#youll just have to deal with it /lh

[murmurmurl]

talked to my awesome and incredible friend for longer than 5 seconds today (who I love very very much and who is actually perfect and who I'm very platonically in love with), life can't get any better than this tbh

[ratgingi]

woe characters inspired by some of my cats be upon ye. info on them in my tags lol

[itsaspectrumcomic]

man ok idk if youll be able to advise on this or something but like. do you know anything regarding dealing with like internalised ableism?

i live in a rural part of ireland, right? and idk what it is about rural ireland but some of the people are heinous. my school is in a small miserable-ass town and like. God, man. not everyone sucks, of course but like. jesus lol additionally i have a ~mildly ableist~ mother (a "we're all a little bit autistic" and "erm. youre not disabled because youre not in a wheelchair or blind/deaf" etc etc type stuff. + "npd = bad person" which isnt particularly good for me specifically because i have npd (that i both Cant get an official diagnosis for, for various reasons, and im not really Looking for one either because i know what i am and its not like you get support for it because ~ooh scary narcissist~.)

and like. idk if this is Obvious but that can kinda cause a weird-ass relationship with You (being Me in this case, yk how it is with the second person perspective when. ranting) and The Concept Of Being Disabled. like, objectively. im disabled. im autistic, ive definitely got adhd (that im hopefully going to get examined for at some point cause college stuff requires it for the disability forums and stuff. gotta love that. fuckin 80% comorbidity right?), ive got a laughable number of repetative strain injuries, i have a sensory processing disorder, an endocrine disease that effects my Entire cardiovascular system, a spine that felt a lil quirky and bent in too much. so on a so forth

but also like. it feels wrong to call myself disabled. yk, like im doing a disservice to all the other ~actually~ disabled people (being Anyone but me lol) (none of this is At All helped by the fact that my mother refuses to listen to me regarding Jack Shit about my health in Any way. "oh you nearly passed out on top of a hill because of your cardiovascular condition? erm youre just not exercising enough actually" "you dont have depression [said while i was filling out an assigned mood diary after being forcefully brought to camhs for Reasons" like. shut the fuck up and Listen to me please. at least Entertain the idea that i could be right about something for fucking once lmao. cause ive been right about EVERYTHING regarding my mental health so fucking far so. fuck off /nay ofc) (also man. like, even if you ignored the physical issues ive got im still disabled on account of being autistic. like, motor function is fine, despite being a lil clumsy and/or unsteady sometimes but like. my emotional needs are Fucked. think of the response youd get if you asked a. fuckin. 8 year old or something to do algebra. but with a very emotionally stunted and traumatised 17 year old lol. lmao, even /lh)

so like. if youve got. any advice or whatever on any of this thatd be Super cool + no pressure obvs. sorry this is a whole. like. fucking essay's worth of Random Guy Complaining To You On The Internet lol

-🐢 <- just so i can find this again if you respond. i Like Turtles. i am Normal about the tmnt and also turtles The Creatures. i wont talk at length about turtle mutant anatomy (i am deceiving you)

Internalised ableism is a really hard thing to deal with, especially when you're surrounded by people who constantly re-enforce it. I've also spent a lot of time worrying that I'm not disabled 'enough' to deserve certain accommodations, that I'm making an unnecessary fuss. But the truth is, autism IS a disability and if there are accommodations that can help support you, you deserve access to them. You're not taking away from others with disabilities by advocating for yourself.

It's taken me a long time to understand this and I still worry sometimes. What has helped is talking about my experiences with people I know understand, like my therapist or best friend, and learning about the experiences of other autistic people through books, social media, YouTube and even real life.

I'm sorry your mother and others aren't being understanding - remember that's a them problem, not you, and try to spend your time with people who do understand.

🐢🐢🐢 <- the turtles wish you luck

[dolliecworpse]

re your post .. as someone who went through something very similar when i realized i was aromantic awhile back, and still struggle with this sometimes … the answer is that, with time, you will be able to come to terms with yourself and how you love (if you do). your relationships will shift for the better and youll have a deeper understanding of how you interact and view others .. but ik its hard. and honestly right now i think you should let yourself be upset, while also working to accept every part of yourself.

sometimes, in a society where romantic love is prioritized over any other kind of love, realizing youre aromantic can feel like grieving. because you realize that you will not get to experience the great things youve been told romantic love gives you, but the truth is that all love is a choice. and being aromantic doesnt mean that you cant love and be loved, and even if you dont experience “love” as we know it, you arent doomed to misery.

like i said .. i think the way to deal with this realization is to let yourself be upset, but also try to work towards self-acceptance and detaching yourself from the way “love” is viewed in modern society. i know if i, and countless others, can come to be comfortable with ourselves despite this, you can too ❤️

sorry for the dump in your askbox .. i hope i could maybe help you, in some way or form.

i truli hope i do come to accept it and live with it, because right now i am just so so sad. it does feel like grieving. you’re right. i was always told that i’d find someone to love one day, and that they would love me too. but no matter how many people love me, i’ll never be able to love them back. i feel like i’m living a lie. i feel like i am an actor that never knew that the performance wasn’t real. but now i do. and i just hope that maybe one day, i’ll be okay, and that one day, i will be forgiven for all of the people who i apparentli lied to about loving. i wish i had known i was acting. i wish i had known it was fake from the start. but i didn’t, and i guess i’ll have to learn to forgive myself for that. thank you for your ask. i appreciate it. sorri for word vomiting. /g /lh

[ninjayuri]

I CLICKED THE LINK WHAT IS WRONG WITH U UNMUTUALING RN (/j/lh) -kaede

HJDGHFBFHSBHF NOO PLEASE STAY this is just another part youll have to deal with when you become friends with me <3 /lh