theimmortalbisexual - Tumblr blog

[theimmortalbisexual]

I make super bad decisions when I'm h*rny, so due to the current circumstances, I will be restraining myself from downloading various apps and hitting up old "friends" because it is CHRISTMAS and NOT the night to be a dumbass.

[theimmortalbisexual]

I'm definitely not the person who came up with this analogy, but being bisexual and being horny is like being hungry af and not knowing where you want to eat.

[theimmortalbisexual]

I love kissing a boy and feeling his dick get hard in his pants. precious.

[theimmortalbisexual]

Looking through my old posts and the facr I dont know which guy this is referring to says a lot about my relationship history 💀

How to get yourself in a situation.

Step 1: Fall for a guy.

Step 2: Get over said guy, because you thought the relationship was over.

Step 3: Have said guy turn out to apparently really still like you and have him tell you he loves you.

Step 4: Don't immediately tell him you pretty much are over him.

Step 5: Panic.

[theimmortalbisexual]

When You're in the Mood but Know You Shouldn't...

I mean... maybe 😏

Jk jk jk...

Maybeeeee 😏😏😏

[theimmortalbisexual]

When I was in college I had sex with a man with a wife/girlfriend. 😳

I obviously had NO clue.

Until I was at the

Grocery store 🍅🥦🍊

And saw the man and his wife

Making out in the dairy aisle. 🐄

I never went to that store again.

Like...

Fuck.

This is why Grindr is not how to make new friends.

Bonus:

The man was also the guy who refilled the vending machine in my school's dormitory.

Where.

I.

LIVED.

This man was really keeping me away from all my food sources. 🤦‍♂️

[theimmortalbisexual]

Feeling things

[theimmortalbisexual]

Sometimes I write a scene and I accidentally make there be a little too much sexual tension that I'm just like "MAKE OUT ALREADY" and tbh... I think it's just because I'm horny.

[theimmortalbisexual]

Why did I make these.

[theimmortalbisexual]

Sometimes cute people say something that just ruins the whole thing and I'm like "Well now I can't find you attractive even if I tried" and it is back to the drawing board.

[theimmortalbisexual]

Winona Ryder in Heathers (1988) dir. Michael Lehmann

[theimmortalbisexual]

The Council doesn't meet again until 2021. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Fact: Bisexuals don’t need to pick a side, however, when they reach the age of 12, they must pick a sword. It’s an ancient ritual.

[theimmortalbisexual]

How to get yourself in a situation.

Step 1: Fall for a guy.

Step 2: Get over said guy, because you thought the relationship was over.

Step 3: Have said guy turn out to apparently really still like you and have him tell you he loves you.

Step 4: Don't immediately tell him you pretty much are over him.

Step 5: Panic.

[theimmortalbisexual]

Everyone: Don't do it.

Me:

[theimmortalbisexual]

Last week I kissed a guy on his neck. It was very bisexual of me.

[theimmortalbisexual]

My thoughts exactly.

anyway why the h*ck am i not spooning a guy rn??

[theimmortalbisexual]

Even bisexual gods can be idiots.