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tenaciouscreator03 · 3 months ago

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No, but can we talk about how, despite allegedly being a "feminist" movie, Barbie 2023 actually mocks the idea of a female fantasy and Barbie being an inspirational role model for young girls?

It's so upsetting that not enough people bring this up, even the other haters of Barbie, but it needs to be addressed. Barbie was meant to provide an empowering fantasy for young girls. A lot of people have differing opinions on whether Barbie is feminist or not and what she represents. But at the end of the day, Barbie was designed to give girls a role model to see themselves in, to show them that they could pursue any career, that they can be the heroines of their own story, and reach their fullest potential. She was meant to tell girls that anything is possible. And the movie not only shits all over that, it makes that feminist message out to be something unrealistic and bad, and even worse, portrays it as something that oppresses men and makes THEM victims, because everything needs to be about men. And it's fucking disgusting. Allow me to explain how.

(spoilers for the Barbie movie below...I mean, if you even care, lol.)

We start out at the beginning of the movie with an introduction to the magical world of Barbieland that our well-known and universally familiar dolls live in. Barbieland is a feminist utopia, one that many women would be eager to live in. Women have all the power, are well-respected, can and do pursue any career, and support and uplift each other rather than tearing each other down over their differences(aside from Weird Barbie, who they do apologize to in the end). They are happy and free in their female-empowering land, they don't fear the leers and catcalls from men as they walk down the streets, they dance together happily late at night, and they are confident in their bodies. There is diversity in the Barbieland. There is a plus-sized Barbie, a transfem Barbie, a wheelchair Barbie, and plenty of Barbies of color. The President of Barbieland is a Black woman. And none of these differences hold the Barbies back from being able to have power and they are not treated any differently from the other Barbies.

Femininity isn't seen as a weakness. Neither is expressing emotion, and in fact the fat Barbie even has a miniature speech about how she can balance her emotion with her logic and this makes her a smarter person, which the other Barbies support. It's a world where women are empowered and have unlimited potential to achieve their dreams and live freely without fear of their oppressors. Stereotypical Barbie isn't even afraid to reject Beach Ken's advances, she doesn't fear being stalked, raped, or killed by him for saying no. She just turns him down, and not only that, but she turns him down in favor of having girls' night, showing that in this world, girls support each other and value their female friendships over heterosexual relationships with guys(I'll touch on this point again later). I don't know about you, but that sure as hell does sound like a world that I dream of living in. Minus the fact that all the food and drinks are fake.

But the story doesn't frame this matriarchy as empowering, like they should. It portrays it instead as something ridiculous and far-fetched, something that the audience is meant to laugh at rather than support, which becomes more blatant as the movie progresses.

And then we get to the "real" world. Where men instead rule over women in a patriarchy, and we see Barbie experience misogyny for the first time. And this was the moment I started fully hating the movie, and realized it for the sloppy, anti-feminist mess that it is. The first part of the movie set in Barbieland was campy and fun and happy and feel-good, providing the exact type of feel that Barbie brings. But the moment she steps into the real world, everything becomes sad and hopeless cynical.

And I get that the patriarchy does exist and women are oppressed by it every day, but the way the movie executed this was really overexaggerated and cringeworthy. They made it seem as if women are constantly and completely powerless in every aspect of life, like seriously they didn't even show ANY women in positions of power and the only women we did see with jobs besides a female doctor, were Gloria who works an office job at Mattel and Ruth who is already dead and is for all extents and purposes relegated to the fucking kitchen. They made the world out to be a complete and total dystopia where women aren't capable of achieving anything and the only two women of importance who are from the real world are Sasha and her mother Gloria, the former is portrayed as bitter, cynical, and constantly angry, the latter is portrayed as stressed-out, depressed, and somewhat suicidal with her thoughts about death. Is this all that the Barbie movie thinks that women can achieve in our world? Being miserable and frustrated with no hope of achieving our dreams and desires? With no power or satisfaction in our day to day lives? Is this all that this shithole movie thinks that women can amount to?

