#bc she has never treated me as if i was wanted. never
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inmate 13453
okay don't get excited, i just felt like writing a bit of a drabble to feel out the atmosphere of a potential start to this au (clicking the tag will give up the other stuff i've posted for it btw)
btw check out the playlist and the pinterest board made by @theageofsilver and @allicentsallure bc they're fab
cw: kidnapping
Soft seventeen.
Bambi eyes, bambi legs.
There’s a certain edge to the way people describe the age she’s at. Not quite eighteen, not quite legal, tangible as cherry juice on greedy fingers. She isn’t sixteen, sweet and tender. It’s a soft first step into adulthood, skirting the border, the in between, the unknowable horrors that lie ahead.
She fucking hates being seventeen.
It’s a shit number first of all. Odd numbers make her want to spew. They feel like nails on a chalkboard, polyester static on leg hair. She can’t even dance, so whatever ABBA are singing about doesn’t apply.
Amara sticks out her tongue and tastes the air as the breeze blows west. She swears she can get a sense of the world when she does.
Her stepfather mocks her for it. That blue-eyed, blonde maniac with the ugly Buick Electra he treats like a brand-name Italian from the southern coasts of Europe. He used to treat her mother the same. Until he began to tell Amara you look just like her when she was young. He leaves his porn tabs open on his computer, as if he wants her to know. ‘Teen’, ‘Latina’, ‘Stepfather’, ‘Rough’, ‘Face-fucking’, ‘Breeding.’
She doesn’t have a drop of Hispanic blood in her.
She really wants to tell her mother, but there is a chance her mother will look right through her instead. She’s been doing that a lot more nowadays. They can’t afford her meds anymore. She just sits on the porch and watches and waits. For what, is anyone's guess.
>> can you pick me up?
>> its dark
>> pls
>> sorry ik its inconvienant
'Step-Daddy' always replies quickly when it’s her. He has a heart next to her name on his phone. She never agreed to that.
>> it’s spelled inconvenient
“Suck my dick,” Amara tells the screen and switches her phone off before he can message again.
She can walk.
The route back runs dangerously close to the edge of the forest. All kinds rot away in there, but she doesn’t like to think of them by name. They’ll become real if she does. She wishes her mother had found a man who lived in the wetlands, and not here at the cursed border between life and the realm beyond. Marshes are easier to understand. Forests are cursed.
Still, life is horribly simple here. Her high school is placid and filled with the dull-eyed children of dull-eyed adults. The gas station where she works didn’t bother to interview her. She walked in and the guy behind the counter stared at her breasts until he remembered she had a face. Her breasts aced the interview for her.
Can I work here? Just until I graduate.
Sure, grab a nametag.
Four months later, and she doesn’t mind it anymore. Her brain shuts off. Her customers are a ragtag mixture of suspicious, ferret-eyed locals and the occasionally buoyant hiker from out of state. If she doesn’t look like she belongs, she’s pretty, and that usually gives people like her a pass. At least until the sleazy comments become ethnically charged. But even then, Amara has a way of making her eyes go ‘dopey’ and just smiling like she’s too slow to understand. Displaying discomfort is what eggs them on (kind of a nasty realisation she opened her eyes to one day).
An engine growls some way down the road.
Old Chevy pickup, faded gold.
She recognises it from the parking lot at the station near the end of her shift.
A guy stepped out, young, early twenties, with a shock of hair that looked white until she realised it was just really, really blonde. She remembers thinking it was odd. The range of blondes in town runs from deep and dirty to the artificial bleach rattled out of holographic boxes of dye. No one has hair like his. She’d have noticed.
His eyebrows were a little darker, and his lashes were darker still. He had a funny way of walking, and he looked at her like she had the head of a fish and the body of a human being. Amara did her best dopey eyes. She asked him if he’d had a good day, pointed out the offers they had on pork rinds. He didn’t say a word. His skin had smears of black grease, glistening with sweat and bronzed by the sun.
Deep blue eyes.
Horribly deep.
Not the kind you’d want to swim in. She likes a softer blue, blue like chlorine, reminiscent of the safety of swimming pools. His were anything but.
She picks up her speed, and for some reason, puts her phone to her ear as if mid-conversation. Nothing about him said he was dangerous at the time. At least not from the way he’d barely said a word or looked down at her body. He was just there, and then he was gone.
