#your girlfriend will get someone who'll fuck her good and make her feel loved like you never managed to do

[albtrosz]

just saw someone’s post on reddit in which they said that their girlfriend had said during a fight that she was not attracted to her anymore because she has gained weight saying quote-unquote that she let herself go and i honestly want to kill this girl and her entire family

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Charlie: "You know what your traumatic backstory calls for?"

Vaggie: "Hugs?"

Charlie: "THERAPY!"

Vaggie: "Charlie, I don't need-"

Charlie: "Oh YOU don't need therapy? Really? Really."

Vaggie: "..... I'm perfectly functional. Also, it's my trauma."

Charlie: "And is this OUR loving relationship?"

Vaggie: "Of course it-"

Charlie: "The one I'm planning on spending the rest of my life in? Trauma included?"

Vaggie: "I- if, if you want to-?"

Charlie: "Just like how YOU'VE spent three years helping ME with the whole 'wow my family fell apart soooo fast let me cope by latching onto the dream of my disappeared mom while pretending it's totally fine I somehow feel even MORE distant from my dad who lives only a ten minute walk across town' thing? Making 'help charlie!' into your whole Reason for Being?!"

Vaggie: "Hold on, I wasn't in the best headspace when that slipped out-"

Charlie: "OBJECTION! Clear admission of truth!"

Vaggie: "-fuck."

Charlie: "And did you let me be there for you then, when your head was in a bad place? Or did you pull a 'I want to be alone' card?"

Vaggie: "I just needed- I didn't want to say anything else stupid."

Charlie: "Oh so you didn't wanna be dramatic about it, huh?"

Vaggie: "Yes- NO!"

Charlie: "Like how I can be dramatic?"

Vaggie: "It's not the same-"

Charlie: "Do YOU like being there for ME when I'M in a really bad no good and sad headspace?"

Vaggie: "You know I do."

Charlie: "Even when I go sit in a corner my own because I still can't believe there's someone in my life who'll want to come looking for me- who I don't need to apologize for being sad or 'dramatic' around- and who says she's HAPPY to be worrying about me?"

Vaggie: "Sweetie I am happy to worry about you."

Charlie: "Ah-HA! But I don't get to do that for you! YOU want me to be sad around YOU-"

Charlie: "Wait that sounds weird, uhh- oh whatever-"

Charlie: "Point is, I don't get to see YOU being sad around ME! And no, anger don't count! You like being grumpy! Grumpy is active! It feels productive and that's why you hate feeling SAD!"

Vaggie: "You just said you hide it from me too. Even after three years of being together."

Charlie: "Oh no really? Does that bother you???"

Vaggie: "It worries me!"

Charlie: "Okay then!!! EXACTLY! We both need therapy."

Vaggie: "...."

Vaggie: "That's fair."

Charlie: (preening) "Thank you."

Vaggie: “How the fuck did you not win that case up in Heaven.”

Charlie: "Angels are jerks and their minds are hard to change. Not my angel though. Mine is great~"

Vaggie: "Hold that thought until after I've asked this one question, sweetie."

Charlie: "Ask away!"

Vaggie: "How do we do therapy."

Charlie: "....."

Charlie: "H-"

Vaggie: "Without using Husk and alcohol. We are not paying him enough to deal with my angelic shit."

Charlie: "We could give him a raise- how much do you think-?"

Vaggie: "Not even if we gave him the hotel, babe."

Charlie: "Oh."

Vaggie: "So. What does sober therapy look like?"

Charlie: "Hmm....."

Charlie: "......."

Charlie: "Next question."

Vaggie: "Do you wanna just start off with a hug."

Charlie: "I want to pat myself on the back for having such a smart, supportive girlfriend- but you'll have do to it for me instead. While we hug."

-phone call time-

Carmilla: "You have five seconds before I hang up. Talk.

Charlie: "Carmilla, hi!!! It's about Vaggie-"

Carmilla: "No."

Charlie: "Oh ok! I just thought-"

Carmilla: "No."

Charlie: "-you seemed to really care about her, and maybe see a bit of yourself in her, maaaaybe you'd have some tips on-"

Carmilla: "No. Take her to Rosie's. Go with her and STAY with her."