And the worst part is how Barbie is derided and mocked for thinking that she has provided a female role model for women and girls. The start of the movie mocks Barbie for thinking that it solved all women's problems and completely advanced women's rights/feminism, even though Barbie/Mattel has never claimed that. Yes, she was meant to be a role model. But she was never portrayed as the be-all, end-all of feminism. Even people who look up to Barbie and were encouraged by her aren't naive enough to think that a twelve-inch tall plastic doll is enough to smash the patriarchy. The movie makes this up solely so they can tear down Barbie for something that it never claimed to do in the first place. When our main Barbie leaves to go to the real world, the other Barbies encourage her(as Barbies tend to do) by saying that they bet all the women in the real world will thank her for giving them rights. Which is obviously meant to be an overexaggerated and satirical jab at Barbie once again, for thinking that it has created feminism or whatever, and that sexism is over solely thanks to the Barbie franchise. Cute. Too bad no version of the Barbie brand has ever claimed that in the first place. Again, it's a ridiculous and false claim that only exists to further unnecessarily jab at Barbie and propel this backwards-thinking message.

And then when she gets to the human world she is mocked even more. Sasha and her friends laugh at her when she claims to be Barbie and asks them to thank you for inspiring them, and then when she says she loves and wants to help women, Sasha aggressively informs her that EVERYONE hates women. This movie actually has a pretty nihilistic view of womanhood, when you think about it. The Barbie world is portrayed as an empowering world where women can achieve anything that they set their minds to, and aren't held back by sexism, causing them to have full power, reflecting the female fantasy that Barbie was always supposed to represent. But that's just a fantasy land, and is portrayed as cheesy and superficial. When Barbie gets to the real world, she is confronted with the supposed "reality" of being a woman, and comes to realize that it's not actually about empowerment and being smart and capable after all, but about suffering and never having your voice respected, and never having any power and freedom but instead losing your idealism and optimism as you age, causing her to break down in tears upon realizing how stressful it is to be a woman and that she never actually empowered them like she hoped. Seriously, whose idea was it to make Barbie constantly crying and miserable and incapable of doing anything on her own? Is this the Barbie I know? No, it's a pathetic, nonsensical knockoff. I'm telling you, they were TRYING to tear Barbie down.

This is especially true when Gloria gives her entire speech to Barbie about how contradictory and painful being a woman is, ending it with "not only are you doing everything wrong, but also, everything is your fault!" Come on! What is this? It's such a painful and harsh message to try to send through BARBIE of all things, that the essence of being a woman is just pain, pain, pain and guess what else? More pain! How being a woman sucks because all you do is get hated by everyone and treated as an object worthy of scorn and ridicule. It's just so unnecessarily cruel, how they violently ripped away any feminist empowerment Barbie was meant to possess in favor of forcing her into a depressive world where women have no rights or value, and had the nerve to portray this as "realistic", because obviously more negative automatically means more realistic, right?

Rather than provide a middle ground where women face hardships and adversity but are still capable of rising above their struggles and finding the strength within them to make their voices heard and get what they want in society, they opt instead for a stupid false dichotomy: the world is either a stupid frivolous Amazon utopia wrapped in pink and glitter with girl power up the wazoo or a bleak, heartless, and grey dystopia where nothing good ever happens to a woman and only men can do anything important. And it portrays the second one as clearly more realistic and the "better" option. Which, in doing so, sends the message that a world where women rule and are respected and have power and are encouraged to have ambition and pursue any goal they want in life...is unrealistic and impossible, if not outright deserving of scorn. It's so miserable and aggravating. When Barbie said "the cognitive dissonance required to be a woman under the patriarchy" I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes. THAT'S how badly the movie annoyed me with its nihilistic and negative preaching. I watched the movie in two days and when I stopped watching it on the first day I felt such a frustrated, hollow feeling in my stomach. I felt so unsatisfied. Like, is this it? Is this all I can dream of having as a woman? All that praise this shitty capitalist crapfest received for being so feminist and eye-opening, ultimately led up to this? For real? So disappointing.

