thebutterflyblog

[thebutterflyblog]

It's Been a While...

Let me come out and give the big update...the wait is over and my Promise has been fulfilled.

This blog was really my first (public) outlet, to express my thoughts, dreams, and challenges. I wanted to inspire hope, all while authentically capturing my life of faith despite life's ups and downs.

I totally disappeared for awhile. Partly because I wanted to focus on the good in my life and just be. In Oct 2018, God radically moved in my life, and showed me a vision of me as an eagle flying above the earth and looking down on everything, there was so much beauty and peace being lifted so high, then in a flash I saw myself, in a chapel, wearing my wedding gown, walking down the aisle. This came at a time in my life when I was so tired of the games and the waiting. This modern world of dating was not designed for the devout Christian and I felt like I was evidence of it.

In 2021, I opened my private practice as a therapist and then I started blogging on my business website.

Well, I am happy to announce I will be moving my blogging to Substack with posts available for free to subscribers with the opportunity to pledge your support if you want. Either way, I hope to continue to share my insights and encouragement through my writings here:

Thank you all so much who kept asking about The Butterfly Blog! I don't know if there is a way to download this blog. But I hope to keep this blog here as long as the internet exists. As a memorial of my humble beginnings. I want whoever wonders here to be the first to know, all my writing is accumulating into a book and I will post the publishing info whenever that day comes. In the meantime I hope to see you on Substack!

Blessings and Peace.

Mrs. Butterfly Blog :)

[thebutterflyblog]

Faith is...Surrender

While I was up top the tallest mountain in GA, I wanted to find a place to worship God. I went where no one was, turned on my worship playlist, took out my flags and began to dance before my Father.

How do I describe that moment, it was like…being in Eden. It felt natural and like, this is where I need to “have church” every day. LOL! In the midst of all that creation, I was His finest and His favorite. 

I was so thankful for how good God had been to me over the past 3 years despite my misunderstanding Him and my own faithlessness. When I danced atop Brasstown Bald, I danced a dance of thankfulness and freedom! God literally saved my life, even when I was His foe.

Through all the renewal God had taken me through I began to see worship differently. At the beginning of the year during a ladies retreat in Wedowee, AL, I surrendered to God like I️ never had before. All our experiences lead us into moments we can choose surrender or carnality. Now, surrender isn’t something you do one night at a church meeting, its actually daily. However, certain moments are like keys that unlock doors for us in Heaven. Daily surrender is what pushes the door open. Sometimes our daily surrender is conscious and sometimes it’s unconscious…depending on where you are in your emotional thought life. 

Anyways, on top of this mountain looking at the overview of all His creation. There is a simplicity in all His magnificence. It’s how I’m learning to worship Him. 

Surrender can be unfun (made up that word, just now). Surrender means giving up your own plotting of how things are going to go. It means that you are offering yourself to be used for His glory, in all your ups and downs. It means that you have to suffer a bit and even longer if you fight back for control. Surrender is painful and uncomfortable. Surrender means not trying to figure everything out. Surrender means your agenda is secondary to His.

Surrender can be wonderful. It means righteousness, peace and joy, even in the midst of not having all you’ve been promised. Surrender leads to being awarded with spiritual gifts, power, and authority. Surrender means you get to have things others are not entitled to have. Surrender means nearness to the Father that most people will never know. Surrender is obedience to God; to trust that He only desires good for you. Surrender means simplicity because you forfeit the fear of man and become only interested in what King Jesus is doing. That frees you from people-pleasing by the way.  Surrender means you get to the be that cool Christian that religious people can’t stand but they have to respect your anointing…which makes them even more frustrated so they have to find a label for you in order to cope. That last point is unimportant, but a fun bonus.

But the most amazing thing about this intense worship moment, is Mary, Chuck, Justin, and Don. They were intrigued by my efforts to worship God atop the mountain. I was trying to be alone but it wasn’t meant to be. They saw my flags and automatically knew I was a believer. 

My camera was on timed flash and I had it the wrong way so I accidentally got a picture of their backs, ha, was going to delete but...nah. I don’t know why I encountered these people but I know it was no coincidence. Surrender leads to simplicity I”m telling you. Believers sometimes complicate things.  Through my day to day pursuit of His beautiful face, I became this witness, this beacon…no title, no agenda, no planning, no result of a class I took, just raw worship and intimacy with the Father. That allowed 4 random people to have an encounter with Him that day. 

Perseverance and surrender involves lifestyle shifts that shines a light in a dark world. 

Now this is the wow part. As I was penning this post. I realized that the song that broke through me while I was up there was I️ Surrender (Live) by Hillsong Live. That’s the moment and the song that defined my mountain top experience. Every time I️ hear it, it takes me back. Surrender is Worship. Surrender is faith.

I Surrender Lyrics

Here I am Down on my knees again Surrendering all Surrendering all Find me here Lord as You draw me near Desperate for You Desperate for You I surrender Drench my soul As mercy and grace unfold I hunger and thirst I hunger and thirst With arms stretched wide I know You hear my cry Speak to me now Speak to me now I surrender I surrender I want to know You more I want to know You more Like a rushing wind Jesus breathe within Lord have Your way Lord have Your way in me Like a mighty storm Stir within my soul Lord have Your way Lord have Your way in me

[thebutterflyblog]

Faith is...Perseverance

So for sometime I have been feeling a calling away from the Father. As in, God saying “run away with me Desiree.” I did just that this past weekend and it was amazing! Not because I was expecting or hoping it to be but because, even when I was just “doing”, God had already pre-ordained my steps and the steps of others I was to encounter. Because everything that happened could not have been scripted any better.  THAT’s why it was amazing. There is a lot I learned in those 3 days, but let’s start on Friday.

Here are some pictures and thoughts from my journey Friday afternoon. So glad I braved this one out, I felt the presence of God with me the entire time! Its great to just get away sometimes with no distractions and focus completely on God! My first adventure Brasstown Bald Mountain:

There were steep steep hills! All the way up!!

That seemed to go on and on. And on…

My legs tired, out of breath, I would see benches on the side to take a break and I did at first but then I got eager to finish. So I didn’t stop and Whew! with every twist and turn I was hoping it was my last…but there was more to go…

In all this, I barely stopped to notice the stunning beauty all around me on the why up. I noticed it, but I couldn’t fully take it in because I was so focused on the steepness of the hills I had to climb. 

I was getting tired and anxious but I knew the trail was 6/10 of a mile or so. I knew it WAS going to end. The end, was just the beginning, the beauty of the top was worth the struggle. 

It was a message to me about my life. Sometimes you face steeper hills than you could ever imagine. There has been quite a few in my path of life from grade school till now. Lots of times you feel like you can’t stay the course, you wanna turn back down. But the end will be worth it. Yes, it may seem so long and stressful but my faith is that there is something on the other side…in this life and the next. 

