#zina chamber

[popizdyao]

I love her sm 😣 yall don't understand

[willalove75]

Alcina's New Maid Pt. 7 Lady Dimitrescu x Reader

Summary: Lady Dimitrescu brings you in as one of her maids, at least, that's what you thought she brought you to the castle for.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, depression themes

Tags: flirty, fluff, slow burn, smut, angst.

Notes: Part 7!! Yet another angsty chapter! Poor reader is heart broken

Click here for the rest of the series

The sound of the breakfast bell wakes you up in the morning, your head is pounding and your eyes feel swollen. That's what you get for crying yourself to sleep. To your surprise, you're not sad or broken hearted when you wake up. In all honesty, you feel nothing. A feeling of numbness resides in your chest. The breakfast bell rings again and you stay unmoving in your bed. All motivation to get up is nowhere to be found, you pull the duvet back over your head and fall back asleep.

Alcina enters the dining room as the girls appear from their swarms. She immediately notices that your chair is empty, thinking to herself, and secretly hoping, you're just running behind this morning. When the second bell rings and you're nowhere to be found, Alcina redirects her guilt into frustration.

"Where's y/n?" Cassandra asks.

"I don't know, I haven't seen her since dinner last night." Daniela says.

"I walked her down to the kitchen last night," Bela says. Alcina freezes and tries to keep her composure as she listens to her daughter speak. "She seemed weird, like something was bothering her."

"Did she say anything when you got to her room?" Daniela asks.

"No, well, I didn't walk her all the way to her room." Bela says quietly, looking over at her mother, expecting to be reprimanded for letting you go by yourself. Alcina releases a breath she didn't realize she was holding, relieved her daughter didn't witness the maiden leaving her chambers and turns her attention back to her breakfast. "But I walked her to the top of the stairs! I mean her room is only like 50 feet away and no one else was around!" She says preemptively defending herself.

"Mom you're not gonna yell at her for letting y/n go back to her room by herself?!" Cassandra says.

"Really! I got in so much trouble for walking away from her for two seconds and Bela gets away with totally abandoning her?!" Daniella argues.

"She was fine! If anything would have happened I would have heard it!" Bela argues back.

"And it would have been too late if that crazy maid jumped out and stabbed her!" Daniela yells.

Images of Stefana standing above you with the knife in her hand flashes before Alcina's eyes as she tightens her grip on her wine glass.

"Mom I can't believe you're not doing anything about this! It's SO unfair!"

More images flash before Alcina's eyes, this time of Mother Miranda dragging you into the lab and experimenting on you. Having to watch on helplessly as you cry out for her as you suffer. She can picture the sinister smile Mother Miranda would have across her face, watching Alcina slowly break as she watches you die.

The girls continue to argue, quickly wearing down Alcina's already limited patience as they get louder and louder.

"ENOUGH." Alcina roars. "This conversation is finished, I don't want to hear another word about it."

"But mom!" Daniela and Cassandra say in unison.

"I said enough." She hisses.

The girls fall silent and quietly eat their breakfast.

Alcina picks at her plate, her appetite is suddenly lost but she tries to keep up appearances so the girls don't question her any more than they already have.

"Good morning my Lady." Zina says as she walks into the dining room.

"Good morning Zina."

"Has y/n not joined you for breakfast this morning?" She asks, mildly concerned.

"I suppose she hasn't." Alcina says.

"Would you like me to prepare a tray and bring it to her chambers?"

"Oh! I can bring it! I want her to keep reading to me!" Daniela says.

"Absolutely not." Alcina says to her daughter, once again turning her fears and guilt into frustration and anger. "If she doesn't want to join us for meals that's her decision. I will not be giving anyone special privilege's or making more work for my staff to accommodate laziness."

The girls exchange looks, surprised at their mother's response.

"As you wish my Lady. Is there anything else you need?" Zina says.

"That's all."

The remainder of the meal is oddly quiet as the girls exchange looks while Alcina's mind drifts off.

After breakfast the girls congregate in the library.

"What was that?" Cassandra asks.

"Wow mom really wasn't in a good mood this morning." Daniela replies.

"They're both been super weird. I asked y/n about it last night and she just made up some 'it's been an off week' response, but I could hear her heartrate increase so she was definitely lying."

"You think they got into a fight?" Daniela asks.

"I doubt it, I mean they weren't even really together. What's there to fight about?" Cassandra says.

The door to the library opens and they hear Alcina humming to herself, the girls burst into swarms and scatter.

You wake up a few hours later, glancing over at the clock you realize it's almost lunch time. The thought of eating makes you nauseous, the numbness in your chest still lingers, solidifying its place in your body. Every ounce of you wants to stay in bed but your bladder is begging you to move. Reluctantly you get out of bed and walk into the bathroom to pee. You splash some water on your face after you wash your hands and look in the mirror.

"Wow I look like shit." You say to yourself.

Your eyes are still a little puffy and the dark circles under your eyes are more prominent than ever. Flashes of memories from last night appear, the young maidens face, her shaking legs, the look of surprise, then shame on Alcina's face. A pain shoots through your chest that steals your breath for a moment. The pain disappears as quickly as it appeared, the numbing feeling returning to its place. You make your way back into the bedroom, pulling the thick curtains closed before crawling back into bed. The lunch bell rings as you drift back off to sleep.

The maids serve the women of the castle lunch, Alcina catches herself staring at your empty chair, snapping out of it when her meal is placed in front of her. She lights a cigarette and takes a long drag from it, blowing the smoke out of the corner of her mouth. Aside from the clicking of silverware and the faint crackling of Alcina's cigarette, lunch is unusually quiet.

After lunch Alcina makes her way into her study, the last thing she wants to do right now is more work but she has a business to run and she can't fall behind. It takes her twice as long to do her paperwork because she keeps getting distracted. Every time she hears a small noise she pauses to listen closely to see if it's you. Once she rules out that you were the source of the noise she strains her ears to listen for your heartbeat. When she's finally able to find it, she listens to it for a minute. It hasn't changed in the last few hours so she assumes you're asleep. Alcina continues this pattern for the majority of the afternoon, she tries her best to focus and put a dent into the paperwork she has to do but its no use. Abandoning her work for the time being she makes her way back to her chambers.

She sheds her hat and gloves and paces back and fourth, running her fingers through her hair, struggling with the war waging inside of her.

In your bed you wake up again, grateful to realize most of the day has passed. You hear the familiar sound of heels clacking against the floor, the sound of Alcina's bedroom door opening and closing. Hearing her pacing back and fourth in her chambers you find the rhythm oddly soothing and you close your eyes once more.

Alcina immediately notices a change in your heartbeat, she pauses for a moment to listen and continues to pace. Your heartbeat slows once more, it dawns on her that you can probably hear her pacing in her chambers as your breath begins to match her steps. A small smile crosses her face for a moment knowing she was able to bring you some peace. The smile quickly fades and is replaced with a scowl when she realizes the thought that just crossed her mind.

A low growl rumbles in her chest as she grows frustrated with herself. She grabs the bottle of wine off of her vanity and makes her way into the bathroom to draw herself a bath.

"To hell with the glass." She thinks as she drinks straight from the bottle.

After shedding her clothes, jewelry and hair pins, she lowers herself in the tub and closes her eyes, the warm water soothing her. The relaxing sensation only lasts for a few minutes when she hears your heartrate pick up once more. Her ears focused on you, she hears you walk across your room, probably into your bathroom. As hard as she tries she can't seem to stop herself from listening to your heartbeat. Aggravated, she slides down into the tub submerging herself completely under water. Grateful that the water filling her ears was able to mute the sound of your heartbeat, she finds herself momentarily envious of her brother Moreau, living under water must be nice since he probably doesn't hear a damned thing. Although she does shake her head at the ridiculousness of being envious, of Moreau. Out of the four lords Alcina finds him the most pathetic, a simpleton, his only redeeming quality in her eyes is the fact that he's an excellent physician.

Alcina breaks through the surface of the water and runs her hands through her hair, combing it away from her face.

"Mother?"

Alcina turns to see Bela standing at the door of her bathroom.

"Come in."

Bela takes a few steps into the bathroom, Alcina watches her as Bela notices the bottle of wine sitting on the floor next to her. Alcina closes her eyes and rests her head against the tub, acting as if the wine bottle was never there to begin with.

"Do you need something draga?" She asks.

"We wanted to know if you were going to join us for dinner?"

Alcina opens her eyes and looks at her daughter, confused.

"The dinner bell rang a few minutes ago." Bela says.

"My apologies draga, I must have not heard it." Alcina wonders how long she was under water for, it must have been for longer than she thought if she missed the dinner bells. "Yes, I will be joining you."

Bela looks at her mother with concern.

"What is it sweetling?"

"I don't want to pry," Bela says, looking down at her feet. "But, are you okay? You haven't been yourself lately and Dani and Cass and I are worried about you."

"Fetița mea dulce." Alcina says, reaching her hand out towards Bela's. (My sweet girl) Bela steps forward and takes her mothers hand into hers. "I am sorry that I worried you and your sisters." She says, stroking the back of Belas hand. "Rest assured I am fine. The stress from work has taken its toll this week, is all."

Alcina doesn't know why she even bothers trying to lie to the girls, especially Bela, who's basically a walking lie detector test. She sees the look in Bela's eyes when she knows her mother isn't telling the whole truth but Bela decides to not push the issue. Alcina rationalizes her half-truth with the fact that her daughters don't need to know the details of her love life.

"I will be down in a few minutes draga." Alcina says giving Bela's hand a small squeeze before letting go.

Bela heads downstairs and Alcina dunks herself under the water once more before getting out of the tub. After drying off she slides a nightgown over her body and wraps one of her luxurious floor-length robes around her, tying it tightly around her waist. She fixes her makeup, even though most of it washed off in the tub, she refuses to go downstairs bare faced, it's bad enough she's showing up to dinner in her robe. It's something she very rarely does and usually only happens after a particularly bad or stressful day. Alcina pins her damp curls and wraps a silk scarf around her head, giving herself a once over in the mirror before deeming her appearance just barely acceptable for dinner and goes downstairs.