But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is when the movie introduces the KENdom, aka, when Ken brings about the patriarchy...and if the movie hadn't already been hot stinkin' ASS, this is when it would've REALLY started to drag, and where it REALLY reinforces the idea that women can never have any actual power and authority and must instead constantly suffer under the patriarchal status quo.

Ken comes back to Barbieland and introduces the other Kens and Barbies to the patriarchy and horses(ig no one told him that horses are a matriarchal animal, but whatevs), and within hours, revamps the world into a patriarchal hell, just like the real world(except it's portrayed as very childish and simplistic because the witers don't actually take the patriarchy seriously and think it's just "boys think girls have cooties".). And the other dolls instantly buy into it? First of all, am I really expected to believe that the Barbies, who have been established as champions of strength, power and dominance, and who have always ruled the Barbie world, would instantly and easily give in to Ken's brainwashing and allow all of their power to be ripped out of their hands, becoming the happy devoted sexy slaves of the Kens? You think they would casually be like "I for one, welcome our new male overlords!" and let the Kens have all the power? Am I really supposed to accept that shit? And am I also supposed to accept that the other Kens in Kenland, including the Asian one who competes with the white Ken over Barbie, would easily leap at the chance to oppress their female counterparts, rather than laugh at Ken for being silly and tell him to sit his ass down somewhere? Really? Don't piss me off.

The only way you could accept this series of unfortunate events as plausible is if you accept the fact that we're supposed to laugh at Barbieland for being a girl power feminist matriarchy in the first place. If we're meant to laugh at the women for being in power and at this imagined society for being so gynocentric and girl-positive, then of COURSE we're meant to laugh at them for getting their power ripped away that easily, as women could never hold power for so long realistically! Eventually the men would realize their true potential and make society work in favor of them! It's natural and inevitable! The Barbie movie said so!!! And so we watch as the intended "humorous" scenes go on and on, of the men happily running around, flaunting their muscles, and chugging down beers like it's going out of style, while the women happily submit to this newfound male authority, massaging men's feet and serving them drinks. Because obviously a matriarchy could never last long, women are so weak and fragile that any sense of power that they think they possess could easily be ripped away from them within a moment's notice. Peak feminism, everybody.

But it's cool, because eventually the Barbies prove me wrong. They DO get their power back, and establish their rights again. But how do they do it? Do they stage a coup and violently and angrily fight the Kens? Do they march for their rights, as real life feminists have done? Do they balance logic and emotion, as fat Barbie praised herself for doing in the beginning of the movie, and reason with the Kens that oppressing the Barbies is not the right thing to do? No, no, they...put on sexy skimpy outfits and pretend to be dumb bimbos so as to lull the Kens into a false sense of security and think that THEY are in control. And later on they let the Kens sing to them a song about how they want to control women, before turning them against each other by pretending to be in love with different Kens than the ones they were originally listening to. Are you kidding me? This is supposed to be a feminist revolution! But instead of actually using their genuine power to put the men back in their place, they instead use their feminine wiles and dumb themselves down so that the men can feel strong. It is literally leaning into the sexist trope that the only weapon women have, especially against men, is their sexuality, and that this is the only way that women can get their way. Despite this going against EVERYTHING that Barbie stands for! She is supposed to be a strong, smart, and capable woman who can do it all and look glamorous while doing it! She is NOT supposed to be a fucking femme fatale, vamp, or sex object!