And now here he is again.
The Chevy hits the horn. He is creeping closer. Amara turns and waves at him to go on. She doesn’t want a ride. Why isn’t he rolling down the window to offer one though?
It slows to a crawl. Her throat closes up. She has a feeling speeding up will give him what he wants. He’s obviously trying to be a prick. But if she goes back to talk to him, that would be exponentially worse. She switches her phone back on and sees her stepfather’s message telling her to get back home herself after she didn’t reply to tell him her location.
She quickly shoots him a message, and prays he’ll respond.
He doesn’t.
Fuck it.
She walks faster. The Chevy matches the increase. Sweat blooms on the back of her neck.
Every woman has that oh fuck moment. That I’m going to be on the evening news moment. The please god if he catches me let him kill me before he gets to raping me moment.
None of that goes through her head. She keeps thinking of her mother’s cooking. Her mother hasn’t cooked in a year and a half, not since her mind began to slip. But Amara can taste the spices on her tongue, the way the rice was perfectly simmered, the cinnamon in the back of her throat, the smell that clung to the walls, the heat of it.
I wanna come home, Momma.
Her mother’s face gathers into shape in her head, built with sand particles and saltwater. When the Chevy roars, she starts running. Her mother vanishes.
The lights of the truck blink across the tarmac. It’s a signal. But it isn’t for her.
She looks over her shoulder, and she can’t see him.
Run me over. Leave me like carrion on the road. Let the maggots eat me. Don’t cut me up first.
He slows when she starts to tire out. Picks up when she tries again. No other car has graced this road since she first turned onto it. A sign points her to the right, ushering her deeper into the backwoods. The town is to the left.
He figures out where she’s going when she suddenly makes a dash for the bend in the road.
There’s no time to dodge the pickup when it goes for her this time. The wheels skid as he yanks it at an angle and blocks her way. The door flies open and misses her by an inch. His arm grabs for her. She dodges, animal fear and rust on her tongue. He still doesn’t say a word.
A heavy fist connects with the small of her back and she drops like a stone.
The pain is electric. Air turns her lungs into taut balloons, but she can’t make a sound. She twists around and the bruise forming over her spine grates. Adrenaline quickly numbs it as she lashes out with her arms and legs. Kicking, punching, scratching, biting. Her teeth hit home. A mouthful of tattooed flesh, car oil and sweat. Still no sound from him.
She never sees the fist coming, just like last time.
A blow to the head and lights out, nancy.
#inmate 13453#aegon ii x oc#house of the dragon#modern aegon#aegon ii targaryen#aegon x amara#modern hotd
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Aaaaaa!! I love the pretty bird series so far!!
My mind is running rampant with possibilities I love some miscommunication between species tropes
- I can't remember which type of bird (I think eagle?) but I know a species has a courting practice where they lock talons and dive through the sky before flying again, which I consider pretty romantic
- Avian Mihawk, doing research on human courting methods but his research is outdated bc time is fickle to fae
- Trying to give reader more and more extravagant animals for "dowry" ("three goats? How disgracefully frugal... Are mammoths still considered impressive?")
- Or giving up on human courting methods and grasping at straws thinking that if reader loves animals so much maybe he should try that and hope they recognize something
(Mihawk reading about giraffes:)
- "many female insects will kill their mates after copulation... So back to mammals it is"
- also, reader treating the crow as a diary in which they can dish without fear of judgement bc it's not like it's a human that can judge them (technically true)
- reader, sharing the goss from the market "so now her parents are getting divorced, her boyfriend slash possible biological father skips town, but guess who else conveniently disappears? Her sister!" Mihawk: :V
Mihawk, after he finally wooed (talked to without smelling every two seconds) his One True Mate (the human who was nice to him) into courtship and marriage (a Walk) and they forsake him (call another bird pretty) despite their fated bond (he hasn't revealed he's a bird):
The way I wasn't expecting "Pretty Bird" to become a series, but it's now just becoming such fun to think about.
Locking talons and diving, my heart 🫠.
Mihawk researching ancient courting rituals for humans and not interpreting the correct methods will never not be funny -> BUT, what if our reader accidentally initiates avarial courtship and shows her pretty bird a dress that she hasn't worn in a while, enjoying how the skirt twirls and fans outwards while she spins. Our Pretty Bird just going: "My human wants me. My mate desires me. This is my moment, my time has come. Even now, she dances for me."
