the-may-april - Tumblr blog

[the-may-april]

[the-may-april]

Another night, harsh and unrelenting. Sleep seems impossible without medication now, yet even that barely dulls the ceaseless rush of thoughts that plague me until dawn. Is it just me, or does the night have a way of driving everyone a little mad? After a restless night, I drag myself to work from home in the morning, grateful for the solace found in books, the distraction of work, the simple comfort of peppermint tea—a true blessing—and the gentle touch of sunlight. But then evening falls, and with it, a shift within me. The person I was in the morning fades away, leaving me to despair as I search, in vain, for the self that seemed so close just hours before.

[the-may-april]

[the-may-april]

By: Courtney

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Hirakata T-SITE in Osaka - what a bookshop.

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Some rare, vintage Modern Library covers from the 1930s-1960s.

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One of the most dangerous things in the world is not being able to say no to people because you don't want to upset them or dissapoint them. This will completely ruin your life in every way possible, at work, in your private life, your sex life and your friendships. It's a way of removing your own consent in your own decisions and go against your wishes, it is always a crime against yourself. Let yourself have a say. Upsetting people is better than traumatizing yourself.

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This morning, i am feeling like a murakami character. I woke up to a lonely house. It felt extra cold with the ongoing rain. Made myself a toast and washed it down with some miso soup. I had been trying to read 'notes from underground' for a while now. I can't finish it because it resonates too well and makes me ashamed of my existence every time. I had to give up on trying after finishing breakfast and ended up making myself a cup of tea.

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at the artist's loft

instagram | shop | commission info

[the-may-april]

Find meaning. Distinguish melancholy from sadness. Go out for a walk. It doesn't have to be a romantic walk in the park, spring at its most spectacular moment, flowers and smells and outstanding poetical imagery smoothly transferring you into another world. It doesn't have to be a walk during which you'll have multiple life epiphanies and discover meanings no other brain ever managed to encounter. Do not be afraid of spending quality time by yourself. Find meaning or don't find meaning but "steal" some time and give it freely and exclusively to your own self. Opt for privacy and solitude. That doesn't make you antisocial or cause you to reject the rest of the world. But you need to breathe. And you need to be.

Albert Camus, from Notebooks 1951-1959

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5-6 am is a terrible time. Barely a noise can be heard except that of birds chirping and the voices in my head. They won't stop. I have imagined a room with me in the middle of it. And i have asked,begged, and ordered the council in my head to seize. At the end of it, i stay awake, staring up at the ceiling, wanting to crawl out of my body. There's no one beside, and the loneliness is palpable. It seeps through my being into the mattress. The mattress rots, and i rot away with it.

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[the-may-april]

ig

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we’re gonna be ok btw

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A weekend spent well