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[thefreaksrunthisshow]

Richie working at Beanies, Max is a regular. Occasionally Richie brings Max coffee at school or before games. Idk.

Barista Boy

Max Jagerman x Richie Lipschitz

Genre: Fluff, confessions, first kiss

A/N: I had a great time writing this… I might make it a long fic on my ao3 if there’s enough interest 🫣 Anyway, enjoy!

Richie knew exactly how he ended up as the personal barista of the biggest bully in Hatchfield High. The inability to say no combined with his huge fucking crush on the guy made it virtually impossible for him to avoid it.

Coffee was far from his passion. No, that belonged to the worlds he was able to slip into when watching anime or playing his favorite video games, but Beanies wasn’t a terrible place to work in retrospect. Sure, the customers could be assholes, but that was bound to happen anywhere he worked dealing with the dreaded public. The coffee smell did however make him sick quite often. It seeped into all his clothing, his hair, and his very being. He swore that no matter how much he scrubbed after his shifts there was still a faint scent of coffee. He was convinced the smell had burned itself into his nostrils and he would never escape it.

The scent made it even easier for his predator to find him. Had he not managed to evade Max a time or two he would have thought the jock had a tracking device planted on him. The way he was able to find him at any given moment was uncanny. So he submitted to bringing him coffee as a sort of peace deal.

“You know…” Max started his voice echoing in the empty locker room. He was a big tipsy, they’d just won the biggest game of the season against Clivesdale after all and he couldn’t say no to a few celebratory beers. He sipped the coffee from Richie, turning the cup over in his hands, his leg bouncing with the weight of what he wanted to say.

“Mhmm?” Richie questioned, his head tilted a bit in confusion. Max wasn’t usually one for having difficulties speaking, that was however very normal for himself. Sometimes his mouth moved faster than his brain worked and his words got all jumbled around.

“I absolutely fucking hate coffee,” Max finally whispered.

The weight of his confession hung heavy in the air. If he hated coffee why did he demand such a task from Richie?

Oh… could it be because… surely not?

Richie sucked in a sharp breath, his cheeks on fire as he looked away. Focusing on the nighthawk painted on the wall he began to count backward from ten before he glanced back over at Max, hoping that his flush was less visible now.

“Why?” he simply asked.

“To see you.”

“Me?” Richie asked dumbfounded. Surely he wasn’t hearing things correctly.

Max nodded, throwing the cup of coffee across the room. It landed in the trash can with a soft thud and silence for what felt like an eternity followed. Sobered up by the coffee he scooted closer to Richie on the bench who tensed up as their shoulders collided awkwardly.

Richie mumbled something that Max couldn’t make out, breaking the silence. With a bit of prodding he spoke again, this time a bit louder. “What game are you playing?”

“No game,” he shrugged and Richie relaxed his tense shoulders just a bit.

“I — I should be going,” Richie stuttered. Stumbling to his feet he attempted to run but Max was faster and he found himself pinned against the wall. Knowing a beating was coming he scrunched up his nose and closed his eyes, but it never came. Instead of a fist meeting his face, he felt something featherlight, hesitant, and a bit wet on his cheek for just a moment. His eyes flew open just in time to see Max pulling away from him, a furious red blush on his cheeks.

His eyes cascaded down, hovering over his lips and then up to his eyes. Terror couldn’t even describe his emotions as he found Max slowly moving back towards him, with a hunger in his eyes that he’d never quite experienced in real life before.

Their lips met. Soft, gentle, hesitant of the other.

Just as they were closing in for another kiss they heard loud footsteps coming their way. Panic settled across their faces as they jumped apart just in time for Jason and Kyle to stumble in.

“See ya, nerd,” Max chuckled with a sly wink and joined his friends.

Richie sat in the locker room alone for at least an hour, his lips raw from his constant rubbing trying to process what the fuck had just happened and whether it was nothing more than a dream.

[thefreaksrunthisshow]

me and the bestie, unaware that we are about to accidentally murder the quarterback of the hatchetfield nighthawks

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small details pt. 9: richie does the kamehameha when saying 'boom!' in bully the bully

id in alt

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please don’t kill me.

