the sound but it’s too late. Frankie’s head whips around back in your direction and he’s suddenly scrambling up the bed to wrap his arms around your lower back. Your legs lower instinctively to let him in and he lies over top of you with his head resting on your middle.

“Fuck, I’m sorry” he breathes out, voice muffled by the thin layer of the bed sheet as he buries his face into your stomach. “I’m an asshole”

“You’re not” you sigh. “Just - tell me what’s going on with you” you say calmly, hands now petting through his hair.

“Nothin’” he grumbles into your tummy.

“It’s not nothing, come on,” you try, a little softer this time. “You can tell me anything, you know I love you no matter what”

“Why?”

It's so quiet, so soft, mumbled against you that your ears almost didn’t even pick it up. Your heart breaks a little at the single uttered syllable.

“Hey,” you frown, grabbing both sides of his face in your hands and forcing him to look up at you. “Are you seriously asking why I love you? Where’s this coming from?” You ask, concerned. He’s been known to get down on himself from time to time but you’ve never seen him like this and it worries you.

He lets out a heavy sigh and rolls off of you, crawling up the bed to lay on his back next to you and rubs his hands over his face.

“Baby, talk to me” you press, turning to your side and curling up to his larger frame, hand stretching out to rest on his chest as your fingers play absently with the soft material of his t-shirt. “Did something happen?”

“Yeah, 40 happened” he groans, hand doing a sweeping motion down his body. “I mean, look at this” he shakes his head.

“Oh baby trust me, I look at this every day” you counter, an appreciative smile playing on your lips as your hand gently rubs into his chest.

“This perfect,” you pause to press a kiss into his cheek. “Sexy,” another kiss to his jaw. “Man of my dreams”

“Stop” he huffs, gently pushing you away. “Just don’t… say shit like that. It’s not true” he argues, flipping over onto his side to face away from you.

You know when to push him and when not to, and now is not one of those times. You’ll let him have his moment, knowing if you get too in his face about it he’s likely just going to shut down and you need him to be open with you if you’re going to get anywhere. So instead you just leave him be, but stay nestled into his side, your hand rubbing small circles into his back and shoulder blades, just a soft gesture to let him know you’re here and not going anywhere.

Long minutes pass and after a while you think maybe he’s fallen asleep, until you hear it. It’s barely audible, but it’s there. The tiniest whimper falls from his lips, followed by a quiet little sniffle before he buries his face into a pillow in an attempt to cover it up and your whole heart breaks in two.

“Frankie, baby” you soothe, pulling on his shoulder and forcing him to turn towards you. Surprisingly he doesn’t fight it, just lets you roll him over and he instantly buries his face in your neck once he’s facing you, unable to look you in the eyes. But you don’t need to see him, you can feel the hot tears on his cheeks as he presses into you and you wrap your arms around his shoulders a little tighter, one hand cradling the back of his head as he lets his emotions out.

“I love you, ok?” You whisper against his chocolate brown curls, your lips pressing a kiss to the side of his head. He says nothing, just nods his head against you that he knows you love him and he knows he’s being oversensitive but he just can’t help it.

“I wish you could see what I see” you murmur against him, still hugging him tightly to your body.

Franky gently pushes back from you slightly, quickly wiping at his eyes and collecting himself before his red-rimmed gaze settles on yours.

“I’m sorry I’m in a shit mood and taking it out on you, it’s not fair and you don’t deserve it” he apologizes, shaking his head slightly. “I’m just feeling down on myself I guess and I dragged you into it and I’m sorry”

“Is that what’s been going on all day?” You ask, genuinely curious. You’re starting to piece it together now, all the teasing he’s put up with all day, how he only seemed to be snapping at you when you complimented him or tried to take off his shirt tonight. Not to mention all his friends running around half naked in just their swim trunks all afternoon, most of whom kept themselves in very tip top shape. Maybe Frankie had grown a little softer since the two of you have been together but you loved it on him, his ‘dad bod’ physique. He has nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, as far as you’re concerned. But you suppose it’s hard not to feel self conscious when standing next to a shirtless Will, Benny or Santiago who all look like they could be models in some sort of hot firefighter calendar or something. None of them did anything for you though, Frankie would always hold your heart and your gaze, no matter who he was standing next to.

“I guess” Frankie sighs, fingers now picking at an imaginary thread on the blanket underneath you. “Sometimes I just wonder…” he trails off again and you frown.

“Wonder what?”

“Wonder what in the hell you’re doin’ with me” he sighs, throwing his hands up. “I’m a fuck-up. Forty years old and what have I accomplished in my life? I have a shit job, working for an asshole I can’t stand, flying tourists around and giving private lessons on the side to rich jerkoffs who don’t give a shit about learning anything about flying, just want a cool photo for their Instagram. Since I left the service I just feel like… Like I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing with my life anymore so I just haven’t done fucking anything. And you… god knows why you give me the time of day but you do and I just don’t ever feel like I’m enough. Least I could fucking do for you is go to the gym and take care of myself, god knows I need to eat healthier” He shakes his head and you’re unsure for a moment if he’s done beating himself up but before you even have a chance to articulate a response he starts up again.

“Like look at this!” He shouts suddenly, voice raised much higher than moments earlier as he rips his shirt off his head and sweeps his hand down his front. “How can you be in love with this, with someone who looks like this?! I… fuck’”

He doesn’t get any more words out, his hands flying to his face to hide his shame as he starts sobbing with how much hatred he apparently holds for himself and you can’t take it. You lurch forward, wrapping your arms around him and holding him as tightly to your body as possible. Thankfully he doesn’t push you away, just grabs onto you like you're his only lifeline, clinging to you with desperation.

“Frankie, my love, oh Frankie” you’re in tears now too, holding onto him for dear life so he can’t slip away from you. You won’t let him. Not this time.

You crawl into his lap, your legs wrapping around his waist and arms still around his neck like a needy spider monkey.

“I love you, so fucking much” you clarify, because you need him to hear you. “I’m sorry if I ever made you uncomfortable. I know I can get carried away sometimes but I guess I just thought you were okay with it, thought we were both into it. But I’ve never lied to you when I tell you how I feel about you or your body. Do you hear me, Francisco?” You ask and after a moment he nods his head just slightly, just once.

“I am crazy about you, whether you believe it or understand it. But if it makes you uncomfortable when I express my physical attraction to you the way that I do, then I'll stop. Or, you know, try to. Sometimes in the heat of the moment it might just come out but you can remind me and I swear I'll do my best. Just tell me what you need from me baby, whatever it is I’ll give it to you. I can’t lose you Frankie, I can’t!” Your tears flow even harder and Frankie’s grip around you tightens at your words.

“I know, I know” he murmurs softly. “Too fucking good for me” he reiterates quietly, but not in an argumentative way like he’d meant it earlier, more like he can’t believe you put up with his shit but he’s so glad that you do. You think maybe your words have sunk in because he's not arguing with you anymore, not berating himself, just absorbing everything. You decide to leave it be for now. You've said your peace, now you can only hope he'll believe your words and take everything you've said into consideration to fend off whatever demons are feasting inside of him. All you want is his happiness and you know that you can't be the one to solely give that to him, that he needs to find it within himself as well, but you're damn sure willing and hoping that he'll take the support you give him and that he'll let you be there at his side to continue to take on this journey of life together. If he wants to find a new job, or a new career even, you'd support him through that in every way you can. You'll do whatever is in your power to get him through this and you just hope now that he knows that.

You hold each other for several minutes, neither of you saying anything further, just taking whatever comfort you have left to offer one another. You don't push him for any more communication, assuming if he's not speaking it's because his thoughts are still a little all over the place and he still hasn't quite worked it all out for himself. He'll talk about it again when he's ready and whether that's tonight or tomorrow or next month, you'll wait for him. He's worth the wait, there's no doubt in your mind about that.

After a while Frankie shifts you both until he’s lied down on his back on the bed with you half draped over top of him and eventually sleep overcomes the tears and emotions and your breathing evens out as you both drift off within minutes of lying down, the full events of the day finally taking its toll on your weary bodies.

When you wake again the sun hasn’t quite risen to the sky but you know it’s only minutes away, not hours. You feel like you didn’t sleep at all. Your head is pounding like you’re the one who finished a gallon of tequila last night, not your boyfriend and his friends. Frankie is beside you, though you’ve more or less switched positions. You’re fully on your back with Frankie’s arm draped across your middle, his face buried into the juncture where your neck meets your shoulder and he snores softly. You’re glad he’s sleeping peacefully, god knows he needs it. You carefully extract yourself from him, needing to get up and use the bathroom, tossing on a pair of shorts and a tank top. As you pad across the plush carpeting and out to the hallway your mind spins a hundred different directions as you think about yesterday, about last night. You were both highly emotional but truth be told you’ve felt off for weeks. More tired. Bitchy. And you know you’ve been taking it out on Frankie even when he’s the last person that deserves it and who knows, maybe he thought you’ve been trying to push away from him and last night he just tried to do it himself before you got the chance to and he let his insecurities get the better of him. Of course that wasn’t your intention, you’ve never felt for anyone the way you feel about him and you meant every word last night when you told him you can’t lose him. You’ve just been a mess lately and you can’t really explain it other than you know it’s nothing to do with Frankie and certainly not his fault, he just takes the brunt of your ‘crazy’ because he’s the closest person to you. You don’t know what the fuck has been going on with you unless…

Shit.

You practically sprint the rest of the way to the bathroom down the hall, tossing open drawers and cupboards and medicine cabinets in a flurry as you look for that precious little white stick that might explain a whole hell of a lot that’s been going on with you.

“Hey” you softly call out from the doorway of the bedroom, leaning up against it with a large glass of water in hand. Frankie slowly stirs. He’s on his stomach now and raises his head to look at you through sleep-bleared eyes, wayward curls falling across his forehead.

“Hey” he rasps out, voice no doubt shot from all the talking and yelling and crying from last night.

This is what the water was for.

You cross the room and he immediately throws the blanket open, inviting you into his warm cocoon as he slightly sits up against the headboard. You hand him the water as you settle in next to his large warm frame and he chugs the entire glass in record time.

“Ah, thank you, I needed that” he says, clearing his throat and then reaching past you to place the glass on the nightstand before he wraps his arms around your shoulders and pulls you into his chest, his chin resting atop your head.

“How are you feeling?” You murmur into his chest, hand coming up to draw small shapes against his clavicle.

“Like a bit of a first class idiot, if I’m bein’ honest” he sighs and you squeeze your arms around him a little tighter.

“Don’t, babe” you tut, pressing a kiss to his chest. “You were feeling a lot yesterday and it obviously needed to come out. I’m glad it did. We need to be honest with each other, you know?” You tell him, tilting your head to look up at his face. He flashes the tiniest smile at you and leans down to press a kiss to the tip of your nose before you settle back against his chest.

“Some of the things I said last night though, I didn’t even mean. Not really…” he trails off, shaking his head like he’s trying to get his thoughts in order.

You push back from him slightly and up into a sitting position and turn to face him so the two of you can have a real conversation.

“Like what?”

He shrugs shyly and looks away, fingers fidgeting with the blanket around his waist. You hear a mumbled ‘dunno’ fall from his lips. You have a pretty good idea what he’s getting at but know that he’s too embarrassed to say it himself so you help him out, scooting a little closer and placing a hand on his naked chest before you let it slowly drift lower, fingertips dancing across his warm soft flesh and his eyes close and he lets out a content little sigh as he feels your hands on his body again.

“Last night I thought that maybe… I sometimes make you feel uncomfortable when we’re in bed with the attention I give and show you... Was that just insecure Frankie talking?” You ask softly. His eyes are still closed but he nods his head. Your hand rests on his stomach and you slide it upwards again and wrap it around his neck, your thumb brushing back and forth behind his ear.

“Sorry I basically called you a liar last night. That wasn’t fair of me” He tells you sincerely, finally opening his eyes to look back at yours. “I know you love me. All of me. God knows why, but you do” he finishes with a teasing smirk.

“I do love all of you. Every inch. And sometimes I just love showing you how much I do” you shrug.

“I know. And if I’m bein’ honest… I do… y’know, like it. I really like it. I just, yesterday, I don’t know what came over me. Just feeling sorry for myself I guess and wasn’t feeling… up to par, for you, and I guess I got a little too much in my own head. Shit I don’t know, guys teasing me all night, I probably had too much to drink and looking at those stupid pictures of me from when I was much younger and took better care of myself just had me feeling not very good about myself”

“Frankie, baby,” you begin, shifting your position so you can swing one knee over to the other side of his hips so you’re sitting on his lap on your knees facing him while he rests against the headboard. His hands immediately go to your hips and rest there, just holding you, while yours go to his shoulders.

“You never have to doubt for a moment how I feel about you. How I desire you. I need you to hear me on that” you tell him, staring into his eyes in hopes he doesn’t get too embarrassed and turn away from you again. To your delight, he doesn’t. He holds your gaze and his thumbs absently draw small circles on your hips. “I am in love with this Frankie, the one right in front of me. To me he’s sweet and perfect and yeah, he turns me on. Like, a fucking lot. So sorry, but you’re just gonna have to face facts, and thems the facts” you conclude teasingly and he lets out a little chuckle.

“Understood” he nods once before he pushes forward slightly and his mouth latches on to the side of your throat, gently kissing at your inviting flesh. Your head falls back and your hands travel up to hold the back of his head, fingers running through soft chestnut curls.

“There’s something else you said last night…” you begin, trailing off slightly as Frankie’s hot mouth on your skin attempts to distract you.

“Mmm?” He mumbles into your neck, not letting up from what he’s doing as he licks and nips and sucks at the supple flesh of your throat.

Despite wanting nothing more than for him to continue, your hands go to his chest and you gently push him back. He falls back against the headboard with a quiet thud and looks at you with a hint of confusion and worry in his gaze.

“You said you haven’t accomplished anything since leaving the military and well… I just wanted you to know that I am currently in possession of evidence that you have accomplished something very special. Might even be the most important thing you’ve done in your life” you shrug and he raises a curious eyebrow at you.

“Possess… what? What do you mean?”

Rather than spell it out for him, you take his large hand in two of yours and bring it to rest on your stomach, his palm flat across the span of your belly. It’s probably too early for a ‘bump’ just yet but you hold his hand there all the same and within seconds you watch as the realization dawns across his face. At first his brow furrows like he’s confused but then they perk up and his face splits into a giant grin that reaches his eyes and causes them to crinkle at the corners.

“Baby are you… are you serious?” He asks for confirmation and you simply nod your head.

“I mean, I think so. I’ve been feeling kinda off for a while and you my dear boyfriend were too sweet to call me out on any of my crazy shit” you add teasingly and huffs a little laugh but shakes his head. “Then it all kinda clicked into place when I woke up so I took a test this morning and it was positive” you shrug. “I’ll have to make a doctors appointment to be su-“

You don’t get the rest of the words out before Frankie is on you. He surges forward pressing his mouth to yours in a firm kiss before he moves to start peppering tiny little kisses all over your face and neck until you’re bubbling over with laughter as his facial scruff tickles your throat with his frantic movements.

“We’re having a baby?” He asks, eyes welled up with tears as he pushes back from you to stare into yours. He needs to hear you say it, make sure he’s not dreaming this moment. You had a close call together once before, hence the left over pregnancy tests in your bathroom cupboard but nothing came of it. Neither of you expressed disappointment or relief over the false alarm several months back, just kept on with your lives but now it felt different. At least for you. You felt… ready. Excited, even.

“We’re having a baby” you confirm, wide grin across your lips, ecstatic that Frankie is happy with this news.

“Oh my god” he breathes out, wrapping his arms around your back and pulling you tightly against his chest so he can bury his nose in your hair. “I'm gonna be a dad?”

“You’re gonna be a great dad” you clarify.

“Oh my god” he breathes out again, pulling you back tightly against him one last time.

“I’m so glad you’re happy about this” you blubber through a few tears, squeezing him back just as tightly. You really weren’t sure how this news would go over, especially given the events of last night and how Frankie currently felt about his position in life but you are incredibly relieved at how happy this news has made him. You weren’t planning this, like at all, but you suppose when you have as much sex as you and Frankie do, no matter how careful you are, it’s bound to happen.

“Of course I'm happy” Frankie murmurs into your shoulder. “I’m so fucking happy” you can feel a few stray tears fall against your skin and you smile, holding him impossibly tighter.

You stay there for several long moments, just letting everything sink in before Frankie speaks and breaks the silence. It’s quiet, muffled into the warmth of your skin as his face stays buried in your neck, but you hear it.

“Will you marry me?”

“What?” You breathe out in shock. You heard him, you know you heard exactly what he said, but… is this really happening?

“Will you-”

“I heard you” you quickly interrupt, gently pulling back from him enough so you can look at each other again. You put both hands on his face, searching for any traces of regret like maybe he just blurted that out because of the endorphins coursing through his body but he looks back at you only with pure love in those giant brown irises of his.

All the same, you need to be sure he’s absolutely sure and not just doing this because he thinks it’s ‘the right thing to do’. You want him to marry you because he wants to marry you, not because of any obligation he might feel. To be honest you’ve been waiting for a while for him to pop the question, you figured you’ve been together long enough, living together even for a while now but it hadn’t happened yet. You try not to feel too over excited that he’s asked you now, in case it’s for the wrong reasons, but you can’t help but feel how your heart practically soared the moment the words fell from his lips.

“And?...” Frankie asks hopefully and you realize it’s been several long seconds without you actually giving him an answer.

“Baby,” You sigh, your gaze glancing down for a moment and you feel his shoulders drop a little, like he’s already anticipating you saying no to him. “I would marry you in a damn heartbeat but… I just don’t want you to ask me now because you think you have to. This is a lot, I just don’t want to put any more pressure on you. I don’t expect you to suddenly feel ready to marry me because of this”

You try desperately to hold back the tears that threaten to fall. If he agrees with you and takes it back you won’t be mad with him but you know your heart will be just a little bit broken.

“Wait right here” he suddenly pipes up, taking your hands and pressing them into your lap before he extracts himself from the bed and runs over to the closet. You watch him closely, not exactly sure what he’s up to as he scavenges around at the top of the closet for a moment, rooting through a box you recognize that holds some of his military achievements that he said he didn’t want to hang up or have on display, a chapter of his life he had closed.

He seems to find what he’s been after and scurries back over to the bed, crawling across it on his knees until he’s back in front of you again and presses a small blue velvet box into your hands. You flip the lid open and a soft gasp leaves your lungs.

