thegeekycolombo

[thegeekycolombo]

My colleague and I are creating videos to support the community through the holidays (and beyond) in managing their grief. Check it out, give us a follow, and feedback is welcomed. Take care of yourselves. 

[thegeekycolombo]

Twenty Years Later

“Do you remember that girl we used to hang out with in high school?” Ashley asks as she shuffles the cards to deal.

“Sorta. The depressed one, right? God, what was her name…” Sara trails off, sifting casually through the latest issue of People.

“Kristy…no, that’s not it…um, oh! Samantha, right?”

“Oh yes! Samantha. Wow, I haven’t thought about her in years. What made you think of her?”

“I saw her on that alumni site and Melissa told me she was coming to our reunion. She’s been on my mind ever since. The barista here looks so much like her it’s eerie. That made me think of her.” Sara peers nonchalantly toward the counter as Ashley deals the cards. “What do you think happened to her?”

“Didn’t she have a baby or something when we were in high school, like senior year?”

“No, that was just a rumour. She had a tumor or something. Didn’t we visit her in the hospital and bring her homework and stuff to her? I know my mom went a few times.”

“Ohhhh yeah. That’s right. That was crazy. She seemed so unphased by that, too. I would have been terrified. I can’t even imagine dealing with something like that in high school. She was such a strange person. Do you remember that time we went over to her house on a Friday night to drag her out with us and she was just laying in her bedroom, lights off, reading by flashlight?”

“That was so odd! I so weirded out by that. I just wanted to shake her and say, “Girl! We are sixteen years old, it’s Friday night, and we have cars. Let’s go!”

Sara lays down her meld and then plays her last card. She grabs the cards to straighten the deck while Ashley tallies up her points. “Yeah she was so weird sometimes. Do you remember the stories she would tell us about her mom? Do you think she was really that horrible? She seemed nice to me.”

“Who knows. I thought her mom was nice, too, but remember that time Samantha got in trouble for making us sandwiches at her house? That was insane. She was grounded for two full weeks for that.”

“That’s right! I’d forgotten all about that. What is so bananas about that is that she was always at our houses and our parents never hesitated to have her over for dinner or whatever. Do you remember how we could never have sleepovers at her house either? Not that I would have wanted to if her mom really was crazy.”

“Totally. It’s your deal by the way.” Ashley gets up to refill their coffee cups at the counter. As she sits down she says, “Didn’t she move out of her parent’s house after our sophomore year? And then went to live with that guy she knew from Rocky? Do you remember that?”

“Oh wow, I forgot about that, too. How did that all happen? Wasn’t it over something stupid that her parent’s freaked out over? I remember feeling so bad for her. Like she’s a straight A student, almost top of our class, tutoring other kids all the time, and working seven days a week, I know Samantha wasn’t perfect, but damn. She had her act together more than most of us.”

“True. She was just so depressed, though. It was embarrassing sometimes. I would go look for her when we had off hours together and find her sitting in a corner of the hallway or the library by herself, listening to music and writing or drawing, hoodie pulled up over her head. She lived in her own world a lot, it was so weird. One time I sat next to her for a good fifteen minutes before she even realized I was there.”

“And do you remember trying to hug her? She’d have none of it. She hated to be touched.”

Ashley draws a card and discards mindlessly, “I wonder why we stopped being friends with her. I mean you and I are still friends but it’s like Samantha just disappeared. One day we were driving around, the three of us listening to music and laughing about silly stuff, and the next day she was just gone.”

“I feel like we never really knew her. You know, as a person. She never told us anything about anything. But she knew everything about us.”

“Right? What kind of girl doesn’t like to sit around and talk about boys, gossip, and talk about their feelings? I can’t even remember her having a crush on anyone.”

“Well, there was that guy from Rocky. Do you think they were a thing? Did we ever even meet him?”

“Hmm, I don’t think they were a thing. I think they were just friends. I never met him but saw them once. I was driving my brother somewhere and saw them laying in the grass at City Park one night. Oh! I do remember this, though. She was laughing. She looked like she was laughing so hard she was crying. I had never seen her like that before.”

Sara lays down her second meld, discards her last card, and chuckles. “Why are you so bad at this game?”

“I don’t know, but you are killing me. I have three Aces in my hand. I’m going to have to win the next three just to stand a chance.” Ashley jots down her score and shuffles the cards. “It was weird seeing her…happy. She looked free and comfortable. I wish we got to see that side of her.”

