the-unpaved-enby - Tumblr blog

[the-unpaved-enby]

Bad movie ideas

a movie advertised as something like a bugs life but its just an armature documentary about ants, with no dialog

a zombie apocalypse movie where the final scene of the camp being overrun and everyone dying graphically is set to mr blue sky

a movie where the budget is removed half way through filming so half the scenes are hollywood billion dollar things and the other half are just filed on an iphone in some guys garage

movie but the main character dies in the first 5 minutes and all the token characters just stand around for the rest of movie going "well we don't have depth what do we do"

a cursed harry potter movie where they use actual technology (dumbledor goes to jail for child endagerment and they just shoot voldemort with a gun)

an action movie but its just a bunch of buff guys sitting around talking about wanting to punch people but nothing happens

a movie called "the house" thats edited like a horror film, advertised like a horror film but its just about someone selling their house, nothing scary at all

a movie but its just the government trying to hypnotise you into paying more taxes

[the-unpaved-enby]

Update: they sold the horse in exchange for some maps of whatever they need from a cartographer

also they made another bag of equine holding. they have 2 now.

bag of equine holding

i dm a dnd campaign. we were just having a nice casual session, the party were exploring a market area, looking for work, tools, animals, carrots etc etc, normal dnd stuff. 2 members of the party decided to get a horse, despite not having enough money for a horse. upon reaching the stables, the party member who originally wanted a horse decided against it for lack of money the other party member, our ranger, decided that wasn't cool,

picked up the horse and just put it in her bag so anyway thats how the bag of equine holding entered the meta for my campaign holds infinite horses, but the size of the actual bag for everything else

[the-unpaved-enby]

im growing them for json the crocodile, but you can do whatever

the child pot

its just a large plant pot filled with children remember to water them once a day, and ensure they get 10h of sunlight a day

[the-unpaved-enby]

the child pot

its just a large plant pot filled with children remember to water them once a day, and ensure they get 10h of sunlight a day

[the-unpaved-enby]

bag of equine holding

i dm a dnd campaign. we were just having a nice casual session, the party were exploring a market area, looking for work, tools, animals, carrots etc etc, normal dnd stuff. 2 members of the party decided to get a horse, despite not having enough money for a horse. upon reaching the stables, the party member who originally wanted a horse decided against it for lack of money the other party member, our ranger, decided that wasn't cool,

picked up the horse and just put it in her bag so anyway thats how the bag of equine holding entered the meta for my campaign holds infinite horses, but the size of the actual bag for everything else

[the-unpaved-enby]

well fuck

[the-unpaved-enby]

I had a shower thought

Imagine, if you will, a super-antihero. He's got epic superpowers, and no morals or motives to speak of, and he goes around pulling on people's pubic hair.

They call him pubeman

[the-unpaved-enby]

Was playing cards against humanity at 2am today.

Thats it. I was literally just playing it at 2am, and now I'm tired.

[the-unpaved-enby]

Ate dinner out at a Japanese restraunt with my family tonight.

It was good, but we could have desert there since we had cake and some donuts that needed to be eaten at home.

So there I was, eating my donut, thinking about the nice fish things we had for dinner, and my brain went "yeah so let's just shove these 2 different things together to save some energy"

Have you ever consider the possibilities of the fish donut?

[the-unpaved-enby]

some slightly odd dreams ive had

not in any particular order:

first dream:

so i was on this hill right? and it was raining. i was on a hill and it was raining and there was this person there, idk who, and there were 6 holes in the side of the hill, and we put bagels in them. the the dream went off and did weird things i cant remember, and then we were back on the hill and it had stopped raining and the bagels had grown into bagel trees. so we ate some of the bagel fruit (bagels) of the bagel trees and that was it.

next dream:

i was outside, it was sunny and i got shit on by some bird, and i woke up

next dream:

was at a racecourse, like for horses, with my family and there were a bunch of people there but no race. eventually we decided to leave, by train, from the tiny little 3 platform train station that was just in the racecourse? anyway we got on a train and some guy said i'd look like *insert famous person here* if i wore his tiny little beanie, so i put it on and he said "oh you do look like *insert famous person here*" and then he dissipated. then the train stopped at someones house (like literally outside their front door) and we went inside and this one girl who ill talk about later started hitting on me and i woke up.

next dream:

i was in an art gallery in the city, and it was empty except for me and this one tour guide who gave me a guided tour. then i was magically in my room, and my family were watching cooking shows on my computer instead of the tv (context: i have a very small room). eventually they left and i was about to actually use my computer when the tour guide appeared out of the void and sat in my chair. i started complaining about this, so she just gave me her 3ds and i had to make do with that.

note on that one girl and the tour guide: they were the same person. she's a reoccurring thing in my dreams, every few months or so.

