the-letters-ill-never-send

[the-letters-ill-never-send]

[the-letters-ill-never-send]

A letter from a highschool sweetheart

I dont know if Ill send this, I know I shouldnt. It would break the promise I made to myself to keep my distance, but how else can I tell you to leave me alone? We broke up years ago and yet, you cant let go. We were only kids when we were together, we couldnt of known how to maintain a healthy relationship, but I knew the moment I left, it was the right choice. For years Id felt so isolated and alone, the treatment Id endure from your family, from you, was exshausting. Leaving was the best thing for me, so why cant you move on too? Ive made peace with what happened between us. I barely think about our relationship until your name lights up my screen, bringing everything back to the surface. I wish for your sake, youd finally get the message and realise we werent right for each other. Neither of us were brave enough to make that decision, we had held on long enough and one of us needed to do it. I thought things had finally gotten better for you until I realised how you treated your new partner. Always comparing them to a version of me you barely even knew. Its unhealthy and your partner doesnt deserve that. I shouldnt have to hear about the fights you have with them, hear your comparisons or give you advicr. Its not up to me to dictate your relationships, I hope you can realise that there are people out there meant for you. I shouldnt be a thought that lingers in your head, just as you tried to linger in mine.

[the-letters-ill-never-send]

[the-letters-ill-never-send]

The dissapointment of a friend

Its essier to write this as youre out a lot and Im finding it hard to process my thoughts but I just want to say I dont hate you. Im just sad and dissapointed. I just have so much going on right now that I cant keep it together anymore. These past few months have been rough for me and I dont know how to deal with how Im feeling, Im trying to come to peace with it but I dont know how long it will take. I did all I could to be a good friend to you and support you with everything you had going on, and it feels like you dont care at all. Like everything I did doesnt matter, that I dont matter. All Ive ever needed is a friend but I feel like I dont have anyone. I dont expect you to understand whats going on in my life or try to fix it and if you dont want to be my friend anymore I respect that.

You need to understand that for my whole life Ive always had to care of myself and others, always had to start over somewhere new. Ive been dragged all over the country and never had the chance to make lasting friendships. The people I do meet never stick around and I never know why. It doesnt matter how much I try to take care of everyone, do my best to help them and be there for them, they always leave. A part of me wonders if its my fault, but I never know what ive done wrong or what I did to deserve the hatred I get. Or maybe Im just easily forgotten or entertaining enough for people.

Ive had to learn to be okay with my loneliness and some days are harder then others. Family was all I had and one by one im loosing them too. I dont think youll ever understand what its like. I dont expect you to, all I ever wanted was a friend that would actually care about me the way I did for them but it seems impossible.

I wouldve given you the world if you asked. I just dont understand why no one would ever do that for me.

Its time for me to walk away.

[the-letters-ill-never-send]

The letter of a friend

Hi,

I know its been a while, 6 years in fact, since I last saw you. The memory of my farewell party came up on facebook this morning and made me think of you, our friendship, how things changed. 6 years its been and so much has changed, we have changed. A part of me thinks you wouldnt recgonise me, how could you? I wish I could talk to you about it, how Im engaged or how Ive almost finished with university, or the rapid decline in my mental health and how I need a friend. I dont know whats happened in your life anymore, have you finally found your person? Hows your job? Are you happy? Youd always been there to support me, just as I had for you but you changed too. I know social media only shows so much, but you arent the person I remember, ghosting the people who cared about you, throwing yourself into a world that I cannot follow. I remember how close we used to be, you werent just my friend, you were family. Ill never understand why you never visited or stopped calling, why the messages began to dwindle until nothing was left. I dont think the pain will ever go away, not really. You were my first true friend, someone I thought would always be there for me, then suddenly you werent. My efforts to reach out and ask you why meant nothing, as if Id never existed. I wish I knew the reason but I understand Ill never get one. Only now, 6 years later, Im walking away. I doubt youd notice the absence but thats okay. All I want and hope for you is that your happy, I wish I could still be apart of your life but Im growing to accept that Im not. Just know, if you ever needed me, Ill still be here.

- an old friend