"Good evening girls, I apologize for my tardiness." Alcina says as she takes her seat at the head of the table.

"Its okay mother." Bela says.

"We waited for you!" Daniela says.

"Well, some of us did." Cassandra says, eyeing the large bite missing from Daniela's dinner.

"Shut it Cass!" Daniela yells at her. "I bit into if before we decided to wait!"

"It doesn't matter!" Cass yells back.

"That is enough." Alcina says sternly as the girls fall silent. "I appreciate you waiting for me. Please, eat. I'm sure you girls are hungry."

As the girls go to dig into their meals Daniela interrupts.

"Wait, should we wait for y/n? She hasn't eaten all day, she must be hungry."

"What makes you think she's showing up now? She hasn't left her room all day, idiot." Cassandra snaps.

"I don't think she's coming Dani." Bela says, sympathetically.

Daniela looks over to Alcina.

"Eat." Alcina says to her.

Just like the two other meals of the day, dinner was unusually quiet for the Dimitrescu family.

The night carries on as you continue to lie in bed, you hear a faint buzzing noise in the distance and realize it's getting louder until it sounds like it's in your room.

Daniela emerges from the swarm standing next to your bed, for a moment you're grateful that you're facing the other direction.

"Y/n, can you keep reading me the book we started last night?" She asks softly.

"Not tonight kiddo."

You feel guilty, but all you want is to be alone.

"Aw, but-"

"Dani," you say as your voice lightly shakes. "Please." The last word leaving your lips as a whisper, trying your best to keep your voice steady and tears at bay.

All you wanted all day was for the nighttime to arrive, but now that it's here the numbness in your chest fades back to the familiar feeling of heartbreak and sadness.

Daniela disappears into a swarm of flies and leaves your room. You hold tightly onto your pillow as tears soak into the pillowcase.

After dinner Alcina locks herself in her chambers for the night and writes in her diary.

How could she miss every meal today? How incredibly selfish.

She writes, trying her hardest to cling to anger and frustration, desperately trying to keep it from forming into guilt and sadness.

Is this how she repays me? After I brought her into my home, I clothed her, fed her, put a roof over her head, after I gave her work, gave her a purpose that wasn't raising those children. After I rescued her from that awful house and that pathetic manthing she called her uncle, after I protected her, from both that wretched maid and Mother Miranda. After I cared for her, nursed her back to health, after I lov-

Alcina's breath hitches when she realizes what she's writing.

After I loved her, after I-

Tears begin to roll down her cheeks and onto the page.

After I broke her heart, after I hurt her so deeply.

"Oh goddamnit Alcina." She says quietly as she becomes frustrated with herself, her tears falling faster.

What have I done? Could I ever forgive someone if they did to me what I've done to her? I don't think I could. How could I know that I could ever trust them again?

I wish so deeply that Mother Miranda never set eyes on her. Never suggested to use her in her experiments. Even if it was just to give me enough time to figure out how to keep her safe from Mother. If I just spoke to her, told her how both I love and fear Mother Miranda, how I could never repay her for giving me my girls, how I yearn for her approval, how deeply I want her to be proud of me yet how I hate her for turning me into what I am.

If I only told her my true feelings for her. Told her how I feared for her, how I only wanted to keep her safe. I fear it's too late and the damage is too great for her to ever speak to me again. Never have I regretted something to deeply in my life.

Closing her diary, Alcina covers her face with her hands.

The following morning you wake up to the smell of breakfast. Confused, you roll over and see a tray on the nightstand beside your bed, assuming you slept through the breakfast bells. You know you have to eat, but truthfully the thought of food makes you want to puke a little. Reluctantly, you grab a piece of toast and take a few bites and toss it back onto the plate. The numbness in your chest is back and you're almost grateful for it, since the alternative seems to be crippling heartbreak and sadness. After crying yourself to sleep for the second night in a row, you've grown tired of the feeling.

Walking into the bathroom you stare at the shower. You feel a little grimey from laying in bed all day yesterday and you know you should jump in but the amount of effort it's taking just to convince yourself to get in is exhausting. Fighting the numbness and urge to climb back into bed, you shut the bathroom lights off to bring you some comfort and get into the shower. The hot water sooths you as it runs over your body. A fleeting moment of relaxation is stolen when the numbness breaks, flooding you with heartbreak once more. Grateful the running water seems to drown out your sobs, you slide down the shower wall and sit on the floor as the water pours over you, letting out the sadness you've been keeping in. After some time you feel like you've run out of tears to cry. You take a deep breath and stand up and make your way out of the shower. Once you're dried off you put on a clean pair of pajamas and once again climb back into bed.

The next few days go the same way, you wake up with the breakfast tray next to you, you eat a few bites of the most simple item on the tray and roll back over. You're either asleep, or pretend to be, when the maids come in and switch out each barely touched tray of food with the next meal. Like the meals prior, you take a few small bites and give up. The numbness in your chest only grows, making its way down to your stomach where it steals most of the little appetite you have left. You feel it spread through your limbs, making it almost impossible to pull yourself out of bed for the most simple tasks. Each night the numbness falls away allowing the desperation and heartbreak to eat away at you. You're grateful you're not crying yourself to sleep anymore, but you've cried so much the last few days you're probably too dehydrated to produce any more tears.

Your absence doesn't go unnoticed by the girls or Alcina when you continue to not show up for each meal. After the first day Alcina made sure each meal was brought up to you to at least try and get you to eat. Every time a tray was taken away she noted how little you've eaten and her concern for you only grew.

The girls keep coming into your room and trying to talk to you, it breaks your heart to act so cold towards them but there isn't a ounce of you that wants to talk to anyone. After another visit you pull yourself out of bed and lock the door hoping it will keep them out and you crawl back into bed.

Some time goes by and you hear the door handle jiggle, you hold your breath for a moment and release it when it stops and you hear footsteps retreating. Glancing over at the clock you realize it's just passed dinner time and it was probably a maid bringing you your meal.

Alcina makes her way towards her study after dinner, she's barely gotten any work done the last week, too distracted and distraught. She was hoping to talk to you when you came out of your room but she's concerned you may never leave. Deep in thought she passes Zina with your dinner tray, heading back towards the kitchen.

"Zina why was that not brought to y/n's chambers?"

"Good evening my Lady. Her door was locked, I was just on my way to retrieve my spare key."

"Why do you not carry it on you?"

"Will all due respect my Lady, if I carried every spare key you've given me on my person it would take me twice as long to complete my tasks I'd be so weighed down." She says with a smile.

Alcina lightly chuckles.

"I suppose that's fair. I'll take the tray to her, I have a set of spare keys in my chambers. No need for you to make your way all the way down to the kitchen and back up."

"It's no trouble my Lady-"

"I insist."

"Of course."

Zina hands the tray to Alcina, what Zina needed two hands to hold Alcina can easily carry it with one of hers.

"Have a good evening my Lady." Zina says with a small bow.

"Good night Zina."

Alcina goes to her chambers and gets her set of spare keys and makes her way to your door. She takes a deep breath before placing the key into the keyhole and unlocking the door. After another breath she opens the door and steps through the threshold.

As you lay in bed you can hear someone fiddling with the doorknob and you her a small "click" as the door unlocks. A moment later the door opens and you're enveloped by the scent of Alcina's perfume. You never thought a scent could invoke such strong emotions but as soon as you smell her perfume your heart feels like its breaking all over again. You miss the scent, you miss how the scent was at its strongest when your head was curled into her neck, how safe you felt in her arms, the way her fingers ran through your hair, how her soft, cool lips gave you so much warmth when you felt them on your skin. Truthfully, you miss her, but your heart is still too broken, too hurt to do anything about it. You hoped that she just happened to be passing by when the maid opened the door but you hear her heels on the floor, slowly stepping towards you and you see her shadow cast across the bed. If your back wasn't turned you don't think you would be able to stop yourself from staring at her.

Alcina walks into your room and can immediately hear your heartbeat increase, it brings her some comfort to know you knew it was her entering your room right away. She takes a few steps forward and stands there for a moment, hoping you'll turn towards her.

The tears begin to build in your eyes and you try your hardest to hold onto them until she leaves. Part of you so desperately wants her to scoop you up into her arms and hold you and the other part of you wishes she'll walk away and leave you alone forever.

Alcina hears your heartbeat increase. She picks up the lunch tray and realizes you didn't even touch it. Replacing it with the dinner tray she looks over at you again. She reaches out to touch you and goes to speak but stops herself, slowly dropping her hand. Releasing a shaky exhale she turns to leave.

You hear Alcina pick up the lunch tray and replace it with the dinner tray. She sounds like she's about to speak as you hear her shift but she stops herself. The lump in your throat grows so large it's nearly choking you when you hear her release the shaking breath she was holding back. The sound of her footsteps get further away as she heads back towards the door; you hear her open the door and the sound of a slight shift, knowing she turned around to look at you once more. Holding onto your sobs for dear life one manages to escape a second before the door clicks shut. Once you hear the click the floodgates open and you cry, you cry harder than you have the last couple of days. Angry, hurt, heartbroken, you want to hate her. There might be a part of you that does, but you also miss her. Part of you wants to hear her side, let her explain why she did what she did, another part of you doesn't want to hear it.

Right before she ducks out of the room Alcina turns to look at you again, she can hear your heart pounding. She ducks out of the door and right before it clicks shut she hears a sob escape from you, the sound crushes her. After she closes the door she hears you begin to cry again, harder than you have in a few days. With a pain in her chest Alcina leans against the wall and slowly slides down until she's sitting on the floor, placing the tray next to her. She brings her knees to her chest and tears fill her eyes. As she wipes away a tear that fell she hears a noise and looks down the hall, a maid had just come out of one of the rooms. Realizing the noise was a small gasp, the maid was not expecting to see Alcina, no less sitting on the floor in this state. Freezing for a moment, the maid doesn't know what to do.

"Go on." Alcina says, nodding in the direction the maid was heading.