[the-unpaved-enby]

i remembered how to do a creative

sorry to everyone who's never encountered a jim before, this will go way over your head

[the-unpaved-enby]

Coffee-based cocktails and other bad ideas

i had a bad night of sleep a few days ago and had some questionable ideas as a result.

my train of thought began on a rainy, cold day, as i was making my way to school. i remembered the fact that alcohol is made by fermenting glucose. i followed this up by remembering that complicated sugars can be broken down into glucose, explaining beer and vodka. unfortunately my next thought was, and i'm not even paraphrasing here: milk?

i was sadly correct. the lactose in milk can be broken down into glucose, which can be fermented into ethanol, producing alcoholic milk. (for those wondering, no there is no recent drink like this that i could find. kumis is fizzy, and a white russian is a mixed cocktail)

my next thought was a little more complicated, and the easiest to understand in recipe form, so the next bit is my recipe for what can best be described as coffee wine/beer (definitions are a bit fuzzy)

you will need:

1. coffee beans, roasted, ground (very fine)

2. water (lots)

3. time (lots)

4. Cellulase (you can find a source)

5. Saccharomyces cerevisiae or similar yeast (you can find a source)

Steps:

1. dump all the ground coffee into a large quantity of water

2. use the cellulase to break down the cellulose in the coffee water

3. use the yeast of you choice to ferment the coffee water into a coffee wine/beer/spirit

you should now have an alcoholic, coffee-flavored liquid.

4. brew a cup of coffee using your preferred method, substituting the water for your coffee wine.

you have successfully made a caffeinated, coffee-flavored, alcoholic drink. now

5. pour your desired amount of alocoholic milk into the cup of caffeinated, coffee-flavored, alcoholic monstrosity.

6. enjoy your hangover, caffeinated, white coffee-flavored, alcoholic drink style

[the-unpaved-enby]

abusing time machines for fun and profit

before i start i just wanna get a few issues out of the way

time machines are pretty fucking good at teleporting you into deep space. to combat this, all time machines are either always relative to earth (super boring) or can instantaneously teleport you to anywhere in the universe. to make things simpler, im assuming your time machine is of the teleporting variety. if you have a lame and boring time machine, this guide is not for you

let's for the sake of entertainment pretend that going back in time can create time paradoxes. if time paradoxes can't exist then going back in time would instantly kill you. if you want to follow allow at home remember to modify the laws of physics a little bit before you actually try any of this or you'll just sorta cease to exist

ok cool so with that out of the way here's a few things you can do with a time machine, in order of least to most overcomplicated

market exploitation: to start things off let's just go back to 2008 with a few thousand bucks. once you're there, spend all of it on bitcoin, then come back to the present. congratulations you're now a millionare

stealing patents: to start, simply find a patented product you like, acquire a copy of the patent papers, and track down a prototype version of the product. now travel back in time to a few years before the object you chose got patented, and get a patent on it. congratulations you just ruined someone's career

bank heists: for this guide, please make sure you have a time machine that can open wormholes in the fabric of the universe. once you've done that, select a bank of your choise. then go back in time to the construction of the back to find out where the vault in the bank is, go back to your time, then use your time machine to teleport into the vault. now it's your time to steal everything, before teleporting out. unfortunately if your vault has cameras inside it this will get you a lifetime sentence in jail so instead i prefer to travel to the future before stealing everything from the vault. jail is a problem for future me.

stopping unnecessary tragedy: for this guide we'll be focusing on deleting all particularly harmful substances from existence. to start, go back in time to when humans first cultivated tabaco. once you're there, poison the plant whenever that poor sod tries to grow more. this should prevent some effort of cultivation. if you're feeling up to it, you can retrace the evolution of every tabaco plant to find tabaco's most recent split from other plants. once you have this, you can feel free to kill any plants that show tabaco-like traits, preventing tabaco from ever evolving. this strategy can be applied to all plant-based drugs you deem unnecessary, and with slight refinement can even be used to prevent humans from creating pepper spray or the patricarchy.

become a god and destroy the universe: to start, you'll need to travel into the future to steal their immortality potion or whatever. once you've done this, use your physics editing power from earlier to allow for objects to travel outside the universe. use your time machine to go to the bit of time just before the big bang and then teleport out of the universe. use your physics powers to make several universes and smash them into each other. idk you can really do whatever you want, at this point you literally have the entire multiverse at your disposal. congratulations you are now god.

thank you for reading my guide, I hope you have a good undefined unit of somewhat flexible time

[the-unpaved-enby]

hi im instantcurry

i don't really know why im here, but i do have some somewhat amusing things to say so we'll see how this goes

pronouns are they/them

timezone is aest. you can do the maths

im underage so keep that in mind

my first reactions to everything will probably include some pretty fucking strong language so beware

call me curry