“This isn’t exactly how I wanted to do this” he shrugs. “I bought it weeks ago and I wanted to, you know, plan something big for you and then ask you but, I mean, what’s a bigger moment than this, right?”

Your eyes well up again (happy tears this time) as you stare down at the beautifully crafted diamond engagement ring that sparkles brightly despite the low lighting of your bedroom. The band is a beautiful rose gold, your favourite, and the cut of the diamond and style of the ring is one you’ve been dreaming about since you were a little girl. Clearly Frankie paid attention all those times you happened to pass by a jewelry store together.

“You’ve had this for weeks?” You ask through your tears, still not believing it, your dream actually coming true. Not only was Frankie asking you to marry him, but it was his idea and something he’d decided on long before he knew you were pregnant.

“Yeah I guess I’ll have to call off the marching band and the flash-mob dancers now though” he teases with a smirk. “Unless you want me to take it back and-” he goes to reach for the ring but you snatch the box out of reach, clutching it to your chest.

“Not on your life pal” you playfully threaten.

“Can I at least put it on you then?” he laughs. “That is, if you’re saying yes? Wait, let me…” he trails off and scoots off the bed again only to kneel down on one bent knee beside it. He reaches up and turns you so you’re facing him and a huge dopey smile spreads across your lips as you watch him want to do this at least somewhat properly. If anyone asks later you’ll leave out the part where he’s half naked when he popped the question.

“May I have that back, just for a second?” He asks and you oblige him, handing back the box.

He begins with saying your full name and your heart practically flutters in your chest as you take a deep breath, trying to keep your composure and get through this without being a weeping, blubbering mess.

“Would you make me the happiest man alive and be my wife?” he asks, slight tremble in his voice from his nerves and all you can do is give him a face splitting smile before you frantically nod your head and yank him up from the floor, crushing your mouth to his.

“Yes I’ll marry you Francisco Morales” you murmur against his lips between hungry kisses. “About damn time” you tease and he laughs at that as well. He knows he probably should have done this sooner but he’d been waiting to save up enough money to get you the perfect ring he knew you deserved.

Frankie regretfully pulls away from your mouth to carefully pull the ring from the box and place it on your finger before he holds both your hands in his and lets out a big sigh of relief.

“You make me so happy” he confesses, leaning down so his forehead rests against yours. “I’m sorry if I’ve ever given you any reason to doubt that, but you’re the best thing in my life. Best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m gonna spend the rest of my life making sure that you and this little one feel the same way about me”

“I will always feel the same way about you Frankie” you promise, eyes slipping shut as another tear escapes which Frankie gently brushes away with the pad of his thumb.

“You’re sure you’re still gonna love me when I’m even more of a pain in the ass in a few months than I am now?” You ask playfully and Frankie huffs a laugh but nods his head affirmatively.

“We’re locked in now baby” Frankie affirms, gently twisting the ring around your finger. “It’s you and me”

“Plus one” you add, looking down to your tummy and Frankie laughs.

“Plus one” he confirms. “And maybe down the line… more than one?” he asks playfully, moving a little closer and nuzzling into your throat before he begins to plant hot little open-mouthed kisses there. You laugh wholeheartedly, your head tossing backwards. Leave it to Frankie to learn five minutes ago that you’re barely pregnant and already asking you if you want another. You really did love him with all your heart and you don’t think you’ve ever been happier than in this moment.

And it turns out that was the truth, that was your happiest moment, until about seven months later a new one replaces it as you hold your beautiful daughter in your arms for the first time. Frankie is at your side with his forehead resting against yours as a tiny hand clutches around one of his large fingers, the one that happens to have a shiny gold band around it now, and tears flow freely down his cheeks. He’d barely gotten there in time for your unexpectedly two-week-early delivery, but he’d made it. Thankfully he was well enough known around the hospital by this point that they allowed him to land his bird on the helipad on the roof before he jumped out and let his co-pilot take over for him as he rushed inside to find you.

It turned out Frankie had found his calling not long after your little unexpected surprise all those months ago. His reflections on the direction his life was going, coupled with your exciting news of having an addition to your family, gave him the push he needed to have his career together in a way that was both rewarding and challenging to him and after a few months of long days and intense training he was accepted into the local Red Cross chapter’s Search and Rescue Program as a Lead Pilot. He loved his job again. He was proud of what he did and most importantly knew that his family could be proud of him too. It allowed him to give back and to serve his community and country the way he always felt he was meant for, except now he could do it and still be home in time for dinner most nights, not shipping out to god knows where for months at a time as he had done in the service.

“Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Morales” the doctor beamed at the two of you, though neither of you could take your gaze off the tiny bundle in your arms long enough to look back at her. Frankie mumbled a polite ‘thank you’ towards her before pressing a kiss into your temple.

“You did it baby” he murmurs against your skin and you can feel the smile spread across his lips.

“We did it baby” you correct him, turning your head just slightly to press a kiss to the underside of his chin. “We made this beautiful, perfect angel” you sigh, nuzzling back in towards your daughter, inhaling that euphoric ‘new baby smell’ you’d up until now only read about but now completely understood.

“My girls” Frankie sighs, heart swelling with content at how goddamn lucky he got in his life.

“Thank you for loving me” he confesses, lips pressed to your temple.

Taglist: @nerdieforpedro @suzdin @iamasaddie @boliv-jenta @chronically-ghosted @vabeachazn @anotherpedrolover @axshadows @pedroshotwifey @survivingandenduring @theywhowriteandknowthings

#frankie morales fanfiction #frankie morales x reader #pedro pascal cinematic universe #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal #pedro pascal character fanfiction #frankie morales #triple frontier #ppcu #ppcu fanfiction

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sicklyseraphnsuch · 1 year

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The Duality of Simon (or the Importance of Marcy)

Travel back to the early 2010s, when Adventure Time was still a fairly new thing. The fandom was growing, the theories were flowing. We've had confirmation that Ooo is in fact a post appcalyptic world. And then we get:

Here was living, breathing proof of the intersection between Ooo and our world. Simon Petrikov was a literal connection to the past, and moreover one of the ways Adventure Time really began to develop its inner tragedies.

But honestly, as sad as the Idea of Simon Petrikov was - it remained that he was a relic, an inert tragedy that was a connection to the past, but not necessarily connected to the future.

Enter:

You can mourn the losses of ages past. But it won't necessarily move you to act. Because there's nothing to compel you. You can stand to gain something but it's more important that you don't lose anything by keeping the status quo. In short, there weren't any stakes.

No, not those kind of Stakes... Well... maybe a little

So, bear in mind, Betty won't make her debut until two seasons after "Holly Jolly Secrets". To us, she was a non-entity. Simon's grief over her loss was for the audience, a mostly intellectual exercise. How sad for this poor cursed man to lose the woman he loved - replacing all proper nouns with common nouns because we didn't know Simon either. But his situation is clearly sad, just in a general, unspecific way. Because again, there's nothing at stake here.

Marcy drives thoses stakes up (and into our hearts). Suddenly, Simon becomes Very Very Real because we know Marcy. We've hung out with her for at least five seasons now leading up to the game changing "I Remember You".

By connecting Marcy to this Simon, suddenly we had something to lose - suddenly we already lost something. Marcy gave Simon's curse weight - dimension - texture - rendering it very real instead of a mere intellectual tragedy. Simon matters because he matters to someone here and now, because someone was still crying over him. And we love Marcy. We don't want her to cry.

It was through the Marcy and Simon relationship that we came to learn of and love Simon. Betty came later. Betty came after. We already loved Simon by then so learning of his love story was just building on that love. Naturally, being invested in the Simon and Betty relationship without prior connection to Simon is possible. But the fact that he was already established and endeared to the audience goes a way into investing in the Simon and Betty relationship.

So we get to Fionna and Cake.

We get exactly one scene with the Marcy we know and love. And Simon isn't even in the same room as her.

And the show is fully justified in doing so because Fionna and Cake was a series about Simon and Betty. And Simon and Marcy have little to do with that A story (the love plotline). Even if the B story (the recovery plotline) does pay homage to Simon and Marcy by showing Simon that he does have value, the homage amounts to only a few scenes (maybe cumulatively three minutes of screen time) in the whole series.

However, Simon and Marcy's relationship wasn't just to show that Simon is an integral component to the way Ooo came to be, and his impact on the people he loves. Simon and Marcy's relationship is integral to how we came to love Simon - against all odds and all tenets of common sense, a man that was slowly warped by madness chose to take care of a completely unknown little girl that he found in the wreckage of the world.

The problem here is that Marcy's Simon and Betty's Simon never got to meet in the middle. A lot of this is rooted in the original Adventure Time series where Betty and Marceline never speak more than ten words to each other.

Literally the only time they share the screen (and no I'm not counting Betty bot in Broke his Crown)

Which is BANANAS considering they are literally the two most important people in Simon's life.

And listen, again, by Fionna and Cake, we are invested in Simon and Betty, especially after what she did during the finale. We want to know about them.

And again, the Fionna and Cake series is well and wholly complete without ever having Simon and Marcy talk.

But it leaves a little ache. Because again, the first opportunity to truly love and connect with Simon came through Simon and Marcy. And we never really know how they get on now that they're back together. We seriously have maybe 10 lines of conversation between them since the finale and this includes Obsidian.

Literally, he says hi to Marcy twice and that's it. Very meaningful conversation.

Aaaand there's also the supreme irony where in one relationship, Simon never gets a chance to contribute equally, and in his other relationship, Simon wore himself down to nubs giving all that he had. But this duality within Simon is never really connected. There is a throughline here, his impulse for self sacrifice shares a root for his self centered perspective that blinded him to Betty's self effacing habits.

Now here's the thing, Fionna and Cake also built its conflict around Simon's identity and his self worth, etc. Yet it doesn't really contend with all that Simon has done without Betty, and before Ice King. By centering the narrative on only how he was with Betty (both pre and post Mushroom War), we get very little foundation laid out for what he could do after he says goodbye to her.

And this isn't a mistake because again, the series stands on its own just fine. The story works without it because at least that central relationship of Simon and Betty is fully established. But it does come at the cost of a missed opportunity to fully explore the cause of Simon's myopia, or how living through an apocalypse could reinforce that myopia because Simon keeps romanticizing "when his life was great".

Finally, the other downside is that Fionna and Cake stands on its own, maybe a little too much. It's still based on the characters of Adventure Time, building on the love for the original show. So it would have been a crowd pleaser, shall we say some fan service, to get more of what the original show worked hard to make us love.

#adventure time #fionna and cake #simon petrikov #marceline abadeer #marceline the vampire queen #betty grof

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reallyhardydraws · 9 months

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2023.

i hope any of you reading this will forgive the essay. i started posting to this art blog ten years ago in 2013 when i was just at the very end of high school, uploading short animations i'd made for one of my final projects, preparing myself for art school where i was gearing up to become an illustration/animation student.

i went into my art foundation course in 2014, still thinking i was going to be going into storybook illustration or with faint hopes of becoming like a concept artist for game/animation, although even then i'd started thinking about patterns...

and then in 2015 i did go into my BA, going in for that illustration with animation degree that... usually when i talk about it in real life, i say didn't really feel like the best place for me. if i think back, the best things i got out of it were two of my best friends, one of whom is now my partner. looking back on my BA era, there's some bits of sketchbook stuff...

and while i was at university my main fandoms were thunderbirds are go and x-men for a bit... these are from the end of 2015 into the beginning of 2016...

then for a little while i was doing this still sort of pastel-ish lineless situation:

and i alternated between that and this thin fineliner type work (pretty sure all of the linearted pieces were done on paper and scanned, and all the lineless were graphics-tablet-only) - it was in this style that i started to offer commissions for the first time too.

and i also had fineliner-lined work in sketchbooks that i coloured with marker and posca pens, the colours of which were generally a bit more intense just based on not being able to slide the hue/saturation around on paper:

also 2016 was when i discovered the spongebob musical just after it's trial run in chicago (which ended in july of 2016) and i started making fanart at that point... which would have the biggest effect on the way i drew (and i did end up handing in a piece of spongebob musical fanart as one of my art school homeworks lmao)

from summer 2016 until early 2017 things were still quite soft and pastelly in my digital art, colour-wise:

and then suddenly everything got whacked up to 100% on saturation. also i was using the binary tool to give everything really thin pixel lineart for some reason.

then i went on vacation in summer 2017 and didn't draw for maybe a month? just short of? and when i came back i decided to change everything up again... giving characters blobbier, more ugly-cute faces with large squinting eyes and big nostrils and i was worrying a lot less about making anything look smooth, lineart-wise. i turned off the pen stabiliser in SAI and let it wiggle.

then... the spongebob musical opened on broadway in late 2017, i went to see it live in person for the first time... and my whole brain was ENTIRELY consumed by my love of it. i was putting that david zinn inspired pattern explosion into everything, even if it wasn't sbm fanart.

as we go into 2018, i started colouring my lineart. my biggest interest was still broadway musicals (with spongebob at the top of the list)

i think summer 2017 - early 2018 is probably my favourite art era, i was at my most bright and colourful and exciting... although i know in my actual real life i was struggling a lot with my home situation and i had been for some time. art was definitely my escapism back then, and i think a lot of the time i drew really bright, joyful stuff to try and inject that feeling into myself.

as for my university work, i was putting my focus into 3D paper-mache puppets:

and i was also starting to do more repeat patterns, mostly inspired by things around me. i'd learned how to make patterns actually tile and repeat in 2017, so made a few during my time at uni just to accompany some of my projects, but never as the focus of them. one of my university tutors told me that maybe i should put more focus on doing surface pattern, and maybe applying it to textiles, but i said i wasn't interested.

i graduated from my BA in the summer of 2018, and immediately began volunteering at the whitworth art gallery doing anything i could - stewarding, helping with arts and crafts, dancing with families...

in 2019 i was still very colourful... i was trying out more chunky colouring on characters skintones that i think was def inspired by tumblr artist jadenvargen:

but the blobbyness and ugly-cute style of drawing faces was gone by here, and i think... the way i drew characters probably had better *anatomy*, proportions were maybe a bit more realistic...

in 2020 i started adding the black shading to under the chins and some other places on characters' bodies because i started watching the anime my hero academia with my brother, lmao (and i was starting to pastelise colours a bit again, these are the most pastel-ish examples) my lineart has really smoothed back out too, though i never turned my pen stabiliser back on in SAI. i think my hand just adjusted. probably seems a bit insane to miss that, but i do.

by the end of 2020, the almost-year of lockdown over cobid had... made me a bit insane, i think, and i moved out of my mother's house and into a flat with a friend from university.

in 2021 i think things were much the same... i think from this point on is where things have sort of settled. i don't want to say stagnated, but i do think things have been very... like this for a while.

2022 - got the most exciting examples out...

also i was very into these little frames in 2022.

and then on to 2023! in 2022, i did begin trying to shift gears a bit -- hoping to put more energy into sewing and making products (like my tutor has suggested back in uni, even though i'd really resisted the idea.) i sold at a few in-person markets during winter of 2022, but got disheartened by the amount of money i had to sink in up front to sign up for a spot...

which has made me VERY grateful for the people who have supported me via online sales. it has really helped me stay afloat in 2023 - AND it has felt more wonderful than i can describe that there have been people interested in my work... especially when a lot of it has been my original designs, rather than the fanart that i expect a lot of people initially followed me for.

i've also... in the past 2 years... branched out a bit more when it comes to 'being an artist' - and have had the opportunity to deliver arts & crafts workshops with local refugee & asylum seeker support charity, afrocats. it's taken me to their home base in a church to hotels across the city where asylum seekers were temporarily placed while waiting on their new homes, and of course to my beloved whitworth art gallery, where we welcomed visitors from all backgrounds: from the typical white middle class visitors the gallery usually expects, to all the refugee visitors coming into the space for the first time.

and through my volunteering at the whitworth, i showed up so often they decided they might as well pay me. so i've also become a facilitator of... creative play sessions, my favourites of which have been outdoors. monthly, year-round, we have 'outdoor art club', where i get to paint with mud and make potions from leaves with kids & families - here you can see me tell you a little bit about it in this video below with 'crempog' a puppet character that makes videos about activities for kids and families around manchester (my bit starts at 01:10 although i am in the intro and thumbnail haha)

youtube

and then of course the summer 'PLAYTIME' activities we've had the past two years: scrap studio in 2022, and play market in 2023. it's the best freelance gig ever -- just to hang out and encourage families to be creative and have fun.

youtube

in working more in these new avenues... outside of being - as i've called myself for a long time - "an internet artist"... i've found myself more interested in this sort of thing. in being a "real world artist" too. in doing surface pattern design, and being a workshop facilitator, i find myself wanting to put more energy into these sorts of projects.

in 2023 i've also dabbled a little bit more in youtube videos! i have had a channel for a while and have made videos in previous years, but 2023 has been the year i've done the most in. admittedly most of them haven't been about my art, and more just like... random things that interest me (the spongebob musical in particular) but i've really been enjoying video editing. that's kind of an art form too, so i'm including it here!

moving forward, want to keep putting even more of my energy into other things. my shop, with a bigger range of products to offer. workshops in real life, where i can make a difference.

as for my art blog... i feel like i've done the least drawing in many years in 2023, and... well, things have been weird and complicated for a bit in my real life. i hope to draw for fun a bit more again very soon, and to return to doing things in more of a wild and crazy way, to be more creative and exciting with the way i draw things. still, here's some of my favourites from 2023:

thank you so much to everyone who has borne witness to my art journey this past decade!!! i hope you will stick with me, who knows, maybe for another 10 years if tumblr holds out. especially a big thank you to everyone who has ever commissioned me, or bought anything from my store, you literally keep me able to make art at all and i cannot, cannot, cannot overstate how much it means to me.

i'm moving homes soon, possibly into very cramped temporary conditions for a little while before HOPEFULLY starting my real life with my partner. if i can take one more moment to plug my work, then [here is a link to my online shop] and [here is my ko-fi page too.]

cheers, cheers, cheers!

- LOREN 🌈🍍🎉

#also: i did post. monster high and steam powered giraffe fanart on my main blog when i was in high school #in 2012/2013 it seems like i did absolutely LOADS of fanart for both of those fandoms but didn't cross-post it to my art blog #and uh. well. i'm not about to do it now hahaha

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caligvlasaqvarivm · 4 months

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I know you've touched on it in your Gamzee Essay/general alternative timeline post but may I hear some more about your ideas regarding GamTav (or only Tavros)? You get these two in a way the broader fandom doesn't (which is fine, I'll still reblog even the most vanilla ooc art of them) so I'd really love hearing more of your thoughts:3

Ok, I think this is going to be someeewhat controversial, but I think they're destined for pale together, despite Gamzee's initial flushed flirting. I did in fact reread ALL of Tavros's logs for this.