Treating Pretty Bird as a diary, offering him trinkets and treats for listening to her woes. "The lord of high keep has invited me to work his field and establish his grounds for flowers. How do I tell him he scares me when he watches? How do I tell him his presence both enchants me and terrifies me. Oh, pretty bird, you're the only one who understands me." I can't, this is just too funny.
We all know Mihawk in all forms is a gossip-loving goth.
I just need to see how far I want to lean into the more animal-like instincts for him. He'd be so cute preening and grooming while his expression is stone-faced and cold. The duality of the man.
Also, I have missed you Snail! I hope life is treating you well, love!
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https://www.tumblr.com/starfxkr/753378059967676416/i-feel-like-sugar-baby-reader-would-not-even-live
idk if you’ve already created lore for them but hear me out 🤚🏾 sugar baby! reader a caribbean girl that was working as a bartender or showgirl on a cruise rafe went on when ward & them was running to the bahamas. he thought she was cute so he decided to bring her home + whenever he takes her w him to outings w his friends like a casual business dinner or sunday morning golf he’s like *rich boy laugh* look what i found on shore
THERE ISNT TOO MUCH LORE YET but i love this idea...ima tweak it a tad though bc sugar daddy!rafe is much older but i think him running into you while working as a bartender still works though because he's just...going to have you.
since he has a giant fucking house in the bahamas he knows his plan is to convince you to stay with him for a bit. and you're working at some super fancy resort and you aren't new to the whole "rich guys wanting to spend time with a local" thing but you never had one as persistent as rafe.
he pulls some strings to get you a new dress and shoes sent to your house (he paid your best friend a pretty penny to find out the info he needs), he sends flowers and picks you up in a nice car the whole deal. it's literally so overwhelming to deal with. but it works. by the end of the week you're missing shifts because rafe gives you 2x the amount to compensate.
it takes a little convincing but you do end up going back with him, and the mask starts to slip a little once you see how controlling he really is, and he truly treats you like a trophy and talks down to you in front of his friends and business partners. but you're locked in now. he could just as easily get you deported.
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sometimes i rlly wanna ask my mother if she thinks my hearing is as bad as hers bc i KNOW she is not saying half the shit she does knowing i can hear every fucking word
#it’s the little things especially. little comments that usually one says under their breath#or at least makes an attempt to keep to themselves#your general disdain to my existence in your presence does not go un fucking noticed#u know what jst made everything abt it all soooo much worse too ?#the other day i was talking w my dad abt it (bc he’s the only one who knows what mother is like)#and he said to me that after they lost my brother she wanted another child. she wanted me. worst part about that ? i was surprised#bc she has never treated me as if i was wanted. never#she was physically there for my childhood but she didn’t spend time w me and was emotionally distant#and i’ll b completely honest with you. her just being ‘there’ was not enough. a parent just being ‘there’ is not fucking good enough#and i don’t jst mean that for me. for everyone who had present-but-not parents#they didn’t raise us. they didn’t spend time with us. they didn’t treat us as anything but a chore in reality even if we didn’t see it then.#but they were ‘there’ so it’s fine apparently. i say fuck that#id rather she not have been there at all than go thru what she put me thru for years and years#absence probably would have hurt too. but there’s no way it could hurt as much as all she’s done#sorry abt the rant in the tags. i only recently in th last yr reached a point where i began to truly realise these things#but i will keep on ranting here. i cant get out of my current situation rn so letting it off my chest here is the only option#keeps me somewhat sane. so u cunts(affectionate) better deal w it !!!!!!!!!#plum.txt#feel free 2 ignore#dl
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i think if i painted my ex situationship i'd be cured it's the most shallow but intense connection i've had w anyone i think i am so obsessed w how she looks i want 2 photograph her/paint her forever rant in tags but ive talked abt it b4 so feel free to ignore
#god her personality is so . kind of repulsive its insane i think shes a good friend to her friends but#the way she just openly admitted to treating her exes like they r less than human w the most beautiful smile u have seen in ur life#shes acc tainted tottenham court for me bc i keep thinking of our second date where she wrapped her hands around me from behind waiting for#the train . also yh sorry we were one of those cringe ppl on the escalator sorry sorry never again sorry#shes shorter than me but on the escelators she was taller so she kissed the top of my head gently#w the most beautiful side profile on earth she said she didnt even lead me on. its fine it was never that serious#ill FUCKING KILL YOU#thinking abt when on a date she was like . yh my ex would look lovely pregnant 😊 like bitch. WHAT#also she has central heterochromia so like . super beautiful big green/brown eyes longest eyelashes ever + i dont want to lose you i think#im 80% sure we should just be friends ok my love#i took you to a party on a high-rise and you held my neck when u kissed me on a canary wharf rooftop and now you just told me you want to#fuck pregnant women and that you basically cheated on your ex who then cheated on you but its ok bc shes the love of ur life#????#anyway#sorry i am acc basically almost entirely over her this was triggered by her texting me to meet up a few mins ago#after ghosting me for a while . anywya w/e time to hang out w friends and study
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jay not asking coach about letting lonnie onto the team bc he doesn’t want to do anything coach might disagree with…….