So not only do they have their matriarchy easily ripped away from them, but they also are forced to abandon their actual female empowerment and instead conform to the patriarchal status quo to get ahead. By using their bodies, stroking men's egos, and allowing men to mansplain to them. Because the only weapons women are capable of using are the ones men gave us. Because women are just bodies. And this is portrayed as a GOOD thing. Seriously, two of the Barbies even high five each other as they trade Kens at the fireplace, as if to say, "go girl, you are doing it!" Like, seriously, are we supposed to see this as a girlboss moment? Because I sure don't. It's giving "weaponized femininity". It's giving "eyeliner so sharp it could kill a man". It's giving "men are visual creatures." It's giving "kill me with a chainsaw right fucking now because I'm done with this shit." Oh, and don't even get me STARTED on how the Kens have a violent manly war, while the women only get to flutter their eyelashes and use their sex appeal. Because men are strong, women are pretty. Of course.

And then the worst part in the entire movie, the part that really infuriated me and let me know that this movie was the antithesis of feminism, arrives...the Barbies get their matriarchy back and are in power again, and everybody cheers and is happy, except for Beach Ken, who runs away to go sulk. And then...Barbie...fucking apologizes to him. She apologizes to him for casting him aside and making him feel unwanted and unvalued, and even says outright, "not every night has to be a girl's night." Why the fuck, movie? Do you remember earlier in this post when I mentioned how Barbie blows off Ken to hang out with her female friends, because it's girls' night, and female friends matter more than a guy? Sisters before misters, and all that jazz? Well, fuck that. Near the end of the movie, Barbie ends up apologizing to Ken for having a girl's night all the time, as if she was a bad person for not seeing how much she owed him and not hanging out with him all the time when she simply didn't want to. Here we have a woman apologizing for putting her girl friends over a man. The man doesn't apologize for making women his and his brethren's personal slaves. The woman apologizes for making him feel the need to go there by not catering to him, by being too focused on herself to the point where she ignores him, by being so empowered and strong that she makes him feel overshadowed, dare I say, emasculated, and thus need to reassert his fragile, threatened masculinity.

Because this isn't a feminist movie, not really. This is an MRA movie. This is a movie that, rather than focus specifically on the women and their problems, brushes their problems under the rug so as to remind the audience that "men matter too" "men have issues too" "men also suffer under the patriarchy!" And other such claptrap. I don't understand why the fuck cishet Reddit incels/conservatives/right-wingers/other such reactionary groups hate this movie and think that it's anti-men when actually it is pro-men and aligns fucking PERFECTLY with their bullshit line of thinking. That feminism oppresses and victimizes men, that men are the REAL victims of sexism/oppression, that women being granted rights is ultimately more harmful to MEN, that women need to be nicer to and pacify men and apologize for having too much power, that we all need to be quiet and listen to MEN and their experiences more. And I FUCKING HATE that. MEN have been listened to ENOUGH. And I am SICK of being forced to include them and their viewpoints more. How about instead of centering the Kens, we focus more on the Barbies and exploring THEIR issues, and using THEM as templates to convey issues about misogyny? Instead of focusing on Ken and his issues and his unrequited love for Barbie??? Instead, it was made all about the Kens and how oppressed they feel because the women are at the top of the hierarchy, to the point where THEY got the fun little dance number near the climax, RATHER than the actual fucking BARBIES that this movie was NAMED after. Because last time I checked, this WAS the BARBIE movie. NOT THE KEN MOVIE!!!

Oh, and don't even get me STARTED on that shitty ass parallel the movie tries to pull between the Barbieland matriarchy and the real world patriarchy. The movie tries to make the claim that the Barbies being dominant and the most powerful in the Barbie world is just the same as men being dominant and the most powerful in the real world, because the Barbies oppressed Kens just like men oppress women in our world. It also tries to raise the point that the Kens felt insecure and overshadowed by the Barbies and were treated as second-class citizens, thus they installed the Kendom. AND I FUCKING HATE THAT comparison for two reasons. The first is that the Barbies never oppressed the Kens or treated them as inferior in any way. They were simply more important because...it's the BARBIE company. Not the KEN company. Barbies are toys meant to be sold to little girls to inspire THEM. So of course the women are going to be the ones in charge! Why is that such a bad thing?