The maid quickly makes her way past Alcina.

"Take this to the kitchen please." Alcina says, picking up the tray and handing it to the maid.

"Of course my Lady." The maid quietly says.

Alcina turns so her hat is covering most of her face but she's able to catch a glimpse of the maids face. Along with the slight look of fear, the maid gives Alcina an empathetic look as she takes the tray and walks away.

Once the maid is out of view Alcina leans her head back against the wall and looks up, trying to blink away her tears.

"How do I fix this?" She says quietly to herself.

[duckprintspress]

32 of Our Favorite Sci-Fi Reads for National Science Fiction Day

Duck Prints Press LOVES kicking off the new year with one of our favorite annual recommendation lists: science fiction stories (ideally queer, but it wasn’t required) to celebrate National Science Fiction Day! For this year, 14 Duck Prints Press contributors suggested a whopping 32 awesome science fiction books. Note that there’s no overlap with last year (by design) so make sure you also check out Our Ten Favorite Science Fiction Reads of 2022 for some more titles to add to your 2024 TBR.

Our 2024 Science Fiction Recs:

The Kaiju Preservation Society by John Scalzi

Hench by Natalie Zina Walschots

Little Mushroom by Shisi

Always Human by Ari North

More Than We Deserve by Nicola Kapron

Sorcerer to the Crown by Zen Cho

Ocean’s Echo by Everina Maxwell

Aurora Rising by Amie Kaufman

Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao

CrashCourse by Wilhelmina Baird

Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki

We Have Always Been Here by Lena Nguyen

Emergent Properties by Aimee Ogden

Victories Greater than Death by Charlie Jane Anders

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

The Fever King by Victoria Lee

All Systems Red by Martha Wells

Infomocracy by Malka Older

Zero Sum Game by S. L. Huang

Binti by Nnedi Okorafor

Unconquerable Sun by Kate Elliott

Psalm for the Wild-Built by Becky Chambers

This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar & Max Gladstone

Trigun and Trigun Maximum by Yasuhiro Nightow

Legend of the Galactic Heroes by Yoshiki Tanaka & Katsumi Michihara

In the Lives of Puppets by T. J. Klune

Mega Man by Ian Flynn & Pat Spaz Spaziante

Mega Man Megamix by Hitoshi Ariga

Ghost in the Shell by Masamune Shirow

Once & Future by A. R. Capetta & Cory McCarthy

Five-Twelfths of Heaven by Melissa Scott

The Big Sigma by Joseph R. Lallo

Want to come read some of these books with us? Join our 2024 Queer Book Challenge on Storygraph! One of our challenges there is to read a queer science fiction book, and there’s a lot on this list that’d count!

You can check out all our sci-fi recs on this Goodreads shelf.

Wish you could contribute to these lists? Back our Patreon, join our Discord, and you can!

[frankiesbugs]

Okay some of these I haven't read so I can't 100% endorse (I'll asterisk those). It seems like you really like a more reflective/meditative book than a huge plot so that's what I'm prioritizing.

Monstrilio by Gerardo Sámano Córdova*

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke (I LOVED this book, best to go in blind)

The Imperial Radch series by Ann Leckie (hard scifi)

The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells (if you want something a little lighter)

The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa

Not exactly new but if you haven't read any Shirley Jackson I'd start with The Haunting of Hill House

Sea of Rust by C. Robert Cargill*

A Psalm for the Wild-Built by Becky Chambers*

The Strange Library by Haruki Murakami

Light Years From Home by Mike Chen

This Thing Between Us by Gus Moreno

The Luminous Dead + The Death of Jane Lawrence by Caitlin Starling (Two very different books but I really enjoyed both. The latter of which is kind of Crimson Peak if Crimson Peak was extra weird)

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M Danforth (A real TOME of a book, back and forth in time sapphic horror)

Annihilation by Jeff Vandermeer (less magical realism and more surrealism but the books are VERY different from the movie and definitely worth checking out)

Hench by Natalie Zina Walschots (very dry and darkly funny superhero book

Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno Garcia

The Water Dancer by Ta Nehisi Coates

Sing, Unburied, Sing by Jesmyn Ward*

basically anything by Rivers Solomon

Chain-Gang All-Stars by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah* (haven't gotten to this yet but I've heard nothing but good things)

Babel by R.F. Kuang*

Nothing But the Rain by Emily Salman* (this sounds a lot like The Memory Police but idk for sure)

If you're looking for modern magical realism, I'd especially keep an eye out for African American/African Diasporic authors (Rivers Solomon, Colson Whitehead, Toni Morrison, etc etc).

Sorry if this is overwhelming!

I think you grasped my tastes because I've read some of the books you mentioned already. <3

Thank you SOOO MUCH! And thanks for adding authors from all over the world!

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

The Divisions of the Levites

1 So when David was old and full of days, he made Solomon his son king over Israel.

2 And he gathered together all the princes of Israel, with the priests and the Levites.

3 Now the Levites were numbered from the age of thirty years and upward: and their number by their polls, man by man, was thirty and eight thousand.

4 Of which, twenty and four thousand were to set forward the work of the house of the Lord; and six thousand were officers and judges:

5 Moreover four thousand were porters; and four thousand praised the Lord with the instruments which I made, said David, to praise therewith.

6 And David divided them into courses among the sons of Levi, namely, Gershon, Kohath, and Merari.

7 Of the Gershonites were, Laadan, and Shimei.

8 The sons of Laadan; the chief was Jehiel, and Zetham, and Joel, three.

9 The sons of Shimei; Shelomith, and Haziel, and Haran, three. These were the chief of the fathers of Laadan.

10 And the sons of Shimei were, Jahath, Zina, and Jeush, and Beriah. These four were the sons of Shimei.

11 And Jahath was the chief, and Zizah the second: but Jeush and Beriah had not many sons; therefore they were in one reckoning, according to their father's house.

12 The sons of Kohath; Amram, Izhar, Hebron, and Uzziel, four.

13 The sons of Amram; Aaron and Moses: and Aaron was separated, that he should sanctify the most holy things, he and his sons for ever, to burn incense before the Lord, to minister unto him, and to bless in his name for ever.

14 Now concerning Moses the man of God, his sons were named of the tribe of Levi.

15 The sons of Moses were, Gershom, and Eliezer.

16 Of the sons of Gershom, Shebuel was the chief.

17 And the sons of Eliezer were, Rehabiah the chief. And Eliezer had none other sons; but the sons of Rehabiah were very many.

18 Of the sons of Izhar; Shelomith the chief.

19 Of the sons of Hebron; Jeriah the first, Amariah the second, Jahaziel the third, and Jekameam the fourth.

20 Of the sons of Uzziel; Micah the first and Jesiah the second.

21 The sons of Merari; Mahli, and Mushi. The sons of Mahli; Eleazar, and Kish.

22 And Eleazar died, and had no sons, but daughters: and their brethren the sons of Kish took them.

23 The sons of Mushi; Mahli, and Eder, and Jeremoth, three.

24 These were the sons of Levi after the house of their fathers; even the chief of the fathers, as they were counted by number of names by their polls, that did the work for the service of the house of the Lord, from the age of twenty years and upward.

25 For David said, The Lord God of Israel hath given rest unto his people, that they may dwell in Jerusalem for ever:

26 And also unto the Levites; they shall no more carry the tabernacle, nor any vessels of it for the service thereof.

27 For by the last words of David the Levites were numbered from twenty years old and above:

28 Because their office was to wait on the sons of Aaron for the service of the house of the Lord, in the courts, and in the chambers, and in the purifying of all holy things, and the work of the service of the house of God;

29 Both for the shewbread, and for the fine flour for meat offering, and for the unleavened cakes, and for that which is baked in the pan, and for that which is fried, and for all manner of measure and size;

30 And to stand every morning to thank and praise the Lord, and likewise at even:

31 And to offer all burnt sacrifices unto the Lord in the sabbaths, in the new moons, and on the set feasts, by number, according to the order commanded unto them, continually before the Lord:

32 And that they should keep the charge of the tabernacle of the congregation, and the charge of the holy place, and the charge of the sons of Aaron their brethren, in the service of the house of the Lord. — 1 Chronicles 23 | King James Version (KJV) The King James Version Bible is in the public domain. Cross References: Exodus 6:18, 19 and 20; Exodus 18:4; Leviticus 6:20-21; Numbers 1:53; Numbers 4:3; Numbers 4:5; Numbers 4:23; Numbers 36:8; 1 Kings 1:1; 2 Kings 7:10; 1 Chronicles 6:1; 1 Chronicles 6:9; 1 Chronicles 7:3; 1 Chronicles 7:26; 1 Chronicles 9:27; 1 Chronicles 22:18; 1 Chronicles 24:23; 1 Chronicles 25:4; 1 Chronicles 26:29; 1 Chronicles 28:1; 1 Chronicles 29:8; Psalm 90:1; Ezekiel 40:17; Colossians 2:16; Hebrews 5:4

[reelaroundthedavekan]

Went way over my reading goal this year, glad I go a lot of reading in, here are my favorites:

A Psalm for the Wild-Built/A Prayer for the Crown Shy by Beck Chambers

Allow me to Retort - Elie Mystal

Comedy Comedy Comedy Drama - Bob Odenkirk

Lessons in Chemistry - Bonnie Garmurs

Hench - Natalie Zina Walschots

[koyot1]

heya love your art and stuff! probably a weird question, but do ya happen to have any movie recs (or even just general media recs)? I saw your interest list and I feel you’d have good taste. keep up the top tier posting!

