the-crisscrossed-system

[the-crisscrossed-system]

Say you break your ankle. You could know everything there is to know intellectually about the injury. Even with this vast knowledge, you will still experience physical pain.

Now take this logic and apply it to things like ADHD, autism, clinical depression, and other less visible/divergent disabilities. You cannot think your way out of feeling.

That is to say: you are not a bad, lazy, or selfish person for struggling, even if you know why you are struggling.

[the-crisscrossed-system]

comic about someone’s strange dream (and daydreams)

[the-crisscrossed-system]

[the-crisscrossed-system]

It's odd we feel isolated in the DID community since we aren't "fictive heavy". Majority of the community focuses on fictives in many different ways and we're just here like:

-Harley & Ella

[the-crisscrossed-system]

[the-crisscrossed-system]

i feel like im in the sims where it takes 5 hours to make pasta and then u have to immediately go to bed

[the-crisscrossed-system]

This Valentine’s Day sucked. Our partner got a new job and they scheduled her from Thursday through to today and she had to spend three hours over time (till 11:30pm) on Thursday and had to go in early today so I barely got to see them and I’m sad about it. I know we need money and all that but I miss them. February and especially around Valentine’s Day is a time where we both have shared trauma so we usually try really hard to make it a good holiday. It’s the five year anniversary of that trauma as well as earlier this month being our five year anniversary (but we’ve been friends for far longer) so the fact that it hasn’t been a good weekend makes everything so much worse.

[the-crisscrossed-system]

[the-crisscrossed-system]

A long time ago, before things happened and our communication got worse, we used to have alters co-con very often. It was normal to have the host and cohosts together, or just groups who would front together and it was good for us. We functioned like that pre-discovery, commenting on things without the host realizing it was more than her own thoughts, we took over and gave it back without her realizing, and after discovery it continued, those who could work together would. It was rare to have alters fronting alone unless they were triggered or found a way to get some alone time.

After everything that happened to us in 2021 into 2022, how we functioned changed. Alters were alone more, especially in the beginning (sorry Ali), and even to this day it’s more common for one or at most two of us to front at a time instead of there being a small groups. Being in a group now is more exhausting, makes our head hurt more, (we usually get daily migraines but this is a different type of headache) and it just feels harder to be that was long term.

It’s a sad thing to lose, our communication, our unity, our teamwork. We’re working on fixing it, we’re working on getting back to our old normal, but there’s fear that this is just how things are now. It’s disappointing, especially when we do have time in groups like now, because even though it feels good at first to be together, we can slowly feel it draining us, well know it’s going to end soon. It’s so much more lonely, so much more quiet, so much more invalidating, it’s unfortunate, but we will persevere.

[the-crisscrossed-system]

I get so happy and proud of people when i see they choose recovery again after relapsing.. like im so proud of you buddy and i hope good things happen to you

[the-crisscrossed-system]

"Why did you get off the bus?" "I don't know. I knew it wasn't my stop."

Life isn't about control. We can't control what it throws at us; we can't control emotions or outcomes; we can't control our recovery timeline. I can't control other Motley members any more than we can just "get over" decades of trauma.

We don't control, we communicate. Cooperate. Become curious and compassionate. We observe, ask questions, listen to understand; we call out for what we need and offer what we can give; we reflect upon past behaviors to unlock the mystery of why.

Why did I say that? Why did I react that way? Why did I avoid that for so long? Why can't I focus? Why do I keep forgetting?

...Why did I get off the bus?

"Why did you get off the bus?"

[the-crisscrossed-system]

r/systemscringe still doesn't know voice hearing is a symptom of DID!

This is from the DSM-5:

Papers report voice hearing being more common in dissociative disorders than psychotic disorders.

In a comparison, DID systems were far more likely to start hearing voices before the age of 18, and to hear more than one voice.

Another r/systemscringe user claims that this isn't like there's a commentator in your head. This is also false in many cases according to research.

In the same study I referenced earlier, it was reported that the voices in DID would often make a running commentary in 55% of cases.

That's not every case, but is a slight majority and was more common than in the Schizophrenia groups.

There are lots of reasons to not put stock in the words of fakeclaimers, but the biggest one might simply be that however confident they seem in their misinformation, these people do not have even the slightest understanding of anything they're talking about.

[the-crisscrossed-system]

how do you deal with anxiety ?

i let it fuck me up then i go to bed

[the-crisscrossed-system]

no one will come to save you but some will offer you their hand to hold when life gets tough and those are the ppl that matter

[the-crisscrossed-system]

me: you literally have a disorder. this is symptoms

me: no perhaps my soul is rotten

[the-crisscrossed-system]

We’ve amassed a decently sized collection of clothing in different people’s styles and colors to the point where most frequent fronters have at least something of their own or something they prefer. There’s usually something in their color or their preferred style or whatnot that even if someone doesn’t usually front they can find something to be comfortable in. We tend to go by the rule of whoever is fronting when we get dressed picks what they want and if someone else fronts they live with it unless we have an outfit planned for an occasion, so everyone gets to wear what they’re comfortable in. Some put a lot of effort into it, some don’t, but it works for us

i'm curious, how many people with DID like.. dress up as their alters? is that the right word? i mean it as in, wigs and stuff to make you look like more how you do in headspace, yk? i'm aware some parts in our system have different fashion styles from the host, including me. the host actually prefers Japanese Street Fashion/VKei while i just like.. casual clothes that aren't so overstimulating lmfao

(sowwy for the spam blogs)

[the-crisscrossed-system]

I will love them when I cannot love myself. I will fight for them when I think I have no more fight left. I will keep waking up every day to this nightmare just so I can maybe help someone living the hell with me. to struggle alongside you is a privilege because I am not alone and you are there and it’s not all hopeless.

I take your outstretched hand and drag you into the next day. you take my outstretched hand and drag me into the day after that. we do this over and over until we can’t anymore.