And the second reason is because I haaaaate the dumb fucking trope of "matriarchy bad because woman oppressing man is just as bad as man oppressing woman!" that this movie and countless, endless other pieces of media also try to push. Like, do you know why female-dominated societies(particularly utopias/positively portrayed ones) are so often represented in media??? Because the world we live in is so heavily male-dominated in almost every society and culture, and has been this way for centuries!!! Sure, there are and have been a few matriarchal cultures in society, but they are few and far between. The overwhelming majority of the world is run by men! Sad but true! And this allegedly feminist movie is for real gonna sit down and tell me "okay, but we can't allow ourselves to dream of a world where women are the ones with positions of power and men are not the privileged ones"? Hell no, fuck that. This movie is giving multiple people, both men and women alike, the opportunity to argue that sexism against men is "just as bad".

But women should be allowed to dream of our matriarchy. We should be allowed to fantasize about a world where we are in charge. We should be allowed to dream about a world where we are protected, respected, and catered to, and can live freely and without fear and oppression, without being told to "think of the men." It doesn't mean that men should be abused, mistreated, or oppressed just like women are and have been. But then again, the Barbies didn't even do that either, like I said. This movie, in its shallow attempts to "critique" the matriarchy(lol) ends up reinforcing exactly why the two aren't comparable in the first place. When the Barbies were in charge, they didn't oppress the Kens or treat them as second-class citizens. They simply lived their lives, going about their day and having fun while pursuing awesome careers.

The Kens, on the other hand, actively oppressed Barbies when they were in charge. The second they were given power, they leaped at the chance to treat Barbies like garbage, the same way that they somehow believed that they had always been treated. They treated the Barbies worse than the Barbies ever actually treated them, to be quite honest. They were the real oppressors, not Barbies. It ironically enough sends the accidental message that the world actually IS better off with women in charge. Can you really blame the Barbies for taking their matriarchy back again(I certainly was happy when they did!)? But no. Instead, the movie expects us to sympathize with the Kens, after everything they've done, and tries to portray the idea of a matriarchy as "just as bad" as a patriarchy. And if that's not an EXCELLENT example of a false equivalence, then man, I don't know what is. Don't even get me started on the audacious slap in the face that was "the Kens will one day have as much power as women do in the real world." As if women got rights and seats in high office because they asked the men kindly? Barf.

And then at the end of the movie, Barbie of course leaves the false, silly matriarchal utopia to live as a boring ass regular human in the "real" world. She no longer gets to live in a world where she is fully liberated and empowered and not relegated to a lesser human being with lower status. She now must live in the "real" world, the hopeless, bleak, and oppressing real world where she will be faced with relentless misogyny and looked down upon by men and society. The movie could have had her form a bridge between the Barbie world and the human world, trying to mend the problems in both worlds while still staying true to who she is at her core. But instead, she is forced to say goodbye to her past life, abandon all her female friends and her old home, in favor of living in a world where she is denigrated to a second-class status in society. Because the female empowerment Barbieland trumped? Is a lie. Nothing short of a sweet, comforting lie designed to shield girls from the bleak and cynical realities that womanhood actually entails. Real womanhood is adorned with thorns at every corner.

But it's all right, because at least she gets to see the gynecologist! That's her ultimate ending. Not actually improving life for others and herself and making the world a more equitable place for women with the help of the other Barbies, as well as Gloria and Sasha. It's going to the gynecologist. Because having a vagina makes you a woman. Yay! Some people have tried to reclaim this as a trans metaphor, but I highly doubt a movie as shallow and lacking in intersectionality as this was aiming for anything near close to that. And it's a crying shame that this is what the movie thinks is an empowering and satisfying ending to Barbie's arc. How pitiful, sad, and pathetic.