#‘coach trusts me…’ like what if i cried#man i wish they made more of a thing of jay being TEAM CAPTAIN#<- i’ve made a post before abt how easily he gives it up & jay not liking positions of power etc etc#but i do think he treats the role like it could be taken away at any moment#coach TRUSTS him. holy shit coach trusts him#the first positive adult figure in his life trusts him to take care of the team#train them and critique them and lead them to victory#and coach probably wouldn’t have cared abt lonnie being on the team#but jay is sooooo hesitant to ask#coming from the ‘if you want it take it and if you can’t take it break it’ guy#like this is the one thing he doesn’t want to risk breaking…….#and then obviously he gives it up!!!!!#he gives up the thing coach TRUSTED HIM WITH bc it was the only way to let lonnie on the team#& mr ‘my only dislike is women being unhappy’ was like I CANNOT REST UNTIL LONNIE IS ON THE TEAM#it’s suchhhhh a sweet gesture not only from a hashtag feminism standpoint#but also character wise for jay#like this precious thing that coach has trusted him with but didn’t really want that much anyway…..#it’s going to mean more to lonnie if she had it. even though it means everything to jay#oh it makes me crazy#damn my mum was right. i think too deeply about things#im like i analyse things a normal amount and then i’m writing essays about 1 line from descendants 2#I AM UNWELL#anyway. jesus christ#descendants#jay son of jafar#EDIT i’m not finished actually#do you think jay fears the repercussions? what would happen if he went against coach’s word?#bc sure. he knows coach is nice. he knows auradon isn’t like the isle#but. ‘you don’t want to be at my house at dinner time’…….#he is still scared of his dad. you know. he can never get the lamp he can never do anything right
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going crazy about an oc again. like it's my fault
#this is normal behaviour but i get SO pissed off when it's an oc i make for a fic#bc i only ever make fic ocs when their sole purpose is to symbolise something and/or move the plot#like believe it or not i really do try not to have ocs unless it's specifically for the greater good of the fic#so it's like. you are an object to me. you are a tool. WHY have you got your own playlist#cassie you are so. like she's demented she's haunted by a past that broke her she has tried to return three different times regardless#she's whimsical she's erratic she wants to love the world when she has only ever seen the worst sides of it#she found one person who respected her (didn't even treat her kindly. he just viewed her as an autonomous person. that was enough)#and she latched on and didnt let go and now we're here. she followed him to war. she never wanted to fight#she probably wont make it. what the fuck ever#dog teeth#there's another oc in dog teeth that drives me crazy too but his part is much more minimal#i REALLY went hard with dog teeth ocs like they are all so compelling and painful come ON#cass and sasaki u were real to me. im sorry
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that's going the be the first and last time I'm talking about this ship here but how tf can a fandom be so delusional? i mean idc about your ship preferences if you want to ship lokius go with it but why are they acting like this is a canon thing... istg it would be so much easier if they just accepted this ship was never meant to be canon in the first place 😭 and now they're twisting the words of ppl who worked on the show (they've been doing it for +2 years now anyway) to fit their narrative and then get mad when it's later revealed they're wrong
loki and sylvie kissed, he showed and even ""said"" he's in love with her and mobius was the one to acknowledge that and support him.