In the midst of the journey, we focus so much on the struggle that we forget to look at the beauty around us. Even when the journey is long, look around you to take in the beautiful things your getting to see up close, that you won’t get to see on the mountain top. If someone had told me this in the words I’m trying to convey to you now. I would have shrugged and agreed but had ZERO appreciation for what they were saying because I have heard it sooooo many times! And that is the point! Sometimes God calls you to things so that you can appreciate and see the truth in a new light. I was feeling, smelling, seeing, and thinking all the things I just described to you. It was real for me in that moment, through experience revelation was given in a language I could understand. I hope that makes sense.

It even got sunnier and sunnier as I was up there. Whether you feel like you're desperately swimming to shore and fearful of drowning, or if it seems like you’re moving and moving but going no where, stay the course. Perseverance doesn’t look like perfection. Its just the will to go on, even when you want to quit. That’s all for now!

[thebutterflyblog]

The Singles Ministries

I’ve always been a bit confused by singles ministry. I’m not sure if the intention of the ministry is to minister to singles or is it for singles to get together to minister to others. I think most “singles ministries” intend to minister to that sub group of unmarried people. I’ve been saved since I was 13. I’ve lived most of my life for Christ. From the age of 15 I begin to pray for a husband, through high school and college I had hopes to meet him, but my main pursuit was God.  However, after college things got dark and difficult in the wait. The not knowing what was next for me and trying to make plans yet, not make plans. It’s a frustrating and confusing time for someone whose not big on career but rather big on family. Truth is my focus was way off, but I digress.

So as a young lady living for Christ I have experienced a span of different age groups and seasons of life in singleness. I realized that this gave me a unique perspective. I see many churches singles ministries struggle over exactly what to do with… well, “singles ministry.” Most churches are driven by theology and centered on family.  Because everyone wants to take a Christ-centered approach or at least their idea of it, most singles ministries have served to try to placate, “encourage,” and of course to spread the message of being satisfied completely in Christ. Problem is, so should you’re married brothers and sisters! Everyone should be satisfied in Christ alone (SICA). For singles, we don’t understand why we in particular need to sacrifice the joys of marriage and children and forced to focus on “SICA.” The advice is true, just usually given in the wrong context. Oh, and so the wrong time!

Please allow me to share some complications I’m observing in singles ministries: 1. Most of these ministries are led by married people who at some point desired to be married and experience the beauty, hardship, and benefits of marriage. Yet when it comes to you, they are attempting to promote  a lifestyle that they themselves don’t live and in most cases never lived. Meaning, most were NOT young, single and sanctified. This is significant and it’s not to cut down anyone who has enough love in their heart to minister to singles. However, think about it. How can somebody, who found their spouse in their sin, lead others to find a spouse in holiness? Impossible? No. Difficult? Absolutely. 

2. Most single ministries main function is to promote this idea of SICA but that means what exactly? If it’s referring to contentment, then this is a good message in general. Basically contentment is not a characteristic that only singles need but rather the entire body Christ, so molding a specific ministry around that concept is a erroneous.

3. Most gatherings I have been too, attempt to tell a single person how they should feel about their singleness. Its almost like a peer pressure to be content, and no room to express inner turmoil or struggle.  Most singles ministries I have been to are designed around a Bible study anyone could benefit from and fun/fellowship for singles but I usually leave feeling as lost and empty as I came.

4. Singles ministry is hard because singleness is a journey that is different for every person. From my experience, I think it is best for the singles minister to attempt to walk along side that single, validating and guiding through from one day to the next if necessary. I think what hurt the most was that I felt my feelings were undermined. People seemed to have such simple cliche responses to the heart-numbing pain I was feeling, and was blind to the absolute loneliness of being one of the few people on the planet that chose to keep myself for my husband. 

So obviously one day I plan to minister to singles. So here are a sample of ideas:

There should be one division only: those who desire to be married and those who don’t.

Those who don’t desire to marry can be in a group with a focus on outreach and on what they can do with all their time and their energy and their freedom.

Whereas those who desire to marry I think that instead of the traditional “singles ministry “it should look a little something like this:

I think it needs to be excepted that the majority of people that are in a singles ministry desire to be married and let’s stop missing this opportunity. 

1. I think there should be some type of fellowship where it’s similar to these get togethers on dating sites. I know “dating sities” is such a bad word. It could be monthly gatherings with those who maybe have the same spiritual grandfather or something like that and are sitting under the same teachings, which is the most ideal place to find a mate anyway. These meetings will be treated in such a way that there is zero pressure and little expectation. This portion will be awkward at first but I believe people will learn it doesn’t have to be.

2. I think that numerical age has very little to do with a singles needs. Yes there are differences between 18-year-olds and 38-year-olds however those differences are insignificant. I think that older singles can benefit from the stories and testimonies of younger singles and vis versa. The same goes for singles who remained celibate and those who didn’t, each can offer something to one another. And those who have children and those who don’t. Those who have been divorced can minister to those who have never been married, so on and so forth.

3. Prayer!!!! I have never, ever, ever been to a singles ministry or singles event where singles are allowed to pour out our hearts, yes vent and then all that’s done is prayer. Where no one is trying to tell you how you should feel. When I am hurting deeply my spirit man hears "pray.” Not have a Bible study, not read scripture, not go camping but pray. The problem with singleness is not that we’re bored, it’s that we are lonely and for some of us our hearts are sick from hope deferred. We are lovers and crave to love and be loved in an intimate way and there is an emptiness that we wake up to every morning. And that’s the part of us that’s never ministered to mainly because I feel we don’t know how to and we don’t know what to do about it. But prayer is always the answer.

With all that being said. There is a beauty in the season of singleness. There is something to be learned, there is revelation that can only be understood through a single’s longing heart. I can read some of my previous posts and it reeks of bitterness. That's because tho focus was in the problem and not the One with the answer. Singles ministry needs to change but a person who becomes destitute, depressed, and hopeless is in need of a love encounter with Abba not a “boo-thang.”. They need identity. The blessing of singleness is that we learn to be satisfied in Christ alone, while we are alone. We can enter relationships with the right context and not cause damage to it. 

In western culture and due to the sexual revolution I feel like love and marriage and attraction have been murky at best. I’m in no way suggesting arranged marriages my point is that back in the day, fathers would get together when their children were as young as six years old to plan for that part of their lives. I don’t think enough is done in our culture to plan for that part of our lives! it’s not about hooking up with somebody it’s about putting the cards on the table and letting the Lord do His work. Because I know in my heart prolonged singleness is not the will of the Father for most of His children. Abba has not changed, we have changed and I see a future where in the midst of fiery revival is also a revival of love and desire to marry for the right reasons and with the passion that we all so desire so much. 

That being said, there is a much better passion awaiting with Yeshua. Chase after Him and you inherit everything you need and desire.

[thebutterflyblog]

House Hunting Meltdown

Seeking His Peace and Comfort

A lot has happened since my last post titled Unhappily Single in America. Click here to read it. 