Charlie: "Rosie- OF COURSE Rosie's! Right! I will!!"

Carmilla: "Don't take it personally when she tries to escape."

Charlie: "When she whats?

Carmilla: "The brooding silently in a chair and refusing to talk will also pass. Give her space. But don't leave her."

Charlie: "No no I won't, but why would she try esc-"

Charlie: "Oh Vaggie! No, I'm just on the phone with Carmilla-"

Vaggie: "WHAT."

Charlie: "-we're talking therapy ideas for you! And-"

Vaggie: (muffled swearing)

Charlie: "-she says Rosie's might be a good idea! You know, like how Alastor took there so I could talk everything out with someone finally, well I guess and also to get a cannibal army, but Rosie helping me with the you issue by laying my heart bare to her was the main good thing from all that, so-"

Charlie: "-VAGGIE GET BACK HERE!"

Carmilla: "Condolences on her having wings again. Good luck"

Carmilla: (hangs up to the sound of frantic flapping and yelling)

Zestial: "...."

Zestial: "...toss'ed to the very wolves... truly, that was wretched of thee."

Carmilla: "I owe them nothing."

Zestial: "And what of thyself?"

Carmilla: "Why, were my disinterested actions of a moment ago not self-serving enough for you?"

Zestial: "Thou art denying much in thine distance from her."

Carmilla: "I already have two daughters-"

Zestial: "As thou sayst."

Carmilla: "You are not my therapist, Zestial."

Zestial: "Nay- would that thou should'st yet find one, old friend."

Carmilla: "Be quiet."

Zestial: "Shan't~"

[yunohentai]

mtl nct dream to be fwbs with someone? (also, do you think any of them would fall in love or get attached? 😩) - ari 🤞

most to least nct dream member who'll be into friends with benefits (my opinions) thank you for requesting! and the others who are reading this, my reqs are always open so feel free to stop by.

jisung and chenle are included! if you don't like that please skip.

jeno: he seems like the guy who'll be the most into 'sex without any strings attached' because he's all in for getting his dick wet but not being all lovey and sweet. fwb with jeno would start with him just staring at you while you're over at the dream dorm and talking to jaemin, wearing that mini skirt which showed your black pantie whenever you bent over a little. you knew what you were doing to him as you then would sit next to him and act all innocent, he'll definitely make an excuse with "i want to show y/n my ps5 in the bedroom." and take you in there with his shirt stuffed into your mouth as he fucks you from the back, not letting anyone else in the house. i don't think he'll straight away get feelings,, it'll take time with him but attached? definitely. he'd want to fuck you every minute. but mostly it'll be you calling him up to fuck ANYWHERE litreally anywhere. a public bathroom, dressing room in a mall oh and what not.

haechan: oh this fucking boy.... HE'S GOING TO BE SO COCKY ABOUT IT. this mf gonna make sure that the whole house hears your moans. he probably wanted to be your boyfriend but you indirectly made it clear that you don't want a boyfriend but some good sex so he decided to settle for that... just to be by you. he'd be calling you every minute and moaning into the phone with "oh y/n please come over, i want to fuck you so nice" and those words would be enough to make you run over. in the end you two will definitely fall in love with each other, even though you'll mostly be annoyed as fuck of him for being an ass.

mark: this!! would happen with him and then, there would be this certain tension between the both of you because of him not admitting the need he has for you BUT jerking off 24/7. it was totally obvious to you that you've ruined him. YET THIS MF WILL TRY TO ACT ALL "man like" and when you'd get him into this fwb plan he'll try to dom but fail miserably, making you fuck his cock. IMAGINE BEING DUMB AND HAVING A BIG COCKKKKK thats ur favorite line to tease him with. you'll be crazily in love with him and his dick but he's gonna be in denial of his romantic feelings or attraction to you forever. but finally get a grip on reality and grab you FOR LIFEEEE.