“She was weird and she was definitely depressed, but she was so cool and such a good friend. She used to leave us the neatest little paintings in our lockers with poems or song lyrics written on the back. I wonder if I still have any of those…” Sara wonders aloud. “Hey, do you remember when Jack dumped you and what she did when she found out?”

“I try not to think about that guy, okay? He shattered my lil teenage heart that day.” Ashley explains, dramatically falling back in her chair.

“Yeah, yeah, but forget about him. Samantha called me the minute she found out. She went and bought all our favorite junk food items, rented some movies, picked me up, and we showed up at your house, sleeping bags and all.”

“That’s right, wow. She was always there when I needed her. It’s like she just knew what to say and what to do in any given moment. She was always there to support us no matter what. Heck, she’s the only reason I survived Dill’s AP lit class!”

Sara giggles and rolls her eyes. “Well, it wouldn’t have been that hard had you actually read the books.”

“Fine.” Ashley, sits back thoughtfully, placing her cards face down on the table and cupping her coffee with both hands. “I wish she had opened up to us more, though. I really cared for her and I worried about her. It’s like every time we tried to reach out to her, she shut down even more.”

The two friends sit in silence for a few moments, allowing their minds to get lost in their own memories. “Did you ever see her cry? I don’t think I ever saw her cry. Or get angry. Or even be happy. It’s like she didn’t feel anything ever.”

“I just remember Samantha being so calm and collected all the time. Weird, right? You’d think someone who was that depressed would have been more emotional. Not her. It’s like it just made her seem…subdued.”

“Yeah…” Sara trails off, sitting back in her chair as well, staring off past Ashley’s head at nothing specific. “What do you think happened to her anyway?”

“No idea. It’s like she ghosted our entire class. I talked to a few others from school last week to see if they were in touch with her and no one has heard from her. Makes you wonder. So many people liked her and wanted to be her friend, but she kept everyone at a distance. Well, except that guy from Rocky. What was his name…”

Sara pulls out her phone and clicks on an app, smirking.

“What are you doing? Going to look her up?”

“Of course. Isn’t that what Facebook is for? Stalking people who used to be in your life to see?” Sara states as she quickly types at her phone.

Ashley laughs and shakes her head. “Okay great, let’s do it, I’m too curious not to.”

Sara scrunches her face at the screen as she scrolls slowly. “Found it!” Her eyes dart across the phone screen for a few moments, “Well, there’s not much public info on her profile. She has a boring quote from some boring fantasy novel, zero public information otherwise, oh but look at this adorable photo of her and her grandma!”

“Oh, that’s so great, she looks so different!” Ashley says grabbing the phone and zooming in on the picture. “Do you think she’s married? Does she have kids?”

Sara takes the phone and scrolls further. “It doesn’t look like it. No pictures of anyone accept her and her dog mostly. Some with her sister and another woman. A few of her posts are public, but mostly memes and political stuff.”

“I’m glad she’s alive and I hope she’s doing well. She looks like she’s doing well anyway. She almost looks happy in some of these pictures. I always thought she might kill herself or something.”

“Really? Why did you think that?”

“Samantha just seemed so lonely. Obviously, she was depressed, but it was more than that. Like she didn’t fit into this world or something. She seemed to be in a lot of pain because of it.”

“Should I send her a friend request?” Sara asks hesitantly.

“No way. Don’t you think she might be mad at us for not reaching out to her sooner? I mean twenty years have passed. Kind of shitty of us, don’t you think? Then be like oh were just talking about you.”

“Good point. It would be weird. She’s probably fine anyway. I mean she looks fine in those pictures. And besides, it’s not like she has reached out to us.” Sara looks at her phone once more, her finger hovering for a moment over the ‘Add Friend’ link. She exits the app and then puts it away in purse. The two resume their card game and move on to talking about their own lives and gossip about celebrities.  

[thegeekycolombo]

Her trolling skills are on point!

[thegeekycolombo]

Just sharing the seasonal depression.fun! #isitspringyet #whereisthesun☀️ (at Westwood, Denver, Colorado) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5d_v-7lukW/?igshid=u7ltevasvebq

[thegeekycolombo]

What I say: I’m fine

What I mean: In Star Trek: Beyond, Bones refers to Sabotage by the Beastie Boys as classical music. That means that when Kirk stole his stepdad’s car in the first movie and started playing sabotage, it was the equivalent of stealing a car today, and blasting the 1812 Overture.