aww thanks and sure! i love giving film recs! i love horror, magical realism, and documentaries mostly! here's a few of my fav films (most of them are horror): La Llorona (2019) dir. Jayro Bustamante Bulbbul (2020) dir. Anvita Dutt Horror Noire (2021) dir. Xavier Burgin One Cut of the Dead (2017) dir. Shinichirō Ueda House (1977) dir. Nobuhiko Obayashi The Ritual (2017) dir. David Bruckner The Wickerman (1973) dir. Robin Hardy The Wailing (2016) dir. Na Hong-jin Big Eden (2000) dir. Thomas Bezucha (not horror) The Thing (1982) dir. John Carpenter Annihilation (2018) dir. Alex Garland Kairo (2001) dir. Kiyoshi Kurosawa The Devil's Backbone (2001) dir. Guillermo del Toro Tiger's Are Not Afraid (2017) dir. Issa López And here's a few of my fav books! (also mostly horror): When the Reckoning Comes by LaTanya McQueen Fever Dream by Samanta Schweblin Nothing But Blackened Teeth by Cassandra Khaw Blue in Green by Ram V The King in Yellow by Robert W. Chambers / Illustrated and adapted by I.N.J. Culbard Men, Women, and Chain Saws: Gender in the Modern Horror Film by Carol J. Clover The Monstrous-Feminine by Barbara Creed Hench by Natalie Zina Walschots I love horror film theory, here's some podcasts I enjoy! Dead Meat The Faculty of Horror The Evolution of Horror

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

I'm currently digging through my google drive deleting old and abandoned stories, and among all the dreck I found a document that I have no recollection of making called "21 books for 2021," which presumably is a list of books I was hoping to read this year? and I actually don't think I did too bad, check this out:

What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape (Sohaila Abdulali)

Till Death Do Us Part: American Ethnic Cemeteries as Borders Uncrossed (edited by Allan Amanki and Kami Fletcher)

A Quick & Easy Guide to Sex and Disability (A. Andrews)

Bodies Out of Bounds: Fatness and Transgression (edited by Jana Evans Braziel)

Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity (Judith Butler)

Bloodchild and Other Stories (Octavia E. Butler)

The Galaxy, and the Ground Within (Becky Chambers)

Soft Science (Franny Choi)

Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment (Patricia Hill Collins)

Women, Race & Class (Angela Y. Davis)

Kink (edited by R.O. Kwon and Garth Greenwell)

How to Slowly Kill Yourself and Others in America (Kiese Laymon)

Phoenix Extravagant (Yoon Ha Lee)

Midnight Sun (Stephenie Meyer)

Mediocre: The Dangerous Legacy of White Male America (Ijeoma Oluo)

The Midnight Bargain (C.L. Polk)

Starsoul (C.L. Polk)

Conflict Is Not Abuse: Overstating Harm, Community Responsibility, and the Duty of Repair (Sarah Schulman)

Hench (Natalie Zina Walschots)

Red at the Bone (Jacqueline Woodson)

Iron Widow (Xiran Jay Zhao)

Iron Widow is STILL on hold at the local library, and I'm really hoping to get it in before 2021 is over. as for the rest, I do have plans to get to them all soon. you know, after I start reading nonfiction again? like in February maybe.

[ofliterarynature]

2021 Wrap Up

I started the year with a goal of 120 books, which I blew way past! I couldn’t possibly talk about all of them, so I’ll stick to my favorites and let you browse my ListChallenge or Goodreads if you’d like to see all of them. If you have any questions let me know!

Total Books Read: approximately 170 (161 individual titles)

Average Rating: 4.2/5 stars

Shortest Book: Bigfoot Pirates Haunt My Balls (17 pages)

Longest Book: The Hands of the Emperor (901 pages)

Favorite Books of 2021

(Top 5) The Goblin Emperor/The Witness for the Dead by Katherine Addison The Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard Greenwing & Dart series by Victoria Goddard The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells Unnatural Magic by C.M. Waggoner   Record of a Spaceborn Few (Wayfarers #3) by Becky Chambers Hunger Pangs: True Love Bites by Joy Demorra Hench by Natalie Zina Walschots Six Wakes by Mur Lafferty Chilling Effect by Valerie Valdes When the Tiger Came Down the Mountain by Nghi Vo   Honorable Mention Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno Garcia The Queen’s Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner Rivers of London series by Ben Aaronovitch (read by Kobna Holdbrook-Smith, my beloved)

I read so many good books this year that it has been literally painful trying to decide which ones to put on this post! (which is why it’s almost 3 weeks late, lol)

So what *did* make it onto this list? Books that managed some combination of “it’s really heckin good,” “it made me happy,” and “it did something memorable to impress me so it now lives rent-free in my head regardless of its other qualities.” 

But looking at my top 5 - they’re all on a level of their own, and I am very definitely sensing a theme. It’s incredibly imaginative worldbuilding with stories that may sometimes be a little light on plot but are driven by incredibly lovable characters who are a bit of an outsider, but they’re figuring out who they are and finding their place and their people who will love and support them. It’s beautiful and exactly what I need right now, and I am 100% down to sing their praises any time you want me to. 

But what about what’s *not* on the list? If I’m being honest, YA and I were just absolutely not vibing at all this year. It’s a little heartbreaking because YA has been the core of my reading identity for so many years, but I also think this is a long time coming. I am aging out of it, I think that’s definitely true, but I also feel like just the way YA SFF is being written nowadays is different than it used to be. I’ve been getting along a lot better with older backlist titles, so we’re not going to totally say goodbye, but, well, don’t be surprised if there’s less YA around the blog now. 

[apollonianism]

2022 Book List

This is everything I’ve read to date (April 2022) in order that I read them:

A Desolation Called Peace, Arkady Martine - Book 2, fucking loved it. Both of Martine’s books are very dense, heaps of worldbuilding, everything I want in a sci-fi. Explores themes of cultural colonisation and identity. One of my all time favourite authors and books.

This is How You Lose the Time War, Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone - A short epistolary novella between two opposing robots/AI in a time war and how they fall in love. A very easy read, enemies to lovers, excellent prose.

Empire of Light, Alex Harrow - Don’t get me started on how much I dislike this book. I forced myself to finish it which may have made me hate it even more. The characters, plot, and pacing are all plain bad.

Neophek Gloss, Essa Hansen - Reading this after Empire of Light may have made me enjoy it more, but a good solid sci-fi. According to notes after I finished it: In-depth worldbuilding, excellent characterisation, plotted well. Predictable, but very solid storyline. May or may not read book 2.

A Psalm for the Wild-Built, Becky Chambers - A beautiful cosy read in which nothing much happens (as per all Chambers books). A non-binary monastic searching for the meaning of life in a post-utopia world.

Activation Degradation, Marina J Lostetter - This book killed me, I fucking keysmashed in my notes while reading. Notes at time of reading: So this book is compared to Murderbots. This is not correct. Yes, the main character is a robot. They should not be compared. They are different stories. I love both of them. Ahem. I LOVED THIS BOOK. The characters were all really well-developed. FOUND FAMILY. There were so many good twists. This is everything I want in a scifi book. The only negative is that it is a standalone and I desire MORE.

Autonomous, Annalee Newitz - This story is so very good. As can be inferred from the title, it’s all about free will - sentient robots are indentured to pay off their manufacture (which never really ends, yay capitalism!) and so humans can now be indentured too (all capitalism leads to slavery!). And also IP law overload! The issue with the idea of drug patents. The world-building was phenomenal, the characters were all great, both the drug pirate and the two cops were morally grey. A brilliant standalone book, but I'd also love more just to see more of the world

The First Sister, Linden A Lewis - I didn’t really enjoy this book as I was reading, I had trouble connecting with the characters. The writing was on point, but I just didn't really care about them. Possibly because both POV characters lacked agency and were just trying to survive circumstances. It's only after the twists at the end that I decided the book was OK. Not going to continue the series.

Murderbot Diaries, Martha Wells - All of these books are fucking A. Everybody loves murderbot. These are really easy to devour and enjoy reading while also exploring some pretty heavy trauma.

Hench, Natalie Zina Walschotts - Ok, so I love villains. I am on team villain, I am this book's target audience. Hench lady (Anna Tromedlov, who works with spreadsheets, has very  little involvement in villainy) is catastrophically injured by a hero and decides to get vengeance by tallying up all the injuries and damage heroes cause. The characters are this book's strong point, my only downside is that I didn’t feel that the character went through any growth or arc in this book. I’ll be interested to see if there’s a sequel.

The Girl with All the Gifts, MR Carey - I am not usually a horror fan, but this book blew me away. It explored some great themes and the perspectives were great. Highly recommended.

A closed and common orbit, Beck Chambers - I will read everything Chambers writes. Nothing much happens, just a slow character exploration. Robots/AI are my bread and butter. This was better than A long way to a small angry planet.

Ancillary Justice/Mercy/Sword, Ann Leckie - These are my favourite books, this is my favourite author. This was a re-read, so I don’t have any notes on my experiences as I read these books, but they are my all time favourites. I love the world-building, the POV character, the ethical questions and themes.

[tchallasbabymama]

Gone

Hey y’all, here’s Chapter 6 of Playlist. Check out my masterlist HERE to read the other chapters if you haven’t already, and check out my other stories too!

CW: alcoholism

Word count: 4894

Two months had passed and T’Challa was still not taking it well. He was still internalizing  the guilt he felt for putting Ashanti in harm's way, and it was all he could think about. He felt numb most days, and when he felt anything at all it was grief  over losing his love. Whenever he wasn’t working he hid away in his chambers, staring at the walls and playing sad music. Today his favorite song to wallow to was “Gone” by N*Sync. He laid across his bed sipping from a bottle of whiskey with the song playing on repeat as tears ran down his face. 

There's a thousand words that I could say

To make you come home

Oh, seems so long ago you walked away

Left me alone

I remember what you said to me

You were acting so strange

and maybe I was too blind to see

That you needed a change

Was it something I said

To make you turn away?

To make you walk out and leave me cold

If I could just find a way

To make it so that you were right here

But right now..

I've been sitting here

Can't get you off my mind

I've tried my best to be a man and be strong

I've drove myself insane

Wishing I could touch your face

But the truth remains..

You're gone..

You're gone..

Baby you're gone

Girl you're gone, baby girl, you're gone..

You're gone..

