#your general disdain to my existence in your presence does not go un fucking noticed
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sometimes i rlly wanna ask my mother if she thinks my hearing is as bad as hers bc i KNOW she is not saying half the shit she does knowing i can hear every fucking word
#it’s the little things especially. little comments that usually one says under their breath#or at least makes an attempt to keep to themselves#your general disdain to my existence in your presence does not go un fucking noticed#u know what jst made everything abt it all soooo much worse too ?#the other day i was talking w my dad abt it (bc he’s the only one who knows what mother is like)#and he said to me that after they lost my brother she wanted another child. she wanted me. worst part about that ? i was surprised#bc she has never treated me as if i was wanted. never#she was physically there for my childhood but she didn’t spend time w me and was emotionally distant#and i’ll b completely honest with you. her just being ‘there’ was not enough. a parent just being ‘there’ is not fucking good enough#and i don’t jst mean that for me. for everyone who had present-but-not parents#they didn’t raise us. they didn’t spend time with us. they didn’t treat us as anything but a chore in reality even if we didn’t see it then.#but they were ‘there’ so it’s fine apparently. i say fuck that#id rather she not have been there at all than go thru what she put me thru for years and years#absence probably would have hurt too. but there’s no way it could hurt as much as all she’s done#sorry abt the rant in the tags. i only recently in th last yr reached a point where i began to truly realise these things#but i will keep on ranting here. i cant get out of my current situation rn so letting it off my chest here is the only option#keeps me somewhat sane. so u cunts(affectionate) better deal w it !!!!!!!!!#plum.txt#feel free 2 ignore#dl
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