I think the first thing we need to establish is that Tavros actually feels really shitty about himself. It's obvious that his problem is "self-esteem," since he's constantly prattling on about it, but there's a bit he says as Tavrossprite that's pretty enlightening as to where his actions stem from:

TAVROSPRITE: i SYMPATHIZE ENTIRELY WITH YOUR SOCIAL IMPASSE, cAUSING NOT GOOD REFLECTIONS ABOUT YOURSELF, tHAT MAYBE ALSO DOUBLE AS LIBERATING STUFF ABOUT YOU THAT YOU RANDOMLY DECIDE IS FINE SUDDENLY, TAVROSPRITE: oLD ACQUAINTANCES, aND GUYS YOU ONCE CALLED FRIENDS, TAVROSPRITE: tHOSE ARE VERY HARD, TAVROSPRITE: bECAUSE OVER TIME THEY GET EXPOSED TOO MUCH, tO ALL MY FLAWS AND INSECURITIES, TAVROSPRITE: aND THEY START LIKING ME LESS BECAUSE OF THAT, TAVROSPRITE: aT LEAST, tHAT'S HOW THE TRUTH FEELS, iN MY BRAIN, TAVROSPRITE: sO i START THINKING, mAYBE THEY CAN'T BE THAT IMPORTANT TO ME, aFTER ALL, iF i'M GOING TO WANT TO FEEL NOT SAD ABOUT MYSELF ALL THE TIME,

He has a mixture of self-loathing and social anxiety, the latter of which exacerbates the former, as his mind tells him that his friends secretly hate him. However, his real problem is what he then does with those feelings - he avoids them and the situations that cause them. This causes two major knock-on effects: the first is that he actively ends up distancing himself from people who ARE nice to him and DO care about him, only adventuring with Vriska because he's a pushover and she's very pushy (he adventures completely alone up until that point, and winds up sleeping almost all the time afterwards); the second being that, because he refuses to actually sit with and address his negative feelings about himself (or anything else), he's never able to fix them, or remove himself from shitty situations.

Something consistent with Tavros is that every time he tries to make a decision before his death and Vriska-prototyping, it's by trying to rely on something external - whether that's his imaginary friend, his robot legs, or the story of Pupa Pan... or relying on advice from Kanaya, or seeking approval and forgiveness from Vriska, or earning flushed interest from Jade. He believes himself to be deeply flawed and untrustworthy, so he allows other people to make his decisions, and when relationships do get intimate enough that someone might get him vulnerable, he peaces out. Even his ill-fated attempt to kill Vriska is heavily encouraged by Vriska herself:

AT: aND THAT BEING THE CASE, AT: eVEN THOUGH i'M TERRIFIED OF YOU, AT: aND nOT AS STRONG, AT: oR REAL CONFIDENT, AT: oNLY MOSTLY FAKE CONFIDENT, AG: Yeeeeeeees? AG: Go on. AT: i THINK, AT: i AM GOING TO HAVE TO STOP YOU, AG: Yeah! That's the spirit. AG: Pretty weakslime threat there, 8ut it's a start. AG: Tell you what. AG: If you can find me in this la8, you can have at me. AG: I'll even give you a free shot! No funny 8usiness or anything. AT: oK, AT: tHEN, AT: hERE i COME, AG: I'll 8e w8ing. <3

As we see with Jade, whom he's attempting to flirt with flushed, he's actively trying to impress her using "self-esteems" explicitly gained from "fake" things he's acknowledging as fake - that is, refusing to be genuine and vulnerable with her, because he doesn't believe anyone would like him the way he actually is.

AT: bUT WHAT ABOUT, AT: mY ATTRACTIVE BRAVADO, AT: aND IGNORING MY INSTINCTUAL COWARDICE HARD ENOUGH TO SAY THAT i LIKE YOU, AT: iSN'T THAT, AT: sUPPOSED TO BE VERY ATTRACTIVE, aND ENCOURAGE THE MAJOR HAVING OF FLUSHED FEELINGS IN OTHERS, AT: i GUESS WHAT i MEAN IS, wHAT ABOUT ALL MY CONFIDENCE, AT: wHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT,

His "dating" Vriska in the dream bubbles is also dubious and one-sided at best, as John calls him out for faking it and Tavros isn't willing to bring up wanting the Ring of Life because he was planning to propose to Vriska. Thus, once more, he's attempting to use something disingenuous (in this case, a human proposal) to win another person's affection, which he believes would be a symbol of actualizing his "self-esteem".

We also literally see him do the "deciding someone wasn't actually important to you after all, so it hurts less when you cut them off before they can hurt you emotionally by noticing your flaws" thing with Nepeta - he actually quite likes Nepeta, and would certainly have enjoyed having her play the game with him, but he assures her that it's not a big deal basically immediately, and insists he'll just find someone else:

AC: :33 < tavros im sorry i cant be on your team :(( AC: :33 < im not allowed AT: oH, AT: tHAT'S OKAY, AT: tHEN i GUESS HE SAID NO, tHEN, ... AC: :33 < hmm purrhaps AC: :33 < but i still f33l bad AT: i'LL FIND ANOTHER PLAYER, iT'S NOT A BIG DEAL, AT: gOOD LUCK, bEING, AT: oN THE BLUE TEAM, AC: :33 < ok thanks :((

But, perhaps most strikingly, is the way he leaves his good friend Gamzee on read after Gamzee suggests... gasp... intimacy.

TC: WhEn wE Up aNd sTaRt tO KiCk aT ThIs rEd TeAm NoIsE, TC: YoU ShOuLd mAkE YoUr wAy tO GeT YoUr hAnG On aT My hIvE. AT: oH, yES, tOTALLY, TC: We cOuLd sPlIt a tIn oF ThE PiMpEsT SnEeZe i gOt oN HaNd, BaKeD Up aLl sPeCiAl fOr yOu. TC: AnD ThEn mAyBe mAkE OuT A LiTtLe. AT: uH, TC: ;o) AT: , AT: ,,

It freaks him out, and he's never seen hanging with Gamzee again. And this is a huge shame, because not only is Tavros one of the only people who is nice to Gamzee and appreciates his religious beliefs, but Gamzee is one of the only people who hears out Tavros's genuine insecurities and desires without making fun of him:

AT: tHE ONLY THING MORE FLY THAN THE RHYMES, AT: i'M SAYING TO EXPRESS ALL MY MALICES, AT: iS THE ABILITY HE HAD i WISH WAS MINE, AT: iNSTEAD OF i GUESS, THIS EXCESSIVE PARALYSIS, TC: (lOoK OuT FoR ThE HoOk bRo!!!) TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs. TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS! AT: bUT HIGH, iN THIS CASE, hAS DOUBLE THE MEANING, AT: iT MEANS HE CAN FLY, pLUS DOES HIGH SELF ESTEEMING, AT: tHAT'S TWO THINGS HE HAS, tHAT i'D RATHER WERE MINE, AT: hIS TWO FLAPPY WINGS, aND hIS BIG HEALTHY SPINE, AT: oOPS, AT: tHAT'S THREE THINGS,,, TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs. TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS!

(Compare:)

PAT: i'M SORT OF, lYING ON vRISKA'S FLOOR RIGHT NOW, PAT: lIKE, iN HER BLOCK, PAT: lYING DOWN, PAT: uHH, yOU KNOW, bECAUSE i CAN'T WALK, CCG: OH NO SHIT REALLY??? CCG: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN.

He isn't able to do a REAL self-confidence at least until he gives Vriska the bird and flies away, for the first time asserting that he thinks she's an asshole and doesn't actually want or need her validation or approval. After that, he's able to convince a ghost army to follow him using friendship and asking and niceness. Breath powers! Also Page powers! Also actual self-esteems! Although I don't personally hold anything after Game Over as anything more than soft canon, I think we can still see a fairly straightforward character arc reach a natural conclusion there.

But as to why I specifically think him and Gamzee are destined for pale, despite what appears to be flushed leanings from Gamzee's end, and despite the fact that I usually believe what the comic tells me, is because what brief few interactions we see between them are very much pale in nature, and it would be kind of narratively bizarre if Gamzee were set up to have a failed moirallegiance - the quadrant described as "soul mates" - without managing to find his real soul mate after. And who's it going to be? Equius? Or the guy that Gamzee literally says he feels "at chill with" talking to?

Gamzee kissing Tavros's corpse is often used as evidence for his desire for flushed, but I disagree - however Gamzee feels about Tavros romantically, kissing a dead player is how you revive them, so it reads to me - especially given how sad Gamzee is about Tavros dying - more like a desperate act to bring him back. Lest we forget, Terezi also gives it a try, and Karkat kisses Kanaya for the same reason - the reality that their extra lives are gone hasn't sunk in yet for these 13 year old kids, so they must try revival even if they know it won't work.

Moreover, Gamzee indirectly describes Tavros as his "best friend," after having called Karkat that through most of the game, and having an implied pale crush on Karkat during that time.

TC: YOU MOTHER FUCKING KNOW, BROTHER. TC: its the fuckin puppet. TC: THE ONE THAT'S ALL GOT TO BE MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND I GOT NOW. TC: now that my other buddy managed to be having his head chopped off. :oC

Moreover moreover, what Karkat cites as being the cause of their moirallegiance's failure is Gamzee's religious beliefs:

KARKAT: HE STARTED GETTING SO UNBELIEVABLY SELF SATISFIED AND PIOUS, LIKE WAY MORE THAN HE EVER WAS BEFORE. KARKAT: LIKE HE'S JUST SO COMPLETELY CONVINCED HE'S FOUND HIS CALLING, THAT THIS SESSION IS THE GATEWAY TO THE PROMISED LAND WHERE HE'LL FULFILL HIS DESTINY. KARKAT: HE'S SO CAUGHT UP IN HIS IDIOTIC SCHEMES HE COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME ANYMORE.

Which are explicitly what Tavros invites Gamzee to speak on, and appreciates:

AT: yEAHHH, yOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE CLOWN THINGS, wHICH, AT: i DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND EVER, bUT THAT'S OKAY, AT: bECAUSE IT'S KIND OF FUNNY, AT: wHEREAS, i'LL ADDRESS SOME TOPICS PERTAINING TO MY INTERESTS, AT: aND i GUESS, pERSONAL MOTIFS, TC: YeAh! FuCk YeAh, ThAt Be HoW sHiT's AlL uSuAlLy Up AnD fUcKiN lOcKeD bRo. ... AT: dO YOU HAVE TIME FOR, mY MIRACLES, rELIGIOUS FRIEND, }:) TC: Do yOu gEt yOuR NoTiCe oN Of tHe mIrAcLeS AT: sO MANY, uH, gRATUITOUS EXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, tHE MAGIC MOTHER, aLSO eXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, TC: FuCk yEs, HeReS WhErE ThE SlAm tUrNs tO NoThIn bUt hOnKs... TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk AT: HONK, TC: FuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuCk! AT: iT'S LESS APPROPRIATE FOR ME TO DO THE HONKS, tHAN YOU, bUT THAT WAS STILL GREAT, TC: YeAh, BrO. yEaH!!! AT: tHE SLAMS WERE TRULY PRIME, aND, AT: yOUR RELIGIOUS VIEWS, tHOUGH i DON'T SHARE THEM, aRE, AT: rEASONABLY INSPIRATIONAL, AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR,

But also in Tavros's single conversation with Gamzee, we see Tavros stand up to a highblood:

TC: :o) HoNkHoNkHoNkHoNkHoNk AT: }:o), hEH, TC: hAhAh FuUuUuCk, YoU sToLe My FuCkIn NoSe BrO! TC: WhAt GoT yOu EvEn Up ThE gUmPtIoN tO aLl FuCkIn Do ThE sHiT lIkE tHaT? AT: eRR, i DON'T KNOW, iT'S JUST, AT: kIND OF THE OBVIOUS THING TO DO, AT: sTICK THE CIRCLE IN FRONT OF THE DOTS, aND, bEHIND THE BENDY ONE, AT: pLUS, oH YEAH, mY HORNS, TC: hAhAhAhA. AT: mAYBE WE CAN SLAM ABOUT IT, ... TC: fUuUuCk, So FuCkIn FrEsH. TC: YoU nEeD tO bE sLaPpEd FuCkIn SiLlY wItH a MoUtH lIkE tHaT! hAhA. AT: aND, iF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT, AT: tHEN i SUGGEST YOU GO AND RAP IT DUDE,

He feels safe with Gamzee, enough to take a bit of an attitude with him, enough to open up about his insecurities about his disability and how much he wishes he was like Pupa Pan, and Gamzee explicitly states he feels calm when he talks to Tavros, which is the stated function of a moirallegiance.

TC: Me tOo, BrO, yOu mOtHeR FuCkIn kNoW ThErE Be sOmE Of mY EyE's RoYaL JeLlY To gO WiTh yOuR EmOtIoNaL pEaNuT BuTtEr. AT: wHOA, aHA, hA, TC: ThIs iS BeAuTiFuL, dUdE, i fEeL So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu. AT: yEAH, fRIENDLINESS WITH YOU IS, pRETTY MUCH ALWAYS NICE, aND FUN TO HAVE,

And the thing is, trolls are constantly getting into moirallegiances when they want to be flushed (Eridan, Kanaya), having palecrushes when they want to be friends (Gamzee), and winding up flushed with their moirail (pale solfef is forshadowed in the same breath as pale erikar, and they don't seem to confirm a matespritship until after Sollux's actual flushed crush, Aradia, explodes). Especially for Gamzee, who was neglected by his lusus and struggles with social interaction to the point where he feels like he has to hide his real self (casteist beliefs, constant talk of religion and murder, which, by the way, come out when he talks to Tavros), it'd be easy for him to mistake the "instinctive attraction" of moirallegiance for the passions of matespritship.

These thoughts are all pretty disorganized - I'm really sorry, it's super late/early for me and I'm exhausted for other reasons - but I hope that that . was what you wanted? hahah

#homestuck #gamzee makara #tavros nitram #gamtav

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dailyaoyagi · 5 months

Text

TW: abuse

Talking about everything Toya went through as a kid because I’m really tired of seeing people downplay it.

I should not have to make this at all but even after the First Concerto I’m still seeing people downplay what Harumichi did to Toya which is just…yes he’s not getting abused on screen like Mafuyu is and his dad isn’t manipulative like Mafumom but that still doesn’t make any of it ok? The reading comprehension in this fandom is really poor to say the least so here’s a post talking about what he went through.

The First Concerto reveals that Toya first touched the piano at 3. Does that seem normal to anyone? Ever since then his dad would forcibly isolate him and force him to play piano perfectly until he got it right. We only know one piece his dad would force him to perfect and that’s Fantasie Importu. You know. This.

youtube

And if forcing a toddler to play this isn’t bad enough if he messed up even once his dad would force him to do it all over again. FFS he wasn’t allowed to go to bed until he perfected it, that’s not normal for any kid. His dad explicitly ignored Toya telling him his fingers hurt as well and it caused him to break out into fevers and tendinitis. Even if his dad had the best intentions that’s still abuse plain and simple and there’s no excuse for it.

Another not so friendly reminder that Toya wasn’t allowed to go on trips or do anything that would even remotely be considered dangerous to his hands because his parents were paranoid about him not being able to become a pianist. He never got to experience anything normal kids got to because of his parents strict training and rules. All he’d ever get to do was sit in that one room being forced to play over and over again with no breaks for long hours which again isn’t ok. I’m so tired of seeing people downplay what he went through because “at least Harumichi isn’t Mafumom”.

I thankfully haven’t seen much of this after the First Concerto but I’ll still address it anyways: I really dislike the notion that Toya’s perfectly ok with everything now when he’s not? Disregarding how we see him break down because of it in the First Concerto he still has difficulty expressing himself and is still repressed emotionally. He’s very obviously healing yes but not everything is ok for him now, and it probably never will be because what he went through would fuck up anyone for life. I know that Harumichi only wanted the best for him and had one good moment during the First Concerto but that didn’t erase anything he did. In general can we please stop comparing him to Mafumom and trying to decide which one is worse? Because regardless of which one you say is worse it’ll feel like downplaying what the other went through.

That is all, I hope I don’t have to make this post again. Take a cute Toya on your way out.

#project sekai #toya aoyagi #abuse tw #child abuse tw #really hope I don’t have to make anything like this again #I’m sorry this was a lot more serious then what you’d expect but I’m so fed up with this fanbase #Youtube

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pommunist · 6 months

Text

This is mostly gonna be just a rant but it just baffles me how everything Qstudios has done since the beginning of the admins situation is a terrible pr move. So yeah this is just gonna talk how, even if you forget the immoral and potential illegal stuff that went on, I don’t think their strategy is doing any good for the studio’s image.

-Going radio silent publicly and privately : Kinda the original sin of all this mess tbh. This obviously just leaves the space for the ex admins to share their stories, even more so since they have been ignored privately beforehand when they tried to handle things internally. This also allowed for the union to publicly intervene and more ccs talking about it, and actual news article being made on it.

-Leaving the server open : Tbh I get wanting to leave it open, maybe to allow minecraft centered ccs to still make content or maybe because it’d be weird to close it right after new people got in but also I think it would have be better to close it temporarily while they focus on the changes they promised rather than having it getting deserted little by little until it feels like a ghost town. This + also not a good look to have so many npcs online when Q said there would be none until things get better (The current npcs are likely non volunteers, once again not a bad or illegal thing per say but not a good look). Closing it would also have made it so that the reopening would have been a big and probably positive event.

-Welcoming new ccs/new languages : This might just be because of scheduling necessities or whatever and something they couldn’t do later but it still made the community go :/// to get new people while on the flip side you had parts of the fandom leaving because of what was happening. Also not great for the new arrivals to start in such a weird climate, without admins help and with few people online on the server.

-Releasing merch at the worst time possible : This might have been something they couldn’t change, just like the arrival of the Koreans/Hugo, but it still isn’t a good look for them to release egg merch after it came out that some of the egg admins were poorly treated, especially when they haven’t stated clearly that benefits from the merch would go towards paying staff. It’s also not a good look for them to release new discounts every day, barely ten days after release. (Also the Qstudios Twt account retweeting every egg figures announcement except for Pomme will never not make me laugh)

-Making the twitter updates accounts active again : Yes it may just be that they’re using a bot or that it’s the people who are in charge of the Qstudios twitter account posting on it, both of which are not wrong per say. But of course people are gonna wonder if it’s new people being hired, of course speculation will happen when there’s a lack of transparency, of course ex admins are gonna be upset when it seems like things are continuing as if nothing happened, when they were fired without a warning, a thanks or even a sorry.

