thediaryofcassiopeia-blog

[thediaryofcassiopeia-blog]

i liked taking pictures of pretty things.

You were my favorite.

-TDoC

[thediaryofcassiopeia-blog]

Cigarettes

Cigarettes. 

 Some smoke to relieve stress, others do it for the heck of it, a handful say it's a social thing, and a select few would say that they want to be closer to death. 

 If you ask me it might be a mixture of all but if you ask me now, I do it or comfort.

 Click. Click.

 The sound of the lighter reminding me of what I had felt when I first saw you. The flame as warm and bright as your smile. I inhale the smoke from that small stick of death and I remember you. The familiar taste of Tobacco  that reminded me of your kiss, the smoke that fills my lungs taking up the emptiness that you left me with, the puff of smoke that lingers reminding me of your touch, the ash that falls of disappearing on the dark asphalt so similar to the fading memories , the bud that is left reminding me of what you did to me leaving me burnt and used. But, I find myself reaching for another cigarette as it pressed on my lips I remember our last kiss, the familiarity of a simple stick of cigarette pressed on my lips gives me the comfort of you being with me though you disappeared like the ribbon of smoke from that small stick of death.

[thediaryofcassiopeia-blog]

I almost saw you again.

As it neared the point that we weren’t seeing each other for a year I almost saw you. You still have no idea how you made my heart race just as if I ran a mile, why was I still scared to face you when you in fact were the one who wronged me. You were the one who left. you were the one who gave up on well, us. 

Maybe I was just scared that if I saw you I’d realise that I was still in love with you and the progress I made would all go down the drain. I knew in my heart that you wouldn’t have the courage to face me either. You are a coward but then again so am I. You still hold a special place in my heart, the guy who was as broken as me who I thought would fix me or that I could fix, It took me a while to realise that I shouldnt depend on you or anyone else for that matter to fix me and you shouldn’t either. You saw me as the epitome of perfect over looking the obvious signs that I wasn’t maybe thats the reason we couldn’t be together. We were both to broken to actually stay together. and I realised that now. I do still love you made not like before but I do still love you, no matter what you do to push me away I still in my own way love you.

I still miss your tattoos, those nerdy glasses, the weird obsession with goats, the funny conversations in the middle of the night, the times youd buy me ramen hell even food for my mom. You were weird. Funny. Smart. Respectful. you did care for me or thats what I want to think. I could wish so many times, one wish sticks. birthday candles. shooting stars. or even santa but I know we will never be together again. No matter how much I tired, but I do wish you the best and I do hope that you’ve finally gotten better even though it was without me. 

-TDoC

i liked taking pictures of pretty things.

You were my favorite.

-TDoC

[thediaryofcassiopeia-blog]

Maybe if I let talked to you more after the birthday, maybe you would have liked me and things would have ended differently. 

Maybe if I had kissed you that night we were drinking at my house then maybe things would have ended differently. 

Maybe if I had asked you to stay that night you left for mcdonalds. 

Maybe if I danced with you a little more at that party.

Maybe if I hadn’t stopped myself because of my friend who used to like you.

Maybe if I cuddled you right after we slept together, maybe if I stayed until you woke up, maybe if they hadn’t mentioned the guy I slept with before you, maybe if I messaged you right after that night, maybe things would have ended differently. 

So many what ifs. should haves. should have beens. keeping me at night making me regret everything. 

What if i had meet you before that new yorker.

What if I had went out a couple of weeks before I met you.

What if I hadn’t second guessed myself.

What if I hadn’t slept with the new yorker.

What if I just showed you how i felt earlier. Would things have ended differently? where would we be now? would we be together? would we just be casually sleeping together? 

I just wanted you to be the one. Cause you, you were the guy who made me realise how I should have been treated, you made sure I was always okay, you made me laugh, you were the perfect gentleman, you were honestly raised by your mother right and I still regret the decisions ive made you have lost you, but then again you didn’t really try hard enough. 

You see, i am one of those girls who have been hurt so much that I couldn’t trust guys that easily anymore. I might have the tough exterior with my piercings, tattoos, weird hair and dark clothing but I am still that girl who falls in love easily. I am still the same girl who wore florals and pastel who just wanted to find love and live happily ever after with her prince charming, it was just that as years went by experiencing heart break after heart break not from only lovers but friends and family I realised that I didn’t want a prince charming but I wanted my dark knight on a dark horse with his rusted armour. I no longer wanted someone to save me cause I could save myself but I still wanted someone to make me feel protected; I couldn’t say that it was you but you were close to being that guy. I guess I just couldn’t be your princess or your beautiful maiden. I was too dark, too unconventional, too wild; I was like the witch, lurking men to fall in love with her temporarily with a magic potion. I would temporarily be shrouded in this illusion of the girl you would want, would actually fall in love with but once the magic has disappeared you would be left with regrets. That is something that I have accepted, I would always be the temporary girl, I am not interesting enough, I am not beautiful enough, I am not funny enough, not tameable enough. 

