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[the-world-again]

courtesy 

that's why I'm still here

I wish I could be in the spot he is

but I got here too late 

I dunno

maybe I've got something better

maybe this is heaven

       

                I find that hard to swallow

sigh

I don't know how you do all of this

without even trying

you're just

better than me

in every way

I just want people to be honest with me

I just want you to want to be with me

I'm sorry for being so pathetic

this is all there is to me

please

please let me die in this hot shame

I don't want to be this anymore

chasing ghosts, alone forever after 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

you'll be okay Ori 

you may be nothing but you'll be okay

you'll find something else to feed yourself to

[the-world-again]

I was sitting in the circle where everyone always sat and instinctively looked at your spot right next to me but it was empty

and that's when I understood it was truly over

okay

one last time

and then I'll go

it was the nicest thing I've ever been a part of

and it

it really helped me

when we first got together I was scared I would ruin it by not being able to commit to you and I almost couldn't but you

you gave me what I needed to let go of my fears

and finally just

be happy

over the first semester, I got really depressed and felt so miserable I wanted to end our relationship because I thought it was something I didn't want 

something I deserved to live without

but seeing you again made me realize how badly i needed it

a lifetime of hate

and i almost fell back into it 

but if you could love me

then maybe I could learn to do it too 

that was the um

that was the first winter I didn't get seasonal depression 

and then it was summer and you were dating someone else 

and that's when the walls fell away

and the more I reflected the more I realized that

it wasn't the way I thought it was

we just interpreted it differently

and you were there just because I wanted you to be

and maybe you said you loved me even though it wasn't the way I wanted you to and maybe I was still very special to you and maybe you didn't want to lose our relationship but

times change i guess

and i thought we were lovers but i

i understand now that

it just wasn't true

after all, you said it yourself

as a friend.

fuck

maybe if you read this you'll feel bad about yourself but please

please don't 

it's all my fault

it's all on me

i just shouldn’t have 

wanted to love you

i'm sorry for being so stupid

it was

it was nice while it lasted

i guess

i'll just be over there, okay?

just please don't think about me

i dont

deserve to be remembered 

just let me go

[the-world-again]

living like tomorrow's not coming

living for the sunshine

warm forever after

I wish I could've seen your smile one last time

it's all over now

I don’t want to think about it anymore

No, not really

This one’s true though

we live in the land of neon lights and burning wants but maybe

some thoughts are better off let go

[the-world-again]

It's just a name 

Living laughing loving the “if you know you know”

Maybe

Maybe so

All good things take time anyway

oh, what's another love story?

what's another death?

what's another day, month, year

heh heh heh

what brings you here, cutie?

it was summer

it was summer and you thought you had found the one 

bringer of better days 

made you smile like no other

and then it was fall

and you hated him

you really fucking hated him

because what is a lover except a canvas for all of our insufficiencies to be painted on

hah

hah hah

sigh

whatever man

whatever whatever whatever

 

and then it was winter

and it was all over

[the-world-again]

ive been falling asleep to the thought of

you every evening

bleary-eyed                             the nights

                                           never ending

                       teary-eyed thinking about

I don't know

I don't know anymore

maybe the things we could've been

                                  it's a lonely little life

                                           living like this

no, it doesn't really matter anymore,

                                                    does it.

nothing really matters anymore these days though

                         maybe it was something

special but I think that it was really just

another day to wake up to 

with everyone

still here and waiting for me to say good

                                          morning back 

you're such a 

                     strange

                                  little

                                           thing

and I guess that makes me 

                                      something else

because I wanted to be just like you

already a rat

already a worm

                             we weren't really that 

different.               we              still aren't

haha we could've never been anything.

and we never had anything special. but

I don't think

it doesn't matter what I think, really 

it was just a thing that happened

I'm just sleeping with snow angels

and tire tracks now 

and you're out there 

somewhere.             living like nothing

more than a person, less than a memory

some strange embedded idea 

ingrained too deep to dig                  out

you're just a thing

you're just a                       thing with ten 

million                faces and just one

face because nobody else was quite like

you      

one day you'll 

you'll throw him into Max’s wall again

you'll throw him into Max’s wall a

thousand times                      and leave

a dent for each 

                        star sitting in the sky and

everyone will point and say

                         how beautiful it is 

but really it's just traumatized drywall

it's just a thing that happened

fall asleep on Max’s bed

fall asleep on the couch while everyone's out getting ice cream

drink your million coffees and keep being

tired

look at me like you did that one time when

                                      i held the umbrella

                                           over you in the 

                                  pouring rain and say

                            thanks

like you did and then go back to

looking at the ground the street the 

passing cars and the the

I've never loved anyone and I never will but I thought I loved you when we first met and although I may not look like it I've I've lived for thousands of years and I'm so tired of living I'm so tired of having to wake up every morning I'm so tired from having to try every day

nothing tastes like anything anymore

I stopped being scared of cars running me over

I cut my finger open and couldn't feel a single thing

And I know we've both said we'll never missed anyone

but I miss you

you made the world a little smaller

you made living bearable

what a wonderous thing it is,

                                    to not be alone

ha ha ha

but no, it doesn't really matter

I'll still be out here, waking

               up on tarmac and railroads

          waking up to people who'll never

 mean what you meant

people who'll never mean a single thing 

[the-world-again]