[thefreaksrunthisshow]

The Nerdy Prudes never really send the Lords in Black away again, so imagine if like… they just never leave and decide to attend high school since they ‘blend in so well’. Peter, Stephanie and Grace go back to school one day and suddenly, Wiggly (sorry, ‘Will’) is in a corner of the cafeteria trying to get people to sign up to the Marine Biology club he’s started because he has ‘a deep connection to cephalopods’. There’s Tinky (or ‘Terrence’) correcting the History teacher in vivid detail and sitting uncomfortably close to Peter, asking intrusive questions about his older brother Ted. There’s Pokey (or ‘Patrick’) overacting every minor role he gets in the Drama club and staging ‘unfortunate accidents’ for the rest of the cast of the school musical so he’s ‘forced’ to take all the roles and perform a stirring one-man rendition of ‘The Sound of Music’ (you should hear his ‘Climb Every Mountain’). There’s Blinky (‘Ben’) getting straight A’s in his film class because he never takes his eyes off the screen and notices every minute detail missed by the teachers. There’s Nibbly (‘Nova’) defunding the Home Ec department by devouring all of their ingredients and spending class time eating everyone’s work. Then halfway through the year Webby (‘Wendy’) decides to come to the school in order to save the students, but she is immediately and relentlessly bullied by her brothers who designate her as a ‘nerd’ (she’s had around twelve swirlies). Oh yeah, and they’re all on the football team, go Nighthawks!

[thefreaksrunthisshow]

I know Grace Chasity is fucking deranged, but you know who else is?

OFFICER BAILEY

This man is so extra, so hilarious and doesn't get talked as much as he deserves!

[thefreaksrunthisshow]

imagine max killing richie and ruth in hatchetfield high, ready to move onto pete and steph after establishing his power over the school even in death, only,,, richie and ruth are still there. they're ghosts too, bc they died in hatchetfield high, and hh is one of the black altars. so now max just has to deal with them being in the afterlife with him. he can't beat them up or anything since none of them are corporeal, so they're limited to unwanted coexsitence. his plan has backfired horribly and he is very angry about it, but there isn't really anything he can do.

then richie and ruth follow him around and do all they can to get him to stop trying to kill pete and steph, bc those are their best friends, and even if they're dead, they can still try to save the other two. Operation Mildly Inconvenience Max is a-go.

[thefreaksrunthisshow]

i hate starkid (affectionately) for being able to take the highschool weird weeb trope character that is always written to be dunked on and for laughs and make that complex and endearing and hopeful and tragic

and i also hate jon (affectionately) for breathing such life into him and give him all the little tics (the way he hits his ts and ks as richie really is so good) and energies and the thought put in to be silly ("NANI???" still has me cackling) and a real weirdo but still make him human

like a character like that is usually not given the time of day to be anything more than a joke punching bag they just said "okay what if we actually took him seriously"

like he has an attack on titan backpack most narratives would have us not caring about him

man they poured so much weirdo charm and gut wrenching inevitability into richie aaaaaaa

i cant believe they made us cry over a weeb

[thefreaksrunthisshow]

*sigh* I joined nanowrimo if anyone else is doing it and wants to add me as a buddy my username is the same as here: ensnapemysenses

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Please I need some starkid stan friends I can’t even get my husband to watch anything of theirs and I have no one to talk about npmd with and I’m going insaneeee

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Nerdy Prudes is so funny, it's like: Local prude Grace Chasity has one (1) sexual fantasy. Six dead, four injured, one driven insane.

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you’re such a nerd, spankoffski

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There’s no greater love than a person and their hatchetfeild hyperfixation, but I’ll never hold the REAL Richie Lipschtiz in my arms…

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okay but starkid really made npmd and put it out there for FREE. jon matteson really sang “i’m not a loser” with his whole chest only to be told that he still lost and created one of the most emotionally devastating moments of cinema and they put it up for FREE

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the teens of NPMD <3

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I think Grace being okay with committing massive idolatry in order to spread her ideals of chastity is very telling of her relationship with religion. Something something fundamentalist Christianity is actually more about strictly controlling both your own and other people's behavior than it is about your relationship to the divine

[thefreaksrunthisshow]

All I'm saying is if Richie "Anime Weeaboo" lipschitz and Ruth "Scifi Fantasy Geek" Flemings knew they existed in a story deemed the Hatchetverse where practical Gods named the Lords In Black ruled over a dimension called the Black And White?

They'd wanna fuck them🤷