And now we have the two points that are kinda in a « you fucked up so bad it’s almost funny and I almost feel bad for you guys » category

-« Hey guys out of all the people we exploited and treated poorly you know which ones we’re gonna make eat dirt the most ? Hell yeah the ones that are from a part of the world who literally have a whole cliche about them complaining and rioting for anything and everything. Also happen to be the same ones whose community we alienated for months by sidelining them. Also happen to be a community who, during this time, has grown quite close to our most active community (who are themselves quite mad at us by now) to the point that they are making memes about the two of them being in love with each other. Yeah surely this can only go well »

-« Oh no, people actually really care » : QSMP Fans in general just loved and appreciated all the work the admins did, whether they were twitter admins, builders, actors, writers… This is even more true since the situation also revealed that some admins things people have been most critical on (lore being weirdly interrupted, french being ignored…) were not these admins fault. And of course, you have the eggs admins case. How do you make viewers and ccs alike get SO attached to these kid characters, as if it was their children, while mistreating the people playing them and not expect this to blow up in your face at some point. It’s like you managed to catch lightning in a bottle and then left it to rot thinking this wouldn’t end up badly. Weirdly this one makes me kinda hopeful bc Qstudios kinda HAVE to fix it or else they lose on of their main selling points.

#qsmp crit #qadmins situation #like i’m sorry i don’t think any hater of the project could hurt it as much as qstudios themselves rn

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voidlightcomix · 3 months

Text

Feast Your Eyes: Fandom Cookbook Recipe Review #3

Pizza, Pizza, Where’s My Pizza?! - The Official Five Nights At Freddy’s Cookbook

Tonight's menu: sourced from the Official Five Nights at Freddy’s Cookbook

Main Dish: Funtime Foxy’s 3-Cheese Veggie Surprise, pg 18

Side Dish: Garlicky Pizza Twirls with Spicy Dip, pg 20

BONUS REVIEW 1: Pizzaplex Master Dough, pg 13

BONUS REVIEW 2: Easyplex Pizza Sauce, pg 14

Full review under the cut!

Aurum Leuci’s Log:

[Begin recording.] Hello? Hello, hello? Is this thing on? Okay. That was a close one. Your machine is totally broken, man. This time I ended up in a mall… arcade… thing. With an actual kitchen. I unfortunately didn’t get the opportunity to try and fix the portal generator, because there are GIANT SCARY ROBOTS that for some reason want pizza. I MADE pizza. I don’t know how they’re eating it. But they sure are.

Look, I know you’re getting these transmissions, it wouldn’t let me record more if you weren’t, but I’m not getting anything back from you. I need instructions, or a plan, or something. ANYTHING to make sure I’m not jumping aimlessly across spacetime until I inevitably get eaten by something or other. Please. I want to bring my findings home… At least this pizza is pretty good for a weird robot-infested mall. Aurum Leuci out. [End log.]

Please see this post for my full review scale!

Main Dish: Funtime Foxy’s 3-Cheese Veggie Surprise

RATING:

Difficulty: 5/5

Ingredients: 5/5

Immersion: 3/5

Time: 5/5

End Result: 5/5

TOTAL RATING: 23/25

This pizza… was incredible. Aside from the sauce (see the bonus reviews for that), it was easy, it was delicious, and it gets bonus points for being somewhat easy to make plant based. For full disclosure, I didn’t use the Taleggio cheese (and also forgot to add parsley, but who cares about parsley?) and substituted in Miyoko’s plant-based Mozzarella spread instead— so ours was kind of a two-cheese veggie surprise (parmesan and mozz) but it was incredible. I would never have thought to put zucchini on a pizza, but it definitely impressed me. The only reason this pizza loses points is that I don’t think Fazbear Entertainment would serve something this high-quality!

Side Dish: Garlicky Pizza Twirls with Spicy Dip

RATING:

Difficulty: 5/5

Ingredients: 5/5

Immersion: 5/5

Time: 5/5

End Result: 4/5

TOTAL RATING: 24/25

I’ve been looking forward to tackling this recipe since I got this book as a gift. And it DELIVERED! Like the main dish, I also forgot the parsley on this one (silly me, completely forgetting the existence of parsley) but I really don’t think it would have added anything. These twirls, complete with fresh ingredients and a homemade spicy sauce (using the easyplex sauce as a base) absolutely feel like a delicious arcade snack. My only complaint (and this may have been something that I did wrong) is that I don’t think this recipe really makes 10 pizza twirls. The two on either end of the dough log came out completely devoid of cheese or sauce— still delicious, but not a pizza twirl. Just a bread twirl.

BONUS REVIEWS: Pizzaplex Master Dough, Easyplex Pizza Sauce

Pizzaplex Master Dough:

RATING:

Difficulty: 3/5

Ingredients: 5/5

Immersion: 3/5

Time: 5/5

End Result: 5/5

TOTAL RATING: 21/25

This recipe, despite not getting a perfect score, came out pretty great. I don’t have any real notes on it, just that I don’t think Fazbear Entertainment would make their dough fresh in-house, and also that yeast is really hard to work with. If you’re ever using yeast for anything, just… please look up instructions on the internet. Your cookbook cannot help you. (Same with proofing your yeast. Look it up. King Arthur Flour has a really good walkthrough.) In terms of at-home cooking, though, this recipe was relatively simple, and really, really delicious. And it makes enough for 4 pizzas (or 3 pizzas and a delicious batch of pizza twirls.)

Easyplex Pizza Sauce:

RATING:

Difficulty: 1/5

Ingredients: 5/5

Immersion: 1/5

Time: 2/5

End Result: 5/5

TOTAL RATING: 14/25

OH MY GODS, this sauce. Okay. Okay, so. It’s really good, it tasted great and was versatile (I used it in the pizza twirls, the main pizza, and the sauce for the pizza twirls) but, like… The only step is “mash canned tomatoes through a sieve with a spoon and mix in the tomato paste and spices! See how simple!” and IT IS NOT SIMPLE. YOU WILL MASH THE TOMATOES FOR AN HOUR. Your hands will hurt. You will regret your life choices. Your sieve will take as long to clean as the tomatoes took to mash. You could have just bought and seasoned pre-mashed tomato sauce. It was right next to the can of tomatoes you bought. Freddy Fazbear Entertainment is not making their restaurant staff MASH TOMATOES.

The sauce was good, but once I run out of the other half of this batch of it (probably this weekend, since I’m making another pizza) I’m just going to buy canned tomato sauce and season it the same way. I’m not that much of a gourmet.

Tune in on Friday (6/14/24) for another fandom cookbook review!

#voidlightcomix #fnaf #fnaf cookbook #fnaf pizzaplex #five nights at freddy's #food #foodpics #healthy food #food photography #funtime foxy #fazbear entertainment #fnaf fanart #official fnaf cookbook #pizzaplex #pizza #glamrock chica

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idcallmyselfhuman · 11 months

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Xiao/Aether 👹⛅ Masterlist 2.0

A compilation of moments between Xiao and Aether through the years. The last revamp I did on the old post got nuked by Tumblr, so I just made a new one.

I tried to be as complete as I can, but there's probably some stuff I still missed. The shipping wiki is great for compiling stuff, but I felt it wasn't very detailed. Soooo here ya go

Lover's Oath (Lone Tower in the West)

Thank you @kristalijah for the reminder!

On Aether's journey through Liyue, he was tasked to inform the Adepti of Rex Lapis' "death". The Wangshu quest is the first time he meets Xiao in the game, and a certain detail didn't catch a lot of people's attention until the soundtrack got released a while later.

"Lover's Oath" is the song that plays in the background the very first time Xiao appears in front of Aether. On one hand, this could very well just be in reference to the place they were in, as the balcony of Wangshu Inn is known to be where lovers spend time together. However, this theme never plays for any other scene again, nor is it the background music for the balcony in general.

The only time this track is used again is during Tuned to the World's Sounds, an event in-game where Xiao and Aether duet this song on the very place they met, with Xiao playing a lyre, and Aether, a zither.

This theme has only every been used when they are together. So, Lover's Oath can be considered "their" theme. I adore this tidbit of information because it fits their future relationship so well, as the game constantly reminds us now of Xiao's promise to Aether.

Battle of Osial

If you're a fan of this ship, I'm sure you already know. This was the moment the fandom went, "wait a minute...", essentially the birth of the ship itself.

This cutscene is just [chef's kiss], its existence makes me so happy. The Aether community in 2020 has never been the same.

Aether's feet were already steadied. Xiao could have let go already, or let him fall as gracefully as Mountain Shaper did to that guard (I would have hated him). There was no reason to hold on. In fact, he had every excuse to release his hold the moment they got to safety because he was the one who kept insisting that contact with mortals, or even being near them was something he absolutely Did Not Want. But he didn't let go. No, even more— he tightened his hold, squeezing Aether's hand and telling him to be careful. HUH?!?!

Looking back on this scene also made me think of Aether's unique ability to purify things he touches, something that still hasn't been explained. I wonder if Xiao was already gravitating towards Aether because of it, finding comfort in his contact without knowing why, just yet.

Lantern Rite 1.3

I'm sure we're all familiar with this scene, right?

The very first time Xiao promised Ae that no matter what, as long as he calls his name, he will be there. I think the game showed how special that promise is really well.

Moonlight Merriment

On the same year, they released Moonlight Merriment. The first time Aether summoned him was here, when Xiangling was looking for a 'customer' with mild tastes. While Xiao told Ae to call for him when there's trouble, it's really cute that he doesn't really mind what sort of 'trouble' it is.

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Whether it be actual danger, or a small dilemma that Aether needs help with, he's there. (Though I guess you can see it as anything that is bothering Ae is considered trouble enough, no matter the scale :))

This scene also clarifies that the promise was specifically made to Aether, and no one else, not even Paimon. The fact that they went so far as to have Paimon call for Xiao multiple times only for nothing to happen is... so fucking funny. Aether says his name once and he's already there.

Just... your commitment is really subtle, Xiao. Keep at it.

Baizhu's Story Quest

The second time Aether summons him is during Baizhu's story quest, and I think this part is what really cemented the weight of that promise for me.

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Every single time Aether brings up that he can contact our resident yaksha so easily, they're always surprised. The adepti are known for wanting to keep to themselves that even Changsheng thought it would be impossible for them to meet, but here Xiao was, just one word away for one special traveler.

It's an oath that was made with such... devotion? Loyalty?

It would have been a little more distant had it just been for protection, something like "when you're on the brink of death, you may call for me." but it isn't. This was literally a promise that whenever Ae needed him, Xiao will be there, "Anywhere. Anytime."

It's also sweet how Xiao's departing words are always a reminder to call him whenever needed, to the point where Aether has to say "Yeah, we know." If that promise had an expiration, it sure as hell doesn't matter because Xiao keeps renewing it anyway.

Perilous Trail (Interlude)

Unfortunately, there was one time where Xiao failed to get to Aether, but only because he physically wasn’t able to. The only time he couldn’t fulfill his promise was because he was stuck in a different plane of existence. But even then, once he heard that Aether was in trouble, he was persuaded to cross a literal fucking spacerift to get to them.

You absolutely cannot tell me they aren't in love because you would be wrong.

Also Yanfei being perceptive enough to use Aether being in trouble to convince Xiao? Bless. Where else did we see someone pull out the 'Aether' card on Xiao recently...?

god he's so fucking easy and everyone knows

Anyway, this quest also showed how protective Ae is of Xiao, constantly asking how he is or if he was okay, ignoring Xiao's warnings entirely.

He even gets mad when Xiao brings up creating a will.

Just— a lot of things happened in this quest. While I can't add all of them, do yourself a favor and either play this or check it out in the archives. Yanfei knows what's up

Also there's a part where Aether looks over Xiao's sleeping face and wonders to himself if a person who's always wary is capable of dreams.

To finish off the Chasm segment, it ended with a conversation that had Xiao realizing a lot of things he was lost to because of his grief: that there are people who will always care about him, and in his words, "Even the darkest hearts have room for those they cherish.

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"Will Xiao be ravaged by the unending war he wages and be plunged into despair? Or... will he meet someone who understands his sacrifice, and can shine a ray of light into his dark world..." —Dainsleif, Collected Miscellany - "Xiao: Conqueror of Demons"

I think... it was important for him to have had this conversation with Aether. Zhongli acknowledges this as well in the most recent Lantern Rite, but the beginning of the changes within Xiao started because of Aether constantly pushing him to see the light.

Bonus! Xiao being a dumbass

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN "...Really..." YOU WERE JUST STANDING THERE?!?!!??!??

Companion Voicelines

Aether: "How do you like it here?", "Want to chat?"

To bring up Aether's ability to purify things again (Dvalin's Tear), it could be related to that. Or, maybe Xiao just gets so in his head about Aether in his presence that his Karmic Debt just gets insta-blocked. Who knows?

Aether: Is there anything you'd like to do?

For the first and second Lantern Rite, Xiao was still adamant on not even stepping foot in Liyue Harbor, declining every invitation to go there because of how much he disliked being near mortals.

Yet in his teapot voicelines, once you reach a high enough friendship with him, Xiao actually takes the initiative to invite Aether to go to the city, if only to understand him better. Xiao explicitly says that his willingness to go to the harbor was for him.

This isn’t the first time Xiao brings up his wish to get to know Aether better. At first, he kept saying that he has no interest in human affairs, but in his voicelines, as the two of them get closer and closer, he says that he would like to know more about Aether.

I also really like Shenhe's voiceline. Aether's effect on Xiao benefited not only him, but the people surrounding Xiao as well. It's shown in the way Xiao's become softer, and more open to being in social gatherings. We see it the most in Lantern Rite 3.4, Waterborne Poetry, and the biggest one that point towards the cause being Aether is Xiao's birthday letter of 2023.

Birthdays

If Moon Carver's reaction is anything to go by, the old Xiao doing this for his birthday was unfathomable. As Xiao allowed himself to open up to the world, the people around him were also able to enjoy their old friend's presence as well.

Dainsleif said that the cost of his duty was perpetual solitude, but it seems that that's no longer true.

Fun little note: The fact that he went to Moon Carver first is funny to me, since Aether and Moon Carver are both voiced by Zach Aguilar.

I was reminded by @comfortingnightmare that Aether was the first person to celebrate Xiao's birthday in a thousand years :>

Which brings me to another topic! Gifts!

Aside from the adorable fact that every character in the game gifts Aether something on their birthday, Xiao gives him a butterfly made from leaves in his voiceline.

From what I've read, butterflies supposedly mean conjugal love, freedom, and vulnerability of life in Chinese culture. I'm really no expert on this so take that with a grain of salt.

There's also the more obvious meaning, which is transformation in one's self. I really don't like tackling this kind of thing because it's very "the curtain was blue", but if we take their relationship in consideration, it fits.

Lucent Crescent

Big thank you to @spiderskull142 because I didn't even know about this.

In this year's TPRGT image, we see that Paimon is holding a red box—Aether's gift for Xiao. I didn't really pay much attention to it at the time since I thought it was just a regular gift box... and also because I was distracted by Xiao pretending to sleep. It's about the closest we can get to Xiao feigning illness to get pampered LMAO

Anyway, I looked it up and apparently those specific boxes are used to keep jewelry. I looked around Liyue to see if any other store used this box for anything else, but the only one that seemed to have it is Mingxing Jewelry, a boutique that specialized in an ornament called "Lucent Crescent".

Note: The closest I could get to a box that was similar-looking were the red stacked boxes outside of random houses. No other store seemed to have them, so I can only assume that's where the box was from.

When you interact with Xingxi, the person who runs the shop, she tells you about the meaning of Lucent Crescents.

Xingxi: Have you ever heard anyone mention our Lucent Crescent ornaments? They are especially popular with young people. We produce a very limited quantity of Lucent Crescent – only ten per month. People say that if you manage to purchase one of them, you are sure to win the heart of your beloved.

As we know, Aether is very mindful with the gifts he gives every year. I don’t think it’s too far-fetched to think he would order something as valuable as this for Xiao.

And speaking of Aether's gifts...

Teyvat Food Notes: Sweet Dream, Adeptus' Temptation, Mint Jelly, Unagi Chazuke, Satisfying Salad

Alongside Xiao's birthday art are articles from the Teyvat Food Notes, where real-life recipes of in-game food are made, and it also has interactions between XiaoAe on his birthday.

Sweet Dream (Almond Tofu)

Note: Both google translate and Papago seem to use Mandrill instead of Xiao, so... just know that’s who it’s talking about.

This is where we learn that Xiao didn’t even make Sweet Dream; this dish was Aether’s thank you gift to him. Xiao’s specialty dish is a gift from Aether. I’m—aGH! ANYWAY.

Sweet Dream also makes an appearance in Childe’s birthday art in 2022. And— I’m really sorry to Tartaglia, but seeing that dish stole all his thunder I just couldn’t get over it.

I like to think that Aether was so preoccupied with making Childe his birthday feast that he began to absentmindedly prepare Almond Tofu in the way he’s most used to (because of how often Xiao requests it.)

Additional:

Adeptus Temptation

This one in particular isn’t from one of his birthdays, but a special they put out for the first Lantern Rite, which includes every released Liyue character at the time. I was initially going to write it off, but I thought hey what the hell, what are the odds that there’s gonna be a XiaoAether moment in here?

Of course there was. With these two, I should have known.

Note: “Fairy/Buddha Jump over the Wall” is apparently an actual Chinese delicacy that the Adeptus’ Temptation is based on!

A little more additional context, I added the part where Zhongli was going full English teacher at the beginning because everyone was spouting poetry so passionately with every bite of the dish. That’s why Aether wonders, “Do all Liyue people eat like this?”

That’s also why Aether asked Xiao to give him an evaluation of the food, hoping he’d be the same as the others. I found it really cute, especially right now as we just finished Waterborne Poetry.

From the very beginning, Aether caught a glimpse of Xiao’s affinity to being poetic (Isolation does that to ya, who knew?), which is why in the event, he encourages him to write poems. With enough encouragement, along with Xiao pondering over Aether’s words and advice, he eventually does write a poem.

Frost-Coated Slime (Mint Jelly)

For this Teyvat Food Note (2021), Aether laments that he doesn’t really know Xiao very well when he realized that the only gift he can think of giving him is almond tofu.

