the-bipolar-mom - Tumblr blog

[the-bipolar-mom]

Why is it when I’m not an asshole and violent and toxic that he’s violent and toxic? He flipped my tray of cookies I was working on. Because I sounded like a bitch to the middle boy. I fucking hate my life.

[the-bipolar-mom]

Watching sweet Magnolias on Netflix and wondering why I can’t keep a friend. What’s wrong with me? No one wants to be around me. No one wants to do anything with me. Lol even my kids would rather be somewhere else with someone else.

I have a cousin who used to live in California and I saw her more when she lived out of state than now with her in the same town. We were best friends too.

😞

Oh well. I guess I’m not meant to have friends. Just people I’m cool with.

[the-bipolar-mom]

So I keep going back and forth on saying anything to that fucking asshole that says she’s my friend. Why should I? I’ve voiced my concerns before. Bitch you never wanna kick it. You never wanna do shit. “I have a right to be selfish” 😅 ok then bitch you go be selfish. Over there 👉🏽 bye 👋🏽 so ima just say what I have to say here and then be done with it.

******** fuck you. Just all over fuck YOU. And your piece of shit cheating ass fucking boyfriend. Ever since you fucking met him you have disappeared. You come for coffee once a week. We don’t ever go out and bullshit anymore. Even on nights you don’t have kids. I have always made an effort to be a friend. ALWAYS. But you? Nah. I’m just here whenever the fuck you decide to reply to messages and come for coffee.

You complain about him and the bitches on social media all the mf time. But you’re still with him. Ok fine just don’t come crying to me anymore when you see more bitches he’s talking to and shit. It’s amazing how you can switch up from us being literal best fucking friends to fucking nothing. Fuck you. Fuck off. You are not all fucking that. You ain’t shit bitch.

[the-bipolar-mom]

Lol bitch now you wanna say good morning ? Nah. You don’t get to talk to me after silent treatment ing me last night. What do you always tell me? Vete a la verga ? Well you too mother fucker. You. Fucking. Too.

[the-bipolar-mom]

Yeup. Everyone would be better off without me. I’m a piece of shit. I do t deserve the family I have. I don’t deserve Jack shit. Too bad I wasn’t one of the ones in the car crash this past weekend.

[the-bipolar-mom]

I’m not his responsibility. I’m no one for him to be worrying about. Who cares that my mental health is nonexistent. Lol. Literally no one.

he hasn’t spoken to me since he got home. Told me I’m the one with the problem. And he’s right. That’s why I write here instead of telling anyone anything ever. Cuz no one cares. He doesn’t. My “best friend” doesn’t. Who I finally blocked and deleted btw. Fuck her and her cheating ass piece of shit man. They’re literally my only two people and yet they’re not my people.

[the-bipolar-mom]

I want to cut so bad. Fuck. It’s been forever since I’ve felt this way. I feel useless. I feel like everyone’s better off without me. I feel like a piece of shot becuse I can’t be a good mom. I get mad and I yell and I’m such an asshole. I feel like shit becusse I need weed to be normal. I’m so tired of being crazy. I yelled at my 7 month old baby. I fucking screamed at an infant. Because he wouldn’t stop crying. And two of my other kids heard. I’m slamming doors. I haven’t even given them dinner yet. I’m sitting on the floor of my bathroom. And I fucking just want to die.

[the-bipolar-mom]

I want to do something. I want to hit something. Or just- idk. I just want all this shit that I’m feeling to go away. Maybe if I cut myself deep enough the bad will leave my body and I won’t be such a piece of shit anymore.

[the-bipolar-mom]

I’m in such a mood to fuck shit up. Mentally. Like i wanna argue. But I really don’t. It’s just something inside that makes me do and say shot I dont wanna do or say. I wanna fight with him over this. But like REALLY I don’t. How do I make these feelings stop. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[the-bipolar-mom]

I’m out of weed. I have no money cuz my printer took a shit. My sober mind is creepin in more and more and I’m losing it inside. I hate myself. I wish I could just go un alive quietly. Like deadass I would obliviate everyone I know and then Un alive myself. I’m so tired of feeling crazy and thinking of things that hurt me. I can’t stop myself. No matter what I do it comes back. I know he’s doing something. But what I don’t actually know for a fact won’t hurt me right?

[the-bipolar-mom]

What a freaking week man. Ugh. And it all started and is ending with the 3d printer. Fuckin piece of shiiiiittttt.