Living in a clothes dryer

Living like a worm

covered in red marks

and I was just so happy to not

be alone anymore

to finally have someone to talk to

someone who I could tell everything

I just wanted someone to know

I just wanted someone to understand 

please

please don't go

I won't talk about it anymore I'm sorry just

please don't leave me please please I 

can't live without you please I really can't there's no reason for me to stay without you please I don't want to die I don't want to die I

please don't leave

.

sorry if I made you uncomfortable 

I'll just

                                  be over there, okay?

[the-world-again]

sitting down next to me and

oh

tense like an

sorry I can't think right now

with your arm around me

.

.

                     that's a lie

I love lying with you but for

all your softness you can't love

me where it matters most 

I'm right here

                                      but I'm miles away

                                  I watch myself quiver

                                       in the presence of 

                   you but in truth that's not really

me

and I can writhe in 

ecstasy from your 

touch but it's my little 

secret that I'm 

                                 actually in the building

                          across the street watching

                 through a pair of binoculars and

     feeling everything through copper wires 

but I try to forget 

it's lonely                                   out here

and I just

want to go home

home is a warm pillow

home is a loaded gun

home is a cute, soft boy

home is the place where I can forget I'm all alone

[the-world-again]

some days I just want you to kill me already

but today I want to feel every single inch of you against my skin

you were such a cute          little          thing

                                                     but you 

                                       wouldn't stop 

                              holding back

so i made you a wolf

.

Every day is a new low

I've been living every day like we never met

waiting for the sky to open up again

having just a little bit is so much easier than having none of it at all

I thought I could I could handle it

      b      ut                    a    l       l

I                         d      i                       d 

                  wa                s      r    i     p       y  

 o     u          t         o            pi      e      c   e       

s

trying to make you something you weren't 

but who am I to feel bad about it

it wasn't my life

i was just a passing                  moment

enod evi tahw ees dna rirrom eht ni kool dna gninrom yreve pu ekaw ot sah ohw eno eht er’uoy

and we're both sitting here now, with one question left

                               w

                               h

                               e

                               r

                               e

   do                     here?                from

                               w

                               e

                               g

                               o

Wasn't really feeling it with this one but at least it's fun to look at

[the-world-again]

I've been falling asleep on the windowsill again 

hoping you'd wake me when the sun comes up

so I can see your face halo’d by god

.

some days I like to think about stepping outside and letting it swallow me whole 

some days I step into puddles hoping I'll fall all the way through

some days I never fall asleep because I'm just thinking of you

.

and the 15 green lights on the horizon

I've been thinking about ending things again

but I don't know what would happen to you

and I can't bear the thought of you crying without me

.

we're here

living in the house at the edge of the world

with the great blue waves swallowing everything outside 

smile even though you love me

smile even though you hate me

smile even though I can hear you sobbing your eyes out every night through the walls

.

maybe I pushed this too far

great jaws of the Rubicon spare no one

but permanence is just the dove under the handkerchief 

and one day I'll hold your hands again

.

how sad and bitter this has all turned out to be

I never even

learned your name

if you ever see my candles out there

please

follow them back home 

I miss you

[the-world-again]

living in the long road back 

sitting there with ears full of bliss and with eyes that aren't on Earth anymore

watched by the gargoyles on the street lights

and the sky on fire says welcome home

in reality it's just saying a single phrase on repeat:

“they're not thinking about you"

.

you've been thinking about my thighs again

it's not here and it's not today but I think there's a place for us

and id love to be there with you

we'll live together again

.

I've lived for thousands of years and although the great white worm God towers above me I live with the knowledge in my heart that there is no greater fate worse than living like I used to

.

oh! I know what you are

you're nothing

[the-world-again]

Just some poems ive been writing in my free time. ~half of what i write ends up on one of the sketchbook pages images 1 and 2 are independent, 3-5 are all one poem

[the-world-again]

Last page of act 3

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I'd draw more on this page but each time I added something it felt better without it

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Sorry for the long wait. I draw slow

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