renjun: well... i don't think he'll be very into this. he likes relationships to have a lable (bf/gf) before they get intimate. BUT,, somehow... he'll get into fwb too. You come over at the dream dorm just to drop something from your friend who is jaemin's girlfriend as you two meet each other, and then meet again at a party.... and have sex... DRUNK SEX BTW. and then the next day,, he'll be all whiny and shit around his friends. "dude just get some pussy if you're so needy" LMAO. then he and even you will be just running to each other whenever horny. oh and he wont be that attached romantically but you'd go crazy over all his bullshittery. you two will definitely end up together.

jaemin: Naw,, This mans is all in for the sex bro. LIKE THE BAD BOY, PLAY BOYYYY. at night he's in her bed, in the morning some other girl's. literally the hottest playboy🤩 but you would make him stop in his tracks, he'd legit stop looking at the girls just because how sexy and pretty you were. he'd try to get you in bed a few times but you'd make fun of him and he'll take this challenge. seducing you, then being all good and sweet to you. [FALLING IN LOVE TOO.] but you'd stay unfazed until... this man describes his need for you in words... that'll make you weak in the knees and y'alls would fuck and fuck LWSDIEFEHF. you guys wont start dating fast though he'll confuse you hella.

chenle: man ion think this sweetheart would even wanna have sex :((( he just seems to me like the one to pick you up in his arms and carry you everywhere because he doesn't want his princess to hurt her legs. SO CUTE. but oh boy... flirt with another guy and you're getting fucked into the mattress. he possessive asf,, but yes he won't be into fwb shit.

jisung: he too doesn't seem like he's gonna be into it BUT BUT BUT,, that boy can make you scream without touching. NO JOKES,, his voice is enough to make you wet your panties💥💳💥💳 and he's such a softie that he'll take you out on dates, and fuck you slow and very good :D no aggression in his love. yeah he also wont be into fwb according to me..

[daily-capaldi]

The Big Read – Lewis Capaldi: “I make jokes because I’m comfortable with who I am”

The breakout star of 2019, Lewis Capaldi has the midas touch and the world at his feet – but he still likes talking about his pubes and dreams of meeting a girl who'll break his heart for real. NME Deputy Editor Dan Stubbs meets the cocksure 23-year-old in Dublin for a Buckfast sesh and quickly discovers a legitimately hilarious talent who's far from the “big fucking annoying cunt” he thinks he is.

Lewis Capaldi is miming a range of sporting activities. He bounces an invisible basketball around the stage. He boots an imaginary football into the crowd. And after some minutes of this, he poses with an imaginary dart in his hand. Every time he mimes pulling back to throw it, he changes his mind and walks over to take a sip of Guinness instead – to the delight of the crowd. When he finally throws the thing, they roar with approval, before goading him into downing the rest of his pint. And of course: he does. 

It’s November 21 at the Olympia Theatre, Dublin. So far Capaldi has spent 10 minutes playing three songs and 15 minutes doing what, in the most affectionate terms, can only be described as dicking about. It shouldn’t be this funny to watch, but it really is. And the price of witnessing this spectacle? Depends when you got your tickets. A tout offered to take NME’s off our hands for €500 outside the venue. 

A year ago this may have sounded like madness, a sign that the world was heading to hell in a handcart and we’d be closing out the decade in a post-apocalyptic new reality, eating boot leather and watching jesters for entertainment. But in 2019, Lewis Capaldi has proved, conclusively, that what the world was waiting for was a pasty-faced, pasty-loving, 23-year-old Scot with an act that’s 50 percent heartbroken balladry and 50 percent improv comedy. And it is a worldwide thing – Capaldi is a global hit, a bona fide phenomenon. A superstar whose first encounter with NME is backstage, hurtling along the corridor clutching a handful of items. “Got my passport, my acid reflux tablets and my water – and that’s all I need!” he says, whizzing past. “And now, I’m off for a small pish.”

When listing Capaldi’s many 2019 achievements, they start to lose meaning, like contemplating distances in space, or making sense of the costings in the Labour manifesto. But here are a few: The Brits’ Critics Choice award. A Number One album with ‘Divinely Uninspired To A Hellish Extent’. A Number One single with ‘Someone You Loved’ in much of Europe, the US and the UK, where it spent seven weeks at the top. The hardest touring artist of the year, playing over 250 shows. A scene-stealing Glastonbury appearance.