#anti lokius#i hate this ship sm#the shippers are weirdos#i wish this character never existed in the first place#he's useless af#and has no personality#plus he's ugly#the only reason why this is a thing is bc they desperately want to see loki kissing a white guy#at least yall could pair him with a hot dude instead of a boring jetski salesman played by deadbeat dad owen wilson#atp i think they're worst than larries#and don't even get me started on how they treat sophia di martino#bc the way they treat her is the same way incel men treat brie larson#they're out there sending d*ath threats to this poor woman and her family bc she kissed that yt man#just nasty#sylki#pro sylki#sylvie#loki#just me babbling
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just officially sent in my resignation for my fucking childhood dream workplace
#my boss always talks about her 'guilt complex' lmao. as soon as i have another job and dont need to worry about burning bridges#im sending this bitch a letter detailing exactly why she deserves to feel guilty for the rest of her fucking life#i hope she lies awake at night picturing my face. fully intend on letting her know how close i came to killing myself.#fully intend on intentionally continuously saying its bc SHE MADE ME anxious and SHE MADE ME depressed#since she doesnt believe she can make me anxious#i hope she has to attend therapy. i want to make her feel as guilty as she made me feel like fucking shit#fully just wish nothing but the worst for her for the rest of her lonely miserable life. i hope she realizes soon that everyone hates her#truly one of the people she considers to be a close family member also works in our department and hates her!#talks all the time about how awful she is and how horribly she treats all of us#i hope she feels that hatred every day of her fucking life and i hope she never sees true happiness as a result#until the day that my memories of my childhood refuge from abuse are no longer tainted by HER abuse‚ i pray she never knows peace
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venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)
#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me#like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes#and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her.#but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style#like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting#like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core)#but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to#which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own#it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke.#like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch#but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to???#everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those)#i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way#what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian#like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me#i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women''#which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively#people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation#but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc#(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either#bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme#idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love)#i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance#even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do#that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes#like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it??#even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses??#that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger???#and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16#because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem
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you know when something happens and you're like "eh that's annoying but not a big deal" and then hours later your brain pops back in like "hey! surprise!! i'm actually super upset about this!"
#its annoying af#mb i will actually look at open jobs tonight#i don't actually want to leave my job#i just want to be treated with respect by my coworkers#which is a rlly fucking low bar that most coworkers manage to clear#except for the ones i'm stuck working with the most#personal#like my ''career coach'' is going on sabbatical for 3-4 months#and never actually told me#i found out bc my sister told me in secret and then my shitty PM told me#and then today said career coach popped in to be like btwz before i leave! what do you think about this career coach!#and i'm like. okay like i know i know but YOU NEVER TOLD ME#and shitty PM basically made me get on a call to be mad at me for ''making her look bad'' and ''calling into question her integrity#and quality of her work'' when like a) she didn't even fucking DO the work in question b) it was a CLIENT'S decision i was talking abt and#c) DO BETTER FUCKING WORK THEN#and then by the end of the call had wrapped around to being like haha yeah the client def actually did what u said [even tho she'd been mad#BC she claimed they hadn't]#idk i'm just getting rlly genuinely frustrated both with all of this dumb shit#and then like. if i am actually getting paid 20k below what a man who now#has a title BENEATH mine#and the PM's continuing shittiness + the lack of anything actually changing#ugh
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why is it always the forbidden fruit that entices me the most (´ . .̫ . `)
#🚶🏾♀️ not that it impacts the way i feel about anyone else but i actually do fr love my manager and it's crazy bc idk how or when this#happened. like i have fun by myself n i love my friends but i rly am at my happiest when I'm next to her huh (´ . .̫ . `) ♡#and that is a wild way to feel about someone i work with let alone who supervises me akdkaka#i still can't believe how naturally and affirmingly “i love you” jumped out of me the other day without thinking about it#and i do??¿ after thinking about it??¿ i would literally do anything for you#and she said she loves me too 😵💫 and we've never articulated that before. and now our talks feel more personal than before but it#was a much bigger conversation for sure (´ . .̫ . `) she's out of work this week though and I'm thinking about her.#🚶🏾♀️i wanna show her my knife throwing but idkk...... struggling w where the line between professional and personal needs to be 💀#i treat my work friends and my real friends very differently lol. i don't know (´ . .̫ . `) aaa#now that i said it it's like a dam of feelings burst ૮ – ﻌ–ა girl...#she has a husband. but he's a scrub. but she's my boss. but we're already so sweet to each other. but i shouldn't. but i want to#aaauuugghghfhfghhghkhkjltlskxkvofjw !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ignore me and my pining (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) ♡ im crazy about that girl. i really am huh.. 🚶🏾♀️#if you got to hang out with her u would get it.... i can't believe her man ain't shit... pls let me give u my attention#u don't have to be mine nor am i wanting that but let me take care of you (｡ﾉω＼｡) ♡ u work so hard for everyone else#she's fantasizing.... ......... wanting.. contemplating...?..?? no. no....??¿......? ......... 😐 hm#lmao
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Mel for the unhinged character bingo!
