thecommunityzone

[thecommunityzone]

Jimson: You got a gift, kid. You know that, right? A gift for henching. Fitzroy: Big deal. I'm a knight student. I like learning. Jimson: Yeah, right. Learning. Learn everything. Learn until you're dead. Or you can join the Annex for Sidekicks and Henchpeople. Fitzroy: Oh, man. Jimson: Listen to me! Blame-taking, accounting, real things, things that people always need and rely on. This is a life, kid, a real one. Doing something that matters, something that makes sense. Fitzroy: The only thing that makes sense is this: Learning, thoughts. So I can think, and get a student loan, and grind my own coffee, and understand HBO. Jimson: You don't have to do that, kid. You're special. You could be a sidekick!

[thecommunityzone]

Fitzroy: It's so clear now. The entire school is shaped like a penis.

Argo: What the hell does your penis look like?

Fitzroy: Obviously like a cluster of buildings. So let's all have a big laugh at the freak.

[thecommunityzone]

Merle: Cards on the table, I'm really high right now.

Taako: I can't believe I'm feeding my pies to a drug addict!

Merle: Drug addict? You're a pie pusher! You push pies to get love!

[thecommunityzone]

Taako: The seventh relic is love, isn’t it? I bet the last relic is gonna be the love inside us the whole time.

Lucretia: Taako, I have a rule about being constructive, so I can’t ask any questions right now. Because all of the questions I have right now are rhetorical and they end with the word “idiot.” Do you know what a rhetorical-- no, of course you don’t know what that is, you’re an idiot. I’m sorry. I am so sorry. But you’re so stupid. You have no idea. And you’re the only one who has no idea, because guess why? Don’t answer that, you’ll get it wrong. Oh, so dumb. You’re just a dumb little man who tries to destroy this bureau every minute. I am so sorry. I’m so sorry.

Taako: [hugs her, sobbing]

Lucretia: Oh, it’s okay. I mean it’s not okay, but shh, shh, shh. Oh, so stupid. Oh, shh, shh. Such a dummy.

[thecommunityzone]

Irene, meeting with maintenance workers: Hi, Jerry, Carlo, Crazy Schmidt. I'm Irene. Jerry: Wow, you learned our names. Irene: I did. Crazy Schmidt, how are C.J.'s clarinet lessons going? Crazy Schmidt: Well, she's having a little trouble with her left finger lifts, but she's getting there. Irene, do you want that bulletin board hung up? Let me put in a work order for you. Crazy Schmidt: There you go. That should happen in three to six business months. Irene, looking at the screen: Any way we could bump that up a little, so it's somewhere above "Lower flag for Reagan's death?" Crazy Schmidt: You gotta talk to a custodian for that; we're janitors. Irene: There's a difference? Crazy Schmidt: Huh. And we were just starting to like you.

[thecommunityzone]

Thacker: Mark Zuckerberg is Fidel Castro in flip-flops. This social media stuff is gonna make East Berlin look like Woodstock. You take my word for that. Duck: Do you own stock in Trivial Pursuit's Baby Boom Edition?

[thecommunityzone]

Irene: Some app developers contacted me about beta testing their latest social-networking app on our campus, which could be good for us. Look what Facebook did for Harvard, right?

[thecommunityzone]

Mama: How are y’all feeling after Ned’s funeral?

Dani: I’m okay. Although...

Dani and Aubrey, singing: Dani and Aubrey are in mourning!

Duck: I can’t believe you guys did that during your eulogy. So uncomfortable.

Dani: I don’t know if everyone got that we were singing “mourning” with a u.

Aubrey: You were singing “mourning” with a u? Oh no!

[thecommunityzone]

Magnus: Are those fantasy Uggs as comfortable as they look?

Taako: They're like wearing a pair of dreams. I'm sure your shoes are fine though.

Magnus: You know what? They are.

[thecommunityzone]

Duck: Shut up, Ned! I heard about your prescription socks.

[thecommunityzone]

Remy: I feel like we let Irene down when we said we wouldn’t join the Fellowship’s softball team. Nadiya: No, she let herself down when she left the house this morning wearing a sweater vest.

[thecommunityzone]

Ned: Do you enjoy billboards and commercials, Miss Little?

Aubrey: You mean shill-boards and con-mercials? No, I don't.

[thecommunityzone]

Thacker: I transferred, or "downloaded," Barclay's picture to this computer. And as you can see, by making a few adjustments, I can make the entire image... Old-West color.

[thecommunityzone]

Magnus: Your words cut me more than hundreds of pink tourmaline shards could.

Merle: I had to get a new arm!

Magnus: I had to smile when I didn't feel like smiling! That hurts my face!

[thecommunityzone]

Ned: Hey, Duck, can I borrow some change for the water fountain? Aubrey: Hang on. There’s a charge on the water fountain? Mama, what are you doing? Mama: Nothing after lunch. And I can skip lunch if you want-- Aubrey: I mean with the water fountain.  Mama: Oh, that. It keeps lodge rates down and it saves on water, too. Aubrey: That’s because nobody's gonna pay to drink water. Mama: Actually it's a two-drink minimum. It'll be reflected in your bill.

[thecommunityzone]

Duck: Shut up, Ned! Those teenage girls you play ping-pong with are doing it ironically.

[thecommunityzone]

Aubrey: I can’t believe Pigeon killed Ned. And to think, I trusted her enough to captain a magic carpet in that dream I had last night.