If you’re to believe the stories in the Scottish tabloid press, Capaldi’s music can practically cure leprosy. He’s even had a beef with Noel Gallagher, once a mark of honour, but now a tussle with adversary so easily shot down it’s a bit like watching the moment someone first beats their dad in an arm wrestle. 

Yesterday brought news that Capaldi been nominated for Best Song at The Grammys, which in early career terms is the equivalent of being up for the Best Actor Oscar for your school production of Macbeth. “I’m up against Billie Eilish, Lady Gaga, Lizzo, H.E.R., Lana Del Rey, Taylor Swift…” he says. So he’s in there representing the men? “Yes, at long last!” he jokes. “At long last, straight white men finally have representation.”

“If I’m being honest, I did think ‘Old Town Road’ would be nominated,” he says, being serious now. “Maybe if I win I’ll Kanye myself. ‘This should have gone to ‘Old Town Road’! (But I am going to keep it)…’”

Capaldi is an expert at shrugging off his achievements. His unfaltering humility is a huge part of his appeal but even he concedes it’s starting to seem a bit forced. “When I read my interviews back, I always think if I wasn’t me I’d think: ‘you’re full of shite’,” he says. “Like, stop saying you can’t believe it. You can believe it! But it is so surreal and it seems like almost quarterly it kicks up a notch. Like, yesterday with the Grammys, yet again all this shit’s getting more and more mental, more beyond belief.”

Capaldi watched the Grammy nominations on his laptop, which was resting on his chest with the screen close to his face – a set-up he describes as his “home cinema” – and he admits he did get properly excited at the news. Mostly, though, he tends to find himself reacting to things how he thinks he should. 

“I’ve got a very bad way of being like, So you’re supposed to feel this way in this moment,” he says. Like when someone passes away? “Exactly, yeah. Like, four months after my grandma passed away, I’m like, ‘Fuck, my grandma’s died,’ and I’m in Somerfield or something. I mean, not in Somerfield, because it’s not been open for fucking years.”

Capaldi even plays down the success of ‘Someone You Loved’, the song that scored him the Grammy nod. In his eyes, it’s just “one of my songs that’s doing a little bit better than the rest”, but it’s already become a popular standard to sit alongside Robbie Williams’s ‘Angels’ or Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’, one of those tracks that will be soundtracking marriages and burials for years to come. Which of those would he prefer it be used for? “Burials,” he says, with no hesitation. “Don’t start falling in love to my fucking music, right? See if I see people kissing at my shows, fucking stop that! These are sad songs, you bastards.”

Like Lewis himself, a large part of the charm of ‘Someone You Loved’ is its absolute universality, which is not to say it’s banal, more that everyone who has lost someone at some point in their lives – which is most of us – can identify with it. For Lewis, it was the aforementioned loss of his grandmother that proved the catalyst for the song, but he made it more open to romantic interpretation because it felt “too morbid” to write explicitly about. 

And it didn’t come easily. Where other songwriters boast about dashing off huge hits in barely the time it takes to play them, Capaldi admits to labouring over his compositions. Writing songs, he says, is “a massive pain in the fucking arse sometimes”.

“Growing up I read interviews with people like Paul Weller, Paul McCartney – all the Pauls – and they’d say the best songs just sort of fall in your lap,” he says. “After six months at the piano writing ‘Someone You Loved’ I’m like, ‘You fucking lying bastards, that’s taken me fucking ages.’”

Many of Capaldi’s songs, which he endearingly describes as ranging from “big piano ballads to bigger piano ballads” draw on his first major relationship which – you may have guessed – is no longer a going concern. But it wasn’t a dramatic event. “Adele wrote her album about a relationship breaking up in a bad way, being jilted I think,” he says. “I wrote mine about a relationship that just ended, just fizzled out. I’d love to be jilted by someone, then I could be as successful as Adele.”

I ask if he worries that – at 23 – he doesn’t have a great deal of life experience to draw on. “I spent my entire life writing this first album,” he says, “but the stuff I’ve experienced in the last year has been much more of a growing experience than living in my mum and dad’s house in fucking West Lothian.”