Its absolutely amazing and crazy how God can take what seems to be random and unrelated events and use those to bring you a life-changing revelation. That happened to me a few weeks ago.

I was house hunting, which for most people is fun…but for me it was a little fun and also bittersweet and full of anxiety. Why? Because I never wanted to be shopping for a house alone at 32. The idea of having my own space is nice but the idea of taking care of a house was a little scary but also empowering! It took me a while to decide but I thought a house is a better investment than an apartment. 

Long story short, I had been searching for houses for about 3 weeks and was going to settle on one that had mostly everything I wanted and for some reason I was overcome with frustration and anxiety. It seemed like no one who should be supporting me was (even though they were). Then I wondered to myself, should I just go back to looking for an apartment? I was so confused! I broke down and cried. I poured my heart out to God about everything that was bothering me. Then, I felt like I should call my dad (which is not a thought that would have come to me normally but since submitting to a spiritual father things have shifted, more on that later.) 

Back to my breakdown: I ended up calling my daddy (love him) and he helped me be rational about the whole thing. He gave me his advice but encouraged me to make a list of pros and cons of both apartments and house in my situation to help me make a decision. 

However, before I could make my list the Spirit stepped in and basically said: Desiree, this is so hard for you because you think a walk-in closet and garden tub is going to bring some type of peace or comfort to you. 

I realized in that moment through the Holy Spirit that everything in my life that has brought me pain, discomfort, frustration, and anxiety is all based on this false premise that buying this, having that, eating this, doing that will add something to me. I know this sounds so weird and simple.  And yes, we all hear “God is enough” but if you look around you we all know we don’t believe that.

I had to realize on my own that when I’m seeking things and start to get uptight and anxious about it, I’m looking for those things outside of Christ. Meaning, a husband, fun events, and having my own place are good things but they will not bring me the peace and comfort I think they will.

For some its food, cars, money, boyfriend/girlfriend, popularity, whatever it is, you are looking for those things to add something to you. They won’t. You have to seek the peace and comfort you are looking for in Christ. Only God can give me the peace I need in order to enjoy the things I have and will have. Does that make sense?

This has blown my mind. Such a simple revelation. Finally with upmost sincerity, I can say that only Abba Father, the Most High God can satisfy and give the comfort I seek in so many other things day to day. For those reading this right now I pray that whatever, games, food, tv, or people in your life you seek daily to bring you satisfaction and comfort you cease. Once you begin to see those things as you should, as blessings, gifts, and unnecessary additions to your life, those “things” will lose their control over you. Yes, you’ll still get hungry but maybe you’ll choose what’s better for you not just what you crave. You’ll still get lonely but you will know that God’s best for you is worth the loneliness now and much better than being with someone that drains the very life from you. 

If you’re not there yet that’s okay. I pray whenever you have your next high stress moment like with my  “house hunting” breakdown, God will open your eyes too! LOL!!

Peace and Love!

[thebutterflyblog]

Unhappily Single in America

You’re not Alone

I recently read the book: The Dating Manifesto by Lisa Anderson, a 43-year old Christian single women who is the director of young adults for Focus on the Family and also the host of The Boundless Show - a podcast show for Christian singles. 

I first started listening to The Boundless Show about 3 months ago. Its funny and definitely discusses an array of topics important to Christian singles that is just not discussed in church. I recommend you check out the show if you haven’t heard of it before. You can go to www.boundless.org to listen to podcast. 

From the first chapter of her book, I could totally relate to Lisa. It was refreshing to hear about dating from someone who herself is still single. Her story and her advice are necessary for any single. I think its important to hear different people’s experiences and perspectives. 

She addressed issues with single men in the church such as: not taking initiative to ask out the women at their church, not taking responsibility in life, or having too high expectations of the perfect Christian woman. She also addressed issues with single women: again too high expectations, wanting a man that fits a 50-point bullet list of qualities, or obsessing over whether their current love interest is “the hubs,” or turning men down for no good reason (I’m guilty of those two). Don’t get me wrong ladies, I’m not saying that you need to accept any advance from any guy. No, I’m just saying that if you’re praying and waiting for a specific guy, you can still be open to getting to know someone that may not be your “dream guy.” Believe me, its worth it. 

Saved, Single, and Sad

One thing I really want to talk about though is Chapter 9- It’s Okay to Grieve. Lisa, if your reading this, this chapter had me in tears, I was literally weeping reading this chapter. Not just because I could feel her pain through the pages but because I could relate to every word. Its the one thing that so many people who did not have prolonged singleness do not understand. 

“The stark reality is this: I’m no one’s most important person...This is a grief that comes with singleness. Another grief comprises the losses I’ve experienced as a single. Because while life goes on and God’s mercies truly are new every morning, I can’t deny the fact that time marches on, and with it go many things. For example, I will never get married in my twenties or thirties. Those days are gone. This is an irreversible reality. I will never be a young mom and may never be a mom at all...My dad won’t be at my wedding. He died when I was thirty, so the dream of having him vet potential boyfriends, give his blessing on my eventual spouse, and then walk me down the aisle is a dream that will never come to fruition.”

-Lisa Anderson

There is shame, rejection, meaninglessness in being single. What makes it worse, people try to point out I Corinthians 7:25-35 and suggest that the more spiritual path is to be single and be happy about it. I take severe issue with this, even though I know many singles themselves use this scripture to bring some level of mental comfort to a very perplexing and uncomfortable situation. I understand, you try to make sense of why the bible itself is a beautiful and enduring love story that begins and ends with a wedding and yet here you are...left alone. One verse of scripture written to a specific group of people does not change that fact. As I’ve said before, unwanted singleness is a distraction itself. Despite your desire to honor God with waiting for love, intimacy, and affection until marriage, you feel you have been forgotten or made to suffer in loneliness. Celibate service is not for most people. 

It can be a dire situation.  That’s why I have this blog here to hopefully help some lonely and confused single from making the same mistakes I did. Whether you are here because you pastor older singles or perhaps you are a youth pastor to young people who have expressed fears about being single forever or its your daughter or son. This is for you too. 

I encourage you to pray, and have a healthy level of realism while also submitting to the possibilities of faith. I encourage you to read blogs like this so you know that you are not alone. I want you to know that there are more old-fashioned, bible believing men then Hasatan (satan) would have you to believe. Don’t compromise in the wrong areas, compromise in the right areas like eye color and if his ears are too big. Oh so he’s not a doctor? Who cares, is he willing to die for you? That matters. Does he love God? Is he willing to get closer to Him? That’s better than a fake. So what if he has been married before, so what he might have a child or two, take your time, and give him a fair chance in prayer just like you would Mr. Serial Dating Hotshot. 

I’m just saying, there is a lot of people who are unhappily single in America. It hurts my heart, and I’m pretty sure it hurts God’s heart too. I know that it is easy to resent God because you feel like He has chosen you for sadness and aloneness and you feel guilty because if you were supposed to be happy about all this...um, you didn’t get that memo before you hit puberty. 