You're…

He barely spoke to his family anymore. Not even N’Jadaka could get anything out of him on their occasional walks when he would visit from Oakland. The king was a steel trap of emotions, and nobody could get in. His cousin could tell something was off, and began to worry about his health so he and Shuri decided to confront him about it. They knew it wouldn’t go well, but they never expected him to insult their intelligence. 

T’Challa had been able to hide his drinking from Queen Mother, but it was hard to get anything past the other two. N’Jadaka had seen friends go down a similar route and he knew the signs, and Shuri had overheard the kitchen staff talking about sending three bottles a night to the king’s chambers. When he was scheduled to leave for a mission with the Avengers she was scared out of her mind that he would get hurt, so right before he left she and her cousin confronted him. He lied to them, for the first time ever, and straight up denied the accusations. Shuri was hurt to her core knowing her brother was in such a bad way that he would stoop so low, but N’Jadaka expected his response. When he left they saw him off as usual, but Shuri broke down in her cousin’s arms after the Talon took off. Ramonda quickly became worried for both of her children when Shuri told her of the burden she had been carrying for her brother. They both internalized too much, and Ramonda had Shuri start therapy immediately. She also had a grief therapist and an addiction counselor on standby for T'Challa's return. She would be damned if she lost her son to his depression.

The Avengers had also noticed a change in T’Challa’s behavior, so much so that even Sam of all people was concerned for him. Thor had tried to lighten the king’s mood with their usual banter, but nothing changed. Wanda tried to regale him with her physics-defying powers to no avail, and Natasha couldn’t get anything out of him in their sparring sessions. Eventually Steve and Sam took it upon themselves to do something, Steve as a friend and Sam as a former counselor. 

“Catman, let me holler at you real quick,” Sam interrupted T’Challa’s brooding on the couch. He rolled his eyes, but reluctantly got up anyway. Sam led him into the kitchen, where Steve was already seated at the large table. Sam pulled out a chair and turned it around before sitting and resting his forearms on the back. 

“Ok, talk. You’ve been moping around the entire time you’ve been here and you’re bringing the energy down-”

“I think what Sam is trying to say is that we’re your friends and we can tell something is wrong... come on, man, you really think I haven’t picked up on your new drinking habit?” he asked in all honesty before trying to lighten the mood a little. “You know, for a cat, you’re not that sneaky.”

T’Challa closed his eyes and sighed. He had hoped nobody else would notice before he could get it together. When Shuri and N’Jadaka confronted him before he left he lied to their faces. He had never done that before, and as soon as the words left his mouth he was filled with shame and had to leave quickly to avoid them prying any more into it. When he looked out the window of the Talon after taking off he saw his baby sister break down in tears, and his heart broke. He decided then and there that he would stop drinking, but it didn’t exactly work out that way. Here he was, a month later and still no improvement. He was doing his best to keep it under wraps, but for once his best wasn’t good enough.

“Problems at home?...Is it about Ashanti? I haven't heard you mention her in awhile.” Steve continued, trying to get something out of him.

A lump formed in the king’s throat and he nodded before averting his eyes to the table.

“She left me.”

He proceeded to tell them the whole story and watched their faces twist in disbelief.

“Wow, that’s...wow,” Steve couldn’t believe it and his heart went out to both of them for what they went through and for what T’Challa is putting himself through now. “You know, for the longest time I blamed myself for what happened to Bucky. It ate me up inside, but you gotta let that stuff go, man. If not, you’re gonna start spiraling out of control, and nobody needs that.”

“He’s right, T.”

T’Challa and Steve looked at Sam in shock, he never referred to him by his name or anything close to it. It was always “Catman” or whatever cat joke he could come up with at the moment. 

“You need to talk to someone before this gets worse,” Sam said in earnest.

He thought back to his mother’s words shortly before he left Wakanda, “I’m worried about you, unyana wam. You have not been your usual bright self.”

T’Challa sat forward, placing his elbows on the table. He decided then and there that he couldn't keep doing this to himself. He was a king, he was a warrior, he was a superhero for Bast’s sake. He couldn’t afford to be a drunken shell of himself anymore, it was going to start catching up to him. He couldn’t keep blaming himself.

“You’re right.”

-------

After the incident, Ashanti moved back in with her parents so they could care for her. Kwame and Binta were over all the time, and Shuri even made a visit to bring her the new pinky she made for her. It took some getting used to how it felt on her hand, but she eventually got the hang of it.

At first, Ashanti was scared to leave her parents’ home, so they found a therapist that made house-calls. It took some time for Ashanti to trust her, but eventually she did and Jamila was able to convince her to go outside for the first time in two months. They stayed in her parents backyard for a few sessions, before Jamila gradually got her to move further and further from the home. After about 6 months, she was able to go to the bazaar on her own. She still wasn’t up for running Taj’s, so she let her new employees Zina and Jafari handle it. So far they had been doing a great job and she wasn’t too worried about getting back to it just yet. She took some time to find herself again, painting for the first time in almost a year and spinning clay at her pottery wheel whenever she felt the need. She caught up on the books she had been meaning to read, and she slowly got back into the habit of running in the mornings. 

 Ashanti surprisingly had no problem with moving back into the house with Binta and Kwame. She missed the twins more than she could verbalize, but really did need her time away. Eventually,  things went back to normal and it was almost as if the chapter of her life that included T’Challa never happened at all.

After a few months the twins pushed her to get back out there and she started dating a River tribe guy she met on her run one morning. She had tripped over a root and ended up falling flat on her face, but luckily another runner saw her fall and came over to help. He was a hot doctor named Zane. After he checked her ankle, he looked up and was captured by her beauty. He asked her out then and there, and three months later they’re still going strong. He was sweet, and smart, and funny, and all the things she wanted in a partner...but he didn't automatically know her favorite flower, and she didn't feel electricity from his touch. His kisses didn’t ignite a flame, just a little spark. He was a great lover, but the passion wasn’t there. 

In short, Ashanti was faking it, but she was too scared to break his poor little heart.

Even her parents and roommates could tell she wasn’t really feeling Zane, so they sat her down to talk some sense into her.

“Why does this look like an intervention?” Ashanti joked when she walked into her kitchen and saw her family seated around the table, all looking up at her.

“Because it is, girl. Sit down.” Kwame pulled out the chair next to him and she tentatively took a seat.

“Sithandwa,” Bisa started , “you know we love you-“

“What’s this about?” she cut her off, nervous and ready to cut to the chase.

“Zane.” Binta and Kwame stated, matter of factly. 

Ashanti knew what was coming. Each one of them had pulled her aside at some point to have what was sure to be the exact same conversation.

“Honey, you’re playing with that poor man’s heart. We can all see you don’t want him, he’s the only one who can’t.” Kwame reached out and grabbed her hand in his.

Ashanti sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. She hated being called out on her bullshit, especially since it didn't happen often. She knew they were right though, she was wrong for stringing him along.

“He’s a good man, I know, but you both deserve to be with people who want you the way you want them,” Bisa added,

“I know,” Ashanti let out a sigh before hanging her head and collecting herself. “I know, I just- he’s a great guy so I just keep hoping he’ll grow on me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Everyone seemed to look at each other out of the corners of their eyes without Ashanti noticing. They knew exactly what the problem was.

“Nothing is wrong with you, intyatyambo. You are just still in love,” Chidi cupped her face with his hand and she stared at him in shock.

“No, it’s been over a year. I’m past that now,” she tried to dead the conversation before it went somewhere she really wanted to avoid.

“Are you?” Binta asked. “Because everytime you see his hologram on the news you smile a little without even realizing it.”

“And don't forget when you ducked into a random bathroom and  texted me panicking because you saw Dora Milaje in the bazaar and thought he might be there.” Kwame added.

“I-I just didn’t want to see him, that’s all.”

“Mhm, then how come when I called you were you primping in the mirror?”

“I was not!”

“Sis…” he gave her the look.

Ashanti hung her head again.

“Fine,” she gave in. She knew why she wasn’t feeling Zane and why her palms still started to sweat when she saw pictures or holograms of him and why her heart almost beat out of her chest that day in the bazaar. She still dreamed of him. Her body still responded to the thought of him. Hearing his voice still sent chills down her spine. She still loved him, but she never wanted to admit it.

“Fine?” Chidi asked as he and his wife shared a hopeful glance.

“Yes, fine, you’re right. Happy?” tears came to her eyes, and as hard as she tried to keep them from falling she eventually lost the battle. She hadn’t allowed herself to feel the loss after the breakup, and it was all catching up to her right there in front of her family.

She sobbed on Bisa's shoulder and Chidi wrapped them both in an embrace while Binta rubbed circles on Ashanti’s back and Kwame held her hand. All four of them were relieved to see her finally come to terms with her emotions. They had been concerned that she seemingly blocked out that whole chapter of her life, not sure if it was due to the trauma or the heartbreak or both. Her time in therapy had focused on getting her through the trauma of what happened to her, and barely even touched her breakup. All she had done was lock her feelings in the basement and throw away the key, but they were still there and just as strong as ever.

After a few minutes Ashanti pulled herself together and looked at the people around her.

“I love you all so much,” she was able to get out through her tears and snot. Chidi grabbed some tissue and wiped her face.

“We love you too,” they all responded.

_______

After that day, Ashanti found herself thinking about T’Challa a little more than usual...ok a lot more than usual. Everything she saw reminded her of him, and it was starting to weigh on her. She still felt the same way about being with him, but she missed him more than she could say. Eventually she got the idea to give him a call. She talked herself out of and back into the idea for several weeks, and one day just said “Fuck it” and pressed his contact on her beads. She never got around to deleting it.

The trilling sound that followed filled her with dread. What if he didn’t pick up? What if she’s blocked or he changed his beads? 

She didn’t have time to go too far down that rabbit hole because the trilling stopped and her ex boyfriend appeared in the palm of her hand. They both stared at each other in silence before T’Challa spoke.

“Miss Ashanti, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

She was saddened by his formality but stunned by the smoky timbre of his voice. She had missed it so much.

“H-hi, how are you?”

“I am well, how are you?”

“I’m doing ok.”

“Just ok?”

