tayrawrr-xo

[tayrawrr-xo]

Spyro Reignited Trilogy → scenery  [part 8]

[tayrawrr-xo]

Hey Tumblr, it's been awhile. Due to COVID-19 , Anime North was cancelled this year, so here's the cosplays I was going to do!

[tayrawrr-xo]

Family.

Man. What happened to families these days? So many families have so much drama that they just refuse to get over. Take my own for example. None of my family talks to each other. Everyone is either dead or hate each other, or just can't be bothered to make an effort. All holidays are just sad now. I have very few left that even talk to me. Once they are gone, I got nothing. I guess I'm better off alone. I'm tired of being thrown away like I'm nothing. And I get so jealous of other families that are close and get together. I'd love to be able to just call up my mom and be able to talk to her about anything. Or have bonding time with any of my siblings. Or get togethers with my aunts or cousins. I recently made an effort to mend some drama that I have but it just got whippd back at me,and I felt so.. Unwanted. Family is supposed to be everything but what happens if you barely have that?

[tayrawrr-xo]

Just a sad sad girl.

I don't know how to react to anything anymore. I don't want to live, but I don't want to die. I'm stressed beyond relief. I do so much yet get so little in return, not that I expect anything in return, but appreciation would be nice sometimes. I put so much effort in all that I do and everything explodes in my face. Relationships, those are a whole other story. Some days I just want to give up on love. I feel so..unloveable for so many reasons. Some reasons are stuck with me for life. I was hoping it wasn't a big deal, but clearly, it is. And honestly, I'm so ashamed of myself because of it. But relationships are just another thing I put my all into and just constantly get myself hurt, and now I just have another flaw that I can never change. I know I've been doing the right thing, but fuck, why does it hurt as bad as it does? I have such severe abandonment issues I cling so hard and try and try until I'm so drained I can't try anymore just so I won't lose a person, no matter how they treat me... But now I feel like maybe I should just be alone altogether. No one understands me, or seen what I go through or why I do the things I do. And I don't blame them. Sometimes I don't understand myself. Confusing, right? That's my life. Confusing. It's just a series of unfortunate events. Maybe I've done something wrong and got bad karma. Maybe I deserve this shit life that I've been given. I try to fight through it to be what I want to be, to have a life that I want to have but I'm getting to the point where there's just no fight left in me. I thought I found some hope. I was so happy, but, that never lasts long. I don't really see why I bother with anything anymore. I'm just a sad, sad person, who tries to keep on a face so people don't ask me what's wrong, or so I don't bother people with my issues, or because sometimes I just don't know who I can and can't trust anymore. There are a very few I can trust, but I don't want to worry them or annoy them either.

[tayrawrr-xo]

Not good enough.

Why am I never good enough for anything, no matter how hard I try? I always try my hardest for everyone and rarely even take care of myself. I always put others first and I just constantly get shit on. Why the fuck do I try? No one ever asks to see me, or how I'M doing. No one cares about me unless it's convienint to them.

[tayrawrr-xo]

Sorry if I weirded you out. >.< I feel bad

I'm sorry I didn't see this until now. Who are you?

[tayrawrr-xo]

Hurt.

I'm so tired of being hurt, and just taking it. It's a never ending cycle. It happens, they apologize, I forgive, it happens again. It's like a never ending cycle with no escape. I don't want to leave but I cannot handle this cycle much longer..

[tayrawrr-xo]

Hello! I will be cosplaying as darqua from Kingdom Hearts III at Anime North this year. Feel free to come say hello! I love making new friends 😊

[tayrawrr-xo]

[tayrawrr-xo]

Toxic?

I feel so hurt and disrespected and uncared for and unappreciated by the one I love most.. And I don't even know how to handle it. I'm in so much pain so often.. Yet I refuse to leave.. I love him... But I can feel myself dying inside more and more. The light that used to shine so bright is now so dim. I just wish he would understand.. Or care enough to try.

[tayrawrr-xo]

adulthood

[tayrawrr-xo]

Sacrifice

[tayrawrr-xo]

It's still a work in progress but eyyy! 👉😎👉

How's everyone liking kingdom hearts 3?

[tayrawrr-xo]

WTF GOOFY!?

[tayrawrr-xo]

Here is a quick sneak peak of my darkqua cosplay since kingdom hearts III come out tomorrow and I'm super excited. 😁 it's not finished yet but it's a work in progress. 🙃

[tayrawrr-xo]

Fuck everything.

It's so hard to keep it together. Nobody seems to give a shit about how their actions effect me. I don't want fucking help anymore. I just want the pain to go away. I want to be taken away. I'm done.

[tayrawrr-xo]

What do you do..

What do you do when you don't want to live anymore, yet you know you have so much to live for? One can only be so strong for so long.