I just want you to consider the fact that we live in a nation, in a world, that has been abused, manipulated, and “turnt” by sin. What we thought was “freedom” through the sexual revolution was a cancer that is trying to desecrate your dreams. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that God is unaware or unable to help you. No, but I am saying that when you pray for your husband (no matter how soon you start), God doesn’t grab a handful of dirt in His hands in that moment and make “The One” appear with all the qualities you ask for. No, when it comes to spouses, what we have to choose from is real men who live in the real world and are faced with real problems. They just might not have always made the right choice, did you? Didn’t think so.

Be realistic while also keeping God first. Seek His presence and He WILL get you through the hard times. Stay in His presence and He will bless you in due season. Like I said I don’t have all the answers but I do know that I am loved. I do know that a man can never truly satisfy my soul the way God can. I’m looking forward to loving my husband and being loved by him, but I am also ready for the work it takes to be in a relationship and the responsibility of caring for a husband, house, and children. Are you ready to be unfairly treated sometime? Are you ready to do hard work with no “thank you.” You’ll probably only get a “thank you” once a year...Mother’s day, and even that won’t come until your child is mature enough to recognize your sacrifice for them, LOL. 

So do yourself a favor and stop complaining or avoiding serving others. Stop looking at every situation as to how fair it is because guess what? Expectations put on wives and mothers are not always fair and yes, no one really cares. Don’t let the feminist fool you, they just hate your God, they don’t care either. Guess who sees you and loves every part of you? Your Heavenly Father. Also, pray for other singles in your life. Even better get to together with singles and pray for each other! Rebuke satan’s plans to destroy your future husband and sabotage you two from even getting together to begin with.  I’m serious, satan hates marriages and not just the ones that already exist. He hates it so much, he wants to prevent it all together. 

God uses what the enemy intends for evil and turns it around for your good. So Redeem the Time. Keep the faith, and share your joys and struggles with people who love you. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. My email address is virtuousdezi@gmail.com. Reach out for prayer request or just a listening ear (or eye, lol). Peace and Love!

[thebutterflyblog]

Why I Believe People Fail at “Dating”

The End Game is Short-sighted

As a single women in my 30′s, I’ve come across a lot of potential mates. Some guys are very open about their intentions being temporal by stating things like “here for a good time, not a long time” or “not looking for anything serious just fun”, “fwb would be nice.” I like that, its honest, and makes my life easier.

I always get a good chuckle inside at the guys who try so hard to not appear shallow: “haven’t found the right one yet,” “busy with my career, just looking to have some fun,” “show me around your city.” Those are Tinder classics!! Haha!

I’ve heard it said that any man in his 30′s who is still single, its because he wants to be. This is not always a bad thing. Maybe he is waiting for the right one, or maybe he hasn’t gotten his life together. Either way, its a choice. Many guys find themselves still single because they played the dating game…and didn’t know they were losing. 

You see, even the guys with good intentions often have their sight set on what’s right ahead. Men who genuinely want a serious relationship are looking forward to all the benefits, they believe,  come with having a girlfriend: no commitment, intimacy, fun, companionship,and did I mention no commitment? 

The end game is to get alone with her, enjoy her company and be able to act married without being married.

Some guys may say, “wait a minute, I’m not afraid of commitment, I dated one girl for 4 years.” Dating for 4 years is the result of a directionless relationship outside the will of God. Our Father is about marriage, not dating or girlfriends. You may can be loyal and call it commitment, but loyalty is different from committing to a covenant marriage that has legal and spiritual implications and responsibilities. Other’s may say, “I want to be married, I just haven’t found the right girl for me.” That deserves a whole other post but I will say this: whatever you’re expecting from this fabulous girl make sure you measure up to that yourself.

Focus on What Matters

I have a confession: When I talk to most men about intimacy, boundaries, beliefs on sex before marriage, being alone with the opposite sex, etc. I get a little annoyed. I know I have to have these conversations with the average American guy, but it doesn’t make it any less annoying. Especially if our expectations are very different and he claimed to be just as Christian as I am.

Look, I’m a human being, with flaws (who knows, possibly deadly),  that could potentially be your wife. There are so many things to learn and know about a person besides how soon can you get in a room alone with him or her. I get this nagging feeling, somewhere in my heart, that, whats really at the forefront of these guys minds is: How soon can I get my needs met from this relationship. 

Yes, it's annoying but also, in my opinion, it takes focus off more important things. A man looking for a wife is not looking to watch Netflix with her, or “make-out” with her as soon as possible. No, he’s looking to take her hiking, or to a museum, (or whatever the couple decides) to find out how she acts around others, how does she treat people, how does she act when she’s hungry, frustrated, mistreated, hot, cold, does she patiently wait for you at restaurant or restroom? Is she frugal, is she a spender, does she like extravagant things, nice things, or raunchy things? Can she even count? How does she treat her family? How does she treat her pets? How long has she been at her current job, church, or residence? Can she cook? 

Get my drift? Same for us ladies. Will HE step up and discipline/teach his children? Does he talk about fixing his stove, car, or whatever but never does it? Does he have a plan or just dreams? Does he get along with his parents and siblings? How does he act when challenged? Does he just talk about Jesus or does he actually look for ways to serve and connect with other believers? Who is he accountable to?

Before you have a fit: I know most single men and women are not going to have it all together! Truth is, marriage helps us grow up. But we have to get there and any married person will tell you when the rubber hits the road, those things are more important. Leave all that focus on cuddling, making out, and spooning for when you two, as children of God come together as one in holy biblical marriage. That will be the easy part.

I hope that these conversations will help you learn the good, bad, and ugly about the person you desire to be with. There will be deal-breakers, but its better to know about and discuss these things before marriage then after.  Is she willing to learn to cook? Is he willing to seek advice about a father’s role in disciplining his children? You can do this in a gentle and kind way. Maybe even take a financial class together. Marriage is work and it takes work to get there too.

Dating fails because those involved don’t think big enough, maybe out of fear. Satan loves for us to be afraid of marriage: its the spiritual reflection of the entire Word of God. Men are natural leaders, so yes, they carry the weight of this issue. Pursue a woman with purpose and not the purpose of having a girlfriend or that’s all you’ll ever have - a girl, a child that you want to act like your mother- that never, ever, works. 

[thebutterflyblog]

Good reflection!

[thebutterflyblog]

I posted this on Instagram a while back and got more likes than I thought I would. When people are exposed to truth, they are either attracted to it or repelled by it. God's children will be attracted to it even if they don't fully understand why. It's our job to help others understand why and reconnect them to their Father.

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Redeeming the Time

Why Your Present Relationship Habits are Important

I am currently reading the book I kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. In the book, he has a chapter called Redeeming the Time: Making the most of Your Singleness. This is actually chapter 12 and I have so much to say about this book but I am skipping ahead because I had some things on my mind tonight that were inspirited by this chapter. He talked about ways to get ready for marriage now as a single. He discussed general maturity, developing better habits and getting rid of bad ones. He didn’t specifically talk about what I am about to discuss but what he said got me thinking.