“Although it is not impossible to continue to treat [Xiao] to eat almond tofu, there is a stubbornness in my heart that has been preventing me from continuing to serve almond tofu.

I don’t want to be the same as usual, I don’t want to give [Xiao] the same gift as everyone else.”

Aether realizes that almond tofu has become somewhat basic, since everyone else gives the same thing, and it’s no longer a gift he considers to be special enough. He then remembers the mint jelly he once tasted in Mondstadt, and thought it was similar enough to the texture and taste of almond tofu. He decides that that’s what he wants to give him.

Once he meets with Xiao, Xiao gives him the ‘butterflies’ he caught (I assume this actually refers to the crystalflies he gives along with the letter?) Aether thinks wearing [crystalflies] on his head doesn’t suit him, but Xiao seems to expect him to wear it judging by his silence. This also fits his letter that year, where he admits he was actively looking for crystalflies for Aether to put on his hair, thinking it would look nice on him.

The last part of the food note is so heartwarming. After Aether has him help prepare the mint jelly, they finally settle down to eat it.

Xiao: It doesn’t look like I want to eat it. I’d better order almond tofu.

[Aether] grabs Xiao and explained that it actually tasted very good, and the texture should be similar to almond tofu.

Aether: The most important thing is that for Xiao’s birthday, I want to make something different as a gift...

Xiao stopped.

Xiao: I don’t worry about the taste of the food you cook. I just want to collect it.

They are so cute?!?!?!?!

Later on, Xiao confesses that he doesn’t like almond tofu just because he likes the taste, but because of the memories that accompany it.

Aether then looks at Xiao, but Xiao doesn’t look at him. Instead, he says “The jelly I made today is a special memory. Thank you.”

Unagi Chazuke

Thank you @dragon-type-nuggetz for sending this one because this is what reminded me that the other teyvat food notes existed aside from almond tofu and adeptus temptation lol

Last one for the Teyvat Food Notes! There’s none for 2023, because they seem to have discontinued it entirely after 2022. This one’s a lot shorter than the other ones, but no less sweet.

Aether knows that with Xiao’s dedication to Liyue, he works non-stop to defend the nation and has never experienced anything as leisurely as going on a vacation for the sake of relaxing. So instead, Aether tells him stories of his travels, and he decides to cook a dish that gives the feeling of traveling with him.

Xiao also says something here that I found really funny.

“Let me start by saying that I have no interest in human food. Even if the food you make doesn’t taste good, I won’t eat it.” CAP. You’ve gone this long eating Aether’s food, who the hell are you trying to fool?

In the end, Xiao finishes the entire bowl to Aether’s shock, but he says he’s sorry as he can’t think of any words to praise the food.

Aether then says that the fact that Xiao finished it at all is the greatest compliment.

Satisfying Salad

This isn’t connected to the food notes this time, but just the dish in general. Satisfying Salad and Almond Tofu are the first dishes that Aether has ever given Xiao in-game to convince him to talk to them. I thought it was a pretty minor thing and didn’t think much of it at the time, up until Smiley Yanxiao brings it up again in Moonlight Merriment.

Everyone around Xiao thought that almond tofu really was the only thing he can eat, only for Aether to prove otherwise. While he claims that he has no interest in human food, and the only thing he can possibly stomach is almond tofu, he has never denied anything that Aether offers him, even when the two of them didn’t even know each other very well yet.

So, for all of Xiao’s talk, he has shown in his actions pretty clearly that Aether is and has always been an exception for him. Whether that be for food, or anything else...

Lantern Rite 3.4

I am here to remind you all of a beautiful scene that should never be forgotten for years to come.

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Regardless of Genshin trying to be mysterious and making us guess who saved Aether, the fact that they both came rushing over is incredible on its own. They know that Aether isn't a damsel in distress, and Paimon's acting was so on the nose, but they still couldn't allow even the slightest possibility of harm to come to him.

Xiao looking away and talking in circles just to say he really was worried is the funniest fucking thing.

As for the Lantern Rite dinner... well, first things first. We say thank you to Hu Tao for her services as a professional wing-woman (It's her side-job to advertise the parlor)

Moving on! Remember when Aether told Xiao he'll bail him out of uncomfortable social situations? (Companion voicelines)

There really isn't much I could say that I haven't already said before. For XiaoAether shippers, this was Hoyo spoon-feeding content on a silver spoon. It's Aether and Xiao at their most comfortable with each other, talking and spending time with the people they care about.

It's years of talking to each other, of Xiao realizing that he's at ease when he's speaking to Aether, of learning to talk more about himself to the point where he starts talking about his past and the people in it...

It'll be awhile until Xiao will ever be comfortable with large crowds, but as long as Aether's there who knows when it's becoming 'too much', he'll be fine.

Aether is also, in Xiao's eyes, the most distinguished guest among them all.

I couldn't add it but Xiao also says "I trust Aether's judgement." in this scene.

This Lantern Rite is also where Zhongli acknowledges what Aether has done for Xiao :")

(Suspiciously on the last screenshot, the perspective makes Zhongli look like a pastor wedding the two of them)

Waterborne Poetry

The catalyst for this post. The reminder of how lovely this ship is, and how far these two have come.

As we have all learned from Xiangling, Yanfei, Venti and Hu Tao, you only need to mention Aether's name to convince Xiao of whatever it is you're planning. The part where Aether and Team Chongyun were trying to convince him to come with them and touch some fucking grass was really cute.

This event and the previous Lantern Rite also had Aether and Xiao talking privately, only to get interrupted by Paimon/Xiangling (as well as calling them out lmao)

And, of course, the scene that everyone freaked out over,

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A short, but sweet moment where Aether looks at Xiao from afar and immediately gets inspired, performing a poem where the real meaning is shared only between the two of them...

And Xiao's smile.

An expression that Aether had done so well to bring out.

Xiao in a Commission

One last thing! Xiao appears in the Liyue Commission "Uninvited Guests". It's very short, but cute

Xiao: Oh, it’s you.

Aether: What brings you here?

Xiao: I encountered these monsters by chance and defeated them.

Xiao: This area is not safe. So...

Aether: I’ll be careful.

Xiao: Right. I have other matters to attend to. See you.

...There are still things I couldn't add, but that's okay. I got mostly everything this time so I'm satisfied. Very grateful to the people who reblogged the old post to add more stuff :))

Some things I didn't add were trivia from the shipping wiki. For one, apparently Xiao's JP voice actor was told by the director to be gentler when speaking to the Traveler. There's also a small part of the Lantern Rite animation where as Xiao and Aether watch the lanterns side by side, Xiao turns to look at Aether right as Paimon blocks his head from view :")

#genshin impact #genshitpost #genshin impact aether #genshin aether #genshin impact xiao #genshin xiao #xiaother #xiaoaether #aether x xiao #aexiao

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margareth-lv · 10 months

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😵‍💫🫡 Anxiety, apathy, withdrawal, delusions 🫡😵‍💫

@odessa-2 inspired me with her note today and a reminder of the post Oliver Jeffers shared on Instagram on 3 January 2021 (side note: I have a feeling this is a completely random date and has nothing to do with anything other than Caitríona being at the time, as many people believe, already heavily pregnant with this child, whose birth wasn't announced until August, but I could be wrong. Is there anything that you associate with this date?).

*** *** *** My body reacts nervously to any event involving Caitríona and Oliver Jeffers. Maybe it's some kind of PTSD, I'll explain in more detail below. *** *** *** Anyway, my first reaction to the news in fandom over the weekend about the New York Times article was quite nervous.

😅

In October, […] the visual artist and author Oliver Jeffers, 46, hosted a candlelit dinner for a group of Irish and Northern Irish artists and friends.

Caitríona was also present at the dinner to celebrate the launch of Oliver's latest book, 'Begin Again'.

Caitríona/Oliver, that combination doesn't sound right to me, it means smoke and mirrors and supporting the narrative. Luckily I was wrong this time.

*** *** ***

2021. Oliver Jeffers at Caitríona's 'wedding', sitting in the fireplace recess in a white suit, accompanied by a stone dog. There was no better place for him than the soot-blackened fireplace? There was no other suit than white for a friend's wedding? There was no better companion for this wedding than a stone dog? ❓

Smoke and mirrors. As dense as a spider's web, a web of connections, dependencies and interests.

*** *** ***

July 2022. Oliver Jeffers invites Caitríona to take part in the 'Our Place' festival he is organising.

Here they are in conversation with Kathy Clugston in Belfast on 2 July 2022 ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Caitríona is sitting on the stage, tense.

Excuse me. I don't mean to be rude, but she looked like she was getting dressed for the event in the dark. And when you watch the whole thing, you realise that, surprisingly, she wasn't at all comfortable on stage. She didn't have much to say except for her personal memories. She didn't have any general thoughts, any wider perspective than her own. You could see her lack of confidence and fear in her body language, the unspoken part of communication. Sadness, stress and depression. So what does she say? What does Caitríona say?

The fandom has been buzzing for years about the fact that Caitríona never referred to 🧛🏻‍♂️ as her husband. So now Caitríona, sitting uncomfortably next to Oliver Jeffers, raised her right hand in an embarrassed laugh.

Well, her husband used to say, wait, what did he used to say? Oh yes, he used to say that a strong personality keeps their accent. I mean, the most interesting thing is what happens after that. Because the most surprising thing is what she starts talking about after she calls her 'husband'. Within a couple of sentences she starts talking about Sam, you know, the one she works with. And "Sam, who I work with, for the last three months he's been saying, 'What's up with you, you're really Irish all of a sudden'". And then she talks about her 'only son'.

A brilliantly acted scene (if it weren't for all the nervous laughing and tensing up).

💁🏻‍♀️

You ask, how do we know which 'husband' was in the festival audience? From here, of course ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Smoke and mirrors. As dense as a spider's web, a web of connections, dependencies and interests.

*** *** *** Incidentally, I am keen to compare Caitríona's pictures with her 'husband' with those of her real-life friends:

*** *** *** That's why when I saw the 'NYT' article about Caitríona and Oliver Jeffers, my stomach tightened. This time, however, I couldn't have been more wrong. 🙃🙃🙃

… because Caitríona's handbag was on the floor, near her feet, as someone on 'X' pointed out.

Which means that the professional purse-holder had been given the evening off on the day of this dinner.

Can one feel more relieved?

❓

I ate my breakfast in peace and quiet.

*** *** *** Source 1: Starting at 36:29 is the short clip I quoted above.

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Source 2:

*** *** ***

Voilà. Enjoy, @lovehimloveherstuff (Although reading what I've written here probably has nothing to do with 'enjoying'. I am so sorry.)

[December 11, 2023]

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fitsofdespair · 7 months

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i have hesitated to say anything before now. in part because i removed myself from fandom discourse and really from actively discussing iwtv a year ago. i consider it all a lose-lose situation.

but also because i’m generally of the opinion that black fans don’t need people to be their white saviors, least of all me. black people have never been saved by white people. they were never just given anything when it comes to strides in equality, they fought for it and still fight for it, against constant violent pushback every step of the way. only instead of the good ole’ days when racists just called those fighting for equality uppity, they’re now “bullies” for daring to call you out on your shit after the repeated condescension and the resulting harassment you’ve exhibited towards them.

in this day and age the word bully has zero meaning anymore. i mean come on, melania trump calls people mean about her husband bullies. elon musk thinks he’s being bullied by twitter users, though he clearly holds all the power and is absolutely the problem. its become a meaningless word that goliaths use to call davids because they won’t use the real word they actually want to say. some of these popular blogs are not being bullied, they’re being held accountable for their own actions.

it’s pretty disgusting the number of you who decided to identify strongly with these users that not only fail to question their own racial biases but have gone so far as to suggest black people don’t face racism anymore. this is so fucked. tbh it can be argued in many ways white people, especially in the deep south where i’m from, are inherently raised steeped in racism, even if its not direct. just because your family aren’t ostensibly racist doesn’t mean they didn’t bake their own little prejudices into your upbringing and being raised in your environment didn’t encourage them. even if you don’t see yourself as racist, you have to unlearn all this shit, even if it never once occurred to you that you are part of it. just cause you believe in equality and don’t hate people for their color or cultural background does not make you free of perpetuating microaggressions against them. this applies to fans across the world of course. (like for you white euro iwtv fans, you may say you have no problem with black people but i’ve heard some wild things some of yall have to say about the turks.)

i understand that probably half or more of you are not usamericans. but no matter what environment you live in, no matter where you were raised, there is no excuse for your behavior. just because YOU don’t see racism in your day to day life or are in the more likely situation, too blindly comfortable in your place in society to notice it right in front of your face, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist as a constant presence in other parts of the world or isn’t deeply ensconced in online rhetoric.

so for you white iwtv fans who can’t be fucked to mention let alone defend people you, in many cases once called friend, against the absolute horseshit your current comrades are spewing wrapped up in their nice safe cocoons of victimhood, i hope you do some serious soul searching to figure out if this is who you are, a person too cowardly to call out a friend because it might cost you their friendship. a person quick to condemn others on hearsay because you couldn’t be fucked to wonder am i on the right side of this? and if you do manage to get wise and change your mind, remember its not unforgivable to say, you know what? i was wrong. i wrote in an old post that the hallmark of being a functional adult is changing your views accordingly when you learn new information or even just ruminate on what you know (i myself was a little bitch about ep 5 when it first dropped until i had to sit down and ask myself why i was actually feeling some kind of way about it). dying on a hill is not all its cracked up to be. being told you’re wrong is not always a personal attack and its often an opportunity for improvement if you can be bothered to genuinely hear other people out. an alarming number from all walks of life never figure that out. for my part, i am still learning and hope i never stop learning.

while that sentiments all nice and gooey (i mean them, but i understand its still sacharine to put out there), i am still guilty for not having directly written anything about this until now. and thats on me and i earned any flack i get for that. again, i am more of the mindset that black people don’t need white spokespeople, but that doesn’t mean they'll mind allies. and as a sidebar, going out of your way to say you are rising “above the noise” or “ignoring the drama” is absolutely your right, but it does not make you superior. it just makes you complacent with the status quo. i mean as long as you get to squee!! about anything and everything who cares about other people, right?

#and to be clear since i think some people may be a bit confused: i’m admonishing user nalyra-dreaming and their followers #some people who reblogged seem to not understand that #iwtv #interview with the vampire #alex.txt

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spacechild-glitchypix · 1 month

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A lot of people are making a lot of public statements considering this is a situation that has pretty much nothing to do with them.

Look, I'm usually one to be pretty civil on conversations like this in public because I generally feel like people are less likely to listen when you're angry and shouting but I'm also acutely aware that none of you are really paying any attention. You're glossing over statements, you're intentionally reading Rose's statements and apologies in bad faith. If you aren't going to have the good graces to truly listen to either Kab or Rose then, respectfully, back away. You're not contributing anything positive to the conversation, you're talking in circles about points already being addressed and claiming they aren't because the answer doesn't suit your narrative

You can think Rose's comments made in the privacy of his own server are unprofessional until the cows come home but, frankly, his professionalism isn't any of your concern unless you're employing him. And, as for the biphobia comments, I'll speak as someone who was literally in those discord screenshots.

The stuff said in Marshie's post is true but, on a larger scale, this was a common discussion in this server. It wasn't started by Rose, it certainly didn't end with Rose, this was an entire server of queer people who were just sick of the heteronormative way some people would develop their MCs. And if you took that as a personal attack then I apologise but I can't help you with your own feelings. We never expected this to reach public eyes, none of us would've actually said this to a person's face about their own MCs. We're not bullies, our words were posted in a public setting without our permission, the fact you people seemed to have missed that (or even claimed that we apparently weren't private enough because somehow we were supposed to just know one of our members was leaking screenshots of our conversations which is a stance I have seen at least one person take) is honestly very telling.

No one should be expected to be 100% polite or civil in their own spaces (this also includes Rose's blog, before one of you fires blossoming-attorney's post at me), we're allowed to have areas where we can speak our own grievance with friends and be hyperbolic without having to worry about people taking our works out of that space to be put completely on blast to the public. Have none of you people ever complained about a boss before???

But more importantly than that, I just think the level of tone-policing and dogpiling and harassment being leveled at one of my friends over a racist smear campaign is fucking appalling. I don't care if you do not think this is racist because race wasn't brought up, if this wasn't racism then why is Rose the only person you people have thought to go after. Why is he the only person that was named, why did no one try to find anyone else in those screenshots.

This fandom is, quite frankly, a racist cesspit, the people who started this harassment campaign by publiclly posting this bullshit on a throwaway reddit account are scum, the people who pushed it without any sort of critical thinking should be deeply ashamed of themselves and every major artist in the community making a statement as to their stance on this whole ordeal needs to back off

This community has destroyed an incredibly important space where me and many others made a number of good friends for nearly a year over the adrenaline rush of jumping on a bandwagon. You've hurt one of my good friends and tried to get him fired from his job to further a racist smear campaign because you didn't like that he's an outspoken black person.

I hope you're fucking proud of yourselves

#our life #our life now and forever

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river13245 · 6 months

Note

Do you do multiple Fandom requests? Like more than one Fandom in one post? If not these can be separate or not done at all.

If you're interested, I would wanna see the orange peel theory with, Thor [marvel], Argyle [stranger things], Raj [big bang theory], and Fred [Scooby doo]. Or just general little quirks and cute things they do in relationships. I would like a headcanon format and the gender of the reader is up to you! <3

Orange Peel Theory

how would they act if you asked them to peel your orange for you.

Thor

he wouldn't even question why you were asking him.

he could be in the middle of a conversation and he would just grab the orange and peel it for you.

Knowing thor he would probably struggle to get it going at first because he doesn't want to break the orange in half.

But when he gets it going he does it so gently.

He would hand it back to you and when you place your hand on his arm and thank him. He would act as if it wasn't that big of a deal and say your welcome.

He would not know about the orange peel theory. Honestly just thinking you needed his help.

Argyle

Argyle would be in his living room on the couch. He would be smoking and getting high.

He would probably be talking to Jonathan when you enter and sitting next to him.

You would politely wait until he was finished with what he was saying before holding the orange in front of him.

he would be confused as to why your handing him an orange and take it anyways.

"thanks" he says in a questioning tone. You shake your head and tell him that you need his help peeling it.

He nods and he pushes his thumb into the middle of it and begins to peel it. He had slightly longer fingernails than you did so he did it quite easily.

Once he was finished he took one slice of an orange and ate it.

Then handed you the rest and when you gave him a look he laughs and shrugs. "hey im hungry too"

You ended up sharing the orange with him anyways.

