terkasstuff

[terkasstuff]

What if a girl likes a girl?

Here we go again,

I am starting to smile at his texts,

But we’re just friends, right?

Fuck, I really like him more than in a platonic way.

I’m just gonna go for it.

It might ruin our friendship, but whatever —fuck it.

I made a mistake; he loves me, but not love love.

He said, “I love you like a sister,”

So I was like, “Okay, let’s stay friends then.”

I also got a new friend, Alyssa.

Alyssa's really smart, kind, funny, beautiful, and just perfect.

She makes me feel happy and comfortable.

Her eyes are like dark chocolate, and her

hair is as blonde as gold.

Her style is so cool, and she loves dancing and painting as much as I do.

Oh, fuck...

I didn’t realize ‘til now—

But she’s a girl, and I am too...

I thought... oh...

I feel so confused...

I am falling in love with a girl,

But what if she isn’t into girls?

It sounds so weird —

“I am in love with a girl.”

What if people are gonna judge me for who I am?

What if my friends will leave me?

What if my family will hate me?

What if...?

What if...?

What if...?

[terkasstuff]

Let me tell you a story...

Let me tell you a story about a girl named Cindy.

Cindy was never insecure about her weight. She actually thought she was a little too skinny for her age.

But then, one day, her mother told her that she should skip dinner to have a slimmer waist. So Cindy thought to herself that she really should skip a meal every day, and she really should lose some weight.

Every hour, she got yelled at by her parents, and they also called her fat and flat.

So she cried again and again — every week, every day, every hour, and every minute — until her eyes hurt.

Her father was always mad at her for no reason, even when it was New Year's season.

Cindy didn’t want to go home every day, and she hated weekends. Everyone loves weekends — why did Cindy hate them?

She used to love being home, but now home is just a place. A place she hates.

When her sisters or friends aren't around, she's just lost.

Her one friend helps her the most, but almost no one knows how much she’s hurting.

Cindy has some real issues, but she doesn’t want to admit it. Even to herself.

She has panic attacks often because of her trauma, but even after all this drama, she's strong.

She thinks about killing herself almost every day because she’s never felt loved and doesn’t even know what love is.

She thinks she deserves it — the way everyone treats her.

Maybe a boyfriend she’s dreaming about would help, but there isn’t a guy who makes her feel well.

Cindy's got a lot of problems, but she can’t open up to anyone, and she’s the “therapist friend.” Family issues, anxiety, anger issues, tics, social issues, overthinking, and a lot more — but she still smiles and seems so happy. However, no one knows what she’s hiding behind that laugh.

This poem might sound depressing, but it’s a real story — if Cindy’s not just dreaming. If she actually is dreaming, it’s the worst nightmare anyone could ever have.

And I guess that’s the ending. Oh yeah, sorry, what a shame! I didn’t even introduce myself.

My name is Cindy.

(btw my real name is not Cindy loll)