We, as singles, imagine that once we are finally happy and sharing our lives with the one we love that our moods and harsh attitudes will disappear or at least be better. They won’t. Truth is, how well we deal with present relationships with friends, co-workers, and family, matter. God is always examining our hearts and if anyone sees the big picture, it would be The Almighty Father. Our inclination to drift towards isolation or our lack of motivation will not change once we find love and say “I do.” In fact it might get worse. 

Remember the first time you played a new video game, got your new phone, new shoes, or drove your new car? Remember how excited you were, how every detail was fascinating and you were careful with the game, phone, shoes, or car? How about now? That will tell you a lot about yourself. Because the truth is, no matter how godly our spouses are they will hurt us. After the infatuation blinder is removed, then you will notice things you don’t like. They will say things and do things that tear at our hearts more deeply than any other relationship we have had, and if not corrected, our habitual erroneous responses will show up. We may not immediately divorce or “cut off” our spouses but we will store up accusations, and create walls in our relationships that lead to bitterness and sever true God-intended intimacy between man and wife. We don’t want that!!

Again, you’re not single because you’re a “bad person” everyone has faults. Its ludicrous to pretend there are specific steps to “fixing” yourself so God will bless you. Only God knows the reasons behind everything.

What I do know is that God sets us up for success, not failure. In His mercy, He wants to protect your future spouse and yourself. He has blessed you with time to get some things right, because He knows our Enemy satan will use every open door to disrupt God-fearing families. We have the commission to “go forth, multiple, and have dominion over the earth,” satan doesn’t like that. If you have attitudes or beliefs that have not been checked by God, satan will use it at every opportunity. 

Marriage is more than just companionship, intimacy, raising kids, and running a household how you want to run it. Marriage is a relationship that involves two human beings that bring into that relationship all of their spiritual, physically, emotional, and financial strengths or weaknesses. 

So the next time you feel that ache in your heart about what God has yet to do, take a look at yourself and see what you can do to prepare for the ministry of marriage and family. When the excitement wains, you’ll want to have a firm foundation on how to forgive even if you feel wronged, how to love unconditionally, how to serve, without a “thank you,” and negotiate with empathy and humility.

These character traits don’t just happen magically, it takes prayer, maybe fasting, and involving others that can hold you accountable. That last one is very important and one we try to avoid because  it’s not easy to involve other people. We don’t want others to see our faults, well guess what?! THEY ALREADY DO! And if you want to be married that is involving another person into your private business. Don’t romanticize marriage with the delusion that Eros love solves all your problems.

photo credit: Ondine B. <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/14065787@N00/22772607854">Autumn at Parc de la Tête D'Or</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">(license)</a> 

[thebutterflyblog]

Latest Praise Dance we did. Every time I dance for God I am a living sacrifice, I am a testimony of overcoming darkness, doubts, and fears. I hope this blesses you! Tumblr only lets you post 5mins so some of beginning is cut out.

[thebutterflyblog]

Love vs. Lust

So, there is a lot of talk about the science of love. According to many researchers the belief is that the 1st stage of love is lust (http://examinedexistence.com/why-we-fall-in-love-the-science-of-love/ ). The previous article states that “The feel of lust is basically backed up or instigated by the sexual hormones within the body.” Basically, lust is driven by chemicals in the brain and is not only natural but helps us to get to love. This is mostly driven by Helen Fisher’s research. In summary Stage 1 - Lust, leads to  Stage 2- Attraction (attraction is also driven by certain hormones), and finally Stage 3 - Attachment (yep, also maintained by hormones). The assumption is that some where between the lust and attachment phase, sexual intercourse took place which further strengthens attachments. 

Most single adults, whether Christian or not, will find this synopsis...troublesome to say the least. First of all, how many single women have encountered the lust of a man at a nightclub or on a dating site meet up, felt like there was an attraction only to find out there is no, and I mean zero, desire for long term attachment. Maybe temporary attachment in your bed for a few nights if you let it go that far, but actual commitment and titles of boyfriend/fiancee/husband...hell-to-the-nawh!

So for those of you who are not into God or the Bible, I respect that, and I hope you can figure out the missing piece in all this “science.” Good luck with that.

As for the rest of us crazy followers of Jesus/Yeshua...let me take away the mystery...lust does not lead to Love. Says who? Yahovah the Almighty Master of the Universe and Father of All.  Yahovah/Yahweh IS Love, He made Love so He’s got dibs on this people, sorry. 

The world defines “lust” as a mammals reaction to hormonal activity in the brain, blah blah blah, let me spare you the mundane scientific rhetoric. This may be true for the birds but for us humans, its more complicated than that. Birds don’t have knowledge of good and evil and they certainly aren’t able to form complex civilization. BIRDS, ladies and gentleman, did not murder 6 million other birds because their breast hairs were just too reddish/yellowish. Elephants, horses, and yes even monkeys, are never, ever, going to come together to enslave humans under one global religion...negative. Not. Going. To. Happen. Ever.

God made us in His image. We feel but we also think. We learn and we create. We are unique. 

I Corinthians 13 is known as the love chapter but really, the ENTIRE Bible is a love story. It helps us to learn about who God is, and we learn quickly that He is Love! Pure, selfless, powerful, life-giving love is only found in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. 

The Love that every human being wants has nothing to do with sexual hormones or the fulfillment of fleshly urges. The Love all of us desire from infancy to our death beds is the kind of love that is respectful, just, peaceful, enduring, consistent, and unconditional. We settle for less because of fear (whether fear of the past, or fear of commitment). Fear is the opposite of love. Lust is what we settle for when love seems like a fairy-tale that the monster in our closet is telling us is not real because of x,y, and z. 

People who settle for temporary, inconsistent, and self-degrading intimate encounters whether its just kissing and groping or full out sex never find true fulfillment. Even if these lustful encounters of attraction lead to attachment, these attachments are based on “feelings” (hormonal reactions are fancy scientific talk for - feelings). When the  person we once “loved” no longer fires off hormonal reactions in our brains, when the heat is turned off, when the fire dies, these attachments often end. Thus the high divorce rate in Western Civilizations. 

The Love God created was not based on emotional euphoria but rather on covenant. If you haven’t had the pleasure of reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman you definitely should. There is a Singles Edition and I have found it to be a blessing in my life. I am learning how to speak the language of enduring, selfless, consistent, unconditional love in all it’s dialects. I can practice with friends, family, co-workers, and eventually dating relationships as well.