“Yeah, just ok…” Ashanti trailed off, leading to a long silence between the two. 

“Ashanti, is there something you need?”

“Oh, um, no not really. I just-,” she sighed, “You crossed my mind a couple times and something told me to reach out so I did.”

A small smile appeared on the king’s face.

“Just a couple times? I’m disappointed.”

She laughed, a sound he hadn’t had the pleasure of hearing in over a year, forcing his crooked smile to grow larger.

“Ok maybe a few times,” she said, while smiling back. 

“But seriously,” her voice softened, “how are you T’Challa?”

The hairs on the back of his neck stood up when she said his name, but he wasn’t surprised she still had that effect on him since it happened every time he thought of her. He wanted to answer her honestly, he really did, but he couldn't bring himself to tell her about his drinking problem and stint in rehab a few months ago. He went back and forth on the decision for a few moments before making up his mind.

“I am well now, it has been an uphill battle.”

“I know what you mean,” Ashanti replied before they both just stared at each other in silence for a moment. “Well, I um, I know you're busy, and I didn’t really want anything so I don’t want to keep y-”

“We’re going to be late, baby,” Ashanti was cut off by a gorgeous woman in a red dress entering the room behind T’Challa. She hadn’t even noticed that he was talking to anyone, barely looking up from her beads as she walked back out of the room. T’Challa cleared his throat.

“Unfortunately you caught me at a bad time, tonight-”

“That’s ok! Uh, have fun!” she panicked and ended the call. 

“Why would you just hang up like that?” she asked herself out loud before flopping back onto her bed.

After that embarrassment, she doesn't know if she’ll ever be able to talk to him again. Of all the different ways she imagined that conversation going she never accounted for the fact that he could have already moved on to someone else. She knew it was selfish and hypocritical since she had been with Zane, but something about the idea of him with anyone else made her blood boil and tears come to her eyes. She let a couple fall before getting up and going on about her day.

Late that night as she laid in bed scrolling through her social media she came across an article about the king’s 30th birthday celebration on the 9th. It was open to the public, and for a moment she considered going, but then she remembered the silky, high pitched voice emanating from behind T’Challa and decided against it. She’d rather not have to feel that embarrassment in public. Ashanti shut off her beads and closed her eyes, letting sleep take her for the night.

-------

The drummers were extra hype today, playing their hearts out as all of Wakanda danced and celebrated their king’s birthday. As they partied into the early morning T’Challa spent the whole time glued to his girlfriend Tamala, the Mining tribe princess. She had a habit of being clingy and wouldn’t allow anyone else to steal a dance. Around 1 in the morning, he had finally had enough and excused himself to go to the restroom. Making his way out of the venue, he caught the eye of someone he hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Kwame?”

“My king,” he saluted T’Challa, but he waved him off.

“Please, you know me.”

“Better safe than sorry. Happy birthday man!”

“Thank you, thank you. Are you here alone?” T’Challa’s eyes scanned the crowd.

“No, I'm here with the usual people,” Kwame said, smirking in the king’s direction.

“So Ashanti is…”

“Over in the back corner avoiding you and the aggressive supermodel on your arm,” he took a sip of his rum punch. 

“I can understand that,” the king and Kwame stood there awkwardly, not knowing how to continue the conversation.  “It was good seeing you Kwame.”

“You too!”

The two quickly parted ways and Kwame ran straight to his friends at the table they had commandeered in the back. He sat down on Omar’s lap and told Ashanti of his interaction with the king, leaving out that he told him where to find her. Ashanti noticed Omar’s hands make their way around Kwame’s waist and she wished she could feel the king’s arms around her like that one more time. 

“I knew I shouldn't have come here, why did I let you two talk me into this? He has a girlfriend already.”

“Because your man knows how to throw a damn party!” Binta slurred a little, very obviously teetering between tipsy and drunk. Ashanti rolled her eyes at her ‘your man’ comment but agreed, looking around at all the happy partygoers. She sighed, wishing she could enjoy herself like they were. 

On his way to the restroom T’Challa was stopped by not one, not two, but three separate elders commenting on how good he and Tamala looked together and asking about marriage plans. T’Challa knew the council was anxious for him to get married and produce heirs, but no matter how much he wanted to, he just couldn’t see it with Tamala. She had everything he was looking for, but she was missing a special something. More like she’s not that special someone. She’s not her.

For the rest of the night, T’Challa avoided the elders and slyly kept his eye on Ashanti and her friends. He was mesmerized by her colorful curve-hugging jumpsuit and her natural hair that had grown much longer in the year they’d been apart. Her shoulders seemed to glow and her deep purple lipstick drew his eyes to her lips. His eyes travelled down her body, noticing that she had kicked off her shoes and he smiled fondly, remembering her disdain for heels. She looked up and caught him staring more than once, but he just couldn't stop. Everytime she caught him she’d quickly look away, too embarrassed to hold his gaze. His staring angered Tamala who also caught him staring more than once.

“Do you know her?” Tamala asked with an attitude, standing in his line of vision. T’Challa rolled his eyes because he sensed another argument coming. Tamala was a lot of wonderful things, but jealousy was her worst quality, hands down. He had never been one to have a wandering eye when he was with a woman, so normally her jealousy annoyed him to no end. However, this time he understood where she was coming from. 

“Yes, I do. She’s an old friend.”

“A ‘friend’ huh? Do you think I’m stupid?”

“Tamala, please, not here. This is a celebration, try to be happy. For me, please.” 

The Mining tribe princess rolled her eyes and stormed off, shoulder checking Prince N’Jadaka on the way.

“Yo, me and your girl are gonna fight fight one of these days. Like, for real,” he said as he walked up to his cousin.

T’Challa chuckled as he sipped some more of his non-alcoholic ginger beer. 

“Let's go for a walk in the gardens,” he requested and the prince obliged. N’Jadaka pulled out a pre-roll and lit the tip, passing it to his cousin. “She’s upset because Ashanti is here.”

“Oh! She is, huh? Interesting...I’m surprised she showed.”

“I’m not,” he handed the blunt back to the prince, “she called me the other day. It was a very short conversation but...I still felt something and I think she did too. She looks good, really good. She asked how I had been but I couldn't really tell her the truth... She seems like she’s gotten so much better since the last time I saw her.”

The two walked in silence for a couple minutes passing the blunt back and forth before N’Jadaka broke the silence. 

“So you still love her?”

T’Challa didn’t even have to hesitate.

“Of course, I never stopped.”

---------

The next day, Ashanti and her roommates were all laying in the living room nursing hangovers while they half watched an old classic Wakandan movie. Ashanti was sick to her stomach, but she couldn't tell if it was from the alcohol or the sappy love story she was forced to watch. After it was over, Binta pulled up the news and right as the meteorologist finished explaining the upcoming weather patterns, a huge picture of T’Challa and Tamala kissing took over the screen. Bile rose in her stomach as Binta scrambled to change the channel. Before she could, Ashanti heard the anchor say the very words she dreaded hearing, “Could there be a royal engagement on the horizon?” 

Binta turned the hologram off altogether, and the three of them sat in silence for a while until Kwame couldn’t take it anymore.

“Are you ok?”

“I will be, it’s just rough right now. I’m happy he found somebody though, they look happy.”

Neither twin wanted to pry so they left it at that and changed the subject to food.

“I’m hungry, but I don’t feel like cooking.” Binta said in a huff, throwing herself back into the couch..

“Mood,” Kwame and Ashanti replied. 

“Ooh how about I grab some food from my parents? They’ve been wanting me to stop by,” Ashanti offered. 

“Bast bless you, my child.” Binta grabbed her hand and kissed it.

Ashanti threw her shoes on and was out the door in no time flat. She needed to get out of the house and clear her head. They looked so happy…

She was on autopilot when she reached the restaurant, barely even shooting a glance towards Taj’s before immediately heading back home. Chidi and Bisa could tell there was something bothering her, but chose not to pry.

Almost a week passed by with her being forced to see the new “it” couple everywhere she turned. It was starting to get to her so she called Jamila for a session, which turned into Ashanti seeing her on the regular. After a couple more months she no longer felt weighed down by her seemingly unrequited feelings for T’Challa and was genuinely ready to move on. She even downloaded a dating app on her beads and started meeting new people. Nothing really came of it, but she enjoyed herself nonetheless. Ashanti threw herself back into work, mostly focusing on her commissions while her employees handled Taj’s. Princess Shuri had spread the word about the artist after she received her necklace and since then Ashanti’s business had been booming. Everybody from farmers to nobility was knocking down her door for a custom piece. She even made a necklace for Shani, Chieftess of the Jabari. thAll was going well in Ashanti’s life and her therapy sessions were working, so when she saw the news of the royal engagement she allowed the grief to wash over her before shaking it off and going on about her day. On the other side of Birnin Zana, King T’Challa sighed as he watched the media coverage. He knew she was out there somewhere having to see it and he pushed back against the feeling of guilt that often tried to overcome him. He had to do it, though. He had been pushing the council to allow immigration into Wakanda and they just wouldn’t budge, just like he hadn’t budged on the issue of betrothal. It wasn’t until he announced to them that he had plans to marry Tamala that the council started to see things his way. This way everybody would be happy. He would be able to open up Wakanda more to the Lost Tribe, and they would have a queen and hopefully, soon after, an heir to the throne. A week later the news leaked to the press somehow and it quickly became all anyone could talk about.

During his weekly visits to the Merchant tribe T’Challa tended to avoid the Bazaar for fear of running into Ashanti, but this time he decided to venture in. People greeted him as he walked through, perusing the merchandise, and stopping periodically to chat. This is why he loved coming there, everyone was always so cheerful and bright. He had crouched down to talk to a nine year old girl who wanted his attention, and on his way back up he saw a woman in a purple headwrap walking out of a storefront, going in the opposite direction. He would’ve recognized that walk anywhere. T’Challa wanted to call out to her, but didn’t want to embarrass her or start a scandal. He watched her turn the corner and disappear from his sight. The king said goodbye to the little girl and her baba before heading off in the same direction she went, almost leaving his Doras in the dust. When he rounded the corner he stopped abruptly at the absolute vision staring right back at him. She was in shock, obviously not expecting to run into her newly engaged ex.