Raj

you wouldn't even have to ask Raj to help you.

He would look at you and notice you struggling and would offer to help.

Doesn't matter if he was with his friends or not. He would offer to help.

If sheldon or someone asked why you needed help. He would stick up for you.

Sheldon would understand if you didn't like how sticky oranges were. Because he himself has problems with textures and things like that.

Raj would peel the orange then hand it back to you. Then throw away the peel.

He would even come back with a napkin for you.

Raj would know about the orange peel theory.

however he wouldn't say anything just wanting you to never really have to ask him for anything.

if he had it his way. he would do everything for you and with you.

for his help you would kiss his cheek and he would be very flustered

Fred

Fred would definitely be oblivious to you needing help.

he would be preoccupied with setting traps.

it would take you a few times of saying his name so you would have to go and tap on him.

he would be patient with you and when you ask him for help he would.

fred would struggle for a second before getting it.

Once it was peeled he would hand you the orange

then when you would place a kiss to his cheek he would blush.

he would go back to his trap and whatever he was working on.

But the whole day he would be in a happier mood.

he wouldn't miss the change to help you.

only if you asked though.

he wouldn't want to be over bearing and make you feel like you couldn't do anything.

so he would wait until you asked for help.

#river13245 #fluff #masterlist #male reader #gn reader #thor odinson x male reader #thor odinson x gn!reader #argyle x male reader #argyle x gn!reader #raj koothrappali x male reader #raj koothrappali x gn!reader #fred jones x male reader #fred jones x gn!reader

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depravitycentral · 1 year

Text

Yandere! Shinsuke Kita General Profile

Yandere! Shinsuke Kita x fem! reader

Tw: stalking, kidnapping, mild infantilization, one very brief mention of Shinsuke commenting on what you eat, spanking, mentions of non-con, mentions of assault, Stockholm Syndrome, forced motherhood, mentions of breeding, misogyny/traditional gender roles, Shinsuke wants to have a family with you and it's kind of sweet but it's mostly disturbing, fem reader, MDNI

I do not condone any of the actions described in this post - this is fiction and should be treated as such. If you or a loved one is in a similar situation to anything contained in this post or my blog in general, please seek help. You're in charge of your internet consumption; please make responsible choices. With that, enjoy!

Because I've been kind of neglecting other fandoms besides hxh, have this peace offering <3

WC: 12K

DARLING PROFILE:

Responsible

Shinsuke is quite picky with those that he develops romantic attraction towards.

He has standards that are quite specific, and he’s unwilling to compromise on these requirements, even if his darling is perfect for him in every other possible way. He holds himself to a high standard, so it’s only fair to hold his beloved – an extension of him – to similar standards, right?

And one of these requirements is that his darling must have some level of responsibility, their personal sense of commitment and drive able to mirror his at least partially.

He’s not interested in dating a child at heart – he wants a partner, someone he can trust and love, and while he limits any hope of his darling ever having autonomy or free will, he likes to idea of them being able to take care of themselves.

He’ll always be there to protect and love them of course, and he doesn’t allow them to be in any position where they’d need to take care of themselves, but it’s still attractive to him.

He likes to know that they know right from wrong and know the consequences of their actions, particularly because he feels this is a necessity for a good mother. (And he’s sure his darling will be a good mother – they’re caring, warm, and they have the perfect body to carry his children, with a stomach he can’t wait to see grow and breasts he can’t wait to see fill and leak.)

And really, that’s the main reason behind this requirement of his - Shinsuke expects his beloved to mother a good number of his children; he’s hoping for a family of at least six, and he’s more than willing to give his darling more if they wanted.

It’s a massive relief for him to know that they’ll be able to care for their children, and themselves, in the event of an emergency. (He’ll never not be there, of course, but if – heaven forbid – something were to happen and he couldn’t protect those he loves most? Well, it would destroy him, but at least he’d know his darling is capable enough to keep them alive until Shinsuke can return to them.)

And so, while Shinsuke will always, always treat them with the level of care and patronizing patience that will make his darling feel inadequate and incapable, just know that he doesn’t feel that way – he loves his darling, and he thinks that their responsibility is extremely attractive.

It’s part of what makes them catch his eye initially, and Shinsuke is nothing is not a fan of consistency.

Sweet

Perhaps it’s a product of having grown up around the community that he did, but regardless, Shinsuke finds someone appealing about those who are genuinely kind and sweet.

It’s something he’s always liked, and although he isn’t exactly nice, Shinsuke likes to think of himself as a good person, as having good intentions and always giving others the benefit of the doubt.

And this mentality is extended towards his darling – he likes the idea of someone who is nice and friendly to those around them, just genuinely happy and kind, and who isn’t afraid to show off that kindness to the people they surround themselves with.

His favorite sound is his darling’s voice, and when they’re giving compliments or pairing a smile with some comment of how lovely the weather is or thanking Shinsuke for doing them a favor, not only is his heart racing – and his cock hardening – but his obsession is only solidifying, growing deeper and stronger, his desperation to have his darling all to himself becoming harder and harder to ignore.

He doesn’t necessarily believe in traditional gender roles, but he does like the idea of his darling being soft and sweet, someone warm and welcoming, and a sweeter darling would be the ultimate for him.

And he’ll return any kind words thrown his way with vigor – his darling compliments him on how nice his hair looks today? Immediately he’s smiling at them, telling them that they’re beautiful, my love, your hair looks lovely today as well.

His darling being sweet only plays into the fantasy he’s created of them – that they’re perfect but weak, someone that can be easily manipulated and exploited, and therefore it’s his job to step in and keep that from happening.

It’s his job to keep them safe and happy and protected, yes?

Smart

Shinsuke doesn’t handle stupidity well.

He’s blunt and it shows, because while he’s a patient man, he has very little tolerance for foolishness, or for purposefully stupid choices being made.

He holds nothing against those who aren’t as academically gifted as himself and others, but his preference leans more towards those who work hard, those who happen to have a certain area that comes very naturally to them.

To him, it shows integrity and a strong threshold for understanding; two things that make his partner seem absolutely irresistible, and if he could, he’d have conversations lasting for hours as his darling simply speaks to him, telling him all about this or that and absolutely gushing to him about whatever their particular knowledge and interests are.

He just likes to hear his darling’s ideas, finding each one important and worthy of giving his full attention, listening intently and asking questions, his eyes stuck staring at their face because god, they’re so beautiful when they’re speaking and visibly enjoying what they’re saying.

He wants to know that he can hold a conversation with his darling, that he doesn’t have to dumb himself down in order for them to understand him (this of course, does not stop him – he’s still patronizing to his darling regardless of their IQ, acting as if they’re incompetent and unable to perform even simple tasks, but still).

Shinsuke doesn’t need a genius of a darling, but someone who can hold their own immediately peaks his attention, if only because the idea of a smart, caring, kind woman is his ideal – perfect to keep by his side forever.

Push Over

While all the other traits Shinsuke finds ideal in a darling are clear to him and things he takes no shame in, this one is something he isn’t really willing to fully admit to himself.

He’s got a strong, steady personality himself, and he’s headfast in his beliefs and values – he’s very difficult to sway, really, when the topic at hand directly contradicts something he considers as an immovable fact.

But while Shinsuke doesn’t let himself be swayed by others, having a darling that does would probably be likely – perhaps not by choice, but still something he’d find himself drawn to anyway.

He doesn’t necessarily understand why his partner allows others to treat them that way, to let others walk all over them and totally disregard what they want, but it angers him. It makes him livid.

It makes him so upset that while he’s mildly angry at his own darling for allowing this to happen, he makes it his sworn duty to put a stop to this, to stop allowing others to walk all over his beloved and taking advantage of them and using them.

Of course, it’s a bit hypocritical of him, considering the fact that once his obsession with his darling forms, he’ll be telling them what they can and can’t do and deciding everything for them. He’s the one in the driver’s seat when it comes to his beloved, making all the decisions from what they’ll be eating for breakfast to which panties they’ll be wearing today, but that’s not the point.

So yes, he’ll teach his darling how to stand up for themselves, how to put their own health and self above the needs of others, before he’ll absolutely crush any opportunity to let them practice their new skills - after all, Shinsuke’s word is final, no matter how hard they argue or beg.

It’s just attractive, subconsciously, to have someone so weak willed and meallable – his darling needs someone like him, don’t they? They need someone to guide them, to make their decisions, to be a stabilizing force in their life that tells them exactly what they should do and how they should do it – and really, isn’t that love?

Isn’t that what a partnership, a relationship, is all about? Control, dominance, submission?

GENERAL YANDERE TRAITS:

Lucid

Shinsuke has impeccable self-control, and while this is still somewhat true when it comes to you, he lets himself be just a tad bit more lenient, giving himself just a bit more wiggle room where you’re concerned because denying himself of every little thing he wants from you would be torture. He’s aware that there’s something wrong with the way he feels for you. It’s not normal to be so dependent on another person, to be so simply aware of them.

He’s had crushes in the past, sure, but he’s never idly wondered what they’re doing at any particular moment, what they’re thinking, what they’re wearing, if they’re talking to another man. He’s not normally worrying if they’ve fallen or injured themselves because he knows they tend to be clumsy, especially if they’re looking at their phone.

He’s never felt this head over heels in love with someone before, and in many ways it scares Shinsuke. There’s something alarming about how he feels for you, and it terrifies him that he’s just always thinking of you, his every thought revolving around you you you, even if you aren’t in the room or he hasn’t seen your for days.

It’s painfully obvious to him; he’s always been good at digesting and analyzing his emotions, and everything he feels towards you is… questionable at best.

And yet, because Shinsuke has such good self control and self restraint, he’s actually able to hold himself back quite a bit in regards to many of the urges and desires he feels towards you. His heart demands him to run to you at any given moment, to simply wrap his arms around you no matter what you’re doing and trap you in a hug you’re much too weak to get out of.

But he stops himself, taking a deep breath and rationalizing that no, it’s not a good idea to sprint to your apartment and break in to simply hug you.

His heart is yearning for him to kiss you, to suck hickies into your neck until you’re a trembling mess under him, your face embarrassed and bashful as you stare at him, your chest heaving with your labored breaths.

He wants to, but he tells himself he can’t – not yet, not until you’ve kissed each other before, not until he’s given you sweet, sensual kisses that make your heart flutter – ones that are less imbued with passion and sexual tension, because it would be bad to scare you away.

(No matter how desperately he wants to rip off that pretty sundress of yours and bend you over and fuck you until you’re crying and screaming his name over and over -)

He wants nothing more than to keep you by his side at all times, to trail your every move and follow you like your shadow, just so he can protect you – but he decides against it, as it’s too likely you’ll notice and feel unsettled by the fact that he’s essentially stalking you. Shinsuke isn’t completely blinded by his love for you; it’s strong, incredibly difficult to ignore, but there’s still a sense of a moral compass that he feels despite his infatuation.

He doesn’t want to scare you, and he doesn’t want you to think of him in an ill light because of his rather bold desires – you’d think he’s crazy if he did even half of the things that he thinks about when he lays in bed at night, staring at his ceiling and wishing you were beside him, wrapped up in his arms and snuggled into his bare chest. Shinsuke knows this, and so he holds himself back from all of the creepy, disturbing things he knows he’s thinking – he won’t steal your clothing like he wants to, nor will he set up a security camera outside your bedroom door that he’ll use for much more than security surveillance purposes. He won’t; no, instead he channels all of the pent up jitters and anger from restraining himself into much more normal things.

You’ll discover very quickly with Shinsuke that while it’s not necessarily a bad thing, he’s much, much quicker to progress your relationship with him forward. He’s not waiting between steps – he’s pushing the pace at which the two of you move scarily fast, to the point that every major milestone that takes other couples years to achieve is done within the span of six months.

From the second you agree to go out to dinner with him, it will take less than a month for him to say he loves you. It’s romantic, at least; a candlelight dinner he made himself, his smoldering eyes staring at you so intensely you feel your whole soul is bared to him, his hands squeezing yours as he tells you matter of factly that he’s in love with you, and I have been for quite some time. I love you, my angel.

He’s proposing the two of you move in together much before you’re ready – you’ve only been dating for about three months. Though, with how often he invites you over to his place, you’re practically living in his house already, the rice fields surrounding it familiar and calming.

He’s quick to package up your belongings himself, labeling the cardboard boxes with an uncharacteristically bright smile across his face as he imagines exactly where each item of yours can go, his eyes scanning and memorizing every little thing he packs away because oh, he didn’t know you had this many bras – and this pink one he’s never seen before. Perhaps you were waiting to surprise him with it?

He’ll relent and let you have your own room in his house at first, though expect that to only last for a week or so – soon, you’ll be sleeping in the same bed every night, his hands firmly on your hips as he spoons you, his soft breath brushing the back of your neck with every exhale.

He’s dropping to one knee much too soon, that important question slipping from his lips as the pretty, silver ring is bared to your eyes – it’s got his initials on it, and he’s quick to tell you his own matching ring has yours.

(He’s already wearing his own ring, and you notice with a start that he has been for quite some time – maybe not on the right finger, but still.)

He’s giving a speech that’s surprisingly sentimental for him, tears even welling up in his eyes as he tells you how much you mean to him, how he couldn’t imagine his life without you, how he’d be a shell of the man he is now without you – all about five months after that first initial date.

And of course, Shinsuke doesn’t even feel like he needs to have the conversation about a family with you – it’s assumed you’ll bear his children, expected even.

He’s sure you’ll be a wonderful mother, and he’s always wanted to be a father, so don’t be too surprised when only a year after you agreed to go out with him he’s whisepering in your ear and caressing your growing stomach, murmuring about how he’s so lucky to have such a wonderful wife, and what I’m sure will be a wonderful baby boy.

So really, while Shinsuke isn’t especially impulsive in most ways regarding you (despite desperately, desperately wanting to be), all of that repressed drive to keep you his and only his is channeled in that your semblance of a normal relationship will be strained by his need for more. He needs to have a domestic life with you, to wake up to the smell of pancakes and bacon as you serve him breakfast in bed, kissing his cheek while you sit down beside him and watch him eat.

He needs to see you humming and doing the laundry in the basement, your fingers working deftly over the fabric as he hugs you from behind, smelling your hair deeply and sighing into your neck. He needs to stand beside you in the bathroom, looking at you in the mirror as he brushes his teeth, maybe even as he brushes your teeth.

So while Shinsuke is mostly a respectful yandere, he’s by no means simply rolling over to you – you will be his partner, wife, companion, and the sooner you accept that, the easier things will be for both yourself and Shinsuke.

After all, it’s so terrible when you fight, and aren’t things better when he’s caring for you, loving you and providing for you like a good husband should?

Protective

Shinsuke’s always naturally found himself falling into the role of a protector. He enjoys watching over others, making sure they’re staying healthy and safe, and this particular personality trait is present in every single relationship he has, whether it’s with family or friends.

He’s stern, but his heart is pure gold when it comes to those he loves. Because of this, he’s developed a bit of a paranoia for those close to him getting hurt, just because he doesn’t like the idea of anyone he loves being injured or in pain.

And where you’re concerned is no different - in fact, it’s only worse, much more intense, if only because in Shinsuke’s mind you’re so fucking delicate, so fragile and doll-like with your beauty and personality that it makes him honestly fear for the worst whenever you’re alone and without his constant protection.

He’s with you, always – it’s harder to do this before he’s kidnapped you, but he’ll find a way to always just be idly near you, whether that’s inviting you over for the day, or ‘happening’ to run into you in town.

It gets to the point where he won’t let you do anything on your own, no matter how trivial or important the task may be.

He’s by your side when you’re typing on the computer, making sure your hand doesn’t cramp up, and at the slightest grimace or flex of your fingers, he’s immediately taking your hand in his, gently massaging your fingers and staring into your eyes, telling you that you should be more careful, that Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is no joke.

He’s with you when you’re running errands - he has to make sure that no creeps follow you or take advantage of you, and it’s only right that he, as your future husband, takes on that responsibility of keeping you safe, right?

(Besides, he’ll push the cart for you, or reach to the highest shelf for you – even if you’re taller than him – or gently but firmly tell you that you don’t really need two sleeves of cookies, do you?)

He’s not letting you drive anymore, keeping you firmly away from your car and instead in his, the seatbelt suffocatingly tight around your body and his hand on your thigh so that you don’t feel scared when he’s on the freeway.

He’s only letting you wear clothing that covers your body to his standards – not because he thinks you should be covering up (he thinks your body is perfect, almost too perfect, if the way his cock springs to life at just one flash of it is anything to go by), but simply because he doesn’t want anyone to be staring at you or making crude comments.

And once you’re in the sanctity of his home, his overprotectiveness only increases. If you felt like he was controlling, suffocating in his endless stream of ‘let me do that for you - it looks sharp, and you and I both know how dangerous book corners can be’ before, it’s nothing compared to the way he acts once you’re forced to be with him at all times, stuck in the unmatched safety of his abode that he’s so graciously decided to share with you.

He’s with you while you’re sleeping, staring down at your unconscious figure while he caresses your cheeks and presses soft kisses to your forehead, to make sure you don’t get cold or choke in the middle of the night.

He’s there while you’re showering, standing outside the glass door with his eyes trained on your figure, the tent in his trousers not so subtle, to make sure that you don’t slip and fall or get shampoo into your eyes.

Shinsuke has no shame in keeping an eye on you 24/7, and if you try to bring up how uncomfortable it makes you, how weird you think it is that he’s always there, he’ll just pat your head with a soft smile and say that it’s his job. He’s your protector, your provider, and he’ll always take care of you, whether you want it or not.

Besides, isn’t it romantic that he cares so much? His grandmother has always told him that women swoon at men who are masculine, but not terribly so – just enough to show that they’re capable of providing for their partner, but are still sweet and in touch with their emotions.

And surely, his grandmother must be right; after all, he managed to become friends with you, and Shinsuke’s relatively certain that you possess romantic feelings for him as well, if the way you get shy and flustered when he compliments you in that way too blunt tone of his means anything.

He likes the idea that he can be your protector, the one that makes sure you stay safe, healthy, and happy, and frankly Shinsuke is adopting this role even way before his feelings for you form. He likes the way you look at him with a soft smile after he helps you carry something heavy, your pretty eyes sparkling at him while you murmur a small thank you, Shin.