[thebutterflyblog]

“The lofty looks of man shall be humbled, The haughtiness of men shall be bowed down, And the LORD alone shall be exalted in that day. For the day of the LORD of hosts Shall come upon everything proud and lofty, Upon everything lifted up— And it shall be brought low—” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭2:11-12‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

[thebutterflyblog]

Revelations: The real secret you’re missing

Attention Men: 

It has been understated or completely unnoticed, when recalling the story of the snake in the Garden of Eden, that although he deceived Eve, satan’s ultimate goal was to destroy Adam. To take the crown of Adam, the son of God, and confuse his understanding of his place as THE Son of GOD - made in the image of God, to do His work, and to have dominion over the earth. It was never about Eve. [Genesis 1:26-28, 2:16-25, and ch 3]. 

The Holy Spirit shared this with me: [s]atan’s ultimate goal remains the same, for example, the purpose of pornography and prostitution is not to degrade or control women, it’s purpose is to degrade MEN and control MEN. Makes you think doesn’t it? (See, Proverbs 7:21, 25-27; I Corinthians 6:15) .  [l]ucifer wants you to be his puppet, distracted by your cravings like an animal. Its a MENTAL state of enslavement. Its the only way he can stop you. 

Once you connect with your real Father, once you start walking as the priestly (servant) kings of this earth that THE King of kings made you to be, once you see evil for what it is, then you will realize the power you have. This power, in its totality, is completely divine (God-given). (Psalm 8:5-6, Heb 2:6-10) Its part of a greater design so much bigger than you and your ideas of what is “manly.” Its the kind of power that can lift everyone else up. Change your family and change the world. The source of this power is Yahovah God. Its hilarious to the Almighty God that feminist think your position comes from cultural or social norms. So they seek to change that and think things will get “better” for women…wrong! It seems these particular women are still believing satan’s lies and doing nothing but hurting themselves…sad. I believe that’s why, no matter what positions of "power" or "status" women achieve,  there is no soul satisfaction, life is no better. It's not because women can't or shouldn't have this or that career, but she has to be anchored in the will of God! She cannot abandon her divine position as a coordinator of the home if she is a wife and mother. 

When men and women step out of the order of God, they enter into covenant with evil.  Men, your divine position of authority comes from heaven above, not anything of this earth. It's a HUGE responsibility by the way, as demonstrated by the state our world is in. When men lose touch with God, things go downhill. No amount of money, power, nor influence change who you are as a Son of God. That’s right, your economic status is irrelevant to your spiritual kingship, it was given by divine right. Its not about the bling-bling, son, its about the King of kings. Not the dollar bills and thrills but what’s eternal and real. 

[s]atan’s mission was completed when ADAM ate the fruit, not Eve. Women are the soil. Men give the seeds. If the soil is corrupted, you can move to a different field. However if the seed itself is corrupted, then what? Its thrown away as useless. The fruit will be defiled no matter where it is planted. That’s why as a Daughter of God, for the sake of not only myself but the precious children I may bear one day, I’m not distracted by gender roles, equal pay, all combat units being open, being seen as just as (fill in the blank) as a boy…that’s bull and only meant to turn my attention from the real problem: disobedience to God. I can become the first female this and that, which, okay, good for me. But if I”m not teaching young girls to obey Jesus and follow in His example, I”m not inspiring any good at all. Obeying God’s purpose and plan, that’s success! Making my calling and election sure is a life well lived! Not spending years proving I can do what a man can do. Women who want their name in the history books, great, that’ll be your reward, but I’d rather have mine in the book of life in the Kingdom that’s coming, not the one passing away. 

I’m tired of feminist but I’m also tired of men bowing down to satan. Who live less that what God has for them. God is a God of order, every part of His design for the family has a purpose (Ephesians 5:23). It's more than just a good idea. I pray that all men look to God and obey Him knowing that His only desire is to help His sons defeat their mortal enemy - lucifier. God is for you, not against you. Yeshua the Messiah (Jesus Christ) came as the second Adam, stripping back the crown from that snake satan, giving you an opportunity to follow in His footsteps, bearing every hardship with confidence knowing that the victory is guaranteed! (Heb 2:14,17; Romans 5:1-6; 8:28-39; I Corinthians 15:22). 

Christ died and rose again, so that you can amount to more than just another man that is a slave to his flesh. A man who is free to defeat every attempt to separate you from Abba Father, and who will not allow the devil’s “pop culture” to have its way with your family, your city, or your nation. Knowing the real battle begins on your knees in waging war against wicked men and women who are deceiving millions of God’s children into going along with social experiments gone wrong. Way wrong. 

Look to Jesus as your example. Being "the head" doesn't mean throwing your weight around all the time. True Sons of GOD humble themselves before GOD and GOD alone. True Sons of GOD are imperfect human beings who need the love of Jesus to show them how to love others everyday. True Sons of GOD seek to build strong families, not play with women’s hearts and bodies. True Sons of GOD are prayerful and intentional with courtship/dating, they do not search for a gal every now and then to see how far she’ll go and then forget about her and move on to the next thrill. True Sons of God stand up for truth no matter who gets offended. They look to Yeshua to provide the way that leads to life everlasting!! 

Excerpt from 1 Maccabees‬ ‭3:17-22‬ ‭KJVA‬‬:

“[W]ho, when they saw the host coming to meet them, said unto Judas, How shall we be able, being so few, to fight against so great a multitude and so strong, seeing we are ready to faint with fasting all this day? Unto whom Judas answered, It is no hard matter for many to be shut up in the hands of a few; and with the God of heaven it is all one, to deliver with a great multitude, or a small company: for the victory of battle standeth not in the multitude of an host; but strength cometh from heaven. They come against us in much pride and iniquity to destroy us, and our wives and children, and to spoil us: but we fight for our lives and our laws. Wherefore the Lord himself will overthrow them before our face: and as for you, be ye not afraid of them.” ‭‭

Many Blessings :-*

For an interesting perspective on feminism, divine order, and recent events, click here.  

[thebutterflyblog]

My Love Story - Chapter 12: Seeking  a Relationship With Yeshua

So right now, I’m learning to be satisfied with Christ alone. I read so many encouragements to singles about waiting for the man that loves Yeshua (Jesus) more than he loves you. Of course for me, that’s all I’ve been waiting on for the past 16 years, LOL. The challenge is to stop asking why, because it doesn’t produce  a healthy thought life...I am focusing on learning what God is trying to teach me and the best way to do that is to draw closer and closer. 

 I’ve always been a truth seeker, I”ve always read my bible, and I used to pray for what I wanted but also for spiritual aspirations and things going on in the world. Along the way I got away from that and this caused me to get stagnated in my walk with God.  Yeshua always wants to give us more. I’m ready to get more. After so many heartbreaks and disappointments, it was a little difficult at first. I HATE being fake with God. I didn’t want to pretend I was interested in a deeper relationship with Christ. 

Honestly, I didn’t know what that looked like outside what I have already been doing -going to church, reading the Word, praying, ministering to the lost, using my gifts for Yeshua, worshiping and praising God with all I had even in the hard times; I was already doing all that so what else is there? I would ask God “what do You want from me?”

