the-flesh-of-mental-illness - Tumblr blog

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

i don't know what i would do without you

and it scares me

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

i can't lose this

so i hold on

until i lose myself

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

in the end we aren’t saving each other

we’re making sure we don’t die alone

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

out of my control

it’s cutting pieces away from me

so instead

in my control

i do the same

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

you will never know how bad it is until i’m gone

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

it doesn’t matter if it gets better if i don’t survive to see it

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

i love my scars

and aren’t you supposed

to love yourself

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

i want to scream, but i can’t, so my music screams instead

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

front and back sides

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

why do i always relapse after months of being clean, so all my time trying to get better meant nothing

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

Reblog if you started worrying about your weight before you were fourteen.

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

i was never given a choice.

maybe one day i would have wanted to recover.

maybe one day i would actually get better.

but it wasn’t my choice. they took everything away from me, forced me into this.

it doesn’t work if i don’t want it. i will always find a way around their rules.

maybe, if i had been given a few more months to come to terms on my own, it never would have gotten this bad.

but that’s not what happened.

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

being clean is scary

i’ve been clean for 6 months.

i can feel how close i am to relapsing, and i want to do it so badly

i never meant to get clean. i just wanted my cuts to heal before family vacation, but one thing led to another and now it’s been six months

i can’t keep doing this

i want to relapse, but if i do that means restarting

it means this will all have been for nothing

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

what’s the point of being clean? why does it actually matter? i’m still as fucked up as before, it’s just showers are less painful

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

i can’t remember what it was like before this

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

i don’t want to wait for things to get better

[the-flesh-of-mental-illness]

that makes it TWICE this week people have been confused at why my arms look like this

oh, the innocence