“T’Challa, h-hi.”

“Hi,” he said back, wanting to kick himself for not being more articulate.

“Um, congratulations on your engagement. I saw the news, well, everywhere.”

“Oh, uh, Thank you.”

“What brings you down here?”

“Just my usual weekly rounds.”

“Oh yeah, I remember those.” She smiled at the memory and his heart thumped a little louder in his chest at the sight. “You always looked forward to Mondays just for that…”

“I still do.”

They both awkwardly stood there, neither one of them saying what’s on their mind.

“Well, I uh, I have to go open up the store. I’ll see you around T’Challa.”

There was so much that he wanted to say, but he just couldn’t get it out. Being in her presence again after so long had him freezing up, something he never did.

She saluted him and winked before turning around and heading towards Taj’s. He couldn’t help but watch her hips twitch as she walked away and something told him she knew he was watching. She did.

Next Chapter

Taglist:

@maddeningmayhem, @theblulife

[popizdyao]

UDUL: RU girls doodle

[willalove75]

Alcina's New Maid Pt. 6 Lady Dimitrescu x Reader

Summary: Lady Dimitrescu brings you in as one of her maids, at least, that's what you thought she brought you to the castle for.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI

Tags: flirty, fluff, slow burn, smut, angst.

Notes: Part 6! The angst, SO MUCH ANGST. I think this is the least amount of dialogue I've ever had in a fic so I hope you all like it💕 Do I want to stay up all night and write chapter 7 right now? Yes. Holy shit yes. But I have stupid 'sponserbilities and adulting to do so part 7 will have to wait until next week. Until then, please enjoy this angsty as fuck chapter💕💕

Click here for the rest of the series

It struck you as odd that Alcina said you were to be by her side at all times, yet you barely saw her over the last few days. You were either in your room or with the girls; a couple of times you felt like Zina was tasked with babysitting you while you followed her around the castle, helping her with some of her duties. You haven't even been into your Mistresses chambers or her study since you got the concussion. Every time you did see Alcina, she didn't act like she normally does when she's around you, she seemed colder, more distant. That was apparent when you went to the dining hall the night of the incident and instead of being seated next to Alcina like you usually were, your chair was at the opposite end of the long dining table. Alcina barely looked at you, you thought maybe she just had a rough day and you tried to not think too much into it; but every time you've had a meal with them since, your chair was placed as far away from her as possible.

It was impossible for the thoughts to not flood your mind, wondering if you did something wrong, if maybe she was finally bored with you, if you just weren't living up to her expectations? She hasn't relieved you of your duties and she hasn't brought any other maids into her chambers, at least that you're aware of. The thought of her bringing another maid into her bed made your stomach twist with jealousy, but not rage. It was mostly just sadness, disappointment, heartbreak even. You hoped she wasn't, but truth be told you really had no idea and the thought haunted you a little.

The girls noticed a difference in their mother too, but they didn't dare talk to you about it, and you respected that. That didn't stop you from overhearing them mention that Alcina has been more agitated and easily angered lately. She damn near took a maids head off when the maid tripped in front of her. The maid was fine, traumatized for sure when Alcina whipped out her claws and threatened the poor girl with them, but physically unharmed.

Alcina's week has been anything but relaxing, she's done everything she possibly could to avoid you minus locking you away in your room. She tried her hardest to avoid looking at you during meals, seating you on the opposite end of the table. Being directly across from her made trying not to look at you difficult but she managed to ignore you for the most part. There were definitely a few stolen glances, but every time she caught herself looking at you she pried her eyes away and tried to distract herself with something else.

She noticed the look in your eyes during the last few meals, a look of sadness, confusion, uncertainty. Alcina brushed it off and did her best to keep the guilt from eating away at her. Her vices were her crutch during these trying times, she's been smoking nearly twice as much and drinking at least a bottle of her wine a day, sometimes two. The only vice she hasn't been able to satisfy was the sexual frustration that's been pent up inside of her. At this point she might as well be avoiding you because the minute she talks to you, she might just throw you onto her bed and ravage you, the complete opposite of what she feels like she has to do. She's been horny, but hasn't been able to bring herself to take another maid into her chambers. Instead her pent up frustrations have been released in bursts of unbridled anger.

It's not that Alcina really wants to avoid you, to shut you out, to put every feeling she has towards you into a box and never touch it again; she feels like she has to. Not only to protect you, but more for her own protection. She hasn't let herself get close to anyone since she was human, years before she was infected with the cadou and was mutated. The walls she built only got bigger and stronger once she was turned into what she is today, only letting her daughters in once they came to her. You managed to climb over and break down so many of her walls so effortlessly it terrified her, but the companionship was nice and she enjoyed caring for someone other than the girls, plus, she genuinely began to like you.

As soon as she realized how attached she was becoming, she bolted. Between Stefana and Mother Miranda, especially Mother Miranda, coming after you, wanting to cause you harm, she couldn't bear the thought of it. It was as if someone threatened to rip her heart out of her chest, a feeling she was not only completely not used to, but something that made her feel more vulnerable than she's ever experienced before. Every day since she began avoiding you she's had to convince herself that what she's doing is for the best.

After lunch you asked the girls to take you into the library, which Daniela happily agreed to, the other two followed out of obligation to their mother's orders. Daniela enjoyed the same kind of books as you, romance novels for the most part, some fantasy. She also enjoyed thrillers, but after one night of terrible nightmares that were brought on by reading her "It", you both decided it was best if she read those by herself. You began piling a few books you and Daniela picked out on one of the tables while the girls bickered as usual. Once you were satisfied with your selections you went to find the girls to head back to your room.

"Daniela? Bela? Cass?" You call out for them as you walk around the library. "Are you guys still here?"

After walking around for a minute and unable to hear them arguing, or even the buzzing of flies, you call out for them again; searching between the bookshelves in case they were just playing a game.

In one of the chaise lounges near the window you see Alcina laying across it, her head resting on her hand, invested in the book she's reading. Her eyes shift up to you as you come around the shelf.

"Oh, hi, sorry. I didn't know you were here." You nervously say. "I was looking for the girls."

Her gorgeous gold eyes stare into yours for a few moments, you try and see if you can gauge any kind of reaction in them but they're like stone. They shift back down to her book and she continues to read, as if you already walked away, or as if you were never there to begin with.

You feel a pain in your chest when she acts like you don't exist. It's taking all of the self restraint in your body to not break down and grab her face and ask her what you did wrong, begging for forgiveness for something that might not even exist. Instead you settle for asking if she needs anything, anything to make her speak to you.

"Is there anything you need me to do?"

Her eyes leave the page and snap up to yours, an intensity in them that hasn't been directed at you in a while. She closes the book in her hand and stands, you crane your neck and follow her eyes up, desperate for something, anything. Even if she just screamed at you, at least she'll have spoken to you. A lump in your throat grows as she turns and walks away without saying a word.

Closing your eyes in defeat, you stand there for a minute, gathering the strength to keep the tears you feel building at bay. You go back to your search for the girls, a swarm eventually showing up in the middle of the library.

"I'm so sorry!" Daniela cries and wraps her arms around you.

"What? What happened?"

"We left you!"

"It's okay," you laugh "I'm fine, I had a feeling one of you were gonna show up eventually."

Daniela looks at you, she has a small smile on her face but guilt in her eyes.

"Hey, it's okay kiddo, I'm not upset or mad, we're good, no worries." The guilt in her eyes fade and her smile grows. "Want to go read one of these?" You ask, picking up the stack.

"YES!" She squeals.

In a flash there's a swarm of flies surrounding you and lifting you off of the ground.

"Oh my god!" You yell as you laugh.

Daniela flies the both of you to your room at lightening speed, you're surprised and grateful you managed to hold onto the stack of books the whole way there. She sets you down onto your feet and emerges next to you from the swarm.

She picks out one of the books and you read to her until dinner. When the dinner bell rings Daniela whines, not wanting you to put the book down. Reluctantly, she gets up and swarms out and you follow her to the dining room.

The girls appear in their seats in the dining room as you walk in, you see your chair at the opposite end of the table, the same place its been for the last week, and you take your seat.

The maids bring out your meals, you quietly thank the maid who puts your meal down in front of you and you stare at it for a moment. What's the point of having every meal with them every day if she's just going to ignore you? There's a part of you that wants to get up and go back into your room, but you fight against the urge.

The clinking of silverware against the plates pulls you out of your thoughts and you quietly eat, although your hunger is suddenly gone.

"How was your day girls?" Alcina says. You look up and see her looking at her daughters, not even acknowledging your existence.

"Our hunt this morning was a lot of fun!" Bela says.

"Yeah, I killed so many lycans, I even got a deer!"

"Hey! I helped!" Daniela says.

"Yeah, barely."

They begin to argue over the subject and Alcina clears her throat and gives them both a look and they immediately drop it.

"Y/n started reading this really good book to me!" Daniela says with excitement in her voice.

You notice Alcina's face drop a little when she hears your name, you feel your heart drop as you watch. She gently smiles at Daniela, hiding her reaction.

"That's wonderful draga."

Your heart feels like it's in your stomach, you've barely touched your food and Bela notices.

"Do you not like it y/n?" She asks.

"Oh, no" you say, snapping out of your trance. "No it's delicious, I'm just not very hungry."

Your eyes meet Alcinas for a second and she looks away, crushing you even more.

After dinner you head to your room and read for a little while. Your stomach begins to growl and you get up and open your door, hoping to find a maid or one of the girls. Luckily you see a maid walking through the hall with cleaning supplies in her hand.

"Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you get one of the girls for me?" It's well known that you're not allowed to go anywhere by yourself now so the maid nods her head and walks off.

A few minutes later a swarm appears in your room.

"You rang?" You hear Bela say as she emerges from the swarm.

"Yeah, sorry, want to come down to the kitchen with me? I'm starting to get hungry."