I believe its to learn to hear His voice and to learn obedience through suffering.

Of whom much is given, much is required, so there is something amazing on the other side of this.I am learning obedience and humility now, because I’ll have so much of His goodness and glory later. I’ll have to be responsible with it and use my blessings as a mirror to reflect back to the Messiah in my life...not to have arrogance or feel self-accomplished. Not to gloat, not to “get mine” and the forget all about those that I love or people like you reading this now who are still waiting.

What I am learning as far as how to get closer to Yeshua:

1. Pray that Yesuha (Jesus) would help you draw closer and help you keep His commandments. Pray that He would give you your daily portion. Pray that He would reveal more truth to you. 

2. Read the Bible and really take your time with each story and think about what is going on. Ask God any questions you have and trust one way or another He is going to answer your questions. God has used TV shows I’ve watched to speak to me. This is not encouraging you to watch crazy TV shows, I’m simply saying that if your spiritual eyes are awake you can’t help but hear His voice in everyday situations, even while ordering a pizza or watching Mad Men. The more you read the Bible and learn about God’s response to things, His thoughts, and His perspective the more likely you are to recognize His voice.

I also enjoy listening to sermons from www.aroodawakening.tv and sometimes Elevation Church on YouTube. Hope this helps someone!

This is the final chapter of my story I’ll post online. Once I get to the other side, I’ll share more. 

Come back weekly for more posts encouraging the virtuous daughters of Yehovah! Men, I got something for you too. 

Love and Peace!

[thebutterflyblog]

My Love Story - Chapter 11: Growing in Faith

The following is a Prayer Request I was going to send but I revised it before I sent it, so that is wasn’t so blunt, here’s the original:  

Hard Times

Needing prayer…need Father’s help getting through today and how ever many more days like today. My heart is tired?? Lol, don’t know any other way to describe it. Takes a lot energy and faith to keep going and holding on to Gods word despite the situation…some days I can use my faith muscle boldly but then I wake up and realize months, years have gone by and the moments of holding on, praising God thru pain, speaking those things as thou they were, getting excited about the future, trying to find contentment has led me…ummm to a place I still need more fuel, more faith, more fight and although God can supply all that, it’s to the point it’s a merry-go-round I want no part in. So I’m still in the fight

I want to remind you that loneliness and the pain of rejection is like a death in your family. Its the death of your dreams and when you have prolonged unwanted singleness you experience this feeling monthly, weekly and sometimes daily. I’m sharing this intimate detail so that if you have singles in your church, especially older ones, take the time to invite them into your home and into your life. Pray for them and with them. Don’t be judgmental or give unwanted advice; just be the love they need. Also, not every single is upset about being single. That’s why you have to get to know person with genuine love and concern.

Faith Walk

Faith is about obedience. Faith is about surrender. Faith is keeping your confidence in God’s promises of rain even when all you see is drought and famine. 

Like I said in the previous chapter, the weird thing that happened in my state of rebellion was, when I stopped obsessing over doing things God’s way because I felt I had to, I felt lighter! I was free! But when I came to my senses. I learned that my God, Yehovah, KNEW I couldn’t do this by myself, and was NEVER EXPECTING ME TOO!! It was never my strength that was going to get me through this but by His strength. That’s what I mean when the I say the message of “holy living” is misleading. Before, I would say “God is keeping me” because I know that’s cliche but I didn’t live my life that way. I was depending on my on ability to overcome my sorrow and loneliness and that is why I got worn out and became war-torn and battle-scarred.

I didn’t fully understand grace, nor did I fully appreciate forgiveness. This is why you have to be careful about Christians who always boast about what they don’t do, or where they never been. Who is that really glorifying?? Listen to this song. This song, kept coming on the radio, over and over and over and over and over in my 30th year while I was struggling. I know right!! GOD MAKES US BRAVE ENOUGH TO FIGHT THE FLESH WE CANNOT OVERCOME WITHOUT HIM!!

I always knew that I needed God but didn’t really understand what that meant. To prepare me for what is coming and  because He loves me more than I’ll ever know, He wanted more of me and wanted me to know more of Him. 

After I realized I needed to make a choice to serve God all the way or all the way forsake Him, I began to realize this “Journey to Recovery” was going to be just like my former clients at the drug rehab center I used to work at. It was going to be a day by day battle, I would literally tell myself, “Desiree, just for today, do what you need to do and keep your faith in God, just for today.” I couldn’t think about the wait or the days ahead or I would literally break down again. During this time, every Rhema word that I heard was just for me.  All of us know as Christians we should pray often, but I began and still am, literally praying several times a day on most days. I notice that when I do not get His living Word in me I start to plunder. Ya’ll... the struggle is real, I was at a point where DAILY I had to make that hard choice to serve God, IN TEARS. Let me tell you I prayed some horrible angry prayers during this time. LMBO! It’s a miracle God still likes me, seriously. Like if I was in OT times I would’ve been cursed for 29 generations, like seriously.

I’m sharing this personal part of my life so that someone out there will know what it takes to keep going when every part of you, every part, wants to give up. This is for those who are at a breaking point, whether it be your marriage, your child, your workplace or business, in fighting some type of sexual perversion, an illness, oppression, in standing up for what is right or whatever your story involves, 

My main problem was that I allowed my circumstances to bring doubt about God’s very love for me, all the evidence was pointing to REJECTION, just like my experience in school as a child, and from these men in my past, who did not choose me. I felt like even my Heavenly Father was ignoring my hurt and my pain. And His answer to my plea was...indifference - no matter how desperate I was. While there are things I still don’t understand, and probably won’t until I get fully to the kingdom coming, I am seeing where God’s love has been sustaining me this whole time. Because of God’s extreme love for me I still have my virginity - a rarity and a blessing for my husband and my children. Yes my children, because my soil is not tainted spiritually speaking.

To be honest, if it were not for all these trails, I would not be as strong as I am today…even though…and this is the amazing part of it, I feel so WEAK…yes even now I am fully aware of what Desiree in her flesh is capable of. I haven’t even got into the part about my heart literally hurting and feeling as if it was bruised…as sure as Yehovah is Who He is, it was so. When I would take deep breathes I would feel the wounded parts of my heart. I am sure walking about sad for so long has its impact and there could be a natural explanation for this but I do not know of any. I remember every time God healed a part of my heart. I am believing on faith, right now as I type this my heart is running on Grace! Now when I take a deep breathe? I feel God in there…for real. Psalms 119:116 says…”Uphold me according unto they word, that I may live: and let me not be ashamed of my hope.” Psalms 139:10 says…”Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right had shall hold me.” These words are more than black letters on page, this Word is life to me!

If reading this makes you feel like “I don’t want to follow Christ if its like this.” Then don’t. Every human goes through hardships, following Christ is not a get out of jail free card. However, I’d rather suffer for doing right, than doing wrong. Christ suffered for standing up to the evils of His day and time. If you are obeying Christ, you’re going to suffer for righteousness’ sake in this day in age if not ever before. Times like this expose to whom is our true allegiance and if you don’t like yours change it. God is separating the wheat from the tares and He is not going to let anyone of His true children perish.