How about the fact that his next girlfriend, whoever she may be, will be on different terms, it being impossible for her not to know she’s dating Lewis Capaldi the world famous pop star? “Well, I don’t know. It’s not like I’m Justin Bieber,” he says. “Today was the first time I’ve ever got out of the car at a venue and someone screamed. Normally people just shout something at me that I’ve said on Instagram about my pubes. I guess, at worst, my next partner would think I’m one way because they’ll hear the songs and think I seem very nice and level headed, but then find out I’m not.”

What’s the reality?

“Big fucking annoying cunt.”

It’s slightly unfair to question the depth of Capaldi’s life experience, because at the age most of us were familiarising ourselves with yo-yos, pogs or fidget spinners (delete as appropriate), Lewis was embarking on his music career. He began performing at 11, largely in pubs and clubs in the conurbation between Glasgow and Edinburgh where he grew up. The experience of having to hold his own in intimidating spaces at such a young age probably explains much about his easiness around people. 

“I found that at 11 it was, ‘Oh he’s quite cute, he came and stood up here and he’s doing very well.’ When I got to 14, 15 and my voice changed and I lost any remnants of cuteness – which as you can tell have not returned to me – that’s when I started to pick up a bit of the patter. You get to know your way about how to speak to people.” 

Around that time, Capaldi actively worked on changing his vocal style to something more like the wolfy howl we hear today. What was once a ”high and smooth” voice had broken. Inspired by Paolo Nutini and Joe Cocker, Capaldi added some gravel. “I thought it would be a good idea to put a bit of rasp in, to make it sound even more terrible,” he says.

For years we’ve been force-fed sensitive young men-next-door with beanie hats, beards or lumberjack shirts singing to us about their problems. In a quest for authenticity, they’ve presented themselves as troubled, serious souls. Capaldi, meanwhile, has given us the sensitive songs with a side order of toilet humour and the kind of prolific, creative swearing worthy of The Thick Of It‘s Malcolm Tucker, as played by his distant cousin Peter Capaldi. 

Stand-up comedians often make a point of referring to the most funny-looking thing about themselves as an icebreaker with the audience, a way of getting them on side. Capaldi has the same trick – there’s not a single thing about his looks or his music you could say that he hasn’t beaten you to. Try and come up something better than saying he looks like “a melting hippo”, we dare you. 

He has zero pretence – he’s a guy who can literally piss himself on stage and laugh it off. “That only happened once,” he says. “And I’ve always been like that, even back in school. If I was meeting someone for the first time I’d be like, ‘Hello, how are you? I’ve got diarrhoea and I could spew or I could blow at any moment. It puts me at ease, being honest.’”

“People think I make jokes because I’m uncomfortable,” he adds. “Actually, it’s the opposite – I make jokes because I’m comfortable with who I am. I say that I’m a chubby bastard because I am a chubby bastard.”

I put it to him that, possibly, he may be the first body-positive male icon – an important thing given Capaldi is part of a generation of young men who feel under enormous pressure to have an Insta-chiselled body. “I don’t know if I can accept that, because I probably don’t use the correct vernacular,” he says. “It’s probably not good to call yourself a chubby cunt, but it’s never been something that’s bothered me. I’ve been a very slim man, I’ve been a man who’s gone to the gym, but even when I’ve done that someone calls you fat anyway, whether it’s your ma, your da, your best pal.”

Capaldi hasn’t, as of yet, had any sort of pop star makeover. He still looks like a kid who’s moved out of home for the first time and is stacking up the washing to take to mum’s. He does, however, have a personal trainer on tour and has been exercising every day. “It’s more of a mental health thing,” he says. “It gives me energy and keeps me happy. I mean, when I’m actually doing it I fucking hate it so much, but it feels better after.”

I ask how his mental health is bearing up to his new everyday reality, an extraordinary experience for anyone to process. “That’s what I think about taking the piss out of things,” he says. “I take the piss out of doing things on stage and how mental it is because you have to, because it stops you getting caught up in it. Summer last year I started having massive panic attacks. I was supposed to do Austin City Limits but I had to cancel because I was just having panic attack after panic attack, and I thought I had something seriously wrong with me, because I’m a bit of a hypochondriac. And I went and got a fucking MRI scan. But they said I was just anxious, just recalibrating to this new fucking lifestyle. So I said, right, cancel everything for three weeks, and no one gave me any shit for it.”