"What is with you lately? You seem, weird. You and mom seem weird."

"I'm fine, just an off week I guess." You shrug.

"Okay," she says, unconvinced. "Lets go."

The two of you go into the kitchen and you whip up a quick sandwich and eat it as you both head back to your room. Once you get up the stairs Bela turns to you.

"Do I need to walk the extra 50 feet with you or can you manage not getting killed?" She teases.

"I'll be fine, thanks Bela."

She heads off in the opposite direction as you head towards your room.

As you walk past Alcina's door it opens and you see one of the new maids walk out. Her face is flush, her hair is messy, her legs are shaking and she looks mortified when she sees you. Your heart sinks into the bottom of your stomach, you know what caused the maids disheveled look, you know what just took place in Alcina's chambers. Looking up you see Alcina, who's surprised to see you as she wasn't expecting you to be outside of her door; you think you see shame in her eyes but your vision starts to become blurry as tears filled your eyes. You run into your room and shut the door without saying a word to either of them.

Hot tears flow into your pillow as you curl up in bed and sob. You're heartbroken and mad, mad at Alcina for providing such a false sense of security, mad at yourself for not listening and for getting attached. Zina was right, about everything. She'll make you feel special, but she really doesn't care about you, you're replaceable, disposable to her, just a plaything. A toy to use for her own enjoyment until she gets bored and wants something new to play with.

Unlike Stefana, you're not mad at the maid, you know it's not her fault, you don't even feel the urge to lash out at her. You're more upset at Alcina, not just for making you feel special and ripping it all away from you, but for not even giving you the curtesy of telling you. No warning, nothing. One day she's protecting you, from two different people and nursing you back to health, and the very next day its like you never existed.

Heartbroken, you cry into your pillow until you tire yourself out and finally fall asleep.

With some rare free time, Alcina decides to go to the library and find a new book to read. She picks up a book that peaked her interest and begins to read the first few pages. Immediately drawn in, she abandons her plans to read in her chambers and sits down on the closest thing to her, a chaise lounge in the corner by the window. Noises fill the library, but her attention is glued to the book so she pays them no mind. Her attention wasn't drawn away from her book until she sees something moving in front of her over the edge of her book, she looks up and sees you.

Surprised, she masks her emotions as she looks into your eyes. The knot in her stomach grows, she hears you speak but doesn't respond. Hoping you'll just leave, she turns her attention back to her book, although she can't focus at all with you standing in front of her.

"Is there anything you need me to do?"

Her eyes snap up into yours when she hears your shaking voice, she anticipates seeing fear in your eyes, she's a little taken back when she sees desperation, a deep sadness instead. An internal battle in her mind wages on, part of her just wants to wrap you in her arms and hold you, the other part just wants to pretend you don't exist. Realizing she's staring for too long she closes her book and stands up, there's a small second where she almost gives in to her desire, but she stays steadfast with her plan; she says nothing and walks away.

The look in your eyes haunts her as she makes her way back to her chambers. She tosses the book on her bed and walks up to her vanity and grabs the edge, lowering her head she pushes everything she's feeling back into its box. With her frustration and tension at an all time high she decides to try and provide some relief for herself.

She removes her hat and gloves and makes herself comfortable in her bed. With her eyes closed she pulls up her dress and slides her hand between her legs. After a few minutes of finding absolutely no relief, she gets up and goes into her wardrobe and grabs her favorite toy. This one always seems to do the trick and she's desperately hoping it doesn't fail her. She works the toy in and out of her and her anger only grows; she might as well not be touching herself because that would give her just about the same amount of pleasure that she's getting right now.

More frustrated than ever, she chucks the toy against the wall and lays back down, staring at the ceiling. In her head she goes over a list of maids she can bring into her chambers, every time she tries to picture one in bed with her, they always turn into you. Her frustration reaches its peak and she hears the dinner bell ring. A low growl rumbles in her chest and she gets up, places her hat back on her head, slides her gloves back on and makes her way down to the dining room.

She manages to avoid looking at you for the majority of the meal, focusing her attention on her plate and her girls. It wasn't until Daniela mentioned your name when she felt a sinking feeling in her heart. In an instant she pushes the feeling away, hoping you didn't witness her moment of weakness. Bela mentions that you barely touched your food and she quickly glances at your plate. It hasn't been touched except for one or two bites, you've just been pushing the rest around mindlessly.

Once dinner ends Alcina quickly makes her way back to her chambers. As she's walking through the halls she spots one of her newer maids. A cute, sweet looking girl, she can't be more than 20. Alcina doesn't know her name, and truth be told she doesn't really care to. All she knows is that the girl is quiet and does a decent job on the tasks she's assigned.

Usually when she talks to a maid about coming into her chambers she's flirtatious, mysterious, she likes to toy with the girls for a little bit, but tonight, Alcina doesn't have the patience.

Alcina walks up to the girl, who immediately looks terrified. Bending down to come off as less intimidating, Alcina speaks softly to the girl, but her demeanor doesn't change. If anything, she's more afraid now that the Lady is nearly eye-level with her. If she wasn't so pent up with frustrations Alcina would make a mental note to try and come off as less intimidating, but she's too focused on finding any kind of relief to even think about anything else.

With the girl finally in her chambers, Alcina lays with her on the bed and softly kisses her. It annoys her that the girl doesn't soften up at all, she's stiff as a board with fear, even after Alcina repeatedly tried to ease her fears, it was no use, so she continues anyway. It's not that the maiden was unwilling, Alcina told her she can tell her to stop at any time and she would, whether or not the maid believed her, or was too terrified to speak up was another story. Although if the maids drenched panties were any indication, Alcina had a feeling she was fine with it, probably just terrified that she was going to kill her. The girls soft cries as she came almost made Alcina finish without even being touched. She's never been this desperate before.

Alcina laid next to the maiden on her bed and pulled up her dress and removed her panties and ordered the girl between her legs. Nervous at first, the girl seem scattered, but after some praising and reassuring moans she found her rhythm and within minutes Alcina was cumming all over her face and hand. At the height of her orgasm she thought of you, she almost called out your name but bit down hard on her lip to stop it from slipping out. As she was recovering she looked down at the maiden between her legs and for a fleeting second, was disappointed it wasn't you. It was getting harder and harder to get you out of her head and she wasn't sure if she would be able to take much more of it. She felt as if trying to ignore you so much just made you more irresistible to her, it frustrated her to no end.

The maiden cleaned herself up and Alcina led her to the door for her to leave. Alcina opened the door and froze, there you were, standing right in front of her, walking back to your room. The look in your eyes when you saw the maiden, the way you immediately knew what had just happened almost broke Alcina. She's never felt shame like this before in her life and the guilt practically swallowed her whole. Alcina wasn't even able to hide the look of shame on her face when you looked up at her, the feeling only got worse when she saw the tears building up in your eyes.

She would have been grateful that you ran off if it didn't cause her so much physical pain in her chest seeing you that way. Knowing that she was the cause of your pain, she couldn't even think about it. The maiden stood there frozen, unsure of what to do. Alcina bent down and put her lips to her ear.

"Thank you sweetling." She said, petting her head.

The maiden took that as her cue to leave which Alcina was grateful for because she didn't have the patience or the constitution to keep herself together for much longer.

With the maiden on her way Alcina closed the door and stood there for a moment with her hand against it. She could hear your heartbeat in the room next door, she could hear you quiet sobs as you cried into your pillow. Out of all of the horrific screams and sounds she's heard in her life, hearing you crying, because of what she did to you, was once of the worst sounds she's ever heard. Alcina somberly got herself ready for bed and laid down, pulling the duvet over her. She listened to you cry until your heartbeat finally settled, letting her know that you finally fell asleep.

Alcina can't remember the last time she cried, but for the first time in years, tears escaped from her gold eyes and plummeted onto her pillow.

[waveridden]

3, 13, 16

3. what were your top five books of this year?

god just five. okay

hench by natalie zina walschots

the death of vivek oji by akwaeke emezi

the 7 1/2 deaths of evelyn hardcastle by stuart turton

to be taught if fortunate by becky chambers

gideon/harrow the ninth by tamsyn muir (which one i preferred changes by the minute)

13. what were your least favorite books of the year?

i will do five here as well. perfectly balanced as all things should be etc etc

i forced myself to read my life at rose red, which is a tie-in to a stephen king miniseries, for a reading challenge and it was just fucking miserable

winter counts by david heska wanbli weiden. i wanted to like this book so fucking badly but i just did not

hope never dies by andrew shaeffer (yes the obama biden mystery)

star wars: last shot by daniel jose older

the two lives of lydia bird by josie silver, which once again i REALLY wanted to like and just didn't

16. what is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

honestly it was probably lydia bird. it is such a fucking excellent premise that was done in the most unlikable way possible. honorable mention to the guncle by steven rowley, which got nothing but bombastic praise from everyone i know and was kind of just. fine.

[onetimewinner]

The Interstellar Condominium of Planets and Empires is ruled by both an Emperor and an Empress, along with two chambers of legislature so laws can be passed fairly. That is until the tragic day that the Emperor passes away. After his death, the Empress decides to leave Empire Prime, her home, and settle on a distant planet as far away from Empire Prime as she can get. That planet happens to be Earth. Even though she is well over 100 years old she looks like an average Earth teenager thanks to the advance technology of Empire Prime. Join Empress Emeritus Zinabar, or Zina for short, on her journey to Earth and experience the beauty of the planet through her eyes.

Order and Read "One Time Winner" by John R. Carden on major online bookstores! Amazon: https://amzn.to/2sKqLgx Barnes & Noble: https://bit.ly/2TpZXkP

[readingaccountability]

my top ten reads this year!

the king of attolia - megan whalen turner

return of the thief - megan whalen turner

outlawed - anna north

hench - natalie zina walschots

station eleven - emily st john mandel

the rook - daniel o'malley

the long way to a small, angry planet - becky chambers

six of crows - leigh bardugo (both in the duology really)

cloud cuckoo land - anthony doerr

the lies of locke lamora - scott lynch (all three)