[thegeekycolombo]

Image Meditation - NaNoWriMo Day 14

I have been practicing meditation followed by uninterrupted writing for fifteen minutes about whatever image comes to my mind during my meditation practice. This came from one of those writing experiences and I wanted to share it.

A sailboat floats along the surface of a gentle current. The dark water of the lake glistening in the moonlight. She lays on her back, eyes gazing into the eternal night sky. She listens to the gentle waters as they kiss the sides of her boat, rocking her, holding her. Tears stream from her eyes in a slow, warm steadiness. She can hear the soft thud as they rhythmically land on the wooden floor of the boat. The loneliness she feels in this moment is like a warm embrace. She has needed this for so long. When was the last time I was alone in the quiet? She asks herself. Why is it so hard to find this space when I need it so desperately? She whispers to the sky. A fish jumps out of the water next to the boat and she smiles at its soft kerplunk as it dives back into the darkness of the lake. So simple that creature’s life must be, she thinks to herself; a pang of envy jolts in her chest. She closes her eyes and focuses on her breathing, matching her inhales and exhales to the rhythm of the waves. Inhale, whoosh. Exhale, whoosh. 

She reopens her eyes and recalls a memory with her great-grandmother. They were sitting on the porch and the full moon was still visible in the daylight. She told her about the man in the moon. Do you see the face on the moon? She asked her young great-granddaughter. The child stared thoughtfully at the soft white globe and said, Ooo, I do! They both gazed at that moon together for some time, not saying a word and sharing the experience that only grandmothers and granddaughters can have. The woman in the boat smiles at this memory rediscovered and tastes the salty tears as they flow steadily into the corners of her lips. She inhales deeply, realizing she stopped breathing moments ago. She exhales a big breath up toward the moon. She wonders why we put a man in that moon and not a woman. She wonders why we would want a man looking over us and not a woman. Feelings of anger and resentment begin to rise from her belly, filling her chest and her throat. 

She closes her eyes once more and focuses on her breathing, placing one hand on her belly and another over her heart. She feels the energy pulsing through her abdomen, then to her heart, and back again. An infinite path that only speeds and slows with her breathing, but it never, ever ends. 

[thegeekycolombo]

Omg, my new favorite thing! 😍 https://www.instagram.com/p/B41NkbejFJv/?igshid=1ulyxccjj955w

[thegeekycolombo]

One of the weirdest and coolest things I've ever won. ✨💜🤓 https://www.instagram.com/p/B40Zt3KDWA5/?igshid=1ee6an4mi1293

[thegeekycolombo]

There's a book lover in my hood who shares my reading tastes. Whoever you are, thank you for filling my #LittleLibrary. It's been running low for a couple weeks. (at Westwood, Denver, Colorado) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3vNyBnABbvKii0YeUC39zYJ4H_4pZN052HAuI0/?igshid=1gpdhgkzlcvah

[thegeekycolombo]

I love this wall. Gotta figure out how to do this at home! https://www.instagram.com/p/B3vNOo9AviTQEAn76nZ2PE0Skc6XxDD6HLlDJs0/?igshid=ol68nx4ma765

[thegeekycolombo]

This. https://www.instagram.com/p/B3rxghYjJLSSIaOGojbbXpI1hYMdcGWdg6CIj40/?igshid=auvxw38si0u

[thegeekycolombo]

If you have never treated your self to a puzzle from @libertypuzzles you are seriously missing out. We had a blast putting this monster together over this past week! Not a single piece was lost to the dog, either. (at Denver, Colorado) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3dz8V9j2TtVRj6eCnV_qvsUnVvsPWct3czdcs0/?igshid=h03ta1s4103z

[thegeekycolombo]

[thegeekycolombo]

[thegeekycolombo]

Truth. https://www.instagram.com/p/B16gSrjj5KWdlvPRwYMI-jHQga5NHkvihL8YKU0/?igshid=14fw1sv57rvbi

[thegeekycolombo]

Squee! 💙 #hellosweetie https://www.instagram.com/p/B1xjYZZAGajxs-SeiOe8Fc6Ak1GMk9eWpBn2m80/?igshid=pxztz8ih42cx