yessss YEEEESSSSSSSSS
#ask me#so Mel is in the unenviable position of being a very strong character whose rights I support and whose wrongs I also fully support#BUT the way she's treated broadly in the fandom is so pervasive and so consistent and so frustrating to me that#I am in full -must protect my blorbo- mode with her at all times#-Mel's story is over so the only thing left for her to do is die-#-if Mel dies then J can get together with V and they will appreciate her for her sacrifice bc she died a hero who rejected Ambessa-#enough! enough I say!#what about proving to ambessa that she can take the throne for herself? what about the angst of defying her mother and her home country#and opposing those in Piltover who DO want war and want to raze the undercity#what about the magic that she's heavily foreshadowed to have and how it's different from hextech#and how it directly opposes but also parallels what is happening to Viktor#what about her -friends- abroad and the plot Mel was cooking through all of season 1 that has not been revealed yet#there's so much potential for her to have to confront the fact that J was slowly becoming a monster through season 1#and that she can't ignore the undercity forever#also what if whoever Ambessa says killed her brother comes after Mel too!#it is very frustrating to see Mel get dismissed as dead or evil or irredeemable or whatever when she is consistently#the most interesting person in the room in every single scene she's in and the character who shows the most conviction and change#so yeah i will take a bullet for her she is my blorbo I will despise any character who hurts her#and I would cradle her in my arms if she gave me a chance - which she would never! - but a girl can dream#however I also enjoy leaning into the idea that Mel is perceived as being a devil from the outside - Mel leans into it too when it serves#but it's in direct opposition to her ironclad values and the personality that she keeps hidden a layer down#I genuinely think that Mel will have a happy ending - or at least as happy an ending that an Arcane character can get lol#like I fully believe she will take the throne (Piltover) in the end but I can only guess at this point what that will cost her#I love putting Mel in situations but mainly to play with both how creative she can get and also how fucking far she will go to win#which is ANOTHER thing we know is probably true about Mel but has not been put on display yet#also Mel has already done a great job at separating what she wants for herself as a person from just being Ambessa's daughter#but Mel still deserves to get plenty of great therapy for that situation because OH GOD THAT CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK#also Kino is dead? maybe dead?? at least Mel fully believes he's dead so she needs therapy and hugs for that too#I am super normal about her can you tell
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Also in the replies of the Steph concept art on twitter announcing she was gonna be in a new project at DC (posted by Travis Mercer), there were at least 3 comments saying "will Tim be there?" I don't care how hard you ship timsteph I'm exploding you with my eyeballs if you do that on my girls post again
#ramblings of a lunatic#taking a step back to acknowledge that my stanning may be getting overzealous#but then again I'm not in ppls quotes or replies I'm vagueing on an entirely different website with no relevant tags. it could be worse#anyway I know tims had it rough these past couple of months ever since zdarsky shifted focus of the batman title to have less tim#but it still feels. idk. just a wee bit uninspired to act like steph can't go two steps without tim being behind her#im ngl i like timsteph when they're cute but timsteph twitter has been. pissing me off a tad lately#the refusal to acknowledge the sexism in dixons robin run and how it impacts stephs writing and their relationships writing#the refusal to acknowledge tims occasional condescension and hypocrisy when it comes to stephs vigilantism#seemingly only wanting her to be spoiler when he wants her around and telling her to give it up most of the time#also the constant disrespect of stephs batgirl era on there weirdly enough?#I've harped on about this on main and in drafts but despite it's flaws it's a good turn for stephs character#she's the focus she gets development (an upward trajectory! which had previously been unheard of for her! bc she did have flaws as spoiler-#-its just that both writers and characters alike seemed to arbitrarily decide she didn't have the capacity to grow past them! but she did!)