It's such a shame, as well, because the Barbie movie could have actually had genuine critiques of the patriarchy and how it affects women without making everything out to be pessimistic and dreary, and without trying to center the Kens and coddle their male fragility. It could have discussed beauty standards and the expectations to always be conventionally attractive and perfectly presentable to a tee for women(something that Barbie has oft been criticized for, and with good reason, and has also been brought up in the movie too, but of course got dropped and barely mentioned again). It could have tackled gender norms and compulsory femininity, and showed Barbies who subvert or have complex/unique relationships with femininity(esp women of color and queer Barbies, who have different relationships to femininity than white and/or cishet women), even include some masculine/tomboyish/butch Barbies who aren't portrayed by the narrative as the butt of the joke. It could have used Weird Barbie to portray both of these messages and given her a more complex arc and concrete role in the narrative besides being just a comic relief character who gets called ugly all the time(by both other Barbies and herself, which is just sad, self-deprecation much?) and then at the end of the movie gets an apology thrown at her by President Barbie(and also, who was she before she became Weird Barbie? The movie doesn't say, and that is such a let-down, that we never get to know who she was before.).

They could have showed lesbian and sapphic and aroace Barbies, whose characters could be used to challenge amato/heteronormativity and compulsory heterosexuality. They could have explored what Barbie meant for women of color, trans women, fat women, disabled women, and mayyybe not? Cast a conventionally attractive white cis thin blonde woman as the main/regular Barbie? Especially if they were going to make that joke about how a woman who looks like that shouldn't be casted for a character who cries that she's ugly(which raises unfortunate implications as to what type of woman would be correct to cast in that role...but like every other genuine aspect of feminism in this movie, it gets forgotten about and erased as soon as it's brought up.) But they didn't do any of that. Because this is a white "feminist" movie written by a white woman and created in partnership with a capitalist company for one specific purpose. To sell toys. Which wouldn't be as much of a problem if they didn't try to slap a feminist message on top of that, and then fail at delivering their message, so hard that they sideways-shuffle all the way into misogyny. For all the hype this movie gained(from the same people who will then turn around and silence genuine critique of the movie's shallow portrayal of feminism with "it's not that deep, it's just comedy, you shouldn't have expected Barbie to ACTUALLY be introspective and profound despite everyone claiming that it was!"), the actual contents therein gave us NOTHING to chew on. Just an empty parody of feminism that was more about the Kens than the actual Barbies, and portrayed suffering in silence and manipulating men with your looks as the ultimate pinnacle of womanhood.

I can't say I'm surprised. I'm just disappointed.

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tenaciouscreator03 · 1 year ago

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Hi. This is the first text post I’ve made relating to writing. I wanted to challenge myself to make prompts for my favorite fandoms. So like this is my first one. I’m still an amateur. So I hope you all enjoy and give me good feedback 🙏🏻. (This is JJK related btw)

Content: angst. some fluff lol. this is from Gojo’s perspective. (Will post Geto’s version sometimes today or this week)

I thought of you again today.

And I decided to look for you.

…

I tried looking for your eyes first. Christmas has passed again without you. So I thought the low glow of the festive lights and lanterns could guide me to them.

Your eyes always spoke of something alluding to longing. They’re dark as the ocean at night. When I looked far off into the bay when the moon was nearing its new phase, I thought of how your eyes used to look at me. Stare at me back, like how I stare out into the abyss of the sea. They were black, cold, full of melancholy. Yet when you smiled they would scrunch up and wrinkle your temples.

…

I tried looking for your ears next. When I last saw you, you were still sporting those black gauged earrings that would hang like the ears of Buddha. I always teased you with a statement and in return you’d give me a hard hit in the arm. So I visited shops less known to the public where they did ear piercings. I’d look at their displays and see if anything stuck out. I saw beautiful designs. Black was always your signature color. And I may not be the most fashionable in this area, but you always reminded me of the color of royal blue. The kind of blue you see on pictures of nobles. The kind of blue that shows elegance. I think something like that would make you look like royalty.

