tepidtengu

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do you ever think about dead versions of yourself that are fossilized in someone else's mind

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i love unmasking with another autistic person and having the most bare-faced, just-the-essentials utilitarian 190 seconds talk possible that to anyone else sounds cold at best and even scathing at worst but we both walk away with a little shared thought bubble between us that says "finally, a fucking normal conversation."

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aroace murderbot! will have these as stickers in the near future

in my roughs post someone pointed out people might wanna use as icons, so I made some of the other versions nicer too:

just credit me please!

I will probs make some of these as stickers too, since I do manufacture at home. I can do requested combinations I guess lol. we'll see what happens

nonbinary and agender added! I might do them with the arc design too but just clouds for now

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This seems to be what I've learned.

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quiz: why do lobsters have one claw bigger

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auto suggest bewilders me

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it’s quick, it’s easy and it’s free:  pouring river water in your socks

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reminder that "allies welcome" was once secret code for "those not out yet can still participate without putting themselves at risk", and for those who aren't out yet to comfortably exist in these spaces you have to let allies exist in those spaces too.

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The conversations about accountability & apologies that we've been having in social justice circles these last few years have basically trained everybody to fawn.

We've been telling people that if they are accused of any wrongdoing or of hurting anybody's feelings, it is their obligation to apologize immediately, and never to hedge, disagree, or to explain their rationale what they've done.

In their apology, we expect them to articulate every single thing that they have done that was damaging in the strongest language possible and to declare outright that they have harmed someone, often multiple groups of people, even if they are not sure of the impact (or could not even possibly be sure).

If a person's apology is anything but immediate and entirely self-excoriating, we accuse the person of downplaying the damage they have done, failing to be accountable, and manipulating others.

In this way, we've made it impossible for a person to ever take their own side lest that be taken itself as a form of wrongdoing. We have trained our fellow social-justice-minded people to believe that if they do anything but worsen the case against themselves, they are being irresponsible.

I say we, in all of this, because I have partaken in all of this rhetoric, made these kinds of criticism, given accused people this type of advice.

And I have followed it myself, often to a damaging effect.

I have taken responsibility for problems in which I truly did not believe I played a part, I've overstated the damage that I've done so as not to risk understating it, I've ascribed malice to my intentions when I knew it wasn't there, I've agreed with people's most negative, bad-faith narratives about conflicts involving me that they were not even present for, offered up information about myself that was not a third party's business in the name of transparency, apologized for things I haven't done -- and in doing all of this, I have denied my loved ones the opportunity to really hear me about what I was going through and my motivations when I was in conflict with them, things that any true friend or close associate would obviously want to hear about if they cared about me.

This aim of giving the perfect apology and taking perfect accountability has been nothing but an isolating force in my life, because it has barred me from openly entering into necessary conflict with people when our needs were incompatible or they had hurt me just as much as I'd hurt them. The fear of being a manipulative, unaccountable DARVO-er has led me to roll onto my back and expose my belly, falling over myself with panicked apologies and the most unflattering information possible cast in the least explicable light, almost outright begging for others to become angrier at me and believing that it was only way I could ever possibly be accepted back.

We've drilled into people that the way to be good and responsible is to allow people to view us as negatively as possible, to even arm others with information that will confirm that point of view, and to never insert our own perspective or needs on the matter at all.

And yeah, there are a lot of shitty people out there who dodge accountability easily because their power ensconces them from any consequences. but the primary problem with that was never that they wrote a shitty notesapp apology that used the unforgivable phrase "I am sorry if you felt XYZ." The real problem was that there was no community that held enough influence to hold them to account, and for their victims there weren't ever adequate supports or protections.

instead of addressing any of that in a remotely systematic way, we have taken to picking apart every accused person's every word and deed for evidence of inner moral failure and created a culture in which we think we can determine a person's safety by how artfully they put words together when they are under threat. and what do you know, plenty of bad faith actors and conflict avoidant cowards and people who just dont understand what they are even being accused of can do that just fine.

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I just imagined a creature that would scare you soooo bad dude

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Back when i worked i spent 8 hours packaging chicken skewers and the first day i was so exhausted that i couldn't stop shaking and whenever i closed my eyes to sleep i kept seeing chicken skewers and i couldn't get the smell out of my clothes so i did my best to picture images of The Beatles instesd but they kept fading & turned into chicken skewers like in some horrible nightmare and i was miserable

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Crazy how many people want characters in fiction to speak and act like they’ve had 20 hours of intensive therapy. Could NOT be me I want these bitches fucked up insane

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We used to have goth girls in every animated show. They wouldn't let you make a cartoon from 90-00s without at least one goth chick.

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I really get it now