At showtime, the atmosphere at tonight’s gig offers a glimpse of the bubble Capaldi is living in these days. The Olympia is a grand old theatre and Capaldi could probably have sold it out 50 times over; the reaction from the crowd is something like Lewmania. 

Afterwards, we head backstage again, where I’m ushered into a room containing about a dozen members of Capaldi’s family. I’m plonked on a chair right in the middle, handed a massive wine glass full of Buckfast by his cousin and grilled by his dad, a fishmonger and the very driest of wits, about my intentions for this article. He’s seriously proud of his boy, having supported him since the very beginning, even playing the supportive parent role when Lewis auditioned for Britain’s Got Talent aged 12. 

The afterparty moves to a private room at a nearby pub. Lewis’s hulking great cousin – the one who brought the Buckfast – is getting the shots in. His auntie is looking on, concerned, as two girls chat him up at the same time. “He’s only a wee one,” she mutters. While his friends and family enjoy the party and a certain NME journalist accidentally smashes the first of a series of glasses, feeling the effects of downing that Buckfast in an ill-advised attempt to curry favour with the family, Lewis makes his final rounds then politely excuses himself, looking a bit hangdog about it. He has another big show tomorrow. Sad to leave your own party, you imagine.

At points in the interview, Capaldi had been making a short, forced coughing noise, which he shrugged off as nothing. But the next week, he cancels a number of shows on health grounds, having been warned by his doctor that he risks losing his voice altogether if he doesn’t take action. In the end, he plays just four more gigs of the UK leg of the tour – in London, Edinburgh and twice in Glasgow for the homecoming finale. All further activities are cancelled by management, including a follow-up NME interview, but he is sent to complete the year’s touring commitments in the States before heading home for a well-earned few days celebrating Christmas with his family, which he says typically involves plenty of booze and lots of piss-taking. If you think you’re feeling ready for the break today, spare a thought for Lewis.

Next year looks to be just as busy as this one. He is, right now, just about the most in-demand young man in the world. At some point, he’ll have to start thinking about his next album too. “I don’t know what the fuck it’s going to sound like, I don’t know what the fuck it’s going to be,” he says. “Ballads, havin’-it tunes, I don’t know. I’ve got voice notes, melodies, stuff like that, but that’s just me and an acoustic guitar.” 

Considering what he said about his hypochondria, it’s likely the idea of losing his voice is weighing heavily on Capaldi’s mind. But he’s already decided there’s a backlash coming anyway. “You do get warned, as you’re coming up: ‘By the way, everyone’s gonna turn on you pretty soon’,” he says. “I guess I’m always just kind of waiting for it. I’m very doomsday. Like, if it’s not happened yet, it’s gonna come. And I can’t wait for the downfall!”

He might be surprised. People have plenty of different reactions to Capaldi’s music, but it’s pretty much impossible to find someone who doesn’t think he seems like a bloody great bloke.

And besides – if he ever finds he can’t sing, he’d make a killing at The Fringe as a physical comic. 

The extended edition of ‘Divinely Uninspired To A Hellish Extent’ is out now

[ghostsandmirrors]

What’s your sweetest RP experience so far?

⨳ — MUNDAY; send one to get to know the mun better!

What’s your sweetest RP experience so far?

the situation i was saving.

so, one of the sites i made bam on a long time ago was a sister site to another one, so i made bam on there, too, because why not? the admin of both sites loved him, and it was a supernatural creatures site so obviously i had to make him as a human just to fuck with everyone.

there were a couple of fun things, like someone else's first thread on the site was their werewolf meeting bam. he managed to trigger a transformation by being a little shit and then called the werewolf a puppy and would not stop hugging him. the mun was writing in brackets at the beginning of the post like 'I LOVE HIM' while the character was in the posts themselves going 'why are you hugging me? i'm not a puppy. i'm a ferocious beast. i could kill you. you're not gonna let me go, are you? ok fine, i guess i am a puppy.'

on a site related to that site (it kept gettin remade) in 2015, there was an ooc chatbox to just, vibe in. so people are vibin and i was lurkin because i was never super comfortable in cboxes and there was a conversation in the chatbox one night. i'm gonna summarise it, but know i have the conversation saved and am reading through it again while writing this.

