thebipolarchroniclesblog-blog - Tumblr blog

[thebipolarchroniclesblog-blog]

With the weekend fast approaching, my now partner again has decided she wants to move her stuff back in. Her stuff is at her parents place... That's something I haven't yet dealt with. Her parents, her brothers, her sisters.... I want to help, I want her to move back in completely but I know what it will be like walking into that household. Where I am right now... it's not the right time for me to do that. I will unequivocally make things worse because I'm having trouble biting my tongue at work over menial things, let alone walcing into that shit storm. #bipolardepression #bipolarmania #bipolarawareness #bipolar2 #bipolar #bipolarproblems #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness https://www.instagram.com/p/B0WxzmbAY0X/?igshid=y1qn7udfzquz

[thebipolarchroniclesblog-blog]

Monday afternoon: I have an urge to go out, party, drink and smoke (I don't usually smoke, so the urge to do it is weird) Tuesday: I begin the day with a disagreement with a work colleague in which I had little to no filter and expressed my full opinion....... not good... Tuesday arvo: I've been replaying something my psych said over and over in my head.... turns out for hours and hours.... it felt l like 20 minutes. Wednesday: Today's meal plan 2 x triple shot vanilla iced lattes with a side of nothing Wednesday arvo: agitated as fuck.... hmmm... wonder why.... Today: I got maybe 3 hours sleep last night. So I isolated myself away from people. I didn't answer any calls and communicated solely through messenger at work. That way I had time to rethink what I was saying. Im still agitated, irritable and over it #bipolardepression #bipolarmania #bipolarawareness #bipolar2 #bipolar #bipolarproblems #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness https://www.instagram.com/p/B0VPdpCArQv/?igshid=c5hnipjvokh6

[thebipolarchroniclesblog-blog]

It would seem my relationship has survived the atomic fire of my hypomanic destruction. However, this leaves a new set of hurdles, a new set of problems to be solved. I must not only rebuild my relationship with her but somehow swallow my pride and rebuild some form of relationship with her family and friends.... not looking forward to that part in the slightest.... #bipolardepression #bipolarmania #bipolarawareness #bipolar2 #bipolar #bipolarproblems #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #fallout https://www.instagram.com/p/B0KolgEBJhK/?igshid=zd6euqzrmbls

[thebipolarchroniclesblog-blog]

So my ex/partner/it's complicated is now less complicated, she's moving back in. To me, it feels like she's playing with fire. My last hypomanic cycle had pushed her to the edge and she left. I had just been diagnosed earlier that week and she didn't fully understand what it meant, she still doesn't. I had spent the months prior to that torching our relationship, along with my job and everything else. We are working things out and a large part of that is putting plans in place for when my mood swings to one extreme or the other. Now, I'm medicated correctly, these phases shouldn't be as long or as intense but they will still occur. So I have been told. Planning for the depressive episodes is the easy part for us, planning for the hypomanic on the other hand.... it will be interesting to see how those episodes go now I'm medicated. I will post my findings.... unless I wind up in lock up.... or i decide becoming Armish is a reeeaaallly good idea.... or retreat to the underground with the mole people ;P #bipolardepression #bipolarmania #bipolarawareness #bipolar2 #bipolar #bipolarproblems #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness https://www.instagram.com/p/B0Kf_JGBrGy/?igshid=10jy4l3j4gh4t

[thebipolarchroniclesblog-blog]

Sometimes you just have to laugh. Two weeks prior, I had been diagnosed bipolar type 2 and had started taking medication for it. We were at my friends place and the 3 of us were sitting around smoking cigars and drinking whiskey in celebration. We were just about to go out on the town and were doing the 3 tap check. 'Wallet, keys, phone.... shit! I forgot my meds for the morning'. No sooner did I say that, my friend says " got you covered. Bottom draw in the kitchen". His sister had been diagnosed bipolar the same week as me. I open up the bottom draw not to find any form of medication but a packet of AA batteries... lithium batteries. That was the first time I had been able to laugh about my diagnosis and it was exactly what I needed #bipolardepression #bipolarawareness #bipolar2 #bipolar #bipolarproblems #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness https://www.instagram.com/p/B0E0x50hW2B/?igshid=1e1csdnnldhjr

[thebipolarchroniclesblog-blog]

For about 2 weeks I was putting my hand up for any overtime there was at work. Most days I was working 14hrs and consuming 10+ shots of coffee and barely any real food. After work I would go straight to training, where I would spar at competition level every time. I would then go home have a protein shake and go to sleep. 4.5 hrs later i would be up and do it all again. Of course comes the inevitable shift. I now work the bare minimum hours necessary to keep my job. I don't drink coffee, I pretty much consume carbs and that's it. If it takes effort to cook, I'm not interested. The bag of cookies will do. I haven't trained in 4 weeks. If I'm not at work, I'm at home. In bed or asleep on the shower floor. I then wake up and do it all again. I'm waiting for the normal period. Yes we do have them. We arnt always one way or the other. #bipolardepression #bipolarawareness #bipolar2 #bipolar #mentalillness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth https://www.instagram.com/p/B0AxflJhQkL/?igshid=5dks78na188b

[thebipolarchroniclesblog-blog]

So my... partner?...ex?....(it's complicated guys and girls) said when it comes to the depressive cycle, she wouldn't let me stay hidden away in bed all day. So she took me to the medieval festival to give me inspiration for my next hypomanic adventure :P I mean to watch jousting and full contact mediaeval sparring #bipolardepression #bipolarawareness #bipolar2 #bipolar #abbymedievalfestival #jousting #medieval https://www.instagram.com/p/Bz4iiVLBQHD/?igshid=yxnea94mij3n

[thebipolarchroniclesblog-blog]

The week I was diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 was the same week my partner left me. Ironicly she paraphrased one of my favourite films on her way out " you just want to watch the world burn". I was hypomanic at that point and she was 100% correct. I swear I did the Joker's slow clap and hysterical laugh as she slammed the door. A week later my mood swung back the opposite way and hit me like a freight train and I realized what I'd done. But it was too late. She was gone. People associate the word "mania" or in my case "hypomania" with thoughts of uncontrollable happiness and being carefree. They very rarely associate it with the darker side of what it can be. The side where you just don't give a shit what happens. The side where you want to watch the world burn. The side that costs you your job, costs you your relationships with your family and friends. "Some men just want to watch the world burn" and they can't help it... #bipolardepression #bipolarmemes #bipolarawareness #bipolar2 #bipolar #hypomania #mania #manicdepression #manic #mentalillnessmemes #mentalillness #fuckbipolar #fuckdepression #fuckanxiety #batman #batmanmemes https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzv7Hkdgmfu/?igshid=2tyepgsps6rh

[thebipolarchroniclesblog-blog]

I was just at the gym, after hours, a few of us sitting around drilling and some of the boys shooting some promo stuff. Then out of no where this guy walks in and starts ranting and raving. We corral him out and lock the doors and then I was hit by a realization. Shit... he was having an episode... the only difference between him and me Is I have my friends to support me and I can afford therapy and medication.... shit, I didn't even think of that when we were trying to get him to leave.... by the time I made this connection and walked outside, he was gone.... #bipolardepression #bipolarawareness #bipolarawareness #bipolar2 #bipolar #fuckbipolar #fuckdepression #fuckanxiety https://www.instagram.com/p/BzsZ5trgLb5/?igshid=vyp921urrj8