He likes the way you say his name when you’re on the phone with him, your voice sounding like chimes through the receiver as he sighs and closes his eyes, stopping whatever task he was in the middle of when the ringer went off. He’ll focus on the way your tone sounds, if you seem happy or sad, if you sound out of breath or like you’re struggling, and if he gets even the slightest hint that you may be doing something strenuous or challenging (or, heaven forbid, dangerous), Shinsuke is practically sprinting out the door, wanting to get to you as fast as possible as images of you falling, hurting yourself, breaking a bone, anything and everything flash through his mind.

He’ll show up at your door with his hair mussed up, his chest heaving, his brown eyes wide and staring at you impossibly, raking over every inch of you while fervent questions slip past his lips of are you alright? What have you been doing the last few minutes? Why did you not ask me to do it for you?

wants you safe and healthy and pristine, and that’s what he tells you when he’s tucking you into bed, pulling the sheet high around your shoulders (made of the softest cotton designed for newborn babies, of course, as he knows just how sensitive your perfect, warm skin is) while he pulls you tightly against his bare chest, not leaving any room for air between you as he leans down to deeply inhale the scent of your hair.

He’s constantly telling you how much you need him, how he’s the only one who can assure your safety and really truly care for you how you deserve. And in Shinsuke’s mind, you deserve the world - you’re his precious, perfect little darling, and he’s your strong, capable husband - it’s his duty to protect you, to shield you from the terrors of the world and to take care of you.

And really, when you see the muscles rippling along his back, the definition of his biceps as a result of years of volleyball and work on the farm, there isn’t a whole lot you can do to go against him. His protectiveness really does come from a good place – he wants to care for you and make sure you never have to lift a finger, and isn’t it romantic in its own way?

Isn’t it sweet how he’s always wanting to take care of you, how he’s going out of his way to check in on you (frequent, frequent calls and text messages asking you how you’re feeling, randomly showing up to your apartment with takeout in hand and a soft smile on his face, asking without really waiting for an answer whether you’d like to share dinner together)?

Shinsuke thinks this is both the quickest way to your heart, and the quickest way to placate the constant anxiety in his own heart about whether you’re okay, if you’re taking care of yourself. He just wants to be your lover and protector, so won’t you just let him?

Sure, you may feel incapable, his blunt tone and words making you feel useless, but he doesn’t mean it like that – can’t you tell? He sure hopes so, but at the end of the day it hardly matters; he’s sure you’ll fall in love with him eventually, because every woman wants a strong, caring, protective husband.

He’s sure of it.

Obsessive

Routine is an integral part of Shinsuke’s daily life, and despite the massive change of having you – his lover, partner, obsession, object of fascination – this still stands true.

He’s still a man of consistency, and while his rigid scheduling changes in the face of having you in his life, he’s still abiding by the principle of repetition. He’s extremely consistent in the way that he interacts with you; he’s always polite and chivalrous, being nothing short of a gentleman.

Consistent compliments will be coming your way no matter how often you dissuade them or ask Shinsuke to not embaress you so much. He’s telling you that your eyes are gorgeous, I always get so lost in them as he stares at you from across the table, his own food untouched in his bout of simply observing you.

He’s brushing his fingers over a strand of your hair and softly smiling at you, those cold gray eyes warming slightly as he murmurs out your hair is lovely, never cut it.

He’s rigid with the way he interacts with you, but this all lies from the desire to get to know you better, to learn every detail he possibly can. It’s like a puzzle to him; the more he learns, the more he’s able to treat you like you deserve, the greater his resivoir of knowledge about you grows.

He needs to know everything he possibly can in order to make you happy, to be the best possible partner, and is that really such a crime? Is it such a bad thing that he wants to make you happy, to make sure you never worry again, that your pretty head can stay happy, carefree, so very in love?

His obsessiveness comes from a good place, truly, which is why he wants to know everything possible. What position do you fall asleep in, and do you move around in your sleep?

(This knowledge will help him practice cuddling his own pillow, getting familiar with falling asleep in the position that would perfectly aid the way you naturally fall asleep, so that once you’re sharing the same bed every night the both of you can be as comfortable as possible, and therefore receive the best sleep possible.)

What are your dreams for the future?

(It brings a small blush to his pale cheeks to imagine you wanting him in your ideal future, wishing you’d say something along the lines of wanting a modest family and a quiet, calm life, one full of love and quiet stability. It makes Shinsuke excited, because that’s exactly what he can give you – that, and so much more – though, he’ll have too work on that ‘modest family’ a bit; you’ll be having at least four of his children.)

How heavy and how long are your periods?

(He’s stocking up on appropriate supplies, reading up on strategies to help alleviate cramps, the best foods to eat while menstruating, what kind of music and programming is best to relax you, what kind of sweets to indulge you with when you’re particularly clingy and depenent on him – something he’s much too stoic to admit he’s very much looking forward to.)

What keeps you up at night?

(Learning your greatest fears will give him not only a better understanding of you, but also set Shinsuke up for success in calming you down when you wake from nightmares, giving you comforting, lulling words and letting you cry into his chest while he runs his hands along your back, whispering praises and soft nothings as you try to calm down, his own heart hammering in his chest because god, he can feel every inch of you pressed against him like this.)

Shinsuke can and will learn it all, and he’ll remember every last detail to the tee, ingraining it into his brain because all he can think about half the time is you, and he needs material to work with.

He’ll pull random facts out of his back pocket, especially early into his obsession with you; things like your favorite foods and colors, little stories you’ve told him in passing that you don’t expect anyone to remember, small things that make you blink and stare at him in slight shock, flattered because why did he remember something so small and trivial?

It’ll shock you, but it’ll make you feel good, because you’ve never had someone pay as close attention to you as he does, and isn’t it flattering to know that Shinsuke Kita, a man with muscle, smarts, and integrity, cares about little old you?

Even if you aren’t initially romantically interested in him, this particular habit will have that slowly changing, until you reach the point that you’re willing to give him a chance, because it’s the least you could do, right?

But while this habit starts off sweet and romantic, as his relationship and infatuation with you progress, he’ll slowly start mentioning more and more of the things you’ve told him – except, you’re pretty sure you’ve never told him where you keep that extra stash of cash in your bedroom for emergencies.

You don’t think you’ve ever mentioned to him about the order with which you get dressed, or how long it normally takes you. He’ll start casually mentioning things you know you haven’t shared with him, and you’ll slowly begin questioning how he knows everything.

You’ll more likely than be wondering how the hell he knows how many pillows you sleep with at night, but while this may initially concern you, there’s something so calming about Shinsuke, something that’ll just have you shaking it off as something you must have mentioned off handedly, and that Shinsuke just has a really good memory.

And for a while, it works - you start forgetting about how strange it is that the gray haired boy knows so much about you; but once you wake up in his basement, laying atop a soft mattress with nice, wrinkle free sheets waiting underneath your body (that’s been changed into a clean, white pair of pajamas you’re sure aren’t your own) and Shinsuke himself holding you against his chest, telling you to rest and take it easy because the drug is still in your system, you can’t keep brushing it off.

Because once he’s mentioning facts you’ve never disclosed to anyone (like the number of various moles on your body or that you always think of a certain fantasy when you masturbate), you’ll have to recognize the fact that you should’ve known.

You should’ve seen the signs, not laughed off his more questionable behavior, because now that he’s got you stuck with him forever, there’s absolutely nothing you can do.

DEALING WITH RIVALS:

Because of Shinsuke’s views on life and how he perceives his belongings and others, jealousy is something he is not accustomed to.

Before you, he didn’t really understand the concept - you should be grateful for what you have, not envious of those around you for their own belongings. Frankly, he thought extreme jealousy was a sign of a lesser man – ungrateful, selfish, and overall an unpleasant person.

He strived to never feel jealous in any capacity, and for the most part he managed - however, once you enter the picture, his maturity and principled thoughts of gratitude fly out the window.

There’s this ugly feeling that grows in his chest when he thinks about you interacting with another man who intends to court you. It’s suffocating, the way the feeling spreads from his stomach up into his throat, making his mouth feel puffy and swollen, his fingers flexing and clenching, his every muscle tightening as he clenches his jaw so hard his teeth hurt. It’s overwhelming, the way his head begins to ache, his toes feeling numb while his palms grow sweaty and clammy. It makes him physically shake, the feeling so, so very unpleasant, to the point that it makes him feel physically sick and simultaneously enraged.

Once he recognizes what this feeling is, shame crawls through him, along with confusion. Is this jealousy? Why is it so strong?

Frankly, his mounting jealousy towards other men you spend time with is one of the first signs that alerts Shinsuke that there’s something wrong about he’s feeling for you. Sure, jealousy is normal for romantic relationships, but this?

This isn’t like what he’s heard described – this is strong, raw, overwhelming. It’s hard to think of anything except his anger, like it’s drowning him – and Shinsuke doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like that he can’t stop feeling it, that the sinking feeling only gets worse and worse the longer he watches another man interact with you, the longer he doesn’t step in and do something, anything.

He’s immediately getting pissed the moment he sees another man even coming close to you – he knows what kinds of thoughts they have when they see someone as pretty and innocent looking as you, what kind of sick, depraved, monstrous thoughts are running through their minds when they see a gorgeous woman like you – a woman who’s walking all alone, with no one there to ward off any unwelcome attention.

He knows they’re thinking about hot your body is, how soft and good it would feel to fondle you – and how you look weak enough to not be able to fight them.

They’re thinking about your pretty chest, likely imagining the way your tits would bounce as they fuck into your with careless abandon.

They’re probably staring at your ass, seeing the way it sways as you walk, imagining how you’d look on your hands and knees, pretty hole presented so perfectly to lick and finger.

They’re probably licking their lips at the sight of your legs, perfect to throw over their shoulders and grasp as they pound into you hard enough to get you seeing stars.

He knows they’re thinking about getting you to go out with them, romancing you and getting you drunk so you’re your guard is let down, so that you’re agreeing to everything and spreading your legs for them like some common whore –

(Shinsuke knows all of this because they’re all thoughts he’s had, too – except the difference between him and them is that he loves you, so it’s different. It’s different when he fantasizes about fucking your throat, or when he imagines the way the soft globes of your ass would feel against his palms. It’s different when he’s the one imagining taking you out on a nice date, the wine tasting good but the anticipation of getting you naked and writhing underneath him later tasting even sweeter. It’s different, because Shinsuke needs you – not only sexually, but just you.)

Honestly, at first he isn’t even sure why he’s feeling jealous - you spend time with the farmer himself and give him your attention, so why is he feeling this way?

Why does he feel so horribly inadequate when he sees another man around you that’s a bit more handsome than him, more social or funnier?

He’s not sure, and that itself angers him too, combining with the jealousy to form an enraged, insecure mess.

But once he sees the man gently place a hand on your shoulder while laughing with you, it all makes sense. He’s angry because that piece of shit is touching what’s his, tainting someone as perfect and wonderful as yourself.

He’s mad that this man has the audacity to simply touch you, to invade your personal space and claim your attention as his own, to put those filthy hands on your body and make you scared and confused and in need of Shinsuke to swoop in and save you.

He’s infuriated that this stranger seems to think of you so familiarly, and if he’s willing to laugh with you, what else is he wanting to do with you? And to you?

And really, how can Shinsuke just stand by and allow you to be taken advantage of by this son of a bitch?

He tends to jump to the worst possible conclusion, automatically suspicious of anyone who approaches you, and while it’s out of character, he’s not really willing to give anyone benefit of the doubt.

He knows he needs to do something, that he’d be a poor excuse of a man to call himself your protector if he’s simply watching you walk into a situation in which you’ll end up bruised, hurt, crying, or any number of horrible outcomes that he can stop.

So, he’ll clench his jaw, stare at the offending man, and roll up his sleeves. He’s not letting you be stolen from him.

Because Shinsuke doesn’t have much experience being jealous of other men in a romantic context, he’s at first at a bit of a loss on how to terminate the situation he’s presented with; there’s a man you’re talking to, his blue eyes staring at you just a bit too intensely. Shinsuke is sure he has bad intentions; there’s no way he’s not imagining ripping your clothes off and fucking you until you’re sobbing.

There’s no way he’s not planning moves to get you totally at his mercy, wanting to make you emotionally dependent on him so that he can string you along and leave you a sobbing, broken mess, your heart in tatters and likely your bank account, too.

He’s absolutely sure that’s where this man’s intentions are, and yet you’re just laughing with him, entertaining his horrible jokes. Why don’t you laugh with Shinsuke like that?

Why don’t you smile at him so widely, your laugh ringing in his ears until he thinks he’s in heaven?

It’s not fair, and this feeling of inadequacy combined with his rage at the man trying to take advantage of you has his feet moving before his mind can catch up.

His usual method of dealing with rivals for your love and attention is to simply play off of his natural strengths - although he isn’t the tallest man in the world, his aura and muscles are enough to give anyone a small shiver up their spine, and those cold brown eyes of his are capable of staring right through the soul. Years of working the farm has made every muscle in his body stand out, his biceps defined enough to have visible lines.

(Besides, as he marches towards you, he thanks himself for having asked Osamu and Aran for advice on how to deal with jealousy - they’d both separately looked at him a bit puzzled, before telling him to just be yourself, when you’re mad there’s nothing scarier. Shinsuke had cocked a brow and wanted them to elaborate, but neither man was willing to and instead changed the topic of conversation towards something more light hearted – something that wouldn’t get them lectured.)

He’ll nearly running up the two of you, standing next to you and just completely staring the man down - his gaze will hold such judgement, such discontent that the stranger will likely falter, unsure of why he’s being so silently aggressive.

In Shinsuke’s defense, the man had been staring at your body for far too long – and subtly, too, in ways he’s sure you must not have noticed.

He was licking his lips and stealing glances at your chest, your top being just slightly revealing today, and Shinsuke will be damned before he let some digusting pervert ogle your body, to objectify you so unabashedly.

Shinsuke’s arm will wrap around your waist, pulling you into his side as he continues to stare, not letting the stranger have a moment of reprieve while you watch in confusion, unsure of what’s happening or why Shinsuke is being so touchy.

When the man stops speaking to you and instead just simply stares, Shinsuke will turn to you and politely ask about your day, acting like the same traditional, courteous man you know.

He’s completely ignoring the other man, pretending as if he doesn’t exist, and in many ways Shinsuke wishes he could just forget about the stranger.

You’re so pretty like this, looking at him and only him, but once you answer with a ‘good, how about yourself’ in an unsure voice, a strange glint will cross his eyes as he glances at the man standing awkwardly in front of you.

He’ll respond with how his day was going wonderfully, until he stumbled upon this man wasting your time, wasting your energy and patience.

It’s rude, shockingly blunt even for Shinsuke, and before you have a chance to be offended and protest the horrible treatment, the man in question just gapes, before apologizing and scampering off.

And before you can get your tongue working to ask him what the hell that was all about, Shinsuke will smile softly, telling you to follow me, there’s a lovely café down the street; you like crepes, yes? I’ve heard they have the best in town; my treat.

Because when Shinsuke wants to be intimidating, he’s very successful - who would want to cross someone who’s stare is so intense?

Who would want to argue with such confident words, his tone of voice belittling and so honest?

And even if you scold him for being so blunt and rude, he’ll take it all in stride - he can always fall back on the social awkwardness card, claiming that it’s simply how he is, and why are you trying to change him?

He’s not trying to guilt you as he blankly looks at you and explains that it’s just how he is; he’s being honest, really, and in a lot of ways Shinsuke can’t understand why you don’t seem to see the issue with another man trying to steal you away.

Can’t you tell that Shinsuke loves you?

He puts his all into making sure it’s plain as day, because it’s all worth it to have your attention back on him, your eyes looking up at his own and your body facing his. It’s all worth it to keep you away from the prying eyes and fingers of other men who would just hurt you and ruin you, things that Shinsuke would never do.

Because really, to Shinsuke anything is worth it so that you stay focused on him, just as you should be.

TAKING HIS DARLING AWAY:

Because Shinsuke airs on the more lucid side of things, he knows rationally that kidnapping you is wrong. It goes against everything he wants your relationship to be – natural, passionate, loving and consensual.

Of course, the idea is tempting - very, very much so. It’s so tempting, in fact, that he’d be a liar to say he hasn’t imagined it in vivid detail.

He’d be lying if he said he doesn’t love the concept of you living under the same roof, the lock on the door always set so that you stay in the house, pretty and accounted for while you cook, clean, draw, anything your little heart desires.

He’d be lying if he said he hasn’t vividly imagined the way seeing all of your belongings mixed together makes his heart swell – your toothbrushes laying side by side (perhaps you’d even share one – just the thought gets his cheeks flushing pink), or your clothes hanging up in the same closet (ideally you’d be wearing his clothes, but he understands that your physiques are different – and you’d look pretty in a few dresses with pretty flower patterns, wouldn’t you?)

He’d be wrong to say he hasn’t daydreamed about falling asleep with you in his arms, content with the knowledge that you can’t leave the house, and therefore you’ll be there when he wakes up – perhaps you’ll be in the kitchen making breakfast (doubtful, considering Shinsuke always wakes up before you), or maybe you’ll be in the bathroom, washing your face and wiping away the sleepiness from your eyes (he wishes you’d let him do that for you – you’re so cute when you’re all glossy eyed and sleepy, the remnants of the night still visible in the way you smile so softly at him, the imprints of the pillow and sheets against your cheeks).

He’d be a liar to say he hasn’t imagined the way you’d look so pretty perched on the armchair in the living room, a pair of knitting needles in your hands as you make him a brand new scarf for the upcoming winter, made of your favorite color (now his favorite, as well).

All the while, he’d be outside working the farm, perhaps in town selling his wares, only to come home to you, who’d of course be so overjoyed to greet him because he’s the only other person you ever see anymore, excitedly showing off your nearly finished scarf, telling him you’re knitting your love into it as well, so that he’ll never be cold in his heart because you’ll always be with him.

After a long day of working in the fields and then running errands, you’ll welcome him home with a smile and kiss to his cheek, asking how his day went at work. You’ll help him shrug his jacket off, laughing lightly when he mentions something about a group of rowdy kids in town nearly knocking him over while he was hauling his bags down the street.

Dinner is already in the oven, waiting and staying warm until he’s ready to eat. The food is delicious when you both sit down, the tofu hamburger (his favorite) sitting oh so perfectly on his plate as he places his hands together, praying to the Gods and thanking them for this meal, and more importantly thanking them for you. Shinsuke’s appreciative hums and small compliments are enough to have you beaming, pride swelling in your chest because he likes your food, and you strive to make him happy.

The night will culminate in perhaps reading together on the sofa, then making your way to bed where he’ll either snuggle you up tightly in his arms under the thickest wool blankets, or he’ll kiss you and caress your sides, his kisses going lower and lower until you’re grasping onto the sheets while he tells you in that low, raspy voice he gets when he’s aroused that perhaps it’s time you had a rowdy kid of your own.