summary: my friend who i mentioned in the last ask, her name is luna, loved me for the name of a wanted ad i posted. i think it was a joker reference? she was a batman fan, loved harley. so we were just talking and she was saying about 'i love his friend is called harley and his brother is jack napier' because 'jack napier' was a name for joker in i think the tim burton film? i don't remember. anyway, the chat just turned into like, praise for me and bam? and it was unexpected. luna was like 'bam and crow are fun to play with', one of the admins said they stalked threads with bam in ('it's been a quiet pleasure'), third person--who made a pun after about a weremoose made with mads mikkelson because 'mads mooselson'--just dropped a 'crow's awesome' even though i'm not sure we ever spoke, thinking about it now.

like, it doesn't seem like a lot, but it was a big site and we'd all been on sites together for a few years at that point, because there was the original site the other one had been a sister site of, where most of the people joined it, then a second iteration of it because there were disagreements on the staff team and the main admin left so they had to remake so she didn't have control of the site anymore, then the third one that the above happened on (i don't know why it got remade again) and...

listen, it's very easy on a larger site to feel like your threads aren't read by anyone else which on the one hand can feel like 'does anyone even like me or my character(s)?' and on the other gives you the freedom to play a character like bam, who'll streak or put on a feather boa and pretend to be a sex worker so he can hit on guys who very clearly have girlfriends and get them in trouble and then meet his future boyfriend who is now a canon fixture in his life, because no one's gonna see it... then they do see it. they see it all. they've been actively reading this shit. including the admins.

then they say they like it, and you just don't know what to do anymore! except say 'that's mildly terrifying' and get told 'well crow i mean, you're one mysterious cookie'.

then people threatened to bite me because i made a joke about, 'am i choc chip or raisins? never know!'

we had fun.

but yeah, that might be the sweetest? just because... idk. it was unprompted and nice to see. it was weird to see, but it was nice to see and sometimes i forget about it, and find it saved and get to re-experience it.

the good thing about a shit memory is that you get infinite chances to experience the nice things you save, which also means you get to choose if you keep the bad things. hey ho silver lining and all that. might forget birthdays and favourite colours and genuinely important shit, but i will also forget... i was going to give an example and realised i don't have any because i forgot them.

my life is a joke. /positive

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

I'm so sorry I told her off, but also glad because I took my power back. And I shouldn't have to make myself submit when I don't want to.

If I'm vanilla for a long time and I just don't feel getting my ass beat purple and blue, then yea, sorry we're not a good match because I'm out here lookin for love.

Not another fwb to get you high and horny, but then there's no love, care, support, or respect for the other's wishes.

Like never again to telling someone I'm a Switch.

I want no bdsm related shit in my next relationship. Cause I'd be damn if I get another emotional reject who can't compromise and understand why I take that quitting, rude af, dismissive ass attitude so fucking hard.

I could have bear her ass. That's how fucking mad I was at Jay and now at her. Cause you don't ever disrespect or disregard another person's emotions after they just told you wtf they just came out of. If you are not equipped to even care or remember how sensitive I am or what the fuck I just told yo ass what somebody did to me and how i react to that shit....don't fuckin say I didn't told you so when you hit that motherfucking button and I flip on yo ass real quick, just because you wanna be a selfish ass dick and i pretty much remember everything single you told me about your family.

Learn how to respect people's pain and boundaries instead being a lazy asshole talking to other women and then like gaslighting like you weren't occupied with someone else...cause I'm not dumb and I'm not stupid. I know the neglectful signs and I'm not finna put up with it anymore just because you don't think it's a big deal.

It's a big fucking deal to. And you're a shitty person who'll have a hard time finding someone else, just because you can't understand or care to listen when somebody explaining themselves.

And to think I wanted to risk going out on a date with you?

You're horrible and you hit like a bitch. I got hurt by alot of women and guys on the app.