[thebutterflyblog]

My Love Story: Chapter 10 - God is Down-to-Earth

When we go through tests and hardships, we not only learn more about Yehovah our Elohim (GOD), what’s more is we learn about ourselves. Just like fire exposes the impurities in Gold AND burns them away, so does the fiery trials we face expose and if we let it, burn away impurities in us.

Now, I’m not saying that I am sin-free and perfect now. I think “refining” is a life long process. However - I’m putting on my social worker hat now - because we live in a culture where adolescence is exalted and young people are encouraged to sustain a level of immaturity, our Heavenly Father has to put us through a process of refining to get out impurities that we may not otherwise realize is there. Also, which is definitely my case, we go through hurts and pains in our past that still affect us today and that is so buried we don’t realize it is driving our actions in the present. 

There are many people who will say to singles that this is the purpose of their singleness. Let me set myself apart right now, and say, ITS NOT! Nope. I think the main reason there are so many single Christian women is because there are too many Christian men who are:

Intimated - Sex is fun, marriage is responsibility. They don’t desire marriage, they desire sex. Therefore, they aren’t seriously seeking God for a marriage partner and how to find/court her.

Dishonest - I’ve come across many guys who will say all the right things but when put the test all they really wanted is a physical connection then maybe...ya know...we’ll see. 

Distracted and Unintentional: All the above cause our men to develop BAD dating habits that do nothing to honor God. 

This isn’t about bashing the guys. Men have been hurt too.  In fact, I’m sure every guy who I’ve encountered who left me heartbroken had legitimate reasons for their indecisiveness about commitment. I’m nothing but thankful for how things turned out, even though it hurt then.

Ladies, we’ve made mistakes as well. Truth is, I think men get confused by women. We send mixed messages ourselves. I think there are too many Christian women who are not upfront about where they stand because we are afraid. We settle too much. We compromise. And when we compromise we set the stage for men to think all women, say one thing but mean another. The pickings are thin, but if we don’t start raising our standards, the guys won’t either.

As much as I would love to have my husband right now, I am thankful for my Heavenly Father making me a better woman, wife, and Lord-willing a wonderful mother. I don’t understand it, in fact, it is a strange thing to me, that I was chosen for this suffering, but I choose to believe God when He tells me, double for my trouble. I choose to believe God when He told me “You are not forgotten, all that you’ve shed tears about on your pillow, you will receive all at once in due season.”

You see, it would be easy to give in. It would be easy for me to announce on YouTube that I no longer think pre-martial sex is what the Bible was referring to when talking about “fornication.” It would be easy for me to tell myself that God loves fornicators and He understands that our culture has changed now and in order for me to realistically get a man, I have to be willing to have sex without a ring. It would be easy for me to say that God has given me this desire to be a wife and mother, and for just sex in general and therefore, God supports my desires. It would be easy for me to tell myself God understands that it is hard to find a Christian man so marrying a man that is not devoted to Christ and jeopardizing my children and my household is okay. It would be easy to stop following Christ for real and convince myself that God supports my desires and whatever it is I want to do. 

Recently, I heard about a Christian artist coming out as gay and stating that homosexual sex is not a sin. When I hear about stuff like this is makes me sad because I understand the decision behind this compromise and I realize how quickly we choose the wide and crooked to avoid the hardships of the cross. It reminds me of how narcissistic we have become to make ourselves God and decide what is right and wrong. Believe me, when I was doing what I wanted to do, I was telling myself what I wanted to hear, I was trying to find other Christians who seemed to walk a similar path and turned out alright but you see, you always find what your looking for, but the just walk by faith not by sight. 

Let them who have ears to hear, hear what I am saying: if I were to go out tomorrow night and meet a hottie and decide to have sex with him; that would not change the Word of Yehovah, that would not change the fact that it is sin and I would have to bear the consequences. I would be an even bigger fool and evil doer to proudly declare “God is okay with it.” 

The Cross: All of my struggle, mistakes, total foolishness, rebellion, lust, doubt and everything else made me appreciate the salvation of Christ, what His blood meant to me became clear: we all need His grace and mercy.

Yeshua doesn’t want us to stay in sin but sin teaches us how much we need God’s Word and the Messiah to redeem us when we go astray. Instead of some horrible punishment to look forward to, all I see is the Mercy seat and the blood of my Savior. I have become so much more thankful for His forgiveness. Everyday I have to lean completely on Christ. So if you have been living with an ungoldy desire and you have tried to pray it away...stop, its not about living without the desire to sin, its about trusting in God’s grace or power to help us overcome sin. I hate that you are going through this, but once you have made up your mind to press through it, then get people involved and praying for you and anticipate God’s deliverance but don’t rely on the outcome to confirm your faith. Look to the cross and stay true to the Word of Yehovah.

When you focus your attention on “livin’ right” as a “Christian”, it takes your attention off the cross. I’ve discovered a perplexing paradox: When I was living a life that daily needed God’s forgiveness and when I freed myself of the burden of fighting my flesh, my thoughts were focused on how much I needed God. Whereas, when I took up my own cross, and strove to live a set apart life, I focused on my faults and how much I don’t measure up and I felt miserable.  I don’t have the answer to this paradox. I can’t tell you how to always muster the strength to make the best decision. People who hate God will always be quick to point at Christians who at some point in their life made a dumb decision and call them hypocrites. Don’t let their hatred infect your heart. You will fall, you will give in sometimes but get up or come crawling to the cross. Christ died on the cross for YOU. He sent us His Holy Spirit to put His Word in our hearts, so that our minds our renewed and we won’t continue to fall into sin.

Righteousness is not my responsibility, I am not  justified by my works because my flesh is never going to by godly. Since the age of 13, I was attending churches associated with the Apostolic Pentecostal movement. They are really big on holy, sanctified living. I think that foundation taught me to be different for Jesus which is good, but it also made me believe the lie that my spiritual vindication was based on my own performance. We were taught to do holy to be holy, but Bible says we be-came holy when we were baptized in the blood of Jesus and filled with His Holy Spirit. Period. Its not about our performance. I can testify that we have a Father in Heaven, who delights in showing mercy, whose love is unrelenting, and who will not give up on us very easily. He knows where we are and meets us there everyday. Abba Father is the best evangelist I’ve every known because He truly loves us so deeply.

This topic deserves it’s own post so I won’t do it injustice here, but I will say, trust the process and stop trying to be perfect. I have to remind myself of this. Its easy to think there is something so wrong with you because God has not brought you your spouse. Instead of thinking that way, think that you have been given some extra time to develop your fruit in Christ and become more like Him, so that you will be THE MOST awesome husband or wife on the planet! Oh how much glory you will give God in your biblical marriage!!