…

I then decided to search for your mouth. Your voice. Your lips. Your teeth.

You never were much of a smiler. My jokes would only arouse a boring expression or you rolling your eyes away from me. Always so stoic. Only making slight little smiles when something was interesting. Or when you were trying to smooth talk your way out of trouble with the headmaster. A polite, small, gentle smile.

But when you smiled at me. It was so distinct that I could still draw it a million times in my head.

You would show your top teeth when you smiled at me, followed by a laugh. And what a laugh it was. It was dark and rich like chocolate. Your lips, thin and slightly chapped, stretched to form a marvel on your pale mooned face. It would savor in my mind for days on end. I never wanted such a taste to go away. So I made it my priority to make you laugh and smile as much as I could.

So I searched for that same sweetness in the places I would make you smile the most. The arcade. The little coffee shop with just three small tables. The alley with stairs and rails where I would attempt to glide down without loosing my balance. And in return, you’d join. Finding amusement in my foolishness. What a fool I have become so.

…

I searched for your body and hair. You were always so well kept. You always wore a bun, dark strands slicked back with a few falling to the front of your face. The color was black like raven feathers. You were pale, unblemished, and not a sign of age to your features. Like the glow of the moon above fresh, untouched snow. You weren’t always the best eater. Other than your favorite dish, Mak-guksu, you couldn’t really come around to eating everything and anything I got you. “I can’t get rid of that taste back there.” You’d say. Alluding to your abilities.

So I went looking for you in temples. Where I would see nests of crows circling around me. Death’s messengers. Near the temple, I’d see worshippers come in with white robes that would blend with the snow. With their dim lanterns, the shadows bounced off radiating a warm glow from their holy attire. A pure being, no matter what you did.

…

The last thing I searched for were your hands. Slender, rugged, brittle. Calloused and tender. Your knuckles would go white every time you were writing out a report for class, because you would be so focused you’d forget to let your fingers relax after each pen stroke. Your fingernails were clean, despite the dirty work you’d do. But I loved your hands. I loved the way they’d come close when you passed me something like a dropped pen, a cup of tea. Or that night during the summer solstice, when we would go out to downtown for festivities and we left the group to go find a better spot to watch the fireworks. When we found a small ledge just off the edge of river where the show was beginning, we watched in awe. Smiling, the sound of the whistles that ended with a loud bang as an array of sparks and flames danced in the air.

And that’s when your hands,

your warm hands, crept their way, sliding carefully across the rail bar where the ledge was, temptingly to interlace with my own. Like the call of the siren I couldn’t resist such a moment. It started with our pinkies overlapping, testing the waters. Then it soon became our ring and middle fingers intertwined like stitches. And surely, your hands clasped with mine and for a moment, the world seemed still. I could see from the corner of my lenses that you weren’t looking at the sky anymore. You were looking at me. The hue of bright blues, purples, greens and yellows illuminating such a heavenly sight. You looked at me, like you knew me for a thousand years. You saw me. And I saw all of you. Your hands, skin, hair, ears, mouth, nose and eyes, were all I saw. And they painted the most beautiful of all living things that this earth has given me. And you leaned forward to share the warmth of your love, as I couldn’t hear the sounds of the world, and only the sound of your breath slowly rising as you planted a kiss on my lips. Forever marking me as yours.

…

I searched for the that same warmth that night so long ago on the same ledge, at the same time it all happened.

I place my hand on the cold, snow covered rail bar, to see if you would take it.

But you never did.

I looked forward to see anything of your likeness.

But I saw nothing.

I shut off all thought, muted the outside world as much I could

To hear your sound, a voice, a whisper.

But there was silence.

And in that silence, I only heard the sound of my heart, becoming more numb under the freezing night. I can only hear my breath, visible to the icy air.

…

I searched for you today, Suguru.

I failed, but I’ll try again next time I think of you.

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