Maybe i just need a little more time to heal my dark heart by myself, maybe I just need a little more time to fix my problems myself, to find my soul, to find myself, to know myself, to be happy by myself before I can actually find the person who will accept me fully, but i just want to thank you because without you I wouldn’t know what I actually deserve and I wish you happiness. I love you and I still wish things ended differently.

[thediaryofcassiopeia-blog]

[thediaryofcassiopeia-blog]

Dirty Sprite

[thediaryofcassiopeia-blog]

To the guy who wants her,

To the guy who wants her, 

This is how to get her.

Kiss her. A lot.

Dance with her, don’t worry she won’t mind if you suck at it. She loves dancing. 

Sing with her while your driving or just hanging out. Even though she’s tone deaf.

Watch old movies with her.

Give her small surprises. Believe me it doesn’t have to be big cause even though she’ll tell you she doesn’t want romantic gestures she loves it when you surprises her with little things. 

Play with her hair cause it relaxes her.

Let her borrow your hoddies cause she likes the comfiness and your scent. 

Make her coffee. Cause she loves that shit to death.

Tell her she’s beautiful because no matter how much you think that she’s confident in her looks she’s still a bit insecure about it.

Tuck a stray strand of her hair behind her ear while smiling at her. That’s one of the things that makes her swoon.

Be aggressive but gentle at the same time, show her you want her, pull her closer, pull her hair as you kiss her until she’s breathless.

Drunkenly call her as you slur out you love her. 

Write poetry about her. Cause believe me she’ll write about you a lot. 

When she cries don’t even ask her what’s wrong, just hug her until she’s okay before you ask her. Make sure to have a coffee or tea ready, oh and also cigarettes. 

She loves it when you kiss her neck.

or when you put your arms around her. 

Be truthful to her, she wants someone refreshing, she doesn’t want a rose colour glass or sweet words. She wants transparency. 

Show her your deepest and darkest thoughts, she will love you more. She has a habit of falling for broken souls. She will accept you no matter what. 

Don’t take her to fancy restaurants because she’s already used to that. She grew up in a lavish household.

Let her open up to you, cause she’s always the one who listens. 

She’s not a morning person, so if you want to wake her up better have coffee ready. 

She loves to hugs so please don’t be annoyed.

She lives for adrenaline so if you’re a bit scared of the things she does just support her on the sidelines. 

When she’s sick all she wants are a ton of pillows, movies, spicy chicken soup and for you to cuddle with her.

Oh yeah, she loves spicy food by the way.

She loves food in general. 

Get high with her.

Travel with her. 

Get drunk with her.

She loves Peonies.

She loves tattoos. She thinks they’re hot. 

Cook for her even if you suck at it. 

Show her new restaurants or cafe’s she’s never been to before and in turn she’ll do the same.

Let her treat you sometimes or split the bill cause she doesn’t want you to think that she’s after your money.

Watch Discovery and History channel with you. 

Or those creepy videos she watches on youtube. 

Accept the fact that she’s depressed and has anger issues, 

Please be on time, cause she’s always on time and doesn’t like waiting.

Please don’t think you can tame her cause believe me countless guys tried to but have failed. She values her freedom so please don’t try to take it away from her. 

Please accept the fact that she drinks, parties, smokes, and goes out when ever she wants.

Please accept the fact that she’s a bit quirky with her weird hair color and randomness.

Please accept that she will be a bit clingy; don’t worry she won’t take your freedom away from you cause she wants her freedom too. She just wants to show you how much she loves you. 

Please accept the fact that she doesn’t have the best relationship with her parents. They weren’t exactly there when she grew up, so please don’t hate her if you see this part of her. 

Please accept that she wouldn’t let you meet everyone in her life yet; cause she just wants to make sure that you’ll stick around.

Please accept the fact that she has a lot of guy friends.

Or that she could be a bit childish at times. 

and that she takes a long time shopping.  

Don’t love her because of her body or her looks cause she is more than that; she’s intelligent, caring, generous, witty, carefree, mature and a free spirit. 

Don’t think that just because she gets a lot of attention from both genders that she will find someone better, if she loves you I could honestly tell you that you could be reassured because your attention is the only thing she wants.

Please don’t take her love for granted cause I’ll tell you now, you’ll be the one regretting it in the end. 