Just showing me it's not the right time to start a loving life right now, to cover up the bad one I still feel I just out of 3 mths ago, but it's actually been a year. And the last message they sent me was in January, before I exploded on them. I had blocked their number so they dm me on Instagram, "Did you send these long ass messages?" Like a dirty old grandpa that didn't want to admit that he cared or that he was wrong for ignoring me and leading me on for quite some time. And the neglectful abandonment wounds he knew he tripped over to get me suicidal and depressed like this to runaway from them and never spot on say the reason why I hurt Ayunna by not sleeping with her. It was because I loved him, but he was engaged to marry some ugly bitch who I don't even wanna waste time for seeing again. Because he'll do is look away and not even admit he stole money from me and hit me when I was drunk and not even acknowledge I should have took him to court for several of his actions when he was a lazy, greedy fuck up, a drunk telling me off for trying to be his girlfriend and making it seemed like I wasn't here for love, when really I was. And he couldn't believe me when I said it so many times.

But I couldn't say I love you in person, when Ayunna was always watching, you telling me not to touch you, not to look at you, and even giving me the stank eye just for coming when you're the one who asked me to come over.

You broke up with me long time ago before I ever said I loved you and you lied to me. And said you felt nothing but lust. And then you brought me back again after blocking me for months because Ayunna didn't want us to be friends anymore. You lied to us both.

And she's still here with you.

The reason why I stay away is because of her. Always taking your side even when you're wrong, always breathing under you and on top of you because I look better than her and she was jealous.

I don't look Nothing like her but she tried to make me feel ugly.

Just like how Cinderellas step sisters treated her, right before she went into her castle and married the prince.

He's still married now, but the prince is me.

And I have to build my own castle.

I became a man because somebody's broke my girls heart. I became you and me. In order to leave you and her alone, for good.

I still fight with myself everyday not to go back. Cause how could I? You tried to put me in jail over some texts, cause you got scared and probably petrified that I would even try to come back and hurt you.

For what you said, I remember everything now.

Not only was your father a deadbeat, but so are you.

Everything happens for a reason 😌

Why I'm not sure.

But I'm glad you're not looking for me. Cause trouble follows Ayunna because she's married to an idiot who harasses and blocks the other women who need closure.

And I'll be in my magical castle, that I still need to build in my roommate apartment. And how can I wait 😁

I'm still gonna wear my tomboy shit and crop tops just because I like dudes clothes and tons of pockets to hide candy and gummies in lol 😆

I'm still not sure if you hate me or you like me just because I'm beautiful just like you. And you don't see yourself as that and that's sad, because you were trying to scam me to move into your life and I can't do that.

God won't accept me there. We're not supposed to be-dsm together and I'm not sure what we are....like soul-pals but not soulmates....or at least you don't wanna admit it because I've changed and I used to believe love was just only because you felt good.

But she's not right, Ayunna can't be the only I feel not in love with in order to be a throuple.

She failed us. And I couldn't make her love me or want a bunch of kids for you and me, cause I'd would want to be that dad-mom role too. I just hate bdsm and the way it values and devalues other human beings. It's a very upsetting culture that I have to protect myself from And it's absolutely absurd the ridiculous standards people expect you to do after just scaring you and scarring you into submission, over and over again until you become addicted to pain.

I don't like it and it hurts my back. Triggers my ptsd wounds and childhood trauma. I can't do it.

Cause something else comes out of me each time. Like off of Scooby-Doo movie. Those monsters grew out of Freddy and Velma backs, the first time the sun whipped them out of that brainwash. I can't tolerate pain the same way like you.

I have to become someone else in order for me to endure. And that's either my mom or my dad.

And last time you caught me off guard, so it was me.

My innocence took the hit. And my virginity gone.

I said that's the last time I'll ever get fuckin hit like that. And my emo self was stuck in that imaginary apartment. The same one at Clovertree. My body still remembers it. But thank God he helped me free her from there, so now it's just us. Me and my dad.

Because I became my father when my mom pushed me to fall, and I felt his spirit catch me from falling backwards. I've never had to be so strong, to even fight myself from hurting her.

But now all he wants to do is protect me, even if that means no boys or girls who think like boys to become them later and try to take advantage of his daughter.

He hated that I tolerated it and now I even stood myself up to mars cause she tried to do the same thing and she ain't no dom. I know the difference.