#hell i saw a BIZARRE take today i just have to bitch about#which was them saying that Batgirl was a ''heteronormative mask'' steph put on#with spoiler being her more authentic self (and this being paralleled to gender expression with stephs isolation from the batfam as spoiler-#-showing how she ''wasnt like them'')#which. I'm not denying you the view that spoiler has a certain genderific swag to her but the needless dragging of her batgirl persona#steph got treated badly as spoiler bc she was A Girl. it's genuinely that simple dixon felt batman and robin would never stand for a girl-#-running around doing the things they did and would need to chivalrously stop her. he's gone on record saying this#she's constantly getting belittled by mostly men (cass also dismisses her but it feels distinctly less gendered)#and in the end it's barbara who learns to give steph a second chance despite her mistakes and they have a positive relationship#something ppl are quick to dismiss as being in and of itself sexist bc they're pairing the two girls off together#as if batgirl isn't a legacy and as if babs and steph don't have parallels in their resilience and refusal to accept when ppl tell them no#for better and for worse!!#like. idk how you took the strongest feminist element in that comic (bc there are elements of sexism here and there! 2009 n all)#and somehow turn it into ''heteronormativity'' YOU PPL ARE JUST SAYING WORDS AT THIS POINT!!!#anyway. someone take away my internet access
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Lmfao my mom was getting on me abt not having enough to do this upcoming semester so I decided ah okay I'll add another class. And that's perfectly fine. But the one I picked results in the majority of my schedule being generally unaffected and still lax, but my Thursday being absolutely fucked.
For reference, on every other day I'd spend like less than four hours in class/commuting(anywhere from zero hours to almost four), but Thursday, its almost 9 hours combined 😭 which is like fine with me, but I think ill despise thursdays after this, AND MY BIRTHDAY IS ON A THURSDAY :(
#she doesnt like the fact that im practically free on Fridays#<- online class that doesnt meet on that day#so ah i hope this balances out sjkfkflg#the way scheduling in my school works has such a weird affect#my mon/wens/fri are gonna be so chill and then tues/thurs is just....something#it makes it worse bcs one of my classes only takes place for a section of the semester#and that class is mon/wens so im only gonna be online after that#though i still think ill have to meet w that professor bcs there is in fact reasoning for that class to be so short lasting#but tues and thurs is just stuff that ill never get any reprieve from lol#four classes in one day. we'll see how it goes 🥰🥰#also thurs will be interesting bcs i will have two classes just abt middle eastern politics#i came across a class on the arab-israeli conflict and wanted to take it bcs its obv very relevant rn#and then the one i just scheduled is also abt middle eastern politics so i really am going to be thru the ringer#not that its a bad thing at all!! i just mean its interesting how relevant this semester will be and how im just getting intensely informed#anyways i think the way i schedule would be a nightmare to anyone else#i try to schedule every class after 12(or 11 at least) so then all of them are crammed right after one another#and i wake up an hour before class and leave myself that meager time to get ready and commute lmfao#my friend asked me when i eat lunch. and im like uh ;;; never? 🥰#lol dw i do eat but like i treat my time on campus like how can i pack this as densely as possible#i dont like sitting around by my lonesome it makes me depressed dhfkkg#also i think i will actually kms with all the writing im goong to have to do this semester#that is my reasoning to my mom abt why she shouldn't be pissed at my supposed lack of activity#like im taking so much thats emphasized with writing. dont worry i will be in fact budy#*busy#catie.rambling.txt
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my sisters treat our mom so fkn bad. they make her upset and hurt her feelings all the time. yet she'd rather spend time with them than me...
#i mean. i kinda feel like... my mom is used to being treated badly#:/ everyone in her life has used her and walked all over her and treated her poorly#and then she was stuck in an abusive relationship for 20yrs#so idk it's kinda like she's used to it and even if she gets upset and dont want that#we all go back to what we know kinda ???#idk it just makes me so fkn sad to see them treat her like this and see her so sad#yet i cant do anything abt it. or say anything#god my entire family situation is messing w me so bad bc like what??? how?? why?#my dad rlly fkn fucked us up and ruined us :((#i wish my mom would've never met him so she could've lived a full good happy life like she deserves
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