It’s a fantasy, but despite how appealing it all sounds – having you permanently in his home, that is – Shinsuke knows he shouldn’t.

You’d hate him if he were to do that. Every fiber of your being would resent him, the man that stole you away from your life and trapped you by his side.

No, he could never set himself up to be in a position where you’ll so easily dislike him, even though it makes his chest ache every moment that you’re not together.

And so, Shinsuke won’t not kidnap you – frankly, you’re most likely already living with him at this point, and he’s all but forcing you to stay home – he’ll convince you to quit your job, to instead let him provide for you, to stop worrying about things like independence and being a ‘burden’ to him. He has to be careful and tread lightly, though, because if you were to realize what he’s trying to do – limiting your time in the outside world, that is – you’d be upset, and then Shinsuke would have to resort to some unsavory methods to get you permanently by his side, just where you belong.

And so, he won’t explicitly kidnap you - with the one, very large caveat of you getting into a life-threatening situation. If your life were at risk, then the farmer would throw all caution to the wind, rationalizing that even though you may hate him for the rest of your life, it’s better than having your pretty body lifeless, your blood smeared on the sidewalk, your eyes empty and your fingers cold.

And so, when the car swerves and manages to hit you, your scream of pain before you black out has Shinsuke’s heart dropping, his own scream echoing past his lips as he holds you in his arms, the nearest hospital not nearly close enough.

He’ll let you recover at the local hospital, coming to visit you everyday until you’re safe enough to return home – except, that home you’re imagining?

Well, even as much as it pains Shinsuke to mention, you won’t be seeing those familiar walls ever again – your new home is him, and he’ll make sure you grow to love it.

You have to love it.

As a captor, Shinsuke isn’t too terrible - if you can get over the fact that he’ll never leave you alone and that he’ll be doing absolutely everything for you in fear that you’ll hurt yourself, then life under his rule will be good.

He hovers over you constantly, letting you know that he’s there and ready to protect you should the need arise, and while it’s absolutely suffocating, at some point down the road you’ll almost find it endearing how much he cares.

Because really, even when he’s got you trapped in the separate apartment shed out in the corner of the farm (where he compromises on letting you reside if he’s taken you because of unforeseen circumstances, and you’re not quite at the stage he needs you to be in order to force you into sharing his bed or letting him hold you at night), he’s so very attentive to your every need.

He’s constantly checking in that you’re warm enough, that you’ve eaten enough, that you’re happy. (That last one always makes you angry when he asks, yelling at him and crying because of course you’re not happy, but he’ll only watch in silence, disappointment in your behavoir and guilt sitting heavy in his stomach – maybe tomorrow when he asks you’ll give a better answer, one that he can stomach and one he likes. Eventually you will – eventually you’ll grow to love him, the Stockholm Syndrome kicking in because he’s all you have left.)

Shinsuke just wants you to feel safe and protected, and if you can get past how many locks are on the door, how there’s nothing in the entire space that could cut through skin, and that his chocolate eyes are always on you, you may even find yourself falling for him.

After all, with every blunt compliment he sends your way (‘your hair needs to be cut - there are many split ends, although it is still quite beautiful’) and every caring coo he sends your way while you sob in his arms, your walls of defense and hate towards him will slowly crumble. Because if you’re stuck here, living out the rest of your life with a man who is absolutely obsessed with you and your future together, there isn’t much you can do besides just let it happen.

And Shinsuke couldn’t be happier. And in the meantime, as you slowly become defenseless against his consistent, oddly undeniable charms, Shinsuke will be trying everything he can possibly think of to win you over.

He’s getting advice from his grandmother (disguising the kidnapping as helping you recover from a car wreck, which gets her tutting and pulling him into a hug, telling him he’s so sweet, she’ll surely love you after you take care of her).

He’s buying you flowers regularly, all in shades that remind him of you. There’s roses, tulips, dahlias, baby’s breath, anything he thinks looks pretty – you’ll find them in a vase on your nightstand, a crisp, white card tucked beside the clear glass of the vase with your name scribbled across it. It’s predictably not long considering it’s from Shinsuke, though the words are precise, meaningful, telling you that he saw these today and they reminded me of you. Perhaps when you’re feeling better we can go and see the flowers together – I’d like very much to take some photographs of you surrounded by the wildlife.

A shiver will run down your spine at the prospect of him photographing you – you’ve seen peeks of the collection of photographs he has, all candids in which you’re unaware of the lens pointed at you, taken with the mental justification that since you’re not naked or doing something extremely personal, it’s not wrong for him to take them.

(At least, that’s what he tells himself – you’d argue that brushing your teeth is personal, that sleeping is very intimate, but Shinsuke begs to differ – besides, you were just too fucking cute to not photograph all drooly and softly snoring.)

He’s bringing home your favorite candies, because while he still feeds you a steady stream of healthy, balanced meals, he likes the way your face lights up when you see the chocolates, how you look at him with a small smile when he tells you that he thought you might enjoy them, and you’ve been very good lately; you deserve a reward.

Shinsuke just wants to woo you, and while he may still be rigid, a bit unapproachable, frankly a bit scary with the way he simply stares, eventually you’ll become used to it, his doting actions becoming familiar.

You’ll accept the way he’s tucking you into bed, laying and arm around your waist as you pulls you into his chest, his soft voice telling you to sleep well my love, I’ll see you in the morning.

You’ll grow used to the way there’s a piping hot breakfast laid out on the table when you wake up, steam still coming off the eggs even after Shinsuke has left for work, the fields taking him away from you.

(His thoughts are still revolving entirely around you as he works, however – thinking of your pretty smile, your voice on a loop in his head, the way you say his name, imagining what it would sound like to hear you say I love you…)

Shinsuke is a determined man, and while he may be a bit guarded and set in his ways, you’ll eventually grow used to being treated as if you were incapable – it’s coming from a place of love after all, and isn’t that just so sweet?

Isn’t it kind that he wants to spoil you, make sure you never have to worry about a thing, make sure you can never hurt yourself again?

PUNISHMENTS:

Because Shinsuke is more lucid than anything, punishments are not something that occur frequently.

He doesn’t like the idea of disciplining you in a negative way; sure, when you act out, something must be done in consequence, but there’s something about the prospect of purposefully hurting you that makes Shinsuke feel sick, his stomach twisting in knots.

He doesn’t want to punish you – he doesn’t like the idea of harming you in any way, but he can be swayed to, begrudgingly, reprimand you for your poor behavior.

It’s got to be something large that drives him to these measures, however; the strongest trigger for him is any attempt by you to escape.

It’s not even that he’s angry with you - he is, of course. Furious, even. But really, what drives him to overcome his own mental blocks against harming you is the prospect of you running off into the big, wide world, without any money, orientation of where you are, who you are, what you need.

He’s scared you’ll be taken advantage of; maybe some strange, nefarious man will pick you up as a hitchhiker, taking one look at your shivering, unarmed form and decide you’d be the perfect target.

Maybe some truck will drive by you, speeding so fast they don’t even see your figure until it's too late and there’s a horrible thud and suddenly there’s only blood –

Just the prospect is enough to get Shinsuke’s eyes wide and watery, a hand clutching at his shirt above his heart, his knees shaking because he absolutely cannot have that happen.

He has to protect you, and if you just run off like that, how can he?

He doesn’t want you to hate him – he’s sure you already do, what with him kidnapping you, but he doesn’t want to make your opinion of him worse. Just the mere thought keeps him up at night, his eyes fixed on you as he holds you in his arms, his thumb tracing your cheekbone as he tries to devise ways to make you understand the gravity of your actions without you being harmed.

He considers all kinds of possibilities – isolating you, locking you up in the basement with a bit of food and water so you can reflect on what you’ve done. He ultimately decides against this, though, because he worries you won’t actually eat or drink anything without him there to watch you and force you to.

He considers restricting your access to your hobbies or things to keep you from growing bored while he’s working. It would leave you to, once again, reflect on your poor behavior, and would force you to wait anxiously for his return, because at least then you’ll have something to entertain you, even if it’s your captor. He decides against it, though, because he doesn’t like the idea of you withering away all day, growing bored to the point of insanity, even if it means you’ll willingly hug him and beg him to talk about his day.

He even considers threatening someone you love – it leaves a bad taste in his mouth, both because he doesn’t approve of violence, and because he wants your family to approve of him. (You won’t get to see them much, anyways, but maybe after you’ve accepted your role, accepted him, he’ll let you attend some family functions, introducing him as your husband and gushing to your mother about how perfect he is.)

It’s a fine line to walk, and eventually Shinsuke will sigh and give up, deciding that there really is no way for him to get the point across and still look like the good guy.

He has to be firm about any sort of discipline regarding your negative actions; he’ll look weak if he doesn’t, and having a weak resolve on punishing you will allow you to act up more, will make you more willing to defy him, to try and escape, to hurt yourself, to do all manners of things that make Shinsuke’s heart race in a horrible way.

He has to present himself as the man in charge – he calls the shots, and while he appreciates your input in telling him what you want and how you’re feeling, ultimately Shinsuke knows best. Because while he very much feels that women are equal to men, there’s something about you that makes him pause for a moment, the old stereotypes of men taking care of women seeming oddly appealing.

Because really, isn’t this how nature intended things to be? For him to be in charge, to love you and care for you and know what’s best for you?

Eventually he’ll begin to think that way, and while some small part of him knows it’s wrong to be in such control of your life, Shinsuke can’t find it in himself to care – how can he, when he’s got you by his side, so sweet and pretty as you eat the food he cooked you, sleep in his arms, in his sheets, in his bed?

So really, while Shinsuke is lenient in most every way regarding punishments, if you cross him he will meet your actions with consequences – consequences that leave you sore and unable to sit for a few days, just to remind you of what you’ve done.

He’s had a long day – the rice fields were scalding today, leaving his skin burnt and his agitation levels high.

He’d slipped and gotten mud all over his clothing, leaving him feeling sticky and sweaty and wanting nothing more than to shower and settle down beside you on the couch, a book shared between the two of you as you read and he plays with your fingers. He smiles at the thought – you always smell like vanilla and honey, curtesy of the shampoo he’d gotten you, and he can almost smell it now as he unlocks the front door, swinging it open with a new spring in his step.

And then he’s immediately freezing, his brown eyes narrowing as he takes in the sight before him.

You’re standing there, gaping at him with wide eyes and trembling hands, a paperclip grasped between your fingers. It’s been bent as straight as you could manage, the very tip of it dented and split, as if you’ve been shoving it in something, turning and twisting and forcing–

It all becomes very clear suddenly; you’re trying to escape. You were taking advantage of the fact that he was working today, that he’d be back in the fields, busy and unable to notice you sneaking away, leaving him, and you were going to run.

Everything is silent and still for a moment, his eyes boring into yours as his lips parting slightly, this kicked, hurt look in his eye that makes you cower ever so slightly, this weird, unplaced sort of shame settling in your gut.

But then he’s suddenly springing forward, arms wrapping around your waist before you can even yelp, the paperclip slipping from your fingertips as he drags you further into the house.

You’re kicking, flailing and feeling tears already slipping down your cheeks, the door getting further and further away, and along with it, your chance at freedom. Shinsuke grits his teeth, the sound of you crying making his heart ache, but the overwhelming sense of anger and betrayal is too strong to ignore. You were trying to leave him.

You were to trying to run away, to get away from him, to never have to see him again and leave him alone, cold, lonely, missing you so desperately it would kill him. His muscles are firm, hard, and even as you push against him, trying to drag your feet or pry his arms off of you, you don’t make so much as a budge.

The mud caked into his working cloths gets onto you, the pretty loungewear set he’d bought you (in your favorite color, of course) now stained a dirty, sludgy brown. Soon he pushes you down onto the couch in the living room, with a force you’ve never felt from him before.

You land with a soft cry, bouncing a bit on the couch, before scrambling away from him, trying to put distance between the two of you. The action only furthers the sense of hurt he’s nursing, and his lips quirk down as he stares at you.

You were attempting to escape. His words aren’t a question, so you don’t answer.

He stares at you for a beat more, before swallowing harshly and sitting down on the end of the couch. You watch with baited breath and confusion, anxiety prickling in your stomach because you’ve never seen him this angry before, and it scares you.

But then he’s reaching out and wrapping his fingers around your ankle, yanking and sending you falling towards him, your lands reaching out to press against his thighs to catch yourself. Behave, he warns you as he shuffles you further up, so that your pelvis is pressed against his thighs, laying across his lap.

His words have you frozen in place, and although you’ve never really considered the possibility of him physically harming you, there’s something about the way he’s breathing uneven and the harsh way he handles you that has you wondering if that’s a real concern.

He’s always treated you like you’re made of glass – gentle and breakable, but with the way his fingers dig into the waistband of your shorts and pull, ripping the material right down the middle, Shinsuke’s a totally different person. He’s a stranger as he repeats the action with the pretty purple underwear stretched across your ass, and for a moment you wonder if perhaps physical harm isn’t the worst of your concerns – you’d be helpless if he decided he wants what’s in between your legs, thoroughly unable to do a thing to stop him.

But luckily, Shinsuke isn’t that much of a monster, and instead he’s resting a hand on your ass. His hand is dirty, and you feel the film of dirt and plant debris and mud sitting against your skin.

You were attempting to escape, he repeats, and it makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. What was your plan? Do you know where you are? Who would you have contacted, and how? You have no money, and all your relatives and friends think you’ve shunned them. Who would help you?

You freeze at his words, an uncomfortable feeling settling in the back of your throat because he’s right.

It’s reckless and stupid to rush into a situation that you haven’t planned for. You’re being careless; this is why I can’t trust you to be alone yet. You make poor decisions, and now you’ll be punished for them.

Suddenly, his hand is coming down, a harsh, loud smack ringing through the living room as his palm makes contact with your bare ass cheek. It makes you cry out – it hurts, his strength surely leaving your ass sore, and distantly you think back to all those videos you’d seen of his high school years playing volleyball. You can’t get too lost in thought, though, because his hand comes down again, not giving you a second to think.

This is why you need me. You aren’t capable of making good decisions on your own; you need someone to watch over you.

Smack.

I protect you.

Smack.

I provide you with a warm house, food, and love.

Smack.

You are ungrateful; I’ve taught you to be better.

Smack.

I’m disappointed in you; eventually you will be happy with me. You’ll eventually love me, and you’ll be happy here. With me.

Smack.

Stop trying to fight fate; you’ll never win.

Smack.

The spanking is quick, only taking roughly a minute from start to finish, but it feels like a lifetime to you. Your ass is sore, bruises already forming, and as Shinsuke rests his hand on your upper thigh, you can’t help the tears slipping down your cheeks.

The sight of your shoulders shaking and your sniffles makes Shinsuke bite his lip, eyebrows drawing inward because god, seeing you cry is so fucking painful, but he steels himself. This was necessary, inevitable – you don’t understand just what he can provide you, yet.

You don’t understand just what he can give you, yet.

You don’t understand just how much he can love you, yet.

But you will, he’s sure of it – and so as he steps into the shower, having settled you onto the bed, laying on your stomach with an icepack resting on your ass and a blanket thrown over you, he’s nodding his head at himself in the mirror.

You don’t understand that this is for the best yet – but as you avoid escaping in the future, too scared of this new side of Shinsuke, he’ll be pleased.

The longer you stay with him, the more you’ll come to realize that he treats you well – or at least, as well as he can, given the unhealthy nature of his feelings.

You’ll realize how much he does for you – he could’ve done much, much worse than simply spank you, and eventually you will recognize that.

You’ll come to understand that while he’s forcing you to stay with him, to be his housewife and start a family with him, he does genuinely love you. It’s twisted, sick, too much, but Shinsuke is consistent, steady.

You will bend to him, he's sure it. You will love him, even if you don’t believe it yet.

OVERALL DANGER:

6/10

At his core, Shinsuke does love you in some strange, perverse way – he’s enamored with you, obsessed in every possible way, and although he tries to control himself and fight the way his heart pounds and hammers and nearly bursts when you look at him, smile at him, touch him, he’s a lost cause.

He’s not particularly dangerous, despite the depth of his feelings for you – he mostly just wants you to be safe and sound at all times, completely removed form the possibility of hurting yourself, wanting to make sure that you’re taken care of and properly attended to so that you never, ever want for anything. He wants to spoil you, to keep you as his little housewife that he can come home to and kiss and hold, his sweet little thing that enjoys living a quiet, peaceful life with him.

He wants to live out the perfect domestic fantasy with you – he’ll be your hardworking husband, working long hours in the rice fields to provide food and money for you, while you stay inside and cook and clean, your belly swollen and a baby nursing at your breast, your smile wide and pretty and all for him.

He just thinks you’re perfect in every possible way, and although he wants your relationship to be as normal as possible, his overprotective tendencies will bar that from ever happening.

It’s not normal to not allow you near anything sharp; you’re a fully grown woman, capable of handling a razor or a knife.

(Once he trusts you enough to actually chop things, you’ll be getting a dull chopping knife under the strict stipulation that if you get injured in any way, you will not be given another opportunity to chop things for yourself for quite some time – the next few months will see Shinsuke on chopping duty, while you watch him and see the way his forearms flex and compliment him because you’re a very good cook, dear.)

It’s not normal for him to always be staring at you, those brown eyes fixed on your form like a moth to a flame, always always always watching and observing, making you feel like you’re under a microscope with how his gaze breaks you apart.

Shinsuke is scary, sure, but eventually you’ll come around to him – he’s steady and consistent, and although he’s uprooted you from your life and keeps you trapped in his home, he’s oddly sweet. His blunt compliments take a while to get used to, but his touch is soft and firm, the way he holds you is comforting, and sometimes, when the lighting is just right, he even looks handsome.

Eventually, you’ll become a victim of Stockholm Syndrome, and you may even find yourself slowly returning his feelings – after all, he really does take care of you, doesn’t he?

Doesn’t he pay more attention to you than any man has before, and doesn’t he know you better than even you know yourself? Maybe he’s right; maybe you are meant to be his wife, the mother of his children, and maybe you really will be happy like he keeps promising – life can’t be that bad with him, right?

After all, you’ll never have to worry about anything you did before he came along – money, a job, strangers, anything of the sort. He’ll take care of all of it, so just smile at him and let him kiss you – it’s the least you can do, after all he’s done for you.

#yandere haikyuu #_shinsuke kita #_haikyuu #_lee's profiles #yandere kita

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