And finally, 

Please tell her if you want her, if you love her, if you need her, if you want to see her or if you simply want her to hold you. Cause if you don’t you might turn out like me. Watching her as she falls for someone else. 

Sincerely,

The guy who can’t get her.

[thediaryofcassiopeia-blog]

To the guy who wants her,

To the guy who wants her, 

This is how to get her.

Kiss her. A lot.

Dance with her, don’t worry she won’t mind if you suck at it. She loves dancing. 

Sing with her while your driving or just hanging out. Even though she’s tone deaf.

Watch old movies with her.

Give her small surprises. Believe me it doesn’t have to be big cause even though she’ll tell you she doesn’t want romantic gestures she loves it when you surprises her with little things. 

Play with her hair cause it relaxes her.

Let her borrow your hoddies cause she likes the comfiness and your scent. 

Make her coffee. Cause she loves that shit to death.

Tell her she’s beautiful because no matter how much you think that she’s confident in her looks she’s still a bit insecure about it.

Tuck a stray strand of her hair behind her ear while smiling at her. That’s one of the things that makes her swoon.

Be aggressive but gentle at the same time, show her you want her, pull her closer, pull her hair as you kiss her until she’s breathless.

Drunkenly call her as you slur out you love her. 

Write poetry about her. Cause believe me she’ll write about you a lot. 

When she cries don’t even ask her what’s wrong, just hug her until she’s okay before you ask her. Make sure to have a coffee or tea ready, oh and also cigarettes. 

She loves it when you kiss her neck.

or when you put your arms around her. 

Be truthful to her, she wants someone refreshing, she doesn’t want a rose colour glass or sweet words. She wants transparency. 

Show her your deepest and darkest thoughts, she will love you more. She has a habit of falling for broken souls. She will accept you no matter what. 

Don’t take her to fancy restaurants because she’s already used to that. She grew up in a lavish household.

Let her open up to you, cause she’s always the one who listens. 

She’s not a morning person, so if you want to wake her up better have coffee ready. 

She loves to hugs so please don’t be annoyed.

She lives for adrenaline so if you’re a bit scared of the things she does just support her on the sidelines. 

When she’s sick all she wants are a ton of pillows, movies, spicy chicken soup and for you to cuddle with her.

Oh yeah, she loves spicy food by the way.

She loves food in general. 

Get high with her.

Travel with her. 

Get drunk with her.

She loves Peonies.

She loves tattoos. She thinks they’re hot. 

Cook for her even if you suck at it. 

Show her new restaurants or cafe’s she’s never been to before and in turn she’ll do the same.

Let her treat you sometimes or split the bill cause she doesn’t want you to think that she’s after your money.

Watch Discovery and History channel with you. 

Or those creepy videos she watches on youtube. 

Accept the fact that she’s depressed and has anger issues, 

Please be on time, cause she’s always on time and doesn’t like waiting.

Please don’t think you can tame her cause believe me countless guys tried to but have failed. She values her freedom so please don’t try to take it away from her. 

Please accept the fact that she drinks, parties, smokes, and goes out when ever she wants.

Please accept the fact that she’s a bit quirky with her weird hair color and randomness.

Please accept that she will be a bit clingy; don’t worry she won’t take your freedom away from you cause she wants her freedom too. She just wants to show you how much she loves you. 

Please accept the fact that she doesn’t have the best relationship with her parents. They weren’t exactly there when she grew up, so please don’t hate her if you see this part of her. 

Please accept that she wouldn’t let you meet everyone in her life yet; cause she just wants to make sure that you’ll stick around.

Please accept the fact that she has a lot of guy friends.

Or that she could be a bit childish at times. 

and that she takes a long time shopping.  

Don’t love her because of her body or her looks cause she is more than that; she’s intelligent, caring, generous, witty, carefree, mature and a free spirit. 

Don’t think that just because she gets a lot of attention from both genders that she will find someone better, if she loves you I could honestly tell you that you could be reassured because your attention is the only thing she wants.

Please don’t take her love for granted cause I’ll tell you now, you’ll be the one regretting it in the end. 

And finally, 

Please tell her if you want her, if you love her, if you need her, if you want to see her or if you simply want her to hold you. Cause if you don’t you might turn out like me. Watching her as she falls for someone else. 

Sincerely,

The guy who can’t get her.

[thediaryofcassiopeia-blog]

i liked taking pictures of pretty things. You were my favorite. -TDoC

[thediaryofcassiopeia-blog]

[thediaryofcassiopeia-blog]

You told me once that you wanted someone to write about you in the way you wrote about them, what you didn’t know was i wrote pages upon pages of poems about you. -TDoC

[thediaryofcassiopeia-blog]

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