All I wanted to do was go from silver to yellow filament. That’s it. But idk wtf it wasn’t working. So I go back to silver. And my prints are all messed up. And then i got the automatic bed level. Nope. That shit didn’t fucking work. 36 hour trying to get it to fucking work y no. Then I put white filament. Fucking broke and it’s stuck in the tubing. That I can’t remove. So now I have to fucking exchange the mother fucker.

My kid is acting up in school. They all have one of my mental illnesses. I can see it 100% cuz I’m like fuck I do that shit. But I’m not medicating them. Like tf he’s 5. Gtfoh.

Im broke broke. I have no money coming in until the printer is up and running. Annnnd Im not getting a new machine til Saturday. 🥲

[the-bipolar-mom]

Hi hello it’s my friendly neighborhood mental illness coming to put thoughts in my head that have no business disrupting my peace.

So I’m adding contact pictures for my mom and sister. And I look at the misters picture. I thought to myself man I really wish I had his IG pic as his contact pic.

And then I’m like that was a good picture. I wonder who took it. Cuz it’s a good picture. Idk what kinda photographer his friend is.

Looks like a girl took it. It’s a good picture. And then I’m remembering the bitch he dated when we were separated. Did she go to that place with him on a ride? He SAYS he’s never had anyone on the bikes. But he’s also a liar. So my brain is going fucking nuts.

I’m trying to force myself to stop. Even if I was told the truth nothing would change. I mean it would prove more he’s a liar but I already know that. We aren’t in that place anymore. We are good. We don’t argue. When we do it’s solved literally within that moment. So why is my brain doing this to me? I don’t wanna be thinking about that time on our life. It’s the worst thing that I’ve ever experienced. Yet here I am.

[the-bipolar-mom]

So my friend who ain’t shit is again being a shit friend. I don’t know why it always surprises me when people let me down or prove who they really are. This stupid bitch gets a man and forgets allllll about me. We used to go out drinking and smoking and just doing some everyday shit like going to the fucking STORE. But even the mister was like well that was before she got a man now she don’t wanna do shit with you. Idk why you even call her your friend 😅

BRO ME TOOOO IDK WHY

Pinche pendeja is like why do you want friends? You need to be okay by yourself. But what people don’t fucking realize is that I always do shit by myself. I’m forced to because I have no one to do shit with. And it’s fucking depressing. It’s depressing that I have no friends. That everyone always chooses other people over me every time. I’m the stepping stone to better. I’m never good enough for people to stick around.

The mister doesn’t even wanna stick around. Anytime I bring shit up like hey I didn’t like that can you change that behavior he’s like nah this is me and if you don’t like it we don’t have to be together. I don’t even say a damn thing anymore to anyone. Cuz no one cares 🥲

[the-bipolar-mom]

I know this summabitch didn’t just put me down again cuz I smoke weed. He’s over here hyping up his friend who has two baby mamas works and does coke. Yea he’s responsible. I see him posting his kids all te time, he’s always out doing stuff with them.

But no not me. I’m not responsible. Cuz it was t my money I bought weed with. Doesn’t matter I kept a household of 5 going. Two kids at home that I was homeschooling a little before they went into kinder. And I was going to massage school and getting straight A’s on the mother fucking honor roll. But I’m just a stupid pot head. Maybe I should have done coke and then I’ll get praised by him 🥲

[the-bipolar-mom]

:) so I’m really excited. I made a deal with my old boss who owns a store. I’m going to 3d print things for the store. She’s gonna pay me $2 a piece and I’m so excited to work again. I’m all about a side hustle baby.

I have no one to share this with. 🥲 but I’m excited and proud that I always find a way to make shit happen.

[the-bipolar-mom]

I’m literally sitting in my car down the street drinking because I have no one. I don’t have a single person I can call to shoot the shit with and like not have to take care of home.

No one cares. No one sticks around. My best friend ain’t shit. She’s so fucking self centered. All we ever talk about is her stupid ass boyfriend. I haven’t hung out with her in years. We used to go drinking. And just doing shananagins. Now she doesn’t wanna do shit with me ever. Even if he’s not around. Well fuck you then !

So yea. I’m crying in my car. Drinking beer. Aloneeee cryinggggg singing oldies 🥲🥲😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲

[the-bipolar-mom]

7yo hit 5yo cuz 5 was trying to get the baby from 7. I got mad and yelled. Got the belt to smack his hands.

The mister comes inside cuz the kid is screaming bloody murder before I even touched his fuckin ass 😤

Now the mister is mad at me. Rushes me in front of two kids. 😅 BITCHHHHH DO SOMETHING. I DARE YOU.